Cheating Boyfriend / Lover + Why Cheat when In a Relationship? (Compiled)

[Guest FattChoy88]

Woah... can you backtrack a bit?

Need to know what software you use.

I need to check if my pc and workstation has it.

Can I download this software/freeware easily?

Maybe our friendly neighbourhood moderator GM can help shed some light....being an IT expert and all...

[Guest FattChoy88]

Usually in these circumstances, the so called 'victim' can walk, shut up and live with it, or eliminate the competition.

Don't you watch tv series?

I found out my bf had gay profile and is looking for sex with men discreetly, his profile stated he's single.

Apparently he has a regular sex buddy (the same guy) and when I am away working or overseas, they had sex at our place (well the house is not mine but I am staying in my bf's house). How do I know? I put a spy software on his laptop and read the conversation logs.

What advises can the members or non members here share. Tx.

[Guest -snowball-]

very simple, take it or leave it.

if my lover put a spy software on my laptop and read the conversation logs etc, no matter what reason, i will ask him to fly kite,

no trust then better break off, cos person who do such " thing " no different from the people who flirt outside,

same so evil & dirty, just like a theif

[harylok]

I found out my bf had gay profile and is looking for sex with men discreetly, his profile stated he's single.

Apparently he has a regular sex buddy (the same guy) and when I am away working or overseas, they had sex at our place (well the house is not mine but I am staying in my bf's house). How do I know? I put a spy software on his laptop and read the conversation logs.

What advises can the members or non members here share. Tx.

Hi IMNPB (your nick very long ...)

Apparently, you already got some form of "evident," what more advice do you want ? Unless, you are uncertain what to do next?! ... e.g. Breaking-up, salvage the relationship, confrontation ?? OR Maybe, you want to know how others catch their cheater's bf? (Hope not . )

No comment about the "SPY Software" you used. These days, people perform desperate act to get something they want ....for good / bad.

SO, share with us, what you intend to do now?

Hary...

... 爱情这东西我明白　但永远是什么

... 或许俩人分手　就这么不回头

... 至少不用编织一些美丽的藉口

Edited November 15, 2008 by harylok

[Guest iamnotplasticbag]

there are many monitoring software out there you go google it and buy if you suspicious about your bfs. After I found out I just pretended to close my one eye and don't know anything about it. If he did not bring someone home is okay but he did and with this same guy all the time...what should I do?

[Guest -snowball-]

iamnotplastickbag, i must agree that, cos u are rubbish bag, before you say your boyfriend had had cheated behind you, what have you done to your boyfriend? You call that Love & Trust still? you have totally no right to say anything bad behind him, cos you are not a good thing too, don't keep act like you are pure & innocent, people who dare to do all such things (put a spy software in bf's laptop ) & still feeling proud without know what is shame is not longer a victim, you are as cunning & evil, so what's next? Don't give yourself an excuse to put the blame on others, reflex yourself

[snowball]

iamnotplasticbag, if my posts sound abit strong, no intention, always think that True Love is simple & pure, not just give & take, it's also consist dare & willing to sacrific, but most people make it so ugly & evil. understand & forgive is what i believe not only in Love but the rest we are facing & deal with daily.

love with no regret, no matter what result will come, if end, hope him all the best & find someone that can give what he needs & want, no point to hurt yourself or him even he betray you, just let go even is pain & bleeding within. Life already short enough, why need to add more suffer in it?

when two person attach, both souls really become one & you can get into his world is another story, love him then accept what he is, if he appreaciate, he will change for you.

" they had sex at our place (well the house is not mine but I am staying in my bf's house) ". iamnotplasticbag, you deeply know that that is his house, not our, who he like to bring or what he like to do in his house is his right, if he tell you, just that he love & respect you, else he done nothing wrong too, if one day you both no longer together, who should be the one moving out you know that better.

Ask yourself, what you really want from him, how long you can close one eye & act nothing really happen? you never cheat behind him before & 100% faithful to him?

How good & how beautiful he is, all will be history one day, include yourself, so why doing all stuffs so awful, is it worth with sinful acts just for meaningless things?

My last words to you, if Love become bitter & ugly, leave without turning your head back, never let hates involve, tears will wash away dirt & dust, believe there's True Love outside, never give up hopes don't let evil fire burnt you

Edited November 15, 2008 by snowball

[Guest Guest]

you sld break off w him (i noe u r leeching him coz of the free home stay) and go for blood test to check your HIV status.

when u sleep w him, u r indrectly sleeping with the ons guy and his many sex partners....who knows wat virus they are fwding.

[Guest iamnotplasticbag]

Anyway, since I discovered he slept with this guy, I dare to go to sauna, if he can do it why I can't? I know the house is his but I felt it is not right to let someone come over and had sex on our bed because I would never ever do it. Life is a drama it's true.

[harylok]

Anyway, since I discovered he slept with this guy, I dare to go to sauna, if he can do it why I can't? I know the house is his but I felt it is not right to let someone come over and had sex on our bed because I would never ever do it. Life is a drama it's true.

I see no more advice is needed for u cos' you have in a way 'decided' to act on something else, & i foresee its gonna be messy...

Last resort, go talk to him & understand/set both expectation once for all, if agreed/compromise, continue the r/s, else call it off.

Hary

...stay healthy for both body & Soul..

[Guest guest]

Actually u aleradi know yr next course of action n u asking for the sake of asking n justifying yr action then don't.. waste time lor!!! confront him n get yr answer

[raymond]

In the first place, if you suspected he is sleeping w someone behind yr back, ask him openly if he is having some fun n if he denied, then u can try some other ways to check on him i.e spyware or watever..( but it is still not right to use his computer i.e atleast he trusted u to use his things..)

Anyway, if he can use a computer, i don't think he is tat stupid not to know about the software u have installed lah..maybe he is trying to spike u leh!!!!

Now good lor both of u r " Ni Zuo Chu Yi, Wuo Zuo Shi Wu" . What is the point??? Might as well can it a day!!!! or both sit down and have a good discussion to have an open relationship lor.. Maybe u can share his new bed fellow also...

[Guest Guest Chub]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend. My bf is a chaser. Apparently, he is a regular on C&C nights. Bloody fxxker!!! If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me. I dare not and have not been to any sauna. Any chaser wants to hook up? I want to play too. Damn fxxker! Lied to me all these years about going out with his colleagues and straight friends. Shit.

[GachiMuchi]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend. My bf is a chaser. Apparently, he is a regular on C&C nights. Bloody fxxker!!! If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me. I dare not and have not been to any sauna. Any chaser wants to hook up? I want to play too. Damn fxxker! Lied to me all these years about going out with his colleagues and straight friends. Shit.

Sorry to hear about your cheating boyfriend.

You only have 2 options. You either stay put or break off. Case close. Next.

Get over it.

Please don't multi post.

[snowball]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend... If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me...

I understand how you feel, however ask yourself, what you seek for love relationship & what you want from it? Do you really feel better when you flirt with others & treat as a revenge? what benefit you gain? do you still have faith & trust him? if you really seek for real happiness, set yourself free first, else you just allow yourself to lock in cage with hate grow everyday, all the best

Edited June 5, 2009 by snowball

[abang]

As an older gay man, I have this advice for you:

If you can close one eye, then ignore what had happened.

If you cant close the eye, accept the fact that he is only your bf. You dont own him.

He has the right to do what he wants. But more importantly, is his heart still with you.

If yes, then accept that you cannot always satisfy him sexually and if he feels the need

to go to the sauna, just advise him to play safe.

Forget monogamous relationship in this urban city.

Gay people do look out for sex very often and if he returns to you at the end of the day,

please be thankful that he is still faithful to you.

[Guest OeekabooIseeyou]

Hey just confront him and get it done and over with. Obviously there is somethings both of you cannot give to each other why hangon till like that. Grass is green outside, you are better off without him. Maybe he things you are having your fun outside too that solicite this attention from him. 2 sided la.

[Guest LPPL]

Maybe you should do the same to him tonight, come down to have fun and see if his cock can stand after seeing you having sex with another. :twisted:

[thewinehouse]

Maybe you should do the same to him tonight, come down to have fun and see if his cock can stand after seeing you having sex with another. :twisted:

Given what he has done, I think he'd be more than excited to see you with another guy. It might even be a treat for him.

[raymond]

What abang said is spot on..... now you may think he is fooling ard with others ..but can you guaranteed you won't do likewise at later stage??(sorry I am not saying you would but there is a high chance!) i have known of couples who swear by the book that they love each other dearly and believed in mono - relationship but after 1- 2 years all started to stray away i.e. some close one eye, others broke off.. Those who broke off always give the same reason - they found someone better or they are in love again...blah..blah...etc they no longer love their current bf... Sometimes history repeats itself again and again.. That is y, you see some have multiple bf before reaching 50years old... I have known of one that has gone thru' 7 bfs before reaching 50yrs old...

So guest chub, either you just close one/both eyes or just ask him openly.. If his reason is what you can accept then just carry on w yr relationship(or revert to open relationship..) If not just move on... You don't want to retailate by fooling ard also..unless that is what you wanted.... Don't do it just tit for tat..etc If u do that, you are no diff from him...

[abang]

Ah Ray di-di,

I am reaching 50 in less than 2 years but I have only had 3 'counted' boyfriends... meaning that the relationship lasted for more than six months.

Anything less than 6 months is considered as dating to me..... Most of the time, I am attracted by the first impression of the person (who doesnt need to be a hunk but more of a healthy person.. no sissies and chubbies for me... cos unfortunately I can getting heavier as I get older)...

To the guy who started this thread:

Accept the flaws of one another is vital to sustain a relationship. I can accept the fact that my bf is allowed to go to the suanas for all he want but tell him to play safely. I believe you can trust his taste... Bf-hopping too quickly is never a way to lead the gay life...

As the old proverb says, " A bird in hand is better than two in the bush".

Please treasure the time and money and emotions you have invested into the relationship.

Perhaps, you two can take a short trip away from Singapore. Being together for 24/7 is really a good way to see how he actually behaves... oops misbehaves.... :clap:

[snowball]

sorry, not sure are you chinese, come across this song, the lyrics is quite meaningful, just like to share with you. before that, i have some words for you, we not sure what your love relationship really like & how is your bf, you should know best youself, no matter what others did to you, never think of revenge, cos at the end of the day you will realize that it is very silly, so be brave, if possible discuss with your bf what actually he want, if live with tears, why not try to start with happy life even is alone, no matter what stand in your way, never give up hope, others is a mirror to you, if you get hurt when people do " that " to you, never repeat the mistake & take revenge, it won't bring you good, pamper yourself in right way, forgive & try to make your life fruitful, remember, people come & go, most important is stay happy with positive thinking

我还来不及做好准备, 约定就已经开始作废, 都说爱情是弥足珍贵, 现在感觉里只有苦味.

可是我不会夜夜流泪, 虽然偶尔也痛彻心扉. 缘尽了你走了无法回头, 我要努力学会无所谓.

就这样就这样忍住伤悲, 也许会也许会感到疲惫, 再给我花开花落一个轮回, 你就会在记忆中慢慢消褪,

不再想不再想谁是谁非, 爱情里并没有谁错谁对, 再给我春去秋来一个轮回, 我就会化茧成蝶飞得更美.

Edited June 6, 2009 by snowball

[Guest Guest Chub]

sorry, not sure are you chinese, come across this song, the lyrics is quite meaningful, just like to share with you. before that, i have some words for you, we not sure what your love relationship really like & how is your bf, you should know best youself, no matter what others did to you, never think of revenge, cos at the end of the day you will realize that it is very silly, so be brave, if possible discuss with your bf what actually he want, if live with tears, why not try to start with happy life even is alone, no matter what stand in your way, never give up hope, others is a mirror to you, if you get hurt when people do " that " to you, never repeat the mistake & take revenge, it won't bring you good, pamper yourself in right way, forgive & try to make your life fruitful, remember, people come & go, most important is stay happy with positive thinking

我还来不及做好准备, 约定就已经开始作废, 都说爱情是弥足珍贵, 现在感觉里只有苦味.

可是我不会夜夜流泪, 虽然偶尔也痛彻心扉. 缘尽了你走了无法回头, 我要努力学会无所谓.

就这样就这样忍住伤悲, 也许会也许会感到疲惫, 再给我花开花落一个轮回, 你就会在记忆中慢慢消褪,

不再想不再想谁是谁非, 爱情里并没有谁错谁对, 再给我春去秋来一个轮回, 我就会化茧成蝶飞得更美.

Thanks to all for your advice. Learning to accept and cope with it. sigh.

[Man40s]

Not too sure how long is your relationship.

If can, have a good talk between each another.

It will be best to see what he wants.

At times, being in a relationship, we need some "fun" but with no string attached.

If he still love and have feeling with you, he will open out to you.

Not too sure if I am saying it right!

[Guest anti-gay]

best option? BE STRAIGHT

[Guest Guest]

and you think straight men and women don't cheat?

[Guest lightsabre]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend. My bf is a chaser. Apparently, he is a regular on C&C nights. Bloody fxxker!!! If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me. I dare not and have not been to any sauna. Any chaser wants to hook up? I want to play too. Damn fxxker! Lied to me all these years about going out with his colleagues and straight friends. Shit.

Castrate him if he is a top; Seal his asshole with crazy glue if he is a bottom :swear: :twisted:

[Guest chingay]

best option? BE STRAIGHT

Yeah, would you know that gays gives much better sex and blow work than gals. We are kinky, exciting and loads of fun. Wonder why you are at a gay forum yourself at 2.53AM so eng? Or just been plain horny and not getting it?

Put your ad on the personal section, I'm sure there would be takers no lacking to assimilate you.

Discreetly fun in confidence,

Chingay

[Guest pubber]

Sounds like a creative personal ad...

[MobyDick]

Hmm.. so should someone confess to his partner if he cheated?

[Eragon]

.... no matter what others did to you, never think of revenge, cos at the end of the day you will realize that it is very silly, so be brave, if possible discuss with your bf what actually he want, if live with tears, why not try to start with happy life even is alone, no matter what stand in your way, never give up hope, others is a mirror to you, if you get hurt when people do " that " to you, never repeat the mistake & take revenge, it won't bring you good, pamper yourself in right way, forgive & try to make your life fruitful, remember, people come & go, most important is stay happy with positive thinking

this is the ONLY good advise i see here

the rest is stupid

believe in monogamous relatnship

theres enuff ppl fxxking around already

pls dunt advocate more nonsense

wat everyone else is doing, does not make it right

[Guest Do the Same Thing Lor]

Hi guest chub,since he is a sauna-er, why dont u do the same thing to him? Since you r a chub, go to TMC or Shogun and enjoy yrself there. If he see u at the sauna and confront u, then you can confront him too.... Be Strong ok?!

[Guest -wind-]

My friend have a new lover recently but still sms for loving me / hnk, not like it at all.

[Baloo]

Again i ask... how long as bf/LTR already? 3 weeks? 3 years?

can you every day eat KFC 3 piece meal? for every meal? can?? den you must find another person who can do that... and who ALSO loves you and want to have LTR wif you...

double coincidence? yes, the yellow sky won't forsake the got heart person... you wait long long you will find just before you die.

oh ... did i say the 'die' word? oops does that mean you won't die before this? damn....

[amkies]

Having sex with the same partner is akin to eating KFC for every meal. What an amusing analogy!

Yes, like it or not, people get bored with the same stuff and thus people resign from their good paying jobs. But, when it comes to relationship and sex, should we encourage this same type of mindset. I don't mean to be rude or offensive but would you give the same advice to someone close to you (e.g. sister, mother, niece, aunts) should their partners stray?

Sex is something intimate; not something you would do with any tom, dick, harry. There may not have the "love" elements involved in the sex, but there must be some mutual attraction and lust before you commit yourself to sex. Is this lust and attraction to another party not a betrayal to your other partner? To me, if you have sex with other people, you have strayed. Period. Any excuses about getting tired / sick of the the same process/ person is just a way to rationalise one's selfishness.

Edited June 10, 2009 by amkies

[snowball]

amkies, most time, is difficult for people to accept & believe what we belief. to me, if truely love someone, love is no longer responsibility but give whole heartedly, you won't want to hurt them, thus, won't give excuses to cover weaknesses aginst temptation.

my friends & my hubby say my heart too soft, always 让人利用, 占便宜, however i think differently, 我试着以乐观态度,容难容之事, i thanks those people made me more firm & getting stronger, actually i am the one who gain, i not so 执著 anymore, just 随遇而安, nothing last forever, so positive attitude, life will be beautiful.

Guest Chub, no matter you choose to be with bf or not, forgive him, just like when we did something wrong, we hope others to forgive us right?

if still together, try to forget about the past & don't ever mention & bring it up again, esp when quarrel, what past is past, learn not to let it bother you, else you will live in pain, time heals.

Edited June 11, 2009 by snowball

[thaiboyz]

I think you need not have to be overreact after finding the truth color of your bf. He is wat he is. If you intend to carry on with him, u have to accept him as a package. He enjoyed fresh meat and excitement. So by trying ways to control him is a big no-no. If you believe in mono rs, then you wont be happy with him. Ask yourself, wheher you can accept his style instead of confronting him and drama around. Sex is just a kind of mutual fun, and as long as he plays safe, you can let him be while you can enjoy your freedom to play along with others too. If you strictly want to keep your intimacy session for your special one, then he is not the one for you. :smokin:

Edited June 11, 2009 by thaiboyz

[castaway]

I vote for mono relationship even I know it is very difficult to find Mr.Right.

We always ask straight people to behave us as normal and straight couples then we also need to follow the same rule. Even of course not all straight couples can do it but it is what they follow.

There is no excuse, cheating is always cheating.

[Guest -stranger-]

What about those couples that claim that they are in a monogamous relationship but go to sauna together to cruise for sex? Is this still considered monogamous?

[castaway]

What about those couples that claim that they are in a monogamous relationship but go to sauna together to cruise for sex? Is this still considered monogamous?

I totally DISLIKE couples going to sauna together .... don't understand why they do it. Yep, may be 3-some but if not ... disgusting ... :swear: ... not relationship anymore, just sex relationship I guess

Ok, if they play open relationship then they can do it secretly but going sauna together .... :twisted:

Anyway, everybody has their term

[Guest ping]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend. My bf is a chaser. Apparently, he is a regular on C&C nights. Bloody fxxker!!! If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me. I dare not and have not been to any sauna. Any chaser wants to hook up? I want to play too. Damn fxxker! Lied to me all these years about going out with his colleagues and straight friends. Shit.

Poor thing ,just be open minded and close one eye

[Guest Zen]

1. Your friend told you but you never clarify with your bf if its true because

2. you don't want him to break up with you even if he's cheating but

3. you want to hook up with others for revenge over something not verified.

Hmm.

[kh87]

haiz... i feel sorry for u, my bf is having sex with other people... there is this few times i wanted to break up with him, but i kept giving him chances... haiz... i think i am jus to soft hearted...

[genewilly]

Hi guest chub,

Looks like you have fallen for a similar thing i had, my bf claims he loves me and then dumps me for someone whom he had sex with. The best thing is when you are in a relationship, its best not to go to any sauna.

If you must have sex, go to the hotel.

In a plu relationship, there is no such thing as tong hua or yue ding.

It took me 2 nites of crying and talking to my friends that I came to realize that I was just a fool.

So if I can get over it, you can too.

[Baby Face]

My friend just told me my bf has been going to TMC and Shogun for many times with his close chaser friend. My bf is a chaser. Apparently, he is a regular on C&C nights. Bloody fxxker!!! If i confront him, he sure will fxxk me and use break up to threaten me. I dare not and have not been to any sauna. Any chaser wants to hook up? I want to play too. Damn fxxker! Lied to me all these years about going out with his colleagues and straight friends. Shit.

It is from your friend that you came to know but how truth it is. Unless you really see with your eyes. I have caught my ex two time cheating. The first time, I saw him alighted the same mrt with me at night. I asked him where did he went after medical appointment in the afternoon. He kept silent. I kept asking till he told me that he went to cruise and was sucked by an uncle. I was heart broken. I asked why he did it. He told me that I did not say the three letter words -"I Love You" to him often.

I told him that my action shown that I love you. He told me that it is not enough. I was very sad and angry that I did not want to talk to him. Out of sudden, he gave me a slap. I was so shocked that I did not know what to do next. I cried throughout the nite. I decided to give him another chance.

The second time, I caught him with another guy inside his rented room. As his room is beside the common corridor, their conversation can be hear from outside. I told him that I will be dropping by to see him after working. When I reached, I heard another guy voice beside his voice. I knocked on the window and main door, total silent immediately. Then I waited at one corner to wait for him to open the door. The moment he open the door and the gate, I appeared in front of him. He was shocked and the guy left quickly. I asked him why again. He told me that I am not rich so that he can depend on me. As he is short of cash to send money back to his mum so he intended to ask the guy for money and told me that I foiled his plan. He saw me that I was disappointed ,and he came and hug. :swear:

I was confused whether I dumped him or not as I still love him. I went for holiday to think over our relationship. I initiated the break off when I came back from holiday. He still sms me, asking how am I getting on or he regretted and he want to patch back with me. I told him that I live to the fullest. I told him that our relationship is history, forget it and moved on. It was hard for me after the break off. I tried to forget him and the good time that I had with him. Time really heal my wound.

I am glad that I made the right decision. I make more friends and have more time to do other things such as upgrade myself, shopping with my friends and family.

[snowball]

有些人你永远不必等

[harylok]

....

I told him that my action shown that I love you. He told me that it is not enough. I was very sad and angry that I did not want to talk to him. Out of sudden, he gave me a slap. ....

.. Person /w such act (slap), deserve a punch on his face in return

......

I am glad that I made the right decision..... I make more friends and have more time to do other things such as upgrade myself, shopping with my friends and family.

:thumb:

All MyGayMen had a fun,

E-I-E-I-O.

And on his mind he wants some fun,

E-I-E-I-O.

With a fun, fun here,

And a fun, fun there,

Here a fun, there a fun,

Everywhere a fun, fun,

All MyGayMen had a fun,

E-I-E-I-O.

... Never start a relationship if you don't have a “What-If” contingency plan

Hary

... PLU多像不知足的云四处飘荡 ...

... PLU的誓言就象那课本里缤纷的书签, 刻划着多少美丽的诗, 可是终究是一阵烟 ...

... PLU的爱情这东西我明白, 但永远是什么? 今天的欢乐,将是明天创痛的回忆

[Guest Guest]

There are so many names given to label people but what do u call this type?

Someone who is attached & still seek sex in toilet, gym, chat... & maybe has a handful of sex buddies. Poor bf may or may not know about those affairs. He complained about his bf and he even has sex with guys who he knew they are attached.

What do we call this type of person ?

[imchaser]

There are so many names given to label people but what do u call this type?

Someone who is attached & still seek sex in toilet, gym, chat... & maybe has a handful of sex buddies. Poor bf may or may not know about those affairs. He complained about his bf and he even has sex with guys who he knew they are attached.

What do we call this type of person ?

Hmmm, i believe these kind of people are called........ GAY?

Dont we all?.....

Edited July 9, 2009 by imchaser

[snowball]

别人是别人, 你是你, 把自家的心看管好, 何必煞费苦心, 费功夫生别人这份儿闲气.

爱护自己的身体; 珍惜自己, 不自以欺, 别人爱怎么过, 与你何干?

只要出淤泥而不染, 无须庸人自扰.