In love / Crush with my Best straight friend (compiled)

[Hitmeup]

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

[Carpenter]

Uhh dude, you got some issues here. The fantasizing part is ok unless you act on it, then that's a no no.

You find your current bf cute but not physically attractive? (What does this even mean) and has age gap (so you basically saying age Gap is a problem to you but you still stay with him)

Sleep behind his back when you could have discussed it with your bf on how to spice up your love life and finding your sex life lack luster.

You just like to sleep around and basically just holding your bf hostage because you can't bear growing old alone.

[caindukker]

I think it's selfish to waste your boyfriend's time like this. Break up with him and free him from your lies and deceit. 

 

As for you, you need to be a better person. What you're doing now is not nice. 

[mangotsf]

Does your bf know u look for people in the rs? I think it's best if u discuss w this for him if not its cheating...and also, even if u think sex w him is starting to be boring do you think u love him? If u do and if he doesn't know u see people behind his back, wont it hurt him? And what happens if he found out? And lastly does he know you like your best friend. Your in a really bad situation if any of these are true

[fab]

10 hours ago, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

Don't be greedy.

 

Paragraphs please. 

Edited May 31, 2020 by fab

[mith]

sleeping behind your boyfriend back, NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend back with your best friend, NO! NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend bacK with your straight best friend, NO! NO! NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend bacK with your straight best friend who already has a girlfriend, NO! NO! NO! NO!

 

you already committed 4 sins! dont go on that road to self destruction! 

[Hitmeup]

Cute as in his behavior. He is quite fierce towards others but he is quite a lovely guy. No he doesn't know I look for people; and I am not actually actively looking for people? More like if I see someone along the street and if it happens it happens but I am not like actively restraining myself all the times. So after that casual encounters, we may talk a bit, sometimes we don't talk at all and we just part ways..... I don't love my bf for purely sex you know what I mean? I guess we are quite intimate when we are together but not always in that sexual way.and yes, he does know about my best friend.... Maybe not to the extent where I will like to participate in coitus with him but just like like him before. That being said, my best friend is like this guy I can really click with, and throughout our whole friendship, I have never wanted to engaged in anything sexual with him until our friendship has become quite strong, like after 7 to 8 years of knowing each other. I am hoping it will be the same for my partner.... I don't know....

1 hour ago, mangotsf said:

Does your bf know u look for people in the rs? I think it's best if u discuss w this for him if not its cheating...and also, even if u think sex w him is starting to be boring do you think u love him? If u do and if he doesn't know u see people behind his back, wont it hurt him? And what happens if he found out? And lastly does he know you like your best friend. Your in a really bad situation if any of these are true

9 hours ago, Carpenter said:

Uhh dude, you got some issues here. The fantasizing part is ok unless you act on it, then that's a no no.

You find your current bf cute but not physically attractive? (What does this even mean) and has age gap (so you basically saying age Gap is a problem to you but you still stay with him)

Sleep behind his back when you could have discussed it with your bf on how to spice up your love life and finding your sex life lack luster.

You just like to sleep around and basically just holding your bf hostage because you can't bear growing old alone.

 

22 minutes ago, mith said:

sleeping behind your boyfriend back, NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend back with your best friend, NO! NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend bacK with your straight best friend, NO! NO! NO!

sleeping behind your boyfriend bacK with your straight best friend who already has a girlfriend, NO! NO! NO! NO!

 

you already committed 4 sins! dont go on that road to self destruction! 

 

[mith]

3 minutes ago, Hitmeup said:

Cute as in his behavior. He is quite fierce towards others but he is quite a lovely guy. No he doesn't know I look for people; and I am not actually actively looking for people? More like if I see someone along the street and if it happens it happens but I am not like actively restraining myself all the times. So after that casual encounters, we may talk a bit, sometimes we don't talk at all and we just part ways..... I don't love my bf for purely sex you know what I mean? I guess we are quite intimate when we are together but not always in that sexual way.and yes, he does know about my best friend.... Maybe not to the extent where I will like to participate in coitus with him but just like like him before. That being said, my best friend is like this guy I can really click with, and throughout our whole friendship, I have never wanted to engaged in anything sexual with him until our friendship has become quite strong, like after 7 to 8 years of knowing each other. I am hoping it will be the same for my partner.... I don't know....

 

 

 still wanna justify this forbidden love!

 

still dont repent!

 

[Carpenter]

4 hours ago, Hitmeup said:

Cute as in his behavior. He is quite fierce towards others but he is quite a lovely guy. No he doesn't know I look for people; and I am not actually actively looking for people? More like if I see someone along the street and if it happens it happens but I am not like actively restraining myself all the times. So after that casual encounters, we may talk a bit, sometimes we don't talk at all and we just part ways..... I don't love my bf for purely sex you know what I mean? I guess we are quite intimate when we are together but not always in that sexual way.and yes, he does know about my best friend.... Maybe not to the extent where I will like to participate in coitus with him but just like like him before. That being said, my best friend is like this guy I can really click with, and throughout our whole friendship, I have never wanted to engaged in anything sexual with him until our friendship has become quite strong, like after 7 to 8 years of knowing each other. I am hoping it will be the same for my partner.... I don't know....

 

 

I know not all people are able to just love their partner the moment or the first few years they get together but it's no excuse to use it to sleep around. If you really can't be monogamous and wants and open relationship where you can sleep around and he can sleep around with strangers, TALK about it with him. At least if he agree, anytime you sleep around you can just tell him you sleep with that dude without feeling guilty because you guys AGREE to have an open relationship. Just goes and ask what his stand on being in open relationship, at one point if the both of you still wants to be with each others, one of you will have to wield. If not, then both should just break up.

[phewphew]

Dude like this is not cool, does he at least know that u r sleeping around behind him? If not you are cheating on both emotional and physical levels! 

1 hour ago, Carpenter said:

I know not all people are able to just love their partner the moment or the first few years they get together but it's no excuse to use it to sleep around. If you really can't be monogamous and wants and open relationship where you can sleep around and he can sleep around with strangers, TALK about it with him. At least if he agree, anytime you sleep around you can just tell him you sleep with that dude without feeling guilty because you guys AGREE to have an open relationship. Just goes and ask what his stand on being in open relationship, at one point if the both of you still wants to be with each others, one of you will have to wield. If not, then both should just break up.

As @Carpenter said, talk to him, as much as I not a supporter of open relationships, if that's what y'all can agree on, its still better than sneaking around his back :/

[koolkai]

20 hours ago, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

Please leave your bf. it is not fair to him who is there for you when you need him but at the end of the day, you simply do not really love him at all but have affairs outside. Both of you should remain just as friends then.

[fab]

3 minutes ago, koolkai said:

 

Please leave your bf. it is not fair to him who is there for you when you need him but at the end of the day, you simply do not really love him at all but have affairs outside. Both of you should remain just as friends then.

 

Agree, please leave your bf alone.

 

He deserves someone who loves him wholeheartedly,  a better lover.

[mangotsf]

12 hours ago, Hitmeup said:

Cute as in his behavior. He is quite fierce towards others but he is quite a lovely guy. No he doesn't know I look for people; and I am not actually actively looking for people? More like if I see someone along the street and if it happens it happens but I am not like actively restraining myself all the times. So after that casual encounters, we may talk a bit, sometimes we don't talk at all and we just part ways..... I don't love my bf for purely sex you know what I mean? I guess we are quite intimate when we are together but not always in that sexual way.and yes, he does know about my best friend.... Maybe not to the extent where I will like to participate in coitus with him but just like like him before. That being said, my best friend is like this guy I can really click with, and throughout our whole friendship, I have never wanted to engaged in anything sexual with him until our friendship has become quite strong, like after 7 to 8 years of knowing each other. I am hoping it will be the same for my partner.... I don't know....

 

 

 

This does not answer my question at all. He knows u like your best friend sure but what about u sleeping w others? That is really unfair to him if u did not tell him. I think it's best if u have not, to talk to him about having an open rs. This is pretty srs lol and srs situation requires tons of COMMUNICATION

[raind]

Supposed u have to be clear about whether you want your friend as a friend or a partner. And whether you want your partner as a partner or a friend.

 

The saying the partner is the best friend is ideal but seldom is the case. So please don’t mix the two up. 
 

and oh, sleeping outside a relationship. No, will not judge as we all manage relationships differently. 

[fab]

Ts, don't mind me asking?

 

Which country r you from? 

 

Do you not learn paragraphs in school?

[Hitmeup]

Yeah.... One is my best friend. One is my partner. I have always thought I drew a clear distinction between them both, but at times, that line gets blurry and my mind plays scenarios that will never happen. It has been like this 3 years ago, and he has a girlfriend now. The odds are stacked against me and it is obvious those fantasies of mine will only stay as that.

I see my partner as a partner. I can't see anyone else replacing him, nor envisage a future with a guy apart from him, not even my best friend. I guess after everything and much thinking, I guess my best friend is forbidden fruit. Something so tempting but given a choice, I wouldn't have trade him for my partner position.

 

To speak about an open relationship will break him. I can't afford to do that 

I guess my only option is to just suck it up and really man up. I shouldn't give in to temptations all the time; that's what animals do. I really got to keep reminding myself of my own self worth and not let those who want a taste of me to have me.

 

All in all, my main takeaway is,

1) best friend and partner, the differentiating line may be blurred due to a moment of lust and past relationship, but I got to remind myself of the man who stood by me in my ups and downs

 

2) my own self worth. My worth isn't defined by the number of people who yearn for a taste of me; it is rather define by my principles and other intangible things. I got to keep reminding myself not to give in to satisfy a moment of lust, and I can do better. I am worth much more.

 

Thank you guys for all your input, in one way or another, I guess it reminded me of what's important. Thank you 

[mith]

mei yan kan.

[Guest ummmm]

  

8 hours ago, Hitmeup said:

Yeah.... One is my best friend. One is my partner. I have always thought I drew a clear distinction between them both, but at times, that line gets blurry and my mind plays scenarios that will never happen. It has been like this 3 years ago, and he has a girlfriend now. The odds are stacked against me and it is obvious those fantasies of mine will only stay as that.

I see my partner as a partner. I can't see anyone else replacing him, nor envisage a future with a guy apart from him, not even my best friend. I guess after everything and much thinking, I guess my best friend is forbidden fruit. Something so tempting but given a choice, I wouldn't have trade him for my partner position.

 

To speak about an open relationship will break him. I can't afford to do that 

I guess my only option is to just suck it up and really man up. I shouldn't give in to temptations all the time; that's what animals do. I really got to keep reminding myself of my own self worth and not let those who want a taste of me to have me.

 

All in all, my main takeaway is,

1) best friend and partner, the differentiating line may be blurred due to a moment of lust and past relationship, but I got to remind myself of the man who stood by me in my ups and downs

 

2) my own self worth. My worth isn't defined by the number of people who yearn for a taste of me; it is rather define by my principles and other intangible things. I got to keep reminding myself not to give in to satisfy a moment of lust, and I can do better. I am worth much more.

 

Thank you guys for all your input, in one way or another, I guess it reminded me of what's important. Thank you 

 

ummm 

 

don't understand why you talk about your best straight friend as if there might be a possibility between you and him. he is not a forbidden fruit if there is no possibility to begin with. if you make further advances at him, most likely he will just get freaked out and cut you off. i think the line is probably blurred only on your end. 

 

next, if you're halfway decent, you will come clean to your bf about your affairs, and let him decide how this relationship should move forward. if you have to keep reminding yourself not to cheat, most likely you will end up cheating again. i don't think it has to do with your self-worth (you pretty much made it clear that your bf is not attractive to you, and you have a number of people who "yearn for a taste of you") 

 

I think you might have a penchant of lying to yourself. If you can be truthful to yourself that you're just young and horny, you will save yourself and others around you a lot of misery. 

 

 

[wkayz]

Another funny post. 

 

If he's straight, move on.

 

(by the way, how can you fall for your best friend?) Isn't Best friends supposed to mean platonic friendships like Bro, or Sis? lol

[Boydsg]

We always yearn for things we can't have. We always neglect things we have. 

 

These phenomenons are commonly known as "being human"., 😜 

[earth_tone]

-

Edited September 12, 2021 by earth_tone

[KINKYMALAY]

I just found out, the straight friend I had a crush on many years back is.... one of us. Long story short - he found himself - which is great. Sad is he is already attached since then. How did I not know until recently? I 'broke' away from him, cause it was getting too painful falling in love with a straight guy. I cried that night when he revealed to me. But I was glad he opened up. I asked him about back then, he said he did sense that I could be gay, but didn't ask me if I was one. And he knew I like him much BUT he was fighting his own battle to be straight. Well, I think some of us has gone through that. Strangely I didn't get mad at the revelation. I think maybe I've moved on. Just that at times, I thought what if, he had found himself back then. We spent a lot of time together back then and the moments when he paid attention to me was nice, but the moments when he had girls throwing themselves at him was painful. #JustAnotherRant

[KINKYMALAY]

On 7/19/2020 at 11:55 PM, earth_tone said:

I can't imagine falling for my best straight male friend... even if I try to bed him, I don't think it will feel right

Even my best gay (role-compatible) male friend... it will feel equally gross

That's true... it is always weird to do it with friends whom you have known for long, then later discover they are gay too.

[yoyo74]

I also fall in love with my straight best friend before and that is before i even come out of the closet. Date him for decades. Hoping he would not go find other gf. Wait him until he reach the age of 35 and i proposed with him to get a house together and he even agree to it as our relationship is so good. Think the pressure finally get into him and than his taxi colleague introduce him a China girl relative to the wife of his taxi colleague. He finally said he want to marry the girl so the get house together plan was fully blown away. I finally wake up from my dream land wasting so many years with him. Finally break out of the closet and with the most important task at hand to find all the gay guys. To find people of the same kind as me. I ask the only gay friend i know through secondary school when he had his gaydar detected on me. I search through the internet on how to meet gay guys and the rest is history...

[GachiMuchi]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:25 AM, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

With a nick like @Hitmeup Isn't it clear? Attached and still going to Changi Business Park, Woodlands and still searching in Missed Connection. It is apparent that you are not ready to settle down. Your spirit is in love, but the cock/ass is wanting action. Your mind is wondering around and still "hoping" for that perfect catch.

I've mentioned in previous post that; to be in a relationship, one need to accommodate, compromise and sacrifice. So, if you are not ready to sacrifice and letting your cock/ass go astray, then you should not be in a relationship. Just be happily single and don't go into a relationship and hurt the one you "love". 

 

Or maybe you don't even know what is love. You like to feeling of being in love but you don't actually know what love is and don't know how to love another person, yet.  So, don't waste your own time and your partner's time and set him free for him find someone that can love him.

That said, your best friend is not your life partner either. He might be your confidante or buddy, but he will have his path to walk and his path is not with you. Forcing yourself to walk with him might meant end of your buddy relationship with him. Just be glad that he still regards you as his friend. So don't screw yourself up and end up losing a friend.

 

You come across as a selfish person who wants to have his cake and eat it. Do be careful, karma might hit you when you least expected and you might end up losing everything.

 

三思而后行!

[begleitung]

On 6/1/2020 at 12:38 AM, Hitmeup said:

Yeah.... One is my best friend. One is my partner. I have always thought I drew a clear distinction between them both, but at times, that line gets blurry and my mind plays scenarios that will never happen. It has been like this 3 years ago, and he has a girlfriend now. The odds are stacked against me and it is obvious those fantasies of mine will only stay as that.

I see my partner as a partner. I can't see anyone else replacing him, nor envisage a future with a guy apart from him, not even my best friend. I guess after everything and much thinking, I guess my best friend is forbidden fruit. Something so tempting but given a choice, I wouldn't have trade him for my partner position.

 

To speak about an open relationship will break him. I can't afford to do that 

I guess my only option is to just suck it up and really man up. I shouldn't give in to temptations all the time; that's what animals do. I really got to keep reminding myself of my own self worth and not let those who want a taste of me to have me.

 

All in all, my main takeaway is,

1) best friend and partner, the differentiating line may be blurred due to a moment of lust and past relationship, but I got to remind myself of the man who stood by me in my ups and downs

 

2) my own self worth. My worth isn't defined by the number of people who yearn for a taste of me; it is rather define by my principles and other intangible things. I got to keep reminding myself not to give in to satisfy a moment of lust, and I can do better. I am worth much more.

 

Thank you guys for all your input, in one way or another, I guess it reminded me of what's important. Thank you 

Odd is against u?  Did u ever have a chance at all with that guy?

[begleitung]

On 9/13/2020 at 4:40 PM, KINKYMALAY said:

I just found out, the straight friend I had a crush on many years back is.... one of us. Long story short - he found himself - which is great. Sad is he is already attached since then. How did I not know until recently? I 'broke' away from him, cause it was getting too painful falling in love with a straight guy. I cried that night when he revealed to me. But I was glad he opened up. I asked him about back then, he said he did sense that I could be gay, but didn't ask me if I was one. And he knew I like him much BUT he was fighting his own battle to be straight. Well, I think some of us has gone through that. Strangely I didn't get mad at the revelation. I think maybe I've moved on. Just that at times, I thought what if, he had found himself back then. We spent a lot of time together back then and the moments when he paid attention to me was nice, but the moments when he had girls throwing themselves at him was painful. #JustAnotherRant

He must have been very gd looking with girlss throwing themselves at him, n u too. 

[Librium]

2 hours ago, Since u r here said:

If only our best(str) fren is so open abt it.....

I dont mind the cuddle

This somehow comforts a bit, when you’re going through the struggles

[Librium]

6 minutes ago, Since u r here said:

yup! i felt so although they knew it is never possible to go byond that 
but sadly it ONLY happened in drama

 

Yeah, total agreement on that. Unless you’re prepared to bear the pain, else it’s best not to let yourself fall into any guys unless you are able to know he’s at least bi

[Guest guessing game]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:25 AM, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

for all those reading this and feeling super blur, here the pointers:

 

1) TS is in a relationship with a gay guy. He is doing hanky panky behind his gay bf's back

 

2) TS's has a straight friend he is sexually attracted to, but the straight friend has a girlfriend.

(eventually his bf is bisexual and has a girlfriend at the same time, but TS should have clarified this as his third sentence ["I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too"] is confusing).

My personal interpretation: he calls his straight friend boyfriend as in male friend (but here he is not referring to his actual gay bf).

It is not said whether TS has sexually intercourse with his straight friend.

 

3) TS doesn't find his gay bf physically attractive. There is an unrevealed age gap between TS and his gay bf.

 

4) The sentence in the brackets the word should probably read as "love" and not live. (From the word I read through the lines he has sexual flings with the supposed to be straight friend, seems more the friend is bisexual).

 

Hope it helps a bit to understand what TS meant to share...

[singalion]

On 9/13/2020 at 5:53 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

With a nick like @Hitmeup Isn't it clear? Attached and still going to Changi Business Park, Woodlands and still searching in Missed Connection. It is apparent that you are not ready to settle down. Your spirit is in love, but the cock/ass is wanting action. Your mind is wondering around and still "hoping" for that perfect catch.

I've mentioned in previous post that; to be in a relationship, one need to accommodate, compromise and sacrifice. So, if you are not ready to sacrifice and letting your cock/ass go astray, then you should not be in a relationship. Just be happily single and don't go into a relationship and hurt the one you "love". 

 

Or maybe you don't even know what is love. You like to feeling of being in love but you don't actually know what love is and don't know how to love another person, yet.  So, don't waste your own time and your partner's time and set him free for him find someone that can love him.

That said, your best friend is not your life partner either. He might be your confidante or buddy, but he will have his path to walk and his path is not with you. Forcing yourself to walk with him might meant end of your buddy relationship with him. Just be glad that he still regards you as his friend. So don't screw yourself up and end up losing a friend.

 

You come across as a selfish person who wants to have his cake and eat it. Do be careful, karma might hit you when you least expected and you might end up losing everything.

 

三思而后行!

 

 

Sorry if I rebut, but your post seems a bit too traditionalist if not too "religious" in its rigid way of looking at life scenarios.

 

Even straight married couples encounter flings throughout their marriage.

Is their behaviour wrong? Should we judge on them?

We do not know the situation. The wife might have no mood for any sex ( and this for years).

I don't need to tell you that you are horny and what in many cases will happen.

In your conclusion the sexually deprived married man would need to jerk in the toilet to keep his oath to his wife.

 

What happens in straight relationships will happen in gay relationships.

There are 300 or more threads here on BW on cheating gay boyfriends.

Should all be living monogamously?

Must we confine them in being forced to continue having sex with their gay life partners even if they don't enjoy it?

Who are we to judge?

 

We can even look at the reasons for "adultery". We won't come to any conclusion.

 

In my personal experience, both gay partners are mostly not innocent. The fling can happen to both.

Let them be adults and handle such situations on their own.

 

Some have this idea of relationships and marriages necessarily being monogamous. 

I came to terms, it is an ideal scenario but not realistic. 

In most cases it won't work out. 

 

We should not come and impose our views on them.

 

And take a look at grown gay relationships (even before marriage was open to them):

There is a band of love between those partners. And I m certain both partners were not monogamous at all times. But they are still in love. 

If you boil a relationship to just sex and monogamous lifestyle, then I m sorry if I need to tell you, you don't know what love means in real.

 

And some people need time to figure out what love means and what it is about.

[singalion]

@Hitmeup

 

You need to know the risk of having flings. One day your bf will find out and then you have a lot of trouble. And it might be the end of your gay relationship. 

 

Saying to your gay bf:  he is not your physical attraction is a bit a bad thing to do. 

You cited the reasons why you are with him. 

You must figure out for yourself if he is the "guy of your life". 

 

With your straight friend. Keep him as a friend if you can reconcile your lust and desires with the friendship. If it is a burden, then better cool down. 

Come to ground and learn, straight guys are not sexual objects for gays and stop idolising straight guys. 

You are having problems of accepting yourself as a gay person if you continue looking at straight guys the way you do. 

Anyway: sex and friendship doesn't work out at all. You need to draw a line. I m not sure why you run on such fantasies with a straight friend. 

 

With your gay bf I predict you will come into the same situation even if you restrain yourself in having flings with other guys outside. It will bump up again and again. 

If you can maintain the sex with your gay bf then it is good and do as long as you can. 

But if you are overcome by your lust, you will need to accept that one day your relationship with your gay bf might be at end. 

 

But be ready for the one day when you will need to talk to your gay bf after he discovered your infidelity. In such situations it all depends on how strong you love is and on how many pillars you built your relationship. 

You need to know what you will explain to him without hurting him too much. 

 

One last thing: Start to accept your gay bf in looks. If you can't then you are just betraying yourself. It is difficult in the long term to love someone who you don't find attractive. Please be aware looks are degrading on the way... 

[TT2880]

Hello.

 

This is such a good case to explain the dilemma arising out of our insatiable mind. 

I feel that HMU is pretty clear of what he wants and what he has. He is actually counting his blessing. Content of his relationship and his friendship that are very important to him and he does cherish them. 

 

But he is facing a struggle in his mind. He knew he could not change it, while accepting it, he still carries his fantasy. That fantasy is the burden now. At times, he failed when is too good to let the opportunity slip (the flings, of course). That doesn't mean that he doesn't love his bf. Of course many would said, if you claimed that you love someone so much, you wld be able to control yourself. Well, not that I am defending his act but we need to understand if love alone can do miracles, then how do we explained many tragedy that is due to love. Have you not heard of people who part because they love one another. And many other scenarios which of course anyone of us can think of from our own personal encounters. 

 

What is the key word here in @Hitmeup beginning message, is RANT. He jus want to let it out as he felt he got to let it out and perhaps letting it out here is the safest. And hope that by doing so, he is able to work on this struggle. He can see clearer and move on from here. 

 

May you find your clarity in seeing your desires, expectations and peace. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Edited September 15, 2020 by TT2880
Edit

[Guest Beach]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:25 AM, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

you are just a self-entitled whore who don’t give a f about people around you. It is always...ME ME ME. I want him. I want sex. I don’t find him attractive. You slept behind his back to repay him? That is being grateful? Break up with him, he deserves better. As for you bff, dream till your dong wither and he will have his dick in all holes except yours.

[KINKYMALAY]

14 hours ago, begleitung said:

He must have been very gd looking with girlss throwing themselves at him, n u too. 

Haha. He look manly and damn straight, with hot lean body and that cool guy aura.

[begleitung]

1 hour ago, KINKYMALAY said:

Haha. He look manly and damn straight, with hot lean body and that cool guy aura.

No wonder so many fell 4 him. 

[Guest UWU]

I think it’s fine to rant and have fantasies. I do have fantasies of my straight friends too. I can’t help it unfortunately (sue me!). But what I can do, and you can try too, is to develop a stronger mind and keep reminding yourself that it’s just all in your head and things won’t work out. Create a mental barrier/line that stops yourself from going too far/acting out on your fantasies/from letting yourself fall deeper and deeper into the void.

i think at least you know that thinking such things of your best friend and doing anything to him is wrong. It’s okay to rant every now and then imo, or to rant in a journal to release some of that energy. Just be self aware of your emotions and thoughts.

 

Which then leads to your boyfriend.

i’ve heard of couples who are married, but agree that they can have flings outside the marriage because they can’t satisfy each other in bed. But that’s an arrangement they both agreed upon. (I know there are those not agreed upon but i digress) In my opinion, it’ll be good to chat with your BF about your sexual needs because atm, it seems like it’s impt for you to be sexually satisfied.
(Personally, I find that a tad self-centred because I’ll want my partner to be satisfied together with me, but idk if that’s supposed to be the norm in a relationship. I’m too noob to know the convention, if there’s any.)

Of course, you need to be prepared to lose everything if you do talk about this and your flings with him.

 If you don’t want to talk about it and instead want to “man up”, then perhaps explore other ways he can satisfy you, while he gets off too. Toys? Public? Or change your priorities and rethink if getting off is really that important to you.

 

 

[Notti]

I would never share the piece of meat with another. No way!

[Kimochi]

2 hours ago, Notti said:

I would never share the piece of meat with another. No way!

Seems selfish yet in a funny manner the way you put it! Then imagine you replying it out loud.  Hahahahahahaha 

[earth_tone]

-

Edited September 12, 2021 by earth_tone

[yoyo74]

On 9/15/2020 at 7:28 AM, Since u r here said:

If only our best(str) fren is so open abt it.....

I dont mind the cuddle

Some times i would bring my friends home. I also tell them to rest their head on my shoulders to hug this way same as this video lol. The only thing is that i exclude the kissing mouth to mouth part as i dont like saliva. Body to body contact is really a nice feeling

[manehiso]

19 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

Some times i would bring my friends home. I also tell them to rest their head on my shoulders to hug this way same as this video lol. The only thing is that i exclude the kissing mouth to mouth part as i dont like saliva. Body to body contact is really a nice feeling

That's such an apt video for this topic!

Did u like really search YouTube for that vid for your reply?

[yoyo74]

1 minute ago, manehiso said:

That's such an apt video for this topic!

Did u like really search YouTube for that vid for your reply?

I just see the video in the link not search Youtube for it

[Guest hi there]

Don't know to call myself a straight or bi.  Here's my thing.  I have a liking of one friend and just would like to have an experience with him. like jo with him just for once. I probably won't suck him.  If he want to suck me, I don't mind.  Both married. Hope there is a chance.  I understand that straight friends also jo together.  

[GachiMuchi]

15 hours ago, Guest hi there said:

Don't know to call myself a straight or bi.  Here's my thing.  I have a liking of one friend and just would like to have an experience with him. like jo with him just for once. I probably won't suck him.  If he want to suck me, I don't mind.  Both married. Hope there is a chance.  I understand that straight friends also jo together.  

Well, you might feel for him, but does he feel for you? How close are you guys?

Str8 guys usually won't anyhow let other guys jo or bj unless e.g. his wife is pregnant and he had not had sex for a long time. he is incarcerated in prison or stuck in dormitories, on ship, in the army, etc. Many str8 will go to Geylang, or go for massage parlor and pay for the extras service, some might try their luck at pubs, etc.

 

Things can turn out great that you get your wish or a nightmare and lose your friend but the next time you see him again and things will be awkward, he might avoide you or you might end up in jail for molestation or sexual harassment.

 

So, do think with your brain and not your cock head.

 

In those stories of str8 friends that jo together, it happens when young, and when there were no other avenues for sex, but as adults, there are so many avenues, it's unlikely that str8 will go for men as their 1st option. But if they do go for men, it's likely that they could possibility be gay or bi or really very curious.

 

When I was in primary and secondary, I have had jo and bj with classmates before but they turned out to be str8, married and had kids.  And as kids, we were exploring and curious how it feels and that does not means they will turn out to be gay.  I also know of a people who after being married and a few kids later went to sauna to explore their sexuality and try gay sex.

 

So it's 可遇不可求。

 

My 2 cents.

[fetish72]

Is a big No for me to try straight guy friend or sleeping with your own friends. You can just lay your pride and dignity like that as the ocean is so big why have to be your friend even worse he is straight. This will give a strong negative impact on gay community.

[nicjude]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:25 AM, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

Sounds like you have unresolved issues with your partner. To have such strong feelings towards someone outside your relationship - not to mention the infidelity - is a big problem with any relationship. It seems like you need to find yourself or find someone else. 

[Guest Guest]

On 6/1/2020 at 12:38 AM, Hitmeup said:

 

To speak about an open relationship will break him. I can't afford to do that 

I guess my only option is to just suck it up and really man up. I shouldn't give in to temptations all the time; that's what animals do. I really got to keep reminding myself of my own self worth and not let those who want a taste of me to have me.

 

 

Over the years, my view of rs has changed from being exclusive to semi-open. We humans are unlike most animals. We have sex not only for procreation but for pleasure. To suppress that sexual desire for new sex partners, forever and ever, is difficult for most ppl, esp for those who themselves are sexually attractive. The temptations are just too many to resist. To me, being sexually exclusive to your partner is not a testament of true love. It is just a lifestyle choice. Some can honor the choice, some just can't bc sexual desire is such a powerful force. I pass no judgement on it. I also see sex as a mere physical act and nothing more. 

 

So for me, if i have a bf, and esp if he's sexually attractive, I'm open to him having fun occasionally with other guys, rather than insist on him doing quite the impossible. Some ground rules need to be set. On my part, I'm willing to be exclusive to him bc my sex drive isn't that strong to begin with.

 

If you can't remain faithful, I suggest you gradually hint to bf about having open rs, to allow each other to hv occasional flings. Dun assume he can't take it. For all you know, he's also doing it behind your back. Alternatively, if you think  u can control your urge from now on, there's no need to come clean with him of your past infidelities. What he doesn't know isn't going to hurt him. More impt is to change your ways. Hope this helps.

[FattChoy]

On 5/31/2020 at 12:25 AM, Hitmeup said:

Hi just wanna rant. 

So i like my best straight friend. He knows it too and despite of that, we are still friends. I got a boyfriend now, who is really great, and he got a girlfriend too. But at times, i still fraternize about him and we still talked and he still wished me for the best for my partner and i but i feel a little torn. So hard. I think i will just live on with it and have him as close to me as possible (well, after all, he did tell me he will never live me in that way as he is straight) but does that means being unfair to my boyfriend? Arh! Conflicted. To add on, i don't really find my man physically attractive, he is cute, a great and fabulous man who have been by my side through my high and low,  and i really am so grateful to have him in my life, but sex wise..... I tend to look for others behind his back >< i have been trying to be more exclusive, but it's hard. We have an age gap too, but arh i don't know! Thanks for hearing me rant. 

 

 

 

Generally if I have a best friend whom I begin to have feelings for, I would make up my mind not to romantically or sexually be involved with him.  I would mind what I say.  It's not an easy thing to cultivate.  I remembered the first time I felt that way was towards my university mate.  I remembered I happened to be resting on the opposite bed in his room and he was taking a nap in his shorts.  And I was fixated, staring at his body as his ribcage went up and down as he breathed in his calm sleep.  

 

I told myself that my friend is not stupid and sooner or later he would realize I have an attraction to him.  So I went cold turkey and avoided him for a good three weeks or so, just by not being around him.  It worked, my feelings of infatuation for him went away, and I get to keep my best friend for life.

 

However, I wonder if TS has a bigger and deeper issue of being stuck with an unsatisfactory partner? 

[Librium]

On 10/17/2020 at 1:08 PM, FattChoy said:

 

 

 

Generally if I have a best friend whom I begin to have feelings for, I would make up my mind not to romantically or sexually be involved with him.  I would mind what I say.  It's not an easy thing to cultivate.  I remembered the first time I felt that way was towards my university mate.  I remembered I happened to be resting on the opposite bed in his room and he was taking a nap in his shorts.  And I was fixated, staring at his body as his ribcage went up and down as he breathed in his calm sleep.  

 

I told myself that my friend is not stupid and sooner or later he would realize I have an attraction to him.  So I went cold turkey and avoided him for a good three weeks or so, just by not being around him.  It worked, my feelings of infatuation for him went away, and I get to keep my best friend for life.

 

However, I wonder if TS has a bigger and deeper issue of being stuck with an unsatisfactory partner? 

It would be awesome if most scenarios ended up like yours.

 

I tired so hard to be cold turkey to him but ended up a total fail. So hard to bear such unbelievable pain and depressed for months throughout. Worst is being needed to meet everyday, until finally exhausted and gave up on this friendship and finally, turned cold towards him. Unfortunately, pain didn’t got lesser.

 

Time passes and finally slowly walking out the negative emotions recently, then slowly picking up conversation w him again. Really slow, as both parties can feel the distance so clearly.

 

Felt this friendship wouldn’t get ruined this way if I can deal with my own feelings earlier in a more matured way.

 

Anyway, sincerely hope it’ll be turning into the good way now on.