爱上人夫 (爱上已婚者)

[GKS]

很难说得上是幸福还是不幸福。一如异性婚姻，也不知能一齐走完人生路的能有几个？可以肯定的，已婚而有白头偕老的居多，因为有法律保障，也有子女牵制。但我偏偏还是对上了一个已婚的好男人。怎么办？

[GachiMuchi]

人本来就不是你的,纠缠下去只有空余恨.

放弃可能就能让你脱离爱情苦海.

难道要看到你心爱的人家离破碎你才甘心？

到后来他可能选则家人而不是你.

[skylancer]

人本来就不是你的,纠缠下去只有空余恨.

放弃可能就能让你脱离爱情苦海.

难道要看到你心爱的人家离破碎你才甘心？

到后来他可能选则家人而不是你.

Wat gachi_muchi say is true.

到后来他可能选则家人而不是你.-> why? As that guy is married and he got his children, etc. even he due to u then break up, do u think u will be happy with him? Wat about his children? U think how they will treat u? They will think u are breaking up their family and even do bad things.. wat for?

There are still got alot of ppl in this world just that we dont notice that those ppl that around us might be 1 of them are also like that guy u love? who knows right?

so dont be upset about this matter and pls leave him alone... really..

that is my advise to u.

Hope i dont offend u in anyway..

[biguy]

我不想大谈仁义道德, 大家都是成年人, 该不该自己心中有数, 我深信 " 因果循环", 不道德,损人利己,会伤害无辜之事, 最好三思而行.

不该发展的恋情, 早应悬崖勒马, 何苦越陷越深, 真心爱一个人, 不是拥有, 而是成全, 以他为出发点, 为他的真正幸福着想.

[shaberu]

Congrats. :clap: You already know it is something not right. Your haonanren is actually is a haonuiiren. You can easily say you love someone but you can never express how sweet is your coffee. When you say too sweet, people may say add more sugar! Just wakeup, i can't tell you how as i am still sleeping. Just keep yourself busy for other things . Love is a feel from your heart and not express in words but dun sacrify for nothing! Words expressed is a lust for what you want. Just feel it yourself and dun listen to any of his explanations or excuses.

[mature67]

各位，我想大家的建议与论点对已婚同志者有所欠缺公平，也抱着一些偏见。我本身也是个已婚者，但是我也深信男人与男人之间的真挚爱情。

我想，当一个已婚男人爱上那男人，他也会感到困惑、痛苦中又帶著些許甜蜜的复杂心情。而且，一旦面对抉择，他会开始试着去理出头绪。他也会痛苦的问自己，「我不再爱我老婆了吗？」「我还是很爱她啊！但是我也同時爱另一個男孩啊！我真的不知该如何才好？我想和那个男孩在一起，但又怕伤害我老婆……』

爱情是属於很私人的感情，如果连自己都弄不清究竟是爱谁、或该选择谁，那麽旁人更加无置喙的餘地了。

人是有感情的动物，更何況他与老婆相处了十几年，一旦決定离婚，对彼此來说，情緒一定很难马上平復。一旦面临了人生中极重要的抉择：究竟他想要的是与老婆的感情、婚姻、与家庭；還是想与那個男孩展開一段新的恋情、与另一個的人生。在作出决定之时的那种痛苦和无奈，非外人所能理解的。

很多时候，我想只有『时间』能够证明一切。但要注意的是，在爱情的世界中，有时一旦決定了就再也无法挽回，所以做決定前，请务必三思！

[GachiMuchi]

I think we were not being unfair with married men. I speak from my own experience and my feel about what married men is. Mature67 you can't speak for all married men. Of course, some married men deserve our sympathy when they are caught in a dilemma of the hearts, but then there are many married men who are out to have fun and happily goes back to his family and there are many PLUs whom got hurt when they got involved with married men too.

Anyway, I believe there are many here whom may have had encounter with married men that could share with you their experience.

[biguy]

mature67, 恕我冒昧, 对于已婚者的你来说, 已没有资格说 " 欠缺公平 ", 当你踏出错误的第一歩之后, 还要以多少藉口来掩饰第二或更多的错误. 你有选择的自由和权力, 但别把自己的自私和不负责任的丑陋心态加以美化或以为是理所当然,不管理由是什么, 最无辜和伤害最深的到头来还是您的家人,切记.

你可以拒绝和选择 " 不 ", 有谁强迫你的放纵与任性吗? 自己心照不宣, " 婚外情" 已是不该, 可悲又可耻的是不肯承认错误, 反而强词夺理. 试问这是生为仁父.丈夫该说的话,做的事吗?

别把自己视为多情种, 把私欲四处挥霍, 别忘了自己的身份和手上所戴的戒指, 如果尚有些许良知的话, 就该清楚自己该走哪条路, 别拖泥带水, 越陷越深, 连累更多无辜的受害者.

别沾沾自喜, 以为可以一手遮天, 左拥右抱, 来个两性之欢, 如果东窗事发, 落到两头不到岸的局面, 不要怨天尤人, 这是咎由自取.

每个人都该为自己所做的事负责, 敢作敢为, 而不是诸多藉口. 推卸责任. 我深信不疑, 人在做天在看, 人若不知羞耻心何物, 就枉费为人, 白活了.

[kerbee10]

Just do not persist much, and put high hopes on married man, likewise, even its true AJ, I think its serve the same logical scenerio......you may loose something, but what remains is memories or experiences, but do give understanding to married man, if you were to fall for them, if you can't, then leave them alone.

[shaberu]

路是自己走的，明知是深渊还过去，到头来听到的只是自己的声音。人的一生当中不止有一次选择，那要看我们有本事拿多少。路上行人很多，要找出自己喜欢的并不难。

情很难理解，欲只是几秒钟的高潮。我们拿社么来换取呢？最好是免费的，只要吃完了记得抹嘴。

[oralb]

*oral intruption*

BRAVO, once again i am very impressed by the effective bilingual abilities of our writers!

you guys really write well in both languages....

*intruption completed, back to normal tranmission*

[shaberu]

mature67, 恕我冒昧, 对于已婚者的你来说, 已没有资格说 " 欠缺公平 ", 当你踏出错误的第一歩之后, 还要以多少藉口来掩饰第二或更多的错误. 你有选择的自由和权力, 但别把自己的自私和不负责任的丑陋心态加以美化或以为是理所当然,不管理由是什么, 最无辜和伤害最深的到头来还是您的家人,切记.

你可以拒绝和选择 " 不 ", 有谁强迫你的放纵与任性吗? 自己心照不宣, " 婚外情" 已是不该, 可悲又可耻的是不肯承认错误, 反而强词夺理. 试问这是生为仁父.丈夫该说的话,做的事吗?

别把自己视为多情种, 把私欲四处挥霍, 别忘了自己的身份和手上所戴的戒指, 如果尚有些许良知的话, 就该清楚自己该走哪条路, 别拖泥带水, 越陷越深, 连累更多无辜的受害者.

别沾沾自喜, 以为可以一手遮天, 左拥右抱, 来个两性之欢, 如果东窗事发, 落到两头不到岸的局面, 不要怨天尤人, 这是咎由自取.

每个人都该为自己所做的事负责, 敢作敢为, 而不是诸多藉口. 推卸责任. 我深信不疑, 人在做天在看, 人若不知羞耻心何物, 就枉费为人, 白活了.

大家都在同样的海里航行。我们的船负担比他们的轻得许多。只要知道知己的船能载几个人就行了。不能克复的就别害人害己。同样的，当别人的船座满人的时候，要知道自己是外人，先问问自己，有没有别的船？别等到船沉了以后再埋怨游泳好辛苦，要游上岸也有好一段海。我曾经被这里经过的许多船拉上岸，也想别人上岸。

很喜欢蓝雨的几句对白：

“太熟了，也不好意思再玩下去。“ - 汉东

“大家都是成年人，一些小小的历史也别放在心上。“ 汉东太太

蓝雨为爱牺牲，但汉东也没得到他真正爱的。但汉东还可以选择，就是再结婚，也把他的爱藏在心里。

[mature67]

biguy,言重了。如果你要用仁义道德，良知和羞耻心来批判一段同性之间的感情，或是来批判我这个已婚者的话，我无言以对。但是，这世界真的是如此完美吗？仁义道德是人类的至高情愫，我也想要变得如此完美。可是，谈何容易啊！好比乐于“两性之欢“的你，是否也坚定地严守着仁义道德的规则，拥有着高超的良知和深彻的羞耻心呢? 你也并非如此完美，对吗？难道做错一次的选择，我就没有纠正错误的机会了吗？

当我提到" 欠缺公平和偏见"，我指的是“到后来他可能选择家人而不是你”这句话。我是希望大家也试着去体谅已婚者在做此决定时的痛苦和无奈心情。我不禁地想，如果，他没有选择家庭的话，你会不会也要骂他，“试问这是生为人父.丈夫该做的事吗?”。若是他选择了家庭，你又是否能够谅解他的难处，而不去加以责备呢? 已婚者当然可以拒绝和选择 " 不 "，不过我想他不会，也无法有能力去强迫对方去放纵与任性地爱上自己吧？毕竟，感情是两方面的事.

biguy, 无论是已婚者或是未婚者，每个人都有资格去寻找真正属于自己的幸福的。如果，一个已婚者愿意抛弃自己的身份和摘下手上所戴的戒指, 而选择了那个男孩，从另个角度来想，也许正是因为他尚有些许良知, 也清楚自己该走的路,不想连累更多无辜的人。不过，我还是那句老话，“一旦決定了就再也无法挽回，所以做決定前，请务必三思！”共勉之。

[VOCE]

Sometimes we should learn not to be so judgemental towards others. It's their life, so let them lead their own life.

[biguy]

" 难道做错一次的选择，我就没有纠正错误的机会了吗？"

答 : " mature67, 试问你是如何来纠正自己的错误? 在未结束原有的婚姻, 但又制造另一段感情, 你对爱情与真爱的定义和见解是什么? 是儿戏还是试验品?

" 不过我想他不会，也无法有能力去强迫对方去放纵与任性地爱上自己吧？毕竟，感情是两方面的事. "

答 : " 如果立场坚定, 没有开始, 何来发展? 没有种子, 又何来的发芽到开花结果? 那这段感情, 永远将是单方面的. "

mature67, 我和你最大的分别: 我不是个已婚者, 我不曾立誓说 I DO. 我更从不对伴侣许下无法实现的诺言 ( 谎言 ). 在我的字典里, 没有第三者, 除非我已结束了这段感情. 我不会推卸责任和颠倒黑白,一脚踏两船.

事实上, 至今多年, 我的爱侣仍然相同, 他也是我的第一个男人, 所以对于你的歪理, 我只会一笑置之, 不会苟同. 你可以强词夺理, 自欺欺人, 在自食其果后, 仍然可以厚颜期望获得别人的 " 谅解 ", 对存有这种心态的你, 我望尘莫及.

mature67, 你绝对有资格去寻找真正属于你自己的幸福, 但在之前, 请看看枕边人, 然后摸摸自己的良心, 试问她是否做了对不起你的事, 你对她又是何等的残酷与不公平, 她的幸福又在哪里? 然后你再照照镜子, 理直气壮的对自己说, 所做的一切是问心无愧, 心安理得的, 你不过是想要捉住自己的幸福未来.

mature67, 如果你是孤身寡人, 不止我, 相信很多人都会给你无限的祝福与支持.

[shaberu]

我的观点在于一个结婚者可能会出来偷吃。一个聪明的老婆会闭一只眼，只要别把问题带回家，但千万别被发现是男的。那也是说，结婚者只能偷吃，不能许下第二个承诺。

[StockyMature]

个人认为 除非你的男友的婚姻是已经濒临无法挽救的破碎边缘，但是绝对不能因为你是哪个第三者出现而引起的，而是人家本来就是已经是走到了那个婚姻无法挽救时才碰到你的出现， 那又另当别论， 总之只要你不是狐狸精就好！可是话说回来， 说好说歹的，你可也得付出一颗人性的侧稳之心， 试着帮人看看能不能扳回一局， 让他的婚姻破镜重圆，然后你毅然决然的快刀斩乱麻， 离开他！那你不只是善用了你的理智， 而且也做了一件好人好事， 善莫大焉！阿弥陀佛 善哉善哉 来世必有福报哟 ！

南无观世音菩萨。。。 南无观世音菩萨

[biguy]

个人认为 除非你的男友的婚姻是已经濒临无法挽救的破碎边缘，但是绝对不能因为你是哪个第三者出现而引起的，而是人家本来就是已经是走到了那个婚姻无法挽救时才碰到你的出现， 那又另当别论， 总之只要你不是狐狸精就好！可是话说回来， 说好说歹的，你可也得付出一颗人性的侧稳之心， 试着帮人看看能不能扳回一局， 让他的婚姻破镜重圆，然后你毅然决然的快刀斩乱麻， 离开他！那你不只是善用了你的理智， 而且也做了一件好人好事， 善莫大焉！阿弥陀佛 善哉善哉 来世必有福报哟 ！

南无观世音菩萨。。。 南无观世音菩萨

StockyMature, 我不太赞同你所言, 就算对方婚姻或感情亮起红灯, 不论如何都不该趁虚而入, 除非事先你不知他是已婚者, 那就另当别论.

我不是一个石古不化之人, 如果已婚者偶尔逢场作戏, 不会假戏真做, 将无伤大雅, 重要的是要懂得轻重, 懂得拿捏, 何时放与收, 不要以为是情圣, 以甜言蜜语去误导别人, 不断给予他人无法兑现的承诺, 一开始就道明来意, 那到时, 就算对方遍体鳞伤, 那也怨不得人, 只可以说是咎由自取, 明知故犯, 跟已婚之人纠缠不清. 这种情况下已婚者就情有可原.

[kerbee10]

Biguy....

Your analysis to mature67 is rather sacastic.....We cannot one stick to flip over the whole sampang.........

I have a question for you biguy....your nick claim to be BI guy..so you are bi.....and there would not be third party in your relationship or fling? BI means both woman and man also can have "love / sex" so now which is which.....

I think what Mature67 is trying to relate that its a human nature of loving someone....regardless of your entity is...but importantly is what kind of approach is one married man going to deal with the AJ...and if the AJ does accept a married man..he gotto understand and give consideration to the married man, he should know the outcome before he engage with the married man...

:thumb:

[StockyMature]

个人认为除非你的男友的婚姻是已经濒临无法挽救的破碎边缘，但是绝对不能因为你是哪个第三者出现而引起的，而是人家本来就是已经是走到了那个婚姻无法挽救时才碰到你的出现， 那又另当别论， 总之只要你不是狐狸精就好！可是话说回来， 说好说歹的，你可也得付出一颗人性的侧稳之心， 试着帮人看看能不能扳回一局， 让他的婚姻破镜重圆，然后你毅然决然的快刀斩乱麻， 离开他！那你不只是善用了你的理智， 而且也做了一件好人好事， 善莫大焉！阿弥陀佛 善哉善哉 来世必有福报哟 ！

南无观世音菩萨。。。 南无观世音菩萨

StockyMature, 我不太赞同你所言, 就算对方婚姻或感情亮起红灯, 不论如何都不该趁虚而入, 除非事先你不知他是已婚者, 那就另当别论.

我不是一个石古不化之人, 如果已婚者偶尔逢场作戏, 不会假戏真做, 将无伤大雅, 重要的是要懂得轻重, 懂得拿捏, 何时放与收, 不要以为是情圣, 以甜言蜜语去误导别人, 不断给予他人无法兑现的承诺, 一开始就道明来意, 那到时, 就算对方遍体鳞伤, 那也怨不得人, 只可以说是咎由自取, 明知故犯, 跟已婚之人纠缠不清. 这种情况下已婚者就情有可原.

谎缪！请读清楚我的帖子!

[biguy]

KB, kindly totally understood what is mature67 writing b4 you make any remarks, wish to ask you very direct question & i don't care will offence you not, do you like to see if you father have any affair with other guy & later say the same thing he wrote?

Pls be fair before you want to pin point me. Try to use as your own example, what if this hapopen to yourself & your family, before you want to blindly support a person,i bet if you can be as calm & support mature67 still, rem when you want to say sacastic this word, look at yourself & open your heart, are you fair & treat others equally too, i still say the same thing 人在做, 天在看.

If you don't know what is different between 人和禽兽的分别, i really dunno why you keep address yourself as educated beng.

KB, not cos you want to disagree a person then disagree whatever he say even is a true fact, mind i ask, from your view, what a married guy should & should not do? From the beginning till my last post, did i say anything wrong or using untrue remark & insult him? What you mean by sacastic can you explain?

Just ask yourself, what you looking for & expect when you into a relationship, then pls read again his post & his thinking & excuse made, i will seek forgiveness to you & him if i accuse him for nothing.

[kerbee10]

I am not pin pointing you....neither i am protecting mature67...and neither is my chinese standard is low....

I read post..but i see contradicting parts in you.....you quote this "look at yourself & open your heart, are you fair & treat others equally too, i still say the same thing 人在做, 天在看."

You should give fair treatment to mature67. and all the married man who is reading the post here....You may object the philo of mature67 but does not mean all married man stand on the same ground as you. Nothing to do with me being a Beng....nor educated...I wirte when i feel like writing...If i derseve apology to you, I will sure apologise..but you have made your statement as " I am pointing at you"...........and back to your question, if my dad is a PLU, I would sure understand him and accept the fact he is one, and not crictise him, as me myself are in this line, I should be more understanding and know the consquences.

No heart feelings, I am just sharing....and dun get misinterrepted

[mature67]

Biguy, but I think you are THE ONE not reading my posting correctly, and in fact you have just missed out another important note on stockymature's posting too.

All the while I have been trying to say that when it comes to a relationship, it involves 2 persons while in most of your replies, you have been criticising me, as a married man and scrutinize me with your holy and almighty idealism about love.

Worst of all, you expect all married men to uphold to his promises till he dies on all circumstances even if there is no more love in his marriage. Neverthless, you claimed that you were being the holy one as you always make sure a new relationship will only start after you have ended another relationship. Come on, biguy, when you enter into relationship, you PROMISED to stand by with your boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever, in that relationship. How could you allow yourself to break your own promise while you kept on insisting on married man to keep to his marriage vow? What are you, actually? A hypocrate? A preacher? or.... a mere Dreamer? In fact, as what I have mentioned in my earlier post, your nick as "biguy" already say so much about yourself. Why pretend to be the holy spirit?

人在做, 天在看,我想老天在看你几时才能懂得滚滚红尘的情爱和拥有包容的情怀。善哉善哉。

[harylok]

There are something missing here.

The originator did not elaborate properly in his post. Concern or issue? No one has the full picture.

Mature67 said "我本身也是个已婚者，但是我也深信男人与男人之间的真

挚爱情".

That's something worth ponder about.

As for Biguy, calm down. It's a Case2Case thing.

For me, to maintain a LTR /w a love one (Man, this case) + Good Wife + Lovely Kid = No big issue. There bound to have sacrifacies, you gain some you lose some. Its not disasterious.

I am talking about time management. Its a tough challenge but there's is always a workaround solution.

Why n How? PM/Voice-me if interested.

Hary (...whom has been thru' M & W relationship)

[biguy]

" You should give fair treatment to mature67. and all the married man who is reading the post here....You may object the philo of mature67 but does not mean all married man stand on the same ground as you. "

KB, kindly read my post that i answer all his Question, Fair to him? Then who fair to his wife & kids, can you tell me? From this i know how fair you are & how open your heart can be when you look at this issue.

" if my dad is a PLU, I would sure understand him and accept the fact he is one, and not crictise him, as me myself are in this line, I should be more understanding and know the consquences. "

:clap: Well say, Bravo that you have same thinking as mature67 :thumb: , why don't he divorce if he not happy about his marriage, why need to drag? If he really happy about his family, who force him to start Love relationship with another guy?

KB, think twice as we are not kid anymore, we all are adult, we must be responsible not only to ourself, for his case to his family too etc, not all married guys like him will feel proud & keep giving excuse to cover his unfaithfulness & mistakes, kindly don't drag rest of the married guys here, you only insulting them.

[biguy]

" Worst of all, you expect all married men to uphold to his promises till he dies on all circumstances even if there is no more love in his marriage."

Pls, you are mature & adult, if you cant keep your words & promise then never say " i Do ", now who is " A real hypocrate & A preacher? " When Love no longer there, is it the only way to you is have a love relationship with another guy when you still with your wife? Face it man, why don't ended relationship with your wife then, be a real man & be responsible what you do.

I never say myself is a holy spirit, you are the one, don't forget, to you as a married guy, you no longer can use when it comes to a relationship, it involves 2 persons cos now is 3 persons or more, excuse me.

A person call Bi does not mean he is married & attach to both gal & guy at the same time, don't forget that.

If you think you are right, why don't tell your wife & family what in your mind & what you are doing, why need to drag as Love is just involes 2 persons? ( U & ur BF ) ???

[mature67]

Biguy.. what are you talking about?? Wah lau.. you keep on reading wrongly and changing your thoughts and now how to continue to share on this topic.

Let me show you examples:

you said: 你可以拒绝和选择 " 不 ", 有谁强迫你的放纵与任性吗? 自己心照不宣, " 婚外情" 已是不该, 可悲又可耻的是不肯承认错误, 反而强词夺理. 试问这是生为仁父.丈夫该说的话,做的事吗? -->point 1

you have also told me: 请看看枕边人, 然后摸摸自己的良心, 试问她是否做了对不起你的事, 你对她又是何等的残酷与不公平, 她的幸福又在哪里?然后你再照照镜子, 理直气壮的对自己说, 所做的一切是问心无愧, 心安理得的, 你不过是想要捉住自己的幸福未来.

-->point 2

then you told stockymature:我不是一个石古不化之人, 如果已婚者偶尔逢场作戏, 不会假戏真做, 将无伤大雅, 重要的是要懂得轻重, 懂得拿捏, 何时放与收... --> This contradicts with point 1 and point 2

next you replied KB10: why don't he divorce if he not happy about his marriage, why need to drag? --> This contradict with point 1 and point 2

If he really happy about his family, who force him to start Love relationship with another guy? --> This contradict with point 3

By the way, can I have 3rd situation? Because of your teaching under point 1 and point 2, even though I am not happy about my marriage, I am supposed to hold to my marriage because of the vow that I have made, right?

and MOST IMPORTANT ONE: not all married guys like him will feel proud & keep giving excuse to cover his unfaithfulness & mistakes... hey.. since when I said I feel proud??!! :twisted: :yuk: :swear:

Sianz... case closed!

[biguy]

mature67, i won't write anymore, this is all the points that you claimed that i accuse you. Am i misundertood what you trying to say & this is not " 婚外情" ?

我想，当一个已婚男人爱上那男人，他也会感到困惑、痛苦中又帶著些許甜蜜的复杂心情。而且，一旦面对抉择，他会开始试着去理出头绪。他也会痛苦的问自己，「我不再爱我老婆了吗？」「我还是很爱她啊！但是我也同時爱另一個男孩啊！我真的不知该如何才好？我想和那个男孩在一起，但又怕伤害我老婆……』

一旦面临了人生中极重要的抉择：究竟他想要的是与老婆的感情、婚姻、与家庭；還是想与那個男孩展開一段新的恋情、与另一個的人生。在作出决定之时的那种痛苦和无奈，非外人所能理解的。

我不禁地想，如果，他没有选择家庭的话，你会不会也要骂他，“试问这是生为人父.丈夫该做的事吗?”。若是他选择了家庭，你又是否能够谅解他的难处，而不去加以责备呢?

如果，一个已婚者愿意抛弃自己的身份和摘下手上所戴的戒指, 而选择了那个男孩，从另个角度来想，也许正是因为他尚有些许良知, 也清楚自己该走的路,不想连累更多无辜的人。

Mind i asking, is this the right way for a married guy to treat his family esp his wife when she done nothing wrong? who is the most & real 无辜和受害者??

Case Close

[skylancer]

mature67, i won't write anymore, this is all the points that you claimed that i accuse you. Am i misundertood what you trying to say & this is not " 婚外情" ?

我想，当一个已婚男人爱上那男人，他也会感到困惑、痛苦中又帶著些許甜蜜的复杂心情。而且，一旦面对抉择，他会开始试着去理出头绪。他也会痛苦的问自己，「我不再爱我老婆了吗？」「我还是很爱她啊！但是我也同時爱另一個男孩啊！我真的不知该如何才好？我想和那个男孩在一起，但又怕伤害我老婆……』

一旦面临了人生中极重要的抉择：究竟他想要的是与老婆的感情、婚姻、与家庭；還是想与那個男孩展開一段新的恋情、与另一個的人生。在作出决定之时的那种痛苦和无奈，非外人所能理解的。

我不禁地想，如果，他没有选择家庭的话，你会不会也要骂他，“试问这是生为人父.丈夫该做的事吗?”。若是他选择了家庭，你又是否能够谅解他的难处，而不去加以责备呢?

如果，一个已婚者愿意抛弃自己的身份和摘下手上所戴的戒指, 而选择了那个男孩，从另个角度来想，也许正是因为他尚有些许良知, 也清楚自己该走的路,不想连累更多无辜的人。

Mind i asking, is this the right way for a married guy to treat his family esp his wife when she done nothing wrong? who is the most & real 无辜和受害者??

Case Close

我想，当一个已婚男人爱上那男人，他也会感到困惑、痛苦中又帶著些許甜蜜的复杂心情。而且，一旦面对抉择，他会开始试着去理出头绪。他也会痛苦的问自己，「我不再爱我老婆了吗？」「我还是很爱她啊！但是我也同時爱另一個男孩啊！我真的不知该如何才好？我想和那个男孩在一起，但又怕伤害我老婆……』

This is always true as he is a married guy, he got wife, children. And he is attach with a guy. He will think this way

如果，一个已婚者愿意抛弃自己的身份和摘下手上所戴的戒指, 而选择了那个男孩，从另个角度来想，也许正是因为他尚有些许良知, 也清楚自己该走的路,不想连累更多无辜的人。

Well, i can say is the choice is up to him but i need to tell u all guys that Don ever LOVE A MARRIED guy, U will cause problem to him and his family. IN the end who will be 无辜和受害者? And who cause the problem>? Who will be the upset person/ppl? Think guys! Pls!

[kerbee10]

:twisted:

PLEASE DO NOT USE BIG FONTS...does not mean use BIG fonts is a big THING....

Biguy,

I wonder how much you understand about BI...

PT 1. You have quote example of my family...have thought of anything better then my family???? What the Fcukeroos....!!!

PT2. You came into this thread, keep telling people have wrong concept about their views, seem you want to be aggresive in others people statement.

PT3. A marriage and a PLU relationship is the same, LOVE is the same, nothing much of the diff.......be it you vow it anot, the only diff is gender, THATS THE ONLY DIFF...........ie, if a guy has a bf and fool around with other man, so what am I going to say.....BREAK A VOW or just forget it.........A married man have an affair outside with either man or woman...SO BREAK A VOW too???? Can't you see its the same.......

Before any married man understand or accepting a relationship with a man, they have to think about are they truly BI as 50% gay 50% str8 or 100% gay because married then claim to be a BI.............BIG DIFFERENCE.......

Why i say you contradict here...its your nick...BIguy...so what BI are you??? had fun with woman and man..and no shed a drop of passion in any gender....So this is the best way out??? if so, you will never know, what LOVE IS.....one ingredient about love is COMMITMENT......

Be it gay or str8 or bi...what is the commitment you give to your LOVE ones....

True love does not means of being togather...its about seeing your love ones live in happiness..if a PLU have accepted a married man's love....if the relationship ended...please do not complaint about the married man, its a commitment that both have agreed on, and no one force the PLU to accept.

:thumb:

[harylok]

自古以来, 对PLU而言, 同性相”吸(Suck)”, 是一个不变的自然规律.

哈! 先来一段无伤大雅的开场白, 舒缓大夥激昂的情绪.

我们暂时先敞开”道德”不谈, 也不批判 谁“对”谁“错”.

有人说爱 = 快乐, 但我却定义爱 = 欣慰. 每个人都享有追求爱的权力, 处理方式有疯狂的, 有保留的, 有不择手段的, 有理智的, 有乱了阵脚的,等等. 不管结果如何, 千万不要遗憾.

我认为应该先从 (BI-已婚者)的一些心态和处境着手, 然后才依 个别情况来探讨, 再找出一些折仲的解决方案.

大致上, 我把(BI-已婚者)分类成以下几种:

第一种(BI): “结婚”之前,不晓得自己有喜欢男人的倾向,之后在某种情况

底下,才逐渐觉察到自已是同性恋者. 在好奇心的驱使下, 随之而来的是一夜情的浅尝即止, 或过度的放纵, 或追求有个长相思守的同性伴侣的复杂心理变化.

第二种(BI): 由于社会或家庭的压力 (i.e. 独身子廷续香火的观念, 父母抱孙心切的期待, 朋友与同事的揶喻 , 或 抛开不了因其他周遭环境造成的面子问题 etc.), 无奈而亦然 ”结婚”去. 很明显的, 一个与妻子同床异梦的无助且悲哀的同性恋者.

在长久的压抑之下, 他也可能开始响往同性之间的恋情.

第三种(BI): 因为本身喜欢小孩, 因此”借腹”生子, 也”结婚”去了. 但仍然活动于圈内, 一夜情当然不在话下. 妻子可能仅是一个生育的工具.

第四种(BI): 很明确自己具有双性的倾向, 渴望有正常男人的家庭生活而”结婚”, 欲摆脱不了断臂之癖.

第五种(BI): 尝试以”结婚”来改变自已同性恋的心理, 但往往于事无补,甚至付出惨痛的代价. 在很多PLU的角度去看, 是愚昧的. 此种BI可能会有自杀的念头.

第六种(BI): 在老一辈的华人传统观念里, 尤其以早期已婚的女人而言, “口交”这种行为, 既变态又污秽. 根本在行房时, 此举是免淡的.

老婆收精后, 没有了太大的性起 (或因老婆年迈而身子欠佳), 再加上本身经济能力有限的情况下, 年长的叔佰可能就会在无意中或通过一些管道而接触到同性

[GKS]

人本来就不是你的,纠缠下去只有空余恨.

放弃可能就能让你脱离爱情苦海.

难道要看到你心爱的人家离破碎你才甘心？

到后来他可能选则家人而不是你.

相爱是两个人的事，他一直教我等。他选了我，因为我几乎还为了他的家而离开他。他很清楚我没有破坏他家的意图。希望你弄清楚情况后才下说明看法。毕竟，人生之复杂，绝非靠一两招即可解决。真是如此，天下应有很多快乐的人了！

他的婚姻早在遇见我前已破裂，目前只是维系。让我整理一下思绪，再告诉大家有关我与他的情事。只是我的他，仍想完成为父的责任。为了迁就他，我只有以默默发式爱他。

[GachiMuchi]

很难说得上是幸福还是不幸福。一如异性婚姻，也不知能一齐走完人生路的能有几个？可以肯定的，已婚而有白头偕老的居多，因为有法律保障，也有子女牵制。但我偏偏还是对上了一个已婚的好男人。怎么办？

相爱是两个人的事，他一直教我等。他选了我，因为我几乎还为了他的家而离开他。他很清楚我没有破坏他家的意图。希望你弄清楚情况后才下说明看法。毕竟，人生之复杂，绝非靠一两招即可解决。真是如此，天下应有很多快乐的人了！

他的婚姻早在遇见我前已破裂，目前只是维系。让我整理一下思绪，再告诉大家有关我与他的情事。只是我的他，仍想完成为父的责任。为了迁就他，我只有以默默发式爱他。

GKS, 你这么说就不对了。你之前的留言没交待清楚你的处境。只是说你爱上已婚的男人。当下回复你当然是劝你不要跟有妇之夫纠缠下去，以便倒至他们家离破碎， 难道这样的说法不对吗？

就如你所说，你愿意以默默的方式去爱他，那么你那来的烦恼或困惑呢？

我本身和好友也是过来人，也走过你曾走过的路，但到后来也只有空于恨。但，毕竟，个人遭遇不同，可能我以小人之心度君子之福吧。

也希望你这一段能有结果。

以后发展如何，也请你多往好处和你自己想。

[mature40s]

I have 3 encounters with married men. I have posted my first experience in the thread "If we could be together". In all 3 cases, I did not know that they were married when I met them. I only found out by chance. I could have continued our relationships but I chose a different path. Believe me, it is a very painful decision as one of the relationships was built over 3 long years. My life principle is whatever decision we made, we must be prepared to face the consequences (be it good or bad). If I don't think I can bear the consequences, I will extricate myself from the dilemma as soon as possible. I also strongly believe in the saying "what goes around comes around" or in short karma.

By the way, how do you guys add chinese characters in your text? I am new here.

[GKS]

I have 3 encounters with married men. I have posted my first experience in the thread "If we could be together". In all 3 cases, I did not know that they were married when I met them. I only found out by chance. I could have continued our relationships but I chose a different path. Believe me, it is a very painful decision as one of the relationships was built over 3 long years. My life principle is whatever decision we made, we must be prepared to face the consequences (be it good or bad). If I don't think I can bear the consequences, I will extricate myself from the dilemma as soon as possible. I also strongly believe in the saying "what goes around comes around" or in short karma.

By the way, how do you guys add chinese characters in your text? I am new here.

You must have your Chinese Softwares installed.Alternatively activate the Chinese language Input device if you athe XP user.

You just have to input your text in english by select the language mode will do. if youstill not clear, email me.

[GKS]

GKS, 你这么说就不对了。你之前的留言没交待清楚你的处境。只是说你爱上已婚的男人。当下回复你当然是劝你不要跟有妇之夫纠缠下去，以便倒至他们家离破碎， 难道这样的说法不对吗？

真抱歉，没交待清楚背景。我在sgboy中的槟城情事曾稍微提过，不过，该版块离奇失踪。

很感谢你的回复，希望我的这一声感谢能平抚你的愠气。

就让世间多一点爱、少一点悲伤。

[GKS]

幸亏我存了底稿。

就静静与我走一下我的情路。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2004年 07月 10日, 08:35

去年，我与男友到槟城渡过圣诞节。槟城是一个浪漫的城市。我尤其喜欢葛尼一带的风情。当然，爱人的相随，更是令我醉心！

[GKS]

发表日期: 2004年 08月 8日, 07:56

许多时候，幸福是要珍惜的。我的他，其实是得瞒住他的家人而与我一齐度蜜月的。这是我生平第一次单独与一我心爱的男人出门。毕竟，要在茫茫人海，情欲横流的花花世界中，找到一个心仪而对方也深爱你的人，谈何容易？

从槟城机场到酒店途中。我紧紧地依偎在他身旁。我的手，始终都没离开他的温暖的手。

一路上，我几乎感动得想哭。真不敢相信，眼前的这一切是真的。

幸亏，司机是一名印籍人。他表情木然地开车，根本就不知他载着一对恋人。

Edited December 4, 2010 by GKS

[GKS]

2004年 09月 14日, 19:29

近日，因公干到了中国一趟。男友原先想给予我一个惊喜，特地前往机场送行。不料，被老板临时的活儿给耽搁。虽然依旧赶抵机场，不过我已入闸了。第一次，我在电话听筒的另一端，听到了男友的哽泣。百感交集。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2004年 11月 14日, 07:59

又逼近圣诞节了！

最近，又与男友提起度假事宜。考虑了他的处境后，也许今年年底回不了槟城。一切都还在商讨中，未成定局。

上回毅然与我前往槟城后，他回来后遭太座质问，并引起她的怀疑。当然，男友力争抗辩，才驯服了其妻，并制止其妻对我的指责。男友最近在电邮中，复述了此事。

虽然他以公事说抽不了身，但我了解他的处境，由是我直接说出他很难对我说出口的理由－－是否很难向家人交待，他说这是部分原因。

我爱他，委实不想难为他，也不想强人所难。海阔天空，　能觅得亲密爱人，虽碍于他的家室无法朝夕相处，但那无奈却又温馨的情愫，除了使得我俩的相聚相会显得如此珍贵，我也心满意足了。我俩不止一次泪眼相望：他觉得我很委屈、我说也许这是爱他所必须默默承受的事实，因为我要他一切以家为重。我怎么说仅是他的特殊伴侣。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2004年 12月 9日, 01:09

夜深了。

我沏了一杯姜茶。

喝了一口，丝丝轻烟，在冷冷的雨夜中袅袅飘舞....

甫从曼谷回国，又得周旋在香港律师间的应酬，加上狮城天气喜怒无常，我病了。

他依旧忙碌，却也一再叮嘱我喝姜茶。

以前，我对姜毫无感觉。但他曾从事姜类买卖，也挣了钱。告诉了我许多有关姜的生意、姜的常识。年初，一度胀风，就是在那一次，他特地买了一包老姜姜茶。从此，再也不漠视姜的价值。去年，曾随他到植物园散步，发现了新辟的姜园，也仔细端详了姜类的庐山面目；年底，在槟城的一个典雅的香料园内，再度一睹姜的风采。自此，爱屋及乌，对姜也慢慢地产生了一种无名的亲切感。姜，仿若我的他，总有其独特的造型；姜味，仿似我与他的恋情，哪怕周遭充塞了各类花香，四散五溢，其富东方性格的香气，独具一格，总悠悠地在人们都无法感觉它的存在时，透发不愠不火、又令人心神平和的草根香气。

今天午间，曾发了一则简讯给他:每日，扣除他工作、睡眠、陪他太座的时间后，惊觉周日我俩真正能见面的时间竟只有区区的1。5小时。我告诉了他。他一如往常，调侃地回复道：“后悔了吗？”

“不！从都不后悔。那你呢？是不是后悔爱上一个不易相处的人呢？”

“不！”

其实，在那一刻，我方意识到我俩相爱的决心早已填塞了每一个思念的空间。虽然聚少离多，感觉上，聚与散，都未曾在匆匆的时光中留下痛苦的痕迹。从开始到现在，我们就是相互地遥想彼此，淡淡地随着逃去如飞的时光、从炎炎夏日到冷冷的雨季，酿了一樽又一樽相思的高粱、倒了一杯又一杯真爱的醇酒、干了一壶又一壶激情的烈酒。

有人把这种恋情美其名为“柏拉图式”恋情；文人墨客又以“天长地久”来形容爱情的不渝。对我而言，只想说，这就是爱，无以明之的爱。彼此都在对方的生命里发光、发热。

这是何等巧妙的组合。他独爱的姜与我钟情的槟城结合起来。

虽然我独爱槟城，但今年，我与他是去不了槟城了。我委实也不想他陷入哑口无言的窘境中。不过，这一回可能与我家人前往。今早见陈医生时，出生于槟岛的她还问我会否造访槟城，我淡淡地点了头。

当我步出诊所时，十二月的冷风轻轻刮起.

我想面包店的店员也许留意到噙在我眼中那闪闪的热光。。。。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2006年 04月 2日, 08:37

今天他又忙着清明节的祭祀，当然就没时间陪我。爱上一个已婚的男人，就得吞下这委屈。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2005年 03月 25日, 04:47

去年，没重访槟岛；即使真与男友去了槟岛，我最迟还是会在圣诞返国，因为男友的孩子生日。

感谢关怀我的朋友，我没去槟岛，也没事。倒是沈阳的旧同事，一再邀约，叫我去滑雪。

上星期，我刚到马六甲去，辅导一群饱受家庭暴力的孤儿，他们的心灵被扭曲得几不成形，行为上也出现了轻微的暴力倾向。顺道，也在马六甲巡视当地受海啸影响的程度。不知槟岛受海啸袭击后的概况如何？若有必要，我想组织一团医药社工前往进行灾后心理防卫的活动。希望槟岛的朋友能提供详情。基本上，我的行程已排到六月，届时将前往上海与曼谷。时间许可，在与男友到香港后，还计划前往槟岛。

在马六甲时，那些孤儿还为我庆生。看见他们吃蛋糕的快乐表情，我却落泪。这也是我生平第一次，在海外庆生，分外怀念妈妈必烹煮的面线，红包与吉祥祝福语，再来就是捡红字。新年期间，几与男友分手。今年，男友也首次开口要为我庆生，并执意要我推掉这趟马六甲之行。但我还是没有答应他的要求。虽然在前往马六甲前夕曾会面，他还徒然在造爱半途为我唱生日歌，令我在错愕之余，忽然感受他讨我欢心的用心。但是我还是拒绝他的执意挽留的要求，毅然前往公干。

返回时，再会面时，当我把给他家人的土产交给他时，他紧紧拉住我，轻轻地迸出一句“我很想你”。我愣住了。这一阵子，我俩几乎分手，在我去意已决的情况下，他还是执意不肯放手。我很感动，我开始问我自己，到底还是不是深爱着他，当下泪珠在柔和的灯光下，闪闪轻弹。。。

那一夜，他也哭了。。。

[GKS]

发表日期: 2005年 03月 25日, 04:40

Gay 原指快乐。

无论是同性恋、双性恋；未婚、已婚，你拥有永恒的快乐了吗？

你到底有聆听你自己的心灵诉求吗？

[cub33]

Hello all,

just want to share my personal experience..

(based on the theme IN LOVE WIF A MARRIED MAN)

I was involved wif a married man some years back(for abt 2 and half yrs).

But till today, we are still very close friends..

First of all, to be invloved wif a married man, u hv to be very patient.

We used to meet on selected nites & st8 off to do "you know wat".

Then, we will hv coffee & he will send me hm.( we would call each other day & nite to chat)

I knew tt i would be on the disadvantage as he has to spend time wif his family on weekends & I will hv to be alone. But tts the price to pay for involving wif a married man.

(to cut the long story short, his wife found out some letters tt we were writing to each other.. we had to call off the relationship). I was in full support tt he go back to his wife. To me, his family was definitely the priority.

Here's my 2 cents worth after reading the past postings..

01. A married man has to know that his main responsibility is his family. (from the day he said I DO)

Yes, u need the love of a man.. But its fact of life that u can nvr hv all the best things in life at the same time.

02. I can understand why some married man come out to search for love(be it be emotional or physical). They probably feel the something is missing somehow in their lives & his wife may nt be able to understand tt inner void inside.

03. For those of us who are/had been involved wif a married man, patience & understanding is the key to hold the relationship.

(remember, u know the stakes involved, therefore, u can nvr demand too much from this relationship)

04. There r ppl out there who would make comments on PLU who are involved wif married men, but when such "FATE" comes, feelings developed, its hard to say NO.

(therefore, lets try to be understanding abt it)

I do hv frds who are married involved wif AJ/ AJ involved wif a married man.

All, I can say, love is universal, its in the end how both party come to an agreement to keep the relationship..

[bornfree]

发表日期: 2005年 03月 25日, 04:40

Gay 原指快乐。

无论是同性恋、双性恋；未婚、已婚，你拥有永恒的快乐了吗？

你到底有聆听你自己的心灵诉求吗？

你尝尽了爱上已婚者的苦与乐，你的心情真令人感动！我也是个已婚者，如今和一个男孩断断续续的发展地下情！我们要见面相处都得刻意安排！他要见我，有时我一时走不开，他的失望和伤感是可领会的！我对他，他对我都不敢有任何承诺！我曾经告诉他：如果他找到一个比我年轻而又是单身的，那就放手去寻找自己的幸福吧！我不会怪他，或许我会感到痛苦，不过我还是会祝福他！毕竟，他已在我心中占据了一个角落！

[Xxqtive]

After reading all these postings, i cant help but shed some tears as it brought back painful-sweet memories for me.

A few years back, I got to know this businessman at a social function. He is charming and confident and quickly caught my attention. We spoke and exchanged contacts. The next day, he called me out for tea and we met at a simple coffee shop.

The conversation and company was great. We met everyday for tea at the same coffee shop as we had lots to share.

Over time, I realised that I had developed feelings for him. Plucking up the courage, I "tested waters" and dropped hints. To me delight, he got the hint and at the coffee shop itself, touched my hands and told me he felt the same way about me too !

We continue seeing each other almost every day for the week, though it was always in the day and never weekends. He was extremely sweet and most thoughtful. Never had I felt such sweet, total love. He told me he had not experienced such love and concern from anyone for a very long time...

A month later, we had our first physical "liaison". Told him I loved him very much and asked if he could stay for dinner and the night. Thats when I got the shocker - he cant. He is married.

I was devastated. Felt cheated and betrayed. Should have read all the signs... That day was my birthday... Worst birthday present i had.

Told him I wished to be left alone for the next few days. He obliged, but I knew from my close friend that he was very concerned and called him at least twice a day to find out how I am. He was also crying.

I was back with him after a week. I was too deeply in love with him. Call me silly. Perhaps I was weak.

However, expectations were different now... I knew he is a married man. Knew nothing would come out of the relationship. I was prepared. But I also had to constantly remind him, that his first and foremost responsibility is towards his family. If he loved me, he would have to love his family twice/thrice as much. The thought of me breaking up a family is too heavy a burden and sin for me to shoulder.

Over the months that we carried on the relationship, I am kept awake many nights, thinking of him, his family and me. We had long talks... his wife is a successful career woman who had little time for him. They have been married for close to 10 years with no children. I was filling a void for him. He needed to feel loved and wanted. And he loved me for who and what I am.

We were together for 2.5 years... during this period, he suffered a big blow as his business failed. Finally, under pressure from his wife and family, he decided to venture to work in the USA. We spent 3 days on a holiday (our first and last) before he left.

Told him that I loved him with no regrets, and supported his move to the states. He was worried about me, and told me the same "If you find someone suitable, please go and dont wait for me. Don't hold back on your happiness, for that is what matters to me most."

It has been 4 years since he left and 2 years since his last email.

I still love him and wish him all the very best. But i think it is about time that I move on. Know your priorities, take responsibilities for your actions.

[oralb]

i know someone will say, that's what happen involving with the married man.

either he cherish his family more or you yourself will ensure that he takes better care of his family (maybe it is guilt?)

sometimes love comes in the strangest way.

anyway i can only say move on, and choose to remember that all the good times you had with him.

be glad that in your life, you have touched someone's heart and so has your heart been touched.

[kerbee10]

Totally agreed with Cub33......

Love is blind...but courage is the key to have love or being love with no regrets...

The married man has twice as much stress,depression and confusion...as he has to manage the partner and the family, and fullfill a responsibilty role as a husband...he can;t understand how you feel exactly but likewise you can;t understand him as you are not in his shoe....

Cherish the moment...and no regrets...at least you and the married man has filled a memorable chapter in your life.....there are many who do not even have one...

cheers... :thumb: