Hurtful Gay Life...?

[Guest Life Searcher]

I have not written in any blog for very long long time... as I was really busy but recently something happen and thoughts start flowing into my mind. Sometimes, I start wondering why are we working so hard for and what is / are the purpose we are fighting for? I have spent a lot of my time in career and overseas. Although, like some of my friends have said I can enjoy my privacy, in the other hand you feel really lonely some nights.

Many would have thought of fooling around since I am away but sometimes it is just your own guilty feeling to do so. Maybe I have thought too much but I just can't go around having someone whom I really don't know to have sex or etc.

Especially after knowing my Dream man..... Mr. W ... A married man who fits in my entire requirement / dream in terms of look, built and we have endless topics to chat on. Knowing him for 3 months now and feeling for him goes deeper and deeper each time. It is only in the 2nd month that I knew not only he is married he actually has a partner for more than 10 years. After knowing this, I was really lost…. I don’t know what to do or how to react. Being normally a very practical man, I shouldn’t have much difficultly to leave this man and lead on to my life again. But not this time!! I don’t know why and can’t explain why??? I should say I am pretty lucky to be brought up in quite a well-brought environment, having a reasonable good job and quite a smart looking man at my mid 30s, I could have more choices if I want. I used to think I can control my feelings and emotional very well but I am really not myself this time.

Anyway, Mr. W will normally need to meet his partner every Saturday afternoon and that is also the day which makes me feel the most terrible in the last 3 months. I start imagining what they will be doing then and etc. I went into emotional breakdown several times and seriously thought of getting out this relationship. However, so long Saturday is over, I felt Mr. W is back to me and the love he showers me over just stop me thinking again to end our relationship. I gave myself many many reasons to stop thinking over whether he has any relationship or not as long as he loves me and be good to me. I have also tried to be nasty having the thought that I don’t know who is partner is and why should I care about how he feels or so what if I am the 3rd party? Saying is always easier than action. I feel guilt and yet I can’t stop it. Mr. W has spent more than 75% of his time with me now and I can also feel his love has move towards me more as each day goes by.

Mr. W explanation was after 10 years of relationship with his partner, he feel cruel to end it just like this and moreover he have tried doing that a few times over the last 10 years and his partner threatens him to suicide each time and so he have no choice but to give in. I have spent a lot of time to think over this unhealthy relationship and start figuring out something after reading a book called “If life is a GAME, These are the Rules”. I start to feel better and tell myself to enjoy each day so long nothing happens. In any other way, I just know him for barely 3 months and who knows what happen in future…. I just want to live happy and happy living!!

[Guest Life Searcher]

Sorry forgotten to also mention or ask;

1) Has anyone here felt Gay life is really tough? 1st we have to accept who we are and is really not easy to find a true love in this circle?

2) Anyone has the same experience to share?

3) I have actually given up hope to look for R/S for over the last few years...only till I meet Mr. W which really lit up fire again...

Hope all of you here will meet your true love soon....

[Tight Ass]

To Dearest Virgin

1) Has anyone here felt Gay life is really tough? 1st we have to accept who we are and is really not easy to find a true love in this circle?

No, not tough. Gay world is surrounding me and I just love it. I truly love msyelf than someone to truly love me and that makes me happy and naughty. In this circle if you find someone attractive, go near him, kneel down, not with roses but strip his pants immediately. Taste his will before it gets old. This is more practical than asking for love. :oops:

2) Anyone has the same experience to share?

I am well known fo my tight ass and it I am likely to attract many TOPs. If my love one comes along and I have the blessings from heaven, earth and hell to marry this man, he will eventually leave me after making my ass loose. When I am loose, I will become wild like a whore and bring in more men into my life to pleasurise me. Love turns into hatre into courage into pleasure into life. That is the cycle and you can choose to jump the stage. I jumped , you jumped, remember? Sound like the favourite quote in titanic.. *so romantic*

3) I have actually given up hope to look for R/S for over the last few years...only till I meet Mr. W which really lit up fire again...

You are under serious baptism of fire. BURNED, BURNED!!! My advice is to grab an exinguisher, don't spray like a nerd but throw it at the fire like a cowboy and count down its explosion. Once done, go for a good shower and sleep. When you wake up, a whole new gay world awaits your command and you will love freedom more than I do now with no string attached :yuk:

Your beloved elitist Tight Ass

Edited January 21, 2009 by Tight Ass

[GachiMuchi]

Firstly, he is MARRIED. Secondly, he has been attached with another guy for the last 10 yrs. So what does that makes you? You are the 4th party. Reality check. 妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不着 He is the typical "Out with the Old and in with the NEW" 喜新厌旧 guy.

He must be a Relationship High Hand (情场高手). Don't forget, he conveniently missed out the fact that he is married and attached and he woo you at full force until you falls in love with him. Then he reveals his position, by then it is too late, you had already given him everything (your heart, your virginity, etc.). So now, you struggles with your emotions to manage your feelings for him and his other status.

Speed dial to few years later into the future, after you have been with him for years, he may be going out to find other guys for another relationship and you will be like his wife and his other lover. I hope the above picture is painted clearly for you.

Anyway, it is your life, your choice.

Personally, I felt that at your age, you should be able to find another person who is not so complicated as him. Moreover, he lied or at least withheld info of his status. Which shows that this guy is really not a simple person. If I were you, I would rather find somone less complicated, because should his wife or his bf finds out, you will be in for the biggest storm in your life. Since you guys only 3 months, I would strongly advice you to leave him. He certainly won't leave his wife and he has told you he won't leave his other bf. So you are in what position? You do your maths.

Here are some golden advice （金玉良言）

长痛不如短痛。Short pain is better than long pain.

快刀斩乱麻。Quick cut to a messy tangle.

悬崖勒马。Stop the horse before it goes over the cliff.

回头是岸。Turn back to shore before you are in too deep.

[Tight Ass]

Mr. W will normally need to meet his partner every Saturday afternoon and that is also the day which makes me feel the most terrible in the last 3 months.

Mr. W explanation was after 10 years of relationship with his partner, he feel cruel to end it just like this and moreover he have tried doing that a few times over the last 10 years and his partner threatens him to suicide each time and so he have no choice but to give in.

Incidentally don't you show Mr W my photo, he will want me too. Good luck and beware of used dick, once it gets into your hole it will not want to stay there because two other holes are waiting to be screwed. Count me out. :whistle:

[abang]

After almost 3 decades as a 'practising' gay man, I have to say this:

I always avoid MARRIED MEN, BISEXUALS and those in a relationship...I dont want to be hurt. So these men had never occupy any corner in my heart/life before. I realised that there is always this lingering thought that he will return to his 'ORIGINAL' partner and we, the loser!

[GachiMuchi]

His married friend 'tricked' him lah. He is the victim. Had he know, he may not have fallen for him since he is a practical person.

[Guest Guest]

can't Mr. W be married to a guy?

this might not have happened in sg

[oralb]

sorry to be blunt, 10 years down the road, you will be that "partner that stayed over the last 10 years and threatens him to suicide each time and so he have no choice but to give in" that he would describe to his new beau.

assuming he is married to a woman, his life is simply too messy. If you are in for the fun and good times, so be it. But if barely 3 months into the relationship and you are already feeling miserable, how would you feel when you are 10 years with him?

The choice is your's!

[Guest -snowball-]

listen to your heart & follow what it says, only you know the answer yourself, i normally don't believe Love is Bilnd but i just know is human that is blind, if you can't see, then love with no regreat.

我不相信付出过的真心, 要收回就能收回, 一个破碎的圆, 破碎的美梦, 留它有什么用, 就这样松开寂寞的手, 让爱走, 让爱拥有自己的自由,

[Guest -chnbear-]

Sorry forgotten to also mention or ask;

1) Has anyone here felt Gay life is really tough? 1st we have to accept who we are and is really not easy to find a true love in this circle?

2) Anyone has the same experience to share?

3) I have actually given up hope to look for R/S for over the last few years...only till I meet Mr. W which really lit up fire again...

Hope all of you here will meet your true love soon....

Hi Life searcher,

1) You are stating the obvious about gay reality. Of course its tough, no need to ask. I am sure you have heard that Gay man is obsessed with sex and relationship is transient.

2) There are so many married gay men in the circle, just imagine all the single gay men they had relationship with.

3) Ok you are trying to justify your feeling for Mr. W. Point taken.

I think what you are actually asking is how to enjoy the relationship completely with married gay man like Mr. W, without emotional breakdown when he is not with you and without the guilty feeling of being a 3rd party.

My 2 cents is that you are smart and practical and so I believe you are very clear of the odds of long lasting happy and loving ltr with Mr. W with his baggage. You know that he will never complete you that is why you are so insecure with emotional issue and guilt. You know too that you have to manage your expectation of him as a true partner and you will have to share him with his 2,3 or more lovers, flings and ons soon or later.

So the situation is very clear. The foundation of your relationship is built on a time bomb.

BUT ... Isn't gay relationship transient even with single gay man so what's the big deal with the married man time bomb?

The deal is that you know you are walking into this relationship with a bomb that might explode anytime. While relationship with single man doesn't start with a bomb but rather they built a bomb as they relate more with each other till it explodes. Hehehehe

Is the picture clear now?

OK. Mr. W is your dream man. So the point is go ahead and enjoy the love while it lasts BUT you just have to manage your expectation and make lots of sacrifices and be realistic of the bomb and walk with cautions of the above. Easy to say right? hehehe. Ofcourse lah its your emotion and not mine. Seriously you just have to walk on your emotional issue if you seriously want your DREAM man.

Good luck.

[Guest AJ]

3mths.......oready so miserable........somemore married....

wake up n move on buddy......aint worth it lah.

If drag on u only HURT yourself n wasted tears n feeling n make u look olderP

Be more positive n dun think too much liao n move on for brighter days ahead.

All the best:)

[Guest As Good As It Gets]

Dear Life Searcher

While the romantic in us looks for the happy ever after, the reality is (straight or gay) often times your situation is as good as it gets ... for now

The probability of your "dream man" ever loving you exclusively is remote and highly unlikely!

Separate the love from the sex!

If you can accept that he will never love you the way you desire and have no expectation of this, then enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.

And if the sex is good ... then fcuk his brains out! :twisted:

Life is too short for hoping against hope while crossing our fingers and toes that the deepest desire of our hearts will be achieved if only we believe (especially when the evidence at hand points to the contrary)

Live life to the full and don't waste your time pining. Good Luck and be Happy!

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

I empathise your situation and there is no intention here to make it sound that you are a bad guy.

Let not spew malicious remark on Mr W but to reflect on your well being. Why so? Based on your description of yourself, you are "a very practical man" who "just can't go around having someone whom [you] really don't know to have sex or etc". Taking your maturity, you should know what you were, and currently, doing. Granted that matters of the heart can be a foolish expenditure, unfortunately your situation goes against your self belief and it resulted the way your mind has wanted it.

3) I have actually given up hope to look for R/S for over the last few years

Coming from a practical person, this statement is a conscious internalized emotion. You basically know what you want and there is a conviction to [your] purpose of life. That is, you "have actually given up hope".

There is darkness with the way you think of yourself ["1st we have to accept who we are"] and it is ironical for "a very practical man" who has been "pretty lucky to be brought up in quite a well-brought environment". "True love" starts with oneself and there should not be thoughts of "I have also tried to be nasty". Nasty things are 'life game" of the irrational minds. And, in the first place, love should not be tested unless you don't have faith with it.

It is good to have life goal and a vision of a mister right. Mr W came into your life (obviously for a bigger lesson) and unlike anyone else, he "fits in [my] entire requirement". "Especially after knowing my Dream man", I suspect you must have gone your way to win his heart. It is only normal for anyone of us to do that, who wouldn't? It takes two hands to clap and I believe Mr W is only reciprocating. (No, I am not on his side.) Alright, Mr W should not have done so but for a man who is capable to "feel cruel to end it just like this" and "so he have no choice but to give in" reflects his awareness of his conscience.

The thing is (and you should be listening to your self conversation) you already know what to do or how to react:

- "Mr. W will normally need to meet his partner every Saturday afternoon and that is also the day which makes me feel the most terrible"

- "I start imagining"

- "I went into emotional breakdown"

- ".. seriously thought of getting out this relationship"

- ".. just stop me thinking again to end our relationship"

- "I gave myself many many reasons"

- "I have also tried to be nasty"

- ".. why should I care about how he feels"

- ".. or so what if I am the 3rd party"

.. and the list goes on.

Unfortunately, you have chosen to ignore "your own guilty feeling" and when things turned unfavourable, it is always easy [for many of us] to shift the burden to someone else. The tone of your statement highly reflects a fragile mindset that is also capable to become "partner that stayed over the last 10 years and threatens .. to suicide".

Feelings grow over time. You have allowed it to "lit up [the] fire again" against your own set of self belief. You have managed to spend "more than 75% of his time" and made "his love has move towards me more as each day goes by". Respect yourself and regain for being that "normally a very practical man", Life Searcher. What else do you want?

Allow yourself to self love and reflect on yourself. Perhaps, you should find your own set of answers for those questions:

.. Gay life is really tough? .. accept who we are .. really not easy to find a true love?

- Is it really tough for you?

- Have you come to accept who you are?

- Really not easy to find a true love?

"If life is a game", expect that there will be winner and loser. Question is, do you want yourself to be in that game? Importantly, is love a game?

May you find peace, Life Searcher. The only way to happiness is to accept and forgive our own actions before we can accept and forgive others.

[Only Me]

Just get on with your life, done worry and but be happy, enjoy your moments with him while he is with you, cherish the moments when you miss him, and stop thinking who he is with when he is not with you..

Sometimes in a relationship we are too busy trying to keep it going and feeling so afraid that it might break off, untill we forgotten about enjoying the love, the nice feeling, the enjoyment of being together, wouldnt that be nicer then worring about what is going to happen the next moment or tomorrow.

Ask around gay or straight, who are in a realtionship, long or short, what was or are the nicest thing about that relationship, stop asking about was it miserable, was it painful, was it worring or was it worth it.

If you choose, like the you said it, having a realtionship with a time bomb, then you have to live with the time bomb, WHY?? becos of love, the unexplainable love that you feel with him, so just love him as he is and stop worring. Maybe one day he is not yours anymore as nothing last forever, just smile when you think of him.

Life is never a bed or roses nor a lane of thorns, and its you who choose which one to take.......

[Guest been.there.before]

DROP HIM

seriously, you had three months of fun and saddness, thats enough

why short change yourself with a married guy who messess around with others, surely its good for his ego, why do you have to feed his ego

happiness is not what others give you, it should come from within yourself

get it

[thaiboyz]

True love is hard to come by. Its so difficult to leave a person whom you have truely loved. Love itself is the culprit that make us confused, sad and miserble when nasty things happened. Again, if you dragged on, things will come to a stage which might not meet your expectations. Pains can be intolerable and beyond words. I know its hard to give up at this stage but you just have to try to focus less on this relationship and open up to other opportunities. Who knows, you might meet a Mr. Better someday, and you will find it easier to give up the existing rs. Get yourself prepared for the worse but open yourself for the better. :whistle:

Edited January 22, 2009 by thaiboyz

[Guest Life Searcher]

Dear All Friends out here who give your precious comments and views to me,

I am really touched and thankful for all the comments and views you have given. I will try to digest it and noted many different points you have shared.

Very thankful to Gachi Muchi comments and I think you really understand what I have stated above and me too understand what you try to bring across as I have thought of those points too. At this moment, I think I have gone beyond the point of “Practical” and falling into some impossible love here. However, I will try to learn how to release myself from this “rope” which is so tight that I can’t breath. I will travel away for a few days and refresh my mind and thoughts. Like what you have said, if I have known him as a married man + having another partner, I won’t commit myself in to this R/S further. I would have not even see him a 2nd time.

Chnbear & As good as it gets – I have thought of both of your points too. Just try to ignore whatever the complicated relationship he has and just purely enjoy the sex and body. Trust me … you can do that in very surface manner but the moment you are alone again, your thoughts and guilt will goes on. I have also tried to tell myself, I am nobody to him and if I want to be with him I have to bear with all these negative feelings or remarks.

“Please forgive me” – Please do not worry whether you make me feel I am a bad guy or not. As I think I deserve that!! I am not a good man as I am disrupting others relationship (whether I do it intentionally or not) 万人虽我所杀, 但却因我而死. In fact, I think the reason why I try to put this topic up is to let others to blame me and then convince myself to let go. Maybe I really put out my heart too much. Like what I have said earlier, I am not like an active volcano which erupts easily but an extinct one which I never thought it will get erupting again. Mr. W is like a match in my life to start my extinct volcano erupting wildly and unstoppable. You are right too to mention I have tried all ways to win his heart too. I tried to shower him with lots of love and would normally not reflect how upset I was to him. Mr. W will tell me all the things happen around him and how he spend the time with his wife or 10 years BF. I will just ask a few questions and refrain myself to show the jealousy part until recently. Mr. W reply was I should be happy or content as I have already won his heart even though I met him later than his current BF. 迟入水,早上岸. He claims he has given almost the whole heart to me now which I believe so. Mr. W used to be very worry in public but when he is with me, he would not care whether we would bump into anyone he knows or etc. He will try to find all chances to kiss me, hug me and look at me deeply in public. That overwhelms me as I never dare to do such things in public too except with him now.

Only Me – What you say is what I am doing now….. I am trying to enjoy each second or chance I could spend with him although I do not know how long it will last or when the whole mess / bomb is going to explode.

Once again, thank you for all friends out here that I feel I am not alone but at this very moment I really can’t pull myself all out at once. I will try to loosen this knots and release myself put….

[Asyrus]

Sorry forgotten to also mention or ask;

1) Has anyone here felt Gay life is really tough? 1st we have to accept who we are and is really not easy to find a true love in this circle?

Life is what you make it...be it gay or str8, we struggle according to our priorities.

The word 'acceptance' is pretty negative...it is normally used in line with 'resigned to the fate of..." as if this 'thing' is an affliction or disease.

Come to think of it...its never easy to find true love in ANY circle...(gay, str8, Les, Transsexuals, mutants, aliens, etc, etc)

2) Anyone has the same experience to share?

When I started as a young boy (16, 17) , I had someone who told his mom (single parent family) about us after we were together for about 2 years and we were later forbidden to see each other; he would often call me and asked to see me at 11pm andwould ask to meet me at the void deck of his block at 1 am (saying that his mom will be asleep) then never turned up. I spent many nights, just waiting for him till I finally gave up (caused I screwed up my 'O's from all this shannanigans)

Not long later, someone tried to get close again and this time he said he was told by his supervisors at Church to be befriend me more intimately as s I looked like I was so emotionally clammed up and they wanted to induced catharsis to relieve the pent up emotions and fix the 'denial' I was having. He was only 23 when I was 20. He, with a group of others, supported me through my toughest times in NS ( I was a guardsman with only a silver IPPT standard but the CO wanted Gold for his battalion). He said later that it began to feel weird because he finds himself more and more attracted to me. We did go on a little while longer and did had some close encounters (sleepovers on the same bed, going for cruises together, sharing sunrises together, no sex though). But finally, he just decided it was wrong and just didn't want to see me again. I did not hear from him but received a phonecall from a girl (whom I later found out he married; at church her close friends refer to her as 'tee kah bong' i.e "Little Ms Pig Trotters" for her 'child bearing hips') its finally gotten too strange and "he needed space away from me to clear his thoughts." Since then I never saw him again...To me, this person is heaven-sent. Yes, I did love him. But I can never imagine or bear the idea of him going out of his way for me. He didn't invite me to his wedding either, ( the church guests who attended the wedding intitally were puzzled by my absence too ) I guess it was his way of trying not to hurt each other. In answer to that, I never actively sought him out, for I believe in loving someone by letting him go to his destiny even if the cost is our or my happiness.

3) I have actually given up hope to look for R/S for over the last few years...only till I meet Mr. W which really lit up fire again...

And as you go along...this will happen more and more....thats why life is anything but boring...

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

I am not a good man as I am disrupting others relationship

We are all born with good soul, Life Searcher. We should blame the way we think, and how we act and react, and not of who we are.

Your current phase of life reminds me of "The Bridges of Madison County". Perhaps, you may want to evaluate your desires/wants/needs and give them a priority. To run away from a problem is not a way out. To learn from our mistakes, to lead with a wiser choice, it needs us to confront it. And do it amicably.

Mr. W reply was I should be happy or content as I have already won his heart ..

Are you happy and contented?

Only when you have accepted your acts that you can be at peace with yourself. You must live for what you want and not by the expectations of others nor by their opinions. What is wrong to others may be the right thing for you.

Every life experience is unique though it sounds generic collectively. You need to find a way to bring your mind and your soul to work together. You will not find happiness if your mind is saying one thing and your heart is reacting differently. You will only tangle yourself with struggles.

That overwhelms me as I never dare to do such things in public too except with him now.

I can only sense huge confusion within you. It is understandable and it is not easy for you, Life Searcher. You have become rather critical over many things and unfortunately, they tend to negate your self esteem.

Perhaps, in "I will travel away for a few days and refresh [your] mind and thoughts", you may want to do a list of "I should do .... ". Write down as much. When you are exhausted with the list, start another one with "I should not do ...".

At the end of the day, do not comment but read them through. Digest them. I believe you will find a way out - one that will synch with how you want your life to be from now on.

[Guest Hu Li Jing]

Welcome to the club! If you have decided to be the Hu Li Jing, be the best.

Win his heart and at the same time, don't be so predictable. When he's not around, go out and enjoy your life. If you matters to him, it should create some unrestsl. While it sound SM, that's the cruel facts we got to face. Ultimately, the crucial aspect is to ensure that his feelings to you is there and you're not just another collector's item.

[Guest -manliman-]

"If it hurts, it ain't love".

Love should bring you happiness and smile.

Not worries and fear.

So what you experiencing with Mr W is not LOVE.

However, as it takes more than 3 decades for you to meet your Mr Dream Man, you should experience this encounter. Because you know you need to live this experience. Just be strong to learn from this relationship and even stronger to move on when the time comes. You should expect things to be very messy in later years.

[Guest As Good As It Gets]

Chnbear & As good as it gets – I have thought of both of your points too. Just try to ignore whatever the complicated relationship he has and just purely enjoy the sex and body. Trust me … you can do that in very surface manner but the moment you are alone again, your thoughts and guilt will goes on. I have also tried to tell myself, I am nobody to him and if I want to be with him I have to bear with all these negative feelings or remarks.

Why do gloomy thoughts besiege you the moment you are alone?

Guilt because you feel what you are doing is wrong yet conflicted because it feels so right when he is with you? If you feel guilty about the relationship then your heart of hearts is telling you that you deserve better - someone who will not only love you the way you desire but also be faithful to you. Granted that this kind of relationship is rare but if that is what your heart desires then don't stop seeking... It may take you an entire lifetime and even then you may never find such a soulmate but the quest in itself will keep you going. Just be prepared for all sorts of emotional turmoil.

Or are you gloomy because you have unrealistic expectations of your dream man who initially seemed perfect but now has some unwelcome baggage? You so want to change him to become your true dream man who will love you and cherish you exclusively for eternity but subconsciously sense that this is a losing proposition?

Or is it because your ego is bruised since you had been operating under the false impression that you were "the one" that captured the heart of your dream man when in reality he's having a fling although he treats you nicely? Are you sad because the image of him you have is fantasy i.e. dream man when the reality gnaws at your heart that you have been duped and sweet-talked and the guy is not what you thought he was?

Yes it may be disappointing, even heartbreaking to discover that the would be love of you life is not to be ... but its not the end of the world (although it feels like it)!

So what do you do?

You don't have to give him up. You can still enjoy the feelings that he engenders within you when you are together. Just be aware that there is no happy ever after! This is what I mean when I suggested before that you enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.

For some of us (and I take it that you are one), sex is an expression of love and the 2 are intertwined. Separating one from the other is unimaginable!!! Yet for others (and I think your so called dream man is one of these sorts), sex and love are two distinct things. Don't confuse wooing with love for wooing can just be extended foreplay!!! :twisted:

If you bear this in mind than you can continue to savour his company. Just remember that while you may be making love to him, he is just fcuking you!

Then again you might just decide that you are worth more than being the 4th party to a horny sweet-talking fcuker and dump his ass!

Whatever you decide, may you have the strength and courage to see it through. Good Luck and Be Happy!

[doncoin]

Just enjoy the drama since you are the star of it Live out your Qiong Yao novel heroine fantasy. Be that altruistic one. He will realize the errors of his ways and beg you to forgive him. You will cry, he will cry, someone dies, everyone cries, more goodbyes... cut to sunset by the beach, the two of you walking hand-in-hand.

You deserve every happiness in life. So do what you got to do to make yourself happy. Remember, you are the star of the show. You have the right to decide the outcome.

[Mandrake]

You might be the man in the future... who will be in the position of his current bf of 10 years down the road...

Or you might not.

You might be the man... who is destined to be the one to tame him...

Or you might not.

But one thing is for sure... strive and heart aches... tears.... you will encounter...

Courage and strength you will need....

And the price... Happiness... is uncertain.

See with wise eyes that penetrates his heart.

See his true intentions.

See his true heart.

If you see a good man, respect him and give him a chance.

And if it is yours, fight for it.

But respect those that came before you.

If you see a heart that has no courage and a heart that is selfish...

Do not think that this selfish heart will treat you differently...

It is an illusion.

If you love him and are kind... help him become a better person.

If you are not strong enough... stay away.

Or you will be doomed together with him.

No matter the outcome.

Be thankful to him... as he is the man that showed you that love still exist in your heart... which you once thought had died.

Let this knowledge bring you to greater heights... and not let it die even if your love for him is to become history.

Wish you best of luck my dear. =)

Edited January 22, 2009 by Mandrake

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

No matter the outcome.

Be thankful to him... as he is the man that showed you that love still exist in your heart... which you once thought had died.

Let this knowledge bring you to greater heights... and not let it die even if your love for him is to become history.

A profound observation of the situation. :clap: :clap: :clap:

This is what life is all about. Pain, Sorrow, Joy, Happiness - Each emotion is the experience that we need to go through to become a better person. We just have to be in the moment, be it good or bad, and learn to live. Everything has to have a start or have a beginning and everything must eventually have an end. All the endings come about as a consequence of the beginning. We get love because we sow the seed of love. We get pain because we planted the doubts.

All the people we meet, everyday in our lives, are there for a reason. Nothing is a co-incidental synchronicity. It is the lesson, if ever we wish to take and learn from each other, that will break all barricades and set us to a higher ground. In all fairness, everything is to happen for good reasons - we just have to honour the synchronicity of events as part of our own vibrational mental process. It is what we think that attracts all the significant events.

[GachiMuchi]

Life searcher, you are really lucky to have so many predecessors (前辈)　giving u valuable advices and encouragements. I hope you treat yourself well. 不要亏待自己.

SOME of these horny married / attached (in your case, married AND attached, lying SOB) men who goes around are only good for fcuks. It is not worth your time or energy to lose sleep over them. He is like a drug and you are like an addict. You need to purge him out of your system even if it means cold turkey. I believe you will be able to get him out of your system if you try, unless you don't want to.

Always remember 不要亏待自己.

[Only Me]

Hey Life Searcher

Arnt you gald that you have so many sistar, brother, ai yee, tar cher, aunty agony here to comfort you with nice words and soothing advise.

Just live your life as it is, if you are already addicted to him then just bare with is till you can overcome it, in the meantime enjoy your moments with whoever you are and YEAH.... its holiday time and time to be merry with love ones .... happy holidays and Cong Xi Fa Chai

[abang]

3 or more .. that is too crowded in the relationship!

I had a similar situation. My ex-Ang mo bf was working overseas and distance kept us apart. We only managed to meet up every once in six months and the passion diluted to a level that I slept in his guest room (instead of his bed) in the last 2 visits.

So I told him that it was time for us to part .... In your case, are you willing to 'wait and see'... A married man with children and a stand-by boyfriend, well your chances of securing his undivided attention.. just say, plummeted to a new low .. RUN .. there are many other good men around...

[Guest F3X]

...

I met 2 married men who looked similar to Mandrake's avatar but lowly educated. Of course I don't hope they will leave their wives for me. In fact to ease their guilt and worries, I told them that they can treat me of even lower priorities than the Geylang whores .i.e. if they need to fxxk and can't get anybody else, just call me and I'll deliver myself to their doorsteps for their pleasures.

They told me that when it comes to sex, they definitely prefer the soft, curvy bodies of any ugly women over me. But they can speak their minds openly, talk their dirtiest around me and use me in ways that no women would tolerate.They fxxked my brains out because of no worries they can let loose all their sexual tensions inside me. It is pure no bullshit sex. I was the refuge from their tough lives.

If you ask me, in your case you are too high maintenance, demanding attention, time and energy from him. It will wear him down and he will dread spending so much work on you just for the sex. That's when he will find something new, more exciting and worth spending time to hunt down.

[CrazyBrain]

well... you had have all the honey moon period syndrome tho.

We can't really make the decision for you, it's your life! I would advise you to hold your feelings? see what happen after the honey moon period then decide if this guy is really for you. 走一步， 看一步。 I do agree with you that you should enjoy the every moment with him now. However let me remind you that you must be prepared to collect back all your feelings toward him when thing turns bad. Nothing is real and confirmed in the honeymoon period. He can say how much he loves you but leave you with no regret when all the excitement and lust is over.

Like what gachi_muchi said, protect yourself first. Don't let love outweigh you in your priority list.

I think it's okay if things turns bad and you are hurt (just don't commit suicide). First, Love need practice. Secondly, 有痛过，才有爱过。

[Guest Life Searcher]

Hi All Dearest Bro, Sis, Uncles, Aunties and all who care to share their views,

I am now alone on a cruise trip. It has been 6 days since I last met up with Mr. W.... At the moment, I only know I miss you so badly... that I just can't stop thinking about him. It was wonderful last Sat when Mr. W accompany me to airport early in the morning so that I can back home to celebrate CNY with my family. On the way to the airport, my eyes and heart just can't help but looking at him as long as I could. The moment I really have to proceed to the boarding gate, I gave him a tight hug which I never want to release. I thought I could move on without him for a few days independently, I realise I miss in immediately on the plane. Think of his look, his voice and even what we have talked earlier on. I know is CNY and he ened to accompany his family which i am happy for him but the last 6 days had been really a great suffer for me.

Day 1 - without him - Saturday again...

Trying to act busy in helping family to prepare for CNY. Went to do few chores and saw a jar of Kaya and immediately think Mr. W will enjoy it... so I bought home and decided to share with him when I next meet him. Happily browsing thru the supermarket, I thought of getting him some Yu San which I am sure he have not tired before.... (my mind just keeping thinking what to get for him). Today is Sat, I am sure Mr. W will need to meet his partner so I tired all I could to occupy my afternoon so that I would not have any chance to think about him. Even thought of going to some gay spa or sauna to release myself... in the end... I don't have the courage to betray him...

Day 2 - Without him

Today is Reunion dinner, Mr. W gave me a call as he have promised and I kept telling him I miss him and even dreamt of him. He was very happy and said he is busy preparing / helping for the reunion dinner. Very silly of me to ask him about his outing with his partner yesterday... he answered immediately that they only went out for a drink as the time was too tight. I was actually quite happy to hear that. After hearing his voice, I felt so much netter and carried on with my life. Went out with my friends for coffee but they culd smell that I have some troubles and I don't have the courage to tell them my problems as I felt I am a 3rd or 4th party.. Mood falls back to the valley and have to really act HAPPY througout the Reunion dinner and drank a few glasses of wine to help me to get to sleep easier.

Day 3 without him - 1st day of CNY

Mr. W told me I could only call him after 7 p.m. and I kept looking at my watch for the hour hand to strike to the no. 7. Finally, 7 p.m., I called him immediately and I could hear he is playing majong. He can't talked to me immediately and called me back about 30 mins later. We chat for a while and express my feel for him again... he said he missed me a lot too and can't stop thinking of me... I was very happy initially till he said he even have to imagine he was making love to me when he met hs partner last night. My hearts sink... and confuse.. Should be happy, proud or ????

[Guest Life Searcher]

I can't sleep throughout the night.... and felt myself very useless to think of a man I may not even be able to have... So i tell myself to pull up and face a better tomorrow...

Day 4 without him

Starting my 1st day of the cruise with my family...and still waiting for his call again.... (how useless am i?? I really curse myself). We continue to chat for a few minutes as he could only do that when his wife is not around and I can't call his moble as he partner check on his mobile everytime they meet. He has to remove all strange phone numbers and etc.No sms and etc.. He said he miss me so much when he woke up early morning and can't wait to see and hug me again.. he told me I am his love of the life now. I have conquered him,.... Without much difficulty, he wins my heart again... On the cruise, I went to some of the shops in the gallery and bought him a nice white jacket...which I could imagine how nice he will look if he puts on it.... In the late evening, saw a man who looks a little like Mr. W. The man smile at me and I just gave him a nod.. not daring to proceed further...

Day 5 - Without him

Start writing down my feels for him in my draft sms over the mobile.. contents in chinese but meaning as follows:

"Never dare to dream or think I could meet someone who could touch my heart so deeply for him. My love for him has reached beyond a sensible point. When I see him, I am so excited and wouldn't care what about around us. When i don't see him, my intestines are like tangling and my mind just can't stop thinking about him. When I know he is with someone else, my mind goes wild and can't concentrate to do anything. I start asking myself where am I so freak out? Why do I feel jealousy the 1st time (is like you have tasted thousands and thousands of sour and smelly lemons). Why do I love him so deeply? For just sex? or because we can communicate so well too?

I start asking why fate / heaven re-ignited my fire which had extinguished for very long and yet let me sugger thru this painful feelings. Sour, Sweetness, Bitterness and spicy... I know I am nobody to be jealous nor have the rights to do so...

Perhaps love is always so complicated... I just know we should have met earlier and our love is too late... (xiang feng heng wan)

Day 6 - Without him

Thought I could get better today. He gave me a call this morning but the reception of line was really bad and he started to loose his patience a little... we chatted for a while and he seems really rush to go off to meet his friends for gathering. So I casually asked him what are his plan later in the evening and to be honest, he told me he is going to have dinner with his partner again... my heart sink.. I can't say anything or complain anything.... my heart was crying.. and he assure me that is only dinner and we will still stick to our appointment later of the week when I am back...I did not say anything and just say good day to him then...

After hanging off the phone... my family could tell I was not happy and a little sad.... I can't review anything but to keep all inside myself.. I know... I am very very silly and stupid.. I felt so too.. but I really don't know what to do...

[GachiMuchi]

天作孽犹可恕，自作孽不可活

你已经陷入太深，不能自拔。

祝你早日脱离情海。悬崖勒马。

以免两边不到岸，后悔莫及。

[harylok]

...

Mr. W told me I could only call him after 7 p.m. and I kept looking at my watch for the hour hand to strike to the no. 7. Finally, 7 p.m., I called him immediately and I could hear he is playing majong. He can't talked to me immediately and called me back about 30 mins later. We chat for a while and express my feel for him again... he said he missed me a lot too and can't stop thinking of me... I was very happy initially till he said he even have to imagine he was making love to me when he met hs partner last night. My hearts sink... and confuse.. Should be happy, proud or ????

Hey, Life Searcher,

To be frank, your 1st & last postings sounds some what fictional.

Even if's true, it's just like a PLU version of Ah-Q story (obviously not touchy 2 me) & some of your statements are rather contradicting.

Especially, if I pulled out some words of yours,, it becomes foolishly crappy!!!

" ... not only he is married he actually has a partner for more than 10 years ..."

" ... the love he showers me over just stop me thinking again to end our relationship ..."

" ... I gave myself many many reasons to stop thinking over whether he has any relationship or not as long as he loves me and be good to me ..."

"... he said he missed me a lot too and can't stop thinking of me..."

Apparently, you chose not to wake-up & continue to dream over your so-called "Dream man", despite how practical one claimed to be.

Hary

.. 跳不出框匡的PLU爱情游戏, 令人可笑又可悲

.. PLU就像不知足的云, 四处飘荡, 找到归宿的机率, 是如此渺茫.

Edited January 29, 2009 by harylok

[snowball]

-Life Searcher-, if you never wake up & want to continue this type of complicated relationship with him then go ahead, but if you get " kick away " at the end of the day, don't try to act like a victim, cos you deserve it, i find no reason to feel sad or sorry for you, if you are blind, then blind all the way & never complain anymore, you are adult not 3 years old kid, good luck

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

Dear Life Searcher,

Since it is hard for you to move on, this is what I gotta say.

Live today and just for today. Simply, live in the now and in your moment. And, in that moment, you are supposed to fill it in with awareness. Learn to live your life. You need to honour your thoughts and your feelings and to live each day with complete mind-soul alignment. You need to leave the victim consciousness. In my opinion, your situation calls for you to enjoy. Just to live life and accept your situation. Unconscious to you, you seem to enjoy torturing yourself. At the same time, and with respect, it is about seeking for (Mr W's) attention - trying to make him feel guilty compounded with every of your good act.

Mr W has shown, through your writing, that he cares. How much more do you want him to give you? Do you want him to give up everything in his life, say 'I am very sorry', and perhaps do something extreme silly just to make you a happier person? I know it would be unfair for me to get you to put yourself in his shoe. But, perhaps you should. For once, at least try to see him in a positive light. See him as an individual and not the married man nor a man who is keeping another partner. It is not about championing his life cause here nor to say that he is doing the right thing. But, it is about releasing the imprisonment of self and to represent your issues about love. It is always not easy to be in the 'inconvenient' situation, Life Searcher. Only when you (can) accept your situation, for whatever karmic debts there are to it, the truth will set you free.

Do what you want to do with the act of love. Not doing something and then expecting some form of returns/rewards. And don't even try to test love! When you, and all of us, don't like to be tested - for it marks doubt, avoid any scheming silent intention.

Throw away all your conditioning mindset and live according to what your heart tells you. Enjoy what it is today. Enjoy what it is between just the two of you. Make good of what you want to do. Do not live in your past nor you live today judging his actions and decisions. It won't make things work any better nor will it turn the unpleasant into a fairy tale desire instantly. Thing is, just live in acceptance. Stop your struggle and surrender. In surrendering, you are not a failure nor have you failed in life. But for the greatness of wisdom that awaits you. Only you believe that you are being victimised here. Have faith in your actions and do not live testing his intention. Doing so, you have become over protected and it is causing you frustration.

Do know that I am not concluding that the current situation is the best for you. My intention is for you to find the strength in finding your own self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. You will not find them until you learn to live your life. Find peace by living your dominant thought. Blocking the flow of life and reacting in a negative way stop the natural flow, Life Searcher. Difficulties abound in life, and for each one of us, we develop a coping strategy. This is what life is all about - we always learn from experiences.

You are feeling lousy (lost) cos you are not participating fully in life - in the Now. Stop all the analyses. Stop all the expectations. Stop all the judgments. Stop all the what-ifs. Keep telling yourself that you are doing what you want to do cos you want to be happy. For yourself. And, the way I see it, the only happiness that you think you can get is to keep loving him.

Is that so hard to do? What is in the way? The more you struggle, the less you can see the light. The less you can learn about your highest good.

Learn to be happy, Life Searcher, and learn to give gratitude (even if you think that life is against you).

[reflection]

Life searcher, this song is specially for you : 為情所困

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLKxnFsrw80

Reflection

- 紅塵來呀來，去呀去， 都是一場夢

Edited January 29, 2009 by reflection

[Stoner79]

Life Searcher:

reading what you have typed... i am touched by your love for Mr W..... BUT i think i have to remind you that, had it ever occured to you that you are just finding excuses for him? and that you are just dragging the situation, hoping that one day all problems will automatically disappear on its own?

at the end of the day, he is married. No matter how much of his time is spent on you, how great is his love for you as you claim. he is married. You will not be the sole love in his heart.

1) Will he leave his wife for you?

2) Will he leave his 10 year partner for you?

3) Can you be very sure that there are (and there will be) no more "other" parties other than the 3 of above?

of course you can say that if he leaves his 10 years partner for you, shows that he really love you.... but another 10 years down the road, will you be in that same situation again? except that this time, you are that "10 yr lover".

There are rules to date married man. and if you do not know the rules of the game, you are only bound to get yourself burnt. People are greedy by nature. if he gives you a crystal, you will hope for silver, when he gives you the silver, you will hope for a diamond. are you very sure that you are able to live with the fact that you are just a Number 3?

people grow with passing events. You should be old enough to look at the relationship logically. being emotional and leting your heart lead the way is not gonna help. My query is simple. why be a Number 3 for him , when you can be a Number 1 for someone, whom you have yet to meet.

gay relationship is a very fragile thing. it comes very suddenly, and it can also be shattered to pieces in a matter of seconds. is knowing him 3 months really that long enough for you to sacrifice your life for him like that?

Rules on dating a married man:

1) Never expects too much

2) Do not expects him to put you in piority compared to his wife and kids.

3) Be prepared to spend major holidays alone. (Xmas, CNY, Valentine)

4) Be prepared that when you are in an accident and you call him, he did not pick up your call.

5) Do not expect him to go on long holiday with you.

6) and many more.....

Sorry if i am being blunt, but If you cannot even tahan that one Saturday of the week where he will be with his partner, i simply do not see how you can tahan the rest of things that is bound to come your way.

You are not stoopid or silly. you are just currently blinded by love. do take a reality check and decide what is best for you, and all 4 of you.

Best wishes. and here is a song for you.

Rgds,

Stone

Edited January 29, 2009 by Stoner79

[Guest -chnbear-]

After hanging off the phone... my family could tell I was not happy and a little sad.... I can't review anything but to keep all inside myself.. I know... I am very very silly and stupid.. I felt so too.. but I really don't know what to do...

U know u r silly, stupid and may I add pathetic and yet normal. Hey, this is what love/infatuation does to people. Come on..bite your tongue and go through it, there is nothing much you can do to fight off the feeling. Whatever the people here say will not soothe your emotional turmoil and enlighten you. Only until you are at rock bottom and have enough of the suffering then and only then you are ready to set in motion on the route of recovery then you will find all these words from all the well wishers here helpful and meaningful.

...I repeat my points again..........

I think what you are actually asking is how to enjoy the relationship completely with married gay man like Mr. W, without emotional breakdown when he is not with you and without the guilty feeling of being a 3rd party.

My 2 cents is that you are smart and practical and so I believe you are very clear of the odds of long lasting happy and loving ltr with Mr. W with his baggage. You know that he will never complete you that is why you are so insecure with emotional issue and guilt. You know too that you have to manage your expectation of him as a true partner and you will have to share him with his 2,3 or more lovers, flings and ons soon or later.

So the situation is very clear. The foundation of your relationship is built on a time bomb.

BUT ... Isn't gay relationship transient even with single gay man so what's the big deal with the married man time bomb?

The deal is that you know you are walking into this relationship with a bomb that might explode anytime. While relationship with single man doesn't start with a bomb but rather they built a bomb as they relate more with each other till it explodes. Hehehehe

Is the picture clear now?

OK. Mr. W is your dream man. So the point is go ahead and enjoy the love while it lasts BUT you just have to manage your expectation and make lots of sacrifices and be realistic of the bomb and walk with cautions of the above. Easy to say right? hehehe. Ofcourse lah its your emotion and not mine. Seriously you just have to work on your emotional issue and NOT TO BE SO NEEDY if you seriously want your DREAM man.

Good luck. :clap: :clap:

[Guest Life Searcher]

Hi once again.. thank you for all the comments and etc from your previous experience sharing your idea. Even those who gave me negative remarks.. I will still thank you for allowing me to see various angles...

"Please Forgve me" - Thank you so so much!! You have really hit the head on the nail... I have spent the entire day to digest what you and others have said. I am really trying to go by its nature ways... I did not call him today even I miss him and I try to tell myself I am not that bad affter all and do not really need to beg for love... Yes. I do admit to fight thru the misses for him is not easy but I am sure time is the best cure. I will also continue to see him but will keep telling myself not to cross over the border... I won't express all my feel for him and will be happy so long he is happy... Maybe love should not be selfish.. I should not hold him tight or back... Perhpas letting off some string will make the kite to fly higher..

Gachi Muchi - I understnad you are a little piss off after reading my previous post.. in fact I am frustrate on myself... I hate that... I try writing at many ways to surpress it.. and finally get myself feel so much better after writing out all in this post. I suppose whatever remarks I get.. i take it and happy at least I can say it our somewhere.... Trust me.. I have tried to learn... and will need time to heal my pain...

Stone 79 - What I like best you have written is.. why should i be Number 3??? Why can't I be someboday no. 1.,..?? THis helps me a lot... I am not sure whether I can treat Mr. W as No. 3 too?? In that case, perhaps I will feel better... However, to find someone who will treat me as No. 1 is really not easy.. after years of searching..

Chnbear - No worries on your comments.. I willl really have to learn how to handle my emotional feel or how to take on this life if I want to continue with Mr. W. I am ltrying to learn.. I may fall or fail... perhaps this is a lesson for me to grow...

Well... whatever I say here or now is my current feel... I am not sure is right or wrong... and I do not know what I feel again when I meet Mr. W. Sometimes, I guess Human just loses it sense when the emotional or feel strikes... Are you??

Blessing for ALL here...

[Mandrake]

Life Searcher - From what I read from your post, I feel that you were presenting yourself as blatantly too easy. Man never appreciates things that is obtained too easily. Regardless of what Mr W said in response may seem positive towards your words from the heart. Man who are successful in Love life are always good with reassuring words. Love in many aspect, is a game of cards.

Also, you should act more graciously towards his current partner although I understand how you feel.

I am not saying this in a moral sense. But man always appreciates a gracious person (real or even acted).

Give time for him to resolve the issue, if he truly loves you.

Wish you luck in taming the beast. Cheers.

Edited January 30, 2009 by Mandrake

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

There is light in your last post, Life Searcher. And, definitely, you are trying to find peace within yourself.

Accept your sadness as part of life. Do not ignore it nor brush it off. There is always a lesson to it. In searching for meaning to life, we need to experience, and then to comprehend, every emotion.

It is, indeed, unfortunate that you are going through this experience during a festive period. I believe it is hard for you. However, it is in such a crisis that one can change.

I have spent the entire day to digest what you and others have said

Thinking is a burden. You just need to listen to your own voice. Not the little voices but the one that you want to accomplish. Focus on it and you will find a way that will work for you. And not against you.

It is always the little voices that magnify the problems. They are your resistance.

I am really trying to go by its nature ways

Our true nature is to love. Love yourself. Love Mr W. Love the experience that you are going through.

However, you need to realise your expectation. Love has to be unconditional and you cannot expect Mr W to love you the way you want it. People express love differently.

Right at the start of your post, you believe that you are "a very practical man". You had gone into this so-called relationship voluntarily. Mr W didn't coerce you into it. Stay true to who you are, Life Searcher and when you have been feeling good around him, do not turn love into hatred.

I did not call him today even I miss him and I try to tell myself I am not that bad affter all and do not really need to beg for love

That is a commendable effort. In your awareness, you want to help yourself. All the masters/gurus/motivators/counsellors in the world cannot help you but you yourself. They are there only to provide the insight. You are your own captain.

It is alright to call him, Life Searcher. But you need a strong mind to do that. You need to be in control of your emotion and not calling him to make things worst. Nor to call him seeking pity.

Sometimes, the best healer is to confront our own enemy. It is this very person that will knock sense into our head.

Love is just love and it has to come naturally. Without a price tag. Without bargains.

I am sure time is the best cure

Love heals and so is time. Your life is bigger and not only evolved around Mr W.

Know what you want from here. Set goals. Success will come to you only when you strongly desire for it.

I will also continue to see him but will keep telling myself not to cross over the border... I won't express all my feel for him and will be happy so long he is happy

Somehow, I feel this same person (Mr W) will nurse your turmoil. You just have so much love for him. Ignoring him, hating him and running away from him will not, somehow, make you feel good.

See him as a friend now. Tell him you need help. Tell him you only want to be a friend. You need to be strong and you need to affirm what you want - "Not to cross over the border" When you can stand by that, there is nothing wrong to share with him your feelings. A true friend shares joy and sorrow.

Maybe love should not be selfish.. I should not hold him tight or back... Perhpas letting off some string will make the kite to fly higher

We are selfish, not love. Often, it is our hindrance personality that kicks our own arse. It is the one that hinders growth.

Let it all go, Life Searcher and not only "some string". When it is yours, it will come. We can only hope, and make wish, and let nature takes it own course. Desperation has never made a man happy!

You will be fine and I am sure of that.

[Guest experienced]

Dear Life Searcher

I do empathise wtih your predicament cos love can consume a person till he is pretty senseless..no matter practical he has always been.

While you know that you should not allow yourself to waste your life, you continue to struggle with your inner self as you cannot find a reason deep enough to reject Mr W. After all, he has continued to connect with you and has assured you that you have won his heart.

From your description, it seems that Mr W knows what he wants. The reality is that he will not leave his family for you. He also does not have the heart to break off with his partner for you. When you are the third person in line, you are going to feel very very unhappy cos your schedule will be dependent on his schedule for his other 'loved'ones. I know cos I was 4th in line before.

Anyway, you can always maintain a certain level of friendship with him but I suggest that you move on with your life. It may take some time before you find someone who can love you...not for the same reason, not in the same way, perhaps not with the same intensity...but it will be a love that you will equally treasure, if not more.

Dreams dont last forever. Memories do. They will come a time when you and Mr W have nothing more to edify one another. Apparently both of you dont have enough connection time to build on your relationship.The stagnation will cause him to leave you or to be kinder in my words..cause both of you to separate mutually. He has others who will still pine on him. What have you got left?

Sorry if I am not being kind here...even if you decide to separate from him, you will probably still love him even for a long long time...but at least you can love with control and not with abandonment. You need people to talk with, to comfort you, to help you cope.....BW members have done a fantastic job. My last note: Time is short. Dont waste it.

[reflection]

I think there are more than enough advices for Life Searcher to digest ......

This song Sweet Dream just comes to my mind : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4IyDFGL23g...feature=related

Reflection

- A Consuming Fire will need Heavy Downpour to calm the heart

[snowball]

-Life Searcher-, i not sure are you chinese, but if so, this is especially for you, let go does not mean you need to forget the person, you may even love him deeply & miss him more each day, is tough & really hurt that you can't be someone you love alot, but that is life we all know that, we have to accept, remember that nothing is FOREVER, not much people can let go what they treasure most, so if you can't then carry it, no point forcing yourself, it just make you lost your direction at the end, i believe one day you will wake up just hope still not too late to start your new life all over again.

斟满的回忆, 一杯接一杯, 爱过痛过依旧浓烈, 外表的坚强, 若一旦崩溃, 还有谁陪着我流泪, 耳边的流言, 谈论是是非非, 身边的温柔, 来来回回, 尽管一路上, 受雨打风吹, 我却早已看清这世界, 有人的感情, 一遍又一遍, 偏偏我要不醉不归, 有人谈感情, 求全身而退, 偏偏我的支离破碎, 当作不知不觉, 昨是今非, 我一厢情愿, 扛所有的累, 一切对错结果自己背, 这一生, 轰轰烈烈爱一回, 看过真心真意的人, 一辈子在回味, 彻彻底底伤一回, 只留下我独自陶醉, 轰轰烈烈爱一回, 曾经刻骨铭心的人, 一辈子托付谁, 算惩罚我前世的罪

http://v.blog.sohu.com/u/vw/2253575

Edited January 31, 2009 by snowball

[Guest Life Searcher]

Really want to express my most sincere thanks and gratefulness to all of you above. Without all your advice, comments and views, I am not sure whether I could pull thru last week emotional battle. Although, I can’t say I am fully recovered or come to sense, I am definitely feeling better then before. At least, I can control my mood and hold back to my feel.

Finally, I met Mr. W yesterday evening. A day I have been hoping to arrive since CNY starts. He called me after meeting his partner for coffee, dash over to my place by taxi and we met an hour earlier than our meeting time because we both do not wish to wait any longer to see each other. We hug the moment he alighted from Taxi and we wouldn’t really care who are besides us. Of course, we wait till stepping into my apartment before exchanging a very long and warm French kisses. With no doubts, we have a great time for few hours before we go for our New Year Dinner. Trust me, is not just the sex alone I feel great is about how we can be so transparent to each other. We can chat, laugh and share our emotional feels in between our “rest”. He showed me some notes which expressed his feel and thoughts for me when I was not around the last few days. I was indeed touch but I started to feel it was after all not too bad as at least he has been very frank and true to me or perhaps he does not want to hurt his partner.

At the end of yesterday, I started to feel perhaps he is worry to give up his current relationship for a unstable one which only started barely 3 months plus. He is also worry that we are 2 different classes of people in this society as he felt a little uneasy to go with me to some very high-end or posh restaurants. In any other way, I am 35++ years younger than him and he has worries that we are only in honeymoon period and I might leave him with months or years to come. He always says this to me “相逢恨晚”, “迟来的爱”. He will probably move along with me if I have met him a few years ago. I have told him we may not even fall for each other if we met much earlier. Is late… but at least we met and is better than no chance to meet 早好过迟, 迟好过不到. I also started to help him to think on his side and wearing his shoes. Perhaps, he need more courage or even more stress to be with me since he need to plan his timing more tightly and make sure all of us (wife, partner and me) have sufficient attention.

I know there will be times; I will get the emotion stress or breakdown again but for time being since I can’t bear to leave him immediately. I will just leave things as it is. Not demanding too much or giving him too much stress. 可能要让风筝飞的更高,我必须先学会如何在对的时间放线,收线. In this way, we will probably feel much better for both of us.

“Mandrake” – Appreciates your views. I try to not think too much on his partner now and like what you have said if Mr. W really loves me, he will be with me no matter what happens. If not, I don’t think it will help if I do anything.

“Please forgive Me” – As always, I enjoy reading your views and comments. You have been a great guide and mentor. Believe me…. I am learning as the way goes along. I guess is part of my life that I should experience it. Regardless what ending it turns out to be I will have fond memories of the time I spent together with Mr. W and cherish it.

Experienced, SnowBall and Reflection: - Thank you for all the songs, lyrics and etc. I have some songs which represent my love for Mr. W too.

Sorry, I Love You

(對不起, 我愛你 - dui bat hei, ngoh ngoi nei)

Album: It's Love, It's Destiny

Track : 1

Romanization by: Janice Lo

________________________________________

doh moh seung yung suet wa lau jue nei sam jung seung suet

多麼想用說話留住你　 心中想說

yat sang ji jung do ji ngoi nei wai hoh wun liu dui bat hei

一生之中　 都只愛你　 為何換F對不起

* gam tin fan sau jeung ngoh yuen chuen foo nei

今天分手像我完全負你

je seung tung paan mong hing mei mong nei jim mong gei

這傷痛盼望輕微　 望你漸忘記

ngoh mooi yat ya seung jeuk nei kaau joi je gaai jung dang nei

我每日也想著你　 靠在這街中等你

yiu yuen jeung mong chui nei bei hei si sin yan long jung jaau nei

遙遠張望　 隨你悲喜　 視線人浪中找你

haang kan ngoh yau pa ging dung nei ngoh yau pa sam naan sei

行近我又怕驚動你　 我又怕心難死

laap ding kuet sam yi hau fan lei

立定決心以後分離

yat sang lui tau sui si ngoh dik sam jung jui mei wong yat dik nei *

一生裡頭　 誰是我的心中最美　 往日的你

[reflection]

Wow ! Your song is a Gold Hit by Leon Lai

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svObHbpQ3Bo

[Guest Life Searcher]

Wow ! Your song is a Gold Hit by Leon Lai

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svObHbpQ3Bo

Yes... don't use to appreciate it last time... but time.. it sings out my feel now....

[Guest Life Searcher]

Yesterday was really a very strange day for me... Why strange?? I guess is my confuse emotional feelings??

Like many of you have said... 纸是包不住火的....

When I woke up early morning yesterday, I felt great not only because I am going to meet Mr. W again in the afternoon but we have a good bus ride on the way to send him home. We purposely choose a long route bus where there are not so many passengers to enjoy our joy ride... In the mid of the ride, we kiss, hug and etc on the upper deck. Is risky... but I thought that was very romantic and lovely. Guess what, I even went into a CD show to buy a set of DVDs to his wife. He was very surprised by my move and I am not sure why I do it too? Perhaps, I feel if the wife is happier, he will allow more time to be out with me.. or is guilt feeling of taking his husband away...

Working hard in the morning in office and looking forward so much to meet him again in the afternoon. Finally, the time has came and happily walking to our meeting venue... The moment I saw his back, I was over thrilled till he turn his face over which immediately I could sense he was not happy or in mood. He gave me a smile but was an usual quite for a moment. I asked him what happen and found out later that he has a small arguement / quarrel with his partner who also requested for his company in the afternoon... (which is unusal). First of all I must let all know that Mr. W is not good in telling lies. He can't explain and you can detect it even without any lies detector machine. Mr. W told him he is going out with his wife to buy things but when the partner ask where was he going, he simply can't answer. His partner threw his temper and went into &*?>#@

I did not comment much after hearing it and just tell him to be happy as I felt pain whenever he upsets. He turns back and tell me not to worry and he can handle it. Then I tell him to accompany his partner in future if the same thing happens and I can meet him after that. I don't mind waiting for him at all.

We spent sometime at my place but I can seriously felt he was not himself yesterday. Although, we still enjoy our sex and he felt much better after talking to me... I started to feel "FEAR". Why? Mr. W told me he has an outing with his wife today and follow by his partner tomorrow and might want to give me a call as he do not wish to affect my feel when he is bad mood. He needs to prepare for his explaination to his partner tomorrow. He started to say "纸是包不住火的" (paper can't wrap around the fire). I can feel he is rather scare to face it too. He kept telling me yesterday to 请永远缠绕这我! 我愿此梦永远不醒! After that, I prepare for him a meal and gave him the things I bought for him on the cruise (a jacket and a belt). Some how another, he gave some excuses on the design and etc and said he shall collect it the next time. I do not wish to force him and I start imagine is this our last meet up? Is it an end now? I don't know. To me... Thursday is like a Judgement day for me. Things can turn out 3 ways:

1) He tell his partner everything and his partner says bye bye to him (Would it be this ideal for me?? - I don't dare to think on the positive side.

2) He confess himself and promise his partner that he will never see me again - One situation that I fear the most

3) His partner accepts his explaination and life moves on as it is

I was confuse the whole last night and my silly PC was down which I can't write out my feeling then.. I need to release out to somewhere or someone.

I went home after sending him home and start singing to myself Leon Lai's song again... start thinking whether I will have any more chance to see this dream man of mine again... I was sad but held back my tears and emotional feeling. Kept telling myelf I can face it and perhaps is a good start or end for me...

Went home to listen to "Our" favorite music and start pouring in glass after glass of wine. Thinking to get into a good sleep and I shall recover when I am awake again...