The Cloud Diary- 白云日记☁

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

28 May 2011 , Saturday, Weather 32 Celsius, Mostly Cloudy

 

Diary, its been seven days since my last entry. The situation hasn't been good. The eighth body was found in the wee hours of the morning, with the similar MO. This is worrying and yet the Ministry is reluctant to make issues known to the public. There were three camps currently, one is for is to be announce publicly so that more witnesses can come forward with the information, one is against it as this can be something driven politically that may lead to other issues plus the heat of general election is still subsiding- a chain effect as one of my seniors said.  Of course mostly are neutral about it.

 

Diary as a law enforcer, I did like the culprit to be arrested asap yet I also know the fact that it will get very messy if politics are involved. Could it be a person or person(s) who are so unhappy of the macrosystems if things now and went on a killing spree? And any reason for the person to feel this way and made the decision to murder eight seniors within one moth and worse during the election period? What messages is this serial killer trying to send? And how about that pendant, is the murderer someone who was medically trained? 

 

With this, my team conducted a thorough investigation and refer to all healthcare related information. The team even checked though the Health Ministries record thoroughly. Run though their profiles up to three generations to see if there are anyone in the healthcare sector who ancestors had any criminal records. In fact this is like searching a needle in the hay-sack. All I can say is the murderer is very smart, he leave no traces behind and perhaps intelligent too as he seems to be two steps in front of the situation. He knew that doing all these during the election period may slow things down because most leaders wish to "save face" and indeed he is right, his acts wasn't made known publicly as of now. I really have no answers for all these, Dairy. 

 

Anyway, Mum feedback that Eng Ming bed wetting returns. Its been awhile since it last happen. Eng Ming told Mum that he dreamt of him peeing at the urinal and when he woke up, he is soaked in his urine already. Anyway he is still young and its fairly normal for children at his age to do that as well.... or maybe not, as Bee told me that children should stop at age 7 or 8 and not supposed to go beyond that. Hoon I hope you are somehow up there watching over our son. Thank you. 

 

Ok Diary, got to go. Have a good day. 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

05 June 2011 , Sunday, Weather 26 Celsius, Light Rain

 

Dear Diary, glad that the weather was much cooler this morning and most importantly the killing spree has ceased for the past 8 days. The serial murder investigations are still on-going and its more or less confirmed that this tiny little green dot island has a serial killer lurking around. Thankfully HI has assigned another team to render support but I am not suppose to know who they are. HI said that so long I and my team feel less burdened by the case then his objectivity is achieved. And indeed it does. What we need to do is to just follow his instructions, as he will delegate and assign the tasks accordingly.  But I feel that its more of my lack of competencies, perhaps HI doubts my ability to manage such major crimes though I am abled to do that.

 

Anyway, right from the beginning, during my training days at the Academy, we were already told to follow our superiors' instructions and refrain from questioning unless necessary.  What does it meant by "unless necessary"? Alot of trainee cadets questioned this, honestly Diary I doubted most of my squad mates knew the answer. Talking about squad mate, I bumped into Vincent the other day at HQ, we were from the same secondary school, same class and after O levels, we enrolled to the same Tertiary Institution but he took on Mass Communication as his learning subject, whereas I have no choice (due to my aggregate score) have to be enrolled to Electrical Engineering, something that I did not know how I manage to survive through..... though not my area of interest. 

 

We both signed on to the force, were in the same squad. Vincent was our best cadet for that cohort..... still look as suave, we both rose the ranks from Junior Police officers to Senior Officer rank over the years. He always has my respect because he exceled in almost everything... the "software and hardware of policing" specifically marksmanship. He never fails to impress me for being a sharp shooter. Though we have things in common but we are never close, blame it on our introversions. He is still a swinging bachelor and once I overheard his subordinate mentioned that he was often seen with this male companion. Well, that's his life I feel, nothing unwise about it. 

 

Its the school holidays now, Mum told me that Eng Ming wish to visit Resort World Sentosa which open last year Jan. Diary I have simply no time for all these now. Hoon wish you are still around, the least you can support by bringing Eng Ming to the resort while I slog over the cases. Ok Diary, I have to be less grumpy.... got to go.... meeting Vincent for a breakfast at Staff canteen, 0900hrs.

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 05号 星期日 热 Med Count-down: 400mg

 

星座研究记 (一)

 

对星座的知识质感
好像披肩 列为单薄
当时的我 只知我是巨蟹座
生在七月中旬

农历七月鬼门开那天噢

过了四载才渐渐明白
除了太阳 还有上升与月亮星座之分
你的上升是什么 我的上升是天枰
你的月亮是什么 我的月亮是天蝎

星盘中的种种 算的是   

酸甜苦辣   悲欢离合
我呢? 我算出了些什么?
星相师的告知 我也只能被列为通知
宿命是注定 还是控制在我手心?

世人说三分天注定 七分靠努力
我只知道很多人包括我

都在浑水摸鱼 咳了咳还过得去
希望消失在人群里 能祈求着
做出的努力 有好的因果报应

 

柚子

05.06.2022

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 06号 星期一 热 Med Count-down: 400mg ; Discharge Countdown: 364days

 

Counting.... 

 

Counting down to my med cessation 

Dosage 400mg more to go

No longer in need of medications

To regulate my mental health conditions 

 

Wish I am......

 

Wiser to know how to counter

Counter that surmounting challenges

As daunting as it may seems

But I tell myself never ever sink

 

So.....

 

Now is to count down on my discharge date

A day no longer I will be "restrain by the professionals"

Chartering my life with more ease, lesser pressured

I hope that more will come to this revelation

 

There were times where medications are needed

Because sciences has proven mental health conditions can be biological driven

But let us not forget there are other aspects to that dimensions 

Psychological, Social, Spiritual and even Sensual 

 

Any reasons for me to be overly-bothered?

Bothered by the 20 out of the percent 100?

Because I have been through worse

Just to attain that "equilibrium"

 

Move forth with more discernment and wisdom

Seek for a better healthier version of an intrinsic self

Reframe the adversities encounter

Pursue for more peace and delightfulness

 

ET

06.06.2022

Edited June 6, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 10号 星期五 热 Med Count-down: 400mg  Discharge Countdown: 360days

 

残缺

世人无法直视面对
面对他那隐形的残缺
残缺着对它们的思念
思念着那种种的香气美味

回味是世人最艰难的苦差
苦差当中的艰辛有谁明白
明白后过程与终点已不重要
重要的是安康与平安无烦恼

无常的人生是最残酷的批判
批判是人类最大的隐患
隐患中带着那沉重的行囊
行囊中又带着无比的惆怅

人生就是这样
道路上有崎岖有苦恼
苦恼中又带点儿希望
希望未来的路能过得更好

那这两隐藏的残缺又是否重要
只有当事人能真真切切地。。。批判与明了

 

柚子

10.06.2022

Edited June 10, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

@1400hrs

 

Dear Diary, its been awhile..... ET is concern on how the word toxic is used nowadays. Toxic person, toxic people, toxic parenting, toxic relationships, toxic work culture. Its all about toxicity.... the Gen Y and Z especially has been using, not forgetting in the Counselling and Psychology profession and arena as well.

 

Ever since ET was born and has that sense of learning knowledge, he sees his world and beliefs via his parents' lenes. Though he came from a low-income family back then, his parents has never deprived him of his basic needs but what follow thereafter was other abuses i.e. verbal, emotional, sexual sugarcoated with "the adults knew better", "Iove equates to raising one's voice and using battering using cane and belts", "not forgetting pinching and pulling of ears". And it does not really support when the eco-system that ET is in reinforced that. His teacher wielded the ruler, raised on the top of their voice when angered and school's assemblies with boys being canned publicly.

 

In ET's world back then, it seems normal and even the Chinese said its only through "constant whipping" one will advances and progresses i.e. analogies from those China old farming days with the bullocks towed forward with the whip from the farmer.  These form of practices guided ET through his formative years and then young adulthood. The turning point was when ET became more aware of the teachings imparted via his early education Psychology and Counselling...... what he has experienced as a child were episodes after episodes of traumas, abuses and emotional, psychological neglects. In retrospect, ET wondered how did he manage his emotions and psychosocial well-being back them..... suddenly the Pandora box was opened, all he knew is ET nicotine, alcohol and engaged in undesirable lifestyle habits i.e. emotional eating, to numb himself.

 

As he journey, he questioned his own identity as a male and what role he should play in the society. The 20s where he was diagnosed with mental illnesses..... there were so many struggles and for survival, ET has to hold back the truth by a non-disclosure of his mental illnesses. Most importantly ET needs to survive, be independent and freed from his parents.  Alas but as he progresses, he realized there were more constraints and controls within his ecological system. Matters escalated, ET found himself losing steam- the passions and hopes in the career he wish to embark on, diminished. This period also coincided with ET coming out on a "part-time basis" where he entered into another paradigm, arena where "most of the like-minded people are"..... in hope to seek certain level of comfort via the community he will be embarking. The people he encountered, interacted, work and form friendships with are from different walks of life from different faiths.

 

Again he was naïve, he thinks and feels that if everyone is in the same boat, looking out for one another, assimilation would be much easier Again he was proven otherwise. Now in his 40s, he thinks that human are all the same same and vastly very different..... imperfect he did like to use rather than toxic..... and who is he to label, judge or even worse comment on people and situation where he hasn't been experienced. He wishes that one day soon, this word toxic will be eliminated or use sparsely among mankind.

 

Can a person be really toxic? Prior to this toxicity, what has happened to this person?

Any reasons for one to feel the toxicity in such great intensity?

When one finger point the other..... didn't they look upon themselves? Aren't they not toxic as well?

What are the moral, ethical and social compasses/implications behind this toxic?

Aren't mankind creating more gaps, divisions and worse wars among themselves?

 

Often ET hopes that he is really E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial from outer space but too bad he is not. As he journeys to his 50s and 60s, he knows the ecosystem he is in will escalate from bad to worse. But before the worst arrives, he wish he will leaves this world by then and perhaps to the next life with more ease, comfort and peace. 

 

Is ET being too overly pessimistic or stating the realities of life?

 

Diary, you decide. 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

12 June 2011 , Sunday, Weather 27 Celsius, Rain Showers

 

Dear Diary, a week has passed three more bodies were found over the past 6 days..... no new evidences, nil leads, the two teams are still scrambling to nail down the serial killer. Perhaps I should not use the word scrambling.... it makes the professional enforcement unit sounded so un-glam. The little green dot island I am living in still pride himself as a safe and security country. There is an higher influx of foreign investors and professionals over these few years. This case will definitely shake up the entire country security ecosystems I believe. 

 

Breakfast with Vincent last Sunday went on well, we spoke mostly on Criminology, reminisced the good old days. At the age of 33....... yes, Dairy I guessed both of us have similar energies and frequencies which makes as two old soul-ed uncles. The first thing he mentioned was to send his condolences and advice me to go slow with my work because busy-ness does not equate to businesses, businesses in police context are the outcome and the KPIs (Key Performance Indicators) officers have to achieve for the entire stint till they retire. Vincent also reminded me that there is still Eng Ming to care for and Ming needs me.

 

"Ok, why not I transferred this membership of fatherhood to you?" I said in a jokily manner. 

 

"Well, what's the membership no. then?" Vincent replied. 

 

"Yours is FH01, mine FH00" I said

 

Both of us cracked into laughter, I feel that its been awhile since we laughed heartily. Diary, I am unsure who is this Vincent talking infront of his ex-classmate, squad-mate and now peers during in his private self. He is ever so mysterious and seems to have alot of untolds.... but he has always presented as cool, calm, compose and tranquil next door guy that any ladies will fall for, a hidden yet obvious alpha charisma just ooze out from him. Ooze out? Hmmm.... proper English, Diary? 

 

Our conversation ended by him hinting that he will be transfer to the Sec Division in July. Good for his progression I thought, and he will be able to rub shoulders with the VIPs, foreign delegates and our political leaders. Yes his primary task is to protect them and to ensure their safety without compromising with the public safety. Diary, here I am still cracking my head, thinking of how to apprehend the serial killer who is still at large out there. 

 

As I am typing away, I heard Eng Ming's cries and Mum is comforting him. I am seriously tired after going through the evidences.... got to get my quality sleep before the case conference at 3pm later. 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

19 June 2011 , Sunday, Weather 27 Celsius, Mostly Cloudy

 

Dear Diary, another week has passed. Seems like the case has come to a standstill. 11 victims thus far with no progression. I sensed that HI is getting more and more short-fused. He will flared easily nowadays, I mean who won't if one knows that there is a serial killer(s) still at large in this little green dot? The two teams are left suspended, hanging in the air with no other evidences and follow-ups to be done. Wong, our orang lama (senior) is very intrigued by how the killer managed not to leave any evidences and traces behind. 

 

"You know that time, the Ulu Panda reservoir and Leng Kok reservoir murders? We almost thought that it was murder also, luckily its just copy cat suicide completion." 

 

"That time HI and I were in first arriving officers.... we all should look at the decomposed body, the smell was worse than vomit"  

 

Yes, that's Wong for you, abit drama and he never fails to mention how he and HI were once team-mates. He is going to retire soon I think. With his caliber he could have rose up to the ranks as well, but he did not and I wonder why..... anyway he contributes meaningfully to the team and I really appreciates his wisdom and wit though it can came across boastful to some people who do not know him in person. 

 

Diary did I ever mentioned to you that there was simply no explicit signs of break-ins and the Forensics recently found out that even the pendant belongs to one of the deceased's next of kin. Yes the NOKs are frantically lost and are getting inpatient and the Commissioner has to visit them and explain the situation. All updated information are curbed and not supposed to be release to the mainstream print and broadcast media as well. Guess we have to wait and see, hopefully the 12th will never appear.

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 20号 星期一 Med Count-down: 0mg

 

Dear Cloud, finally the day has arrived, another milestone for ET who has completely ceased his psychotic medication. He has also decided to stop counting to his discharge date as well. No point counting as the Psychiatric appointments will lapse after one year of appointment interactivity. Recently he came across a YouTube video that reminded him of what kind of information had he been feeding himself these past one-ish year since the start of his medication intake? Is ET feeding the undesirables to fan the egos of his different Astrology signs in his birth chart? (All signs have its good and the undesirables i.e.  jealousy, vengeful or temperamental).

 

Perhaps its time to either leave or devotes a small portion of his time to the sector he once has "ikigai-ed" over. ET took almost 4 years to come to this decision. Meanwhile perhaps just 8-10hrs per week to this personal project he is embarking on and the rest will be paid freelance assignments, he still need to pay his own CPF for that matter. With that ET is at peace with himself. He approaching 44 years old and as what his mother reminded him this morning that it will be 45.

 

According to I-Ching it is a mark his 2.5 of 20years whilst he is counting down to his 60th. Hmmm, any reasons ET loves to count down so much? Perhaps he is beginning to understand the wiser way of interpreting the impermanence of life, living his life to the fullest as though it is his final days. He had close brushes with death several times and he feels that he is in that position to say that. Ok Diary, ET is trying not to sound to boastful and ego here and he is blessed for the Universe for preserving his life thus far. 

 

ET will have more busier weeks to come and he is thankful for that. May those in similar situation find peace and reconcile the turmoil, pains and what-nots within themselves too.

 

Take care Dairy, got to go get busier. 

 

 

 

Credit: Happify

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 21号 星期二 晴

Wisdom

 

What is wisdom?

Is it a collective of life experiences?

Is it a progression whilst one grows older

Could it be a social myth and hoax after all

 

Wisdom, a word that appears in the dictionary

Cambridge dictionary depicted: 

"The ability to use one's knowledge and experiences

to make good judgements and sounded decisions"

 

"Begging" to differ 

It can possibly be a precious gift from the Creator 

Afterall wisdom..... is just a word out of many

It won't gain its power if one didn't give much attention to it

 

If there are genuine wisdoms around

There will be no wars, no discriminations and pains

Because everyone will know

their responsibilities in making the wisest decisions

 

So what is wisdom?

It is not a collective 

It is not a progression

But a gift.... a gift from the Creator  

 

21.06.2022

ET

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

25 June 2033 , Saturday Weather 28 Celsius, Mostly Cloudy

 

Diary, finally the day has arrived.... a long awaited reunion. I have mixed feelings, he is so near and yet so far from me. I do not know what the future is like for both of us seriously..... 

Edited June 25, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

28 June 2011 , Tuesday, Weather 28 Celsius, Mostly Cloudy

 

Dear Diary, the 12th body was found in the wee hours of Monday morning. The Crime Scene Investigation Team commented that this killing spree is getting out of hand. Again, no traces, no evidences. Diary, I am stressed from all over, will be consulting Dr Keong on the 30th. I don't feel like going, the talk therapy treatments did not really work for me. I rather spend my time investigating into the cases. Yet HI said that I have to complete the sessions that are "prescribed" to me. Thankfully I need not take any psychotic medications now as my condition was assessed to be mild. As Asian men, we are told not to feel and not shed a tear, so I seriously don't see a point for me to carry on with Dr Leong's sessions to dig all those "emo mud". Perhaps I can speak to HI later on my decision or maybe I can talk to Dr Keong about it. I believe he will be more than understanding. 

 

Mum told me that I have to consider Eng Ming's caregiving. Looks like Mum is feeling exhausted. Bee said likewise, she encouraged me to consider Christian girls whom she feels are more understanding and most importantly God fearing. Errrr...... love is love what has it go to do with religion? I find this pretty absurd, so meaning if I get a Christian girl I have to convert to her religion? Why can't diversities be celebrated? Any reasons I need to conform with her religion? Call me a male chauvinist pig Dairy, I am brought up this way. In fact I feel that Bee should refrain from imposing her ideologies on me. I am already in my 30s and a widower. Often I hope that Mum and my sister will just shut their mouth. Glad that Dad is a man of few words hence I need not take much nonsenses from him. 

 

Finally feel abit sleepy. Good night Diary

 

 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 06月 30号 星期四 阴

 

Ones- Are you the one?

 

Half of 2022 vanishes 

Issues stood on the edges

There were days of triumphs

There were days of setbacks

Message is clear, there will be no changes

 

Ones need to brave within

The micro, meso, exo, macro, chrono 

And now even the techno....

Disappointments, despair and dejected

Almost to a point of depression 

 

Be contented and smile they said....

A mean of survival perhaps

Or fawning comes into interplay

Many issues unfolded this first half of 2022

The irks and frustrations

What can one do when the power overlooms?

 

Support the wiser ones the 60ish said

How to when there are still so much unrest

Are those the ones who are wolves in sheep clothing or just

Acting like gentlemen who are in fact self serving, pretending to be altruistic?

No differences.... because with them

The world will still be as chaotic

 

The intrinsic locus of control is the key

Turning adversities into opportunities

Be least of an extremist of things that are seen or unseens

And to truly embrace human diversities and inclusivities 

So that the ones can breathe and be at peace

 

ET

30 Jun 2022

Edited September 25, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

03 Jul 2033, Sunday, Weather 31 Celsius, Mostly Cloudy

 

Dear Diary, I waited for almost 2hrs last Saturday for Leng but to no avail. And I tried tracing by going to all the familiar places... none at sight as well. Eng Ming told me that perhaps Leng needed the space and one shouldn't pursue another until he/she is ready. 

 

When will you be ready to meet Leng? 

Edited July 3, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

04 Jul 2011 , Monday, Weather 33 Celsius, Sunny

 

Dear Diary, I can feel that pent up frustration in me.

 

Everything came to a halt, we all wish that there will no 13th victim. The entire serial killings seem to be well-orchestrated. But this morning, finally, one of my colleagues, Cheong commented while we had case conference with HI which ended an hr ago.  

 

"How are we so sure that its a serial killings in action?"   

 

Yes, its Cheong for you Diary..... he was transferred from the Secret Society Branch and previously an undercover (UC). No one knows about his past whilst he was an UC. He and Wong often sang similar tune in most things, we joked that they are like father like son. Both seems to enjoy the humour and kept calling each other "Daddy" and "Ah-Boy arh". Both has brought much laughing relief to the team. Again I am unsure about Cheong family background but he seems to be someone who can be trust, unassuming with that dash of good humour.... as they often says "still water runs deep". Lo and behold its true that I overheard Janice said that he played guitar very well.

 

Janice, the one of two flowers in my team, ever so babbling and cheerie, she never fails to bring the team together with her ability to "jell" people up. This brings me to another lady in the team Nuru, always sporting a short hair. She was under Vincent's charge for awhile. Most of the times she was observed to be quiet, a total opposite of Jancie.

 

With what Cheong has commented, it opens up another paradigm. HI is very keen to follow up on this lead and requested the other team to follow up. I was baffled....

 

Me: "But I thought me and my team can do this or even better..... its Cheong who...." 

 

HI: "I have another task on hand for you"

 

Me: "How about the rest?"

 

HI: "This is an order!"  

 

There was a moment of silence..... HI requested I leave and he will update me in due course. As lame as it is..... but I didn't order anything. Sounds like I will be out of action for this 12 cases. Dislike the fact that I am left on a limbo state. Just detest that feeling....  and the more I typed.... the angrier I am. 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 04号 星期一 晴

 

最想見到你 (黃奕儒Ezu [ 白安 最想見到你 ] ONE TAKE COVER)

 

作詞：白安
作曲：白安
編曲：白安、鍾永祥

這世界 有太多的遺憾 有太多的困難
讓我們害怕 擁抱後失去的惆悵
可是我 望著你的時候 我不想再退縮
快樂或難過 每一秒我都想把握
想要你陪我走 找尋更多感動

就讓我們好好的在一起
別去猜想未來會有多少風雨
誰都說不準明天是怎樣的天氣
只知道醒來 最想見到你

就讓我們好好的在一起
我們都曾在愛情裡迷失自己
我的呼吸裡有你給我的勇氣
只知道未來 最想見到你

別急著要證明
我們之間 不存在任何 複雜的語言
比起熱烈 我更想慢慢
用你熟悉的方式 愛你

就讓我們好好的在一起
別去猜想未來會有多少風雨
誰都說不準明天是怎樣的天氣
只知道醒來 最想見到你

就讓我們好好的在一起
我們都曾在愛情裡迷失自己
我的呼吸裡有你給我的勇氣
只知道未來 最想見到你
最想見到你

這世界 有太多的遺憾 有太多的困難
讓我們害怕 擁抱後失去的惆悵
可是我 望著你的時候 我不想再退縮
快樂或難過 每一秒我都想把握

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgNJlJz2Gzs  

Edited July 10, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 10号 星期日 晴

 

Dear Cloud, they are a couple of decisions ET needs to make for the next half 2022 and beyond. In the past, he would pray to God and asked Him that as ET invested much time and effort into that particular situation, God would grant him the wisdom and discernment to move forward what's ahead. Its good if God showed ET at His convenience, occurrences that lead him to the decision.

 

However ET no longer subscribes to any religion faith but to the Universe (that functions at His natural best via Mother's nature).  ET wonders if he makes any sense here..... since the day he decided not to pick up the bible, it was one roller coaster ride after another, he managed to stay grounded, pursue his hobbies whilst deciding if he should stay on in the career..... right up to the point where he relinquishes the urges of nicotine, alcohol and those sensual acts. 

 

In the past, ET recalled what his ex-pastor said God will make a way. So has the Universe make a way for ET. Yes, He did and it will be foolish if ET is not going to pick up the signals that was translated into live experiences for the past seven eight-ish years. ET even bought himself a commitment ring back then yet sub-consciously, it was not until recent years, after Covid19,  ET felt that he is ready. From there on, the Universe starts to show ET more that there is really no time to stay at where he was during 2000 but to let go and move on with more steadfastness in life. Of course, ET has to unlearn, relearn a lot of things and even remove those he used to think that its healthy thoughts but not otherwise. 

 

So now, decisions to be made, what lies ahead of ET is going to be what he is going to choose. No joke Cloud, no joke. And Universe, grant ET more wisdom and more discernment on that. Wait! What ET Astrology forecast says for the next half of 2022? Time to re-visit. 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

11 Jul 2011 , Monday, Weather 29 Celsius, Partly sunny

 

Dear Diary, a week has passed. No news from HI and as I am preparing the handing overs to Cheong, I realized that he is quite a meticulous person to begin with. He is ever so quiet and asked only relevant questions. Anyway, yesterday bypass the Waterloo Temple where I was ordained as a God-son of Guan Yin. Its been awhile since I step into the temple, as a converted Christian, I stood outside for awhile and suddenly I heard this man said...

 

"Young man, you look trouble. Come give me your date and time of birth.... let me....... "

 

"Its ok, Uncle" I replied

 

"by looking at your facial features.... you are very much influenced by the previous four lives that tantamounted you in to have a gentle and kind personality this lives where you treat others kindly, and would rather suffer yourself than take advantage of others, and be very generous to others. So you often give treats ya? You are at a crossroad now, isn't it?

 

I was somehow drawn by the Uncle's words and his energy. And the rest was history.... I am still reflecting on what he said and wonder if it will become true for me at the end of the day. He highlighted salient points and one of them caught my attention, he said that in order for me to progress in life I will have to sacrifice something, someone somehow..... I did not tell him what has happened to Hoon and Eng Ming.   

 

HI wish to see me later after lunch. See how it goes. Dairy honestly, I was over loomed by this tiredness. Yes tired of all things. 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 15号 星期五 晴

 

Dear Cloud, I have been penning my thoughts and feelings as a third person (ET) all these while and glad that I did that, it somehow cathartic. I managed to view things as a third person perspectives and lots of insights and perspectives were reinforced as well. The Universe is also kind enough to reinforce certain concepts that I need to adhere.  What is that? Diary, I have relearn that its all about letting go (loves how Chinese phrase it “断舍离”). Nothing is absolute in this world and for this season of my life, this concept of letting go speaks volume to me. And who knows as I enter the next phase of my life its another concept again. One thing I learnt from Astrology and I-Ching is as much as my birth chart has depicted how my life is going to be I must also practice agility, be flexible and make a conscious choice of which life I need to lead at which environment I am in (advocated via I-ching). A chameleon as many will say.   

 

變色龍

作詞：盧國沾

作曲：黎小田

人生與命運　原是一天百變　

成敗有如一個轉面 莫記當年　

就算甘願平淡過一生　

或者遲早心中有悔 有日我欲語無言　

那現實何嘗改變　 難拋棄夢幻　

無奈講聲再見　 明白到埋首怕見現實　

未免可憐 讓我今後面對名共利　

或者遲早心灰意冷 有日我若再回頭　

笑望著人寰轉變   

 

 

 

 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

16 Jul 2011 , Saturday, Weather 29 Celsius, Sunny

 

Dear Dairy, I needed some time to settle my thoughts and emotions after what that Uncle at the temple has told me and also what HI and I spoke on Monday. Uncle said that a new chapter of my life has just begun and my wisdom will undergo vigorous testing from now on.  Amazingly, that coincided with what HI and I had shared on that same day. He claimed I been under surveillances all these years and I have been eye-balled by "someone prominent in the community" and wish that person wish that I can join him. 

 

Me: Wait! I am going to be on an UC mission?

HI: Yes. The management thought that this mission suits you, a widower. They need a profile like you. 

Me: Who are the "they"? 

HI: You will get to meet them next Monday, 01 Aug. 

Me: I never knew such group exists. 

HI: What do you think attributes to the nation's safety and security all these years?  The management has it all under their good control. You are a smart person to know what I meant. Let's not proceed further....... its not under my purview. Come let's go for tea.

 

That is it, Dairy. I have mix feelings for this mission largely because I did not know what to expect. I do know the existence of the LGBT community in this island but not to that greater extend of having the need to integrate into their space. The most I visited was that pub and that's really for pure music and entertainment. Anyway, its settled, I am leaving my current team and embarked on another, hopefully its another new chapter for me in terms of my career progression. Am I all excited about it? Yes... I am. 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 19号 星期二 晴

 

Where is true love when.... 

One community kept bashing another?

Unable to make peace within

Some took to the extremes

Claiming their ideologies are more supreme  

 

It is perfectly alright

I am not Saint who goes around resolving differences

I am just as selfish, keeping to my own turfs

Discontentment kicks in when my boundaries are invaded, trampling me all over

 

I feel disgusted when one said let's practise inclusivities... display unconditional love for one another but in fact did otherwise 

To make things worse... coerced one to relook their fundamentals and sexuality preferences 

I experienced the conversion to appreciate more of my current goodness 

 

I made the choice and there is no need to turn back 

The Universe made me this way 

And who am I to decline who I am?

It may seems I made little personal and professional progressions 

I accumulated wisdom by accepting and reconciling the defragmented me

In this distorted world ecosystems I am in

 

ET

19.07 2022

 

 

Edited July 22, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 21号 星期四 难得阴天

 

年少至年华  

 

年少时。。。

那谩骂与暴打

已形成了家常便饭

打是疼 骂是爱

一种凌乱的喧哗

 

还是。。。

 

那当代的"爱的熏陶"   

 

一切的一切。。。

 

换来的是半世的创伤

那时的年少的我 天真轻狂

还以为大长后

一切能停滞下来

所以期盼成长  

 

没想到出乎意料。。。

 

步入年华。。。却是。。。

 

社会又另一轮的 "谩骂与暴打"

还流行了什么"标签化"

 

是我太傻  还是太故作坚强

对于那韧性的对话

无法过滤那悲伤的残渣

 

我选择原谅。。。

 

原谅那还不想成长的社会

创伤至到疗愈  

是人生的一种修行

得需要一定的勇气

承认许多不足之处

 

我认了，所以更容易地断舍离

 

就让我向前进

取之中庸之道

得要付出智慧与执行

才能对得起那天地良心

 

我累了。。。白云。。。你呢?

 

柚子

21.07.2022

(Edited 25.07.2022)

Edited July 25, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 27号 星期三 难得阴天

 

I AM

 

I AM here to stay

so stop wielding that knife

attempt to stab from behind 

the plot won't succeed 

because it is long said

"Heaven has the eyes and ears" 

the eyes to witness that unacceptance 

the ears to hear my grievances 

the heart to feel how I feel 

 

I AM who I truly am 

it is definitely not by choice

this identity can't be taken away

many souls has been in denial

because the pursuance of

that so called sanity

that self-righteousness

that supremacy 

how many true selves were lost because of these?

 

I AM blissfully blessed

to survive many ordeals 

to appreciate the importance of 

staying true to myself 

for a more holistic well-being

so please show more kindness 

generations were already denied that true freedom 

the freedom to be themselves

to truly enjoy the love much needed

 

I AM once lost and 

lose many in life to know

how important it is to feel truly loved

true love is not letting others feel

oppressed and suppressed

true love is about letting go 

of that clenched tight fist 

accept and embrace the nature

the nature that has created you and I

 

I AM here to stay so will you

we can't be possibly battling

because of our selfish means

live and let live

a sense of helpessness 

an authentic acceptance is needed

make this a better place to stay

so equalities are no longer an aspiration

for many of our generations thereafter 

 

ET

27.07.2022

(edited 28.07.2022)

Edited August 15, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 07月 28号 星期四 阴

 

Dear Cloud, ET felt overwhelmed by all the news that were blasted for the past few weeks. Issues on repeal 377A, monkeypox affiliation with the gay community. He reminded himself that he will stay remain calm and composed regardless. As he spent time alone, he is at peace with what's happening out there. There are times of ups and downs, ET feels that he is better equipped now to tide things through and over. He re-bounced with a sense of steadiness and confidence that issues will turn out well ultimately, letting nature takes its course and believe that his conscience is always clear.  

 

《沉默的羔羊》　

唱：赵传　

词、曲：郑智化　

编曲：徐德昌、锺兴民　 （新加坡电视剧【双天至尊】主题曲）　

 

当别人　误解我的时候　

我总是沉默　

沉默对我来说　

其实是一种反驳　

当世界　遗忘我的时候　

我一个人过　

幸福对我来说　

其实是一种传说

　

当敌人　越来越多　

朋友　都离开我　

当爱情变成一种负担　

却无法解脱　

 

我不是　沉默的羔羊　

我有话要讲　 给我一点酒　

让我有勇气　

向你吐露　我的悲伤　

我不是　沉默的羔羊　

我也有梦想　

当明天太阳升起　

照在我的脸上　

我一样能　散发光芒　

 

羔羊也会　怒吼　

沉默　是一种力量　

你是不是　和我一样　

在现实中　学会坚强　

 

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

08 Aug 2011 , Monday, Weather 32 Celsius, Cloudy

 

Dear Dairy, I am into the first week of my UC orientation. In the past, UC tasks are only for those selected few and individuals who were released from the prison will also be selected to perform this upon their released after serving their misdeeds. So here I am wondering what's next. Apparently, my handler, ST gave me a in-depth personal profiling, meaning I have to let my closest kin, in this case parents and siblings, know about what is going to happen and all have them have to keep a secret. The movie often portrayed the family of origin would be ignorant about next of kin UC duties but in reality family do get to know because families are primarily the UC's sanctuary at the end of the day.  

 

ST told me that the only thing Pa, Ma and Sis need to know that Hoon and I met with a serious road traffic accident in 2003 and I was given a retirement due to the infirmity of mind thereafter. Meaning all my career records and accomplishments would be "deleted" from the secondary national database. Thankfully my family and extended families relationships were distant.  And ST said that was the reason why I was chosen for the task. Good thing that the three of them took it quite well. As for Eng Ming, he is too young to know but ST said I can choose to tell him when he is much older. But what will happen down the road, Dairy? No one knows. 

 

Dairy, seriously this is really out of my comfort zone. I am good at investigating cases but to be an UC is going to be a real challenging task for me and some more the people who I am going to interact with will be the local gay community. ST said that he has the confidence in me told me to be least worried, there will be people assigned that can render the support. I was given some materials both off and online to read with regards to the community. And I will officially start my work stint from 15th onwards. Meanwhile, ST will be introducing at least three to five people who I will interacting with from now on. 

 

No expectations, no disappointments I guess. Hoon, blessed me. 

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

08/12/1977, Friday, shocked

 

Hey Diary, seriously I did not expect to be called in by GL this morning.

 

GL: ST, you have been with us for almost a decade, time to move on to a more challenging task. We did a background check and follow through of what had happened to you in the past. To cut the long story short, we hope that by moving on to the next phase of work, it will somehow give you a better understanding of who you truly is as a person, regardless your choice and preferences.

 

ST: But Sir, you know this is not about choice or preferences?

 

GL: Yes, I know, but there is no use telling me, we studied Human Psychology and we all know a very simple yet complex concept.... its all about seeing is believing. We have to let the mainstream know about it. 

 

There were moments of silence. In fact, I know this day will come. I am unsure what to expect but if that's what GL said then I have to give my total trust to him. Ironically, its tough for me to trust human beings in the first place. I am almost allergic to humans and the next best friend is my shadow. Anyway not going to think too much into it, will take things as it comes and enjoy my weekend at the Big Splash at ECP.

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 12号 星期五 晴

 

@1700hrs

 

还原

作词：陈佳明
作曲：张暐弘、文慧如

似曾相识的对望
隔着陌生的荒凉
那些刻骨铭心的雪花
一暖了 就融化

心有灵犀的天真
夹着遗憾的余温
企图所有珍藏都保存
却看它 沉沦

谁能还原那些爱
解除无知的伤害
不安分的静好 也被毁坏
用泪痕划过了 才明白

有些命运的意外
流星化作了尘埃
被曾经绚烂的深黑 掩盖
是否就一切归零 重来

我们透支了永恒
只剩无趣的晨昏
已经无力废置的牵挂
还不想 放下

谁能还原那些爱
解除无知的伤害
不安分的静好 已被毁坏
用泪痕划过了 才明白

有些命运的意外
流星化作了尘埃
再回到无尽的深黑 掩盖
能不能一切归零 重来

那破空而去 绚烂的色彩
快让我醒来 快走出梦外

谁能还原那些爱
解除无知的伤害
不安分的静好 已被毁坏
用泪痕划过了 才明白

有些命运的意外
流星化作了尘埃
被曾经绚烂的夜空 掩盖
想和你一切归零 重来

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 14号 星期天 晴

 

圈套

 

你当初的投其所好
只不过是精心设计的圈套
让我对你引起好感
对你留下深刻的影响

 

怎么 那么傻
让你在我心中发芽
我好愚 痴得够盲
盲了也好 可以假装不知道
顺理成章地在你世界打转

 

原来我什么都可以不要
因为爱情能饮水饱
当土壤干枯时
精神就无止境地消耗
让人无法自拔

 

不屈不挠地乞讨
你那做作的哀嚎
看破不说破 是我为你
精心设计的站号

 

柚子

14.08.2022

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 15号 星期一 冷

 

境 

半夜醒来的梦境 
是否是 日有所思的回忆
那一刹的情景 留下了烙印
更多是 看不清 记不起

 

记忆点 留在那框框里
回想起就让人揪心
说好了 别想了 但更多时候 
却是那刻苦铭心的心境 

 

大脑的操作 无边无际
是否 是 上天给的难题
还是 对人生过于苛刻
真是 自讨没趣 有理说不清 

 

顺其自然 是正常规律
也无需 操之过急
就让 时间来断定
虚幻与现实的斗气

 

柚子

15.08.2022

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 20号 星期六 阴

 

Yes Cloud.... I dreamt of X's wedding and I am standing afar watching...... 

 

嘉宾

 

作词：王泽言、张远
作曲：王泽言
编曲：陈禹骁、任斌
监制：徐怀超
制作人：丁培峰

分手后第几个冬季
今天是星期几 偶尔会想起你
你突如其来的简讯
让我措手不及 愣住站在原地

当所有人都替你开心
我却才傻傻清醒
原来早已有人
为你订做了嫁衣

感谢你特别邀请 来见证你的爱情
我时刻提醒自己别逃避
拿着喜帖一步一步走近
他精心布置的场地
可惜这是属于你的风景
而我只是嘉宾

我放下所有回忆 来成全你的爱情
却始终不愿相信这是命
好久不见的你有点疏离
握手寒暄如此客气
何必要在他的面前刻意
隐瞒我的世界有过你

不知不觉钟声响起
你守候在原地 等待着他靠近
温柔的他单膝跪地
钻戒缓缓戴进 你的无名指里

当所有人都替你开心 我却才傻傻清醒
原来我们之间 已没有任何关系

感谢你特别邀请 观赏你要的爱情
我时刻提醒自己别逃避
今天你妆扮得格外美丽
这美也曾拥在怀里
可惜这是你和他的婚礼
而我只是嘉宾

我放下所有回忆 来成全你的爱情
却始终不愿相信这是命
说好的永远变成了曾经
我试着衷心祝福你
请原谅我不体面没出息
选择失陪一下先离席

又不是偶像剧
怎么我演得那么入戏
这不堪入目的剧情

感谢你特别邀请 观赏你要的爱情
嘉宾也许是另一种宿命
离开你的自己 事到如今
还有什么资格关心
毕竟终成眷属的人是你
而我只是嘉宾

我流尽所有回忆 来庆祝你的婚礼
却始终没有勇气祝福你
谢谢你送给我最后清醒
把自己还给我自己

至少我还能够成为那个
见证你们爱情的嘉宾
遇见你的他真的好幸运
但愿他会比我更爱你

 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 22号 星期一 阴 

 

A day to remember 
2022 twenty first of August
The decision made 
To repeal 377A 

 

A long outdated law 
A necessary evil for most?
No longer living under the fear
Better late than never 

 

Back then it was a struggle 
That lead to mental distresses
It may seems unnatural
But an expression of eros love
Created naturally by the Universe 

 

Wonder what the future holds but

Life still goes on
Head still functions
Heart still pounds 
Hands still nibbles 

Many issues on the platter

Fulfilling a male role in an Asian society  

Is more than enough to make one's 
Head goes bonkers 
Heart bleed and races 
Hands broke into sweat cold 

 

Moral, values and beliefs 
Looking at the chrono
Hope true love prevails itself 

And be demonstrated 
So that many wishes can be fulfilled 
Beyond just playing these roles of....

 

A son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, a husband, a father, a father in law and a grandfather.....

 

A man that truly loves without any conditions....

 

ET 

22.08.2022

Edited August 21, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 23号 星期二 阴 

 

Why make us sound like a 2nd class citizen?

We aren't kneeling down at your mercy

Aren't we all humans to begin with

Humans with a family of origin

breathing the same oxygen from the same ecosystem

 

377A was repealed as it was outdated

not because to uphold any constitutions

let alone any reinforcement of ideologies are needed

Love is love, the undisputable 

Why make it sound like we are beggar

waiting "for the Santa Claus gift" 's arrival?

 

The basic needs of a human 

Food, water, shelter and sex, the psychological needs 

as depicted in the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs

As one ascend..... here comes the safety, love and belonging,

esteem and self-actualization 

Why are we stuck at love?

 

What are the fundamentals of love?

What are the testimonials to it?

Shouldn't it be a union of two and/or more people

a readiness and willingness to brave through life storms together

to accept the shortcomings of the person 

seeking for peace and happiness 

 

Love is love

Why make it so complicated? 

Is love really unconditional? 

The ecosystem here seems to say it is not

Yes there were frustrations

Frustrations that are uncontainable

 

ET

23.08.2022

 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

28 Aug 2033 , Sun, Weather 26 Celsius, Rainy

 

许美静

明知道

 

我想算了吧
不如就这样地分手
我的心在痛
对你的爱太浓

是否你能带走过去的承诺
不再对你奢求什么
只想让你懂
转过身就不能回头

已经作决定
又何必再强留
选择了离开我
还能说什么

爱使你 爱使我迷惑
明知道爱你不会有结果
为何还如此执著
为你付出所有

你竟不顾一切就走
明知道爱你只是继续错
为何还如此脆弱
已经习惯有你
已经不能将你摆脱

 

只想让你懂
转过身就不能回头
已经作决定
又何必再强留

选择了离开我
还能说什么
爱使你 爱使我迷惑
明知道爱你不会有结果
为何还如此执著

为你付出所有
你竟不顾一切就走
明知道爱你只是继续错
为何还如此脆弱
已经习惯有你
已经不能将你摆脱

明知道爱你不会有结果
为何还如此执著
为你付出所有
你竟不顾一切就走
明知道爱你只是继续错
为何还如此脆弱

已经习惯有你
已经不能将你摆脱
也许当一场梦
梦醒一切都随风

 

 

Edited August 28, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 29号 星期一 雨天

 

Its coming to the end of August

Compartments pending closures

ET is still staring into spaces 

waiting for September the first

Thankfully he still found his own comfort 

 

ET is allergic to humans 

as he always jokingly puts it

It is definitely not a calling 

But a moment of folly 

he needs to indulge for the season 

 

ET was disturbed 

He felt perturbed 

Strange tingling sensations 

That is unexplainable 

He used to ask the Universe

 

Will there be a day 

A day where love prevails? 

A day where love is unconditional? 

A day where love stood against all odds

Flowing with the calling of mother nature

Regardless of sexual orientations 

 

ET hears no answers 

He used to think he has found it

Perhaps somewhere in a book chapter

Instead he is in this pool....

full of lies, deceit and slanderers 

 

What can ET do? He is helpless 

too tired to think but he sense

his next "reincarnation life is approaching" 

Because he dreamt, dreamt of this utopia 

where true love is truly is

 

One may think ET is feeling depressed 

He is despondent 

On the contrary

ET sees himself as someone who

braves the harsh realities of the world 

 

The triumph and turmoil ET experienced

Has cultivated him into a better person

He now will choose to think

living his life to his fullest is most important 

than seeking for the meaning of true love

from the wisdoms of the above

 

ET

29.08.2022

Edited September 30, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

08/30/1977, Tuesday, Tired

 

Dear Diary, its been two weeks since I have wrote to you primarily because there are alot of things to learn on the job. Perhaps its good for me to share with you what I have learnt for this season so that I better analysis what is needed for my task.... in 1968, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders II (DSM II) listed homosexuality as a mental disorder.  1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality as a mental disorder, but replaced it with "sexual orientation disturbance." Four years on, the government has found that there is a sharp rise of gay cruising and gay nightclubs that has created an informal social networks of friends hence sexual intercourse are getting more and more rampant too. The ministry decided to set up an enforcement unit to conduct surveillances, observations, assessments and make recommendations on how to better navigate within this community that may not seems to conform with the societal norms and practices.  GL told me that I was assigned to this task because I look pleasant and decent looking. A profile they need to infiltrate the network.  Guess I cannot refute that can I?

 

Diary I was also wondering has anyone in this world has ever shared their darkest secrets with you in their life? You know those secrets that can neither be in black and white nor in spoken speech? I believe there are secrets that one choose to take it with them till the day they pass on. Often such kept secret is hidden somewhere deep in that person's heart and its a way to avoid any loose ends that come along with it. This secret I believe will continue to the person's next life to manage till he is able to face and overcome it according to divine arrangement of the universe, the mother's nature. It will take an incident that often shook the person's up, leading him into an uncomfortable zone to the extend that he has to face the big giant in front of him till the day he overcame it. 

 

Could it be my moment of truth? The day that has finally arrive for me to overcome the big giant?

 

Too tired to even mention about this. Let me rest Dairy. 

 

ST

 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 08月 30号 星期二 雨天

 

但现实总是让人的身心灵。。。。。😫

 

#无言以对

 

**with English subtitles 

 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 03号 星期六 晴

 

自动消失

好空洞 空得让人抽搐
莫忘初衷 悔不当初
被瓦解的心灵已入不敷出
举杯唱饮又触碰了痛处 

 

煽情的剧情 演得尽兴
善与恶 何常不是一场闹剧
你我彼此各部下的陷阱
玩得精彩却无法尽兴 

 

心境有如旋转梯级
上下升降 物理规律
嚣张跋扈无法自省
太正经又显得格外矫情 

 

酒醒了 空洞的心境已消失 
昔日不在的你我
奔向今日 明日至到下一世 
跨步向前进 活在当下 活出精彩

 

X 着真的很好。。。。。。吗？

 

柚子

03.09.2022

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

09/04/1977, Sunday, Glad 

 

 

Dear Diary, born in the year of Dragon (1952) there was a greater surge of baby birth because most Chinese firmly believe it auspicious and babies in the zodiac will enjoy greater success in their adult life. I was an orphan raised in an orphanage run by a religious group.  My adolescent years were crazy, I was defiant and destructive, a good bait for secret societies back then. I ran away from the orphanage due to some issues that I detested.

 

The Auntie who owns the provision shop down the road took pity on me and allowed me to stay with her family on the condition that I will collect Chap Ji Kee for her around the neighborhood. My so-called luck ran out when I was caught by GL who was back then just a Constable. I soon became his informant and assisted him in cracking the underground gambling and drug scenes..... here I am now taking on new tasks that are out of my comfort zone.  

 

Honestly, without GL I would not have received much education. Without him, I might be one of the secret society members. Without him, I might be still living in miseries at the orphanage, a place I am reluctant to revisit. The worst thing that could happen to a boy was not physical and emotional turmoil but sexual. Yes, Dairy is the darkest secret that I did like to bring to my grave but its best to reveal it to someone or something about it because I really need to get it out of my chest.

 

Dairy, told you before I am allergic to humans, and never trusted them but I think I can trust you...... there was a period of my childhood when I was treated badly by the orphanage staff. They consisted of both men and women. The feeling of they dominated me was disgusting, the numerous penetrations and the tools that they used.  Though I was much younger then, I have this gut feeling that something is not very right so I ran away. I did not wish to share much because I did not know how and where I can do it, sex was a taboo topic back then even today when we are in the year 1977.

 

Now at the age of 25, I am glad that the unpleasant days were over. I have a steadier income and GL has been guiding me along in my career, the Universe has been good to me. Don't you think so Dairy? Or will there be more upcoming challenges ahead of me?

 

ST

Edited September 30, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 07日  星期三  雨

 

Philosophies

 

The are often two extremes 

Phenomenon that makes ET scream 

Both sides claimed they are supreme

Most of the time it leaves ET pondering 

Who on earth first started it?

Which are the real narratives? 

Where are the senses of meaning?

Why some people care less about it?

What makes it so enticing?

How do the past and the present marries?

 

ET is not bipolaring 

or as what his new psychiatrist

reclassified him as a MDD

he still feels that his life is a mockery 

not because he is unaccepted by the society 

Because something that is more entrenching

 

ET avoids remuninating

but his birth chart depicts otherwise

Stating that what he is experiencing is

his energies that are so tell tailing 

So he might jolly well accepts the realities 

Spend more time on developing strategies 

so that he can overcome all odds and adversities

 

ET is thankful for the people he meets daily

The experiences are either edifying or torturing

ok ok.... to be fair sometimes there were a mix 

but that's life isn't it? 

He is thankful to the Universe nonetheless 

for these splendours 

Philosophies? So be it.... ET is going to be least affected by it

He lives by his own purposes and meanings whichever that will grant him the most peace 

 

ET

07.09.2022

Edited September 9, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 09日 星期五  雨

 

Dear Dairy, few issues cropped up these few weeks and left ET much troubled. Nonetheless, he is taking things one step at a time. He has to move forward, continue to take responsibilities for his own life and managed his internal locus of control. He is also much aware of the arrival of final Mercury Retrograde of 2022. With every retrograde comes a learning curve for ET.... and yes he is back to write as a third person again because he finds it useful to gain a more macro perspectives of things. Somehow 2022 is a year that ET feels that he is striving.... in retrospect, the predictions had somehow come true and he is glad that he is much prepared for it.  

 

Some of the ET's relationships ended and some are on the verge. He is glad that both K and H stay on regardless. Interestingly, they have always wanting to intro one or two people into their group over the years but has failed. ET feels that common traits among the three of them i.e. empath, HSP and INFJ has created this bond yet the differences have allow them to nurture and hone the empathic part of them. As what they have always jokingly shared "The power of three will set them free" meet ups and online conversations are ever so liberating and fun. 

 

On the day 090922, a day prior to mid-autumn festival, ET wishes to thank K, H and himself for making an effort to check in with one another least once a day to ensure all are well. Though they may not be living within the same precinct and only meet up occasionally but the closeness they enjoy virtually really warms ET heart. He wishes for longevity  (0909=九九=久久) in their  friendships. To many healthier, wiser and more discerning years ahead. Cheerios, K and H. 

 

A song that the trios have enjoyed lately to keep their spirit higher whilst various odds are against them.  

 

鄧家忠 - 芭比Q了 

完了 完了 完了 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 真的完蛋了
怎麼會這樣 怎麼變這樣
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的完蛋了 真的完蛋了
oh my god oh my god 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
完了 完了 完了 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 真的完蛋了
怎麼會這樣 怎麼變這樣
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的完蛋了 真的完蛋了
oh my god oh my god 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了
真的完蛋了 真的完蛋了
oh my god oh my god 芭比Q了
真的芭比Q了 芭比Q了

 

 

Edited September 9, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 10日 星期六 冷

 

完结的延续

 

一切已无法回到原点

也许我们不应该再相见

如果迈出了这一步

我们是否会后悔

 

后悔当初没好好地聆听

把一切道说成随缘随意

或许彼此都没有真正地用心

用心想经营这段关系

 

彼此都背着沉重的行李

幻象这那绮丽虚幻的爱情

原来你从来都没放弃过

想回到原点的那股堆动力

 

我累了 你能?

是不是还向往那段

无法自拔却让人揪心的憧憬

好吧！就成全你

 

从今往后 就让我

默默地守护你

简讯也会消失殆尽

就让这份关爱永藏在心底

 

柚子

10.09.2022

Edited September 9, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 15日 星期四 晴

 

A video speaks a thousand words.

 

 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 17日 星期六 冷

 

顺其自然

人生道路崎岖坎坷

迷迷糊糊已走到最后

看似终点却是

另一端生命的开头

 

宿命前程摸不着

实属巧合如有雷同

人生舞台 挥洒自如

赤裸裸地来 赤裸裸地走

 

期盼下世博个好彩头

无需受苦受难受折磨

无忧无虑过生活

一生丰衣足食已足够

 

勤奋努力必定有

日子不能白白过

今世磨练继续修

因果循环自然通

 

柚子

01.06.2016

Edited September 16, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 18日 星期日 冷

 

阿嬷的话

在细汉的时阵阮阿嬷对我尚好
甲尚好的东西拢会留乎我
伊嘛定定带我去幼稚园看人在七桃
看人在办公伙儿　看人在觅相找
 
伊定定跟阮说　
叫阮着要好好仔读册
呒通大汉像恁老爸仔彼呢啊狼狈哦
在彼个时阵　阮拢听拢呒
阿嬷　妳到底是在讲什么
大汉了后　才知影阿嬷的话
我会甲永远永远放块心肝底
 
想到一步一步的过去　
定定拢会乎人真难忘
时间一分一秒块过去　
在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊
 
阿嬷妳今嘛在叨位　
阮在叫妳妳甘有听到
阮的认真甲阮的成功　
妳甘有看到
 
阿嬷妳今嘛过的好么　
甘有人块甲妳照顾
希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎妳疼
作妳永远的孙仔
搁叫妳一声阿嬷
 
想到一步一步的过去　
定定拢会乎人真难忘
时间一分一秒块过去　
在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊
 
阿嬷妳今嘛在叨位　
阮在叫妳妳甘有听到
阮的认真甲阮的成功　
妳甘有看到
阮在叫妳　妳知影没
 
阿嬷妳今嘛过的好么　
甘有人块甲妳照顾
希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎妳疼
作妳永远的孙仔
搁叫妳一声阿嬷
 
想到一步一步的过去　
定定拢会乎人真难忘
时间一分一秒块过去　
在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊
 
阿嬷妳今嘛在叨位　
阮在叫妳妳甘有听到
阮的认真甲阮的成功　
妳甘有看到
阮在叫妳　妳知影没
 
阿嬷妳今嘛过的好么　
甘有人块甲妳照顾
希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎妳疼
作妳永远的孙仔
搁叫妳一声阿嬷

 

Words of My Grandma

When I was young, I was the one that my grandma cherished the most.
and she would keep all the best for me.
She often took me to the kindergarten to see kids play,
we saw them play make-believe and hide-and-seek.
 
She always said to me,
asked me to study well,
"Don't be as failing as your father when you grow up."
At that time, I didn't understand anything.
"Nanny, what are you talking about?"
After I grew up, I finally understand what she said.
I'll keep the words on my mind forever.
 
Thinking of every step we've gone through in the past.
Those moments are always unforgettable.
Every minute and every second, the time has been flying.
I always miss her on my mind.
 
Oh grandma, where are you now?
Do you hear me calling you?
How hardworking and successful I am now,
can you see it?
I'm calling you, do you know?
 
Oh grandma, how are you doing now?
Is there someone taking care of you?
I hope that I'll still be loved and cherished by you in our next life,
and I'll be your grandson forever,
to call you my nanny again.
 
Thinking of every step we've gone through in the past.
Those moments are always unforgettable.
Every minute and every second, the time has been flying.
I always miss her on my mind.
 
Oh grandma, where are you now?
Do you hear me calling you?
How hardworking and successful I am now,
can you see it?
I'm calling you, do you know?
 
Oh grandma, how are you doing now?
Is there someone taking care of you?
I hope that I'll still be loved and cherished by you in our next life,
and I'll be your grandson forever,
to call you my nanny again.
 

Credit: https://lyricstranslate.com

 

 

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 19日 星期一 冷

 

Dear Cloud, ET has been following local broadcaster TV series lately and found a common theme that runs through... professionals and the challenges they faced at work especially at their darkest and most vulnerable moments. ET feels that human has often brought it upon themselves in whatever situations they are in now. And he ponders if its human advancement or a form of deterioration. They created medical sciences, laws, systems and occupations that shoots their own feet. What if one day medical sciences and legislation go extinct? Anyway something that ET ponders at times when he faces ironies in life. 

 

One of the many conclusions ET drew from learning the fundamentals of I-ching online was that if mankind continues to defy the works of nature, humans will have the answer to their own consequence. And he believes that mankind is experiencing only less than half of the fraction of consequences now. With the aftermath of COVID19, the instability relationships within the world regions and natural disasters said it all. Mankind may come to an end of their own self-destructions.  In ET opinion, I-Ching can be one of the many resolutions to address challenges as such. These challenges may not resolve by itself but perhaps give mankind a break, a much needed breather and embark themselves onto a slower pace of life post-pandemic. 

 

These are the basic fundamentals that ET find it useful and few of the rare videos that has English subtitles that comes along with it. Turn on CC for sub-titles. (Credit: Hybrid Sleeper)

 

No.00 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng Shiqiang.- preview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFfr77FBFo4&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=14

No.01 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. - Tao of Yin Yang

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9wDkKzt2xQ&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=13

No.02 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. Eight Trigrams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFcTqJXBpA4&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=11

No.03 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. I Ching & fate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgQZrJ8_Jsc&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=10

 

No.04 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. Crack Augury

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oz9UoIggs8&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=9

No.05 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. Chi'en and K'un

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKOarjNC0eQ&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=8

No.06 Wisdom of I Ching. By Master Zeng. Six Dragons of Ch'ien

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj5kCjpD7I4&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=2

I Ching English Sub, Ep 07

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoOzZSLJO2o&list=UUXw_tsX04YKXDQjuUNHtkjw&index=1

 

ET met up in person with K and H over the weekend, aren't they glad they did so. 🙂 One of the topics they discussed was on the recent hoo-haaas on the resignation waves and quiet quitters aka Bai Lan- laying flat, let it rot . The trios concluded that perhaps this should be the way of authentic and quality living. The pandemic, regardless if its nature or nurture, did showed how fragile life can be, regardless of one's power or monetary status. It has also stressed the importance to let one's holistic well-being to come to an appropriate halt, rest, return to the basic and work through issues from there onwards. 

 

China’s Slacker Youths: Why They Went From 'Lying Flat' To 'Let It Rot' | Insight | Full Episode Aug 23, 2022

 

 

 

Gen Millemiums, Z and Alphas were born in the era where their basic needs are mostly met and its a natural progression they wish to progress to a self-actualization stage. ET seriously wish that the Gen Silent, Baby boomers and Gen X will also come to a point of reconciliation and realise that the attitude of the newer generations will be the way as such, accept these phenomenon and advance together to make the entire world a better place to live in with lesser conflicts and turmoil. If not, by the time things pick up its momentum, the gaps within generations will get wider, the divisions will cause more unrest emotionally and psychologically. 

 

ET is getting busier as he prepares for calendar year end. He is thankful for the old friendships revisited and new partnerships formed during this period as well. 2023 will be a much more remarkable year for ET.... Cloud ET hopes that all things are fine over at your end as well. Spur on!  

Edited October 7, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 09月 25日 星期日 雨 冷

 

XXXX

松林不见了  一片荒林

杂草丛生 不是沙漠

没那海市蜃楼

没那虚情假意的隔膜

 

稻草 随风轻舞着

土壤滋润 太阳照射着

都无法低档那 

现实 虚幻 徇私舞弊

 

寻觅已久的平静人生

随着云彩 飘浮不定 

道出了无数的悲欢离合

绕梁三曰 浩瀚楚歌

 

靡靡之音 飘出那心灵的溃烂 

铺垫 伏笔和悬念

或许 墨守成规才是正道

才能活出平安 活出喜乐

 

柚子

25.09.2022

edited 06.10.2022

Edited October 6, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

2022年 10月 03日 星期一 忽冷忽热

Dear Cloud, one of the many benefits of journaling is that one can look back at what he or she wrote at a particular season of his life to garner strength, harmonised his inner being and most importantly hone his resilience. That was what ET did when he felt low mood during the Mercury Retrograde period (thankfully its over). ET has also decided that he could talk less about his Mental Health Challenges now and focus on other aspects of his life when communicating to in this thread. That is also the primary reason that ET has set up another thread parked under Blowing Wind "Fitness and Wellness" section. A topic that ET can start to compartmentalise and visit the site when need be.... guess this is part of letting go, knowing the issues are still there but disallowing that issue to be the dominance in a person's life. A few events took place  during the Mercury Retrograde that made ET feels emotionally distraught, it's tough for ET to put in words but I believe Cloud you know what are those isn't it? He wishes to make some comments here but his intuition nudge him to hold back, sort out his emotions and thoughts first before penning them down (or perhaps he will never do it). A upbeat song to ward off the negative energies of this Mercury Retrograde. Have a good week, Cloud! 

 

 

Meet me in a restaurant
Meet me on the top of the world
Meet me and we'll talk the language of love

I'll meet you anywhere you want
I'll meet you on a ballroom floor
Meet me and we'll float to a level above

 

I wish you'd drop what you're doing
And get on the case
We could blow this existence
Right out into space
And share a sweet isolation
Let's go there today
Go today, go today
Every way, right away
Oh, let's go

 

Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on

 

Take your cue from me now
I'm saying baby, lets go
Will you listen to me?
I'm saying baby, come on now

Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no more
There's no way

 

Meet you on a mountain top
Meet you at the end of the block
As long as we can talk the language of love

 

I'll take you in my arms again
I'll take you to the edge of time
Together we can reach for the heavens above

 

I wish you'd drop what you're doing
And get on the case
We could blow this existence
Right out into space
And share a sweet isolation
Let's go there today
Go today, go today
Every way, right away
Oh, let's go

 

Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
'Cause baby, I want your love
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
'Cause baby, I'm saying
Take your cue from me now
I'm saying baby, let's go
Will you listen to me?
I'm saying baby, come on now
Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no more
There's no way
Meet me on the dance floor
And we'll dance to the rhythm
Dance to the rhythm (dance to the rhythm)
Get you feet in motion
And we'll dance to the rhythm
Dance to the rhythm
Dance to the rhythm of love
Oh, baby

 

Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
'Cause baby, I want your love
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
'Cause baby, I'm saying
Take your cue from me now
I'm saying baby, let's go
Will you listen to me?
I'm saying baby, come on now

 

Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no
Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no
Let's go 'cause we can't hold back no more
There's no way
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on
Let's go baby, let's go baby, come on

[amuse.ed]

2022年 10月 06日 星期四 忽冷忽热

 

More upbeat songs.....

 

 

 

Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
I've done alright up to now
It's the light of day that shows me how
And when the night falls, loneliness calls

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me

I've been in love and lost my senses
Spinning through the town
Sooner or later, the fever ends
And I wind up feeling down
I need a man who'll take a chance
On a love that burns hot enough to last
So when the night falls
My lonely heart calls

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me

Somebody oo Somebody oo
Somebody who loves me yeah
Somebody oo Somebody oo
To hold me in his arms oh

I need a man who'll take a chance
On a love that burns hot enough to last
So when the night falls
My lonely heart calls
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me
Don'tcha wanna dance with me baby
Dontcha wanna dance with me boy
Hey Don'tcha wanna dance with me baby

With somebody who loves me
Don'tcha wanna dance, say you wanna dance, don'tcha wanna dance
Don'tcha wanna dance, say you wanna dance, don'tcha wanna dance
Don'tcha wanna dance, say you wanna dance
With somebody who loves me
Dance

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Shannon Rubicam / Joel Little / Jonas Jeberg / George Merrill / Jacob Kasher Hindlin / Clarence Coffee / Bleta Rexha
I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) lyrics © Emi Blackwood Music Inc., Boy Meets Girl Music, Young Money Publishing Inc., Irving Music Inc.

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

Friday, 7th October 1994, Cloudy and Cool, Eustress

 

哥, Gor (aka elder brother) 三姐 aka( Third Sister) its the time of the year.... Yes, its the exam season and everyone was burying and immersing themselves in 10yrs series and what not. Although Pa and Ma haven't demanded me to excel but there was still this pressure to perform well.... especially when excellent academic result may give most people a good head start to the future in this tiny green dot island.

 

How's your life in heaven? Father Paul said that you will be up there with the Lord and I firmly you are. There were nights that I dreamt of you and..... I do not know how to put it.... Pa and Ma are fine...... I am unsure.... your sudden departure has left this family a vacuum.... a silent one.

 

Anyway the stress I am experiencing now is good, I did like to see it as an eustress.. a good force that compels me forward. I first heard this song because you shared that it was beautifully written by the late novelist 三毛 and complements well with the melody. Ok back to my readings, take care Gor. 三姐.

 

Missing you,

Hoon

 

说时依旧 
词: 三毛
曲: 梁文福
编曲:陈志群
演唱: 潘盈

 

重逢无意中相见心如麻
对面问安好不提回头路
提起当年事蒙眼笑荒唐
我是真的真的真的爱过你
说时依旧泪如倾
星星白发成少年
这句话请你放在心底
不要告诉任何人你往哪里去
不要不要跟我来
家中孩儿等著你
等爸爸回家把饭开

 

背景

根据梁文福自己的阐述，他的散文在1985年获得了联合早报举办的金狮奖。那年一月七日的颁奖礼和文艺营的闭幕礼，三毛正是许多颁奖的海外嘉宾人之一。这些海外嘉宾还特别做了一些不同的文艺表演，而三毛当晚就在台上念读了她在新加坡写的两首诗，其中一首诗就是后来成为了说时依旧这首歌的歌词。梁文福当晚除了领奖也有表演新谣歌曲。三毛听了相当喜欢，就透过著名文人杜南发先生邀请梁文福过去聊天。谈着谈着，梁文福就说出了他特别喜欢三毛当晚念读的《说时依旧》这首词。三毛就把诗稿递给梁文福，告诉他如果有兴趣就合作给这首诗谱曲。就这样的天时地利人和成就了这首令人难忘的说时依旧。

创作那首诗真实的前缘，其实是因为三毛1985年在新加坡巧遇了她1970年在美国读书时交往过的一位男士，而那位男士当晚也在那个颁奖礼。这是根据杜南发先生在2021年纪念三毛去世二十年写的一篇文章中的叙述。潘盈是 《说时依旧》 的原唱歌手。歌曲收录于1987年海蝶发行的梁文福的《好与不好之外》的合辑里。1990年，在台湾重新制作。制作人姚謙在與三毛讨论过后决定让林慧萍重新演绎，歌曲收录于林慧萍的《说时依旧》专辑里。两个版本的歌词略有不同。

 

Lyrics and content credit: 真爱音乐Music-Love-Peace-Joy

 

 

Edited October 10, 2022 by amuse.ed

[amuse.ed]

** Unless otherwise stated, all characters, corporations, and establishments are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

 

Tuesday, 11th October 1994, Partly Cloudy, Eustress

 

三姐, pardon me for my "cheekiness" on my last entry, maybe I have always wanting to have an elder brother? The way that you dressed and the ECAs you participated in your school..... our maternal aunts will often commented that you look "Tom-boy" . 大姐 (eldest sister) and 二姐 (second sister) are so called the "normal ones" who behave more like a lady. I knew Pa and Ma has always wanted a son, my arrival must have disappointed them. I think in their mind, they must be cursing "another girl".

 

三姐, I know curse is a harsh word but I cannot help but to think and feel this way, as you know, Pa and Ma are cold towards me. I am not the pearl in their eyes and more like a 赔钱货 (a commodity that never reaps any rewards) to them. Is that the reason why you decided to dress and behaved like a boy? To compensate them a "boy" in the Pa's linage? But why then you have to leave so suddenly? I believe the rest of the family know the reasons, Father Paul included but no matter how hard I tried to find out from them, all of them sang the same tune that "I am too young" to know. So what is old enough? 18, 21 or 35?  I can never understand the adult world and I hate to be left in this limbo.

 

Worse, I cannot sense much emotions from 大姐 and 二姐 also, our age gaps are too wide. Both of them are often busy at work and family. We were once closed but not anymore and I am all alone in this house, how I wish to have the freedom to roam around and not stuck in all these. Anyway, its Biology Paper 3 today and I am ready to go for it. Thankfully my slot starts around 10am and then Thursday will be Chemistry practical. Friday 11 Nov will be my final paper and FREEDOM thereafter. YEAH! I have already decided to work part-time or a contract job during the daunting release of results.

 

Ok have to go and prepare myself, wish me all the best 三姐. 

 

Your lovely 小妹 youngest sis

Hoon