Hurtful Gay Life...?

[cock brand]

As LOVE Searcher said, his bf is same age with Mr.W mah ...

so do you think 10 years in the age of 50 is the BEST 10 years of your life ???

Just want to correct only

Haha, ok la, need not to be so politically correct.

Whatever, how many "10 years" does a person have?

Your "market value" now and 10 years ago is totally different.

And you have lost it, gone!

And those were your prime years.

[harylok]

Actually , I am thinking along the same line as quoted by Cock Brand ...

Maybe this thread should be closed by now & LS can create a new one called "Happy Gay Life?!" instead as he seems to picture himself rather happy & contented with how thing is progressing now for him ...

But I do observe that LS doesn't address nor comment ("Siam"?!) much about some of the questions (Supposingly to his disadvantages?!) raised by some of readers ...including mine. Perhaps, "All Negatives one" will be auto-filtered off?! :

All those supportive & "Encourage" comments are so welcomed by LS and yet those who try to "Challenge" him, mostly ended up with LS's usual "Counter-questioning back" attitude. In this aspect, the only acknowledgement from LS is nothing but a "Thank You All".

btw: Too much Love lyrics to support one stands can be lame at times

Still, with so much postings from LS, I somehow still find LS world is clouded /w grey sky ...

Hary

.. R u emotionally sensible?

Well... I am not sure what questions have I "siam" or tryng to filter... in fact if yes,.. I would have not replied to many people here... anyway, sometimes if I miss out anything or reply.... I don't see that as a big concern right? in fact there are some who ask questions which does not related to this post... and I don't see what is the purpose of answering... sometimes 清者自清 - not sure correct chinese wordings or not...

Your reply has juz proven my points Thx but no-Thx & you need not respond further ....

btw: In the virtual world, nothing is BIG Deal .....

Hary,

... Deal or no Deal? 自悟或自误?

Edited March 31, 2009 by harylok

[latterlim]

I follow this thread pretty fervently. I read it with an intense interest because it is so real. How real that it offers an entirely comprehensive view of how different people can be and how opnioins vary. But also how STRONG A FORCE LOVE IS! No doubt, LS Subject is already very negative and pessimistic. Hurtful Gay Life? But whose life is not hurtful. Can anyone say that he had never suffered hurt from another being ? But, it is true too that Life is only what you make of it. However way you view it, life will only turn out that particular way. But if you follow the postings, you realise there is Light! There is Light if you believed there is. LS grew out of that cold and, through all your respondents help, and His own of course, he found that Light! Through all the positive and encouraging posts, LS embraced and studied. Through the negative ones, LS accepted and reflected. I really have nothing but admiration for him. A "Hurtful Gay Life" he may have had. But, I'm sure, he now has a "Pretty Good Gay Life" now! Bravo to You LS! You searched for Life as if it were trully there. You searched for LOVE as if it were really yours. Then, it WILL be yours. One day, it WILL BE!

[snowball]

latterlim, i totally agree for what you have say, there is a source of light, light that is so bright till can blind both eyes & heart, courage that will make one's so stubborn & selfish that no matter how many people will get hurt just fxxk care, as long can get what one want, moral & sense of dignity what is that, how much it is worth?

latterlim, you really teach me alot, your words enlighten me, wonder will you teach your child as what you told here? you turely gain my respect, as a father ( if you are ) & as a husband, you really can balance your life style & so faithful to both your family & to your lover.

just busy body, do you believe in GOD? i wonder as a married guy that have a family ( if you have kid & sooner later they will grow up too ), do you wish that those thing will happen to them? someone will involve your kid's family? maybe love afffair is not a sinful acts but an art that will bring color & laughter into life

Edited April 1, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

I follow this thread pretty fervently. I read it with an intense interest because it is so real. How real that it offers an entirely comprehensive view of how different people can be and how opnioins vary. But also how STRONG A FORCE LOVE IS! No doubt, LS Subject is already very negative and pessimistic. Hurtful Gay Life? But whose life is not hurtful. Can anyone say that he had never suffered hurt from another being ? But, it is true too that Life is only what you make of it. However way you view it, life will only turn out that particular way. But if you follow the postings, you realise there is Light! There is Light if you believed there is. LS grew out of that cold and, through all your respondents help, and His own of course, he found that Light! Through all the positive and encouraging posts, LS embraced and studied. Through the negative ones, LS accepted and reflected. I really have nothing but admiration for him. A "Hurtful Gay Life" he may have had. But, I'm sure, he now has a "Pretty Good Gay Life" now! Bravo to You LS! You searched for Life as if it were trully there. You searched for LOVE as if it were really yours. Then, it WILL be yours. One day, it WILL BE!

Well said.

Unfortunately our friend LS is involved in a multi-character love entanglement.

While you are encouraging him to go for it, somebody else will become a loser.

Its a zero sum game here.

What words will you give for the other loser in this game may I know?

The one who had wasted his last 10 years on an unfaithful man.

What is your definition of negative and positive advice in this case?

Go! Go and get your man! Don't give up, don't give a damned, fight for it! - is this supposed to be a positive and great advice?

You are looking from a very narrow viewpoint.

[Mandrake]

I usually will take a neutral stand as to who is right or wrong in this kind of situation. As there are right and wrong from different angles. But since general views are unforgiving, I wish to offer something that is more controversial... but, what I truly believe.

To be happy...

Isn't it pointless to hold on to something that isn't there... or already lost?

是你的，就是你的。

当缘分已尽, 何必强留.

I know many things we gather in life, we have to be responsible for it.

But if the responsibilities are met or compensated... is it wrong to go for what we want or move on so that we can be happy?

Is it wrong to declare bankrupt... if I can't afford to pay?

Is it not better to live and let live. Win win situation.

Then the old school of thoughts: If I can't survive, you die too. Loose loose, all die together situation.

What's the point of forcing someone to be with you, when his heart isn't there... even if it's a marriage.

Or more importantly, when being together brings pain rather then happiness. Isn't that just breeding contempt and resentment.

You believe in making one mistake and paying for it for the rest of your life?

Brooding and recycling the hurt and betrayal?

Why not face the truth...

Why can't we just live as who we are and what we want. If what I want and what you want, can't come to terms or a compromise, why are we together? By all means separate! Why must we live in a way that our strings attached to others are stopping us from living the life we want, causing harms to each other? A way of caring for one another? If I can't change and you don't like what I do, don't be with me. If I know he can't change, what's the point of forcing him? I am only asking to be lied to. Why is it wrong to severe these strings? Or restructure these strings in an agreeable way. If they are all knotted and others refuse to loosen... is it wrong if I cut them off? Who is the unreasonable one? Why conform to ways of living that is not bringing happiness anymore? You said I changed... Is changing not a part of life? Or have you not changed with me... why did you just stand still while I moved? Why didn't you walk with me?

Isn't it more simple this way: If love is still there and you still believe in it, by all means protect it.

It is a commitment you treasure, keep it from falling.

And if somewhat by fate, nature or foolishness that this bond is lost... why hold on to it and cause pain.

Why be selfish to hold on to something that you have lost due to your inadequacy or neglect?

Or something that didn't belong to you in the first place? Why haven't you read the signs? Or are you living in denial.

If you were willing to wait and wanted to change him.... now that it has failed, why do u blame him for the time lost and efforts wasted? Do you insist to make him pay, strangling his life and yours as well. Let go... Let live and you will live too. The real sin will be to waste your life. To live in resentment and fear... clouding your mind from learning higher truths like forgiveness, nobleness and sacrifice.

Edited April 1, 2009 by Mandrake

[tokiwado]

Yet another 2 cents.

Truefully, to be alive is to be realistic and logical.

To be honest, you already know what to do, what you should be doing and what others would probably advise you to do.

Question would be, do you want to continue to indulge yourself in your dreams, or do you want to wake up and move on.

There is nothing wrong with indulging in dreams, but dreams are just dreams, most of the time they do not become reality.

It is indeed difficult to wake up from the dreams and move on, but it is not impossible, its up to your individual decision on

whether you want or do not want to do it. Towards the end you're responsible for your decision, so make a wise, realistic

and logical one. Good luck.

[cock brand]

I usually will take a neutral stand as to who is right or wrong in this kind of situation. As there are right and wrong from different angles. But since general views are unforgiving, I wish to offer something that is more controversial... but, what I truly believe.

To be happy...

Isn't it pointless to hold on to something that isn't there... or already lost?

是你的，就是你的。

当缘分已尽, 何必强留

Why be selfish to hold on to something that you have lost due to your inadequacy or neglect?

Or something that didn't belong to you in the first place? Why haven't you read the signs? Or are you living in denial.

If you were willing to wait and wanted to change him.... now that it has failed, why do u blame him for the time lost and efforts wasted? Do you insist to make him pay, strangling his life and yours as well. Let go... Let live and you will live too. The real sin will be to waste your life. To live in resentment and fear... clouding your mind from learning higher truths like forgiveness, nobleness and sacrifice.

Hmmm.

Looks like message this was meant for the eyes of the older lover.

You seems to suggest that he should let go, move on and be gracious， 去成全他们的好事吧, 反正缘分已尽, 何必强留？

Honestly, none of us here truely knows the real situation.

Is it really 缘分已尽?

Or its 贪新忘旧 for Mr W?

And are you so sure that LS is not that scheming 西宫娘娘 ( I refrain using 狐狸精，afterwards being accused for calling names again)，that after 2 months together, wants everything to himself !

And the poor 东宫娘娘 was left to defend his position.

The problem here is that 风流皇帝（I refrain using 淫虫）,is it because he just want fresh meat?

When a person decides to take on a new love, he will always have a few hundred reasons.

We heard them all before.

What a neutral stand should be is really hard to say here.

Maybe you are right.

Maybe you are totally wrong!

We are all non the wiser.

[Mandrake]

Well Cock Brand,

my post is really not targeted at Mr W's older lover or anyone in particular. It is to share my philosophy of letting go when it is time to let go, in respect to scenarios mentioned here before... be it that they were true, made up or inaccurate. It is my stand to live life according to how we will it, then to be pulled down by each other. Those who doesn't want to face the truth, doesn't want to let go, who are unreasonable, deserve to be lied to and cut off.

Although it's true that given by what LS said about Mr W and his older lover, it can be applied aptly.

It can also be applied to Mrs W. In her case, she has chosen the wiser path. She faced the truth and accepted Mr W for who he is and what he needs, not forcing him to change something that he can't change, thus establishing a compromise that sustains their relationship. What's her compensation? Perhaps, to have Mr W always home at night with her or when she needs him around is all she asked for. It's all up to individuals to face the truth, work it out and come out with a way of life.

It can also be applied to LS. Let's have this scenario. What will LS react if the older lover and Mr W says, "Welcome to the family!" Can LS live with the Truth that Mr W will never leave his current lover? Can LS compromise what he wants to suit what everyone wants? Or say that it is not what he wanted... and leave. Or go against this philosophy, refuse to let Mr W go... and yet unhappy.

It is also meant for the readers to apply to their own situation.

Especially those who believe that once you are married... you have to pay with your life.

No, don't let one mistake destroy your life. One fault in your life doesn't make you wrong all the time.

Most people see that the wife and children are the innocents... but not the married gay man.

But in my point of view... all are victims of society's misconception and immaturity.

Society's reluctance to advance in thoughts and traditions that are uphold blindly.

Married gay men from the older generation deserve our sympathy even more.

Of course, there are gay men who get married for self gains and are plain selfish bastards...

but is it right to fault every married gay men due to a few bastards.

Even for straights... they are allowed to divorce.

Not everyone get it right the first time.

Are we not allowed to fall, stand up again... learn, try again... just because we are gays?

The bottom line.

Let's be together if what you want is what I want.

Let's not be together if what you want is what I can't give.

Adjust and there is still a chance to be together.

If not... separate.

Edited April 2, 2009 by Mandrake

[cock brand]

Although it's true that given by what LS said about Mr W and his older lover, it can be applied aptly.

It can also be applied to Mrs W. In her case, she has chosen the wiser path. She faced the truth and accepted Mr W for who he is and what he needs, not forcing him to change something that he can't change, thus establishing a compromise that sustains their relationship. What's her compensation? Perhaps, to have Mr W always home at night with her or when she needs him around is all she asked for. It's all up to individuals to face the truth, work it out and come out with a way of life.

OK, if the earlier posting your point of view in general regarding relationship, I agree with you.

As for Mrs W, is it indeed that she had "chosen the wiser path" is subjective. She may belong to the old school by choosing to remain with her man, come what may, and her philosphy is : just live with "one eye open and one eye closed", as long as he still provide for the family. And she is willing to accept any humiliation as the result ( 忍辱求全?).

It can also be applied to LS. Let's have this scenario. What will LS react if the older lover and Mr W says, "Welcome to the family!" Can LS live with the Truth that Mr W will never leave his current lover? Can LS compromise what he wants to suit what everyone wants? Or say that it is not what he wanted... and leave. Or go against this philosophy, refuse to let Mr W go... and yet unhappy.

All the posting here is about this person LS; should he or should he not carry on with this relationship.

From his own posting, its not hard to figure out this guy :

He is a bit of an emotional freak.

He portrait himself as someone who is living in a fairyland of love ( 活在风花雪月中，情情爱爱常挂在嘴边的人）。

Look at all the songs and its lyrics he quoted to support his thinking, he seems a bit immatured too.

A dreamer who refuse to wake up

And is a extreme jealous person.

And he is the one who also 转牛角尖。

Most had actually persuade him not to get entangled into this complicated relationship.

Why give up the whole forest for an old tree.

But whatever, its still his life and he has all the right to choose which path to take.

And it seems that had already chosen.

He had just provide us a case history to explore and discuss, to look at different aspects of human relationship and its complexity.

No hard feelings

The bottom line.

Let's be together if what you want is what I want.

Let's not be together if what you want is what I can't give.

Adjust and there is still a chance to be together.

If not... separate.

Can't agree with you more :clap:

This my philosophy too.

[Life Searcher]

Your reply has juz proven my points Thx but no-Thx & you need not respond further ....

Noted.... but really not sure which point you are referring to...

[Life Searcher]

I follow this thread pretty fervently. I read it with an intense interest because it is so real. How real that it offers an entirely comprehensive view of how different people can be and how opnioins vary. But also how STRONG A FORCE LOVE IS! No doubt, LS Subject is already very negative and pessimistic. Hurtful Gay Life? But whose life is not hurtful. Can anyone say that he had never suffered hurt from another being ? But, it is true too that Life is only what you make of it. However way you view it, life will only turn out that particular way. But if you follow the postings, you realise there is Light! There is Light if you believed there is. LS grew out of that cold and, through all your respondents help, and His own of course, he found that Light! Through all the positive and encouraging posts, LS embraced and studied. Through the negative ones, LS accepted and reflected. I really have nothing but admiration for him. A "Hurtful Gay Life" he may have had. But, I'm sure, he now has a "Pretty Good Gay Life" now! Bravo to You LS! You searched for Life as if it were trully there. You searched for LOVE as if it were really yours. Then, it WILL be yours. One day, it WILL BE!

Thanks Latterlim,

I started this post as "Hurtful Gay Life??' was because I am not sure initially... that is why I added "?" inside the title. After writing for some time and listen to so many different comments + getting more familar and understanding of Mr. W, I am indeed getting clearer or should I say... I am able to see clearer of what i want... Regardless what many who have disagreed or some bad comments.... I know I am happy right now... with Mr. W. Yes.. nobody can tell the future and yes.. I maybe in his current partner position 10 years down the road or maybe earlier... but at least I enjoyed my love journey with him... and I think this is good enough and I believe is going to be a very memorable one... However, Mr. W is not young either... we really do not know how life will be in future... I just want to enjoy all I could and give him all my love to Mr. W. I can say, I am happy right now of all Mr.W has given me... Although, I may still feel little insecure at times, I learn to handle the situation much better.... I learn to control my emotion better and I do start to see the ray of light in the tunnel...

I hope you will enjoy your love too...in regardless how complicated it is... I am sure all could sorted out.

[Life Searcher]

latterlim, you really teach me alot, your words enlighten me, wonder will you teach your child as what you told here? you turely gain my respect, as a father ( if you are ) & as a husband, you really can balance your life style & so faithful to both your family & to your lover.

just busy body, do you believe in GOD? i wonder as a married guy that have a family ( if you have kid & sooner later they will grow up too ), do you wish that those thing will happen to them? someone will involve your kid's family? maybe love afffair is not a sinful acts but an art that will bring color & laughter into life

Dear SnowBall,

I understand why you come from... but perhaps we should also spare some thoughts on married man here.... They may have make a mistake in their marriage in younger days... and they can't remove their responsibilities as a father or husband immediately... so are we expecting them to avoid accepting their gay life? Perhaps, some even only discover their identity after marriage. Should they make a similar mistake again to avoid their status? Even some straight couples I know realize their love for each other is no longer existence and they remain together as their kids are young... but divorce later when their kids grown up... so is really not a matter of gay life or not... is also not about just a marriage... you could see the number of divorcing cases daily...

Beliving in god? Yes I do... but can we really follow all rules and guideline? First of all, GAY is not allow in any religion.. so we are already all in sin... so what else can we say? I am not tyring to say we have rights to break up people's family or partnership... but in life... there are things beyond our control... you do not feel it now because if have not seen it yet...

I know you may disagreed with me totally... but I understand where Latterlim comes from... even Love affair is sinful... I think we are willing to bare the consequences here..

[Life Searcher]

Well said.

Unfortunately our friend LS is involved in a multi-character love entanglement.

While you are encouraging him to go for it, somebody else will become a loser.

Its a zero sum game here.

What words will you give for the other loser in this game may I know?

The one who had wasted his last 10 years on an unfaithful man.

What is your definition of negative and positive advice in this case?

Go! Go and get your man! Don't give up, don't give a damned, fight for it! - is this supposed to be a positive and great advice?

You are looking from a very narrow viewpoint.

Cockbrand,

Many relationship breaks up not mainly because of 3rd party... what if the problem already exist even before the 3rd party comes in ... the 3rd party becomes a "lead" to the fire perhaps... as mentioned many times, Mr. W has even requested a separation to his partner over the last months before I met him but he is just getting more affirmative of what he want now and he has more courage to face the issue right now...

I know you will probably think we are giving excuses on this but is up to you... i mainly want to state it clearly... Is ok now for what you think about this R/S or me... I will just stick to my usual posting and voice out what's inside my heart is thinking...

[Mandrake]

As for Mrs W, is it indeed that she had "chosen the wiser path" is subjective. She may belong to the old school by choosing to remain with her man, come what may, and her philosphy is : just live with "one eye open and one eye closed", as long as he still provide for the family. And she is willing to accept any humiliation as the result ( 忍辱求全?).

Well, to know that she can't win and accept 忍辱求全 is already wisdom. She knows where she stands in fighting Mr W being gay. She can't win as she can't turn him straight. I do not agree with what you said about "one eye open and one eye closed", as Mr W has already told her that he is gay. That means she already saw with both eyes, what's happening. She is not fooled nor kept in the dark. She can't live in denial even if she wanted to, that her husband is a normal guy nor that he doesn't need to satisfy his needs for gay sex, as her husband outed himself with her. So there is no one eye closed in theory. Although it is true that if she were to accept her husband to be gay, there are many things she needs to tolerate. It is her choice to accept, as there must be other areas in their relationship that still satisfy her needs or she simply love Mr W enough to tolerate what he wants.

Edited April 2, 2009 by Mandrake

[Guest yoyo]

Watch this video ....左撇子愛情. If you have chosen to walk down the path of being gay ...

[cock brand]

Well, to know that she can't win and accept 忍辱求全 is already wisdom. She knows where she stands in fighting Mr W being gay. She can't win as she can't turn him straight. I do not agree with what you said about "one eye open and one eye closed", as Mr W has already told her that he is gay. That means she already saw with both eyes, what's happening. She is not fooled nor kept in the dark. She can't live in denial that her husband is a normal guy nor that he doesn't need to satisfy his needs for gay sex, as her husband outed himself with her. So there is no one eye closed in theory. Although it is true that if she were to accept her husband to be gay, there are many things she needs to tolerate. It is her choice to accept, as there must be other areas in their relationship that still satisfy her needs or she simply love Mr W enough to tolerate what he wants.

忍辱求全 is normally due to "left with no other choice" or as they say Bo Bian; the other options are probably worse.

逼于无奈 is more like it.

"One eye open and one eye closed" is the chinese colloquial 睁一眼闭一眼。

Of cos it don't mean you look with one eye open and one closed literally.

It simply means that you don't wish to know to much into the details, let it be; don't be bothered, don't want to see things so clearly.

Since she had already accepted the fact and can't do much to change it, let it be; the other option is probably worse. Just move on.

Had seen in real life such human drama, normally its for the sake of the children and her own livelihood.

Those women who chose to 睁一眼闭一眼 are almost always illiterate, 无依无靠, no one to rely upon type.

Mrs W maybe is one of them.

A modern well-educated woman will ask for divorce, sue for adultery and wants all your money.

Heh, I think we had veered off track liao, Mrs W is not in this topic.

[Life Searcher]

Cockbrand,

You seem to also be a highly suspicious person who never believes others and choose to just have your own imaginative thinking too. You have also pointed at me for being stubborn or 转牛角尖, are you not? You also always insist in your own view too right? I am not saying you can't have your own comments or views but I just want to let you know there are many out here have different circumstances and their own thinking too.... so sometimes when you give comments 得饶人处且撩人。。。 I am ok and getting use to your comments now. Since you never believe in what I have said and are almost impossible to get all parties here just to clarify with you right?? Is really up to you lor...

To you maybe I am an emotional freak, immature thinking or a love freak… you probably do not know how much courage you need to pursue for a truth love and to resolve all obstacles in front. .. Whatever I have gone thru so far are experiences in my life… I will learn whatever outcome it maybe. I will cherish my love one and if you have one please cherish him and believe him. Probably some has tried before; some don’t even have any chance to feel true love because they refuse to believe its existence and some don’t even have any chance to fall in love. Like what many have said here… the road is yours, is up to you to choose… but whatever way we decide to move on, live with it and stay happy…

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

[Off topic]

- Mandrake, you have such a beautiful wise insight towards life. I am full of respect for you.

----------------------------------------------------------

It is so true - one fault in our life doesn't make us wrong all the time; just don't let one mistake destroy our life. If only we can accept an individual as an individual and not tagged it with label.

LS has chosen to lead his life the way he thinks is best for him. One that gives him joy and peace and one that synchs with his needs, albeit all the 'immoral' tags we put around him. Worse, at how we [pyscho] analyse Mr W. And, about how we are not taking deep consideration for the other parties involved.

Do I agree with LS chosen path? The answer is no but who am I to judge? Why would one throw himself to disguised happiness when choices can be made? Love comes to us unexpectedly and, surely, love has come to LS when he least expects it. If love is so easy, there will be no sad songs. But when love strikes your heart, it is only right that we take it like it is and work with what we have. Love is one of the most indescribable feelings and situations. We all have different perspective of it.

But here it is - someone who is helpless, yet honest, wanting to lead a happier life (for himself) and, it is only right, that we give our hands. At least for him to see the light - for him alone and not about the tying circumstances and entanglement he is in with Mr W. Rather than letting him drown and further unable to cope with deep sense of loss/guilt/grief, to provide comfort will scramble him to some ultimate reconciliation. Only when LS can embrace himself that he will be better equipped to live and love fully. To heal his Self before he can heal the issue. For whatever he chooses will be his individual decision. It will be part of his life journey and part of life lessons.

Is he mindful of his relationship? For what he is in, I can only respect his journey and helping him to cope with life. For his courage to experience it. For him to recognize the beauty of a relationship when he has it. And being grateful for it.

[Life Searcher]

Well, to know that she can't win and accept 忍辱求全 is already wisdom. She knows where she stands in fighting Mr W being gay. She can't win as she can't turn him straight. I do not agree with what you said about "one eye open and one eye closed", as Mr W has already told her that he is gay. That means she already saw with both eyes, what's happening. She is not fooled nor kept in the dark. She can't live in denial even if she wanted to, that her husband is a normal guy nor that he doesn't need to satisfy his needs for gay sex, as her husband outed himself with her. So there is no one eye closed in theory. Although it is true that if she were to accept her husband to be gay, there are many things she needs to tolerate. It is her choice to accept, as there must be other areas in their relationship that still satisfy her needs or she simply love Mr W enough to tolerate what he wants.

Dear Mandrake,

You are right that Mrs. W has known the about Mr. W's status. As such, when she confronted Mr. W, he felt there is really no point of hiding and why should he be denying since the wife asked him... I am sure Mrs. W would have known it long time ago and she never expect Mr. W to admit so directly. As mentioned, Mr. W has been a very responsible husband and dad. Besides, he will be with her whenever is necessary (except sex). I think they have learned how to live and stay with each other...

[Life Searcher]

It is so true - one fault in our life doesn't make us wrong all the time; just don't let one mistake destroy our life. If only we can accept an individual as an individual and not tagged it with label.

LS has chosen to lead his life the way he thinks is best for him. One that gives him joy and peace and one that synchs with his needs, albeit all the 'immoral' tags we put around him. Worse, at how we [pyscho] analyse Mr W. And, about how we are not taking deep consideration for the other parties involved.

Do I agree with LS chosen path? The answer is no but who am I to judge? Why would one throw himself to disguised happiness when choices can be made? Love comes to us unexpectedly and, surely, love has come to LS when he least expects it. If love is so easy, there will be no sad songs. But when love strikes your heart, it is only right that we take it like it is and work with what we have. Love is one of the most indescribable feelings and situations. We all have different perspective of it.

But here it is - someone who is helpless, yet honest, wanting to lead a happier life (for himself) and, it is only right, that we give our hands. At least for him to see the light - for him alone and not about the tying circumstances and entanglement he is in with Mr W. Rather than letting him drown and further unable to cope with deep sense of loss/guilt/grief, to provide comfort will scramble him to some ultimate reconciliation. Only when LS can embrace himself that he will be better equipped to live and love fully. To heal his Self before he can heal the issue. For whatever he chooses will be his individual decision. It will be part of his life journey and part of life lessons.

Is he mindful of his relationship? For what he is in, I can only respect his journey and helping him to cope with life. For his courage to experience it. For him to recognize the beauty of a relationship when he has it. And being grateful for it.

Dear Please forgive Me,

You are one of the person whom I like to express my thanks to. My thanks is not about whether you support me or not... is about letting me seeing thru a lot of things and accept my circumstances and life now...

I learn to accept my love for Mr. W and the complication behind it. I can't say I am 100% able to control my emotional now but I have learnt alot from it... I have learnt to see things in more perspective and angles...

For now, I only want to enjoy all the moments we could have and whatever it turns out to be... what remains behind would be our sweet memories... Is really wonderful to have the feeling of love and to be love... especially when it comes so naturally when you don't even expect it....

Once again, I am grateful to you...

[snowball]

GAY is not allow in any religion.. so we are already all in sin...

Life Searcher, not all, don't assume, i ever read & come across that saying, if the person are straight but unfaithful & continue to do evil thing, compare to gay that are faithful & having good deeds, so who is sinful? i believe in GOD, but i don't believe that human make by GOD & i believe that everyone responsible by their own acts not full of shit excuses, get it?

If he is truely holy GOD, will he just reject a person just cos he is Gay?

As told, everyone have their own path to go, each have their own believe & destiny, as long you are happy, i won't encourage people to have Love affairs, unless you already stop & end the currents one, else i think is not right, we not saint but we can try to control ourself, but Life Searcher, you can have my blessing, i think you know what you are doing, is true, hard to find someone you willing to sacrific, love & do what you can, treasure every moment with Mr W, what facing next is beyond your control, be honest to yourself, that's all i have to say

Edited April 2, 2009 by snowball

[Life Searcher]

Life Searcher, not all, don't assume, i ever read & come across that saying, if the person are straight but unfaithful & continue to do evil thing, compare to gay that are faithful & having good deeds, so who is sinful? i believe in GOD, but i don't believe that human make by GOD & i believe that everyone responsible by their own acts not full of shit excuses, get it?

If he is truely holy GOD, will he just reject a person just cos he is Gay?

As told, everyone have their own path to go, each have their own believe & destiny, as long you are happy, i won't encourage people to have Love affairs, unless you already stop & end the currents one, else i think is not right, we not saint but we can try to control ourself, but Life Searcher, you can have my blessing, i think you know what you are doing, is true, hard to find someone you willing to sacrific, love & do what you can, treasure every moment with Mr W, what facing next is beyond your control, be honest to yourself, that's all i have to say

Snowball, thanks for clarification.... I also do believe in 因果报应。。。but who will ever knows which comes first and what resulted it will be?? perhaps is because of the reason... I know Mr. W and is how we started and can't stopped by anything... After knowing him, I realize my status and I used to be scared to face myself as gay... but not now. I am prepared to make my move when time is ready...

[latterlim]

latterlim, i totally agree for what you have say, there is a source of light, light that is so bright till can blind both eyes & heart, courage that will make one's so stubborn & selfish that no matter how many people will get hurt just fxxk care, as long can get what one want, moral & sense of dignity what is that, how much it is worth?

latterlim, you really teach me alot, your words enlighten me, wonder will you teach your child as what you told here? you turely gain my respect, as a father ( if you are ) & as a husband, you really can balance your life style & so faithful to both your family & to your lover.

just busy body, do you believe in GOD? i wonder as a married guy that have a family ( if you have kid & sooner later they will grow up too ), do you wish that those thing will happen to them? someone will involve your kid's family? maybe love afffair is not a sinful acts but an art that will bring color & laughter into life

Hi Snowball... You write with such sarcasm that I really felt ashamed. Yes, there are immorality behind many relationships. I suppose mine too is one such example. However, I would like to face life headon, and straight on. Similarly, I am only speaking words straight from my heart. Twisting and turning and beating around the bush I will not embrace. So, I do not thank you for this message of yours.

[snowball]

latterlim, i don't need your thanks, cos it too " big " for me, how you define as " sarcasm & ashamed "? what have i done to make you think so? just cos i am telling the facts? i am just " reveal " my own view.

Edited April 2, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

You are right that Mrs. W has known the about Mr. W's status. As such, when she confronted Mr. W, he felt there is really no point of hiding and why should he be denying since the wife asked him... I am sure Mrs. W would have known it long time ago and she never expect Mr. W to admit so directly. As mentioned, Mr. W has been a very responsible husband and dad. Besides, he will be with her whenever is necessary (except sex). I think they have learned how to live and stay with each other...

This is where the flaw is honey!

Who should decide that Mr W is a VERY responsible husband?

Mr W himself, And he told you this ?

Mrs W?

or LS yourself ?

What is the role, obligation and responsibility of a RESPONSIBLE husband?

Just to provide meals and a roof over to the woman?

Material comfort?

You can do all this to a pet dog also.

Heh! Have you forgotten about her sexual needs; her desire to have her husband cuddling her, kissing her like before?

While our Mr W is having a great time outside sleeping with other man, has he evern thought about her loneliness?

No.

Very responsible husband!

Just because he is gay, he simply left the woman out in the cold while for the next 10 years he sleep around with other guys

Its not so bad if he is bi, at least she can still get some crumbs to nibble.

But he is gay, not even crumbs!

If he is very responsible, he should divorce her and let her seek a new life.

But no, he did not.

He kept her in for his own selfishness (to look after the kids, save his own face, save on giving her maintenance if divorce, etc)....for 10 years.

He knew she will stay because she has no other place to go.

He is calculative and cruel.

And for 10 years that woman lived like a widow!

Maybe he bought her dildo for her DIY, we won't know.

Maybe he fingered her now and then to keep her happy, we won't know.

If you are Mrs W's children, what would you think?

Is your dad a responsible man?

And for LS, you simply believe every single word Mr W told you.

If he had told you that his wife is frigid, snore like a pig, talk loudly in her sleep, I think you will believe it all.

So gullible.

And this is the "responsible man" you are head over heels about.

Tell us otherwise.

Sigh!

[Life Searcher]

And for 10 years that woman lived like a widow!

Maybe he bought her dildo for her DIY, we won't know.

Maybe he fingered her now and then to keep her happy, we won't know.

If you are Mrs W's children, what would you think?

Is your dad a responsible man?

And for LS, you simply believe every single word Mr W told you.

If he had told you that his wife is frigid, snore like a pig, talk loudly in her sleep, I think you will believe it all.

So gullible.

And this is the "responsible man" you are head over heels about.

Tell us otherwise.

Sigh!

Cockbrand..,. again... you are doubting everyone and you also choose not to believe whatwever we have said...

To answer your questions or accusations below are my answer / reply...

1) you are always make some assumption and trying to tell people to prove this or that.... I guess even Mrs. W is in this post (although is impossible)... you will still doubt her identity right? From my point of view (if you insisted), why I say Mr. W is a responsible man. I will put the sex aside ( I will explain later).

Mr. W is a retiree but he is still paying Mrs. W the monthly household expenses (isn't this equal to maintenance fee). Mrs. W has many majong session outside and is a great shopper... so you can guess the expenses behind the bill. Maybe your dog at home really has a luxury life by having the owner who use less money than the dog,.... and the owner spend so much time and priority with the dog even before the BF.... Mr. W will always try to minimize to hurt Mrs. W's feeling... that is why I never call him at home and will only wait for his call. Mr. W also make sure he is back home for dinner almost every night and hardly stay out overnight. Yes, you can say all these are small issues or things... is her heart that has been hurt but you can't deny that Mr. W can simply hack care all the caring and walk out from the life... he did not... he understand as a husband, there are things he still need to accomplish.

2) I think is very unreasonable to say is better than he is a Bi so that his wife at least get the enjoyment... is this really good solution and fair? Are you trying to say a married man after having fun outside should still comes home to have sex with the wife to keep her satisfy? Is this a good society protection? a safe sex for her? fair to her? He might be having sex with her thinking of other man... is this good for her mentally? What you talking about are all physical needs?

Please remember a GAY is a GAY.. why shoud we force them to have sex with woman?? Especially many married man only discovered their status and sexual needs after many years of their marriage... the DNA could be in born but yet to be discovered and some are due to the mental stress or problem which changes their life... I totally don't agreed with you on that point... Who are we to point out people sexual desires or needs here...? Perhaps to you... sex is the main thing to occupy a love? or a R/s?

3) Many words you have used are abusive - you really enjoy spilting your cruel and assumption wordings on others to mislead readers...

You said Mr. W is calculative and cruel - I think if he calculate properly, he would have divorce and stay with me... the maintenance fee will be much cheaper and I can responsble for other cost... and I mentioned many many times... his children are all grown up in their late 30s... so why you still mention about bringing up the kids and etc....Save his own face??? How many times I have to repeat on this??please check previous post... his wife knows about his status and his wife told Mr. W best friend too... he admitted and his friend gave him the blessing... he is prepared to accept the divorce but depending on what the wife want...

4) I know my dad better than you do... so please spare your comments on this.. and don't ever bring out people's parents... appreciate that.!

5) Dildo ???? Is this your concern??

[cock brand]

Mr. W is a retiree but he is still paying Mrs. W the monthly household expenses (isn't this equal to maintenance fee). Mrs. W has many majong session outside and is a great shopper... so you can guess the expenses behind the bill. Maybe your dog at home really has a luxury life by having the owner who use less money than the dog,.... and the owner spend so much time and priority with the dog even before the BF.... Mr. W will always try to minimize to hurt Mrs. W's feeling... that is why I never call him at home and will only wait for his call. Mr. W also make sure he is back home for dinner almost every night and hardly stay out overnight. Yes, you can say all these are small issues or things... is her heart that has been hurt but you can't deny that Mr. W can simply hack care all the caring and walk out from the life... he did not... he understand as a husband, there are things he still need to accomplish.

Tsk tsk. Getting angry huh?.

A very protective lover indeed, LS.

The point remains the same.

In your opinion, by providing all the creature comfort, luxurious ones in this case means you have been a responsible husband. Which school you came from?

To many other people, by doing this, theres little difference to keeping a pet dog. Please take my remark as a figure of speech, I have no pet dog at home sweetheart.

2) I think is very unreasonable to say is better than he is a Bi so that his wife at least get the enjoyment... is this really good solution and fair? Are you trying to say a married man after having fun outside should still comes home to have sex with the wife to keep her satisfy? Is this a good society protection? a safe sex for her? fair to her? He might be having sex with her thinking of other man... is this good for her mentally? What you talking about are all physical needs?

Please remember a GAY is a GAY.. why shoud we force them to have sex with woman?? Especially many married man only discovered their status and sexual needs after many years of their marriage... the DNA could be in born but yet to be discovered and some are due to the mental stress or problem which changes their life... I totally don't agreed with you on that point... Who are we to point out people sexual desires or needs here...? Perhaps to you... sex is the main thing to occupy a love? or a R/s?

What rubbish is this? Are they relevant here?

My point is, for the last 10 years (don't forget your own story please) the was already someone before you and hes gay too. So your wonderful lover told her that his is gay just 2 months ago or 10 years ago?

But whatever, she still has to live like a widow for the last 10 years. Period.

You said Mr. W is calculative and cruel - I think if he calculate properly, he would have divorce and stay with me... the maintenance fee will be much cheaper and I can responsble for other cost... and I mentioned many many times... his children are all grown up in their late 30s... so why you still mention about bringing up the kids and etc....Save his own face??? How many times I have to repeat on this??please check previous post... his wife knows about his status and his wife told Mr. W best friend too... he admitted and his friend gave him the blessing... he is prepared to accept the divorce but depending on what the wife want...

The most common excuse a married man would give his lover - "don't worry darling, I'll be divorcing her soon, just waiting for the lawyers to prepare the neccessary."

So similar in this case.

So the lawyers I believe are now busily preparing the neccessaries so that Mrs W will be divorced soon. Still preparing after 10 years ?

He must have some very very inefficient lawyers then.

Or simply because he cannot meet her demands and terms.

Or simply because he had never considered a divorce.

And don't forget your own story that his gay affairs already happened more than 10 years ago!

Or he is only considering divorcing just now, because of you, and not 10 years ago?

And 10 years ago, weren't the family also younger then?

4) I know my dad better than you do... so please spare your comments on this.. and don't ever bring out people's parents... appreciate that.!

I am so disappointed on your interpretation skill.

Are you Mr W's son?

Why would I mentioned your dad when he is totally irrelevant in this story.

Please read again carefully who I meant.

[Mandrake]

Cock Brand, it seems that there is no way to get through to you with this issue.

If providing for all the necessities in life is like keeping a Pet Dog and not doing the duty of a husband nor being a responsible husband, then I think you are too idealistic. Remember, it is Mrs W choice to remain by Mr W.

How to judge then by your basis of being a responsible husband. Actually I know, idealistic people will reason that Mr W lacks the true love and passion/sex for Mrs W, so no matter what he does, he can't fulfill his responsibility as a husband, unless he can give again, true love, passion/sex. But in the real world, it is already established as a fact that Mr W's true love and passion/sex for Mrs W is already lost. So what's next? Cry over spilled water for the rest of her life? How about companionship? Have you thought of that? Perhaps that's the reason Mrs W is willing to accept. Why do u keep forcing your views that she is short changed. If she feels so, by all means leave and sue for compensation. She chose otherwise, so can you accept that? You assume Mr W is keeping her from divorcing him due to his own selfish reasons. Seriously, if Mrs W wants to sue, you think he will be able to escape?

Perhaps you want to say now that maybe the information given is inaccurate, falsified. So what, even if this is a fiction, we can still discuss this as a case scenario with the data given so far.

Don't say she is 无奈 or no choice, there is always a choice. Do you know that you are looking at everything in a loose loose point of view. In your vision, if Mr W stay, he is wrong. If he leaves, he is wrong. What then? Why can't you see that if he stays, he is right and if he leaves, he is right too.

The situation needn't change, but your mind have to.

It is in the mind that exist... a haven or a hell.

无奈 is the lousiest word in the universe. It is clothed with weakness and excuses.

If you don't like your situation, do something about it. Don't say you accept because you 无奈.

Don't everyday cry father cry mother and cry victim. Move on and start living.

Edited April 3, 2009 by Mandrake

[cock brand]

If providing for all the necessities in life is like keeping a Pet Dog and not doing the duty of a husband nor being a responsible husband, then I think you are too idealistic. Remember, it is Mrs W choice to remain by Mr W.

How to judge then by your basis of being a responsible husband. Actually I know, idealistic people will reason that Mr W lacks the true love and passion/sex for Mrs W, so no matter what he does, he can't fulfill his responsibility as a husband, unless he can give again, true love, passion/sex. But in the real world, it is already established as a fact that Mr W's true love and passion/sex for Mrs W is already lost. So what's next? Cry over spilled water for the rest of her life? How about companionship? Have you thought of that? Perhaps that's the reason Mrs W is willing to accept. Why do u keep forcing your views that she is short changed. If she feels so, by all means leave and sue for compensation. She chose otherwise, so can you accept that? You assume Mr W is keeping her from divorcing him due to his own selfish reasons. Seriously, if Mrs W wants to sue, you think he will be able to escape?

Hmmm ..............I sense sexism!

Holy Cow ! Male Chauvinism is in its full glory here!!

Perhaps if Mrs W is a well educated woman, well connected and has influential relatives, the whole story will not be the same.

Mr W is so lucky she is not.

[snowball]

又见琼瑶梦, 琼瑶阿姨的典型悲剧连续剧 always very entertainin' indeed, why should we care so much whether friction or non-friction, character is true or fake, we just read it & enjoy the story telling time, even is make out story here but it do really happen in real life, so don't need to take so serious la, the main character Mr W 美化过度 so what, that always happen when 情到浓时, read it, bless the characters in the story & then get back to real life, 读者太过沉迷于虚幻中, 有害身心 ok?

Life Searcher, why you so worry readers believe your story not? that's your life, you already have the answer, you already make up your mind, your heart is firm, so what you afraid of? do what you want & should, cos you are the one who face the music not us, go & reach for your happiness, that's more important right? good luck.

Edited April 3, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

Don't say she is 无奈 or no choice, there is always a choice. Do you know that you are looking at everything in a loose loose point of view. In your vision, if Mr W stay, he is wrong. If he leaves, he is wrong. What then? Why can't you see that if he stays, he is right and if he leaves, he is right too.

The situation needn't change, but your mind have to.

It is in the mind that exist... a haven or a hell.

无奈 is the lousiest word in the universe. It is clothed with weakness and excuses.

If you don't like your situation, do something about it. Don't say you accept because you 无奈.

Don't everyday cry father cry mother and cry victim. Move on and start living.

无奈 - can't be helped, Bo Bian, if-not-like-that-then-how?, what-can-I-do?...perhaps there are a few more synonyms others can suggest.

Sometimes, whether you like it or not, we got caught in a situation where you are stucked between a rock and a hard place.

You make a choice; and you probably choose the lesser of the evil.

But you are still stucked.

Though out of context here, but here is an example of how 无奈 it can be:

You are 48 years old, a manager and drawing a good salary.

But you know you are going to loose this job soon.

You also know that you will never get the same post and pay again.

You want to start a small business but not enough capital, so gave up idea - 无奈 #1

You want to go to study for another course - but time and money constraint - 无奈 #2

You decide to do that nursing course and prepare to take home 1/5 of your current pay - 无奈 #3

You had been a manager for so many years and now your superior is younger than your son - 无奈 #4

Life is just full of 无奈.

Its easy to say -

"无奈 is the lousiest word in the universe. It is clothed with weakness and excuses.

If you don't like your situation, do something about it. Don't say you accept because you 无奈.

Don't everyday cry father cry mother and cry victim. Move on and start living."

I said similar words to my subordinates too, when they try to show me that they got no choice but have to stay in the company.

I also understand their 无奈 when I announced to them about their 20% pay cut.

Do they have an better option?

Yes, Life is just full of 无奈.

Can you get out out it?

Questionable

[cock brand]

OMG! I was so wrong!

Mrs W was never an unhappy woman after all!

She had actually compromised with her husband long long ago already.

"Just give me money to spend and I don't give a damn whether you fxxk him for he fxxk you."

"Im going to play mahjong all day, go for high teas, go to shop in HongKong, Paris......I'm going to enjoy myself!"

And she went ahead to form a mini club with other similar tai tais - Merry Widow Club!

Overheard during one majong session she had with Mrs X, Mrs Y and Mrs Z :

Mrs W : Wah, Mrs Z, your diamond ring so big!

Mrs Z : My ah lau give me one hehe. Because he bought one for that ugly TCS actor, so I ask for one also lor.

Mrs Y : Yah, cannot pang chance one, see my LV bag I just bought!

Mrs Y : Heh, When are we going to Bangkok again ha?

Mrs X : Wah, still thinking of that hunk masseur issit?.

Mrs Y : So what! He can play outside, I also can play outside lah! Fair and square what!

Mrs W : I must ask for more spending money this time. I am going for that 4 hands massage again, so shiok!

Mrs Z : Yah, I'm going to book Tom, Sam and Joe this time. Heard from Mrs B that Joe's skill is out of this world, must try!

Mrs X : I'm going to book that Jim again, his touch so sensous!, and his thing, OMG......just thinking only makes me so hot.

Mrs W : I also want!

Mrs W is indeed a very happy woman.

Just wonder if Mr W is aware that his golf cap has turned slightly green in colour?

[Guest Blurz]

又见琼瑶梦, 琼瑶阿姨的典型悲剧连续剧 always very entertainin' indeed, why should we care so much whether friction or non-friction

Err, u mean 'fiction'?

[Life Searcher]

OMG! I was so wrong!

Mrs W was never an unhappy woman after all!

She had actually compromised with her husband long long ago already.

Once again proven your character... anyway.. this is so meaningless ... if you want to start some story writing.., why not start a new topic?

[Life Searcher]

Life Searcher, why you so worry readers believe your story not? that's your life, you already have the answer, you already make up your mind, your heart is firm, so what you afraid of? do what you want & should, cos you are the one who face the music not us, go & reach for your happiness, that's more important right? good luck.

Snowball,

I am not worry whether reader believes my story or not... is not a story anyway... is just my experience and feel I wish to share here... I am not so bo liao to plan writing story here.... whether they believe or not... I don't care too.... I mainly want to clarify things and don't like accusation from others... I am not afraid of what now.... is a matter of getting some facts straight... is hurtful to see people accusing your love one and trying to twist around the story and facts to satisfy their own ego.... or to just laugh at others... to satisfy their boring life...

[Life Searcher]

Cock Brand, it seems that there is no way to get through to you with this issue.

If providing for all the necessities in life is like keeping a Pet Dog and not doing the duty of a husband nor being a responsible husband, then I think you are too idealistic. Remember, it is Mrs W choice to remain by Mr W.

How to judge then by your basis of being a responsible husband. Actually I know, idealistic people will reason that Mr W lacks the true love and passion/sex for Mrs W, so no matter what he does, he can't fulfill his responsibility as a husband, unless he can give again, true love, passion/sex. But in the real world, it is already established as a fact that Mr W's true love and passion/sex for Mrs W is already lost. So what's next? Cry over spilled water for the rest of her life? How about companionship? Have you thought of that? Perhaps that's the reason Mrs W is willing to accept. Why do u keep forcing your views that she is short changed. If she feels so, by all means leave and sue for compensation. She chose otherwise, so can you accept that? You assume Mr W is keeping her from divorcing him due to his own selfish reasons. Seriously, if Mrs W wants to sue, you think he will be able to escape?

Perhaps you want to say now that maybe the information given is inaccurate, falsified. So what, even if this is a fiction, we can still discuss this as a case scenario with the data given so far.

Dear Mandrake,

Is not easy to convince somone who refuse to listen... I think many who like to live like a "dog" who have all necessities while even many man who don't even have... Perhaps some think Sex is everything in a relationship compares to a necessities... while I like your view on "companionship" after years of living together. Mr. W take care of his wife pretty properly... as I have mentioned earlier... I agreed that this maybe the main factor for Mrs. W choose to accept this arrangement...

[Guest -snowball-]

Life Searcher, everyone have their own stories, stories can be real & not, fiction & non-fiction ( thanks Blurz for your correction ), you don't mind about others whether they believe or not, so why you need to clarify things & feel hurt? you can't expect everyone to stand at your side & believe totally from what you say right? this is part of the game rules in forum, don't be too serious, that apply in real life too, " accusing " is also a bit strong words too, cos to you yes but the rest may not feel the same way, everyone can have different view toward things, even people twist it around, so what? if it is real as what you say, no matter how people black it, it will still real & remain unchange, beside that, it just between you & Mr W, nothing to do with others readers here, right?

well, to be honest, those people against you & yourself make no differnt, both ways try to satisfy their own ego, no right or wrong, all just want their voice to be heard, both just like to add some spike to satisfy their boring life.

Life Searcher, try to take it easy, life already stressful, if the person know how to make fun of himself, life will be much easier, true? don't bother too much, be happy

[Mandrake]

无奈 - can't be helped, Bo Bian, if-not-like-that-then-how?, what-can-I-do?...perhaps there are a few more synonyms others can suggest.

Though out of context here, but here is an example of how 无奈 it can be:

You are 48 years old, a manager and drawing a good salary.

But you know you are going to loose this job soon.

You also know that you will never get the same post and pay again.

You want to start a small business but not enough capital, so gave up idea - 无奈 #1

You want to go to study for another course - but time and money constraint - 无奈 #2

You decide to do that nursing course and prepare to take home 1/5 of your current pay - 无奈 #3

You had been a manager for so many years and now your superior is younger than your son - 无奈 #4

Life is just full of 无奈.

Yes, Life is just full of 无奈.

Can you get out out it?

Questionable

That's why I say,

"The situation needn't change, but your mind have to.

It is in the mind that exist... a haven or a hell."

The mind itself, can turn heaven into hell... or heaven out of hell.

You are looking with "the cup is half empty theory" and life is full of 无奈.

Given your scenario. The manager only have himself to answer to for all his 无奈.

1) He wants to start a small business but not enough capital, so gave up idea - 无奈 #1

Why doesn't he has enough money to start a small biz? He didn't plan ahead. He acquired or maintained too many liabilities.

No point blaming himself now, it goes no where. Learn a lesson and accept it. Start cutting some of his liabilities now instead of saying his 无奈 and doing shit about it. Start saving now. Start looking at other biz options. Start learning how to do bizness. Start smaller. If it is your dream to do bizness, do something about it.

2)He wants to go to study for another course - but time and money constraint - 无奈 #2

Why is he loosing his job and having no confidence to get a similar one again. It's because he didn't constantly strife to upgrade himself. Upgrade only when he is forced by circumstance and at 48. It's a bit late now and it might not be a good time anyway. Bring some bread home before thinking of club sandwiches. Learn a lesson and accept it.

If what you meant was he constantly had no time and money constraint before 48. Other people can survive and upgrade just being a clerk and he has no money for that, being a manager? Look at your liabilities, cut them. If you can't survive, how can you save others? Time is what you make of it. There is always time.

3)Decide to get a nursing course and take home 1/5 salary - 无奈 #3.

It's a good start if you look at it positively.

4)He has been a manager for so many years and now his superior is younger than his son - 无奈 #4

Answer is similar to 2) where he allowed himself to become obsolete. And also, some people are high fliers, gifted or have so many strings supporting them. Why do you need to compare yourself with them. Learn to accept that you are just a normal person. A cock will be put to shame when compared to the beauty of a peacock (No pun intended). But the cock is definitely a more well known bird in the world. We even lovingly describe our favorite part of the body using its name.

People just say that they accept. But do they truly?

In their hearts, they are bitter.

Don't just say accept, have courage to say no, make a difference or simply walk away.

Start a new life. Make good the wrong you have done. Make haste the time you have wasted.

When you accept. Make peace with the issue and yourself.

Have honor to uphold you decision. Don't be a small person, agree to serve a king and plot to kill him at every turn.

Lastly, simplify your life. Let go of all your expectations and 无奈.

Simple(平凡）is beautiful (就是美). That's why we are human beings(凡人）.

It's also the reason why many beings so much more powerful then us are jealous.

We are easily fooled and find many things interesting.

We are weak and are protected.

I wonder how my life will be if I am God... when I know everything and no one can fool me.

Laugh and cry, live your life and have no regrets.

傻，　不过我傻得美。　那又如合？　哈哈

Edited April 5, 2009 by Mandrake

[harylok]

创世者也欠缺完美, 苹果树诱惑的布局, 是莫大逻辑上的错误 ...

难怪天堂间, 也不乏堕落的天使 ...

也许是人类思维已迸化到莫测的地步, 给"牠"来个措手不及 ...

抑或上苍也因"牠"的疏忽而感到无奈 ?!

PLU错综复杂的心理与身理上的变化, 往往使人背道而驰. 就如崇高爱情追求者, 道貌岸然者, 为老不尊者, 盲目跟随者...言行不一致的行为, 令人可笑地不过如此也!!!

PLU千篇一律的恋情, 让人麻目,置疑或保留, 试问有多少"真心的祝福"来自周遭的朋友? 而大伙又凭什么去"祝福"这段未知的去向?

PLU的爱情只是生活上一个美丽的小插曲, 结局如何? 自己喝采,自己悲哀. 公诸于众也没有太大的意义了.

Hary,

.. 我的人生字库里没有"无奈",宁可折仲, 也不轻唉.

.. 唯有开怀, 充实, 方可不留遗憾

[Guest -snowball-]

试问有多少"真心的祝福"来自周遭的朋友? 而大伙又凭什么去"祝福"这段未知的去向?

所谓"祝福", 隐藏无限的叹息, 又或许, 含有幸灾乐祸的贬义吧

[cock brand]

Dear Mandrake, you had fully missed my point.

I had started by suggesting what 无奈 meant to some people.

When you are presented with a difficult situation, you opt for a solution that results lesser pain and loss.

Like it or not, you know that you can never achieve a win-win situation so you make that choice and walk away.

That doesn't mean you have no regrets and you should be walking away, happy like a bird.

Thats the 无奈 I mean; you simply got no choice, Bo Bian!

I had never mentioned even once that 无奈 means that you have to be in misery, "cry-father-cry-mother' all day long.

无奈can be subtle too.

Remember the song "My Way".......regrets I have a few, but then again, too few to mention.......

Such 无奈.

The few examples I quoted are so vivid, there are so many of them around us now.

They are all caught in a situation they never dreamt will happened to them.

Caught fully unprepared.

They should all have read "Who Stole My Cheese" you would say in your next reply. (Hope you know this book) but that not the point here.

Changes they have to accept, no questions about it, like it or not!

The point is those changes were due to circumstances beyond their control.

Such 无奈.

Same goes to Mrs W.

She has to accept the fact that her husband is now screwing around with other men.

She cannot change this fact.

But whats her trade-off?

Is she really happy?

She has absolutely no regrets?

You and I will never ever know the truth.

Not even LS because what he knows came from Mr W.

Is he a sexist?

Is he honest enough with LS ?

You think about it.

[snowball]

i find no reason to continue argues with such topics, Life Searcher already 表明立场, don't say anything bad about Mr W, else just accusing him, what ever words from Mr W's mouth is all " facts ", he know Mr W more than anyone else, Mr W truely, deeply, madly Love him, though Mr W's words never proof by Mrs W & Mr W second wife, but not important, cos Life Searcher totally trust Mr W & Mr W is very responsible gentleman.

Mr W married when he was very young, that time he totally don't know his true identity, he is pure even at his old age now, so old can be grandfather, Mr W is also very " navie ", yet able have a long term with someone for so long, in Life Searcher's heart, Mr W is " very new " to this gay circle, only after fall in Love with Life Searcher, then Mr W know what he want & finally find his true Love

Edited April 5, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

The tai tais just came back from their long weekend in Bangkok and were having high tea in a hotel.

They were overheard talking about their trip :

Mrs Z : Wah Mrs W, your face is glowing leh! Don't tell me its the facial you did yesterday hor!

Mrs X : I'm sure its that Joe, must have gave her good good lor.

Mrs Y : Aiyah, you 2 also same what, keep smiling whole day, also kena good good lah?

Mrs W : Must enjoy life mah, hehe.

Mrs Z : You better do. I heard your old man is now going out with a young man. Choy! Younger than your son somemore!

Mrs Y : Mrs C told me she saw them in restuarant lor, so lovey dovey, your old man now more and more chi ko pek in public, not scared people talk meh?

Mrs X : Heh Mrs W, you better be carefully hor. I think that fella is a gigolo, must be after his money one.

Mrs Y : Yah lor, Where got people go for someone older than their father one. Tell me not after money, cut my head down also I don't believe ah.

Mrs W : Already said I don't care! Just give me money to spend OK liao.

Mrs Z : Aiyah, don't talk about unhappy things la, why don't we plan our next Bangkok trip after makan? Can't wait to see Sam and Tom again, hehe.

[Life Searcher]

The few examples I quoted are so vivid, there are so many of them around us now.

They are all caught in a situation they never dreamt will happened to them.

Caught fully unprepared.

They should all have read "Who Stole My Cheese" you would say in your next reply. (Hope you know this book) but

No offence... but I think the book is called "Who Move My Cheese"... Is a very interesting book and is amazing especially each time you read, you will get different views or relate different issues in life... work, love or etc...

Just my personal view... Like the book mentioned, we have choices in life and if you are the rats or mice (can't recall the animal), they are different characters to form all the people in this world... imagine if everyone is the same... then what is so special of us individually... You may think you are right... as this is your way of life but it may not be what others want....

So... Who are we to justify what is right or wrong...

[Life Searcher]

well, to be honest, those people against you & yourself make no differnt, both ways try to satisfy their own ego, no right or wrong, all just want their voice to be heard, both just like to add some spike to satisfy their boring life.

Life Searcher, try to take it easy, life already stressful, if the person know how to make fun of himself, life will be much easier, true? don't bother too much, be happy

Understand your view snowball... the reason I uses some stong words or words like "accusation" was because someone who do not respect others views too... I do not mind to hear negative things or bad comments...but calling some bad names or making scenrios are something I don't personally like...Well.. I have to accept this is a forum and people do have rights to comments as they like but there is actually a responsible to it... should this become a place for people trying to argue, quarrel or etc?? Maybe I am new writing forum or post... and don't understand the game as you have said...

[Life Searcher]

The tai tais just came back from their long weekend in Bangkok and were having high tea in a hotel.

They were overheard talking about their trip :

Mrs Z : Wah Mrs W, your face is glowing leh! Don't tell me its the facial you did yesterday hor!

Mrs X : I'm sure its that Joe, must have gave her good good lor.

Mrs Y : Aiyah, you 2 also same what, keep smiling whole day, also kena good good lah?

Mrs W : Must enjoy life mah, hehe.

Mrs Z : You better do. I heard your old man is now going out with a young man. Choy! Younger than your son somemore!

Mrs Y : Mrs C told me she saw them in restuarant lor, so lovey dovey, your old man now more and more chi ko pek in

Do you really feel writing all the above are necessary? Well, I appreciate you might be a good story teller or writer... I don't see this relevant in this topic or post..... perhaps you should get some facts right before doing that...

Maybe to you... all these are just a joke but please spare some consideration on others... You may said again why am i so defensive if the above is not truth or etc... I guess is how you look into it... especially, will you like someone to comments or make up stories of you and your love one??

Anyway, please note here... I am sure there are many younger ones here who prefers or love mature man... it may be funny to you... but not others... please respect personal preference... I guess to you love could be very short-sighted? Love actually should not have any gap between gender, age difference, race, religion or etc... Love is just love...

Also, there are many young executives here are good and capable enough to support themselves without any support from the matures.... we are not living in an older era... when we all have to depends on the older ones...

[cock brand]

No offence... but I think the book is called "Who Move My Cheese"... Is a very interesting book and is amazing especially each time you read, you will get different views or relate different issues in life... work, love or etc...

Just my personal view... Like the book mentioned, we have choices in life and if you are the rats or mice (can't recall the animal), they are different characters to form all the people in this world... imagine if everyone is the same... then what is so special of us individually... You may think you are right... as this is your way of life but it may not be what others want....

So... Who are we to justify what is right or wrong...

OOps !

Thanks for the correction.

Yes, should be "Who Moved My Cheese"; read it several years ago, can't really remember the title.

Yes, the characters were all mices.

Of cos its NOT about mices, but I do hope you are able to assimilate the substance and messages within.

[Life Searcher]

OOps !

Thanks for the correction.

Yes, should be "Who Moved My Cheese"; read it several years ago, can't really remember the title.

Yes, the characters were all mices.

Of cos its NOT about mices, but I do hope you are able to assimilate the substance and messages within.

yes yes... do like the characters and the meaning behind it... well as for assimilate the message or substance... depending on which angle we are looking and which party is looking at it...

[cock brand]

Do you really feel writing all the above are necessary? Well, I appreciate you might be a good story teller or writer... I don't see this relevant in this topic or post..... perhaps you should get some facts right before doing that...

Maybe to you... all these are just a joke but please spare some consideration on others... You may said again why am i so defensive if the above is not truth or etc... I guess is how you look into it... especially, will you like someone to comments or make up stories of you and your love one??

Anyway, please note here... I am sure there are many younger ones here who prefers or love mature man... it may be funny to you... but not others... please respect personal preference... I guess to you love could be very short-sighted? Love actually should not have any gap between gender, age difference, race, religion or etc... Love is just love...

Also, there are many young executives here are good and capable enough to support themselves without any support from the matures.... we are not living in an older era... when we all have to depends on the older ones...

Dear friend,

Do you know what is the meaning of : 人言可畏？

The enactment is to show you what others, especially those busybodies, those 三姑六婆 is going to look at you!

How are going to stop others from looking at you from their own point of view?

You can't.

You have to endure it.

Can you?

Otherwise, as they say - "don't work in the kitchen if you can't take the heat", so you better get out of it.

Here,I am just trying to send you a message, in another form perhaps.

Mrs X,Y,Z are your typical busybodies, and they are all around you.

I did not comment on your choice of partner per se.

I respect the fact that all of us has our preference right when come to partnership; if you decide to go for a married old man, let it be.

I merely try to remind you the consequences - 人言可畏!

I don't really care if you decide to marry the lamp post outside your house, its your choice.

Can you pick up the message now?

老弟，我可说是用心良苦啊！