I am looking for help or some way to get through this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job..

[Steve5380]

On 9/13/2024 at 9:25 AM, cutejack said:

Believe in GOD and visit place of worship n talk to GOD. Human are not as good as what u think or those days where ppl like to communicate and chat..nowadays all.looking at hp. U look at them they stare at u. Counsellor not otherwise either. They chat n care for money n might give u nonsense solution coz they dont understand what u r facing..pray more ya. May u get yr peace in life ya.

 

On 9/13/2024 at 8:54 PM, Guest Medieval Church Buildings said:

Ya, go to a church when it was quiet -especially after a sermons,  sit there alone, when not so many people.  Just sit there quietly, no sound, no chatting. except the sunray passing through the colourful stained glasses and the flickering lamp next to the altar.  Nobody is going to bother you,  if there is anybody at all.  Then...kneel and start to communicate with God or if you have knee issues, closed your eyes and pray. The time is all yours, very calming. 

 

On 9/13/2024 at 11:25 PM, cutejack said:

Exactly..u will feel enlighten n exit the place with zero worries. Try that man.

 

Should we drown our depressions and bad feelings with religion?  Should we let ourselves be hypnotized and brain washed?  Should we seek false hopes, trying to soothe our negativities with fairy tales?  

 

Isn't it better to steer our mind towards positive thoughts?  Isn't it better to explore the philosophy of Buddhism?  Its impermanence,  its detachment,  an acceptance of our ignorance, the insignificance of so much that tries to take hold in us and bring us discomfort and negativity?  Perhaps we can even learn that happiness is a feeling that can be independent of circumstances, and so we may be able to bring out this feeling when necessary. This then becomes the background of our spirit, and with this peaceful background, we continue living our life, doing what it takes to survive, but even more than that, finding information on how to improve it and working towards it. 

[Guest Psalm 56:3]

4 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 

 

Should we drown our depressions and bad feelings with (1)religion?  Should we let ourselves be hypnotized and (2) brain washed?  Should we seek (3)false hopes, trying to soothe our negativities with fairy tales?  

 

Isn't it better to steer our mind towards positive thoughts?  Isn't it better to explore the philosophy of (1) Buddhism?  Its (2) impermanence,  its detachment,  an (3) acceptance of our ignorance,

You questioned the item in "Blue" 1,2,3, and then supported it with "Red" accordingly.  Therefore, I take that you see not much difference between Christianity and Buddhism. 

 

Now back to the topic of calming the feelings.  Shall we?

 

Most of the time, it is difficult for children to adjust and become independent when they go out into society after weaning off of their parents' milk.   Stress will increase with time as you encounter more real-world human behavior.  That's when you started to doubt your value, which over time turned into a crisis for you.  Your concerns grew as Singapore developed into a more costly and intricate place because of the city's dense population, complex racial and national blend, and other factors.  You require a rope to cling to in order to survive, more than when you don't come from wealthy background or heritage.  

 

You have little resources and desired to go back to your parents, who had grown weak and elderly by then and required your help more than anything else.  It's shocking how different the familiar image of once fit people you grew up with has become. You lost motivation, and the money you made at a terrible workplace isn't even enough to cover the necessities—putting a decent dinner on the table, support your folks or a roof over your head.  You are insecure about the job you detest, but you are also afraid of losing that only source of income.  As a result, the feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression materialized. The best way to stop the monkey mind is to find a quiet, serene location free of distractions, stay away from rhetorical philosophy, and try to at least calm down your emotions—even if there isn't a solution nearby. Ideally, this will eventually help you to stabilize or perhaps even spark an entlightenment to bring you a more worthy chapter in life.

 

Understooded my point?

 

[Guest Guest]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

Should we drown our depressions and bad feelings with religion?  Should we let ourselves be hypnotized and brain washed?  Should we seek false hopes, trying to soothe our negativities with fairy tales?  

 

 

That's really ironical to be coming from a person who spoke about hoping to see his deceased bf in heavens.

[Steve5380]

18 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

That's really ironical to be coming from a person who spoke about hoping to see his deceased bf in heavens.

 

You have a good point.  But my hope to see my bf in heaven is not a belief,  but an emotional speculation.  As an agnostic, I don't believe in anything supernatural, but I cannot rule anything out.  And in my speculation I don't think of a Catholic God with all its fantasy,  I only think of my bf and how I wish that there would be something like the Catholic fantasy where this could play out.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest Psalm 56:3 said:

You questioned the item in "Blue" 1,2,3, and then supported it with "Red" accordingly.  Therefore, I take that you see not much difference between Christianity and Buddhism. 

 

 

The items in "Blue" refer to a religion, while the ones in "Red" refer to a philosophy.  While religious dogmas are probably all fairy tales,  philosophies are the product of intelligent reasoning, without stories. 

 

1 hour ago, Guest Psalm 56:3 said:

 

Most of the time, it is difficult for children to adjust and become independent when they go out into society after weaning off of their parents' milk.   Stress will increase with time as you encounter more real-world human behavior.  That's when you started to doubt your value, which over time turned into a crisis for you.  Your concerns grew as Singapore developed into a more costly and intricate place because of the city's dense population, complex racial and national blend, and other factors.  You require a rope to cling to in order to survive, more than when you don't come from wealthy background or heritage.  

 

You have little resources and desired to go back to your parents, who had grown weak and elderly by then and required your help more than anything else.  It's shocking how different the familiar image of once fit people you grew up with has become. You lost motivation, and the money you made at a terrible workplace isn't even enough to cover the necessities—putting a decent dinner on the table, support your folks or a roof over your head.  You are insecure about the job you detest, but you are also afraid of losing that only source of income.  As a result, the feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression materialized. The best way to stop the monkey mind is to find a quiet, serene location free of distractions, stay away from rhetorical philosophy, and try to at least calm down your emotions—even if there isn't a solution nearby. Ideally, this will eventually help you to stabilize or perhaps even spark an entlightenment to bring you a more worthy chapter in life.

 

 

I empathize with the situation you describe.  I am not a Singaporean from a modest family, I have no personal experience with what you wrote. Yet I can see that modest parents cannot always convey self-esteem and discipline to their children, so that they get a good education and profession.  And modest parents may not afford a healthy lifestyle that allows them to get old in good health and be independent.

 

In a given harsh reality, can a posltive mindset make a difference?  Your life may be difficult, but it is surely a blessing compared with the life in other societies.  And also a blessing compared with life a couple of centuries ago.  The reality may be this:  we judge our life comparing it to the life of others.  If your family is modest, you compare it with a wealthy family.  But if you compare it with life in some African thirld-world country, or god forbid, life in Gaza...  It should be bearable.  With the right mental attitude.

[Guest Guest]

12 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You have a good point.  But my hope to see my bf in heaven is not a belief,  but an emotional speculation.  As an agnostic, I don't believe in anything supernatural, but I cannot rule anything out.  And in my speculation I don't think of a Catholic God with all its fantasy,  I only think of my bf and how I wish that there would be something like the Catholic fantasy where this could play out.

 

 

 

Roti Prata flip ah flip!

[doncoin]

As part of my work and also for self-improvement, a very good client of mine, got me to start seeing his firm's executive/high performance coach on a regular basis. So this is one of the things I have learnt from a recent session and I think it is worth sharing. 

 

When things are difficult and challenging, at work, at home etc. recall a moment when you feel in control. It can be a moment from childhood like when you first mastered balancing and riding a 2-wheel bicycle (that was mine) without falling off. I recalled that powerful feeling as I was able to cycle on East Coast Park, with the wind blowing against my face as I sped on the bike path fearlessly because I know I was not going to lose my balance and fall off the bike. 

 

Take the memory of that feeling, how you feel at that moment in full control, and apply it to the current challenging situation. Recall the power you had within. Yes, the situation you are undergoing can be overwhelming, but just like I felt i was never able to learn to balance on a 2-wheel bike, and was afraid to fall off, I learned to overcome the fear, and just trust myself not to fall. The end result of learning to trust myself is that I was able to ride down ECP, with the wind blowing against my face. 

 

The thing is learning to trust ourselves, the inner strength that we have to overcome. It sounds cliché, and even I was rolling my eyes, when the coach was guiding me through the process. But after being led through the process, I realised she has a good point. Regardless of the challenging situation, it is important that we go back to that moment of strength  that is within us and manifest that power. 

 

It is not about having a positive or negative mindset or anything, but really looking within yourself to find the strength. Too often we let the world put us down and let the outside voices drown the inner voice within.  

 

[singalion]

On 9/10/2024 at 11:28 PM, Guest 凌寒东 said:

I had the same feeling. I'm isolated, don't like to social, cannot expose or be myself. Just kept pretending until very very tired of life. I have tried so hard to overcome this but I just can't. I can't even get through my childhood trauma. Criticised by peers since young due to my physical or voice or whatsoever. I can only pretend to find into the world. :'). My parents are traditional Asian mindset. I love the song 《Reflection》. "When will my reflection shows who I am inside." 

 

You should all be ashamed Steve and those Guests.

There is someone of our community out there having serious issues, maybe suicidal thoughts and you have nothing better to do than bickering and fighting about yourself.

 

Please take a deep look into the mirror.

 

I really find it shameful!

 

The issue here is not religion!

 

 

Edited September 16, 2024 by singalion

[singalion]

On 9/10/2024 at 11:28 PM, Guest 凌寒东 said:

I had the same feeling. I'm isolated, don't like to social, cannot expose or be myself. Just kept pretending until very very tired of life. I have tried so hard to overcome this but I just can't. I can't even get through my childhood trauma. Criticised by peers since young due to my physical or voice or whatsoever. I can only pretend to find into the world. :'). My parents are traditional Asian mindset. I love the song 《Reflection》. "When will my reflection shows who I am inside." 

 

Look: one of your problems is your social isolation.

Kids or student peers can be cruel, but why do you listen to them and let them destroy you or take you as a punchball.

 

Start to gain strength, believe in yourself.

Many famous people (Einstein, ...) were totally awkward people.

 

First thing I recommend to you is, not looking down on yourself but to slowly start to socialise and get some good friends.

 

There is this organisation called Oogachaga, a gay organisation. They have counselling services for gays.

 

https://oogachaga.com/

 

https://oogachaga.com/professional-counselling

 

Probably, you will find some friends there also.

 

Take a step to do something to learn that you are a precious person and increase your self worth, self consciousness through people who understand you.

 

Don't please stay in your shell. You need to act now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 16, 2024 by singalion

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

 

 

 

Roti Prata flip ah flip!

 

You posted a video of yourself?   Interesting.

 

But with wheat flour being unhealthy,  imagine all these carbohydrates being shaken up in this mass you flip flop, what will this doe to your stomach ???

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, doncoin said:

 

When things are difficult and challenging, at work, at home etc. recall a moment when you feel in control. It can be a moment from childhood like when you first mastered balancing and riding a 2-wheel bicycle (that was mine) without falling off.

 

The thing is learning to trust ourselves, the inner strength that we have to overcome. It sounds cliché, and even I was rolling my eyes, when the coach was guiding me through the process. But after being led through the process, I realised she has a good point. Regardless of the challenging situation, it is important that we go back to that moment of strength  that is within us and manifest that power. 

 

It is not about having a positive or negative mindset or anything, but really looking within yourself to find the strength. Too often we let the world put us down and let the outside voices drown the inner voice within.  

 

 

Hmmm....   all what you wrote before... isn't it a way to have a posltive mind set?   Isn't the mind set the ultimate result, the goal?

[doncoin]

28 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Hmmm....   all what you wrote before... isn't it a way to have a posltive mind set?   Isn't the mind set the ultimate result, the goal?

 

 

The difference is this comes from a personal experience of an actual event. It is more tangible than just an abstract positive mind set having lived through the experience of empowerment.  I had asked the same question to the coach. We all know what a positive mind set is, and yes, it works to some degree, but it is always abstract. You know the macro not the micro. 

[Guest Info needed]

It will be nice if TS provide at least more information about himself to determine the time of his life now.

 

Disclosing of Age.   This will put an end to any additional rumors about his age, as his circumstances and mindset vary depending on when in life one is in their early or late 20s or mid 80s.  If not, there would be no use for an Octgarian with an antiquated viewpoint to counsel a person in their mid-30s who is living in a different period to find the solution with probably never existed in modern days.

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 4/5/2024 at 12:07 AM, Forbidden Vulpes said:

I, born in Singapore at 97, Chinese, is unable to get a job... probably due to my nature of inability to trust and get close to any human being, need help in getting a job and sustaining in one.. as working in one while feeling everyone is picking on me/singling me out as though I am a whole other category of being feels crappy. 
It makes "you" not want to work in that environment, or any for my experience as that is how its been feeling like everywhere I go.. 

It all begin from the fact that I lost faith in humanity since young, getting deceived and betrayed upon bring you to that side of darkness in life..

I am looking for help, someone or some way to get through with this feeling.. and able to sustain in any job with you or by myself.
please as i am at my edge..

 

Who knows,  maybe what can be of help is to find an activity, a professional one if possible,  where human interaction is quite low in importance.  We gays may have a certain "autism?" that attracts us to the arts, science, and...  to the material in the form of technique.  Objects of applied science in the areas of mechanics, electricity, electronics.

 

I just watched a video where we see an interesting manufacturing line.  One of ... hundreds,... thousands:

 

 

There are few "secrets" in the production of electric motors, which is done not only in China but all over the world.  Notice the rigorous steps in the process, the dedicated actions and machines employed by the workers.   There cannot be 300,000 electric vehicles without their 300,000 motors, all perfectly reliable, without a careful manufacturing organization with crucially important processes, products of careful planing, designs of machines, training of workers.  Who does this?

 

Not the MBAs or sociology mayors, office employes, bosses.  It is done by engineers, industrial engineers with skills of mechanical, electrical, electronic engineering and programming skills.  Only a minimum of sociology and human interaction is required.  Little opportunity to feel "creepy" due to the looks from other people around.  Instead, one can feel motivated by solving the technical challenges, which can even rise some passion.  There is job security associated to the specific knowledge of this task.  It is much easier to fire an office amployee or a blue-collar worker,  than the engineer supervising a section of the production line.  

 

I don't know about the abundance of manufacturing and other technical jobs in Singapore.  But there must be many.  Who has the responsibility to maintain the fleet of airplanes of Singapore Airlines?

 

A technical work does not mean a lack of spirituality.  It applies our brain's reasoning power as much as that of a doctor, lawyer, judge,...  but not a politician, who can be constantly wrong and still receive plenty of votes, ha ha.

.

Edited September 20, 2024 by Steve5380

[Steve5380]

On 9/16/2024 at 11:48 AM, doncoin said:

 

 

The difference is this comes from a personal experience of an actual event. It is more tangible than just an abstract positive mind set having lived through the experience of empowerment.  I had asked the same question to the coach. We all know what a positive mind set is, and yes, it works to some degree, but it is always abstract. You know the macro not the micro. 

 

I know the macro but not the micro???  Fella... I have studied the physics of relativity ( macro ) and the principles of quantum mechanics ( micro ).

 

There is no positive mind set if we never have positive experiences that define what is positive for us.  So a positive mind set implies that we had and recognized positive experiences.  This is why I wrote that the positive mind set is the ultimate result.

[doncoin]

46 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I know the macro but not the micro???  Fella... I have studied the physics of relativity ( macro ) and the principles of quantum mechanics ( micro ).

 

There is no positive mind set if we never have positive experiences that define what is positive for us.  So a positive mind set implies that we had and recognized positive experiences.  This is why I wrote that the positive mind set is the ultimate result.

 

 

It seems there’s a misunderstanding regarding the relationship between a positive mindset and personal experience. While it’s true that personal experiences can shape our outlook, a positive mindset isn’t always the result of external events. Rather, it’s a tool we develop and apply before certain experiences. It’s less about “recognizing” positivity from the past and more about cultivating the mental framework that helps you approach future challenges with optimism and resilience.

 

You mentioned that positive experiences define positivity for us—but that’s only part of the equation. A positive mindset isn’t passive, waiting for external validation. It’s proactive. It allows us to reframe and find value even in difficult situations, building resilience regardless of the external circumstances. In that sense, the macro and micro are interconnected: the “macro” perspective of a positive mindset influences how we perceive and handle the “micro” events of everyday life.

 

The idea that relativity (macro) and quantum mechanics (micro) are distinct is accurate in physics, but life isn’t always so binary. A positive mindset is about blending both the macro (overall optimism) and micro (responding to individual moments), allowing us to navigate complexity effectively.

[Steve5380]

17 minutes ago, doncoin said:

 

It seems there’s a misunderstanding regarding the relationship between a positive mindset and personal experience. While it’s true that personal experiences can shape our outlook, a positive mindset isn’t always the result of external events. Rather, it’s a tool we develop and apply before certain experiences. It’s less about “recognizing” positivity from the past and more about cultivating the mental framework that helps you approach future challenges with optimism and resilience.

 

You mentioned that positive experiences define positivity for us—but that’s only part of the equation. A positive mindset isn’t passive, waiting for external validation. It’s proactive. It allows us to reframe and find value even in difficult situations, building resilience regardless of the external circumstances. In that sense, the macro and micro are interconnected: the “macro” perspective of a positive mindset influences how we perceive and handle the “micro” events of everyday life.

 

The idea that relativity (macro) and quantum mechanics (micro) are distinct is accurate in physics, but life isn’t always so binary. A positive mindset is about blending both the macro (overall optimism) and micro (responding to individual moments), allowing us to navigate complexity effectively.

 

This seems to be a rather superfluous discussion. Why make the difference between a positive experience and a positive mindset?  Isn't a mindset also AN EXPERIENCE?

 

A recollection of good things that happened to us is a good thing.  But why should we recollect the past to experience the present and future?  The TS may have have had few positive experiences, enough to identify "positive", and also many negative ones.  If I could tell him: "think positive", he probably can conjure thoughts, feelings that make him feel good,  and not necessarily having to look back in his life for his good experiences.  But I don't see a need to continue this discussion.

[ToughGuy]

On 4/22/2024 at 1:11 PM, singalion said:

 

But the push must come from him.

10,000 therapists can listen and maybe suggest something, but in the end it depends on him alone ...

 

 

Well said.... He has to crawl out from this dungeon on his own....

 

If you finds comfort in this dungeon, no one can help him

[Steve5380]

4 minutes ago, ToughGuy said:

Well said.... He has to crawl out from this dungeon on his own....

 

If you finds comfort in this dungeon, no one can help him

 

Congratulations for being a ToughGuy.  But not everyone is.  Most of us, here and there, receive help to crawl out from our dungeons.  ( so it is not completely "on our own" ). And, having had such help,  we like to help others the same way.  There should be NO SHAME in being weak, when we want to escape such weakness.

[ToughGuy]

3 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Congratulations for being a ToughGuy.  But not everyone is.  Most of us, here and there, receive help to crawl out from our dungeons.  ( so it is not completely "on our own" ). And, having had such help,  we like to help others the same way.  There should be NO SHAME in being weak, when we want to escape such weakness.

With some help or assistance, the "recovery" process will be easier ..by making this thread is already an effort but TS has to do more... Every micro step counts.

 

Hope TS can find a  buddy to build trust and confidence. 

 

Manifesting negativity will surely worsen the situation. 

[Guest Sunlight]

11 hours ago, ToughGuy said:

With some help or assistance, the "recovery" process will be easier ..by making this thread is already an effort but TS has to do more... Every micro step counts.

 

Hope TS can find a  buddy to build trust and confidence. 

 

Manifesting negativity will surely worsen the situation. 

Our body and our mind are not capable to manifest negativity.  It is either fight or flight reaction which is not considered negative.  Once you are in the right place, right time and right circumstances,  your entire well beings will resumed healthy normalcy - self-healings -  with or without help. 

[singalion]

12 hours ago, ToughGuy said:

Well said.... He has to crawl out from this dungeon on his own....

 

If you finds comfort in this dungeon, no one can help him

 

Keeping in the dungeon means running down even further.

Strong people are able to pull themselves from down the floor, but unfortunately not all.

 

As I wrote many times before:

Never be in total isolation. Always have a bunch of good gay friend around you who in the worst can "whack" your butt to give you a push. 

And tell you what you can do or should preferably do.

 

Note: Before some silly Guest troll comes here to claim I am promoting violence. I am totally not!