How can I overcome my personal insecurities & self doubts for 1st time raw sex with fit bf?

[Run]

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

 

I admit most of it stems from my own insecurities about intimacy. My previous relationship (which was also my first) was with this toxic dude who gaslighted and shamed me for liking fitter guys, even though I told him I wasn’t expecting him to get ripped for me. But that didn’t stop him from calling me a ‘superficial fuck’ besides other horrible things he made me feel.

 

So coming into this relationship, I have this emotional baggage with me where I don’t dare touch my bf because I always fear that he’d think I’m only with him for his body (not true because he has a sleeper build so I only found out he even had abs just recently when he was changing clothes). & I also don’t feel at all deserving of ‘enjoying’ his body he worked so hard for when.. I’ve nothing notable to offer back physically.

 

But his bday is coming up soon & I was thinking of giving him a bonus ‘surprise’ at the end by finally getting intimate with him. I think even with these insecurities, I’d like to take that initiative since he’s told me that he respects my decision & is ready to wait.

 

But I’ve a few concerns of mine:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

3) Anything different I can expect from being intimate with a really fit muscular guy (I’d say he’s currently at his peak physique given that he’s in NDU. I’ve heard from friends that fitter guys tend to have more testosterones so generally have more stamina but I’m not so sure how I can keep up!

 

You may help to answer some or all of the questions I’m asking. Appreciate any response!

 

TLDR; twink is anxious abt 1st time raw sex with fit bf cause of previous baggage & wanna know how he could deal with it.

[doncoin]

We all have body insecurities. It is how we act upon our insecurities that make a difference in our behavior. Since your current bf has made no mention of your body, it is probably a sign that he accepts you physically as you are. The feelings of guilt and undeservedness are on you. It is unrealistic to expect you to change your thinking overnight. It will take time. Talk to your bf about it and make him part of your journey to reclaim self-confidence. 

 

If you are going to have unprotected sex, make sure you are on PreP. It is not only to protect yourself but also your partner. Just make sure you have plenty of lube. It is going to make a difference. Also have poppers on stand by if you need to relax more. 

 

Just relax and enjoy the pounding. Have some ice or an ice pack in the fridge. So that in-between breaks, you can ice your butthole. It will likely be sore and tender, so the ice pack will help. Or you can have your guy rim your ass to help ease the soreness. 

 

 

The most important thing for you is to talk to your bf. Share with him your concerns and let him assure you. 

[Cookieeee Monster]

Relax! You’re thinking and worrying too much. When the magic happens, everything is of no concern and just enjoy the moment with the love of your life. I am sure you will do well. Best wishes to you and your relationship! I am so envious of you! Have a blast! Cheers!

[Thatguy642]

I’m jealous! Minus the bottoming part, but your boyfriend loves you for you, and it just so happens he’s hot as hell, enjoy it and compliment him, but don’t forget to compliment his personality too.

[Guest Guest]

Why don't u  get experience from been bottom at the sauna first  before u let yr bf top u.First love is the deepest.If yr performance is poor yr bf might consider changing partners.

[Thatguy642]

7 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Why don't u  get experience from been bottom at the sauna first  before u let yr bf top u.First love is the deepest.If yr performance is poor yr bf might consider changing partners.

That’s a terrible idea, if his boyfriend knows it’s his first time I’m sure he’ll be understanding.

[GachiMuchi]

3 hours ago, Run said:

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

 

I admit most of it stems from my own insecurities about intimacy. My previous relationship (which was also my first) was with this toxic dude who gaslighted and shamed me for liking fitter guys, even though I told him I wasn’t expecting him to get ripped for me. But that didn’t stop him from calling me a ‘superficial fuck’ besides other horrible things he made me feel.

 

So coming into this relationship, I have this emotional baggage with me where I don’t dare touch my bf because I always fear that he’d think I’m only with him for his body (not true because he has a sleeper build so I only found out he even had abs just recently when he was changing clothes). & I also don’t feel at all deserving of ‘enjoying’ his body he worked so hard for when.. I’ve nothing notable to offer back physically.

 

But his bday is coming up soon & I was thinking of giving him a bonus ‘surprise’ at the end by finally getting intimate with him. I think even with these insecurities, I’d like to take that initiative since he’s told me that he respects my decision & is ready to wait.

 

But I’ve a few concerns of mine:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

3) Anything different I can expect from being intimate with a really fit muscular guy (I’d say he’s currently at his peak physique given that he’s in NDU. I’ve heard from friends that fitter guys tend to have more testosterones so generally have more stamina but I’m not so sure how I can keep up!

 

You may help to answer some or all of the questions I’m asking. Appreciate any response!

 

TLDR; twink is anxious abt 1st time raw sex with fit bf cause of previous baggage & wanna know how he could deal with it.

 

Somehow, your last relationship affected your self-worth on intimacy, but that was the past and it seems your current bf saw your inner beauty. Count yourself lucky that your current bf saw something your ex didn't. You are still young, and I am sure if you put effort, you can also be able to train yourself to have a body to die for. 

 

I am sure your bf would be frustrated that he has a body to die for and yet you act like you are not keen on his nice muscular bod, someone should slap your face. You are a lucky bitch and yet you don't or pretend not to lust for his body. I think those reading this would want to slap you too.

 

Hello, virgin boy, is your current bf an experienced top or blur sotong like you? If both of you are blur sotong on sex or how to fuck, go read the many postings shared by many tops and bottoms in BW forum.

 

If your bf is an experience top, what you need to do is just to learn how to douche your ass and prepare your virgin backside for entry and long drilling.

 

For NDU, they go through tough training, and I am sure, their balls are all full and aching to unload. 

 

I personally don't recommend that you allow anyone to fuck you raw when you don't even know his past. You both should go get tested and check if you are free of diseases. Even so, that does not mean that you throw caution to the air and allow your bf to fuck you without protection. If he is an experience top and are sexually active, the more you should learn to protect yourself.  Don't cry foul if you contract some disease from your partner if you trust him blindly, because sexually active guys can also lie through their teeth to innocent virgin bottom boy who knows nothing better.  

 

Just closed your eyes, relax and enjoy the fun. Let your partner take charge, he would know what to do.  Just tell him to take is slow because it's a virgin hole and cannot anyhow poke without long foreplay and lube.  

 

Don't think too much and just relax and enjoy the pain.

 

[Guest Safety]

Make sure you are on prep when u do bareback INCLUDING WITH UR BF.

I grew up reading news and learning all those HIV positive cases are from bareback sex with their BF.

 

Those were the days before prep exists.

Prep exists now, it prevents HIV, it provides peace of mind to have bareback sex.

 

So take it. Use it. Abuse it.

[yhtang]

Go for it!  There is a first time for everyone.

 

Communication is the key.  You need to let him know you are a virgin, and you need to know if he is experienced. 

 

Relax, and enjoy.  Expect some discomfort or maybe even some pain since it is your first time.  That is to be expected.  But most of all, you need to overcome your self image.  

Best of luck and I wish you the best. 

 

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, Run said:

 

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

-------

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

 

I have a different perspective than most of the other posters... and other gays, ha ha.

 

Why should a gay have to be attracted mostly to ripped, muscular bodies?  Why would such bodies be "superior" to a slim but strong twink body?    I consider most Asian first class athletes slim with twink appearance,  and I cannot imagine something more attractive.  So it is possible that your muscular friend is as much attracted to you as you are to him, and so in "body value" you two are at par.

 

Why must homosexual men place fucking, anal sex, on a pedestal?   Are other forms of sex not equally satisfying?  Why isn't the PAIN in anal sex something negative that discourages it?  Straight sex fucking is NOT painful,  and it seems that Nature has not intended for sex to be painful.

 

If the experience of being fucked is indeed so great...  so what?  If you don't do it,  you won't miss it.  Doing heavy drugs must also be great, a source of exquisite pleasure,  but most of us would never do heroin or cocaine even if we hear that they give much pleasure.  I never had this pleasure...  thank god! 

 

What is so "special" in raw anal sex?  Countless middle-aged gays have had anal sex thousands of times, and many of them raw.   One day YOU will be a middle-aged gay and hopefully you will never have missed anal sex, raw or not.  Instead, you may end up free of HIV.

[HC-B]

Take it slow and easy, why rush?

 

If you’ve never even bottomed or tried anal sex, it’s really best for your own health (and peace of mind) to try fingering yourself and then use a dildo or eggplant to loosen your hole/ yourself. Lube loads.

 

Then, when you’re comfortable and confident, you try anal with condoms and lots of lube.

 

Then, if you know you want/ need it raw, before you even do it, for crying out loud, go get tested and get a prescription and load up on PrEP in your body for at least 1 month before you even drop your pants and open your legs!

 

It’s not worth it pleasing someone else just because of appeasement or pleasure or partner goals, and you wind up with something else more worrisome than you bargain for.

Edited January 1 by HC-B

[Guest Srsly?]

14 hours ago, Run said:

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

 

I admit most of it stems from my own insecurities about intimacy. My previous relationship (which was also my first) was with this toxic dude who gaslighted and shamed me for liking fitter guys, even though I told him I wasn’t expecting him to get ripped for me. But that didn’t stop him from calling me a ‘superficial fuck’ besides other horrible things he made me feel.

 

So coming into this relationship, I have this emotional baggage with me where I don’t dare touch my bf because I always fear that he’d think I’m only with him for his body (not true because he has a sleeper build so I only found out he even had abs just recently when he was changing clothes). & I also don’t feel at all deserving of ‘enjoying’ his body he worked so hard for when.. I’ve nothing notable to offer back physically.

 

But his bday is coming up soon & I was thinking of giving him a bonus ‘surprise’ at the end by finally getting intimate with him. I think even with these insecurities, I’d like to take that initiative since he’s told me that he respects my decision & is ready to wait.

 

But I’ve a few concerns of mine:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

3) Anything different I can expect from being intimate with a really fit muscular guy (I’d say he’s currently at his peak physique given that he’s in NDU. I’ve heard from friends that fitter guys tend to have more testosterones so generally have more stamina but I’m not so sure how I can keep up!

 

You may help to answer some or all of the questions I’m asking. Appreciate any response!

 

TLDR; twink is anxious abt 1st time raw sex with fit bf cause of previous baggage & wanna know how he could deal with it.

The raw thing is an utterly terrible idea - like why?! As a ‘special treat’? What an utterly stupid mindset. Oh and getting tested together confirms nothing unless you are absolutely 100% sure you have been his only sexual partner for the last three months.

 

get educated - grow up and protect yourself

[singalion]

15 hours ago, Run said:

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

 

I admit most of it stems from my own insecurities about intimacy. My previous relationship (which was also my first) was with this toxic dude who gaslighted and shamed me for liking fitter guys, even though I told him I wasn’t expecting him to get ripped for me. But that didn’t stop him from calling me a ‘superficial fuck’ besides other horrible things he made me feel.

 

So coming into this relationship, I have this emotional baggage with me where I don’t dare touch my bf because I always fear that he’d think I’m only with him for his body (not true because he has a sleeper build so I only found out he even had abs just recently when he was changing clothes). & I also don’t feel at all deserving of ‘enjoying’ his body he worked so hard for when.. I’ve nothing notable to offer back physically.

 

But his bday is coming up soon & I was thinking of giving him a bonus ‘surprise’ at the end by finally getting intimate with him. I think even with these insecurities, I’d like to take that initiative since he’s told me that he respects my decision & is ready to wait.

 

But I’ve a few concerns of mine:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

3) Anything different I can expect from being intimate with a really fit muscular guy (I’d say he’s currently at his peak physique given that he’s in NDU. I’ve heard from friends that fitter guys tend to have more testosterones so generally have more stamina but I’m not so sure how I can keep up!

 

You may help to answer some or all of the questions I’m asking. Appreciate any response!

 

TLDR; twink is anxious abt 1st time raw sex with fit bf cause of previous baggage & wanna know how he could deal with it.

 

My main advice to you would be to take it slow, don't rush anything, and no need to have anal on first sex, just go step by step. Start with lots of romance and kissing at first sex and see where it ends. I assume your boy will be fine and understanding if it won't end with anal sex. 

 

My other point is: You're lucky your boy is this patient... but don't stretch it too far, he might get bored or will stray around if the time span is too long, as sex is a crucial part of young relationships. 

 

Finally, don't stress too much and also don't overly focus on shape and looks. The physical appearance is surely not the major point that keeps relationships going... please gain more self confidence on your own self. You're not less worth as a human because of a slight belly or for not having a muscular gym bod. 

 

Your boy's physique may change also after 1 year, I've plenty of friends in relationships that put on (sometimes) too much weight... 

 

For the sex part, try to be as natural as you can but hopefully also engaging, as said indulge into romance play instead of pure mechanical sex...

 

Wish you all the best. 

 

 

 

[Guest Guest]

To TS, I have two advice for you.

 

First and foremost, whenever you see any advice from these two folks below, blindfold yourself and move on without reading them. 

 

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I have a different perspective than most of the other posters... and other gays, ha ha.

 

Why should a gay have to be attracted mostly to ripped, muscular bodies?  Why would such bodies be "superior" to a slim but strong twink body?    I consider most Asian first class athletes slim with twink appearance,  and I cannot imagine something more attractive.  So it is possible that your muscular friend is as much attracted to you as you are to him, and so in "body value" you two are at par.

 

Why must homosexual men place fucking, anal sex, on a pedestal?   Are other forms of sex not equally satisfying?  Why isn't the PAIN in anal sex something negative that discourages it?  Straight sex fucking is NOT painful,  and it seems that Nature has not intended for sex to be painful.

 

If the experience of being fucked is indeed so great...  so what?  If you don't do it,  you won't miss it.  Doing heavy drugs must also be great, a source of exquisite pleasure,  but most of us would never do heroin or cocaine even if we hear that they give much pleasure.  I never had this pleasure...  thank god! 

 

What is so "special" in raw anal sex?  Countless middle-aged gays have had anal sex thousands of times, and many of them raw.   One day YOU will be a middle-aged gay and hopefully you will never have missed anal sex, raw or not.  Instead, you may end up free of HIV.

 

5 hours ago, singalion said:

 

My main advice to you would be to take it slow, don't rush anything, and no need to have anal on first sex, just go step by step. Start with lots of romance and kissing at first sex and see where it ends. I assume your boy will be fine and understanding if it won't end with anal sex. 

 

My other point is: You're lucky your boy is this patient... but don't stretch it too far, he might get bored or will stray around if the time span is too long, as sex is a crucial part of young relationships. 

 

Finally, don't stress too much and also don't overly focus on shape and looks. The physical appearance is surely not the major point that keeps relationships going... please gain more self confidence on your own self. You're not less worth as a human because of a slight belly or for not having a muscular gym bod. 

 

Your boy's physique may change also after 1 year, I've plenty of friends in relationships that put on (sometimes) too much weight... 

 

For the sex part, try to be as natural as you can but hopefully also engaging, as said indulge into romance play instead of pure mechanical sex...

 

Wish you all the best. 

 

 

 

 

My next advice is this: Why on earth are you jumping into anal sex so quickly, and raw sex some more? Is there some kind of a timeline you need to meet? Like you need to lose your virginity by a certain age or whatever? It's almost like a boy-meet-girl wham-bang first meeting and found out that they have a baby three months after they first meet. Why can't you start off with the usual kissing, and then masturbation, and then oral sex etc before you even get into anal sex? Why the rush? Are you in some kind of a circuit party where you must go sleep with a guy soon else you might never get the chance again?    

[AgentFit]

On 1/1/2024 at 12:26 AM, Run said:

I’m a twink. A few months back, I’d never have imagined that I’d be dating a really cute muscular boy who’s into me too. Plot twist? It’s been abt 3 mths into our relationship & we haven’t gotten physically intimate.

 

I admit most of it stems from my own insecurities about intimacy. My previous relationship (which was also my first) was with this toxic dude who gaslighted and shamed me for liking fitter guys, even though I told him I wasn’t expecting him to get ripped for me. But that didn’t stop him from calling me a ‘superficial fuck’ besides other horrible things he made me feel.

 

So coming into this relationship, I have this emotional baggage with me where I don’t dare touch my bf because I always fear that he’d think I’m only with him for his body (not true because he has a sleeper build so I only found out he even had abs just recently when he was changing clothes). & I also don’t feel at all deserving of ‘enjoying’ his body he worked so hard for when.. I’ve nothing notable to offer back physically.

 

But his bday is coming up soon & I was thinking of giving him a bonus ‘surprise’ at the end by finally getting intimate with him. I think even with these insecurities, I’d like to take that initiative since he’s told me that he respects my decision & is ready to wait.

 

But I’ve a few concerns of mine:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

3) Anything different I can expect from being intimate with a really fit muscular guy (I’d say he’s currently at his peak physique given that he’s in NDU. I’ve heard from friends that fitter guys tend to have more testosterones so generally have more stamina but I’m not so sure how I can keep up!

 

You may help to answer some or all of the questions I’m asking. Appreciate any response!

 

TLDR; twink is anxious abt 1st time raw sex with fit bf cause of previous baggage & wanna know how he could deal with it.

 

Your insecurities are understandable.   We all have some form of insecurities, or something we like less about ourselves.  You might think he's got the "perfect" body but he might think you have the personality that suits him most.  There's surely something he likes about you more than you realise.  Love yourself more and do things to improve your self esteem so you can be more confident.  A relationship on unequal footing can sometimes give rise to issues.

 

It's good that you have thought about the birthday, and want to make preparations.  Sometimes the joy is in the anticipation as well as the actual event!

 

However, why not relax a little, and don't over plan or burden yourself with too many details.  Enjoy the sweetness of the relationship and the intimacy.  Hold off raw activities at this point until you know him much better and can make a more informed decision.  Holding off raw intimacy also gives you peace of mind and avoid over planning.   

 

Finally, wishing you an equally enjoyable time planning and spending the birthday with him.

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[PlayersGroup]

On 1/1/2024 at 12:26 AM, Run said:

 

1) With what I’ve mentioned about my insecurities, is there anything I can do or change my way of thinking to finally be comfortable with the idea of touching him without that guilt & feelings of undeserved-ness?

 

2) It’s gonna be my 1st time trying anal as a btm (didn’t do it with ex because he had performance issues). & I want to make it extra special by initiating to try raw (I’ve thought to bring him to test together for peace of mind). As a 1st time btm abt to try raw, anything I can expect or prepare so that the experience won’t be so awkward or painful?

 

Hmm I have questions for you. Hopefully your answers will guide in ur mindset.

 

1. How secure do you need to feel before you have sex? 10%?, 20%, 90%, 100%. How are u going to improve that sense of security? If you don't have a clear idea how u know or measure u r secure, it's just not very useful thinking. You'll do better to either just don't do it, or just do it.

 

2. Have u discussed raw with him? Does he like this kind of "bonus surprise"? I for one don't like "bonus surprise" unsafe sex. As a general rule, everyone has a risk appetite and some returns are negligible and just not worth the risks and repercussions. Think it through, talk it through.

 

Oh well if you really want anal and practical advice. Please for all the goodness in the world:

 

1. find out how to wash ur hole properly

2. avoid spicy food (or anything that contribute to interesting bowel movements) for at least a day before

3. Get him to wear a fitting condom

4. Be generous with lube and last but not least

5. Dont use a banana flavored condom (the flavour and aroma can be very different if you did not follow points 1 to 4 above properly 🙃）

 

Edited January 2 by PlayersGroup

[auscent]

You have our support bro!