I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl?

[depresseddudethrowaway]

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

 

Whenever i see hot girls I think they are hot but I can’t imagine myself having sex with them. But whenever I see guys I can imagine myself doing it???? And sometimes I get hard when I look at guys. I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl? and idk if i like girls or guys more. what do i doooooooooooooo 😭😭 

[depresseddudethrowaway]

it felt so good while he was licking my dickhead and all those 

 

as much as i dont want to say it because I will sound like a very very superficial and mean person but he was chubby and about 3 years older than me. could that be a reason why. I hate to say it but was it because he was a dude or was it because he was an ugly dude which made me feel disgusted

[depresseddudethrowaway]

i feel so confused and sad right now.

i like hot guys and had some eyecandys in school but i also had crushes on girls in school… but the thing is all of them were hot…

 

can someone with wisdom give me advice 🙏 enlighten me please 

 

WHY DO I FEEL SO SHITTY EVEN THOUGH IT FELT LIKE HEAVEN

[depresseddudethrowaway]

the worst thing was i consented to all of it. i let him touch all of me and let him use his mouth on me….

 

 

[Thatguy642]

You live and you learn. It’s okay to feel disgusted, you had that experience and that’s already in the past now. Don’t worry too much about whether you like girls or boys, you like who you like and you’ll know who you like when you see them.

 

I’ve had some weird experiences I almost regret but it’s all part and parcel of experimentation. Not everything will work, but you gave it a go. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

[queerqloset]

I'm gay and have been in similar situations in the past when I was horny, without a place, and desperate for sexual relief. Your feelings of disgust are exactly what I felt. Hope you feel better about yourself after a few days!

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

 

Whenever i see hot girls I think they are hot but I can’t imagine myself having sex with them. But whenever I see guys I can imagine myself doing it???? And sometimes I get hard when I look at guys. I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl? and idk if i like girls or guys more. what do i doooooooooooooo 😭😭 

 

If you are 19 and virgin and feeling bad about having had a sexual contact,  you are probably an attractive guy.  So you don't need to be the sexual object of an unattractive older person but you can find a sexual partner YOU are attracted to.  Have good self-confidence and if you feel ready, take the initiative.   And the fact that you feel so bad from the encounter you described indicates that you don't like to be the passive object but you can be the active one. 

 

If you can...  STAY AWAY FROM ANAL SEX.  It is not necessary for the enjoyment of good sex.  So don't let anyone penetrate you, with the idea that "maybe I will enjoy it immensely as I hear around that it does."  You are old enough to enter a gay sauna, preferably one frequented by hot guys who limit themselves to other hot guys, which you may also be.  But don't make this a habit.  The less sex you can live with,  the better!   Don't feel that you need to take advantage of of your youth and have much sex before you are older and become an "uncle".  I was virgin until my mid-20s and I entered the gay scene at nearly 50.  Being still in good shape, this was never too late.

 

There is no need to feel sex as "dirty".  Why should it be more dirty than pooping and peeing?   But there is no need to be promiscuous, to become a slut.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

 

the worst thing was i consented to all of it. i let him touch all of me and let him use his mouth on me….

 

 

This confirms that you should be the active one.  Without being ugly rejecting others, you don't need to provide "charity sex".  You can stay nice but firm.  A NO is a NO, and thank you.   Wait until you are older and feel empathy for the poor older guys who cannot get the sex they so need, and then you can give in a little... within limits.

[goatee malay]

12 hours ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

 

Whenever i see hot girls I think they are hot but I can’t imagine myself having sex with them. But whenever I see guys I can imagine myself doing it???? And sometimes I get hard when I look at guys. I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl? and idk if i like girls or guys more. what do i doooooooooooooo 😭😭 

 

KNNCCB

 

ask anybody who knows Hokkien if u dont know the meaning

[Guest poxster]

@depresseddudethrowaway you probably have had some fantasies about your first time, and then it happened the way it did and it couldn't be further from those fantasies. most likely why you're feeling the way you did. at least that's what happened to me.

 

or it could be, as you've said, you're still grappling with your sexuality. and that's OK. you don't need to have answer right now and you should allow yourself time and space to figure it all out. i would suggest talking to someone, like a counsellor at oogachaga. it's always better, in the long run, to get proper help.

 

in the meantime, yes, do be safe, don't do things you don't want to, and definitely not feeling that you have to.

 

all the best and i hope you find what you're looking for.

[auscent]

Empower urself - u dont have to do anything sexually that u dislike (that's different from being a selfish cold fish). Also, it takes time to figure out our sexuality. 

 

Go easy on urself as u find ur place in this world.

[Sweetie Pie]

17 hours ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

The initial reaction is guilt  (not disgust nor confusion),  since our society has been successful in implanting the idea that gay sex is unnatura. As such, you felt "dirty" because your well guarded forbidden fruit was stolen by the wrong person instead of your wishful girl.  Enjoying sex and admiring beauty are two entirely different things. You also created the foundation (at least mentally) for what is to come because you said you didn't like to fuck girls, but enjoy being sucked,  so that's a given.  Instead of drowning oneself in needless mystery here, you should take your time to consider what is going to be your true color in future.  Nature doesn't lie, if you get out of society pressure box.  

Edited October 7, 2023 by Sweetie Pie

[Swimfun]

17 hours ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

 

Whenever i see hot girls I think they are hot but I can’t imagine myself having sex with them. But whenever I see guys I can imagine myself doing it???? And sometimes I get hard when I look at guys. I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl? and idk if i like girls or guys more. what do i doooooooooooooo 😭😭 

It's completely normal to have questions about your sexuality, especially during the growing stage. Remember that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and it's okay not to fit into strict categories like gay, straight, or bi. It's important to explore your feelings and emotions at your own pace, without feeling pressured to label yourself. It's also okay to have different attractions to different genders.

 

If you're feeling confused or distressed, consider talking to a professional or counselor who can provide you with a safe space to discuss your thoughts and feelings. They can offer guidance and support tailored to your individual situation. Remember, it's essential to be true to yourself and take your time to understand your feelings and desires without judgment.

[IkuTube]

@depresseddudethrowaway,

 

I am writing this with respect to you.

Words shape your life.  They become your life story.

What is done is done.  You need to move forward but you need to make it right for yourself.

Obviously this episode has deep impact on you.  I take it that you registered yourself with your username ‘deepresseddudethrowaway’ – not only to share your experience but to signify the state of your well being.

My suggestion – do not internalize those emotions through your username.  Do not allow this one experience to cave in your world.

It is alright to ‘feel so confused and sad’.  You are a human and you are only 19 of age.

The good thing – It is good that you are able to express yourself well.  You seem to have the awareness on what is happening.  You have the insight to do some reflection on your actions.  There is a degree of maturity albeit the confusion and/or acceptance on your sexual identity  The earlier you can accept for who you are, by your own acceptance, life gets better.

The bad thing – It is worrisome at the way your thought process is processing the whole thing.  At 19, your consciousness is still evolving.  At 19, any experiences will become joyful things or they become your life trauma.  They become your imprint.  Whatever you think becomes things.  They have high probability to become your personality too.

Today, your sexual awakening surpasses your rational mind.  You acted on your sexual curiosity but failed to reconcile on your actions.  Unfortunately, what is happening next, you are planting labels in your subconscious mind.  Unconsciously, you are shifting from taking responsibility for your own actions/doings but start to blame on associations.

If you are not careful with your dominant thought process now, you will develop strong sense on trust issue from this experience.  Very likely, you will (to use a strong word) despise  on chubby guys.  Very likely, you will associate chubs with (to use your words) ‘ugly’, ‘disgust’ and ‘hate’.

My point is, these labels and their effects/attachments will not just end with that three words.  They go far beyond on your acceptance towards things, in general.  Be aware that labels are personal judgement.  And, judgement is a bad way to live a good life.

What you need to do next is to accept your actions.  You are the captain of your heart.  You need to forgive yourself for not taking the extra precaution.  You need to accept that you are still figuring out who you are and what you want to be.  Have good friends to talk things out, to share your emotions, to your thoughts.  They are the better people to give better reference about you.

For now, learn not to act on impulse.  For now, focus on your study.

However, should this experience is affecting poorly on your well being, reach out to Oogachaga for more professional counselling.

 

 

 

[lightsmith32]

You will get better with time. The guilt and disgust will give way to a deep seated hunger that cannot be quenched and you will spend the rest of your life searching.
 

Once you have had cock, there is no way back.

 

Welcome to the club …. 

[Guest Kik]

19 hours ago, depresseddudethrowaway said:

Help.

Im 19 curious and a virgin. I got sucked by a dude today and it felt really good and he made me cum a lot. When I was horny and all I really enjoyed it but now after cumming I feel sooo disgusted. Is this how I should feel? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if i am bi or gay or straight.

 

Whenever i see hot girls I think they are hot but I can’t imagine myself having sex with them. But whenever I see guys I can imagine myself doing it???? And sometimes I get hard when I look at guys. I’m so confused. I thought I liked guys but now I feel so disgusted. But then again I can’t imagine myself doing it with a girl? and idk if i like girls or guys more. what do i doooooooooooooo 😭😭

You are just young and immature... when you grow older.. sex is just sex... doesn't matter men or women.. if you want responsibility and commitment and liability for future legal consequences then you go for women... else just let a men suck and move on with life... not much difference using your left or right hand.

[Lubeit]

19 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

If you are 19 and virgin and feeling bad about having had a sexual contact,  you are probably an attractive guy.  So you don't need to be the sexual object of an unattractive older person but you can find a sexual partner YOU are attracted to.  Have good self-confidence and if you feel ready, take the initiative.   And the fact that you feel so bad from the encounter you described indicates that you don't like to be the passive object but you can be the active one. 

 

If you can...  STAY AWAY FROM ANAL SEX.  It is not necessary for the enjoyment of good sex.  So don't let anyone penetrate you, with the idea that "maybe I will enjoy it immensely as I hear around that it does."  You are old enough to enter a gay sauna, preferably one frequented by hot guys who limit themselves to other hot guys, which you may also be.  But don't make this a habit.  The less sex you can live with,  the better!   Don't feel that you need to take advantage of of your youth and have much sex before you are older and become an "uncle".  I was virgin until my mid-20s and I entered the gay scene at nearly 50.  Being still in good shape, this was never too late.

 

There is no need to feel sex as "dirty".  Why should it be more dirty than pooping and peeing?   But there is no need to be promiscuous, to become a slut.

This is such a good advice. 👌🏻

[MasterFitMalaySG4U]

Most importantly u don't let any guys fuck u ass...just move on from your guy to guy experience..go n date few girls...u be fine...

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, Swimfun said:

 

It's completely normal to have questions about your sexuality, especially during the growing stage. Remember that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and it's okay not to fit into strict categories like gay, straight, or bi. It's important to explore your feelings and emotions at your own pace, without feeling pressured to label yourself. It's also okay to have different attractions to different genders.

 

 

I second your opinion.  If we don't live in Nigeria but in a progressive country, the issue of sexual orientation should not be a critical one but one mostly personal that can resolve itself.  The equality of genders keeps increasing, and so does the acceptance of orientations.  

 

I was in my mid 30s when I was attracted and seduced by a nice girl.  I reasoned that my lukewarm desires of sex with girls were simply a lack of practice and experience, and we got married.  Our family life was satisfactory, but we separated after 13 years.  It felt like a failure but... was it so?  Both she and I we were blessed with our nice child, and now we are further blessed with four grandchildren we can spoil.   Today I look back at the relationships in my life and, mistakes and all,  I feel fortunate.  

 

No need to be a depressed-dude-throwaway!  At 19 you have a long life ahead that you can direct towards being happy.  Much of it is in your mind.

[doncoin]

@depresseddudethrowaway Are you feeling disgusted because you had sex with another man, or are you feeling disgusted because you had sex? 

 

What you are experiencing really is shame, which often manifests itself outwardly as disgust. Sometimes rage, anger, guilt, etc. You feel shame because you have been conditioned to believe that sex is a binary event/activity. Like you’ve said, 

On 10/6/2023 at 7:31 AM, depresseddudethrowaway said:

? I feel that my first time should have been to a girl and right now i feel so dirty and unclean.

 

 

Feeling “so dirty and unclean” is a learned behavior. There is nothing dirty nor unclean about sex, regardless of consummating the event with a girl or guy (or a chubby guy for that matter). Unfortunately, you have been told from young, hence conditioned, to look at the act of sex itself from a certain perspective. Now you have deviated from what you have been told and taught, you are feeling guilty and ashamed. 

 

Your sexual orientation is a separate issue to the sex act itself. You have to figure it out. However, to be able to find peace and contentment with yourself, you need to unlearn those beliefs about sex needing to be with a girl, the first time, and that acting on your physical urges is something shameful. 

 

Many societies and religions teach that sex is for the purpose of pro-creation. It is the building block for creating a family, leading to community, and society. Certain religious teaching emphasized that sex is exclusively a marital activity, but keep in mind that these religious texts were written when people marry a lot younger, and lived shorter. Deviations of sex for the purpose of pleasure is typically frowned upon and admonished. 

 

Talk to someone if the feelings of shame and guilt continue to manifest in your life. 19 years old is still a confusing time for some, but life will get better. 

[Gozu]

Good rational Doncoin. You ll be very helpful to the community if you work as a counsellor or perhaps you are already one. Hee hee

Edited October 8, 2023 by Gozu

[Guest Worried]

Honestly I feel worried for OP because while there are some okay people here and there, this site is hardly a wholesome place and there are plenty of creeps willing to take advantage of OP's weak state of mind to manipulate and groom. 

 

If OP is reading this I'd advise you to tread extremely carefully.

 

To try to address OP's question a bit, perhaps part of the reason why you feel disgusted is that it was a hookup. For better or for worse, hookup culture is rampant in "the gay scene" (assuming one chooses to associate with it) and it's really not for everyone. Sadly it is not difficult to get pulled into and trapped in the vicious cycle of promiscuity that ultimately doesn't give true happiness. I would advise OP to not be rash and to go through a period of introspection (do it by yourself or with a trusted person eg. counselor, NOT some random dude who PMs you online) before anything. Don't complicate and mess up your life for short-lived moments of instant gratification.

[doncoin]

11 hours ago, Gozu said:

Good rational Doncoin. You ll be very helpful to the community if you work as a counsellor or perhaps you are already one. Hee hee

 

 

I am no counsellor. I just have more life experiences and the older I get, the less time I have for bovine feces. 

 

10 hours ago, Guest Worried said:

Honestly I feel worried for OP because while there are some okay people here and there, this site is hardly a wholesome place and there are plenty of creeps willing to take advantage of OP's weak state of mind to manipulate and groom. 

 

If OP is reading this I'd advise you to tread extremely carefully.

 

To try to address OP's question a bit, perhaps part of the reason why you feel disgusted is that it was a hookup. For better or for worse, hookup culture is rampant in "the gay scene" (assuming one chooses to associate with it) and it's really not for everyone. Sadly it is not difficult to get pulled into and trapped in the vicious cycle of promiscuity that ultimately doesn't give true happiness. I would advise OP to not be rash and to go through a period of introspection (do it by yourself or with a trusted person eg. counselor, NOT some random dude who PMs you online) before anything. Don't complicate and mess up your life for short-lived moments of instant gratification.

 

If you read the post, he was clear about being disgusted that due to the guy being “an ugly dude that made me feel disgusted.” Also, he stated that he enjoyed the pleasure received from the guy. So it is not so much about the hook up itself, but who he did it with. 

On 10/6/2023 at 7:33 AM, depresseddudethrowaway said:

because he was a dude or was it because he was an ugly dude which made me feel disgusted

 

[Guest Time Cruiser]

There's no way to feel guilty or disgusting. Your story reminds me of what I've been through before. At that time, my first dedication was to a man, although he was not very handsome. But the feeling he gives me doesn't disgust me, it makes me feel comfortable. At the same time, I had a female companion but I never had a relationship with her, and then I started communicating with a lot of men. All races, skin tones and even figures are not picky. I have heard people say that people are already destined for orientation at birth, and it is almost impossible to change them the day after tomorrow.

[benedict5856]

u are still gay. 

don't worry, this chubby dude will NOT be yr first sex encountered but many more others to come.

And then, u will feel its common , no big deal whoever suck u.

[yoyo74]

For me i fell disgusted with anal and oral sex as it goes through the shit hole and urine so i never even ever want to do anal sex or give people bj. I can never go past this mentally. I like guys mostly from the face i prefer and the upper lean fit body of a guy. Other than that i got zero attraction and if the body type is far from what i prefer i will also feel disgusted as well. This includes all the females as well. I will try to move as far away from females as possible in case of accidentally touching

[Guest Guest]

17 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

For me i fell disgusted with anal and oral sex as it goes through the shit hole and urine so i never even ever want to do anal sex or give people bj. I can never go past this mentally. I like guys mostly from the face i prefer and the upper lean fit body of a guy. Other than that i got zero attraction and if the body type is far from what i prefer i will also feel disgusted as well. This includes all the females as well. I will try to move as far away from females as possible in case of accidentally touching

 

I'm also one of the few gay guys who is not into oral or anal sex, for the same reason as yours.

 

I don't mind hanging out with a female who respects me and whom I can click with. But I won't feel any sexual desire for her.

She can play with my body in private if she wants, but I probably won't touch her, which might offend her.

[123ZZZ]

On 10/8/2023 at 1:13 AM, doncoin said:

@depresseddudethrowaway Are you feeling disgusted because you had sex with another man, or are you feeling disgusted because you had sex? 

 

What you are experiencing really is shame, which often manifests itself outwardly as disgust. Sometimes rage, anger, guilt, etc. You feel shame because you have been conditioned to believe that sex is a binary event/activity. Like you’ve said, 

 

 

Feeling “so dirty and unclean” is a learned behavior. There is nothing dirty nor unclean about sex, regardless of consummating the event with a girl or guy (or a chubby guy for that matter). Unfortunately, you have been told from young, hence conditioned, to look at the act of sex itself from a certain perspective. Now you have deviated from what you have been told and taught, you are feeling guilty and ashamed. 

 

Your sexual orientation is a separate issue to the sex act itself. You have to figure it out. However, to be able to find peace and contentment with yourself, you need to unlearn those beliefs about sex needing to be with a girl, the first time, and that acting on your physical urges is something shameful. 

 

Many societies and religions teach that sex is for the purpose of pro-creation. It is the building block for creating a family, leading to community, and society. Certain religious teaching emphasized that sex is exclusively a marital activity, but keep in mind that these religious texts were written when people marry a lot younger, and lived shorter. Deviations of sex for the purpose of pleasure is typically frowned upon and admonished. 

 

Talk to someone if the feelings of shame and guilt continue to manifest in your life. 19 years old is still a confusing time for some, but life will get better. 

If have sex because you are horny, some might feel guilty after the act.

But if have sex with someone you love and have feelings, you will actually feel happy and beam with light.

So if you have a partner then try to stick to one. However if you don’t have a partner then perhaps try to have a regular buddy.

But if you don’t have these above, just recognize that you have needs and must practice safe sex. Then move on and try to be happy.