Why do some people only keep saying "hi", "how are you?", "morning/evening"?

[kwongheng]

Just like to understand the thought process here of people who when on chats only ever do "hi", "how are you?" or "morning/evening" so similar. When you answer back "hi" or "hi back" or similar, there are no effort to converse or even ask for what they actually want. The next day, it starts all over again. Of course, the finger could be pointed back at me as to why I didn't start the conversation. If I am the one initiating conversation, I will do so. Then there are others who would gripe: "Well, why don't you just start the conversation, why must you wait for the others to start?" I guess do it or don't do it, you are damned lolz.  Anyway, my question here is not whether or not I am in the wrong (blame me for all I care), my question here is what is the thought process behind people who want to initiate a chat but all they can come up with is "hi", "morning/evening" or "how are you?" and even if you really try to converse with them, it's like hitting a brick wall.

 

This reminds me of a situation quite long ago when I was doing a technical interview for IT position. Even though I would very much like the company to hire a local or at least Malaysian, most of those candidates are very bad at starting and engaging in conversation. They don't seem to have any passion or interest in perusing technology outside work or at least some passion for a hobby. I have to keep prompting them to give me more information about what they said, it felt like talking to a alpha release version of chatAI who only answers that one question but don't know how to expand the conversation to make it interesting. Granted that these are IT people and they are known to be generally introverts. If it was for sales or marketing or legal position, it may be very different. However, when I compared the same candidates from other countries, they were very eloquent and able to keep the conversation going.  It is very typical for some locals to complain about foreigners taking away their job, but for my case, I didn't think they did any favor to themselves.

[Guest Haha]

11 minutes ago, kwongheng said:

Just like to understand the thought process here of people who when on chats only ever do "hi", "how are you?" or "morning/evening" so similar. When you answer back "hi" or "hi back" or similar, there are no effort to converse or even ask for what they actually want. The next day, it starts all over again. Of course, the finger could be pointed back at me as to why I didn't start the conversation. If I am the one initiating conversation, I will do so. Then there are others who would gripe: "Well, why don't you just start the conversation, why must you wait for the others to start?" I guess do it or don't do it, you are damned lolz.  Anyway, my question here is not whether or not I am in the wrong (blame me for all I care), my question here is what is the thought process behind people who want to initiate a chat but all they can come up with is "hi", "morning/evening" or "how are you?" and even if you really try to converse with them, it's like hitting a brick wall.

 

This reminds me of a situation quite long ago when I was doing a technical interview for IT position. Even though I would very much like the company to hire a local or at least Malaysian, most of those candidates are very bad at starting and engaging in conversation. They don't seem to have any passion or interest in perusing technology outside work or at least some passion for a hobby. I have to keep prompting them to give me more information about what they said, it felt like talking to a alpha release version of chatAI who only answers that one question but don't know how to expand the conversation to make it interesting. Granted that these are IT people and they are known to be generally introverts. If it was for sales or marketing or legal position, it may be very different. However, when I compared the same candidates from other countries, they were very eloquent and able to keep the conversation going.  It is very typical for some locals to complain about foreigners taking away their job, but for my case, I didn't think they did any favor to themselves.

 

I think it's generation thing. 

Like at my workplace, you'll see older generation, go toilet etc... Will engage in small talk or chit chat alot. 

 

Another generation will use smartphone until stand at urinal also looking at phone to avoid conversations. 

 

And the latest generation, fresh grad new hire recently, they walked around with earbud from the moment they get in office to the toilet and home. 

 

I also find it funny cause I mentioned to my colleague, I guess this new age work force they go home also wear earbud 24/7.

 

Honestly are they really working if they are listening to music the whole day? 

 

I guess they also wear earbud in lecture or when taking exam. 

 

Having said that, I'm also not the most chatty bunch at work cause I've been backstabbed before from previous work. 

 

So I filter everything I say at work. If its not work related. Then it's non of your business. Dont care if you are the manager or the boss. 

 

I'm paid to just do a job. That's it. 

If you want a conversationalist, then pay me your salary grade then I can chit chat with u all you want at work. 

 

Until then, I'm just a white collar slave who can't afford to live in luxury in this age. Unlike you boss... 

 

So don't speak to me. 

 

Likr my workplace only those "managers" can afford to drive car and live in condo. Engineers can't even afford to buy a house. 

 

And we are supposed to make the boss feel good about him? 

 

My team all give the boss silence treatment. Speak when only spoken to. 

 

Anything else team related, we just go about don't invite the boss. 

 

When boss wanna invite us to lunch, we all just keep quiet and make it awkward so he won't do it again. 

 

Honestly lunch time is personal time. We already have to be slaves for the rest of the office hours. Not sure why bosses thinks we must also serve them and listen to them or chit chat with them during lunch. 

 

Lol

[kwongheng]

I don't talk to colleagues in general at work and I don't even like to network or socialize outside work nor even those LGBT network events in the company. However, this has little to do with conversational skills in an interview or when you want to initiate a chat with someone, which as to do with development of character, IMHO.

[singalion]

34 minutes ago, kwongheng said:

Just like to understand the thought process here of people who when on chats only ever do "hi", "how are you?" or "morning/evening" so similar. When you answer back "hi" or "hi back" or similar, there are no effort to converse or even ask for what they actually want. The next day, it starts all over again. Of course, the finger could be pointed back at me as to why I didn't start the conversation. If I am the one initiating conversation, I will do so. Then there are others who would gripe: "Well, why don't you just start the conversation, why must you wait for the others to start?" I guess do it or don't do it, you are damned lolz.  Anyway, my question here is not whether or not I am in the wrong (blame me for all I care), my question here is what is the thought process behind people who want to initiate a chat but all they can come up with is "hi", "morning/evening" or "how are you?" and even if you really try to converse with them, it's like hitting a brick wall.

 

This reminds me of a situation quite long ago when I was doing a technical interview for IT position. Even though I would very much like the company to hire a local or at least Malaysian, most of those candidates are very bad at starting and engaging in conversation. They don't seem to have any passion or interest in perusing technology outside work or at least some passion for a hobby. I have to keep prompting them to give me more information about what they said, it felt like talking to a alpha release version of chatAI who only answers that one question but don't know how to expand the conversation to make it interesting. Granted that these are IT people and they are known to be generally introverts. If it was for sales or marketing or legal position, it may be very different. However, when I compared the same candidates from other countries, they were very eloquent and able to keep the conversation going.  It is very typical for some locals to complain about foreigners taking away their job, but for my case, I didn't think they did any favor to themselves.

 

On the first topic about "Hi, etc" I think I could name 58 reasons...

Just for clarification, did you mean on gay apps?

 

There are people who reply to a hi with another hi and this goes on for days.

 

I m not sure why after a "Hi " response they don't initiate any chat or just simply write something.

 

I assume they are shy from previous rejections and don't intend to initiate a discussion.

 

The "hi" seems actually to mean a tap but they don't tap because you wrote in the profile that you don't respond to taps.

 

If it is not a "morning, hi " it often starts with a "How are you?"

 

But maybe you should ask the persons, why they only reciprocate with a "Hi" and don't start to chat at all...

 

It could be a reflection of a low self confidence also...

 

Often I would respond after the 3rd "Hi" exchange whether we will get out of the greeting phase... 😂

 

 

[singalion]

43 minutes ago, kwongheng said:

This reminds me of a situation quite long ago when I was doing a technical interview for IT position. Even though I would very much like the company to hire a local or at least Malaysian, most of those candidates are very bad at starting and engaging in conversation. They don't seem to have any passion or interest in perusing technology outside work or at least some passion for a hobby. I have to keep prompting them to give me more information about what they said, it felt like talking to a alpha release version of chatAI who only answers that one question but don't know how to expand the conversation to make it interesting. Granted that these are IT people and they are known to be generally introverts. If it was for sales or marketing or legal position, it may be very different. However, when I compared the same candidates from other countries, they were very eloquent and able to keep the conversation going.  It is very typical for some locals to complain about foreigners taking away their job, but for my case, I didn't think they did any favor to themselves.

 

Maybe you address the second part to Skills Future?

 

 

[Guest Why must talk]

1 hour ago, kwongheng said:

I don't talk to colleagues in general at work and I don't even like to network or socialize outside work nor even those LGBT network events in the company. However, this has little to do with conversational skills in an interview or when you want to initiate a chat with someone, which as to do with development of character, IMHO.

 

The other side of the argument is that if the colleague has so much things to say and talk at work and disrupt others. Isn't that a bad thing? 

 

I have a colleague who is super eager to talk to everyone. Basically he wants to be the popular guy. The one who knows everything t blah blah. It's a calculated move to be promoted to be seen as a team player. 

 

Most colleague don't really want to talk to him. 

 

Then we have another colleague female who is quiet but sometimes you see her you want to chit chat with her cause she very nice. Sometimes she bake something at home, share with team quietly. Want to listen to your story or problem to lend a ear. And she don't gossip. Always smiling. Can sense her genuine sisterly quality. 

 

So if you want colleague to talk to you. Maybe you should be a better listener. 

 

Most people talk at work is either bragging about their life.. Holiday go where etc. If not its to whine and complain about client or boss or colleagues. Or talk about the recent politics. New PM bla bla.

 

If not talk about what? Weather? Cheap small talk. Waste time. Talk about politics? Oh I have a colleague who basically every lunch conversation is just parrot what he read in reddit. Regurtitate the information he consumed on cna or cnn that morning. One might wonder does he spend all the time online to gain stories to talk during lunch. Lol. 

 

Then have colleagues who talk about their common interests outside of work. Bouldering. Other colleagues can't join in conversation cause it's very specific to the sport they like. 

 

Then got colleague who everyday just talk about their. Children. The teacher la. The maid la. Like we very interested in their life like that. 

 

So yeah. Conversation at work are all calculated or insincere or motivated by an agenda. 

 

So talk less at work. Last longer. 

[kwongheng]

1 hour ago, singalion said:

 

Maybe you address the second part to Skills Future?

 

 

You mean Skills future to learn interviewing skills? That's actually a good idea. But my point here is that it may be a characteristic of local or Malaysian education system and social system that seems to make them unattractive technically in an interview as candidates compare to someone from other countries. This may nor may not translate to the ability of some (quite a lot actually) gay man to start a good conversation in online apps.

[kwongheng]

1 minute ago, Guest Why must talk said:

 

The other side of the argument is that if the colleague has so much things to say and talk at work and disrupt others. Isn't that a bad thing? 

 

I have a colleague who is super eager to talk to everyone. Basically he wants to be the popular guy. The one who knows everything t blah blah. It's a calculated move to be promoted to be seen as a team player. 

 

Most colleague don't really want to talk to him. 

 

Then we have another colleague female who is quiet but sometimes you see her you want to chit chat with her cause she very nice. Sometimes she bake something at home, share with team quietly. Want to listen to your story or problem to lend a ear. And she don't gossip. Always smiling. Can sense her genuine sisterly quality. 

 

So if you want colleague to talk to you. Maybe you should be a better listener. 

 

Most people talk at work is either bragging about their life.. Holiday go where etc. If not its to whine and complain about client or boss or colleagues. Or talk about the recent politics. New PM bla bla.

 

If not talk about what? Weather? Cheap small talk. Waste time. Talk about politics? Oh I have a colleague who basically every lunch conversation is just parrot what he read in reddit. Regurtitate the information he consumed on cna or cnn that morning. One might wonder does he spend all the time online to gain stories to talk during lunch. Lol. 

 

Then have colleagues who talk about their common interests outside of work. Bouldering. Other colleagues can't join in conversation cause it's very specific to the sport they like. 

 

Then got colleague who everyday just talk about their. Children. The teacher la. The maid la. Like we very interested in their life like that. 

 

So yeah. Conversation at work are all calculated or insincere or motivated by an agenda. 

 

So talk less at work. Last longer. 

 

Did you actually read my original post? Not sure how this became about conversation at work. I was just reply to the "Guest Haha" that we are not talking about office conversations.

[Guest Protocol]

6 hours ago, kwongheng said:

I don't talk to colleagues in general at work and I don't even like to network or socialize outside work nor even those LGBT network events in the company. However, this has little to do with conversational skills in an interview or when you want to initiate a chat with someone, which as to do with development of character, IMHO.

Interview is prompted by interviewer to start a conversation.  Interviewees are only oblidged to answer what was being asked, no more no less, or risked talking too much due to time constraints.  How much interviews would want to converse will depend on the behaviour of interviewers.   I hate to entertain interviewers if I suspect I may not be shortlisted or the interviewer is a weirdo or I don't think I was keen in the job vacancy anymore. 

 

Back to your topic on why people only say "Hi", "How are you" or "good morning".  It is just another polite way to welcome someone into the chat room without needing to say "Welcome".    

 

In fact, I would not even want to chat with someone I suspected who love to "Judge" or throw shade on others at the onset of a conversation.  Are u one of those people?

[Guest HeHe]

6 hours ago, Guest Haha said:

 

I think it's generation thing. 

Like at my workplace, you'll see older generation, go toilet etc... Will engage in small talk or chit chat alot. 

 

Another generation will use smartphone until stand at urinal also looking at phone to avoid conversations. 

 

And the latest generation, fresh grad new hire recently, they walked around with earbud from the moment they get in office to the toilet and home. 

 

The older generation still live in their Kampong spirit, they don't shy away chatting to bond and can't wait to share their past life stories.   Simply passing their days in routine works.

The mid generation busy with smartphone - they are at their prime - talking to bf/gf. children, wife, mother/father, uncles, and always keeping themself in the loop of all things officials and personal.   They are in trend,  not wanting to lose out on latest news that may affect their plan in life.  Crisis mode, pursuing dreams.

 

The latest generation - spoilt brat.  They don't give a shit about work or office, let alone making friends with the above two generations.  They have their own group of young kakis to mingle with, and talk about studies,  latest toys in town and have no let of financial supports from their parents if they felt like quitting, anytime, anyday they wished.  No commitment in life to worry about.  Sometimes, you see them with a group of young people in town, playing, or with their parents in restaurants.

[lonelyglobe]

I would think they probably do it out of boredom or just passing time while on public transport.  They don't really mean to have a nice and meaningful conversation with u. 

[T1m0thy]

I would simply ignore these profiles for the second strike, and block them for the third strike. 

[singalion]

1 hour ago, T1m0thy said:

I would simply ignore these profiles for the second strike, and block them for the third strike. 

 

Why need to block?

Just don't reply but don't block. Blocking is rude!

 

 

[singalion]

4 hours ago, Guest HeHe said:

The older generation still live in their Kampong spirit, they don't shy away chatting to bond and can't wait to share their past life stories.   Simply passing their days in routine works.

The mid generation busy with smartphone - they are at their prime - talking to bf/gf. children, wife, mother/father, uncles, and always keeping themself in the loop of all things officials and personal.   They are in trend,  not wanting to lose out on latest news that may affect their plan in life.  Crisis mode, pursuing dreams.

 

The latest generation - spoilt brat.  They don't give a shit about work or office, let alone making friends with the above two generations.  They have their own group of young kakis to mingle with, and talk about studies,  latest toys in town and have no let of financial supports from their parents if they felt like quitting, anytime, anyday they wished.  No commitment in life to worry about.  Sometimes, you see them with a group of young people in town, playing, or with their parents in restaurants.

 

Strangely, the last category (latest generation) are the ones that frequent the mental health specialists seeking advice on their pretended or alleged traumas, psychosis, feeling not desired or lonelyness...or any other whims...

 

 

 

[singalion]

9 hours ago, Guest Why must talk said:

 

If not talk about what? Weather? Cheap small talk. Waste time. Talk about politics? Oh I have a colleague who basically every lunch conversation is just parrot what he read in reddit. Regurtitate the information he consumed on cna or cnn that morning. One might wonder does he spend all the time online to gain stories to talk during lunch.

 

I thought rising costs, prices and inflation would be the issue, in particular not finding any chicken rice stall selling at S$3...

 

 

[T1m0thy]

1 hour ago, singalion said:

 

Why need to block?

Just don't reply but don't block. Blocking is rude!

 

 

 

On dating apps, I already state in my bio that I am seeking fun only, not chats/dates/friends/networking. So I don't want to continue meaningless conversation with them. Save time for both parties. 

 

Is blocking rude? I don't think so. And I don't mind being blocked as well. Again, save both their time and mine. 

Edited May 17, 2024 by T1m0thy

[doncoin]

For me greeting people has more to do with my acknowledgement of their presence, and they are not invisible to me, especially when occupying the same physical space. 

 

I think people who shut themselves off, i.e. preoccupied with their phones or headphones, just prefer not to engage or interact with the world that is around them for whatever reasons. We should respect their choices unless it is going to impact us at work. I.e. collaborating on a project will require some level of communication and interaction. 

 

 

[Steve5380]

21 hours ago, T1m0thy said:

 

On dating apps, I already state in my bio that I am seeking fun only, not chats/dates/friends/networking. So I don't want to continue meaningless conversation with them. Save time for both parties. 

 

Is blocking rude? I don't think so. And I don't mind being blocked as well. Again, save both their time and mine. 

 

You seek fun only?  WHO does not??  Or you think that some of them seek suffering?   Your post seems to imply that for you, the only fun is SEX. 

 

Hopefully one day you widen your choices.  There can be fun in EXPERIENCES.  And any conversation with another person is an experience, even if the topic is trivial.  It is a human interaction, with another mind, another soul.  Looking each other in the eyes is already a conversation without words.  Learn to enjoy it. 

[T1m0thy]

24 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You seek fun only?  WHO does not??  Or you think that some of them seek suffering?   Your post seems to imply that for you, the only fun is SEX. 

 

Hopefully one day you widen your choices.  There can be fun in EXPERIENCES.  And any conversation with another person is an experience, even if the topic is trivial.  It is a human interaction, with another mind, another soul.  Looking each other in the eyes is already a conversation without words.  Learn to enjoy it. 

 

Everyone on those dating apps knows what ‘fun’ means. Don’t need to play with words here. 
 

I assume that you’re an extrovert so you enjoy chats and conversations. But there are many introverted people who don’t like human interaction at all. So stop lecturing and learn to respect others who’re different from you. 

[auscent]

Im one of those who attract unwanted talks fr colleagues. But quite a few are not genuine or interesting. 

 

So now, I resort to short hi's and avoid eye contact.

Edited May 18, 2024 by auscent

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, T1m0thy said:

 

Everyone on those dating apps knows what ‘fun’ means. Don’t need to play with words here. 
 

I assume that you’re an extrovert so you enjoy chats and conversations. But there are many introverted people who don’t like human interaction at all. So stop lecturing and learn to respect others who’re different from you. 

 

I also know what 'fun' means. What is wrong with being playful? 😀

 

I am a former introverted who with the years changed to extroverted.  So I know where I am coming from, and I know that the change is positive.  By lecturing others who may be different from me I am not disrespectful.  My lecturing included teaching engineering undergraduates, most different from me, and no one found me "disrespectful".  And if I lecture at BW here and there,  take it as a compliment,  because I would not lecture people unable to understand and appreciate my lecturing.

[Guest Play fool]

2 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

What is wrong with being playful? 😀

 

 

Many things can go wrong being "Playful".   Young children can cause death being playful with gun,  adult can cause accident being playful with dangerous activities.  It is common in America and being "playful" is not a good thing.

[Steve5380]

44 minutes ago, Guest Play fool said:

Many things can go wrong being "Playful".   Young children can cause death being playful with gun,  adult can cause accident being playful with dangerous activities.  It is common in America and being "playful" is not a good thing.

 

So... to play with words can cause death?   One should know with whom to do this play...  I think it is safe in an online forum!  

[Guest U didnt know?]

11 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

So... to play with words can cause death?   One should know with whom to do this play...  I think it is safe in an online forum!  

From Asian perspective, certain playful words can be deemed rude, hurtful, and unnecessary. 

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest U didnt know? said:

From Asian perspective, certain playful words can be deemed rude, hurtful, and unnecessary. 

 

OF COURSE!  Playful and not playful words can be rude, hurtful, unnecessary.   Please read what @T1m0thy wrote about "I am seeking fun only" and what I replied to him, which was NOT a play with words. I replied not about "fun",  but about "fun only".  I followed his "playing" with a comment that was neither rude nor hurtful nor unnecessary.

[kwongheng]

On 5/17/2024 at 7:19 PM, Guest Protocol said:

0Interview is prompted by interviewer to start a conversation.  Interviewees are only oblidged to answer what was being asked, no more no less, or risked talking too much due to time constraints.  How much interviews would want to converse will depend on the behaviour of interviewers.   I hate to entertain interviewers if I suspect I may not be shortlisted or the interviewer is a weirdo or I don't think I was keen in the job vacancy anymore. 

 

Back to your topic on why people only say "Hi", "How are you" or "good morning".  It is just another polite way to welcome someone into the chat room without needing to say "Welcome".    

 

In fact, I would not even want to chat with someone I suspected who love to "Judge" or throw shade on others at the onset of a conversation.  Are u one of those people?

 

Of course, interviews are prompted by interviewer, I have both been an interviewee and interviewer. But the view on interviewees being only obliged to answer questions perhaps is adequate for low-to-middle end positions, but not in an IT position in the finance industry, in my case (this is only my example, please don't stuck on the words but understand the meaning behind). At least for me, it requires good EQ during interview to engage with interviewer and a display of good thought process and passion for technology and troubleshooting, if someone really wants the job. My point has nothing to do with the interview (everyone seems to hung up on this point), my point here is that based on my experience (again it's my experience not yours, don't have to accuse me of generalization), I found that Singaporeans or Malaysian candidates whom I have interviewed are less engaging compared to candidates from other countries whom I have interviewed. Mind you these are all candidates that are coming from recruitment firms after vetting, not just random resume sent in from the streets. 

On the second point. you mean saying "hi", "how are you", "good morning" on the same chat every single day is a way to say "welcome"? And if I reply back "re hi", they will continue with "hi". If they want to arrange for fun, why not just so up front? If they want to start a meaningful conversation, it is definitely not the way. People don't seem to get the point of the original post. 

Last point, no point answering that question to someone who posts anonymously, hiding behind the keyboard and free from personal responsibility. Yes, that is very judgy of me, especially towards anonymous posters who don't hold any responsibilities for what they say on the internet.

[Guest Shush]

Silence is golden. 

[D.0284]

communication skills is essential for working professional. greetings is a good way to start a good communication skill. especially in the digital era, those who master the skills of communication could easily engage with their targeted audiences.

[Guest Anti social]

8 hours ago, D.0284 said:

communication skills is essential for working professional. greetings is a good way to start a good communication skill. especially in the digital era, those who master the skills of communication could easily engage with their targeted audiences.

 

I always hate colleagues who like to stop at walkway and engage in conversation. It's a walkway don't block the pathway. Your conversation ain't that important. Your communication skills ain't that special. You aren't that special. Go sit in your cubicle and grind in silence and abuse like the rest of us. 

 

Workplace is like a library. Intellectual discussion is welcome. It's not a pub. For your story telling and merry making. 

[goldenveins]

On 5/17/2024 at 7:40 PM, Guest HeHe said:

The older generation still live in their Kampong spirit, they don't shy away chatting to bond and can't wait to share their past life stories.   Simply passing their days in routine works.

The mid generation busy with smartphone - they are at their prime - talking to bf/gf. children, wife, mother/father, uncles, and always keeping themself in the loop of all things officials and personal.   They are in trend,  not wanting to lose out on latest news that may affect their plan in life.  Crisis mode, pursuing dreams.

 

The latest generation - spoilt brat.  They don't give a shit about work or office, let alone making friends with the above two generations.  They have their own group of young kakis to mingle with, and talk about studies,  latest toys in town and have no let of financial supports from their parents if they felt like quitting, anytime, anyday they wished.  No commitment in life to worry about.  Sometimes, you see them with a group of young people in town, playing, or with their parents in restaurants.

 

Funnily enough, my experience with - as well as the experience of people I know - tended to be the opposite of this when it came to initiating conversation for dating & intimacy.

 

A couple of years after my father passed away, my Mom started dipping her toes into online dating and would sometimes share her experience with prospects with me; her main complaint was that men in her age group were doing exactly this "Hi", "Gd morning", "How r u" thing. Many couldn't even be bothered to spell out the full words. The word we both ended up agreeing upon to describe this sort of online persona was "insipid".

 

Ironically she had much more positive conversational experiences with younger men who were closer to my age (if not younger) and while they didn't become dating prospects, they became friends who inspired my mother with their refreshing outlooks in life, and they drew on my mom as a source of wisdom that comes from worldly experience.

 

Meanwhile on my end I seem to get the same majority response from men across the board, if not slightly worse. It's "hi" then "seek" without so much as punctuation. If I am in a good mood then I will try to carry the conversation, but more often than not it does down.

 

I get that if people are using this board for hookups then the approach to conversation may lean towards the utilitarian, and if I do not entertain these "insipid" attempts it's probably no big loss to them as they'll just move on to the next prospect - presumably one who has the same hyper-utilitarian style of communication to get along with (I imagine that the sex is probably just like their conversation: transactional utilitarian, and insipid, lol)

 

Similarly, I too experience no big loss. Surely there are many other interesting things to do and talk about in this forum besides just courtship and mating.

 

But every now and then, there'll be someone who tries something different - maybe a novel pickup line, or an attempt to flatter me right off the bat - I will giggle to myself and fire something back, and the banter will just develop from there. We are carrying equal weight in the conversation - a collaborative effort - which may eventually escalate into an actual meetup.

 

In sifting through the sand of below-minimum-effort types, one will eventually come across such gems, but once they show themselves up, you also gotta show up so they know you are not just another below-minimum-effort type, yourself.

 

I feel I must also emphasize that being articulate, while helpful, is not THE defining feature of a quality person to me - one doesn't even have to be especially charismatic; rather, it's the effort. I've talked with a couple of guys who are clearly less articulate; they may use 'simpler' words, drop the punctuation, or they may miss incorrectly autocorrected words, but you can still more or less 'get' what they are saying and - believe me - one can TELL when a man is trying... and can I always appreciate that.

 

Bonus points if they strike me as the type who - like the majority - wouldn't normally bother, but are clearly making an exception. Nothing gets my mind & heart (if not legs) to open quite like "you're clearly making a special effort for me, so you obviously believe I'm a prize who's gonna be worth the trouble".

[goldenveins]

18 minutes ago, goldenveins said:

(I imagine that the sex is probably just like their conversation: transactional utilitarian, and insipid, lol)

 

In hindsight I think this might actually be it: the reason why some of us have 'expectations' when it comes to conversation.

 

Because of the already obfuscating nature of online media, conversation is the only insight we have into a user's personality - and that becomes, by extension, an insight into what a play session with them is likely to be.

 

Insipid Conversation = Flat, 'transactional' sex, or else a total lack in chemistry. At times like this I end up literally running work plans and mathematical calculations in my head while they're doing what they're doing, because I am desperately trying to retrieve at least SOME productive use of my time.

 

Normally insipid but making some effort = What he lacks in skill, he makes up for with enthusiam (or, more pessimistically, he kicks you out the door as soon as he's got what he wanted)

 

A lot of dirty talk or calling you names before you've even met = Gonna get it on the rougher side

 

Proper conversation = Chemistry, both emotional AND physical pleasure, likely to have pillow talk that can evolve into round 2... or 3! May even become a FWB who will start to genuinely care and even look out for you when things go bad in your life.

 

Yes these are just generalizations and exceptions obviously exist, but I have found my above statements to be about 95% in line with my experiences 🤔

[Steve5380]

18 minutes ago, goldenveins said:

 

Insipid Conversation = Flat, 'transactional' sex, or else a total lack in chemistry. At times like this I end up literally running work plans and mathematical calculations in my head while they're doing what they're doing, because I am desperately trying to retrieve at least SOME productive use of my time.

 

 

What are the best mathematical calculations during transactional insipid sex?   arithmetic, algebra, geometry, calculus, differential equations, nonlinear equations, set theory, ...  ?

[Guest Lol]

The only few transactional sex conversation one need to know are

- fuck me daddy

- fuck me harder 

- u like getting fucked right? 

- that's why u here right to get fucked? 

- breed me daddy 

- cum inside me

- dont stop 

- I want your baby deep inside me

- I'm going to shoot deep inside you 

- yeah give me you baby batter 

- u like that don't you? 

- yeah pound my man cunt

- pound me out

- wreck my hole, yea

- I'm gonna destroy you 

- fuck me like a faggot 

 

Don't need deep conversation just deep penetration

[mate69]

1 hour ago, Guest Lol said:

The only few transactional sex conversation one need to know are

- fuck me daddy

- fuck me harder 

- u like getting fucked right? 

- that's why u here right to get fucked? 

- breed me daddy 

- cum inside me

- dont stop 

- I want your baby deep inside me

- I'm going to shoot deep inside you 

- yeah give me you baby batter 

- u like that don't you? 

- yeah pound my man cunt

- pound me out

- wreck my hole, yea

- I'm gonna destroy you 

- fuck me like a faggot 

 

Don't need deep conversation just deep penetration

 

Exactly