What should I do? I Really like a guy 9 years younger than me...

[Guest TLJ]

Hey! Wow I am in the same situation as you. I like this friend who is 8 years old younger.

 

He may or may not be gay. He did told me how last time he has guys confessed to him before and when i asked why he didnt accept it, he told me he is not gay.

 

Have been trying to test out if he is one but i am running out of ideas. Like you, I didnt want to confess because I am afraid of losing him as friend.

 

I feel we are ok but ever since I told him he is cute, I feel we kinda distant. We still occasionally text each other. Most of the time it was me initiating but I have stopped it. There are times he would suddenly message me random questions but now I tried to not reply him so fast or dont reply him at all.

[Guest Klairz]

9 hours ago, Guest TLJ said:

Hey! Wow I am in the same situation as you. I like this friend who is 8 years old younger.

 

He may or may not be gay. He did told me how last time he has guys confessed to him before and when i asked why he didnt accept it, he told me he is not gay.

 

Have been trying to test out if he is one but i am running out of ideas. Like you, I didnt want to confess because I am afraid of losing him as friend.

 

I feel we are ok but ever since I told him he is cute, I feel we kinda distant. We still occasionally text each other. Most of the time it was me initiating but I have stopped it. There are times he would suddenly message me random questions but now I tried to not reply him so fast or dont reply him at all.

 

Wow, So i'm not alone afterall 😁 I really don't blame him if one day I were to confess to him and tell him how much I really loved him and enjoyed his company over the few years, his boyish smile and everything about him tickles my heart. I even look forward to our outings and meetings (alone or with friends) hoping he will feel the same way too. Even when I was busy with conference calls and work stuff, whenever he initiated he's free to hang out I'll just push aside everything to make sure we have uninterrupted time together, always offering to send him back home (I'll come up with a lame excuse and say it's unsafe if he got kidnapped halfway on-route home, LOL). Actually we hung out like once a week/fortnight previously. Several occasions on fridays/saturdays when I know he's hanging out with friends for drinks (usually near clubs and Clark Quay area), I'll be on full standby wherever I am to make sure I pick him up and send him home safely. I just want to be there for him and protect him any potential trouble which may arise.

 

Some of the BW bros here might say I'm foolish and that its unrequited love, and to move on etc. but I would like to say that I've done these deeds on my own accord, and I've never regretted it - even one day if rejects me (well I'm 99% sure of that anyway). Recently I have also reasoned with myself, no matter what happens I will always give him my 100% love until the day I decided that it's too tiring and painful (slowly but surely). Not a day goes by as I hope for a message notification on my HP from him (usually I would initiate) to update how's his NS life coming along etc. Every night I still wonder why am I created in such a way where my love for someone is forbidden, almost impossible. Oh well, we can't choose what we can't have right? I just pray to be strong inside when the day comes, and save myself from all the tears and heartache.... 

[Guest Klairz]

On 5/17/2020 at 1:54 PM, sg89ailikesi said:

Honestly, I think Andy is quite nice compared to the ones I met. He still bother to text u, drop u cookies etc. Of cos I not sure what he see u as. My suggestion is to confess. 1) u will nv know he felt the same just for u? To me is so Long there is chance don give up hope. 2) after u confess, if he don like u, it is easier to cut off everything. Time will heal ur wound.

 

myself I also fell in love with a guy 7yrs younger boy ( a straight too). He is probably worst than Andy, I Guess, when he needed help, no matter what it is, so Long I am able to do (money/advice/time) I will give it all I can. 1 day I did confess, of cos things don went well. He will still contact me as that point in time he still needed help. I did still help him(I know kinda stupid, cos deeply in love). When he need help he will find me, when don need me no text nothing, go out with his friends etc but just never me. Never had done a single things just for me. It is alright for me, when he found new gf, I broke off all contacts with him. Several years had past, sometimes I will still go his ig to see how is he cos he did not lock his profile. But no feeling already. 
 

this is why i suggest confess and if nothing went well den cut it off might be better. Well wish u best of luck.

 

Thanks for the advise, actually he'll be heading overseas in the next 3-4 months for studies. I'll just keep my forbidden love a secret. Even if He doesn't like me after i confess, I will still cherish him like a little brother. Maybe I'm just running away from reality, maybe I'm scared, but I'm only human... 

[sg89ailikesi]

12 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Thanks for the advise, actually he'll be heading overseas in the next 3-4 months for studies. I'll just keep my forbidden love a secret. Even if He doesn't like me after i confess, I will still cherish him like a little brother. Maybe I'm just running away from reality, maybe I'm scared, but I'm only human... 

understood where u are coming from(: don’t worry too much, Jia you!

[Guest Oh my]

14 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Thanks for the advise, actually he'll be heading overseas in the next 3-4 months for studies. I'll just keep my forbidden love a secret. Even if He doesn't like me after i confess, I will still cherish him like a little brother. Maybe I'm just running away from reality, maybe I'm scared, but I'm only human... 

I can see that you're only prepared to listen to those whom egg you on. It won't work. Don't kid yourself. You can never cherish him like a brother. But I guess you'll still go ahead and console yourself that you're "only human" , until you are left with no choice. Such is the folly of humans. Be prepared to suffer heavily for it. Some have to learn the hard way. Some don't even learn after the suffering. Let's see which category you belong to. 

[Guest Klairz]

10 hours ago, sg89ailikesi said:

understood where u are coming from(: don’t worry too much, Jia you!

 I've been keeping myself occupied, exercising a little more now at home and within my neighborhood. Exploring Jap and Thai BL ! Oh my so many series and I don't know which to binge on. Let me know if you have any good ideas to further distract myself ! 😁

[inamoto]

The age is not an issue (so long as he is not underaged, which he clearly isn't). 

 

No doubt we can never provide the perfect solution, because it is always difficult to be in the situation and facing the constant fluctuations in emotions. We can perhaps share different angles of seeing and approaching the situation.

 

What i can share is that apart from a bf relationship, it is important to have dependable friends, family etc because this social circle is important as we move on in life as an Aj. Though i understand that your "ghosting" behavior is a protection mechanism from sinking further into your feelings for him, u must remember that u run the risk of losing him as a friend. From his actions, at least he keeps you in his thoughts and puts in effort towards you too. Constantly "ghosting" risks losing a dependable friend whom you can trust.

 

It is a delicate balance and there is no easy solution but if you keep things going (just not overly enthusiastic), u never really know how things can develope. You may know and find a bf yet have a younger brother in Andy?

 

 

[sg89ailikesi]

On 5/22/2020 at 10:48 PM, Guest Klairz said:

 I've been keeping myself occupied, exercising a little more now at home and within my neighborhood. Exploring Jap and Thai BL ! Oh my so many series and I don't know which to binge on. Let me know if you have any good ideas to further distract myself ! 😁

Wah if u like Thai BL must watch Tharntype the series. I and now Super in love with 1 of the actor. Hahaha. Okay in my dreams. Of cos there are a lot more to recommend if u haven’t ever watch 1. Thai Bl is nicer than jap de.

[Lameua]

I fell in love (I’m 28) with a 35 year old closeted (not too sure) handsome ex-colleague from my last job. He is the type of guy every gay guy aspire to be. He’s handsome, sexy, very intelligent (NUS grad), talented (participated & awarded in Japanese speech competition, used to be a tour guide, model...etc). So when another aj ex-colleague told me that he is closeted, I took the courage to confess my feelings for him after chatting with him for more than 6 months. But I got rejected by him. He said that he really hoped that I can find someone who can love me, but he’s definitely not the one for me. Btw he is really cool and friendly with me being gay and willing to put up all of my shameless flirting.

 

When we were still working together I will always ask him about work related problems. But when I left the job I have to come up with all sorts of excuses just to initiate a chat with him. The good thing is that he’s taking a second degree and studying in the same Uni with me. But the problem is that my romantic feelings for him came back again and tbh I have no idea how to deal with it. He’s a very cautious guy with a high wall around his heart. It took me so Long to finally get him to open up abit of himself to me. I don’t wanna lose him as a Friend. But how to carry on with this friendship if my romantic feelings keep coming back? Will appreciate if anyone here can give advice yea. Cos I don’t have any relationship experiences so far in life. Thank you! 😃

[Guest Try and see]

On 5/21/2020 at 11:15 PM, Guest Klairz said:

Every night I still wonder why am I created in such a way where my love for someone is forbidden, almost impossible.

 

☝️Story of my life.

From young like to look at guys. Thought it was just a phrase I would outgrow someday. Terrified of anyone ever finding out. Tried to "pray the gay away" many times. Didn't work. 

In the end, just learn to live with it. 

 

[Guest haiz]

I came out late in my mid twenties. My first few relationships were with those around 17 to 25 age bracket which is fine back then.

 

As I grow older, I thought I should be liking older guys around my age but my I still found myself attracted to this age group. 

 

At first, I thought it's due to I don't have a younger male sibling I could play with when I was young. Then I found out it's because I like the boyish looks with round small cute face and lean body which one tends to lose that when he grows older.

 

I tried to date older guy in their late twenties and above. Most of them have better built at their age but muscular or handsome looking guys just can't turn me on sexually. I don't know why.

 

Although I'm already 40, I look like early 30s. I still can get dates with those in my target group all these years but of course, it won't last long. In fact, it's getting more difficult. And I feel like I'm wasting my own time knowing the outcomes from my failed rs.  

 

At the age of 40, I want to settle down and all of us know the "student" category of boys will never settled down at their age. I don't want to end up as a daddy. I feel that being cursed. 

 

Does anyone else have the same issue? Can someone advise?

[FattChoy]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:34 AM, Lameua said:

Long to finally get him to open up abit of himself to me. I don’t wanna lose him as a Friend. But how to carry on with this friendship if my romantic feelings keep coming back? Will appreciate if anyone here can give advice yea. Cos I don’t have any relationship experiences so far in life. Thank you! 

Usually if I see someone I really like, which I would like to keep in touch forever, I would work towards being a friend with him, rather than trying to get him laid.

 

Well I don't wanna be harsh, but he's not into you romantically and ppl do  get tired of trying to fend off unwanted feelings.   You seem to only have one option now, so it's best you be a friend. 

[inamoto]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:34 AM, Lameua said:

I fell in love (I’m 28) with a 35 year old closeted (not too sure) handsome ex-colleague from my last job. He is the type of guy every gay guy aspire to be. He’s handsome, sexy, very intelligent (NUS grad), talented (participated & awarded in Japanese speech competition, used to be a tour guide, model...etc). So when another aj ex-colleague told me that he is closeted, I took the courage to confess my feelings for him after chatting with him for more than 6 months. But I got rejected by him. He said that he really hoped that I can find someone who can love me, but he’s definitely not the one for me. Btw he is really cool and friendly with me being gay and willing to put up all of my shameless flirting.

 

When we were still working together I will always ask him about work related problems. But when I left the job I have to come up with all sorts of excuses just to initiate a chat with him. The good thing is that he’s taking a second degree and studying in the same Uni with me. But the problem is that my romantic feelings for him came back again and tbh I have no idea how to deal with it. He’s a very cautious guy with a high wall around his heart. It took me so Long to finally get him to open up abit of himself to me. I don’t wanna lose him as a Friend. But how to carry on with this friendship if my romantic feelings keep coming back? Will appreciate if anyone here can give advice yea. Cos I don’t have any relationship experiences so far in life. Thank you! 😃

 U already confessed and he rejected. Since he still can be friends with you, u have to make a call if you still want a friend like him.

Eventually if he likes u one day, then he might hit on you since u made aware your feelings. 

 

[Lameua]

4 hours ago, FattChoy said:

Usually if I see someone I really like, which I would like to keep in touch forever, I would work towards being a friend with him, rather than trying to get him laid.

 

Well I don't wanna be harsh, but he's not into you romantically and ppl do  get tired of trying to fend off unwanted feelings.   You seem to only have one option now, so it's best you be a friend. 

Thank you for your advice. Actually you are right. That’s the best offer I can get from him now which is better than nothing. 😃

[Lameua]

3 hours ago, inamoto said:

 U already confessed and he rejected. Since he still can be friends with you, u have to make a call if you still want a friend like him.

Eventually if he likes u one day, then he might hit on you since u made aware your feelings. 

 

Thank you for your advice. Well I can only hope for the best haha. Think it’s gonna be a Long chase to make it happens. 😂

[Guest Klairz]

On 5/24/2020 at 2:54 AM, sg89ailikesi said:

Wah if u like Thai BL must watch Tharntype the series. I and now Super in love with 1 of the actor. Hahaha. Okay in my dreams. Of cos there are a lot more to recommend if u haven’t ever watch 1. Thai Bl is nicer than jap de.

 

Oh yes !! I watched like the first couple of parts on youtube and I wonder are Thai guys so fair and cute? Just thinking out aloud. Well these yummy characters really help in binge watching ! I also watched 3 will be free, the guy Joss is damn-da-bomb hot, read his bio he's like 1.88m and in his early 20's such cute actors surely attract lotsa viewership

[Guest Klairz]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:34 AM, Lameua said:

I fell in love (I’m 28) with a 35 year old closeted (not too sure) handsome ex-colleague from my last job. He is the type of guy every gay guy aspire to be. He’s handsome, sexy, very intelligent (NUS grad), talented (participated & awarded in Japanese speech competition, used to be a tour guide, model...etc). So when another aj ex-colleague told me that he is closeted, I took the courage to confess my feelings for him after chatting with him for more than 6 months. But I got rejected by him. He said that he really hoped that I can find someone who can love me, but he’s definitely not the one for me. Btw he is really cool and friendly with me being gay and willing to put up all of my shameless flirting.

 

When we were still working together I will always ask him about work related problems. But when I left the job I have to come up with all sorts of excuses just to initiate a chat with him. The good thing is that he’s taking a second degree and studying in the same Uni with me. But the problem is that my romantic feelings for him came back again and tbh I have no idea how to deal with it. He’s a very cautious guy with a high wall around his heart. It took me so Long to finally get him to open up abit of himself to me. I don’t wanna lose him as a Friend. But how to carry on with this friendship if my romantic feelings keep coming back? Will appreciate if anyone here can give advice yea. Cos I don’t have any relationship experiences so far in life. Thank you! 😃

 

It's comforting to know I'm really not the only one stuck in my internal-kerfuffle  

You actually confessed to him after 6 months, when I've known him at least 2 years, I still haven't mustered the courage to confess to him yet. I totally understand the part where you come up with excuses to initiate conversations, I am so out of ideas sometimes I just appear damn desperate for his replies or like I'm totally so free to keep messaging him (when actually I can't concentrate on my own life/work, constantly thinking about him) Sometimes I wait the whole freaking day for a reply, and its usually short. I tell myself many times that if I don't be thick skinned and start initiating convo/meet-ups, I might just be too distant to even wana hang out with him in future. 

 

Best wishes and I really hope all of us out here can have the courage to move on as it's always sad to experience unrequited love. I really don't want to hurt so much for so long, neither do I hope anyone has to 

[Lameua]

8 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

It's comforting to know I'm really not the only one stuck in my internal-kerfuffle  

You actually confessed to him after 6 months, when I've known him at least 2 years, I still haven't mustered the courage to confess to him yet. I totally understand the part where you come up with excuses to initiate conversations, I am so out of ideas sometimes I just appear damn desperate for his replies or like I'm totally so free to keep messaging him (when actually I can't concentrate on my own life/work, constantly thinking about him) Sometimes I wait the whole freaking day for a reply, and its usually short. I tell myself many times that if I don't be thick skinned and start initiating convo/meet-ups, I might just be too distant to even wana hang out with him in future. 

 

Best wishes and I really hope all of us out here can have the courage to move on as it's always sad to experience unrequited love. I really don't want to hurt so much for so long, neither do I hope anyone has to 

My feelings for him actually developed over time. So by the time I realised what’s happening I already fall hard for him. Well for the confession part I think I’m abit too brave and reckless, cos I just do it after being told by another aj colleague that he’s a closeted gay. Things could have gone worse if he’s a homophobic straight dude.

 

I have never met up with him outside work, though I did hinted to him that I am willing to meet him.  As for topic wise u have to find a common ground to initiate a chat with him. I can only say that I’m very lucky cos I have built up a relationship with him thru work related topics. Me being more junior than him is a bonus. But Anw, as much as u can’t help thinking about him, u can’t let it affect your personal life too much. (I know it’s hard but try not to..) Cos u won’t want to appear too desperate in front of him, which is bad for your image. Other than that I can only say good luck and all the best to you here cos I don’t have much experience in chasing a guy haha. U take care! 😃

[sg89ailikesi]

11 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

Oh yes !! I watched like the first couple of parts on youtube and I wonder are Thai guys so fair and cute? Just thinking out aloud. Well these yummy characters really help in binge watching ! I also watched 3 will be free, the guy Joss is damn-da-bomb hot, read his bio he's like 1.88m and in his early 20's such cute actors surely attract lotsa viewership

Ya there are a lot more. Hahaha. I also like 2moon the series season 1. There are a lot. My first Thai BL is love sick. Gulf is so cute. Ya a lot of them are hot. Lol okay I think we are in our own world lol. 

[begleitung]

15 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

It's comforting to know I'm really not the only one stuck in my internal-kerfuffle  

You actually confessed to him after 6 months, when I've known him at least 2 years, I still haven't mustered the courage to confess to him yet. I totally understand the part where you come up with excuses to initiate conversations, I am so out of ideas sometimes I just appear damn desperate for his replies or like I'm totally so free to keep messaging him (when actually I can't concentrate on my own life/work, constantly thinking about him) Sometimes I wait the whole freaking day for a reply, and its usually short. I tell myself many times that if I don't be thick skinned and start initiating convo/meet-ups, I might just be too distant to even wana hang out with him in future. 

 

Best wishes and I really hope all of us out here can have the courage to move on as it's always sad to experience unrequited love. I really don't want to hurt so much for so long, neither do I hope anyone has to 

Have you tried going for a swim or gym with him as suggested in the beginning?

[Guest Klairz]

4 hours ago, begleitung said:

Have you tried going for a swim or gym with him as suggested in the beginning?

 

TBH we play indoor sports together for 2-3 years, not so much of swimming or gymming. He does a lot of Solo exercise runs > 5km and he's pretty fit compared to me.

[Guest Klairz]

10 hours ago, Lameua said:

My feelings for him actually developed over time. So by the time I realised what’s happening I already fall hard for him. Well for the confession part I think I’m abit too brave and reckless, cos I just do it after being told by another aj colleague that he’s a closeted gay. Things could have gone worse if he’s a homophobic straight dude.

 

I have never met up with him outside work, though I did hinted to him that I am willing to meet him.  As for topic wise u have to find a common ground to initiate a chat with him. I can only say that I’m very lucky cos I have built up a relationship with him thru work related topics. Me being more junior than him is a bonus. But Anw, as much as u can’t help thinking about him, u can’t let it affect your personal life too much. (I know it’s hard but try not to..) Cos u won’t want to appear too desperate in front of him, which is bad for your image. Other than that I can only say good luck and all the best to you here cos I don’t have much experience in chasing a guy haha. U take care! 😃

 

I always thought of him of him as a little bro which I want to take care of. But it seems my heart wants more than that after I spent so much time with him and I find he has some very cute aspects which I like/love, I can't pinpoint what I liked about him which eventually made me fall in love, maybe he's cute but doesn't know it, all I can say is that I did not know it too ! So one day he told me a "gay" dude from his circle of friends kept kissing and hugging him (and everyone else) in his bunk (playfully) he told me that he was grossed out by his actions. My heart fell out so hard, maybe cause his friends was so open to him and that he is totally straight. That was when I wanted to be closer to him and well to be fair, I did have an ex-gf sometime back which he knows about somehow, so he might think I'm straight. As conflicting as it may sound, during one of our holidays together (4 of us in total) Andy and I shared the same bed for a couple of nights and I took the opportunity to hug him like a bolster throughout the night (because he's smaller built than me, so he's really a huggable human bolster) he did not push me away or reject my hugs, I was so happy then I wanted to freeze in time. Oh well, I have these happy memories to keep me going for now, thanks again for all yr encouragement!

[Lameua]

10 minutes ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

I always thought of him of him as a little bro which I want to take care of. But it seems my heart wants more than that after I spent so much time with him and I find he has some very cute aspects which I like/love, I can't pinpoint what I liked about him which eventually made me fall in love, maybe he's cute but doesn't know it, all I can say is that I did not know it too ! So one day he told me a "gay" dude from his circle of friends kept kissing and hugging him (and everyone else) in his bunk (playfully) he told me that he was grossed out by his actions. My heart fell out so hard, maybe cause his friends was so open to him and that he is totally straight. That was when I wanted to be closer to him and well to be fair, I did have an ex-gf sometime back which he knows about somehow, so he might think I'm straight. As conflicting as it may sound, during one of our holidays together (4 of us in total) Andy and I shared the same bed for a couple of nights and I took the opportunity to hug him like a bolster throughout the night (because he's smaller built than me, so he's really a huggable human bolster) he did not push me away or reject my hugs, I was so happy then I wanted to freeze in time. Oh well, I have these happy memories to keep me going for now, thanks again for all yr encouragement!

Aww that’s so sweet! ☺️❤️  I wish  I can be hugged and protected by a guy I love in my sleep. Thank you for sharing your story with me yea! 😃👍🏻

[ThePineapple]

21 hours ago, Guest Klairz said:

 

I always thought of him of him as a little bro which I want to take care of. But it seems my heart wants more than that after I spent so much time with him and I find he has some very cute aspects which I like/love, I can't pinpoint what I liked about him which eventually made me fall in love, maybe he's cute but doesn't know it, all I can say is that I did not know it too ! So one day he told me a "gay" dude from his circle of friends kept kissing and hugging him (and everyone else) in his bunk (playfully) he told me that he was grossed out by his actions. My heart fell out so hard, maybe cause his friends was so open to him and that he is totally straight. That was when I wanted to be closer to him and well to be fair, I did have an ex-gf sometime back which he knows about somehow, so he might think I'm straight. As conflicting as it may sound, during one of our holidays together (4 of us in total) Andy and I shared the same bed for a couple of nights and I took the opportunity to hug him like a bolster throughout the night (because he's smaller built than me, so he's really a huggable human bolster) he did not push me away or reject my hugs, I was so happy then I wanted to freeze in time. Oh well, I have these happy memories to keep me going for now, thanks again for all yr encouragement!

I was wondering, how do you came to know him... maybe i miss the part that you get to know him among so many post, i find, a friendship build on mutual interest and understanding is important...

furthermore, if both side, the scale is almost balance in the commitment given for it is best.

  like me and my good friend, when hang out for drink or movies, we took turn to pay, rather then 1 person pay all-the-time. got good stuff sure share - like free games on steam hahahaha...

I find, Andy will outgrow this phase and wants to be independent one day... and when that day comes, i think that will be a hard stop for you. I did felt used thinking back... well about me and JJ, almost all (can say 95%) of the conversation started by me, and 99% of the outing spent with him is also idea from me... totally shows no interest in hanging out after-work...
ah... past is past, i learned to put it down, let it rest i suppose... pointless to look back as you can't change anything... but what you could change is now, to yourself. 
for me, i pick up new things, try out new sports, know more people... eventually will have those "after-activities" kopi/lunch chit-chat. Expand my life circle and not just circle my life on ONE person... which i find is foolish hahaha 
ever since i stopped contacting JJ , i went and tried Zumba, Kick-boxing, Urban Kick, Long distance running, Long distance tracking (about 38km around SG), tried cooking different food, spent my extra $ which could had been spent for JJ on something nice for myself like a different BBT outlet per weekend and currently exploring Dragonboating...

find your getaways, to forget him, delete everything, so that you can't contact him anymore to make your moving on easier... for me, took me about 2 months to let it go... keeping myself busy, talking to other people, meeting new people, trying new sports... eventually you will notice that he is just a 1 small flower among so many other flowers out there in the field
 

Edited May 27, 2020 by ThePineapple

[Fiacla]

On 5/25/2020 at 4:22 PM, Guest haiz said:

I came out late in my mid twenties. My first few relationships were with those around 17 to 25 age bracket which is fine back then.

 

As I grow older, I thought I should be liking older guys around my age but my I still found myself attracted to this age group. 

 

At first, I thought it's due to I don't have a younger male sibling I could play with when I was young. Then I found out it's because I like the boyish looks with round small cute face and lean body which one tends to lose that when he grows older.

 

I tried to date older guy in their late twenties and above. Most of them have better built at their age but muscular or handsome looking guys just can't turn me on sexually. I don't know why.

 

Although I'm already 40, I look like early 30s. I still can get dates with those in my target group all these years but of course, it won't last long. In fact, it's getting more difficult. And I feel like I'm wasting my own time knowing the outcomes from my failed rs.  

 

At the age of 40, I want to settle down and all of us know the "student" category of boys will never settled down at their age. I don't want to end up as a daddy. I feel that being cursed. 

 

Does anyone else have the same issue? Can someone advise?

Understand

[Steve5380]

On 5/25/2020 at 3:22 AM, Guest haiz said:

I came out late in my mid twenties. My first few relationships were with those around 17 to 25 age bracket which is fine back then.

 

As I grow older, I thought I should be liking older guys around my age but my I still found myself attracted to this age group. 

 

At first, I thought it's due to I don't have a younger male sibling I could play with when I was young. Then I found out it's because I like the boyish looks with round small cute face and lean body which one tends to lose that when he grows older.

 

I tried to date older guy in their late twenties and above. Most of them have better built at their age but muscular or handsome looking guys just can't turn me on sexually. I don't know why.

 

Although I'm already 40, I look like early 30s. I still can get dates with those in my target group all these years but of course, it won't last long. In fact, it's getting more difficult. And I feel like I'm wasting my own time knowing the outcomes from my failed rs.  

 

At the age of 40, I want to settle down and all of us know the "student" category of boys will never settled down at their age. I don't want to end up as a daddy. I feel that being cursed. 

 

Does anyone else have the same issue? Can someone advise?

 

Guest haiz,  you are experiencing that your spirit does not change as much as your body.   I also experience the same.  Once I became an adult, I was attracted to the same age group you are,  and this has not changed.  I came out at 50, and I easily made relationships with guys in their 20s, 30s.  Now more than 25 years later,  I am still attracted to this group in a purely sexual way, but my ideal partner would attract me with much more important attributes and this puts him in an older age group.  

 

If at 40 you look like 30, you definitely are not cursed.  Your best move is to continue with a healthy lifestyle so that when you are an uncle or daddy you will be a HANDSOME one, and give satisfaction to all the young people who are attracted mostly to older men. (sincerely, not seeking sugar daddies)

.

Edited July 4, 2020 by Steve5380

[Guest Uncle]

4 hours ago, Guest Uncle said:

Kiss

when I was in my 40s I used to fuck this boy in poly or uni (can't recall). He was 20 and would come to my place when he needs to be fucked. He's hunky twink, either in dragon boat or some athletic club. Hairy pussy was tight and wet all the time. He sometimes wants to be fucked by me and my Indian buffy hunk who's married, so we take turns to rape him. Now he's in his 30s and I'm in my 50s. He's married with young kids. I'm old fat and cock can't stand for long. Time flies

[Guest Klairz]

Hey guys, been a while since I've updated this thread... I just wanted to say that Andy will be leaving overseas next week to pursue his studies for the next 4 years. I spent the last few weeks contemplating if I should confess or forever hold in my silence. Just when I decided to confess, it then occurred to me that if he didn't reciprocate my feelings for him, things would get really awkward and I might even lose him as a close friend. I really cried myself to sleep for a couple of nights, and sometimes when I listen to his favorite songs on my spotify list, I'd tear up somehow. It's the feeling of not being able to tell someone I truly love them and yet I'll still lose them anyway. It's too helpless and painful for anyone to go through. As each day inched forward to his departure from Singapore, a little part of me breaks inside. I prayed every night to give me strength and stay strong inside, hopefully my emotions will just whiz past me and I can move on. My face swollen every morning from the senseless crying almost every night. I think it's really taking a toll on my body. It's time to close this chapter in my life, the last 9-12 months have been really tormenting and I cannot live my life so miserably... Thanks again for all your advice and I pray for everyone to find their special partner who will love them back unconditionally.

[YellowSaviour]

Since you want to close this chapter. Why not confess? I think that would then be closing the chapter. 

[m88]

I think for once you should be kinder to yourself by plucking up the courage to confess and let your feelings known. Now it's a good time anyway since he'll be away for 4 years. If things get awkward, that's quite a lot of time for any dust to settle. 

 

If you are meant to be, then you two shall be. So be brave for yourself and true to your feelings. Otherwise you'll find it even tougher to move on from this.

[Guest Prohacker_v000]

I have crushed on this guy when we are waiting for posting to other working location. Quite tall n big built. But he is interested in another guy. 

[Guest Klairz]

It's been 4 months since Andy left. There's not one day which I haven't thought about him. I tried furiously to occupy my time every waking moment. Mentally drained, but I know deep down inside my heart aches and somehow find myself thinking about the time we've spent together pre-covid. I came to know from another friend that he's been spending a lot of time at a female classmate's place in UK. It feels terrible to know about it but at least he's happy with whatever happening there... 

[Guest I feel you]

I confessed to my then best friend of 7 years that I liked him. That marked the end of that friendship. I moved on, as hard as it sound, and eventually found another group of friends. During this journey, I met another guy, and we got closed. I confessed to him after 8 years of friendship. He rejected me. And said he will never accept it. It broke me. He said that we shall continue being friends, and we were as close as ever. I moved on now, and I got a partner. He got a girlfriend. And it has been 4 years since that incidents. We are still great friends, at times, sharing issues we have with our partner together. I have actually asked him, why didn't he leave and just forget about this whole friendship. He told me, I am a great friend and he doesn't want to lose me. For that, I am grateful, we may not have turned into a couple together, but that doesn't mean our future together is gone. 

Confessed either way, you will feel free. And if he leave, it will hurt. If he stay, that's a friend you can never lose. 

[Guest Klairz]

Just recently, I wished him happy birthday. Having ignored his texts and messages since Feb this year, I really struggle to form a simple greeting. I'm getting used to not texting him as regularly over the past 10 months. It takes so much courage, pain and effort to erase someone off the mind. Andy must be wondering why I'd suddenly appear so distant, so cold. Sometimes I dream of him at night, having fun together when we hung out, Only to realize how much deep down I still yearn his company. His texts got much lesser now. Maybe once a month, to which I hurtfully try to ignore. I want to be stronger inside, to overcome this phase of life.

[crispyasf]

On 5/25/2020 at 10:17 AM, Guest Try and see said:

 

☝️Story of my life.

From young like to look at guys. Thought it was just a phrase I would outgrow someday. Terrified of anyone ever finding out. Tried to "pray the gay away" many times. Didn't work. 

In the end, just learn to live with it. 

 

 

I am sorry to hear about this. It must have been difficult trying to figure out your sexuality and "praying the gay away." I've been through a similar experience going through "straight therapy." The struggle was real. It still affects the way I see myself and relationships till this day. 

 

As for dating younger guys, I think it doesn't really matter. Do whatever makes you both happy

[GachiMuchi]

Having read your post I can only tell you this :
Time to let go. You and him are not meant to be together.  Since you already found out that he is straight why are you still wasting your time on him? You had enough time to forget him and live the life you want and yet you are mulling over something you can't have.

There is 3 choices you can choose.

1. Continue to treat him as a friend and continue to suffer in silence, but at least you guys are still friends.

2. Cut all ties with him. So that you don't continue to suffer and get on with your life. Go find another person who is worth your love.

3. Come clean and tell him you are gay and had developed feelings for him. It will have 2 scenario, either he accepts you as a gay friend or he totally disassociate himself from you.

 

So. depending on your choices, your path will be determined upon his answer.

Anyway, you should choose to live your life with your head held high and be open about your feelings. but yet be prepared to get rejected, etc.

Life is such. No venture, no gain/no lost.

At least you when you open up. you says what's on your mind and you are prepared, instead of hiding in the shadows living a sad miserable and uncertain life!

[BudakFit]

Just be close friends with him that is all...if you tell him about your feelings he might feel uncomfortable and soon after awkward....so instead of losing him...maintain the friendship. Taking risk to tell him is big NO NO. 

[Guest Wtf]

On 7/9/2021 at 2:52 PM, Guest Klairz said:

Just recently, I wished him happy birthday. Having ignored his texts and messages since Feb this year, I really struggle to form a simple greeting. I'm getting used to not texting him as regularly over the past 10 months. It takes so much courage, pain and effort to erase someone off the mind. Andy must be wondering why I'd suddenly appear so distant, so cold. Sometimes I dream of him at night, having fun together when we hung out, Only to realize how much deep down I still yearn his company. His texts got much lesser now. Maybe once a month, to which I hurtfully try to ignore. I want to be stronger inside, to overcome this phase of life.

there is a lot of good advice given to you here but I would like to recommend that you speak to a counselor or therapist to help you get this situation in perspective and move on with your life, either with or without this guy as part of it. 

[Guest Try and see]

On 7/9/2021 at 9:47 PM, crispyasf said:

I am sorry to hear about this. It must have been difficult trying to figure out your sexuality and "praying the gay away." I've been through a similar experience going through "straight therapy." The struggle was real. It still affects the way I see myself and relationships till this day. 

 

Hi, thanks!

 

Was your "straight therapy" in S'pore? Was it run by a church?

 

How did the therapy affect the way you view relationships? 

 

Hope it's okay for you to share.

[Guest Try and see]

On 2/11/2021 at 2:14 PM, Guest I feel you said:

I confessed to my then best friend of 7 years that I liked him. That marked the end of that friendship. I moved on, as hard as it sound, and eventually found another group of friends. During this journey, I met another guy, and we got closed. I confessed to him after 8 years of friendship. He rejected me. And said he will never accept it. It broke me. He said that we shall continue being friends, and we were as close as ever. I moved on now, and I got a partner. He got a girlfriend. And it has been 4 years since that incidents. We are still great friends, at times, sharing issues we have with our partner together. I have actually asked him, why didn't he leave and just forget about this whole friendship. He told me, I am a great friend and he doesn't want to lose me. For that, I am grateful, we may not have turned into a couple together, but that doesn't mean our future together is gone. 

Confessed either way, you will feel free. And if he leave, it will hurt. If he stay, that's a friend you can never lose. 

 

The first guy you mentioned is the type of straight guy that I hate - the moment they find out you're gay, they shun you like the plague. All the past years of friendship just gets thrown away in a moment.

 

The second guy is much better. Although he couldn't accept being in a gay relationship, but he still values your friendship, and did not treat you any differently after he found out that you are gay.

 

I feel like unfortunately, most gay guys belong to the first group.

[Guest Try and see]

Just now, Guest Try and see said:

I feel like unfortunately, most gay guys belong to the first group.

 

Sorry, I meant to say that most straight guys belong to the first group i.e. the super homophobic type.

[practease]

On 1/2/2020 at 12:11 PM, Guest Klairz said:

I've been reading BW for a while now and I feel this is kinda weird, but I thought I should open up my feelings (at least online) that I feel that I fancy a guy who is 9 years younger than me. We are pretty close (or at least i think!) we text each other, mostly about sports-related stuff, tech-stuff and also about mutual friends (aka gossiping). I really enjoy his company and texting almost every day. I know deep down it's one-sided unrequited love, but I still hope one day we can be closer than good friends/buddies (I'm not sure if this is possible). I've never really felt like this towards another guy, although I know I will not end up getting married with a woman. There were a few occasions where we traveled overseas (in a group) and I snuggled to sleep on the same bed as him (No other intentions) just to see him fall asleep with his cute boyish face under the dim light. He thinks that is "annoying" but still let me on his bed anyways. I'll also admire his nice smooth skin from afar, each time wanting to feel it with my own hands. I will tell myself inside that this boy deserves a good girl instead of a perverted man like me who likes guys. We know each other some time now, I really like him so much but I feel like each time I think of us ever being together, I die a little inside. He may or may not know I have "special" feelings for him (more than a friend) Sometimes I feel who we really love should not be based on whether he/she is a guy/girl😔Sorry for the long post, but I feel that it's a new year and I need to get this off my chest, welcome all comments! Happy 2020 everyone !

 

I hope you are not 19 years old when writing this though...

[RAHDE]

Been reading this thread, interested to know any updates so far Klairz ? (if guest is still around hehe)

[Guest Klairz]

I'm sad to say, he got a Gf and I'm pretty much sidelined. I got what I wanted, trying hard to move on.

[Guest Lol much]

On 12/24/2021 at 3:01 PM, Guest Klairz said:

I'm sad to say, he got a Gf and I'm pretty much sidelined. I got what I wanted, trying hard to move on.

Issit dat female classmate lol

[Guest Klairz]

No… she’s someone from another course studying in the same country as him… he even sent me a picture of them together, his hands comfortably by her shoulders. Sleepless nights for the past 3 days…. 

[Guest curious]

On 12/25/2021 at 11:44 AM, Guest Klairz said:

No… she’s someone from another course studying in the same country as him… he even sent me a picture of them together, his hands comfortably by her shoulders. Sleepless nights for the past 3 days…. 

 

What do you like about him? His youth, body, or character etc?

[singalion]

Well, you can always buy a walking aid in advance...

[singalion]

On 1/2/2020 at 5:11 AM, Guest Klairz said:

I've been reading BW for a while now and I feel this is kinda weird, but I thought I should open up my feelings (at least online) that I feel that I fancy a guy who is 9 years younger than me. We are pretty close (or at least i think!) we text each other, mostly about sports-related stuff, tech-stuff and also about mutual friends (aka gossiping). I really enjoy his company and texting almost every day. I know deep down it's one-sided unrequited love, but I still hope one day we can be closer than good friends/buddies (I'm not sure if this is possible). I've never really felt like this towards another guy, although I know I will not end up getting married with a woman. There were a few occasions where we traveled overseas (in a group) and I snuggled to sleep on the same bed as him (No other intentions) just to see him fall asleep with his cute boyish face under the dim light. He thinks that is "annoying" but still let me on his bed anyways. I'll also admire his nice smooth skin from afar, each time wanting to feel it with my own hands. I will tell myself inside that this boy deserves a good girl instead of a perverted man like me who likes guys. We know each other some time now, I really like him so much but I feel like each time I think of us ever being together, I die a little inside. He may or may not know I have "special" feelings for him (more than a friend) Sometimes I feel who we really love should not be based on whether he/she is a guy/girl😔Sorry for the long post, but I feel that it's a new year and I need to get this off my chest, welcome all comments! Happy 2020 everyone !

 

The fact that he described a gay person as "perverted" told me that the TS is either  straight and rang alarm bells that his "story" is as fictitious as his "perverted" mind....

 

Not going to entertain this...