How do you deal with the emotion of having feelings for someone that's not seemingly possible to be together?

[PapaBear]

Hi ALL,

 

need some input from you guys, if possible. 😃

 

Long story short, a few years ago, I met with a guy from UK on the yellow app, he's travelling solo throughout Asia that time. We chatted, met up for pizzas, it was nothing sexual. Just like a casual date. He's totally my type, physically speaking. And he's also a rather genuine person, from the conversation we shared.

We hooked up. He left my town for other places. We kept in touch still. I knew that I was having the affections for him, I missed the cuddling times we had and the times we share (not just in bed). I was having a little trouble trying to forget him, just felt that he's the one that got away. 

He reached out again, asking if I'd like to meet him up in a separate town and spend 5 more days together. But on the condition of not falling for him. He does not believe in long distance and just wanted us to have a good time. He enjoyed our time together and wanted to have a little more before he leaves for the next country. So, we did meet up and spent a good 5 days together. It was memorable and nice. We had such a good time, sightseeing, exploring, eating...etc. After he's left, it took me more than 3 months to feel normal again. I was having meaningless hookup, trying to 'recreate' the feeling that I was missing. Thought that I would find someone or something that'd make me feel like me again. But not quite possible.

 

Our sex was just fun, not exceptionally GOOD. I just missed the cuddling throughout the night, the feeling of having someone next to me in bed / in my sleep. Missing the person that he is, he's a genuine person and he meant what he said. He'd always have the kind intentions in mind.

We still keep in touch via social media, IM throughout the years. He's been expressing numerous times that he'd like to visit me again. Which I took it as a sweet thought that'd never come true. It was Covid-19 some more, over the last couple years.

 

Fast forward to year 2022, in the beginning of DEC2022, he suddenly texted me to ask if I could and would want to spend Christmas and New Year with him. He'd buy a ticket and come over to spend time together. To be honest, it felt unreal and like a dream coming true. My feelings for him has never changed. It took me a while to decide if I should do it, coz I know I'd feel shitty after. He's the type that'd move forward and focus on the present. I am the type that'd feel why we could only see each other that way and there's nothing more than that.

 

It's been half a month now, I am still thinking of him much. Still kinda stuck in the past, so to speak. I know it is what it is for both of us now, the physical distance is something we could not change. At least for now. 

 

I am no green-horn in hooking up, I've never had any issues alike in the past. He's the only kryptonite for me. 😛

Would love to hear some wise words from the all the wiseman here, please. In how I should process my emotion.  Thank you!

[ted74]

Letting go is the hardest even know it is the right thing..  am going thru this feeling right now as well. Hate the feeling when i passby somewhere which we went before and my heart just felt to the bottom.  

Edited January 15, 2023 by ted74

[PapaBear]

I totally get that, am sorry to know that you're going through the same thing too. It will somehow subside someday, that I know. 

 

But if he ever comes back again, or plan another trip together. I know damn sure that I will go through the same thing again. 

 

I know it would not be possible for it to go my way, most likely. But I will still try my best to see what I can do. 

 

I wish I could get over him just like any other hookup dates I have had before. But it's not the sex or physical stuffs that I was so attracted to. But him, as a person. 😅

[doncoin]

You are hooked/addicted to the feelings generated when you are together. It is a common chemical reaction that our bodies generate, and it can be easily mistaken as "being in love." There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. On some level, you are cognizant of the realities of the situation, but you are letting the hormones do the talking, hence the distraction. 

 

Recognized that your feelings towards this guy are valid, but they may not really be the romantic reality. For that to happen, it takes both parties to feel the same way. What you are missing really, are the endorphins firing in your brain when you were together. It is that feel-good sensation, and unfortunately, there is no one to substitute him in order to generate those endorphins in you. 

[Guest Is this love]

I was in similar situation and I realised that I actually missed the feeling of being with someone more than being with someone. 

 

Like I long for him. 

 

Like I missed him. 

 

But when he's here, I don't know what to say to him. What to do with him. 

 

But when he's about leave, I feel like I have many things to say but I couldn't. 

 

 

[Baredom]

Like being jealous over something that doesn’t even exist. 

[PapaBear]

7 hours ago, doncoin said:

You are hooked/addicted to the feelings generated when you are together. It is a common chemical reaction that our bodies generate, and it can be easily mistaken as "being in love." There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. On some level, you are cognizant of the realities of the situation, but you are letting the hormones do the talking, hence the distraction. 

 

Recognized that your feelings towards this guy are valid, but they may not really be the romantic reality. For that to happen, it takes both parties to feel the same way. What you are missing really, are the endorphins firing in your brain when you were together. It is that feel-good sensation, and unfortunately, there is no one to substitute him in order to generate those endorphins in you. 

I am an endorphin junkie here...lol. Thanks for the feedback, Doncoin! 😃

[Why?]

It makes me think of someone who advised me to put things on my bucket list instead of buying them on impulse and to check back later to see if I still needed them. After that time had gone, the item was still on my bucket list, and I was still hesitant to cross it off. As a result, I waited for the proper circumstance—a suitable location and sufficient savings—to arise. I decided there was no harm in keeping them on my bucket list as a reminder that they should not be overlooked. My bucket list grew so big that I started to grow annoyed by its clutter as the months turned into years and more years passed. I started deleting each thing, both unattainable and unhelpful going forward.  My list became shorter and achieveable.  As a result,  my stress became lesser and I have more time and money to move on.  

[Ryuki]

On 1/15/2023 at 3:50 PM, PapaBear said:

Hi ALL,

 

need some input from you guys, if possible. 😃

 

Long story short, a few years ago, I met with a guy from UK on the yellow app, he's travelling solo throughout Asia that time. We chatted, met up for pizzas, it was nothing sexual. Just like a casual date. He's totally my type, physically speaking. And he's also a rather genuine person, from the conversation we shared.

We hooked up. He left my town for other places. We kept in touch still. I knew that I was having the affections for him, I missed the cuddling times we had and the times we share (not just in bed). I was having a little trouble trying to forget him, just felt that he's the one that got away. 

He reached out again, asking if I'd like to meet him up in a separate town and spend 5 more days together. But on the condition of not falling for him. He does not believe in long distance and just wanted us to have a good time. He enjoyed our time together and wanted to have a little more before he leaves for the next country. So, we did meet up and spent a good 5 days together. It was memorable and nice. We had such a good time, sightseeing, exploring, eating...etc. After he's left, it took me more than 3 months to feel normal again. I was having meaningless hookup, trying to 'recreate' the feeling that I was missing. Thought that I would find someone or something that'd make me feel like me again. But not quite possible.

 

Our sex was just fun, not exceptionally GOOD. I just missed the cuddling throughout the night, the feeling of having someone next to me in bed / in my sleep. Missing the person that he is, he's a genuine person and he meant what he said. He'd always have the kind intentions in mind.

We still keep in touch via social media, IM throughout the years. He's been expressing numerous times that he'd like to visit me again. Which I took it as a sweet thought that'd never come true. It was Covid-19 some more, over the last couple years.

 

Fast forward to year 2022, in the beginning of DEC2022, he suddenly texted me to ask if I could and would want to spend Christmas and New Year with him. He'd buy a ticket and come over to spend time together. To be honest, it felt unreal and like a dream coming true. My feelings for him has never changed. It took me a while to decide if I should do it, coz I know I'd feel shitty after. He's the type that'd move forward and focus on the present. I am the type that'd feel why we could only see each other that way and there's nothing more than that.

 

It's been half a month now, I am still thinking of him much. Still kinda stuck in the past, so to speak. I know it is what it is for both of us now, the physical distance is something we could not change. At least for now. 

 

I am no green-horn in hooking up, I've never had any issues alike in the past. He's the only kryptonite for me. 😛

Would love to hear some wise words from the all the wiseman here, please. In how I should process my emotion.  Thank you!

Open relationship does not really work especially with the west. You end up suffering we are the end of the day... They will just enjoy the moment and company they spend with u during the time of visit.. purely mutual and does not really involved relationship.. he mentioned clearly not falling on him which means he clearly know what he wants.. and if you are meeting up solely based on emotional and not just buddy or friendship you might end up hurting urself. Just my opinion as I been thru that before..

[PapaBear]

13 hours ago, Ryuki said:

Open relationship does not really work especially with the west. You end up suffering we are the end of the day... They will just enjoy the moment and company they spend with u during the time of visit.. purely mutual and does not really involved relationship.. he mentioned clearly not falling on him which means he clearly know what he wants.. and if you are meeting up solely based on emotional and not just buddy or friendship you might end up hurting urself. Just my opinion as I been thru that before..

Thank you for the word of advice, Ryuki. I totally get what you said and appreciate you taking the time to share you thoughts on this. 😃

[kinkienips]

On 1/15/2023 at 3:50 PM, PapaBear said:

Hi ALL,

 

need some input from you guys, if possible. 😃

 

Long story short, a few years ago, I met with a guy from UK on the yellow app, he's travelling solo throughout Asia that time. We chatted, met up for pizzas, it was nothing sexual. Just like a casual date. He's totally my type, physically speaking. And he's also a rather genuine person, from the conversation we shared.

We hooked up. He left my town for other places. We kept in touch still. I knew that I was having the affections for him, I missed the cuddling times we had and the times we share (not just in bed). I was having a little trouble trying to forget him, just felt that he's the one that got away. 

He reached out again, asking if I'd like to meet him up in a separate town and spend 5 more days together. But on the condition of not falling for him. He does not believe in long distance and just wanted us to have a good time. He enjoyed our time together and wanted to have a little more before he leaves for the next country. So, we did meet up and spent a good 5 days together. It was memorable and nice. We had such a good time, sightseeing, exploring, eating...etc. After he's left, it took me more than 3 months to feel normal again. I was having meaningless hookup, trying to 'recreate' the feeling that I was missing. Thought that I would find someone or something that'd make me feel like me again. But not quite possible.

 

Our sex was just fun, not exceptionally GOOD. I just missed the cuddling throughout the night, the feeling of having someone next to me in bed / in my sleep. Missing the person that he is, he's a genuine person and he meant what he said. He'd always have the kind intentions in mind.

We still keep in touch via social media, IM throughout the years. He's been expressing numerous times that he'd like to visit me again. Which I took it as a sweet thought that'd never come true. It was Covid-19 some more, over the last couple years.

 

Fast forward to year 2022, in the beginning of DEC2022, he suddenly texted me to ask if I could and would want to spend Christmas and New Year with him. He'd buy a ticket and come over to spend time together. To be honest, it felt unreal and like a dream coming true. My feelings for him has never changed. It took me a while to decide if I should do it, coz I know I'd feel shitty after. He's the type that'd move forward and focus on the present. I am the type that'd feel why we could only see each other that way and there's nothing more than that.

 

It's been half a month now, I am still thinking of him much. Still kinda stuck in the past, so to speak. I know it is what it is for both of us now, the physical distance is something we could not change. At least for now. 

 

I am no green-horn in hooking up, I've never had any issues alike in the past. He's the only kryptonite for me. 😛

Would love to hear some wise words from the all the wiseman here, please. In how I should process my emotion.  Thank you!

I understand what you been through because I have experienced the same. I think that he is doing you a favour because in the first place, he set the records straight that he wants nothing more. It is hard to maintain long distance relationship and maybe it will change how things are (maybe he does not want to deal with all the dramas as he might foresee that you might be clingy and it will put a lot of stress on him?)

 

If I were you, probably I will just enjoy what I have now and go with flow. 
 

But if you think this is not sustainable and you will suffer from the withdrawal effects, then probably best not to meet him anymore. 
 

This is just my own view. 

[PapaBear]

19 hours ago, kinkienips said:

I understand what you been through because I have experienced the same. I think that he is doing you a favour because in the first place, he set the records straight that he wants nothing more. It is hard to maintain long distance relationship and maybe it will change how things are (maybe he does not want to deal with all the dramas as he might foresee that you might be clingy and it will put a lot of stress on him?)

 

If I were you, probably I will just enjoy what I have now and go with flow. 
 

But if you think this is not sustainable and you will suffer from the withdrawal effects, then probably best not to meet him anymore. 
 

This is just my own view. 

Thanks, kinkienips! 😃

Yeah, I totally get that. When we desire someone / something, we always think from our angle. But the truth is, it's always the other way around. 

Thank you for the input! 

[kinkienips]

2 hours ago, PapaBear said:

Thanks, kinkienips! 😃

Yeah, I totally get that. When we desire someone / something, we always think from our angle. But the truth is, it's always the other way around. 

Thank you for the input! 

All the best to you! Hope you get what you want! 

[Guest Guest]

someone here sounds pretty vulnerable enough to be a victim of some love scams, regardless if the victim may have met the perpetrator in person or not. 

[PapaBear]

1 hour ago, kinkienips said:

All the best to you! Hope you get what you want! 

Life's a bitch, we don't normally get what we want, that's life. We're here to live, to learn, to experience and to love. All people / incidences happened / met in our lives are supposed to be our learning materials. 😛

[PapaBear]

17 hours ago, Sizzler said:

不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有

希望我能真正的学会这门学问~ =）

[Guest Guest]

 

早知道傷心總是難免的　

你又何苦一往情深

因為愛情總是難捨難分　

何必在意那一點點溫存

要知道傷心總是難免的　

在每一個夢醒時分

有些事情你現在不必問　

有些人你永遠不必等

[singalion]

On 1/15/2023 at 3:50 PM, PapaBear said:

Hi ALL,

 

need some input from you guys, if possible. 😃

 

Long story short, a few years ago, I met with a guy from UK on the yellow app, he's travelling solo throughout Asia that time. We chatted, met up for pizzas, it was nothing sexual. Just like a casual date. He's totally my type, physically speaking. And he's also a rather genuine person, from the conversation we shared.

We hooked up. He left my town for other places. We kept in touch still. I knew that I was having the affections for him, I missed the cuddling times we had and the times we share (not just in bed). I was having a little trouble trying to forget him, just felt that he's the one that got away. 

He reached out again, asking if I'd like to meet him up in a separate town and spend 5 more days together. But on the condition of not falling for him. He does not believe in long distance and just wanted us to have a good time. He enjoyed our time together and wanted to have a little more before he leaves for the next country. So, we did meet up and spent a good 5 days together. It was memorable and nice. We had such a good time, sightseeing, exploring, eating...etc. After he's left, it took me more than 3 months to feel normal again. I was having meaningless hookup, trying to 'recreate' the feeling that I was missing. Thought that I would find someone or something that'd make me feel like me again. But not quite possible.

 

Our sex was just fun, not exceptionally GOOD. I just missed the cuddling throughout the night, the feeling of having someone next to me in bed / in my sleep. Missing the person that he is, he's a genuine person and he meant what he said. He'd always have the kind intentions in mind.

We still keep in touch via social media, IM throughout the years. He's been expressing numerous times that he'd like to visit me again. Which I took it as a sweet thought that'd never come true. It was Covid-19 some more, over the last couple years.

 

Fast forward to year 2022, in the beginning of DEC2022, he suddenly texted me to ask if I could and would want to spend Christmas and New Year with him. He'd buy a ticket and come over to spend time together. To be honest, it felt unreal and like a dream coming true. My feelings for him has never changed. It took me a while to decide if I should do it, coz I know I'd feel shitty after. He's the type that'd move forward and focus on the present. I am the type that'd feel why we could only see each other that way and there's nothing more than that.

 

It's been half a month now, I am still thinking of him much. Still kinda stuck in the past, so to speak. I know it is what it is for both of us now, the physical distance is something we could not change. At least for now. 

 

I am no green-horn in hooking up, I've never had any issues alike in the past. He's the only kryptonite for me. 😛

Would love to hear some wise words from the all the wiseman here, please. In how I should process my emotion.  Thank you!

 

Maybe you see everything from his angle also:

 

He is lonely and then calls out to you to entertain him, cuddle him in bed to sleep and share his leisure.

To me your friends seems one of the persons that have problems in staying alone or spending time alone.

 

Actually, to be blunt, he is simply using your courtesy to satisfy his personal needs without giving a damn about your feelings.

 

My advice to you is:

 

In future, just keep away from him and decline.

You will always be down and feel emotionally stressed when meeting him, because you see more in him then he can give you.

 

Unless, one of you is willing to make a move and move to the other location, it is a dream that will never materialise.

 

Did you ever touch the issue that he could see a relationship with you?

What is if he only indulges into ONS but does not want any relationship.

How much do you know about him and his life. I assume very little.

 

Even if you stay at the same place together, it does not mean a relationship would work.

Yes, there is something what we would call a best fit, but running a relationship with a best fit may turn out to be just a dream.

 

In fact, in Asia I have met plenty of guys who were chasing a dream and keeping themselves off from entering into a real relationship, because there was always someone out there you were waiting for.

 

Instead of hurting yourself everytime and in the worst case eventually just being used as some distraction or momentary companion, you better go your own way, forget him and look for something serious that it real.

 

 

 

Edited January 26, 2023 by singalion

[singalion]

On 1/23/2023 at 11:24 PM, Ryuki said:

Open relationship does not really work especially with the west. You end up suffering we are the end of the day... They will just enjoy the moment and company they spend with u during the time of visit.. purely mutual and does not really involved relationship..

 

A note on open relationships:

 

You shouldn't be so fast in judging something.

 

In my personal experience 80% of gay relationships work because of the open relationship option.

 

Straight guys would have divorced their wife, gay guys tend to compromise and open up on the sex part.

 

If sex is the only thing that boils you down to a relationship, then I don't think it will run for long.

 

Whether it is an open relationship by calling it such, or one of the plenty that would not say it is open, but in reality it is, because both partners play on the side.

Couples handle this on their terms, there are ones who can share every sex experience with their partner and others who keep mouths shut on what happens outside of the common bed.

 

Yes, there are a few that manage monogamous relationships (or at least pretend they do from my personal experience with such guys) but from what I see, the majority of gay relationships sooner or later turn to something "open".

 

It is the love bond, that keeps two persons together, mostly it was never the sex part... and if it was, it ended very early.

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 1/26/2023 at 7:16 AM, Guest Guest said:

 

please ..... you are in no position to give anyone any advice, and your personal experience had meant no real shit so far on this forum. 

 

 

Ohhh!  Shut up!

 

On 1/26/2023 at 5:22 AM, singalion said:

 

In my personal experience 80% of gay relationships work because of the open relationship option.

 

 

This is my experience too.   In the most stable, long term gay relationships I know,  there is some degree of openness.   And they will be whole-life relationships because there are no issues of "fidelity",  no jealousy, and if one partner hides things from the other, the other does not want to know.  Sometimes the openness goes so far that one partner looks for the guys to have sex with his partner, because he knows what he likes.

[Steve5380]

On 1/24/2023 at 10:50 PM, PapaBear said:

Life's a bitch, we don't normally get what we want, that's life. We're here to live, to learn, to experience and to love. All people / incidences happened / met in our lives are supposed to be our learning materials. 😛

 

It should be helpful that you realize what you just wrote.  It seems to be a universal law.  

 

Hopefully your experience with the guy from UK, which is always in your mind , won't prevent you from seeking experiences with other guys.  It is perfectly acceptable to have feelings for more than one person.  And then, it is our reason which defines who is the permanent, lifelong spirit that joins us in our heart. 

 

Have you ever speculated that the guy from UK may have a permanent relationship he cannot abandon for someone else?  This does not rule out that he has feelings for you too,  just that he cannot abandon the other one to live with you. 

 

I have to confess that I might have acted somewhat similar to the guy from UK.  I had a 21 year relationship with my bf that only his death was able to halt. And he is still in my heart.  Yet, while he was disabled I did my sex tourism throughout Asia, which he was fine with,  and I did meet some guys I developed feelings for.  Because when I have sex with a body there is usually a spirit that comes with the body, and I have feelings for him.   Several times I returned to the same city and had encounters with the same guy.  But there was always the realization that I had my beloved at home, and this was an "impossible" for other relationships to get closer. 

 

What if you put your relationship with the guy from UK in a special "occasional" category that can give you an unplanned enjoyment?  Something like having a beloved family member living far away, with only occasional meetings in person, but a steady feeling in the background?   And then, you seek among the millions of other men who could be good candidates for bf,  using your experience by knowing what you want,  perhaps another guy from UK or other part of Europe,  a guy who is free and able to live with you? 

[singalion]

12 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

It should be helpful that you realize what you just wrote.  It seems to be a universal law.  

 

Hopefully your experience with the guy from UK, which is always in your mind , won't prevent you from seeking experiences with other guys.  It is perfectly acceptable to have feelings for more than one person.  And then, it is our reason which defines who is the permanent, lifelong spirit that joins us in our heart. 

 

Have you ever speculated that the guy from UK may have a permanent relationship he cannot abandon for someone else?  This does not rule out that he has feelings for you too,  just that he cannot abandon the other one to live with you. 

 

I have to confess that I might have acted somewhat similar to the guy from UK.  I had a 21 year relationship with my bf that only his death was able to halt. And he is still in my heart.  Yet, while he was disabled I did my sex tourism throughout Asia, which he was fine with,  and I did meet some guys I developed feelings for.  Because when I have sex with a body there is usually a spirit that comes with the body, and I have feelings for him.   Several times I returned to the same city and had encounters with the same guy.  But there was always the realization that I had my beloved at home, and this was an "impossible" for other relationships to get closer. 

 

What if you put your relationship with the guy from UK in a special "occasional" category that can give you an unplanned enjoyment?  Something like having a beloved family member living far away, with only occasional meetings in person, but a steady feeling in the background?   And then, you seek among the millions of other men who could be good candidates for bf,  using your experience by knowing what you want,  perhaps another guy from UK or other part of Europe,  a guy who is free and able to live with you? 

 

To add on:

 

I recommend Papabear to go on with good spirit and an optimistic mind.

Don't be pessimistic and block yourself by looking back at if's , when's and whatever.

 

Be alert to recognise when there is the call for being in a relationship with someone...

 

Don't isolate yourself and fret.

 

Every relationship is a compromise somewhere, don't look for perfection.

 

Be always ready when the signals are there and just go into it.

Even if  relationship might not work out, still the positive feelings will give you a boost.

 

[PapaBear]

12 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

It should be helpful that you realize what you just wrote.  It seems to be a universal law.  

 

Hopefully your experience with the guy from UK, which is always in your mind , won't prevent you from seeking experiences with other guys.  It is perfectly acceptable to have feelings for more than one person.  And then, it is our reason which defines who is the permanent, lifelong spirit that joins us in our heart. 

 

Have you ever speculated that the guy from UK may have a permanent relationship he cannot abandon for someone else?  This does not rule out that he has feelings for you too,  just that he cannot abandon the other one to live with you. 

 

I have to confess that I might have acted somewhat similar to the guy from UK.  I had a 21 year relationship with my bf that only his death was able to halt. And he is still in my heart.  Yet, while he was disabled I did my sex tourism throughout Asia, which he was fine with,  and I did meet some guys I developed feelings for.  Because when I have sex with a body there is usually a spirit that comes with the body, and I have feelings for him.   Several times I returned to the same city and had encounters with the same guy.  But there was always the realization that I had my beloved at home, and this was an "impossible" for other relationships to get closer. 

 

What if you put your relationship with the guy from UK in a special "occasional" category that can give you an unplanned enjoyment?  Something like having a beloved family member living far away, with only occasional meetings in person, but a steady feeling in the background?   And then, you seek among the millions of other men who could be good candidates for bf,  using your experience by knowing what you want,  perhaps another guy from UK or other part of Europe,  a guy who is free and able to live with you? 

 

Hehehe, thanks, Steve5380! 😃

Yeah, I am trying to put him aside inside my head for now and be 'present' with the people around me. 

Perhaps, he's got someone or a few people inside him that he's obligated to. We just don't share all our deep down thoughts, that's just normal and I respect that. We may just be very good friends and maybe seeing each other once in a while, but our love life might not be intertwined. But parallel instead. 

I totally get why you did what you did and I am sorry to hear about your bf. Personally, I think that's a beautiful relationship you've got there. Being in love doesn't mean locking one down and make him only to oneself. But inspiring, allowing the better half to live a full blown life (in whatever sense that may be). It is the same for me too, if I were to go back for more than once, that means I am liking that person to some degree. Only then the sex would be great. I am a little too old to just hop on and leave after. That's just not good for my emotional health. I wanted and longing love-making sessions, not just a quick fuck. 😃

The "special occasion category" is certainly a good way to handle this, Steve5380! Will not just sit back and sulk over something I have no control of. 😛

Have a good one there!

[PapaBear]

On 1/26/2023 at 7:13 PM, singalion said:

 

Maybe you see everything from his angle also:

 

He is lonely and then calls out to you to entertain him, cuddle him in bed to sleep and share his leisure.

To me your friends seems one of the persons that have problems in staying alone or spending time alone.

 

Actually, to be blunt, he is simply using your courtesy to satisfy his personal needs without giving a damn about your feelings.

 

My advice to you is:

 

In future, just keep away from him and decline.

You will always be down and feel emotionally stressed when meeting him, because you see more in him then he can give you.

 

Unless, one of you is willing to make a move and move to the other location, it is a dream that will never materialise.

 

Did you ever touch the issue that he could see a relationship with you?

What is if he only indulges into ONS but does not want any relationship.

How much do you know about him and his life. I assume very little.

 

Even if you stay at the same place together, it does not mean a relationship would work.

Yes, there is something what we would call a best fit, but running a relationship with a best fit may turn out to be just a dream.

 

In fact, in Asia I have met plenty of guys who were chasing a dream and keeping themselves off from entering into a real relationship, because there was always someone out there you were waiting for.

 

Instead of hurting yourself everytime and in the worst case eventually just being used as some distraction or momentary companion, you better go your own way, forget him and look for something serious that it real.

 

 

 

At a certain degree, I think you're right, Singalion. Everyone is doing something that makes themselves feel good / pleasant in life. And I knew what I was signing up for, so I don't blame him. 😃

I understand that very well. Being in love or in a relationship is just the very preliminary level. Making it work, in the long run is something far more complex than what we could ever think of. That's why there are so many failed ones out there. And some working well ones too, of course. 

I did touch the issue that he could see a relationship with me, and if only we're closer to each other, physically. Not in the same city, maybe somewhere we could hop on a train or flight to see each other over the weekend or something. 

 

Am trying to date here, to find someone that appreciates me for me. 

Seeing him again in the future would surely leave me with a hollow feeling after, I am well aware of that, too. Thank you for the gentle reminder, Singalion! 😃 

[PapaBear]

1 hour ago, singalion said:

 

To add on:

 

I recommend Papabear to go on with good spirit and an optimistic mind.

Don't be pessimistic and block yourself by looking back at if's , when's and whatever.

 

Be alert to recognise when there is the call for being in a relationship with someone...

 

Don't isolate yourself and fret.

 

Every relationship is a compromise somewhere, don't look for perfection.

 

Be always ready when the signals are there and just go into it.

Even if  relationship might not work out, still the positive feelings will give you a boost.

 

Thanks, Singalion! 😃 I will try my best to and be ready for what's coming ahead for me. Good or bad~!

Is the 'making the relationship to work' part that's important, not 'finding the perfect relationship'. Got it!