Marky's Life Stories...

[marky]

Larry : I just logged in and suddely saw your thread has like +450 replies. Woah, where did all that come from in the past few days?? Will go check out your story again soon for updates :thumb:

Hermes : We had a quarrel in 2003 and I returned the pic to him then

Ok, here's the next chapter. There's restricted content so as usual, the same conditions apply. Click the backspace button whenever you feel bitchy and need to criticize... Kekekeke...

Part 9

Someone once said that if you have love without sex, then what you'd end up with is also sex without the element of love… Sex is like the glue that binds a relationship together. And we had plenty of both.

Kor said he spotted some girl sucking the dick of a Eurasian guy once in a tutorial room late one night and suggested we utilize the rooms too when we occasionally revised our work in campus late in the evenings. I didn't have the guts then. The most we ever did was to scout around for an available room, locked the doors behind us and groped at each other below while kissing intimately. Then it's back to our revision again…that's if we were still in the mood to study…

We tried other stuffs too. It was one Friday night while we were in our room watching the Friday night movies. There was a lovemaking scene on tv and it suddenly dawn on us that we have not tried entering each other yet.

"You think you can enter me?" Kor asked.

What!? Enter my Kor Kor? I soon realized that even though Kor was taller and better built, he was actually a bottom. He reckon it had to do with his being rape in the past on a few occasions and since then, pleasure came in the form of being tied and gagged like what had happened to him during his army days. I couldn't appreciate that kind of rough sex then and I definitely don't enjoy tying others up.

"I can try entering you… but will it hurt?" I was concerned.

"Aiya, yours so small sure no problem wan…."

We switched the lights off and turned up the volume on the tv. I applied some Johnson's baby lotion into Kor's bubble butt and tried entering him. It was a slow and tedious process as we've never done it before. Soon however, we both got the hang of it and I grabbed Kor's lean pecs tightly as I slowly humped him from behind.

"Am I doing ok?" I whispered into Kor's ears.

"Yeesss…, it's good….."

It was an exquisite moment. It was always a pleasure to grab hold tightly of Kor's sinewy body. And he moaned softly whenever I gently thrust my manhood into him.

"Kor, I think I'm coming…."

"Cover my mouth with your other hand…" Kor requested.

I used my left hand to cover Kor's mouth while my right arm was holding on tightly to his chest. And I let out of soft moan as I yielded my seed into Kor.

"Keep going, don't stop just yet…." Kor requested again. And I continued till I was certain my sac had been emptied of its content. I collapsed and rested on Kor's back heaving softly…my manhood still inside him.

Kor pulled himself out of me after a while and gave me a nice kiss.

"Thanks, I liked that very much. Now I have part of you inside me wherever I go and I'll never feel lonely when you're not around…" Kor whispered gently into my ear.

"It's my pleasure, Kor…" I replied weakly; that session had left me physically drained but emotionally fulfilled….

So we have now added barebacking into our repertoire. And Kor couldn't get enough of me inside him; I’d administer at least 3 dosage to him a week. He said that the seed of a man is like his heart and soul distilled to its essence and is a very special and precious part of that person.

Since he has put it that way, I too wanted a part of Kor Kor inside me. We tried the reverse a few days later…; and it was also the last time he ever got to enter me because I bled quite a bit and almost couldn’t walk properly after that. Still I was keen on having a part of him inside of me. That was when we decided to taste each other…

I remembered quite clearly that classes ended quite early that day at 3pm. Both our other house mates decided to stay on in campus to revise their work while we hurriedly sneaked back home. We stripped each other naked inside the common bathroom and tried taking in each other orally. While it was the usual thing that Kor did for me, it was my first time consuming him. It was distracting and difficult for both of us to stimulate the other when you're being worked on simultaneously. But we were both eager and curious to know what we tasted like.

"I want Kor Kor's essence inside me! Once I have consumed it, I'll be able to grow as strong and muscular as he!!" That phrase kept running through my mind repeatedly and spurred me on in my task.

We both shot out within a minute of each other…..… and we both made a beeline for the sink to spit the stuff out. It was gooey and tasted like detergent. And it wasn't till over a year later that I learnt to appreciate it again.…

[marky]

Of all the chapters in this story, I like this one the best. Maybe tis because it's the first Christmas we spent together... Maybe tis also because our lives together took a different turn after this....

Part 10 - The Christmas Song (Right click here)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir

And folks dressed up like Eskimos…

Christmas that year was the best and most meaningful I’ve ever had in my whole life. Life back then was simple; we were not with the sophisticated crowd so there were no parties to attend. We went for a short shopping trip down at Wisma Atria instead. Back then, Takashimaya wasn’t around yet and Wisma was the in place to be hanging around.

We went about our separate ways once we reached there; this way we could get what we wanted without the other knowing. For the life of me, I didn’t know what to get for him. There was this quaint little towel shop that offered customized embroidered towels but I will have to wait a week before collecting the merchandize. And Christmas would have been over by then… It was already 4.15pm and we had agreed to meet back again by 4.30pm to go elsewhere… I soon found myself at a basement shop selling Hallmark cards. I went through the thousands of cards available and finally found a large romantic one meant for lovers. I read it and found it suitable for Kor and wanted to buy it. Just as I looked up again and peered over to another counter, my eyes met Kor’s! He was in the same shop looking for cards too!

“Hey, show me what you got there!” I rushed over to his side to take a peek.

“Hey, you cannot see!!” Kor tried to be coy.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!” I suggested and we made a fair exchange.

“Eeer! How come mine is those cartoon type! How come it is not those with romantic messages like the one I chose for you!” I protested on reading his intended card for me.

“I’m not as romantic and imaginative as you mah… That’s why I have you to teach me…” :whistle:

“Yah, and you got a very sweet tongue, you know that!? No wonder I like you…”

“Erm, I haven’t got anything yet leh…”

“Me too…..”

We both looked at the cards and decided that since we had read the intended message, we need not buy the cards anymore. Just before we left the store we came across the now defunct ‘Sing’ CD shop.

Barbra Streisand had just released her new album which has a duet with Don Johnson. I bought that album for intended listening at our home. (Sometimes, I wonder what's this link between gays and Barbra....)

I brought Kor Kor over to my church at FCBC after dinner for the Christmas service. That evening, Kor gave his life to Christ and I was so excited for him I swear I would have kissed him there and then if not for Hong, our other house mate who had also joined us for the service.

We reached home at about 10.30pm that evening. We had stopped by at a nearby 7-11 earlier to get some can drinks, chips and a ‘Big Sister’ fruit cake to celebrate Kor’s conversion. Both our other house mates Chong and that miser Daniel were there too. Chong, a Chinese ed, always had the impression that Christianity was only for the English educated and perceived spoilt brats like myself and that’s why he chose to stay home to study rather than join us in church despite our constant persuasion. We sat around the dining table in the living room and talked while awaiting the countdown. When the clock struck midnight, we hugged and wished one another a Merry Christmas before clearing up the table and got ready to retire for the evening.

Sleep however was the last thing on our minds. Kor and I brought our can drinks and snacks up to our room for our own private time together. Once the door was closed behind us, I hugged him tightly never wanting to let go...

“Merry Christmas, Kor. You’re the best present I can ever ask for…” I said bashfully.

“Erm.., ok, let’s put our stuffs down first, can?” Kor reminded me.

Oops, how stupid of me to get so carried away… Kor cleared our textbooks off the study table to make space for the snacks and drinks while I put the newly acquired CD to play.

The duet by Barbra and Don Johnson, ‘Till I Love You’ (Right Click here) was beautiful and we quickly drew the curtains and did a slow dance on our carpet. It was as if we were doing the duet ourselves and singing to each other. The song following that was a beautiful version of the love theme from the Phantom of the Opera which we both liked very much as well and so we continued our love dance.

ALL I ASK OF YOU

No more talk of darkness

Forget these wide-eyed fears

I'm here, nothing can harm you

My words will warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom

Let daylight dry your tears

I'm here with you, beside you

To guard you and to guide you

Say you'll love me every winter morning

Turn my head with talk of summertime

Say you need me with you now and always

Promise me that all you say is true

That's all I ask of you….

As we sang along to the tune, the lyrics became more and more meaningful to us. I lowered the volume of the music after the song ended…

“Kor, I love you, I love you, I love you.., you know that!!????”

“Heh, ya, I love you too.”

“I don’t want any presents from you, ok? You’re the best thing that has ever happened in my life! You’re my brother, buddy and boyfriend all rolled into one!” :oops:

“Hah, really ah? Same here..” And I was reminded instantly that Kor wasn’t the romantic type

An idea suddenly came to my mind. I broke off the circular tabs from our soft drink containers and I looked him intensely in the eyes…

“Let’s pretend we’re getting married to each other, ok?” I suggested and put a ring tab into Kor’s ring finger. “I’ll start first…. Ok, here goes… Kor, will you take boy boy here to be your one and only husband…”

“Hey wait! How come you get to be the husband and not me!? Not fair leh, I’m the one who always have to take care of you!” Kor protested.

“Ya, but I’m the one who always enter you! Hehehe..” I burst out laughing.

“Hehe… Cannot, I don’t want to be a wife… Besides, I also entered you before what; got blood come out some more, like a virgin...” Kor also joined me in giggling.

We collapsed in laughter on the carpet for a good 5mins before we were able to catch our breath again.

“Ok lah, no husband and wife this time, ok?” I proposed. “Kor, will you promise to look after boy boy and take care of him with all your life forever and ever?

“Ok, promise! And you promise to do the same for me?”

“Yes I do…”

We slipped the ring tabs into one another’s fingers and kissed again…. :oops:

Looking back at that particular Christmas evening, even though it was a simple and uneventful event by today’s standards, it was my best and most meaningful one in my life. We led a simple life then and were not jaded by options that youths today are blessed with, so every little thing meant a lot to us. That was the one and only Christmas we ever spent together. And it was special simply because we had spent it in the arms of the one we loved…..

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky

[Guest guru]

amazing!!! :clap:

[marky]

I know the Chinese New Year is coming but the story will be going down hill all the way from here. I always looked back with regrets at this chapter. The things I did to others.... If I could turn back time, I would like to make the wrongs right...

Part 11

Every relationship worth its salt would probably undergo the different stages in its life cycle. Ours was no exception. The period after Christmas was the time Kor Kor and I sailed past the tranquil waters of the honeymoon period into the choppy waters of conflict.

I have many regrets looking back at this period because there were lots of time when I felt I had handled the situation wrongly and hence hurt Kor Kor with the things I did or said. It real pains me to this day when for the first time I see Kor cry because of me…

By the beginning of 1989, Kor and I were so close that we became quite possessive of each other. That resulted in a series of incidences which marred our otherwise blissful relationship. It didn’t help then that the exam pressure was also on us.

There was a new addition to our gang; a 1.80m tall giant whom we all nicknamed Toa Jiak (as in big size). He used to be a basketball player but his clumsiness prevented him from playing in major leagues. Even though Toa Jiak is straight, he’d often like to put his big hands around the round of Kor’s shoulders whenever we meet up as a gang. I hated that but didn’t dare voice it out. The thought that my Kor Kor, my protector, was being dwarfed and in the tight clutches of this giant made me furious. On the flip side, there was this other straight guy, Lee, in our gang who liked to do the same to me. That resulted in a small argument once…

“I can’t stand that Lee…, he always put his hands around your shoulder whenever we meet...” Kor grumbled.

“Look who’s talking!? I can’t stand that Toa Jiak because he always hold on so tight to you!” I rebutted.

“Toa Jiak is different! It doesn’t mean a thing to him! At least he didn’t do it for so long unlike Lee! He had his arms over you throughout that whole time we were together at the lockers!”

“Lee is also straight, ok!? If you don’t care how I feel when Toa Jiak puts his hands around you, why should I care about what Lee was doing? Besides, it was not like I asked for it!”

“You want to know the difference? Toa Jiak is ugly whereas Lee is handsome and also athletic. Besides, he had the cheek to tell me just now that he finds you cute like a little boy!”

“Can’t you just ignore his remark? It doesn’t mean a thing to me, ok?”

“Not when he tells me he doesn’t like me! And why are you so close to him!?”

“That’s because I knew him since we were first year! He lost the keys to his locker and I happened to be around to help him out. That’s how we became friends!”

“Don’t you even spare a thot about how I’m feeling?” Kor demanded.

“What about me? I kept hinting to you about how uncomfortable I feel whenever that 'Toa Jiak' grips you tightly around the shoulder and you never tried to pacify me! So what is it about Lee that you hate so much!?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth hor, I never said I hated Lee….. Didn’t you ever noticed? Lee always says hateful things to me…” Kor suddenly toned down his voice.

I felt bad and toned my voice down too.

“Come to think of it, yeah…, I guess so… Kor, I’m sorry he was so mean to you. It never really crossed my mind till now.. Why that asshole!! If ever he makes unkind remarks at you again, I’ll box his face until his glasses becomes his contact lens!”

Kor suddenly burst out laughing because of what I said and that little quarrel we had was resolved. It was another incident that was a defining moment in our relationship.

Even though Kor and I never really talked about the issue, we knew that someday, we will have to part ways and get settled down. Those were the days when obedience to the family was paramount and little room was left for individual opinions. You guys will probably never understand this given the current freedom that most of you enjoy…

There was a girl whom I briefly mentioned earlier by the name of Dorraine. I was after her then. Although I had mentioned it to Kor as a manner of seeking his blessing and approval, I knew deep down it really hurt his feelings. It was preparations of the examination period by then and there I was trying to juggle my time between Kor and Dorraine that I almost flunk my exams.

“Kor, I hope that you understand where I’m coming from… I get beaten up by my elder brother so often previously that it has left a permanent emotional scar in me. Whenever I tried to tell my parents that I was beaten up, they refused to believe me. Haven’t I told you before that I had contemplated suicide many times? I really wish to get married early and leave my family and my past behind… I really need your understanding on this one, Kor…” I begged him once.

“Sigh…, I understand… you just do what you feel you must…” Kor frowned heavily. I guess it wasn’t easy for Kor to be on the receiving end of those words…

So my school hours were now spent with Dorraine and evenings were spent with Kor. Everything seemed fine till my time with Dorraine ate into the evenings as well…

“Mark, can we talk?” Kor asked me once after I hung up the phone with Dorraine one evening.

I was startled; that was the first time in a long while that Kor called me by my name and I knew something was wrong. Kor suggested that we take a walk around the quiet neighborhood. There was tension in the air as we strolled down the quiet road in the estate…

“I’m sorry to have to ask you out like that but I just needed to get some uncomfortable feelings off my chest ok, Mark?” Kor began.

“Please Kor, don’t call me that…, please…” I begged him.

“I may soon have to learn to call you that again judging from how things are going…”

“I’m sorry, Kor...” I pleaded again.

“No, it’s not your fault… I just want you to know that you have every right to go after Dorraine and that our relationship will always play second fiddle… I just want to let you know that whenever you call Dorraine on our house phone, I have this awful and sour feeling gripping my heart…, I’m not trying to stop you or anything… just want to get this off my chest, that’s all, ok?” Kor tried to be noble about the entire matter.

“It’s my fault, Kor. Please forgive me, Kor. You will always be the true person I ever loved! Will you forgive me?”

“Yes, boy, let’s get back to our books, ok?”

I smiled. Kor had called me by that term of affection once more indicating all was forgiven… There was the same hiccups again a week later….

The house phone was located on the staircase of our house midway between our room upstairs and the living room below. I was on the phone again with Dorraine that night for a little too long and suddenly I could hear the sound of banging and stomping coming out of our room.

“Sorry, but I really have to hang up the phone…, I think Kor is angry…” I said over the phone.

“Angry about what?” Dorraine asked.

“Never mind, you won’t understand…” And I hung up the phone and rushed up to our room. Books were strewn all over the floor and Kor was starting to pick them up again to avoid my detection. He looked really moody…

“You want to tell me what the hell’s going on!!??” I said in a stern voice.

No reply. Kor looked as if he wanted to cry. I quickly switched off the room lights and gave him a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, boy, I’m really sorry…” Kor cried as he whispered into my ears.

“I think we need to talk about this issue again...”

“I already said sorry….” Kor Kor repeated.

“Sorry!? But how many times are we going to go through this? I thot we understood each other already!?”

“I know but I just couldn’t come to terms with how I’ve been feeling… I’m really sorry…” Kor pleaded

I pushed Kor away from our embrace…

“DO YOU KNOW HOW STRESSED OUT I AM FROM ALL THESE!? I HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME WITH DORRAINE BECAUSE SHE’S DECIDING BETWEEN ME AND THAT SAF SCHOLAR! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE UNDER HER ASSESSMENT ALL THESE WEEKS!!?? DAY IN AND DAY OUT I GET THIS 'I'M NOT DOING AS GREAT AS THE OTHER FELLA IS' DISAPPROVING LOOK!! I’M fxxkING STRESSED, OK!?? AND BACK HERE I HAVE TO GIVE ALL MY TIME TO YOU! WHAT ABOUT ME!?? WHAT ABOUT MY STUDIES!?? DON’T YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH!!!??? I DON’T EVEN HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF THESE DAYS!!” I shouted at him.

Kor was so taken aback by what I said that he actually flipped his head back and accidentally hit the wall. I could actually hear him cry out in pain then but I was too angry and preoccupied then with how I felt that I rushed out of the room and wanted to leave the house. Kor rushed out after me.

“Where’s the house keys!!??” I demanded from our house mate, Hong, who was studying downstairs at the living room table. I was fuming and wanted some fresh air…

“Mark! Please don’t leave! Please… Let’s get back upstairs….” Kor cried and dragged me back to the room, leaving Hong looking at us in bewilderment.

We went back into the dark confines of our room again. And we both stood apart there fuming and staring at the floor with neither one of us talking for a good 5 mins. Then it was my turn to cry. I hugged Kor Kor tightly as my whole body started trembling and shaking uncontrollably from the sudden outpour of emotions…. I’ve never seen my Kor, someone who was always there to protect me, reduced to such a sad state…

“I’m so sorry, Kor…I really am… Please don’t cry, Kor… it really breaks my heart to see you like that… You know my feelings for Dorraine is nothing compared to what I have for you but you must understand why I need to torture myself with it, please… I don’t want to go back to that hellhole at home….” I kept crying.

“I understand… I really do… Don’t blame yourself, I’m actually the selfish one who’s holding you back… please forgive me… please……” Kor cried again.

“I want to give up, Kor… I’m tired of living… I’m scared shit when I think about what’s gonna happen in a few months’ time when our exams are over and we have to shift back to our respective homes…. I don’t wanna go back there, Kor, I don’t…” I cried again.

“Ssshhh, nobody knows what the future will bring, ok? Ssshhh, maybe things will be different then…. Ssshhhh….” Kor stroked my head and pacified me… And we fell asleep shortly after that…

Valentine’s Day came. Dorraine had mentioned to me that she would make a decision as to whom she’d rather have as her steady; that SAF scholar or me. I had asked if I could spend Valentine’s day with her and she said she would be with her family that afternoon. I put on a brave front and said I’d join their family outing. I guess I was trying to win her family’s approval in a way.

Kor and I didn’t go out for our own dinner that night as Dorraine said she’d give me the verdict that very evening. My heart thumped very fast as I called her on the phone… She sounded very cold towards me then…

“So.., erm what do your parents think of me?” I asked nervously.

“Hmph, they said you had better take up body building; there’s so little flesh on you!” Came that first stab into my heart.

“Ermmm, what about you then…” I asked timidly.

“I think there’s no future for us…” Dorraine replied coldly.

“Why do you say that?” My heart sank.

“You should be asking yourself why. Remember that night on the phone, you told me Patrick was throwing tantrums in the background?”

“That didn’t mean a thing…”

“Really? One guy in your gang, Chua Pin, said that you guys are gays and asked me to steer clear of you both!” That remark was the second stab in my heart…

“Our friend actually told you that?? But we’re not… otherwise, why would I want to spend time with you over Patrick…?” I lied blatantly.

“Let’s just call the whole thing off, ok?” And with that last pierce to my heart Dorraine hung up the phone.

I was devastated then. I felt being manipulated by Dorraine. I was thinking that if she had felt that way for some time already then she should have just told me much earlier rather than played with my feelings, my time and my efforts... I dragged my heavy feet dejectedly back to our room where Kor was waiting for the verdict as well. He saw me crying the minute the room door was closed and he quickly came up to me and hugged me tightly…

“It’s over, Kor, it’s really over….” I cried uncontrollably. It was as if my whole world had come crashing down that evening….

“Ssshhh… don’t worry, boy boy…, we still have each other, right? That’s what matters most…. Ssshh…., I’ll always be here for you… ssshhh….....”

[koolkai]

Marky,

I understand the reason for you to want to settle down with that girl. But if you settle down with your "kor", you can still leave the house and settle down wtih him?

[Guest Guest]

Marky,

I understand the reason for you to want to settle down with that girl. But if you settle down with your "kor", you can still leave the house and settle down wtih him?

i think this is many many years ago... even in this age i duno how to tell my parents if i want to settle down with a guy...

[Guest guru]

i want to cry with your.......where is kor now??? i cant wait...... i also have story but i cant write like you marky haha

[Guest Do What I Did]

i think this is many many years ago... even in this age i duno how to tell my parents if i want to settle down with a guy...

Bring your BF home late one night ... make out in the Living Room ... let a relative come out of their bedroom to go to the kitchen or washroom and "catch" you and your BF kissing passionately and petting. :oops:

They'll get the message (after all the rantings, recriminations and tears)

After the shock of your very vivid "outing", telling them about settling down with your BF will be less dramatic! :whistle:

Visual Communications - sharp and to the point! :twisted:

[Guest -marky-]

(quote]Marky,

I understand the reason for you to want to settle down with that girl. But if you settle down with your "kor", you can still leave the house and settle down wtih him?

[Guest -marky-]

(quote]Marky,

I understand the reason for you to want to settle down with that girl. But if you settle down with your "kor", you can still leave the house and settle down wtih him?

[marky]

Do what I did : Heh, you really did that previously ah?? I salute you for your bravery! :thumb:

[marky]

i want to cry with your.......where is kor now??? i cant wait...... i also have story but i cant write like you marky haha

Guru : if you have a story, then do share it. Everyone has his style of writing, dun worry. Just like when I read Adam's, I was like 'woah, I can't remember details of my childhood unlike him!!'

That is his forte. You'd be able to find yours. Hope to read your stories soon

[Guest Do What I Did]

Do what I did : Heh, you really did that previously ah?? I salute you for your bravery! :thumb:

Often in situations like these (coming out of the closet), trying to initiate conversation with family may prove elusive as some family may adopt the "don't ask, don't tell" stance while others may be deliberately obtuse to evade the unpalatable reality of their family member's sexual orientation. After all George W Bush is not the originator of the "shock and awe" strategy! :twisted:

[marky]

Do what I did : Shock factor.... well, remember my dad was just operated on then for cancer? And how bad was the cancer? Well, all would be revealed in my story...

This chapter is going to be super long... It is another fond chapter for me too; our only date and our only overseas trip together....

Part 12

Perhaps it was a blessing that my relationship with Dorraine did not materialize. It was actually a very emotionally draining period for me. Never have I been made to feel so lousy and inferior about my own body than the way Dorraine had put it across to me. It took many days for Kor to convince me otherwise. And I want to thank him again for being there for me during those lowly periods when I was so depressed.

The days passed quickly and soon we were in the midst of our exams.

“When’s your last paper?” My dad asked one Sunday night while we were having our family dinner.

“This coming Tuesday, why?”

“Why? It’s time to start work at my office lah, what do you mean why...” Dad suddenly raised his voice at me.

“But can’t I even have a few days off? I mean, I have been slogging through all these months just for the exams. Can’t I even take a few days to de-stress?”

“Ok, I give you 3 days. You report to work on Friday, but I want you to shift back home by Tuesday night itself!”

“But Pa…” I looked at my mother hoping that she would intervene.

“Do as your dad says, it is so odd for you to be staying out now that the exams are over.”

“But…” I mumbled

“End of conversation, don’t forget we paid for your rentals. You do as we tell you to.” Dad cut in.

My Marketing paper ended that Tuesday afternoon whereas Kor’s last paper on Financial Markets wasn’t due till the following week. I had wanted to meet Kor for dinner that night but my parents didn’t allow it and I slept back at my home in Bt Timah that Tuesday night as they had ordered...

****

It was a bright and sunny Wednesday morning at about 8.30am. I drove my car to Sussex Estate to pick up my stuffs. I surveyed the compound as I got out of the car. This quaint little building has been home to me and Kor for the past 8 months but after today, everything here will be but a memory…

Kor was there in the living room with both Chong and Hong when I arrived. They were all busy revising for their last paper. I greeted them quietly and went on upstairs to pack up some of my personal stuffs. I looked around the little confine of our room trying to memorize every little detail of it; it was in this very room that I had spent many happy and sad moments : the night when we first made love, that Christmas evening when Kor and I proposed to each other and the night we quarreled over our priorities in life… Then I looked at the little study table at the balcony. It was there that Kor would read those Xiao Ding Dang stories to me late in the evenings, I can still remember how enthusiastic he looked when he started reading the sentences out in mandarin to me…

It was this room that we’ve cherished as our home for the past few months. It was in this very room that our friendship blossomed. It was here that we became adults. And it was here that we learned about love, personal sacrifices and caring for one another…

Just as I started to put my textbooks into the cartons that I’ve brought along, Kor came into the room and closed the door behind him. He stood still near the door and suddenly began to cry softly. I quickly went over to hug him.

“Ssshhh Kor, what’s wrong? Ssshhhh….” It was my turn to coo softly into his ears as I patted him gently on his back.

“Don’t go back, please…. I missed you badly last night…” Kor replied and suddenly I began to cry too.

“I missed you badly too… I almost couldn’t sleep but my dad didn’t allow me to spend my time here last night. In fact I’ll be starting work soon. I’m really gonna miss all the things we used to enjoy together…”

“It’s gonna be miserable here without you. I had to study downstairs together with the rest because this room just isn’t the same without you and memories of us kept coming back to distract me…”

“We’ll still be together, Kor, I promise! Nothing is gonna stand between us, ever!” I held Kor’s face up and wiped his tears with my thumbs. It really broke my heart to see him cry.

“I have to go soon and you’ll have to get back to your studies…”

“I won’t be able to study today…, at least not in this state…”

“Come on, Kor, I’ll call you the moment I get back home, ok?”

“Alright….”

I left soon after, and Kor stood in the middle of the road to bade me farewell. From my rear view mirror, I could see him waving at me till a bend in the road obstructed my view. I reached home within 20mins and I rushed up to my room to call Kor.

“Kor, you ok?” I enquired.

“Mmm…”

“Kor, you’re still crying… don’t cry, please, Kor… Hong and Chong will find it suspicious…”

“It doesn’t matter cos they already knew when they saw my red eyes just now after I sent you off…”

“I want you to study for your paper, Kor. I want you to pass so that we can all graduate together, ok?”

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight…”

“Neither can I, it’s like part of me is missing. Why don’t I’ll call you every night?”

“Ok…”

I didn’t call Kor Kor every night…. I called him at least 5 times everyday for the next few days till I started working.

We went out for our first real date that weekend of Kor’s last paper. I brought Kor to Holiday Inn Parkview that Saturday evening. Back then, there was a western restaurant there known as the New Orleans Restaurant specializing in Creole cuisine. We spent about an hour and a half there dining under candle light on Cajun food and listening to the live Dixieland band playing soft background jazz. We wanted to hold hands so badly but found even the candle light on our table too bright to do so. In the end, we proceeded to watch a movie and we secretly held hands under the cover of darkness. That was our first and only date…

And so I entered the working world. While I had to work for very long hours everyday including weekends, Kor on the other hand couldn’t find a job for months. He took the opportunity during this period to join the Safra Megagym and going there everyday to build up his physique.

Since my workload wasn’t that heavy at the initial stage, we took the opportunity to plan a trip up north to Kota Tinggi in Johor. It was just a simple day trip on a Saturday morning. I had lied to my dad that our university wanted us to go back to participate in a compulsory survey and was granted the day off. I drove over to Kor’s house and together we drove into Johor.

The journey to Kota Tinggi was about an hour and a half long. We drove quite slowly as we were still young then and were not familiar with the roads and direction. We became horny half-way thru the journey…

“Kor, you take over the wheels and I play with your joy stick, can?” I suggested.

“Hmmm, sounds exciting, ok set!” Just 5 minutes on and Kor was fidgeting.

“Aarrrgghhh, cannot, stop, I cannot control…, I cannot drive properly liao…” Kor started to complain.

“Wah lao, you so lousy ah, cannot stay in control while climaxing ah…” I started to tease him. “Move over and let me show you what a man I am!”

We switched positions and also roles. This time around, I had Kor servicing me under the cover of a towel while I drove. I yielded my load in no time under Kor’s expert oral ministration without any fidgeting or making any noise, much to his surprise.

“Wah, how did you manage to stay in control so well ah?” Kor asked.

“I’m the real man, remember? Kekeke…” :whistle:

And soon after, we reached our destination.

There were quite a lot of locals there that day so we could do what we like without really standing out from the crowd. We first tried trekking up the side of the hill to have a bird’s eye view of the vicinity. The slope was steep and Kor lead the way up. Occasionally when the going got tough, I had to rely on him to pull me up.

“Ah, see, not so strong like a man anymore, right?” Kor would slime me back.

“That’s not a fair comparison! I shot out just now and you drank up my energy juice liao!” I countered. :swear:

Later on, we made our way down to the waterfall. We removed our clothes as we’d be going for a dip in the water.

“Wah lao! The water is so damn cold!! I cannot take it!” I screamed out when my feet came into contact with the icy water.

“I know you cannot tahan…, let me show you what a real man would do…” It was Kor’s turn to show off. He removed his t-shirt and I was astonished to see a very well toned and muscled body. The efforts at the gym had paid off. Kor looked exactly like Tarzan in his skimpy Arena.

I joined him for a dip in the pool with my clothes on. Even then, it was still freezing cold to me. The icy waters tightened his skin and his body became nice and taut. We kept our bodies below the water surface and Kor hugged me tightly with my back facing him and I felt warmer as a result of his embrace.

The water was crystal clear and you can actually see fishes swimming by you. 10 minutes on and my hands then started to stray and ended up feeling Kor up and down till he achieved a stiffy.

“Eh, what you trying to do, huh?” Kor asked me.

“I want you to shoot out so that I can feed the fishes in the water!”

“Oh, ok….”

And I really did managed to coax a load out of Kor hence there was a happy Kor and many happy fishes that afternoon…

And we made our way back to Singapore that same evening tired but very happy

Edited January 22, 2009 by marky

[Guest guru]

i love kota tinggi waterfall..... i been many time...maybe i saw your there... hhaha

[Guest Do What I Did]

Marky : Sometimes when family singles one out for especially harsh treatment, it emanates from their nagging suspicion on the sexual orientation of the family member in question. To their mind such harsh treatment serves to "man" up their loved one by beating the gay out of him. In their misguided belief, they hope that their actions will "straighten" out their son or brother by toughening him up so that he will then like girls instead of boys! :huh

[Guest -marky-]

guru : I was there only once.... that one time.... maybe I should make a nostalgic trip there when I'm free to re-live the good old days?? Nah.... Then again maybe not. I want to view life as dynamic..., something which I'm able to let go of the unhappu past and embrace the new challenges ahead. The good pasts are meant to be treasured while the bad are meant as lessons for us to learn in life's long and winding road...

do what i did : Oooo, my parents' gaydar must be better than mine ah? Hahaha... Oh well, I also read somewhere where this guy came out of the closet in another manner. He walked towards his mother, embraced her and said "It's your fault that you gave birth to a gay son. Do you know the tribulations I have to go thru? But I will forgive you for what you did"

[marky]

I received a comment that my story is a bit too lengthy. It is undeniably so. To some, the moment you see something that is not completed within a few paragraphs can be quite a put off But cos it was like written years ago and I just did a cut and paste, so.... But I do make an effort to spice things up a little like adding pics and sound files where possible so that the reader can be engaged. This is one aspect you won't find in any other stories written here. And it was done to make reading easier.

That said however, please be reminded that the story takes you from my first day in campus till when we both started working... a span of 5 over years.... This is an intimate part of my life, something that I'm willing to share to all you readers. Happy reading.....

Part 13

As the weeks progressed, life over at the family business became very stressful. My working hours started at 7.45am and lasted till 7pm. That’s when we’re all suppose to head on home for dinner and thereafter continue with discussions which would usually last till way past midnight. Which left little time for me to contact Kor and I yearned to see him very badly. I couldn’t take the 7 days a week working mentality and it really stressed me out. Imagine going for a swim on a Sunday only to be told off by my dad sacarstically that the time could have been better spent outside doing market surveys...

There were times when I had to lie about having to meet a customer after work. It was only then that I got to see Kor. I would usually drive all the way up to Sembawang where he stayed to pick him up and thereafter, we’d either go further up north to Chong Pang market for supper or just drive to some quiet spots in either MacRitchie or Seletar reservoir for a moment of intimacy. It was during such times that I’d share with Kor the problems I faced at work. Although I knew he tried his best to lend a sympathetic ear, Kor had to deal with his own insecurities in not being able to find work after our exams.

Kor told me once that his savings were depleting fast and he didn’t want to depend on his parents for money as they had always been despising him. He felt so trapped and lost… and he cried his heart out to me one night over the issue. I met him again two nights later on one of our nocturnal meetings…

“Here Kor, open it.” I passed Kor an envelope.

“Why, what is it… what the…!! What is this for?” Kor opened the envelope and saw $1,000 inside it.

“This is a token of our friendship. You stood by me when I was weak, and now I want to be there for you when you’re in need. We’re one through thick and thin, remember?” It was my turn to be available to Kor in his time of need.

“Thanks, boy. I’ll definitely pay you back once I get a job, ok?”

“Take your time, Kor. It is already my honor to be able to help you…”

Kor managed to secure a job 2 months later with a Japanese firm specializing in hi-tech assembly equipments. And he paid back the money immediately after getting his first pay. It was during this time that the tables were turned and I started to feel insecure....

We saw each other less often since then but we still managed to keep in daily contact through the telephone. Kor would always share about the things that went on at work. He once mentioned…

“Do you think I have a nice body?” Kor asked all of a sudden.

“Of course! Anyone can tell you that!”

“Oh, no wonder…”

“No wonder what?”

“Oh, nothing lah….”

“What nothing!? Tell me please….”

“Well, erm…, I overheard some girls at the office saying behind my back 'Patrick 的身材不错，该大的地方大，该小的地方小' ”

I kept absolutely quiet. It was my turn to have that awful sour feeling inside my heart.

“Boy, you still there?? Hello??”

“Ya, ya, I’m here….”

On another occasion, Kor told me his customer, a lady purchasing manager wanted to date him. They eventually went swimming at her suggestion. And while they were at the pool, Kor said she kept staring at his crotch and even said she would like to have his baby….

Kor also went on frequent trips to Japan to learn about the hi-tech equipment their company was selling. He would usually be stationed there in a town called Hamamatsu for weeks

and stayed at those Japanese company hostels. He said many Japanese commented he had nice, long muscular legs. There was even one incident where a Japanese tickled the underside of Kor’s palm while shaking Kor’s hand…

The truth hurt real bad and it was pure agony deep inside my heart. But I knew it was something I had to resolve on my own. If I wanted Kor to continue to be honest, open and be free to share about the on goings in his daily life, I must first learn not to make it difficult for him to share. By this, I meant I had to deal with all that insecurities by myself; any hints of hurt or jealousy may cause Kor to clam up and not reveal anything to me anymore.

I started to feel insecure once more. I haven’t felt this way since Dorraine said I needed to take up bodybuilding and I’m starting to feel inadequate again. This time however, there will not be a Kor Kor there to reassure me; it was something I had to deal with on my own…

I contemplated gymming but couldn’t spare the time. Then a bright idea came to me; I would incorporate exercise in the course of my daily routine! I'd show others you can have a workout even with your tie on!! Just gimme one month to be bigggg!!! There was one evening when our company staffs were loading cartons up a container ready for export to the Middle East. I volunteered to help carry the heavy cartons… and ended up with a slipped disc instead…@&^&*!!!! :swear:

Kor paid me a visit at SGH one afternoon…

“Wah, how did you end up with a slipped disc?”

“Never mind and don’t ask…”

Silence again….

“Anything wrong, boy?”

“Kor…”

“Yes?”

“Can you give me a hug?”

“No lah, people may just walk in here... and what if your parents come?”

“They haven’t been here for 2 days already as expected. I’m the outsider in the family, remember? Please, Kor, I really need it.”

Kor leaned forward and gave me a short hug. It was nice and I felt comforted. Then it dawned on me that it was only a matter of time before I must surrender Kor over to somebody else…

“So, what’s wrong?”

“I… I’m starting to feel very inferior again…”

“Over what?”

“Over my body…”

“Aiya, don’t tell me you’re still brooding over what Dorraine said to you?”

I frowned heavily…”Do you know my medical records with my family doctor is almost 1 inch thick? And do you know I fractured my ribs in the army when somebody just gave me a tight hug? Do you know what it is feels like to have a girl tell you you needed to take up bodybuilding….?” I asked softly.

“Hey, come on, don’t be like that. I think you have a nice body…”

“And I think you have lousy taste…”

It was Kor’s turn to frown… He grabbed hold of my hand and assured me “Whatever it is, I want you to know I want you very much or we wouldn’t have gone thru all that we did, ok?”

“Ok…Kor?”

“Yes?”

“How are you getting on with your parents?”

“Well, they’ll always be my parents and I love them very much despite what I went through last time..”

“I want to be like you, Kor; to be able to forgive and forget so easily and generously…”

“It’s all in the mind, it’s all up to you…”

“I know… I’ve been thinking about this… I want to shift out and be on my own. Maybe it’s easier to accept them for what they are this way…”

“Do they know about this?”

“They told me in no uncertain terms that nobody in the family stays out unless it’s because they’re getting married… what about you? Would you stay out?”

“Well, my parents would want me to get married soon so that my younger brothers can have the entire room to themselves…, but I can’t foresee myself getting married…”

“Kor, convocation’s coming in 2 weeks, you think your parents will attend?”

“Dunno leh, I doubt so. Don’t think they can take time off work… Are yours going?”

“I supposed so, they attended my elder brother’s so I guess they might go… but I cannot be certain… If both our parents can’t make it, we’ll take pictures for one another, ok?”

“Ok, set!”

“Thanks Kor…”

[GachiMuchi]

Thanks Marky for sharing your life story. Don't mind those comment and just post as you are.

[marky]

Hi gachi muchi, no worries, I'm just explaining to those who find it lengthy, that's all. I understand that what is lengthy to one may not be so to another

Anyway, it has been over a week and I have been faithfully posting a chapter everyday... sometimes twice a day. Because the rest of the story..., well, it's going downhill... no one is to blame. This story is written as an account of what took place and not to put myself in a good light. History can't be changed... but history can be painful...

Part 14

I was discharged a few days later but had to go for regular physio. My convocation was only a week away and the last thing I want to look like on my red letter day was Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame...

“Pa, mummy, you guys want to attend my graduation ceremony next week?”

“We’ll talk about it when the date draws nearer, ok?”

“It’s only a few days from now.”

“You know things are pretty unpredictable at the office.”

“Oh, alright, it’s next Wednesday just for your info…”

I called Kor Kor on Tuesday evening, the eve of our convocation.

"So are your parents going?" I asked.

"Don't know yet, boy. They didn't really commit themselves to it. They said it'd all depend if they can wrap up tomorrow's business earlier. What about yours?"

"I don't think they'd go. Anyway, just as well, if both our parents won't be there, we can take pictures together, ok? I like to have one of us together for keepsake… Like I've told you before, I'm a nobody to them." I said sounding a little bitter.

"Don't ever say that again, you hear me? They may not understand you but no parents will ever neglect their own children! And how you know if you haven't ask them? Try asking first, ok?" Kor tried to pacify me.

“I already asked last week and they don’t want to commit themselves…”

“Just ask again lah…”

"Ok lor, I'd do it because you asked me to."

"I’ll bring my camera along… We better have an early night then, we both still have to work tomorrow morning, right?"

"Ya, I guess so…" I frowned before we both hung up the phone. Will my parents go for my convocation? I mustered some courage and approached them in the living room where they were watching tv.

"Papa, mama, my convocation ceremony is tomorrow…., remember? Will you guys be there?" I asked anxiously.

"What is this convo thing?" My dad couldn't remember a thing.

"Hello!? It is my graduation ceremony, ok? It is held nearby our company at the Kallang Theater. I'm going on stage to receive my degree. Are you guys going to witness it or not?" I was getting agitated.

"Aiya, just a ceremony only what. Ma and I can't take leave just to go for such ceremonies…."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU BOTH ATTENDED ELDER BROTHER'S CONVO LAST YEAR AND YOU WON'T EVEN CONSIDER COMING TO MINE!??"

"Yes, we attended it and found it was boring and a waste of time. That's why…"

"YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO SEND ME OFF WHEN I WENT INTO THE ARMY, BUT YOU WERE THERE WHEN ELDER BROTHER WAS ENLISTED!! CAN'T YOU JUST SHOW UP TO PROVE TO ME I'M ALSO YOUR SON!!???"

"WHAT NONSENSE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!??? THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER WAS THE FIRST TO BE ENLISTED! NONE OF US KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT THEN!! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS COMPARING? DO YOU KNOW HOW PETTY YOU ARE!!??" It was my dad's turn to shout at me.

"I WOULDN'T NEED TO COMPARE IF YOU ARE NOT SO BIASED AGAINST ME!! BUT YOU ARE! YOU BOTH ARE! yOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT THAT'S ALL!!!!"

"SINCE WHEN WERE WE EVER BIASED AGAINST YOU??"

"NEVERMIND LAH, FORGET I EVER ASKED YOU TO GO!!" And with that, I stormed back up to my room sobbing furiously… I won’t call Kor this time because he’ll never believe me…

It was about 1.30pm the following day when I approached my parents again at the office.

"I'm going off now to Kallang Theater for my convo…"

"Remember to finish it quick and come back to work. Don't waste your time taking photos over there, you hear me?" My dad ordered.

Those words really hurt me. This was a significant day for me and my dad’s response literally pierced my heart. I looked at my mum with watery eyes to see if she'd say something nice but she just looked back at me helplessly…

Kallang Theater was bustling with people that afternoon by the time I drove there. Some couldn't even wait for the ceremony to be begin and were already taking photographs in the foyer. Everyone I met seemed to have their parents towed in hand for this joyous and important occasion. My heart sank even further when I saw Kor Kor with his parents. Even they had made themselves available despite all that talk Kor had said about himself being the odd one out in his family. I know I should be happy for him that his parents cared enough to attend but I had silently hoped that if they didn't, then we'd at least have each other for company and there'd be 2 less lonely people in the crowd. Now there's only one lonely and unhappy soul in the sea of happy faces.… It was an important occasion for all so I didn't want to take Kor Kor away from his parents. I spent a good deal of time in the toilet changing into my gown; I had to because there was no one to help me put on my gown or adjust my tie, and no one to compliment me on perhaps how good I may look in it...

The ceremony was finally over at about 4pm and the most dreaded part came; picture taking. Friends were busy taking pics of one another with their respective families. And I offered my help to divert attention away from the anguish and loneliness I was feeling inside me. Kor Kor must have sensed how down I was feeling because he beckoned me to join him so that we could have a picture taken together. We took one with a palm tree behind us and thereafter I offered to take one of him with his parents.

As I focused through the camera lens, what I saw before me was a picture of a happy family. An elderly couple beaming with pride knowing that their son had crossed an important threshold in life… And I know Kor Kor was happy knowing his parents has finally given him some recognition. That scene was too much for me to bear. I quickly took the picture and excused myself because my eyes couldn't hold back the tears anymore…

"Boy boy, you ok? You wanna talk?" Kor Kor asked discreetly as I handed back his camera.

"I'm ok. W…we'll talk another day, ok? I got to rush back to the o.. office… my dad needs me there…" It was Kor's happy day and I wanted him to cherish that moment with his parents than have his mood weighed down by me. I hurriedly left the foyer and headed for the carpark. And once in the quiet confines of my car, I started crying bitterly to myself…

"Oh God….!! Why can't you give me parents who care for me? Why did you give me parents who always crush my heart with the things they say or do? Papa, mummy…, why did you even give birth to me if you don't love or even cherish me? You could have just aborted me if you wished. I never asked to be born…." I stayed inside the car and cried for a good 15mins before composing myself and made my way back to the office….

And I contemplated while driving back to work.... I want to leave my family!! I want to start a fresh new life on my own. And I want to do it fast…...

[marky]

I'm trying to end the story before the chinese new year begins... On hindsight, the timing to tell this story doesn't seem to be that appropriate

Anyway, here goes...

Part 15

“Is that Mark the marketing manager? This is Julie, the Selling Dept Manager from Robinson. I need you to come down to our store to settle a problem concerning your promoter.”

“Can I know what it is first?”

“She’s giving our people problems by refusing to cooperate with us when we asked her not to occupy some of our shelves with your merchandise. It’ll be good if you can settle this problem quick.”

“I’d love to come down immediately but my dad and brother are out of town and I need to be around at the office. Can I see you after my office hour?”

“Oh, just as well. We’re busy preparing for Friday’s sale anyway. Ok, I’ll see you when our store closes at 8.30pm then.”

“How about having dinner at the basement noodle house at the Orchard Point?”

“Ok, will see you there then, bye.”

That was essentially how I first got to know my future wife. It turned out that she too just graduated from NUS that same year. There was so much to share that night and we sat at the noodle house talking till the outlet closed for the night; nothing concerning the problem with my promoter was mentioned ;p

I received another call from her just two weeks later…

“Hi Mark, I was wondering if you’d like to go for this Christian rally at the National Stadium next Friday evening...”

“Er…”

“It’s ok to say no…”

“No…, oh, no, no, no…, I meant I’d like to go but erm.., I’d have to get permission from my dad, the big boss first. We’d usually have to continue with our work after dinner at home… even if it’s a weekend.”

“Wow, don’t you guys rest?”

“Well… erm…, that’s what it’s like working in a family business lor… I’ll let you know tomorrow?”

“Ok, I’ll give you my home number and you can let me know tonight, ok?”

“Ok.”

Permission was granted and that’s how we first dated.

Another month passed us by, workload at the office got heavier. My elder brother asked if I could think of some ways to speed up the monthly staffs’ salary calculation. Back then, it took an entire day just to work out the 100 odd workers’ salaries.

“I don’t know any programming languages but we can try to do a simple one on the Lotus 1-2-3 lor.”

“You do it then. Give it to me by next week just before the next salary calculation time. I’ll ask Emily, the factory manager to assist you with whatever info you need.”

“But this is not my area of responsibility! Besides, 5 departmental stores are having their sales now. I have to help with the promotions every night. You should do it since you’re doing admin! I’m only the Marketing Manager!”

“And I’m the General Manager. You do as I tell you!”

“Then what will you be doing then!? Go out with your girlfriend again while I slog it out every night!?”

“That’s none of your business!!”

“I won’t do it!!!……” :swear:

I spent the next 6 nights including weekends staying back late at the office working together with the factory manager, Emily, going through details, keying in data and testing out the simple payroll program. It worked and on the last night, I took a break and went for a friend’s birthday celebration. I reached home at about 11pm that night and my dad was watching tv in the living room…

“Where were you all night!?” My dad accosted me as I walked passed the living room to get to my room.

“I went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday…”

“Is that all you ever do? Enjoy? Your brother is always hard at work while all you know is to enjoy yourself! He always have ideas and even told me he’s working on a plan to speed up our payroll calculation. You’re so unlike him! All you know is how to enjoy life!! Look at him, he’s home early all week but you’re always out!”

“I’m the one working on the payroll! I have been staying back late at the office since last week, didn’t you even notice that!?”

“Don't real or not. I won’t know what you did there but I know for sure your elder brother doesn’t party or take things easy and he works very long hours…”

“Do you actually knows what he is doing then!!?? I don’t think it’s fair to judge us that way! You should judge us by our productivity and not by how long we spend doing a job!”

“But his mind is always thinking of the business and yours isn’t…! HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING! I’M TALKING TO YOU! YOU HEAR ME!!!?? HEY!!!”

I couldn’t be bothered. I rushed into my room crying bitterly. I can’t imagine this was happening to me. I can’t believe that my dad could be so blind and so biased against me. I instinctively picked up the phone and called Kor..

“Hello boy…”

I didn’t reply; I was still crying bitterly.

Kor frowned, “What is it this time…? Boy, you still there…?”

“I WANT TO SHIFT OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOU HEAR ME!!??? I WANT TO LEAVE THIS fxxkING FAMILY OF MINE!!!” And I continued crying…

“Sighhhh………, what is it this timmmmeee…....?” Kor’s impatient tone caught me by surprise and his frown brought no comfort but only offended me.

“I don’t want to say it anymore! Every time I try to confide in you about my family problems, you’d only end up making me feel even more guilty!”

“Since you already made up your mind then there’s no point for me to say anything!”

“Well, isn’t it true!? I know it is not nice to speak ill of my family but I go through shit that you don’t! Your family problem is history but mine is ongoing!!! Can’t you just even be there for me!?? Whatever happened to that vow we made last time.., to be there for one another in times of need!!!”

“Then? What you want me to do? Say things that you want to hear only!?”

“No! It’s better that you just shut the f**k up and not say a word!”

“If you say so!”

“You’ve changed, Kor! You’ve changed since you started working! You’ve become very arrogant ever since people started feeding your ego! I was earning big money while you were out of job then! Did you see me look down on you?? I even drive to your house so often to comfort you late at night! Now you have a job and just because some people admire your body, your head starts to swell! You can’t even handle such a small success well that you let it get over your head!! You’ve become so arrogant over such minor things! And I don’t see why I should be at the receiving end of your f**king attitude!!”

There was silence on the other end. Then I kept quiet for a while too.

“Kor? You still there!!? Why you keep so quiet!?”

“You ask me not to say anything, right!?”

I slammed the phone down and cried again… I don’t have a life, I don’t have a warm and caring family and now it seemed like I no longer have Kor either…

I proposed to Julie a few months later and she accepted… And we intend to get married as soon as we can….

[marky]

This chapter is not for the prissy. Remember if gay sex turns you off, just hit the backspace button now. Thank you....

Part 16 (Right Click Here)

That incident with Kor resulted in a cold war which lasted a few months. Kor was the more forgiving one in that he took the initiative to call me on a few occasions only to hear my curt and hostile voice. Needless to say, he’d hang up after that. I guess we both operated differently and as far as I’m concerned, I must let my anger run its course rather than nip it prematurely. Then I called him one day…

“Hi…” I began.

“Hi…. Long time never hear your voice liao….”

“Ya… I’m sorry, ok?”

“Never mind lah… so, how are you feeling now?”

“Ok already…”

“So what have you been doing then?”

“I’ve been going out…. Oh, Kor…”

“Yes?”

“I’m getting married next November….”

For a brief moment, Kor went silent over the other end.

“Is… is it with that girl from Robinson whom you mentioned once?

“Ya…”

Silence again.

“You free to meet this Sunday?” Kor began again.

“I got to go back to work at the office…Erm…, I don’t suppose you remember about my life anymore…”

“Yes, yes, I know you’re busy… will you be alone at the office?”

“Yes….”

Kor came to join me over at the office that Sunday afternoon. Our nerves were still raw and hence there was still a slight tension in the air as we spoke awkwardly…

“So..., you have decided to get married…”

“I don’t want to but I need to…”

“Are you doing it to spite me?”

“No lah.., just that I feel I need to move on in life…”

“What about us then?”

“Ya, what about us? I thought I lost you already since the day you started your new job? I asked if I can join you in your company and you said don’t I dare do so or you’ll resign straight away! I go for lavish entertainment all the time but I don’t bother to tell you about them yet when you had whole-comb sharks fin on a few company entertainments, you dare swear to me you’ll never eat ordinary sharks fin again in future!!? I had no problem with using my car to go on our trip to Kota Tinggi but when I suggested taking your car instead for another trip you said you’d never allow your car to be used on Malaysian roads!! Yet you immediately did so when your company asked you to drive to Malacca!! You made me feel like some f**king fool!! Despite my heavy workload, late working hours and daily emotional stress, I still make it a point to go see you at your home in Sembawang but you don’t want to see me when you started work saying you feel tired. Tired from what? Entertainment?? You're fitter than me and you're always tired? How come I've never complained about being tired despite my longer working hours than yours?? Don’t kid yourself lah, this relationship is not on equal footing anymore! We have to get one thing clear, you are the one who has changed and you’re making yourself inaccessible, not me. I wanted to share my problems with you but you’re no longer want to listen…”

All was silent.....

“S…sorry…” Kor managed after a good 5 minutes.

“It’s ok lah, I got over it liao…”

“No you haven’t…”

“Can we not talk about this anymore? I need to do my work liao….”

Suddenly, Kor lurched forward towards me, pulled my pants down and started taking me into him. I just laid back frozen in my arm chair watching him perform his task till I came inside him….

“There, I swallowed everything liao. Doesn’t this prove how much you’re worth to me?” Kor asked as he looked up gleefully at me from between my legs.

I kept quiet for a while and suddenly tears began to roll down my eyes. I felt sad because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing… I felt that Kor Kor had to lower his dignity so much just to prove a point. Guilt overwhelmed me again like it did when I first saw him cry…

“Kor, spit it out, Kor….” I held his head tightly with my arms and ruffled his hair as I continued sobbing.

“No, I haven’t had a part of you inside me for quite sometime already; I really missed it…. Why are you crying?”

“Because it hurts to see you like that… How do you think I have been feeling the past few months? Damn it, you know I’m just a simple guy with simple needs. All I ever wanted was to have you to complete my life but it is scary the way things are going now… All of a sudden, you’re no longer there for me… I can’t deal with that, Kor, I need some form of security and stability...”

Kor pulled me up from the arm chair and we hugged for a while.

“I missed you, you know that?” Kor whispered.

“I missed you even more especially your strong shoulders which I can lean on, and I hate to say this but I really missed your warm body… After all that we’ve done, do you think I don’t lust after you at all? But I don’t know who your body belongs to now… Each time you tell me there’s someone lusting for you, I’ll always have this awful sour feeling inside of me. I'm not saying there's anything wrong telling me that but search your own heart as to the reason you're telling me all that! There were times when I dreamt that you came up to me in your usual cocky attitude and tell me you’ve got someone else in your life now and just walk away from me after that. Maybe this is retribution. Maybe you treat me this way because you want me to have a taste of how you felt when I was with Dorraine…”

“No! I’ll never do the same thing to you!”

“And neither do I want to spend the rest of my life feeling insecure…”

“You won’t.. you won’t have to anymore… I’m sorry…” And we just remained there for a short while just caressing each other’s bodies.

“Aeyy…?? I think you’ve put on some meat around your shoulders liao. Have you been training as well?” Kor suddenly asked as he grabbed my shoulders tightly and also felt my chest.

“I’ve been doing pushups at home… I’m getting married soon, remember? I need to be able to protect others as well, it will be my turn to look after others for a change…”

“So, you’ve decided...?”

“Yes, I’m not like you who have plenty of people going after you. I work in my own family business and it’ll be very odd to go after my own staff, rite? I’m very lucky to find some outsider who even wants me. I need stability, not insecurity… Anyway, you know very well too that it is only a matter of time…”

“Will we still be able to see each other freely?”

“I should be asking you that, Kor. You know how much I really loved you…”

Things between Kor and me got better in the weeks to come but somehow we were no longer as close as we used to be anymore. We no longer made love; it was purely sexual gratification. In the meantime, my dad’s cancer underwent a relapse. The lung operation wasn’t a success and instead, the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. The doctors said it was only a matter of months…. I felt like my world has collapsed on me. It was scary... throughout my life, I had people looking after me. In just a matter of months, all that was gone! Now the person who has provided for me is lying like a vegetable on the hospital bed. And Kor’s promises were empty..; he wasn’t around during my hours of darkness…. Guess he never really changed as he promised…

I started to go crazy from all that stress and with few people to turn to. I started to hurt the people around me with the things I say… I hurt my passive mother once in one of my outburst…

“YOU F**KING PEOPLE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE! YOU NEVER ONCE CARED FOR ME! THAT’S WHY I WANT TO GET MARRIED EARLY AND LEAVE YOU PEOPLE FOREVER! WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS JUST LET ME GO IN PEACE FOR ONCE? I’M GETTING MARRIED SOON AND DAD IS NOT HAPPY IZZIT!? OF ALL THE TIMES HE COULD HAVE FALLEN ILL WHY MUST HE CHOOSE TO DIE NOW WHEN I WANT TO GET MARRIED!?? WHY MUST HE ALWAYS TORTURE ME!!!!??? I DON’T CARE!! I DON’T WANT TO CARE ANYMORE!!! I’LL STILL GO ON MY HONEYMOON PLANS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!! DAD DESERVES TO DIE!! HE SHOULD HAVE DIED YEARS AGO!! NO ONE IN THIS WORLD DESERVES TO RUIN THE LIVES OF OTHERS LIKE THE WAY DAD AND YOU RUINED MINE!!!!”

I met Kor again a few nights before my wedding. We drove to a dark spot in Seletar Reservior. We parked the car and sat there quietly without talking for a long while.

“So your big day is coming…” Kor broke the silence..

“Ya, be happy for me, ok?” And we kept quiet again. That wasn’t what we wanted to say to each other… That wasn’t the way this night should be…

I reached out and grabbed hold of Kor’s left hand and started to feel it. It was big, strong and sinewy. It conveyed warmth and security… but somehow those qualities don’t seemed like they was meant for me anymore…

“Kor, hug me one last time, Kor…” I began crying.

It was difficult to do so in the car but Kor managed to give me an embrace.

“Ssshhh, you’re going to be a big man soon, you’re going to look after other people liao, sshhh….”

“I’m going to miss you really bad…. I wish I can have you forever instead….”

“I’ll miss you too….”

I got married that weekend. Kor helped out with the wedding by being one of the chauffeurs in my entourage. He would have been my choice of best man if not for the fact that he was much taller than me. It wasn’t a day of happiness for me but one of great anxiety. My dad’s condition got worse and we had to carry him downstairs just for the tea ceremony. Thereafter, we carried him back up to his room again. My pastor even told me he’d say a final blessing for him. My eyes were red that day for many reasons. Everyone present thought the sole reason was because I was just worried for my dad…

The church wedding was held in the afternoon. My eyes were still red then. I guess I’d go down in history as the saddest person on my own wedding day. The mood in the church was somber, my dad was conspicuously absent and every tongue was wagging about when the funeral might be. And I knew too I’m about to cross a bridge of no return…

“Mark, will you take Julie to be your lawful and wedded wife, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health….” I remembered hearing the pastor rattling away in the background.

I looked at Kor with my tired eyes… and our gaze locked. That painful moment came when we exchanged rings. There were no tears in his eyes… Was there any bitterness in him or was his heart crying out to me? I never got to find out as I’ve never asked him that ever since. But it was a symbolic sign that Kor and I are now apart and I belong to someone else now…

[manlybigsize]

hi mark... when i read ur stories especially when u getting married...i can feel the pain and the bitterness that u gng thru...but y u choose to get married instead...sighhh..and i love ur stories...i don like the way ur family treated u...if i am in ur shoes,i will rebel all the way so that nobody step on my head and control me...looking forward to read more...will the sweetness come back to ur life again?i cant wait to read it....

[marky]

manlybigsize : you know, sometimes in life, we make decisions which we'd regret on hindsight... In that age where internet is non-existent and you have no support group or anyone to identify with... sometimes it all just serve to limit your options in life.

The story has come to an end. I thank all who had actually taken the time to read the lengthy postings...

But I'd say again, what I'm sharing is an account of what had happened during those life changing 5 years of my life. If I had put anyone in bad light, noticed I had also done the same for myself. Anyone is free to interprete the story as he wishes. If it had kept you entertained the past 2 weeks, good. If it has opened your eyes to what life was like back then when the internet and handphones were non-existent, all the better. If you could feel the pain and anguish that either one of us went through, I want to thank you for being able to put yourself in our shoes. And if the story could moved you to tears, well, I want to extend a hug to you.......

Part 17 - (Finale)

Even Now (Right Click here)

Even now when there's someone else who cares

When there's someone home who's waiting just for me

Even now I think about you as I'm climbin' up the stairs

And I wonder what to do so she won't see

Even now when I know it wasn't right

And I've found a better life than what we had

Even now I wake up cryin' in the middle of the night

And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far

I wonder where you are, I wonder why it's still so hard without you

Even now when I come shining through, I swear I think of you

And how I wish you knew, even now….

Peruse the lyrics to this song carefully and play the midi as well. The lyrics were exactly my sentiments back then after I got married. I know it wasn’t right to be still thinking of Pat when I’m already married but I can’t deny that was exactly how I felt way back then.

And we didn’t go on our honeymoon as planned… we went exactly a year later in mid-November. Meanwhile, my dad finally passed away 2 months later in mid January; 2 weeks before Chinese New Year. I remember it was late one night at about 1.30am. We had camped out at Mt E’s critical care unit. We were told not to go home that night. Ironically, one of my sales rep’s mother was warded there that evening too. And she occupied the room next to my dad’s. She survived… my dad didn’t....

"Where are the family members of Mr Tan??" A nurse called out; her voice resonated in the quiet confines of the hospital corridor...

We all quickly woke up from our rest feeling a little dazed......

"Quick go into the CCU, the patient's about to go any moment now..." And we rushed in to have the last look at our father...

“Come, go on up to your dad and tell him you boys will look after his business…” My mom broke down and cried as she urged us to bade our father farewell.

One by one, our loyal company staffs and even those from Penang went up to my dad’s lifeless body and said their last goodbyes.

“Pa, you have a good rest. I promise I’ll do what I can to carry on the business…” I cried as I whispered into his ears. My dad was only 57 years old then and I was only 26 and still wet behind the ears…. And just overnight, I felt like I’ve become an orphan and need to fend for myself already….

The months following dad’s death was hell. He left no instructions and there were bills to be paid. Some bankers withdrew their support saying they lent the money on my dad’s account and they were not sure how 2 inexperienced young men were able to run a company of that size. I’d never forget their words since they were told directly to me over the phone.

“Thanks for telling me that. I’ll show you one day I can do it!” I said as I slammed down the phone. We discussed the matter and we dug deep into our own pockets to keep the company running smoothly.

Life was different now. At least there was some form of stability. I wished I was there for Julie but our married life began with a crisis on my side and I was thankful she was always there for me. It was she who comforted me during those bleak moments…

I lost touch with Kor for a few months as it was a very busy period for us. We had to assure our suppliers we’re still good paymaster, I had to show our competitors we’re not down and out, we had to make regular visits to our lawyers and accountants to tidy up all the mess my dad left behind for us and include ourselves in the authorized signatories etc.

Then one night I received a call from Kor…

“Hi Kor!! How have you been??” I was so excited to hear his voice after all these months.

Kor didn’t reply, he was crying over the other end of the phone.

“What happened, Kor? Did someone bully you?”

“I… I just came back from w… watching the show ‘Ghost’ with my colleagues….” Kor sounded like he was very drunk.

“And then?” I was anxious for him.

“They were playing this sad song in the movie (Right click here) … I want to sing it for you now… it says… whoooa, my love…, my darling…. I hunger for your touch… alone… lonely time… and time goes by…, so slowly…., and time can do so much…, are you still mine….? I need your love…. I want your love...God speed your love to me…..” And Kor started crying again.

“Ssshhh, Kor, you’re drunk liao…”

“I’m not drunk!! I’mmm not… And my colleagues asked me why I was crying and all I could tell them was because I missed my ex-girlfriend…. And that I loved her so much….. Little did they know I was referring to you… Are you still mine…? I need your love…”

“Ssshhh, I’m always there for you, ok? Where are you now? I can go over soon! I’ll tell Julie…”

“You stay where you are! I’m home now and I’m fine! I’ll get over it by tomorrow!!” And Kor hung up the phone after that.

I met Kor Kor a few days after that incident. It was an emotional meeting. We hugged and kissed and eventually gave ourselves to each other again…. We even justified and convinced ourselves that we were there for each other way before others came into the picture and hence it was others who were tearing us apart…

And this went on for months and we were like buddies again like the way we were back in our campus days at Sussex Estate till one fine day when I met Kor for lunch at the hawker centre above the Bishan Bus Interchange

"Kor korrrr. How are you today?"

“Fine, thanks… Ermm, I’m getting married too… middle of next year...”

“Oh… hey, that’s great! Then we can go out together as 2 couples!!”

"Erm, ya I guess…" Kor seemed uneasy as he spoke. Something was wrong.

"You, ok?"

"Ya, why?"

"You don't look ok. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong…"

"Come on lah, we know each other so well already. I can tell if something's wrong."

Silence…

"I think we should stop doing those things from now onwards…" Kor finally blurted out.

“Oh.....… ok…, you’re right, Kor….”

“And I want you to stop calling me Kor.”

“B... but why?”

“Because it is unhealthy, that’s why!”

“You say we should stop doing it and I can agree to it but now you want me to stop calling you Kor? I can’t do it…. Kor… I can’t do it…” My eyes began to get watery.

“You’ll have to. We can still refer to each other as buddies…”

“The reason I call you Kor is because I don’t have one that cares for me… I thot you can be one to me, Kor…”

“Stop it! Stop calling me that! You know it has other hidden meanings to it…”

I broke down and cried not giving a care to the strangers around me.

“I already told you I’ll agree to all your other requests liao, why do you want to force me to severe ties with you this way…??” I continued crying. I pushed away the food I was eating; I had no appetite anymore.

“Ssshh, don’t cry lah, please… people are watching...” Pat started to get uncomfortable...

“Only you can stop these tears from falling but you know you won’t do it….”

We continued our discussion inside my car at the multi-storey carpark opposite Junction 8 to avoid curious stares.

“You think I don’t want to call you my boy boy, izzit!? I want to as well! But we called each other that during a time when we got into a unhealthy relationship so it has to stop! You understand that or not!? I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but I really want my marriage to start out right… I’m sorry for being so selfish as to ruin yours with what we had been doing these few weeks…”

“Mmm…” I nodded weakly.

“So you agree that nothing else has changed?”

“Mmm..…” Afterall, it wasn’t a request and neither was there room for negotiation. And from that day onwards, we never referred to each other as brothers anymore. Perhaps Pat felt liberated after that. But for me, I felt I’ve just lost my right arm…

We met occasionally since then but conversations were difficult, plastic and trying because we had erected invisible barriers for ourselves by then. Still, my feelings for him remained strong.

The months passed and soon it was his wedding day. I had been with Pat all these while. I even went with him and his wife-to-be to the bridal boutique along Upp Thomson Rd just next to the defunct Prima Deli which is occupied by The Liquid Kitchen now to choose the bridal package.

It was my turn to be the chauffer at his wedding. I ferried Pat and his belle everywhere that morning from his place to his in-laws and then onto City Hall & MacRitchie for the photography session. Everything was through by 3pm and we went back to Pat’s house to rest before setting off for the evening’s dinner. It was a hot day and we went to his room and had the air conditioner on at full blast. His newly wedded wife preferred to rest downstairs thus leaving the two of us in the room....

Pat rested on the bed while I instinctively relegated myself to the floor… An awkward silence pervaded the room.. Then I saw his arms flipped over to my side…

“Mark, come up here and rest with me, don’t lie on the floor…”

“It’s ok, it’s your wedding bed.., I don’t want to defile it…” I lied; I’d give anything just to lay next to him…

Then everything was still and silent again for a good 5 minutes.

“Pat, can I go home first? I’ll come back again to pick you guys up afterwards for the wedding dinner, ok?” I finally broke the silence.

“Why?”

“I really want to go home. I’m sorry, I feel very uncomfortable here…”

“Please tell me how you’re feeling…”

“You really want to know? I see your arms from where I’m laying now and the truth is I really want to stretch my hands out to hold yours, that’s how I feel right now. I’m beginning to entertain thoughts I know I shouldn’t be entertaining and that’s why I feel I should leave now….”

Silence again…

“Mark?”

“Yes?”

“Hold my hands for a while…, please? It's ok...”

I stretched out my arm and we held hands for a while; it was a stolen moment and it felt good. It was months ago since I last held his hands and the warmth was comforting albeit no longer assuring. For one fleeting moment, I saw flashbacks of our lives together…From the very first day we met at the bus stop outside NUS to the happy life we lead as a couple in Sussex Estate, and finally to the testing and turbulent time eversince graduation… After this day, everything will be but a memory… A memory that neither of us can freely bring up to talk about anymore, but one that has to be tightly locked and stow away in the back recesses of our minds...

Then I spoke again…

“Pat, can I say something without you stopping me halfway?”

“Ok…” Pat consented.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Kor…...., I now surrender you over to your wife...…, you take good care of yourself, ok?” And I broke down and cried..….

SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD

We had the right love

At the wrong time

Guess I always knew inside

I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours

Are shining on distant shores

And if they're calling you away

I have no right to make you stay

But somewhere down the road

Our roads are gonna cross again

It doesn't really matter when

But somewhere down the road

I know that heart of yours will come to see

That you belong with me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever

It doesn't matter if you're gone

I still believe in us together

I understand more than you think I can

You have to go out on your own

So you can find your way back home

But somewhere down the road

Our roads are gonna cross again

It doesn't really matter when

But somewhere down the road

I know that heart of yours will come to see

That you belong with me

Letting go is just another way to say

I'll always love you so

We had the right love

At the wrong time

Maybe we've only just begun

Maybe the best is yet to come

Cause somewhere down the road

Our roads are gonna cross again

It doesn't really matter when

But somewhere down the road

I know that heart of yours will come to see

That you belong with me.

--- The End ---

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky

[Guest sad]

Hi Mark

I got married because I thought that the gay in me was just something that was temporary and can vanish upon marriage. In my younger days, I was so bogged down with the paper chase and thereafter work, I wasnt really into exploring the alternative side of me. So when it was time to get married, I met one whom I thought would be my partner for life and we got married.

But it was only recent (as in a few years ago) that I outed myself as I was very attracted to a colleague and fell in love with him,. I found love that I had never experienced before. It was my first love. However, it was a messy and painful affair as I was only a substitute love for my colleague. he had another love to pursue. Yet, I couldnt get out of the cycle of loving him - even till today. It wasnt because I didnt try to move on cos I did and have met several people whom I cared for. But my main contention is that I found that I couldnt return comfortably to my original role as a loving husband and devoted father. In the process, my relationship with my wife has suffered. I had opened a pandora box and now I cant close it.

I am very surprised that both you and Patrick took to marriage as a way of moving on. I dont think that you mentioned in your story as to whether the wives suffer from the entanglement of relationships. But they are likely to have felt shortchanged. Yes I took the step of exploring- in the name of finding my identity but was it worth it now that the door cannot be closed? Even if it can be closed, the feelings are never going to be the same again.

So whoever reads this note out there, please think twice or trice before getting yourself into a hetero-marriage if you really think that you are going to be more contented with a male love of your life. This will be fairer to yourself and to your other half.

[Dakishimeru]

I'm so touched by your story.. almost cried...

[Guest guru]

OH NO NO...... PLS dont do this..............sob sob..... my heart is broken

[Guest Guynextdoor]

Hey Marky, thanks for sharing, it's really touching...

Hugs

[Guest guru]

thank you again Marky :thumb: i dont know what to do next when i read your story till saw................ THE END......................and i just cant get over it for a while........................

do u still see your kor??

[Hermes]

hey marky thanks for sharing everything..... i guess everyone reading the finale ... sure feel abit disturbed... as in sad.. ... its really a waste that it got to end that way............ like dakis said... i almost cried too.......... hugs..... i can feel the pain that u felt last time....... huggies.........

[Guest Do What I Did]

And if the story could moved you to tears, well, I want to extend a hug to you.......

Marky : Hugs back!!!

Are you still married to Julie?

I once knew a married guy whom I was close to and treated like a brother. While I didn't have any sexual designs on him, the depth and intensity of our bromance caused him to have profound feelings for me which he expressed in this way:-

"When I make love to my wife, it is your face that I see!"

Needless to say I was speechless and did not know how to respond. He's a great guy and I enjoyed his company immensely but I resolved to scale back our bromance as I couldn't bear to be the cause of any difficulties he would have with his marriage especially since he was expecting his 1st child then!

[Guest GUEST]

marky we need you...xoxox hug oxox

[marky]

Hi all, thanks for posting your thoughts and comments. It is through our sharing of life's experiences that we can learn from one another

Guest : you and the rest dun need me lah.. the fact that the moment i mentioned i got married has already invited mild comments already. Imagine if I con't to tell stories here, the folks who have no qualms turning public toilets, shopping mall stairwells, public buses etc into their sexual playgrounds, folks who post here to have fun wid married people, folks who post to enquire where to get massuers who provide happy endings etc etc will suddenly turn priest-like and start admonishing. This is what I'm trying to avoid... at least for now. hahaha...

but seriously, I did have it tough back then; very tough... So i took a very bold step of leaving the company business 2 years after my dad passed away..... to get away from the family whom I have never felt loved.... As a result, I'm a poor guy today but emotionally a happy person

[Guest Do What I Did]

Hi all, thanks for posting your thoughts and comments. It is through our sharing of life's experiences that we can learn from one another

Guest : you and the rest dun need me lah.. the fact that the moment i mentioned i got married has already invited mild comments already. Imagine if I con't to tell stories here, the folks who have no qualms turning public toilets, shopping mall stairwells, public buses etc into their sexual playgrounds, folks who post here to have fun wid married people, folks who post to enquire where to get massuers who provide happy endings etc etc will suddenly turn priest-like and start admonishing. This is what I'm trying to avoid... at least for now. hahaha...

but seriously, I did have it tough back then; very tough... So i took a very bold step of leaving the company business 2 years after my dad passed away..... to get away from the family whom I have never felt loved.... As a result, I'm a poor guy today but emotionally a happy person

Marky: Glad to read that you are emotionally happy ... You shouldn't worry about the potential admonishments. In Life one should take the good and forget about the hurtful and bad ... Don't be so thin-skinned lah or else how to date you!!! :whistle: :twisted:

[Guest yuenfen]

Hi Marky, I read your story in the other forum a few years back and was very touched by it. Reading it again here, I'm still touched.

Can you also write an epilogue - life after where your story last ended? I'm sure there are many others out there with similar circumstances who can benefit from it. Thx.

[MR_chapstick]

Hello Marky,

First I want to say thanks for taking the effort to repost your story here. Very touchy account of your life.

Sometimes in life i guess things are never straight forward or black and white. Love can appear in many ways and its not that simple to be with the one you love. Im such a chick-flick junkie and Memoirs of Marky was a great read for me last night before bed.

Cheers and happy CNY!

[Guest anonymouse]

It's so touching... The ending made me tear... Truly well written and invokes so many types of feelings. You could write a book! Haha. Thanks for sharing! :clap:

[aidenz91]

wow ur story nvr make me stop going . i read it non stop . i could feel myself being in ur shoe . its the same feeling i had 2 yrs ago . ha really touching almost made me cry . such sweet forbidden love have to come to an end someday . someting im always afraid off . thnx for sharing such stories . at the very least i can noe wat i can roughly expect in the future .

[Guest guest]

such amazing energy is hard to find............... bravo!!

[Guest Guest]

Hi Marky,

thanks for sharing your life story.

But just curious, have you ever regreted it being this way?

e.g. if time can be reversed, would you have choosen a different path

[Guest guest]

Hi Marky,

thanks for sharing your life story.

But just curious, have you ever regreted it being this way?

e.g. if time can be reversed, would you have choosen a different path

[Guest mano2mano]

Hello Marky,

Congratulations :clap: for being able to overcome such a 'twisted' fate of life. Like wat Forest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates; you'll never know what you're gonna get".

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your life story. Superb piece of literature and wonderfully written. Really amazed me on how you were able to backtrack 20+ years ago. But then again, I supposed wonderful memories really indeed last a lifetime.....

God Bless and keep writing......

BTW, are u still married and happy?

[oralb]

hi marky:

I finally finished reading through your life stories. (no tks to someone who reminded me that this was a story of married man and as a mod i should read all posting hahahaha)

Everyone has a life story to tell, it takes time and plenty of effort to pen it down, especially the story didnt have a happy ending.

Thank you for sharing this with us...

[marky]

I was transferring files over from my old computer to a new one which I bought recently when I came across this story...

For those who have often asked "What's a married gay man's life like?" Well...., like I've always mentioned, I don't claim to be a saint; things do happen....

I once told someone dear to me that I would share ‘our’ love story with others one day. A portion of this story was once shared with him and now’s the time to share it with you all. I’d like to dedicate this story to all the wonderful people that I’ve gotten to know during those months in KL…. And to Ooze2k… you know who I’m referring to… Thanks for the wonderful memories you’ve given me. Thanks….

Sometimes, where reality ends and fiction begins is just one thin gray line….

Memories of KL – Part 1

Met you by surprise, I didn't realize

That my life would change forever

Saw you standing there,

I didn't know I cared

There was something special in the air

Dreams are my reality

The only real kind of real fantasy

Illusions are a common thing

I try to live in dreams

It seems as if it's meant to be… (Reality)

For those who know me would know that I led a wanton life of debauchery, and for those who don’t… well, now you do… But all that was to change when I got to know him. What seemed like a routine business trip to KL was to change the course of my life….

The year was 2003. It was supposed to be a routine business trip up to KL as usual. This time however, I have made it known to some of the netizens in the Sgboyx forums.

“Yo, Mark, can’t wait to meet ya!” Youngwolf2k greeted.

“Hey, let’s meet for dinner! Treat will be on me” Kitboi offered.

“Hey come visit us when you’re in town, okie? I’ll show you around!” Ooze2k extended his invitation too.

Gosh, I’ve never experienced such hospitality before. Just as well too. Hitherto, all my trips to KL had been day trips. I avoided staying over night because I didn’t have any friends there then and so the idea of spending the evening cooped up in the hotel room watching cable tv wasn’t that palatable either. And so I agreed heartily.

According to Ooze2k, he wasn’t gay. He was just a curious 22yo who was unsure of his sexual identity. He was still schooling. We began to chat frequently prior to my trip there; Ooze2k and myself. Firstly on PM, and later progressed onto Yahoo Messenger. We’d chat about anything and everything under the sun. Before we knew it, we were already flirting with each other… We even declared that we had feelings for each other and that we must give each other a nice warm hug upon meeting… I almost invited him to spend the night over at my hotel as the room came with free buffet breakfast for 2 persons but decided it wasn’t such a good idea after all since I didn’t want him to get the wrong ideas. Hence I extended the invitation to someone else whom I got to know much earlier on.

The day finally came and I was looking forward enthusiastically to the dinner meeting. I even brought my digital camera to capture every moment there was to capture to bring home for memories sake. It would finally be my chance to see Ooze2k in person! We had been chatting every night on Yahoo Messenger so much so that I feel I’m actually meeting an old friend. Furthermore, he had been smsing me the entire day, making me feel very welcomed in this foreign land…

Kitboi and I met at the well-known Mdm Kwan’s at KLCC half an hour earlier because the other two were still making their way from their university. What he said however suddenly dampened my spirit….

“Heh…, yeah…. That Ooze2k and me are an item; he’s my cupcake…” Kitboi beamed proudly.

My heart sank… Gosh what was Ooze2k trying to do? Why didn’t he tell me that right from the start? Why did he flirt with me till I started to develop feelings for him?? These questions plagued me the entire evening.

Just then, Ooze2k came.

“Hi! I’m Chris.” He said, half expecting me to go over to shake his hands and give each other the much awaited hug that we promised to give each other but it didn’t materialized. Then he sat next to Kitboi.

“Hi Chris, it’s nice to meet you.” I greeted him shyly with a labored smile instead. I have to admit I found it a little difficult to conceal my disappointment. Maybe tonight is just one big joke….

We started to order our food once Youngwolf2k came. Nasi Bohjari was highly recommended. It was an exotic Indonesian dish of 3 color rice with a generous portion of beef rendang, prawn sambal and a huge fried chicken leg. I had somehow lost part of my appetite by then and had left most of the chicken uneaten as a result. Just as well that most people knew me to be a non meat-eater and so that came in handy as an excuse.

Dinner ended early and the gang decided to show me around the sprawling KLCC complex. It was my first time taking an evening off to relax in a shopping mall; something I seldom do even back here in Singapore. It was nice for a change. There were several opportunities when the other two happened to have walked ahead of us, leaving Ooze2k and myself a distance behind. When that happens, I felt this strange closeness between us. A feeling like he wanted it as much as me to just be by ourselves that very evening. But I constantly tried to snap myself back to reality and told myself that Ooze2k was actually going out with Kitboi.

We finally ended up at the fountain courtyard. It was a beautiful sight to behold. The twin Petronas Tower glittered brightly when its glass windows reflected the beams from the spotlights and water from the magical fountain glowed in many different colors. I started taking many pictures here both of us and the surroundings. Unfortunately, I had been too ambitious in wanting to take night shots and hence most of the pictures taken here were blurred. Maybe…. Maybe fate dictates that little or no memories of this night should be retained for eternity…

It was soon time to take my leave as there was somebody else waiting for me at my hotel. Kitboi and Ooze2k offered to send me to my car. This time, there was an awkward silence as we made our way to the carpark. I was telling myself that perhaps, I shouldn’t be chatting with Ooze2k anymore after this night.

We soon reached my car and I thanked the both of them for their hospitality and bade them farewell. Just before I got into the car, Ooze2k suddenly came over and extended his hands.

“Hey, it was nice meeting you. Take care and drive safely, okie?” He offered.

I shook his hands gently and was pleasantly surprised by his gesture. “Yeah, thanks for everything, you take care too…” And with that we parted.

My friend who was supposed to come over to my hotel room was late and so I had some quiet time to myself. It was then that I started looking back at the events of that evening. I couldn’t deny that I was disappointed with the outcome. “Heh, that silly boy doesn’t know what he’s saying…” I tried to console myself. “Maybe the best thing to do now is to just pass this off as an unfortunate misunderstanding and get on with life” I rationalized.

Suddenly, an SMS came in for me. It was from Ooze2k! He wrote to compliment me and hoped that I’ll have an enjoyable evening. This was followed by a series of morning greetings the following day. In one of them, he said I looked tense and shy the previous evening and whether it was his fault. He also asked about why the hugs didn’t materialized. I told him that Kitboi had mentioned to me in his absence that they were an item and so I didn’t think it was appropriate to be doing so. He then said Kitboi only meant it as a joke and they were never together at all. Then we both ended by saying that we hope to see each other again pretty soon. Maybe things weren’t as bad as I thought after all. And so, I decided to give ourselves another chance....

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky

[townguy]

welcome back marky! Much awaited and long overdue.... thanks!

[manlybigsize]

:thumb:

warm hug for u mark....am glad you are back with ur life story and am looking forward to read it everytime fresh post from u...cheers and

god bless u,mark...

[marky]

Sorry, was busy past few days so couldn't post anything here... Will make it up by posting more chapters soon....

Memories of KL – Part 2

Our friendship was elevated to a higher level after that trip to KL. Over the following few days, we would talk for hours till late into the nights. We’d talk about just anything and everything under the sun. But our favorite was to tease each other over what had happened during my first dinner in KL with them. It was during such absence of inhibition that we started to share about our feelings for each other again.

Mark : Ooze2k ah, you know, what I like about us is that we can share freely about our feelings for each other. I just want you to know that I’m just a simple guy wif simple needs. I dun wanna be like others who beat about the bush trying to find out if the other party likes me or not. I just wanna tell you I really like you.

Ooze2k : Me too. I also feel glad dat we can share about anything too. I also like you v much.

Mark : Heh, really ah? You know sumthing Ooze2k?

Ooze2k : Wat?

Mark : I feel like I’m the luckiest guy in this world! Sometimes I dunno what I did to deserve you.

Ooze2k : I oso dunno what I did to deserve you too. Nah, give you my heart. Take care of it hor.

Mark : Of coz, here, you take mine too. From now onwards, my heart will stay with you.

Ooze2k : And my heart will go with you to S’pore.

And that was how we got ourselves into a relationship.

As luck would have it, I secured a new business deal which required me to travel up to KL again. And over the next few evenings, we started making plans for my next trip. Ooze2k doesn’t have classes on Wednesdays, and so I made plans to see my customer on that day too. I’d have a meeting with them early in the morning leaving the rest of the day to ourselves. This time around, we promised each other that we must really hug.

Wednesday came and everything went well as planned. We met at my hotel and this time around, he was invited to stay. I booked a room with twin beds always making sure that I do not do anything that might corrupt this guy who was supposedly uncertain of his orientation. Once in the room, he stood very close to me and I suddenly felt shy. Inside me, I was saying to myself “Yeah, you bring a guy into a hotel room and you wanna start hugging him and you’re suppose to protect his innocence…”As a result of that, I decided to distant myself from him much to his chagrin.

It was about 12.30pm then. We had 2 hours to kill before our movie at KLCC. Ooze2k decided to bring me to Putrajaya. It was a wonderful experience and he played the role of a tour guide explaining in details what government departments or ministries each of the grand buildings contained. Then we came to a lake… a beautiful lake. We spent sometime there admiring the scenery. It was then that we continued to share about our lives as we leaned against the parapet.

“Ooze2k ah, as you know, I like you very much. I really do. But as you know, I’m also a married man. I cannot give you a future unlike others. So I hope that you will one day meet the real guy or girl of your dreams. When that time comes, I’ll retreat and make way for the both of you, okay? I know that I’m destined to have people walking out of my life…” I muttered out philosophically.

“Hey let’s not talk about that, ok? I don’t think I’ll ever go into a relationship with another guy. And I feel warm and comfortable when I’m with you.”

“Yeah, rite! Don’t speak too fast. You’re destined to be a heart breaker. In the years to come, you’re gonna be breaking many hearts.”

“Heart breaker? Whose heart can I ever break, ah??” Ooze2k asked half in jest.

“Well, for a start, I think you already broke Kitboi’s heart. I can sense it in his postings lately in the Forums.”

“Aiya, he’s bothered by his work lah, not me leh..”

“In time to come, I’ll be the next in line too…”

“Nooo! That will never happen; I will never let it happen.”

“Heh, don’t be too certain yet ah, handsome…”

“Oh, you think too highly of me liao. I’m ugly, who will ever want me??” Ooze2k tried to be modest.

“Heh, trust my words, Ooze2k. I’m seldom wrong about these things…”

It was soon time to leave for the movies. I drove like a mad man to get to KLCC for our movie. It was “Finding Nemo”. Ooze2k had seen the movie already but he reckoned it’d be nice to watch it again with me. And when the show started, we held hands for the first time… It was an experience I’d never forget…

Edited March 27, 2009 by marky

[marky]

Memories of KL – Part 3

We came out of the cinema all lovey dovey. Since then, we started walking very close to each other with our bodies bumping into each other’s all the time. And soon, it was time to make our way back to the hotel for a rest.

Upon entering our room, we hugged each other for the very first time. It was a nice warm hug; one which I’ll also remember for the many months to come. Then we plunked ourselves down to bed to rest a while. Suddenly, Ooze2k surprised me by creeping over to my side of the bed.

“Let’s cuddle.” He suggested. And so we did just that, taking turns to cuddle each other.. And so, even though the air conditioner was blasting away, we were kept nice and comfortable underneath the quilt with our bodies providing the warmth to each other...

“Erm…, I’m sure you don’t wanna waste the rest of the afternoon laying here right?” I asked after a while. A good 30 minutes had passed. “Shall we check out the hotel facilities?” I suggested.

And so we spent the rest of the afternoon exercising at the hotel gym before going for a dip in the whirlpool. And whenever we’re alone around the hotel, be it the lift lobby or inside the lift itself, we’d give each other a hug again and again…. After that, we met up with the rest for dinner once again at the KLCC.

It was past midnight by the time we decided to hit the sack. I was hoping Ooze2k would hop over to my bed again and sure enough, that straight boy didn’t disappoint.

“I can only sleep if you cuddle me or I have you to cuddle…” He declared.

I was all for it. And so we cuddled and held each other so closely as if afraid of letting go would mean losing the other forever.

We didn’t sleep that night at all. Time sure passes very fast when you’re with the one you love… One thing led to another… and by dawn we had consummated our love....

[marky]

Memories of KL – Part 4

And so the days went by quickly. One day, I decided to surprise Ooze2k with an unexpected visit to his hostel. I had to entertain an emergency meeting with a KL customer that evening and it was about 11pm when my car appeared below his hostel.

Ooze2k peered out of his window upon hearing my car horn and he was pleasantly surprised to see me waving at him from inside my car.“Hey Ooze2k! Time for a break! Let’s go for supper!” I called out as I unwind the car window.

Ooze2k was ecstatic. He dashed out of his room and was down within a minute. “Come, let’s go look for a nice mamak stall to have a cup of teh tarik!!”

It was a nice suggestion. Actually, it didn’t matter to either one of us where we went; we just wanna be together, that’s all. And so, we drove around Cyberjaya looking for a nice mamak stall to go to before settling for one with nice colored fluorescent lamps. As Ooze2k was on a diet then (for vainty’s sake), we just shared a glass of teh tarik and some roti canai kosong.

The roti canai came and it tasted soggy and awful but who cares? We probably ordered it just for the sake of ordering something and I half suspect that Ooze2k probably thinks that a roti canai left uneaten translates to having less fats to work off in the next few days.

We chatted till it was 1am in the morning.

“Come, let’s leave. I believe you still have your revision to catch up on.” I suggested.

“It’s ok lah, I’ll take a day off just for you.” Ooze2k offered,

“Nope, this is not how I want our relationship to end up. I want to be able to look back in future and know that this thing we have is a healthy one.

“Ok, then you stay over in my room, how about that? But we must do it discreetly hor, coz I don’t want others to know I brought people to sleep over. ”

“Sure! I’d loved to!” And soon we were back in Ooze2k’s room, cuddling each other to sleep… just like the way we did when we stayed over at the hotel the previous week.

I was the first to awake the following morning. Ooze2k was still soundly asleep. I took the opportunity to study his face and memorize the details for all eternity. Then I got up gently in an effort not to wake him up.

I spotted his ID on the table and began reading its contents. Then an idea came to my mind…

Ooze2k woke up much later only to realize I was gone. He started looking around his hostel in vain and finally retreated back to his room again.

About 30mins later, his handphone rang.

“Hello? Is that you!!??”

“Yes, Ooze2k… got a surprise for you… quick open your room door!”

Ooze2k did as instructed and found a small simply wrapped package on the floor. He unwrapped it and found a small piece of fruit cake inside.

“Happy birthday to you… happy birthday to you… happy birthday to Ooze2k…. Happy birthday to yooooou…. Heh, I know you dun like cream so I got you a small slice of fruit cake instead. Just a small piece so you don’t have to worry about the calories. Haha…” I sang to him over the phone.

“But… my birthday’s over like months ago..” Ooze2k started blushing.

“Yeah I know…, but if we’re in love ah… any day’s an excuse to celebrate, just like any day’s also a Valentine’s Day, right?”

“Heh, yeah… you’ve got a point there…”

“Ok, quick, eat it up and come down after that. I’m waiting for you below as usual.”

“Oh, ok!” So the cake was quickly gobbled down and Ooze2k was down within a minute. “So what other surprises do you have installed ah?”

“Heh, I’m not telling yet.., you just wait and see. It’s your off day today, right?”

“Yeah..”

“Ready to fly to the moon or sail the oceans with me?”

“I’ll go to the ends of the world too… and only with you!”

“Okay! Hang on tight!” And off we went… speeding on the expressway… turn into the Karak highway…

Ooze2k was asleep all this while. I guess his keeping late nights chatting away with all his other friends had taken a toll on him and this was a good opportunity to recuperate.

I woke him up about 4 hours later. “Hey, time to wakey, wakey… look what’s ahead of you.”

Ooze2k opened his sleepy eyes just in time to catch the majestic expanse of the South China Sea.

“Heh.., welcome to Kuantan!” I greeted.

The scenery at Teluk Chempedak was great and the sea breeze was strong and powerful. We didn’t have lunch as Ooze2k doesn’t usually have lunches. And so we just kept driving northwards towards Cherating, where the waters were known to be a crystal clear turquoise color. It was about 5pm by then. We parked the car by a nice stretch of beach and sat there just holding hands and enjoying the strong salt-laden sea breeze that ruffled our hair and the breathtaking scenery that Mother Nature offered.

We were soon about to witness our first sunset together. We found another nice spot underneath some swaying coconut trees and sat there. Soon, the sun began to set behind us somewhere in the mountains. The sea reflected the glowing ambers of the setting sun transforming the entire surface of the ocean into a magical glittering sheet of gold. It was indeed a sight to behold.

“Gosh, I feel like I’m in Heaven right now….” Ooze2k uttered in amazement.

I reached out for him and held him close to me. “Let’s hope we’ll have plenty of opportunities to share such sunsets together, okie?”

“Yes! Yes, and only with the person I loved most….”

But somehow, that was not meant to be…..

[marky]

As you can tell from the last chapter, things are not meant to be. This long chapter will tell of how things just went down the hill... Still, no one is to be blame; we should never be together in the first place....

Memories of KL – Part 5

Days went by very quickly when you’re in love. We chatted almost every night as usual. And I continued to send him daily SMS greetings. However, I began to notice that he no longer respond to most of them unlike in the past.

Ooze2k’s exams were approaching then. I made a conscious effort to cut down on the time we spent chatting every evening to enable him to concentrate on his studies. That also meant that his Saturdays were no longer spent clubbing but at home revising his work.

My weekends are usually strictly family time. But on that particular Saturday evening, we were homebound and so I decided to surprise Ooze2k with a short chat to lift his mood from the monotony of studying if that was the case.

I logged on to Yahoo Messenger at 7pm and surprisingly he wasn’t available. I checked again at 9pm and at 10pm, and still he wasn’t online yet. For once I had some time in my hands and so I decided to surf the Sgboyx threads. My heart sank when I saw some postings glaring straight at me…

“Ooze2k’s dating tonight…” Youngwolf2k had posted.

“Oh yeah, he is….” Kitboi posted in response.

I sat there staring at my notebook screen with a blank look on my face. I knew this day would come but I didn’t expected it to come that fast. I speculated on who this new person might be. I concluded that it was very likely to be Calv, a close friend of mine, since he was in KL at that moment and I remembered the many occasions when Ooze2k would mention him.

My mind almost went hysterical. Maybe Ooze2k’s really dating him? Nah, can’t be because he declared before that he has given his heart to me. Maybe he hasn’t been honest with me…? Nah, can’t be either because I found no reasons to have doubts in him. But what if Ooze2k really has been keeping this from me? But why should he need to do so when we’ve once pledged before that we could be completely honest and open with each other??

Or maybe Ooze2k’s angry over what has happened back in the hotel room a month back? Maybe he thinks I had taken advantage of him?? But how can that be possible when he initiated most of it while I just went along?? Maybes… so many maybes were left unanswered, and that was so agonizing….

It was past mid night when Ooze2k logged on, and coincidentally Calv logged on too within seconds… My suspicion has more or less been confirmed…

We didn’t say much that night. I had hinted to him that I was in a foul mood but he seemed more intend at keeping the conversation brief. In the end, I logged off within minutes and spent the night tossing sleeplessly in bed.

It wasn’t till noon the following Sunday morning that he logged on to Yahoo messenger and again Calv logged on seconds later… We had a conference chat for a while till Ooze2k had to go off at 1pm. It was then that Calv and I decided to have our private chat….

Calv : how things with you?

Mark : Well biz is ok... occupied with the shifting lately. Financially recovering from the bad debts..... But is my love life what you're actually waiting to hear abt, rite?? I can sense it.

Calv : yeah yeah yeah

Mark : Well, truth is… I'm not sure... perhaps none... I could have been certain a day or two ago but not now…

Calv : is it good or bad?

Mark : how do i put it... Well Calv, let me share from my heart now...

Calv : only if u r comfortable

Mark : I maybe married, but I admit I'm gay too.... So no matter what, sumthings just remains unfulfilled inside me.. I tried the cold turkey last time.. many times but failed... In the end, I gave up... rather than fight it.. I prefer to keep my mental state sane by giving in to my occasional needs... But frankly, I dun yearn for sex.... I yearn for love.... v much....

Calv : like I said, certain things are just impossible to change no matter how hard you tried. it is build-in

Mark : but let's put it this way : what can I offer to others who comes my way even if we like each other v much??? This is the painful part... So I know that whoever I meet... even if they like me too.... it would only be temporary.. coz sooner or later, they'd realized they have no future wif me.... and so they'd move on... So whoever I dated... I tell them v frankly that they are free to go look for someone else coz only others can offer them a future.. not me..

Calv : I kinda understand your feelings… it is ur existing commitments

Mark : So can you just imagine this.... the pple I like... they start going out with others... I know I should feel happy for them but I can't deny it hurts and cuts like a knife. I kept telling myself... I must be happy for others... I should feel happy for those that I loved that they manage to find others who can love them freely... So in my life... I have people who keep walking out of it while I remain faithful to them... And I have to tell myself, they've done no wrong.... it is only natural...

Calv : it is indeed a tough thing to handle. I wouldn't know what to do if I were in your shoes. somehow, life/ love will find its way. you see, not everyone who has a bf are having a better life. Most of still keeping mum to themselves

Mark : it's okie... I just have to pay for my own folly years back. no one's to blame. So my point is... I can't say for certain that I have a bf.... And that anyone should also feel free to go after those whom I like too.... I won't stand in the way. I will in fact make way instead..... coz I know others can at least offer them a future...

Calv : huh? has this been happening all the time?

Mark : no need to pretend... You should know what I’m driving at… I've shared quite a lot liao, maybe you can share abt what you've heard or suspect so far.....

Calv : I haven't heard or suspect anything of late. however, i will ask you directly instead: Are you after Ooze2k or the way around?

Mark : I looked back at our archived chats.. I think it is safer to say it was mutual attraction... We’ve gone places before and he’s stayed over at my hotel on some occasions…

Calv : Oh my lord. would you mind telling me what happened cause I need to know

Mark : you need to know??? Well, that's why I said much earlier on that I can't say I have a bf.... And that anyone should also feel free to go after those whom I like too.... I won't stand in the way. I will in fact make way instead..... cos I know others can at least offer them a future... When I said those things… I was referring to you….If you like him, den go for it. I'll beat a retreat...

Calv : hang on a sec. This is not something I am expecting or wanted it to happen

Mark : your turn to be frank with me

Calv : the thing is that I have no clue as to all this until you told me in further detail. I asked Ooze2k, and I will ask the same to any other person b4 I proceed, that if there is something I need to know beforehand so that it won't be a messy situation later.

Mark : hugs... no worries.... so, my guess is correct after all..... I'll just have a short chat wif him this evening about my leaving... Dun worry, I won’t mention you.

Calv : but... wait....is there something I should know? hang on, hang on. I'll direct again: if he's stepping on two boats, then he can count me out

Mark : Let's not put it this way lor. I want out becoz... I'd be happy to know that he's with someone else who can give him a future... Cos I can't

Calv : no Mark. This is not what I mean.

Mark : relax... And on my part, it is not impt as to whether it was you who's after him or the other way ard... it doesn't matter in this aspect... All I care is that at least he is with someone who can be with him when he needs him

Calv : What I mean is if you guys have committed to each other b4 me, then I shouldn't be in the picture regardless of whether you are married or you think you can't give him a future and that you think I can.

Mark : Calv... I just wanna make things easy for everyone..... And I’m doing it for everyone…

Calv : I know. But not at your expense

Mark : At my expense? I'm no saint to begin with. And remember, I know where I stand..

Calv : I really feel sorry what has just happened. Even though you said you don't mind, it doesn't make me feel any better because why am I doing this to others?

Mark : *hugs* Ok, case close..... Hey, we're still friends, rite?

Calv : We are still friends but I feel awful… it is not because you've told me this. In fact I appreciate that you told me what happened

Mark : Let's put it this way.... You're not my competition... you're helping me put him in better hands... Hmm, perhaps I won't chat with him tonight... I'll SMS him now to let him know... brb....

Calv : alright. lemme tell u how this thing started and then you give me your analysis….

Mark : Done... dun explain any further... no need to... And do me a flavor?

Calv : yes?

Mark : Let him see this conversation b/w us IF there's a need to... at least he knows we din fight or anything

Calv : alright. heh. but sometimes life is just bloody unfair

Mark : not coz of you but for my own reasons stated earlier...

Calv : what did he think?

Mark : Last but not least... I wish you both lots of love and happiness

Calv : thanks. I will take good care of him

Mark : *hugs, hugs*

Calv : *hugz* It ain't a pretty pic to weep while typing, haha

Mark : heh... hey it's a happy outcome for you leh... so be happy

Calv : I will try. But lemme say this: you didn't screw up my day. It was me instead and I can tell u it feels worse than shit

Mark : and now... I take my leave... see ya back in S'pore. Remember to take good care of him... End....

Calv : I will… you take care too

I broke down and cried as I logged off. Just a few days earlier, I was still the happiest person in the world but right now, the walls around me have crumbled. I kept telling myself : be happy, be really happy for him... remembering always that I derive my personal happiness knowing Ooze2k is happy...

I had SMSed the following to Ooze2k : Ooze2k ah, thks 4 those short but wonderful times we had. I really njoy it. Now I make way 4 others who can take care of u better.. Hugs, will miss ya always…

Ooze2k did not reply and neither have I heard a word from him since then….

I follow the night

Can't stand the light

When will I begin

To live again?

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

What more could

Your love do for me?

When will love be

Through with me?

Why live life from

Dream to dream

And dread the day

When dreaming ends?

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

Why live life from

Dream to dream

And dread the day

When dreaming ends?

One day I'll fly away

Fly, fly away...… (One Day I’ll Fly Away - By Nicole Kidman)

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky