Marky's Life Stories...

[qedcwc]

Yeah Marky, they're damn predictable like you said cos they make me cry!

[Guest Love Stories]

Long but we will always love Danny and you

[quiton]

Damn marky.. You made me tear at work reading this recent story of yours.. =(

[marky]

Thank you all again...

Qedcwc : I did warn you about the tissues... Do get another packet ready though. Kekekeke....

Love Stories : Whitney's one of my fave singers! Thanks for the MV.

Quiton : I would advice that you read my stories at night in the comfort and privacy of your room cos my story are best read when you also listen to the accompanying music as well. In fact, the next few songs are integral to the story.

For the rest of my readers..., it is imperative that you listen to the 2nd song in this chapter. It is titled "I'll Never Say Goodbye". It will appear in this story 3 times and the story revolves around this song. The lyrics is also Danny's promise to NJ never to leave him...

I'll try to finish posting the entire story by tonight as I'd be leaving for KL the following day liao. Some of you might have read the earlier version but I've added more content to this one. That's why I can only post 1 chapter at a time as I will be adding new material into each chapter. This btw, will be the longest chapter. Happy reading...

A Simple Love Story - Part 5

It's a long, long journey

'Til I know where I'm supposed to be

It's a long, long journey

And I don't know if I can believe

When shadows fall and block my eyes

I am lost and know that I must hide

It's a long, long journey

'Til I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent

Drifting on through empty shores

Wondering what's my purpose

Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter, I know I will cry

I know you'll be standing by my side

It's a long, long journey

And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it seems no one understands

I don't even know why I do the things I do

When pride builds me up 'til I can't see my soul

Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cause It's a long long journey

Till I feel that I am worth the price

You paid for me on calvary

Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes

It feels like everything is out to make me lose control

Cos it's a long, long journey

'Til I find my way home to you

(Journey - Corrine May)

Danny was discharged 2 days later when his conditions improved. He was to avoid any from of strenuous exercises so his name was removed from the basketball team. I promised him to win the game against S'pore Poly and bring the plaque back to show him.

These days, we'd just go catch a movie, or go for quiet walks at our favorite beach or watch the sun setting from his flat in West Coast. It overlooks the sea and one can see the sun going down somewhere beyond Tuas in the horizon. The mood is usually melancholic; every sunset is a precious one to me because I'd never know when it'd be our last to witness together. In-between these would be the twice weekly 2 hours visit to NUH for the chemo. I wasn't sure if the chemo was doing him any good though. Danny would vomit frequently after the chemotherapy and would many a times go into a fit. I was scared man, and I hated myself for being and feeling so helpless at not being able to do anything for Danny other than just being there for him. All I can promise him is to uphold the vow I had made to him on that early Christmas morning : for better or for worse, in sickness and in health till death do us part. I'd also remember what the doctor said, that Danny was living on borrowed time.

I tried my best to show him only the happy side of myself, hoping that in doing so, he'll have happy memories of his last days. Damn it, it's not easy to always appear strong and at times, I wished I could have a shoulder to cry on too. In times like these, I would excuse myself saying I've got to get some groceries from the 7-11 a couple of blocks away and when I do, I'll sit at some stairs landing to cry and let it all out. This leukemia has essentially claimed 2 victims : Danny and myself.

Nowadays, I do the cooking in our home. Yes, I've since learnt to cook because Danny has many diet restrictions by now. I've also taken up reading; reading up on the preparation for a death in the family. I've borrowed the book from the National Library and kept it in my haversack. I'd read it before and after the basketball practices. A part of me wanted to be optimistic and believe that love will conquer all. Yet another part of me insisted that I confront the stark reality face on and be prepared for the grim outcome....

Danny has stopped working for about 2 months already. Our basketball gang comes occasionally for a visit, but as most of the guys have taken up vacation jobs, and it was not always possible to have the entire gang over at any one time. They had between themselves raised about $2,000 for Danny's chemo. Not much though but it was, considering we were all students back then.

Uncle Chrysalis would also drop by our home for short weekly visits. And whenever he took his leave, he'd ask me to walk him down to the carpark below. It was during such times that he'd pass some money to me. "Here, take it, it's for his chemo" he'd say quietly. On his last visit, he noticed that the stress of the situation had taken a toil on me both physically and emotionally too as I accompanied him to his car....

"Have faith NJ, things might get better....." Uncle Chrysalis said as he patted me on the shoulder.

I burst into tears....

"Uncle Chrys..., I'm so scared of losing Danny, Uncle Chrys... Just 2 months ago, we're still the happiest and luckiest couple in the world and right now, it seemed like the person who's most dear to me will be taken away anytime soon.... I get nightmares every evening... Danny's holding on to life right now like a thin thread... I go to sleep with him but not knowing if he will ever wake up again by sunrise... And these drugs that are supposed to make him better... just look at him, Uncle Chrys, he vomits after each course and he's getting visibly thinner by the days. It really breaks my heart to see Danny go through all these alone, Uncle Chrys... You dunno how awful and painful my heart has been feeling all these months, Uncle Chrys..... I love Danny so much, Uncle Chrys..., I'd do anything to take over the burden from Danny... I'd do anything.... " I cried uncontrollably on his shoulders.

Miraculously, Danny did get better one evening as Uncle Chrysalis had said. And he summoned me to his side...

"NJ, thank you for taking care of me all these weeks..... I wouldn't have been able to pull through this by myself... You're really God's gift to me...."

"Danny, don't ever thank me again... Remember our marriage vows made last Christmas? That we'd be together In sickness and in health, till dea....." I stopped myself from continuing further...

There was an uneasy silence as Danny contemplated on what to say next....

"NJ, I need your help one last time before the inevitable happens..." Danny looked me intently in the eyes... "I don't have much possessions other than what you see in this small flat... which would be returned to the landlord soon... My textbooks, you can give them away to the next batch of year 2 juniors. My clothes, my guitar and the rest of the furniture, please help me send them to The Salvation Army. All I have left is a small amount of cash in my POSB account. It's not much, but that's what I want to give to you..."

Another awkward silence followed. How does Danny expect me to deal with such a request?? Dealing with his death wishes is like looking forward to his departure...

"NJ..." Danny prompted me for a response.

"I... I heard you, Danny....... C... can I have your clothes and guitar as well? I will wear them often and I'll remember you whenever I put them on...." I struggled to control my emotions as I said those words.....

"That's exactly what I don't want, NJ. Everything in life happens for a reason.... And you will have to move on with your life after I'm gone. You have my complete blessings.... You will find a new boyfriend who will care for you perhaps even better than I have ever cared for you. Having anything that belongs to me will only be a stumbling block. You must learn to let go and move o...."

"Danny, oh Danny dear, can we stop this topic for the time being?" I interrupted him and began crying again. "You will always be my one and only. I don't think I can ever share my life again with anyone else.... Nothing will ever be the same again, Danny. Nothing will ever come close.... I'd rather join you in death than to move on...."

"Sssshhhh, be strong, NJ, be strong.... It isn't your time yet.... When it is, I promise I'll be there at the Pearly Gates waiting for you with open arms. But in the near future, you must move on...."

"Don't leave me please, Danny, I beg of you... please try to hang on. There're still many things waiting for us to do together. You can pull through this one, please Danny, please....."

"I'll watch over you, NJ.... I'll watch over you where ever you may be. That's a promise..." Danny reached for his guitar that was lying on his bed and started strumming.... "NJ, there's a very appropriate song that I'd like to play for you. My dad used to play it as he looked at my mom's photograph. I like the song very much and I'd like to play the song now for you when I'm still able to.." Danny started plucking the guitar strings to a slow sad tune...

Say goodbye?

When I can barely say goodnight.

If I can hardly take my eyes from yours

How far can I go?

Walk away?

The thought had never cross my mind.

I couldn’t turn my back on spring or fall

Your smile least of all

When I say always, I mean forever

I trust tomorrow as much as today

I am not afraid to say "I love you"

And I promise you, I’ll never say goodbye.

We’re dancers on a crowded floor

While other dancers leave from song to song

Our music goes on

On and on

And if I never leave your arms

I really would’ve travelled everywhere

For my world is there...

When I say always, I mean forever

I trust tomorrow as much as today

I am not afraid to say "I love you"

And I promise you, I’ll never say goodbye.

How could I ever say goodbye..? (I'll Never Say Goodbye - Martin Nievera)

Tears streamed freely down my cheeks. I have not cried freely in his presence for a long time. This time around, I will allowed my emotions to run its course. I hugged him and cried and cried. It's been a long time since I've had his shoulders to cry on and I cried uncontrollably. Danny put his arms around me and tried to pacify me.

"Come on NJ, don't cry like a little boy" Danny said.

"I'm not crying like a little boy, I'm crying like an adult....."

"What's the difference?"

"A child cries because he knows he'll be able to get what he wants when he cries. An adult cries because he knows he'll never get what he wants....."

And this time, we both broke down and cried....

To be continued....

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky

[marky]

Kaoz..., I dunno why parts of my previous post went haywire no matter how much I went back to edit it....

Anyway, truth be told, I myself cried quite a bit while re-writing that previous chapter because a portion of it was from a real life incident. And if you have made it through with me so far, thanks a lot. Here's the final segment. Tis been my honor to be able to present my story to you.. Happy reading...

A simple Love Story (Part 6 - Finale)

It was 3 days before we were due to play against S'pore Poly. Danny's condition got worse. He was immediately warded to the ICU in NUH. I was so distraught; the match was so near and I'm the captain of the team as well. Fortunately there was Uncle Chrysalis to depend upon. He told me he'd take time off from work to be by Danny's side and that he'll page for me should anything happens. With such assurance, I felt slightly better and was determined to lead our team to victory.

On the morning of the match, Danny managed with a little difficulty to speak to me.

"Hey, do our team proud and remember your promise to bring me the trophy okay?"

"I definitely will!" I kissed him gently on the cheeks and left quickly for SRC where the rest of the team was waiting.

That morning, we played our very best. Somehow deep inside each of the team members, we knew we were playing not for ourselves but for Danny. We all wanted to do him proud. And yes, we won the game that morning. It's a pity that we couldn't visit Danny as a team as everybody had only taken a half-day's leave and had to report back to work again that afternoon. So I joined them for a quick victory lunch at YIH before we went our separate ways. We joked and talked about the match etc. It has been a long time since I have felt so happy and carefree. Halfway through our conversations, my pager rang and a 999 appeared on the screen. I panicked and excused myself leaving my lunch half-finished. I rushed down to NUH and there outside the ICU stood a red-eyed Uncle Chrysalis. "Quick NJ, go in, Danny.... he's going any moment now...."

I rushed in and knelt beside Danny's bed. I grabbed hold tightly of his right hand and said "Oh Danny, please don't die on me now, please don't leave me behind...Our lives are meant to be spent together... I love you very much, pleassssse...Look, I've brought back the plaque like I've promised...please Danny, wake up and take a look at it.... Oh Danny, pleeaseee!"

Danny managed a faint smile as he looked at me "N...J....., mmmmy time's...up...... take care.... I..I....loooooove y....."

The nearby heart rate monitor that displayed Danny's heartbeat went beep..., beeeeeep..... and finally one last dying beep before going flat. I just threw myself on top of Danny's lifeless body and wailed uncontrollably

. The most precious and dearest thing in all my life has been taken away from me forever. When I cried that afternoon, I felt as if God was crying along with me as well. On hindsight, I'm thankful to the nurses in the ICU for allowing me to spend a good hour by Danny's deathbed after he had passed way.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil… For you are with me… Your rod and staff, they comfort me…" "The priest was reciting as they lowered Danny's coffin to its final resting place.

It was an overcast Saturday afternoon, and we were at the Chua Chu Kang Christian Cemetery. Uncle Chrysalis had taken care of most of the funeral arrangements. I had specially requested and paid for Danny's burial from money borrowed from my parents. I remembered that Danny was afraid of fire and therefore I didn't want him cremated - it was the least I could ever do for him. The whole basketball team was there too. They were all urging me to be strong and carry on with life. But can I? I didn't have the answer. To go on would require a sense of purpose and I had none... I stood in front of Danny's coffin but I wasn't crying; I was just expressionless. It has been that way for the past few days. It was if when Danny died, my spirit left with him as well....

Rick put his arms around me throughout the funeral service. "One for old time's sake" he said.

And yes, I did feel comforted that way; it has been a long time since someone has placed his arms around my shoulders.

When the service was over, I excused myself from the rest as I wanted to be alone for a while. It was quite windy by now and as I was walking along the shaded path, Uncle Chrysalis called out to me from behind..."Hey NJ!" He managed to catch up with me and handed me a note.

"This is from Danny. He dictated the message to me that morning of your match. He wanted me to hand it to you after he has passed away.... It was as if he knew his time was up...Take care now NJ, you hear? Be strong, ok? Call me if you need anything. Take care, bye.." With that, Uncle Chrysalis left, knowing I wanted to be alone for the moment.

I found a big frangipani tree nearby, sat down underneath it and unfolded the little piece of paper and began reading it ..... (Click here)

Dearest NJ,

By the time you read this message, I would have departed from this world. Though we have known each other for less than a year, I know you'll agree with me that what we had, the love and intimacy that we shared, the joys and the pains we underwent together and the dreams we both shared are more than what others can ever achieve in their lifetime. No one can ever take that away from us, NJ.

Do not make a monument of my death. Instead, you must carry on with your life. Live it like I've taught you to. Make each day worth living for. Since the day we first made love, a part of you is inside me. And I'm comforted knowing that this long journey that I must now embark on will not be made alone. Likewise, be assured that part of me will always be inside you. But in time to come, the grieving must end and you must move on and surrender the past back to me for your own sake.

Meanwhile, as I embark on this long journey of mine, I will think of the happy times we had. The times we laughed, the times we watched the sunsets, the times we whispered sweet nothings into each others' ears, the times we hugged and kissed and last but not least, the times we shared intimacies. Ahhhhh, those were the good old days.... the way we were. Take care, NJ, and remember that I'll always watch over you.... And I'll never say goodbye...Love,

Danny

Another strong gust of wind suddenly blew in my direction again. It was as if Danny was with me this very moment of my solitude. I looked up blurry eyed and thought I saw Danny in a distance...... Danny, is that you? Yes, it was... as he has promised... all dressed in white and strumming his guitar, Danny began to sing to me once more.....

When I say "Always,"

I mean "Forever"

I trust tomorrow as much as today

I'm not afraid to say "I love you,"

And I promise you I'll never say "Goodbye".....

--- The End ---

Edited December 4, 2011 by marky

[Guest Dennis Matari]

Thanks Marky, for sharing the beautiful story

Dennis, Jakarta

[marky]

You are welcomed, Dennis. And thanks for your complement. Tis nice to know there are readers from overseas as well....

[qedcwc]

I have to admit that it moved me somehow, but not enough to bawl like the story of the one whose heart was transplanted to his soulmate's.....

[robin]

Part 8 (Finale)

I didn't book out that night. I wasn't in the mood but neither did I want Peter to be affected by me. Peter offered to book in earlier and buy supper for me as well.

By 10.30pm that same night, Peter came into the bunk bearing 2 packets of mee pok from the famous corner coffeeshop just outside Sg Gedong - we had the supper together. An awkward silence enshrouded the room, each of us awaiting the other to initiate the topic of my transferring camp again...

Hi Marky,

I accidentally saw your thread and started reading your first story about you & Peter. Wow!!!! Wow!!! You wrote so well and I am so drawn into your story. I din expect to read such interesting writings, really same standard to many of the gay novels which I have bought. This particular army story of yours triggered many memories of mine too, after more than 20 years back. There are so much things I had in common with this story: Also in Sungei Gedong camp (38), also related to APC vocation, also linked to an Ah Beng. Only thing is that yours is much more romantic. I also wonder whether the LTA Chua is it the same person I met in camp then.

Thanks for your writing....

Robin

[marky]

Hi guys

Qedcwc : Everyone will have their fave. But this story will always have a certain significance to me cos it was my very first attempt at writing a love story.... In fact, if you were to go back to the archives, you'd be able to find version 1.0. But trust me, this one is way better. Kekekeke...

Robin : Wow, if you were indeed from 38SCE then you'd be my junior. There were 2 LTA Chuas there. The one I had was this fierce one called Adrian Chua. Anyway, however you make of it, NS is like a rite of passage for us Singaporean males. We'd each leave with a certain memory of our 2.5 years of our lives there. Hope you had good memories to take along with you. :)

[qedcwc]

Marky, I like all your stories. Really I do.

I'm juz saying which one made me cry for the longest period of time

[robin]

Hi Marky Senior,

Hee hee .. yes, indeed I was from 38SCE, was there from 1990 - 1992. The NS memories has definitely helped in my personal grownth and brought all the laughter when I look back. The episode I have had with the Ah Beng is a relatively short one and nothing was really said or done. Or maybe, my story writing skill is not good enough to make it into a complete story ;P

Anyway, I am just enjoying the fruits of your labour. Thank you. Btw, I think we should setup a Marky Stories Fan Club ;P

[qedcwc]

Hi Marky Senior,

Hee hee .. yes, indeed I was from 38SCE, was there from 1990 - 1992. The NS memories has definitely helped in my personal grownth and brought all the laughter when I look back. The episode I have had with the Ah Beng is a relatively short one and nothing was really said or done. Or maybe, my story writing skill is not good enough to make it into a complete story ;P

Anyway, I am just enjoying the fruits of your labour. Thank you. Btw, I think we should setup a Marky Stories Fan Club ;P

So agree.

[marky]

Hi guys, thanks for your thots. Occasionally, this site will have someone starting his own thread and posting heartwarming stories; stories to snuggle up to on a cold rainy day... All you need to do is to keep an active lookout for them. I did..., I stumbled on some gems and they inspired me to post.

I guess this is where I say my goodbyes. I have finished posting all my stories and have nothing new to contribute. Once again I thank all readers who had taken their time to read my stories as each chapter took hours and at times days to craft. May more be inspired to post their stories as well. Cheers!

[Guest Guest]

Marky, thanks so much for your stories. Enjoyed it.

[Stigma1982]

Dear Uncle Marky,

As with every Christmas in another forum, I will write a love story to thank you for sharing your stories and keeping the spirit of love alive for many of us through the beautiful memories and vivid emotions.

Yes, I still remember you! Have stopped writing for some time because inspiration was lacking and cynicism has crept in. But for those of us who understand the value of love, it often comes with our sacrifice, forgiveness and courage - where many of us would retreat at the first sight.

Your stories remind us of times when we are bold enough to give our hearts and not think about what we could get out of love, but rather how we could grow from love.

Hope you will enjoy this story - it is still work in progress so there may be some delay - but it will be ready by Christmas!

Stigma82

Chapter One

“Being gay does not make you any less human.”

My eyes blinked away the tears that welled up at Hillary Clinton’s dignified words from her historic speech to mark Human Rights Day. The tips of my fingers hastily smeared the tears that rolled down uncontrollably as my mom knocked on the door and peered inside my room.

I paused the Youtube video that featured the speech as my mom asked softly, “Mark, are you asleep?” I cleared my throat and feigned nonchalance, “Mom, I am about to go to bed. Sorry – did I wake you up?” My mom entered my room and the dim light on my study table revealed her face with a gentle glow. Her white hair crackled like silver in the glow and framed her oval-shaped face. Even with the wrinkles that fanned out from the edge of her smiling eyes, she was every bit as endearing. Her love and sacrifice for my brother and I warmed my heart – it was not easy for her to single-handedly raise the two of us up after my dad passed away when we were young.

She moved closer and shook her head, registering a smile. “I just wanted to check whether you are okay.” I held her hands and assured her, “I am fine, Mom.”

With a sigh of resignation, she nodded and said heavily, “Of my two sons, I am most worried for you. Who is going to take care of you if I am gone one day?”

“Mom, I am already 38 and no longer a small boy.” I gave her a tight hug and kissed her on her forehead lightly. My mom tapped me on my shoulders affectionately and took a quick glance at the collapsed photo frame on my table. She looked at my ruddy eyes knowingly and whispered, “I know my son is strong enough to take care of himself…I just hope you can be happier – and learn to let go.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I don’t remember him anymore.” I felt betrayed by my shaky tone.

My mom noted my frozen expression and decided not to probe further. “Rest early,” she said as she squeezed my hands and retreated into the shadows.

With a stony face, I sat down on my chair and shut down my laptop. Under the warm light, I held up the small rectangular mirror on my study desk and saw some strands of my hair turning gray and the wrinkles that lined the sides of my eyes.

I quietly wondered if Derek would still be able to recognise me if he was still alive.

I reached for the photo frame and the gush of memories with Derek assaulted my mind. Exhaustion and loneliness crept in surreptitiously. I hastily tried to regroup myself and played the video. Clinton’s speech continued faintly in the background as my mind derailed to thoughts of Derek.

“In many ways, they are an invisible minority. Many are treated with contempt and violence by their fellow citizens…”

I flinched with the memory of Derek lying lifeless at the staircase near his rented flat. A pool of crimson blood oozed from the angry slash on his wrist. I could not bear to remember his pallid face that bore so much sadness even till his last moment. Even when the incident took place eight years ago, the memory was vivid like a hanging live wire.

How could the person whom I loved be so foolish to end his life?

The police officer conveniently attributed the cause of his death to suicide and depression. It was true that Derek had a clinical medical history of depression, but I knew the insidious murderer was discrimination. I crossed path with Derek’s family at the mortuary and Derek’s mom and sister were inconsolable with grief. His father threw me a venomous glance and spat, “I don’t want to see you at the wake. You caused his death.”

I gave him a cold stare and clenched my fist tightly. “Derek was holding on to this, even till his last breath. I think he would like you to have it.” I passed him Derek’s cherished family portrait and his face contorted with a stab of regret. A sob wrecked through his huge frame uncontrollably.

There was really nothing left to say. I left Derek’s family to mourn and my clammy hand gripped the photo of us smiling sweetly at each other during his graduation ceremony as I dragged my feet down the hallway with a baggage of painful memories.

“Mark, I will find a job and soon, we can start saving for a private flat to build our own home. Maybe in time to come, the government will make it easier for singles to buy HDBs…”

“Derek, I don’t think it will come in our lifetime.”

“We can always dream…”

I jerked myself back to reality and hot tears blurred my vision as I took the photo frame and clutched it close to my heart.

The family portrait was not the only picture he held till his last breath. There was this picture taken at his graduation ceremony that Derek loved so much because it captured our dreams and hopes.

I thought I had managed to come to terms with my grief after eight years, but it was so hard because our love for each other was true and honest.

With his death, he also stole away my heart. The days following his death marked a hollow existence until I found a way to preserve the memories of Derek.

“Mark, do you think others will ever accept us as who we are?”

“Maybe…we can always dream.”

I decided to throw myself into gay activism and find a way to make Derek’s dream a reality. If only Mark was here, he would have lauded Clinton’s speech, celebrated our attempts to repeal 377A and marveled at how GLBTs gathered at Pink Dot to affirm support for each other.

“Mark, if only they knew we have the same capacity to love…”

I silently whispered into the darkness of the room before I drifted to sleep, “Derek, I miss you…”

(to be continued)

[Stigma1982]

Chapter Two

I squeezed my way through the packed Starbucks Cafe at One Fullerton and tried to locate where Kevin was seated. Kevin was my closest friend and a fellow gay activist, whom I had the pleasure to know from an annual HIV conference five years ago. Locating Kevin was rather easy – his muscular built and stylish dressing distinguished him from the pack of the crowd. My first impression of Kevin, frankly, was that he looked like a circuit boy – with the gym-toned body, pleasant looks and immaculate dressing. But beneath that glossy exterior, he was surprisingly grounded and was driven by his passion in HIV-related social work. Over the five years that I have known him, Kevin had grown and mellowed down after his three-year relationship ended. It was no surprise that he received many date requests upon being single, and he seemed to be enjoying the freedom of singlehood and casual relationships.

I still remembered with a smile the sobering lecture that I had given Kevin a year ago at this very cafe after he ended his three-year relationship with an air steward, after incessant arguments over infidelities and a lack of fulfillment from their relationship.

“Stop being a drama queen.” I shoved a pack of tissues to him and asked him to wipe his tears. “Everyone at Starbucks would think that I am about to murder you.”

Kevin sobbed harder and cried, “You are a very unsympathetic friend.”

He lamented as he blew his nose, “Why do gay relationships end up like this?”

"Well, I am sorry if you think that way. As with all relationships, there would be a fair share of problems. It just depends on whether the couple wants to work it out.”

Kevin looked at me indignantly after my rejoinder and said, “Are you suggesting that I tolerate his infidelities?”

“No, I am asking you to open your eyes and choose wisely a person who is willing to work with you on the problems.”

“Well, how would you know? You haven’t been in a relationship before.”

“For the record, I was in a relationship before.”

Kevin noted sarcastically, “Well, there – your track record in relationships is not very outstanding either.”

I snapped, “I did not have that chance to continue the relationship. He ended his life.”

It took a few moments for Kevin to digest the piece of information before he apologized sincerely, “I am sorry.”

He paused for a while and asked softly, “What happened?”

I hesitated for a moment and took the courage to narrate my relationship with Derek. It was the first time that I uncorked the painful memories. The loss of Derek stung deeply, but it helped that Kevin listened empathetically. It took Kevin a while to reconcile with the intense isolation that Derek faced, as he was fortunate to have supportive parents who accepted his sexual orientation.

I blinked my tears away as I finished my recount, “I am not romanticizing the relationship. There are bound to be betrayals and disappointments. But if you both loved each other, you will try hard for each other – till your very last breath.”

“Sometimes, I just wished Derek would try a little harder to believe that our love was enough.”

*

“Scanning through your hot dates?”

Kevin registered a warm smile as I sat down next to him and whispered mischievously, “I believe the two young guys sitting at the corner are intently checking you out and thinking whether I am an uncle lusting after my call-boy.”

Kevin arched his eyebrows and laughed with a devilish sparkle in his eyes, “Really? I happen to think that this uncle sitting next to me is very hot with a sexy moustache and broad chest. Could rival Vladimir Putin.”

“A boost for my deflated ego? And Vladimir Putin, seriously?”

The comfortable chemistry between Kevin and I had matured over our years of friendship and Kevin’s playfulness gradually brought out my jocular nature – a side of me that was subdued after Derek’s death.

“No. It is the hard truth. And believe me, I did check your chest out when we went swimming last week,” Kevin deadpanned.

My heart skipped as alarm bells rang in my head. It was dangerous territory to veer from friendship to relationship.

Surely, Kevin didn’t have any interest in me.

I quickly diverted the conversation to a safer topic on the coordination of some of the volunteer projects that our GLBT group would be launching to promote HIV awareness among young adults. Kevin, a communications consultant, had volunteered actively to market the HIV campaigns while I, the IT consultant, took charge of the technical aspects. We spent an hour tackling the details of the campaigns before we decided to wrap up and take a walk by the Bay to clear our tired minds.

We ambled for a few minutes before taking a seat at a bench, noting how the Bay has been transformed by the Marina Bay Sands Integrated Resort and the Fullerton Bay Hotel.

Kevin sucked in a mouthful of fresh air and said quietly, “I was not joking just now.”

My heart skipped a beat.

(to be continued...)

[Guest zeny]

Hey Marky! Really enjoy reading your stories Thanks so much!!!

[Yas1950]

Hi Marky

I only joined this Forum about 2 months ago. I have been going thru the various postings in Personals, Main Forum, etc playing catch-up. For this reason I have only just come across your personal story/thread.

I must say you write very well. I feel for you - your very close and intimate relationship with Peter.

I had a similar experience when I was in Secondary School. Your story has given me the impetus to write about my experiences and how I got into it. Its gonna take some time and I want to finish reading this thread before I get on with my writing. But I must warn the readers before hand that my style of writing is straight to the point.

You mentioned about Adam's story. Where can it be found?

Thank you once again for sharing your personal encounters and relationships, and the pain you experienced.

I feel for you, I wish I could hug you now and soothe your aching heart.

Thank you for opening your heart to us. Peter was very lucky to have known you.

Keep on writing Bro.

Kisses.

Edited April 26, 2012 by Yas1950

[GachiMuchi]

Here is Adam's Stories - Childhood Days

Enjoy

P/s : You can always make use of the Search function to get to the files.

[Yas1950]

Here is Adam's Stories - Childhood Days

Enjoy

P/s : You can always make use of the Search function to get to the files.

Thank u GM

[Yas1950]

Hey I've just finished reading your life story with Patrick and then both of you getting married and so on. Its been a long read and taken up most of my afternoon but its all good.

I feel your pain and your sadness. Sometimes its good therapy to share your pain and your thoughts

otherwise you'll end up a looney bird. I cried at the parts where you cried. I feel for you Bro.

I must say there are similarities and parallels in our life stories.

I must sit down and write them down one of these days and share it with all.

Now I am starting to read the story about your KL memoirs.

I'll write again soon. Cheers.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Yas1950

[Guest BY]

Chancing upon this thread is pure serendipity. It is jaw dropping to see some parts of myself appearing so vividly described in your story Mark.

A lot of have happened since we lost touch and I am in some ways departed from the frame of the yester-years in more ways than one.

You are a great story crafter and many of these stories reach deep into our souls. I hope you continue to write where inspiration and time allows.

And I hope all is well with you. Its been too long.

Ben.

[Yas1950]

I've only now managed to finish reading the story of Ben and Terrance. Its a very well-written piece (all 16 chapters) and I congratulate you on your story-telling skills. It is so tastefully written. It has its fair share of sexual encounters but its not obscene. It is a story full of pain and sadness and my own personal memories with my relationships come to mind. I am truly encouraged to start writing about my crazy-mixed up episodes in my life. Perhaps a good time as any to start will be when I've completed absorbing this entire thread. I look forward to more contributions from you.

From your writing I can see that you are a truly passionate person and I hope to meet you some day and make your acquaintance. In the meantime, I hope and pray for you to have a good life ahead of you.

Much love from moi.

[notsocoolguy]

/thanks marky.. i will continue reading your wonderful stories man... hope you are doing great now

[marky]

Hi people, tis amazing that this thread which was relegated to the backend closet could be taken out for a dusting... Thank you all for taking the time to respond because such gestures mean a lot to me.

Apologies for not having replied earlier as I'm seldom on BW now as I'm concentrating on my career. It was only recently that I logged into my seldom used yahoo mail that I discovered the feedback. So to those who have written to me but not gotten a response, a sincere apology

Desmond : Thanks for your contribution. Would be nice if you could continue because tis good that every story can have an ending.. and every event have a closure....

Yas1950 : A belated welcome to you joining BW. I have you to thank for digging the thread out because as a result of this, I got to meet some friendly folks. Please feel free to drop me a note with your email contact and I'd be more than happy to catch up with you from there. And I also hope to read your personal stories in the near future too. Crazy or not, it doesn't matter. All things in life happen to us for a reason. May it serve as life's bountiful and enriching experiences for the younger generation here.

BY : Whatever you may think... I really thank God for the opportunity of knowing you. It was my privilege. You served as an inspiration for the Ben & Terrance's story "I'll Always Be There" (Click here) Hope you have made it in life. You are a brilliant and intelligent person with a difficult past.... May your future be bright and true friends be many!! And if there's a chance for us to say hello again, then drop me a note. Take care, always

[Yas1950]

Hi there Marky

Its very sweet of you to acknowledge my posts on your thread. I've just completed reading your entire thread. But honestly how I read is very subjective. I skip the songs, I glance thru the other comments because I just wanna get to the essence of the stories you've written..

I've enjoyed the last 2 stories about your time in England and the simple Love Story.

They're so touching and heart-wrenching.

I'll get to my life stories by and by. I am waiting for an inspiration and the right time when I am uninterrrupted.

Its alright that you did not acknowledge my post earlier. Understandably your career is more important than anything else especially nowadays in Singapore.

Thanks very much for the welcome to to this BW forum. Sure I would like very much to be your friend. I will PM you my email address shortly.

I just have to forewarn you and the other readers that my writing style is nothing compared to yours. These are based on episodes in my life and I have a totally different style of story-telling. I don't include pictures, smilies nor music. I don't expect to be given glowing testimonies like you. (Tho some feedback from readers has been unkind to you). My writing may appear obscene and slutty and stories of being raped. There will be some elements of Love but most of it is on relationship built on Lust. But that's the way I write. Straight to the point. I call it as I see it.

Will the Forum Mods and Owners be offended and blacklist me, I wonder?

Looking forward to our new-found friendship.

Thanks and warmest huggies.

Yas

[qedcwc]

I'll get to my life stories by and by.... I just have to forewarn you and the other readers that my writing style is nothing compared to yours. These are based on episodes in my life and I have a totally different style of story-telling. I don't include pictures, smilies nor music. I don't expect to be given glowing testimonies like you. (Tho some feedback from readers has been unkind to you). My writing may appear obscene and slutty and stories of being raped. There will be some elements of Love but most of it is on relationship built on Lust. But that's the way I write. Straight to the point. I call it as I see it.

Will the Forum Mods and Owners be offended and blacklist me, I wonder?

Nothing more surreal than true stories.

So long it doesn't go to the extent of personal attacks.

Juz go for it, Yas1950

[Yas1950]

Nothing more surreal than true stories.

So long it doesn't go to the extent of personal attacks.

Juz go for it, Yas1950

Thanks for your encouragement Quentin. I need to be properly inspired.

I'll start writing soon. Its gonna be very long because I think I am as old as Adam.

I guarantee you I will not resort to any personal attacks on anybody in particular.

However I do not take too kindly to rude, stupid personal comments/attacks on what I write

from guests/members. Then I will not hesitate to give that person a piece of my mind.

Fair?

Edited May 22, 2012 by Yas1950

[qedcwc]

Thanks for your encouragement Quentin. I need to be properly inspired.

I'll start writing soon. Its gonna be very long because I think I am as old as Adam.

I guarantee you I will not resort to any personal attacks on anybody in particular.

However I do not take too kindly to rude, stupid personal comments/attacks on what I write

from guests/members. Then I will not hesitate to give that person a piece of my mind.

Fair?

Some people are just dumbasses la. Just ignore their rantings and treat it as noise.

You wanna give back your piece of mind, feel free to either PM that person or make a loud declaration via the status update column.

[Yas1950]

Some people are just dumbasses la. Just ignore their rantings and treat it as noise.

You wanna give back your piece of mind, feel free to either PM that person or make a loud declaration via the status update column.

Thanks Bro

I'll try my darndest to follow your advice. Can I report them as abusive?

If they are anonymous guest how do you report them or rebuke them?

Anyways your advice is much appreciated.

[qedcwc]

Thanks Bro

I'll try my darndest to follow your advice. Can I report them as abusive?

If they are anonymous guest how do you report them or rebuke them?

Anyways your advice is much appreciated.

That's where the moderators come in.

Most likely their IPs will be blocked.

But then, just ignore them as noisy brats la....

[Yas1950]

That's where the moderators come in.

Most likely their IPs will be blocked.

But then, just ignore them as noisy brats la....

Yes UNCLE!!!!! Small boy (as in new member) must listen to Uncle (Principal Member).

I'll try my best to keep my cool. Cheers.

[qedcwc]

Yes UNCLE!!!!! Small boy (as in new member) must listen to Uncle (Principal Member).

I'll try my best to keep my cool. Cheers.

I'm only 27 :oops:

[Yas1950]

I'm only 27 :oops:

I am speaking from the membership point of view. In this sense you are my senior.

Hahaha.....

[lct]

I am speaking from the membership point of view. In this sense you are my senior.

Hahaha.....

hehe based on '1950' you are 62 yo! ;=P

[marky]

qedcwc : Heya frd! long time no see! hope everything's great with you

Yas1950 : You should start your own thread soon with your stories. That way, you have something to call your very own. ^_^ I think BW's has a shortage of storytellers at the moment so the timing is just nice if your story is ready for posting. And qedcwc is rite; dun bother with those who post negative comments. Regardless who you are, you can never please anyone, so why bother trying? Hope to see your thread soon.

[qedcwc]

qedcwc : Heya frd! long time no see! hope everything's great with you

Yas1950 : You should start your own thread soon with your stories. That way, you have something to call your very own. ^_^ I think BW's has a shortage of storytellers at the moment so the timing is just nice if your story is ready for posting. And qedcwc is rite; dun bother with those who post negative comments. Regardless who you are, you can never please anyone, so why bother trying? Hope to see your thread soon.

marky, juz fyi, i'm now based in Johor Bahru....

[Yas1950]

To Everybody, YES, I am 62 this year and proud of it. But by the same token I respect the Principal Members as my 'elders' as they have been around this Forumm longer than I have.

Marky: Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'll be starting something today.

[notsocoolguy]

"A child cries because he knows he'll be able to get what he wants when he cries. An adult cries because he knows he'll never get what he wants....."

what a great line... i think mediacorp need to get you to be their scriptwriter marky

[marky]

Hi there.... thanks for the thought and thanks too for reading my stories too

[yiswim]

I'm touched beyond words especially with the latest story involving Danny and NJ.

[marky]

I'm touched beyond words especially with the latest story involving Danny and NJ.

Thanks for reading and also taking the effort to write to me. Although it is only a story, parts of it were taken from true life experiences. And Danny & NJ... they were my good friends from the old BW dating back 1997...

[Guest guest]

I can't believe that I actually spent the long weekend holing up at home and reading dis thread. I haven't had such a good cry in years! Hope d writer is still in this forum n contributing to more of his life stories...

[Guest ~SweetHeart~]

Just lovely.... Ever since I came upon this thread accidentally, I have not gotten away from it. I didn't count how many days I've been here reading all the stories by Marky... Even though the stories were from the past but I can Lmost feel it like its happening now. I guess some if the things that is mention in the story is still happening now.

I will read Marky's stories everywhere I go, and yes like the rest... There were moments that's too close to the Heart n I find myself crying in public.

I can just relate to most if the stories I have read...

Totally love love all the stories told!

<3

[Guest Guest]

Wandered back here on a lonely, dark night. That first story broke me down, again.

I thank you again. Hope all is well, Markey.

[Seandarmouth]

Miss u Marky . Hope u are doing great

[Summerbitch]

I've read finish everything. Sad. Don't enjoy knowing the truth about what's going on in the real world. Although my father has not being as biased as you father but I understood how you feel.

[calcinus]

Marky, if you are reading this - I just want to let you know how I felt after reading your stories with Peter and Pat.

 

I was deeply touched and heart-ached as I read your stories... when I finishing reading about story with Peter, I thought I felt bad enough and almost regretted reading...because it was so heart-aching to bring back even my own memory in the army days. I had a similar experience but much subtle when nothing has happened between me and that guy although we knew we had feeling for each other. The memory and your story brought a heaviness over my heart.

 

For some reasons, I decided to read on your 2nd story with Pat... I was speechless when I came to the end. I cried. Perhaps because I wanted to believe, I wanted to be naïve that a gay relationship can work out happily ever after. So when I read about how you and Pat were forced to face reality and made that hard decision to go separate ways, I cannot take it...I cried hard... even to the point, it scattered my own hope that I will get a lasting relationship. I am not sure if I love or hate your stories, but I know it will continue to echo and torment me for days to come.

 

Thank you for your stories, really. Thanks for letting me cried hard.

I have some questions to ask you...if you see my message, can you PM me please? Thank you... 

[marky]

Hi there guys. I thank the guest above for digging out this old thread although he seemed to talk like we've known each other. If so then here's a big hug and hoping you are feeling better now.

 

Thanks for the concerns, I'm doing alright these days, focusing mainly on my work which takes me overseas much of the time Thanks once again to you people for reading my stories. I feel honored. And it is through this thread that I got to know some of you whom I have been keeping in touch with even now.

 

Calcinus, hugs.... I guess some of my experiences has tugged at your heartstrings. I have PMed you as requested. Hope you are feeling better.