I realise a lot of AJ are single

[cutejack]

1 hour ago, Guest pointers said:

But if you visit the apps, so many guys long for a bf and ltr.

When I meet my gay friends for a coffee (now on conference call), they always tell me they are desperate to look for a bf. They never leave out the possibility to be in a relationship sooner or later. One friend already prepared his HDB flat to accommodate a bf. It is so funny when we are at his place and he tells us all this.

 

But here in Singapore, I see many guys who say they want a bf but their own lifestyle is not made for having a relationship. They are scared to be seen with another guy in public, scared of some relatives asking "Oh, I saw you last week at the Coffee Beans at Orchard, was that guy your colleague?" scared about this, scared about that, they grow old and forgot for a relationship cannot go on the individual life as before, in the end just can't cope being with a bf and end up single again.

 

My other concern is sex. Honestly, most of us have their own style for finding a sex partner and to try many different dishes. But most often they fail to talk straight with their bf in the making about these things. Frustrations will start, one wanted monogamous and is not happy when knowing the supposed to be bf had fun with another guy. or how to cool down the sex life you enjoyed before. I don't think, once you are above 30 , you can change your sexual lifestyle and maybe even need the thrill for cruising or sauna.

But how many talk about this early in a relationship. It is then like 2 ships colliding soon. Better to start talking about such sex issues at early time, before it is too late.

 

The last point: Many guys are just not realistic on their bf. Just expect to much, good looks, gym bod, big tool, talkative, knowledgeable (list can go on).

Those who have been in relationships will find out, mostly it was not the beauty and looks that kept you tight together, but many other factors. The guys want a bf, but with their high conditions and expectations would there ever be a match?

U speak my mind. too bad u r a guest. Anyway thanks for the well said. 

[Leanmeat]

Instead of thinking when the person will appear, might as well think seriously how to live yr life if that person fail to appear at all. If u can't care for yrself well being alone, what's the point of having a partner? Most gays cannot endure the distractions and will flirt behind anyway. That's why many had a bf but free to play w others. Not my kind of relationship as I would rather just have fun buddies instead of calling such a partner my bf. Many gays will not agree on this definitely. We all free to live the life we want. No right and wrong. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by Leanmeat

[Guest happy single life]

i know someone who is always single and talks about having a bf, but in truth, he's really joking because he enjoys being single

 

not being attached to someone and have freedom to go to sauna or hookup is entirely blissful, it's like having a buffet, imagine if you have to eat the same dish for the rest of your life, more like you will eventually vomit!! 

 

once you are old, you rather focus on your health issues and living out well than finding and fumbling over emotional drama given by your other half, if i get dementia when i'm old i will make sure i set aside money to check myself into an old folks home

[Guest guest]

Most gays I know are coupled.  The few who are single are all attitude cases.

[beurself]

真的、我也单身🐶。

[thickhead79]

AJ not suppose to be single then what 

 

as long as there is no marry cert what claim u wan to be

[Guest 黄老邪]

15 hours ago, Guest happy single life said:

i know someone who is always single and talks about having a bf, but in truth, he's really joking because he enjoys being single

 

not being attached to someone and have freedom to go to sauna or hookup is entirely blissful, it's like having a buffet, imagine if you have to eat the same dish for the rest of your life, more like you will eventually vomit!! 

 

once you are old, you rather focus on your health issues and living out well than finding and fumbling over emotional drama given by your other half, if i get dementia when i'm old i will make sure i set aside money to check myself into an old folks home

And in the old folk home, all the aunties and uncles will gossiping you being a gay.

[Guest Guest]

A reality for gay staying alone need to face is what happens when one is suddenly ill , eg , unable to move due to injury , bedridden, comatose   for short or long term , who is going to access their savings to use for payment ? Passwords will be needed for such  , otherwise the savings will be locked by the banks .....anyone care to share their thoughts ? Especially the matured gays with ample savings ....

[HydroNaut]

Which is better?

To stay single and keep your options open or to get attached and still keeping your options open for other guys?

 

It is human nature... if you drink Liho(your bf) and you like it a lot, next moment you see all people queuing for GongCha (hot guy), most likely you will also wanna try it.

Of course there might be people that drank LiHo and never wanna go try other after that... that is "Brand Loyalty".

[wilfgene]

13 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

Which is better?

To stay single and keep your options open or to get attached and still keeping your options open for other guys?

 

It is human nature... if you drink Liho(your bf) and you like it a lot, next moment you see all people queuing for GongCha (hot guy), most likely you will also wanna try it.

Of course there might be people that drank LiHo and never wanna go try other after that... that is "Brand Loyalty".

One man's poison is another's medicine.

Stay alive and accumulate more life experiences, and then make choices.  That's all.

[Guest pointers]

15 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

Which is better?

To stay single and keep your options open or to get attached and still keeping your options open for other guys?

 

It is human nature... if you drink Liho(your bf) and you like it a lot, next moment you see all people queuing for GongCha (hot guy), most likely you will also wanna try it.

Of course there might be people that drank LiHo and never wanna go try other after that... that is "Brand Loyalty".

But there is a point in life or a certain age where you simply don't fit into any relationship any longer, because you are so used to be free and on your own.

You forgot social etiquette and any bf would be irritated by your (in his view: ignorant, selfish) behaviour.

How willing are you to give up your habits, way of life, once you reach 40 or 45y?

then someone bumps into your life and you would be ready to adapt?

I m not sure if this would be still possible or not connected with too many fights and frustrations for one of the partners.

Being in a relationship is not always easy in normal terms.

 

Entering into a relationship around 30/35y aren't you more open to accept more on sexual liberty of your partner, so there won't be any fights if you want to try GongCha?

 

Personally, from looking at the older generation I think being bonded in older years is very healthy and keeps you mentally fitter than being alone. Even if there are disputes. Just need to  look at my parents, they still fight about a lot of silly things.

And I think the other guys who pointed out about having someone to care for you is quite important.

Didn't we all have some serious flu and were happy there was someone who helped on basic things, re-stocking the fridge, buying some chicken porridge when our head is in pain like after a hangover.

Then, when older, illnesses get more serious. Actually, more help from a partner is needed. Money can buys a lot of things but can it by care?

 

I recommend all guys who are not totally against a relationship, look out, lower down your requirements and better get someone to spend your time. Don't let the time pass and don't come with plenty of excuses of not being in a relationship. My point is: Don't miss the time window to bond. There is trial and error anyway until you are with your match.

[mate69]

Do not settle for just anybody just coz u wanna settle down. It's for sure a recipe for disaster and destruction. Single is best imo

[Guest Uncle]

On 5/14/2020 at 5:04 PM, mate69 said:

Do not settle for just anybody just coz u wanna settle down. It's for sure a recipe for disaster and destruction. Single is best imo

This is presumption. AJ single. Straight too. AJ couples breakup. Straight couples stray just as much. Have you read the stats report? 

[Guest Derelict]

99% of AJs are doomed to be single because we only think short time funs and never commit on long term relationship. Creation of new lifeform is also optional so it is like a dead branch of tree.

[Guest woh]

Alot of gays cannot commit, after finding a bf for awhile, itchy to sample other guys again.

[ChFitBbBtm]

...

Edited May 23, 2022 by ChFitBbBtm

[auscent]

On 4/3/2022 at 1:00 PM, Guest woh said:

Alot of gays cannot commit, after finding a bf for awhile, itchy to sample other guys again.

Have u seen couples who commit - because they were on auto pilot? Seen them fight over small stuff, seen disagreement? Some choose to be single to just avoid that.

[Guest Confusion isn't a Loss]

What are you guys rambling about?  Is being Single a Sin or a Crime or what.  People remained Single for a million reasons.   Some chose to, others do not have an option and then there are the cautious lot and the ambitious lot, not to mention other factors like circumstances and characters came into play where and when priority or change of plot and plan steal the day.   Is is not like getting attached has to be the ultimate goal in life or there are no other ways to live a fruitful live without the others.

[greysnow]

I used to be envious of those couples who shared their sweet moments or couple goals on facebook / IG etc and wished that someday I can find my Mr Right as well.

 

Unfortunately, that day has yet to come. I was desperate even to lower my standards but eventually we didn't last as well. That was when I woke up from my fairytale dream and worked towards to living a self-fulfilling life. And never shortchange yourself lol

[Guest Guest]

On 4/3/2022 at 1:42 PM, greysnow said:

I used to be envious of those couples who shared their sweet moments or couple goals on facebook / IG etc and wished that someday I can find my Mr Right as well.

 

 

some are for show only,

i still remember one with lots of followers, so many lovey dovey posts every few days, talk about future and all....suddenly few months later - break up.

[Guest Guest]

The reason is simple... We gay men love cocks, love sleeping around. Even the attached one always aiming to have sex with new guy they met. 

I don't believe single or attached gay will not eat up a fit handsome man who try to seduce him by dropping his towel showing his full nudity at door, shower or locker. 

[SociNerd]

Other than the promiscuous culture set by society, most gays I find tend to use this quote "emotional unavailability". They're always not looking for a relationship/don't find the need to be in one, yet are always the one to end up being in a relationship sooner rather than later anyway. Then most are riddled in their trauma and are too afraid to be in another relationship or have skewed views and opinions on relationships after getting wrecked by toxic men/getting cheated on. The list goes on to be honest, but those have been what I came across most of the time. Not many want to be in a relationship, the pool is small, or rather, they have a specific type they'd go for (honestly, u can't please the gays). So yes, most are single and don't find a need to be in/want a relationship.

[fetish69]

Not by promiscuous culture only basically most the relationship more to into materialistic rather than the acceptance on the the other party and worked on it.