I decided attending wakes and funerals are no longer for me.

[FattChoy]

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

[Guest Guess]

... But you will attends wakes of those successful in life?

[FattChoy]

6 minutes ago, Guest Guess said:

... But you will attends wakes of those successful in life?

I haven't decided yet.  I'm leaning on a no.   The bereavement industry can sell their souped up services to another sucker who's relatives are willing to chip in the 'pek kim'

Edited March 4 by FattChoy

[Guest Guess]

3 minutes ago, FattChoy said:

I haven't decided yet.  I'm leaning on a no.  

Yup, saves people their white gold

[Guest Guest]

Sometimes going to wake is to help support those grieving, may not necessarily be for the deceased. 

[funky beaver]

It is true that attending wake is to support those that is grieving, but yet again, is a wake necessary? 

 

For me, if I die one day, just burn my body and dump the ash in the sea. Save up on a space to bury the ash and for yearly Ching Ming visits.

[yhtang]

2 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Sometimes going to wake is to help support those grieving, may not necessarily be for the deceased. 

I view going to wakes as a means of giving support to those grieving.  To a smaller part, it is to pay respects to the dead - but this is based on the assumption that the spirit of the dead exists, is around, and is aware of what's going on.

 

I may attend the wake of my enemies, just to rejoice on their death.  (Partly joking)

 

If the loved one of a friend had passed away, I would attend the wake to give support to the friend. 

 

If someone I like had passed away, but his children do not know who I am, I would probably go just to pay my respects to him, and for closure as well.  However, I may not go if it hurts my feeling too much.

 

As they say, grief is the price we pay for love. 

 

[mate69]

2 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Sometimes going to wake is to help support those grieving, may not necessarily be for the deceased. 

 

This ^

[Guest Wow]

3 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

wow, now you are bitter about funerals AND the weddings.

 

it’s starting to look like your problems might be you problems… 

[Guest Guess]

@FattChoy

 

You will have to forgive your aunt for being bitter about her OWN life. POVERTY AND HUNGER IS TERRIBLE.

 

She wasn't nasty to you right? Neither were your uncles. 

 

Perhaps attending their wakes could have given you closure?

[Anon_cock]

I don't even attend my own's dad funeral. Should I attend my relatives funeral?

Plus they are all at the age of dying one by one. It's very depressing and scary.

[cutejack]

I don't attend anyone's funeral since many many years ago. Reason being the person I knew no longer alive and the grieving relatives don't know me ,so why should I go? 

When my late mum passed away, I told my frens not to come for the wake. In fact they came voluntarily to support me emotionally n I'm ok about it. But no forcing or whatsoever. 

To me ,simple,as long i don't harm or hurt anyone when they are alive n the deceased had a good life when they are alive, I'm happy about it. Attending and holding a grand funeral is ..... waste of...

To each of its own...

[Guest Arthritis]

5 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

There's no direct link between getting your hands and feet wet frequently and developing arthritis later in life. Arthritis is a complex condition with various causes, including genetics, age, joint injuries, and immune system dysfunction. However, keeping your hands and feet dry can help prevent other issues like fungal infections or skin irritation.

Source: chatgpt

 

I have a colleague told me the same things. I was wondering those swimmer always train in water, some from young, will they get arthritis when old?

 

[Guest Guest]

I stop attending wedding as well when people invited me.

[Guest Guess]

That's why it's good to be anti social. You will save a lot of money and heartache on such events.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest Arthritis said:

There's no direct link between getting your hands and feet wet frequently and developing arthritis later in life. Arthritis is a complex condition with various causes, including genetics, age, joint injuries, and immune system dysfunction. However, keeping your hands and feet dry can help prevent other issues like fungal infections or skin irritation.

Source: chatgpt

 

I have a colleague told me the same things. I was wondering those swimmer always train in water, some from young, will they get arthritis when old?

 

 

You are absolutely right.  Arthritis can be caused by calcium deposits on the articulations, which then get inflammation.  If then they stop being used because of some pain, they get worse.  The best remedy is to keep using the articulations through the pain, exercising the muscles that drive them,  and the arthritis pain will subside.  One can also reduce the chances of arthritis by taking these vitamins K2 + D3 to reduce the chance of calcium deposit, by ingesting anti-inflammatory food and supplements, and by NOT taking calcium supplements.

 

About wakes and funerals,  we should do what is best for the survivors.  To pay our respect for the deceased won't help the dead, but may help the family.

[T Gunner]

Perhaps funeral is to allow your friends and closed one (not possible to have none in life) to pay their last respect… the dead may not know anyway… but for the living, it is like a proper closure for the deceased. 
 

Though there are people who dislike funerals and think is meaningless… but for family whom loved one died without a body… (e.g plane crashed, missing etc) believe how they wish to have a proper funeral… else there is no closure in their life.

 

Perhaps some are fortunate enough not to have closed one who passed on, but when the time comes.. you probably will know the importance of funerals.. 

[egal]

is it not just to pay respect to the deceased and the relatives

[Guest Guess]

14 hours ago, Guest Wow said:

wow, now you are bitter about funerals AND the weddings.

 

it’s starting to look like your problems might be you problems… 

Yes, the TS art articulated rather flimsy reasons for not attending.

 

Eg, he deems his relative a loser so not go to the wake.😱👎

 

[Guest Guest]

17 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

 

I don't even know what to say to this...

 

TS feels so negative about a person who "led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage".

 

So will it be right if I wish TS a very happy life living in poverty and hunger without the need to hustle from childhood to retirement, and he won't be spending his 70s bedridden cos he will be dead before that happens and without anyone ever loving him, and from some accidents? Best that he die alone at home without anyone knowing, and his body is found only because NEA needs to break down his door, not to investigate foul smell from his dead body, but to check for potential dengue mosquitos infestations 20 years after his death.  This way, no funeral, no nothing.

 

Let's put it this way: Imagine your benefactor and your good friend passing away. A funeral is the last time ever that you can ever say goodbye and send good wishes to the deceased. If you want to miss it, go ahead and do so. Just don't come here to complain to others and instigate others not to go. It's ironical to see good friends who turn up for parties, lunches and dinners together when they are alive, and yet do not even bother to send a deceased friend off at the last stage. These people are only in any friendship or relationship for transactional purposes, and dead people in coffins are of no more use to them. These people must be having a very bitter life.

[Guest Guess]

Exactly. Lots of people are with you because you are successful.

 

No way I'll lose any sleep if these good time friends aren't around. 

 

In fact, life is better without them.

[Atwork]

22 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

Wakes are for the livings to see and gossip about every other relatives.. 

[Atwork]

And wakes are also for catching up with friends, siblings, extended family, based on my experience. 

[singalion]

22 hours ago, funky beaver said:

It is true that attending wake is to support those that is grieving, but yet again, is a wake necessary? 

 

For me, if I die one day, just burn my body and dump the ash in the sea. Save up on a space to bury the ash and for yearly Ching Ming visits.

 

Attending a wake is a sort of first remembrance of the person who died also.

The funeral celebration is meant to console the loss.

 

At funerals people talk about the achievements of the person who deceased.

 

 

[singalion]

23 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

 

I don't think it is just a Chinese tradition to pay last respect for funerals and the tent that is put up at the HDB/ private house.

 

Your mindset on seeing people by differentiating them on who failed in life and who succeeded seems very subjective. It might also be petty.

Where can you draw the line? The uncle who went bust with his food shop 3 times in a row? The aunt that spend her whole life on luxury that she couldn't afford but was that happy lady all here life but every time you visited her, loan sharks and court notices had been plastered on her door? 

 

Some people have the nature to sacrifice their life for certain things. While we do not appreciate their life style but still, they might have contributed to making a husband or their kids succeed in life. Your aunt might become bitter because she saw how people around her lived happier lives compared to hers. People who tend to be jealous on others often start being toxic and bitter. (you don't even need to look very far and find this trait very often also here at BW.)

 

Funerals and wakes are not easy moments for anyone, if you are close or not to the person, doesn't even matter.

 

But I think you may review your approach on this.

 

We humans are not perfect.

 

At least your aunt taught other people and her relatives to focus on more relevant things in life and not taking her as a role model.

=> There was something to take away from her attitude and mindset.

 

 

 

 

Edited March 5 by singalion

[Guest Guess]

Wakes and weddings are where you have an opportunity to see the true colors of your relatives

Eg squabble over money 🤑

 Who should get what etc

 

 

[FattChoy]

6 hours ago, singalion said:

 

I'm not interested in your opinion.  Tq

[FattChoy]

21 hours ago, T Gunner said:

Perhaps funeral is to allow your friends and closed one (not possible to have none in life) to pay their last respect… the dead may not know anyway… but for the living, it is like a proper closure for the deceased. 
 

Though there are people who dislike funerals and think is meaningless… but for family whom loved one died without a body… (e.g plane crashed, missing etc) believe how they wish to have a proper funeral… else there is no closure in their life.

 

Perhaps some are fortunate enough not to have closed one who passed on, but when the time comes.. you probably will know the importance of funerals.. 

Tq for your post.  Just like to reply the points you made. 

 

>Perhaps funeral is to allow your friends and closed one (not possible to have none in life) to pay their last respect… the dead may not know anyway… but for the living, it is like a proper closure for the deceased. 

 

- The key word here is respect.  What if I don't feel any respect for the deceased, just derision and contempt?  Then it's best I don't go. 

 

> Though there are people who dislike funerals and think is meaningless… but for family whom loved one died without a body… (e.g plane crashed, missing etc) believe how they wish to have a proper funeral… else there is no closure in their life.

 

- I don't have ppl who died without bodies.  So I don't understand why I should adopt someone else's trauma to shape how I feel about funerals and wakes. 

 

>Perhaps some are fortunate enough not to have closed one who passed on, but when the time comes.. you probably will know the importance of funerals.. 

 

- I'm sure that's true for other people.  For me I don't feel anything.  I don't attach or derive any values from attending one.  As of right now, if I need one for my immediate family or myself, I'd like the super express option.  Just shut the pine box and let the living go back to living. 

 

 

[FattChoy]

23 hours ago, Guest Arthritis said:

There's no direct link between getting your hands and feet wet frequently and developing arthritis later in life. Arthritis is a complex condition with various causes, including genetics, age, joint injuries, and immune system dysfunction. However, keeping your hands and feet dry can help prevent other issues like fungal infections or skin irritation.

Source: chatgpt

 

I have a colleague told me the same things. I was wondering those swimmer always train in water, some from young, will they get arthritis when old?

 

 

I would like to make a correction.  I should have used the term rheumatism rather than arthritis.  My apologies 

[singalion]

2 hours ago, FattChoy said:

I'm not interested in your opinion.  Tq

 

But you get it anyway, because this is an open forum.

 

Don't come to open forums if you dislike getting responses from Members on the topics you raise.

 

I m getting more and more an idea who might be someone disguising here...

 

 

[Guest Whywhy]

10 hours ago, Atwork said:

And wakes are also for catching up with friends, siblings, extended family, based on my experience. 

 

Yes, when you reach mid 30s, you start to attend more wakes than weddings. It's the only time most people will try to make it.

 

I only attend weddings of my close friends whom I knew for at least a decade for a simple reason. I will never take back the red packet money I gave them. 

 

[Guest Peterpan]

On 3/4/2024 at 2:16 PM, FattChoy said:

I had 2 uncles who died during peak Covid.  I wasn't close to them so I didn't attend their whatever.  A few days ago my aunt died.  Whenever I think of her, all that pops up are just her bitter life and her amazingly clean floors in her house. She was rarely seen without a mop in hand.  

 

She led a very toxic life where fear of poverty and hunger meant she hustled from childhood to retirement.  She spent her 70s bedridden cos her body broke down due to abuse from constant work.  My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage. 

 

Recollecting my memories of her, I reject her life values, her sense of priorities and the stories of trauma that she passes down to the younger generation.  

 

As a Chinese I no longer want to carry on this traditional of paying last respects to people who have failed in their lives.  In fact I have made it a point not to attend these at all.  I think these ceremonies are bullshit anyway, and unnecessary spending of money.

 

 

 

Oh well what goes around comes around. Same thing will happen to you too. Btw you also sounded quite bitter lol.

[Guest Guess]

18 hours ago, FattChoy said:

 

 

- The key word here is respect.  What if I don't feel any respect for the deceased, just derision and contempt?  Then it's best I don't go. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While I don't agree with you on not attending the wake of your aunt, I can empathize  with you that it is indeed awful to listen to a woman complaining constantly.

 

I knew of this skinny wretch office auntie in the school, always complaining life is unfair. I hoped she'd die soon so as to end her miserable existence.

 

There are also a lot of ill mannered elderlies whom I don't know.  But can't wait to spit on their graves.

[Guest Unncessary Correction]

21 hours ago, FattChoy said:

 

I would like to make a correction.  I should have used the term rheumatism rather than arthritis.  My apologies 

Either way, those ailments are quite unpleasant. It may be the result of carrying heavy objects on the job, being overweight, squatting excessively, or an old injury that never goes away and all of which will catch up with you as you get older.    Almost all of elderly Singaporeans require some kind of assistance to get around when their legs fail them.   I wouldn't want to use the phrase "they ask for it" so blatantly here. 

[durianking]

On 3/4/2024 at 2:45 PM, Guest Guest said:

Sometimes going to wake is to help support those grieving, may not necessarily be for the deceased. 

this is so true

[Guest True?]

On 3/5/2024 at 12:40 PM, Atwork said:

Wakes are for the livings to see and gossip about every other relatives.. 

 

On 3/5/2024 at 3:20 PM, Guest Guess said:

Wakes and weddings are where you have an opportunity to see the true colors of your relatives

Eg squabble over money 🤑

 Who should get what etc

 

 

 

On 3/5/2024 at 12:42 PM, Atwork said:

And wakes are also for catching up with friends, siblings, extended family, based on my experience. 

The above is so true. 

 

On 3/5/2024 at 1:19 PM, singalion said:

 

Attending a wake is a sort of first remembrance of the person who died also.

At funerals people talk about the achievements of the person who deceased.

 

 

Probably in the western world, or unless you are VIP in Singapore.   The older you gets, the less likely you wanted to remember someone who is no longer around.

[Anon_cock]

Does anyone know how to get a will in Singapore? How does that work? Like clear instruction that there should be no funeral when I die.

How does one enforce such a will? Don't want to let funeral company earn from my death. Also want people to just forget that I exists.

Don't need to waste time and energy on pointless ceremony.

 

[AP1987]

Ok.. I am that cb that earn from dead man. Yes. I am a funeral director. Wanted to be one when I lost my god ma at 5 years old. At that age, I do not know what is happening, I was often bought to one side by adult then bought back to kneel and pray. But the uncle that does most of my family members' funeral provide lots of comfort for my family.

 

So let me be very honest. A funeral is not for the dead, but for the living. Giving the livings with time to cope. Many of us when we are alive we often say don't want funeral wake. Don't want this don't want that. But in my experience, many in the end get left right up down by their family friends and relatives. 

 

I always tell my client. I will execute based on their wish and budget. No matter its the wish of the dead, or the affordability of the living. If anybody come to you and say you need to provide this, provide that.. call me. I will come in 1 hour to talk on your behalf. 

 

Funeral wakes or not. We need people to accept the demise of this person and not learning their demise months or years later.

 

Can you do a proper send off with lower cost? Of course you can. We don't necessarily earn money from all cases. 

[FattChoy]

1 hour ago, AP1987 said:

Ok.. I am that cb that earn from dead man. Yes. I am a funeral director. Wanted to be one when I lost my god ma at 5 years old. At that age, I do not know what is happening, I was often bought to one side by adult then bought back to kneel and pray. But the uncle that does most of my family members' funeral provide lots of comfort for my family.

 

So let me be very honest. A funeral is not for the dead, but for the living. Giving the livings with time to cope. Many of us when we are alive we often say don't want funeral wake. Don't want this don't want that. But in my experience, many in the end get left right up down by their family friends and relatives. 

 

I always tell my client. I will execute based on their wish and budget. No matter its the wish of the dead, or the affordability of the living. If anybody come to you and say you need to provide this, provide that.. call me. I will come in 1 hour to talk on your behalf. 

 

Funeral wakes or not. We need people to accept the demise of this person and not learning their demise months or years later.

 

Can you do a proper send off with lower cost? Of course you can. We don't necessarily earn money from all cases. 

 

Thanks for sharing.  I don't hate the players, just hate the game.  Less is more.  Peace. 

[Steve5380]

On 3/5/2024 at 5:50 AM, FattChoy said:

I'm not interested in your opinion.  Tq

 

If you were smart, you would be interested in anyone's and everyone's opinion, since we are free to agree or disagree with any opinion.

[QinWei]

I dont attend too for decades…..Anywy, now there are paper coffins too…. 

10 hours ago, AP1987 said:

Can you do a proper send off with lower cost? Of course you can. We don't necessarily earn money from all cases. 

 

 

[fenghou]

https://mothership.sg/2024/02/cancer-patient-hosts-living-funeral/

 

I think quite a few people can benefit from what Michelle Ng did.

 

Are funerals unnecessarily ceremonious and a waste of time? Perhaps.

But to dismiss funerals entirely without context would imply indirectly that life has no value.

 

I probably will not have a funeral when I do die. But I think it is hazardous to over-generalize and say it is so for everyone.

[QinWei]

13 minutes ago, fenghou said:

Are funerals unnecessarily ceremonious and a waste of time? Perhaps.

But to dismiss funerals entirely without context would imply indirectly that life has no value.

 

I probably will not have a funeral when I do die. But I think it is hazardous to over-generalize and say it is so for everyone.

Totally not sustainable!! Me too, immed cremate and then go to the soil!!

No need to waste on resources to get an urn or container or a slot to keep it for 0value

 

those who need to say last words shd say it before the man moves on to another world, not when after he is gone!

 

[Guest No funeral for me]

If your friends and family truly cared about you. They would have celebrated your life with you while you're alive. Not missing a single day. 

 

Not wait until you finally die, and have to go to your funeral. To show respect. It's all for show. Just like wedding is for show. And a business. 

 

Its all about the money. Since we are all heading to technology etc. Why not just livestream funeral. Free

[Guest Guest]

44 minutes ago, Guest No funeral for me said:

If your friends and family truly cared about you. They would have celebrated your life with you while you're alive. Not missing a single day. 

 

Not wait until you finally die, and have to go to your funeral. To show respect. It's all for show. Just like wedding is for show. And a business. 

 

Its all about the money. Since we are all heading to technology etc. Why not just livestream funeral. Free

 

You do know that people have their own lives and they cannot possibly "celebrate your life with you while you're alive", whether they truly cared about you or not, right?

 

 

1 hour ago, QinWei said:

Totally not sustainable!! Me too, immed cremate and then go to the soil!!

No need to waste on resources to get an urn or container or a slot to keep it for 0value

 

those who need to say last words shd say it before the man moves on to another world, not when after he is gone!

 

 

"Go to the soil" as in burial? That's also wasting one slot, isn't it? But you can also opt for sea burial, Sea Burial (Ash Scattering at Sea) in Singapore - TLC (thelifecelebrant.sg) which raises the potential of a Singapore version of the Indian's Ganges River in our seas.  

 

As for your "those who need to say last words shd say it before the man moves on to another world, not when after he is gone!", I wonder how morbid you will feel when everyone tell you everyday when you are alive that "I hope you do better in your next life", "So, you are finally meeting your Maker soon, huh?", "say 'Hello' to your deceased grandmother for me, OK?", or something like "I've always wished that you are dead." 

 

Please get real. Death is a certainty in Singapore. It is one thing to be against or dislike people making obscene money out from someone's death. But to use that as an external excuse to disrespect the deceased or tell others not to go through the "wayang" show, makes you even more abhorrent than those who are trying to make money out from dead people. 

 

Karma is real, and you will be judged by your both your actions and your intentions.

 

Just because someone is making money out of the funeral proceedings, does not necessarily make him an evil person. And similarly, someone who claims that he is not going to a funeral using some moral-high-horse excuse that he is against the idea of anyone profiteering from funeral proceedings, does not make him a good man. 

 

 

[radiusulnar]

it is a season in our lives - attending birthdays, weddings, divorces, funerals

[Guest Guest]

8 hours ago, QinWei said:

 

those who need to say last words shd say it before the man moves on to another world, not when after he is gone!

 

 

do you go to wake/funeral to talk to the deceased???? you really are doing that?

 

pls lah, to play god is easy.  but how does an ordinary person exactly knows the end time of another person?  you talk to your parents your last words every day???

[Guest white gold]

This thread truly shows the true color of a person.  For those who treasure a life (another human being) will honor the deceased.  For those who are bitter will take the death of another person to be their blessings.  But, who are we to judge???

 

While it is true that wake/funeral has become a status symbol, it has nothing to do with the deceased.  It is the doing of those alive.  Why drag the deceased and worst to criticize his/her lifestyle?  If need to say something bad, then tell to the surviving family off.  If die die scare to show your bitter negative side and not to voice your bad side to the surviving family, then just shut up.

 

If cannot shut up, share here how good you are.

 

Whether to attend or not is a personal choice.  I will attend not to support the deceased.  The deceased has already been taken care off.  The deceased already rest in peace, so to speak.

 

I attend because I care enough for those whom have just lost their loved one - be it their loved one had a bad past or not.  Grief is a bitch and it helps to help those left behind.  Whether you give pek kim or not does not matter.

[FattChoy]

Hello, it's me the TS.

 

Since there's so many views that distort my post and it's points, let me resummarize them

 

1) I will no longer attend wakes and funerals because I don't believe in this custom/ norm/ ceremony.  To me it's bullshit. 

 

2) People who have failed in life, I no longer want to spend a single minute of rememberance.  I no longer want to hear anything about their toxic life, poor life values, poor decision making.  I hope their failures follow them to the graves and not passed down as intergenerational trauma on younger people they knew.

 

 

[Guest errrrrrrrr]

1 hour ago, FattChoy said:

1) I will no longer attend wakes and funerals because I don't believe in this custom/ norm/ ceremony.  To me it's bullshit. 

 

 

Does this apply to your mum who have this opinion of your late aunt ... "My mom said she developed arthritis due to constantly getting her hands and feet wet.  She was very bitter and complained about her marriage" not having a wake and funeral ceremony too?  Are you going to deny your mum the customary rite since such thing is a bullshit?

 

This bullshit thing is meant for only selected people or for only the good ones where it becomes a goodshit thing?