Hurtful Gay Life...?

[Life Searcher]

Dear friend,

Do you know what is the meaning of : 人言可畏？

老弟，我可说是用心良苦啊！

Wowow so I should actually say thank you hor.... friend... never know you so 用心良苦啊

Anyway, in gay life has also be 指指点点 by many straights or even busybodies right? When you see a man dress really more trendy and with another man who is more sister.... there will be load of 三姑六婆, 二舅五公 be gossiping behind them....

yes 人言可畏... but why should we be living in their gossips? we should stand up and face them together right? I use to be afraid of many people who can see thru my status or even scared to be identified by someone familar in gay sauna or walking with someone who is gay.... however, now after knowing Mr. W, I am really not scared of all these gossip, or people pointing at us... I am willing to face it... and Mr. W too...

Is not my main aim in looking for a mature married man.... but sometimes faith just like to play with you... and well.... I can only say I have accepted what is arrange for me ....

[cock brand]

Wowow so I should actually say thank you hor.... friend... never know you so 用心良苦啊

Anyway, in gay life has also be 指指点点 by many straights or even busybodies right? When you see a man dress really more trendy and with another man who is more sister.... there will be load of 三姑六婆, 二舅五公 be gossiping behind them....

yes 人言可畏... but why should we be living in their gossips? we should stand up and face them together right? I use to be afraid of many people who can see thru my status or even scared to be identified by someone familar in gay sauna or walking with someone who is gay.... however, now after knowing Mr. W, I am really not scared of all these gossip, or people pointing at us... I am willing to face it... and Mr. W too...

Is not my main aim in looking for a mature married man.... but sometimes faith just like to play with you... and well.... I can only say I have accepted what is arrange for me ....

Well said, LS.

As long as you know what you are in for and its consequences, good luck to you.

人言可畏 is the most frightening invisible killer.

It can make you loose your mind, make you go crazy.

阮玲玉, the famous silent movie actress committed suicide because of this 4 words.

And many other commoners we do not know of their names.

好自为之吧。

My next enactment may make you feel very uncomfortable.

[Life Searcher]

Well said, LS.

As long as you know what you are in for and its consequences, good luck to you.

人言可畏 is the most frightening invisible killer.

It can make you loose your mind, make you go crazy.

阮玲玉, the famous silent movie actress committed suicide because of this 4 words.

And many other commoners we do not know of their names.

好自为之吧。

My next enactment may make you feel very uncomfortable.

well... I guess.... I can't expect too much from you .....

[Life Searcher]

I am not sure whether is it time to end this post... as I think I have perhaps I have figured out what I want now. Mr. W has been really nice and sweet to me... Also, the difficult and complicated issues seem to be able to clear off very soon.... Yes... along the way, there will be someone who might get hurt but as mentioned, I think each party seem to understand and see the picture clearer...

Today, I am really happy as I have given Mr. W a surprise by preparing a meal for him.... we have an enjoyable evening together... and I do hope all the people here will meet their love one soon... and if you have one now.... please cherish him and love him... life is short... 珍惜眼前人。。。。

[UFO]

I am not sure whether is it time to end this post... as I think I have perhaps I have figured out what I want now. Mr. W has been really nice and sweet to me... Also, the difficult and complicated issues seem to be able to clear off very soon.... Yes... along the way, there will be someone who might get hurt but as mentioned, I think each party seem to understand and see the picture clearer...

Today, I am really happy as I have given Mr. W a surprise by preparing a meal for him.... we have an enjoyable evening together... and I do hope all the people here will meet their love one soon... and if you have one now.... please cherish him and love him... life is short... 珍惜眼前人。。。。

Love like a fighter, love like no tomorrow!!!! Dare to love, to be loved and to dream!!!!!

[Life Searcher]

Love like a fighter, love like no tomorrow!!!! Dare to love, to be loved and to dream!!!!!

Fully agreed on that! In fact all relationship may have its own problem... but so long you have the faith and courage to face it... I am sure it will be able to solve it and the true love will knock on your door...

[Guest Please Forgive Me]

I am not sure whether is it time to end this post... as I think I have perhaps I have figured out what I want now.

Dear Life Searcher,

You become what you think about. Now that you think, and feel, you have got it all, you should only focus on all the things that you want. Only when you start thinking, feeling and acting that you will get all of them. There's a saying that goes 'every tree is known by its fruit'. Stay true to what makes you happy.

I like the way when you said, in your reply to Walfred, and hope that it shall be your life mantra and philosophy - "so long you have the faith and courage to face it". Always watch how you think, Life Searcher. For everything that will happen, can only happen because of your thoughts. You think positive, you become positive. You think small, you become small. You think you can, you can.

Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs. It is how we iron the problems. It is how we must stay focus to make it work.

Throw away all the negative thoughts from now on, Life Searcher. Your relationship with Mr W can be sweet only when you start moving in the direction of your dominant thoughts. Always remember that all the hard time or easy time, all the good time or bad time, it is how you make it all.

May today be the beginning for all things good for you.

[Life Searcher]

Dear Life Searcher,

I like the way when you said, in your reply to Walfred, and hope that it shall be your life mantra and philosophy - "so long you have the faith and courage to face it". Always watch how you think, Life Searcher. For everything that will happen, can only happen because of your thoughts. You think positive, you become positive. You think small, you become small. You think you can, you can.

Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs. It is how we iron the problems. It is how we must stay focus to make it work.

Throw away all the negative thoughts from now on, Life Searcher. Your relationship with Mr W can be sweet only when you start moving in the direction of your dominant thoughts. Always remember that all the hard time or easy time, all the good time or bad time, it is how you make it all.

May today be the beginning for all things good for you.

Dear Please Forigve Me,

Yes...I do agreed with what you said about throwing away the negative thoughts and in fact when we have something negative comes by.... I will try to stay cool, think about it and use a better way to discuss with Mr. W. In this way, not only I feel so much better for not hiding my feelings... Mr. W will not get upset or guilty to me... He feels much happier as we discuss issues and think of a common solution. Not only that, Mr. W can feel I respect his decision and knows how deep my love for him...

This has been one of the most remarkable, memorable and sweet weekend or Public Holiday I have had for many years... Nothing really fancy, no special travel plan or etc but we mainly spend quality time together.... we go for stroll these few days, meet in afternoon for a coffee, do some simple shopping or just rest at home for a few hours... I cook for him a nice meal and etc... This makes me feel love can be actually so simple... is human who complicates it... I discover what I want is actually so simple and yet sweet!

Hurtful gaylife?? Pehaps to many who yet to discover their life.... for me ??? Now I just wish to enjoy all the moment we have together... good or bad?? Who knows but I am ready for it !!

I wish to thanks you once again for all your wise thought and comments...in fact, I need to thanks many here (good or bad comments) who helps me to see a clearer picture and I think I have managed to get our of the dark tunnel.... even not now... I know is going to be soon...

[Life Searcher]

Time flies... is the 6th month since I met Mr. W and still we both so wonderful and miracle of meeting each other... these last 6 months have been an unbelievable experience for me... the best, fortunate, overjoy and yet there were times when I felt so lost, upset and down.... Counting myself very lucky and fortunate that I am enjoying every moment I have with Mr. W. Our problem seems to resolve it slowly and I guess I really can't ask any more other things... Can I?

I just want to tell everyone here to remain positive if you are currently facing the same situation as I have ... I received a no. of PMs and realize there are many who faces the similar issues.... Perhaps Gay life is never easy..... but yesterday, I have managed to stand up to shared my recent experience with a good friend of mine... and Yes.. I admit my status to her... She was indeed very shocked and never believe it... after some long chat, she accepted it and feel happy for me... I was touched...

[snowball]

Life Searcher, it's just 6 months, not 6 years, even 60 years, so? what i am trying to tell you is, 当初有提起的决心, 将来也要有放下的气魄, 当初没人

束缚你, 将来也无, 认识本来面目, 以平常心待物, i don't know you get what i mean or not, 人生如朝露, 只在呼吸间, 人来去两手淸风, 又何需双手紧握虚无?

[Life Searcher]

Sure Snowball. Understand where you are trying to come from... I know the time is only 6 months..but I am looking for many more 6 months or 6years... I agreed that 人来去两手淸风 but I believe we should enjoy and live our life to fullest when we can... so when the day we leave the world... we have no regrets... I will be alert if there are any changes but at this moment... I have no regrets to love Mr. W and our love... I do enjoy every moment now...

[snowball]

Life Searcher, Love with no stress, no offence, your Love with Mr W now to most readers is just like a " series TV show, maybe those taiwan type ", you seem just afraid others don't know how great & how lovely you both are, but to be honest, actually what you having just very simple & normal, most of us been through or still having now, i really not sure what is the moral behind you want to tell us? what so different compare you & most of them? just maybe yours is a married guy with family & perhaps have another lover beside you, i always believe, Love just between 2 person, why need to keep spreading & so hungry to tell most people, i think from the way you react, seeem more " naive " than Mr W, you seem just step into this circle & this is your first Love, learnt how to keep it secret between just you & him, Love is not to show off & to us nothing to show off, Love with true heart, the one who u need to show & tell just Mr W, that's already enough, i believe afew readers told you before that, i just bring it again, it is just 6 months, you want to have more 6 months to go, so take it slow & a step at a time, else it will end very fast, hope you understand, all the best, cheers

[Life Searcher]

Life Searcher, Love with no stress, no offence, your Love with Mr W now to most readers is just like a " series TV show, maybe those taiwan type ", you seem just afraid others don't know how great & how lovely you both are, but to be honest, actually what you having just very simple & normal, most of us been through or still having now, i really not sure what is the moral behind you want to tell us? what so different compare you & most of them? just maybe yours is a married guy with family & perhaps have another lover beside you, i always believe, Love just between 2 person, why need to keep spreading & so hungry to tell most people, i think from the way you react, seeem more " naive " than Mr W, you seem just step into this circle & this is your first Love, learnt how to keep it secret between just you & him, Love is not to show off & to us nothing to show off, Love with true heart, the one who u need to show & tell just Mr W, that's already enough, i believe afew readers told you before that, i just bring it again, it is just 6 months, you want to have more 6 months to go, so take it slow & a step at a time, else it will end very fast, hope you understand, all the best, cheers

Snowball,

Well if you said I am trying to "show" my love or trying to tell a story...as mentioned above, what i am trying to tell you is there are many people here who are also facing the same problem or issue... I just hope they could stay to remain positive... I am not hungry to tell people or spreading... anyway.. nobody knows who am I or who Mr. W is... To me is mainly expressing my joy and happines... just like many here who have other things to share... some share how great sex they have (isn't this suppose to be secret too??) or many different topics on themselves too.... so I guess is a matter of self individual to express himself. I mentioned many times.. this is not my first love... but is indeed my most memorable and loving one... Also, why do you have to think I am trying to show off but you can try to think I am sharing my happiness with friends here... Like you hear some good news from papers or etc... you will feel happy for others... and that also make others happy... Also, some of our previous post had also shared the other side... Well... Is up to you to think what sort of "motive" I am in.... I can't force you.

I hope to have many more 6 months to go... isn't it normal?? I am sure if you have a love one.. you will let to spend your future with him right? So I don't see what is the problem for me to hope for more .... Well, sometimes in life, we should set some goal or target to motivate and look forward for tomorrow right?

Edited April 15, 2009 by Life Searcher

[snowball]

what i am trying to tell you is there are many people here who are also facing the same problem or issue... I just hope they could stay to remain positive...

Take note & understood your kindness, but you don't need to repeat that again & again, you may read from thread 1 till now, any much different after you say your heart are firm & strong for Mr W till, same old stories here & there, nothing much changed, once or twice even three times is enough, not almost every posts same statement, as told, you not the first one who have this encounter here & won't be the last one, almost same cases posted here many times by different senders before, yet you the first that are using the same old stories & similar words non-stop, no offence, i can't force if you refuse to realize this too, maybe you can read Larry's thread & see how he express himself by using " not keep repeating type " of interesting way, i not comparing, but just want you to know, shaing can be fun ( happy or sad ), only if you know how to touch people in your true sincere way, cheers

Edited April 15, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

One day, Mrs W was having afternoon tea with her son W Jr.

W Jr : Mummy, your face you don't look too good leh.

Mrs W : Angry lor. Your second brother's mother-in-law lor, made me soooo angry.

W Jr : What happened ha?

Mrs W : That bloody CB mouth lor, that day came over with her stupid sister for visit, ask me got go blood test or not? I say no lor. Then she say I better go and check for AIDS, now very cheap. I ask why lor and you know what that CB mouth say?

" Aiyah, better play safe hor, I heard your husband now got go out play play and somemore I heard with men leh. Choy! I hear already hor, so paiseh, don't know where to hide my face lor. But we are in-laws mah, so I better quickly come and tell you lor"

You hear you angry or not? Somemore say in front of her stupid busybody sister. Feel like slapping her bloody CB mouth! With her bloody sister, soon the whole Ang Mo Kio and Toa payoh will know.

W Jr : Aiyah, I also dunno why dad so cock, scared people dunno he gay, must tell so many people. You know what my wife now can say to me : I hope you not like father like son hor?

you think I not angry meh? only I didn't show only mah

Mrs W : He think people will understand and pity him mah but he dunno know people behind laugh until cannot stand. I lagi worse, his wife somemore, kena laugh for so long already until my face turned yellow.

W Jr. : Dunno he got brain or not. He so old never mind lor, but we still got go out to work one mah. You know that day, one friend ask me : "I heard they say your father became gay, correct or not? Wah, so old still so on ah.?"How to answer, you tell me?

W Jr : Go outside play women at least I feel proud mah, but now, people think he go and bend down let young men play backside, you know I how malu?

Mrs W : Aiyah, what to do? I suffer and malu so many years, now numb already.

W Jr : I now so scared my ah boy and ah girl later also know their grandfather like that one ah, you know now kids very smart one.

Mrs W : Scared also no used what. Tomorrow better go and pray harder lor.

[Life Searcher]

One day, Mrs W was having afternoon tea with her son W Jr.

W Jr : Mummy, your face you don't look too good leh.

Mrs W : Angry lor. Your second brother's mother-in-law lor, made me soooo angry.

W Jr : What happened ha?

First you drag people's wife... then son... why?

If you like to write story or make up story... why not start your own posting.... ??

Writing sickening things like this really can balance you? Or does that make you feel satisfy? I really have no idea what sort of thinking you have....

[cock brand]

First you drag people's wife... then son... why?

If you like to write story or make up story... why not start your own posting.... ??

Writing sickening things like this really can balance you? Or does that make you feel satisfy? I really have no idea what sort of thinking you have....

I had already said......the next enactment will make you very uncomfortable.

And you are disturbed now.

Why bother what people say, why afraid of gossip, you ask!

人言可畏 right?

My point is simple.

While you two are having a good time, spare some thought for the others.

When the old man decided to announce his gayhood, he ought to spare some thought for the others, especially those close to him. Did he cared about their feelings and what others had said to hurt them?

You think he did?

[snowball]

before i start, i need to put my position clear, i not side cock brand or anyone, i listen & follow what my heart told.

Life Searcher, i know you feel bad & not comfortable, however, can you deny that what he " assume " is not the fact? from the start you already claimed that you prepare to face & over come those come by your way, your love for Mr W are strong enough to stand it, rumour-monger all around, you can't stop them, just like you don't care what others think of you, you insist to be with Mr W, so no wrong or right according to your judgment, true?

if you not in guilty conscience, then what for you care so much? actually the one that feel most troubled should be Mr W's family & sibling, not you, cos they are legal you are forever not, you will always hide in the dark unless his family accept you as their part of one family, however will Mr W allow & give you the real title?

your words & acts must be same, you can't say one thing & react differently, you always very unstable, most readers can tell from your posts, Life Searcher, don't care too much, move on, if it is the fact, you can't change even you want to hide from it, that's what i told you just now, 以平常心待物, you understand my words now?

[like wind]

To be frank, i think life searcher's gay life now is happy gay life. NOT hurtful already. There are still lots of sorrow lost gay out there like me who are living like dead meat everyday. Sometime, I really want to just die.

Edited April 15, 2009 by like wind

[cock brand]

to be frank, i think life searcher's gay life no is happy gay life. NOT hurtful already. There arestill lots of sorrow lost gay out there like me who are living like dead meat everyday. Sometime, I really want to just die.

Everyone has a choice on which path to take.

You included.

Since we cannot change the fact that we are gay, then go on and live a gay life.

And try to live a happy one.

[Guest guest]

Everyone has a choice on which path to take.

You included.

Since we cannot change the fact that we are gay, then go on and live a gay life.

And try to live a happy one.

Cock Brand, what you shown to LS is plain truth. Sometimes when people say something, they think only for themselves (I do too sometimes) When we look ouside the box and reflect on our actions...we (or rather I should say "I") should always consider other peoples feeling and think before we act. Often when we do that for the benefit of others, we have to make sacrifices and end up feeling bad.

We all have Choices in life. What we choose to do ultimately impact on others.

[snowball]

Let action speaks

Edited April 17, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

While Mrs W and W Jr was still having tea and chit-chatting, Mrs W Jr 2 came in.

Mrs W Jr 2 : Wah, so free ah, talking about what ah?

Mr W Jr : Talking about your mother lor, that day come and talk rubbish to mum.

Mrs W Jr 2 : Eh! don't anyhow say about my mother ok? She was right what! You better ask your father to behave himself first OK?

Mr W Jr : How can you say like that?

Mrs W Jr 2 : Cannot meh? Now tell me who don't know your father now go for ahquar ?

Mrs W : Aiyah, don't quarrel lah!

Mrs W Jr 2 : Not I start one ah! One more thing I want to say hor. Ask your father next time don't anyhow touch my children OK? Now I see him I also try to siam.

Mrs W : How can you say like that?

Mrs W Jr 2: Why cannot? Only you so stupid. If its me, long long ago already divorced liao. Somemore I will sue until his pants drop.

Mr W Jr : How can you say like that?

Mrs W Jr 2 : I am now already planning to migrate for the kids sake. I don't want next time people laugh at my kids about their queer grandfather, you know how malu or not? Migrate already no eyes see er!

Mrs W and Mr W Jr : How can you do that?

Mrs W Jr 2: Why cannot? Nowadays, see you father around I also feel uneasy. My mother also ask me not to let him touch my kids.

Mr W Jr : Why your mother so stupid, can say such stupid things!

Mrs W Jr 2 : Hello! I think nobody is more stupid than your mother OK!

Mrs W Jr stormed out of the room

Mrs W and Mr W Jr: How can she say like that!!

[Life Searcher]

I had already said......the next enactment will make you very uncomfortable.

And you are disturbed now.

Why bother what people say, why afraid of gossip, you ask!

人言可畏 right?

My point is simple.

While you two are having a good time, spare some thought for the others.

When the old man decided to announce his gayhood, he ought to spare some thought for the others, especially those close to him. Did he cared about their feelings and what others had said to hurt them?

You think he did?

I am really suprised by your reply... you said 人言可畏 but I am against not because I am scared or afraid of your make up story... the main issue is why do you need to make up assumptions and drag so many people in your story. Are you trying to say someone should hide their feeling? continue lying to his wife or family? Do you think this is all you try to achieve? I am sure he care about his family feelings... this is why he consider it for long time before admitting to his wife. Do you know how much courage is needed to to do that? I am sure there are many here who do not dare to do so... or rather continue to hide it.... PLease spare some thought on that.... many older mature man will rather lie to their family or friends... and will think when they die.. the matter ends... but he choose to admit it, choose to face it .... isn't that courage worth for us to learn... but you try to twist and turn the fact...

When you enter gay life... there are already many things beyond our control... when you have sex with someone (a stranger), do you also consider others? thier background? family and etc?? I am not saying you will do that.. but there are alot here..

I got to know someone who dare not admit his gayhood to his family and each time he had sex with someone, he feel so so guilty... but he can't resist or surpress his needs.. he even said, he wanted to commit suicide... I encourage him to face up instead .... Maybe you will think I am wrong.. but life has never been easy.... we just could learn and acccept it a long the way.... Why should we always live in people's expectation? Live in how people think we should live in? Live what other think we should do and what we should not? In that case, we live in others world..not ours... we will live in what they want and not what we want....

Nobody live to satisfy others expectations... of course, we should try to spare thoughts on others... but there are circumstances which you have to make decision... you cannot have both sides of the world...

[snowball]

I got to know someone who dare not admit his gayhood to his family and each time he had sex with someone, he feel so so guilty... but he can't resist or surpress his needs.. he even said, he wanted to commit suicide...

Life Searcher, never admit does not mean no courage, we guilty cos we never sex & fall in Love with married guy? we guilty cos we are old fasion only into those who are single? as long we never say something that are not true we are not lying, maybe i am Lucky, parents never ask me to get married etc, they respect my decision, well, i think you better not explain too much, cos your " excuses " sensible or not most readers will know, i know Mr W is almost like a GOD to you, but to most of us is different story, you want us to learnt from him that he is a " RESPONSIBLE " husband or father? you want us to learnt from him that he betray his legal wife & kids & he got another mistress beside you ( or you want to say once he admit to his wife that he is super old gay husband & father mean he no longer betray to them )? you want us to learnt from him that at his age still can attract someone that can be his son? or you want us to respect him that he home for dinner everyday & sleep at home? respect him cos blindly respect?

cock brand try to twist and turn the fact? i wonder now who did that? just one last question & you will not see my posting here anymore in future, all words from Mr W you already confirm with his wife, kids & mistress? they say he is super RESPONSIBLE father & lover? if not sorry, don't act like you are mature & know many things, his wife with him so long never realise the true him you will know just for afew months? no offence, you just behave like a small kid so stubborn & refuse to let go candy in your hands even it melts, good luck, believe what you believe, think you can have him for quite sometimes, cos not many people will look for such old man to be their lover & he cant find someone so blind & stubborn believe every words he say & treat him like a GOD like you do, think he know if he let go this fish in his mouth, he may never get another again, enjoy your life while you can, cheers

不要感情用事, 不必为了起起、落落而伤感, 缘起缘灭是那么的自然运转, 一切顺其自然, 能够放下，也才能够彻底的抛开我的执着.

Edited April 18, 2009 by snowball

[cock brand]

Dear LS,

I have already mentioned it over and over again that those were just enactments, you can treat it as fiction.

But again, you took it too seriously and again failed to look beyond the story to see the message within.

Just a few questions for you:

1. Mr W had already lied to his wife for so many years. When did he decide to tell her the truth - while with No.2 or when with you? And why after so many years, now?

2. Mr W managed to lie to his wife for so long, how sure what you are hearing now are not just lies too?

3. Is Mrs W really a happy woman ( according to Mr W, she is) ?

4. Are his children happy to know that their father is gay?

Your relationship with him involves not only juts you two, but alot more people, that includes his family too!

When I quoted 人言可畏, it was not only applicable to you, but also to all the people around him too.

His children are grown ups at your age group, they may be married or getting married and soon a larger extended family - in-laws, in-laws' relatives etc etc.

How are all these people going to view him and you?

How are they going to accept this fact?

You thought that Mr W was very courageous when he admit to all that he is gay. But how others react is a totally different story. Some prefer to be silent about it - you-don't-tell,I-don't-ask. By telling can backfire sometimes - 弄巧反拙？

Some portion of my story are actual true cases.

A friend of mine had his married siblings and their spouses avoiding him like plague just because he is gay.

He was also warned not to get near his own nieces and nephews.

There are many many people out there who are just ignorant about AIDS.

They think AIDS is a gay disease while homosexuality is still very much a social taboo

My friends' siblings are among these people.

Look at my story again and try to identify some familar characters within.

Edited April 18, 2009 by cock brand

[waterballoon]

Hey, Life Searcher, I'm really happy that you are happy about your love, but sometimes, what cock brand has said is very true too...

Do think if he can have the heart to betray his wife and have an affair with someone else... what makes him so faithful to you then? Don't even talk about being gay... if a man has an affair with another woman... how can that mistress even feel that the man will be faithful to her, when he's in the first place already unfaithful to his wife?

Now, maybe he got married cos of social pressure and stigma... but whatever it is, if you're married to someone, you HAVE TO be faithful to that person! Maybe I'm being anal, but I seriously stand by that thought.

I know it's hard, but falling in love with a straight man is really hard. To me, I would only go into a dating relationship with an EX-married man... that is, he must have divorced his wife. And if they have kids, then oh geez it only gets more complicated!

I have a crush/love on this straight guy too. Everyone knows it somehow, and then it even got into his father's ears. I mean he always tells them that he hates me, but whenever we're alone, he's always really nice to me. Although I really love him and am happy with him, sometimes the thought of him marrying a woman in the future and having children makes my chest really painful...

For a straight man/married man, if you love him, just be his friend, because that's the most he can ever give to you.

You see... it's just, how would Mr W's wife and children feel? I mean... they must be really upset, you know, for something like this.

Don't talk about homosexuality... just assuming you're a woman. It's bad enough. I'm sure you've watched enough dramas to learn that the mistresses always get bitched around and all... Don't break up other people's family... it's a very cruel thing to do, and I mean, I still don't know how Mr W can just go about having affairs without even thinking of his family.

I don't know Mr W personally, but perhaps all these 'affairs' are just a moment of rushed feelings and desire... that's what USUALLY happens to most affairs anyway.

I really wish you luck, but always do remember that it's a big taboo, what you're doing now... And I can't accept the fact that Mr W just has sex with other men outside... without thinking for his family. It's very cruel and inconsiderate, but most of all, I don't want YOU to be hurt, because as I've said, I doubt his faithful-ness if he can already betray his wife...

I'm not aiming you or whatsoever, but yeah. Oh well...

[cock brand]

I got to know someone who dare not admit his gayhood to his family and each time he had sex with someone, he feel so so guilty... but he can't resist or surpress his needs.. he even said, he wanted to commit suicide... I encourage him to face up instead ....

Wait a minute LS.

He told you that he felt so guilty each time he had sex with someone.

And you believe this?

You mean there are somemore others beside No.2 and youself ?

Or he felt so guilty after each session with you guys!!

And he wanted to commit suicide?

And you believe this?

Perhaps he had already wanted to commit suicide 10 years ago; but the knife was not sharp enough and the buildings are not tall enough I think.

If you got the chance to know No.2 and exchange notes, I very sure the story about him will be very much the same - the feeling guilty, commit suicide, the depression, the whole works!

Is he still feeling guilty now?

Is he still thinking of commit suicide now?

No?

Hes now happy as a lark I think.

So, you are his saviour!

And I believe you think you are.

[GachiMuchi]

/

............i know Mr W is almost like a GOD to you...........

/

/

Reading your post, I have a friend who is exactly like what you said mentioned, Snowball.

Many many years ago, this friend of mine, fell for this married uncle. He really worship him like GOD. Even though that man is married with kids and even though he still has flings with other men outside, my friends still love him and worship every word he says. All my advises to my friend fell onto deaf ears. It is as if the kenna "Gong Tao" (降头)(black magic spell). Die die also want to service his GOD and his GOD's needs. When his GOD have no one and look for my friend, my friend will be so happy and will go all out to prepare everything his GOD likes. When his GOD found someone and drifted away from my friend, my friend will be so down and devastated. The roller coaster ride of emotions my friend goes through makes me really mad.

One day, I had a big fight with my friend in front of his GOD because my friend was changing his mind of going overseas with our group all because of his GOD. My friend decided to end our friendship because I scolded his GOD. Well, anyway, after everyone cooled down, he knows that I am concern for him and we are still friends. Just that I no longer want to see or hear anything he has to say about his GOD.

Luckily for my friend, he found someone else who he could be with and had never looked back since. He was with his bf for 10+ years relationship until recently.

I believe what LS is going through is just like what my friend is going though 10+ years ago. No matter what we say, it will never sink in. Lets just leave LS alone to his GOD worship and let him live in his dream. I think he is happy in his own world. So what you guys says are just noise and it will never sink in because he already 中毒太深 (poisoned).

I did hear that there is such thing call 爱情降 (Black Magic Love) from Thailand. Is it true?

[Life Searcher]

Wait a minute LS.

He told you that he felt so guilty each time he had sex with someone.

And you believe this?

You mean there are somemore others beside No.2 and youself ?

Or he felt so guilty after each session with you guys!!

And he wanted to commit suicide?

And you believe this?

Actually did not really want to reply as explain too much also the same I think..

But to clarify the minor misunderstanding above.... I am referring to other man whom I have met long time ago.. and listen to his problem... I am not referring to Mr. W...

Edited April 22, 2009 by Life Searcher

[Life Searcher]

Life has always be... 甜，酸，苦，辣 。。喜，怒，哀， 乐

又有多少人可以真真能体会呢？我没资格说自己已完全经历过，不果我正在体会着。虽然有很多人未必能认同这段感情，不过又有多少人知道我们在里头真真付出的又有多少。。。也许我真的執迷不悔 。。。

執迷不悔_王菲

詞/王靖雯 曲/袁惟仁

這一次我執著面對 任性地沉醉

我並不在乎 這是錯還是對

就算是深陷 我不顧一切

就算是執迷~ 我也執迷不悔

別說我應該放棄 應該睜開眼

我用我的心 去看~去感覺

你並不是我 又怎能了解

就算是執迷~ 就讓我執迷不悔

我不是你們想得如此完美

我承認有時也會辨不清真偽

並非我不願意走出迷堆

隻是這一次

這次是我自己而不是誰

要我用誰的心去體會

真真切切的感受周圍

就算痛苦 就算是淚

也是屬於我的傷悲

我還能用誰的心去體會

真真切切地感受周圍

就算疲倦 就算是累

隻能執迷~而不悔

Edited April 22, 2009 by Life Searcher

[waterballoon]

Hey look... sorry for sounding so rude but this thread is becoming more and more like some diary entry from a 14 year old girl... and what's missing is his name and some hearts along the pages...

Sigh. Oh well. I'm still happy that you're happy and can have such insightful thoughts of life because of Mr. W. Well, whatever rows your boat, I suppose.

[subbtmchn73]

I have not read all the post in this thread. Just the last few posts. But i cannot help but feel that i should say something. i just feel everyone might have been too hash on LS. I personally do not disagree with what he has said.

May be i am also a 14 year old girl. I wish. Although i am a 36 year old man. But age is also not always an indication of maturity.

Just some people that i know of:

1. A New Zealand gay man. Was married with 3 kids. Came out to them, got divorced. Have a very healthy and happy relationship with ex wife and kids although kids live with the mum. Yes, he is not in asian society and culture where it is not so accepted. But am sure it also took him courage to finally come out, and now he can lead a life true to himself, stop lying to his wife and kids and wife also get to start a new life. While our society is not in that stage yet, there will be "growing pains", transitions before our society is accepting. And the transition will need brave people who come out even though his wife, children, relatives and friends may look down on him.

2. A local man, married with kids. Sleep with other men and women on the side. But always keep family out of the discussion and always go back to wife and kid. Continues to support them and spend time with them on weekends. Not sure if he still sleeps with wife as it is out of discussion. So he has his fun, continues his responsibility to his family. Not sure if his wife is satisfied or happy. So is this considered the right thing and best thing to do for all parties? Besides him being straight, faithful and in love with his wife only. Am saying if love is gone or never there, or one is gay but got married, what is the best thing to do then. Come clean or stay on. I actually know a number of married guys in SG that sleeps with other guys. Most continue to fulfill what they consider their family responsibility. Likely minus sex and passion with wife.

Not going to do any judging on scenario 2 to say if he is right or wrong. But i do admire the married man who comes clean with his family if he is gay. Yes it is painful and might hurt a lot of people in the short run. But i always think of it like cutting an arm with cancer. Painful but the other option is a slow spreading disease to the rest of the body. Also i think it is only fair to let the wife have a new chance of life with someone else who is passionate about her.

Things are usually never black or white. I also dont believe in a moralist view. You can call me immoral. I like to think of myself as just being practical. To be frank, i do find married men more attractive and desirable. I do not intentionally go and destroy any one's marriage. But it is a problem i think the man need to resolve and decide regardless of the third party.

Edited April 22, 2009 by subbtmchn73

[waterballoon]

I have not read all the post in this thread. Just the last few posts. But i cannot help but feel that i should say something. i just feel everyone might have been too hash on LS. I personally do not disagree with what he has said.

/

/

Things are usually never black or white. I also dont believe in a moralist view. You can call me immoral. I like to think of myself as just being practical. To be frank, i do find married men more attractive and desirable. I do not intentionally go and destroy any one's marriage. But it is a problem i think the man need to resolve and decide regardless of the third party.

For your case 1, I think it's okay bah, since he has already came out to his family, and had a proper divorce and clean cut from his wife. If his children are okay with it, then who are we to say anything?

But for your case 2... sorry I just don't think it's right to have sex out there and then come back to your wife/family. What a woman WANTS/NEEDS is not just her husband returning home every night and "spending time on weekends". Sorry but this a husband we're talking about, a father, a spouse. A man who obviously has RESPONSIBILITY over his family, not only on materialistic factors, but also on emotional factors.

It's just WRONG to be even unfaithful when you're married... I mean wtf, honestly it's quite disturbing okay.

I'm not being 'harsh' or whatever, but it's just sometimes Life Searcher posts things that my goosebumps jump, like his last post...

Ah, never mind. Such a thing is too complicated to be able to judge a right or wrong.

[subbtmchn73]

It's just WRONG to be even unfaithful when you're married... I mean wtf, honestly it's quite disturbing okay.

Just for discussion. If the husband treats the wife well. Gives her what she needs emotionally, physically and everything else. Doing his husband duty. But occasionally still cheats outside. The wife does not know and is contented. Everyone is happy.

Forget about eventually he might get caught in the action. It does not make his unfaithfulness "right". But in all practical sense does it matter? Is moral principles the most important or is the actual arrangement, the people involved, their feelings and situation that matters? From the wife perspective, she may be just happy that the husband is there for her and family even if she knows he is unfaithful, because she thinks it is something she can live with instead of a drunkard or violent husband.

Any case principles are a very personal and subjective thing. Different people from different background and culture will have different set of principles. But even then principles by itself should be situational and should not be applied straightly blindly. I know many people dont agree with me on this.

May be it is just me. But i do seem to know a number of people even ladies, who are mistress of married man and married man who have fun outside of marriage. I dont know them very well. So wont know if they have any emotional problems or other issues. But as normal friends, they just look like people caught in a situation that they themselves might not have wanted, but is just trying to live their life. The dont seem malicious and i do not judge them negatively just because they are third party or have been unfaithful. Unless if i know they have been doing it intentionally to hurt someone.

Side track a bit. I also know of a number of gay couples. After a few years, some even just months, start to lose passion for each other and start to be unfaithful. They still very good with each other. I dont mean the kind that fight and argue type. Just happy couples but no more passion. These are the types that start having sex on the side. Then he found someone else. Eventually break up and since then has been with the new bf for many more years. So it just means the first one was not the right one. While the right thing to do was to break up first then go look for someone else. But breaking up is not the easiest thing to do in a relationship that is not "bad" but just not passionate.

[waterballoon]

^ Honestly, if I were that husband... I really don't know how I can go home after fking another woman and face my wife again. It's not 100% about what she thinks at times... I mean where did the conscience of the husband go to? I mean when you exchanged marriage vows, you vowed to love and stand by her... I'm sorry if I'm being too anal but love cannot be shared. At least I know romantic love can never be shared.

If I want to love someone, I would do so with MY ALL, and I wouldn't be unfaithful to him.

And, sorry, but the women who think it's all right for their husbands to cheat outside as long as they "provide" them their 'needs' are just stupid. I honestly can't understand how on earth that's all right!! If my husband (assuming I'm a woman here) cheats on me outside, I would have lost all trust in him, and he's gonna have to work VERY hard if he wants me back.

And your gay couple point isn't linked? I mean for some relationships, it's only natural that the feelings fade away... and there's nothing wrong in breaking up. That's why I've mentioned before that I would only date married men if they're divorced?

[MobyDick]

Well.. so far we have not hear from any bi-married members who are in the same position as Mr W. They might have different insights towards this relationship.

Also, how would you feel if you realized that your dad (sorry for being rude) is in the same situation as Mr W and how would your siblings (who are homophobic) feel? What advice would you give to your mum and dad?

[Guest Onlooker]

Well.. so far we have not hear from any bi-married members who are in the same position as Mr W. They might have different insights towards this relationship.

They would rather not to comment. As it is, for any of them to admit having sex with another guy would bring their life to condemnation here. Their morality will be questioned. Their role as a spouse and a father become suspicious. And for them to be in love with another guy is despicable.

Bottomline, many here are expecting a bi-married guy to redeem their sin becoming a 'monk'. To suffer with their decision to get married and, at the same time, deserving.

[cock brand]

Hey look... sorry for sounding so rude but this thread is becoming more and more like some diary entry from a 14 year old girl... and what's missing is his name and some hearts along the pages...

Haha, you notice too.

[cock brand]

Just for discussion. If the husband treats the wife well. Gives her what she needs emotionally, physically and everything else. Doing his husband duty. But occasionally still cheats outside. The wife does not know and is contented. Everyone is happy.

Forget about eventually he might get caught in the action. It does not make his unfaithfulness "right". But in all practical sense does it matter? Is moral principles the most important or is the actual arrangement, the people involved, their feelings and situation that matters? From the wife perspective, she may be just happy that the husband is there for her and family even if she knows he is unfaithful, because she thinks it is something she can live with instead of a drunkard or violent husband.

Another one who thinks its OK that the husband can have some fun outside as long as he comes home and still provides for the family.

May I ask this question :

Do you still think its OK that the wife of this same husband goes out for some fun with other men but still come home to cook for his family?

Surely no right?

Why?

Male chauvinism!

I'm not pro feminism but believe in equality for the sexes and "don't do onto others what you don't want others to do onto you".

[waterballoon]

Another one who thinks its OK that the husband can have some fun outside as long as he comes home and still provides for the family.

May I ask this question :

Do you still think its OK that the wife of this same husband goes out for some fun with other men but still come home to cook for his family?

Surely no right?

Why?

Male chauvinism!

I'm not pro feminism but believe in equality for the sexes and "don't do onto others what you don't want others to do onto you".

I actually agree with that! I mean the point or marriage is to stay faithful to each other, and always stand by each other. I just find it laughable how people think it's "all right" for men to have affairs outside as long as they satisfy the "needs" of the wives. This is a marriage, hello? Not some trade/purchase where you have to "maintain" your wife...