All about your experiences of mixed signals, puzzling encounters

[Guest haunted by memories]

Have you ever had an encounter with a date or hookup that left you really puzzled? Like whether he was really interested in/attracted to you or not, sending you mixed signals, doing or saying things that made you scratch your head and think, “What’s going on? What is he thinking? WTF does he want from me??” Or, “I thought we were getting along so well then, bam! suddenly he’s gone.”

 

Share your true stories. It could be a romantic encounter or a sexual one. Who knows, maybe others might be able to shed light on the incident, or at least help find some closure. 

 

 

———

There are two examples from my own experience that I’ll never forget. 

 

1. THE MIDNIGHT TALKER

 

One night I went for a jog at MacRitchie. After jogging a few rounds in the park area, I needed to pee, so I headed to the nearest toilet, on the hill next to the bistro. It was long past closing time, so there were no customers or staff there. It was a quiet weeknight and there was hardly anyone else at MacRitchie. I was therefore surprised to see a guy in the toilet. 

 

He was young, maybe early 20s, with a boy-next-door kind of look. He was dressed casually, in a dark blue A&F T-shirt and khaki shorts, rather than in sportswear, and so didn’t look like he was there for a jog. In fact, when I entered the toilet, I got the distinct impression he was loitering; he was not in the midst of peeing or washing his hands or doing anything else in particular, but neither did he seem to be leaving. Moreover, when our eyes met, he gave me the kind of long (longing?) look that signifies interest. 

 

I peed and exited the toilet as normal, but when he followed me out of the toilet it piqued my interest. Though I had gone there to jog, I couldn’t resist the temptation as he was exactly the type of guy I’m attracted to. We circled each other a bit longer on that hilltop, exchanging glances. I can’t remember how we broke the ice, but somehow we got to talking. For some reason he wanted to chat, and he led us to one of the benches on the path overlooking the zigzag bridge. We sat side by side, close enough to touch, like a couple out to ‘pak tor’ under the moonlight. 

 

He started asking me personal questions, such as, What is your race? Are you Filipino? He seemed to relax a little as he did so, smiling where before he had a rather serious and intent look. His body language and manner of speaking reminded me of a straight guy bringing a girl out on a date. At one point he put his hand on my inner thigh (I was wearing short running shorts), and even briefly fondled my crotch (I was freeballing) in a sort of proprietary way. 

 

I felt confused. On the one hand, his behavior was that of someone cruising for sex (loitering in the toilet, the eye contact, the fondling); on the other hand, his tone and the way in which he wanted to chat out in the open seemed more like someone on a date. I couldn’t understand how the questions he was asking were relevant; if your primary goal is to hook up with someone, all you really need is to be physically attracted to him and vice versa right? What did it matter if I was Filipino or whatever?

 

Moreover, I felt on edge because we were sitting almost directly under a streetlamp, in an elevated and exposed part of the park that any passer-by could easily see, even from afar. It was probably this feeling of nervousness that put me on guard and made me more reticent than usual to answer his questions, especially since he didn’t seem to be following the usual script for what I had initially assumed was going to be a purely anonymous sexual encounter. 

 

In every other instance when I’ve been cruised by someone in public, the inevitable procedure is to move to a more private space as quickly as possible in order to do the deed. Usually both parties are eager to get it on, and to do so out of sight. It was this instinct that made me suggest to him that we go somewhere else instead. I suggested that we move to the area below the Lim Bo Seng memorial, where we could continue to chat but in a less visible location. 

 

But he mistakenly thought that I was suggesting the fitness corner or beyond, and he balked. We got up and started walking in that direction, but he quickly changed his mind. By this point he appeared to be getting upset, and the mood soured. He accusingly said something like, “You want to go there and find other guys for fun is it?” He also seemed to be unhappy that I wasn’t really answering his questions or being very chatty. In my confusion, I think at one point I said to him in an incredulous tone, “You mean you just want to chat??”

 

Shortly thereafter he decided to end the conversation (and whatever else was going on) by saying dismissively, “Ok nevermind, I’ll pass,” then walking away quickly. 

 

Not being the clingy sort, I thought it best to respect his decision and not pursue him. Even though I felt disappointed because I was really attracted to him and keen on hooking up. 

 

I resumed my jogging, did a few more rounds before heading back to the carpark entrance area. When I was walking towards the path leading to the bus stop I saw him again, standing near the bridge smoking. We exchanged another long look. There still seemed to be a glimmer of desire in his eyes, but now also a shade of wariness. 

 

I slowed down and hesitated, hopeful that he might reconsider. He finished his cigarette and started walking up the path along the reservoir going past the canoe sheds. I would have just continued on my own way if not for the fact that he turned back to look at me as he was walking up the path. In a cruising context, this can mean that the other person is signaling for you to follow, or checking to make sure that you are. So I started following him. Sure enough, he periodically looked back at me a few times as we were walking up the path. 

 

A short distance after the bend in the path is a small hut with a bench. He stopped and sat down, so I took that as a cue and sat down next to him. For some reason, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I thought my interest in him would be obvious from the fact that I followed him all the way there. He didn’t say anything either, so there was a long silent pause as we just looked at each other. He seemed to be weighing something in his mind, then after a short while, he gave a snort, a shake of his head and a sardonic smile. Again he said, “I’ll pass,” then got up and continued walking briskly up the path. And that was the last I saw of him. 

 

From time to time I recall this episode and it continues to haunt me, not just because of the feeling of a missed opportunity, not just because the guy was so very much my type, but also because I still don’t understand what exactly was going on and why. 

[Guest gmale2068]

He might be struggling between his desire and guilt (perhaps due to religion or betrayer in an existing relationship). One one hand there is a want but on the other hand he feared he might regret. In the end, perhaps his rational mind decided that he should pass. Just my thoughts.

[Guest guest]

Do the men in blue still send young desirable decoys into cruising areas anymore, better to do it in the G saunas , at least you are covered.

[Guest haunted by memories]

8 hours ago, gmale2068 said:

He might be struggling between his desire and guilt (perhaps due to religion or betrayer in an existing relationship). One one hand there is a want but on the other hand he feared he might regret. In the end, perhaps his rational mind decided that he should pass. Just my thoughts.

Oh I hadn’t considered that possibility, it

seems very plausible! Thanks for your thoughts!

 

4 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Do the men in blue still send young desirable decoys into cruising areas anymore, better to do it in the G saunas , at least you are covered.

I guess it’s possible in theory that he was bait, but I doubt so because entrapment operations require backup and not just bait, and anyway they allegedly don’t actively conduct them anymore right? (Side note: I’ve always wondered about the legality of entrapment operations anyway, given the way S377A is worded “…or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by…”; seems like the bait is in a legal gray area here, and one could argue that the act of attracting the attentions of another guy would be tantamount to abetting or attempting to procure etc etc.)

Anyway, more to the point, something about the look in his eyes and his manner and so on seemed very earnest. It really didn’t seem like he was faking interest. 

[Guest bien]

 

your encounter seems familiar to me.  I think he wanted more actions from you. like stroke your cock, pull down your shorts, etc..you may look attractive but he wanted you to prove your worth down below.

 

[calvt]

Sometimes it’s just better to be frank. Be honest with what you want.

[Kimochi]

Thats why if you want fun sauna is the best place. 

[Leanmeat]

On 1/13/2019 at 4:33 AM, Guest haunted by memories said:

Have you ever had an encounter with a date or hookup that left you really puzzled? Like whether he was really interested in/attracted to you or not, sending you mixed signals, doing or saying things that made you scratch your head and think, “What’s going on? What is he thinking? WTF does he want from me??” Or, “I thought we were getting along so well then, bam! suddenly he’s gone.”

 

Share your true stories. It could be a romantic encounter or a sexual one. Who knows, maybe others might be able to shed light on the incident, or at least help find some closure. 

 

 

———

There are two examples from my own experience that I’ll never forget. 

 

1. THE MIDNIGHT TALKER

 

One night I went for a jog at MacRitchie. After jogging a few rounds in the park area, I needed to pee, so I headed to the nearest toilet, on the hill next to the bistro. It was long past closing time, so there were no customers or staff there. It was a quiet weeknight and there was hardly anyone else at MacRitchie. I was therefore surprised to see a guy in the toilet. 

 

He was young, maybe early 20s, with a boy-next-door kind of look. He was dressed casually, in a dark blue A&F T-shirt and khaki shorts, rather than in sportswear, and so didn’t look like he was there for a jog. In fact, when I entered the toilet, I got the distinct impression he was loitering; he was not in the midst of peeing or washing his hands or doing anything else in particular, but neither did he seem to be leaving. Moreover, when our eyes met, he gave me the kind of long (longing?) look that signifies interest. 

 

I peed and exited the toilet as normal, but when he followed me out of the toilet it piqued my interest. Though I had gone there to jog, I couldn’t resist the temptation as he was exactly the type of guy I’m attracted to. We circled each other a bit longer on that hilltop, exchanging glances. I can’t remember how we broke the ice, but somehow we got to talking. For some reason he wanted to chat, and he led us to one of the benches on the path overlooking the zigzag bridge. We sat side by side, close enough to touch, like a couple out to ‘pak tor’ under the moonlight. 

 

He started asking me personal questions, such as, What is your race? Are you Filipino? He seemed to relax a little as he did so, smiling where before he had a rather serious and intent look. His body language and manner of speaking reminded me of a straight guy bringing a girl out on a date. At one point he put his hand on my inner thigh (I was wearing short running shorts), and even briefly fondled my crotch (I was freeballing) in a sort of proprietary way. 

 

I felt confused. On the one hand, his behavior was that of someone cruising for sex (loitering in the toilet, the eye contact, the fondling); on the other hand, his tone and the way in which he wanted to chat out in the open seemed more like someone on a date. I couldn’t understand how the questions he was asking were relevant; if your primary goal is to hook up with someone, all you really need is to be physically attracted to him and vice versa right? What did it matter if I was Filipino or whatever?

 

Moreover, I felt on edge because we were sitting almost directly under a streetlamp, in an elevated and exposed part of the park that any passer-by could easily see, even from afar. It was probably this feeling of nervousness that put me on guard and made me more reticent than usual to answer his questions, especially since he didn’t seem to be following the usual script for what I had initially assumed was going to be a purely anonymous sexual encounter. 

 

In every other instance when I’ve been cruised by someone in public, the inevitable procedure is to move to a more private space as quickly as possible in order to do the deed. Usually both parties are eager to get it on, and to do so out of sight. It was this instinct that made me suggest to him that we go somewhere else instead. I suggested that we move to the area below the Lim Bo Seng memorial, where we could continue to chat but in a less visible location. 

 

But he mistakenly thought that I was suggesting the fitness corner or beyond, and he balked. We got up and started walking in that direction, but he quickly changed his mind. By this point he appeared to be getting upset, and the mood soured. He accusingly said something like, “You want to go there and find other guys for fun is it?” He also seemed to be unhappy that I wasn’t really answering his questions or being very chatty. In my confusion, I think at one point I said to him in an incredulous tone, “You mean you just want to chat??”

 

Shortly thereafter he decided to end the conversation (and whatever else was going on) by saying dismissively, “Ok nevermind, I’ll pass,” then walking away quickly. 

 

Not being the clingy sort, I thought it best to respect his decision and not pursue him. Even though I felt disappointed because I was really attracted to him and keen on hooking up. 

 

I resumed my jogging, did a few more rounds before heading back to the carpark entrance area. When I was walking towards the path leading to the bus stop I saw him again, standing near the bridge smoking. We exchanged another long look. There still seemed to be a glimmer of desire in his eyes, but now also a shade of wariness. 

 

I slowed down and hesitated, hopeful that he might reconsider. He finished his cigarette and started walking up the path along the reservoir going past the canoe sheds. I would have just continued on my own way if not for the fact that he turned back to look at me as he was walking up the path. In a cruising context, this can mean that the other person is signaling for you to follow, or checking to make sure that you are. So I started following him. Sure enough, he periodically looked back at me a few times as we were walking up the path. 

 

A short distance after the bend in the path is a small hut with a bench. He stopped and sat down, so I took that as a cue and sat down next to him. For some reason, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I thought my interest in him would be obvious from the fact that I followed him all the way there. He didn’t say anything either, so there was a long silent pause as we just looked at each other. He seemed to be weighing something in his mind, then after a short while, he gave a snort, a shake of his head and a sardonic smile. Again he said, “I’ll pass,” then got up and continued walking briskly up the path. And that was the last I saw of him. 

 

From time to time I recall this episode and it continues to haunt me, not just because of the feeling of a missed opportunity, not just because the guy was so very much my type, but also because I still don’t understand what exactly was going on and why. 

 

I would have just ask what do u wanna do? BJ?

Save time.

[Xiaoxianrou]

Some people are attracted to not only physical traits. They need a connection and a certain level of emotional attachment. 

 

Or maybe he just started to explore. He wants to talk about it. Get to know friends. Similar to what gmale2068 says. 

On 1/13/2019 at 8:05 AM, gmale2068 said:

He might be struggling between his desire and guilt (perhaps due to religion or betrayer in an existing relationship). One one hand there is a want but on the other hand he feared he might regret. In the end, perhaps his rational mind decided that he should pass. Just my thoughts.

 

 

[kingbitch]

It probably wasn't your intention, but this was a rather roman/erotic read (until the end). 

 

Sometimes I behave the way he behaves. I might initially be interested in someone in a purely casual hook-up setting, but the more I spoke the more attracted I was to his non-aesthetic aspects.

 

When the guy reveals all he wants is just physical hook up and nothing more, I just drop the whole thing in disappointment. The more aroused I was, the more petulant I become. This is definitely not one of my positive traits.

[Guest haunted by memories]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, all stuff for me to ponder! 

[Guest haunted by memories]

The second story I want to share is about a romantic experience. So you know the thread isn’t necessarily only about random cruising encounters. It’s a true tale by the way. 

 

 

2. THE DESERT STORM

Sudden, out-of-the-blue, intense, exhilarating, fleeting, gone as quickly as it came. 

 

One day I got a message on the app from a guy. Liam’s profile didn’t have much on it; the usual shirtless, headless selfie. The conversation started out in the usual low-key way, nothing too serious. Like many others on the app, he was “open”, not specifying in detail what he was looking for. For my part, I was upfront about looking for fun, though amenable to something more if there was good compatibility. 

 

Most of these low-key chats tended to fizzle out after a while, so at first I didn’t pin any hopes on it. But before long, he asked if I wanted to meet up. From the tone of the chat up till then, and the fact that his profile whispered ‘discreet’, I thought he was going to suggest a hookup. Instead he suggested dinner. 

 

We met on a weeknight at a casual restaurant in town. When I first saw him I was pleasantly surprised – he looked fit, healthy and very youthful for someone almost forty. It was not just his physique but also the energy that he radiated, the way he smiled so broadly and his infectious enthusiasm. 

 

I guess he was pleasantly surprised as well, because almost immediately he blurted out, “You look even better than your pictures!” We grinned at each other as we shook hands. 

 

The dinner passed in a whirl, like when you‘ve had two glasses of champagne and feeling effervescent and everything starts to take on a soft glow. We weren’t drinking but I felt drunk on the comfortable rapport we seemed to share, how easily and spontaneously the conversation flowed even though we’d only just met. 

 

Many other dates I’d gone on had felt more like interviews than socializing – full of stiff conversation and awkwardness, with one or both parties obviously unenthused. But with Liam we seemed to click almost instantly. We discovered to our surprise that we’d actually been schoolmates years ago, so right away there was a shared context (as well as some similar traits typical of pupils from our school). 

 

We had radically different vocations, but he impressed me with his passion for his work and his accomplishments, and he seemed genuinely fascinated by the work I did, quizzing me about various aspects of it. We both loved travel, in an adventurous, horizon-expanding sort of way (not so much the shopping and lepak sort of holiday, though there’s nothing wrong with that). He was ambitious and had achieved a measure of success, but also seemed to possess a slightly maverick streak that I find more interesting than someone too conventional. 

 

It felt like such a relief after so long to have found someone who seemed on the same wavelength. And not just in an intellectual sense. That undercurrent of mutual physical attraction so crucial to good chemistry lent a frisson to the proceedings. 

 

After dinner, we went for a stroll and ended up sitting outdoors at a spot that had a more ‘romantic’ view.

 

On the topic of love lives I tend not to pry – even placid waters can hide shipwreck shoals – and indeed from bits and pieces of things he’d said in passing, I intuited that he’d been troubled in the recent past. 

 

Now he was the one who broached the subject point-blank. He asked me, among other things, if I wanted to spend the night with him at his place. Like, literally sleep over till the next morning.

 

I hadn’t done that in years, except within a long-term relationship, so a sleepover was something that felt dangerously intimate to me. (The casual hookups that I’d had hadn’t involved overnight stays.) 

 

The dizzying speed at which we hit it off and the fact that I hadn’t been expecting anything romantic left me feeling off balance. Bad experiences in the past triggered a reflex to be wary of getting so serious so quickly. So I demurred and tried to explain something of my misgivings. On the one hand I didn’t want to give him the mistaken impression that I wasn’t interested in him; on the other hand some gut feeling made me want to apply the brakes a little. So I told him I was still getting over an entanglement.

 

In hindsight this seems like a fine way to bring the ride to a crashing halt. But when we parted that night we arranged to meet again soon, and we did. 

 

* * *

 

On our second date, Liam seemed just as excited and enthusiastic to see me as he did before; in fact, he was especially solicitous during dinner. It so happened that earlier that day I’d run a half marathon. He was concerned that I needed to replenish the calories I’d burned, so he ordered lots of food and urged me to eat more. I was frankly unaccustomed to being showered with such concern, and felt awkward but touched. As before, the conversation flowed so effortlessly that after we’d finished dinner, it felt natural to prolong the date. So we went to a nearby cafe-bar to get a drink.

 

There the topic once again turned to “us”. At one point he asked me what my Chinese zodiac sign was, then showed me a website he googled up on his phone stating how our zodiac signs were very compatible. “You see!” he said, “We should be together!”

 

Once again he invited me back to his place and tried to convince me to stay the night. I begged off the overnight stay again but did agree to a shorter visit, so we adjourned to his bachelor pad. 

 

As soon as the obligatory tour and preliminaries were done, it was clear that some intimacy was on the agenda. I don’t use the word “intimacy” as a quaint euphemism here. We had sex – intense, home-run-hitting, grappling-in-the-sheets kinda sex. Our attraction was clearly mutual and our sexual preferences were definitely compatible. But what made it feel more intimate than the average hookup was the fact that he was very affectionate in bed, and also seemed to crave a lot of physical affection. He was very ‘cuddly’, something I gently teased him about. On my part, I’d never felt so at ease with someone that I found myself spontaneously chuckling at one point when we did something cheeky during sex. Lying entwined together in the afterglow, I’ve rarely seen anyone smile with such unbridled happiness as he did then.

 

When it was time for me to go, he insisted on walking me downstairs to send me off. The look on his face as I waved goodbye from inside the cab was full of longing. He texted me almost as soon as I was out of sight, asking me to text him when I reached home. It felt then like we were already lovers. 

 

* * *

 

There was a longer gap between our second and third dates because of a work trip, but from the messages we’d exchanged it seemed like we were both looking forward to meeting again. Or at least I thought so. 

 

On the evening we’d arranged to meet, Liam was running late, so I ended up waiting for almost 45 minutes for him to arrive. Despite being exhausted from a long day at work, I didn’t mind. I was looking forward so much to seeing him again that I realized I’d fallen for him. 

 

When he finally arrived, he didn’t notice me at first even though I was standing right in front of the restaurant. It’s tempting in hindsight to interpret this otherwise inconsequential fact as an example of real-life foreshadowing. 

 

In any case, throughout the evening, while he remained friendly, he seemed less effusive than before. By the time we got to dessert, the conversation had become markedly more laconic. It was as though he was kinda bored but too polite to show it outright. And when dessert was done, there was no attempt to prolong the date. When we said our goodbyes, I felt a sharp twinge of disappointment. But Liam, he just looked indifferent.

 

* * *

 

The fourth and final date we went on took place at my urging. By this time, the tone of his messages had also gotten cooler. 

 

We arranged to meet in town for dinner again. This time it was my turn to be late (unintentionally of course). I vividly recall sitting in the bus, stuck in rush-hour traffic, feeling that familiar cocktail of excitement and impatience fizzing in the pit of my stomach, not unlike a teenager itching to meet his crush. 

 

When I finally arrived at our meeting place though, the look on Liam’s face that greeted me was not his familiar broad grin, but a crossed little frown. I apologized profusely for being late; maybe this had annoyed him, maybe he was ‘hangry’. But for the rest of the evening he remained distant and distracted.

 

Where before he was decisive, this time we wandered around the shopping center deciding on a place to eat. Where before he was always engrossed in our conversation, this time he was fidgety and visibly bored. On our previous dates, the way he maintained constant eye contact and the way he found little ways to periodically touch me – on my arm for instance – showed interest and connection. This time, his gaze kept drifting elsewhere, sweeping the surroundings as if looking for an escape route. The way he spoke and the things he said hinted at a barely concealed impatience, and at moments something snarky seemed to lurk just beneath the surface. 

 

Feeling increasingly disquieted, I asked him more than once if anything was the matter, but he repeatedly brushed it off. So inexplicable and so uncharacteristically fidgety was his behavior that I even wondered if he was tripping on something like Ritalin or meth. 

 

Needless to say, there was nothing more on the agenda for us that night. We parted ways as soon as we finished dinner. For dessert, we shared a slice of cake, but it was bland and dry. 

 

* * *

 

We exchanged messages a couple times after that night, but eventually even that died away. There were a few attempts to arrange another meetup, but each time even though it was he who suggested it and I readily agreed, whenever it came to fixing the details, plans fell through or he ghosted.

 

The whole affair left me feeling so confused and stricken. Like someone had managed to prise open my defenses, only to leave me tender and vulnerable and alone at the mercy of the elements, to wither away slowly in agony. 

 

I spent a long time replaying every moment in my mind, trying to pinpoint when it all started to go off the rails, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, agonizing over whether it was me or something I’d said or done (or didn’t say or do!).

 

In one of our exchanges, I confessed that I liked him a lot and asked him what his feelings towards me were. He said he liked me as a friend and wanted to get to know me better, but wasn’t “head-over-heels”...

 

I was especially puzzled by that. I couldn’t understand how one could claim not to be head-over-heels for someone and yet come on so hard and fast. During those heady first and second dates, I felt like I was being wooed ardently. And it certainly didn’t seem like he was just trying to get into my pants. (After all, I was upfront about being ok with hookups and didn’t play hard to get.) During our dates he’d complimented me in various ways at various times and therefore seemed to genuinely appreciate several things about me; yet later he was able to sound so blasé about his level of interest in me. I didn’t understand how someone could seemingly try to ‘matchmake’ us one moment, then say we were just friends the next. 

[tterrynick]

He got what he wanted. He saw and conquered.

You read too much into it. It was just a plain ONS to him.

The gap between 2nd and 3rd... the work trip... was it yours or his?

[Guest haunted by memories]

On 1/17/2019 at 6:32 PM, tterrynick said:

He got what he wanted. He saw and conquered.

You read too much into it. It was just a plain ONS to him.

The gap between 2nd and 3rd... the work trip... was it yours or his?

Well if that were the case why bother with the third and fourth date, and all the messages we exchanged in between? Seems a lot more effort than necessary. In fact, if sexual conquest was the real goal, why even bother with a date? In my profile on the app and in person I made it clear I was open to sex. 

The work trip was his, not mine. 

[Guest why haunted]

On 1/17/2019 at 12:00 AM, Guest haunted by memories said:

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, all stuff for me to ponder! 

 

for the first story. He seemed a first timer to me. There are first timers in their 30s.

his hesitating and so on. he probably was looking for some bonding first before he will do sexual things. Uncomfortable at the setting . outdoor sex etc.

Maybe he hoped you would exchange handphone numbers and take it slow and from that first meet up.

[zyjd]

On 1/17/2019 at 12:16 AM, Guest haunted by memories said:

The second story I want to share is about a romantic experience. So you know the thread isn’t necessarily only about random cruising encounters. It’s a true tale by the way. 

 

 

2. THE DESERT STORM

Sudden, out-of-the-blue, intense, exhilarating, fleeting, gone as quickly as it came. 

 

One day I got a message on the app from a guy. Liam’s profile didn’t have much on it; the usual shirtless, headless selfie. The conversation started out in the usual low-key way, nothing too serious. Like many others on the app, he was “open”, not specifying in detail what he was looking for. For my part, I was upfront about looking for fun, though amenable to something more if there was good compatibility. 

 

Most of these low-key chats tended to fizzle out after a while, so at first I didn’t pin any hopes on it. But before long, he asked if I wanted to meet up. From the tone of the chat up till then, and the fact that his profile whispered ‘discreet’, I thought he was going to suggest a hookup. Instead he suggested dinner. 

 

We met on a weeknight at a casual restaurant in town. When I first saw him I was pleasantly surprised – he looked fit, healthy and very youthful for someone almost forty. It was not just his physique but also the energy that he radiated, the way he smiled so broadly and his infectious enthusiasm. 

 

I guess he was pleasantly surprised as well, because almost immediately he blurted out, “You look even better than your pictures!” We grinned at each other as we shook hands. 

 

The dinner passed in a whirl, like when you‘ve had two glasses of champagne and feeling effervescent and everything starts to take on a soft glow. We weren’t drinking but I felt drunk on the comfortable rapport we seemed to share, how easily and spontaneously the conversation flowed even though we’d only just met. 

 

Many other dates I’d gone on had felt more like interviews than socializing – full of stiff conversation and awkwardness, with one or both parties obviously unenthused. But with Liam we seemed to click almost instantly. We discovered to our surprise that we’d actually been schoolmates years ago, so right away there was a shared context (as well as some similar traits typical of pupils from our school). 

 

We had radically different vocations, but he impressed me with his passion for his work and his accomplishments, and he seemed genuinely fascinated by the work I did, quizzing me about various aspects of it. We both loved travel, in an adventurous, horizon-expanding sort of way (not so much the shopping and lepak sort of holiday, though there’s nothing wrong with that). He was ambitious and had achieved a measure of success, but also seemed to possess a slightly maverick streak that I find more interesting than someone too conventional. 

 

It felt like such a relief after so long to have found someone who seemed on the same wavelength. And not just in an intellectual sense. That undercurrent of mutual physical attraction so crucial to good chemistry lent a frisson to the proceedings. 

 

After dinner, we went for a stroll and ended up sitting outdoors at a spot that had a more ‘romantic’ view.

 

On the topic of love lives I tend not to pry – even placid waters can hide shipwreck shoals – and indeed from bits and pieces of things he’d said in passing, I intuited that he’d been troubled in the recent past. 

 

Now he was the one who broached the subject point-blank. He asked me, among other things, if I wanted to spend the night with him at his place. Like, literally sleep over till the next morning.

 

I hadn’t done that in years, except within a long-term relationship, so a sleepover was something that felt dangerously intimate to me. (The casual hookups that I’d had hadn’t involved overnight stays.) 

 

The dizzying speed at which we hit it off and the fact that I hadn’t been expecting anything romantic left me feeling off balance. Bad experiences in the past triggered a reflex to be wary of getting so serious so quickly. So I demurred and tried to explain something of my misgivings. On the one hand I didn’t want to give him the mistaken impression that I wasn’t interested in him; on the other hand some gut feeling made me want to apply the brakes a little. So I told him I was still getting over an entanglement.

 

In hindsight this seems like a fine way to bring the ride to a crashing halt. But when we parted that night we arranged to meet again soon, and we did. 

 

* * *

 

On our second date, Liam seemed just as excited and enthusiastic to see me as he did before; in fact, he was especially solicitous during dinner. It so happened that earlier that day I’d run a half marathon. He was concerned that I needed to replenish the calories I’d burned, so he ordered lots of food and urged me to eat more. I was frankly unaccustomed to being showered with such concern, and felt awkward but touched. As before, the conversation flowed so effortlessly that after we’d finished dinner, it felt natural to prolong the date. So we went to a nearby cafe-bar to get a drink.

 

There the topic once again turned to “us”. At one point he asked me what my Chinese zodiac sign was, then showed me a website he googled up on his phone stating how our zodiac signs were very compatible. “You see!” he said, “We should be together!”

 

Once again he invited me back to his place and tried to convince me to stay the night. I begged off the overnight stay again but did agree to a shorter visit, so we adjourned to his bachelor pad. 

 

As soon as the obligatory tour and preliminaries were done, it was clear that some intimacy was on the agenda. I don’t use the word “intimacy” as a quaint euphemism here. We had sex – intense, home-run-hitting, grappling-in-the-sheets kinda sex. Our attraction was clearly mutual and our sexual preferences were definitely compatible. But what made it feel more intimate than the average hookup was the fact that he was very affectionate in bed, and also seemed to crave a lot of physical affection. He was very ‘cuddly’, something I gently teased him about. On my part, I’d never felt so at ease with someone that I found myself spontaneously chuckling at one point when we did something cheeky during sex. Lying entwined together in the afterglow, I’ve rarely seen anyone smile with such unbridled happiness as he did then.

 

When it was time for me to go, he insisted on walking me downstairs to send me off. The look on his face as I waved goodbye from inside the cab was full of longing. He texted me almost as soon as I was out of sight, asking me to text him when I reached home. It felt then like we were already lovers. 

 

* * *

 

There was a longer gap between our second and third dates because of a work trip, but from the messages we’d exchanged it seemed like we were both looking forward to meeting again. Or at least I thought so. 

 

On the evening we’d arranged to meet, Liam was running late, so I ended up waiting for almost 45 minutes for him to arrive. Despite being exhausted from a long day at work, I didn’t mind. I was looking forward so much to seeing him again that I realized I’d fallen for him. 

 

When he finally arrived, he didn’t notice me at first even though I was standing right in front of the restaurant. It’s tempting in hindsight to interpret this otherwise inconsequential fact as an example of real-life foreshadowing. 

 

In any case, throughout the evening, while he remained friendly, he seemed less effusive than before. By the time we got to dessert, the conversation had become markedly more laconic. It was as though he was kinda bored but too polite to show it outright. And when dessert was done, there was no attempt to prolong the date. When we said our goodbyes, I felt a sharp twinge of disappointment. But Liam, he just looked indifferent.

 

* * *

 

The fourth and final date we went on took place at my urging. By this time, the tone of his messages had also gotten cooler. 

 

We arranged to meet in town for dinner again. This time it was my turn to be late (unintentionally of course). I vividly recall sitting in the bus, stuck in rush-hour traffic, feeling that familiar cocktail of excitement and impatience fizzing in the pit of my stomach, not unlike a teenager itching to meet his crush. 

 

When I finally arrived at our meeting place though, the look on Liam’s face that greeted me was not his familiar broad grin, but a crossed little frown. I apologized profusely for being late; maybe this had annoyed him, maybe he was ‘hangry’. But for the rest of the evening he remained distant and distracted.

 

Where before he was decisive, this time we wandered around the shopping center deciding on a place to eat. Where before he was always engrossed in our conversation, this time he was fidgety and visibly bored. On our previous dates, the way he maintained constant eye contact and the way he found little ways to periodically touch me – on my arm for instance – showed interest and connection. This time, his gaze kept drifting elsewhere, sweeping the surroundings as if looking for an escape route. The way he spoke and the things he said hinted at a barely concealed impatience, and at moments something snarky seemed to lurk just beneath the surface. 

 

Feeling increasingly disquieted, I asked him more than once if anything was the matter, but he repeatedly brushed it off. So inexplicable and so uncharacteristically fidgety was his behavior that I even wondered if he was tripping on something like Ritalin or meth. 

 

Needless to say, there was nothing more on the agenda for us that night. We parted ways as soon as we finished dinner. For dessert, we shared a slice of cake, but it was bland and dry. 

 

* * *

 

We exchanged messages a couple times after that night, but eventually even that died away. There were a few attempts to arrange another meetup, but each time even though it was he who suggested it and I readily agreed, whenever it came to fixing the details, plans fell through or he ghosted.

 

The whole affair left me feeling so confused and stricken. Like someone had managed to prise open my defenses, only to leave me tender and vulnerable and alone at the mercy of the elements, to wither away slowly in agony. 

 

I spent a long time replaying every moment in my mind, trying to pinpoint when it all started to go off the rails, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, agonizing over whether it was me or something I’d said or done (or didn’t say or do!).

 

In one of our exchanges, I confessed that I liked him a lot and asked him what his feelings towards me were. He said he liked me as a friend and wanted to get to know me better, but wasn’t “head-over-heels”...

 

I was especially puzzled by that. I couldn’t understand how one could claim not to be head-over-heels for someone and yet come on so hard and fast. During those heady first and second dates, I felt like I was being wooed ardently. And it certainly didn’t seem like he was just trying to get into my pants. (After all, I was upfront about being ok with hookups and didn’t play hard to get.) During our dates he’d complimented me in various ways at various times and therefore seemed to genuinely appreciate several things about me; yet later he was able to sound so blasé about his level of interest in me. I didn’t understand how someone could seemingly try to ‘matchmake’ us one moment, then say we were just friends the next. 

I'm sorry to hear about this episode that led to you feeling "played"  *hugs*

 

I went through something like that before and it left me feeling pretty crushed, but now that I've gotten over it I think it's possible that he found someone else "better". He might have been dating a few guys concurrently - some men have the emotional bandwith to appear enthusiastic and keep up with a few guys, thus he keeps most of his dates as an option until he finds someone to settle down with.

 

It's a douchey thing to do, but shit happens. I feel you, bro, and I really hope this incident happened sometime back and you've gotten over it. Take care and all the best in your future romantic endeavours!

[Guest haunted by memories]

On 1/19/2019 at 12:44 AM, zyjd said:

I'm sorry to hear about this episode that led to you feeling "played"  *hugs*

 

I went through something like that before and it left me feeling pretty crushed, but now that I've gotten over it I think it's possible that he found someone else "better". He might have been dating a few guys concurrently - some men have the emotional bandwith to appear enthusiastic and keep up with a few guys, thus he keeps most of his dates as an option until he finds someone to settle down with.

 

It's a douchey thing to do, but shit happens. I feel you, bro, and I really hope this incident happened sometime back and you've gotten over it. Take care and all the best in your future romantic endeavours!

 

Yeah, your theory seems the most likely explanation. Thanks very much for your thoughts, understanding and encouragement!

[Guest Killian]

We need more of these stories

[repressednerd]

A bunch of my friends' boyfriends give me mixed signals all the time. And I often get my answers when I see them in the sauna.

[AgentFit]

An Unexpected Encounter Part A (Warning: It's Not What You Expect)

 

Sometimes, I wonder if the world would be better if we all treated each other with a little more kindness. In my own way, I try to do my part. Recently, I was acquainted online with a Japanese man visiting Singapore for a week for work. Eager to share the local food experience, I offered to take him to some favourite eateries – with no expectations. We agreed to meet on his last day for lunch, just before his evening flight.  I had a glimpse of his non-so flattering online photo, and I went with zero expectations.

 

It turned out to be a hectic work week for me, and by Saturday, I was exhausted. Part of me considered cancelling the lunch, but I knew it would be unfair to leave him hanging. So I decided to go ahead and planned a visit to a fantastic local eatery with a rich variety of dishes, from Teochew, Hokkien, Hainanese to Malay and Indian food.

When I reached the hotel lobby, though, I saw him… and all traces of fatigue disappeared.  He looked totally different from his online picture, and is arguably rather handsome in an understated manner.   It was as if I had been jolted awake.

 

He had this gentle presence, a quiet charm that contrasted with my newfound extroverted energy. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and I was constantly making him smile, even laugh.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe there was something more between us.  I was part mesmerized and part dreaming when I think I heard him say, "Let's plan a holiday together."  To this date, I am not sure if I truly heard it or it was a figment of my imagination.

 

We wandered from stall to stall, sampling the best dishes Singapore has to offer, and stealing glances at each other. Once or twice, I thought I had caught him looking at me in a way that made my heart race, and I realized I was studying his features — his eyes, his jawline, his lips. I even wondered how it would be like to kiss those lips.  I also studied his broad frame that probably came from genetics and gym… and wonder...  Oops..

 

As our time together stretched on, we made excuses to extend it, browsing for souvenirs around malls in Singapore, as though reluctant to let the day end. What was supposed to be a quick 1 hour lunch turned into 4 hours of comfortable conversation, possibly mutual admiration, and shared moments. Eventually, we had to say goodbye. I went for a hug by the side of the road, and he responded readily…

 

Later, as he waited to board his flight, a WhatsApp message appeared on my phone: “I am so happy to meet you. You’re easy to talk to. Like an old friend. And also good-looking.” I couldn't help but smile, wondering if he was hinting at something more. His last message, just before takeoff, read: “Will miss Singapore and you so much…”

That night, I lay awake, replaying every moment and wondering if we might meet again.

 

 

[blackswan]

On 11/12/2024 at 5:58 PM, AgentFit said:

An Unexpected Encounter Part A (Warning: It's Not What You Expect)

 

Sometimes, I wonder if the world would be better if we all treated each other with a little more kindness. In my own way, I try to do my part. Recently, I was acquainted online with a Japanese man visiting Singapore for a week for work. Eager to share the local food experience, I offered to take him to some favourite eateries – with no expectations. We agreed to meet on his last day for lunch, just before his evening flight.  I had a glimpse of his non-so flattering online photo, and I went with zero expectations.

 

It turned out to be a hectic work week for me, and by Saturday, I was exhausted. Part of me considered cancelling the lunch, but I knew it would be unfair to leave him hanging. So I decided to go ahead and planned a visit to a fantastic local eatery with a rich variety of dishes, from Teochew, Hokkien, Hainanese to Malay and Indian food.

When I reached the hotel lobby, though, I saw him… and all traces of fatigue disappeared.  He looked totally different from his online picture, and is arguably rather handsome in an understated manner.   It was as if I had been jolted awake.

 

He had this gentle presence, a quiet charm that contrasted with my newfound extroverted energy. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and I was constantly making him smile, even laugh.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe there was something more between us.  I was part mesmerized and part dreaming when I think I heard him say, "Let's plan a holiday together."  To this date, I am not sure if I truly heard it or it was a figment of my imagination.

 

We wandered from stall to stall, sampling the best dishes Singapore has to offer, and stealing glances at each other. Once or twice, I thought I had caught him looking at me in a way that made my heart race, and I realized I was studying his features — his eyes, his jawline, his lips. I even wondered how it would be like to kiss those lips.  I also studied his broad frame that probably came from genetics and gym… and wonder...  Oops..

 

As our time together stretched on, we made excuses to extend it, browsing for souvenirs around malls in Singapore, as though reluctant to let the day end. What was supposed to be a quick 1 hour lunch turned into 4 hours of comfortable conversation, possibly mutual admiration, and shared moments. Eventually, we had to say goodbye. I went for a hug by the side of the road, and he responded readily…

 

Later, as he waited to board his flight, a WhatsApp message appeared on my phone: “I am so happy to meet you. You’re easy to talk to. Like an old friend. And also good-looking.” I couldn't help but smile, wondering if he was hinting at something more. His last message, just before takeoff, read: “Will miss Singapore and you so much…”

That night, I lay awake, replaying every moment and wondering if we might meet again.

 

 

 

Looks like an interesting meeting with sparks flying for both parties. Looking forward to the twist in Part B!

[cutejack]

On 11/12/2024 at 5:58 PM, AgentFit said:

An Unexpected Encounter Part A (Warning: It's Not What You Expect)

 

Sometimes, I wonder if the world would be better if we all treated each other with a little more kindness. In my own way, I try to do my part. Recently, I was acquainted online with a Japanese man visiting Singapore for a week for work. Eager to share the local food experience, I offered to take him to some favourite eateries – with no expectations. We agreed to meet on his last day for lunch, just before his evening flight.  I had a glimpse of his non-so flattering online photo, and I went with zero expectations.

 

It turned out to be a hectic work week for me, and by Saturday, I was exhausted. Part of me considered cancelling the lunch, but I knew it would be unfair to leave him hanging. So I decided to go ahead and planned a visit to a fantastic local eatery with a rich variety of dishes, from Teochew, Hokkien, Hainanese to Malay and Indian food.

When I reached the hotel lobby, though, I saw him… and all traces of fatigue disappeared.  He looked totally different from his online picture, and is arguably rather handsome in an understated manner.   It was as if I had been jolted awake.

 

He had this gentle presence, a quiet charm that contrasted with my newfound extroverted energy. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and I was constantly making him smile, even laugh.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe there was something more between us.  I was part mesmerized and part dreaming when I think I heard him say, "Let's plan a holiday together."  To this date, I am not sure if I truly heard it or it was a figment of my imagination.

 

We wandered from stall to stall, sampling the best dishes Singapore has to offer, and stealing glances at each other. Once or twice, I thought I had caught him looking at me in a way that made my heart race, and I realized I was studying his features — his eyes, his jawline, his lips. I even wondered how it would be like to kiss those lips.  I also studied his broad frame that probably came from genetics and gym… and wonder...  Oops..

 

As our time together stretched on, we made excuses to extend it, browsing for souvenirs around malls in Singapore, as though reluctant to let the day end. What was supposed to be a quick 1 hour lunch turned into 4 hours of comfortable conversation, possibly mutual admiration, and shared moments. Eventually, we had to say goodbye. I went for a hug by the side of the road, and he responded readily…

 

Later, as he waited to board his flight, a WhatsApp message appeared on my phone: “I am so happy to meet you. You’re easy to talk to. Like an old friend. And also good-looking.” I couldn't help but smile, wondering if he was hinting at something more. His last message, just before takeoff, read: “Will miss Singapore and you so much…”

That night, I lay awake, replaying every moment and wondering if we might meet again.

 

 

Everything is sweet in the beginning. Stay cool n calm while control yr emotions.  Guess u r good in that as a Taurus guy. Take care.

[davlim76]

On 11/12/2024 at 5:58 PM, AgentFit said:

An Unexpected Encounter Part A (Warning: It's Not What You Expect)

 

Sometimes, I wonder if the world would be better if we all treated each other with a little more kindness. In my own way, I try to do my part. Recently, I was acquainted online with a Japanese man visiting Singapore for a week for work. Eager to share the local food experience, I offered to take him to some favourite eateries – with no expectations. We agreed to meet on his last day for lunch, just before his evening flight.  I had a glimpse of his non-so flattering online photo, and I went with zero expectations.

 

It turned out to be a hectic work week for me, and by Saturday, I was exhausted. Part of me considered cancelling the lunch, but I knew it would be unfair to leave him hanging. So I decided to go ahead and planned a visit to a fantastic local eatery with a rich variety of dishes, from Teochew, Hokkien, Hainanese to Malay and Indian food.

When I reached the hotel lobby, though, I saw him… and all traces of fatigue disappeared.  He looked totally different from his online picture, and is arguably rather handsome in an understated manner.   It was as if I had been jolted awake.

 

He had this gentle presence, a quiet charm that contrasted with my newfound extroverted energy. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and I was constantly making him smile, even laugh.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe there was something more between us.  I was part mesmerized and part dreaming when I think I heard him say, "Let's plan a holiday together."  To this date, I am not sure if I truly heard it or it was a figment of my imagination.

 

We wandered from stall to stall, sampling the best dishes Singapore has to offer, and stealing glances at each other. Once or twice, I thought I had caught him looking at me in a way that made my heart race, and I realized I was studying his features — his eyes, his jawline, his lips. I even wondered how it would be like to kiss those lips.  I also studied his broad frame that probably came from genetics and gym… and wonder...  Oops..

 

As our time together stretched on, we made excuses to extend it, browsing for souvenirs around malls in Singapore, as though reluctant to let the day end. What was supposed to be a quick 1 hour lunch turned into 4 hours of comfortable conversation, possibly mutual admiration, and shared moments. Eventually, we had to say goodbye. I went for a hug by the side of the road, and he responded readily…

 

Later, as he waited to board his flight, a WhatsApp message appeared on my phone: “I am so happy to meet you. You’re easy to talk to. Like an old friend. And also good-looking.” I couldn't help but smile, wondering if he was hinting at something more. His last message, just before takeoff, read: “Will miss Singapore and you so much…”

That night, I lay awake, replaying every moment and wondering if we might meet again.

 

 

Edited December 18 by davlim76
Is there Part B?

[AgentFit]

1 hour ago, davlim76 said:

 

 

Hmm... I had intended originally to write about the conclusion, but something has happened as there are new developments... so, in due course.

[Steve5380]

On 12/18/2024 at 2:33 AM, AgentFit said:

 

Hmm... I had intended originally to write about the conclusion, but something has happened as there are new developments... so, in due course.

 

Hopefully, there will never be a conclusion.  At least not during the life of you two.

[Kimochi]

On 12/18/2024 at 4:33 PM, AgentFit said:

 

Hmm... I had intended originally to write about the conclusion, but something has happened as there are new developments... so, in due course.

Iku iku Ahhhh? ???

[passinthenight]

On 12/18/2024 at 7:33 PM, AgentFit said:

 

Hmm... I had intended originally to write about the conclusion, but something has happened as there are new developments... so, in due course.

 

This is what is known in the industry as a 'tease'.