Is it wrong to have fun with married man? Will you avoid it?

[tyan]

1 hour ago, transmissionsm said:

For me is wife give me attitude because of small things.

 

Currently got silent treatment because I refused to help her switch on the aircon.

 

We were both in bed watching netflix, she ask me switch on aircon I refused because I was also playing my handphone game + she's bloody lazy.

My point of view is: We were both relaxing watching netflix then why should I switch on aircon for you? Not as if she is doing something important?

Her view is: I ask you do what then you must do.

 

So I asked her, why you angry over minor things.

She said angrily "ask you do 1 simple thing also cannot?".

My reply "Simple things then why don't you do it yourself?"

 

Maybe to outsiders , i should have just switch on the aircon and avoid these issue but I sometimes cannot take it and just want to see whether if I say no and will she go and on the aircon herself.  Nope she will not. So both of us just watch netflix for 2 hours without talking and without aircon (which I'm fine with it)

 

This is not the first silent treatment so it's better now. I do my things she do her things.

I would have been more wild if not for my son who we will take care together in the weekend.

If I don't have a kid, silent treatment + weekend = wild fun i think.

 

Depressing stuff aside, I can finally have fun once in awhile.

Thinking of getting a circumcision since there is not gonna be sex for awhile + wfh...perfect time to get it.

As i'm a bi, also thinking of looking at freelancer for sex but never did it before so...will see how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes just give and take loh. Dun think of so much on receiving how much and giving how much. She is ur wife and soulmate. If not she won’t marry u. Just pamper her like a pearl in ur hand. Serve her like she is ur master. Keep her happy and ur family will be happy too. 

[fetish72]

Is not right or wrong having fun with married man as it takes both hand to clap. Married men is fun to play with as is all react to if they are top, btm  or flex. best if you get those just venture out and when you give the right foreplay that hit their g spot and willing to be deflower by you which you can see how their face expression react as well their body. The top one will used you like his woman the btm and flex they will moan like a porn star. The one just get deflower you can see the agony they when through after he session you can see the way they walk to toilet see line woman just give birth to a baby and once the in the toilet you can hear all sort of sound. So back to the topic how you look at it.

[cutejack]

To me having fun with married men is thrilling n kinky. Had my fair share. To me, im single, so im free to have fun with any man but for a married guy, if he wants to be loyal to his wife, i dont stop n if he wants me im ok too. Just touch n go of course.  Not into relationship coz they belong to someone else.

[cutejack]

1 hour ago, transmissionsm said:

 

Married life not like movies where the couple sex every night. Maybe it is for some but i every married couple is like that.

before married, honey moon is the best raw until get baby, do during staycation, during japan holiday.

 

after married is for me is just once a week sometimes if we quarrel then once every few weeks.

I'm ok with no sex la, not with someone who pisses me off.

 

I'm already a soft spoken, mild tempered guy and my wife still manages to piss me off...imagine that.

 

 

Believe u know better abt ladies. To my point of view, ladies like rough n bad men. They obey to bad men n bcome bitch to good men. So a married man should know better on how to react.

[Red_martian]

Hmmm i got 3 married men i know but i dont have fun with them (sex in particular). I just have free touch and see them naked and one of them i can sleep on same bed and did kiss him too when we go overseas before. 

[cutejack]

10 minutes ago, Red_martian said:

Hmmm i got 3 married men i know but i dont have fun with them (sex in particular). I just have free touch and see them naked and one of them i can sleep on same bed and did kiss him too when we go overseas before. 

Why ar? They restrict u from doing it or wat?

[Red_martian]

15 minutes ago, cutejack said:

Why ar? They restrict u from doing it or wat?

My choice..my preference is more of touching and seeing only...and kiss and cuddle is my favorite..just no sex

[Expired Btm Uncle]

I just feel that no matter whats the reason they get married. Just draw the line between fun and intruding into others marriage. 

[Guest TheGoodDoctor]

8 hours ago, Expired Btm Uncle said:

lol can i pm you for stories?

 

fun doesn't necessarily to have sex. i became close with my married colleague almost a year ago. we got free viewing of each dick when we go toilet together. quite embarrassed getting hard on but we just take it a joke. we'll i didn't attempt to touch his cock bcos I'm being discreet...more story on next episode

[doncoin]

9 hours ago, transmissionsm said:

For me is wife give me attitude because of small things.

 

Currently got silent treatment because I refused to help her switch on the aircon.

 

We were both in bed watching netflix, she ask me switch on aircon I refused because I was also playing my handphone game + she's bloody lazy.

My point of view is: We were both relaxing watching netflix then why should I switch on aircon for you? Not as if she is doing something important?

Her view is: I ask you do what then you must do.

 

So I asked her, why you angry over minor things.

She said angrily "ask you do 1 simple thing also cannot?".

My reply "Simple things then why don't you do it yourself?"

 

Maybe to outsiders , i should have just switch on the aircon and avoid these issue but I sometimes cannot take it and just want to see whether if I say no and will she go and on the aircon herself.  Nope she will not. So both of us just watch netflix for 2 hours without talking and without aircon (which I'm fine with it)

 

This is not the first silent treatment so it's better now. I do my things she do her things.

I would have been more wild if not for my son who we will take care together in the weekend.

If I don't have a kid, silent treatment + weekend = wild fun i think.

 

Depressing stuff aside, I can finally have fun once in awhile.

Thinking of getting a circumcision since there is not gonna be sex for awhile + wfh...perfect time to get it.

As i'm a bi, also thinking of looking at freelancer for sex but never did it before so...will see how it goes.

 

 

It sounds like your relationship is in a rut. At some point you need to ask yourself honestly if you still want to continue to be in this marriage. If your answer is yes, then you need to have a discussion with your wife, or see a counsellor if necessary to help resolve some of the issues you both face. An option to your bisexuality issue is to be honest to her and explore the option to have an open marriage. Your bisexuality is not going to disappear. So rather than containing and repressing it, it is just healthier to have it in the open and put in place some boundaries that your wife and you are comfortable with. An open marriage can be a viable solution to your existing problems since from your posts it looks you are both frustrated with each other. 

 

Rather than making excuses and avoiding having to deal with your current marital problems and whining about it here, have that conversation. Yes, she may feel  hurt, and have every right to feel that way, because you haven't been honest. However, by letting her know the truth, you both have the option to move your marriage and your lives forward, even if it may mean being apart. 

 

As for your son, depending on his age, children are pretty resilient, and as long as. you provide some form of normalcy and stability (think how kids adjust during the circuit breaker for months) he will adapt. It is better for him to see mummy and daddy happy separately than experiencing their unhappiness with each other. 

 

Rather than taking out your frustrations on each other, it is time for the conversation. 

 

Edited August 7, 2020 by doncoin

[wkayz]

A lot of gay guys think so highly of married men, similar myth about straight guys. I guess there’s no right or wrong to have fun with married guys, but you’re the one to be responsible for the consequences, if any.

 

Example: the wife found out and caught you both at the car park as you are leaving his apartment. *real experience*
 

married men? Probably never again! Lol

[Guest Guest]

@ transmissionsm: Your wife like those who likes guys to "serve / listen to" her? 😬😥 

 

During your courting days, you should had already known her "pattern" rite? You got regret to be in this marriage or not?

 

[cutejack]

9 hours ago, wkayz said:

A lot of gay guys think so highly of married men, similar myth about straight guys. I guess there’s no right or wrong to have fun with married guys, but you’re the one to be responsible for the consequences, if any.

 

Example: the wife found out and caught you both at the car park as you are leaving his apartment. *real experience*
 

married men? Probably never again! Lol

Car park only wat. Y never again leh.l? Lol

[Terence74]

9 hours ago, Guest TheGoodDoctor said:

fun doesn't necessarily to have sex. i became close with my married colleague almost a year ago. we got free viewing of each dick when we go toilet together. quite embarrassed getting hard on but we just take it a joke. we'll i didn't attempt to touch his cock bcos I'm being discreet...more story on next episode

Agree totally with you.

[tomcat]

22 hours ago, transmissionsm said:

For me is wife give me attitude because of small things.

Currently got silent treatment because I refused to help her switch on the aircon.

.

.

.

The real situation here is that in your home currently, there are two disgruntled aunties, not just one.

 

When women don't get what they need, they become grumpy over little things.

 

It is a complicated dynamics, cos she is a real woman that does not know / accept that you are bi.

 

Meaning she probably follows the "white prince" programming. AKA "Men must serve me, as I am a woman."

 

And then there is you, a disgruntled pseudo woman who has her own itch to scratch.

 

Both has issues, but expects the other to do something about it first. 

This is what each is really saying without saying it:

 

 

Spoken: "Why you angry over minor things?"
Translation: "This is just a small thing leh - what are you really angry about?"

 

Spoken: "Ask you do 1 simple thing also cannot?".

Translation: "Do I ask you for a lot of things? I just need to be loved & cared for. Is that too much for a wife to ask for?"

 

Spoken: "Simple things then why don't you do it yourself?"

Translation: "Oh, so what about my needs? Only you are important? Since you are priority, you settle all yourself lah. Why need me?"
 

Intended: I do my things, she do her things.

Translation: "Just wait and see who will break first. See who will cave in. I am right in my way, fuck care her/him."


Not to trivialise things, but this is really a basic and common problem.  Many marriages go through this.

 

Some heal the rift eventually. Those that do not, the gap becomes a permanent fixture in their life, until they buay tahan and eventually divorce. 

 

And the pattern I see is that the guy will be so gian for his freedom, he will literally give everything to her in the settlement.

 

7/10 the cases are like this, haha.

 

 

 

[tomcat]

5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

@ transmissionsm: Your wife like those who likes guys to "serve / listen to" her? 😬😥 

Usually the most controlling women, want to be controlled and be bossed around in the bedroom.

 

They have to be on guard all day everyday, nag, say the right thing, control the peace, stop everyone from doing something stupid...

 

Enter the bedroom, her fantasy is just to let go of all control and be "lovingly" used.

 

A bit of hair pulling, choking, light slaps just bring her to the edge of ecstasy, cos it is scary and humiliating - but in a safe space.

 

For anyone in here, who is actually married or bi or whatever, this is a bedroom tip YOU NEED TO KNOW.

 

Especially when your wife has been increasingly grumpy, bitchy, naggy.

 

She just needs a little fantasy and escape from having to tell you what to do all the time, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2020 by tomcat

[Aniki]

I'd take advice on heterosex on a gay forum with a pinch of salt...

If u are in a straight marriage or relationship, u should know what pleases your partner best 

Unless u are not having sex at all, then u probably don't know shit

So advice on any choking, slaps... wax dripping etc.... just read and be amused

It'd just depend on what turns your partner on.

 

[Notti]

Life's short. Why not? So long so both parties were satisfied after bed actions. Is not as though you are ruining one's family, just a physical thing. Shot and go!

[rick2ay]

1 minute ago, Notti said:

Life's short. Why not? So long so both parties were satisfied after bed actions. Is not as though you are ruining one's family, just a physical thing. Shot and go!

Agreed. Even with attached gay couples. I think as long as it is made known that it is a physical thing, I don't mind my boyfriend being physical with others

[fab]

On 5/7/2019 at 9:30 PM, LoveExecCEO said:

Is it wrong to have fun with married man? Will you avoid it?

 

Is it wrong to have fun with your partner? Will you mind it?

[juliaroy]

I feel that most married men, after some time of their marriage they just lose the spice with their partners. So i think it is okay to have some fun with them.

[juliaroy]

anyone wanna share their experience with married man

 

[Guest TheGoodDoctor]

4 hours ago, juliaroy said:

anyone wanna share their experience with married man

 

i did lots of touchy moves with my married colleague. i poke his side when i want to talk to him to get his attention...it's so cute seeing him smile back at me and feel ticklish. at times i bid goodbye to him by caressing his neck or shoulder..then he touches my hands and reply back goodbye bro

 

of course u do it only when nobody watching.

[Kimochi]

24 minutes ago, Guest TheGoodDoctor said:

i did lots of touchy moves with my married colleague. i poke his side when i want to talk to him to get his attention...it's so cute seeing him smile back at me and feel ticklish. at times i bid goodbye to him by caressing his neck or shoulder..then he touches my hands and reply back goodbye bro

 

of course u do it only when nobody watching.

Slut ~

[Beefcake007]

I work with all married men. It’s fun talking with them, especially when the topic is about their sex life. Hmmmm. Some  of them also shared having tried to have fun/sex with gays. How I wish I can try them also..😋..Maybe having fun with a married man thus not makes you a bad person. As long as you agreed of such action and be responsible of the consequences. Maybe the wife will thank you later because you can’t be pregnant..LOL..Lastly, know your limitations and have fun baby!!😏😉

[Guest TheGoodDoctor]

1 hour ago, Kimochi said:

Slut ~

hi @Kimochi..miss me? xoxo

[Kimochi]

Just now, Guest TheGoodDoctor said:

hi @Kimochi..miss me? xoxo

Yeah ~ hows your doctor progress? 

[Guest TheGoodDoctor]

7 minutes ago, Kimochi said:

Yeah ~ hows your doctor progress?

we're both busy at work lately. i stopped texting him already and i don't want to complicate things. almost reach the point i lost interest in him already.

[Kimochi]

4 minutes ago, Guest TheGoodDoctor said:

we're both busy at work lately. i stopped texting him already and i don't want to complicate things. almost reach the point i lost interest in him already.

So busy haha ~ 加油

[Boom]

Married man sound fun , pm me for fun 

[Guest Uncle]

23 hours ago, Kimochi said:

So busy haha ~ 加油

He's horny for men bcoz his wife is probably pregnant or having a baby and he is tired voluptuous maid whose armpits are hairy and smell like his toilet brush. Just answer his call. That's what friends are for. For good times, and bad times...

[Guest guest]

There is this married man whom I know but never really got acquainted directly otherwise I wouldn't dare to reveal his involvement in gay sex and his background.

Around 1980s I met this married couple in a gambling den. The husband is really very handsome but the wife is a social escort or maybe dance hostess. Their incompatibility is what that got me so interested to know them further. Many people thought that this guy must be a gigolo but no he is not. In fact he is the only heir of a rich Chinese family. The parents rejected them marrying but relented later because their son contracted std from other women. And there was something like he can't have baby anymore.

After the marriage, she demonstrated more violence proving what a shrew she could be. Nobody could think of controlling her. She was the Ah Tau. The yantau hubby became a puppy after many fights and quarrels. It's probably her idea of how to control her husband to prevent him from straying outside,  afterall he has been a well known Hua hua kong zi aka playboy. When it comes to sex, he couldn't control not straying but he did his best to hide them. Yet the family kept getting girls turning up for a fight to get a piece of the man. The parents found it difficult living with them and asked for a separation. Who knows, the truth might even be that the son got disowned.

I don't  know his real name except for a Boon in it. Mostly he is conveniently called Yantau for he is truly handsome and very sexy. To call him cheekopek is doing him an injustice because he is the one that got cheeko. Anyway, like most people would say about him, he is one that quote chin gow sio kan unquote. His fitness was derived from his primary school gym training. Once in a while you could catch him somersaulting.

He was proud that all his women vie for his body and never for his money.

The couple fought and quarrel for some 4 or 5 years then only the husband became tamer. He was under his wife control especially in money matters. Born naturally without a smile, this woman kept her nails long sharp and enamel - you could feel the threat when she holds a mahjong tile spouting vulgarity at the same time. She is Ginny but I don't know why it turned into Jimmy, Jane and then James. She is capable in designing a trendy image for the husband and wife team. I would say the husband looked like a star but the wife a hooker.  Something like the notorious Bonnie and Clyde American team. They live a good life yet the wife remained working as a dance hostess. It could be that she wanted to facilitate her Ah Long business amongst the girls.

One day out of the blue , yantau voluntarily and honestly revealed to his wife that he had fucked a man the night before. He said he was tipsy and followed his friend to his house for further drinks. He got more drunk and his friend kept on 'disturbing' him until he buay tahan had to do it. The fuming wife ordered the husband to bring the guy home to face her or else she would come after him and cause more ruckus. That third-party man was more or less cornered and had to turn up. Full of guilt, he was ready to apologize and brought some goodies to show sincerity.  That fierce  woman although angry was able to keep her composure much unlike other times when she would rain her punches. It could be due to the fact that the man was totally scared and unnerved. She force stripped him naked cutting up his clothing and continuously shaming him. The final thing she did before letting him go was ordering him to wrap an angpow just like prostitute would do to her virgin client. It came as a surprise that this Angpow money was able to contain her anger when submitted a day later. She let this matter be exposed to the world yet the sum in the angpow remained a total secret. This mystery she created carved a name for her husband image making him even more popular.  Crazy that she liked it !  It was rumoured that she now approved the m2m relationship on one condition.  The husband can fuck that guy only when she herself can't service him. Many people speculated her intentions. It could be to guard her wife status from women, guys being sexual toys only, she too over confident of her husband sexuality, etcetera.This third-party guy was later accepted as the second mistress. I thought he must be the agua agua type but no !  He is a handsome intellectual guy  whom James the talaupo said very soonyen. He also helped her to put money into legal investment in particular properties. Very rich and very successful they became. Unfortunately yantao had many ons with younger boys that James could not trace at all. The gay scene was getting a bigger and bigger a presence. Finally the third-party mistress also strayed then left the couple behind.

Do you believe in good looks can bring fortune?  

Yantao turning old their fortune also dwindled in tandem. The couple lost heavily in horses,casinos,etc  and had to sell all their accumulated private properties before the boom in prices.

I am sure James, to live on, would have sold yantao's backside now  if possible but there's no market liao.

[Guest Uncle]

8 hours ago, Guest guest said:

There is this married man whom I know but never really got acquainted directly otherwise I wouldn't dare to reveal his involvement in gay sex and his background.

Around 1980s I met this married couple in a gambling den. The husband is really very handsome but the wife is a social escort or maybe dance hostess. Their incompatibility is what that got me so interested to know them further. Many people thought that this guy must be a gigolo but no he is not. In fact he is the only heir of a rich Chinese family. The parents rejected them marrying but relented later because their son contracted std from other women. And there was something like he can't have baby anymore.

After the marriage, she demonstrated more violence proving what a shrew she could be. Nobody could think of controlling her. She was the Ah Tau. The yantau hubby became a puppy after many fights and quarrels. It's probably her idea of how to control her husband to prevent him from straying outside,  afterall he has been a well known Hua hua kong zi aka playboy. When it comes to sex, he couldn't control not straying but he did his best to hide them. Yet the family kept getting girls turning up for a fight to get a piece of the man. The parents found it difficult living with them and asked for a separation. Who knows, the truth might even be that the son got disowned.

I don't  know his real name except for a Boon in it. Mostly he is conveniently called Yantau for he is truly handsome and very sexy. To call him cheekopek is doing him an injustice because he is the one that got cheeko. Anyway, like most people would say about him, he is one that quote chin gow sio kan unquote. His fitness was derived from his primary school gym training. Once in a while you could catch him somersaulting.

He was proud that all his women vie for his body and never for his money.

The couple fought and quarrel for some 4 or 5 years then only the husband became tamer. He was under his wife control especially in money matters. Born naturally without a smile, this woman kept her nails long sharp and enamel - you could feel the threat when she holds a mahjong tile spouting vulgarity at the same time. She is Ginny but I don't know why it turned into Jimmy, Jane and then James. She is capable in designing a trendy image for the husband and wife team. I would say the husband looked like a star but the wife a hooker.  Something like the notorious Bonnie and Clyde American team. They live a good life yet the wife remained working as a dance hostess. It could be that she wanted to facilitate her Ah Long business amongst the girls.

One day out of the blue , yantau voluntarily and honestly revealed to his wife that he had fucked a man the night before. He said he was tipsy and followed his friend to his house for further drinks. He got more drunk and his friend kept on 'disturbing' him until he buay tahan had to do it. The fuming wife ordered the husband to bring the guy home to face her or else she would come after him and cause more ruckus. That third-party man was more or less cornered and had to turn up. Full of guilt, he was ready to apologize and brought some goodies to show sincerity.  That fierce  woman although angry was able to keep her composure much unlike other times when she would rain her punches. It could be due to the fact that the man was totally scared and unnerved. She force stripped him naked cutting up his clothing and continuously shaming him. The final thing she did before letting him go was ordering him to wrap an angpow just like prostitute would do to her virgin client. It came as a surprise that this Angpow money was able to contain her anger when submitted a day later. She let this matter be exposed to the world yet the sum in the angpow remained a total secret. This mystery she created carved a name for her husband image making him even more popular.  Crazy that she liked it !  It was rumoured that she now approved the m2m relationship on one condition.  The husband can fuck that guy only when she herself can't service him. Many people speculated her intentions. It could be to guard her wife status from women, guys being sexual toys only, she too over confident of her husband sexuality, etcetera.This third-party guy was later accepted as the second mistress. I thought he must be the agua agua type but no !  He is a handsome intellectual guy  whom James the talaupo said very soonyen. He also helped her to put money into legal investment in particular properties. Very rich and very successful they became. Unfortunately yantao had many ons with younger boys that James could not trace at all. The gay scene was getting a bigger and bigger a presence. Finally the third-party mistress also strayed then left the couple behind.

Do you believe in good looks can bring fortune?  

Yantao turning old their fortune also dwindled in tandem. The couple lost heavily in horses,casinos,etc  and had to sell all their accumulated private properties before the boom in prices.

I am sure James, to live on, would have sold yantao's backside now  if possible but there's no market liao.

Sounds like a good material for local theater, directed by Ivan heng, music by dick Lee, acted by hossan Leong

[wanton_mee]

I met a married daddy before. Swimmer bod type. He is a gentle and nice man.. so sweet! 😊

[Guest Lor Mee]

44 minutes ago, wanton_mee said:

I met a married daddy before. Swimmer bod type. He is a gentle and nice man.. so sweet! 😊

What happened? You slurped up his silky wanton mee or the other way round?

[wanton_mee]

Nothing much. We cuddle alot only. 

[Guest Uncle]

1 hour ago, Since u r here said:

If , if , if really a  married straight man (he could be a bi) comes to a sauna or looking for sex, very likely they r not gonna care whether u looked like kpop stars’ complexion or w 6pecs,8pecs they just wanna fuck n experiment! & sauna (before covid era) is really a one-stop shop for them to try on many.... those who yearned playing w a bi or married, wldnt mind just to milk him, or to play ...

 

 

 

Wow... 

[juliaroy]

On 8/9/2020 at 10:21 PM, Guest TheGoodDoctor said:

i did lots of touchy moves with my married colleague. i poke his side when i want to talk to him to get his attention...it's so cute seeing him smile back at me and feel ticklish. at times i bid goodbye to him by caressing his neck or shoulder..then he touches my hands and reply back goodbye bro

 

of course u do it only when nobody watching.

when i was in college i had this one lecturer who always very touchy too but he was married but that time to naive to understand what all that ass grabbing was hahahah

[doncoin]

23 hours ago, cutejack said:

Many. Mostly claim tat no sex with wife. Hmmmm

 

22 hours ago, mate69 said:

plenty of them

take your pick

 

 

I think what is happening for gay guys who have sex with married men. You are enabling them and their behaviors. These married men instead of focusing on fixing their marriage problems, use you to distract themselves from dealing with it. They make themselves out to be the victim, i.e. sexless marriage, or "forced" into marriage etc. (just pick any sob story) to justify their reasons for cheating their wives. 

 

If imagine if this is happening to your sister, or a close family member or friend. Would you want her to be with such a man? 

 

You want people to respect your relationship- i.e. between your bf and you, so have the common decency to respect the relationships of others. As gay men, you deserve better than being someone's dirty little secret. The married man made his choice. He chose to be unfaithful to his spouse and lie about his sexuality. He chose shame and guilt over truth. Sure we can all make excuses such as family pressure, conservative society etc. but honestly, Singapore is not that extreme and I think it is far more liberal than many would like to acknowledge. 

 

So the next time you hook up with a married man, remind yourself that you are enabling and participating in his deception and not helping him. 

Edited August 17, 2020 by doncoin

[agila]

it will be all sexy and kinky until it happens to me (gay guy having sex with my partner). so it is a No for me.

[Guest Uncle]

On 8/17/2020 at 7:15 PM, agila said:

it will be all sexy and kinky until it happens to me (gay guy having sex with my partner). so it is a No for me.

Why not? My friend is dating a married banker near the raffles area. They have lunch everyday, go business trips together, he fuck him senseless before he goes on stage for conference speakings. At end of day, this banker goes home to his wife and children and lead a normal life over the weekends. 两全其美

[vigouraj]

Being a married man myself, I must say that certain things about nature is simply very difficult to change. Deep down, there will always be that desire for male intimacy but being married has its challenges because of that critical balance that must be managed otherwise many people will be very badly affected if things get out in the open. For me ( I cannot speak for the others in my shoes), I still have that void in me that needs to be filled.  There is always that desire to have a very close male partner with whom you can completely trust as a confidante and share special intimate moments, which is definitely not possible with str8 friends.  At the same time, there is also the concern for my gay partner if I ever have one, is that I am not being fair to him and he may be on the losing end because the reality is I cannot give my 100% to him. When things get much closer, he may be emotionally drained for want of more of my time which will be very challenging for me, unless of course he comes in with eyes wide open and accept the reality of things…. but this is not easy for most gays seeking long term relationships…. and frankly, it is extremely rare to come across a very understanding gay partner to accept such circumstances.  This is perhaps why, maybe there are lots of married guys in saunas or private clubs just for a quick release with no strings attached.

[mate69]

Yes indeed

[Guest Occulust]

2 hours ago, vigouraj said:

Being a married man myself, I must say that certain things about nature is simply very difficult to change. Deep down, there will always be that desire for male intimacy but being married has its challenges because of that critical balance that must be managed otherwise many people will be very badly affected if things get out in the open. For me ( I cannot speak for the others in my shoes), I still have that void in me that needs to be filled.  There is always that desire to have a very close male partner with whom you can completely trust as a confidante and share special intimate moments, which is definitely not possible with str8 friends.  At the same time, there is also the concern for my gay partner if I ever have one, is that I am not being fair to him and he may be on the losing end because the reality is I cannot give my 100% to him. When things get much closer, he may be emotionally drained for want of more of my time which will be very challenging for me, unless of course he comes in with eyes wide open and accept the reality of things…. but this is not easy for most gays seeking long term relationships…. and frankly, it is extremely rare to come across a very understanding gay partner to accept such circumstances.  This is perhaps why, maybe there are lots of married guys in saunas or private clubs just for a quick release with no strings attached.

 

Me lah. I am perfect for u. I dun seek relationship neither do committment. Just meet maybe once or twice a week to bang wham and bye bye see u next week. Can ?

[Guest jjlin]

On 8/18/2020 at 1:07 AM, doncoin said:

 

 

I think what is happening for gay guys who have sex with married men. You are enabling them and their behaviors. These married men instead of focusing on fixing their marriage problems, use you to distract themselves from dealing with it. They make themselves out to be the victim, i.e. sexless marriage, or "forced" into marriage etc. (just pick any sob story) to justify their reasons for cheating their wives. 

 

If imagine if this is happening to your sister, or a close family member or friend. Would you want her to be with such a man? 

 

You want people to respect your relationship- i.e. between your bf and you, so have the common decency to respect the relationships of others. As gay men, you deserve better than being someone's dirty little secret. The married man made his choice. He chose to be unfaithful to his spouse and lie about his sexuality. He chose shame and guilt over truth. Sure we can all make excuses such as family pressure, conservative society etc. but honestly, Singapore is not that extreme and I think it is far more liberal than many would like to acknowledge. 

 

So the next time you hook up with a married man, remind yourself that you are enabling and participating in his deception and not helping him. 

 

wow, some people have such a narrow definition of a relationship.

get over it and open your mind

[doncoin]

4 hours ago, Guest jjlin said:

 

wow, some people have such a narrow definition of a relationship.

get over it and open your mind

 

 

You are right that relationships can be defined in many ways. A working relationship, a parent and child relationship etc. It is about a level of connectivity between two or more people, even those where one person is the other person's dirty little secret. It is still a relationship. You do make me realized that there are those who will settle for that kind of relationship and it really isn't that uncommon- i.e. a married man and his mistress. 

 

As long as the mistress is ok maintaining being the secret, I guess it is fine by me. It really comes down to what you want with your life I supposed. Personally, I think that investing your time and life in a situation where there really is no future is a waste of time unless the married man divorces his wife. Otherwise, you are just not a priority, his wife and family etc. will always come first. You are an after thought when he is horny or when there are problems at home.  To each his own I supposed. 

[Guest Uncle]

6 hours ago, doncoin said:

 

 

You are right that relationships can be defined in many ways. A working relationship, a parent and child relationship etc. It is about a level of connectivity between two or more people, even those where one person is the other person's dirty little secret. It is still a relationship. You do make me realized that there are those who will settle for that kind of relationship and it really isn't that uncommon- i.e. a married man and his mistress. 

 

As long as the mistress is ok maintaining being the secret, I guess it is fine by me. It really comes down to what you want with your life I supposed. Personally, I think that investing your time and life in a situation where there really is no future is a waste of time unless the married man divorces his wife. Otherwise, you are just not a priority, his wife and family etc. will always come first. You are an after thought when he is horny or when there are problems at home.  To each his own I supposed. 

Monogamous relationship may not be the natural norm although legally stipulated. Many other cultures that practise open and polygamous relationships show high levels of social harmony and happiness, and open and multiple sex partners was not perceived as immoral or wrongful. What if we were never designed for a single faceted monogamous relationship naturally?

[vigouraj]

6 hours ago, Guest Uncle said:

Monogamous relationship may not be the natural norm although legally stipulated. Many other cultures that practise open and polygamous relationships show high levels of social harmony and happiness, and open and multiple sex partners was not perceived as immoral or wrongful. What if we were never designed for a single faceted monogamous relationship naturally?

 

 

Interesting and thought provoking indeed.

[And then]

(Chinese) Men having families with 2 or more women not that uncommon, and that is not even that long ago.

Then, maybe mistresses as well on top of the wives.

 

Enough of the moral judgements, please.

[TT2880]

Hello,

 

Do you think animals mate out of fun or for other reasons such as survival? The answer is not important actually. But hv you ever question that it is wrong of that animal to mate with different partners when is their mating season?

 

We human beings mate too fundamentally for the same purpose. If we mate incessantly, we are just like any animal. So what makes us different from the animals? Our higher level of consciousness and conscience.

 

Is it wrong or is it right? The act of doing sex alone doesn't implied is right nor it is wrong. An act becomes wrong when we think it is wrong. The same act can be view as right if we think it is right. Generally, we wld think an act is wrong when that act hurt someone. The victim would definitely thinks is wrong. 

 

So, for this qn, a spouse had fun outside his/her marriage, when the wife found out her husband had extramarital affair, she would without any doubt point to her husband and said he is wrong to do that, vice versa. 

 

As for the third party, if this question struck you, it means you do feel someone would not be pleased about your secret affair with the married man. But when that doesn't stopped you that is because you felt that fulfilling your desire (and his desire) is of higher importance at that point in time. You care no more than your own wants. 

 

However there is always possibility that this could be right. When it is consented and there is a general acceptance. Is transparent. Parties are informed and formalised. Of course there must be some form of competency and resources to support such an act so that no one gets hurt in the process. A deliberate effort to ensure all lived harmoniously with this decision. 

 

So, right or wrong is not in the act but how that act affects the people involved and how the parties involved sees it. And mind you, it is constantly evolving. Thus what may be alright now might failed later. What might be wrong now could be a blessing in disguise.