Married man discussion - found out Wife cheated on you

[Malabird]

On 5/28/2023 at 3:55 PM, Guest Guest said:

Husband had relationship with male lover …. Is it considered cheating by law? 🤔

Any extramarital affair with male or female is immoral but it’s never under jurisdiction of law ~~  it can be used to file for divorce but doesn’t impact much on the maintenance fee, it is however be a factor to decide custody of children if any. 
 

Edited May 30, 2023 by Malabird

[singalion]

4 hours ago, Malabird said:

Any extramarital affair with male or female is immoral but it’s never under jurisdiction of law ( it can be used to file for divorce but doesn’t impact much on the maintenance fee, it is however be a factor to decide custody of children if any. 
 

 

Most countries departed from looking at an angle of guilt when it comes to divorce, so adultery doesn't matter but only the fact that couples can't reconcile and prefer to part. 

 

 

[gregzeters]

On 5/26/2023 at 6:15 PM, Malabird said:

True. 

two wrongs don’t make anyone or either one right 

 

My silly friend married a temperamentally volatile and insecure woman, she continued meeting with her ex bf whenever he returned for term breaks from UK study. She refused virginal sex with her hubby for three years. 

 

With the marriage snagged, my friend accepted a two years oversea assignment to Korea where he got to know a Korean gf, she was great and he enjoyed her cooking esp ginseng chicken, he was next posted to Taipei, had a Taiwan gf, in a rare occasion when the Taiwanese girl was away on biz travel for two weeks,  my friend was seduced by the gf’s brother and since then they did fun regularly at her back.

 

During these four years back in sg, the wife’s ex BF returned from his UK law study, she told her ex bf that she was ready to divorce her hubby (she kept her virginity from her hubby for seven years, only for the ex bf, a ‘very faithful’ mind  in this distorted extramarital affair!), they had sex but only to be told by the ex bf that he has already married with a girl while in UK, he ditched her mercilessly. 
 

In despair she hooked up with her lecturer in the private school of her external degree study, then nudged him to divorce his wife. He agreed but conned her into some scams / investment which went default, a hefty sum of S$300k (in year 2002). 

 

That ended up in a big mess in court. 

 

The lesson is that wrong plants can’t survive in wrong soil especially if there were many plant pests and parasites around. 
 

It is very dramatic indeed and the story can easily make into a 300 episodes of Taiwanese tv drama series. 

the court mess do not involve ur friend at all right? After all, its all about the wife.

[Ahleng_88]

Hi would like see how would individual manage if it happen to your wife that cheated on you

[naked_boi]

20 minutes ago, Ahleng_88 said:

Hi would like see how would individual manage if it happen to your wife that cheated on you

just divorce and move on. mirror already broken, can't fix, can't use why bother?

friendly advice : tie up all the loose ends with her then go to lawyer. loose ends meaning assets, alimony etc etc

then opt for the local version of the 'irreconcilable differences' and six months time you'll be posting on another thread 

raving how hot your new bf is 

 

the thing is ultimately YOU. don't ask for another opinion when you're not ready for the inevitable.

 

 

[Rocky1234]

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

[ToughGuy]

2 hours ago, Rocky1234 said:

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

Can you still make love with her, knowing that other guys have fucked her?... Or you just fuck her to use her pussy?

[doncoin]

3 hours ago, Rocky1234 said:

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

 

 

Just agree to have a open relationship. Work out the details on what is comfortable and feel safe for you both.

[MDZY]

Men can cheat with no attach emotion most of the time but cannot say the same for women.

 

[IcarusCQC]

12 hours ago, ToughGuy said:

Can you still make love with her, knowing that other guys have fucked her?... Or you just fuck her to use her pussy?

That's a bit myopic. Almost nobody marries a virgin in modern times.

[ToughGuy]

1 hour ago, IcarusCQC said:

That's a bit myopic. Almost nobody marries a virgin in modern times.

Very obvious that you have not read and understood my post before making a reply 

 

Anyway,it's ok...stand tall😂😂😂

[Rocky1234]

16 hours ago, ToughGuy said:

Can you still make love with her, knowing that other guys have fucked her?... Or you just fuck her to use her pussy?

I still love her even knowing she has her needs, like myself.

Our lovemaking has always been good.

 

[singalion]

On 2/5/2025 at 8:20 PM, Rocky1234 said:

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

 

Does your wife know you are doing hanky panky with guys?

 

Can you complain?

 

Women have sexual urges and desires also. We don't know you satisfy her...

She might feel sexually neglected. 

 

[singalion]

9 hours ago, ToughGuy said:

Very obvious that you have not read and understood my post before making a reply 

 

Anyway,it's ok...stand tall😂😂😂

 

It's a matter of controlling jealousy. But as he plays with guys, probably behind his wife's back, can he still be jealous when his dick is no longer attached to her?

 

 

[ToughGuy]

24 minutes ago, singalion said:

 

It's a matter of controlling jealousy. But as he plays with guys, probably behind his wife's back, can he still be jealous when his dick is no longer attached to her?

 

 

And out of no where some idiots talked about virginity...😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[SazNura]

i think there is emotional cheating vs physical cheating.

The emotional one hurts a lot more while the physical cheating is just no strings attached, just two sane individuals

enjoy the act like helping a buddy.

[Aniki]

On 2/5/2025 at 8:20 PM, Rocky1234 said:

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

Hard to pass a judgement on others, when we ourselves have not been perfect. Relationships can be on different planes and changes over time, is what I found. 

[blowmenow]

On 9/2/2019 at 7:44 PM, transmissionsm said:

I would like to think I can control. Infact I don't really thought of fun with guys until i got my first silent treatment from my wife. 

It honestly was really brutal. 

 

Some would think "what's the big deal? Just don't talk for few days"  but if someone you love do this and just treat you as though invisible even when you try to talk to them and crack jokes to make them happy. The feeling sucks. Infact just from that 1 silent treatment I already thought of divorced (yes it's that bad) but I also thought of my son and finally my wife went back to normal and loving and we become a happy family again. Until few months later the same thing will repeat.

 

Well it's been awhile since I got that crap from my wife but fuck that because I know sooner or later the attitute will come again and i'll probably regret not fooling around.

 

i feel u bro

[thinking35]

On 9/2/2019 at 7:41 AM, transmissionsm said:

Married guy here.

For me I joined long time back in my early 20s and stopped when I met her..then i'm back again.

 

 

Wife did not cheat on me but sometimes will show attitude so I started to look for hookups with guys again.

It's a very simple idea:

 

Don't give problem to your man and he won't do anything bad outside. Very easy...not difficult to understand.

I have a good temper so i'm usually not the one giving problems. 

Although it's like once in a while my wife give me attitude but that "once in awhile" is enough to push me to come back here because it's so depressing when she doesn't talk and just ignore me for that 1 or 2 days. Although it only happen once every few months but I don't want to be the good guy anymore so yes, i still love my wife and she love me and we still do couple things together everyday but whenever I got my free time, I try to find and pursue my fantasy and fetishes outside.

 

I do feel guilty sometimes because..i suck dick (CIM and all) then I go kiss my 1 year old son because he's so cute and the love of my life...fuckk but now i started i i can't control it and looking forward to my next session.

 

 

On 9/2/2019 at 7:44 PM, transmissionsm said:

I would like to think I can control. Infact I don't really thought of fun with guys until i got my first silent treatment from my wife. 

It honestly was really brutal. 

 

Some would think "what's the big deal? Just don't talk for few days"  but if someone you love do this and just treat you as though invisible even when you try to talk to them and crack jokes to make them happy. The feeling sucks. Infact just from that 1 silent treatment I already thought of divorced (yes it's that bad) but I also thought of my son and finally my wife went back to normal and loving and we become a happy family again. Until few months later the same thing will repeat.

 

Well it's been awhile since I got that crap from my wife but fuck that because I know sooner or later the attitute will come again and i'll probably regret not fooling around.

 

 

understand that... once her "once a while attititude" started... the frequency will slowly increased! Just so tiring...

[hairyboycunt]

The amount of mental gymnastics and rationalisation taking place in this thread to tacitly justify and/or condone cheating is mind boggling tbh.

 

Let's make this clear - NOTHING causes you to cheat; NO ONE drives you to cheat. To cheat is a conscious decision that you made. It doesn't just happen to you or you're not forced into it as a response to the actions of your spouse/partner - it is wholly a variable within your locus of control.

 

Also, if cheating is what you settle on as being a solution or balm to any marital problems you're facing, then I'm sorry to break it to you, but you were always going to cheat anyway - it was only a matter of time. Consciously or subconsciously, you were already looking for a reason to do it. 🤷‍♂️

 

I will also add that opening up the relationship or exploring non-monogamy/ polyamory as a solution to infidelity is counter to what most experts or relationship counsellors would recommend. You'll just end deepening the cracks in the relationship and building resentment for each other if the root cause is not addressed - you can't add more levels to house when the foundation is weak.

[Steve5380]

On 2/5/2025 at 6:20 AM, Rocky1234 said:

I found out my wife cheated but never confronted her. I have also been unfaithful. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Some ladies need extra sexual release too.

 

You are a wise person.  The only drawback with a consented open relationship is the possibility of contracting STDs from others.

 

 

[FattChoy]

Cheating in married life is very common and it's been a norm all the while.  Lately people take infidelity way too seriously.  As if it's some big sin.  

 

Here's an excerpt on infidelity in marriage.  It's from Oscar Wilde's book - 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'.  Written in the 1800s.  

 

 

 

"You seem to forget that I am married, and the one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.

 

I never know where my wife is, and my wife never knows what I am doing. When we meet-we do meet occasionally, when we dine out together, or go down to the Duke's-we tell each other the most absurd stories with the most serious faces.

 

My wife is very good at it much better, in fact, than I am. She never gets confused over her dates, and I always do. But when she does find me out, she makes no row at all. I sometimes wish she would but she merely laughs at me."

 

 

[transmissionsm]

On 2/15/2025 at 10:28 AM, hairyboycunt said:

The amount of mental gymnastics and rationalisation taking place in this thread to tacitly justify and/or condone cheating is mind boggling tbh.

 

Let's make this clear - NOTHING causes you to cheat; NO ONE drives you to cheat. To cheat is a conscious decision that you made. It doesn't just happen to you or you're not forced into it as a response to the actions of your spouse/partner - it is wholly a variable within your locus of control.

 

Also, if cheating is what you settle on as being a solution or balm to any marital problems you're facing, then I'm sorry to break it to you, but you were always going to cheat anyway - it was only a matter of time. Consciously or subconsciously, you were already looking for a reason to do it. 🤷‍♂️

 

I will also add that opening up the relationship or exploring non-monogamy/ polyamory as a solution to infidelity is counter to what most experts or relationship counsellors would recommend. You'll just end deepening the cracks in the relationship and building resentment for each other if the root cause is not addressed - you can't add more levels to house when the foundation is weak.

Just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean it won't happen. I know it hard to imagine sometimes but i can't change your mind.
Just like i don't get it why murderers murder they have their reason, it's wrong and stupid but they did it. Same , cheating is wrong and stupid but for my circumstances I'm fine with it . Most of the time I don't feel guilty.

 

Now wife is not talking to me again because I fell asleep while we were watching netflix yeterday. Yup talk about an uncaring wife. Who the hell gets angry at their spouse for falling alsleep while watching netflix...I have a hectic work schedule and naturally i'll be more tired..

[del_ta]

It started slowly without me noticing. She started having more evening work functions; more overseas work trips; more attention on clothing and make-up; more pilates classes; less interest in children; less chit-chat banter during meals; more time on the phone; no interest in sex.

I finally caught on when I saw her and her toyboy making out at a cafe when I walked by. Stupidly I went to confront only to be told that I was not as good as the toyboy - who has her personal trainer almost 20 years younger. It was embarassing to be taunted as old, pale and pudgy by the toyboy, who easily manhandled me.

I count myself lucky that she moved out almost immediately after and did not fight with me over the children but only money.

[Steve5380]

On 2/20/2025 at 8:10 AM, del_ta said:

It started slowly without me noticing. She started having more evening work functions; more overseas work trips; more attention on clothing and make-up; more pilates classes; less interest in children; less chit-chat banter during meals; more time on the phone; no interest in sex.

I finally caught on when I saw her and her toyboy making out at a cafe when I walked by. Stupidly I went to confront only to be told that I was not as good as the toyboy - who has her personal trainer almost 20 years younger. It was embarassing to be taunted as old, pale and pudgy by the toyboy, who easily manhandled me.

I count myself lucky that she moved out almost immediately after and did not fight with me over the children but only money.

 

Sometimes it is difficult to guess the feminine psych.  The priority of yours was her lifestyle, her financial independence,  the $$$, and children cost money too. Mine, when we split decades ago, did not want money ( except for child support ) but the children.  She is a good person, but we had different goals.

[Steve5380]

On 2/18/2025 at 5:02 AM, transmissionsm said:

 

Now wife is not talking to me again because I fell asleep while we were watching netflix yeterday. Yup talk about an uncaring wife. Who the hell gets angry at their spouse for falling alsleep while watching netflix...I have a hectic work schedule and naturally i'll be more tired..

 

 

Maybe... maybe your character is too easy going.  She may not appreciate this, and she takes advantage.  Yes, it is strange to blame a spouse for falling asleep.  Next time,  YOU,  YOU,  YOU  decide what is watched on TV,  and it better is of your likeness and interest !!!

[transmissionsm]

My helper is more capable than my wife and better looking / body.

 

[MDZY]

On 2/20/2025 at 10:10 PM, del_ta said:

It started slowly without me noticing. She started having more evening work functions; more overseas work trips; more attention on clothing and make-up; more pilates classes; less interest in children; less chit-chat banter during meals; more time on the phone; no interest in sex.

I finally caught on when I saw her and her toyboy making out at a cafe when I walked by. Stupidly I went to confront only to be told that I was not as good as the toyboy - who has her personal trainer almost 20 years younger. It was embarassing to be taunted as old, pale and pudgy by the toyboy, who easily manhandled me.

I count myself lucky that she moved out almost immediately after and did not fight with me over the children but only money.

 

Maybe once she is done with this phase of life, she will come crawling begging u to take her back...

[singalion]

On 2/24/2025 at 10:12 AM, MDZY said:

 

Maybe once she is done with this phase of life, she will come crawling begging u to take her back...

 

would depend. maybe she is just disgusted that he cheated her by playing around with guys behind her back until she found out.

 

I don't understand also when men complain about women having lovers 20 years younger their age, when married men have girlfriends 30 years younger their age.