Hurtful Gay Life...?

[Life Searcher]

Dear Life Searcher,

You are just praying hard too hard. Asking hard too hard. Wanting hard too hard.

Be like Katie. Be grateful that you are still being loved. Have faith that love has, slowly, embraced into your life. Have peace within. Have a grip, and understanding/acceptance, that your relationship is [and with respect] NOT normal. You just have to live moment by moment.

Here's my thought - and please, it is written to think out of the box. Honestly, your statement [posted 15 March] "Gay life... is so unpredictable...perhaps life as a human is so complicated..." and few other questions [below] prompted me to think deep about life.

Is life really unpredictable?

Our world is a reflection of our collective consciousness. We get what we give. What we sow is what we get. Until we resolve our inner conflict, there will be conflict in our outer world. What we see in the world is exactly what we deserve, both the good and the bad.

Many of us often think so little of ourselves. Look at how we think, say, about death. Death is always easier to comprehend when one has lived a full life and dies at a ripe old age. But when a child, or an adult who is not yet old enough to die, we question why these souls were taken so soon. When one dies violently from the hands of another, we question the sanity of our world.

While it is easy to focus on the downside of life, unpredictablity works both ways. When we win the lottery, do we complain? Do we question life? In fact, we think that we are just lucky. We think that the gods are smiling on us whether we deserve it or not. We don't say "why me?" We believe we deserve it. We accept the good fortune with grace and often for granted, as if we earned those blessings.

However, as soon as the good tide changes, we start to whimper. We quickly question at the wisdom of the universe. Everything happen because we allow the thought vibrations to take place. Be it consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously. None of us can fully undestands the ebb and flow of the universe but when we make a conscious effort, and in awareness, we are allowing acceptance. We accept life as Just Is. We get what we give.

Yes, we do our best to minimize uncertainty. As long as we are not fully in charge of our thinking mind, and in spite of all our best efforts, we will experience unexpected blow. Disappointments will come our way.

We may question why do bad things happen to good people? There is no easy answer. We live in a broken world with broken people. Those who are hurting often hurt others, intentionally and unintentionally. We just need to remind ourselves that life is a gift we are granted moment by moment. The only moment we can really count on is now. We should not, and never, miss an opportunity to show affection. To give gratitude.

Yes, life is uncertain but not unpredictable. There is no need to be fearful. No one can wave a magic wand and install predictability. But it can start with watching our thoughts. It is definitely a better option to guarantee results. One of the best way, as we struggle with life's unpredictability, is to keep planting these thoughts "Love begins with Me. And so, is Peace.".

Dear Please Forgive Me,

Is really relieve to see you back... I do need your touch to light up the tunnel. Although, I fully understood that the final choice of how I want to live my life is still myself. In fact, I do agreed we have to learn from Katie and Nick. THis has motivated & touched me a lot and I am learning about love is not just holding him on but we need time to let them free and since life is unpredictable, why should we always think on the down side. I have always wanted to Live Happy and Happy Living... I do believe 活在当下! I also understand that in life no matter how much effort you put into work, love or etc., still you may suffer disappointment... but if we don't put in that much of effort.... we will then definitely be disappointed or lost our love.

You mentioned about the part that man normally complains about bad things which falls on us and never appreciate what the faith or haven has smiled on us... I fully agreed on that. Like what I have learned sometime ago but need to digest it "we are crying here that we have no shoes while some others have no legs". I will learn from these advice and will try to apply it in my life and will use it to help others. Since I have the strength to help others and I believe this is a strength given by birth ... I shall use it to benefit others. We shall really share our experience and love to make the life better.

Like what you said... since life is so unpredictable, why should we pray so hard for how the future looks.... we might as well enjoy what we have now and be thankful... I like your part in "Love begins with Me. And so is Peace."

You have really being a great advisor and would be great if I can know you better to share your wisdom?

Once again, thank you so much and best of luck!!!

Edited March 19, 2009 by Life Searcher

[Life Searcher]

Don't think I can ever give you any advice.

The reason is simple.

I believe I am more towards a pragmatic person while you are far too romantic to a point of unrealistic.

Your behavior are too much like those characters in those Mills and Boons stories I read while in secondary school -

starry-eyed dreamers waiting for their prince charming arriving to their rescue on a white horse (sometimes white convertible).

If you have a fulltime job, I dunno how you can ever cope with all your thoughts so preoccupied with Mr W.

How can you ever perform well in your work is a mystery to me.

I just feel that your thinking and action is more woman than a woman.

You know where you will end up one day if you keep living your life like this?

I leave it for you to tell me.

But its your life and only you can decide how to live it.

I wish you all the best.

问世间 情为何物

Hi Cock Brand,

Yes... Mr. W did preoccupies my thoughts and mind a lot... but when I am back to work place.. i could really still remain my performance as I do treat relationship and work as 2 separate issues. I even try to be busier so that time goes by faster. Also, knowing Mr. W only appreciates successful and clever man, I have in fact perfrom much better to make him feel proud... Also, in order to have more freedom or liberty to spend time with him, I know I have to work extra hard when I am not seeing him.

Anyway... still thank you for your advice..

[Guest Guest]

Life Searcher,

Initially, I was fascinated by your blog and was cheering you on as an underdog in this love affair that you are having with Mr. W. However, I am beginning to see, albeit scarily, that your self-worth hinges upon the need to be loved and secured with him. I feel that it has becomes an over-dependency on your side especially when you seem to be hanging on a very thin slice of this man's love life. You may have your work to distract you, and even then, it has come to a point that it is to impress Mr. W - of your conscientiouness and success. You are building to much dependency where everything seems to be revolving around Mr. W. This is not healthy. Sorry. I can't see the difference between someone that is dependent on drugs to get by the day and you who can't get by without so much as seeing or getting some sort of assurance from Mr. W. There is love. And then there is obsession. I hope you prove me wrong.

[Guest Concern]

Hi Brother, get a grip. You are consumed by this relationship. It is eating you up inside out. You are having an emotion rollercoaster. I don’t even know whether you are happy or sad to be in this relationship based on what you have written. I honestly don’t know how long you will last before you have a major mental breakdown.

Since you have decided to embark on this relationship, enjoy the ride, nothing last forever and are certain, only tax & death. Enjoy the whole package (his age, his relationship with others, etc). I know it sound easier than done. However, imagine, when the time to say goodbye really come, how are you able to handle it?

To me, love should be all about happiness. Or maybe I am wrong?

[happy.99]

i still dun think anyone should be in such a relationship. it is just too bad. they choose to get married, so they have to carry on with their marriage and be faithful.

[snowball]

i still dun think anyone should be in such a relationship. it is just too bad. they choose to get married, so they have to carry on with their marriage and be faithful.

路是自己选的, 之后, 不昰借口, 而是有胆量, 有勇气承担

[harylok]

Hi Brother, get a grip. You are consumed by this relationship. It is eating you up inside out. You are having an emotion rollercoaster. I don’t even know whether you are happy or sad to be in this relationship based on what you have written. I honestly don’t know how long you will last before you have a major mental breakdown.

Since you have decided to embark on this relationship, enjoy the ride, nothing last forever and are certain, only tax & death. Enjoy the whole package (his age, his relationship with others, etc). I know it sound easier than done. However, imagine, when the time to say goodbye really come, how are you able to handle it?

To me, love should be all about happiness. Or maybe I am wrong?

悲哀的爱情至上的宣言, 可否自欺欺人? 仰或庸人自扰?

希望那些活在风花雪月的故事的人, 思维能够天天地成长 ...

勇气与愚昧只是一线之隔

Yes ... Love should be constantly & contentedly happy ... & with less sorrow & troubled-mind ...

... & A doubtful love will never sustain long ...

Hary,

... 给我一个不变的爱情不朽的温情, 这样的事情你我到底想不想?

... 丢一个铜板轻轻地盖着猜猜他爱我不爱? 那是我所不能了解的事

Edited March 19, 2009 by harylok

[snowball]

希望那些活在风花雪月的故事的人, 思维能够天天地成长 ...

Hary, 自古以来, 忠言逆耳, 缘起缘灭, 几人能参透?

[cock brand]

The happiest person in this whole episode is undoubtly Mr W.

He is really having the best of both worlds literally - 享尽齐人之福

Whether he is real or imaginative, I really admire him.

He has such great skill to handle 3 different people with such ease.

Ability to tell different stories to different people without messing up details is no joke.

And I am oh so jealous of his disposable time, his energy. vitality and virility.

He needs to entertain his wife at home and another 2 demanding lovers outside (I just assume that he xxxx them all).

Wonder what he tell his wife when he don't-feel-like-it - sorry honey, I've got a headache?

Also wonder if any of 3 make him double boiled tonic soup regularly.

On the flip side, wonder how his wife and children will react if they discover that he is having affairs outside,

and worst of all, with 2 other man.

[cock brand]

Hary, 自古以来, 忠言逆耳, 缘起缘灭, 几人能参透?

非也

无奈当局者迷

[Guest Concern]

I am just concern that at this rate he is going, he may loose his mind real soon. Everyday worrying, emotion ups & down, jealously, can’t stop thinking of the other party, sleepless nights etc. How long can this state of mind last? The love & time spend together is few & in between. If love is such as this kind of relationship, then I do not want to do anything with it. I would have gone mad in no time. Give me a simple love, nothing challenging. Boring is fine with me…

[snowball]

Give me a simple love, nothing challenging. Boring is fine with me…

一样米养百种人, 一件简单而单纯的事, 在不同人的" 诠释, 演变 " 下, 也将复杂. 丑陋.

爱本无罪, 归根结底, 人心叵测, 人心所向何往?

[cock brand]

一样米养百种人, 一件简单而单纯的事, 在不同人的" 诠释, 演变 " 下, 也将复杂. 丑陋.

爱本无罪, 归根结底, 人心叵测, 人心所向何往?

你我和每个人也会偶尔误入歧途，迷失方向。

有些醒悟得早而能全身而退。

有些执迷不悟，不求自拔，继续沉迷。

到后来也翻身无能，弄得欲火焚身的惨淡收场。

是谁之过？

不同的择选 = 不同的演变 = 不同的结局。

你才是你的命运的操手.

朋友, 记得, 回头是岸.

[Life Searcher]

Hi Brother, get a grip. You are consumed by this relationship. It is eating you up inside out. You are having an emotion rollercoaster. I don’t even know whether you are happy or sad to be in this relationship based on what you have written. I honestly don’t know how long you will last before you have a major mental breakdown.

Since you have decided to embark on this relationship, enjoy the ride, nothing last forever and are certain, only tax & death. Enjoy the whole package (his age, his relationship with others, etc). I know it sound easier than done. However, imagine, when the time to say goodbye really come, how are you able to handle it?

To me, love should be all about happiness. Or maybe I am wrong?

Thanks Cocern for your advice above. Actually, to me love involves all different feel. You will have shared each other happiness, sadness, worries and joy. Indeed, I do have more happiness my relationship with Mr. W than sadness. Even is sadness, is seriously not because Mr. W hurt me but is more of my foolish thinking . Today, I have shown Mr. W my post here and he thought I was very silly to think this way. Not sure why while he was reading the post, my tears roll down and once again he gave me his assurance of our love. After that, we chatted for long time about his family and partner issues… in the end he was so touched that Mr. W shed his tears too. It is really not my intention to see Mr. W shed his tears as I feel heart pain. We then went thru a good heart to heart talk about his and my past. I told him he will have all my support no matter what happen in future. Also, I will have more positive thinking and will enjoy our love and happiness together.

i still dun think anyone should be in such a relationship. it is just too bad. they choose to get married, so they have to carry on with their marriage and be faithful.

Dear Happy.99,

I have never wanted Mr. W to leave his marriage for me. In fact, I have supported him in many areas like sometimes I will buy something his wife may like for him to give it to his wife. Also, we spend time to discuss his family issues and etc. In fact, his wife knows his status as PLUs but not about his partner and myself. It just I feel Mr. W still has responsibilities as a husband and father (although his childrean are all grown up now). Unless, his wife can’t tolerate or wanted a divorce. I will never force him to do so…

路是自己选的, 之后, 不昰借口, 而是有胆量, 有勇气承担

Dear Snowball,

对！爱一个人真的需要勇气。。。我会勇敢去面对和接受任何可能以后会发生的事。

勇气 http://www.video1314.com/music.php?music_id=4929&vpkey=

Edited March 20, 2009 by Life Searcher

[Life Searcher]

悲哀的爱情至上的宣言, 可否自欺欺人? 仰或庸人自扰?

希望那些活在风花雪月的故事的人, 思维能够天天地成长 ...

勇气与愚昧只是一线之隔  

Yes ... Love should be constantly & contentedly happy ... & with less sorrow & troubled-mind ...

... & A doubtful love will never sustain long ...

Hary,
... 给我一个不变的爱情不朽的温情, 这样的事情你我到底想不想?
... 丢一个铜板轻轻地盖着猜猜他爱我不爱? 那是我所不能了解的事

Dear Hary，

谁不想爱的简单？但爱都爱了又当如何？难道不去面对这份爱吗？

逃避不一定躲得过，

面对不一定是最难...

The happiest person in this whole episode is undoubtly Mr W.
He is really having the best of both worlds literally - 享尽齐人之福
Whether he is real or imaginative, I really admire him.
He has such great skill to handle 3 different people with such ease.
Ability to tell different stories to different people without messing up details is no joke.
And I am oh so jealous of his disposable time, his energy. vitality and virility.
He needs to entertain his wife at home and another 2 demanding lovers outside (I just assume that he xxxx them all).
Wonder what he tell his wife when he don't-feel-like-it - sorry honey, I've got a headache?
Also wonder if any of 3 make him double boiled tonic soup regularly.

On the flip side, wonder how his wife and children will react if they discover that he is having affairs outside,
and worst of all, with 2 other man.

Cockbrand - Please note Mr. W is a real person... I don't think anyone here will be so 无了to put an imaginary person or love here right? Plesae believe me here. Thanks

Instead of admiring him in certain aspect... please also spare some thougths that he will also have to face many different situation and time constraint here. As for his health.. no worries.. I will take of care in very well manner and by the way he no longer have sex with wife.. and she knows about he is one of us.. except our existence.

[Guest LW]

Dear Life Searcher,

Reading your posting actually make me think about myself i some ways.

But, I hope you will not end up like me. For I have lost myself while trying to seek for love. In the end, I only lost myself to the dark side in life and humanity. I'm now trying my best to seek back the me before I entered in the gay circle. I have hurted so many good mans who loved me and be hurted by many other bad guys. So, it's a Karma for me and I accepted it as a fact now.

For an advice, love can blind one's eyes and thought. Try to see and think carefully sometime. But, if one can really do that, he's not really in love as he claim he is. To you, I and many others here, love is like poison. It will slowly eat off ourself and blind us to reality. But, that is why love is so great. 爱得太深，伤得也深。I only know what I value the most when I lost it. So, now I can only wish he and his new bf good luck, and foolishly waiting for him with the thought that he will break off with his new bf one day and patch back with me. In the mean time, I'm trying to change and stop my flirtation and being to sauna. For him, I willing to change myself and get back to the light again so that when the day if I got the chance to patch back with him, I will be a guy that he can trust and love. Half a year, 1 year, or more... I will be willing to wait while I bury myself with work and study becaue if don't keep myself busy, I will either think about the past and make myself sob or sit there being blank in my mind for hours...

So, life searcher. For my change, I have cut off with most of my friends. But, I don't want you or others to follow my path as this is the cruel path I choose for myself. But, I think it will be worthful for me one day. Or maybe it's just my day dream...

[snowball]

Life Searcher, my post [ 路是自己选的, 之后, 不昰借口, 而是有胆量, 有勇气承担 ] not for you la , is for those who behave like a woman like to give excuse such as " force by family...

i don't know why when things happen, they not finding solution but just giving stupid excuses then someone will still willing to believe & willing to jump into it ( love or the person is blind )? this call 伟大 & 为爱牺牺 after knowing the person is a married guy?

i won't understood & i don't want to try to understand this type of abnormal love relationship. to be honest, i no longer think those who die die want to love with married guy is all 犯贱, some quite 苦命 indeed, also apply to some married guy, some cos they too kind so they do not want to hurt someone they love so they do what they don't like ( get married ) to please them ( parents or sibling ).

maybe 前世欠的情债今生还, i still keep my words, some married guys is a good man with kind heart, but just don't like the way they handler love relationship

Edited March 21, 2009 by snowball

[Life Searcher]

Dear Life Searcher,

Reading your posting actually make me think about myself i some ways.

But, I hope you will not end up like me. For I have lost myself while trying to seek for love. In the end, I only lost myself to the dark side in life and humanity. I'm now trying my best to seek back the me before I entered in the gay circle. I have hurted so many good mans who loved me and be hurted by many other bad guys. So, it's a Karma for me and I accepted it as a fact now.

For an advice, love can blind one's eyes and thought. Try to see and think carefully sometime. But, if one can really do that, he's not really in love as he claim he is. To you, I and many others here, love is like poison. It will slowly eat off ourself and blind us to reality. But, that is why love is so great. 爱得太深，伤得也深。I only know what I value the most when I lost it. So, now I can only wish he and his new bf good luck, and foolishly waiting for him with the thought that he will break off with his new bf one day and patch back with me. In the mean time, I'm trying to change and stop my flirtation and being to sauna. For him, I willing to change myself and get back to the light again so that when the day if I got the chance to patch back with him, I will be a guy that he can trust and love. Half a year, 1 year, or more... I will be willing to wait while I bury myself with work and study becaue if don't keep myself busy, I will either think about the past and make myself sob or sit there being blank in my mind for hours...

So, life searcher. For my change, I have cut off with most of my friends. But, I don't want you or others to follow my path as this is the cruel path I choose for myself. But, I think it will be worthful for me one day. Or maybe it's just my day dream...

Dear LW,

Don't blame yourself too much... what done cannot be undone and is sad to see a friend like you be so hurt. Like what I have said earlier... I used to think this only happen to gay life... but when you think deeper, even straight life has its complication. We get to see many married man or woman still have their affairs and they can't control the seduction or love behind. Perhaps, they cannot get "something" or "some feel" from their partner and so need to get it from others instead. So is really not a matter of gay or straight life.. is about human factor.

Yes, I admit at one point I do feel love is blind and I started to lose my direction and do not know what to do but after a good heart to heart chat with Mr. W and listen to so many wise man here like “Please Forgive Me” and others like Concern, HaryLok, Oralb, Gachi Machi, Snowball, yourself and even Cockbrand have let me reviewed my life many times. Although, I still love Mr. W deeply, that doesn’t mean I should lose my life or myself to do that. So long, I have him in my heart and have the faith to do it. As mentioned, we need certain courage to face true love and we may have to accept any failure which may come upon us in future. Like many have said here… nothing is guarantee, not love, not things and not life… so long we cherish and protect what we have now.

Well everyone learns lesson in life, regardless happy or sad issues. We have to learn to overcome it by ourselves. 3rd party or others could give you advice and comments but you remain the one to make the final decision on how you want to move on with life. But once, you selected it, be prepared to face the obstacles and consequences behind it. I am learning it now just like you except the situation / stage is different.

I am sure many of us here suffered the same thing here before. We have perhaps hurt someone we love before and not cherish them. We have also been hurt by some jerks in the past. I treated that as part of my life and lesson. Many years ago, I fall in love in one mature married man (again….). In fact, he is the one who open up my gay life. I love him a lot too and I think he love me as well (although I think I give out more… seems I have been a giver for life) . In the 3 years, I can understand his restriction in family and etc but in the end I can’t stand him flirting and fooling with a friend whom I know. I decided to leave him even I love him so much as I don’t see any future we could have . In the end, I went abroad and to study but the heart remains in Singapore. It took me really a few years to get over but thanks to him, I am stronger now and I able to get myself concentrate in work and consider a little success in life. As such, I want you to know, there is hope in life and I think you have learnt your lesson thru this relationship. I am not trying to encourage you to wait … is very difficult for a person to come back to you when they decided to leave you. However, I do not know why you two got separated and perhaps your love for him will move him someday. Please do not give up friendship or etc… they are really a great support pillar. Why lock yourself up even you know what went wrong? Try to take a step out and maybe the light is just a door away so long you prepare to move. Also, I am sure your love one like your ex bf do not wish to see you this way. I am sure he wants you to be happy and this way you will present a better side of yourself to him.

Dear friend… please take care and we should support each other morally when we are weak., Today could be you and tomorrow could be me… Let’s hope life gets better and we should have courage to face and fight for it.

[Life Searcher]

Life Searcher,

Initially, I was fascinated by your blog and was cheering you on as an underdog in this love affair that you are having with Mr. W. However, I am beginning to see, albeit scarily, that your self-worth hinges upon the need to be loved and secured with him. I feel that it has becomes an over-dependency on your side especially when you seem to be hanging on a very thin slice of this man's love life. You may have your work to distract you, and even then, it has come to a point that it is to impress Mr. W - of your conscientiouness and success. You are building to much dependency where everything seems to be revolving around Mr. W. This is not healthy. Sorry. I can't see the difference between someone that is dependent on drugs to get by the day and you who can't get by without so much as seeing or getting some sort of assurance from Mr. W. There is love. And then there is obsession. I hope you prove me wrong.

Dear Guest,

Thank you for pointing out this and I am seeing myself in many different angles now. I believe I still can use my own way to love Mr. W while not disrupting or lost myself on the way. I need to set priorities in life and the difference of each to make up my life. Besides working hard to make Mr. W proud of me, I also wanted to achieve something to retire early and enjoy life with my love one. I promise to use my heart to feel the love instead of just tryng to see him or getting assurance from him... I will enjoy my sweet memories with him while he is not around and I should have faith for him and our love...

[cock brand]

Cockbrand - Please note Mr. W is a real person... I don't think anyone here will be so 无了to put an imaginary person or love here right? Plesae believe me here. Thanks

Instead of admiring him in certain aspect... please also spare some thougths that he will also have to face many different situation and time constraint here. As for his health.. no worries.. I will take of care in very well manner and by the way he no longer have sex with wife.. and she knows about he is one of us.. except our existence.

When I wrote "whether he is real or imaginative", its a figure of speech, don't worry, you're just too sensitive.

By any standard, I still admire him as described and not changing that point of view, doesnt matter if I know now he has sex with one person less.

If he does face difficulties shuttling between 3 people, he asked for it 自作自受 ； 常言道，自作孽，不可恕。

So while Mr W is the happiest person in this episode, the most pathetic person here is undoubtly Mrs W.

She has my symphathies.

Everynight, she had been sleeping next to a man who had not touch her; and will not for now and ever.

Why is she still in this marriage?

For the poor children's sake?

She still love this stranger?

Or she has no other choice; being old and has no other financial means?

Who knows

But if one day, something untoward happen to her, I'll feel very sorry for her.

Will you?

[harylok]

When I wrote "whether he is real or imaginative", its a figure of speech, don't worry, you're just too sensitive.

By any standard, I still admire him as described and not changing that point of view, doesnt matter if I know now he has sex with one person less.

If he does face difficulties shuttling between 3 people, he asked for it 自作自受 ； 常言道，自作孽，不可恕。

So while Mr W is the happiest person in this episode, the most pathetic person here is undoubtly Mrs W.

She has my symphathies.

Everynight, she had been sleeping next to a man who had not touch her; and will not for now and ever.

Why is she still in this marriage?

For the poor children's sake?

She still love this stranger?

Or she has no other choice; being old and has no other financial means?

Who knows

But if one day, something untoward happen to her, I'll feel very sorry for her.

Will you?

The ONE who is /w most unhappiness is Mr.W

- One who choose to "ENTERTAIN" the family ..... :yuk: Come on... when comes to marriage, people talk about "SPENDING" quality time /w the family ..

- One who can't let go a"Sore-relationship" /w his bf -

.. One who choose to play again the "I LOVE U" mind game with the new one ....

As claimed by LS, Mr.W has alot of issues .... & I am not surprise to hear that ....

BTW. Mr.W is just one typical guy where there are more that can be found in this Circle ........

Hary

[snowball]

BTW. Mr.W is just one typical guy where there are more that can be found in this Circle ........

no matter how stupid & simple actually the game is, still sure have people will enjoy & addicted to it, all i have to say is, enjoy while you still useful & needed by the person before the expire date

[cock brand]

no matter how stupid & simple actually the game is, still sure have people will enjoy & addicted to it, all i have to say is, enjoy while you still useful & needed by the person before the expire date

I remember there was a song by Eurythmics that goes something like this :

Sweet dreams are made of these

who am I to disagree.......

Some of them want to use you

some of them wanna be used by you.

some of them want to abuse you

some of them wanted to be abused

How true!

So, what role you wanna play?

As long as you are happy playing your role, who are we to disagree?

Edited March 21, 2009 by cock brand

[Life Searcher]

When I wrote "whether he is real or imaginative", its a figure of speech, don't worry, you're just too sensitive.

By any standard, I still admire him as described and not changing that point of view, doesnt matter if I know now he has sex with one person less.

If he does face difficulties shuttling between 3 people, he asked for it 自作自受 ； 常言道，自作孽，不可恕。

So while Mr W is the happiest person in this episode, the most pathetic person here is undoubtly Mrs W.

She has my symphathies.

Everynight, she had been sleeping next to a man who had not touch her; and will not for now and ever.

Why is she still in this marriage?

For the poor children's sake?

She still love this stranger?

Or she has no other choice; being old and has no other financial means?

Who knows

But if one day, something untoward happen to her, I'll feel very sorry for her.

Will you?

Thanks for beliving of Mr. W existence. Well I feel sorry for Mrs. W sometimes too but I guess love can’t be control and is obvious Mr. W no longer has any more interest in woman like many married man. Mrs W knows about this too and I guess the reason why she could still hold on to their marriage because Mrs. W knows her husband is still a very responsible man. He cares for the family and try to create any bad feelings to her. E.g. He will only meet me when Mrs . W has other activities and he will be back before she comes home. Although, she may know Mr. W went out, she also knows Mr. W will be home for lunch or dinner. Their children are all grown up now and married and so Mr. W has fulfilled all his duties as a husband or father. He still joins the family for all festive celebration, holiday vocation and weekend lunches. Mr. W will never spend night outside (except maybe to celebrate over night once a year on his partner’s birthday) and he make sure he will be back home every night. I guess maybe for older person they just want to leave things as it is and more conservative. They will keep all bad things within family and not wanted to leak out to public. Unless anything that might frustrate her to voice out.

[Life Searcher]

no matter how stupid & simple actually the game is, still sure have people will enjoy & addicted to it, all i have to say is, enjoy while you still useful & needed by the person before the expire date

Yes ... there are still many people here who will enjoy the love regardless of how complicated it is.

Heard some phrases here

"爱的糊涂，可能是最幸福的。” 于其执著不知道的未来，不如现在好好去享受它

[Life Searcher]

Is Saturday again, a day when Mr. W has to meet his partner and is a day I know they will have sex together. This is also a day which I used to love the most as it is weekend but has become a day I wish it passed by ASAP. After so many months and after reading so many comments from friends and experience man here. I have managed to take it slightly better today. Although, I was taking at the noon time, I suddenly jumped out from the bed after dreaming of him having sex with his partner… Silly enough, I slapped myself for thinking foolish things and I told myself to get up and do something more meaningful. As such, I went to gym to do some exercise and follow up by a body massage. My heart is more calm and steady when I think of all the good things Mr. W has done for me and knowing if I choose to be with him, I have to accept this type of arrangement every Saturday and I can’t be grumbling the same thing for 52 times a year. Like what many have said… if I choose this love, this relationship and this man, I have to live with it. Instead of grumbling about something which I cannot change, I might as well accept the fact and enjoy his love for me… maybe love has really no reason and once it activated in your heart, is really not easy to stop…at least for myself… I can’t stop… 我知道我有点执迷不悔，可能爱的越深就越不能自拔，但我会尝试用理事去分析也尽可能不让自己的生活受影响。

Learn something today and feel these words are really beautiful “如果可以的话，请让我用这一生来爱你。

[Life Searcher]

Do we know the difference between love and like?

知道喜欢和爱的分别吗？

喜欢不是爱，

喜欢是凭感觉，

但爱是要有承诺的。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

This is strange.. this is the first time... I can say whatever I want to wish to someone... I do not need be shame of myself, do not need to be scare and do not need to hide myself.. . Actually, I have always scare to open my heart to anyone... not even my ex...

but since I met Mr. W... the door in my heart has opened and I asked him "did you hear the sound?" He puzzled.... I told him the door in my heart has opened and welcome him to come into as he has the key to enter...

我一直不是一个能放开心去相信别人的男人。

我问他你听到哪门的声音吗？

他愣了一下。。。

我说　“我把我心底的那扇门打开了。“　

我轻声的问道　”请进来好吗？“

”因为门的钥匙在你身上呀“

[Guest -snowball-]

喜欢不是爱，

喜欢是凭感觉，

但爱是要有承诺的。

---------------------------------

承诺 = 无聊

承诺 = 信不过

承诺 = 天真

many people treat it like eating rice, i don't believe that since i was secondary school, when someone told me that, normally i will ask them to save it, prove to me by real action not words else all is rubbish, if after ten years you still there for me & still love me & treat me that important, then we shall discuse with that, play emo sorry, find wrong person

----------------------------------

if love & like both not by feel then why most people like to use love is blind? really don't understand

[Life Searcher]

Well... I guess different views for different people... perhaps I am not experience enough but are we not really going to believe someone we love? I think giving them our promise and to keep it is just a basic isn't it?

Maybe I am right? or maybe I am wrong else it could just because I am inexperience...

[snowball]

Life Searcher, nothing to do with experience or inexperience, is all about character, most people like sweet talk, even they know deeply is not true, but they choose to belive, that's what we call love is blind ( actually is the person blind ), what is promises? promises make to be break isn't it? may be i am a person just belive in real action, once the person give too much " talk ", i will sick of it, i rather he do more for me to feel, see & touch, prove to me that i am his & very important to him, don't give so much empty promises then fly here & there saying same words & doing same thing to others

Edited March 21, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

Yes ... there are still many people here who will enjoy the love regardless of how complicated it is.

Heard some phrases here

"爱的糊涂，可能是最幸福的。” 于其执著不知道的未来，不如现在好好去享受它

可是你一点也不糊涂只是执著。

当一个人能同时爱上几个人，他能有多真心？

他们在做爱时会想起你吗？

他们卿卿我我时的耳边细语你很可能会有机会听到，

因为他会在和你卿卿我我时在你耳边一字不漏地重复。

别再自欺欺人了

[snowball]

当一个人能同时爱上几个人，他能有多真心？

To me he just treat it as a games, real fun & interesting, round one round 2 etc

cock brand, Life Searcher actually have the answer deep inside, do you think that our advice he don't know is true? now what he need, is people to stand by his side so he won't feel what he has done is silly. he just avoiding the truth, cos truth always hurt & cause pain, it bleed within, he rather have his body & fake love rather than he get nothing from him at all. maybe we all are wrong, Mr W truely Love him & think of him even he have sex with others? if a person find more safer staying in the dream, why not? as long he is happy & get what he want, sometimes i think that is evil to " destroy " people sweet dream.

[cock brand]

当一个人能同时爱上几个人，他能有多真心？

To me he just treat it as a games, real fun & interesting, round one round 2 etc

cock brand, Life Searcher actually have the answer deep inside, do you think that our advice he don't know is true? now what he need, is people to stand by his side so he won't feel what he has done is silly. he just avoiding the truth, cos truth always hurt & cause pain, it bleed within, he rather have his body & fake love rather than he get nothing from him at all. maybe we all are wrong, Mr W truely Love him & think of him even he have sex with others? if a person find more safer staying in the dream, why not? as long he is happy & get what he want, sometimes i think that is evil to " destroy " people sweet dream.

I know.

I just find that this Mr W is too smart and slimy.

He will still treat Mrs W very well with monthly allowances to keep her happy (play responsible husband role).

He will try to accomodate all her requests except for the sex part.

He will not want to rock the boat.

It'll be disastrous for him if she demand a divorce and sue for adultery, worst, with 2 other men.

But then, is she a 三从四德的贤妻良母 or just a dumb woman?

We will never know.

LS reasoned that "all the children had grown up and he had fulfilled his duties as father and husband" is so wrong!

Has he?

What happened to his promises to her?

And she is still living but sadly as a "widow" while he is having a rendezvous with 2 men.

Why get stucked into this whirlpool?

[harylok]

可是你一点也不糊涂只是执著。

当一个人能同时爱上几个人，他能有多真心？

他们在做爱时会想起你吗？

他们卿卿我我时的耳边细语你很可能会有机会听到，

因为他会在和你卿卿我我时在你耳边一字不漏地重复。

别再自欺欺人了

至此, 故事里的Mr.W, 在我客观角度, 他是个感情上的不上道者, 也是个为老不尊的失败者 ..

老实说, 我反而对MR.W的行径颇为兴趣,远超越LS的无病呻吟的故事桥段 ...搞不好, MR.W是我圈中朋友中的那个MR.W?!

... PLU多像不知足的云四处飘荡 ...

... PLU的誓言就象那课本里缤纷的书签, 刻划着多少美丽的诗, 可是终究是一阵烟 ...

... PLU的爱情这东西我明白, 但永远是什么? 今天的欢乐,将是明天创痛的回忆

.. Today, I have shown Mr. W my post here and he thought I was very silly to think this way. Not sure why while he was reading the post, my tears roll down and once again he gave me his assurance of our love....

Why not show all the other postings in this thread to Mr.W? & let us know how Mr.W think about it, esp. those "Negative" ones?

Hary,

Edited March 21, 2009 by harylok

[snowball]

I just find that this Mr W is too smart and slimy...

What happened to his promises to her?

i don't think Mr W is smart at all, just lucky he got some to act dumb for him, if he met someone like me ( actually i met afew b4, giving all sort of grandpa stupid story why they got married, i ask them not to talk cock, we just sex for fun & nothing else ), i will ask him to fly kite, want to play emo, not up to the standard yet

that is why i say promises 承诺 is all about rubbish, 无聊, just for people that like sweet talk.

cock brand, i think Mr W not only give his wife promises, but most guys he met & regular buddies etc, same reapted old stories to all that he think he may can get

[Guest -snowball-]

Guys, think we should let Life Searcher to have a break, we all know that meeting or having someone that is fake is really sad thing, esp cant let go, he is suffering ( though this path chosen by him ), but some people always hope that one day, the person that they love will appreaciate & will change for him, that's normal thought right? just too bad this complicated Love relationship he got may turn to sour one day, well but no matter what may come by, Life Searcher, be strong & ready for the worst,one day you will know that love is not about life only, you can do alot more w/o it, i wish you alol the best & hopefully get your dream to be true

[Life Searcher]

It very strange... I actually wrote a few long post here but in the end I do not dare to post it up...I save it in a file and has read thru so many times... I am very confuse now... or maybe i just too scare to face it...

[Life Searcher]

首先我想相大家说对不起。我想收回昨天在这写下的Post。 也想在这相 “Please Forgive Me”, “Concern”, “Guest”, “LW” 说对不起。我辜负了您们的宝贵意见。

我原以为自己真的可以非常潇洒的去爱Mr. W。我以为我真的可以放开任何的负担和不去计较任何的回报。但我错了。。。 我没有自己想象的那般坚强。我哭了。真的哭了。。。 我甚至沿自己要什么都忘了。或许真的像Cockbrand，Oralb， Harylok， Snowball 和其他的朋友所说的一样。我跟本在自欺欺人。我太让爱冲昏了我的理性。

This song and lyrics inside really fits my situation and thinking now.

Wise men say only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay

Would it be a sin

If I can’t help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you

For I can’t help falling in love with you

[Life Searcher]

Just in case, the members and friends here whom I apologise above don't understand chinese.

In short is I like to apologise I would like to change my post yesterday and sorry to “Please Forgive Me”, “Concern”, “Guest”, “LW' as I have failed their good advice and support all the while...

All along, I thought I could love Mr. W gracefully. I thought I could accept everything and willing to be selfless in this love or relationship... but I am worng... I am not as strong or as tough as I thought. I cried... I really cried... to a scenerio that I ask forget what I want. Perhaps I am like what "Cockbrand"，"Oralb"， "Harylok"， "Snowball" and many others here have said that I am just trying to fool myself and want to be dumb here. I am lying to myself .... Perhaps love has really make me lost my practical mind.... and the song from Andrea Bocelli - Can't Help falling In Love really fits in well to my emotion now.

[Guest ahhuat]

... PLU多像不知足的云四处飘荡 ...

... PLU的誓言就象那课本里缤纷的书签, 刻划着多少美丽的诗, 可是终究是一阵烟 ...

... PLU的爱情这东西我明白, 但永远是什么? 今天的欢乐,将是明天创痛的回忆

哈哈，一针见血。

[cock brand]

还是那句话：

问世间情为何物，直教人生死相许。

If you are really true to each other, its definately not a bad thing to do.

But all along, we felt that you are merely 一厢情愿.

You need to decide for yourself what you should do next.

Crying, getting upset is not the solution and will not help.

Pick up yourself, put on your courage and move on.

Its only an affair of a few months, getting out of it is not all that difficult.

Be firm with your decision, dont look back and walk on.

However, please don't get me wrong.

I am not insisting that you should leave this man, I had never.

All the while, I was just trying to illustrate, to remind and to help you analyse your current situation.

You weigh all the options, decide, make your choice and subsequently, live with all the outcome.

So funny, all the while I was looking for someone who would love me with all his heart as I would love him.

I never found him and I thought and conclude that this is a myth.

Whether you are real or imaginative (I use this phase again), you showed me that such people do exist.

我也是性情中人，我很了解你的心。

Hope you will find your true love soon。

[Life Searcher]

PART 1

今早，我和Mr. W 一起去跑步。 过后一起去吃早餐。在送我去巴士站的途中，我们聊到了他的伴侣。在说话当中Mr. W 不小说到了这一句“新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍”。我当场就像被一把刀狠狠地刺中， 心如刀割。Mr. W 完全不知我以被他伤害了。而我却不知道如何是好，只好用微笑来带过。。。 因为我真的不想 Mr. W 看到我难过，流泪。。。 这会影响他的心情。。。

张学友

These sentences really describe my heart and feeling for him... 能給的我全都給了　我都捨得 除了讓你知道　我心如刀割

我的天是灰色　我的心是藍色

觸摸著你的心　竟是透明的

你的悠然自得　我卻束手無策

我的心痛竟是你的快樂

其實我不想對你戀戀不捨

但甚麼讓我輾轉反側

不覺我說著說著　天就亮了

我的唇角嘗到一種苦澀

我是真的為你哭了

你是真的隨他走了

就在這一刻全世界傷心角色

又多了我一個

我是真的為你愛了

你是真的跟他走了

能給的我全都給了　我都捨得

除了讓你知道　我心如刀割

Edited March 22, 2009 by Life Searcher

[oralb]

nope, I dont think you are dump or a fool, when it comes to love, it is easy to be love fool.

but at this point, after reading your posting, I think you need some professional help, you need to talk to someone's been trained to handle cases like this. Dont suffer in silence, i guess this is the advice i am giving to other readers who maybe in similiar position...

> OCMSM hotline (Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans)

OCMSM Hotline 626 86 626 (MAN TO MAN) - NEW NUMBER

Tuesday 7 to 10pm

Thursday 7 to 10pm

Saturday 2 to 6pm

It is an anonymous hotline and all calls are strictly confidential.

Our volunteers are trained to listen to you. You can also go to our website to find out more about us.

=================

Here are some other helplines that you want to call if you wish to talk to someone about your feelings.

Other Helpline (Straight)

> Samaritans of Singapore (a 24 hr suicide prevention hotline)

1800-221 4444

> SAGE Helpline (For elderly people over 50 years old and care-givers of the elderly)

1800-353-8633 (9:00am - 5:00pm Mon-Fri and 9:00am - 1:00pm Sat)

> Singapore Association for Mental Health Hotline

1800-283-7019

> Family Service Centres

1800-838-0100

> Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre

1800-353-5800

> Touchline (Touch Youth Service)

1800-377-2252

[Baloo]

touching...

yet...

i dunno...

i keep thinking ... "Forbidden Fruit"

and it's lure, it's colour, it's promise of advancement...

one bite... and you lose it all...

Keep on chasing it.. but please... dun reach it even if you could...

the fun is in the chase, and as you so meticulously documented it the past few months... seems to be your kind of sustenance... dun change your diet... you won't be able to do it ...

just keep on swimming... just keep swimming... just keep swimming... swimming... swimming ... swimming...

and everything will be hunky dory... keep on posting your daily bread... at least you blog your life on an almost daily basis... much better than doing nothing, or looking for a more suitable partner...

you can be happy with thousands... not all at the same time of course.... 'one and only... ' pah....

he can betray his wife, with whom he has a legal life contract, he can betray anyone... be prepared for the day he finds another one... younger, better, more in-tune with him than you, more fun, more energetic, more promising... and you become his 'wife'... whom he betrays every saturday, and other evenings he spends with the 'new you' and you play the role of 'his wife'... only this time, he owes you no legal life contract... keep your diamond ring dude... make sure it's certified, in your name...

[GachiMuchi]

情场高手，防不慎防

新欢虽好，旧爱难舍

心如刀割，如梦初醒

早知今日，何必当初

忠言逆耳，悔不当初

悬崖勒马，回头是岸

脱离苦海，忘情忘爱

弃暗投明，找回自我

[Guest LW]

Dear Life Searcher,

Please get a hold on yourself. You are suffering as what I have been throught a few months ago when I posted in I hate myself for being gay. I was very down and thought of dying everyday those time. But, I struggled through those hard time by a bit now.

I did mention that I'm trying to change. Part of the reason is because I'm getting too tired and scarred in this circle now even I've only be involved for around 4 years. But, I know that I cannot be back to straight too. My parents now know I'm gay and a wide gap is starting to form between us now. So, the only things that I value the most now are myself and my true friends. But, I still have a silly wish deep down. Maybe that wish is the one thing that keep me from killing myself all these time. But, the supports from my friends and some fellow BWers here is also the remedy that help me slowly crawling myself back up from the dark abssy, and I think you can too as you're wiser than me.

Life is full of bumps and hole. Falling down on the journey of life can be very usual. But, the most important thing is one must know that even the hardest fall will be nothing if one has the will to get back up and take a step forward again, letting the fall be your lesson and experience to make one a stronger man on the journey of life.

[Guest Blue Butterfly]

Yesterday was really a very strange day for me... Why strange?? I guess is my confuse emotional feelings??

Like many of you have said... 纸是包不住火的....

When I woke up early morning yesterday, I felt great not only because I am going to meet Mr. W again in the afternoon but we have a good bus ride on the way to send him home. We purposely choose a long route bus where there are not so many passengers to enjoy our joy ride... In the mid of the ride, we kiss, hug and etc on the upper deck. Is risky... but I thought that was very romantic and lovely. Guess what, I even went into a CD show to buy a set of DVDs to his wife. He was very surprised by my move and I am not sure why I do it too? Perhaps, I feel if the wife is happier, he will allow more time to be out with me.. or is guilt feeling of taking his husband away...

Working hard in the morning in office and looking forward so much to meet him again in the afternoon. Finally, the time has came and happily walking to our meeting venue... The moment I saw his back, I was over thrilled till he turn his face over which immediately I could sense he was not happy or in mood. He gave me a smile but was an usual quite for a moment. I asked him what happen and found out later that he has a small arguement / quarrel with his partner who also requested for his company in the afternoon... (which is unusal). First of all I must let all know that Mr. W is not good in telling lies. He can't explain and you can detect it even without any lies detector machine. Mr. W told him he is going out with his wife to buy things but when the partner ask where was he going, he simply can't answer. His partner threw his temper and went into &*?>#@

I did not comment much after hearing it and just tell him to be happy as I felt pain whenever he upsets. He turns back and tell me not to worry and he can handle it. Then I tell him to accompany his partner in future if the same thing happens and I can meet him after that. I don't mind waiting for him at all.

We spent sometime at my place but I can seriously felt he was not himself yesterday. Although, we still enjoy our sex and he felt much better after talking to me... I started to feel "FEAR". Why? Mr. W told me he has an outing with his wife today and follow by his partner tomorrow and might want to give me a call as he do not wish to affect my feel when he is bad mood. He needs to prepare for his explaination to his partner tomorrow. He started to say "纸是包不住火的" (paper can't wrap around the fire). I can feel he is rather scare to face it too. He kept telling me yesterday to 请永远缠绕这我! 我愿此梦永远不醒! After that, I prepare for him a meal and gave him the things I bought for him on the cruise (a jacket and a belt). Some how another, he gave some excuses on the design and etc and said he shall collect it the next time. I do not wish to force him and I start imagine is this our last meet up? Is it an end now? I don't know. To me... Thursday is like a Judgement day for me. Things can turn out 3 ways:

1) He tell his partner everything and his partner says bye bye to him (Would it be this ideal for me?? - I don't dare to think on the positive side.

2) He confess himself and promise his partner that he will never see me again - One situation that I fear the most

3) His partner accepts his explaination and life moves on as it is

I was confuse the whole last night and my silly PC was down which I can't write out my feeling then.. I need to release out to somewhere or someone.

I went home after sending him home and start singing to myself Leon Lai's song again... start thinking whether I will have any more chance to see this dream man of mine again... I was sad but held back my tears and emotional feeling. Kept telling myelf I can face it and perhaps is a good start or end for me...

Went home to listen to "Our" favorite music and start pouring in glass after glass of wine. Thinking to get into a good sleep and I shall recover when I am awake again...

[Guest Still Hiding]

情场高手，防不慎防

新欢虽好，旧爱难舍

心如刀割，如梦初醒

早知今日，何必当初

忠言逆耳，悔不当初

悬崖勒马，回头是岸

脱离苦海，忘情忘爱

弃暗投明，找回自我

Yes, Master GM. I fully agreed with you. That's why I have given up on LOVE for a long long time.

Love lead to Fear. Fear lead to Anger. Anger lead to Hate. Hate lead to SUFFERING.

[Life Searcher]

nope, I dont think you are dump or a fool, when it comes to love, it is easy to be love fool.

but at this point, after reading your posting, I think you need some professional help, you need to talk to someone's been trained to handle cases like this. Dont suffer in silence, i guess this is the advice i am giving to other readers who maybe in similiar position...

Don't worry Oralb,

I am still strong enough and I won't do anything foolish to hurt my body or myself.... as I know my parents will be terribly upset if I do so. Also, I will never want Mr. W to live in a guilt if something happen to me because of him. No worries, as a new day comes by, I have started to have new hope and I won't pray or beg for things to happen since things will never always move on to our expectations. I shall take a more neutral position and takes thing as it is...

I will try to learn to control my emotion (this is my biggest wish now) and share with others here how I feel indeed has helped me alot. I feel so much better... Once again.. thank you to all of you... you guys here are great!!!

[Guest -snowball-]

Still Hiding, you doing the right thing, if fear to break off, don't attach, if afraid that your love one will take away by others one day, don't do that to others too, is very sinful & evil to be with someone that already attach/married, love is not blind, love is saint & wonderful only to both that are true to each other & not hurting someone that you love. only both knowing the meaning & true of Love then will get bless, true love is not selfish, is the person who are, so don't use it as an excuse to cover the ugly dark side of oneself when haiving complicated relationship.

However, if one day, Still Hiding, if you really meet someone special that are single, open yourself, don't need to rush, take it slow to know each other, if everything turn out right, give it a try, treasure every moment when both together, Love should be beautiful & of cos sometimes will have tears, but understanding, give & take is important, i wish you Luck & all the best, one soul should not be empty in life, let rainbow appear heart within