Can you have sex with other men and still identify as straight?

[GachiMuchi]

Can you have sex with other men and still identify as straight?

Ed Dyson meets a new generation of straight men who are keeping an open mind when it comes to same-sex sexual encounters.

By Ed Dyson   JANUARY 2019 2:45 PM

This article first appeared in Attitude issue 304, January 2018.

Photohraphy: Markus Bidaux

 

My high-school best friend – I’ll call him Nick – had just admitted that he was confused because he’d started thinking about me whenever he masturbated.

 

“Maybe we should kiss,” I suggested.

 

“I think I should be going,” he mumbled, before shooting off but not in the way I’d hoped.

 

Apparently, my suggestion that we lock lips — at 8pm on a bench outside my mum’s house in glamorous Huddersfield — was a step too far. Me making regular cameos in his wank bank was, however, perfectly acceptable.

 

Don’t get me wrong, it was a major compliment, especially given that I had both braces and acne at the time.

 

Confused? Well, that made two of us. And so, at the tender age of 15, I embarked on what would become a commitment to essentially thinking all men were — to some extent — secretly gay.

 

Over the years, my friends, who are pretty much all female or also openly gay, mocked me because of it.

 

“Ed, you think everyone’s gay,” pals would smirk, rolling their eyes, after I’d just confidently outed another stranger, celebrity or friendly waiter who’d held eye-contact a second too long.

 

And, in fairness, they were right. If I had a pound for every time I’d uttered those words… well, I wouldn’t still occasionally consider faking my own death to escape student loans.

 

It’s amazing that the irony escaped me for so long that I — the guy who had spent high school silently dreading the moment anyone ever accused him of being gay — had over the years, inexplicably, morphed into the accuser. 

 

It wasn’t until recently that I considered the fact that people like myself, while officially believing everyone needs to be true to themselves, might be part of the problem. What if there really are a multitude of levels between gay and bisexual?

 

And, perhaps, one of the reasons so many men don’t feel comfortable experimenting, or admitting to their curiosities about man-on-man encounters, is because people like Yours Truly are standing across the room, eyes-narrowed, whispering cattily about them.

 

“He knows the words to the new Taylor Swift song,” I’d remark, all-knowingly, smug that I was right about him all along.

 

Yes, I’m afraid to say I might be an example of a gay man who has been unwittingly endorsing and carrying out a less-traditional, but still problematic, form of homophobia. 

 

However, in my defence, there was much going on to encourage me: a lot had happened since Nick refused to kiss me, shaping these views that I’m now shamefully re-evaluating.

 

As I got older, braces removed and acne cleared up, I could actually start being intimate with men who weren’t severely visually impaired, presenting me with new opportunities to be annoying.

 

“I only sleep with straight men,” I’d profess at uni, proudly, about my approach to dating, like it was some messed-up badge of honour. That is just what turned me on, I’d tell myself — and it was true, I suppose. Maybe I enjoyed the challenge. As if dating isn’t challenging enough without restricting yourself to a group of suitors who, by their very definition, aren’t interested.

 

And yet, I was not without success. There were straight men willing to experiment. Sure, they all insisted they were straight, and some even threatened my life if I ever told another soul (is it wrong that this made it hotter?) but they did exist. And naturally, I assumed each and every one of them — the ones with girlfriends or wives — were all so far in the closet they had the White Witch on speed dial.

 

It’s only now that I’m entering my thirties that it occurs to me that perhaps a lot of those men weren’t, and aren’t, in fact, gay at all. Maybe they were experiencing the same curiosities that I — and many of us – did in youth.

 

I mean, keep it between us, but I fooled around with a girl at school. And so maybe many of my encounters with straight men over the years helped them decide such carrying-on also wasn’t their cup of tea. An idea I’m choosing not to take personally.

 

A fine example of a man comfortable enough in his sexuality to try-bi-and-not-lie is Connor Hunter, 21, the hunky Essex boy from Ex on the Beach, who “dabbled” with a guy two years ago after realising, during a casual threesome, that his mate was staring at him, rather than the lucky lady they were supposed to be, erm, attending to.

 

“I’d noticed him checking me out, then sure enough, three days later he phoned me and admitted it,” laughs Connor. “He told me he thought he might be bisexual, and would I mind if we tried stuff together? I said, ‘What do you mean by that? How far do you want me to go?’”

Refreshingly, laid-back Connor figured it was “no biggie,” and agreed to meet up with his questioning pal and take it from there. “We went on a night out and ended up trying bits and bobs,” Connor grins. “It didn’t go all the way, but we did experiment.

 

21-year-old Conor says he’s always been “open-minded” when it comes to sexual diversity.

And so, the million-dollar question: did he enjoy those bits and bobs?

 

“It didn’t really do anything for me,” he admits, sounding almost disappointed. “But I was glad I did it, and if anything it brought us closer. It was a big thing for him to come and ask me like that, and I’m glad he did.”

 

Blimey. I think I speak for most gay men when I say I wish the world shared Connor’s attitude, one he believes stems from being bullied at school for hanging around mostly with girls and not liking football.

 

“I did get labelled a bit,” he tells Attitude. “They’d say, ‘oh he’s obviously gay!’ I wasn’t, but from that day I’ve always been open-minded, with a lot of gay friends.”

He adds: “I think lots of celebrities, whether they’ve admitted it or not, have dabbled in both swimming pools…”

 

Connor wishes any men “scared of labelling” would take a leaf out of his book. “I don’t think any boy should feel ashamed of anything because if you don’t try it, you’ll never know.”

 

As regards to sex with men in future, he remarks: “I’m not gonna say never. But what I will say is I love girls and I have a girlfriend, she’s amazing.”

Concluding, he says: “It shouldn’t be an issue. But not everybody is as comfortable as me. I’m a very straight and open person and I wouldn’t ever do something then lie about it.”

 

‘Straight and open’, he says, without a hint of irony – but his chilled approach to sex remains admirable and rare, even in 2018. 

 

Jacob Rowland, similarly, adopted a don’t knock-it-until-you’ve-tried-it’ approach to his sex life. The engineer, 23, from Luton experimented with his older, Russian flatmate a couple of years ago. He’d questioned his sexuality – briefly – as a teenager.

 

“I think everyone does, for a bit, all my friends did,” he says, but it wasn’t until moving to Amsterdam aged 21 that he took the plunge.

 

“I lived with two gay men, one Russian, one Polish, both much older than me,” he explains. “They hated each other, but I was friends with both.”

Jacob’s Russian flatmate was shorter than him and quite masculine, despite occasionally sporting pink hair and mascara (go figure). They spent a lot of time exploring Amsterdam’s party scene, which Jacob admits was quite the “eye-opener.”

 

He continues: “I’d never experimented with men, and had no interest really, but since living with the guys, their mainly gay circle of friends also became mine. I spent a lot of time in gay clubs. Men hit on me a lot, but I was just polite and said no. I was having a lot of casual sex with women at the time.”

 

23-year-old Jacob has a female fiancée and a 10-month-old son, but is open about his experiences with men

Jacob, who now has a female fiancée and a 10-month-old son, speaks fondly of this period, and laughs: “One night my Russian friend and I’d had a lot to drink. One thing led to another and we started kissing, in the flat, and he ended up going down on me.”

 

As you do. And? “I didn’t enjoy it, he had a beard!” Jacob chuckles. “It was scratchy. But it didn’t bother me. It was a one-off. I don’t think it’s for me, but never say never.!”

 

“My girlfriend knows, but she’s open-minded too and didn’t mind,” says Jacob. “She’s experimented with women before so why is it different?

“It’s as big deal as you make it.”

 

As great as it is hearing from modern men such as Connor and Jacob – who are hopefully examples of our ever-evolving society — it’s difficult to deny most straight men are still terrified of being considered in any way gay.

 

I asked expert Jane Ward, author of the book, Not Gay – Sex between Straight White Men, why this is.

 

 

“In general, men are subject to a narrower set of expectations about sexual experimentation than women,” she says.

 

“There is a common belief, which comes from decades of flawed research in sexology and sociobiology, that men are either gay or straight and that even one sexual experience with another man is an indicator of a repressed gay identity.”

 

She believes not only does this render bisexuality “invisible,” but it also ignores the complex circumstances in which men – like women – can have sexual experiences that don’t necessarily correspond with their sexual identity.

 

“Straight people are largely in denial about the complexity of the sexuality of straight men, which is why it was important to me to write Not Gay,” she says. “We need to educate young men that their sexuality is as flexible, and under their control, as the sexuality of girls and women.”

 

Making me hang my head in shame, she adds: “Gay men can be very invested in telling any man who has a queer thought or desire that he is a closet case if he doesn’t come out as gay or bisexual. But I think it’s a better idea to let people tell us themselves how they experience their sexuality, rather than imposing labels.”

 

It’s certainly hard to argue with that. As a community familiar with being on the receiving end of shaming, we should surely be the last to take pleasure in paying that negativity forward, even if discreetly.

 

Men can experiment, men can be curious, men can fuck men — without necessarily being gay, which might just be a lesson some of us need to learn just as much as the rest of society.

 

If only I’d been able to explain all of this to Nick 15 years ago…

 

 

[fun72]

What a long brianwashing article

 

by definition.

 

heterosexual = willing to have sex with different sex.

homosexual = willing to have sex with same sex.

bisexual = willine to have sex with either/both sex.

 

So by definition, is not gay, but bi.

 

PS. old day english, gay also mean wild carefree happieness, not only refer to homosexual, but orgy also. eg MultiP MFFFFF also can refer to gay. ( eg babylon in bible )

 

 ----------

 

Anal sex will happen in herosex as well.

 

eg, old day prostitute gal licking guy ass (or even put finger in), aka so called "poison dragon drill".

 

in MF bdsm also get gal wearing didlo fucking guy.

 

if any straight guy's gf/wife willing to do so, he still can brag himself as straight, even his ass get poked and he enjoyed it.

 

 

Edited February 27, 2023 by fun72

[Guest Elteach]

On 2/27/2023 at 5:28 PM, fun72 said:

What a long brianwashing article

 

by definition.

 

heterosexual = willing to have sex with different sex.

homosexual = willing to have sex with same sex.

bisexual = willine to have sex with either/both sex.

 

So by definition, is not gay, but bi.

 

PS. old day english, gay also mean wild carefree happieness, not only refer to homosexual, but orgy also. eg MultiP MFFFFF also can refer to gay. ( eg babylon in bible )

 

 ----------

 

Anal sex will happen in herosex as well.

 

eg, old day prostitute gal licking guy ass (or even put finger in), aka so called "poison dragon drill".

 

in MF bdsm also get gal wearing didlo fucking guy.

 

if any straight guy's gf/wife willing to do so, he still can brag himself as straight, even his ass get poked and he enjoyed it.

 

 

I'm guessing you aren't much of a reader? Are you one of those who think reading is a waste of time? I thought it was enjoyable to listen to people's experiences, get a taste of different viewpoints, etc.

You of course presented your views in a much less artful, much less enjoyable manner. And still leave the reader wondering what you are trying to say. Don't envy those who are better writers than you.

[fun72]

38 minutes ago, Guest Elteach said:

I'm guessing you aren't much of a reader? Are you one of those who think reading is a waste of time? I thought it was enjoyable to listen to people's experiences, get a taste of different viewpoints, etc.

You of course presented your views in a much less artful, much less enjoyable manner. And still leave the reader wondering what you are trying to say. Don't envy those who are better writers than you.

 

Don't want to be blunt. pls goto read dictionary ( or even bible or quran) about gay, sex, sexeality, etc and all those definition.

Language is for communication, you can distort/ brainwash /misleading word meaning to cheat yourself / other ppl. surely you enjoying reading novel said moon is square or even triangle, and said other people envoy to tell you moon is round?

you can pretending that men-to-mex sex behaviour is straight mischief / behaviour, not bisexual/ homosexual. It just a coward to escaping fact and reality.

 

 

Edited February 28, 2023 by fun72

[D.0284]

i believe there is spectrum of sexual orientation.

[Guest Guest]

21 minutes ago, D.0284 said:

i believe there is spectrum of sexual orientation.

 

True... I believe too.

Not fair to label man and man having sex = gay. Sexual orientation is very personal. 

[Guest Dick dick]

2 hours ago, D.0284 said:

i believe there is spectrum of sexual orientation.

 

 

Rainbow spectrum

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, D.0284 said:

i believe there is spectrum of sexual orientation.

 

I believe this too.  A spectrum that is a continuum.  Maybe multi-dimensional?

 

7 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

True... I believe too.

Not fair to label man and man having sex = gay. Sexual orientation is very personal. 

 

NOT FAIR?    man and man having sex = two men having GAY sex.  

 

Gay man having sex with woman = a couple having STRAIGHT sex.

 

There is not always coincidence between orientation and action.  While the action is perfectly defined, the orientation is simply an internal preference,  only known to the beholder,  who has the right to "identify" with whatever he likes.  When a man is having gay sex, he is being "gay",  when he has straight sex he is being "straight".  I think that any man should be able to fulfill both roles,  independent of his preference.  So if we gays want to have a child, we should be able to fuck a woman instead of being ridiculous and ask for "artificial insemination".  What the heck!  Don't we all have a dick that can do "natural insemination", even if this is not our preference? 

[Guest guest]

This is always a debating question.

I once met a China guy working in SG. He told me majority of China people working in SG are married and have a family back in China including himself. He showed me his family photo in his wallet taken with his wife and 2 sons. I asked him why he had sex with guys and he told me he need to pay girls to have sex. He told me a lot of China friends in SG downloaded gay dating apps to look for free sex because you don't need to pay to have sex with gays. He told me is just a hole needed to release the "hornyness" .

[DrFhill]

sure, you can lie to the world that you're straight.

 

[HUNGRYBTMS]

can

[horhorfun]

Can,one guy fuck me,he still call himself straight with a open mind

[Guest Lim]

True, I believe open minded men wouldn't mind. Especially those ABC.

[Guest ELteach]

On 2/28/2023 at 10:38 PM, fun72 said:

 

Don't want to be blunt. pls goto read dictionary ( or even bible or quran) about gay, sex, sexeality, etc and all those definition.

Language is for communication, you can distort/ brainwash /misleading word meaning to cheat yourself / other ppl. surely you enjoying reading novel said moon is square or even triangle, and said other people envoy to tell you moon is round?

you can pretending that men-to-mex sex behaviour is straight mischief / behaviour, not bisexual/ homosexual. It just a coward to escaping fact and reality.

 

 

I am well aware of what these religious texts say about sexuality. All they say is that sex between men is an abominable sin. They didn't say anything about what people are capable of feeling or wanting to do.

Your definition of communication is really just utilitarian, pragmatic and frankly narrow. Same for your opinion about what language is for. For centuries people have used language like a double-edged sword. The 'brainwashing' itself is merely artful and skillful communication. Great literature don't read like a manual. For good reason.

So every NS boy, dorm mates playing soggy biscuit, circle jerkoff, are all either bi or gay? I've a friend whom I played with in our younger days in NS who eventually decided he prefers women. Are you saying he is bi? 

I once had a girlfriend and thought I was bi, but now I cannot imagine ever doing it with a girl. so am I bi or gay?

[singalion]

10 hours ago, horhorfun said:

Can,one guy fuck me,he still call himself straight with a open mind

I would rather say you are the open minded in this scenario but not the straight guy. 
 

For sure he is in self denial and should see himself as bisexual.

 

 To me this scenario has a notion of the straight guy while being dishonest to himself also looking down on homosexuals.

The truly straight guy doesn’t get aroused with guys. 
 

Yes, there might be exceptional situations (of error and trial) but these are extremely rare.

 

But I noted also that some gays in this region need to pretend or imagine to having sex with a “straight “ to hype their sex experience but aren’t true to themselves also in recognising that the sex partner isn’t straight at all.

 

 

Edited January 22, 2024 by singalion

[Balestier]

9 hours ago, singalion said:

I would rather say you are the open minded in this scenario but not the straight guy. 
 

For sure he is in self denial and should see himself as bisexual.

 

 To me this scenario has a notion of the straight guy while being dishonest to himself also looking down on homosexuals.

The truly straight guy doesn’t get aroused with guys. 
 

Yes, there might be exceptional situations (of error and trial) but these are extremely rare.

 

But I noted also that some gays in this region need to pretend or imagine to having sex with a “straight “ to hype their sex experience but aren’t true to themselves also in recognising that the sex partner isn’t straight at all.

 

 

Sex as in anal intercourse ? Straight won't get hard to fxxk. Bttm ?? Maybe to try. He may close his eyes and have his dick blown and jerked too

[Guest Guest]

2 hours ago, Balestier said:

Maybe to try. He may close his eyes and have his dick blown and jerked too

Haha...I really agree to this. 

[singalion]

3 hours ago, Balestier said:

Sex as in anal intercourse ? Straight won't get hard to fxxk. Bttm ?? Maybe to try. He may close his eyes and have his dick blown and jerked too

 

Maybe, but for a real straight guy I don't find this realistic.

I have seen those videos where straight guys were duped being sucked by a girl but it was a guy. But how true is this. It can be just fake.

 

There are always exceptional scenarios, e.g. some Pakistani workers in UAE,Qatar, locked into the country for years with no girls available. But we don't know the history, whether theses guys engaged in gay sex in their home countries already.

I heard from Pinoy ex-workers on cargo ships that some hanky panky seems to happen between some of the guys of the crew, if they don't go on land for months, ... But the Pinoy guy who told me this was gay.

 

But the guys on gay dating apps who insists he is straight, maybe his gay sex partner has the illusion having met with a straight, but in real that "straight" guy just doesn't want to accept that he is gay or bisexual or he uses the "straight" as a marketing gimmick.

 

 

[Balestier]

42 minutes ago, singalion said:

 

Maybe, but for a real straight guy I don't find this realistic.

I have seen those videos where straight guys were duped being sucked by a girl but it was a guy. But how true is this. It can be just fake.

 

There are always exceptional scenarios, e.g. some Pakistani workers in UAE,Qatar, locked into the country for years with no girls available. But we don't know the history, whether theses guys engaged in gay sex in their home countries already.

I heard from Pinoy ex-workers on cargo ships that some hanky panky seems to happen between some of the guys of the crew, if they don't go on land for months, ... But the Pinoy guy who told me this was gay.

 

But the guys on gay dating apps who insists he is straight, maybe his gay sex partner has the illusion having met with a straight, but in real that "straight" guy just doesn't want to accept that he is gay or bisexual or he uses the "straight" as a marketing gimmick.

 

 

Maybe .  But we cannot rule out that straight men would enjoy kkj being sucked or entering a tight hole. No emotions. Just ONS

Edited January 23, 2024 by Balestier
.

[horhorfun]

5 hours ago, Balestier said:

Sex as in anal intercourse ? Straight won't get hard to fxxk. Bttm ?? Maybe to try. He may close his eyes and have his dick blown and jerked too

Yes anal sex,he fuck me damn good ,he finger me very well ,in fact,he fucked me two to three times separately,he call himself straight curious

[singalion]

27 minutes ago, horhorfun said:

Yes anal sex,he fuck me damn good ,he finger me very well ,in fact,he fucked me two to three times separately,he call himself straight curious

 

If you believe in this "straight curious" stuff, it is up to you.

 

I don't take it. I don't buy it.

 

I don't doubt, that in some cases in puberty there might be some cases of two actually straight boys jerking together or one actually straight guy trying some gay sex, but once the sexual orientation is settled, I don't think that there is something of straight guys (unless the very exceptional cases I quoted earlier) engaging into gay sex.

 

If not, 99% of straight guys would engage in gay sex, as getting it is much easier than finding a girl as a sex partner.

 

Those straight curious might not be clear with their sexual orientation or in a phase for not being ready to admit that they are in fact gay or bisexuals.

Another type of "straight curious" are those in denial on their orientation.

 

In your example him fingering you very well is already a good hint that he met other guys before having engaged in gay sex.

 

This guy might call himself what he wants, but to me he is clearly gay.

It is up to you to believe what he is telling you. I m not you, you are free to think or believe what you want.

 

Ask straight "curious" guys whether they already had sex with a girl. In 95% of cases you will receive the reply: "Never before".

The usual straight guy would try sex with a girl first...

 

 

 

 

Edited January 23, 2024 by singalion

[singalion]

29 minutes ago, Balestier said:

Maybe .  But we cannot rule out that straight men would enjoy kkj being sucked or entering a tight hole. No emotions. Just ONS

 

I am sure straight men would enjoy being sucked or even to fuck.

But it is hypothetical, more theory than real.

But there seems to be some psychological or genetic background preventing them to engage into it or wanting to enjoy it or even dare to indulge in such things with a man or in getting erected.

It has something to do with getting sexually aroused. Instead of the man place a naked girl with huge tits into the same room. it has something to do with the genetic programming.

You would see the difference I assume...

 

Just take a male straight Onsen/spa visited by straight men.

Do the straight men have a hard on or get hard when seeing other naked men?

Do straight men engage for having another guy to get them sucked off in such a place?

 

Same for the military, while we gays struggle not to get erected or stay soft, straight men don't get erected when showering nude with the other soldiers or changing clothes at the changing room or seeing their comrades in nude.

 

Leave the gays out of a gym, and you will have the same experience with straight guys. They won't get hard when seeing another man nude and would not think a bit of getting sucked by a man or fucking the ass of another man.

 

Edited January 23, 2024 by singalion

[Balestier]

46 minutes ago, horhorfun said:

Yes anal sex,he fuck me damn good ,he finger me very well ,in fact,he fucked me two to three times separately,he call himself straight curious

Obviously not straight. Gay denial. Hope you did not put Ur emotions on him.

[cutejack]

5 hours ago, horhorfun said:

Yes anal sex,he fuck me damn good ,he finger me very well ,in fact,he fucked me two to three times separately,he call himself straight curious

Talking is cheap. Anybody can say anything. I'm straight too.  🤣🤣🤣

Took me one second to type this.

[doncoin]

5 hours ago, Balestier said:

Obviously not straight. Gay denial. Hope you did not put Ur emotions on him.

 

 

The term they are calling themselves these days is "sexually fluid." 

[Guest Lim]

8 hours ago, Balestier said:

Maybe .  But we cannot rule out that straight men would enjoy kkj being sucked or entering a tight hole. No emotions. Just ONS

 

I agree some str8 dude do enjoy being suck by man or fxxk a man's tight hole. Yes, juz for ONS. Whoever who can service them, they juz dun bother abt  e gender.

[singalion]

1 hour ago, doncoin said:

 

 

The term they are calling themselves these days is "sexually fluid." 

 

You can bring thousands of new terms... it won't change between straight, bisexual and gay. 

 

From my experience truly straight guys don't engage in gay sex. 

 

 

[singalion]

19 minutes ago, Guest Lim said:

 

I agree some str8 dude do enjoy being suck by man or fxxk a man's tight hole. Yes, juz for ONS. Whoever who can service them, they juz dun bother abt  e gender.

 

But then such guys who don't bother about the gender and enjoy sex with girls and/or men are bisexuals but surely not straight. 

 

 

 

 

[del_ta]

On 1/24/2024 at 1:40 AM, Guest Lim said:

I agree some str8 dude do enjoy being suck by man or fxxk a man's tight hole. Yes, juz for ONS. Whoever who can service them, they juz dun bother abt  e gender.

exactly right

[Guest Guest]

In some situations, a straight guy might rape another guy, e.g. during wartime, or in a prison, etc.

 

It's about power and dominance, not sexual attraction or sexual pleasure.

[Balestier]

5 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

In some situations, a straight guy might rape another guy, e.g. during wartime, or in a prison, etc.

 

It's about power and dominance, not sexual attraction or sexual pleasure.

In some situations esp in boy schools, a school guy might tease another guy by jerking off or showing his kkj

 

It's about growing up not sexual attraction or sexual pleasure.

[Balestier]

1 hour ago, del_ta said:

exactly right

And many bi/str wanting NSA do that

[singalion]

1 hour ago, Balestier said:

And many bi/str wanting NSA do that

 

I would put it as follows:

 

And many bi/pretending to be straight wanting NSA with a guy...

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 1/22/2024 at 7:29 AM, Guest ELteach said:

 

I am well aware of what these religious texts say about sexuality. All they say is that sex between men is an abominable sin. They didn't say anything about what people are capable of feeling or wanting to do.

 

 

You are right. They cannot be taken as encyclopedic works on sexuality.  They are the same as any one text.  They have an author, and publishers.  They belong on a book shelf, some of them together with other works of fiction.  They lack rigor, like double-blind trials.

 

 

On 1/23/2024 at 11:58 AM, singalion said:

 

You can bring thousands of new terms... it won't change between straight, bisexual and gay. 

 

From my experience truly straight guys don't engage in gay sex. 

 

 

You can only know it from your own experience if you are a "truly straight" guy yourself.

 

The experts say that there is a continuum between the 100% heterosexuals and the 100% homosexuals. So a majority we may be in between. How much, that depends. And to classify sexuality in only three terms:  straight, bisexual and gay...  isn't this a little skimpy?  Apparently there are only two kind of sex organs, but, sexuality?  A good variety of sexuality goes beyond just three colors:  white, gray and black,  and instead extends to a whole RAINBOW.  This is another reason why sexuality should not be such a big deal.

 

[singalion]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

You can only know it from your own experience if you are a "truly straight" guy yourself.

 

The experts say that there is a continuum between the 100% heterosexuals and the 100% homosexuals. So a majority we may be in between. How much, that depends. And to classify sexuality in only three terms:  straight, bisexual and gay...  isn't this a little skimpy?  Apparently there are only two kind of sex organs, but, sexuality?  A good variety of sexuality goes beyond just three colors:  white, gray and black,  and instead extends to a whole RAINBOW.  This is another reason why sexuality should not be such a big deal.

 

 

I think there is a misunderstanding, Steve. 

 

At no point I said that there aren't bisexuals. 

 

A guy who has sex with women but also seeks sex with guys is bisexual and not straight. 

He might prefer to call himself "straight" but in real he isn't. 

 

I also wouldn't boil it down on "experience", there are closeted or psychologically challenged guys who are gay, secretly watch gay porn, dream of having sex with men and are gay, but don't want or can't admit to themselves that they are!

 

Edited January 26, 2024 by singalion

[AskMeNot]

In my opinion, sex and relationship are different things. Sex is an act while relationship is more emotional. I feel the term straight, bi, gay should relate to relationship more than the sex. For example, a person who is married to a girl is identified as straight in the eyes of the society. However, this does not exclude this man from not having sex with another guy. It's a matter of choice.

 

Terms like straight, bi, gay are what humans use to make sense of certain things. However, in reality, things could be different. There is no absolute in anything.

[bluerunner]

Self-denial to the max. 

[singalion]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:10 AM, AskMeNot said:

In my opinion, sex and relationship are different things. Sex is an act while relationship is more emotional. I feel the term straight, bi, gay should relate to relationship more than the sex. For example, a person who is married to a girl is identified as straight in the eyes of the society. However, this does not exclude this man from not having sex with another guy. It's a matter of choice.

 

Terms like straight, bi, gay are what humans use to make sense of certain things. However, in reality, things could be different. There is no absolute in anything.

 

What is the difference of sexual orientation to sex and relationships?

 

The sexual orientation is according to what sex partner you prefer or getting aroused with.

 

A guy who pretends to be straight and has a relationship to a girlfriend but has sex with guys is still gay or bi.

 

How does the factor how the society identify the person to do with his true sexual orientation?

 

Nothing in my point of view.

 

I am also not sure if having sex with another guy is simply a matter of choice.

 

Most gays never have any drive or intention to have sex with a girl. They simply only get sexually aroused and enjoy sex with a guy.

 

There is no "absolute" in anything but there is certainty that guys are homosexuals, bi or straight. 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:10 AM, AskMeNot said:

In my opinion, sex and relationship are different things. Sex is an act while relationship is more emotional. I feel the term straight, bi, gay should relate to relationship more than the sex. For example, a person who is married to a girl is identified as straight in the eyes of the society. However, this does not exclude this man from not having sex with another guy. It's a matter of choice.

 

Terms like straight, bi, gay are what humans use to make sense of certain things. However, in reality, things could be different. There is no absolute in anything.

 

Agree.

[AskMeNot]

8 hours ago, singalion said:

 

What is the difference of sexual orientation to sex and relationships?

 

The sexual orientation is according to what sex partner you prefer or getting aroused with.

 

A guy who pretends to be straight and has a relationship to a girlfriend but has sex with guys is still gay or bi.

 

How does the factor how the society identify the person to do with his true sexual orientation?

 

Nothing in my point of view.

 

I am also not sure if having sex with another guy is simply a matter of choice.

 

Most gays never have any drive or intention to have sex with a girl. They simply only get sexually aroused and enjoy sex with a guy.

 

There is no "absolute" in anything but there is certainty that guys are homosexuals, bi or straight. 

 

 

 

 

 

What I meant was gay, bisexual or straight has two paradigms. What you really want and how you want others to perceive you. They could be aligned or mis-aligned depending on an individual's choice and decision.

 

For example, a person could have the urge to have sex with both guys and gals. He is bisexual. However, thus far, he only dare to have sex with his wife because of the fear of societal reproach. Hence, society deem him as a straight guy. Can we then conclude he is absolutely straight?

 

 

[singalion]

1 hour ago, AskMeNot said:

 

What I meant was gay, bisexual or straight has two paradigms. What you really want and how you want others to perceive you. They could be aligned or mis-aligned depending on an individual's choice and decision.

 

For example, a person could have the urge to have sex with both guys and gals. He is bisexual. However, thus far, he only dare to have sex with his wife because of the fear of societal reproach. Hence, society deem him as a straight guy. Can we then conclude he is absolutely straight?

 

 

 

 

But wouldn't this guy in your example be gay or bisexual in denial? 

 

Can he hold his sexual urge for guys. 

 

Society might see him as straight, but in reality he isn't. 

 

Isn't his own view on his sexual orientation more relevant? Why should we consider the society when it is false. 

 

 

 

 

[AskMeNot]

12 hours ago, singalion said:

 

 

But wouldn't this guy in your example be gay or bisexual in denial? 

 

Can he hold his sexual urge for guys. 

 

Society might see him as straight, but in reality he isn't. 

 

Isn't his own view on his sexual orientation more relevant? Why should we consider the society when it is false. 

 

 

 

 

 

I am of the opinion that both self-view and public view are equally important. Self-view allows you to live the life you want. The public view is important to shape policies and landscape you live in. Many people in the past knew they were homosexual or bi-sexual, but they were not given society rights to exist.

[Balestier]

Can you pass Ur wife or gf 6th sense ?

[Balestier]

13 hours ago, singalion said:

 

 

But wouldn't this guy in your example be gay or bisexual in denial? 

 

Can he hold his sexual urge for guys. 

 

Society might see him as straight, but in reality he isn't. 

 

Isn't his own view on his sexual orientation more relevant? Why should we consider the society when it is false. 

 

 

 

 

What ever label is, can he bluff himself ? History will tell

[Guest jaded]

we seem to think that men are incapable of letting other priorities govern their lives: be it ambition, familial loyalty, duty to children, etc. Just because there are so many closeted bi married men who go sauna or hook up on apps, doesn't mean there aren't any bi men who decided that their duty is to their wives or kids and find a more responsible way to deal with their sexual urges. 

Just because there are increasing numbers of straight people having affairs doesn't mean there aren't men who, while they might have lustful thoughts of another woman, keep his dick in his pants and do the right thing by his family. So why can't bi men do the same thing? Gays in lavender marriages are another matter la. 

There's more to life than sex la; other joys, other satisfactions, other fulfilments.

 

[HC-B]

The interesting thing about men having physical sex with other men is what you find out about them after the sex. 
 

The postcoital getting to know you chat, of sorts. With those who are willing and chatty, of course.

 

Some of the more boring sexual encounters I’ve had and still been having are — no surprise — with men who identify as pure gay. Some are good and mind blowing. A few tend to do nothing but whinge or complain or bitch about others and life but not themselves.

 

Oddly enough, some of the more heartfelt sexual encounters I’ve been having are with men who either have a girlfriend and are flip flopping sexually with their army camp superiors, have a wife or a wife and one or two adolescent kids, have a long term girlfriend who is oblivious that her guy is leading a double night life with and in the arms of other men. They tend to be modest, well tempered, even gentle and loving.

 

Ultimately, men having sex with other men, in spite of whichever label each of them is grouped under, is just about creating a moment of connection and experiencing a journey of intimacy, be it brief or prolonged. 
 

Whether or not it ends there after the fact or you meet up again and again later on is up to you and him and him.

[Guest Guest]

On 1/30/2024 at 7:48 AM, HC-B said:

Some of the more boring sexual encounters I’ve had and still been having are — no surprise — with men who identify as pure gay. Some are good and mind blowing. A few tend to do nothing but whinge or complain or bitch about others and life but not themselves.

 

Oddly enough, some of the more heartfelt sexual encounters I’ve been having are with men who either have a girlfriend and are flip flopping sexually with their army camp superiors, have a wife or a wife and one or two adolescent kids, have a long term girlfriend who is oblivious that her guy is leading a double night life with and in the arms of other men. They tend to be modest, well tempered, even gentle and loving.

 

Very interesting point you raised here.

I have noticed that myself also, and i think ironically, that's the reason why a lot of gay guys are drawn to straight guys rather than to other gay guys.

Straight guys give off a different vibe from gay guys.

Some gay guys think that the more ku-niang (sissy) they behave, the more they will attract other gay guys.

Actually, it's a huge turnoff.

[top_suck]

Those guys labelling themselves as straight when they enjoy fucking or getting fuckd just need some balls to accept that they are gay or at least bi. Acceptance is the key to be happy of who you really are.

[Steve5380]

On 1/25/2024 at 8:10 PM, AskMeNot said:

In my opinion, sex and relationship are different things. Sex is an act while relationship is more emotional. I feel the term straight, bi, gay should relate to relationship more than the sex. For example, a person who is married to a girl is identified as straight in the eyes of the society. However, this does not exclude this man from not having sex with another guy. It's a matter of choice.

 

Terms like straight, bi, gay are what humans use to make sense of certain things. However, in reality, things could be different. There is no absolute in anything.

 

I agree with you that there are few if any absolutes.  Most apparent absolutes are mere simplifications.  An identification with "straight" does not imply that there is no gay or bi orientation.

 

I married a woman who found me attractive and whom I also found attractive,  not for any external pressure but by having the right emotional attachment. I was a perfect husband, head of a family,  therefore "straight",  and I am and have been a perfect father.  Yet my sexual attraction defines me as gay. 

 

1 hour ago, top_suck said:

Those guys labelling themselves as straight when they enjoy fucking or getting fuckd just need some balls to accept that they are gay or at least bi. Acceptance is the key to be happy of who you really are.

 

To be acting as straight and being labelled as such, while having the sexual attractions of a gay may NOT be a lack of acceptance.  We can accept this duality perfectly well, and hold it if this is possible,  without this being immoral and a source of guilt.

 

There is NO LAW I know against acting as straight while being gay.  

[Steve5380]

On 1/27/2024 at 10:24 AM, singalion said:

But wouldn't this guy in your example be gay or bisexual in denial? 

 

Can he hold his sexual urge for guys. 

 

Society might see him as straight, but in reality he isn't. 

 

Isn't his own view on his sexual orientation more relevant? Why should we consider the society when it is false. 

 

 

What you wrote confirms how complex this issue is.   Straight is not only a sexual attraction to women,  it is also an attitude that can be SEEN by others.   Most of the straights we know we hold as straights not because we see them passionately fuck a woman,  but because they are married and heads of families with children etc.  So this is a VALID DEFINITION,  not only whatever makes their cock hard.  So a man can be straight (in attitude) and gay (in sexual orientation) at the same time.  And WE GAYS CAN FUCK A WOMAN if there is a need to do so.  This further makes us straight in attitude!

.

Edited February 1, 2024 by Steve5380