Value of Friendship?

[gpfun]

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

[Guest shoes]

omg i frequently find myself in the same situation! then i swear to never make someone a priority if they would not make me theirs. ended up cutting a lot of "friends" in the process but im happy to say that the good ones always stay. nowadays i only do one-to-one meet ups with friends. 

[Netizen]

It was polite, and out of courtesy i guess for you to suggest dropping out of dinner if that is easier for him, although I feel you don’t really mean it that way, and actually want to catchup with him.

 

On that note, when you said so, he might think that you are not comfortable with a bigger group and hence suggested not to go, and might be thinking of doing another makan with you again someday.

 

I treasure friendship too and similar situations do bother me. Sometimes when my friend informed that our appointment has to change due to work or personal exigencies, for that moment I may feel if he values the friendship he would have tried to make it. On the other hand, I remind myself everyone has their priorities and I should manage my own expectation. Makan or coffee seesion is casual and can easily arrange again. 

[Guest HuoGai]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

if you REALLY what to go, stick with the plan even there are more ppl going now, TELL HIM YOU’RE IN, it’s your friend who invited others, let him solve the problem. But, you opted to drop out (why? you have the answers), then your mind kicks in to haunt you and now you’re here to KPKB. You’re sabotaging yourself !

[NSA chinese]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

Hi,

 

it depends on how close you are to this friend and whether both of you understand each other enough. 
 

I see some issues here:

 

1. if I want a one-on-one dinner, I will tell him so, so that he doesn’t invite more people. And if he read it wrongly and invited more people, I would tell him I’m not comfortable with the big group. 
 

2. I would not suggest that if it’s easier for him to drop me from the dinner. By suggesting that, I agreed that you gave him the impression that you are fine to be dropped out or that you are not keen to join the group. 
 

you didn’t tell him your discomfort to be joined by others or a bigger group and instead gave him an option to drop you. So your lack of clear communication with him here led to this misunderstanding. I guess it shouldn’t be fair to blame him for not being able to read your mind. Whilst it wasn’t polite to drop you since you initiated the dinner, you should also take responsibility for the outcome.

 

lesson learnt here is to be frank with friends on your expectations. Don’t try to behave as the gentleman by saying you are fine and give false impressions when you are actually not feeling ok about it. This is especially so if that other person is someone who you are not that close with / doesn’t understand you well enough or even someone who’s simplistic and takes words at face value without reading too much into things. 
 

and I don’t think you should measure the value of your friendship with this person based on this incident alone. 
 

no hard feelings here and I am just sharing what I think went wrong with this dinner. 

Edited August 28, 2021 by NSA chinese

[Guest Guestss]

I dislike it when people invite more people when i asked them to hangout. If i was meant to be a group session, i would have explicitly stated it — not really a fan of ‘more the merrier’ mindset.
 

it seems to suggest that (1) i’m boring or (2) im a creep so need to have more people along.

 

Sigh.

[Guest Wtf]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

other people cannot read our minds, so we shouldn’t expect them to act like they can. You said you were fine if he added more people and also said you were fine to drop out - this is the information he had to work with.

 

He could have discussed with you first who he was planning to add and how many people - him making it six people total is a bit dumb when current restrictions mean 5 max. This could either be him being stupid or thoughtless and you can feel hurt by this but the question you should now ask yourself is ‘what can I do differently next time’ 

[Guest John]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

You must be 13 - 19 old (teenager) if I am wrong, then pls behave according to your age ...... 

 

[Guest 自尊自重冰冰]

On 8/29/2021 at 11:01 AM, Guest John said:

You must be 13 - 19 old (teenager) if I am wrong, then pls behave according to your age ...... 

LOL

[Guest Curious]

Are you close with the other four friends? If not, he is quite ignorant. I mean 6 friends group meeting already shows it. 3 and 3 really defeat the purpose of catching up. I also prefer to meet up in smaller group like up to 4. I feel you that such trivial things make us overthinking, but you should give him a benefit of doubt this time and try to voice out next time.

[auscent]

One time, let it go.

It is ok he is groupie. But common courtesy the original appointm suggestor should not be dropped out. 

[FattChoy]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

You're being a woman.

[Guest Guest]

Big group good .End of meal everyone bring out credit card let the waiter pick one card .That card will pay the meal.Maybe if u have  attended u lucky u might get free meal.So many  people u wont be the unlucky one right ?  4 against 1

[Ironrod]

On 8/29/2021 at 1:37 AM, gpfun said:

I have a friend who loves nice food and I happened to chance upon a eatery that the quality of food is great. I introduced the place to him and suggested that he can try or we can catch up for a meal there since we haven't met up for a while.

 

He was very keen with the idea and gotten down to fix the date/time, which I confirmed that I will be able to make it. He even proposed buying me dinner since I paid for the meal last time. He suggested calling a few more friends which I do not have objections, since I do know them as well. Next, he dropped me a message indicating that there are total of 6 of us now and we will need to split into 2 tables and if I am okay. I thanked him and indicating that I do not have any issue if everyone is okay. However, if it is easier for him, I can drop out from the dinner appt. He replied saying that "Okay, I will catch up with you next time then".

 

While this is a trivial matter, somehow, I felt very betrayed with his response. Firstly, I suggested to have dinner with him which he agreed. Then he mis-managed and invited more people than it is possible to sit all of us together. Next, he just dropped me off from the dinner when it was a genuine gesture on my part to catch up with him.

 

I have been feeling lousy and didn't really want to talk to him about it. Probably for me, if I am not keen to do dinner with someone, I wouldn't agree and then drop the person off, especially if I do know the person as a friend.

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

 

I got no advice but just a hug for u.

[Steve5380]

On 8/28/2021 at 12:37 PM, gpfun said:

 

Sorry for this long, trivial post. Just that I valued friendship a lot and felt hurt with this reaction. My personal opinion of myself is that I am very juvenile for feeling this way.

 

It is not a trivial post.  It gave you a chance to realize that being juvenile you overreacted to the event.

What you can do now is to drop any bad feelings about it, and remember it for future occasions.

 

A good friendship can be tested often by trivialities.  HE may not even know how you felt about his actions.   As a friendship evolves, you can gain the experience that trivialities are just trivialities.  And if there is good communication, the trivialities can be commented and avoided from then on.

 

[Guest Amore]

On 8/30/2021 at 6:02 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

It is not a trivial post.  It gave you a chance to realize that being juvenile you overreacted to the event.

What you can do now is to drop any bad feelings about it, and remember it for future occasions.

 

A good friendship can be tested often by trivialities.  HE may not even know how you felt about his actions.   As a friendship evolves, you can gain the experience that trivialities are just trivialities.  And if there is good communication, the trivialities can be commented and avoided from then on.

 

You know it is. Why are you making it more sensationalized?

[Steve5380]

On 8/26/2022 at 3:59 PM, Guest Amore said:

You know it is. Why are you making it more sensationalized?

 

I understand that his post is trivial to you.   Same as this post of yours to me.  So let's recognize that trivialities are just trivialities, and don't sensationalize my post.

[Guest Guest]

U lucky yr friend introduce u more friends .My version is my friend never introduce any of his friend to me.U have to find yr own friends Until today I need to go solo on holiday trip every year.

[Dart]

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

[Guest Mature uncle]

On 8/27/2022 at 10:35 PM, Dart said:

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

When u are in financial trouble, u will see who are your true friends.

[Why?]

On 8/30/2022 at 11:06 AM, Guest Mature uncle said:

When u are in financial trouble, u will see who are your true friends.

What IF?  Your true friends are also financially challenged and were not being able to help you.  Will you still decry his true friendship ?

[Guest Sadness]

My friend brought his girlfriend when i asked him to catch up. 

 

Am i that bad?

[Dart]

On 8/30/2022 at 11:06 AM, Guest Mature uncle said:

When u are in financial trouble, u will see who are your true friends.

 

Yes. Life's trial will shake not only from within but also from without. Sturdy friends are rare nowadays.

 

 

On 8/30/2022 at 11:17 AM, Why? said:

What IF?  Your true friends are also financially challenged and were not being able to help you.  Will you still decry his true friendship ?

 

One can only give what he has. There are a few ways to help and not necessarily it has to be in monetary form. As long as he shows sincere effort to help and does not ignore the situation, he is a good friend.

[Guest Fatty]

On 8/30/2022 at 10:38 PM, Guest Sadness said:

My friend brought his girlfriend when i asked him to catch up. 

 

Am i that bad?

No you are not. It’s just his gf wants to come otherwise no piak piak 

[fab]

On 8/30/2022 at 10:38 PM, Guest Sadness said:

My friend brought his girlfriend when i asked him to catch up. 

 

Am i that bad?

 

His gf can smell u r a gay?

[Guest No friend]

Friendship is a concept created in school la. 

The moment you are out of the school system. 

Friends become less.

Those stayed close also until get married etc. 

 

Colleagues are not friend 

[Why?]

On 8/31/2022 at 8:39 AM, Guest No friend said:

Friendship is a concept created in school la. 

The moment you are out of the school system. 

Friends become less.

Those stayed close also until get married etc. 

 

Colleagues are not friend 

I don't know what is friend.

Edited August 31, 2022 by Why?

[sgmaven]

On 8/31/2022 at 8:39 AM, Guest No friend said:

Friendship is a concept created in school la. 

The moment you are out of the school system. 

Friends become less.

Those stayed close also until get married etc. 

 

Colleagues are not friend 

Friends are people who you share some commonality with, be it experiences or values. And you go out of your way to help them and keep in touch, due to that common ground.

 

It is not created in school, since you start making friends even before you start going to school. It is also not limited to people you meet while in full-time education, but the chances are higher, since you tend to have more time to bond with them, and tend to share similar values and outlook, with the commonality of being in the same institution.

 

You can make friends with colleagues, but I guess it is rarer to find people who will share your values and do not have other motives. That said, I have made close friends, even at my workplace.