Hurtful Gay Life...?

[Life Searcher]

Yes, Master GM. I fully agreed with you. That's why I have given up on LOVE for a long long time.

Love lead to Fear. Fear lead to Anger. Anger lead to Hate. Hate lead to SUFFERING.

Dear Still Hiding,

Yes..I love Mr. W and I am fear to loss him but I will never hate him or anger with him... No matter what his final choice is.. or no matter in the end he leave me... I will never hate him or anger with him.

I have took a long time to meet this man, love him and enjoy our moments together.. No matter the outcome. I will be thankful to him... as he is the man that showed me love still exists in my heart... which I once thought had died...

I will be grateful to him to let me know that I still has the ability to love a person...

我会谢谢他让我知道,原来我真的有爱人的能力....

[Life Searcher]

However, if one day, Still Hiding, if you really meet someone special that are single, open yourself, don't need to rush, take it slow to know each other, if everything turn out right, give it a try, treasure every moment when both together, Love should be beautiful & of cos sometimes will have tears, but understanding, give & take is important, i wish you Luck & all the best, one soul should not be empty in life, let rainbow appear heart within

Dear Snowball,

I really like this part...

Yes..love shouldbe wonderful and beautiful...is us who turns it ugly..

[Life Searcher]

Dear Life Searcher,

Please get a hold on yourself. You are suffering as what I have been throught a few months ago when I posted in I hate myself for being gay. I was very down and thought of dying everyday those time. But, I struggled through those hard time by a bit now.

I did mention that I'm trying to change. Part of the reason is because I'm getting too tired and scarred in this circle now even I've only be involved for around 4 years. But, I know that I cannot be back to straight too. My parents now know I'm gay and a wide gap is starting to form between us now. So, the only things that I value the most now are myself and my true friends. But, I still have a silly wish deep down. Maybe that wish is the one thing that keep me from killing myself all these time. But, the supports from my friends and some fellow BWers here is also the remedy that help me slowly crawling myself back up from the dark abssy, and I think you can too as you're wiser than me.

Life is full of bumps and hole. Falling down on the journey of life can be very usual. But, the most important thing is one must know that even the hardest fall will be nothing if one has the will to get back up and take a step forward again, letting the fall be your lesson and experience to make one a stronger man on the journey of life.

Dear LW,

Sorry to ask you in for comments even yourself is fighting your emotional matters... but I guess we both can share our hearts...

人好像要经过那刻苦的痛后,才会成长的.....

而那记忆中的影子却是如此的难以抹去.....

期望最后遗留下来的都是一些美好的回忆....

不带一丝丝的苦涩.....

[Guest Blue Butterfly]

Sori. this 2nd time i post in this forumn n press wrong button coc wasnt replying to life searcher but share with you my experience. I met Chong while we were doing national service n our on off relationship drag on for 30yrs till he finally died of heart attack 4 years ago.trust me it was not all ros everyday , theres so much up n down in our 30yrs together.He got married when we were in our 15yrs of relationship n start to see each other less but 1 thing for sure i tell myself as long as i love him n he drops by anytime he wants me ,its enough already since i love him more tha he love me. he always say no one not all the girls he make out before could do a great bj as gd as me n he just loved topping me n hear me moan n groan.he always wish i was a woman the he could marry me instead. well altough he may be saying so to keep me happy i dont care if he lies.many PLU frends thoght i was stupid n crazy to stick to one so long but i just know thats what love is all about. he did hurt me many times ,espically the time i was injured in an accident n he didnt visit me or contact me until 2yrs later then he heard from frends about the accident n told me at point of time he just got married.somehow my feelings for him start to change. deep inside i was angry but when he wants to make out i allow him the pleasure but the joy of doing with him seems different although i used to be crazy when he says he wants n 1 phone call i quiver n felt the earth moved waiting so faithfully for his coming even cooking for him since he says his wife a lousy cook n can i teach her some skill. what a thing to say. i never answer him cos i know thats 1 of the reason he keeps coming back for my food as well.the last 3yrs before he died was very strange. everytime we make love i keep telling him i had a feeling this going to last time ntrue enough 1 day after our last love making a month ago he called to ask me if i was aright becos he feel he cant take care of me n his mobile was cancelled n using his wife's hp instead.he says he will contact me frm then on and make me promised him that i shall look after myself well n will visit me 3days later asking if i could cook his fave dishes.he never call or came cos he died 3 days later at his home due to sudden heart attack. his wife called me on his furneral day but i just could not turn up cos my heart aches so so so painfully.till today i still cant bring myself to visit his niche.after he left i myself suffered aheart attack.did a by pass but met with an accident few mths ago n had a leg amputed.to a;; i would say life really cruel, tough for some Plu but i just face lfe positively n moved on n waits for my time to join him in heaven anytime soonest.

[Life Searcher]

Dear Blue Butterly.

Your experience touched me... deeply... You are a great man and you have alot for us to learn from... I envy your courage to remain the love for him until now... I can feel from your post above... I am sure many here who would agreed that is not easy to get a person we love whole heartedly and is even more difficult to have someone who love us deeply....

Even Cheong is no longer here... I believe he lives in your heart, your memory and your soul... you will remember him forver till you both meet again...

Life is indeed alot of painful things to handle and love can be twist and turn but still I believe true love exists... even is rare to find but we cannot ignore its existence... You are strong my dear friend and thank you for sharing with us ... I hope to have your courage to face all obstacles too..

Hugs....

================

Life Searcher,

You don't have to quote the whole passage if you are going to answer following Blue Butterfly's post. This will help keep the posting short and easy to follow.

Thank you.

Gachi

[Life Searcher]

情场高手，防不慎防

新欢虽好，旧爱难舍

心如刀割，如梦初醒

早知今日，何必当初

忠言逆耳，悔不当初

悬崖勒马，回头是岸

脱离苦海，忘情忘爱

弃暗投明，找回自我

Gachi Machi,

Is reallynot easy to 忘情忘爱??Has something happend to you before that you decided to do this? Or you think this is just a reflection of what i should do?

爱不知几时而生...也不知应何而后灭...

但如过真的没爱,这世界会漂亮,多彩吗?

[cock brand]

Dear Life Searcher,

I have to agree to OralB's suggestion that you should seek some professional counselling.

I had several times wanted to suggest this but refrained from doing so, cos I thought it may not be too nice.

Now that OralB suggested it, I thought I should encourage you do it.

A lot of times, just when we thought that we can handle the situation well, unwittingly, we got sucked deeper into it.

Its not like seeking a solution to a math problem where things are static; it involves people, ever changing people around us. And you seem like a 钻牛角尖的人, you may not be able to handle this alone.

When you said you really cried, what are you crying about? What are you crying for?

Your love towards Mr W, may not even be love, but some kind of obsession, some fetishism for older people ( 恋父狂?)?

At 30+ , you are well educated, got a good career and coming from a respectable family ( gathered from your posting) I actually a bit surprised with your expressions and thoughts, it just dont tally. The words, descriptions and phrases you used are too just 琼瑶 style, even a starry eyed teenage girl will never use, example like:

Quote :

"我一直不是一个能放开心去相信别人的男人。

我问他你听到哪门的声音吗？

他愣了一下。。。

我说　“我把我心底的那扇门打开了。“　

我轻声的问道　”请进来好吗？“

”因为门的钥匙在你身上呀“

Something like this coming from a man in his mid 30s is uncomprehensible.

You are too much like a damsel in distress (literally), and a dreamy and helpless one; could this be some form of Schizophrenia?

Go, do something positive and "rearrange" your life.

Good luck and best wishes.

[GachiMuchi]

Well, some people can while others can't.

Just look at yourself in the mirror. What have you become? Every time the phone rings and Mr. W is on the line, you will drop everything and attend to him. Everything is revolving around Mr. W. Where is YOUR life?

I can imagine you are a shadow of your former self. Now, fxxking get a grip of yourself and set your life back together again. And don't you go alienate your other friends, there are still life with or without a boyfriend.

I am hush with my words but sometimes some people just need a good kick on the ass and hopefully they will wake up.

[Guest Blue Butterfly]

Well, some people can while others can't.

Just look at yourself in the mirror. What have you become? Every time the phone rings and Mr. W is on the line, you will drop everything and attend to him. Everything is revolving around Mr. W. Where is YOUR life?

I can imagine you are a shadow of your former self. Now, fxxking get a grip of yourself and set your life back together again. And don't you go alienate your other friends, there are still life with or without a boyfriend.

I am hush with my words but sometimes some people just need a good kick on the ass and hopefully they will wake up.

Honestly whats Love to you,when ones in love one just cant see a straight line or even think staright. Love is really blind n no matter how much we want to get out you just cant. 30yrs with Chong whos not dead is also the same. Damn it everytime you ignore him he comes back with so many gd things about why he cant let you leave n all the sweet nothings n everytime i give in. i just dont know what happening to me to be so easy taken in. after his death then i know why! i was afraid theres no one like him. i loved his bovy smell, his physical , his that thing n the way he always do it so well n so lovingly n he knows i am a sucker to his everything he do i just cant resist. thats to me is my love for him although many friends says he making use of me n i am stupid. irregardless i still want him madly no mateer how much hurt he done . Love is such.even now that i have met a few better ones i still cant forget Chong bcos no one can replace him. stupid me! here i go again. Love love is just love...............................................

[harylok]

PLU的爱情多半是个美丽的错误, 荒唐的的誓言导致人们不听话的嘴巴里, 喃喃的不知所云 ...

此个案中, 这段情感之路, LS不是归人, 只是个过客 ...

成熟男人的泪, 真不该轻弹 ...

对待PLU的恋情, 除了理性, 也得坚恃不哭哭啼啼 ...

"也许MR.W不是爱情的好样板 ... "

"LS怎么分也分不清左右, 还向前看 ..."

"是个未知力量的牵引, 使LS迷失或者是找到自己 .. "

"让有缘人开解LS的心灵, 爱人同志 ..."

Hary

... 醉笑看PLU感情世界的无聊与是非, 今宵有酒今宵醉 ...

Edited March 23, 2009 by harylok

[Life Searcher]

成熟男人的泪, 真不该轻弹 ...

对待PLU的恋情, 除了理性, 也得坚恃不哭哭啼啼 ...

"也许MR.W不是爱情的好样板 ... "

"LS怎么分也分不清左右, 还向前看 ..."

"是个未知力量的牵引, 使LS迷失或者是找到自己 .. "

"让有缘人开解LS的心灵, 爱人同志 ..."

Hary

... 醉笑看PLU感情世界的无聊与是非, 今宵有酒今宵醉 ...

谁说男儿有泪不轻弹?? 只是未到伤心处....

在认识 Mr. W 之前我也一时以为我不会在哭了... 因为我以为我不会在谈恋爱了. 但当爱来的时候,你要挡也挡不足.

其实可以再次流泪,我还真的很感动... 因为人本来就该有七情六欲也该有喜怒哀乐不是吗?

虽说今宵有酒今宵醉 , 但明天醒来还不是要面对....

不如坦然面对??

[Life Searcher]

Honestly whats Love to you,when ones in love one just cant see a straight line or even think staright. Love is really blind n no matter how much we want to get out you just cant.

30yrs with Chong whos not dead is also the same. Damn it everytime you ignore him he comes back with so many gd things about why he cant let you leave n all the sweet nothings n everytime i give in. i just dont know what happening to me to be so easy taken in.

Love is such.even now that i have met a few better ones i still cant forget Chong bcos no one can replace him. stupid me! here i go again. Love love is just love...............................................

Can't agreed more than what you have said... each time you try to tell yourself to wake up, the moment you see him, you gave in to him. Is like 这辈子,注定被你吃定了!!

[Guest Still Hiding]

Hi, Brother, trust me. First Love is the most difficult for anyone to forgive & forget. I have been through that path before. Falling in too deeply without thinking of any consequences will only hurt you more when everything ends. Love indeed leads to attachment. Consciously or sub-consciously, you are always thinking of him. You yearn to be with him all the time. Then possessiveness comes in. You want all of him to be yours, totally belong to you. Then the fear of losing sets in. Lead to anger at yourself even you are not losing him at this moment. Lead to hating yourself for foolish thoughts. Whether you are aware or unaware, all these feelings are SUFFERING. And the very fact that you are always crying tell me that you are SUFFERING. Finally, all relationship has to end. If you still love him when he walks out of you, Trust Me, you will hate him or yourself for being foolish. If your relationship last till the end of his time, you will grieve for a long time like Blue Butterfly.

That is why I have given up on LOVE for a long long time. My body has not requirement for it. My body only need to shit, sleeps, eats & keeps clean. Only my body hormones change that lead to lust, my mind will start fantasying. And when that comes, I will always fantasize about GM before falling asleep.

Another song over everyone. 林憶蓮 愛不了多久

http://www.youmaker.com/video/sa?id=f7ad4f...b4305cf6b566001

[snowball]

Guys, think advices is needed no more, why? Think we all know, when a person is blind in heart, till the stage that even he know that contine won't lead to any where, yet he still wanted & don't care, let oneself continue to sink, to them, this is call knowing Love, to them, this type of sacifice is worth, when the person totally close his heart to outworld, just willing to let those voice they want to hear & agree to come in, so let it be.

Is not difficult to let go & realize the mistake esp when oneself know from the start this type of complicated & spoilt others family Love relationship is sinful. everyone able to turn back & not to let oneself continue to get hurt, yet own stubborn allow himself to do so, they just blame others not understand how they feel what they face.

To them, their encounter is really " noble & saint ", but...

Everyone have their own stories, most important is how you handler & what you want your life to be, each small step lead what future you are heading, only people who really treasure their life & know the true of life will be careful every single step they walk, everyone make mistakes, but whether you ready to admit & ready to learnt from it not.

Still Hiding, i don't believe in hate, i dare to say cos the path i been through, is worst than what you can think, but i read alot & make myself understand what is forgive & try to let my soul be free, no body can release you but only yourself, many find life full of hated & pain, cos they only love themself more than anything, so they keep doing something that will make others suffer.

Man's body woman's heart, this is what most people are, only when you know yourself & can see the true clear oneself then u can slowly walk out from pain & suffer, no one will walk with you when the end of life, so why so stubborn to let go & make oneself & others suffer?

Don't keep thinking that your love & life is full of suffer, just blame yourself are stubborn & refuse to see the true, when you blow off the light in the dark, you will see nothing, all around you is cover with blind, if you think this type of " world " suit you & will make you feel comfort & secure, just let it be, cos the life is yours

Edited March 24, 2009 by snowball

[Life Searcher]

Hi, Brother, trust me. First Love is the most difficult for anyone to forgive & forget. I have been through that path before. Falling in too deeply without thinking of any consequences will only hurt you more when everything ends. Love indeed leads to attachment. Consciously or sub-consciously, you are always thinking of him. You yearn to be with him all the time. Then possessiveness comes in. You want all of him to be yours, totally belong to you. Then the fear of losing sets in. Lead to anger at yourself even you are not losing him at this moment. Lead to hating yourself for foolish thoughts. Whether you are aware or unaware, all these feelings are SUFFERING. And the very fact that you are always crying tell me that you are SUFFERING. Finally, all relationship has to end. If you still love him when he walks out of you, Trust Me, you will hate him or yourself for being foolish. If your relationship last till the end of his time, you will grieve for a long time like Blue Butterfly.

Hi Still Hiding,

For your info, this is not my first love... this is my 2nd love. My 1st love did hurt me badly. It took me some time to get over it by keeping myself real busy in work and etc. After so many years when I prepared not to accept or try out any LTR, Mr. W came into my picture... He is like a fire whom lights up my extinguish torch. How can I describe?? Is like a dead Volcano ... they seems to be non-active but the moment it gets erupted, is really not easy to get it cool down... it kills...

Also, for me Love really shouldn't has HATRAL involved.... even till today, I have never hate my ex-bf... after all the hurtful things he have done to me..... I ask for separation and I still wish him happy. Till today, I did think of him sometimes as a friend but just hope he is well and happy....

I just think we should at least have the heart to love or to be love. Why close your heart? Let it open and perhaps you will see some miracle?

Yes, sometimes we might be hurt by something or our love one intentionally or unintentionally. ..the happiness and joy you get from a true love is really wonderful and is something you can’t get from just sex. Isn’t it great to have someone who can share your feel and thoughts? Is really good to have someone to share your love, happiness, sadness and all the things…

[Guest Still Hiding]

OK, all I can say is that I shall wish you all the best in your relationship. I am just concerned that you may get hurt badly as too many tears had flown because of this relationship. That's all that I worried about.

[Life Searcher]

今天早上，听到了Mr. W 的电话让我感觉到到他有点不是太开心。我知道多多少少都是应为我影响了他。于是，我便告诉了Mr. W 不必担心我。我想了又想也翻看了之前写的一段post. 我写了，我希望Mr.Ｗ　永远开心。。。我会做任何事让他开心。爱本是应该无私的！爱本来就不该让他受伤害！下午，见了他之后，谈了谈一些心声，心事后，我发现　Ｍｒ．Ｗ再度笑了。而我的心也开始愉快了。我这才发现原来只要看到他开心我就会快乐。

我该对Ｍr.Ｗ 有心信, 因该给他足够的时间去解决他的问题。。。

ENJOY THIS SONG

至少还有你

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This morning Mr. W gave me a call and I could felt he was a little upset. I know more or less his mood was affected by me. He could sense my sadness and knew he has disappointed me that day. After I hung up the phone, I went thru all the previous post here and what I have written in my diary... that my biggest wish is to see Mr. W happy and want him to be happy forever... I did write previously that I will do anything for the sake of his happiness and I will enjoy our love forever. Love should be selfless and not selfish... Like what many here have said that my jealousy or etc is mainly selfish and think of myself or not. We should never hurt our love one! We should cherish them....

I met Mr. W in the afternoon, we have a great chat and a open heart talk and after that, he started to smile... and strange... I just started to feel happy from my heart too. This is when I realize I am happy so long I see him happy. I should have confidence with Mr. W and gave him sufficient time to resolve his problem and issue...

Edited March 24, 2009 by Life Searcher

[Life Searcher]

Loving a person truly and whole heartily is really not easy... Timing, chemistry, commitment, trust, faith and the willing of sacrifice are important.

Destiny sometimes plays a fool on us and we may not even get the one we love all the times…

张学友一路上有你

一路上有你

词:谢明训曲:片山圭司演唱:张学友

你知道吗爱你并不容易，还需要很多勇气

是天意吧好多话说不出去 ，就是怕你负担不起

你相信吗这一生遇见你， 是上辈子我欠你

是天意吧让我爱上你，才又让你离我而去

也许轮回里早已注定， 今生就该我还给你

一颗心在风雨里， 飘来飘去都是为你

一路上有你苦一点也愿意，就算是为了分离与我相遇

一路上有你痛一点也愿意，就算这辈子注定要和你分离

一路上有你痛一点也愿意，就算是只能在梦里拥抱你

[cock brand]

你有个大姐 （W 太太）

还有个稳坐第二把校椅二姐

为了一个之能一两个星期来点一次灯的老头

身为三奶的你能这样天真的开心,真是服了你

更佩服那老头的那条只能打开你心的锁匙

[snowball]

cock brand, don't envy la, beside brother in this circle, don't forget still have 姐姐妹妹站起来 for 老头

Edited March 24, 2009 by snowball

[snowball]

love is very personal thing,

as long you enjoy & happy

Edited March 24, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

love is very personal thing,

as long you enjoy & happy

就是吗。

所谓 ：周瑜打黄盖 — 一个愿打，一个愿挨.

无奈也。

[tong]

Loving a person truly and whole heartily is really not easy... Timing, chemistry, commitment, trust, faith and the willing of sacrifice are important.

Destiny sometimes plays a fool on us and we may not even get the one we love all the times…

一直以来都有在关注你的动向

也谢谢你的分享

想告诉你

其实在这里你并不孤单

所以就上来给你加油。。打气。。

一路走来

跌跌撞撞

虽然辛苦

可是再回头看时

却庆幸年轻时

没有留白

我也有过和你一样的经历

你问我。。后悔吗

我会说不会

虽然。。逢年过节。。我要一个人过

可是。。要找到能和你契合的人。。并不是一件容易的事

要找到一个能让你。。牵肠挂肚的人。。更难上加难

要是你问我。。再遇到的话。。我会不会再来一次

我也不知道。。因为太苦了

更何况这是可遇不可求的事

那你可能会问说。。我为什么又会一头栽下去

没有人不想作原配的。。我也不例外

可是。。当时我就像掉进锅里的青蛙

理性与感性。。不时地在天人交战着要离开

却总是敌不过他的一通电话

现在回头看是很傻

可是。。要不是有一段这样的经历

我也不会懂得现在的幸福

虽然生活很平淡。。可是我不用再一个人过节。。

要不是有一段这样的经历

现在我可能会埋怨。。生活无味

想说的是

无论如何

下来的路

要勇敢地去面对

是好。。是坏。。

这也只是你人生的一段

不是你的全世界

[cock brand]

想说的是

无论如何

下来的路

要勇敢地去面对

是好。。是坏。。

这也只是你人生的一段

不是你的全世界

说的好！

灿烂的爱情谁不要？

可是一个三十出头的大男人对爱情的体会有如个怀春少女，那又该当如何呢？

而对象又如此复杂，

应该是可喜可贺，可笑还是可悲！

你说呢！

[Life Searcher]

一直以来都有在关注你的动向

也谢谢你的分享

谢谢您给我的自持.

虽然这里有很多不共鸣我们的想法, 可能只是他们还未身在其中.

的确, 我相信在这漫长的路上, 一定会遇到非常多的问题,

一定会遭受到非常都人的指指点点或被当是笑柄…

我深信如过我不去常识而放弃这段感情, 我将来必定后悔.

可能在结果我会片体磷伤但像你所说的, “可是再回头看时

却庆幸年轻时没有留白”…

真的! 要找到能和你契合的人。。并不是一件容易的事

要找到一个能让你。。牵肠挂肚的人。。更难上加难

“没有人不想作原配的。。我也不例外” –

- 可能很多人会觉得我们是自找的… 可是情道浓时, 又有谁真正可以理性去面对呢? 对于你的爱人跟你说的话,又怎么会不感性?

我非常喜欢你说的这一句: “要不是有一段这样的经历,我也不会懂得现在的幸福”

- 人往往都是在失去后才后悔当出不珍惜, 也不懂得珍惜. 我们也不知到真正的平凡快了直到我们经历痛伤…

下来的路,我也会好好的学你一样,要敢地去面对. 无论好坏, 我会当做是人生的一段路…

再次谢谢你于我分享你的经历… 让我觉得我并不孤立.

[Guest ilovemusic]

那几乎成真,我们的家,你真的不想吗?

那这些年的专心无猜,你只当我是朋友吗?

我以为雨声会遮住你的回答,它却那么清楚啊!

让这个你曾深爱的女孩,一夜长大.

三十出头也是人，也会有幻想，也会天真地相信爱情。

或许这样更好，若太早面对爱情的现实与残酷，更容易迷失，得花更多时间去了解爱

[cock brand]

哈哈，罢了！

也有人说，有些人对爱情的体会有如盲人摸象；

摸到耳朵的说像把扇，

摸到脚的却说像树干，

说的也有理，

盲人吗，只能感觉和触摸到面前的情况。

进一步或退一步的去模，结论又不同了。

我倒想听听盲人摸到象的那话儿会怎样说。

还有象哥的表情。哈哈

Edited March 25, 2009 by cock brand

[MobyDick]

若不是因为爱着你 怎么会夜深还没睡意

每个念头都关於你 我想你想你好想你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会有不安的情绪

每个莫名的日子里 我想你想你好想你

爱是折磨人的东西 却又舍不得这样放弃

不停揣测你的心里 可有我姓名

爱是我唯一的秘密 让人心碎却又着迷

无论是用什么言语 只会只会思念你

若不是因为爱着你 怎会不经意就叹息

有种不完整的心情 爱你爱你爱着你

[MobyDick]

:whistle:

Edited March 25, 2009 by MobyDick

[MobyDick]

广岛之恋 - Life Searcher, Mr W & Partner, Mrs W

Mr W:

你早就该拒绝我

不该放任我的追求

给我渴望的故事

留下丢不掉的名字

Life Searcher:

时间难倒回空间易破碎

二十四小时的爱情

是我一生难忘的美丽回忆

Mr W:

越过道德的边境

我们走过爱的禁区

享受幸福的错觉

误解了快乐的意义

Life Searcher:

是谁太勇敢说喜欢离别

只要今天不要明天眼睁睁看着

爱从指缝中溜走还说再见

不够时间好好来爱你

Mrs W & Mr W's Partner:

早该停止风流的游戏

Life Searcher:

愿被你抛弃就算了解而分离

不愿爱的没有答案结局

不够时间好好来恨你

终于明白恨人不容易

爱恨消失前用手温暖我的脸

为我证明我曾真心爱过你

爱过你爱过你爱过你

Edited March 25, 2009 by MobyDick

[Life Searcher]

失明的人或许不能用肉眼来看清楚东西， 但他们可能比一般人看得更清楚，那是因为他们能够用一个很平静的心去“看”一件事。。。 人也往往都会因为被一些眼前看到的事火利益而忽略了重点和一些事。

我绝对不是想说我看得很清楚，自是觉得一些失明的人能比我们还看得更清吧！

[Life Searcher]

广岛之恋 - Life Searcher, Mr W & Partner, Mrs W

No should be this song...

你的眼晴

爱你忘了苏醒

我情愿闭上眼睛

任凭此生此世长睡不醒

你就是我的来生

爱是绝境

幸福的人不远行

断了春去秋来苦苦追寻

宁愿和你漂忽不定

不让你的眼睛

再看见人世的伤心

投入风里雨里相依为命

用我的痛吻你的心

看着你的眼睛

有太多太多泪不停

心疼你每一步爱的艰辛

苦难的梦特别真心

[castaway]

After reading this topic for a while, recently, whenever/wherever walking in streets and seeing an old man 60+ with a 30+ man walking together, it always reminds me about your love story :whistle:

Sincerely, I can understand Life Searcher how deeply you fall in love with him, how blind you are ... yes, it is correct that all people here advise you in good ways ... BUT hey guys, we are human beings, we are different individuals, you may have strong heart, "clever" mind but he MAY BE does not in term of control feeling ... once we fall in love, we can not control anything ...

BUT I really hope Mr.W can read this topic then appreciate your feelings to him more then he will make you happier. In my opinion, he is not a good guy with such relationships he is having now ... so complicated like Korean movies :whistle: but believe me, old man as Mr.W knows how to "handle" you very well, he experienced life and relationship long enough to keep and release you ... in time ...

So be careful, take the words from people here then have a better preparation when the day comes ...

I don't know if Therapy is good solution for you now but may be changing the environment for a short time (moving to another place) can wake you up or show another side of Mr.W ...

We wish you happy ...

[cock brand]

我在想：如果二奶知道三奶的存在，他会如何处理呢？

二奶问时，他又如何回答呢？

我猜想他可能会样说 ：

我的小宝贝，别多心啦。

在一起这么久，你还不信我吗？

我跟他只是玩玩罢了。

只是逢场做戏而已。

每次想跟他提出分手，但看见他摆出来得那幅可怜相，我心又不忍。

他又死缠烂打，想脱身也不容易啊。

可是你才是我心肝宝贝， 你的床上工夫还没人能级。

你应该知道，新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍嘛。

相信我，我不会抛弃你的。

我对你如何，你也应该感得到嘛。

不要多说了，等了一个礼拜，宝贝，来吧。。。。。。。

不知其他读者可有同感？

[Life Searcher]

Thanks Castaway,

Mr. W has been really nice to me... in fact he have done so much for me by expressing more of his feel and showing me his concerns. Also, from Mr. W, I have learnt and shared alot.... I can feel from his heart his love for me and this is what I should be contented... just this evening, he gave me surprise sby picking me up for a dinner, seeing some art work, enjoying red wine in a stunning view, watch a really touching movie, take a slow bus ride back....

I know all the above could just be a single occasion but I guess I cannot demand too much from him... He has really make a very big and bold move in this relationship which he has not done for his partner over the years... I am not tyring to prove anything but I do feel Mr. W now has the courage to face our relationship and I am really not forcing him to make any quick decision...

I do appreciate many here who have given me advices and comments...but perhaps Mr. W has really shown his love and concern to me which I can resist and I do believe in life there will be miracle? Although is rare, it does happen...

I will be having a short business trip and I think is good for a short separation to test how deep and strong our relationship will be....Thanks for all your wishes and I do hope I could enjoy completely or fall off completely soon....

[Life Searcher]

Probably best to describe people like me... who is said to be so blind in love... sometimes I do hope I am more silly so that I won't think too much and just enjoy the love I have now... (many would have said.... See so... silly again right?)

how do i get through one night without you

if i had to live without you

what kind of life would that be

oh i, i need you in my arms

need you to hold

you're my world, my heart, my soul

if you ever leave

baby, you would take away everything good in my life

and tell me now

how do i live without you

i want to know

how do i breath without you

if you ever go

how do i ever, ever survive

how do i

how do i

oh, how do i live

without you, there would be no sun in my sky

there would be no love in my life

there would be no world left for me

and i....baby, i don't know what i would do

i'd be lost if i lost you

if you ever leave

baby, you would take away everything real in my life

and tell me now

how do i live without you

i want to know

how do i breath without you

if you ever go

how do i ever, ever survive

how do i

how do i

oh, how do i live

if you ever leave

baby, you would take away everything

need you with me

baby, cause you know that your everything good in my life

and tell me now

how do i live without you

i want to know

how do i breath without you

if you ever go

how do i ever, ever survive

how do i

how do i

oh, how do i live

without you

I do think Mr. W has done alot of wonder in my life... although nothing is 100%, I do like to dedicate this song to him....

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You've been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

Edited March 25, 2009 by Life Searcher

[Mandrake]

Dear life Searcher,

I am supportive of your courage and I really think that you should go for this relationship to live life without regrets.

Life is an experience. No venture... no gain. What can we loose anyway? Our lives?

If we don't move out of fear or freezed in time due to certain memories or experiences... haven't we loose it already?

What is important is to live for today. To have courage to protect what we believe. To learn from every experience.

To have strength to stand up when we fall. If we are able to do that, there is really nothing to fear.

But I find it amiss somewhat in logic about Mr W's behavior.

Why now... at age 69... to find his true love?

I can understand that he came from the old world...

Where his marriage was a normal mistake in following the norm of society at that time.

Lack of info, lack of support, misconception, pressure, etc...

Perhaps his immaturity at that juncture was also a valid excuse.

But when he met his current lover, he was already 50+

Would not a man of that age already know what he wants in life?

How many more relationships before this current one.

The reason to be with a man he doesn't really love for more then 10 years.

Haven't his relationship with Mrs W taught him anything?

Is kindness his weakness? Is kindness a weakness?

Or the lack of courage a sin?

Or did he love his current lover the way he is loving you now... but expired?

Did he claim he didn't... but it seemed to suggest so from what I read.

Or is he just a slow learner....

Perhaps I am judging a 386 computer with today's standard...

Or rather, I just didn't picture that such a person exist or able to imagine what is on his mind.

I hope I would be amazed when I finally see the truth.

That it was really that simple... that a man can actually only realized what he wanted at 69 or being quite unfortunate to only meet someone capable of capturing his love at 69. I hope it is not the unthinkable misfortune... that you will be the one to make him realized that his current lover is his true love.

Gosh... what is true love or dream lover anyway...

My personal take is that there is no ideal lover / dream lover.

In real life, we have to make do with what we are given... or what comes our way that matches more closely to what we are looking for. Beauty exist in all facets... if we only know which side to look. If we keep focusing on finding faults... there are flaws in everyone.

"If I found the place... would I recognize the face"

It might be you by Stephen Bishop.

No one is made perfect for someone. We are not gifts waiting to be presented to our owner... nor tailored made for one another like the ideology of Soul Mates.

We grow to love our partner.

We love him for his strengths and his weaknesses. We love him for the joy he brings... and also the pain he brought. In love we heal... and are healed. With all his imperfections, we continue to love him with our own... persevering to perfect ourselves. And in return, by the positive energy we promote... he in turn will follow us towards perfection.

I hope this applies to you too Life Searcher.

That all these obstacles and imperfections will clear up one day through your perseverance and love...

and your dream lover will then truly be your dream lover.

Edited March 25, 2009 by Mandrake

[tong]

这是情。。也是债

也许这是考古族的宿命

皆因现阶段单身的熟年伯伯少之又少

相信此刻MR W对他的爱是真的

能在一起多久就多久吧

这年头。。不朽的爱情。。已经是神话

那还去管这段情能不能天长地久

爱情本来就没什么道理

所以。。能理智的计算的话就不是爱情

充其量那只能说是一种交易

不认同并不等于敌对

每个人都有自己的经历

不经一事。。不长见识

爱情再灿烂。。终究会归于平静

人生之所以精彩。。皆因有起有落。。有悲也有喜

说的好！

灿烂的爱情谁不要？

可是一个三十出头的大男人对爱情的体会有如个怀春少女，那又该当如何呢？

而对象又如此复杂，

应该是可喜可贺，可笑还是可悲！

你说呢！

[AlphaOne]

我在想：如果二奶知道三奶的存在，他会如何处理呢？

二奶问时，他又如何回答呢？

我猜想他可能会样说 ：

我的小宝贝，别多心啦。

在一起这么久，你还不信我吗？

我跟他只是玩玩罢了。

只是逢场做戏而已。

每次想跟他提出分手，但看见他摆出来得那幅可怜相，我心又不忍。

他又死缠烂打，想脱身也不容易啊。

可是你才是我心肝宝贝， 你的床上工夫还没人能级。

你应该知道，新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍嘛。

相信我，我不会抛弃你的。

我对你如何，你也应该感得到嘛。

不要多说了，等了一个礼拜，宝贝，来吧。。。。。。。

不知其他读者可有同感？

你的广东话了不得，我係你个忠实读迷。

please don‘t try singing to the cow， 唔好向牛弹琴叻

[snowball]

“菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃。”

生者何時放下執著自我, “贪”、“瞋”、“痴” , “舍妄归真?”

Edited March 26, 2009 by snowball

[Life Searcher]

你的广东话了不得，我係你个忠实读迷。

please don‘t try singing to the cow， 唔好向牛弹琴叻

You sounds really more like a script writter... and is a homosexual low class video production type... anyway.. good try.. perhaps you can start a new chinese or cantonese sexual story??

你应该知道，新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍嘛。should be

新欢虽好，但旧爱难捨

可能我会用"难捨" - difficult to get "rid off" to interpret instead of "not wanting to be separated"

你可以笑我痴,笑我傻.... 但请不要用一种假设性的画面去误导他人... 谢谢!

[cock brand]

You sounds really more like a script writter... and is a homosexual low class video production type... anyway.. good try.. perhaps you can start a new chinese or cantonese sexual story??

你应该知道，新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍嘛。should be

新欢虽好，但旧爱难捨

可能我会用"难捨" - difficult to get "rid off" to interpret instead of "not wanting to be separated"

你可以笑我痴,笑我傻.... 但请不要用一种假设性的画面去误导他人... 谢谢!

Dear, Dear,

新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍 was cut and paste from your own posting on 22/03/2009 @ 10.06pm.

And you were hurt to the core, heart bleeding, the whole works.

So, I meant what you mean.

So simple.

Thank you so much.

Edited March 26, 2009 by gachi_muchi

[Life Searcher]

Dear, Dear,

新欢虽好，但旧爱难舍 was cut and paste from your own posting on 22/03/2009 @ 10.06pm.

And you were hurt to the core, heart bleeding, the whole works.

So, I meant what you mean.

So simple.

Thank you so much.

Thanks Thanks...I mean... this was explained by Mr. W.... after my clarification from him...

[cock brand]

You sounds really more like a script writter... and is a homosexual low class video production type... anyway.. good try.. perhaps you can start a new chinese or cantonese sexual story??

你可以笑我痴,笑我傻.... 但请不要用一种假设性的画面去误导他人... 谢谢!

Haha, please do not get angry, and don't take things too seriously.

Since you already said it is "假设性的画面" (conjecturable scenerio), let it be.

The Forumers / Readers are alot wiser to decide whether it is or not.

What Mr W whisper into his No.2's ears during their intimacy you and I will never know.

Unless of cos you sense that there are some truth in it and you are getting uneasy.

Perhaps I should come up with new version II tomorrow.

Scriptwriters get their inspiration from stories from people and happenings around them.

And yes, your story is unique and is superior to any that came out from TCS currently.

Hmm, perhaps should send them a copy for the next blockbuster.

[Life Searcher]

真真假假

Perhaps things always 2 sides... some real and some fake...

Like what the song written: 要有真的恋爱和真情... 谈和容易!

失去戀愛的　裝作很瀟灑

得到戀愛的　痛得沒說話

心似真似假　愛得亂如麻

我最愛你　你相信嗎

真的罵　假的話　那句可怕

真的戲　假的你　都可愛嗎

真的夢　假的淚　那個調查

我說信你　你信是嗎

戀愛總有幻覺

戀愛總有假話

真真假假不要追查

真過一次好嗎

以後騙著算啦

錯錯對對不必理它

真也許會害怕

假也許更好吧

真與假有何用　應該睇化

真真假假　只要相信它

[cock brand]

“菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃。”

生者何時放下執著自我, “贪”、“瞋”、“痴” , “舍妄归真?”

善哉，善哉

你的答案在此：

凡人歌 （李宗盛）

你我皆凡人生在人世间

终日奔波苦一刻不得闲

既然不是仙难免有杂念

道义放两旁利字摆中间

多少男子汉一怒为红颜

多少同林鸟已成分飞燕

人生何其短何必苦苦恋

爱人不见了向谁去和喊冤

问你何时曾看见这世界为了人们改变

有了梦寐以求的容颜是否就算是拥有春天

[Life Searcher]

But I find it amiss somewhat in logic about Mr W's behavior.

Why now... at age 69... to find his true love?

I can understand that he came from the old world...

Where his marriage was a normal mistake in following the norm of society at that time.

Lack of info, lack of support, misconception, pressure, etc...

Perhaps his immaturity at that juncture was also a valid excuse.

But when he met his current lover, he was already 50+

Would not a man of that age already know what he wants in life?

How many more relationships before this current one.

The reason to be with a man he doesn't really love for more then 10 years.

Haven't his relationship with Mrs W taught him anything?

Is kindness his weakness? Is kindness a weakness?

Or the lack of courage a sin?

Or did he love his current lover the way he is loving you now... but expired?

Did he claim he didn't... but it seemed to suggest so from what I read.

Or is he just a slow learner....

Perhaps I am judging a 386 computer with today's standard...

Or rather, I just didn't picture that such a person exist or able to imagine what is on his mind.

I hope I would be amazed when I finally see the truth.

That it was really that simple... that a man can actually only realized what he wanted at 69 or being quite unfortunate to only meet someone capable of capturing his love at 69. I hope it is not the unthinkable misfortune... that you will be the one to make him realized that his current lover is his true love.

Mr. W was married when all his peers started to get married. I guess there were many PLU then do not even know what is gay life and feel is really abnormal to have fantasy in guys… so a lot of them just get married and realizing later their actual status. In fact, he did not even know how to get guys till he was more than 50s and something really serious did happen to his family and him which he finally knows what he wanted. Met his current partner and what they have shared over these years were mainly sex… they do not share the same hobby or even have a lot of conversation over the last few years. Mainly, meet up in some gay saunas or hotel weekly… except for special occasion like birthday or valentine. As for him and me, our encounter was really a surprise… nothing plan ahead but in the end after we met up a few times, we realized we enjoyed so many similar things in life. We could have endless topics, jokes, conversation and I could even discuss my work, family and friends with him. The same goes for him…he took up the courage to admit his wife and friends about his status after more than 20 years… The same goes for me… I am willing to accept my status now and willing to face it with him.

He is really not a man who will fool around. I think if it is not our encounter, he will probably still be the same… What is true love or dream lover? Can’t really have a specifications right? Well…. Someone who you love a lot and love you a lot internally and externally, a person who able to give you courage to face situation, a person whom you can do silly things for… I really don’t know.., perhaps love is just so strange …. and yet so powerful.

Mr. W may not be the most ideal lover / dream lover in many others eyes… but 可能情人眼里出西施吧! Love is just such.., that you will magnify his good things and love for you and can’t even his down side.

Yes… love at first sight is a start… the love only gets stronger when I know him better and when I spend more days with him…

Me too… hope my dream lover will always remain as my dream lover….

[Mandrake]

I hope I am wrong... but this is a very prominent Red Traffic Light when I think about Mr W.

Perhaps it's the generation gap that I can't understand or can't accept someone to only realized what he wanted at 50+.

In today's standard, it's unforgivable... I am not sure if I should give it to him due to the fact that he is old schooled.

Is wisdom a different thing from generation to generation?

Just to highlight to you, that I hope you are not being too trusting.

Taking every sweet things he said and the sweet reasonings and excuses he presented to you.

IMO, he already lied about him not loving his current partner and that he was forced by threats to be with him,

by saying the "Eight Chinese Characters" that hurt you.

You might think he is not dangerous... but his wealth of experience outshines you anytime.

Unless he is really really that simple and dumb....

Just ask yourself, is he that simple and dumb.... and the reason you like him is because he is so simply dumb.

On the other hand, if he is a very interesting character, then you should start to be cautious.

And if a man is too nice... it might not be a good thing. True love is won by the heart... not sweet nothings and gifts.

Sweet words and gifts are arsenals of playboys. They have little time to spare... and need maximum result at the shortest time... that's why they put in great effort and not let the love slowly grow.

Feelings blind people, but if you do not shut you logic eye... you can still see the truth.

I am not suggesting that you are in a dangerous situation, but that you should consider what you are up against.

If you are to win the love of Mr W. and if he turns out to be more complicated than simple...

What you are doing, being a "nice girl" is not enough.

Maybe you don't see love as an art of war. Many thought that simply loving a person is enough... without strategy... they make lousy lovers. Even buying gifts and presenting them at the right time... appearing when needed and disappearing at the right moment, are strategies.

If he is that simple... simply kind and caring guy... and that's the kind of guy you love.

Forget what I said. =)

Edited March 26, 2009 by Mandrake

[cock brand]

Version II

我又在想：如果二奶知道三奶的存在，他会如何处理呢？

二奶问时，他又如何回答呢？

我猜他也可能会样说 ：

你别啰啰嗦嗦拉.

家里的黄脸婆已经烦足一个礼拜啦,不要再烦我啦,

在一起这么久，你还不知道我的性格吗？

在外面玩玩有什么大惊小怪的.

这么多年来,你一点也学不到,好像死鱼一样.

他就不同,花样又多又会逗我开心.

一时他是小鸟依人,

一时他是淫娃荡妇,

乐死我了.

他又比你年轻,天文地理,什么都会.

学精一点吧,不然一脚把你踢开.

来,帮我捶捶背,累死了.

Hope this will make you feel better.

[snowball]

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzkzMzIwOTI=.html

李玖哲--不完美

你常常說 我很完美

沒人能取代 我給的一切

我就以為 我努力更完美

我們 就會永遠

完美並不美 我們多虛偽

你讓我的好 變成一種罪

完美並不美 當你愛了誰

我的完美也只是

不完美

後來你說 我太完美

值得更好的 陪在我身邊

你不是我 你怎麼能體會

你有 多麼珍貴

完美並不美 我們多虛偽

你讓我的好 變成一種罪

完美並不美 當你愛了誰

我的完美也只是

不完美

完美並不美 我們多虛偽

你讓我的好 變成一種罪

完美並不美 當你愛了誰

我的完美成了罪

完美並不美 我們多虛偽

你讓我的好 變成一種罪

完美並不美 當你愛了誰

我的完美也只是

不，完美