40 & Single Discussion : Gay men over 45 far more likely to be single + How is gay life like after 40 years old & beyond (compiled)

[Boydsg]

For what it's worth, I am above 40 and average bod and looks. But no problems meeting guys and no lost of drive and energy 

[upshot]

On 5/2/2021 at 2:29 PM, Max2020 said:

As i am growing older my focus and priority have changed. I appreciate more deeper and meaningful relationship. I found myself more eager to contribute back. I give more priority for the well being of ppl under my care. I think the stability in our career in this stage partly contributes to this change of behaviour. Although it is inevitable that our physical and outward appearance is declining I feel much happier, more confident and at peace now.

Always good if one can take the time to PAY IT FORWARD....instead of always taking and taking and taking from people.

[tic-toc]

When I reached my 40s, I thought my sex life was over. But it turned out to be my best 5-6 years of my entire life. Unfortunately, the peak died down after that..... 

[Guest Mean what?]

9 hours ago, tic-toc said:

When I reached my 40s, I thought my sex life was over. But it turned out to be my best 5-6 years of my entire life. Unfortunately, the peak died down after that..... 

Freedom for about 5-6 years, after 40, before you start getting horny and desperate again? Is that what you mean?

[Guest Uncle]

On 5/19/2021 at 7:19 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

It is not completely off topic. 

 

For a gay man after 40 years old, to make losses is not a bad option if there is sufficient wealth, and if it brings some satisfaction.  With the end of life comes SURELY a loss of ALL the money if any is left.  So why wait to lose it all at once?  Most gays don't have children and grandchildren to leave their fortune to,  and even if they have, why cannot they make their own fortune?  

Gay after40? Depends. Some are lonely. Ugly. Unwanted. Desperate and poor. Others are glam, glitz and gymfit. It's entirely about age?? I doubt

[Sirius_m]

Age is really a number recording the physical time we spent in this lifetime. The meaning we assign to it is what makes the difference.

Finding an identity, a life companion and our place in society - I believe this is common for all of us. In this search, everyone has written his unique story. We may have faltered in all our different ways in our 20s and 30s, but I believe that there is always hope to pick ourselves up as long as we persevere.

I lived years of my life thinking my life has lost its meaning. Every day was a chore. And I think this is a common theme for some of us. 

All i can say is chin up. Do what you feel that you will not regret on your deathbed.

Even the most reckless deeds have a life lesson to teach us - it's not shameful to have done wrong. It is to have not lived a life.

 

[Guest Wrong!]

16 hours ago, Guest Uncle said:

Gay after40? Depends. Some are lonely. Ugly. Unwanted. Desperate and poor. Others are glam, glitz and gymfit. It's entirely about age?? I doubt

You are myopic.  There is no extreme right or left of ideal nor non ideal.   Gay in their 40s usually falls between the range you mentioned.  There are very good looking gymfit guy who are poor and very undesirable looking guy who are successful.   Glam and Glitz may look ideal for some but not for others.  I still prefer the average Joe and live a more down to earth humble life without that unnecessary "Glam and Glitz" element even if we can afford it.  

[Guest Howard56]

Hello. 40 is the new 25, so it is no longer consider old

[Guest Fatty]

On 7/24/2021 at 7:35 PM, Guest Uncle said:

Gay after40? Depends. Some are lonely. Ugly. Unwanted. Desperate and poor. Others are glam, glitz and gymfit. It's entirely about age?? I doubt

Unker, so which are you? 

[lonelyglobe]

On 7/24/2021 at 7:35 PM, Guest Uncle said:

Gay after40? Depends. Some are lonely. Ugly. Unwanted. Desperate and poor. Others are glam, glitz and gymfit. It's entirely about age?? I doubt

Is the same as straight guy after 40.

[Guest guest]

3 hours ago, lonelyglobe said:

Is the same as straight guy after 40.

Those straight guys who are after 40 year old still single, how high chance are they really straight who don't want to get married or they are gay but they do not accept it?

[practease]

 

[fitcubsg]

when you turn 40, at a blink of an eye, you turn 48, are the 40s the new 30s? I am not sure but I know that I am much happier at 48, the lessons you learn makes one stronger to face the daily tribulations in life. The gay community is wrought with agiesm, but its hard to change people's mindset when social media only plays on youth :-). That being said, there is always life after 40, surround youself with friends who love and support you. Do the things you overlooked before. Enjoy oneself, life is too short for worries.

[mate69]

I do what I want

Eat what I want

Wear what I want

Go where I want

Say what I want

I don't give a fark at this age what other people think/say/feel

Edited August 10, 2021 by mate69

[Looking123]

For me, since I started very late, I'm kinda still looking for a companion (LTR or MTR or..). So, it's somewhat discouraging that some people will not even reply me when I pm them. It's ok, I understand since I could also be choosy. I guess it'll make me value such friend(s) more.

[Guest Fatty]

On 7/31/2021 at 2:15 PM, Guest guest said:

Those straight guys who are after 40 year old still single, how high chance are they really straight who don't want to get married or they are gay but they do not accept it?

They are the rejects 

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Guest Fatty said:

They are the rejects 

 

Nobody has to be a reject

[practease]

 

[Guest Guest]

On 8/10/2021 at 3:34 PM, fitcubsg said:

The gay community is wrought with agiesm, but its hard to change people's mindset when social media only plays on youth :-). 

Quite sad tho..... 

Juz like many keep saying "size doesn't matter " but e truth is "size does matter"

Put e 2 size together n see who got more taker. 

[Guest lonely]

Have long given up finding a partner.

 

More worried of retirement now than anything. Focus on earning and saving money while taking care of my aged parents.

 

Just curious. How many of you have not bought your own house yet?

[G_M]

On 4/18/2022 at 12:28 PM, Since u r here said:

i hope after 50s i still got the energy to change bus and mrt to orch and city?!!!if not better stay at the city area

 

 

many felt punggol and SEngkang are heavenly and they console themselves , it is waterfront too - not sure why though
prolly cos w the extensive MRT , most who lived at City matured est., will insist nowhere is considered too far in sg
 

+ Uniqlo/Daiso and Donki etc shops spread themselves everywhere

 

After few of your accounts had been banned, you still have not learned the lesson of not going out of topic?

 

You seriously wants me to ban your last account then you are happy is it?

Empty vessels make the most noise. 

 

Why do you so much attention? 

 

There is a difference between being helping and being an nuscience.

 1 week suspension for your account.

 

[Guest 滥贱 冰冰]

G_M 

 

NUSCIENCE,

 

hmmm, that is some new term. 

 

☺️☺️☺️

[fitcubsg]

On 4/17/2022 at 11:13 PM, Guest Guest said:

Quite sad tho..... 

Juz like many keep saying "size doesn't matter " but e truth is "size does matter"

Put e 2 size together n see who got more taker. 

Unfortunately, everything matters, but you just work on yourself, the needs, the wants, the health.....maintenance key. look on the bright side, the pandemic has forced everyone to take a hard look at one's life.

[cutejack]

As per topic, gays life after 40s is great. Less stress as we r single n no commitments. No need to rush for money n wealth.  Less being selfish unlike those married str8s.  

Just lean back n rest yr head. Eat moderately,  be nice to everyone n mix well with everyone with open heart n mind. Try to give some of yr earnings or income thru charity n pray to God. Life will be great. 

[Guest Guest]

On 4/25/2022 at 12:55 PM, cutejack said:

 mix well with everyone with open heart n mind. 

To be frank, it's difficult to find genius friend at this age. 

[cutejack]

On 4/25/2022 at 10:03 PM, Guest Guest said:

To be frank, it's difficult to find genius friend at this age. 

Can if u r one .

[doncoin]

One of the things I have been doing since I turned 40 is started going out on my own, especially when I travel for work. In the past, I would order room service and stay in my room. But for the past 8 years, I have started either eating at the hotel restaurant or asking the concierge to recommend places to go eat and I have no problems doing by myself. 

 

Also I have started going to events by myself if friends can't make it, like the theatre, concerts, etc. I find it a lot easier as i.) you don't really talk during the show, and ii.) you get to meet new people and make friends. 

 

I definitely like myself a whole lot more in my 40s. With age comes the confidence in knowing who you are, and that helps a lot in moving forward with the rest of your life. 

[Guest Guest]

At tis age, better oredi be a successful gay with high earning, car, condo n not still a broken gay who has nothing. 

[doncoin]

On 4/25/2022 at 2:07 PM, Guest Guest said:

At tis age, better oredi be a successful gay with high earning, car, condo n not still a broken gay who has nothing. 

 

It's all relative isn't it? One of my good friends is technically a multi-millionaire. We have been friends for nearly 16 years now and have been sharing a beach house every summer for the past 10 years or so. On paper, he has everything you have listed. In the past, when I was younger, I did compare myself sub-consciously with him, and it has led to nothing but envy on my part. He has been an amazing friend, and we have been through quite a bit together. I recognized that the envy I had, was unhealthy and it should not be the factor that affects our friendship. 

 

When live within your means, you realised there is really very little that you lacked in your life. Enjoy and appreciate the success you have worked hard to achieve and make the most of your life. 

[Guest Guest]

On 4/26/2022 at 3:02 AM, doncoin said:

 

It's all relative isn't it? One of my good friends is technically a multi-millionaire. We have been friends for nearly 16 years now and have been sharing a beach house every summer for the past 10 years or so. On paper, he has everything you have listed. In the past, when I was younger, I did compare myself sub-consciously with him, and it has led to nothing but envy on my part. He has been an amazing friend, and we have been through quite a bit together. I recognized that the envy I had, was unhealthy and it should not be the factor that affects our friendship. 

 

When live within your means, you realised there is really very little that you lacked in your life. Enjoy and appreciate the success you have worked hard to achieve and make the most of your life. 

Not all can.... Look at some forty, fifty , sixty year old. Wearing old wore tee, shorts n slippers who still cruise at public toilets. U can even c some waiting outside cruisy mall toilets waiting for target. Quite pathetic for a gay who still cruise at public toilets at tis age n haf nothing in life. I m not gog to be like them in life , I told myself always.

10 over yrs ago, a successful gay friend told me "wan to be gay be an atas gay".  Yes, I work hard n wanted to be like him. All these words r still in my mind even I can afford a lot of things in life now including a car n a 1 room condo. 

 

 

[Why?]

On 4/26/2022 at 12:05 PM, Guest Guest said:

Not all can.... Look at some forty, fifty , sixty year old. Wearing old wore tee, shorts n slippers who still cruise at public toilets. U can even c some waiting outside cruisy mall toilets waiting for target. Quite pathetic for a gay who still cruise at public toilets at tis age n haf nothing in life. I m not gog to be like them in life , I told myself always.

10 over yrs ago, a successful gay friend told me "wan to be gay be an atas gay".  Yes, I work hard n wanted to be like him. All these words r still in my mind even I can afford a lot of things in life now including a car n a 1 room condo. 

 

 

No need to be "Atas",  just appropriately neat will do.  I personally do not like people too "ATAS", or too sloppy.  Most importantly, if I am invited to his home, it must also give me a soothing vibe as first impression when I stepped into a house.  A filthy, disorganised and cluttered home give away red flag, flawed personality, whether it is condo or HDB.   When that happened, you bet, I ran for my life even with my pants down. 

Edited April 26, 2022 by Why?

[And then]

On 4/26/2022 at 2:05 PM, Guest Guest said:

Not all can.... Look at some forty, fifty , sixty year old. Wearing old wore tee, shorts n slippers who still cruise at public toilets. U can even c some waiting outside cruisy mall toilets waiting for target. Quite pathetic for a gay who still cruise at public toilets at tis age n haf nothing in life. I m not gog to be like them in life , I told myself always.

 

 

No need to look down upon public cruisers.

For some, it is their preferred avenue.

[doncoin]

On 4/26/2022 at 12:05 AM, Guest Guest said:

Not all can.... Look at some forty, fifty , sixty year old. Wearing old wore tee, shorts n slippers who still cruise at public toilets. U can even c some waiting outside cruisy mall toilets waiting for target. Quite pathetic for a gay who still cruise at public toilets at tis age n haf nothing in life. I m not gog to be like them in life , I told myself always.

10 over yrs ago, a successful gay friend told me "wan to be gay be an atas gay".  Yes, I work hard n wanted to be like him. All these words r still in my mind even I can afford a lot of things in life now including a car n a 1 room condo. 

 

To be honest, while these older men may be annoying and a nuisance to some degree, I also empathize with their circumstances to some degree. They were raised in an environment where they were told to be different or being gay is a shameful thing and they have to hide their authentic selves. Many probably never had the experience of being in a gay bar, surrounded by people who are like them and just never have to hide or live in shame. They probably lack the support to be themselves and spent most of their lives loitering in public toilets because that was how they can find others like them for sexual relief. 

 

When you have spent your life hiding in shame because of who you are, it can detrimental to your sense of self. Yes, from some perspectives these older gay men can be seen as pathetic or even pitiful to some. However, when we think of the environment they were brought up, it is all they know. Sure some have ventured to the saunas etc. to find sexual partners, however, not many will not dare venture to find love.

 

For some of us, we have the good fortune of education and being able to travel and experience gay life outside of Singapore. We have richer experiences that enforce our confidence and identities as gay men. We have friends who support us regardless of our sexual orientation, and we never really have to deal with that sense of shame, or something is wrong with me for not fitting into the societal norms. Being "atas" is not what makes you a "successful" gay man. It is the confidence in knowing and accepting who you are that makes you successful. Sure money helps but is not a determinant.

 

You can go to a gay bar, meet some guy, and if you both click, you fuck. If things progress well further, you fall in love and have the luxury of being in a gay relationship. The uncles you see loitering outside public toilets looking for a handjob or quickie, rarely get to experience that confidence or self-acceptance in who they are, much less the luxury of love. It is shame. 

 

So regardless of your age, the important thing is to know who you are and accept you as you with all the perfections and imperfections. 

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by doncoin

[Steve5380]

On 4/25/2022 at 9:03 AM, Guest Guest said:

To be frank, it's difficult to find genius friend at this age. 

 

Why you want to find "genius friend"?

 

Don't you realize that it would take less than two lunar cycles for any "genius friend" of yours to run away from a dumb ass?  Try to make friends with people who are at your same level.

[Steve5380]

On 4/25/2022 at 11:54 PM, Why? said:

No need to be "Atas",  just appropriately neat will do.  I personally do not like people too "ATAS", or too sloppy.  Most importantly, if I am invited to his home, it must also give me a soothing vibe as first impression when I stepped into a house.  A filthy, disorganised and cluttered home give away red flag, flawed personality, whether it is condo or HDB.   When that happened, you bet, I ran for my life even with my pants down. 

 

It would be such a treat to see you running for your life with your pants down...

 

On 4/26/2022 at 11:14 AM, doncoin said:

 

To be honest, while these older men may be annoying and a nuisance to some degree, I also empathize with their circumstances to some degree. They were raised in an environment where they were told to be different or being gay is a shameful thing and they have to hide their authentic selves. Many probably never had the experience of being in a gay bar, surrounded by people who are like them and just never have to hide or live in shame. They probably lack the support to be themselves and spent most of their lives loitering in public toilets because that was how they can find others like them for sexual relief. 

---

So regardless of your age, the important thing is to know who you are and accept you as you with all the perfections and imperfections. 

 

 

These older men may also have started as very successful young men, attractive and full of followers.  They didn't plan for the future and lost the attributes they had.  They didn't know how to recover them later in life,  and they have given up any hope.   This is why we should not fear getting older but see opportunities and learn how to preserve and even improve what we have.

 

Most of us seniors didn't have the facilities for a gay life that younger people now have, had.  But we were careful and diligent. 

 

Antique cars well preserved and cared for are more valuable than a model only a few years old but all run down.

[doncoin]

On 4/26/2022 at 1:19 PM, Steve5380 said:

These older men may also have started as very successful young men, attractive and full of followers.  They didn't plan for the future and lost the attributes they had.  They didn't know how to recover them later in life,  and they have given up any hope.   This is why we should not fear getting older but see opportunities and learn how to preserve and even improve what we have.

 

Most of us seniors didn't have the facilities for a gay life that younger people now have, had.  But we were careful and diligent. 

 

Getting older is not the issue here. We all get old. It is a fact of life. The issue is some of these older men that were referred to in this context of loitering in public toilets never knew what it is like to live openly and proudly as a gay man. For most of their lives, consciously or subconsciously, they have been brainwashed to believe that being gay is something shameful and should be hidden. 

 

I don't think you know these men. They are older, as pointed out, typically in their late 40s and onwards. Some are married, or divorced, or single. They don't even accept that they are gay because of the stigma that has been instilled into their beliefs. It is not they didn't plan for the future or lacked success. They had lived their lives never accepting themselves, except in those brief fleeting moments of sexual relief in a toilet. They had spent their lives maintaining a façade of being a heterosexual man, and believed that being gay is something to be ashamed of, and should stay hidden. I can empathise with their situation because that is all they were told. 

 

It is comically sad that the toilet is seen as a "safe" space for them to find other men. Although I will accept that there are some men who enjoy sexual activities taking place in a toilet in the midst of people shitting and taking in the aroma as part of their sexual arousal process. 

 

On 4/26/2022 at 1:19 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Antique cars well preserved and cared for are more valuable than a model only a few years old but all run down.

This is true, but antique cars require more maintenance and replacement parts can cost a lot more. The upkeep of a vintage car is definitely more than a regular one. 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by doncoin

[Guest Guest]

Reality....

Upper class gay will always mix with the upper class gay. 

Lower class gay can only go with the lower class gay. 

Both tier can never mix together... For sure. 

[Steve5380]

On 4/26/2022 at 1:08 PM, doncoin said:

This is true, but antique cars require more maintenance and replacement parts can cost a lot more. The upkeep of a vintage car is definitely more than a regular one. 

 

 

My experience supports the opposite.  My two Nissan Maxima, 27 and 26 years old,  are easier to maintain and troubleshoot than my newer Acura TL,  only a little over 10 years old, and much easier than newer models.  Parts for older cars also have lower cost due to little demand,  and parts from old junked cars are more available.

 

One can fix problems in the antique cars with a set of wrenches and screwdrivers.  To fix a problem with a new car one needs to have a scanner specific for the car, able to access all the modules and find the problem, and then, to fix it it might involve replacing a new expensive part.   

[Steve5380]

On 4/26/2022 at 3:23 PM, Guest Guest said:

Reality....

Upper class gay will always mix with the upper class gay. 

Lower class gay can only go with the lower class gay. 

Both tier can never mix together... For sure. 

 

This is not a given.  Some people may have some outstanding qualities that have nothing to do with 'class'.  The "humanity" of a lower class can be much higher than that of an upper class,  who can recognize this and pair successfully with the lower class.

[tomcat]

older men 40s and above tend to be stubborn and stuck in their ways,

so they often become (and remain) single, due to "lack of chemistry", or other reasons.

it is often framed as a problem of other people, not themselves.

 

but at the same time, they cannot ignore feelings of loneliness.

as people grow older, they will want companionship. it is just a natural progression in life.

so some tend to go down self-pitying paths. some just become angry and bitter.

 

one is a push factor, and the other is a pull.

so when one is being pushed and pulled at the same time,

the factors cancel each other out, and the person is just stuck,

like a dead fly in amber. 

 

this is what i tend to see, amongst my friends in this age group.

there is very much an aspect of a self-fulfilling prophecy,

whatever narrative they hold on to in their head, will eventually come to pass.

[MasterDaddy1]

As a member of this site now entering his sixth decade of life I have read the posts under this topic with both interest and some considerable amusement. I am relatively old, single and prefer sex with younger guys. In the eyes of some I am therefore a sad old man or, at the very least, a pervert of the highest order. Perhaps when I was the age of some of those posting on this topic I would have held similar views. However when I was their age there was no internet to express such views and so no gay hook-up or chat sites. In fact homosexuality, if not still illegal, was something one did not discuss openly. My first gay encounters were courtesy of cottaging in public toilets. Seedy maybe but in retrospect far more exciting and fun than flicking through fake profiles on Grindr. In my younger days I used to see the old guys hanging around the toilets and wondered if I would be like that one day. But my dread of getting old was fortunately misplaced.

 

My age has brought with it experience and a liberal, non-judgmental attitude to life and others. I have nothing to prove, am comfortable with my life style and free to do as I please, travel as I want and enjoy life. I have had relationships over the years but I prefer the freedoms single life brings. I have many friends in many countries and if I am sometimes alone it is through choice and not circumstance. As regards my preferring the company of younger guys this has never been problematic. While some may find the thought of sex with older men abhorrent many young guys prefer to be with a sexually experienced, mature older man. There is nothing to criticise in young guys who prefer older men. We all have our sexual preferences. Whether traveling to work in my business suit and tie, casually dressed in the mall, coffee shop or bar or naked in the sauna or gym I can still connect with young guys. Actually, many of those young guys who ridicule the physique and appearance of we older men should themselves take a good look in the mirror !

[Steve5380]

On 4/28/2022 at 2:47 PM, MasterDaddy1 said:

As a member of this site now entering his sixth decade of life I have read the posts under this topic with both interest and some considerable amusement. I am relatively old, single and prefer sex with younger guys. In the eyes of some I am therefore a sad old man or, at the very least, a pervert of the highest order. Perhaps when I was the age of some of those posting on this topic I would have held similar views. However when I was their age there was no internet to express such views and so no gay hook-up or chat sites. In fact homosexuality, if not still illegal, was something one did not discuss openly. My first gay encounters were courtesy of cottaging in public toilets. Seedy maybe but in retrospect far more exciting and fun than flicking through fake profiles on Grindr. In my younger days I used to see the old guys hanging around the toilets and wondered if I would be like that one day. But my dread of getting old was fortunately misplaced.

 

My age has brought with it experience and a liberal, non-judgmental attitude to life and others. I have nothing to prove, am comfortable with my life style and free to do as I please, travel as I want and enjoy life. I have had relationships over the years but I prefer the freedoms single life brings. I have many friends in many countries and if I am sometimes alone it is through choice and not circumstance. As regards my preferring the company of younger guys this has never been problematic. While some may find the thought of sex with older men abhorrent many young guys prefer to be with a sexually experienced, mature older man. There is nothing to criticise in young guys who prefer older men. We all have our sexual preferences. Whether traveling to work in my business suit and tie, casually dressed in the mall, coffee shop or bar or naked in the sauna or gym I can still connect with young guys. Actually, many of those young guys who ridicule the physique and appearance of we older men should themselves take a good look in the mirror !

 

If you are 'relatively' old,  an uncle or daddy,  I am ( less relatively ) old, a grandpa ( I have 3 grandchildren ). Close to 80 y.o. I think today exactly like you described.   I am also single by choice,  happy, satisfied with life,  with a positive outlook to the future.  Since the pandemic started a few years ago I haven't been out to the scene,  but until then I always had younger guys attracted to me,  and,  since I don't feel any different from then,  I will still have them when returning to the scene.  

 

It seems that you have already found the correct state of mind,  so it is very probable that you will pass the next 20 years without experiencing much change and preserving your current happiness.

 

There are sad men, young and old,  and there are happy men,  young and old.

 

On 4/26/2022 at 8:07 PM, tomcat said:

older men 40s and above tend to be stubborn and stuck in their ways,

so they often become (and remain) single, due to "lack of chemistry", or other reasons.

it is often framed as a problem of other people, not themselves.

 

but at the same time, they cannot ignore feelings of loneliness.

as people grow older, they will want companionship. it is just a natural progression in life.

so some tend to go down self-pitying paths. some just become angry and bitter.

 

one is a push factor, and the other is a pull.

so when one is being pushed and pulled at the same time,

the factors cancel each other out, and the person is just stuck,

like a dead fly in amber. 

 

this is what i tend to see, amongst my friends in this age group.

there is very much an aspect of a self-fulfilling prophecy,

whatever narrative they hold on to in their head, will eventually come to pass.

 

I think you should reflect and observe a little more before generalizing negatively about older and old age.

 

Men don't need to be 40s and above to be stubborn and stuck in their ways.  AGE does not have to bring defeat.  Judging from the experience expressed above by @MasterDaddy1,  and myself,  "MasterGrandpa1",  older and old age can be a time with as much or even more happiness than earlier times.  

 

Today I know and hear from young men who are stuck in this push-pull state you describe.  It also happens that later in life, with more good and bad experiences and other turns in life, they become "unstuck"  and find their way into satisfactory and fulfilling lives.  

[tomcat]

On 4/29/2022 at 5:22 AM, Steve5380 said:

I think you should reflect and observe a little more before generalizing negatively about older and old age.

 

Men don't need to be 40s and above to be stubborn and stuck in their ways.  AGE does not have to bring defeat.  Judging from the experience expressed above by @MasterDaddy1,  and myself,  "MasterGrandpa1",  older and old age can be a time with as much or even more happiness than earlier times.  

 

 

yikes, was not meant to be negative at all, simply a neutral observation. many of the things that you brought up were not inferred by me, so please excuse me from that. 

 

while true stubbornness also exist in youth, the one factor that you cannot deny is that they have time to evolve and change. not just surface change, but genuine internal growth. 

 

for the older ones, and the state that they find themselves in at the end of their life journey, it is very rare that there is anymore change. simply what for? change for who? 

 

because change is often incentivised by perceived benefits or factors pushing one to change, there are no reasons large enough to motivate an older person to change, outside of health and finance. it is not wrong to say there is little to no more reasons to change at that age, hence "stuck in their ways". maybe "stuck" has a negative connotation, but a figure of speech.

 

for someone in the 30s, i did spend more time and feel closer to older peers growing up. i have many friends in the 50s, my own partner is past this age. so i do not think it is personal or anecdotal, just the rhythm and beats of life we all naturally enter. 

 

as for the "moral" aspects of old-seeking-young, I refrained from going there completely. if there is mutual consent, have as much fun as you can have. the fact that that was brought up is interesting in itself, because it is obviously on the mind of the older gays, not mine.

 

the topic of discussion is also not about sexual preference, but singlehood at an older age, so i am very mindful of keeping the discussion on point, so as to not offend the elders in here!

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 4/28/2022 at 10:03 PM, tomcat said:

 

yikes, was not meant to be negative at all, simply a neutral observation. many of the things that you brought up were not inferred by me, so please excuse me from that. 

 

while true stubbornness also exist in youth, the one factor that you cannot deny is that they have time to evolve and change. not just surface change, but genuine internal growth. 

 

for the older ones, and the state that they find themselves in at the end of their life journey, it is very rare that there is anymore change. simply what for? change for who? 

 

because change is often incentivised by perceived benefits or factors pushing one to change, there are no reasons large enough to motivate an older person to change, outside of health and finance. it is not wrong to say there is little to no more reasons to change at that age, hence "stuck in their ways". maybe "stuck" has a negative connotation, but a figure of speech.

 

for someone in the 30s, i did spend more time and feel closer to older peers growing up. i have many friends in the 50s, my own partner is past this age. so i do not think it is personal or anecdotal, just the rhythm and beats of life we all naturally enter. 

 

as for the "moral" aspects of old-seeking-young, I refrained from going there completely. if there is mutual consent, have as much fun as you can have. the fact that that was brought up is interesting in itself, because it is obviously on the mind of the older gays, not mine.

 

the topic of discussion is also not about sexual preference, but singlehood at an older age, so i am very mindful of keeping the discussion on point, so as to not offend the elders in here!

 

 

 

Be assured that you are not offending any older and old here.  I might speak for myself but I think that @MasterDaddy1 may also agree that we don't post here to defend ourselves against attacks on the older and old,  but to defend the reality that to age is not something to fear but can be positive.  It is a stage in life that can be as interesting as any other one. Sex starts losing its importance, but not the interest for relationships and contacts with others. Provided there is health and finance, we may keep looking forward to change, new experiences, improvements.  We may become more spiritual, more emotional, and perhaps, more loving.   Our message may also include what I just wrote:  health and finance.  And health is not only being free from illness but also preserving good functionality and some attractiveness.

 

This happy aging may not be the average,  but it should not be too difficult to surpass the average.  Not everyone has the knowledge.  So hopefully readers at BW reflect on messages like these and...  are smart.

[tomcat]

On 4/29/2022 at 12:02 PM, Steve5380 said:

This happy aging may not be the average,  but it should not be too difficult to surpass the average.  Not everyone has the knowledge.  So hopefully readers at BW reflect on messages like these and...  are smart.

 

Yes, it's just a point of readiness.

 

so i won't stress myself trying to reach out to youths or whatever. the pearl (of wisdom) is not known to one that has never swam the depths. so when they are ready, they will seek this knowledge out, or Life itself will teach them. even though i am full of experience and knowledge myself, i know it is not always appreciated. and as a person that is intermediary of both older and younger age groups, it is even more so. c'est la vie, let them live.

 

but it is a point of interest why most older men end up single and alone despite, as you mentioned, a deepening of want in terms of companionship, emotional contact, etc. and they are not single, due to passing of partners, but because they are unable to be coupled successfully.

 

I think this is why OP started this topic, and hence, my observation(s) about it. 

[kidster]

On 4/29/2022 at 12:17 PM, tomcat said:

i know it is not always appreciated

 

I appreciate and agree with your insights. Your sharing reinforce the accuracy of my observations. Pls keep them coming.

[Guest Wilson]

On 8/10/2021 at 3:58 PM, mate69 said:

I do what I want

Eat what I want

Wear what I want

Go where I want

Say what I want

I don't give a fark at this age what other people think/say/feel

 

Yo bro

[Steve5380]

On 8/10/2021 at 2:58 AM, mate69 said:

I do what I want

Eat what I want

Wear what I want

Go where I want

Say what I want

I don't give a fark at this age what other people think/say/feel

 

See, young gays and uncles here?  You can afford to do what @mate69 does only after some age.  And the older you get, the more you can do WHAT YOU WANT...

 

provided that you maintain the functionality to do WHAT YOU WANT.  If you are smart, start investing now in good habits and good finances to reach that capacity when the time comes,  and then keep enjoying life.

[Guest Guest]

On 4/30/2022 at 11:44 PM, Steve5380 said:

 If you are smart, start investing now in good habits and good finances to reach that capacity when the time comes,  and then keep enjoying life.

 

Sadly not all can. Gays who do investment n good in finances r mostly highly educated. They noe wat they wan in life n they fight for it. 

[Steve5380]

On 4/30/2022 at 11:32 AM, Guest Guest said:

 

Sadly not all can. Gays who do investment n good in finances r mostly highly educated. They noe wat they wan in life n they fight for it. 

 

I recognize that not all have the innate ability and primary purpose in life of making money.  I am not one of these either.  Although I earned good money during my professional career, I am not "wealthy" but a well-off middle class.  I have retirement funds that I haven't touched and a decent income from pension and Social Security, which I never spend fully.  What helps when income is low, and even if it is high, is the cultivation of FRUGALITY,  which is not the same as being stingy, avaricious, miserly.  We can be frugal AND generous.  And savings can be made at nearly any income.