How do guys meet and form into close knit friend groups?

[thresh157]

Just out of curiosity, I wanted to find out how do guys meet and form into close knit friend groups.

For context: For the past 2 years, I have been going to gay clubs and gay events (drag shows/pinkdot) with a lesbian female friend from polytechnic. And I always see groups of gay guys in their friend groups and they look really connected and happy. And sometimes 2 friend groups even know each other, it's like one big popular clique. I lowkey feel like I'm having an outsider experience when I see these things as I always wanted to know/have more gay friends.

Anybody knows how the socialising even begins? Is it at clubs or is it probably through some sexual means at first?

[Fyfysissybtm]

Some i know is they create telegram groups and some of them are like school friends and their friends(grp a) intro them to another gay from grp B. That'show sometimes theor circle is made. It may not answer your question. But this what i saw or learnt from it

[thresh157]

4 hours ago, Fyfysissybtm said:

Some i know is they create telegram groups and some of them are like school friends and their friends(grp a) intro them to another gay from grp B. That'show sometimes theor circle is made. It may not answer your question. But this what i saw or learnt from it

 

Ahh icic, thanks for sharing. I do know there's like a lot of gay telegram chat groups but it seems to be a lot of sex talk (atleast the ones that I have happened to join) so I was curious how they maintain a friendship out of that. 

[Fyfysissybtm]

10 minutes ago, thresh157 said:

 

Ahh icic, thanks for sharing. I do know there's like a lot of gay telegram chat groups but it seems to be a lot of sex talk (atleast the ones that I have happened to join) so I was curious how they maintain a friendship out of that. 

No problem thresh🥰💋

[Guest Guest]

It is because it is easier to know more gay friends and mix with different group due to they are attractive in their appearance in the first place? Be it look or bod? If not maybe a bit difficult maintain friendship after a while.

[thresh157]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

It is because it is easier to know more gay friends and mix with different group due to they are attractive in their appearance in the first place? Be it look or bod? If not maybe a bit difficult maintain friendship after a while.

Yea fair they are all quite good looking usually from what I've seen. 

[doncoin]

I have a core group of close gay friends that I've known for about 20 years now. We met through friends of friends at parties and events, and we all clicked. I think we all got closer when about 15 years ago we started renting a beach house in the summer together. We would cooked together, go to parties at other houses together, etc. I did hooked up with one of my friends in the early days but decided we are better as friends than lovers.  

 

As we got older and more busy with work, we got to spend less time with each other as a group, but we still make the summer beach house rental our annual thing, though these days are less about partying and hooking up, and more about just lazing around. But time together prepping meals, getting the house ready are a great way to bond and build a close friendship. 

[thresh157]

7 hours ago, doncoin said:

I have a core group of close gay friends that I've known for about 20 years now. We met through friends of friends at parties and events, and we all clicked. I think we all got closer when about 15 years ago we started renting a beach house in the summer together. We would cooked together, go to parties at other houses together, etc. I did hooked up with one of my friends in the early days but decided we are better as friends than lovers.  

 

As we got older and more busy with work, we got to spend less time with each other as a group, but we still make the summer beach house rental our annual thing, though these days are less about partying and hooking up, and more about just lazing around. But time together prepping meals, getting the house ready are a great way to bond and build a close friendship. 

Oooh that's a cool tradition! 20 years is really long, must be great to have that circle and companionship 

[fitcubsg]

I have a small circle of friends, some go back more then 20 years from secondary and college days, those are the ride or die friends who have seen you grow and change through the years and flourish into a butterfly. The rest are ex colleagues and recently, I have a lot of straight and gay friends from being at Barrys Bootcamp for 4 years. As you grow older, its funny that I get closer to straight friends but my gay friends are the ones from a long time ago, like a warm blanket. 

Too busy to expand the circle nor mingle, I stop clubbing a long time ago, get bored and feel too old in the scene haha. If i do club, straight places haha or overseas but its rare. Rather read a book, netflix. I am out, so its easy to make friends from work, design line.....so I guess social and work boundaries come together. 

[GachiMuchi]

22 hours ago, thresh157 said:

Just out of curiosity, I wanted to find out how do guys meet and form into close knit friend groups.

For context: For the past 2 years, I have been going to gay clubs and gay events (drag shows/pinkdot) with a lesbian female friend from polytechnic. And I always see groups of gay guys in their friend groups and they look really connected and happy. And sometimes 2 friend groups even know each other, it's like one big popular clique. I lowkey feel like I'm having an outsider experience when I see these things as I always wanted to know/have more gay friends.

Anybody knows how the socialising even begins? Is it at clubs or is it probably through some sexual means at first?

 

Reading your post, I felt the biggest is your personality. 

You mentioned that you are a lowkey person, wihich means you are a rather private person and you are the not the socialising kind of person.

I feel that you might be an introverted person and someone who keeps to himself or at least you are a slow burner.

You are not the spontaneous type when you are with strangers.

You are controlled and not the type who would step off the norm and are rather sensitive to what people might say, so you watch your actions.

You are also selective with the company you keep.

For you to have few close friends is good enough, and not the type who are into big groups of friends which you don't know or are not close.

Correct me if I am wrong.

Ask yourself these questions, are you willing to open up yourself for people to know you? 

Are you the type who is the life of the party? 

Are you prepared to go to every events organised by the group?

Are you prepared to go out every weekends to parties and socialised with people regardless familiar or with strangers?

Only when you are prepared to take a big step into going all our to get to know people, then you can go and start your socialising journey.

Otherwise, I think it's better that you take your time and slowly get to know people and build bonds with them slowly.

That said, you must be open and sincer to know people and not put up walls and selectively choose people to mixed with. 

Socialising is an art and for people to get to know you better, you must open your mouth to talk to people.

Don't stand at a corner and wait for people to talk to you. You can approach people and start conversation. 

And conversation is not I ask you talk and you ask I give a short reply kind of conversation.

You must find common interest and hobbies or liking, etc.

 

My 2 cents and hope it helps. 

 

[thresh157]

35 minutes ago, GachiMuchi said:

 

Reading your post, I felt the biggest is your personality. 

You mentioned that you are a lowkey person, wihich means you are a rather private person and you are the not the socialising kind of person.

I feel that you might be an introverted person and someone who keeps to himself or at least you are a slow burner.

You are not the spontaneous type when you are with strangers.

You are controlled and not the type who would step off the norm and are rather sensitive to what people might say, so you watch your actions.

You are also selective with the company you keep.

For you to have few close friends is good enough, and not the type who are into big groups of friends which you don't know or are not close.

Correct me if I am wrong.

Ask yourself these questions, are you willing to open up yourself for people to know you? 

Are you the type who is the life of the party? 

Are you prepared to go to every events organised by the group?

Are you prepared to go out every weekends to parties and socialised with people regardless familiar or with strangers?

Only when you are prepared to take a big step into going all our to get to know people, then you can go and start your socialising journey.

Otherwise, I think it's better that you take your time and slowly get to know people and build bonds with them slowly.

That said, you must be open and sincer to know people and not put up walls and selectively choose people to mixed with. 

Socialising is an art and for people to get to know you better, you must open your mouth to talk to people.

Don't stand at a corner and wait for people to talk to you. You can approach people and start conversation. 

And conversation is not I ask you talk and you ask I give a short reply kind of conversation.

You must find common interest and hobbies or liking, etc.

 

My 2 cents and hope it helps. 

 

Yea this is very spot on about me haha. I have recently only just decided to step out of my comfort zone a little and start socialising, but mostly struggling with knowing what or where is a good starting point cos most that I can think of right now is gay bars or clubs? But like you mentioned usually these places have all the bigger group of friends, not too sure where to go about mingling with a smaller intimate group of friends. But either way I feel more open to things nowadays and maybe this phase will help me become more of an extrovert as well

[GachiMuchi]

10 minutes ago, thresh157 said:

Yea this is very spot on about me haha. I have recently only just decided to step out of my comfort zone a little and start socialising, but mostly struggling with knowing what or where is a good starting point cos most that I can think of right now is gay bars or clubs? But like you mentioned usually these places have all the bigger group of friends, not too sure where to go about mingling with a smaller intimate group of friends. But either way I feel more open to things nowadays and maybe this phase will help me become more of an extrovert as well

Firstly, how old are you? 

What made you change and start wanting to get to know people? 

What is your objective in trying to fit it to a big group? 

You don't need to have big groups of friends, and big groups will have certain dynamics and you don't have to fit into every group, just need to know those organisers and you will be asked to join when there are activities. That said, you must be prepared to go against your will to socialise even when you don't want. 

 

[Guest Guest]

I guess whether the person is introverted person and someone who keeps to himself or a slow burner. Firstly still must able to find the right channel to able to get to know more gay friends. If a person don't know and cannot get the correct channel, even he wants to open up himself also no use.

 

I always find gay circle quite a niche circle, not easy to know gay people, and importantly know the correct gay people. You see many gay apps etc is simply all about hook up and fun only. Those gays not interested to maintain friendship at all.

[thresh157]

6 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

Firstly, how old are you? 

What made you change and start wanting to get to know people? 

What is your objective in trying to fit it to a big group? 

You don't need to have big groups of friends, and big groups will have certain dynamics and you don't have to fit into every group, just need to know those organisers and you will be asked to join when there are activities. That said, you must be prepared to go against your will to socialise even when you don't want. 

 

I'm turning 24 this year. I think it's mostly just that I want to expand my circle of having more gay friends who share similar interests and understand each others struggles of being queer. These friend groups that I have seen just seem like a very strong healthy support system and something I feel like I would ideally want. The size of the group is not a priority for me, its just an observation that most groups I have seen are huge. I would be satisfied if I'm able to find even just 1 or 2 good gay friends.

[IkuTube]

10 minutes ago, thresh157 said:

I'm turning 24 this year. I think it's mostly just that I want to expand my circle of having more gay friends who share similar interests and understand each others struggles of being queer. These friend groups that I have seen just seem like a very strong healthy support system and something I feel like I would ideally want. The size of the group is not a priority for me, its just an observation that most groups I have seen are huge. I would be satisfied if I'm able to find even just 1 or 2 good gay friends.

 

At your age, it is normal wanting to widen your social circle.  And, should a home situation is not conducive for quality personal growth, there will be tendency to look for it outside.

 

Quantity may not be good if you are not an extrovert.  The more you have, and should there be a lack in quality in the group, it may tire you mentally and emotionally.  Before venturing out, know your personality well first.  Ask yourself too, will you fit comfortably with others and others with you?

 

The one thing, life loves us.  You do not have to worry about being left out.  Maybe you are just not ready yet.  There is a saying, 'You cannot pour from an empty cup'.  Hence, take care of yourself first and let things fall when things are right.

 

 

[GachiMuchi]

30 minutes ago, thresh157 said:

I'm turning 24 this year. I think it's mostly just that I want to expand my circle of having more gay friends who share similar interests and understand each others struggles of being queer. These friend groups that I have seen just seem like a very strong healthy support system and something I feel like I would ideally want. The size of the group is not a priority for me, its just an observation that most groups I have seen are huge. I would be satisfied if I'm able to find even just 1 or 2 good gay friends.

 

At 24, you still young lah. Slowly build your circle of friends.

One can build closed gay friends from the followings:- 

1. Those whom you are interested but never developed into bf.

2. Those whom you had dated, or was in a relationship with but ended, e.g. ex partner/bf.

3. Those who share same hobbies/interests in, e.g. exercise (gym friendds), Karaoke friends, etc.

4. Those who are friend's friend, or friend's partner 

5. Acquaintances or Ex colleagues, Ex-Schoolmates, Army friends who are gay.

6. Can also meet people from Social groups like Out In Sg Facebook groups, they organised activities regularly on Facebook.

 

Hope it helps.

[thresh157]

8 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

 

At 24, you still young lah. Slowly build your circle of friends.

One can build closed gay friends from the followings:- 

1. Those whom you are interested but never developed into bf.

2. Those whom you had dated, or was in a relationship with but ended, e.g. ex partner/bf.

3. Those who share same hobbies/interests in, e.g. exercise (gym friendds), Karaoke friends, etc.

4. Those who are friend's friend, or friend's partner 

5. Acquaintances or Ex colleagues, Ex-Schoolmates, Army friends who are gay.

6. Can also meet people from Social groups like Out In Sg Facebook groups, they organised activities regularly on Facebook.

 

Hope it helps.

Hey yea, thanks! These tips do help. I'm probably going to try out 6. cos the others don't really apply to me at the moment. I have heard of Out In Sg before but are there any other similar sites (Just for myself and maybe others who wanna explore too)? I know there used to be movie-watch parties and gay hangouts organized back in the meetups app but I think no more already. 

[doncoin]

Creating and maintaining long-term friendships take effort. It is not going to just happen. For example, the beach house my friends and I do annually, it is not getting cheaper, in fact, rent has gone up significantly over the years. But it was something we all feel is important to splurge on to keep the bond and maintain the closeness. Also we do help each other out in that sense that when one of us is short with the share of the rent, we do make up for the person or persons, for those of us who can chip in, because money is not the thing here. Not all of us have a steady job that pays the bills and that is just the reality of life. For those of us who can, we support those who can't. 

 

Developing that deep bond, will need you to be open and to some degree make yourself vulnerable. We all connect when we are vulnerable. of cpourse there will some people who will take advantage of your vulnerability, and you will meet such people, but that is life. You will find the right people whom you will click with, and be friends. Find your tribe.

Edited July 5 by doncoin

[Copper2b]

On 7/5/2024 at 8:56 AM, doncoin said:

Creating and maintaining long-term friendships take effort. It is not going to just happen. For example, the beach house my friends and I do annually, it is not getting cheaper, in fact, rent has gone up significantly over the years. But it was something we all feel is important to splurge on to keep the bond and maintain the closeness. Also we do help each other out in that sense that when one of us is short with the share of the rent, we do make up for the person or persons, for those of us who can chip in, because money is not the thing here. Not all of us have a steady job that pays the bills and that is just the reality of life. For those of us who can, we support those who can't. 

 

Developing that deep bond, will need you to be open and to some degree make yourself vulnerable. We all connect when we are vulnerable. of cpourse there will some people who will take advantage of your vulnerability, and you will meet such people, but that is life. You will find the right people whom you will click with, and be friends. Find your tribe.

Sound nice. That can always play by the group of tops. Getting more and more.

[doncoin]

14 hours ago, Copper2b said:

Sound nice. That can always play by the group of tops. Getting more and more.

 

 

When you reach a point in your life where you realised that your friendship with certain people are more important than sex, that's when  you truly understand the value of deep, meaningful connections that transcend physical desires.