Forbidden Vulpes Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. Quote Imagine police are tracking this site to catch us in action. onlyfans twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rohanpune Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 Pls get some help in terms of therapy. It’s a good sign that you have recognised where the issue lies but we all need help always when we can’t find solution or need someone to guide us. Therapy may help inamoto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forbidden Vulpes Posted April 5, 2024 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 i have tried looking into therapy but then there is the cost issue, here i definitely am not able to pay for, looking at how i have been unable to save up any amount of money Quote Imagine police are tracking this site to catch us in action. onlyfans twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torrent Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 (edited) You can get all the advice, talking you want; but the one who has to take the first step forward ultimately is yourself. So I'm not sure what you meant by your last sentence, are you asking someone here to give you a job? Looking for a listening ear? Or someone to 'convince' you to change? The mind is a powerful thing, but since you already understood the root of the problem, then you need to attest to change. Hope you understand what you really want here in the end (this is coming from someone who was once stuck deep in depression and I basically cut myself out from the outside for a few years). Edited April 5, 2024 by Torrent versatilehairyman and doncoin 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fun72 Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 55 minutes ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. would suggest u contact msf or see doc at ployclinic about yr unable to trust human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogateacher Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 Try meditation Quote https://www.instagram.com/abhyasa.homeyoga/ https://www.blowingwind.io/forum/topic/123508-ashtanga-yoga-along-holland-village Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balestier Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 1 hour ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: i have tried looking into therapy but then there is the cost issue, here i definitely am not able to pay for, looking at how i have been unable to save up any amount of money Call SOS HELPLINE counselling or ask polyclinics to refer you to IMH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forbidden Vulpes Posted April 5, 2024 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 58 minutes ago, Torrent said: You can get all the advice, talking you want; but the one who has to take the first step forward ultimately is yourself. So I'm not sure what you meant by your last sentence, are you asking someone here to give you a job? Looking for a listening ear? Or someone to 'convince' you to change? The mind is a powerful thing, but since you already understood the root of the problem, then you need to attest to change. Hope you understand what you really want here in the end (this is coming from someone who was once stuck deep in depression and I basically cut myself out from the outside for a few years). im not looking for anyone to convince me, as i myself am ready and have been taking steps into the world, but i am not sensing any better by myself. i dont feel better, i feel worse and im easily affected apparently. the judging eyes, the whispers on the side. the laughter. call me dramatic, call me troublesome.. its what i've been through and what im fighting.. im happy for you to be able to get out of that state and i am trying to do so myself.. some dont require help yet i've tried and tried, time and time again with discerning eyes staring down at me like im a nobody.. like i dont belong anywhere.. Quote Imagine police are tracking this site to catch us in action. onlyfans twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sky894 Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 (edited) . Edited April 5, 2024 by Sky894 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genesis Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 My company is looking for staff .PM me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sam120 Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 Hi, i saw your post for help and i think i can help you as i am having a similar problem. Btw, it has not been easy for me as i am still overcoming it but it is improving. It has taken me a long time to figure this out. And since i saw your post it struck a chord in me and so i decide to reach out to you. This is a common problem in society nowadays. The main issue that cause this problem is sexual misconduct or pornography eg. Online pornography. Everyone is born with a certain amount of merits accumulated from one's past life. The amount of merits will determine how good one's life will be in this current life ie. the money luck, career luck or interpersonal relationship. The more merits one has in one's previous life, the better the money Iuck, career luck or interpersonal relationship luck in one's current life and vice versa. If one choose to watch, make or distribute pornographic material online and engage in sexual misconduct, it will deplete or use up one's merit very fast. So the result is that one will be very unlucky in one's life. So the solution to your problem is to stop all the sexual misconduct and ponography at once, then you will see your life gradually improves. TigerYam 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auscent Posted April 5, 2024 Report Share Posted April 5, 2024 (edited) Which is more important: earning or ur feelings? Choose 1. Only you know the answer. Everyone goes through some difficulties. I had good works stolen by senior colleagues; I had bosses who ridiculed my effort yet for 5 years no one else came up with alternatives yet still used my work. I fight wars every day. But I dont give up in finding, and enjoying the peace in me. Edited April 5, 2024 by auscent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GachiMuchi Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 19 hours ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. 19 hours ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: i have tried looking into therapy but then there is the cost issue, here i definitely am not able to pay for, looking at how i have been unable to save up any amount of money 17 hours ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: im not looking for anyone to convince me, as i myself am ready and have been taking steps into the world, but i am not sensing any better by myself. i dont feel better, i feel worse and im easily affected apparently. the judging eyes, the whispers on the side. the laughter. call me dramatic, call me troublesome.. its what i've been through and what im fighting.. im happy for you to be able to get out of that state and i am trying to do so myself.. some dont require help yet i've tried and tried, time and time again with discerning eyes staring down at me like im a nobody.. like i dont belong anywhere.. I don't know what childhood trauma you had to go through but as an adult, I hope that the childhood trauma had long left you. Going through your profile. I saw the OnlyFan and X link and you called yourself GamerTop. So I presume that you are a gamer and had issue dealing with people and had gone into the Gaming realm to escape from "people", as gaming is a very self indulge activity. And can I assume that your OnlyFan is for you to showcase you "Dark Side" and maybe to "EARN" a living? So, let me repeat, you seek help for people's advice to help you : 1. to get through the feeling of "inability to trust and get close to any human being"? 2, to NOT feel that "everyone is picking on me/singling you out as though you are a whole other category of being and that makes you "feels crappy".? 3. to be able to "sustain in any job" 4. you had tried many times to fit into normal society but failed and many times, you get people staring down at you and that you don't "belong"? Do clarity the above points if I had read correctly your issues? Forbidden Vulpes 1 Quote http://gachimuchi2008.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Journey Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 23 hours ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. Since you are 27 years old, I figured you would have another 8 years windows to try out a variety of occupations, from shady, ugly, and bitchy ones to ones that would perhaps pay off partially a two-room BTO by the time you reached 35. My sister, at 20, not very well educated, worked for a small family Japanese company for 20 years. Her last 7 years there was bullied by a newly appointed lady boss and she reluctantly quitted to join a big MNC, had culture shock, and was thereafter harassed for 10 years by a female manager and other newer colleagues. Her lack of education prevented her from changing jobs, and during her entire 30 year "career," and she received neither a position nor a pay raise. I questioned how she was able to maintain her strength. She did, however, tell me that despite the large number of black sheeps that "attacked" her, there were also a few good ones that make her feel less lonely. I thought that one of the things that also kept her strong was her spiritual beliefs, though she didn't tell me about it. I am not sure about your spiritual faith, however, I find this book a good read. At leas try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 On 4/5/2024 at 12:07 AM, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. My sympathy and empathy for you! I had similar feelings as I grew up. I don't remember any magic solution, I just grew out of this state of mental torture. I guess it is the price some of us have to pay for being gay? All I can say is that with endurance, there is a light at the other end of the tunnel. And later life can make up for what we had to endure in early life. Have you thought about changing focus from your spiritual feelings, troubles, alleged shortcomings,... to your BODY? Are you interested in improving your strength, reaching optimum health through good nutrition? Could you take serious some of my usual suggestions, like taking on a martial art like Aikido, learning about healthy metabolism, and more recently, the positive effect some bacteria in our gut can have both in body and spirit? Have you looked into the thread "for guys who will be seniors one day"? I welcome your PM any time you have any questions about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 On 4/5/2024 at 1:28 AM, Forbidden Vulpes said: im happy for you to be able to get out of that state and i am trying to do so myself.. some dont require help yet i've tried and tried, time and time again with discerning eyes staring down at me like im a nobody.. like i dont belong anywhere.. Discerning eyes ??? What the HELL! I don't know details about your life, but it is rare that we ever come in contact with SUPERIOR BEINGS who have any REAL superiority over us. Of course the world is full of people who have excellent social skills that gives them a ( false ) luster of apparent superiority. Often what is below this coating is not better than anyone else, but worse. Don't prejudge yourself by your "social skills". It is nice to have them, but they don't reflect your ESSENCE. People whose "discerning eyes" hurt you, below their luster may not be good people. You cannot change them, you can only change your feelings about them, their IMPORTANCE to you, and tone this importance far down. Until you can reach more positive feelings about yourself, you could cope by keeping in society a smile on your face, while your mind entertains a goal of success. You don't need to hate the people with "discerning eyes", they may not realize the damage they are doing. And their insignificance is no different than that of all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalion Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 On 4/5/2024 at 1:07 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. Don't put yourself down up to the edge. Have you ever considered being self employed or opening your own business, so that you are your own boss? I don't think therapy is the way to go, but probably some HR courses and employment education. Check what is in the market and start achieving more positivity and self confidence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 3 hours ago, singalion said: Don't put yourself down up to the edge. Have you ever considered being self employed or opening your own business, so that you are your own boss? I don't think therapy is the way to go, but probably some HR courses and employment education. Check what is in the market and start achieving more positivity and self confidence. I also think that traditional therapy offers very little help for the money, if anything at all. What I did find helpful long ago was a "men's group", a group of men, me included, assembled with a therapist, discussing our problems. I had blamed much of my problems on the early death of my father when I was a baby. But hearing the stories of other men who felt so abused by their fathers, removed any feeling of victimization I had from that. Instead, I started to feel proud of being a good father to my son in spite of never having had a father myself. This taught me that we only see one side of the coin... Strange Fruit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted April 6, 2024 Report Share Posted April 6, 2024 (edited) @Forbidden Vulpes I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is tough and I am glad you took the courage to open up and share how you feel here. While the solutions you are looking for may not be right here, it does help having an outlet to express some of the internal turmoil you are going through and there are people whom you have never met in person who will be empathetic and support your journey. What you are going through now is tough and no doubt they have impacted your life. However, if you look back, they have made you a much stronger person than you think. With every challenge thrown in your way, you have managed to deal with them. Some days you overcome them, other days they overwhelm you. You cannot stop or control what others say or think or behave, however, you can control yourself. Emotional pain can be a pool we wallow in or draw strength from. It is up to us to choose how we can take those past experiences, good and bad, to shape our present and future. With therapy from a professional, you will equip yourself with the skills to do so, and lead a more satisfactory life. Edited April 6, 2024 by doncoin mate69, AgentFit and Strange Fruit 3 Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torrent Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 On 4/5/2024 at 2:28 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: im not looking for anyone to convince me, as i myself am ready and have been taking steps into the world, but i am not sensing any better by myself. i dont feel better, i feel worse and im easily affected apparently. the judging eyes, the whispers on the side. the laughter. call me dramatic, call me troublesome.. its what i've been through and what im fighting.. im happy for you to be able to get out of that state and i am trying to do so myself.. some dont require help yet i've tried and tried, time and time again with discerning eyes staring down at me like im a nobody.. like i dont belong anywhere.. But do you know what are your boundaries? Because based on your description, even though you say you are mentally ready, physically it sounds impossible for you to try anything without giving you a total breakdown. I suggest to start things small, and begin by leaving your house more often, walk around the neighbourhood, buy groceries etc. Get a total feel of normalcy, be comfortable with the outside world, then we can work towards people relations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Family Systems therapy Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 I suspect you have Complex PTSD or development trauma. If you ever felt betrayed by your family - scapegoated or victim blamed for their faults - and being part of unhealthy family dynamics, dysfunction family relationships, etc. - try looking up Family Systems therapy. Were you singled out to be the family scapegoat while your sibling became the golden child, because somehow, they have better rapport or relate better with one another? Was there triangulation? Family Systems therapy might release some of the guilt and self blame from emotional abuse by your immediate family when you were very young. But of cos, tread with caution in Singapore public hospitals, as their idea of family here is very narrow and they will do anything to uphold "family values" and might disregard the needs of anything they see as to the contrary, like LGBT identity and aspirations. Private therapist, if it can be affordable, might be the way to go. And if your family members are uncooperative and troublemking, you could ask to go for this therapy by yourself without your family member(s). I believe that will be more helpful! Otherwise, just read up on Family Systems therapy yourself and try to understand what you had been through might not be your fault. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/sg/therapy-types/family-systems-therapy%3famp https://www.verywellmind.com/family-systems-therapy-definition-techniques-and-efficacy-5213785 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Symptom bearer Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 You might be the "symptom bearer" of your dysfunctional family. Family Scapegoat Syndrome An individual assigned as the family “symptom bearer” is used as a scapegoat for anger, wrongdoing, or trouble within the family. Rather than parents and siblings taking a look at their own role in any issues, they deflect and blame it on the IP of the family. This is family scapegoat syndrome—collectively and unconsciously, family members decide who is the blacksheep of the family, and what that looks like for the functioning of the system. https://www.sequoiabehavioralhealth.org/blogs/scapegoating-the-identified-patient#:~:text=An individual assigned as the,the IP of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Severe those toxic ties Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 Of cos, in order for Asian Singapore families to function in the uniquely Asian (narcissistic dysfunctional) way, gay people always needs to be casted as the family scapegoat or betrayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scapegoar Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 Gaslighting, blame shifting, scapegoating, victim blaming, antagonistic passive aggression - you could be a victim of that. Check if your mother is a covert malignant serial antagonistic passive aggressive gaslighting manipulative blame shifting victim blaming scapegoating sabotaging saddistic victim playing narcissist. A mouthful, but my own mother is like that since I was very young, and especially after I came out to her as gay after being outed by my homophobic loud-mouthed sister. That could explain why you never felt like you fit in - you might be conditioned to feel that way by your primary caregiver since very young! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Really Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 You have been mind-fucked and screwed up by your own family which is dysfunctional and casted as the problematic one, or scapegoated. Besides suing them in court, I wish there is a social services hotline one can call for assistance with regards to such covert family emotional abuse and then cover-up matters. Does anyone know about such a helpline? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 On 4/6/2024 at 12:38 PM, Guest The Journey said: Since you are 27 years old, I figured you would have another 8 years windows to try out a variety of occupations, from shady, ugly, and bitchy ones to ones that would perhaps pay off partially a two-room BTO by the time you reached 35. My sister, at 20, not very well educated, worked for a small family Japanese company for 20 years. Her last 7 years there was bullied by a newly appointed lady boss and she reluctantly quitted to join a big MNC, had culture shock, and was thereafter harassed for 10 years by a female manager and other newer colleagues. Her lack of education prevented her from changing jobs, and during her entire 30 year "career," and she received neither a position nor a pay raise. I questioned how she was able to maintain her strength. She did, however, tell me that despite the large number of black sheeps that "attacked" her, there were also a few good ones that make her feel less lonely. I thought that one of the things that also kept her strong was her spiritual beliefs, though she didn't tell me about it. I am not sure about your spiritual faith, however, I find this book a good read. At leas try. If there is anything that I hate about Christianity, it is how the Christians always target vulnerable people at their weakest and then try to use push them into Christianity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 On 4/5/2024 at 1:07 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. I'm actually quite tired, but I think I will spend a couple of minutes to post on this. I believe you think too much that you are alone in your "inability to trust and get close to any human being". And I also believe that you think too much that you are alone in "feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy". Guess what? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are not the only one who feel those ways. So the moment you know that you are not alone, what you need to do is to look at how some of the others are handling it. For instance, did you ever notice any of those "introverts" who just bow their heads down and focus on their work all the time? The reason is quite simple: They are just focusing on what they are PAID to do, and they are trying to focus on giving it the best shot on what they are doing. As for the rest of the chattering, picking on him and singling him out, those are nothing more than just NOISE. And what do they do with NOISE? They ignore them. Take a look at your office, and see if there are a few of them like that. So just focus on what you NEED to do. The rest are nothing more than just NOISE. Learn to ignore those noise. Don't listen to those noise. Don't listen to those "picking on me/singling me out". And you ignore those noise the same way you ignore any noise: you shut them out. And I think you will feel a lot better. This is just one example. Look around you and see how some of your family members and friends are handling a situation like the one you are facing now. They might prove to be a good example to follow. I hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Abused Posted April 7, 2024 Report Share Posted April 7, 2024 Because in Singapore, as long as everything is covered-up and things looked normal, harmonious and happy on the surface, social services agent won't care or interfere in fear of rocking the boat to "Asian values" especially "family values"; and they seemed especially opposed to peering under the surface especially if parents know how to act normal, caring, happy and invested in their child's well-being on the surface while in front of others. But the abuse of the gay son while in private is very real, and family members condoned each other in doing that. Like if a parent claims to accept her gay son when asked by others if she could accept. Out of appearing non-hostile/antagonistic/abusive, "woke", new age, enlightened, chill or cool she would chirp gleefully she could accept while in front of others, but would continuously abuse him emotionally in private to punish him for being gay. Trying to appear liberal and yet privately maintain the abuse. How do you turn the tables in dealing with such two-faced, hypocritical and lip service paying parent? Possible to sue for harassment or emotional abuse in court? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Maladaptive trauma Posted April 8, 2024 Report Share Posted April 8, 2024 14 hours ago, Guest Guest said: I'm actually quite tired, but I think I will spend a couple of minutes to post on this. I believe you think too much that you are alone in your "inability to trust and get close to any human being". And I also believe that you think too much that you are alone in "feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy". Guess what? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are not the only one who feel those ways. So the moment you know that you are not alone, what you need to do is to look at how some of the others are handling it. For instance, did you ever notice any of those "introverts" who just bow their heads down and focus on their work all the time? The reason is quite simple: They are just focusing on what they are PAID to do, and they are trying to focus on giving it the best shot on what they are doing. As for the rest of the chattering, picking on him and singling him out, those are nothing more than just NOISE. And what do they do with NOISE? They ignore them. Take a look at your office, and see if there are a few of them like that. So just focus on what you NEED to do. The rest are nothing more than just NOISE. Learn to ignore those noise. Don't listen to those noise. Don't listen to those "picking on me/singling me out". And you ignore those noise the same way you ignore any noise: you shut them out. And I think you will feel a lot better. This is just one example. Look around you and see how some of your family members and friends are handling a situation like the one you are facing now. They might prove to be a good example to follow. I hope this helps. Well first if all, introversion and feeling vulnerable with trauma are not the same. The first has to do with how a person relates to others while the other is an emotional response easily triggered by things that remind of past trauma. What you suggested could be a helpful exercise in the short term but may not be sustainable in the long run. Short of suing in court to absolve the bad blood of abuse by family or relative who betrayed him in the past to gain closure and erase all that guilt and shame, informed and targeted therapy by professionals or social service agent might be able to alleviate that trauma and stress whether the abuse is in the past or ongoing. But he could try your suggestions of cos, but not sure whether they will be effective if he isn't an introvert. He could be an extrovert or somewhere in between who could be easily triggered by gossipy, rude, bullying, abusive, pedantic and judgmental people with traditional mindsets and outdated modes of thinking. Extroverts will seek to be with people but if they have serious past trauma, maladaptive patterns of behaviour and do not fit in well enough, will be easily triggered by the many negative, ignorant and unenlightened people that they will come across daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalion Posted April 21, 2024 Report Share Posted April 21, 2024 (edited) On 4/5/2024 at 1:07 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life.. I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself. please as i am at my edge.. On 4/5/2024 at 1:14 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: i have tried looking into therapy but then there is the cost issue, here i definitely am not able to pay for, looking at how i have been unable to save up any amount of money On 4/5/2024 at 2:28 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: im not looking for anyone to convince me, as i myself am ready and have been taking steps into the world, but i am not sensing any better by myself. i dont feel better, i feel worse and im easily affected apparently. the judging eyes, the whispers on the side. the laughter. call me dramatic, call me troublesome.. its what i've been through and what im fighting.. im happy for you to be able to get out of that state and i am trying to do so myself.. some dont require help yet i've tried and tried, time and time again with discerning eyes staring down at me like im a nobody.. like i dont belong anywhere.. Looking at your issues, I sense that you are the lonely type and failed in your life to get a bunch of close more or less trusted friends around you. I think in your journey, you need to come to a resolution that you can't go along on your own your whole life. Open up and search for some good friends first. Going back in your life into your four walls alone won't help you to get out of this cycle of doubt on yourself. You also need a bit more of patience. Things just don't change in a snip of a finger. Give yourself some time. First of all. Many of your issues seem to stem from the fact that you prefer to keep in your chosen isolation. By the way I got irritated by that sentence of you: On 4/5/2024 at 2:28 PM, Forbidden Vulpes said: im not looking for anyone to convince me, as i myself am ready and have been taking steps into the world, but i am not sensing any better by myself. i dont feel better, i feel worse and im easily affected apparently. Why do you come here if you don't seek for anyone to convince you? With the stance of rejection anyone's ideas or input you won't be able to get to a turn of tide. Open up please. With such a fatalistic approach there is no reason to ask us for any help if from start you reject any proposals. Maybe the best way is to stop getting those feelings that other people don't respect you the way you wish. Your conclusions that other people at your work are giggling at you, singling you out, picking on you might be your personal perception, but is it this way? I think you are a bit too sensitive and need more self confidence and a thicker skin. Work on this. (And a bunch of close friends can help with achieving this also...) And stop being so pessimistic on everything before you even tried. Your problems lie with yourself and no other. Every change is in your own hands. Just start to get a more optimistic approach on everything and not to conclude on yourself seeing every move or reaction as a failure of yourself. With some slight changes you will be a great boy and laugh about yourself and your past. But it only needs you yourself to take this step and accept the being that you are! Edited April 21, 2024 by singalion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 22, 2024 Report Share Posted April 22, 2024 19 hours ago, singalion said: Your problems lie with yourself and no other. Every change is in your own hands. Just start to get a more optimistic approach on everything and not to conclude on yourself seeing every move or reaction as a failure of yourself. With some slight changes you will be a great boy and laugh about yourself and your past. But it only needs you yourself to take this step and accept the being that you are! It is difficult for us to change if we don't know how to change. In the case of the TS, the problem is most probably within himself, in the way his emotional center works. I wish I could send him some billions of Lactobacillus Reuteri bacteria, which I take myself, for a couple of months to ingest daily. This may make him feel more social and interested in others, like they did with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singalion Posted April 22, 2024 Report Share Posted April 22, 2024 4 hours ago, Steve5380 said: It is difficult for us to change if we don't know how to change. In the case of the TS, the problem is most probably within himself, in the way his emotional center works. I wish I could send him some billions of Lactobacillus Reuteri bacteria, which I take myself, for a couple of months to ingest daily. This may make him feel more social and interested in others, like they did with me. But the push must come from him. 10,000 therapists can listen and maybe suggest something, but in the end it depends on him alone ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G_M Posted April 22, 2024 Report Share Posted April 22, 2024 Changed the current topic title to be more specific so that it is NOT too generic a title. The other topics had been splitted from this topic into new topics of it's own. Quote http://www.facebook.com/gachimuchi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted April 22, 2024 Report Share Posted April 22, 2024 12 hours ago, singalion said: But the push must come from him. 10,000 therapists can listen and maybe suggest something, but in the end it depends on him alone ... With 10,000 therapists around, it does not depend on him alone. Often there is help around in several forms for the ills that affect us. But we have to become ready to recognize and follow such help. Often without the help around there is nothing for us to recognize, and the ills are not resolved. It is good that the help around him persists, maybe not with 10,000 therapists. Sooner or later he may be able to recognize and follow it, if it is not too late. Today with life expectancies close to 80 - 100, there is plenty of time to become ready before it is too late. So... the TS should not lose hope, and keep an eye out for the solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forbidden Vulpes Posted May 27, 2024 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2024 On 4/21/2024 at 1:53 PM, singalion said: Why do you come here if you don't seek for anyone to convince you? to be convinced is to be influenced into a better living. but i am already in agreement without the help of opening my eyes. On 4/21/2024 at 1:53 PM, singalion said: Maybe the best way is to stop getting those feelings that other people don't respect you the way you wish. this could be the solution to it or a step closer to the solution and this is a prove as to i am not looking to be convinced, otherwise influenced, rather i am looking for the method to the result. as much as "it is different in every people" with knowledge of other's experiences it can assist me in understanding my own way. On 4/22/2024 at 9:07 AM, Steve5380 said: It is difficult for us to change if we don't know how to change. thank you for understanding that i am looking for a way to change, what step to take. but i could be viewing everything differently from what you are trying to tell me.. which i am open to understand with more words if you'd like to help. sorry for being a hassle. Quote Imagine police are tracking this site to catch us in action. onlyfans twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted May 27, 2024 Report Share Posted May 27, 2024 7 hours ago, Forbidden Vulpes said: thank you for understanding that i am looking for a way to change, what step to take. but i could be viewing everything differently from what you are trying to tell me.. which i am open to understand with more words if you'd like to help. sorry for being a hassle. At 27 years of age it can be estimated that your life is just starting, and there are ample opportunities to change. You have still 54 years of life to reach my present age, more than... half a century!! 😀 You could start by looking at the later posts in the thread " Buddhism Discussion " to reflect on the nature of life and ease on your preoccupations and suffering. You could continue by browsing into the thread " For gays who will be seniors one day ", since your goal is to live a satisfying life and become a successful senior. I am such a senior today, and I have gone through struggles similar to yours since I was a nerd never good at personal relationships. That old personality has changed, learning that our personality can be as good as that of others, regardless of sexual orientation, with the reeducation of our ways of thinking and our feelings, so that "personality" does not have to be an issue at all. In this thread there is a result of much research into healthy lifestyles, much about nutrition and exercise. And 8 months ago I started taking a probiotic that has greatly improved my sociability and empathy, which I recommend, although it does not need to be a first step. In the many questions that may come to your mind, just keep asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fbttop Posted June 1, 2024 Report Share Posted June 1, 2024 There's alot of support out there to lessen theses 'feelings' you having. Also a lot of cases I know around me bumping around aimlessly even at 30s to 40s Mental wellness There's subsidiary at Institute of Mental Health Community Wellness Clinic at Queenstown and geyland to start with See a psychiatrists, psychologists, occupational therapists that understand your case, and probably you be on medicine. They may* prescribe you medicine to make you feel focus, motivated and clarity before you go for Cognitive behaviour training. You seem to think in black and white now, but normal people think in spectrums of grey. On the scientific / medical side, your dopamine, serotonin may be on the unbalanced side now Getting them to a normal level, already makes you less depressive and anxiety Volunteer Dedicate your weekends to volunteer for a cause you believe. For example, environmental instead of caregiving. The vibe of volunteer groups are very positive, and people are friendly. Alhough you cant control how your colleagues treat you at work, you can have a balance in volunteering work Yoga & meditation Pick up yoga class and meditate on your own using apps or youtube. Once a week. Again these are the good vibe people you want to add them to your life now. The peacefulness is what you need, acknowledging the negative thoughts are just passing clouds and they are not real. Which tbh they are not real seriously, and just cause you anxiety. Getting a job There's skillfuture ambassador and career consultation which is free that paths out a suitable career path and course for you to achieve. Not to mention skillfuture credit to kick off. There's many jobs that requires min human interactions which to state are cleaning, gardening, technician, design and so on. After getting or in btw treatments, get a part time job as a first step to get yourself out back in a routine at least. I wish you the best and 1-2 year later, you will feel your life is on the trajectory to contentment and happiness. Steve5380 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted June 2, 2024 Report Share Posted June 2, 2024 On 6/1/2024 at 1:31 AM, fbttop said: Mental wellness There's subsidiary at Institute of Mental Health Community Wellness Clinic at Queenstown and geyland to start with See a psychiatrists, psychologists, occupational therapists that understand your case, and probably you be on medicine. They may* prescribe you medicine to make you feel focus, motivated and clarity before you go for Cognitive behaviour training. You seem to think in black and white now, but normal people think in spectrums of grey. Psychiatrists, psychologists, etc. can be of help, as long as the help is mental and not pharmaceutical. Some pharmaceutical drugs are created to make money. ( only "some" of them?... ) If there is money to spend, and there are ways to get informed, it is better to spend the money in improving our lifestyle with better nutrition, good exercise and sleep. We should aim for optimum flexible metabolism, insulin sensitivity, increased autophagy through fasting. And finally, follow the new science of the microbiome to take in bacteria that improves our mental health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 凌寒东 Posted September 10, 2024 Report Share Posted September 10, 2024 On 4/6/2024 at 7:35 PM, Steve5380 said: My sympathy and empathy for you! I had similar feelings as I grew up. I don't remember any magic solution, I just grew out of this state of mental torture. I guess it is the price some of us have to pay for being gay? All I can say is that with endurance, there is a light at the other end of the tunnel. And later life can make up for what we had to endure in early life. Have you thought about changing focus from your spiritual feelings, troubles, alleged shortcomings,... to your BODY? Are you interested in improving your strength, reaching optimum health through good nutrition? Could you take serious some of my usual suggestions, like taking on a martial art like Aikido, learning about healthy metabolism, and more recently, the positive effect some bacteria in our gut can have both in body and spirit? Have you looked into the thread "for guys who will be seniors one day"? I welcome your PM any time you have any questions about this. I had the same feeling. I'm isolated, don't like to social, cannot expose or be myself. Just kept pretending until very very tired of life. I have tried so hard to overcome this but I just can't. I can't even get through my childhood trauma. Criticised by peers since young due to my physical or voice or whatsoever. I can only pretend to find into the world. :'). My parents are traditional Asian mindset. I love the song 《Reflection》. "When will my reflection shows who I am inside." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inamoto Posted September 10, 2024 Report Share Posted September 10, 2024 There seems to be family service centers where there are counsellors who may be able to help listen, provide support and refer to other experts to help build and provide tools to help one to rebuild themself. Family center counsellors should be free and if they do refer for other experts, hopefully they are also at very low cost. The accumulated experiences that one had gone through may need some expert help to dissect and better manage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I've Heard Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 On 4/7/2024 at 1:51 AM, Steve5380 said: I had blamed much of my problems on the early death of my father when I was a baby. I am so sorry to hear that. Was it the reason you became Gay? Many "religious" group still believe that not having a father at early age turns their boy into gay, to seek a fatherly figure in their life and...eventually love man more than they like woman. Do you see yourself in those shoes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hahahah... Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 On 9/10/2024 at 11:41 PM, inamoto said: There seems to be family service centers where there are counsellors who may be able to help listen, provide support and refer to other experts to help build and provide tools to help one to rebuild themself. I am not entire sure. .Counselors are human too, and if they are unable to solve your problem, you can find yourself counseling the counselors themselves....hahahaha. As long as you don't try to take your own life, there are many doors opening and the door is your own heart and mind and it will guide you to freedom. Start by owning less things and avoid all vanity fair.....hahahaha.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 35 minutes ago, Guest I've Heard said: I am so sorry to hear that. Was it the reason you became Gay? Many "religious" group still believe that not having a father at early age turns their boy into gay, to seek a fatherly figure in their life and...eventually love man more than they like woman. Do you see yourself in those shoes? I believe that the belief of those "religious" groups is completely false. It is not a father figure that turns boys into straights. It must be something inborn. When I started puberty I was not attracted to "daddies" but to other boys my age or younger. I was not looking for a father figure in them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dumb Religion Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 2 hours ago, Guest I've Heard said: I am so sorry to hear that. Was it the reason you became Gay? Many "religious" group still believe that not having a father at early age turns their boy into gay, to seek a fatherly figure in their life and...eventually love man more than they like woman. Do you see yourself in those shoes? Only stupid people will believe in religion and even become that religious in the first place. If they say the earth is only 3000 years old, dinosaurs are a lie and never existed; and humans came from Adam and Eve who were made from clay by God, not evolved from primates - will you believe these people are either not really dumb and stupid people or they are not sheeples BRAINWASHED by their religious leaders? They are not called religious nutjobs for nothing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 1 hour ago, Guest Dumb Religion said: Only stupid people will believe in religion and even become that religious in the first place. If they say the earth is only 3000 years old, dinosaurs are a lie and never existed; and humans came from Adam and Eve who were made from clay by God, not evolved from primates - will you believe these people are either not really dumb and stupid people or they are not sheeples BRAINWASHED by their religious leaders? They are not called religious nutjobs for nothing... Organized religions surround themselves with authority, in their buildings, their dresses, their ceremonies, because this lowers the people's mental guards and so they are vulnerable to believe what they are told. Religious dogmas should be like theorems, a theoretical idea that has hypothesis, propositions, conclusion. What they miss is proof. But like any theorem, if one proposition in it is obviously false, the whole dogma should be recognized as FALSE. However, they have a way out of it , which is a "human mistake". Religious Jews already take parts of Moses' Genesis as "allegoric", meaning that it does not need to be factual. It is very natural that as we grow up and start to reason, we recognize these religions as false. As a child, for me a Catholic, it was the definition of "mortal sin". It does not make sense that people are sent to HELL, burning with real fire for all eternity! As an adult, the idea that homosexuality is SIN has doomed my religion as completely false. But one thing is to find organized religion as false, another one is to be an atheist. The atheist believes that there is NO supernatural. How can the atheist know that there is no supernatural? He cannot. Supernatural should be simply the Natural that we are unable to know about. If we accept our ignorance, then everything has a probability to exist. A smart ideology is to be an agnostic, not "believing" in supernaturals but able to speculate about them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutejack Posted September 13, 2024 Report Share Posted September 13, 2024 Believe in GOD and visit place of worship n talk to GOD. Human are not as good as what u think or those days where ppl like to communicate and chat..nowadays all.looking at hp. U look at them they stare at u. Counsellor not otherwise either. They chat n care for money n might give u nonsense solution coz they dont understand what u r facing..pray more ya. May u get yr peace in life ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Medieval Church Buildings Posted September 14, 2024 Report Share Posted September 14, 2024 11 hours ago, cutejack said: Believe in GOD and visit place of worship n talk to GOD. Human are not as good as what u think or those days where ppl like to communicate and chat..nowadays all.looking at hp. U look at them they stare at u. Counsellor not otherwise either. They chat n care for money n might give u nonsense solution coz they dont understand what u r facing..pray more ya. May u get yr peace in life ya. Ya, go to a church when it was quiet -especially after a sermons, sit there alone, when not so many people. Just sit there quietly, no sound, no chatting. except the sunray passing through the colourful stained glasses and the flickering lamp next to the altar. Nobody is going to bother you, if there is anybody at all. Then...kneel and start to communicate with God or if you have knee issues, closed your eyes and pray. The time is all yours, very calming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutejack Posted September 14, 2024 Report Share Posted September 14, 2024 (edited) 2 hours ago, Guest Medieval Church Buildings said: Ya, go to a church when it was quiet -especially after a sermons, sit there alone, when not so many people. Just sit there quietly, no sound, no chatting. except the sunray passing through the colourful stained glasses and the flickering lamp next to the altar. Nobody is going to bother you, if there is anybody at all. Then...kneel and start to communicate with God or if you have knee issues, closed your eyes and pray. The time is all yours, very calming. Exactly..u will feel enlighten n exit the place with zero worries. Try that man. Edited September 14, 2024 by cutejack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Medieval Church Buildings. Posted September 14, 2024 Report Share Posted September 14, 2024 5 hours ago, cutejack said: Exactly..u will feel enlighten n exit the place with zero worries. Try that man. A few times I was cozy inside the church, very peacerful, and it was stormy outside, heavy rainfall. The vibe was good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mate69 Posted September 15, 2024 Report Share Posted September 15, 2024 Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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