Guest disclosed yourself Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 3 hours ago, fab said: Ironically most gays I know only date during 20s. After 30s, they either stay celibate or just have nsa sex. I object to this statement. Most guys in their early 30s are longing for a relationship, but don't find the guy to bond. (Maybe even up to 40s). The guys in their early 30s have an urge to have a relationship. They experienced all and try to settle. In your 20s you mostly don't think that much about relationship, it grows after you went through all what gay life has to offer. Eventually Singapore needs more social gay occasions to make guys find their partner outside of just sex related places. When I visited to Europe I saw many associations from gays who have normal coffee n cake events or other leisure events where gays meet. They even put up gay sport groups and the guys meet, friends will watch and with those social associations they can bond and find partners. But as long we have this discrimination and the laws in place, beside anti HIV prevention programs what is there for gays? A meeting place like Scape but for gays???? Either we meet by accident or gays go to sauna or gay bar. But outside all this, there is nothing (much). ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He patu te ua ki runga, he ngutu wāhine ki raro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 (edited) 13 hours ago, HydroNaut said: That is the problem with people hiding in avatar and pic-less TS. You dun know how they look and they start commenting about this and that. At least on facebook, I find their post more "genuine" as they are more "accountable" to their posting. I am also not surprised after the TS posted 2 pics which he mentioned he seemingly resembled.... in real life he might look like "华亮"。 Lol... It may not be the fault of those "hiding in avatar and pic-less"... Maybe we can comment about this and that without a picture? The picture in an avatar means little. What is the assurance that the picture shown is that of the avatar owner? 7 hours ago, fab said: Ironically most gays I know only date during 20s. After 30s, they either stay celibate or just have nsa sex. You should expand your scope of acquaintances. Many successful men don't have any reason nor opportunity to date in their 20s. They are too busy with studying, making a career, getting an early start in life. If you feel lonely in your 20s because of not dating, you have too much idle time in your hands. This is true for gays and straights. So many men cut short their opportunities by marrying early, and then their lives are reduced to a struggle to support a wife and a bunch of children. The 20s is a good time to be single and enjoy many different experiences. . Edited March 21, 2019 by Steve5380 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disclosed yourself Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 Steve! You're 70. just give in one time. The youngsters get old one time too and might be wiser. Lean back, drink a cranberry juice, enjoy the sunset and look back what a wonderfull life you had. You should know when young we say a lot of things maybe often rubbish. Don't remind me of those two senior citizens from that US movie fighting until death. No need to argue until the last breath. We are smart enough to recognise not all written here is carved in stone... Delete the first part out of your post and let's move on . Thanks a lot! --------------------------------------------------- Ahakoa he iti he pounamu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 21, 2019 Report Share Posted March 21, 2019 41 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said: Steve! You're 70. just give in one time. The youngsters get old one time too and might be wiser. Lean back, drink a cranberry juice, enjoy the sunset and look back what a wonderfull life you had. have. I am not 70. I am "in my 70s". I am a youngster who got old and is wiser, hahaha. Every day there is a sunset... and a sunrise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disclosed yourself Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 11 hours ago, Steve5380 said: I am not 70. I am "in my 70s". I am a youngster who got old and is wiser, hahaha. Every day there is a sunset... and a sunrise. See Steve! I even made a compliment. ha ha. Like for ladies I will refrain to ask your real age. ha ha Coming back to the topic. But it is wise to lay the roots for a relationship in the late 20s. I don't think the young guys are too busy. They still have plenty of time for sex besides all those job, study... And most gays wouldn't marry in early 20s. What I want to say, somehow it is with the girls: Once you exceed 35 it get's hard to find a husband, all men are married and the single one's are often not the best choice. For gay guys it's the same a bit. The nice one's are in a relationship already. And: for many gays it is very difficult to cool down from the "sex" focused lifestyle into a relationship. I know from my talks with gay guys in their 30s that most long for a relationship, but the willingness to get into one is difficult. It is easy to walk into a sauna, have sex, get home, sleep. But the latest with early 40s the loneliness creeps into your life. You might blind yourself by going out with your straight friends, but in the end they get home into the warm arms of their girlfriends or spouses and the gay? Yes, there will be singles or some guys who don't fit into a relationship or don't want but what I sense most actually would be happy to settle down with a bf (and the sex part is still something else). I m sure most relationships that start around the early 40s there would be an understanding that some flings might be allowed. But that all depends on the other part. In the context of Singapore, I always here, "oh we can't be out" or should live in the closet. Not sure if this is still valid. Honestly, when I listen the bunch of my female staff chatting on topics during office hours, so often they talked about this or that guy in his 40s where they were guessing that he must be gay (single, no girlfriend to bring along). Actually, I came to learn that the female "gaydar" is quite good working as well. Many women can easily spot who is gay. And the bunch of employees below 40 are mostly more open to talk about such things nowadays. The same goes for your parents. They might not ask, but I m quite sure in 80% of the cases they would know what's going on with you. Maybe once you exceed 35, in the context of Singapore nowadays, it doesn't make much sense to stay in the closet. And this will facilitate finding a bf and live the life you actually prefer to live. I think the "have to be discreet" and things is often an excuse, when this is already obvious to the others. It just makes being in a relationship easier if you are out (at least to your siblings and parents). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ He mahi te ataa noho, e kii ana te wheke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HydroNaut Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) 11 hours ago, Steve5380 said: I am not 70. I am "in my 70s". I am a youngster who got old and is wiser, hahaha. Every day there is a sunset... and a sunrise. So it make both of us...in the same age range I guess. Are you in the late 70s or early 70s? I am actually in my early 70s and very close to 60s already. Maybe I have seen more sunset and sunrises than you. Edited March 22, 2019 by HydroNaut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HydroNaut Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 8 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said: See Steve! I even made a compliment. ha ha. Like for ladies I will refrain to ask your real age. ha ha Coming back to the topic. But it is wise to lay the roots for a relationship in the late 20s. I don't think the young guys are too busy. They still have plenty of time for sex besides all those job, study... And most gays wouldn't marry in early 20s. What I want to say, somehow it is with the girls: Once you exceed 35 it get's hard to find a husband, all men are married and the single one's are often not the best choice. For gay guys it's the same a bit. The nice one's are in a relationship already. And: for many gays it is very difficult to cool down from the "sex" focused lifestyle into a relationship. I know from my talks with gay guys in their 30s that most long for a relationship, but the willingness to get into one is difficult. It is easy to walk into a sauna, have sex, get home, sleep. But the latest with early 40s the loneliness creeps into your life. You might blind yourself by going out with your straight friends, but in the end they get home into the warm arms of their girlfriends or spouses and the gay? Yes, there will be singles or some guys who don't fit into a relationship or don't want but what I sense most actually would be happy to settle down with a bf (and the sex part is still something else). I m sure most relationships that start around the early 40s there would be an understanding that some flings might be allowed. But that all depends on the other part. In the context of Singapore, I always here, "oh we can't be out" or should live in the closet. Not sure if this is still valid. Honestly, when I listen the bunch of my female staff chatting on topics during office hours, so often they talked about this or that guy in his 40s where they were guessing that he must be gay (single, no girlfriend to bring along). Actually, I came to learn that the female "gaydar" is quite good working as well. Many women can easily spot who is gay. And the bunch of employees below 40 are mostly more open to talk about such things nowadays. The same goes for your parents. They might not ask, but I m quite sure in 80% of the cases they would know what's going on with you. Maybe once you exceed 35, in the context of Singapore nowadays, it doesn't make much sense to stay in the closet. And this will facilitate finding a bf and live the life you actually prefer to live. I think the "have to be discreet" and things is often an excuse, when this is already obvious to the others. It just makes being in a relationship easier if you are out (at least to your siblings and parents). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ He mahi te ataa noho, e kii ana te wheke. Well, in my workplace and family. I have no reserved at all. Even my workplace, everyone know i am gay and I am proud to be one too. Sometimes, you need to stand for who you are, sexual orientation doesn't make you lesser of what you are....sometimes it is the way you look down on yourself and in denial of someone that you are that makes you less worthy. I respect some professions doesn't have that luxury to be out and proud. But having said so, does your sexual orientation deter your work progress or is a form of demerit to your contribution to the company? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 6 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said: See Steve! I even made a compliment. ha ha. Like for ladies I will refrain to ask your real age. ha ha Coming back to the topic. But it is wise to lay the roots for a relationship in the late 20s. I don't think the young guys are too busy. They still have plenty of time for sex besides all those job, study... And most gays wouldn't marry in early 20s. What I want to say, somehow it is with the girls: Once you exceed 35 it get's hard to find a husband, all men are married and the single one's are often not the best choice. For gay guys it's the same a bit. The nice one's are in a relationship already. And: for many gays it is very difficult to cool down from the "sex" focused lifestyle into a relationship. I know from my talks with gay guys in their 30s that most long for a relationship, but the willingness to get into one is difficult. It is easy to walk into a sauna, have sex, get home, sleep. But the latest with early 40s the loneliness creeps into your life. You might blind yourself by going out with your straight friends, but in the end they get home into the warm arms of their girlfriends or spouses and the gay? Yes, there will be singles or some guys who don't fit into a relationship or don't want but what I sense most actually would be happy to settle down with a bf (and the sex part is still something else). I m sure most relationships that start around the early 40s there would be an understanding that some flings might be allowed. But that all depends on the other part. In the context of Singapore, I always here, "oh we can't be out" or should live in the closet. Not sure if this is still valid. Honestly, when I listen the bunch of my female staff chatting on topics during office hours, so often they talked about this or that guy in his 40s where they were guessing that he must be gay (single, no girlfriend to bring along). Actually, I came to learn that the female "gaydar" is quite good working as well. Many women can easily spot who is gay. And the bunch of employees below 40 are mostly more open to talk about such things nowadays. The same goes for your parents. They might not ask, but I m quite sure in 80% of the cases they would know what's going on with you. Maybe once you exceed 35, in the context of Singapore nowadays, it doesn't make much sense to stay in the closet. And this will facilitate finding a bf and live the life you actually prefer to live. I think the "have to be discreet" and things is often an excuse, when this is already obvious to the others. It just makes being in a relationship easier if you are out (at least to your siblings and parents). Thank you for the compliment You seem to be in agreement that the 20s is not the only time for gays to date. It is hard to break out of the closet, and this often happens beyond the 20s. This is regardless of what women and parents think about men over 40 who are single. This topic is about us gays ourselves. Once we are a little older we accept the fact that we are gay and don't mind a gay relationship. Also with more experience relationships have a greater chance of being successful. Older guys who are still attractive have no reasons to be lonely since they should be able to find partners. It might be an unfounded fear of young gays to fall out of the dating market at 40. And to further avoid this, they should give priority to keeping their bodies in good shape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 15 minutes ago, HydroNaut said: So it make both of us...in the same age range I guess. Are you in the late 70s or early 70s? I am actually in my early 70s and very close to 60s already. Maybe I have seen more sunset and sunrises than you. Welcome to the 70s! I have just passed the mid-70s and I am curious to reach 80 to see how it feels. I don't expect it to be much different, but I don't know. I might be fortunate that I have not experienced the decline of old age yet. The 70s don't feel much different from the 60s, the 50s. So I still have to experience old age, and the later it comes, the less I will worry about it. I have long passed my "life expectancy" time, so all life now is a bonus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HydroNaut Posted March 22, 2019 Report Share Posted March 22, 2019 1 minute ago, Steve5380 said: Welcome to the 70s! I have just passed the mid-70s and I am curious to reach 80 to see how it feels. I don't expect it to be much different, but I don't know. I might be fortunate that I have not experienced the decline of old age yet. The 70s don't feel much different from the 60s, the 50s. So I still have to experience old age, and the later it comes, the less I will worry about it. I have long passed my "life expectancy" time, so all life now is a bonus Good to hear that....I am waiting to pass off as a half-centurion now,....my aim is to stay looking the same. lol.... A correction of what you have said "Older guys who are still attractive have no reasons to be lonely since they should be able to find partners." Some older guy who are attractive might have seem far too many relationships by now to stay single, might also that he might not have the TRUST factor to stay in one or even he might have not found one that is suitable....or have better things in life/commitments than relationships? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mangotsf Posted April 8, 2019 Report Share Posted April 8, 2019 Put yourself out there and when u find someone, chase them down like a cougar hungry for a meal haha. Im also under this "cute" category (ive been told many times that i am "cute" by friends n family whenever i try my best to look as manly as possible). Im pretty much in the same predicament to you but have u tried other apps besides Tinder? Back in the days when i used Grindr, there was so many guys msging me (although i really didnt find myself attractive at all or even cute) and i hardly ever come across a "jock". Lol. It comes down to your preferences when it comes to dating anyways so id say respond to others if u have Grindr maybe u could find someone there. I found mine there as well, not dating yet but we r getting closer to it (safe to say he categorises as a "jock" which is very rare id say) and hes so smart n funny n intelligent i always feel so confortable arnd him. Thing is ive been chatting him up for a year and only arnd 3 months ago our rs started changing. The mainpoint is, when you find someone tht u like, chase him! Dont be halfhearted about it, give him space but do make sure he knows u r interested in a rs. Can start off with a small present then slowly asking him out on dates n stuffs cuz at the end, its your personality that matters, not how "cute" or "hot" you are. By all means, im definitely NOT an expert at rs but im just sharing what i did so do take my advice with a little bit of doubt cuz it may not work for you? After all i just am 19 and am barely legal. Anyways, i wish you good luck and a good day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgboy84 Posted April 8, 2019 Report Share Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) I can totally relate to this thread cause I face the same problem. Well...I guess the best way is just to be ourselves. It's not always about the muscles though that'll be a bonus factor. Boyish and cute is acceptable. But girly...think that's a no no. Edited April 8, 2019 by sgboy84 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kohl Posted August 8, 2021 Report Share Posted August 8, 2021 On 3/21/2019 at 10:13 PM, Steve5380 said: It may not be the fault of those "hiding in avatar and pic-less"... Maybe we can comment about this and that without a picture? The picture in an avatar means little. What is the assurance that the picture shown is that of the avatar owner? You should expand your scope of acquaintances. Many successful men don't have any reason nor opportunity to date in their 20s. They are too busy with studying, making a career, getting an early start in life. If you feel lonely in your 20s because of not dating, you have too much idle time in your hands. This is true for gays and straights. So many men cut short their opportunities by marrying early, and then their lives are reduced to a struggle to support a wife and a bunch of children. The 20s is a good time to be single and enjoy many different experiences. . Are you cute when you were younger? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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