Cheating Boyfriend / Lover + Why Cheat when In a Relationship? (Compiled)

[Guest Guest]

If TS can answer why he still eats out even when he can cook at home, or even have dinner already prepared at home, he will know why some people still goes round having sex with others despite they're in a relationship. 

[Guest Very Happy]

2 hours ago, Guest Poipoi said:

Is it true that in gay relationship everybody sleep around behind their partner back?

Not true. It all boils down to individual value.  Luckily, my handsome bf is a rare loyal breed.  He told me once the very handsome men approached him for sex, he rejected them by telling them he was already attached and he can't wait to come home and tell me the story.  Also when we were on outing together, he never a single time took his eyes off me and look at other men.  There was another incident a gay guy tried to flirt him openly, my bf held my hand and kissed it as deliberate shown of affection to the flriting guy to give up the hope of trying to flirt with my handsome bf.  I can't say about yours,  I am the lucky few with a very steady bf and we both agree we can live until we turn grey.

[Guest abc]

Is monogamy an asian culture? Or an import from Western culture?

[Guest Very Happy]

1 minute ago, Guest abc said:

Is monogamy an asian culture? Or an import from Western culture?

It is a civilised culture and nothing to do with nationality.

[Sibelius]

Sometimes the partner does not fulfill the sexual needs of the other... finding a third person might fulfill that need. There are people who are polyamourous who don't see that this is a problem. Maintaining a threeway relationship with the knowledge of every partner and everyone is satisfied (ideally). Its not really a modern concept, there are men who have many wives or men who have a wife and a mistress etc throughout human history ancient to recent. Even in some ancient matrilineal cultures, the woman can have many lovers. Its just whether the society that you live in accept such a concept or not... or whatever values society imparts on the individual. At the end of the day, what is acceptable or not is only relative.

[Guest Xxx]

13 hours ago, Guest Msqyv said:

Don't they feel guilty ? 

Idk why but if I were them I will never able to bring myself to do such things no matter what.

 

if I were them I will never able to forget what I Did and pretend nothing happened infront of my Boyfriend . 

 

It's kinda sad that relationship after all is not simple as what I think 

 

My bf is one such bastard and now his my ex.

[fab]

Lust, greed and/or ignorance.

[Silverarrowdan]

Some people are attached but still hook up with others because they are only attached; they don't truely 100% love his bf.

 

There is something lacking in the relationship, because seriously nobody is a perfect ideal bf. They seek out other guys to fulfil this portion of desire that is lacking. Some btm seek another top bcos bf's size is not ideal. Some find other leanfit guys bcos bf no longer have that body. Some seek others bcos bf doesn't satisfy the inner fetish. They have an unmet desire.

[Balestier]

I have seen 2 b or 2 t in a  relationship. to satisfy the anal part, they seek for a 3rd person

[bradlee]

Because love n lust is two separate thing for them

[Guest Hoover]

41 minutes ago, Balestier said:

I have seen 2 b or 2 t in a  relationship. to satisfy the anal part, they seek for a 3rd person

You saw dead people.

[Guest Woof]

They are stray dogs, they can fuck any other dogs they met in the street. 

[Guest Very Happy]

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

[Guest Guest]

17 hours ago, Guest Msqyv said:

Don't they feel guilty ? 

Idk why but if I were them I will never able to bring myself to do such things no matter what.

 

if I were them I will never able to forget what I Did and pretend nothing happened infront of my Boyfriend . 

 

It's kinda sad that relationship after all is not simple as what I think 

Who are you to fuxking judge?

[snowball]

On 2017-5-13 at 7:30 PM, Guest Very Happy said:

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

you should said that " People who are monogamous are those GUESTS.They are the respectable people... "

i am sincerely happy for you to find the right one

 

[Guest abc]

1 hour ago, Guest Very Happy said:

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

 

Good for you that you found your sensitive new age man. 

[Guest Guest]

8 hours ago, Silverarrowdan said:

Some people are attached but still hook up with others because they are only attached; they don't truely 100% love his bf.

 

There is something lacking in the relationship, because seriously nobody is a perfect ideal bf. They seek out other guys to fulfil this portion of desire that is lacking. Some btm seek another top bcos bf's size is not ideal. Some find other leanfit guys bcos bf no longer have that body. Some seek others bcos bf doesn't satisfy the inner fetish. They have an unmet desire.

One of the reason why I decided to stop looking for relationships 

[upshot]

When we make expectation of our partners in relationship. Are we comparing it to some female/ male relationship where the emphasis is more on the female's part and biology and sense of feeling and insecurity or are we actually trying to figure out that a s a male your biological and sexual drive and person as a male is NOT THE SAME. So are we applying too much of the same rules for relationship and what we all sexual responsibilities? Seriously.  There is a reason for women why infidelity and the need for ensuring their male stays with them for access to their sex and child birthing abilities and as a weaker sex that need defending. These modern days even that rule is ALSO CHANGING...

Just a thought. But I feel we have people who are thinking by mimic then really about looking at the dynamic of male-make relationship that is totally NOT THE SAME as a male - female one. That is NOT TO SAY  faithfulness and fidelity does not count but I think the way a gay couple go about it should be unique one and not everything taken as the same with a female partner. Complex yes but like it or not it is always going to be different and challenging.

Edited May 13, 2017 by upshot

[Ironrod]

9 hours ago, Guest Very Happy said:

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

 

I am amazed by the amount of judging in this thread......especially saying monogamous = respectable. OMG

 

I am sure is this how the str8 ppl judge you guys too. "Dick goes to pussy, no that shit hole" How do u feel?

 

I just want to say, if your bf cheats that means u make the wrong judgement call by calling this person your partner. It has nothing to do with being gay etc.

 

Str8 ppl get seduced easily too (if opportunity arises).

 

Stop saying cheating is a gay thing, it's just human nature?

 

I hope u guys stop being judgy, becos ppl changes, mindset changes - 10 years later u maybe the one cheating too.

[fab]

Cheating is wrong, regardless of orientation.

[Guest Bed Hopper]

1 hour ago, Ironrod said:

 

I am amazed by the amount of judging in this thread......especially saying monogamous = respectable. OMG

 

I am sure is this how the str8 ppl judge you guys too. "Dick goes to pussy, no that shit hole" How do u feel?

 

I just want to say, if your bf cheats that means u make the wrong judgement call by calling this person your partner. It has nothing to do with being gay etc.

 

Str8 ppl get seduced easily too (if opportunity arises).

 

Stop saying cheating is a gay thing, it's just human nature?

 

I hope u guys stop being judgy, becos ppl changes, mindset changes - 10 years later u maybe the one cheating too.

And so you're looking for a Friends only, not a Partner.  Friends = random strangers to sleep with, if clicked upgraded those sex buddies? 10 years later you still hopping from bed to bed?

[richrussell25]

Cheating is always worng, espicially when you did on the friend of your partner. The most terrible human in the world. Only God knows. 

[Guest Stud]

How about when both are cheating? Had fun with both sides before, how did I know? It was the same house, and I find it hilarious. First guy removed all the pictures of them in the house, his partner didn't care. Haha!

[Steve5380]

15 hours ago, Guest Very Happy said:

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

 

Do you have any serious study that backs up your claim?

It sounds a bit like a wishful thinking instead of a logical correlation.

[Steve5380]

20 hours ago, Guest abc said:

Is monogamy an asian culture? Or an import from Western culture?

 

It seems that polygamy is universal.  Who does not like to have sex with whoever one finds attractive?

Monogamy is an imposition by a society.  It is something artificial, imposed for a variety of reasons.

It is not an Asian exclusivity and women in other cultures want monogamy as much as the Asian.

But why should we worry about this?

Being in a homosexual relationship practically eliminates serious reasons for monogamy.

What may be left is some feelings of insecurity, jealously, concerns about STDs, 

all secondary reasons to those the straight couples have.

 

One thing is for sure:  in gay relationships, the most stable are the open ones.

Much love for each other, without concerns about sexual exclusivity.

Instead there is a mutual desire that the partner has a fulfilled sexual life.

 

[yoyo74]

On 5/13/2017 at 2:03 AM, Guest Msqyv said:

Don't they feel guilty ? 

Idk why but if I were them I will never able to bring myself to do such things no matter what.

 

if I were them I will never able to forget what I Did and pretend nothing happened infront of my Boyfriend . 

 

It's kinda sad that relationship after all is not simple as what I think 

If they are in open relationship than there is no need to feel guilty lol

[auscent]

Because that 'bf' wasnt their soul mate. Just a company/partner to do things with.

[Guest Guestldr]

 

On 5/13/2017 at 4:03 AM, Guest Msqyv said:

Don't they feel guilty ? 

Idk why but if I were them I will never able to bring myself to do such things no matter what.

 

if I were them I will never able to forget what I Did and pretend nothing happened infront of my Boyfriend . 

 

It's kinda sad that relationship after all is not simple as what I think 

 

I believe it all comes down to the intention behind it.

 

Understanding the reason behind his actions could actually lead to a deeper connection and understanding between the two of you. If he did 'cheated' (hate this word) and could not bring himself to tell you, it says a lot about the trust in the relationship. 

 

Nothing is ever just black and white. And nothing is ever one person's fault when it comes to a relationship.

 

[yoyo74]

15 hours ago, Guest Very Happy said:

People who are monogamous are those who love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family.  They are the respectable people.  Luckily, I found that person.

I dont agree with this. People who in open relationship can also love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family too. On the other hand those in monogamous relationship can also be murderers, rapist, arsonist and terrorist. We must not stereotype any kind of relationship.

[upshot]

10 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

I dont agree with this. People who in open relationship can also love animals, children, flowers, religion and their family too. On the other hand those in monogamous relationship can also be murderers, rapist, arsonist and terrorist. We must not stereotype any kind of relationship.

 

In fact there are too many example of that in real life. I am surprise how people can compartmentalize the issue and be blind to think someone who love his lover can also be the same person who is out selling deadly heroin to others or cut off the tail of a dog in public or plan genocide of minorities in their country.

Edited May 14, 2017 by upshot

[pittsburgh]

http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/three-gay-men-three-way-relationship/

[Guest Hunk]

2 hours ago, pittsburgh said:

http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/three-gay-men-three-way-relationship/

Why are they all so fat? Turn off!

 

Also read the comment below, there is more to this than the fake smiles in the photos.

[noswilnat90]

nah.. read!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201209/the-eight-reasons-people-cheat-their-partners

[OnePiece]

Being in a 15 years relationship has thought me this: we are both human, so there are times when we needed to know if we are still "hot" in the market.

 

From the very beginning of our relationship, we have established that we both are free to flirt, sometimes as a couple, often as individuals. And yes, at times both sides have strayed away in few occasions.

 

Relationship is about choice - choosing to love someone; to come home to a place that only belongs to the 2 of you; to choose and allow each other stray, when needed to, but never to far; and to be able to communicate & share our lives as one.

 

Well, maybe.. we are, after all, having an "open relationship" but we had never classify and put a term to it. What is an open relationship anyway? We don't "eat-out" that often. Deep inside we just know, sort of a silent consensus, to never go beyond the limit of breaking the relationship.

 

But after more than a decade together, we both just know, that we'll grow grey together. That is when the best part of the relationship kicks in. 

 

I can't say what is right and wrong in having a mono or poly relationship. But I do know now - two person need to make that choice, the right choice here is subjective to the two of you, in order to be in a relationship that works.

 

P/s: And from what I do know, having met other friends or acquaintances that are in a strong & long term relationship, they are all experiencing almost the same scenario as I do.

[Steve5380]

10 hours ago, OnePiece said:

But after more than a decade together, we both just know, that we'll grow grey together. That is when the best part of the relationship kicks in. 

 

I think you hit the nail on the head.

When we both know that we won't leave each other because we are so fulfilled together, it does not matter if we stray away here and there, if we are mono or poly.

After all, much of our attachment to our parents comes also from the fact that the bond with them will not break.

[HydroNaut]

Come to think of it this way. If everyone are happily monogamously attached and never cheated on their bfs. The sauna here will be out of business long ago.

One cannot keep working but never got a holiday break in daily life. The same logic goes...there need to be a sort of a "short departure" to make love grow fonder. Whether u like it or not, there are tonnes of people cheating on their bfs. Even in heterosexual world, it is not that rare such things happened. 

 

In fact, i know a lot of couple friends that do cheated on their bfs. But the ignorant bf just thought he is the happiest man on earth with such a devoted bf. 

Dun know doesn't mean that it never happened. 

Edited May 16, 2017 by HydroNaut

[Guest Video For Thoughts]

This video brings up a good point. At the core of the issue, it is the imbalance of or mismatch of need for Closeness & Distance. For instance, too little closeness & too much distance.

(This channel has other insightful videos too. Do take a listen.)

 

 

[Guest someone ab]

妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不着

[transmissionsm]

Married guy here. For me why I come to the gay community is because of my secret fetish and desire that has yet to be fulfilled.

 

 

 

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, hannibalism said:

that said, cheating is wrong. categorically. because that's lying. so while eating out is acceptable in my opinion, cheating is a definite no-no. at the end of the day, just like OnePiece has advised from his experience, it's about communication and consensus - after all you're in this together eh. 

 

I think that it is difficult to say categorically that lying is wrong. Sometimes lying is a means justified by the goal.

A goal should be to be in a happy relationship for as long as possible, hopefully forever.

It may be difficult to start a relationship that is "open" right away. 

like "let's both of us start a relationship but let's agree that we can still fuck with whoever we want".

 

The best time for a relationship to become open is when there is enough mutual trust and knowledge that some polygamy is not something that will end the relationship. And this takes years and many mutual experiences of the love for each other.  If we know that our partner will still love us and stay at our side even if he has some sex with others, then the issue of "fidelity" vanishes.

[TopChinese]

Why do people assume that all relationships are monogamous? It is ultimately up to the two of you to set your own rules. And no one else should impose their views on what terms you two should decide to be together. 

 

And for the rest of us, please leave your value judgments at the door. Don't call us sluts because you don't understand how two of us are in an open relationship. 

[J0Boo]

This issue has a lot of grey areas. I mean, it's just like asking why some married bi guys cheat on their wife. Is really up to individual's choices, we can't really control what they wanna do. Plus, some people are fine with having an open relationship, so I guess more importantly, focus on yourself and your partner more. Why do you have to be concern about other people's rs? 

[wantonmee]

no right or wrong here. met so many who are partnered but continue to have sex outside of the partnership

some are open, some are not

some feel guilty, some don't 

but at the end of the day, who are we to say what's acceptable and what's not

just play safe and be man enuff to take whatever consequences as a result of your own actions, is all

 

[Guest Yada Yada]

Well I think, gay relationship seems always open as it is based only on sex and cannot be monogamous.

[Guest :-(]

On 5/3/2016 at 1:15 PM, Guest said:

Over the past 6+ years, my BF had had extra-curricular activities no less than 10 times. Each time we found a way to work around it and of course each time I feel that it eats a part of me. But at the same time, it also helps the relationship grow a bit. 

 

Of course hearing my side of the story, I sound like the saint right? Always forgiving him. But honestly I've also been controlling and domineering and that causes him to feel stressed and need to relieve  

 

Break your heart 10 times and you still forgive? You tao nao pai? Something is seriously wrong with the relationship, take a good reality check on both of you.

 

For me, one time and he can be OUT! Depending on scenario too, but won't tolerate more than 2 times. I am not a saint to be taken granted of nor can my heart take it like nothing has ever happened

[Guest :-(]

On 5/25/2016 at 10:22 PM, abang said:

Actually ignorance is bliss.

Don't try to dig into his affairs with who and who... they are just his physical releases.

Don't bother about the occasional sex with someone other than you.

He has a mind of his own and if he is yours, he will remain yours.

 

Paula Tsui's 随想曲 comes to mind...especially the line "to release the hand".

Super old song..probably more than 30 years ago.. she is still performing all over the Chinese world.

I am going to her next concert is in July 2016 at Hong Hum - Hong Kong Coliseum.

The lyrics are so apt, even as we discuss this make-or-break relationship.

 

 

.

.

.

前望我不愛獨懷舊，名利我可以輕放手，
是我的雖失去他日總會有，不慣全力尋求。
難辨你的愛真與否，綠盡我可以輕放手，
若你的心想變怎樣都會變，想要留亦難留。
渴望是心中富有，名和利不刻意追求，
請收起溫馨的愛意，留在心中好像醇的酒。

存着要經過春與秋，內心也經過喜與憂，
讓我一生擁有輕鬆節奏，心裡無欲無求。
渴望是心中富有，名和利不刻意追求，
請收起溫馨的愛意，留在心中好像醇的酒。
存着要經過春與秋，內心也經過喜與憂，
讓我一生擁有輕鬆節奏，心裡無欲無求。

 

 

 

You, being one of the most matured and senior bwers, can actually say don't dig into his affairs and don't bother about occasional sex with others is really a BIG disappointment.

 

A relationship is a relationship - gay or straight. The best way to see it is: Try imagining your dad having marital affairs and having occasion sex with other girls, then your mom found out but you said these right into her face: 

Don't try to dig into his affairs with who and who... they are just his physical releases.

Don't bother about the occasional sex with someone other than you.

He has a mind of his own and if he is yours, he will remain yours.

 

Happily ever after?

[abang]

你懂游戏规则吗？

我说同志恋里应该包括容忍，眼不见为净。。不要幻想有守生如玉。。让他多接触何尝不是一种维持情感的桥梁。只要每次都怪怪地回来。。你还是“大老婆”。。不要每天都给他听“

 

 

[doncoin]

If we look at it, cheating comes down to sex mostly. 

 

I think a lot of guys after a while, sex become routine and they get bored. Instead of talking to their bf/partners about it, they look else where and blame it on boring sex life. They don't want to make the effort and it is a lot easier to "impress" someone who is new. 

 

You can fix this by putting effort into your sex life with your bf more. Try something different, explore together and be drawn closer together physically and emotionally or just cheat. 

[Rhyn]

I believe it's biological as well as socialogical. 

 

I mean, we are basically a species that needs to procreate to pass the best genes to the next generation. It's embedded into our DNA that humans should procreate, and thus there is a need for release with other humans.

 

And humans are social creatures, so inherently, there is a need for interaction. This interaction forms bonds and it ignites a possibility of....mating.

 

animalistically speaking in the 21st century lol

Edited June 15, 2017 by Rhyn

[doncoin]

1 hour ago, Rhyn said:

I believe it's biological as well as socialogical. 

 

I mean, we are basically a species that needs to procreate to pass the best genes to the next generation. It's embedded into our DNA that humans should procreate, and thus there is a need for release with other humans.

 

And humans are social creatures, so inherently, there is a need for interaction. This interaction forms bonds and it ignites a possibility of....mating.

 

animalistically speaking in the 21st century lol

 

 

Yes, our DNA program us to procreate but this is gay sex, and we are not procreating any babies.