Dating advice for a "cute" guy. Please help.

[Guest Guest]

Hey, I'm been pretty worried about my non-existent dating life that I'm not really sure where to turn to and hope the guys on this forum would be able to give some advice.

 

I'm in my mid-20s. I've been single for the past few years. The last time I had a boyfriend or dated was in university when it was easy to meet lots of new people.

Now I'm starting to worry if there's something wrong with me, or at least, what I can do about my situation.

 

The first thought is maybe I'm unattractive, but I genuinely don't believe that's the whole reason (at least I hope not).

I don't think I'm unattractive per se, but maybe...unattractive to gay guys? It seems in Singapore (and most places), gay men are attracted to muscular, masculine jock-types.

I'm actually not ugly, I'd say I'm moderately good looking. But the thing is I'm 'cute'.

'Cute' like those K/J/C-Pop flower boys. I've been told this numerous times throughout my life by friends & strangers. Random people would come up to make a comment about me being 'cute' or 'pretty'. When I travel in China or Japan, random people would come and ask to take pictures with me & some would ask if I'm some type of idol.

I know it sounds insanely up myself to be saying these things but I really want to convince you that I'm not ugly. 

 

In any case, I used to take these comments as a compliment, but now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm not so sure I want to keep being 'cute'. 

I'm not overly muscular (but not super skinny either). My personality isn't very feminine, but it's not very butch either. I'd say I'm very average, although I'm a bit short (170cm).

It's just my face is very 'sweet'.

I look like these guys:

 

 

 

In the straight world, people won't say these guys are ugly...but in the gay world, it's not usually the kind of guys most gay men find attractive.

 

So..I'm just kinda wondering...is there a market for guys like this? And if so, where? How do I find them? What do I go to meet them and how do I start dating them?

I've been out of the market for so long I really don't know where to start. Please help. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you 

[Guest Guest]

I'm OP. Before some people say I just need to work out - I do. I go to the gym everyday and try to lift the heaviest I can, but I'm a small guy.

My frame is naturally just on the smaller side, so no matter how muscular I get, it still won't look very big.

Also, I don't think working out to be super muscular to get a boyfriend would be a good idea if it's not something I can realistically maintain in the long run.

 

In any case, thank you for your help.

[Guest Guest]

There are absolutely guys out there who are attracted to your type. There is no need to buff up. Just use one of those dating apps or websites to find a mate when lonely. 

[Guest Guest (OP)]

40 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

There are absolutely guys out there who are attracted to your type. There is no need to buff up. Just use one of those dating apps or websites to find a mate when lonely. 

 

Thank you. It's heartening to hear. I've started using Tinder. I get a few matches everyday but rarely any conversations. Or if I do or if I initiate the conversation, it usually doesn't go anywhere and it ghosts out pretty quickly, so it makes me think maybe the person I match with basically matches with everybody. I'll keep trying though, thanks!

[Steve5380]

21 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Hey, I'm been pretty worried about my non-existent dating life that I'm not really sure where to turn to and hope the guys on this forum would be able to give some advice.

 

I'm in my mid-20s. I've been single for the past few years. The last time I had a boyfriend or dated was in university when it was easy to meet lots of new people.

Now I'm starting to worry if there's something wrong with me, or at least, what I can do about my situation.

 

The first thought is maybe I'm unattractive, but I genuinely don't believe that's the whole reason (at least I hope not).

----

In any case, I used to take these comments as a compliment, but now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm not so sure I want to keep being 'cute'. 

I'm not overly muscular (but not super skinny either). My personality isn't very feminine, but it's not very butch either. I'd say I'm very average, although I'm a bit short (170cm).

It's just my face is very 'sweet'.

-----

In the straight world, people won't say these guys are ugly...but in the gay world, it's not usually the kind of guys most gay men find attractive.

 

So..I'm just kinda wondering...is there a market for guys like this? And if so, where? How do I find them? What do I go to meet them and how do I start dating them?

I've been out of the market for so long I really don't know where to start. Please help. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you 

 

You are worrying about how attractive you are to others

but you don't say a word about what kind of guys YOU are attracted to.

 

You should start by taking into account the type of boys, men you feel attraction to.

Then, as a second issue,  comes the concern if you are attractive to those you are attracted to.

If you desire, lust for, let' say, five percent of all males,  it should not be very important what the other 95% and all the women feel about you.

 

Once you identify which are these 5% of males you want to have relationships with, you can find out, sometimes by trial and error, how to attract them, and your ideal of personal beauty may not always be the same as theirs. It is NATURAL that we want to BE like the persons we are attracted to.  But reality may be different.  They may not want someone like them!

 

And it may not be wise to wait for your attractiveness to others to bring them to you. 

You should also take the initiative to go after those who YOU like,  regardless of how you are.

Of course, mutual attraction is the strongest force,  but there are other factors besides body beauty that hold us together.

 

There are all sorts of gays who like pretty, cute, beautiful men.  I am a manly gay, always good looking when I was young, and I never cared for other manly men.  I don't care for muscular hunks or straight men, but my motto has always been "beautiful like a girl, strong like a boy".  I may clash and feel in competition with "muscular" men.  Fortunately I have found many cute boys who like me and it has always been reciprocal.  Differences attract?   If I were 50 years younger we could be a match  (I am in my 70s). 

 

 

[Guest same]

Hi, i think I face a similar situation as you.

 I'm turning 28 this year, and has never dated before.

 

Same as you,  a lot of people categorised me into the "cute" type that they say I still look super young due to my baby/pretty face. 

I took pics w my friends , and my friends would say "My mom say you look so pretty !"

 

And yes, my personality isn't feminine as well, and I am quite beng too lol.

 

And yes, I clubbed at Taboo before, and there were guys and even girls asked me for my instagram.

 

But weirdly, when it comes to serious dating/relationship, it is non-existing.

So I also think to myself " Why...?" and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. 

 

"Am I ugly?, "is my personality weird?", "Is it my resting bitch face?" Trust me, these thoughts rang through my mind constantly.

 

I believe there are others out there like us as well.

 

So, all the best and just keep living to be happy !  

 

 

[Guest Guest pretty boy lover]

Wow....my type of guys...and I was wondering where did this type of guys went in Singapore?? All I see are big masculine type...

[Guest Sigh]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

Hey, I'm been pretty worried about my non-existent dating life that I'm not really sure where to turn to and hope the guys on this forum would be able to give some advice.

 

I'm in my mid-20s. I've been single for the past few years. The last time I had a boyfriend or dated was in university when it was easy to meet lots of new people.

Now I'm starting to worry if there's something wrong with me, or at least, what I can do about my situation.

 

The first thought is maybe I'm unattractive, but I genuinely don't believe that's the whole reason (at least I hope not).

I don't think I'm unattractive per se, but maybe...unattractive to gay guys? It seems in Singapore (and most places), gay men are attracted to muscular, masculine jock-types.

I'm actually not ugly, I'd say I'm moderately good looking. But the thing is I'm 'cute'.

'Cute' like those K/J/C-Pop flower boys. I've been told this numerous times throughout my life by friends & strangers. Random people would come up to make a comment about me being 'cute' or 'pretty'. When I travel in China or Japan, random people would come and ask to take pictures with me & some would ask if I'm some type of idol.

I know it sounds insanely up myself to be saying these things but I really want to convince you that I'm not ugly. 

 

In any case, I used to take these comments as a compliment, but now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm not so sure I want to keep being 'cute'. 

I'm not overly muscular (but not super skinny either). My personality isn't very feminine, but it's not very butch either. I'd say I'm very average, although I'm a bit short (170cm).

It's just my face is very 'sweet'.

I look like these guys:

 

 

 

In the straight world, people won't say these guys are ugly...but in the gay world, it's not usually the kind of guys most gay men find attractive.

 

So..I'm just kinda wondering...is there a market for guys like this? And if so, where? How do I find them? What do I go to meet them and how do I start dating them?

I've been out of the market for so long I really don't know where to start. Please help. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you 

 

1) Guys like you definitely have your appeal. It's kinda gross if someone is too muscular, in my opinion. Furthermore "jocks" aren't well known for being smart. (Of course there are well-built guys that are intelligent; I'm just referring to the jock stereotype)   Nonetheless, staying healthy and fit is never a bad thing. If you do decide to gym, do it for the right reasons.

 

2) I sense an arrogance/lack of humility from your post. Not an attractive trait (to me at least).

 

3) The fact that you're on tinder/grindr signals you're promiscuous. If this is the message you want to give odd, it's certainly your prerogative. As long as you know what you're doing.

 

Take care. All the best. :)

 

[Guest Sigh]

Just now, Guest Sigh said:

 

 

3) The fact that you're on tinder/grindr signals you're promiscuous. If this is the message you want to give odd, it's certainly your prerogative. As long as you know what you're doing.

 

off*

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest Sigh said:

 

2) I sense an arrogance/lack of humility from your post. Not an attractive trait (to me at least).

 

3) The fact that you're on tinder/grindr signals you're promiscuous. If this is the message you want to give odd, it's certainly your prerogative. As long as you know what you're doing.

 

 

It seems that churches, charismatic preachers are doing an excellent work in Singapore.

They are good at brain-washing people with ideas that seeking sex is OH!!! "Promiscuity"!!!, same as finding themselves attractive.

 

In my humble opinion, arrogance is found in the sanctimoniousness of those who fall for the speculations of sleek religious leaders, and then they think that they have been gifted with the Real Truth thanks to them being so special,  while the rest of humanity is made up by inferior sinners...

.

Edited March 17, 2019 by Steve5380

[kidster]

1 hour ago, Guest same said:

Hi, i think I face a similar situation as you.

 I'm turning 28 this year, and has never dated before.

 

Same as you,  a lot of people categorised me into the "cute" type that they say I still look super young due to my baby/pretty face. 

I took pics w my friends , and my friends would say "My mom say you look so pretty !"

 

And yes, my personality isn't feminine as well, and I am quite beng too lol.

 

And yes, I clubbed at Taboo before, and there were guys and even girls asked me for my instagram.

 

But weirdly, when it comes to serious dating/relationship, it is non-existing.

So I also think to myself " Why...?" and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. 

 

"Am I ugly?, "is my personality weird?", "Is it my resting bitch face?" Trust me, these thoughts rang through my mind constantly.

 

I believe there are others out there like us as well.

 

So, all the best and just keep living to be happy !  

 

 

Guest Guest (TS) and Guest Same.

 

Can both of you pm me. I like cute guys. Haha

 

 

 

[Guest Neh Neh]

Hit more gym and attend interests classes. You will meet new people and may find guys with same interest.

[retrohao]

Well cute guys are a hit for people like me too.

[Guest Sigh]

54 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

It seems that churches, charismatic preachers are doing an excellent work in Singapore.

They are good at brain-washing people with ideas that seeking sex is OH!!! "Promiscuity"!!!, same as finding themselves attractive.

 

In my humble opinion, arrogance is found in the sanctimoniousness of those who fall for the speculations of sleek religious leaders, and then they think that they have been gifted with the Real Truth thanks to them being so special,  while the rest of humanity is made up by inferior sinners...

.

 

Believe it or not, I'm not religious. Neither am I Christian. I'm far from a fan of Abrahamic religions; Islam in particular. 

 

Read my post again. I never said sex itself = promiscuity. I specifically alluded to casual sex, which is what apps like Tinder and Grindr are commonly used for, aren't they? And even so, did I not acknowledge that it's his prerogative? If he knows what he's doing, sure, go ahead.

 

Interestingly there seems to a conceited pressure on gays to conform to a certain style when it comes to relationships. I'm representing an alternate viewpoint. Can't wrap your head around the fact that there are non-religious people who think like me?

[Guest Sigh]

7 minutes ago, Guest Sigh said:

 

Interestingly there seems to a conceited pressure on gays to conform to a certain style when it comes to relationships. I'm representing an alternate viewpoint. Can't wrap your head around the fact that there are non-religious people who think like me?

there seems to be*

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Guest Sigh said:

 

Believe it or not, I'm not religious. Neither am I Christian. I'm far from a fan of Abrahamic religions; Islam in particular. 

 

Read my post again. I never said sex itself = promiscuity. I specifically alluded to casual sex, which is what apps like Tinder and Grindr are commonly used for, aren't they? And even so, did I not acknowledge that it's his prerogative? If he knows what he's doing, sure, go ahead.

 

Interestingly there seems to a conceited pressure on gays to conform to a certain style when it comes to relationships. I'm representing an alternate viewpoint. Can't wrap your head around the fact that there are non-religious people who think like me?

 

I am sorry that you were caught in a generalization.  But the word "promiscuity" related to gay sex always rises a red flag.

 

Yes, promiscuity refers to casual sex. Two persons in a committed relationship can have sex five times a day 365 days a year and they are not promiscuous. It is not the quantity, but the variety in partners.  "Promiscuous" is also synonymous with immoral, unchaste, licentious, a totally derogatory term.  WHY is it so derogatory to have sex with more than one person? There are no biological, rational reasons  (the excuse of dangers of STDs is in decline thanks to adequate protection and antibiotics).  It appears that "promiscuous" is rooted in religion.  And it is especially thrown at gay sex, even if young straights are every bit as promiscuous as we are and, even if they have less success because most women don't go along,  the intention is there.

 

OF COURSE a young gay like the TS wants to have sex.  And until he is in a committed relationship,  what other way has he but to try with different partners?  How will he find the man of his dreams if he doesn't experiment some?   He says that he has a non-existent dating life, and he will look at dating service Tinder to see if he can remedy this.  WHAT is wrong with this?  Should he be demonized with "promiscuous"?

 

I also could not find in his post any "arrogance".  On the contrary, he puts himself down for the lack of attributes that he thinks make other gays successful, while he is "only" cute, and he fears that he may be unattractive.  Oh... so many plump big muscular guys would love to be cute!  It hurts to read how he fails to recognize his blessing.

 

[Guest disclosed yourself]

20 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Hey, I'm been pretty worried about my non-existent dating life that I'm not really sure where to turn to and hope the guys on this forum would be able to give some advice.

 

I'm in my mid-20s. I've been single for the past few years. The last time I had a boyfriend or dated was in university when it was easy to meet lots of new people.

Now I'm starting to worry if there's something wrong with me, or at least, what I can do about my situation.

 

The first thought is maybe I'm unattractive, but I genuinely don't believe that's the whole reason (at least I hope not).

I don't think I'm unattractive per se, but maybe...unattractive to gay guys? It seems in Singapore (and most places), gay men are attracted to muscular, masculine jock-types.

I'm actually not ugly, I'd say I'm moderately good looking. But the thing is I'm 'cute'.

'Cute' like those K/J/C-Pop flower boys. I've been told this numerous times throughout my life by friends & strangers. Random people would come up to make a comment about me being 'cute' or 'pretty'. When I travel in China or Japan, random people would come and ask to take pictures with me & some would ask if I'm some type of idol.

I know it sounds insanely up myself to be saying these things but I really want to convince you that I'm not ugly. 

 

In any case, I used to take these comments as a compliment, but now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm not so sure I want to keep being 'cute'. 

I'm not overly muscular (but not super skinny either). My personality isn't very feminine, but it's not very butch either. I'd say I'm very average, although I'm a bit short (170cm).

It's just my face is very 'sweet'.

I look like these guys:

 

 

In the straight world, people won't say these guys are ugly...but in the gay world, it's not usually the kind of guys most gay men find attractive.

 

So..I'm just kinda wondering...is there a market for guys like this? And if so, where? How do I find them? What do I go to meet them and how do I start dating them?

I've been out of the market for so long I really don't know where to start. Please help. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you 

 

Sorry, in my personal opinion you focus too much on looks. Character, manners, good behaviour, friendliness, empathy, self confidence are more important for finding and maintaining a successful relationship.

 

And sorry to say, but most gay guys in fact prefer a straight acting guy, who just prefers sex with men. (Please don't be offended, I mean other guys, who might not consider themselves "straight acting. everybody should live how he wants). I m just referring to most surveys from gay guys.  Many guys are actually searching a sort of straight guy who would be into sex with men, if they had been honest. Saying that in the straight world these guys would be ugly is just nonsense. Even boyish looking guys have their market.

 

Instead of putting up some photos of some random guys you should start to be more self confident about your own personality.

 

And why do you compare yourself with others? Build up some strength and self confidence and trust in your own abilities.

Or do you think very insecure guys are a top hit on the relationship market?

 

But don't develop to an arrogant selfish prick.

 

Don't simply focus on looks, step out of your comfort zone and just explore what is out there.

 

And maybe what you set as a goal for being your partner is just too high and not reachable for any other person. Don't chase a dream. All guys come with flaws and scars.

But my main point is your own happiness level. Once you accept yourself as you are and seem confident in yourself, then chances are much higher to achieve a relationship because your happiness will spill over to other guys who will find you attractive because you know where you are, what you are, what you want and where you stand. And I m not talking here about superficial features but a character itself.

 

Maybe you just start to build up and leave your insecurity and the doubts on yourself and maybe focus less on outer features and looks.

 

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awhato kai paenga; and, Ka mahi te awhato hohoni paenga.

[Guest aesthetic]

pack on some muscles and u are good to go. i know some people like flower boy type. but just build some muscles and ur market will expand A LOT trust me.

[Guest guest]

Now that you have bare your heart out in BW and the internet , 

 

there will 情场杀手 lining up to ravage and take away whatever is left of your innocence, and make you 爱的要死要活， 让你过着 肉体在人间 ，心灵在地狱的煎熬日子， 

 

you have exposed yourself  as someone not very stable spiritually , and mentally.

 

hopefully, you meet someone who will take you out 9f the cruel and brain dead gay meat market, 

 

you come across one who puts feelings , love, romanticsm as priority,

but wolves out there only lust after your innocence and naiveity and easy trusting nature.

 

You might be taught to enjoy what u never thought u will enjoy before , hot poking .

 

there is a saying that 

每一个女人， 一生里都会被 骗一次， 过后她才了解什么是做女人， 也得了人生教训。

[pent up]

I'm sure there are a lot of guys who find "cute" boys attractive (me included), so I doubt your difficulty in finding a boyfriend is due to looks. (Unless you don't post your face pic on your dating profile, in which case your potential admirers wouldn't know that you have the kind of looks they appreciate.) But it can be difficult to make connections with potential mates for other reasons. Maybe it's not who you are per se, but maybe you're not targeting the right people. The way you write comes across as intelligent and educated; believe it or not this is sometimes mistaken for being conceited. Or some people would say you're long-winded or too sensitive or whatnot. Maybe you just need to find the right audience. And also remember that luck plays a part too, no matter what people like to say about making your own luck blah blah.

[Guest Guest (OP)]

23 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You are worrying about how attractive you are to others

but you don't say a word about what kind of guys YOU are attracted to.

 

You should start by taking into account the type of boys, men you feel attraction to.

Then, as a second issue,  comes the concern if you are attractive to those you are attracted to.

If you desire, lust for, let' say, five percent of all males,  it should not be very important what the other 95% and all the women feel about you.

 

Once you identify which are these 5% of males you want to have relationships with, you can find out, sometimes by trial and error, how to attract them, and your ideal of personal beauty may not always be the same as theirs. It is NATURAL that we want to BE like the persons we are attracted to.  But reality may be different.  They may not want someone like them!

  

And it may not be wise to wait for your attractiveness to others to bring them to you. 

You should also take the initiative to go after those who YOU like,  regardless of how you are.

 Of course, mutual attraction is the strongest force,  but there are other factors besides body beauty that hold us together.

 

There are all sorts of gays who like pretty, cute, beautiful men.  I am a manly gay, always good looking when I was young, and I never cared for other manly men.  I don't care for muscular hunks or straight men, but my motto has always been "beautiful like a girl, strong like a boy".  I may clash and feel in competition with "muscular" men.  Fortunately I have found many cute boys who like me and it has always been reciprocal.  Differences attract?   If I were 50 years younger we could be a match  (I am in my 70s). 

  

  

 

Thanks for the reply. It's good to know there's guys like this out there. I hope there are still guys like this out there today.

For guys I'm attracted to, I'd say nice guys. That's probably the most important one.

The two boyfriends I've had in the past have been masculine, muscular guys (an athlete & a personal trainer. The reason for breaking up: 1. Moved overseas. 2. Got cheated on. I don't think I'm a bad boyfriend), but I've also dated guys who weren't stereotypically attractive because they were smart & kind. So I'm definitely not just going after jocks. I'd be more than happy to date a nice, normal guy who isn't strapping with muscles. The important one is that he's kind though which isn't a super unrealistic thing to expect I hope?

 

23 hours ago, Guest Guest pretty boy lover said:

Wow....my type of guys...and I was wondering where did this type of guys went in Singapore?? All I see are big masculine type...

 

22 hours ago, kidster said:

Guest Guest (TS) and Guest Same.

 

Can both of you pm me. I like cute guys. Haha

 

21 hours ago, retrohao said:

Well cute guys are a hit for people like me too.

 

It's great to know there's guys like you around. Where can I usually meet people like you in real life? Like where do you usually hang out? The gym? Bars, pubs? Clarke Quay? Like where would be one be able to meet & get to know your type of people and how? Like for example, if it was at the gym, how does one approach you? Would you be welcoming if just a random 'cute' guy comes up and talk to you while you're working out? 

 

23 hours ago, Guest same said:

Hi, i think I face a similar situation as you.

 I'm turning 28 this year, and has never dated before.

 

Same as you,  a lot of people categorised me into the "cute" type that they say I still look super young due to my baby/pretty face. 

I took pics w my friends , and my friends would say "My mom say you look so pretty !"

 

And yes, my personality isn't feminine as well, and I am quite beng too lol.

 

And yes, I clubbed at Taboo before, and there were guys and even girls asked me for my instagram.

 

But weirdly, when it comes to serious dating/relationship, it is non-existing.

 So I also think to myself " Why...?" and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. 

 

"Am I ugly?, "is my personality weird?", "Is it my resting bitch face?" Trust me, these thoughts rang through my mind constantly.

 

I believe there are others out there like us as well.

 

So, all the best and just keep living to be happy !  

 

Thanks for letting me know! It's really great to know there's other guys like me too.

We should form a support group. Haha. 

If you discover something works for you, please come back here and let me know so we can learn from each others' experience.

 

23 hours ago, Guest Sigh said:

 

1) Guys like you definitely have your appeal. It's kinda gross if someone is too muscular, in my opinion. Furthermore "jocks" aren't well known for being smart. (Of course there are well-built guys that are intelligent; I'm just referring to the jock stereotype)   Nonetheless, staying healthy and fit is never a bad thing. If you do decide to gym, do it for the right reasons.

 

2) I sense an arrogance/lack of humility from your post. Not an attractive trait (to me at least).

 

3) The fact that you're on tinder/grindr signals you're promiscuous. If this is the message you want to give odd, it's certainly your prerogative. As long as you know what you're doing.

 

Take care. All the best.

 

 

Thanks for the reply. I'm going to the gym definitely because I'd like to be healthier and have more confidence in myself, but I also have to admit there's a part where I want to look more attractive as well.

 

I understand that you may have the impression that I'm arrogant or narcissistic from my post. Even I myself got annoyed reading my own writing. 

But please, PLEASE, believe me when I tell you that's really not my intention. I'm honestly not fishing for compliments or trying to boast (I mean what's the point, it's not like my picture is on here or any of you can see me). I just had to put it there so you guys can believe that I'm not ugly, and that maybe, at least in my belief, the reason I'm not super successful in dating is because I look "cute" or "sweet", which isn't attractive to many gay men. I'm not sure how I can convince you, but I genuinely hope you believe me.

 

I'm not super promiscuous. I'd love to meet guys guys offline but seeing that the statistics aren't in my favor, dating apps seem like the place where I'd have the best chance. I'm honestly looking for dates rather than hook-ups at this point to be honest.

 

I've done hook-ups before but discovered it wasn't for me, mainly because I get attached easily and always want it to develop into something more. I don't judge people who do though and completely support people being promiscuous if they're not hurting themselves or anyone else, and if it makes them happy. I'm all for it.

 

18 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I am sorry that you were caught in a generalization.  But the word "promiscuity" related to gay sex always rises a red flag.

 

Yes, promiscuity refers to casual sex. Two persons in a committed relationship can have sex five times a day 365 days a year and they are not promiscuous. It is not the quantity, but the variety in partners.  "Promiscuous" is also synonymous with immoral, unchaste, licentious, a totally derogatory term.  WHY is it so derogatory to have sex with more than one person? There are no biological, rational reasons  (the excuse of dangers of STDs is in decline thanks to adequate protection and antibiotics).  It appears that "promiscuous" is rooted in religion.  And it is especially thrown at gay sex, even if young straights are every bit as promiscuous as we are and, even if they have less success because most women don't go along,  the intention is there.

 

 OF COURSE a young gay like the TS wants to have sex.  And until he is in a committed relationship,  what other way has he but to try with different partners?  How will he find the man of his dreams if he doesn't experiment some?   He says that he has a non-existent dating life, and he will look at dating service Tinder to see if he can remedy this.  WHAT is wrong with this?  Should he be demonized with "promiscuous"?

 

I also could not find in his post any "arrogance".  On the contrary, he puts himself down for the lack of attributes that he thinks make other gays successful, while he is "only" cute, and he fears that he may be unattractive.  Oh... so many plump big muscular guys would love to be cute!  It hurts to read how he fails to recognize his blessing.

 

 

Thank you for understanding. I'm in my mid-twenties and not in a relationship. Of course, I'd like to have sex. I think this is quite normal, isn't it?

I'm mainly using Tinder to find dates, but if anyone has a more relationship-oriented app to recommend, I'd love to know about it.

 

Also thank you for believing I'm not trying to be arrogant. Please don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful I'm at least somewhat 'cute'. I know it's better than being completely unattractive. But it doesn't change the fact that it's still difficult for me to find a guy to date. It's like when people have depression, telling them there are others who have it worse doesn't make their depression any better. They still have problems that affect them. I have to say I AM incredibly grateful for what I have, but I'm just trying to learn how to work with it now.

 

3 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

Sorry, in my personal opinion you focus too much on looks. Character, manners, good behaviour, friendliness, empathy, self confidence are more important for finding and maintaining a successful relationship.

 

And sorry to say, but most gay guys in fact prefer a straight acting guy, who just prefers sex with men. (Please don't be offended, I mean other guys, who might not consider themselves "straight acting. everybody should live how he wants). I m just referring to most surveys from gay guys.  Many guys are actually searching a sort of straight guy who would be into sex with men, if they had been honest. Saying that in the straight world these guys would be ugly is just nonsense. Even boyish looking guys have their market.

  

 Instead of putting up some photos of some random guys you should start to be more self confident about your own personality.

 

And why do you compare yourself with others? Build up some strength and self confidence and trust in your own abilities.

Or do you think very insecure guys are a top hit on the relationship market?

 

But don't develop to an arrogant selfish prick.

 

Don't simply focus on looks, step out of your comfort zone and just explore what is out there.

 

And maybe what you set as a goal for being your partner is just too high and not reachable for any other person. Don't chase a dream. All guys come with flaws and scars.

But my main point is your own happiness level. Once you accept yourself as you are and seem confident in yourself, then chances are much higher to achieve a relationship because your happiness will spill over to other guys who will find you attractive because you know where you are, what you are, what you want and where you stand. And I m not talking here about superficial features but a character itself.

 

Maybe you just start to build up and leave your insecurity and the doubts on yourself and maybe focus less on outer features and looks.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awhato kai paenga; and, Ka mahi te awhato hohoni paenga.

 

Thanks for the response. I'm aware that most guys are after 'straight acting' (or rather, 'straight looking' guys), hence the reason why I'm not super confident about dating in the gay market. I guess I focussed a lot on appearance because it seems to be the number one deciding factor in the gay market. I understand that it can come across as insecure, but obviously, it's an anonymous forum to a group of strangers so I'm allowing myself to display my thoughts at it's most insecure. I hope you understand. 

I really  hope my personality is the problem - I try hard to be nice, a good person. It's not always successful but I'm trying to be kind to others, and that's honestly the most I can do really.
 

2 hours ago, Guest aesthetic said:

pack on some muscles and u are good to go. i know some people like flower boy type. but just build some muscles and ur market will expand A LOT trust me.

Thank you! I'm trying! It's hard!

 

2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Now that you have bare your heart out in BW and the internet , 

 

there will 情场杀手 lining up to ravage and take away whatever is left of your innocence, and make you 爱的要死要活， 让你过着 肉体在人间 ，心灵在地狱的煎熬日子， 

 

you have exposed yourself  as someone not very stable spiritually , and mentally.

  

hopefully, you meet someone who will take you out 9f the cruel and brain dead gay meat market, 

 

 you come across one who puts feelings , love, romanticsm as priority,

 but wolves out there only lust after your innocence and naiveity and easy trusting nature.

 

 You might be taught to enjoy what u never thought u will enjoy before , hot poking .

  

 there is a saying that 

每一个女人， 一生里都会被 骗一次， 过后她才了解什么是做女人， 也得了人生教训。

Thanks for your response. I'm gonna trust that there's nice people around. I know there're assholes but I really don't think most people are just looking to attack strangers for the hell of it.

 

1 hour ago, pent up said:

I'm sure there are a lot of guys who find "cute" boys attractive (me included), so I doubt your difficulty in finding a boyfriend is due to looks. (Unless you don't post your face pic on your dating profile, in which case your potential admirers wouldn't know that you have the kind of looks they appreciate.) But it can be difficult to make connections with potential mates for other reasons. Maybe it's not who you are per se, but maybe you're not targeting the right people. The way you write comes across as intelligent and educated; believe it or not this is sometimes mistaken for being conceited. Or some people would say you're long-winded or too sensitive or whatnot. Maybe you just need to find the right audience. And also remember that luck plays a part too, no matter what people like to say about making your own luck blah blah.

 

Thanks for the response. Yeah, long-winded & over-sensitive, I can see that 100% (heck, read my responses here).

I'm just trying not to step on any toes here. I'm just asking for advice from strangers after all.
I'm trying to make my own luck and hence, trying to get advice here on what they think I should do, or maybe where I can meet the kind of guys who find 'cute' boys attractive.

 

After reading the responses, I know there's a market, but then again there's a market for everything.

I guess what I'm asking here is WHERE can I find this market and HOW should I approach you? Do I just walk up to you at the gym? Ask you out after work? Hang around a gay bar? 

I'm genuinely curious where these guys are and what they want.

[Steve5380]

22 minutes ago, Guest Guest (OP) said:

 

Also thank you for believing I'm not trying to be arrogant. Please don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful I'm at least somewhat 'cute'. I know it's better than being completely unattractive. But it doesn't change the fact that it's still difficult for me to find a guy to date. It's like when people have depression, telling them there are others who have it worse doesn't make their depression any better. They still have problems that affect them. I have to say I AM incredibly grateful for what I have, but I'm just trying to learn how to work with it now.

-----

I guess what I'm asking here is WHERE can I find this market and HOW should I approach you? Do I just walk up to you at the gym? Ask you out after work? Hang around a gay bar? 

I'm genuinely curious where these guys are and what they want.

 

One more observation:  good looking people often scare others away.  You may have heard this about beautiful women having a hard time to find a mate because men shy away, afraid of them.  (we all are afraid of rejection).  One more reason for you to be more daring and take some initiative.

 

How to take the initiative?  It's not too complicated:  put yourself in the place of the guy you want to approach.  How would you feel in the gym if an attractive young man starts a conversation with you with some minor excuse?  Will you tell him to fuck off?  Will you hit him with a dumbbell?  Or will you respond politely with increased interest?   A gym offers many opportunities, like for example,  if a good looking man is exercising it is not impolite to ask him details about his exercise, what is the best weight and reps for the lift he is doing?  That will not make the man angry but proud.  Another example:  this man is using the only machine of its kind, and takes some long rests;  would he allow you to work in with him?  This IS NOT too daring,  and your chances of getting rejected are close to zero.  (and if you get rejected, say to yourself "thank you for giving me experience")

 

[Guest Never]

I've never believed in online dating; they tend to attract superficial, complicated (I mean this in a had way) people. Self-selection is always at work.

 

I'd rather go volunteer or do something more authentic.

[Guest disclosed yourself]

18 hours ago, Guest Never said:

I've never believed in online dating; they tend to attract superficial, complicated (I mean this in a had way) people. Self-selection is always at work.

 

I'd rather go volunteer or do something more authentic.

 

but if you follow that thread on the personals about missed connections, I would say the "shyness level" in Singapore is 580% higher compared to other locations.

People even identifying that they are gay don't approach the other...

 

Why actually?

 

I mean if I met a guy at the Fitness studio and on the next day at the coffee shop outside the fitness studio, why not just going to his place and ask if you can sit together and start a conversation....????

 

 

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hōhonu kaki, pāpaku nana.

[Guest aesthetic]

 

 

 

20 hours ago, Guest Guest (OP) said:

 

 

Thank you! I'm trying! It's hard!

 

 

 

it's not gonna be easy, but it's worth it.

[fab]

Could u, ts, be eyeing the wrong segment of guys? I.e. those dragon boaters, conoe guys or body beautiful contestants?

 

These guys above r into bodies n not face.

[HydroNaut]

Cute guys like 花美男， I find them very unattractive. If i am going for someone that os as pretty as a woman...might as well i turn straight.

I find this type is only purely for fucks and not to keep long term. Most of them are also sissy and btms so quite a turn off for me.

 

Nothing personal, just a preference on my part maybe.

[HydroNaut]

The TS looks reminded me of a guy called 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) who used to frequent Keybox very often last time. He will roll up his towel so short that can even see his bum...and because he tied his towel in a way the end of the towel dangles down like a "tail" that is why he got the name of 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) from most of the patron there. 

 

Another reason why he is 九尾狐 （foxy spirit), cause he literally bend down on every men there and suck them dry. One reason or rather...I still can accept people doing that with this kinda pretty face... but if this kinda thing happened to a manly sporty guy I will roll and drop my glasses and very astonished. Lol....

Edited March 20, 2019 by HydroNaut

[G_M]

On 3/18/2019 at 11:36 PM, retrohao said:

Guest Guest (OP), possible to pm me and can get to know you perhaps ? ^^

 

 

As a senior member, you should know better than to openly post an ad in a discussion.

 

1 warning point for posting the ad. Any more such ads in the forum and your account will be suspended.

[HydroNaut]

Just sharing another funny incident about the Fox Spirit guy. Many years ago at Keybox, he was supposely announcing his engagement with this old guy at the Keybox in front of all the witness of the regulars patron there. Even we were supposed to be heading for a dinner to celebrate for this "newly web" couple. Guess what happened? The moment, the "groom" turned his head to talk to his friends.....the "bride" Miss Fox Spirit went into the dark cubicles to make love with other mens. 

 

This have been a talking point between my friends till now. So funny. 

Fox cannot hide her tails. (Leopard never change his spots). Lol....

[Guest disgusted]

23 minutes ago, HydroNaut said:

I find this type is only purely for fucks and not to keep long term. 

 

If you can draw conclusions about a person's character or worth just from the way they look, then you're fucking shallow and a real douchebag. I'd say TS is lucky you're not interested in him.

[HydroNaut]

3 minutes ago, Guest disgusted said:

 

If you can draw conclusions about a person's character or worth just from the way they look, then you're fucking shallow and a real douchebag. I'd say TS is lucky you're not interested in him.

 

Yes,.... thank you very much. I am also grateful TS would not regards me as his type. 

For your info...please look below what i wrote. (Nothing personal, just a preference on my part maybe. )

[Guest disclosed yourself]

1 hour ago, HydroNaut said:

Cute guys like 花美男， I find them very unattractive. If i am going for someone that os as pretty as a woman...might as well i turn straight.

I find this type is only purely for fucks and not to keep long term. Most of them are also sissy and btms so quite a turn off for me.

 

Nothing personal, just a preference on my part maybe.

 

What guy? Boyish or girly? There is a difference .For an Asian boy you're quite upfront.

It's your personal opinion

I don't mind boyish, but the pics here from the threadstarter look to me like some under aged. They don't look above 18.

I mean boyish looks in the mid 20s, looking still 21/22 is fine.

Girly. that's another story. Just depends on my level of horniness, but please not dressed as a girl with make up.To be honest I met very manly masculine guys who in bed turned a bit girly...

Everything can happen.

 

But I wouldn't be as blunt as Hydronaut.

 

And for relationships, why not with a boyish looks guy? Isn't it personality yoo that counts a lot?

If the guy is 25 but looks 40, not sure if I would want that, but probably would prefer the boyish. Often boyish comes together with shorter less taller guys.

I don't think should include it out from the start...

But I said before I find threatstarter's focus on looks too overrated.

And I don't think it's the main item to decide on suitability of someone for a relationship. Many other factors would be important too.

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------

Me te wai korari.

 

[Steve5380]

I am taking the side of the TS.

As I wrote before,  if I were 50 years younger I would go with this cute individual.

And I was never a cheap, desperately seeking gay.

[Steve5380]

4 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

The TS looks reminded me of a guy called 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) who used to frequent Keybox very often last time. He will roll up his towel so short that can even see his bum...and because he tied his towel in a way the end of the towel dangles down like a "tail" that is why he got the name of 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) from most of the patron there. 

 

 

From where did you get the TS looks?  All I can see are the pictures of two guys he posted as example of a "cute" face.

What information of him do you have to smear his character like that?

 

Maybe MY avatar will remind you of a male prostitute you met in Pattaya making his rounds ?   

[Guest Blank]

Means your fate isn't there yet 

 

I've friends who are 30 and never dated before in their lives 

[Steve5380]

4 minutes ago, Guest Blank said:

Means your fate isn't there yet 

 

I've friends who are 30 and never dated before in their lives 

 

I am one who never dated before 30.

And my fate has been...  has been...  has been...is... excellent!

.

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by Steve5380

[HydroNaut]

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

From where did you get the TS looks?  All I can see are the pictures of two guys he posted as example of a "cute" face.

What information of him do you have to smear his character like that?

 

Maybe MY avatar will remind you of a male prostitute you met in Pattaya making his rounds ?   

 

 

I am referring to this pic. Please read my posting....I am saying the TS pic look like that Fox Spirit. Not saying he is that Fox Spirit. 

All said is just a personal preference as i had mentioned. One man's meat is another man's poison.

 

Just stating a fact as a gay. That I will prefer to go for someone more Boyish or manly...rather than girlish looking. 

[HydroNaut]

This type..... No.

[HydroNaut]

This type.... Yes. 

[HydroNaut]

Both are Cute also..... But their level and angle of Cute is quite different.

 

The funny thing is, some of my straight female friends are going Gaga over this 花花 guy, but just dun understand why. Say he is so cute and handsome...but I personally dun find him the least attractive at all. In fact when i see him appear on TV, I will switch channel immediately... the face and the way he act cute....OMG. 

 

Edited March 21, 2019 by HydroNaut

[Guest disclosed yourself]

6 minutes ago, HydroNaut said:

Both are Cute also..... But their level and angle of Cute is quite different.

 

The funny thing is, some of my straight female friends are going Gaga over this 花花 guy, but just dun understand why. Say he is so cute and handsome...but I personally dun find him the least attractive at all. In fact when i see him appear on TV, I will switch channel immediately... the face and the way he act cute....OMG. 

 

 

Looks like you must be all the time switching the channel nowadays. LOL

 

This is a bit the same like that discussion here on why Ang Moh always take the "ugly" local guy (in the local attractiveness scala).

Don't know whether from my friends it's just said, because they are jealous.

But from my personal view and talking with some Ang Moh, mostly, they prefer the less "Asian" looking guy but the Asian will prefer the "very" Asian looking guy. Resulting that their judgement on cuteness level depends more on how "Asian" the boy looks like. Therefore, finding the guys that attract Ang Moh less attractive.

 

I hope Hydronaut is not starting here to post 1000 of guys like that "Sexy hot guys caught my attention" thread (which I find very annoying and why all those moneyboys but his cake might not be my cake and I just ignore that thread) and posts pics from boyish guys giving comments on his level of subjective attractiveness.

Ha ha. ("just teasing you lah").

 

And please don't tell us at the end you like the K-pop boys. ha ha

 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Te anga karaka, te anga koura, kei kitea te Marae.

[Steve5380]

27 minutes ago, HydroNaut said:

 

I am referring to this pic. Please read my posting....I am saying the TS pic look like that Fox Spirit. Not saying he is that Fox Spirit. 

All said is just a personal preference as i had mentioned. One man's meat is another man's poison.

 

 

Well, you are entitled to your personal likeness and there is no problem with this. 

 

Sorry you got misinterpreted, but then, the English language can be unforgiving.

You wrote:  "The TS looks reminded me of a guy called 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) ",   when you may have wanted to say:

"The picture the TS posted reminded me of a guy...etc."   Good that you clarified it.

[HydroNaut]

21 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Well, you are entitled to your personal likeness and there is no problem with this. 

 

Sorry you got misinterpreted, but then, the English language can be unforgiving.

You wrote:  "The TS looks reminded me of a guy called 九尾狐 （foxy spirit) ",   when you may have wanted to say:

"The picture the TS posted reminded me of a guy...etc."   Good that you clarified it.

 

That is the problem with people hiding in avatar and pic-less TS.

You dun know how they look and they start commenting about this and that.

At least on facebook, I find their post more "genuine"  as they are more "accountable" to their posting.

 

I am also not surprised after the TS posted 2 pics which he mentioned he seemingly resembled.... in real life he might look like "华亮"。 Lol...

[HydroNaut]

42 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

 

And please don't tell us at the end you like the K-pop boys. ha ha

 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Te anga karaka, te anga koura, kei kitea te Marae.

 

Yeah...I also like some korean-pop boys.. not all are those type that are not acceptable too lah.... Just like Minho, his facial feature still quite manly or boyish not girlish leh.

 

 

[auri]

Going by those photos posted, I wouldn't match with them. I am sure there are gay guys who like them, but I suspect not the majority. 

 

Have you considered a makeover? Get a short short haircut for example... 

[HydroNaut]

Not like this type....which you might typical seen in even Jap porn as btm.

Hahahaha,.....

 

 

[Guest disclosed yourself]

17 hours ago, Guest disgusted said:

 

If you can draw conclusions about a person's character or worth just from the way they look, then you're fucking shallow and a real douchebag. I'd say TS is lucky you're not interested in him.

 

No need to overdo. He never wrote anything to belittle the threadstarter personally or that the threadstarter (if he had similar looks to what was posted in the pics) would look disgusting.

 

What is there to say, that this guy from his looks you would have sex with him if in mood but he would never qualify for being a bf?

I don't see anything shallow in having such opinion. And I don't see that he anywhere said a person has a lower character or worth only because he would just take him as a sex partner due the other's looks.

 

With your post and using this expletive language it only reflects that you are disgusting yourself. And maybe you make the effort to read the title of the thread before you throw stones at other people.

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whāia te iti kahurangi ki te tūohu koe me he maunga teitei.

[InBishan]

On 3/17/2019 at 10:36 PM, Guest same said:

Hi, i think I face a similar situation as you.

 I'm turning 28 this year, and has never dated before.

 

Same as you,  a lot of people categorised me into the "cute" type that they say I still look super young due to my baby/pretty face. 

I took pics w my friends , and my friends would say "My mom say you look so pretty !"

 

And yes, my personality isn't feminine as well, and I am quite beng too lol.

 

And yes, I clubbed at Taboo before, and there were guys and even girls asked me for my instagram.

 

But weirdly, when it comes to serious dating/relationship, it is non-existing.

So I also think to myself " Why...?" and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. 

 

"Am I ugly?, "is my personality weird?", "Is it my resting bitch face?" Trust me, these thoughts rang through my mind constantly.

 

I believe there are others out there like us as well.

 

So, all the best and just keep living to be happy !  

 

 

I think many many of us love cute boys like you. I don't have the luck having cute boy as my friend. Still searching for one........

[fab]

6 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

Both are Cute also..... But their level and angle of Cute is quite different.

 

The funny thing is, some of my straight female friends are going Gaga over this 花花 guy, but just dun understand why. Say he is so cute and handsome...but I personally dun find him the least attractive at all. In fact when i see him appear on TV, I will switch channel immediately... the face and the way he act cute....OMG. 

 

 

To simplify, perhaps u should just say u like manly guys but not pretty boys.

 

18 hours ago, Guest Blank said:

Means your fate isn't there yet 

 

I've friends who are 30 and never dated before in their lives 

 

Ironically most gays I know only date during 20s.

 

After 30s, they either stay celibate or just have nsa sex.