Communication..... Relationship Goals

[yob_hcaeb]

Hi everyone, 

 

Recently, me and my partner and I really went on a rough patch. I really need advice on how to engage in communication on how we can work out the relationship to be better. I had tried all ways and methods possible. I even give in all that I could and also let to cross my boundaries and limits. Things just don't work out. I felt so discourage and got no confidence to continues. He seems cold on what I did and I even get scolded. What else i can do? At the same times, I already felt the distance between us are getting further apart.

 

[GachiMuchi]

1 hour ago, yob_hcaeb said:

Hi everyone, 

 

Recently, me and my partner and I really went on a rough patch. I really need advice on how to engage in communication on how we can work out the relationship to be better. I had tried all ways and methods possible. I even give in all that I could and also let to cross my boundaries and limits. Things just don't work out. I felt so discourage and got no confidence to continues. He seems cold on what I did and I even get scolded. What else i can do? At the same times, I already felt the distance between us are getting further apart.

 

 

You gave only that you have communication problems but did not touch on deatils of 

1. how long you guys are together?

2. how old are you and your partner

3. what were you guys arguging about?

 

Do you expect people to guess what could have happened?

There are no context. No details. 

Please be concise with the incident that leads to your communicaiotn issues.

 

[shiwalov]

Sorry I wrote in Chinese hope you understand,世间本无常，有生必有灭，缘聚则合缘散则分，当你抓住不属于你的东西，自寻烦恼吧了，学会放下才能快乐幸福，真该放手时，算了吧！放了吧！忘了吧！祝你幸福

[Steve5380]

16 hours ago, yob_hcaeb said:

Hi everyone, 

 

Recently, me and my partner and I really went on a rough patch. I really need advice on how to engage in communication on how we can work out the relationship to be better. I had tried all ways and methods possible. I even give in all that I could and also let to cross my boundaries and limits. Things just don't work out. I felt so discourage and got no confidence to continues. He seems cold on what I did and I even get scolded. What else i can do? At the same times, I already felt the distance between us are getting further apart.

 

 

One little question:  do you feel that he LOVES you,  that he has any positive feelings towards you?   If there is none, how can this relationship prosper?

 

Remember that it is important that you have self-respect, self-esteem of yourself.  NEVER accept a relationship where you are controlled, used, abused, scolded without reason.  In a good relationship there is mutual love, and not unjustified control of one over the other.

.

Edited November 1, 2024 by Steve5380

[MasterFitMalaySG4U]

Sometimes u both are not meant to be together haha why not just break up n stay friends if he wants to...that way both can move forward n look for opportunities that supposed to come for you...if that guy not willing to work it out or discuss just end it ..u r actually not the problem..he is...so consider or put yourself first....do stood up for yaself! 

 

For me, my ideal partner or soulmate is somewhere in the world but NOT in Singapore! The commitment, training, passion, roleplay, hunger, horniness and loyalty is not there...For now as long I got my slaves subs btms curious or newbies to play with I am good....

[egal]

try one or all of the love languages.  google it

[Sweetie Pie]

I wanted to offer my fair share of advice, but because I'm reading a series of stories here—this one most likely has already reached Season 2 Part 3—I thought that the only sensible thing to do would be to enjoy my popcorn. Before the year ends, there might be a part four episode.  No offense,  I love reading thriller. 

[yob_hcaeb]

we were in our late 30's, age diff 1 year apart. we've been together about a year now, whereby the last few month was just arguments and quarrels. it all started when i found out i was being cheated. we both aware that we love each other very much. and when u are telling someone that u do love him very much, there shd not be anything to hide right? im sure that if u r open n honest enough to declare or inform things the other party wanted to know, there will be solutions to it. and i believe that when the other party also loves u very much. he will accept all sorts of facts. moreover, those were the past. certain ppl may debate that whatever happened in the past are not important. what you are today are the results that u shaped yourself or been thru in the past. so, isn't it fishy that your lover are trying to hide something bout past when both people come to talk bout it. in a true relationship, you shd be able to tell each other anything, everything. no lies and no secret. guess its difficult to have such relationship in todays world. however, really thank god that i always got to know the truth somehow. when. confronted, argument and quarrel begins. 

[Steve5380]

On 11/4/2024 at 8:29 AM, yob_hcaeb said:

 

in a true relationship, you shd be able to tell each other anything, everything. no lies and no secret. guess its difficult to have such relationship in todays world. however, really thank god that i always got to know the truth somehow. when. confronted, argument and quarrel begins. 

 

 

You are right that when confronted, arguments and quarrels begin.   But...  you like this?   You enjoy arguments and quarrels?

 

I think that you are trying to materialize the IDEAL world that you desire in your mind.  But remember... ideal is just an ideal!  Reality can be imperfect and ugly for us living creatures.  However, there are ways to mitigate the imperfections and avoid arguments and quarrels and breakups.

 

There is NO NEED to tell each other everything, no secrets.  Lies are not desirable, but there may be the preferable less-evil. And silence is golden.  Don't WE GAYS keep a big secret and even lie about it?  We have true relationships with our parents, family.   Should this force us to reveal to all of them that we are gay????   Of course NOT!!

 

Don't get upset when you discover a secret held by your partner.  He might choose this to avoid hurting you.  And you two don't need to know everything about each other.

 

About this, I have a strong personal experience.  At the beginning of my relationship with my bf, he introduced me to a gay sauna, where we went together.  Later, he found out that I went there by myself,  got in and found me with another guy.  He practically dragged me out of there.  Once at home, he started telling me that he was hurt by my "cheating" and he was disappointed with me and was going to break up.  Since I had feelings for him, this precipitated one of the rare occassions where I started crying.  Seeing this, he immediately came to my side and embraced me.  This was THE TURNING POINT that cemented our relationship.  He realized that I loved him,  and I realized that he loved me!  Since that point, there was never an issue of "cheating" again.  And so it continued for 21 years, when he passed away.

.

Edited November 7, 2024 by Steve5380

[Sweetie Pie]

20 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 Since I had feelings for him, this precipitated one of the rare occassions where I started crying.   Since that point, there was never an issue of "cheating" again.

 

Hardly convincing, your sex-tourism rampage, in Asia,  was well documented by yourself in this forum. 😬

Edited November 8, 2024 by Sweetie Pie

[Steve5380]

42 minutes ago, Sweetie Pie said:

Hardly convincing, your sex-tourism rampage, in Asia,  was well documented by yourself in this forum. 😬

 

You convinced or not, does not make any difference.   

 

I made all my sex tourism away from home with the blessing of my disabled bf.  

[FattChoy]

Here's 3 key advices

1) Keep his stomach full

2) Keep his balls dry

3) Shut up and let him have his peace when he plays his phone.

[GachiMuchi]

On 11/4/2024 at 10:29 PM, yob_hcaeb said:

we were in our late 30's, age diff 1 year apart. we've been together about a year now, whereby the last few month was just arguments and quarrels. it all started when i found out i was being cheated. we both aware that we love each other very much. and when u are telling someone that u do love him very much, there shd not be anything to hide right? im sure that if u r open n honest enough to declare or inform things the other party wanted to know, there will be solutions to it. and i believe that when the other party also loves u very much. he will accept all sorts of facts. moreover, those were the past. certain ppl may debate that whatever happened in the past are not important. what you are today are the results that u shaped yourself or been thru in the past. so, isn't it fishy that your lover are trying to hide something bout past when both people come to talk bout it. in a true relationship, you shd be able to tell each other anything, everything. no lies and no secret. guess its difficult to have such relationship in todays world. however, really thank god that i always got to know the truth somehow. when. confronted, argument and quarrel begins. 

 

From what I read, I feel that you are a very insecure person. You want to know the truth and will stop at nothing to dig up the truth to satify your curiosity.
Now see what your curiosity had got you into. Constant arguments and quarrels. If I am your partner, I would certainly wants to end the relationship.

To you, coming clean of the past is important, but maybe to him, he don't want to bring up the past. 

If I had a partner that keeps wanting to dig and find issues and gets into quarrels and arguments, I would eventually go find someone who can understand me and with less drama.

You might had indirectly pushed your partner away with your constant arguments and quarrels without knowing it.

 

One of my ex used to like to asked me bimbotic questionis like, if your mom and me fell into the river, who would you save. I would tell him, of course my mother. Then he will turned a blacken face and says that I don't love him, and our outing would be spoiled.

One day he told me that his company wants to send him overseas for about 1 year and asked me if I would go out to find someone while he is overseas. So I asked him, if he wants to hear a truth or a lie. He told me he wants to hear the truth. So, I told him, I would of course find someone, as I also have needs. His faced turned black and said that I should wait for him to return instead of looking for others for fum.

We had lots of unnecessary arguments and quarrels over mundane questions that he thought out and he is always so insecure about our relationship. Eventually, we parted ways after about 1+ years together. 

 

To me, I felt you are not ready for a relationship if you are not able to accept your partner with his past and for who he is. 

Your partner need not have to share all his past to you nor you him. When he is ready, he will tell you his past, if he is not ready, don't have to dig up his unhappy/sad past. 

 

Your understanding of love is so immature that it is laughable. You focus too much on unimportant past and your narrow views of what relationship should be (in your mind) that you forgo how you would build a future, with love, understanding and acceptance, etc. 

I can only say, when you hit enough walls and after many failed relationships, maybe then will you eventually realsied what "Ture" relationship really is. 

Or you might, keep making the same mistakes you are doing now and will stay single for a long time without getting the relationship you want that you have in your mind.

 

I hope that won't happen, because that would be very sad. 

 

Please wake up and stop sabotaging your own relationship of what you "think" is The "perfect" relationship.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Edited November 11, 2024 by GachiMuchi

[Steve5380]

19 hours ago, GachiMuchi said:

 

One of my ex used to like to asked me bimbotic questionis like, if your mom and me fell into the river, who would you save. I would tell him, of course my mother. Then he will turned a blacken face and says that I don't love him, and our outing would be spoiled.

One day he told me that his company wants to send him overseas for about 1 year and asked me if I would go out to find someone while he is overseas. So I asked him, if he wants to hear a truth or a lie. He told me he wants to hear the truth. So, I told him, I would of course find someone, as I also have needs. His faced turned black and said that I should wait for him to return instead of looking for others for fum.

We had lots of unnecessary arguments and quarrels over mundane questions that he thought out and he is always so insecure about our relationship. Eventually, we parted ways after about 1+ years together. 

 

 

I would not mind to be asked "bimbotic" questions.  If taken with humor and responded in ridiculous ways, this could be amusing.  And if he gets upset over my humor, I would tell him:  "I only answer questions seriously if I consider them adequate.  We should mutually respect some of our privacy.  Our relationship is not the same as a police investigation.  Our acts and interactions should speak for themselves to preserve and grow our relationship."

[robin]

Many people think trust, acceptance & honesty are binary properties in a relationship. In reality, it is a journey that is built over time.