Need help..Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted

[sgTam]

I am working in MOE. Previously I was from a school. I don’t know why, suddenly all my colleagues started acting weird ard me. I suspect someone must have sent them an email about my gay lifestyle. I asked them but all said there is nothing. Even went to my principal but he said there was no email about me. But the avoidance continued. I felt very loss and depressed that no one wants to help me and tell me if anyone is spreading any info about me. 
 

I left them for Hq posting at Buona Vista. It is happening again and I am really depressed. Because my name and email of where are work can be found in the internet, I am suspecting someone who really doesn’t like me is doxxing me. But I have no evidence.

 

this is call out to fellow gays who are in Buona Vista HQ. If you know anything, can you let me know. 
 

inneed to address this. I want to report to the police but I have no evidence. Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted. 
 

pls help me if you know anything.

just send me an anonymous message.

 

thank you.. trying this as my last resort

[yogateacher]

Sorry to hear about your situation. However, since the repeal of S377A, isn't there a new clause in the HR policy protecting the LGBT community among public sector? 

 

 

Edited April 20 by yogateacher

[GWTW]

Hang in there bro~ wish I could help.

[sgTam]

Thanks.. I have completely shut off my close colleagues from my previous school… I know they care and want to help me.. but I don’t understand why they don’t want to tell me what is happening… maybe they fear what I will do if I know that my personal matters are shared .. Haiz… really lost

[DeMarko]

U are not alone ... 

 

Just concentrate on your work and treat them as transparent... 

 

After work, you are free like a bird and be happy always......

[Steve5380]

54 minutes ago, sgTam said:

Thanks.. I have completely shut off my close colleagues from my previous school… I know they care and want to help me.. but I don’t understand why they don’t want to tell me what is happening… maybe they fear what I will do if I know that my personal matters are shared .. Haiz… really lost

 

Many of us have been in a similar situation,  until we learned to overcome it.  One could say "forget it, it is all in your head",  but... it is real for you.   YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY to learn to rest importance that your colleagues act "weird" around you.   You don't say that they insult, despise, bully you.  It's just that they act "weird".   Suddenly they see you as "different"?  Different inferior, or superior?   Can you imagine that they became distant because they see you superior?  Just for fun, choose this option instead of the other.  You already know that Singapore has decriminalized gay sex,  homosexuality.  So,  you are SAFE.  

 

16 minutes ago, DeMarko said:

 

Just concentrate on your work and treat them as transparent... 

 

After work, you are free like a bird and be happy always......

 

You mean that he should ignore them?  Yes, this is a defense mechanism.  But it may not be the best.  It can be much better if @sgTam treats them the same as he has treated them before.   Like nothing has happened.   An attitude of " you can ignore ME,  but I won't ignore YOU.  I will greet you like always and make jokes with you.  If you don't answer me,  I will forgive you, ha ha "

[Samuel81]

Add me. My telegram ID is T0mm81 

[sgTam]

Will appreciate only those who can help to PM me. Pls don’t leave me hanging

[1983rophi]

7 hours ago, sgTam said:

I am working in MOE. Previously I was from a school. I don’t know why, suddenly all my colleagues started acting weird ard me. I suspect someone must have sent them an email about my gay lifestyle. I asked them but all said there is nothing. Even went to my principal but he said there was no email about me. But the avoidance continued. I felt very loss and depressed that no one wants to help me and tell me if anyone is spreading any info about me. 
 

I left them for Hq posting at Buona Vista. It is happening again and I am really depressed. Because my name and email of where are work can be found in the internet, I am suspecting someone who really doesn’t like me is doxxing me. But I have no evidence.

 

this is call out to fellow gays who are in Buona Vista HQ. If you know anything, can you let me know. 
 

inneed to address this. I want to report to the police but I have no evidence. Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted. 
 

pls help me if you know anything.

just send me an anonymous message.

 

thank you.. trying this as my last resort

hi,

i am sorry to hear about your situation,

as an outsider,

i CAN ONLY OFFER YOU ONE PIECE OF ADVICE, it might not help you but AT LEAST IT IS A STEP FORWARD> can i suggest you hire a private investigator?

[sgTam]

Actually, I did try to call a few and messaged them my situation. No private investigator replied..

[Guest Questions]

10 hours ago, sgTam said:

I am working in MOE. Previously I was from a school. I don’t know why, suddenly all my colleagues started acting weird ard me. I suspect someone must have sent them an email about my gay lifestyle. I asked them but all said there is nothing. Even went to my principal but he said there was no email about me. But the avoidance continued. I felt very loss and depressed that no one wants to help me and tell me if anyone is spreading any info about me. 
 

I left them for Hq posting at Buona Vista. It is happening again and I am really depressed. Because my name and email of where are work can be found in the internet, I am suspecting someone who really doesn’t like me is doxxing me. But I have no evidence.

 

this is call out to fellow gays who are in Buona Vista HQ. If you know anything, can you let me know. 
 

inneed to address this. I want to report to the police but I have no evidence. Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted. 
 

pls help me if you know anything.

just send me an anonymous message.

 

thank you.. trying this as my last resort

 

So it sounds like you are having a dilemma but we have to remember that we are only hearing one side and there is some stuff you might need to think about further…

 

How are you so sure that the change in the behaviour has been triggered by an email? What is so bad that could actually be revealed about you that would create such a strong reaction in not one but now two workplaces? Why would colleagues you are still in touch with still deny the email if there is one? Could there have been something else that caused their change in behaviour if it changed? If all your colleagues were avoiding you as you say, then how come you then say that you shut them off? There are lots of questions here that it would help you to examine. 
 

Perhaps rather than asking for advice here, you would be better to speak to a professional counsellor or therapist who can help you understand what might have happened and with tools to handle it. 

[sgTam]

I am not sure if it is an email.. but what else can it be for only my colleagues to act differently… of course in my school, my close colleagues tried to care for me.. but I shut them off because they don’t want to tell me anything when I ask them.. can you imagine suddenly people ard you stop talk and avoid you .. and you assume nothing is wrong? I really don’t know z.. I am over thinking because I don’t know what is happening… 

 

really sorry for this message, but I have no choice.. and that is why I am reaching out to those who work in BV and are gay who can at least tell me something.. really not seeking other advice.. sorry,, because it will not solve my issue

[Guest Question 2]

18 minutes ago, sgTam said:

really not seeking other advice.. sorry,, because it will not solve my issue

 

The above statement, made by TS, is the big reality.  What goes around comes around.  When a person is not willing to look deeper into the problem, nothing can be solved.

 

The post made by Guest Questions was to make TS to wake up.  Sadly, it was dismissed. 

 

A ripple happens because a stone is thrown into the pond.  There must be something to why TS was cast away in both offices.  Just because he is gay is not good valid reason as why people around him to act differently.  Surely, there are many gays in MOE.

 

@sgTam .. you might want to reflect upon your past action.  Should there be something that you need to apologize for it, that would probably solve your issue.

[GachiMuchi]

16 hours ago, sgTam said:

I am working in MOE. Previously I was from a school. I don’t know why, suddenly all my colleagues started acting weird ard me. I suspect someone must have sent them an email about my gay lifestyle. I asked them but all said there is nothing. Even went to my principal but he said there was no email about me. But the avoidance continued. I felt very loss and depressed that no one wants to help me and tell me if anyone is spreading any info about me. 
 

I left them for Hq posting at Buona Vista. It is happening again and I am really depressed. Because my name and email of where are work can be found in the internet, I am suspecting someone who really doesn’t like me is doxxing me. But I have no evidence.

 

this is call out to fellow gays who are in Buona Vista HQ. If you know anything, can you let me know. 
 

inneed to address this. I want to report to the police but I have no evidence. Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted. 
 

pls help me if you know anything.

just send me an anonymous message.

 

thank you.. trying this as my last resort

 

4 hours ago, sgTam said:

I am not sure if it is an email.. but what else can it be for only my colleagues to act differently… of course in my school, my close colleagues tried to care for me.. but I shut them off because they don’t want to tell me anything when I ask them.. can you imagine suddenly people ard you stop talk and avoid you .. and you assume nothing is wrong? I really don’t know z.. I am over thinking because I don’t know what is happening… 

 

really sorry for this message, but I have no choice.. and that is why I am reaching out to those who work in BV and are gay who can at least tell me something.. really not seeking other advice.. sorry,, because it will not solve my issue

1. I personally feels you are over reacting. but I might be wrong, as I don't know you.

2. If I were your colleague, I would feel that you are the person acting weird. You are going around acting anxious and "suspecting" people around you, trying to doxx or gaslighting you.

3. You might have Delusions of Persecution. It's when you're convinced that someone is mistreating, conspiring against, or planning to harm you or your loved one.

4. Are you on drugs? or have some kind of mental issues? Otherwise, why would you think someone is trying to hurt you or destroy your life?

5. You might want to speak to a counselor e.g. https://oogachaga.com/services

 

You don't need your colleague's approval and neither do you need them to be your friends. 

You just need to do your work in your professional capacity and show results to your superior.

Their views are not important. What matter's most is you did your work in the office and you go home after work and they to their homes.

So long as your gayness does not affects your work and you are not involved in any sexual harassment cases in your office, you should have nothing to fear.

If your "fear" actually comes true and someone did send letter to your company and that they found out that you are gay, then, it would be a good time for you to come out and be fabulous!

All the best!

[Guest Hmm]

Yea OP sounds a little psychotic to be honest... like what makes you so sure there's been a change in behaviour and that it is related to your "gay lifestyle" - whatever that even means... have you been walking around your workplace wrapped in rainbow flags or something?

 

Calm down please. 

[tyan]

From your situation, you seem to be just suspecting someone is saying bad things about you. But you have no evidence.
 

I will suggest that you ignore it at this point of time and focus on doing your work well. 

 

Try to establish connection back with your previous school, even with the one closest to you. Ask him/her out for a casual gathering with the excuse of catching up. He/she might choose to tell u what really happens after a while. 
 

[96miniboy]

Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. However, I'm more curious about what kind of negative consequences there might be if a teacher is found to be a LGBT?

[singalion]

On 4/20/2024 at 7:27 AM, sgTam said:

I am working in MOE. Previously I was from a school. I don’t know why, suddenly all my colleagues started acting weird ard me. I suspect someone must have sent them an email about my gay lifestyle. I asked them but all said there is nothing. Even went to my principal but he said there was no email about me. But the avoidance continued. I felt very loss and depressed that no one wants to help me and tell me if anyone is spreading any info about me. 
 

I left them for Hq posting at Buona Vista. It is happening again and I am really depressed. Because my name and email of where are work can be found in the internet, I am suspecting someone who really doesn’t like me is doxxing me. But I have no evidence.

 

this is call out to fellow gays who are in Buona Vista HQ. If you know anything, can you let me know. 
 

inneed to address this. I want to report to the police but I have no evidence. Everyone is acting weird all of the sudden avoiding me but tell me there is nothing wrong. I feel gaslighted. 
 

pls help me if you know anything.

just send me an anonymous message.

 

thank you.. trying this as my last resort

 

Recently, there was an exact similar post on BW with the same issue...

 

Ask your best trusted colleague.

 

But I assume you are having some illusions on what is happening.

 

 

 

 

[yogateacher]

On 4/20/2024 at 7:14 PM, sgTam said:

I am not sure if it is an email.. but what else can it be for only my colleagues to act differently… of course in my school, my close colleagues tried to care for me.. but I shut them off because they don’t want to tell me anything when I ask them.. can you imagine suddenly people ard you stop talk and avoid you .. and you assume nothing is wrong? I really don’t know z.. I am over thinking because I don’t know what is happening… 

 

really sorry for this message, but I have no choice.. and that is why I am reaching out to those who work in BV and are gay who can at least tell me something.. really not seeking other advice.. sorry,, because it will not solve my issue

 

Perhaps your close colleagues are trying to protect you by not telling you anything.

[仙人掌]

.
 

Edited May 25 by 仙人掌

[Guest huh?]

On 4/20/2024 at 10:14 AM, sgTam said:

 I don’t understand why they don’t want to tell me what is happening…

Never heard of the phrase : IGNORANCE is a bliss?

[auscent]

I assume you did not do anything illegal, else youll be fired. Maybe something against mainstream.

 

Stay strong, focus on work. Be patient. After some time, when they see ure not a threat, someone's bound to explain what happened.

[sgTam]

Thanks everyone… just to update… my colleagues are behaving ok now.. I guess.. their initial reaction stems from the shock of the discovery that I am not straight. 
 

but I still cannot find anyone to share how and what they know. 
 

While I know I have been overthinking, just want to share with anyone who faces a similar situation, I can understand why we overthink… it is easier to say not to, but to the one who is experiencing the situation.. we cannot think rationally… anyway.. am glad things are better now.

 

appreciate the comforting words from fellow LGBT members.

[Steve5380]

35 minutes ago, sgTam said:

Thanks everyone… just to update… my colleagues are behaving ok now.. I guess.. their initial reaction stems from the shock of the discovery that I am not straight. 
 

but I still cannot find anyone to share how and what they know. 
 

While I know I have been overthinking, just want to share with anyone who faces a similar situation, I can understand why we overthink… it is easier to say not to, but to the one who is experiencing the situation.. we cannot think rationally… anyway.. am glad things are better now.

 

appreciate the comforting words from fellow LGBT members.

 

Now that you know that their initial reaction stems from the discovery that you are "not straight",  now as a gay person you have the responsibility to give GAY a good name. 

 

Be a model of rationality.  Cultivate and display your happiness and satisfaction. Don't give any importance to your sexual orientation, defend the position you know is correct, that it does not make any difference, and it is not morally wrong.  Don't argue, but feel that by being gay you are not in any way less than what they are.