Marky's Life Stories...

[marky]

I'm probably flattering myself by saying this but I can feel a lot of Ben's pain because when I read the story, I seem to find a lot of him in me.

I'm slim-built, rather fair-complexioned, and according to people, good-looking :oops: , studious, good son to my parents, generally well-mannered :oops:

But I always find myself attracted to guys like Terence: tanned, rugged, muscular, tough-looking, sporty, outdoorsy. A lot of girls tell me that they like me and even aunties seem to think I would make a good son-in-law to their daughters.

But it's very, very painful because nobody knows that I am attracted to guys, and I can't tell it to anyone.

I can empathize with you... On the outward, people will look at you and even say you're the kind that girls would want to bring home and show their parents... And it also pains you knowing that you can never be what they hope for... And should ever they come to realize this, it would be a case of "what a waste of a fine young man..."

Well, we can't always live up to others' expectations of us. I hope that you'd be able to find peace with who you are someday.... *hugs*

[marky]

Here's another chapter to make up for not posting the past few days...

I'll Always Be There - Part 7

It was a sultry Friday afternoon in mid-December. Terrance was in the midst of giving an outdoor lecture to a new batch of armor pioneer trainees when his handphone rang; it was from the hospital. The message was short and clear : Emergency! Come now!

Terrance sensed something imminent was going to happen. His mother had stopped treatment for over a week and everyone knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. Still, one can never be sufficiently prepared for a death in the family, especially when that person is so dear to your heart. Urgent leave was applied and he sped down to Gleneagles as fast as he could.

Terrance's father was already there by his mother's bedside when he arrived. He quickly beckoned Terrance to join him. There were tears in his eyes and Terrance instinctively knew the end was drawing near. He rushed over to the bed and held his mother's hands tightly. For a moment, he was at a loss for words.

"Terr..., the time hasss... com..." Jessica uttered very weakly.

"No mom! It hasn't! You'll live to see another day! Please, mom, don't go yet! We must spend Christmas together!! Remember our date at Swenson's? Remember, our favorite meeting place? Oh please mom, don't leave me now!!!" Terrance cried uncontrollably.

With her depleting strength, she managed to catch hold one each of Jeff's and Terrance's hands place them together, one on top of the other.

"It's gooood.... t.. see bbbboth... you uniteddd...I'mm... happy..."

"Please mom, don't leave me now! Please!! I'm not ready for this!!"

Jessica managed a weak smile, "Don't... w..orry, I'lll always be ther...."

That was as far as she could go. A faint smile remained on her face as her last ounce of strength left her and her hands loosen their grip on both the men's hands. She has finally gone...

Jeff placed his arms on his wailing son's shoulders, trying his very best to comfort him. "Terrance, don't worry, mom is in heaven right now..., please, Terrance."

"No, you won't ever understand! She's all I have!!"

"But you have us now, Terrance. There's also Ben too.. Terrance, you have us for family now..."

"It's different; we were like pals! We looked after each other! We grew up together!! Sob.. sob.."

"We are here for you now, Terrance. We'll take care of y..."

"You guys just appeared in my life less than three weeks ago and I'm supposed to believe all that crap!!??"

"Come on, Terrance, I know this is hard on you."

"No! You don't know how hard this is for me! You were never for me when I was growing up! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!"

"Why are you getting so upset with me right now, Terrance!?? Your mother's in heaven now and how do you think she'll feel if she sees us quarrelling like this!!?"

"Stop saying she's in heaven! We're Buddhist, we worship Kuan Im!!"

There was a moment of silence as Jeff decided on how to best break the news to Terrance, "Son, y... your mom accepted Christ moments before you came..."

"WHAT THE...!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS MESSING WITH OUR LIVES!!??" With that Terrance rushed out of the room. He was very confused and didn't know what to do. There will be the paper work to take care of before the body can be removed from the hospital, there's also the funeral arrangements etc and he doesn't know a thing about these arrangements; after all he was only a tender 20 years of age. The immediate future accosted him and he knew instantly that he has just lost his youth forever and was abruptly ushered into adulthood...

******

Merry Christmas Darling

We're apart that's true

But I can dream and in my dreams

I'm Christmas-ing with you.... (Merry Christmas Darling)

It was a week later; Christmas Eve to be exact. The funeral was over 2 days earlier. Fortunately for Terrance, he had his experienced army colleagues to rely on to help out in the funeral arrangements. For some religious reasons, he didn't want his dad to be involved at all. Terrance has taken the rest of the week off to do some soul searching... or has he? He hasn't left his flat since the funeral, hasn't shaved, eaten much nor answered any of Ben's call. He was wallowing in self-pity: Why did the Goddess of Mercy play such a cruel joke on him just before Christmas? Was he destined to be without a mother and a father? Why does he have to be an adult before he was even ready? What will his future hold for him? As far as he was concerned, the future looked bleak...

A sudden knock on the door interrupted his train of thoughts. It was Ben. "Terrance, open up, Terrance. I know you're in there. Quick, Terrance, open up, it's me, Ben!"

No reply greeted the knocks.

"Oh come on, Terrance, don't be like that. I missed you Terrance, quick, open up!" Ben pleaded.

Footsteps could be heard shuffling along the living room and the door was soon opened. A sleepy and drunken Terrance stood by the door.

"What you want?!" Terrance asked in a drowsy yet hostile manner. His left hand was holding onto a bottle of Tiger...

"I want you, Terrance! I've been worried sick! You haven't been answering my phone calls or smses. What's wrong, Terrance?" Ben pushed his way into the living room. Needless to say, it was in a mess.

"Nothing's wrong; I'm perfectly fine!"

"Please Terrance, I'm scared. Just a week ago, we were like the best of pals. You swore to love and protect me forever, remember? Let's not fight, please... let me help y..."

"I want nothing to do with you people anymore!! You filthy rich people just think you can go about trampling and messing up the lives and religion of other people, don't you? Let me tell you; nobody, NOBODY, should take advantage of a dying woman and convert her religion!" Terrance cut in.

"But that was my dad, Terrance, it wasn't me!" Ben reasoned.

"Like father like son; it won't be long before you do your stuffs on me!"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Terrance. I'm here now because I care for you..."

"fxxk off, Ben! You get mollycoddled at home all the time, what do you know about caring for others!?"

"Stop it, Terrance! I don't deserve to be treated that way!"

"I do what I want to, nobody tells me otherwise, and that includes you!"

"Please Terrance, I cannot live without you! We're all so concerned about you too. Mom and dad's waiting for you to join us for the Christmas Eve dinner tonight. Christmas won't be complete without you."

"So? You want me to go over so that you guys can have the satisfaction of looking at me and say, 'That's POOR little Terrance, what a POOR little thing. He'll never make it in life without us...."

All of a sudden, a slap landed across his face; interrupting his war of words.

"WAKE UP TERRANCE!! NOBODY DESPISES YOU!! AND IF I DO, I WON'T BE HERE TODAY!!!" Ben was furious. He has never been physical with anyone before in his life and it hurts him so much to know that he had to use it on his most beloved. Then all of a sudden, he began to sob, totally regretting his actions.

Terrance was furious too; Ben has hurt his pride. His face smarted badly from the smack and he almost lost his senses. Immediately, he grabbed hold of both of Ben's hands and dragged him to the door.

"STOP IT, TERRANCE, STOP IT!!! YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!" Ben pleaded. But he knew he was no match for Terrance.

"I'VE ALREADY WARNED YOU BEFORE! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!" Terrance shouted back.

Before Ben knew it, he was kicked out onto the common corridor and had the door slammed behind him. He sat there crying for a good ten minutes. It was like his world has come to an end....

Unknown to him however, just behind the closed door, Terrance was also crying. He didn't know why he did what he had done. It hurt him even more to know that he had administered that kick to the person he has loved and cared for so much. Deep in his heart, he hoped that fragile Ben did not suffer any internal injuries from his kick. And he knocked his head repeatedly against the door as self-punishment; wailing silently and bitterly in the process....

[Guest Guest]

I read this story for the first time on Part 5, putting grudge aside, I have this to say, “Sensuous & good command of English, I must find time to read up the rest.”

Of course he writes better than you anytime. The reviews are evidences for his success.

He is more male than you anytime. Thus he writes the main ploy, with his emotions, minusing those very frivolous frills you like to embellish your long long long winded stories, which not only bores the hell of everyone's toe nails, but are drier than the desert rocks.

Learn something from people, instead of thinking you are such good writer all those while.

Welcome back.... Marky !!!!

[marky]

Hi Guest, thanks for your encouragement

I won't be available tomorrow as I have a guest in town. So I'll post my final chapter for the evening now.

Has anybody ever come out to their family? Was it tumultuous? One thing's for sure, tis not something any of us would like to go through... especially if we fear disappointing the very people we love most. Let's see if any of you can empathize with Ben's ordeal....

I'll Always Be There - Part 8

我開始相信愛

因為你的存在

在你經過我的生命

那日子裡

從此誰都無法取代

I do believe that I

Can't live without your love… ( I Do Believe - Tanya Chua)

And so Christmas came and went. It was the worst Christmas Ben has ever spent in his entire life. Even though he had celebrated it with his parents as usual, he knew it was incomplete without the one he has grown to love so much. He has been feeling very moody and had cried on many occasions but refused to answer his parents when they tried to probe what was wrong. They were just as worried too; it was like their filial son had completely turned into a complete stranger overnight.

It was New Year's Eve this time around. Ben tossed about restlessly in bed trying hard to catch some sleep but sleep just eludes him. Apparently, he hasn't slept much the night before nor the previous few nights. His medical textbook has been left opened on the same page for over a week and a thin layer of dust has started to form. This tiff with Terrance was ridiculous, he admitted. Still, he wouldn't want to be the first to admit that and call Terrance up. After all, if Terrance valued their relationship as much as he does, then he might just make that first move, he reasoned.

On the one hand, Ben hated Terrance for all the nasty things he had said to him. Ben didn't think he could bring himself to forgive Terrance for his insensitivity and that nasty kick to his butt. Yet on the other hand, he felt he couldn't live without Terrance. They had been like the best of pals for over the past month or so and not a day passed without them either seeing or contacting each other. Ben was also quite surprised at how subtly Terrance has invaded his life, his dreams and his entire being. It has only been a week since they stopped talking to each other but it sure seemed like months to him, and he couldn't shake off that awful feeling that has bothered him through night and day. For a second, he imagined that Terrance had gone over to that gay sauna in JB and immediately, that awful sour feeling gripped his heart again. Ben thought he was going crazy; it bothered him so very much that the person he loved so dearly would give away his own body for a stranger to indulge in.

And Ben has been crappy too. The family maid noticed his foul mood and discretely kept her distance from him. His mother had tried to probe into the matter on several occasions but he refused to talk to anyone about it. And when he snapped at her, he felt terribly guilty about it immediately after that.

Ben shook his head violently hoping to shake off that queasy feeling inside his heart to no avail and that bothered him greatly. Then he stared hard at the phone, hoping it would ring any moment now. Ten minutes went by and when the phone remained silent, Ben suddenly began to cry again. He wished he could get rid of that uncomfortable feeling but it just wouldn't leave him alone. He had hoped to feel better after letting it out but nothing barged; it was sheer torture. Why is he feeling this way, he wondered to himself. Why does he feel so incomplete and empty? Why does he feel so lonely when he has no lack of friends? Why does he hate Terrance yet longed after him at the same time? And why of all people, it has to be Terrance!!?? Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Ben, you up yet?" It was his mother.

"Mmm!!" Came the reply.

"Breakfast's ready, you want some?"

"No, please leave me alone, please..."

There was a momentary silence before his mother knocked on the door again. "Ben, can you open the door for a while... please, Ben?"

Ben swiftly dried his tears with his pillows, got off the bed and opened the door for his mother. She held him by both shoulders and looked him gently into his eyes.

"Oh Ben, what's wrong, honey? You refused to eat and you refused to talk to your dad and me. And it hurts me to see you like this for the past few days. Did we do something wrong?"

"No, has nothing to do with you guys..."

"It's Terrance then?

"No, it's not him! In fact we're going out afterwards." Ben lied.

There was silence again as his mother paused a while to consider what else to say.

"Ben, you can share your problems with me, you know. You know I'll always be there for you." She assured him.

"You won't understand, mom. You won't."

"Now how would you know that? You haven't even give me a chance. Come on..."

"Can we talk about this another day, mom? I need to go out now...."

"Where to, dear?"

"Just out, okay? With.... with Terrance remember?"

"Will you be back for dinner then?"

"No, mom, we're going to the World Trade Center's Ferry Terminal to watch the ships sound their horn at midnight." Ben lied.

"Well, all right. Ben, I want you to know I'll always be here if you want to talk about it, ok?" Carol sighed; she knew Ben was lying to her but she didn't want to pursue the matter further.

"Yeah, all right, mom, I love you." Ben gave his mom a tight hug before closing the door and retreating back to his private world. Darned!! Where in the world will he go to now that he has lied about going out! Taka? Suntec City? It seemed so odd to be going to such places alone especially when Terrance isn't there with him. In the end, he decided on a drive to Sungei Buloh nature reserve in Kranji. If he cannot be with Terrance, he could at least be near to where he stays, Ben reasoned.

Time seemed to crawl along very slowly nowadays. It was just past 4pm and Ben was already through at the reserve. Even the lovely sight of the migratory white egrets frisking through the swamplands in search of food failed to attract his attention. The heat was also getting unbearable. Ben has seldom left home and wandered about aimlessly for such long hours before. It looks like he'll have to spend New Year's Eve without Terrance as well. He finally came to senses and decided to go home.

********

"What's wrong, Ben?" Carol asked when Ben got back home to his room.

Ben just stared blankly at his mother, not responding.

"Oh come on, 我的好宝贝, what's wrong?" She repeated.

Suddenly, Ben began to cry. Carol immediately went over and hugged him tightly. "Ssshhh, 乖孩子,乖...., ssshhhh....." She cooed softly into her son's ears.

"Mom.... sob...I'm such a disappointment to you and dad... sob...please forgive me, mom... sob..." Ben managed between his cries.

"Ssshhhh, don't ever say that, boy, you've have always done us proud. Ssshhh...it breaks my heart to see you like this..."

"No I haven't been good! I'm a terrible person! I am! I don't know why I'm born this way..." Ben continued.

"Oh Ben, both your father and I have never blame you before for, have we? It's not your fault, Ben. Your dad and I felt just as guilty when the doctors first told us of your infirmity while you were still in mommy's womb."

"I'm not referring to that, mom...., I'm not talking about my heart." Ben pulled away from his mother's embrace and turned away from her, feeling very shameful on what he was about to reveal.

"What is it then, son?" Carol looked puzzled.

There was silence.

"Ben, what's wrong?" Carol persisted.

"Mom...," And there was silence again.

Carol went over and hugged her son again. "Ben, no matter what it is, 你永远是我的好宝贝... She assured Ben.

"I lied to you, mom. I didn't go out with Terrance..., in fact I haven't seen him for some time already.... I missed him greatly, mom. I cannot explain why..."

"Then pay him a visit. What's there to get upset over, Ben?

It was a good five minutes of silence before Ben finally mustered enough courage to carry on. This indeed was a turning point in his life....

"I missed Terrance in another sense; I missed him like some other guy would miss his girlfriend... Mom...., please forgive me..., I am gay...." Ben looked down at his toes when saying that; he was so ashamed with himself for having disappointed his mother.

Silence descended on the room again. It was Carol's turn to look a little stunned. Instantly, Ben regretted his revelations.

"I'm so sorry mom, I really am..., please speak to me mom, please...., I didn't mean to be one, honest! I didn't want it to be this way....." Ben hugged his mother tightly and began crying bitterly again.

Carol was jolted from her daze, "Sshh....., 乖孩子 , mom's not blaming you at all, I promise." She rocked him gently in her bosom like she did many years ago when Ben was only a baby. She began to sob too.

"Please don't cry, mom. Please forgive me. I'll leave this family if you and dad wants me to..."

"No, don't ever say that, you're always my pride and joy..."

"I'm no longer your pride and joy... not anymore... You know it breaks my heart to see you crying, mom. I have always tried to be the best that I can be, but this is one area I have no control over..."

"Ssshhh, I know. I raised you up, I know you better than anyone else in this world. You have never disappointed me before, not even now, Ben." Carol caressed Ben's soft hair while gently reassuring him.

"I guess I'll have to tell dad as well..." Ben dried his tears as he tried to regain his composure.

"Yes, Ben. Let's not have secrets in this family. You may want to tell him that after tonight's New Year's Eve dinner." Carol encouraged.

"Do I have to... can't you break the news to him, please??" Ben begged and he gave his mother the Bambi eyes look.

"Oh no, nope, I'm not giving in to that kind of look this time, Ben. You must be courageous enough to speak to your dad on this one." Carol insisted.

"You think dad will understand?" Ben was very apprehensive.

"I really don't know, Ben, but you'll have to be strong and brave and stand up to what you believe in as we've always taught you."

"I understand, mom, I'll tell him all the same."

************

That evening's dinner became a quiet affair. Jeff sensed that something was wrong since both his wife and son were keeping unusually quiet that evening. Since he was still in high spirits after coming home from his office year end party, he decided not to probe the matter for the time being. It was about 9pm when Jeff was reading the evening papers on his bed that both his wife and son approached him.

"Yes, son? What do you want to talk about?" Jeff asked a little taken aback. It was the first time that he has seen both his wife and son standing before him, requesting for an audience.

There was an awkward silence in the room as Ben tried his best to muster up courage to state the inevitable.

"Come on, Ben, since when have you become so tongue tied?" Jeff prodded on.

"Go on, Ben, you've got to tell dad about it eventually." His mother encouraged.

Silence again, punctuated occasionally by Ben's shuffling of his feet on the plush carpet as he tried his best to verbalize his innermost thoughts and insecurities. After a good five minutes, he finally spoke up.

"Dad, I'm going to tell you something which I've just shared with mom...."

"Yes, go on..."

"Daaaadd......, I... I'mm..." Ben paused.

"Come on, Benny, you know I've never been unreasonable with you, son, just say it out."

"Daaaadd....," Ben began to tremble. "I'm gay, dad..." Ben's voice was reduced to a whimper.

Jeff's eyes widen; he couldn't believe what he has just heard. "What did you just say, Ben?"

"I'mmm gay, dad..., I'm a gay..."

"That's not possible! Ben, I know you! That's... that's just not possible! What.., what makes you think you're one, Ben!!??"

"I just know it, dad. Please don't ask me that. I just know it."

"But what about those girls from Hwa Chong that you used to bring home occasionally?"

"They're just friends, dad. Jusssst... friends; I have no feelings for them, dad, I never had.... it's just that everyone in school seemed to be attached and I needed to appear so too..."

"Since when did you realize you have this problem, Ben?" Jeff cut in.

"Dad..., it's not a problem, dad. It's not what you think it is... I've always felt uncomfortable with girls... I mean there's nothing wrong with them, it's just that I've always preferred the company of guys..."

"But, but you've never mentioned this to me before. Wh... why now, Ben?" Jeff stammered.

"It's not easy to bring up such a subject, dad! Look, I had agonized over it for days before I even have the courage to talk to mom or you about this..."

"Ben! Where are your morals!!?? You like to make love with men, is that it!?"

"Please dad, I have NEVER done it with anyone! No one except...." Ben regretted immediately for uttering more than he had bargained for.

"Except who!!??"

There was a deafening silence again except for the humming sound of the rotary compressor from the air-conditioner.

"Come on, Ben! How are we going to carry on this conversation if you're not going to talk!!" Jeff was getting very impatient and agitated.

"It's Terrance, dad...." Ben's voice was reduced again to a whisper.

"TERRANCE!?? How did he come into the picture!!?? You like him, is that it!!?? Or he loves you!!?? Which is it, huh!!??" Jeff demanded in a tone never before used on his son.

There was no reply from Ben again. It was obvious that the situation has turned as bad as he had envisaged.

"Ben! Do you realize what you are saying!!?? How can you fall in love with a man!!?? This is sick!!!"

"Dad, please..., it came naturally..., I didn't ask ....."

"And for heaven's sake, Ben! Terrance is your brother!! Do you hear me?? TERRANCE IS YOUR BROTHER!! HOW CAN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BROTHER!!??"

"Please dad..., even if it's not Terrance, it will be with someone else sooner or later...., not that I have someone else now...., please understand dad.., I didn't ask to be born gay..."

"SO IT IS TERRANCE AT THE MOMENT, ISN'T IT?? DAMN IT, BEN!! TERRANCE IS YOUR BROTHER!! YOU HEAR ME!!?? IF THE TWO OF YOU WERE TO PUT YOUR BLOOD TOGETHER, BOTH YOUR BLOOD WILL JUST MINGLE FREELY!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, BEN?? THIS IS INCEST!!! THIS IS AN UTTER DISGRACE!!"

"Ssshh, tone it done, Jeff, you're not helping the situation..." Carol tried to pacify her husband.

"You were never like this before, Ben. Did Terrance teach you all these, huh!!?? That uneducated brat taught you all these, right? Did he..!!?? DAMN IT!! It was my mistake to have Terrance over at our place! Look at the disease he has brought into our family!!"

"Dad! It's not Terrance's fault!! And this is not a disease, dad! It's not like I woke up one day and realized I'm attracted to guys!"

"Listen to me, Ben! You'll out grow it some day..."

"No dad! I won't out grow it! Can't you understand? I was born this way! I'm not blaming any of you for this, but I'm just telling you I WAS born this way!"

"Ben! Listen to me, you're still young and you've got a whole life ahead of you! Don't waste it on such a lifestyle, Ben! I assure you it will go away after a while. You just have to have patience and hang on!!!" Jeff tried his best to reason. "Look, perhaps it's better for the two of you not to see each other for the time being...."

"Please dad, can't you see, it has nothing to do with Terrance...."

"I'm doing it for YOUR sake, Ben!" Jeff cut in again.

"STOP SAYING YOU'RE DOING IT FOR MY SAKE!! YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, OK!!?? YOU'RE DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!! TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF YOUR BUSINESS ASSOCIATES!!! FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, LET ME LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT IT!! YES, I MAY MAKE SOME MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY, BUT IT'S MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO RESPECT THAT!!... I'M TIRED OF BEING THAT PERFECT SON OF YOURS; THE ONE WITH PERFECT GRADES AND BEHAVIOR!! CAN'T YOU SEE, DAD? I CANNOT CONSTANTLY LIVE MY LIFE AS YOU DETERMINE IT!! I CANNOT TAKE THE PRESSURE OF CONSTANTLY LIVING UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS ANY LONGER!!"

"I can't believe this is happening in our family..." Jeff shook his head in dismay, "Woman, just hear what your son is saying..."

"JEFF! HOW COULD YOU!!?? HE'S YOUR SON TOO!!" Carol expressed her shock.

"STOP BLAMING MOM FOR THIS, DAD!! IT'S NOT HER FAULT THAT I'M GAY!!" Ben cut in. "WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE REAL ISSUE, DAD?? THIS IS NOT ABOUT TERRANCE! IT'S NOT ABOUT MOM! IT'S ABOUT ME!! MY SEXUALITY!! LIKE IT OR NOT, I'M GAY EVEN BEFORE TERRANCE CAME INTO OUR LIVES!!! IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING IT ALL THESE YEARS!!! YES, ALL THESE YEARS, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT AND NEITHER DO I WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU GUYS!!" Ben was sobbing furiously; the anger and frustration swelling inside him was immense.

Silence pervaded the room for a while as all three individuals stared blankly at the floor in a conscious effort to avoid any eye contact.

"I haven't changed, dad..."Ben resumed after having regained his composure. "I'm still the same person you've known all these years. But you must accept that I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to guys and that's something that will never go away... Please don't make things anymore difficult for me, dad, as it is, it wasn't any easier for me to muster up such courage and make this confession... Please dad, it hurts me just as much to break your heart..." Ben began to cry again.

Jeff plunk down onto the side of the bed. He had his face buried inside both his hands and was still shaking with disbelieve that just overnight, his little family unit has turned upside down. He was flabbergasted and lost for words...

Carol led Ben quietly out of the room.

"Your dad will be alright, Ben..., shhh..." She too was grieving. It was the first time in her life she has seen both father and son having such a bitter exchange. "Don't worry, Ben, your dad will come around to it soon..., just give him time....shhh... stop crying now..."

"Oh mom, you know how it breaks my heart to see dad and you so badly hurt... Please understand I didn't mean for things to turn out this way, mom, please understand...." Ben hugged his mom tightly and cried bitterly.

"Ssshhh, I understand baby, I understand... sshhh...." she cooed softly into his ears.

Edited December 15, 2010 by marky

[qedcwc]

Marky, you did mention that you're gonna post the final chapter this evening (as in 15 Dec 2010). But reading this entry of yours doesn't seem to suggest so. Or is it?

By the way, I'm really crying at this now, for quite similar reasons....

[marky]

Hi qedcwc, you may have read slightly wrong. I said I will post the final chapter for the evening... before I retire to bed

After reading your post, it seems like you had a traumatic coming out to your family members huh? I guess it really breaks our parents' hearts especially for us here in Asia where males are the pride and joy of the family and expected to carry on the family name etc...

Hope all of that is behind you now and you are happy where you are

Ok, Because you posted to share a little. I will also post another 2 chapters just for you and all the faithful readers here. But nothing more till Saturday cos I've got a supplier in town today and tmr liao...

I'll Always Be There - Part 9

It was a mid-week evening and Terrance was waiting impatiently outside Harry Ramsden Fish And Chips Restaurant again for his dad. It does seem like this has become their default meeting place whenever they have things to discuss. Jeff had texted him in the earlier course of the day asking for a private meeting and Terrance had obliged reluctantly. Jeff soon arrived and they ordered the usual.

"So how are you coping at the moment?" Jeff enquired when the food arrived.

"I'm ok now. Have reported back to work since the beginning of the new year."

"Well, I glad to hear that, son." Jeff was surprised that there was no hint of animosity in Terrance's tone. Perhaps his son has matured after the death of his mother, he thought to himself.

"And how's Ben?" Terrance suddenly asked.

"Don't you know? I was under the impression you guys communicated everyday."

"Actually, I haven't heard from him in almost a month already..."

"Is that so...? Anyway, the reason I called for this meeting was to find out what you intend to do with your life..., you know, now that your mother has passed away."

"Life's back to normal and I'm back in my job... I'm happy where I am now."

"But have you ever considered furthering your studies?" Jeff asked.

"You mean like terminating my contract with the SAF to pursue my studies? I don't think I need any further education."

"Terrance, you should strive for a better quality of life. I mean, how do you feel when people ask you what your occupation is.... Do you feel proud telling others that you're in the army? That all you do the entire day is to shout at others?"

"Well, what do you propose?" Terrance countered.

"Your mother has always mentioned to me about your good grades. I was thinking that it will be good for you if you had the opportunity to further your studies overseas; you know, pick up from where you left off in good schools in the US or Britain. I'm willing to sponsor you; after all, you are my son too."

Terrance suddenly raised his eyebrows; he was a little suspicious and surprised over the proposal. His intuition told him something was wrong and that his father wasn't being entirely open and honest with him.

"Well? What do you think?" Jeff broke Terrance's train of thoughts.

"Ermmm, I promise you I'll give it serious consideration, ok?"

"I'm glad to hear that, son. Remember, you have a bright future ahead of you, don't waste it. Britain or the US is good, and I'll take care of the rest."

Dinner only lasted till 7.30pm and since the night was still young, Terrance decided to drop by East Coast Park again for a stroll. The place reminded him of the time he was there with Ben and their first kiss together. Yes, he missed Ben very much. He missed looking after that fragile brother of his; that quiet and unassuming guy, the epitome of innocence. He felt no one else knows Ben or could look after him as well as he can. Ben came into his life like a breath of fresh air and he yearned for those moments again when they shared intimacies...

Terrance parked his bike at McDonald's again and made his way towards the beach hoping to retrace the memory of their first night there together. As he came close towards the breaker, he caught sight of a lonely silhouette sitting at the outermost end of the breaker. The familiar figure looked down cast and was staring blankly at the open sea. His heart skipped a beat; was it Ben? It must be! Quietly, Terrance climbed up the breaker and walked towards the figure.

"Ben, is that you?" Terrance asked cautiously when he got sufficiently close.

The figure instinctively turned in response and as quickly as a smile appeared on its face, as quickly it disappeared as well.

"Get lost, Terrance, I don't want to see you again!!" Ben turned his face away from Terrance.

"Aww come on buddy, let's put the past behind us..." Terrance put his arms around Ben's shoulders.

"Keep your paws away from me! And don't ever touch me again!" Ben shrugged off Terrance's arms. "The last time you touched me, I got a bad bruise on my butt!!" He continued curtly.

"Aaaww, I'm very sorry, Ben, I really am. You should know you caught me at a bad time then; I was lost and confus..."

"And I was there for you! What's the use of all that talk about looking after one another if you cannot keep your part of the bargain!!??" Ben snapped.

"Look Ben, I'm really sorry..., I really am..." Terrance apologized sincerely and he tried putting his arms around Ben again.

"I said stay away from me!! Sit somewhere else or get lost!" Ben was still furious.

"Hey! This IS public property and I can sit where I want!!" Terrance snapped back.

"Fine! Then I'll move away from you then!!" Ben fired back before shifting towards the very end of the breaker.

There was a moment of awkward silence as Terrance decided how he should win Ben over again. Finally, he decided to render a horrendous version of an 阿牛's song...

“对面的男孩看过来，

看过来，看过来… …”

As Terrance sang, he could see Ben beginning to giggle. It wasn't long before Ben couldn't contain himself and burst out laughing.

"Stop it! Stop it! That was terrible! Terrible!" Ben continued laughing and instantly, Terrance knew the cold war between them was finally over. He moved forward and sat closer to Ben.

"Ben ah.., I'm very sorry for having mistreated you, I really am..." Terrance gave Ben a warm hug.

"Terrance you idiot! Do you know how much I miss you and how I worry about you? And how lonely I have been all these weeks!! Do you, huh? Do you!!??" Ben began crying while still chiding Terrance.

"Yes, I know I have been bad..., very bad... I've been a jerk. Do you think you can ever bring yourself to forgive me, huh? Please...?" Terrance begged.

"Only if you're sincere about it!" Ben demanded while wiping away his tears.

Terrance immediately stood up and vowed to the heavens, "I, Terrance Lee, do solemnly swear that if I ever mistreat Ben ever again, I will deserve to die in a horrible manner!!"

"SSSHHH!!!! Terrance, don't ever say that again!!" Ben tugged at Terrance's jeans in an effort to make him sit down again. "Do you know how lousy I have been feeling all these weeks? I was feeling so empty inside; it's like part of me is missing! I just cannot live without you, Terrance, so don't ever hope to die and leave me behind! Promise me that!" Ben wiped away his tears again.

"Yes, I promise you that! And I'll promise you anything you want too!" Terrance proudly declared. "And life has been just as awful for me too without you around. I missed not having you to look after..., I missed your smile and gentle ways...And I missed having your warm body close to mine...I missed cuddling you..." Terrance was beginning to get teary eyed too.

And the two locked their arms in a tight embrace and passionate kiss again under the moonlit night. Both were very glad that they were finally reconciled...

[marky]

So what is life like after you have come out to your family? I think everybody has a part to pplay in how things will be like in future. Some people just takes a longer time to come to terms with the fact that their chilcren will never be what they want them to be...

I'll Always Be There - Part 10

Ben was in an exceptionally happy mood for the rest of the week. His parents noticed that abrupt change in mood too. Although they didn't exactly know why, they figured it has something to do with Terrance.

And it was Saturday afternoon once again. Ben was busy showering and getting prepared to meet Terrance downtown. They will be making plans for their little private holiday up in the east coast of Malaysia during the Chinese New Year holidays which was less than a week away. It was something both had wanted so badly to do.

"Bye dad, bye mom, I'm meeting Terrance now. And don't wait for me, I won't be having dinner at home tonight." Ben said as he hurried past the living room towards the garage before Jeff could even utter a word.

Jeff sighed heavily and thought to himself: he had a son not long ago, now, it's a stranger...no, make that a disgraceful homosexual living under the same roof. He regretted bringing Terrance into his family unit. He believed it was Terrance who had manipulated Ben all these months as a personal vendetta against him for his past mistake. Furthermore, Ben has never talked back at him before; not at least till Terrance came into the picture. Chinese New Year is just around the corner and with relatives coming over for visits, Jeff couldn't imagine what people would say should they see his two gay children falling heads over heels for each other. Just the thought of this made his blood boil with fury. Something has to be done soon to avoid such an impending situation from happening.

It was just past 10pm that same evening when the auto-gate opened and Ben's Mondeo could be heard coming up the driveway. Jeff was watching tv in the living room and also waiting for Ben to come home.

"Hi dad, aren't you asleep yet?" Ben asked as he stepped into the house. His father was usually up in his bedroom by now.

"No, I was waiting for you to come home so that we can have a chat. We haven't done this for quite sometime now."

"Oh not tonight, dad. I'm just back to collect a CD that Terrance wanted to borrow. I'm sending him home after that, so don't wait up, ok?"

"Ben, the hi-fi connections in my room is out, could you just fix it for me while you're up there? I'd like to listen to some music tonight."

"Alright dad..." Ben was already halfway up the stairs. Jeff has never seen his son so enthusiastic before in his life and the fact that it was over a guy made him even more furious. Just then Terrance stepped into the living room.

"Hi dad, hi mom." Terrance greeted quietly.

Jeff motioned his wife to go join Ben upstairs as he wanted a private moment with Terrance.

"Hi Terrance, come take a seat here." Jeff beckoned. "So have you given my suggestion any consideration yet?"

"Ermm, ya, I've decided to take up the part-time Diploma in Business Studies at the SIM perhaps next year..."

"I think you should go abroad for your studies instead. Most colleges begin their semester in September so the time is just right if you submit your application right now."

"But I don't want to go overseas, besides, it costs a bomb."

"That should be the least of your worries. I'm funding you, remember?"

"No dad, if I want an education, I do want to rely on myself for the required funds."

"Don't be so stubborn, Terrance, I thought you have changed for the better." Jeff started to get a little agitated.

"I have dad, that's why I'm no longer that angry person any more since mom died. It's just my principle; I like to be self-reliant like I've always been all my life."

"Don't talk to me about principles! Ben wouldn't be what he is today if not for you!" Jeff accidentally blurted out.

Silence descended on the cavernous hall. Terrance nodded to himself as it suddenly dawned upon him why his father wanted him to leave the country so urgently.

"Ben mentioned something to me just the other day about he opening up to you guys on his sexual inclinations and I supposed you think I had something to do with it, don't you?" Terrance posed.

"I think you have everything to do with it. Ben was never like that before...., n... not at least before you came into our lives...." Jeff munched his words towards the end.

"So you think I'm responsible." Terrance stared at his dad.

"I think it's your indirect way of getting back at me." Jeff stared back in retaliation.

Terrance clenched his fists, gritted his teeth and nodded to himself again. He had swore at his mother's altar to be a more matured person and never to lose his temper at his dad again; this moment was an acid test for him.

"I see where you're coming from... It's ermmm, pretty late now; tell Ben I'll just catch a cab home from outside... Oh, 新年快乐 in advance." Terrance got up quietly and left.

"Look, I just wanted what's best for the two of you..." Jeff called out as Terrance walked towards the gate; there was no reply from Terrance. He wasn't sure what to make of the whole situation. He had anticipated a worse reaction from Terrance but was equally disturbed to see Terrance taking it so calmly. Just then, Ben appeared again at the hallway.

"Hey dad, Eh? Where's Terrance? I thought you guys were having a chat." Ben asked curiously. He had the Wang Lee Hom's CDs Terrance had wanted to borrow in his hand.

"He said it was late and didn't want to trouble you into sending him home, so he left quietly...." Jeff lied.

"But we came back here because he wanted these CDs! Why would he leave without them then? Did something happen dad?"

"Look Ben, let's go up to my room and we can talk about this upstairs." Jeff suggested.

"We're not going anywhere till you tell me what happened...." Ben mumbled. He has never spoken in such a manner to his dad before.

Jeff was equally surprised at his son's newfound assertiveness, and it was apparent that he didn't like the way Ben had accosted him. "I think it's best that the two of you should avoid seeing each other for the time being."

"Why dad? Because you think Terrance is responsible for what I am today? I thought we've been through this already; it has nothing to do with anybody, not even you or mom!!"

"Well, you never talked back at me before; and you used to bring girls home, now it's guys instead. And I know you've been neglecting your medical books. Tell me all these isn't true!!" Jeff demanded.

"It has nothing to do with Terrance, dad! I've been feeling so guilty for so many years when I realized I had a different sexual orientation, that's why I've have tried to make it up to you guys by trying to be the best son you can ever have. I even avoided too much socializing in college too because I thought I was the odd one out. I have been punishing myself all these years, but it's about time I realize too that my orientation can never change and you have to learn to accept this small defect in me." Ben was trembling from the pent up emotions swelling inside him.

"You call this a small defect!?? Terrance encouraged you into this, didn't he?"

"Stop blaming everything on Terrance!! It had nothing to do with him! If anything, he was the understanding one. We could accept each other as we are, unlike you!!"

"Fine! Then make a choice right now! Choose Terrance and leave this family at once, or treasure what we have now and avoid seeing him ever again!" Jeff issued the ultimatum.

Ben was dumbfounded; he never expected his father to be that serious about this issue. "Dad, don't do this to me, please.... I... I need you and mom too... please don't make me choose..., please..." Ben pleaded softly.

"I believe I have made myself very clear; the choice is yours." Jeff was adamant.

"Please dad, you and mom are all I have in this world. But can't you understand that I'm just made differently? It's not like I'd asked to be born this way.... Don't you think I have lived with enough guilt all these years...?"

"Ok, so you may be different, but you don't have to act on your primal desires, do you? I want you to know that what you guys are doing is disgusting! Haven't you learnt anything from your Sunday school so far? Where are your principles, Ben!!??" Jeff demanded.

"Principles!!?? Oh don't talk to me about principles! How do you think Terrance came about? At least we kept to ourselves and no third party was involved! Whereas you've ruin many lives..." That was about as far as Ben could get, for a slap landed across his face swift and fast. A slap so hard that his spectacles were almost dislodged and the CDs were strewn all over the floor, and he momentarily felt disoriented. As soon as he recovered, he made a dash for his room, furious and hurt.

"JEFF! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!" Carol screamed as she rushed down the stairs.

"I..., I... don't know....." Jeff muttered, looking totally dazed after what he has done. In all the eighteen years that he has brought Ben up, he could never recall a time where he had ever laid a hand on his precious son. Yes, Ben has always been an obedient son till recently. Still he admitted his earlier action was totally unwarranted and he regretted it immediately.

"YOU! You've gone overboard! We'll talk about this later. I'm not through with you yet!" Carol shouted before departing for Ben's room.

It took quite a bit of cajoling and knocking at Ben's bedroom door before Ben relented and admitted his mother in. Sitting on a chair with his head buried between his arms on the study table was a crying lad, sobbing furiously.

"Oh Ben, honey, your dad didn't mean to do what he did.... shhh...." Carol began gently.

"I'M SURE HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING!" Ben shot back, still sobbing and breathing heavily.

"Come honey, let mom take a look at you." Carol lifted Ben's head to examine his face.

Smack right in the middle of Ben's delicate porcelain left cheek was a clear red imprint showing where the earlier slap had landed. A tiny stream of blood oozed out of the corner of his lower lip. He must have sustained it when his teeth cut his lip when the spank was administered. It was a pitiful sight for the sheer reason that that has never happened before and for that, it moved Carol to tears too.

"Oh Ben, I so sorry for what you dad has done. He just couldn't come to terms with what has been happening recently..., you must forgive him..., he's always your father..."

"I'm not exactly proud of what's happening between Terrance and myself too, but at least it stays just between the 2 of us and nobody else get hurt! It's not like we're purposefully going against dad's wishes... I'm mean everything just happen so naturally...."

"I know Ben, I know... I'll talk to your dad about it when he has cooled down..."

"HE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS!!! IF HE DOES, HE WOULDN'T HAVE HIT ME SO HARD!!!"

"Oh Ben..."

"Please mom, leave me alone right now, please! Leave me alone!!" Ben cut in.

"Alright, Ben, you get some rest now and we'll talk again in the morning." Carol whispered as she got up and closed the door behind her.

Over in the master bedroom, Carol confronted Jeff who still looked dazed after the slapping incident.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" Carol demanded.

"I just needed to discipline Ben... He's never been like that before... he has always been an obedient child till now..."

"Has it ever occurred to you that our Ben has grown up and has started forming his own opinions on issues? And has it ever occurred to you that you could have taken his obedience all these years for granted? Personally, I don't know of many of our friends' children who are as filial as our son."

"Hey woman, Ben is your son too! Do you want a gay in our family?"

"No, but I can accept that he's made differently. You know very well that this isn't something that you can choose at will. You heard him too, he has imposed punishment on himself all these years because he couldn't bring himself to tell us who he really is. Don't you think he has suffered enough already? It's his life, and it's about time we give it back to him and allow him the freedom to choose. For heaven's sake, Jeff, we cannot always decide his life for him!"

"I... I just cannot come to terms that our son is gay, that's all..." Jeff muttered to himself.

"I can accept the fact that you cheated on me behind my back but you cannot accept the fact that our son is different?" Carol posed.

Just then, they could hear the faint sound of the auto-gate opening and the revving engine sounds of a car. Both opened the door to their balcony that overlooked the main gate just in time to see Ben driving off in his Mondeo. Little did they know then that it would be quite a while before they'll see Ben again.…

[qedcwc]

Hi qedcwc, you may have read slightly wrong. I said I will post the final chapter for the evening... before I retire to bed

After reading your post, it seems like you had a traumatic coming out to your family members huh? I guess it really breaks our parents' hearts especially for us here in Asia where males are the pride and joy of the family and expected to carry on the family name etc...

Hope all of that is behind you now and you are happy where you are

Hi Marky, sorry for the misinterpretation and thanks for posting up the two episodes. Muaaackkk!

Actually i'm crying cos i dunno what'll happen if i actually come out. My father dumped the family when i was 12 and my mum single-handedly raised me and my younger bro with income as a tailor and allowances from 2 uncles. She tried her best not to make our lives suffer badly. I managed to secure a study loan for studies in a M'sian uni and the study loan agency wrote it off after i managed to obtain good grades. In the past, she had suffered from biased views from d local society that we may not survive after the man of the family left. With me finally graduating and coming out to work to support the family (albeit not fully), it'd have been a sense of pride for her. If i confessed to her, she might be devastated as she also reminded me not to be involved in homosexuality.

Edited December 16, 2010 by qedcwc

[Guest Timothy]

Hey Marky, thanks a lot for what you said to me!

I have been following the story so far, and when I saw how Ben's father reacted, I know that this is exactly how my father will react should he ever come to find out about me liking guys. That is why I have never mentioned it to my parents. I guess it's also because I don't want to hurt and "burden" them. It's better if I keep this agony to myself. No point letting my parents know and making them upset, like what happened to Ben's parents in the story.

As an aside, it seems like often, it is the mother who is more accepting of a gay son than the father. I guess it's true when they say that it makes a difference if you have spent nine months carrying the child inside you; the bonds of attachment are much stronger, and a mother's love is therefore more unconditional.

By the way, Marky, have you ever watched Dead Poet's Society? When I was watching it, I feel a lot like the male lead, Neil. He tries so hard to be a good son towards his unfeeling and demanding father, but deep inside, there's something eating him. Of course, for Neil, it's a different kind of struggle, but I am a lot like that to my parents: study hard, don't get into trouble, always do what they tell me to, etc.

Whenever I watch that show, I always feel like someone was filming my life!

I do appear "gentlemanly" and polite towards girls, not because I purposely want to impress them or woo them, but because that's how I was brought up. I would hold open a door for them, pull out a chair for them at the table, and have even given flowers to girls for Valentine's Day.

But like Ben, there's an agonising guilt inside of me that I try to hide from everyone.

[Guest TaiZi]

Hi Marky, please continue with the stories between Ben and Terrance when you are free. It is indeed a wonderful and touching stories and I can truly relate to it somehow and part of the contents mentioned happened to me before I come out to my family few years back. Tears just flow out freely from my eye during the last segment of the story and gotta lie to my colleagues that i suffer from dry eyes today

However, it was my dad instead of my mum who is able to accept my sexuality preference and up till today, my mum still hopes that I can get married the soonest possible although my bf comes to my house 3-4 times per week. I somehow hope that my mum could accept my dar as her half a son and I've been with him since my full time national service in 2006. I understand my mum faces pressure and questioning from relatives and neighbours but Asians are just being asians ...

[Guest another guest]

Of course he writes better than you anytime. The reviews are evidences for his success.

He is more male than you anytime. Thus he writes the main ploy, with his emotions, minusing those very frivolous frills you like to embellish your long long long winded stories, which not only bores the hell of everyone's toe nails, but are drier than the desert rocks.

Learn something from people, instead of thinking you are such good writer all those while.

Apa ini lima chiam?

Hello aunty Lucy,

Not say i want to say, if you don't know what to say, then don't say, people will not say you're deaf & dumb, understand? say something new leh, don't say the same thing again n again, toe nails again n again, super chong hei, damn boring, say something new, be creative.

How about say: trim my cheeby hair until got no hair." understand?

somemore want to teach people how to write, just like my JC english teacher, that ugly & unmarried old lady, don't teach us how to fxxxk spider, ok. This is a facebook era, your generation n your old style of writing is now over.

[marky]

Hi Marky, sorry for the misinterpretation and thanks for posting up the two episodes. Muaaackkk!

Actually i'm crying cos i dunno what'll happen if i actually come out. My father dumped the family when i was 12 and my mum single-handedly raised me and my younger bro with income as a tailor and allowances from 2 uncles. She tried her best not to make our lives suffer badly. I managed to secure a study loan for studies in a M'sian uni and the study loan agency wrote it off after i managed to obtain good grades. In the past, she had suffered from biased views from d local society that we may not survive after the man of the family left. With me finally graduating and coming out to work to support the family (albeit not fully), it'd have been a sense of pride for her. If i confessed to her, she might be devastated as she also reminded me not to be involved in homosexuality.

Oh dear, I too would think your mom would be devastated.. However, we would all have to live our own lives someday and not let others dictate how our lives should be lived... Maybe if you do come out someday, you can show her that other than this difference in you, nothing else about you has changed. You should also let her know our orientation is not a choice we can pick and choose. Tell her how you have struggled all these years to fit in... And given that you are different, how she should proceed from there rather than try to change something that can never be changed. *hugs*

[marky]

Hey Marky, thanks a lot for what you said to me!

I have been following the story so far, and when I saw how Ben's father reacted, I know that this is exactly how my father will react should he ever come to find out about me liking guys. That is why I have never mentioned it to my parents. I guess it's also because I don't want to hurt and "burden" them. It's better if I keep this agony to myself. No point letting my parents know and making them upset, like what happened to Ben's parents in the story.

As an aside, it seems like often, it is the mother who is more accepting of a gay son than the father. I guess it's true when they say that it makes a difference if you have spent nine months carrying the child inside you; the bonds of attachment are much stronger, and a mother's love is therefore more unconditional.

By the way, Marky, have you ever watched Dead Poet's Society? When I was watching it, I feel a lot like the male lead, Neil. He tries so hard to be a good son towards his unfeeling and demanding father, but deep inside, there's something eating him. Of course, for Neil, it's a different kind of struggle, but I am a lot like that to my parents: study hard, don't get into trouble, always do what they tell me to, etc.

Whenever I watch that show, I always feel like someone was filming my life!

I do appear "gentlemanly" and polite towards girls, not because I purposely want to impress them or woo them, but because that's how I was brought up. I would hold open a door for them, pull out a chair for them at the table, and have even given flowers to girls for Valentine's Day.

But like Ben, there's an agonising guilt inside of me that I try to hide from everyone.

Hi Tim.., there's something that we all have... and that is choice. As I have mentioned to Qedcwc earlier, we all got to live our lives on our own sooner or later. Yes, some have it tougher than others in terms of the mindsets that their parents have. But at the end of the day, we have to live by the consequence of the choices that we make. You sound quite young.., so I hope that you can exercise your choice in the years to come. The last thing you want is years down the road, long after your parents are gone and you have sacrificed your prime years... You end up feeling bitter about having lived your life for others and having nothing to gain from it.... Erm, dun be like Neil from Dead Poet's Society.

And yes, I understand how you've treated the fairer sex. I treat them that way too. We treat them with courtesy, make them happy... and unlike other guys who at times can be rough or bully girls, we always accord them with a certain respect. We watch Korean dramas and watch in awe as the guys can shout or even manhandle the ladies cos it is something we can never bring ourselves to do regardless of the situation... Yet deep inside, we know that that's about the furthest we can go. And one fine day, when the girls come to find out about us, they'd end up saying "Why are all the good guys either taken or gay..."

*hugs* Hope you will have the courage to make the choices in the years to come.

[marky]

Hi Marky, please continue with the stories between Ben and Terrance when you are free. It is indeed a wonderful and touching stories and I can truly relate to it somehow and part of the contents mentioned happened to me before I come out to my family few years back. Tears just flow out freely from my eye during the last segment of the story and gotta lie to my colleagues that i suffer from dry eyes today

However, it was my dad instead of my mum who is able to accept my sexuality preference and up till today, my mum still hopes that I can get married the soonest possible although my bf comes to my house 3-4 times per week. I somehow hope that my mum could accept my dar as her half a son and I've been with him since my full time national service in 2006. I understand my mum faces pressure and questioning from relatives and neighbours but Asians are just being asians ...

TaiZi, reading your reply, I should say you're already much better off if you compared to some of the readers here who are still living in the closet. Even I am living in the closet because that was a choice I made many years ago.

I guess some things takes time... some people takes more time than others too... Your mom still probably harbors the hope that your inclination is a temporary phase in an adult's life which he would outgrow later on... Anyway, tis tough on her too like you've mentioned having to face her friends and relatives...

But who wants this to happen in the first place right? Some people are still not convinced sexual orientation is not a choice just as some people are born left or right handed...

I hope that one day, you can share with us the story of your coming out to your parents so others may learn a thing or 2 from it. Cheers!!

[qedcwc]

Oh dear, I too would think your mom would be devastated.. However, we would all have to live our own lives someday and not let others dictate how our lives should be lived... Maybe if you do come out someday, you can show her that other than this difference in you, nothing else about you has changed. You should also let her know our orientation is not a choice we can pick and choose. Tell her how you have struggled all these years to fit in... And given that you are different, how she should proceed from there rather than try to change something that can never be changed. *hugs*

Marky, thanks for the advice. There's a catch though. My mum told me not to get married too soon, rather establish my career first b4 i can be able to care for another one. Who knows if i stay unmarried forever...

[marky]

In the spirit of Christmas, I hope that we can at least temporary put aside whatever issues we may have with each other and live out the creed "Peace to all and goodwill to mankind"

Part of this chapter is taken from a real life incident. Tis not difficult to guess which though Anyway, just as a reminder, the story is set in 1999 and the gay scene in JB was more open then than it was in S'pore. But of cos by today, you guys would beg to differ

I'll Always Be There - Part 11

It was about 2am in the morning when Terrance was awoken from his sleep by the incessant ringing of the doorbell. He got up and opened the door. Ben was standing there sobbing away.

"Hey Ben, what's wrong? What happened to you?" Terrance gave Ben a warm hug and led him to his bedroom.

"Dad and I had a quarrel just now and he slapped me! He has never slapped me before in my life! And I got chased out of the house because he made me choose between you and the family!" Ben cried out as he hugged Terrance tightly, not wanting to let go. "You're all I have now, Terrance, please don't ever leave me, please..., I feel so lonely right now..." Ben continued.

"Ssshhh, you know I'll always be there for you..., I'll always be there..., ssshhhh...." Terrance pacified Ben gently with his embrace till Ben's crying subsided. He wished he didn't have to get involved in Ben's family quarrels but his heart ached when he saw Ben's swollen lower lip which still has evidence of some dried blood.

"If it makes you feel any better, perhaps we can talk about now?" Terrance asked.

"I don't want to talk about it just yet! Just thinking about the entire matter makes my blood boil! Dad practically disowned..."

"Ssshhh, alright, alright, let's not get upset again. We'll continue this tomorrow morning? Here, let me have a look at your face..." Terrance gingerly lifted Ben's face up with both his hands. The sight of dried coagulated blood at a corner of Ben's mouth made Terrance's heart ache. He wished he was there to receive the blow instead; that's the extent of how much he cared for and treasured Ben. "Aawww, Ben, this is bad. Let me get you something to clean this wound..." Terrance got up to get his first aid kit.

"Don't go anyway, Terrance, just stay here. I don't need any medications. I just want you by my side..."

"Well, alright, let's retire for the night then, ok?"

"Yeah, I guess it's really late now. I'm so sorry to have to troubled you but you're really all I have now... I feel so lost and insecure now."

"Sssshhh, I understand. You're all I have too, ssshhhh..." Terrance rocked Ben gently in his arms till the both of them feel asleep on the bed.

**********

It was about 9.30am in the morning when Terrance woke up. Ben was still fast asleep in his arms. Terrance examined Ben's face like he was trying to memorize every detail on it for eternity. God! Ben was beautiful: the soft delicate complexion, the rosy cheeks, the thin lips, the long eye lashes and that ever present smile even when he's asleep. Terrance quietly thanked the Goddess of Mercy for giving him such a person to be his brother, buddy and best friend all rolled into one. He swore to the heavens that he will look after and protect Ben even if it means putting his own life in jeopardy. Soon, his thoughts drifted to what his father had said to him the night before, and instinctively, anger started to swell inside him. He disliked being wrongly accused; and Jeff had mistakenly accused him of leading Ben astray these few months. However, he was also quick to quell the anger inside him the moment he remembered his resolution to be an even-tempered person after the death of his mom. He sighed; for Ben's sake, he will set a good example and prove to his dad that he was wrong about him. Just then, Ben awoke from his slumber.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Terrance smiled and greeted Ben with a light kiss to the forehead.

"Yeah, good morning too... ouch... my left cheek still hurts!" Ben grimaced and tried to soothe his swollen cheek and lower lip with his hand.

"Aren't you suppose to go church now?"

"No, I don't want to see my dad there!" Ben became slightly agitated.

"Well, what do you want to do then?" Terrance asked.

"I was thinking; instead of going up to the East Coast tomorrow, why don't we venture into Malaysia today?"

"I don't know, man, it may be Chinese New Year's eve tomorrow but I still have to work..."

"Come on, Terrance, you can call back to camp and apply for urgent leave, can't you? I'm sure they'll grant it to you. Afterall, what programs can they have in camp tomorrow since everybody will be in a festive mood? Besides, I left my house in such haste that I didn't bring any clothes with me. We'll have to do some shopping in JB before heading for the East Coast."

"Well alright. I'll make that call to camp but you promise me as well that you'll call dad up and inform him about our trip. I really feel bad seeing your relationship with dad deteriorating to such a state." Terrance insisted.

"Yes sir! I'll do that." Ben promised.

So Terrance made the call back to camp and surprisingly the leave was granted without much difficulty. And when he had excused himself for the morning ritual, Ben picked up the phone to make some calls. Later on, they packed some bottled water, ground sheets and Terrance's guitar into the boot of the Mondeo. And they made their way into JB by noon for lunch and shopping.

Meanwhile, back at the Lows, Jeff was pacing to and fro the living room. He was furious that Terrance seemed to have won a battle against him by ruining his family. He regretted ever having Terrance as his son. Just then, Carol came down the stairs.

"I have a strong gut feeling the two boys are going into Malaysia. I went through Ben's drawers just now and his restricted passport is missing.... I'm worried for him, Jeff. He has never ventured alone into Malaysia before, and I'm afraid something might happen to him over there."

"Damn it! This must be that Terrance's idea again! Don't worry, dear, I'll bring them back in no time!" Jeff promised. He picked up the phone and made a few calls. The plan was simple: Ben was holding on to Jeff's Citibank supplementary MasterCard and Jeff knows the VP of the card division. By pulling some strings, he'd be able to get information on their whereabouts from the credit card transactions the boys make. Next, he made calls to two of his office securities. The instructions were simple too: go into JB and track the two boys down with Jeff updating them on the boys' location. Under no circumstances should Ben be harmed, but they were free to use controlled force on Terrance as he was deemed to be aggressive and dangerous when provoked.

It was a torturous 1-hour drive into JB from Woodlands. Since Chinese New Year was just two days away, the Causeway was jam packed with throngs of Singaporeans who were going in to do some last minute shopping. It wasn't till 2.30pm that the boys managed to clear customs. First stop was to the Holiday Plaza for pirated VCDs and some shopping. For RM6/- a piece, Ben bought the VCDs like there was no tomorrow. Next stop was to Parkson Grand to shop for Ben's clothes and toiletries. Thereafter, it was a late lunch at the food centre.

"Let's see, fifty, hundred, hundred and fifty... Gee Terrance, I think I've used up most of my Ringgit on those VCDs and clothes. I've only got about RM160 on me now. What about you?" Ben asked once they were through with their nasi briyani.

"I have about RM300 on me. I think we do have enough cash between us. Just don't blow it on any more shopping, ok?" Terrance grinned at Ben. Ben was so happy the entire day that Terrance had no heart to curb his shopping spree. As long as Ben was contented, he was contented too.

"I know, we'll use my dad's Mastercard for places that allow card transaction to conserve our cash." Ben suggested.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I definitely don't feel comfortable using your dad's money for our holiday." Terrance quipped.

"It's alright, Terrance, we'll pay him the moment we get back to S'pore, ok? Let's have a carefree holiday! Who knows, we may never have another holiday like this one in a long while."

"Well, alright Ben. It's 5pm now, where else would you like to go to?"

"Errmmm, errr...., weren't you suppose to show me that gay sauna?" Ben asked bashfully.

"Oh, I er...., erm.., I didn't think you were serious about it. Don't you think you've had enough adventure for the time being?"

"Aren't we on an adventure now, Terrance?" Ben was beaming.

"Yeah but... I don't think I should be bringing you to such places...."

"Oh come on, Terrance, you promised me... Since when did you start behaving like mom and dad?" Ben pleaded.

"Since the day I felt I'm responsible for your well-being! Okay, if you want me to bring you there, then you have to abide by my rules, understood?"

"Yes sir!" Ben gave Terrance a mock salute.

"Okay, rule 1, don't let anyone enter your butt!"

"Yes sir!"

"Rule 2, avoid swallowing any sperm!"

"Yes sir, I won't!"

"Hey Ben, I'm serious, you know." Terrance was a little worried at Ben's frivolous attitude.

"Yes, I'm serious too!" Ben insisted.

Terrance frowned. He was still hesitant about bringing Ben to such places. "Okay, final rule, don't give anyone your contact number, is that understood!?"

"Perfectly!" Ben insisted again. And within half an hour, they were underneath the 'Dragon Gates'.

The two fat proprietors recognized Terrance and greeted him heartily before directing their attention onto Ben and commenting that Terrance has good taste. Ben became slightly nervous at the new surroundings and he held on tightly to Terrance's arms.

"You sure you want to stay? We can leave if you like, I really don't mind." Terrance offered the moment they got to the changing room.

"Let's stay for a while. So what are we supposed to do now?" Ben asked curiously.

"Well, take off your clothes and wrap this towel around you." Terrance threw a bath towel at Ben.

"Yiaks! You mean I supposed to parade around in this!!??"

"No, you're supposed to have your jeans and t-shirt on....! Of course you have to remove them, you dumbhead!! How are you gonna attract attention if you're fully clothed?"

"I think I'll pass for the time being. I'll watch you from a distance instead; you just pretend that I don't exist, is that ok? and don't enjoy yourself too much or I'd be jealous!!" Ben was beginning to feel a little nervous and he used 2 towels to wrap around himself. On the one hand, he was curious about the new experiences around him and yet he felt apprehensive about letting Terrance off to wander on his own.

"Well alright, whatever you say." Terrance smiled.

There was quite a reasonably large crowd that Sunday evening. Ben watched from a distance as Terrance strutted around the reading room proudly displaying his tanned and well-chiselled body as onlookers gawked at the magnificent sight. It wasn't long before the guys started to 'bite the bait'. One after another, Terrance looked at his suitors and decided none were to his fancy. For one so blessed with a handsome physique, one can definitely afford to be picky. Finally a guy with a swimmer's built stood beside Terrance, made some eye contact and then small talk, and not long after, both proceeded into the darkness.

Ben sighed. He was on his own now. And so, he decided to explore the premises a little while building up enough courage to try what Terrance did earlier on. He went downstairs to the sauna but found only standing room. As the heat became more intense, Ben started perspiring. He got out of the room and decided to put one of the towels back in the locker lest there's no clean towels left for cleaning up after shower later on. He took a seat in front of the little Japanese garden while watching the rest of the folks making their way in and out of the showers. Some had very nice physiques like Terrance's while others were rather chubby. Then he frowned and wondered too if there will be any takers for his nondescript body... "I guess I'll know pretty soon." He mumbled quietly to himself and proceeded upstairs again.

Just opposite the jaccuzi was the steam room and he noticed many people moving in and out of it. Curiosity got the better of him and he proceeded in to explore. A layer of mist instantly coated his spectacles the moment he entered the room. Since it was so dark in there, he decided the glasses were of no use to him anyway and he left them on the ledge outside. Unknown to him however was that two stout figures have been eyeing on him all these while.

Ben felt his way around the dark and warm confines of the steam room. Every few seconds, a hand or two would reach out and touch him all over. In a distance, he could hear someone groaning from the passion of the moment. In another corner, he could hear the loud swishing sound of suction and he knew instantly someone was performing a blowjob. Just the thought of it made Ben excited and caused a stirring in his groin. Suddenly, a hand reached out and held on to him tightly and slowly led Ben to a corner of the dark room. Before Ben knew it, that person had removed his towel and swiftly got down to giving him the most pleasurable blowjob he has ever experienced. As he groaned softly in guilty pleasure, he felt another person coming from behind him and started squeezing his body and kneading his nipples. Next he felt kisses planted on his nape and shoulders. Then someone lifted up his arms and started licking his armpits. The whiskers on the guy's face brushed lightly against Ben's ears and sent the most pleasurable electrical current through his body. The result of the double dosage of pleasure being administered both to his front and rear sent Ben to climax and he shot his first load of cum within minutes, leaving him panting in euphoria...

The front man wasted not a single drop of the spunk and continued administering Ben's tool clean till he squirmed. Just when Ben thought the session was over, he could sense both the guys switching positions and performing the same thing on him again.

Ben patted the guy in front on the shoulders signaling him to stop but his mouth was already stuck on Ben's meat so tightly like a barnacle and refused to let go. Just then, he felt the person behind positioning himself and trying hard to plough his fat rod into his butt hole. He remembered what Terrance had said and tried to struggle free.

"Hey, thanks but that's enough...." Ben whispered to the guy behind but got no response.

"Hey, I said that's enough!" Ben whispered again angrily and tried to struggle free. To his surprise, both men dragged him to the nearby bench and positioned Ben on his back with his legs up in the air. One of them used Ben's towel to cover his mouth to stifle his cries for help and also used his own body to pin both Ben's arms behind him while the other lifted Ben's butt and got ready to penetrate him. Ben struggled hard but he knew he was no match for these two. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his butt and could make out the front guy pumping furiously in and out of him.

"MMMM!! MMMM!!!" Ben tried to shout but the bath towel over his mouth dampened his cries for help. He tried kicking but with both feet hanging in the air, he could only kick the air with them. The front guy was moaning in pleasure as he kept up his momentum while the other chap continued resting his own body on Ben and stroking Ben's meat in the hope of making him cum again.

Ben struggled violently again till the towel was dislodged from his mouth, and he screamed at the top of his voice. His cries caught everyone in the room by surprise and even his two oppressors were so stunned they let go of their grip on him. Ben got up, rushed out of the steam room and landed promptly into Terrance's arms.

"Hey, what happened in there? Was that you screaming?" Terrance hugged Ben tightly.

"The hell it was! Two stupid guys tried to rape me!" Ben was crying and trembling with fear.

"Did they managed, huh!!?? Did they!!??" Terrance was furious.

"Ya! One of them did! He was pumping in and out of me!"

"HE WHAT!!?? HOW COULD YOU LET HIM!!! I TOLD YOU BEFORE!!!!"

"DAMN IT TERRANCE, I DIDN'T LET HIM; BOTH FORCED THEMSELVES ON ME!!!" Ben shouted back.

Suddenly, all eyes were on the two boys and they immediately felt embarrassed. Terrance then discreetly led Ben to the dark shower room nearby.

"I followed your instructions, I promised I did! But they just wouldn't let go of me!" Ben continued crying; his eyes were red.

"Look, do you recognize them?" Terrance demanded. He was furious that someone had actually harmed his precious charge.

"Both were a little fat..., that's all I can remember." Ben sobbed.

"Both were a little fat!!!?? Both were a little fat!!??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FAT ASSES THERE ARE IN THERE!!?? YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL ME BOTH HAVE 2 EARS AND EYES TOO!!!! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KICK THEIR BUTTS IF ALL YOU KNOW IS THAT THEY'RE BOTH A LITTLE FAT!!??" Terrance was fuming.

"IT'S SO DARK IN THERE, DAMN IT!!! AND HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THESE PEOPLE ARE THAT AGGRESSIVE..." Ben retaliated and started crying again.

Terrance toned down on seeing Ben cry again; it was a pitiful sight he admitted. "Ssshhh.., I'm sorry, I really am. I wasn't angry with you, I was just angry with the situation, that's all. We shouldn't have come at all... I should have been there to protect you... Ssshhhh... It's all my fault, ok?? Does it hurt now?" Terrance embraced Ben tightly like a mother protecting her child.

"Let me stick a bloom stick up your butt and you tell me if that hurts!!!" Ben shot back.

Just then, Terrance could feel Ben's body shaking and he could hear Ben giggling. Apparently, Ben was amused by his own suggestion. Instantly, Terrance knew their quarrel was over as quickly as it had begun.

"Alright my baby, I'll let you do the honors of sticking the bloom stick up my ass in future, ok?" Terrance wiped away Ben's tears with his thumbs.

"Ya, rite... You know I don't have the heart to...." Ben replied bashfully.

"You wanna leave now, baby?"

"Maybe we can have our own fun here before we leave?" Ben requested.

"Sure, let's go to the aerobics room where it's cooler." Terrance suggested.

The aerobics room was indeed cooler and the faint light from the setting sun streamed into the room through the narrow gaps between the plywood planks that lined the walls, slightly illuminating the room.

Ben started caressing Terrance's sculptured body. He let his fingers roam freely, exploring the ridges and contours of Terrance's body. If felt so good and made Ben feel so loved and secure. Terrance tighten and flexed his abs muscles as Ben ran his hands over his torso before slowing working his way down to Terrance's meat pole. He groaned softly as he felt his meat being gently massaged.

"Mmmmm, that feels soooo good, Ben." Terrance whispered as he licked Ben's ears.

"Can I try something on you...?" Ben asked bashfully. He was eager to try out on Terrance the oral administration he had received himself earlier on...

It wasn't long before they got into a sixty-nine position with each giving the other the time of his life. The rest of the people in the room soon gathered around to watch these two fine young human specimens, consumed in their heated passion, slowly sucking and savoring each other's love shaft. The boys were in a world of their own now; their bodies quivered whenever one ploughed deep with his mouth and engulfed the other's meat, sending an incredible erotic sensation down to the very tips of their toes. It was indeed a celebration of youth. And whenever a stray hand tried to touch their bodies, neither one would hesitate to administer a quick and decisive slap to the intrusive hand. After a while, the crowd just stood there like hungry hyenas from the African outback, waiting and hoping to have a tasty morsel of the exclusive action.

"So, how's the experience for you?" Terrance asked when they got to the shower room again.

"It was better towards the end when I did it with you. Say, how many times did you shoot out today?" Ben was curious.

"Well, once with the swimmer, once with a twink like yourself and once with you.., so that's three for the day!" Terrance boasted of his sexual prowess as he started shampooing Ben.

"Three times!!?? Wow!!! I've never experience that before in my life!" Ben was astonished. Then all of a sudden, an awful sour feeling overwhelmed him; that same feeling he experienced when he last imagined that Terrance had found somebody else as the love of his life.

"Terrance? Can you promise me you won't come back here ever again?" Ben pleaded.

"Something wrong, Ben?"

"No, it's just that I love you so much and I just can't bear to see someone else sucking on your precious thing. I don't know how to explain this, but whenever I think of it, there's this indescribably awful aching feeling deep inside my heart. I can't explain what it is though... And when I notice all those eyes ogling at you body... it makes me feel insecure....Your body is mine now and likewise, mine is yours exclusively.. Please, promise me??" Ben pleaded again.

Terrance stopped his shampooing and turned Ben over so that they were facing each other.

"I give you my word that I'll never come here again, ok? You mean more to me in this world than anyone else here!" Terrance pledged.

"I love you, Terrance."

"I love you too, Ben. And I'll always be there for you..."

And the two continued soaping and shampooing each other, oblivious to those around them....

[marky]

Hope every one had a great weekend. I will post 2 chapters for Sunday evening readings. So if you have an hour to spare, go get your Baileys and dim the lights.. Happy reading..

I'll Always Be There - Part 12

It was only about 9pm when they checked into the Putri Pan Pacific Hotel. Both were so exhausted and totally drained of their energies from the day's activities that they both chose to skip dinner. Within minutes of entering their room, both were sprawled on the queen size bed and were soon fast asleep.

Unknown to them however, the data of their hotel transaction has been captured and would by the following morning be relayed back to the Citibank Card Centre in S'pore where Jeff would be kept informed.

It was 9am on a beautiful Monday morning, the eve of the Chinese New Year holidays. Terrance was aroused from his sleep by his hunger pangs. Man, last evening's session was such a calorie burner, he thought to himself. He turned and looked at Ben who was still sleeping soundly beside him. Instantly, he remembered what happened to Ben and his heart started aching when he recalled Ben's pitiful sight while he was crying. He frowned heavily on thinking that Ben had ‘lost his virginity' to some stupid undeserving bloke. He made a promise to himself that he'll never allow anyone to mistreat his beloved Ben ever again. Ben woke up a little while later...

"Good morning, Your Highness, are you ready for breakfast?" Terrance teased.

"Oh cut the crap, what's the time now." Ben asked drowsily.

"It's breakfast time you sleepy head! Quick, get your ass off this bed at once, I'm starved!!"

"You can say that again. I'm hungry too. Man! I feel so drained from last night's activities..."

"Hey friend, you shot your load twice and you're drained? Looks like you'll have to undergo intensive training by me for the next few days!" Terrance grinned.

"Hey! I'm not some dairy sperm cow like you, ok? If you're that good, you can serve me a cup of your yogurt now!" Ben retorted.

The boys just got off the bed and headed down to the cafe below for an exquisite buffet breakfast. Neither had bothered to brush their teeth; they were simply too hungry to think about anything else.

It was coming close to 10.30am when they checked out of the hotel, ready to head for the East Coast. JB was pretty quiet that day. Apparently, most city folks had taken the day off to return to their villages in the countryside for the much-awaited reunion dinners. Just as Ben collected the car keys from the valet, they heard a voice calling out to them. Ben turned around and recognized the man to be one of his dad's security officers.

"Quick Terrance, get into the car!!" Ben shouted. And he took off even before Terrance could close the car door.

"Who was that guy back there?" Terrance asked.

"He's one of dad's security officers."

"Any idea as to what he wants?"

"Nope."

"Any idea how he knows where we were?" Terrance asked again.

"Nope..." Ben replied nonchalantly.

The drive out of JB towards Mersing was relatively quiet. Both were still trying to recover from the little shock they had outside the hotel. Ben drove while Terrance navigated. It took about an half-hour's drive before they reach the next town which was Ulu Tiram. The boys topped up the petrol there before heading off for Mersing. Just as they left Ulu Tiram, Ben noticed a red Nissan Sunny tailing them.

"Oh boy, I think we're being followed..." Ben frowned.

Terrance turned around and saw the Sunny too. "It's that guy again... Are the both of them dad's security officers?"

"Yeah, I recognize the car..."

"I suppose dad sent them??" Terrance was suspicious.

"I don't know..."

"Ben, be frank with me; did you inform dad about our trip!!??" Terrance grabbed hold of Ben's left hand which was resting on the transmission gear.

"I errm...., I forgot...." Ben mumbled softly.

"YOU FORGOT!?? YOU FORGOT!?? DAMN IT, BEN, YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D INFORM DAD ABOUT THIS TRIP!!" Terrance raised his voice.

"LOOK, I DIDN'T THINK HE WANTED TO TALK TO ME YET, OK!!!??"

"DAMN IT, BEN!! DO YOU KNOW DAD HAS BEEN BLAMING ME ALL THIS WHILE FOR HAVING A NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON YOU!!?? AND HE PROBABLY THINK I INSITIGATED YOU TO COME ON THIS TRIP!!! DAMN YOU, BEN!! DAMN YOU!!!!"

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'LL CALL HIM THE MOMENT WE REACH MERSING, IS THAT OK!!?? YOU DON'T HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!!!!"

Terrance furiously reached behind and grabbed Ben's hand phone from the back seat to make the call. To his disappointment the LCD screen read "Out of Coverage".

"Damned! Don't you have auto-roaming on this thing?" Terrance was pissed.

"Look, I'm not 21 years old yet, ok!!??" Ben replied angrily. And all was quiet and tense again.

The red Sunny accelerated and got within three metres behind their Mondeo. The driver then proceeded to horn at their car to get the boys to pull over to the side of the road.

"Ben, let's stop the car." Terrance demanded.

"I can't, if what you said is true, then they might hit you."

"It's ok Ben, just STOP the car, better sorry now than later." Terrance replied sternly.

Ben reluctantly pulled the Mondeo over to the road shoulder and Terrance got out. The red car followed suit behind and two 'ah beng' looking characters stepped out of the Sunny and proceeded towards Terrance.

"You fxxking daring right? How dare you kidnap Mr Low's son!!??" One of them accused.

"You fxxking watch your words! Would Ben be driving the car if I'm the kidnapper!!??" Terrance shot back.

"Hey, Den, I'm not being kidnapped. I came here on my own free will!" Ben got out of the car and came to Terrance's defense.

"Whatever the case, Mr Low said you guys must return immediately! Tomorrow Chinese New Year already, I got better things to do than waste time with you all!" Den said as he and the other man grabbed hold of Terrance's arms.

"Hey, let go! We'll follow you back..! Hey!!" Terrance shouted as the guys wrenched his arms behind him rendering him powerless.

"HEY, YOU LET GO OF TERRANCE!!" Ben shouted and gave Den a kick in his groin causing him to fall to the ground and grimacing in pain. "Quick Terrance, get back into the car!!"

Both the boys dashed back into the car and drove off, leaving the 2 men behind to curse and swear.

"Phew, that was a close shave! Are you hurt, Terrance?" Ben asked with genuine concern.

"Nah, it's ok. I was only worried for you. You sure those guys work for your dad? The fat one sure looked kinda fierce. Wasn't sure if he'd use force on you too."

"You mean that Den Ong? That chap almost got fired recently for sleeping at work. Perhaps dad thought he was the best candidate to handle you.... I'm sorry I got you into this mess...., I really am..." Ben apologized.

"Never mind, it's over, but promise me you'll call dad once we reached Mersing, ok?"

"Ya, alright." Ben promised.

Meanwhile, the two men were scrambling to get back into the car to give chase.

"Damn it, my lum pah so fxxking painful now. Lum pah kena kick on Chinese New Year's eve, dunno got bad omen or not!! If I catch that fxxking Ben, I'm gonna squeeze his fxxking balls! I don't care whose son he is! I'm going to quit the company already! Kan ni na, that Mr Low better give me a big ang pow as compensation!!" Den cursed.

"Never mind lah! You better call Mr Low now and tell him we've located those two fxxkers! I'll try to catch up with them. It should be easy, there are no more towns for the next 40km." The other guy suggested.

"Kan ni na!!! The handphone cover broken! Must have happened when they kicked me. That chee bye Ben will pay for this!!" Den cursed again as he tried dialing back to Singapore. "Hello? Mr Low there? Eh! Hello!? Hello!? Chee Bye lah, the fxxking connection not stable! Chow chee bye!!"

Meanwhile, over at the Low's residence. Jeff was anxiously pacing the living room as Carol sat pensively on the couch.

"I think your men tried calling just now but the connection was bad." Carol informed Jeff on hanging up the phone.

"Never mind, they'll call again. Once Terrance and Ben return, I'll make sure they'll never see each other again!!"

"Will that make you any happier?" Carol posed as she picked up a photo of Ben from the nearby coffee table; she was anxious for Ben's safety.

"At least life will be back to the way it was!"

Carol looked at Ben's picture and started breaking down in tears. "Do you remember the day Ben was born? The doctors told us he would only have a 70% chance of leading a normal life. He was so small, frail and skinny then. I even thought he wouldn't make it pass the first year.... But look at him now; he's all grown up and tall. He has even done us proud all these years... God has already answered our prayers. I think it's time we cut the apron strings and let our children decide their future for themselves... afterall, the doctors have said that Ben would probably die of heart failure before either one of us will…." Carol continued crying.

Jeff went over and gave his wife a hug. "Oh honey..., don't cry anymore. I promise you I'll bring them back safely. I'll inform Den not to harm Terrance too, ok?" Jeff assured.

[marky]

As promised, the next chapter. The chalet referred to in this chapter is real. I should know; I was there... with Ben... But that was years ago. I wonder if it is still there now...

I'll Always Be There - Part 13

The road leading to Mersing was a long and deserted one with the occasional oil palm plantation and forest lining both sides of the road. An hour had passed since the ugly incidence. Ben could only achieve about 70 km/h as he wasn't confident on driving with the poor road conditions. Terrance looked at Ben and noticed the frown on his face.

"Hey buddy, don't worry ok? If they're meant to catch up with us, then so be it. Safety is my utmost concern." Terrance gave Ben's left hand a tight squeeze.

"I did kick that asshole's crotch really hard. I wonder if he'll take his revenge on me... I'm scared; I've never hurt anyone before.... Hug me a while, can?" Ben muttered.

"Hey, remember: I'll always be there for you! I won't let anyone harm you, okay?" Terrance promised as he bent over side way to embrace Ben. "Cheer up, we're reaching Mersing soon."

Ben looked at his rear view mirror and caught sight of the red Sunny which was fast closing in again.

"Oh no, it's them again!!" Ben was frightened. He stepped on the accelerator and the Mondeo surged forward violently.

The Sunny caught up and started horning at them again. This time however, neither of the boys paid any attention to the incessant horning.

"Eh, we're approaching town soon! You better ram their car or something to get them to stop. Once we enter town, we will have no chance to catch them!" Den instructed his colleague.

"Whatever you say, as long as you're the one answering to Mr Low!" And the Sunny overtook on the right lane till it came side by side the Mondeo. A sudden left turn was made and it resulted in an impact with the Mondeo.

"Terrance, what shall we do!!?? I'm scared! Den's gonna kill me!" Ben went pale in the face and started hyperventilating.

"Calm down Ben, we're reaching town soon and we'll stop at the police station. We should be safe there." Terrance held Ben's hands tightly again.

Suddenly, the second impact came, and subsequently a third.

"Oh no Terrance, they mean business! Oh shit! Ah... Ah...my heart... I can't breathe properly..." Ben grimaced as one of his hands clasped tightly to his chest.

"Oh shit, oh shit Ben, don't frighten me, Ben!! Don't freak out on me now, please!!! Take a few deep breath, please!!!" Terrance saw Ben face going pale and he was frightened too.

Both cars entered Mersing town moments later, with the Sunny dangerously close behind.

"Ben, I'm worried for you, man. Let's stop the car now, please??" Terrance pleaded.

"Ahh.... I can still manage... ouch..." Ben managed to speak with slightly difficulty.

Both cars came to a T-junction and Ben made a sudden left turn towards the north in the direction heading for Kuantan. Two buses came between the cars and managed to stop the pursuing Sunny in the process. It wasn't until they got out of Mersing and into some dirt track that Ben stopped the car to recover from the ordeal. He turned off the car engine and started gasping for breath.

"Oh my heart hurts...." Ben grimaced in pain as his lips started to turn pale.

"Come on Ben, you can pull through this one.... Just breathe in deeply... yes, that's it... yes, that's good... now again..." Terrance coached.

Ben followed Terrance's instructions and he did feel better after a while. They stayed at that spot till they think the Sunny has missed them. While Ben rested from the ordeal, Terrance got out of the car to examine the damage done by the collision with the Sunny; it was bad, and he didn't think Ben would want to see it for the time being. After Ben recovered, he shifted over to the passenger side and Terrance drove instead.

The drive now was much more peaceful. There was nothing on either side of the roads except for dense plantations of coconut trees. But the curtain of dense coconut trees soon gave way, revealing the famed crystal clear, turquoise waters of the East Coast. The waves were still strong as it was the tail-end of the north-east monsoon season. Nevertheless, the lure of the swaying palms and long stretches of deserted beaches was irresistible.

It wasn't long before they spotted a cluster of attap houses. With their bladders almost bursting, the boys needed a pee break badly. Terrance slowed down his driving and looked around for a coffee shop to answer to nature's call but alas there were none in sight in such a small village. Just then, they came across a little wooden sign that says Suara's Chalets and decided to check the place out.

They made a turn off the main road and onto a small and narrow sandy path leading to a neat row of about 10 brightly painted little huts fronting a picturesque beach.

The boys got out of their Mondeo and was immediately greeted by a sea breeze so strong it made their T-shirts and bermudas flutter wildly; and waves so mighty they pounded the beach with a thunderous roar. It was indeed a magnificent sight to behold.

"Wow, Terrance, this is just like Hawaii!" Ben gasped.

"Waaah, this is heaven on earth!" Terrance responded, equally in awe.

Neither needed further convincing to make this out-of-this-world place they temporary retreat for the next few days. Terrance parked the Mondeo while Ben did the checking-in. Cik Suara, a lady in her mid-thirties greeted him with enthusiasm. It turned out that the chalets were new and business only began a week ago; and since it was still the monsoon season, there were no other guests in sight. For a mere RM25 per night, they got a cozy beach hut with a 4-inch thick mattress on the floor, and with an attached toilet. Lighting came in the form of two little hurricane lamps placed on a wooded plank jutting out from the wall...well, whoever said they needed bright lights in the room at night anyway... Ben looked around for the air-conditioner but couldn't find any.

"Tak perlu air con lah.." Cik Suara responded knowingly, and they soon realized why. The entire resort was blessed by a strong sea breeze that blows throughout the day and night.

Soon, the boys were comfortably settled down in their little love hut.

"Are you alright, Ben?" Terrance asked, referring to Ben's heart condition.

"Yeah, much better now. Damn those idiots! I'll make them pay for it one day!" Ben replied while massaging his chest.

"Oooh Ben..." Terrance gave Ben a warm hug. "I'll always be here for you. I'll never let anything happen to you, I promise!!" He reassured.

"Yeah, I know you will, Terrance, I know you'll always be there for me." Ben felt he was the luckiest guy in the world.

"Tell you what, Ben, let's take things easy for the rest of the day, shall we? Let's change up now and go take a walk on the beach" Terrance spoke with genuine concern.

So they took of their track shoes and put on the sports sandals instead. Then they took off their T-shirts and wore their Hawaiian shirts and caps. And with the sunscreen in their hands, they were ready to hit the beach.

Beach was just a stone's throw from their hut. Fortunately for them, they were shielded from the strong noon-day sun by a large passing cloud. The beach was pristine and there doesn't seem to be a soul in sight for miles! Still, the boys took a stroll towards the north direction away from Cik Suara's hut for some added privacy. Soon, they chance upon a nice shady spot on the virgin sand just underneath a cluster of swaying coconut palms. The ground sheet was opened and they promptly plunk themselves on top of it. And they just sat there for what seemed like eternity, admiring the vastness of the South China Sea.

"Look to your one o'clock," Terrance was the first to break the silence. "Somewhere there, beyond the horizon lies Tioman Island. My army buddies and I were there two years ago during our unit's block leave. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth!"

"Right, like sure it is..." Ben wasn't exactly convinced.

"Hey I'm not kidding! You know the show "South Pacific"....? Well..., anyway, Hollywood actually filmed the movie there, so you see, it is supposed to be more picturesque than those Polynesian islands!"

"Really? So what did you guys do there?" Ben was now eager to hear.

"Well, we chartered a boat for 3 days and that allowed us to get the boatman to bring us to wherever we wanted during those 3 days. And we went snorkeling and fishing.... The water there was so clear you could see the seabed! There were so many giant clams around too and we managed to dislodge four off from among the corals with our diving knives and had the innkeeper cook them with sambal belacan that night for us!!"

"Hey, that's illegal! Giant clams are a protected species! How could you, Terrance!!?? I mean how could you have eaten them without me!!" Ben began to pout.

"Ooo, yum, yum! Yeah! I can still remember how tender those monster clams tasted..! Mmmm, yes..." Terrance began to tease Ben.

"Okie, back to your adventure!" Ben diverted the subject.

"As for the rest of the time, we trekked across the jungle to the other side of the island too to a beautiful cove. And along the way, we came across this waterfall hidden deep in the jungle and decided to take a dip in it. But while soaking there, some of us began to feel little creatures biting at us and on closer look, they were actually shrimps!! Yes, Benny, fresh water transparent shrimps!! That shows how clean the water was!! And in the eve..."

"I wanna go there too!! I wanna, I wanna!!" an eager Ben interrupted.

"We will someday, we will, that's a promise." Terrance assured.

There was a moment of peaceful silence as both boys breathed in deep the salt laden air and enjoyed the breathtaking scenery.

"It would have been reunion dinner with your parents tonight for you had you not spent it with me now. Any regrets, Ben?" Terrance asked all of a sudden.

"I must admit I do miss my mom... sigh..., and I do enjoy tossing the raw fish salad with my parents..." Ben frowned heavily.

"It's still not too late to turn back you know...." Terrance offered.

"Hey, I've always wanted to ask too, what's that thing you're always wearing around your neck?" Ben intentionally digressed.

"This? It's my lucky shark's tooth. Found it on the beach on that Tioman trip one morning while we're beach combing during low tide. It's supposed to be my good luck charm!" Terrance grinned as he fiddled with the 3cm long ivory-like object that was hanging around his neck.

"Surely you don't believe in that?"

"You bet I do. That's why I've never removed it ever since I got it made into a necklace at one of those wagon stalls at Clark Quay. Paid a cool ten bucks for this little leather strap" Terrance seemed so proud of his little possession.

Then it dawned upon Ben that not everything in this world can be bought with money and sometimes, the best things in life can be had for free... He'd give away all that he has to lead a humble life and enjoy the simple pleasures that Terrance had been showing him these many weeks.... A loud growl interrupted Ben's train of thoughts.

"What on earth was that!!" Terrance burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"That was my tummy speaking... yeah, go ahead and make fun of me!!" Ben said sheepishly and he put on a mock annoyance as a show of his displeasure with Terrance.

"Of course I know what it was...." Terrance still giggled as he looked at his watch. Apparently the car chase earlier had distracted them so much, they had forgotten all about their lunch. It was just past 4pm already. Funny how fast time flies when you are spending it with the one you love...

The boys hopped into the car again and drove out of their little paradise in search of food. Apparently, there was nothing within sight; this really was a sleepy little village. So they drove northwards and ended up at the next nearest town, Endau, for their meal.

[qedcwc]

Marky, I admit that I kinda hate it when you posted the episode on the car collision, especially with Ben driving. Who knows what could have happened? This is kinda turning dramatic. I was kinda hoping Jeff might come to his senses after Carol's persuasion in the end and end his two hunchmen's chase after his own blood.

[marky]

Marky, I admit that I kinda hate it when you posted the episode on the car collision, especially with Ben driving. Who knows what could have happened? This is kinda turning dramatic. I was kinda hoping Jeff might come to his senses after Carol's persuasion in the end and end his two hunchmen's chase after his own blood.

Hi, hope you had a great weekend I'm not sure about the story turning more dramatic than it is turning raunchy then again, what would one expect of 2 hot blooded youths sharing a long weekend together, rite?

As Christmas is coming, I would like to complete posting the story way before that. So I'll post a short and sweet chapter this time.

I'll Always Be There - Part 14

It was just past 10pm when they finally got back to Cik Suara's Cottage. Apparently, the beauty of the East Coast had fascinated them so much that they had driven farther up north to the picturesque royal town of Pekan for some sightseeing. Had it not been for their possessions back at Cik Suara's, they might have considered spending the night up in Kuantan instead. They dimmed the car headlights before reaching the compound so as not to awake Cik Suara. A strong breeze greeted them as they got out of the Mondeo and instantly, they remembered why Cik Suara mentioned no air conditioning was necessary earlier on. The waves were stilling pounding the shores relentlessly, producing a thunderous roar and the winds were so strong that even the leaves of the coconut trees rustled noisily like Polynesian girls doing the hula dance. Terrance lit the 2 hurricane lamps in the hut as Ben removed the groceries from the car.

"I think it's going to be cold tonight, Terrance, brrrrrr...." Ben commented as he tucked both his hands tightly under his armpits in a futile effort to keep his slender body from shivering.

"How? Does this feel much better, baby?" Terrance asked as his embraced Ben from behind.

"Oh yeah, much better, so much much better..." Ben responded.

Yes, the feeling was wonderful, knowing that someone whom you loved so much is always there for you when you needed him to; the feeling of being able to love and be loved. And the two of them just stood there inside the room slowly rocking in a gentle embrace, looking out of the window into the star lit night, not saying anything but just savoring the tender moment for all it was worth.

"I love you very much, Ben." Terrance whispered as he gently nibbled at Ben's right ear, still maintaining the loving embrace from behind.

"I love you too, Terrance" Ben reciprocated as his hands caressed Terrance's strong arms that were wrapped around him.

Soon, they were at it again. Ben gently removed Terrance's shirt to reveal the taut and beautifully tanned body. The subtle lighting from the hurricane lamp made his skin shine and reflecting a healthy golden glow. Terrance removed Ben's shirt too; yes, it was now a nice shade of pink. And they stood there and kissed for the longest time as their hands slowly explored one another's beautifully made bodies.

Ben's hands soon found their way to Terrance's hard pole and started giving it a gentle rubbing. The session he had at Ryu's did much in helping him improve his repertoire of sexual gratification. He pulled back Terrance's foreskin and started rubbing the base of the head causing Terrance to moan softly with extreme pleasure.

"Aahhh.., yes Ben, yesss.... oh... this feels so good....." Terrance whispered with his eyes closed, trembling occasionally as Ben's manipulation sent occasional waves of electrical impulses throughout his body. And his hands were caressing Ben's soft hair and baby smooth face... he was in paradise. "Let's lie down on the mattress instead." Terrance suggested, breaking the momentum of Ben's recently acquired skilled manipulation of his manhood; he did want to cum so fast and wanted the sensation to last as long as possible.

Once both the boys were comfortably settled down on the mattress, Terrance reached for Ben's face and gave him another hot and passionate kiss. Ben's lips parted eagerly to receive Terrance's tongue the moment he felt Terrance's warm breath. Both the boys' tongues were now engaged in a friendly foreplay of their own. And as Terrance squeezed Ben harder in the heated passion, Ben reciprocated with equally intense kissing; it was like he was sucking the breath of life out of Terrance.

Ben resumed his stimulation of Terrance's meat and was soon rewarded with a golden drop of precum that appeared at the slit like a drop of morning dew. He disengaged himself from Terrance's embrace and placed his mouth over to lick up the precious liquid. And as he took the beautiful piece of meat into his mouth, he was rewarded with more of the sweet nectar. There was nothing more in this world that he wanted this very moment than to extract and savor the sacred seed from this muscle god lying here before his very eyes. Ben's hands strayed away to explore the ridges and ripples of Terrance's warm and sinewy body while his mouth continued pumping hard on the love muscle, coaxing it to yield its precious hoard.

Terrance would give the world to make this moment last forever. Ten minutes on and his body was glistening with perspiration as he tried hard not to climax too early. But with a determined young lad, the love of his life pumping his manhood with such eagerness, he soon succumbed....

"Ben..., I'm coming...." Terrance mumbled with his teeth clenched tight in a futile effort to prolong the ecstasy. And with a final gasp for air, he held on tightly to Ben's head and curled his entire body up as spurts after spurts of the love nectar shot directly into Ben's eagerly awaiting mouth. Ben continued his sucking till his muscle god's meat has yielded its final drop of honey and collapsed back onto the mattress as the last of the spasms left him drained, spent but emotionally fulfilled.

"Ahhh..., I've just drunk the liquid essence of my muscled greek hero and I'll be as strong and healthy as he from now onwards..." Ben whispered softly into Terrance's ears as he laid down on the mattress to join a tired but happy Terrance.

"Yes, you have, Ben, and you're like an angel; a heaven sent..."

"And from the heavens I now sprinkle moondust on you... May your body always glow like it is now..." Ben whispered.

They held each other tightly and stared upwards at the empty ceiling. Both had enjoyed themselves thoroughly and it was really a night to remember. Then the strong tropical breeze started blowing into the room again serenading the boys to a blissful sleep…

好久没有吹微风的晚上

我们看着山下都市灯光

你说快乐和自由是穷人的天堂

这种想法我很喜欢OH

你要我闭上眼睛想象

有我看不见的一个远方

你说地球是乐园 要用心去游览

这种说法多浪漫

心在飞 路很长 我们是彼此的避风港

听着你 聊到从前和未来

你心里所有的梦跟我很像

Oh you light up my life

所以我也希望 我们心中频率都一样

梦加点感觉 思念装上翅膀

爱是无限可能的飞翔

Oh you light up my life

我想让你分享 我们心动时分的梦想

这是一个开始 还是一种幻想

未来正在等待不是吗 (未来我想和你分享)… (恋爱频率 - 许志安/许慧欣)

[qedcwc]

Hehe.... now the supposed "weakling" boy turned into a dick-sucking troll....

[Guest Timothy]

Hey Marky!

Thanks again for what you said!! {hugs}

By the way, I'm very curious to know: how are the real Ben and Terrance doing now? You mentioned that Ben is doing quite well in the medical field. Is he still living with his parents?

How's Terrance? Is he still with the army? Does Jeff still forbid them from seeing each other? Are Ben and Terrance still good friends?

But if you were going to reveal all these towards the end of the story, then it's okay if you wish to withhold it now.

I don't know how young I sound to you, but your story is set in 1999, which means Ben and Terrance are very close to my age!

I remember once in NS, I was sleeping in the bunk in the morning, because I had been on duty the night before. This guy whom I was rather fond of (because he was sporty, muscular, good-looking) came in to slack, and when he saw me sleeping, he bent over and kissed me.

I woke up and asked him what he was doing. He said that I "looked very cute" while I was sleeping, and he just had to do it! Well, nothing much happened between us since he's straight. I guess being in an all-boys environment, even the straightest guys will sometimes "misbehave"!

I remember I used to feel very protective over him if other guys picked on him, and secretly, I would always look forward to being on duty with him.

[marky]

Timothy, I will reply to you later as I hope to complete posting the story by tonight as this story is not so appropriate for the Christmas season...

This is the second last chapter. Both this and the next are very long chapters. But then again, if any of you had followed the story till now, it would be a none issue, right? Pay attention towards the end of the chapter... I mean beyond all that sex etc. See if any of you can identify with Ben's struggles.....

I'll Always Be There - Part 15

The duo woke up at about the same time when sunlight flooded the room and shone directly onto their faces. Ben looked at his watch. Gosh! It was already 11am!! The previous day's activity had left them totally exhausted as usual. The room started getting warmer and their bodies started to glisten with perspiration again. By now, the boys were in various shades of tan from the previous day's exposure to the sun. Ben was a nice shrimp pink while Terrance was golden brown. Ben looked placidly at Terrance; it was a sight to behold, and he sighed at contented sigh.

"What are you looking at?" Terrance asked.

"Oh nothing much, just that incredible body of yours." Ben was quite frank by now and no longer that bashful lad Terrance knew three months earlier.

"Incredible? What do you mean?" Of course Terrance knew all along the kind of effect his body has on others but intentionally wanted Ben to say it out... and he was not disappointed by the gullible Ben.

"Wow, you don't know ah? For a start, I like that golden tan of yours." Ben offered.

"Is that all?"

"Errrmm, you are handsome.."

"There must be more!" Terrance demanded.

"Well, ermmm, you h...have very defined ermmm... muscles...." Ben was feeling a little embarrassed by now. :oops:

"And what about my..." Terrance started rubbing his own crotch and smiling coyly.

"Hey cut it out you idiot! I'm not taking you on any ego trip!!" Ben was pissed when he suddenly realized he has been taken for a ride.

"Hehehe..., it really makes me feel good to hear all that stuff about myself." Terrance was beaming.

"Yeah right! Now it's your turn to say me something nice about me!!" Ben insisted.

"You!!?? Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately!!?? Oh God!!! You're lucky I've got bad taste!! Hahaha..." Terrance joked.

Ben didn't realize it and felt a little hurt in the process. All of a sudden, he became a little downcast and started frowning. "I knew it, I'll never be anywhere near you..."

Terrance stopped laughing when he realized his banter had achieved the negative effects. He quickly grabbed hold of Ben by his shoulders to pacify him.

"Hey baby, I'm sorry. I was just joking, ok? I really like your body too."

"Yeah, right! You're just trying to make me feel good... sigh.." Ben wasn't convinced.

"Look Ben, if your body doesn't have any effects on me, would I still be interested in making love to you? You have that perfect body I've been dreaming about all the while!!"

"What can you possibly see in this scrawny frame?"

"Well, for one, you have very nice skin tone and complexion. You don't darken under the sun but you have this nice healthy pink on you. And you look very cute despite having glasses on; that's what attracted me to you when I first saw you, remember?"

"What about my body?"

"Well, I like your sender frame and supple skin. And I like your natural body scent too; it has this subtle sweetness of a young teenager. You also have that vulnerable look on you; the kind that makes me go all soft and swear that I want to cuddle and take care of you for the rest of my life!" Terrance proudly declared.

"Really!?" Ben was starting to cheer up.

"That's the truth, Ben, just didn't have the opportunity to bring up the subject. How I wished I can have your body to hold and cling on to all day!!"

"Gosh, how I wish I can have yours too!! I feel so safe and secure whenever I hold onto you. It's like you're the only one in this world who knows me inside out and only you know how to look after me... You know, that first time I rode pillion on your bike and you asked me to grab hold of you? I wished I never ever have to let go of you. And I like to sniff you too... you have that nice manly and confident smell. And when I smell you, I feel like I'm home no matter where I am."

"Maybe we should exchange bodies then? That way, we'll both get what we wanted so much!!"

"And I be admiring myself in the mirror all day!!" Ben added.

"And I'll wank off on this piece of meat from morning till night!!!" Terrance chuckled.

The heat in the room became more intense; it is rare to get such intense sunshine during the monsoon season. Instantly, both got out of bed and popped over to the bathroom for a cool shower.

"Ben, 新年快乐!" Terrance whispered into his ears as he gently shampooed Ben's head.

"Yeah, 新年快乐and恭喜发财 to you too!" Ben responded. He loves it when Terrance shampoos his hair for him; he has come to enjoy being pampered in this manner.

"Shall we just have those canned foods that we bought at Parkson for lunch? It's daytime and I don't fancy bumping into your dad's security officers again."

"Sure, anything's fine with me."

"You sure you won't complain? You haven't had your chocolate oats milk in days. There's only Magnolia in the car boot..." Terrance intentionally mentioned sarcastically.

"Hey, you slime me one more time and I'll really try that broomstick thing up your butt!" Ben mockingly threatened.

"And poor baby, we didn't bring any multi-vites for this trip either. By the time we leave this place..." Before Terrance could continue further, Ben had already soaped his fingers and in one swift move, he planted his right middle finger deep inside Terrance's butt hole and began pumping it in and out while his other hand began jerking at Terrance's manhood at a furious pace.

"So you think I don't dare, huh??" Ben teased and continued relentlessly.

"Hey, ouch! Cool it man, this ain't very manly for me! I've never been fingered by anyone before!" Terrance howlered. But soon, the act got the better of him and he wrapped his arms tightly around Ben and gave him a warm hot kiss as he savored that exquisite moment. The thought of being forcefully entered by the one you love so much made the moment even more erotic. Terrance began to ease and relax his glute muscles, facilitating Ben in his task. "Ahh..., this is wonderful...." He whispered to Ben as he surrendered himself to the double stimulation Ben was administering to him.

"You think you'll be able to shoot your load if I keep this up?" Ben asked between their passionate kissing; he was eager to do whatever pleases Terrance. His right hand finger is still pumping Terrance's butt furiously while his other hand continued its frontal assault.

"I... I think I can shoot my load any moment... argghh..."

Suddenly, Ben felt a spurt of warm cum squirting onto his torso and knew instantly that Terrance had climaxed. He removed his hands to grab hold of Terrance just in time as Terrance almost collapsed onto the bathroom floor from the ordeal.

"Phew! You sure are bent on milking me dry, aren't you?" Terrance gasped for air.

"Just wanted to see how long you can keep this up." Ben smiled.

“And you'd be the next, I guarantee it. I'll return the favor. Just you wait..., just you wait...” Terrance assured, still panting away...

Hurriedly, they showered themselves clean and soon made their way down to the beach for their first ever picnic together. They walked to the same spot where they sat the day before, laid out the ground sheets and started opening the canned foods. There were 2 cans each of Yeo's chicken curry, Ayam brand's tuna in mayonnaise, Tom Piper's beef stew, Maling luncheon meat and a large tin of Del Monte's fruit cocktail.

The boys wasted no time to opening up the tins and devouring the contents. It wasn't long before a pile of empty cans was all that's left of what some would have considered as a housewife's week's worth of groceries. Soon, both were belching with satisfaction.

"I remember you were supposed to tell me more about the army; about what you do there?" Ben asked as he diligently tried to scoop out the last stubborn bits of fruit cocktail from the tin.

"Well, as an armor engineer, we travel about in the M113 armored personnel carriers and before I was sent off to be a training instructor, I used to occupy the cuppola while the rest had to sit inside the vehicle. You know, the cuppola's the part where half your body's inside the vehicle and the other half's above it."

"Wow, that must have been quite exciting!!" Ben remarked.

"Yes, in all sense of the word..." Terrance grinned.

"What are you saying?"

"Ever wonder what goes on below deck?" Terrance asked. :whistle:

"Quick, tell me!!" Ben demanded.

"You won't believe how many horny chaps we had back then. Many of them used to make out inside these vehicles. It could be just simply grabbing one another's crotch or mutual masturbation! It's better than doing it inside a car as there are no windows at all!! The best part's when we practice the overturning drill. That's where we simulate the situation where the vehicle's overturning and we had to grab tightly to each other. That can be so stimulating at times and some of us would have to literally put our faces to the crotch area of our buddies while they grab hold of us tightly!! The naughty ones would take this opportunity to bite at each other's dickies..."

Ben's heart pounded heavily as he listened intently to Terrance's story which was intended to make him horny as well. "You know, I was thinking... I would like to be an armored engineer too if I ever get to choose my vocation. Then I'll get to experience those same thing you mentioned once inside the M113s too!"

"Oh yeah? If you ever get posted there, I'll make sure you come directly under my supervision!" Terrance insisted.

"Yeah? I'll make sure you get a hard time from me!!" Ben quipped back.

"Believe me, Ben, the army's not like your college where you can terrorize your teachers.... And I can make you do anything I wanted!!" Terrance flashed a naughty grin. :twisted:

"Oh yeah? And tell me what will you do if I go out of line?" Ben was beginning to enjoy this little banter.

"For a start, I'd say "Come here, soldier boy!! Who the f**k do you think you are, huh? Now drop twenty for me!! Yeah! That's it boy! That's it! We'll see who's the boss here!! Now do it with your clothes off, soldier boy! Yeah! Take them off and show me your lean body, boy!!... Now crawl over here to your Sergeant and service my c**k, boy!!"" Terrance spoke with mock authority and Ben was obviously beginning to warm up to his lewd suggestions.

"You bet I'll service my Sergeant's cock! I'll do it sooo well I'll probably get the best trainee award!" Ben chuckled.

"Yeah, you do that boy and I'll make you my vehicle commander! And while you're up there on the cuppola, I'll strategically position myself below deck and give your boy cock the time of its life!!!" Terrance continued his suggestive remarks.

"Damn it, Terrance, you're getting me all excited right now! Let's enact what we've just imagined!! I haven't shot out in the past 24 over hours!!" Ben had begun to remove his T-shirt.

Terrance lost no time in riding his hands up Ben's thighs and into his shorts as Ben laid down on the groundsheet. He caressed Ben's meat through the thin fabric of his underwear and it sprang to attention almost immediately. And to tease it further, he started rubbing the sensitive regions around the crotch till Ben's pole was aching to be released from its tight confines. And when the timing's about right, he pulled down both the shorts and underwear to reveal a fine piece of meat that stood upright, pointing towards the noonday's sun. A large drop of pre-cum crowned the head and sparkled in the bright sunshine. Terrance leaned forward and eagerly licked it up. The appetizer tasted sweet, hinting of an even tastier dessert that awaits at the end of the task, so Terrance needed no coaxing in engulfing the meaty frankfurter in front of him. Each ploughing motion sent incredible sensations throughout Ben's entire body making him squirm in ecstasy. He bent forward and grabbed Terrance's muscular thighs towards himself and soon the pair was in a 69 position with both looking like a pair of nodding donkeys as they vigorously try to coax each other's manhood to release its precious hoard of honey nectar.

The sight of these two hot naked bodies basking and making love in the mid-day sun was fabulously erotic. Soon, both their bodies were dripping in sweat as they continued with their passionate lovemaking. Ben was the first to take a breather from the action. "Oh boy, I coming, Terrance..., I'm coming..." Ben's face became all screwed up as he tried his very best to prolong the incredible sensation. And with a shrudder, out came squirts after squirts of the sweet teenage cream which Terrance lapped up with delight. Thereafter, he allowed Ben a moment's rest to catch his breath.

Ben heaved heavily for a minute or two. The sight of Terrance's sinewy body glistening with sweat under the bright sunlight made him all excited again and just then he remembered the session he had at Ryu's two days earlier and was eager to show Terrance some new acts he has learnt.

He leaned forward and held Terrance's face with both hands before planting a light kiss on his lips. The light kiss became a heavy one with both their tongues engaging in a friendly wrestling match. Some residual cum was still evidence inside Terrance's mouth and Ben got to taste his own juice in the process. It tasted good, and Ben was secretly pleased with himself. So good he sucked it all back in the pretext of kissing Terrance. Next, he proceeded to give Terrace a tongue bath. First the chin, then the throat region, and then the pecs before finally ending at the nipples. He gave them each a teasing nibble to arouse them and both erected obediently. While suckling on them, Ben's other hand strayed down Terrance's body, caressing his lean torso and then down to ploughing Terrance's shaft.

Just when Terrance felt he could shot his load any moment, he grabbed hold of Ben's hands to stop the masturbation. "No Ben, not today. Today, you'll be undergoing the rites of manhood." Terrance grinned.

"What's that?"

"That's where I'll jack you off as many times as I can and we'll see if you're every bit a man like me!" With that, Terrance suddenly pin Ben down onto the groundsheet with his back facing him and he grab both Ben's arms and pinned them behind him.

"Hey wait! My balls need time to replenish its supplies!!" Ben tried to wrestle free from Terrance's clutches but knew it was a futile effort.

Too late, Terrance had already got down to work. "Remember I promised you earlier I return the favor?? I'm sure there's plenty of juice in your young teenage balls!!" Terrance wasn't easily taken in by Ben's reasoning.

The more Ben struggled the more excited he became. This sensual game of wrestling and ample skin contact made his heart pumped wildly with excitement and soon he tightened and curled up his body before collapsing backwards yielding streams of his white juices on the ground sheet.

"Ok, ok, let's stop for a while, please. My meat is aching. If this is what it takes to be a man, I'll rather not be one." Ben gasped and panted.

"Of course you want to be one!" Terrance said as he scooped up the semen from the ground sheet and fling it onto the nearby sand. "There! Should some female hermit crab crawl by and accidentally walk into that gooey mess, it'll definitely get pregnant, and we'll have little short-sighted and fair-skinned baby crabs crawling all over this beach in no time!" Terrance chuckled.

"Ha ha, very funny. I'll feed your sperm to the crabs too and after this monsoon season, we'll see meaty hermit crabs posing all over this beach like they're some Baywatch hunks!" Ben countered.

"And I suppose those hunky crabs will fall instantly in love with the short sighted ones?" Terrance posed.

"Oh definitely! And they'll make out too and have more babies in the process!" Ben added.

"Nah, that's not possible cos they'll all be gay crabs!! Hahahaha...." Terrance couldn't help but laugh at his own jokes. Then he realized he must have said something sensitive because Ben became very quiet all of a sudden. "Oops, that was in bad taste. I'm sorry Ben, I really am... please Ben, cheer up." Terrance pleaded.

"I'm alright, really, I am. Just feeling kind of tired at the moment. Shall we proceed back to the hut for a shower?" Ben suggested.

"Sure, but only if you tell me what's bothering you. I will feel very guilty if we leave this place now without me knowing what's bothering you." Terrance persuaded.

"Oh it's nothing really. Sometimes I do wonder why I'm born this way; like whether my parents had a hand in it or that I developed this inclination in my early adolescence... It just isn't fair to me. It's just not fair..." Ben frowned heavily

"Of course it is fair... well most of the time anyway. Mother Nature does have this tendency to distribute a fair quantity of attributes to most of us. Look at your friends; those blessed with intelligence may not be blessed with looks. And though both our production process went wrong somewhere down the road, I'm blessed with a nice body and you have handsome good looks. It's Nature's way of compensating the imperfections I supposed..." Terrance pacified Ben in his matured tone of voice.

"Sigh, if I have a choice, I won't hesitate to give up my looks just to lead a normal life. I've walked down Orchard Road before and see so many plain looking guys who are happily attached; and here I am knowing I can never be as happy as even the ugliest of these straight guys..." Ben frowned again.

"Look Ben, of course you can be happy! Happiness isn't found when everything goes according as you have wished. Happiness means accepting and being at peace with whatever situation you are in. Yes, we are gay! Let's come to terms with it. We'll never ever be happy if we keep lamenting our fates because it's not something that will go away with age, so let's not kid ourselves. Look at me, do you for a moment think I've always been this happy and carefree all the while? Definitely not! Remember our first date at the East Coast Park breaker? I told you too I've prayed countless times to the Goddess of Mercy but nothing happened! If Christianity can cure this disorder, then it would have been the number one religion by now! And if counseling and therapy can help, then it would have been a multi-billion dollar industry by now. It's just that we eagerly seek the acceptance and understanding from the ones we love but we know they'll never understand our plight. But this much I'll tell you, Ben; as long as you accept yourself for who you are, then half the battle won is already won."

"Ya, but you say it like it's such an easy thing to do..."

"No, I didn't say that. And I have to admit the initial step of self-acceptance is never easy, but you have to try. And unless you try, you'll never know what lies at the end of the rainbow for you."

Ben looked at Terrance with admiration. Terrance had indeed matured markedly over the past few weeks since the passing of his mother. Suddenly, tears started filling his eyes.

I'll do as you say, Terrance, but promise you'll always be there to pull me through this awful stage. Right now I feel like I'm the only person suffering from this ordeal and I really feel like giving up..." Ben started crying.

"Sssshhh, I promise you I'll always be there for you... ssshhh... I promise...." Terrance cooed softly into Ben's ears.

Time seemed to have passed rather quickly. The sky had started to turn a shade yellow. Apparently the boys had been sitting on that same spot for over half the day. The tide has ebbed, exposing a muddy seabed that was teaming with seaweed and driftwood. And sandpipers flocked down in doves and started foraging for food. The boys picked up their belongings and headed back to their chalet. ...

[marky]

This is the finale chapter. Once you've read it, you'd understand why I do not wish for this story to end nearer towards Christmas. I want to thank everyone who has followed the story from start to the end. As mentioned before, it took me about 6 months to complete. During this period of time, I got to know the real Terrance and Benjamin. It was fate that brought us together....

This is the longest chapter in the whole story. That your time to read it. and where possible, listen to the accompanying music. Now, as usual, get your Bailey's ready... neat or on the rocks... dim the lights... standby the tissues... happy reading....

I'll Always Be There - Part 16 (Finale)

It was a cool breezy morning. Terrance woke up early as usual. Ben, on the other hand, was still asleep and so he decided to leave the hut to go for a morning stroll. This would be his first private moment he has to himself in these past few days; not that he doesn't want Ben around but an occasional solitude is good for one's soul. He picked up his guitar and made his way to the beach.

The tide was fast coming in, and the strong waves kept pounding the beach relentlessly, creating a layer of thick mist in the process. The thunderous sound of the waves was quite therapeutic and Terrance stopped for a while to breathe in the salt laden air and contemplated on his future. The past few days has been a form of escapism for the two of them and he believed Ben knows it too. In less than two months' time, Ben will be enlisted to serve his national service, and thereafter on to Australia for his studies; it will be unrealistic not to expect changes then.

"Oh well, we'll cross the bridge when we get to it..." he mused. This morning was just too beautiful to be wasted thinking and pondering about the woes of life. So he chose a dry spot to sit on, tilted his head backwards, closed his eyes, and let the strong sea breeze caress his hair , sprinkling sea mist onto his face, and drifted into a world of his own....

"Yo, Terrance! What's up?" Ben called out from a distance. Apparently, a good half-hour had already slipped by.

"Oh nothing, I was just out here to enjoy the sea breeze. Care to join me?" Terrance offered.

"I woke up and you're not there, and I got worried. Hey, don't ever leave me like that any more, promise?"

"Oh alllllll right. You know I won't leave you, bro." Terrance assured.

They both sat down and held each other tightly as they looked out towards the sea.

"You know, Ben, I've been doing some thinking just now. Perhaps it's time we head home and be reconciled with our parents again. After all, you can't keep up this cold war with your dad, can you? Besides, I don't think you've made that phone call to him yet, right?"

"I hope his temper has cooled down by now." Ben hoped.

"Of course it has. I know him, Ben. Besides, parent's don't keep scores with their children... And I need to get back to work soon. It's not like we'll never be together anymore. You know, we'll always have each other right?"

"I know that, but it's not the same when you're not living under the same roof as me. Why don't you consider staying with us? It's not like dad doesn't want you..."

"I know that, but I'm too used to being independent and staying out on my own. And don't take what I'm about to say in the wrong manner, okay? But frankly, I do feel a little uncomfortable living with dad and mom.... the truth really is that I knew them only so recently."

"True, but you'd get used to it." Ben replied convincingly.

"Yeah? I have a house all to myself right now; I come home or leave as it pleases me. I don't want to trade that in for anything else. Besides, perhaps my relationship with dad and your mom will improve this way... And I know I haven't always been right and I want to make it up to dad when we return home."

"Actually, I'm the one who has to make it up to them. They must be worried sick about me by now."

"Yeah, I guess so too. And there's something else that I've been thinking... You'll be enlisting soon for NS and thereafter you'll be off to Australia for another five years... I know I'm gonna miss you. In fact I already feeling that way whenever I think about it..." Terrance became solemn all of a sudden.

"I feel exactly the same way too. It's sheer torture whenever I think of it..." Ben frowned heavily.

"Do you think it would help the situation if we try our very best to abstain from sex from now onwards and just treat each other as brothers? Beside, honestly speaking, this thing isn't exactly that wholesome to begin with..." Terrance posed.

"I...I.. really don't know what to tell you, Terrance. To say this issue hasn't bothered me would be a lie... My head knows what should be done but my heart yearns for just the opposite.., and it's not like I don't want to try, but if you tell me right now I cannot hug you anymore, I don't think I can ever do that...." Ben frowned again.

"I understand, Ben, neither can I, but as the saying goes '长痛不如短痛...' Anyway, we're still gonna be the best of friends, right? And you'll always be my brother! And I promise to take care of you forever!"

"And you'd do that even after I'm away in Australia??"

"A promise is a promise; you've become a precious part of me already. Wherever I go, you'd be there too.. in my heart"

"Yes, we’ll always be together no matter what happens!!" Ben echoed.

"Come, let me play you a song which I think is very appropriate for this moment." Terrance took up his guitar and started plucking the strings to a familiar tune given a melancholic twist. (Right Click here)

給你我的全部 你是我今生唯一的賭注

只留下一段歲月 讓我無怨無悔 全心的付出

怕你憂傷 怕你哭 怕你孤單 怕你糊塗

紅塵千山萬里路 我可以朝朝暮暮

給你一條我的路 你是我一生不停的腳步

讓我走出一片天空 讓你盡情飛舞 放心的追逐

愛是漫長的旅途 夢有快樂 夢有痛苦

悲歡離合人間路 我可以縫縫補補

提著昨日種種千辛萬 苦向門天換一些 美滿和幸

愛你夠不夠多 對你夠不夠好 可以要求不要不在乎

不願讓你看見我的傷處 是曾經無悔的風雨無阻

擁有夠不夠多 夢得夠不夠好 可追求 不認輸… (风雨无阻 - 周华建)

There was an extended silence after the last notes of the poignant piece has ended. It was an emotionally charged moment; both knew the lyrics to the song well. It seemed like the Taiwanese singer had them in mind when he penned down the song.

Ben broke the silence a little later by clearing his throat; there was a lump there that refused to go away...

"Terrance, why do you always play such sad and poignant songs?" Ben asked.

"I don't really know. Perhaps it's because I view my entire life as a series of tragedies ranging from being born out of a wedlock, having to give up my studies to start my career in the army while the rest of my friends were all discussing which JCs to choose.. to being made an orphan and having to fend for myself at 20... Not that I want to indulge in self-pity cos I don't, but sometimes, these things such manifest itself in the way I live, or the songs I like, and the way I view life...." Terrance mumbled to himself towards the end....

"Terrance, can you put the guitar away for awhile?" Ben requested after another minute or so of silence.

"Sure, whatever you say, Ben." Terrance gingerly rested the guitar on the dry sand next to him and was immediately given a tight embrace by Ben.

"Terrance, I don't know why life had been so unfair to you... It really pains me to see that you have such a heavy yoke to carry. I really, really wish I could help you shoulder part if not all of it..." Ben was crying by now.

"Shhh..., Ben, it's ok, I can handle it. Adversity makes for a stronger character, right?" Terrance patted Ben on his back and tried his best to cheer him up.

"Oh Terrance, you're the only person I have only and really loved in my entire life! How I wish I could always have you to hug me and to care for me... And I know this sounds weird but I feel like I'm going to lose you already..."

Terrance pondered awhile over Ben's remark. "Here, take this, it's yours now." He finally spoke up and removed his shark tooth necklace.

"I... I can't possibly take that... it's your precious good luck charm. I really can't take that from you!!" Ben insisted.

"Oh yes you can, Ben. It's my honor to be able to give it yo you. From now onwards, may it protect you whenever I'm not around." He smiled and put it around Ben's neck.

"Ooooh Terrance, you are all I'll ever need!!!" Ben wrapped his arms tightly around Terrance.

"The feeling's mutual, Ben, the feeling's mutual". And they stayed on till the tide came up and hastened them on.

********

It was about 11am when the boys were packed and bade Cik Suara farewell. It was a well-spent break for them, albeit a short one. They promised her they'd return before the onset of the next monsoon season.

As they started their leisurely drive back, Terrance suddenly spotted that red Nissan Sunny again in his rear view mirror just after they passed the town of Mersing.

"Shit, I think your old man's men are following us again. Can't they see we're heading for home?" Terrance said in a disappointed tone.

"Damned! I thought we've given them the slip for good. Damned! Damned!!" Ben uttered out aloud. Then, an idea came to him. He grasped Terrance's hands and held it tightly.

"Terrance, let's give them the slip again" Ben grinned.

"No, Ben, I won't put your life at risk for this one. I really don't think your heart can take the stress. You almost turned purple the last time around."

"You are wrong, Terrance. Let's really give them the slip!"

"No, Ben, you listen to me; for once in my life, I'm going to be a responsible person. You know I love to speed but not this time round...." Terrance said with an authoritative tone, much to Ben's chagrin. All this time, the Sunny kept a respectable distance from their car.

Silence pervaded the air for the next half-hour till Ben felt he needed to answer to nature's call.

"Terrance, I'm sorry but I really need to use the loo..." Ben muttered softly.

"Hey, no problem, Ben. I'll stop at the next available one." Terrance offered.

It was a good 10 mins later before they spotted a run down makeshift toilet at the outskirts of Mersing. Ben dashed off hurriedly to use it while Terrance stayed put beside the car to take in some fresh air. Suddenly, the Sunny pulled over in front of their car. The two men walked out and accosted Terrance.

"THE BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING TO GET HELL FROM MR LOW THE MOMENT WE GET BACK TO S'PORE!! AND WHERE THAT fxxkING BEN!!?? I'M GONNA SQUEEZE HIS fxxkING BALLS!!!" Den shouted at Terrance.

"YEAH? WE'LL SEE WHO'S GONNA GET HELL RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON'T LEAVE US ALONE!!" Terrance shouted back. He's not one to back down from an argument.

The other guy grabbed Terrance's right arm tightly and forcing it behind his back. "LOOK HERE BUSTER, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT FROM THE BOTH OF YOU FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. YOU GUYS ARE COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE THIS VERY MOMENT WITH US, YOU HEAR!!!"

"BUT WE ARE HEADING BACK TO SINGAPORE!! I'M SENDING BEN BACK HOME...OUCH!! DAMN YOU BASTARDS, YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!" Terrance grimaced as both the men now had tightened their grip on either of his arms.

"BEN WILL GO BACK IN OUR CAR! YOU HEAR!!??"

"OH NO I WON'T!!" Came a surprise reply from behind the men's backs. Ben kicked Den on his heels and he let loose his grip on Terrance while agonizing in pain. Terrance took the opportunity to land a punch on the other guy's face.

"TAKE THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" Terrance shouted as he landed another punch on the guy's abdomen.

"Quick, Terrance, let's leave!!!" Ben called out as he made a dash for the car.

Terrance got into the car and they drove off immediately. There was a bit of blood on his right knuckles.

"You ok, Terrance? Did they hurt you while I was gone?" Ben asked with genuine concern.

"Yeah, I'm alright, just got a little cut when I punched that bastard in the face..." Anger was definitely swelling inside Terrance but he was not about to reveal it to Ben.

Ben could tell from Terrance's trembling hands that he was bothered. He took hold of Terrance's hands again and held it firmly. "I'll never let anyone treat you with such disrespect! I'll stand up for you like you've always stood up for me!" Ben said. That reassurance was very comforting.

At about that moment, the Sunny caught up with them again and drove side by side their Mondeo.

"STOP THE CAR AND HAND BEN OVER!!!" Den demanded.

"UP YOURS!!!" Ben showed him the middle finger. "Come on Terrance, let's really give these people the slip!!" Ben sounded all excited.

"You sure? I'm just worried for you..."

"JUST DO IT, MAN!! IT'S BETTER THAN HAVING THESE TWO HOUNDING US!" Ben grabbed Terrance's hand again to reassure him that everything will be all right.

"Okay Ben, sit tight and here we go!!" Terrance stepped up the acceleration and managed to surge ahead of the Sunny.

The winding road ahead made the drive dangerous and it didn't help with the Sunny tailgating them and keeping up its incessant horning.

"I really have a bad feeling about this whole thing, Ben, I really have..." Terrance's confidence seemed to have eluded him. Suddenly, a lorry laden with oil palm came out from a side road onto the road they were traveling on.

"OH NO! HANG ON BEN!!! ARGHHHH...." Terrance swerved his car to the left to avoid crashing on the side where Ben was on. Still, the inertia was so great and the car impacted the lorry with such a great force that the side of the lorry came crashing down and buried the entire car with its cargo of oil palm...

*************

It was about 8pm that same night. Jeff's men had informed him of the accident and the boys were flown back to Singapore in a helicopter directly to Gleneagles' A & E department hours after the tragic incident.

"Doctor Yang, how's the condition of my boys!!??" a distraught Carol asked their family physician.

"Both their conditions are quite unstable at the moment. I cannot tell you for sure. Your elder son has lost too much blood and you know Ben's weak heart; it all depends now on his will to survive..."

"Please try to save both my boys!! PLEASE!!" cried a hysterical Carol.

"Sigh..., you know I'll try my very best, I promise you. But just be prepared for the worst. If it is possible, I'd suggest that the both of you be around for the night. How they will fair, we will know in the next couple of hours..." With that, he hurried back in to the operating theater.

A dazed Jeff stared blankly at the walls in a distance. It was like heaven had played a cruel trick on him... His dreams for both his children's future seemed to have shattered. He had pinned so much hope on these two to have successful careers of their own. Was he wrong to want what he felt was in the best interest for his boys? Has he gone overboard in anyway? Will he be able to make up for those lost years of fatherly devotion that Terrance had so lacked?

It was about 11pm when a nurse rushed out of the CCU. "Where're the family members of Terrance Lee?"

Jeff sprang up instantly from his seat and immediately approached the nurse.

"You better rush in now.... the patient's going any moment now..." And as she ushered him into the CCU, Jeff gestured to Carol that he wanted to be alone with his son in his last moments.

Terrance opened his eyes, he could make out the lone figure standing beside him. The ferocity of the car chase was still fresh on his mind and he could still recall the moments leading to the crash. As his vision became clearer, he could recognize his dad standing by his bed and clutching his hands tight.

"Wwwhereee's Ben?" he asked weakly.

"He... he's in another room. He's seriously hurt like you too." Jeff replied.

With all the tubes hooked up to him, Terrance knew he was inside the critical care unit of the hospital. He felt this strange sensation where his strength seemed to be ebbing away and deep inside him, he knew his time was up. He managed to look turn slightly and looked at his father who was still clasping his right hand tightly.

"Daaad.., I'm ssssorry for being such a disappointment to you..."

"Oh Terrance, please don't say that, please, you're not a disappointment at all.., please..." Jeff cried as he muttered those words.

"I'm sorry for being a useless scumbag..., will you forgive me..."

"Please son, I’ve never thought of you that way, you know I didn't mean some of the things I’ve said before...I love you very much... you know I do... please don't scare me Terrance..., please..." His whole body shook as he spoke those words. "Please Terrance, forgive me too for all the times I may have mistreated or misunderstood you....please forgive me..." Tears gushed out from his eyes like a raging river.

Terrance closed his eyes too and cried. It was the first time he ever really felt being loved by his father. He savored this moment of intimacy, knowing it will be short lived. For one fleeting moment, time seemed to have stood still and he saw his life flashed past him... the wonderful years with his mother and the intimate moments he shared with Ben. And when he thought of Ben and the quality time they had enjoyed together, he felt he'd have no regrets leaving this world knowing his last days were well spent. For once in his life, he felt this special warmth in his heart.... Yes, his heart... Then, an idea came to his mind.

"Daaaaad, I'm gonna be reunited with mom soon. I want to be able to do something useful before I'm gone. Will you heeelp me fulfill my wish...?" Terrance spoke with much difficulty.

"Yes son, just say it and I'll do whatever I can, I promise you, son, I promise. And you and Ben can do whatever you guys want the moment both of you are both discharged, you hear? You can do as you like, I promise!!"

"I...I want th.. d..doctors to remove mmmy heart an...and... give it to Ben once I die..."

"Terrance, please don't say that! You won't die! You won't die here... I'll get you the best doctors there are to handle your operation, you hear that? You won't die...."

"Pleasssse pr..promise meeee, daaa...." Terrance closed his eyes and managed a weak smile before his last ounce of strength left him. Yes, he was now at peace with the world; he was finally reconciled with his father; and knowing that by dying, Ben may live on.... The pulse monitor nearby went flat and he lost grip of his father's hands.

"SON! WAKE UP! TERRANCE, YOU WON'T DIE, YOU HEAR ME? YOU WON'T DIE.....!!!" And Jeff threw himself onto the bed where Terrance's lifeless body laid and wailed uncontrollably.

A month later.....

Autumn days, lying on a bed of leaves

Watching clouds up through the trees

Said our love was more than time

It's colder now,

Trees are bare and nights are long

Can't get warm since you've been gone

Can't stop singing sad songs

Where do I go from here?

Tell me where do I go from here?

You said you'd take me thru the years

So where do I go from here..... (Where Do I Go From Here - The Carpenters)

It was about 6.30pm on a Saturday afternoon and the sun was setting in the horizon off Tioman Island. The bum boat was anchored about half a kilometer from the shore. It rocked gently like a cradle in the wind as the waves crashed against it.

Ben had reached the island earlier after a tiring 9 hours of traveling from Singapore. He was still recuperating from his heart transplant surgery and couldn't exert himself too much. Still, he managed to persuade his parents to allow him to make this arduous journey alone. He had rented the bum boat from a kind Malay fisherman at the jetty to do what he felt he needed to do. It was a bittersweet moment; one he will always remember for the rest of his life.

The evening sky turned slowly from a bright yellow, to orange, and finally a golden amber... For a moment, Ben felt he was being transported back in time into Terrance's room on that very evening where they admired the sunset together and gazed at the pair of pigeons that was perched on the windowsill. The scene seemed so real and familiar, and he could even recall Terrance playing the guitar and singing his favorite Faye Wong's song to him....

我愿意为你

我愿意为你

我愿意为你忘记我性命

就算多一秒停留在你怀里

失去世界也不可惜... (I'm Willing - By Faye Wong)

It was time... He took out a piece of paper in which he had written a letter addressed to Terrance and read it out softly as if he was speaking to him that very moment:

My Dearest Terrance,

It was fate that brought us together, and perhaps fate too that we're not meant to stay together. I have always cherished you as a dear friend, buddy and a dear brother. I thank you for teaching me the ways of the world and how to stand up and be independent. But most of all, I thank you for giving me your heart; for giving me a new lease of life... You died so I may live; it's a sacrifice I'll never be able to repay in my lifetime.

But we are one now. And where I go, you'd go too. I'll never feel lonely knowing you're always so close by me... inside of me...

Here we are now, in Tioman, the place you've liked so much. Even though you're physically not here with me, I can sense your presence with me this moment. Let this very moment be forever etched into our memories.

I'll leave you now in your Garden of Eden. May you always be happy here.

Ben uncovered the urn holding Terrance's ashes. Next, he took out a lighter to set the letter alight and threw it into the urn. He watched as the fire quickly consumed the little piece of paper. Once the letter was completely interred with the ashes, he went over to the side of the boat and gently emptied out the contents into the sea whereby the gentle currents came and carried it away before slowly disappearing in the direction of the sun.

A lone tear fell onto his lap as Ben gently caressed the shark tooth that was hanging around his neck, and he started reminiscing the short but wonderful time Terrance and him had spent together... "I love you, Terrance, I'll always love you..." He whispered.

--- The End ---

[qedcwc]

OMG!!! Marky!!! I was totally sobbing on reading the ending, even when it's real. Yes, it may sound all too familiar in many love stories, even like in the Korean MTV, Yeo-Jai-Nikka, whr d male gave up his eyesight for his gf, but it still doesn't fail to move me. Do all relationships, straight onot, have to be tested this way? :'(

Edited December 21, 2010 by qedcwc

[casper]

Thanks Marky for the stories...tears were rolling at the side of my eyes as the story coming to an end...although it is a sad ending, they are still together in one heart and soul...thank you so much for the story...i really enjoy your stories...do keep it coming...

[starzyne]

Bravo marky! :thumb:

this is so sad yet so sweet...

I try to put myself in Ben's shoes, trying to feel how he feels...

I am not sure if I can be as strong as he is...

[Guest Ironrod]

I hate it when ppl dies ><

[Guest Ben]

In real life version, he didnt die la

[qedcwc]

I hate it when ppl dies ><

That part is still okay, considering it's not a stranger theme in most love stories anyway.

But the idea of transplanting the heart of a loved one into the other lover's body is just what drove me to sob and having tears streaking down for a good 10 minutes....

I lost sleep for 3 hours after that....

[Guest the.past]

hi marky,

have been a silent reader so far, & thx for the stories - be it ur own or fiction.

the stories were well written & had brought back some memories of my own.

the one with jianming & weixiong, great similarities, though not entirely the same:

(1) father & loan shark,

(2) suicidal thought,

(3) anger venting "machine"...

looking back, it wasnt easy to take it when my parents (mostly father) vent their anger on me whenever they r in a bad mood. can u imagine tt i dun even dare to laugh out loud when watching a comedian variety show at home, more so when my father was home (& bad mood)?

the phrase "早死早好" was vent on me since a young kid, to the extend tt when i was in P6, i was finally standing at the top of my flat (12 storeys high) - thinking of ending it... i dun understand y i was even born, so y not juz go off "early"...

probably i was also scared of dying (what to do when i was juz a kid), i stand there for quite a long while before i decided to live a life my way, endure until i am old enough not to depend on them & ignore all their unreasonable scoldings & such... & it was a very long tiring journey...

& ur last story on terrance & ben, despite the ending, it was a lovely story.

i've always yearn for a brother (or any form of brotherly love) tt i never had.

keep ur stories coming, whenver u r free!

cheers!!

[qedcwc]

I hate to mention this, but why it seems that most of us, including the writer, have some family problems as a child and more often or not, has to do with the father? Is it just pure coincidence? One of my buddies told me usually those who are gay are often the ones who experienced family problems. Is this true?

[marky]

qedcwc : Thanks for that korean mv. When I first viewed it years ago, it too reduced me to tears. Dat was a big big sacrifice even though it was no fault of the photographer.

Yes, I had quite an abusive dad... Although I wouldn't conveniently attribute my orientation to his mistreatments. I too know of some who come from relatively happy families too. I believe it is more genetic and less environment.

Anyway, you better go catch up on your lost sleep. Kekekeke......

Casper & Starzyne : Thanks for taking your time to reply. I'm glad you all appreciate it as much as I had presenting it to you.

**********

Actually, I have all of you to thank too. This thread must have been relegated to the backwaters had it not been for some of you guys like qedcwc & starzyne etc who bumped it to the front and coincidentally, I logged in after months of absence. I would have been contented to leave the story unfinished due to work committments... So really, all this was made possible by you guys

Edited December 21, 2010 by marky

[marky]

hi marky,

have been a silent reader so far, & thx for the stories - be it ur own or fiction.

the stories were well written & had brought back some memories of my own.

the one with jianming & weixiong, great similarities, though not entirely the same:

(1) father & loan shark,

(2) suicidal thought,

(3) anger venting "machine"...

looking back, it wasnt easy to take it when my parents (mostly father) vent their anger on me whenever they r in a bad mood. can u imagine tt i dun even dare to laugh out loud when watching a comedian variety show at home, more so when my father was home (& bad mood)?

the phrase "早死早好" was vent on me since a young kid, to the extend tt when i was in P6, i was finally standing at the top of my flat (12 storeys high) - thinking of ending it... i dun understand y i was even born, so y not juz go off "early"...

probably i was also scared of dying (what to do when i was juz a kid), i stand there for quite a long while before i decided to live a life my way, endure until i am old enough not to depend on them & ignore all their unreasonable scoldings & such... & it was a very long tiring journey...

& ur last story on terrance & ben, despite the ending, it was a lovely story.

i've always yearn for a brother (or any form of brotherly love) tt i never had.

keep ur stories coming, whenver u r free!

cheers!!

Hi there,

Firstly, let me give you a hug... I too was brought up under an abusive father who uses the cane liberally to discipline me. It was such a shame to go to secondary school with cane marks on your legs. Later on, when I've outgrown the caning, it became verbal abuse... to such an extent that I had to under a few months of church counselling to release the past hurts. So when you said how you have been conditioned not to be able to laugh freely at home for fear of his unpredictable mood... I can sure relate to that too.

There was once when my elder brother burnt me with a lighted cigarette I was very young. Of cos I ended up crying from the pain. My cry woke up my dad who hit my head against the wall and caned me for interrupting his sleep...

So when I wrote that earlier story 我带你回家， a lot of it was from personal experiences... Wei Xiong's thoughts reflected my thoughts...

But this muchI say to you now : Don't ever commit suicide! Hear it from one who has contemplated that before too! Every life is precious and given by the almightly above... No one has the rights to make our lives miserable forever. We learn to either deal with it.. or put up with it.. or even endure it... Then when the occasion permits, we leave the abusive ones behind and move on with our lives...

Take care, remember, never give up on life!

[Guest the.past]

Hi there,

Firstly, let me give you a hug... I too was brought up under an abusive father ...

.....

Take care, remember, never give up on life!

thx marky, appreciate ur hug, though not physical...

dun worry, P6 was my 1st & last time contemplating on committing suicide, since then i din look back.

although he had left a few yrs ago due to cancer, i never "visited him" on anniversaries or whatever.

to some relatives, i may not be filial towards him - but i dun care as i had enough...

now, i live life as i wanted, but not as colourful as urs though, haha...

u take care too!

[qedcwc]

Anyway, you better go catch up on your lost sleep. Kekekeke......

Huhu~ No thanks to you lor... :yuk:

Actually, I have all of you to thank too. This thread must have been relegated to the backwaters had it not been for some of you guys like qedcwc & starzyne etc who bumped it to the front and coincidentally, I logged in after months of absence. I would have been contented to leave the story unfinished due to work committments... So really, all this was made possible by you guys

You're welcome. Actually I have a standing principle that a story shouldn't go unfinished. All beginnings should have an ending after all, just as the sun will rise, it will set, just as a life is born, it will cease to exist after its time is up.... (why in the hell am I going all philosophical?)

[qedcwc]

... We learn to either deal with it.. or put up with it.. or even endure it... Then when the occasion permits, we leave the abusive ones behind and move on with our lives...

That being said, I particularly like this tagline from Yasmin Ahmad's MUALLAF: It is in forgiving that we are forgiven....

[Guest Partcular]

Dear Marky,

Thank you very much for the wonderful story.!!!! You r the best.

[Guest TImothy]

Hey Marky,

Fantastic story!! I think when I had reached the end of it, I felt like it was my heart that was being yanked out of me! It was so poignant!

Actually, if I was Ben, I would have kept my orientation from my parents, and then just continue being good friends with Terrance. The parents would never suspect a thing, since they would be more than happy to see their son and step-son get along well.

And as they (Ben and Terrance) promised each other, they would always help and support each other. Even without the sex, their companionship would be something very precious which a lot of people do not have.

And I am so glad that the real Terrance did not die!

I know that you story is based partly on fact and fiction, like the Titanic movie, so you had to create certain scenarios to add to the effect, otherwise it might be too mundane.

Sorry to bombard you with questions, but when you have the time, I'd love to know how the real Ben and Terrance are getting along now. Tousle Ben's hair for me if you see him again!!

It's very interesting how tough guys like Terrance like guys who are gentle and "vulnerable", while guys like Ben like guys who are tough and rugged. But I think I know the feeling.

BTW, I read what you said about your childhood. I'm very sorry to hear all that. I had my share of bad experiences with my dad also.

[Guest Timothy]

In real life version, he didnt die la

You're the real Ben??!

Hi!! So pleased to meet you!! You're one lucky dude!!

[qedcwc]

It's very interesting how tough guys like Terrance like guys who are gentle and "vulnerable", while guys like Ben like guys who are tough and rugged. But I think I know the feeling.

Complementary of each other. Yin and yang.

[qedcwc]

You're the real Ben??!

Hi!! So pleased to meet you!! You're one lucky dude!!

Dude, that Ben is not a registered user la...

[marky]

Partcular : Thanks for your compliment! Go back to the earlier pages..., there's a treasure trove of stories to be unearthed in there. I should kbnow cos I derived my inspiration from a certain Adam back over 2 years ago. If he hadn't shared.... maybe I wouldn't have the guts either

qedcwc : Ah the late Yasmin...., she's great! I really admire her. It is great that you quoted her. Cos it meant you understood my story too to be one about love, sacrifices, forgiveness and not just one about sex or incest

the.past : My dad too died of cancer like yours. And for years, I did not go back to the columnbarium cos I told myself if I do go, it was to spit on his urn But that was years ago. Then I learnt something... Forgiveness. Just as qedcwc has quoted Yasmin "It is in forgiving that we are forgiven". And you know what? Forgiving is very therapeutic too. When we allow anger to brew inside of us, this negative emotion will ultimately consume us one day. That's why when the chinese say 气死人，it literally means 气死自己 Gosh, we do have many things in common, huh?

Btw, all of us have a story to tell about our lives.... The only difference is whether it is a long or a short one And we are partially in control of our destiny. How colorful it will be..., well..., it is also how colorful we allow it to be too

Timothy : LOL, I doubt the real Ben spoke here... Sad thing is... I lost touch with the both of them Actually, I've lost touch with many people due to work commitments.... If ever I have a Christmas wish, it would be to make new friends and always keep in touch with them! :thumb:

I have one last story to post... But allow me to do it after Christmas as my workload is piling up again... a good Christmas present for myself Kekekeke...

[qedcwc]

qedcwc : Ah the late Yasmin...., she's great! I really admire her. It is great that you quoted her. Cos it meant you understood my story too to be one about love, sacrifices, forgiveness and not just one about sex or incest

Kak Yasmin was a wonder. I wouldn't have known her or her movies had not a Chinese pirated VCD seller recommended SEPET to me at a pasar malam in Johor Bahru 6 years ago. I fell in love with that movie instantly. The message put across was actually very simple, but a lot of people tend to complicate issues.

The time I got to know her when she came down to Singapore for a meet-the-director session of MUALLAF at Picturehouse. Got to relate with her better since both she and I are from the same hometown. In fact, her old home was not far from mine! The last time I met her was when she invited me for a private screening of her last movie, TALENTIME at Esplanade, two months before it was screened to public. Really sad that she's gone...

[starzyne]

qedcwc : Thanks for that korean mv. When I first viewed it years ago, it too reduced me to tears. Dat was a big big sacrifice even though it was no fault of the photographer.

Yes, I had quite an abusive dad... Although I wouldn't conveniently attribute my orientation to his mistreatments. I too know of some who come from relatively happy families too. I believe it is more genetic and less environment.

Anyway, you better go catch up on your lost sleep. Kekekeke......

Casper & Starzyne : Thanks for taking your time to reply. I'm glad you all appreciate it as much as I had presenting it to you.

**********

Actually, I have all of you to thank too. This thread must have been relegated to the backwaters had it not been for some of you guys like qedcwc & starzyne etc who bumped it to the front and coincidentally, I logged in after months of absence. I would have been contented to leave the story unfinished due to work committments... So really, all this was made possible by you guys

Well, the pleasure's mine. Anyway, I thought it would be a pity to leave the story unfinished. And, I am just being selfish as I want to read more and hence came back here to knock on your door, asking you to write somemore! hahahaha...

I am thankful too, abeit your tight work schedule, you still take the pain to complete such a long n lovely story. I am really looking forward to your next one...

In the meantime, have a really wonderous Christmas and a magical 2011 ahead!

[Guest Kelvin]

Of course he writes better than you anytime. The reviews are evidences for his success.

He is more male than you anytime. Thus he writes the main ploy, with his emotions, minusing those very frivolous frills you like to embellish your long long long winded stories, which not only bores the hell of everyone's toe nails, but are drier than the desert rocks.

Learn something from people, instead of thinking you are such good writer all those while.

I like to add my comments as a neutral party.

1. Linguistic Fluency

No deny Marky wrote better with fluent English, but Larry was doing fine considering that she is Chinese educated. Compare her older version to the current one, her writing is improving by leaps & bounds. She wrote that: it had taken too much of my evening time, averaging 3 hrs nightly (22nd Nov titled Forbidden Attractions), may be she took lot of time to revise & make the writing less "Chi-glish".

2. Long long winded

This you consider long winded, what’s about the current TV drama “Love” on Channel 8, one thousand over episodes, 7 days a week, can you believe? When my female colleagues told they needed to rush home to watch the show, it showed its attractiveness even though I dislike the show. Remember, one man’s meat is another man’s poison; or rather Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

3. Measurement of Success

32659 (Marky’s Life Stories) vs. 57049 (Larry’s Forbidden Attractions) on readership as of today 1145 am., the figure spoke itself, taking note that

old version of Larry story was published not too long ago & some readers may skip reading, otherwise the figure can be higher.

Good chance that readership for Larry story can grow much higher, her story is simple, easy to read & took shorter time, suitable for busy people

like us in the evening after meal, which leave with 2 to 3 hrs before sleep. Whereas for Marky story, serious stuff, not long winded but lengthy, requires total concentration & time to digest, frankly till this date, I read only about 4 postings in details & the rest scanning through briefly.

4. Use of Dialogue

Both stories had employed the use of dialogue extensively, however I saw only criticism on Larry as Super Chong Hei wrote on 22nd Nov: What astonishes me about him....is that after a love affair that happened 25 years ago...he can actually remember every single line of their conversations and any conversations he had with anyone. Mind you, line for line, word for word, I find this so incredibly absurd to believe everything he says.

Larry was not sharp to realize the flaw of this statement, I deem this a ridiculous expectation as no novelist, historian or politicians writing their memoirs able to comply unless they back by pre-recorded

conversation & kept custodian for 30 or 40 years.

I have to advice Super Chong Hei: Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

The core of the problem that Larry encountered is rather straight forward, that she is a cross-dresser. Being a gay, doesn’t mean you have to hate anything or everything feminine, this includes your mom, your sisters & even your pet happened to be a female one, such thinking is shallow & narrow

minded.

I quoted what Hendry Tan, BW moderator wrote on 16th Dec under title Have U Ever Tried a Transsexual: All Non-peaceful diversion goes to the Flaming Room.

Lastly this is for Marky: Not knowing what grudges between you two, however Larry was “girl” enough to give good comment on your story, why didn't you “man” enough to give your acknowledgement?

[Guest Timothy]

Hey Marky,

Thanks for replying!!

I'm very glad that you have forgiven your dad. It is the first and most important step to heal. It must have been very tough having such a dad and older brother, who seems to take after your dad.

I don't know why I seem to come across a lot of abusive fathers, even from the upper class. They're either abusive and/or emotionally cold.

But I guess we can learn what kind of persons not to be, whether or not we become fathers ourselves next time. The worst thing would be to let the vicious cycle perpetuate.

Also, to anyone reading this contemplating suicide because of your difficult/depressing home situation, please don't do it! Talk to someone about what you are going through, and continue living, because it is your right to.

Marky, I am never get to meet you in person, but I have a deep respect for you to know that you have come a long way, forgiving your dad, and building your own career. And also, bro, you write so well! A lot of gay stories are very heavy on sex and focus very little on character development, but I notice that you penetrate very deeply into the minds of your characters. And also, you always take the time to describe the surroundings in your story. It's what makes it easier for me to paint it in my mind.

{hugs}

All the best to you, bro!

[starch]

Just read your latest story in camp..almost teared while falling in just now lol..nice story..thx for sharing it

[marky]

I came back to this thread over a week ago just to complete posting my story. It doesn't matter who else is posting his story at the moment. This is about posting a story for all to enjoy, it is never one about seeing who can clinch a higher readership or hits. It is never about self glorification. Neither do I see anyone as a rival etc. And I state categorically that I have not signed in as some other nicknames to put anybody else down. I do not wish to get involved in any ongoing quarrels so I wish people like Kelvin can leave me alone and not get me involved in any spat he or whoever he supports may have etc. Please respect my wish to stay out of this instead of trying to get me involved.

**********

Starch : You can log onto BW from camp?? Kekekeke... Anyway, glad you enjoyed my stories. Hope in time to come, maybe you can share some in-camp stories of yours too

Timothy : I'm glad you're no longer in suicidal mode Yes, I do take the time to describe the surrounding etc because I try where possible to have the readers transport themselves into the story. If readers can laugh or cry along ... then I have achieved my objective And yeah, we may not meet but I will count you in as a dear friend and a little bro

Starzyne : To you and all here. Wish one and all a Merry Christmas! :thumb:

[Guest the.past]

.....

the.past : My dad too died of cancer like yours. And for years, I did not go back to the columnbarium cos I told myself if I do go, it was to spit on his urn But that was years ago. Then I learnt something... Forgiveness. Just as qedcwc has quoted Yasmin "It is in forgiving that we are forgiven". And you know what? Forgiving is very therapeutic too. When we allow anger to brew inside of us, this negative emotion will ultimately consume us one day. That's why when the chinese say 气死人，it literally means 气死自己 Gosh, we do have many things in common, huh?

.....

hi marky,

yes, we have quite a few things in common indeed.

i actually knew u would talk abt forgiveness should u reply, & i did learnt tt too, as a form of healing...

i do understood what u said above, but... i think i would need a lot more time to overcome myself to come to terms with it - the hurt inside me is far too deep and it was left ever since i can understand the world ard (at a very young age).

nevertheless, i appreciate ur advices, really. will always keep it in mind, hopefully, tt day will come eventually.

take care & have great enjoyable happy holidays!!