Cheating Boyfriend / Lover + Why Cheat when In a Relationship? (Compiled)

[abang]

100% ur bf had sex w that gay guy. 2 guys in a room..what can happen?

Dont jump into conclusions, please.

Not all gay person wants to get into other pants....

If he can accept a little waywardness, then it is ok...

Otherwise, talk (gently and not confrontional) to him about your mental state...

If you accept his 'occasional' flings, tell him to be 'careful' and always wear contraception.

[Guest Just asked -]

I know it is common to cheat in a straight/bi/gay relationship. But how far would you tolerate the cheating?

I found out that my partner lied to me. He told me he was away for a biz trip but went holiday with his close friends instead. I overheard this (w/o his knowledge) during their conversation. I did not probe further as I thought this is an exclusive case.

10 months down the road, he lied to me that he is away for a biz trip. Instead, he went holiday with this new gay friend. I saw the itinerary by accident.

I can tolerate him having fun outside, which I knew he did. But lying about biz trip seems to be too much for me to accept. Am I stupid to think this way since I consider having fun outside as norm? Do you think you wife/ partner should tolerate such actions?

=> If u think, he did something behind your back, why don't you just asked him for the answer?

[Guest Guest]

Dont jump into conclusions, please.

Not all gay person wants to get into other pants....

u just came out from closet recently?

going holiday with another gay fren and not ur regular bf? so funny.

[abang]

u just came out from closet recently?

going holiday with another gay fren and not ur regular bf? so funny.

See another sweeping statement again.

I went to Bangkok with another gay man whom I must say he is my type.

None of the hanky panky happened.

Just last week, I was with another rather hunky man in Phuket.

Yet again, no makan.

Just use the swimming pool and jacuzzi together (in trunks) lah.

No SEX SEX SEX all the time.

Sometimes, companionship is better.

[Guest Advisors]

Hi All,

Thanks for your reply and thanks ah bang for looking this matter from another angle. I know nothing happened on his 1st trip as I knew the travel partners. Perhaps I could not accept that fact that he chose to lie for such matters.. this is not the 1st time he goes on holidays with his friends without me.

伪装的勇敢 不轻易让你看穿

我想我没那么坚强

承认我没那么坚强

不过是一而再的逞强

[Guest guest]

See another sweeping statement again.

I went to Bangkok with another gay man whom I must say he is my type.

None of the hanky panky happened.

Just last week, I was with another rather hunky man in Phuket.

Yet again, no makan.

Just use the swimming pool and jacuzzi together (in trunks) lah.

No SEX SEX SEX all the time.

Sometimes, companionship is better.

abang oh abang! How come you never go with your own bf for holiday? He not free to go with u ah?

You can't compare yourself with that other guy - he's a serial cheater! Remember, he went on a holiday with a brand new gay guy behind his own's bf back! You think he wants that new guy's companionship? You think? wats wrong with his own bf? don't be so naive, can?

[fab]

Cheating is akin to snowballing.

Unless u r willing to see it grow, else u should not tolerate it.

[olderchnchub]

Yes...let's not downgrade deviancy. Deviant behaviour like cheating and lying should not be tolerated. Don't think it's a good idea to set the bar too low. Just way too much of this crap in our community and culture.

[snowball]

from my view, is no longer about tolerance level but what you want to do next?

continue the relationship or what? can you really forgive & forget? will you

still trust him? honest to yourself

Edited July 14, 2010 by snowball

[Guest slinkYcaT]

from my view, is no longer about tolerance level but what you want to do next?

continue the relationship or what? can you really forgive & forget? will you

still trust him? be honest to yourself, feeling for him still same?

I said it before, and i'm gonna say it again. Ditch the Bitch. This guy is obviously a jerk and a cheat. Really, who the hell needs a prick with a wandering dick?

Sometimes, it's better to have nobody than have somebody who's half-there or who doesn't want to be there.

xoxo.

[zanfrane]

Hi,

Sorry if I am repeating previous post, as I have really read the first couple of posts.

Anyway, my lover and I have a more or less open relationship, as he does not believe in monogamy (he thinks that it is a manifestation of possessiveness), and I went along with it. Despite that, we are practicing monogamy (because I am not a very sociable person and have a low libido anyway, while he simply can't be bothered to meet new people anymore).

However, we are also open and honest about who we do meet up outside of our relationships (though they are all within friendly context, except for one guy I went out with that he calls a 'date' and was a bit jealous).

Personally, I do agree with my lover in that expecting a significant other to be monogamous is a form of possession. However, what we both cannot condone is lying and dishonesty. Thus, I would be all right if my lover were to take another man into his life (I can't keep up with him sexually anyway, as he is like a randy teenager despite being in his 40s), but I would be extremely upset if he were to lie or hide about it.

Just my two cents worth.

zanfrane

[justboii]

If you follow the TV series Brothers and Sisters, our beloved Kelvin and Scotty ran into some problem. Mr perfect, Scotty, cheated on Kelvin.

Watching the show makes me wonder what happen when your bf/husband cheats on you? Will you listen to his explanation, will you forgive? Can one cheat on his partner and yet still love him?

happy watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuBJceUk-1k

[justboii]

part 2

Part 3

[Guest James]

To me I will not forgive him and will leave him straight away no matter how much I still love him. definitely I will not listen to any explainations. If I can be faithful why cant him? If you love someone, dont hurt him. If you still not ready, dont start. tats me very straight cut when comes to relationship.

[castaway]

I like this TV Series and have finished watching 4 seasons (not Season 5 yet). But this cutie couple is my favourite too.

Back to the topic, I can't say much until it happens to me because it depends on alot of things and I find that it is very difficult in gay life to have something perfect. But being reasonable and understandable person/partner is what I want to be.

[waterballoon]

To be honest, I think 85% of the gay couples in Singapore "cheat" i.e. being together as bfs but going around having sex with other people. *rolls eyes*

How this is acceptable, or how this works... is way beyond my comprehension D:

[Guest Guest]

Does not matter were you are, cheating is wrong, if your not happy in a relationship leave don't cheat (and you must of not been happy if you have cheated, no matter what excuses you come up with to justify what you have done)

[fab]

By and large, cheating is wrong, be it in or out of relationship.

[fuzzy]

I agree with fab. But I think it comes with age. As you grow older, you will come to a point where you will start to settle down and would like to spend time with your significant other. You will look for companionship rather than going around looking for others. That is my opinion.

[justboii]

yes, u will look for companionship and when you have that. how abt physical needs. i'm sure BF can provide but after a while dont you wish to look for some hot fun without the emotional attachment?

[waterballoon]

yes, u will look for companionship and when you have that. how abt physical needs. i'm sure BF can provide but after a while dont you wish to look for some hot fun without the emotional attachment?

[Guest simply different]

I believe there are generally 2 types of people (gay or straight/male or female irregardless)

Those who are sexually driven and those who are emotionally driven. I won't say they are both mutually exclusive because most people want some of both but rather some take to one more than the other.

Those who are sexually driven will always need to find something new in sex, while those emotionally driven are satisfied with intimacy with one partner. The more extreme you are to one tendency usually means you are not able to accept the other. But that does not mean one is better than the other too. That is why I find those who demean those who just cannot stick with one person sexually, no better than straight people who cannot understand why a guy would want to stick his penis into another man's anus.

In other words, we are all driven by different needs. By accepting this fact, more relationships could actually work. Why must we subject ourselves to the near impossible dream of a fairy tale relationship where the couple has great sex forever and live happily ever after?

Relationships are about compromise and making it work for both persons and not just for oneself. And this means facing the fact that other people have different needs and most people are not perfect.

[Guest Punkerdude]

Hey, that's a great show. Scotty didn't cheat on purpose. It was Kevin who disappointed him and lied. If your boyfriend lied

to you that he had an impt meeting to attend, but in fact he was in pub drinking all the way, which happens to be the most important

day of your career. You need your boyfriend to be there with you right? I don't think cheating is so wrong that would never forgive one.

If he admit right after he cheats to you, does that make things up? If you were the main reason that constantly disappointed your bf which led to cheating, is this all his fault? People are sometimes vulnerable that when the most trustworthy person you loved lied and kept you

disappointed, i don't think cheating is wrong in that place. Since his boyfren was there to lend him a shoulder after hurting him so much,

every people, even gays, need someone to rely on. That's when people who are vulnerable at such circumstances cheat.

[Guest Guest]

ok guys a question

My boyfriend is in hospital (he is not well and i sont want to stress him out evermore)

now while he is in there i used his mobile (never really paid much attention to it before)

and i found stuff on there that i think he is cheeting or has been

He has grinder which i know about and i found some messages (yes i know i should of not looked but i am only human after all)

Messages of him meeting up with other guys (he said he uses grinder to meet friends and he wont do anything)

But the way i read the messages looks like he met up with one guy for more then friends, just stuff he has said to me when we plan to get together for sex (as its not that easy to meet up) he used the same kind of words to this other guy

Should i ask him now about it (while he is still in hospital) as its eating me up inside and when i go to visit him i have to smile and ask how he is (the usual stuff) when all i want to do is scream at him and ask what the hell is going on

What do you guys think ??

Thanks

[Guest stiffneck]

ok guys a question

My boyfriend is in hospital (he is not well and i sont want to stress him out evermore)

now while he is in there i used his mobile (never really paid much attention to it before)

and i found stuff on there that i think he is cheeting or has been

He has grinder which i know about and i found some messages (yes i know i should of not looked but i am only human after all)

Messages of him meeting up with other guys (he said he uses grinder to meet friends and he wont do anything)

But the way i read the messages looks like he met up with one guy for more then friends, just stuff he has said to me when we plan to get together for sex (as its not that easy to meet up) he used the same kind of words to this other guy

Should i ask him now about it (while he is still in hospital) as its eating me up inside and when i go to visit him i have to smile and ask how he is (the usual stuff) when all i want to do is scream at him and ask what the hell is going on

What do you guys think ??

Thanks

So first of all...hope your bf is getting better.

Secondly, I pressume you never cheated before

You ask him about it, he either deny or confess.. How would you react?

So what if he have sex with other guys?

Ditch him?

[Guest Guest]

i would have qn him directly already.

if he deny, then i will make sure he lose more $$$ before i dump him lol.

[imchaser]

What is this, a lame episode of Brothers and Sisters?

Maybe instead of blaming everything on the cheating boyfriend, why not look in the mirror?

Perhaps if u dont behave like a dead fish during sex probably your bf wont go out and have sex. Perhaps if u stop being so dramatic and whinny probably your bf wouldnt go out and look for greener pastures.

[stylishvicky]

If u have the leverage, say better looks or younger than he, then play on his insecurity by hooking up w other guys n jux happen (but not make it too apparent) to let yr bf knows. Let yr bf be the first to question abt yr meetup, n later counter argue w your findings on his Grindr. This would give u the answer n even more leverage by teaching him a lesson on how painful it feels to be cheated.

If you don't have the leverage, then u got no choice but to use the relationship card. Convey how faithful n committed u r in this relationship n how he is not. Gradually he will feel remorseful n understood how his activity was hurting u.

Never make it over-dramatic, screaming or shouting, the idea is to let him knows that u knows n how u feels about it. Hope this helps.

[fab]

u should question him if u can afford to lose this relationship.

[Guest Guest]

Lesson I learnt myself is ons or casual sex is to satisfy physical needs whereas sex in some relationship will progress to emotion support. Sometime best is not to know ......

[Guest Guest]

ask him why never ask u join in 3somes.

[Guest elgar90]

ok guys a question

My boyfriend is in hospital (he is not well and i sont want to stress him out evermore)

now while he is in there i used his mobile (never really paid much attention to it before)

and i found stuff on there that i think he is cheeting or has been

He has grinder which i know about and i found some messages (yes i know i should of not looked but i am only human after all)

Messages of him meeting up with other guys (he said he uses grinder to meet friends and he wont do anything)

But the way i read the messages looks like he met up with one guy for more then friends, just stuff he has said to me when we plan to get together for sex (as its not that easy to meet up) he used the same kind of words to this other guy

Should i ask him now about it (while he is still in hospital) as its eating me up inside and when i go to visit him i have to smile and ask how he is (the usual stuff) when all i want to do is scream at him and ask what the hell is going on

What do you guys think ??

Thanks

Hmm~ I have been in your shoes.. For my case, he went to flirt with others, and ended up on bed with another person..

Before that I always believed him, that he inst what I think he is. But man are just man. Most of us, would act before we think when we want something or when we have a desire for something.

If your bf, is just purely playing with you, just dump his sorry ass, before you get hurt even more.

There are way much better ajs out there. No point staying by his side

[Guest faynic]

I had a bf who cheated too.... but it's either breakup or choose to ignore... i chose the 1st choice eventually....

[snowball]

do you still believe your bf? if not, don't ask, cos even if he speak the truth, you already have your " own answer " from within

if you trust him enough, you won't need to ask

Edited December 1, 2010 by snowball

[glider]

why he cheat at the first place? ask the right questions chances u will find the right answer...

[Guest original Guest]

Thanks guys for your reply, we been seeing each other only 2 months and our sex life is great, I am 5 years older then he is but don't see that as a issue, I could go out and flirt with other guys but 2 wrongs don't make a right, he is getting better but still I don't want to ask him while he is still ill, I'm not one for kicking someone when they are down no matter what they have done, i am just not that evil, in the end I will be the one that feels worse off. He tells me all the time he loves me and will do anything for me, my head tells me to bin him off but my heart tells me to give him another chance, the more I think about it the evidence tells me he has cheated, We don't live together, on the Sat night I went to the pub with friends, asked him if he wanted to come but he said no as had to get up early the next day, the day he met the other guy ??, thing is if I forgiven him this time will it happen again ?

[snowball]

thing is if I forgiven him this time will it happen again ?

you should ask yourself, can you forget about the whole issue? will you bring it out when you both quarrel?

Edited December 1, 2010 by snowball

[Guest original Guest]

Snowball, who can say, yes it might come out when we argue but I do think I am strong enough that if he has and I do forgive him I won't bring it up again as it will hurt me more to re live it all over again

[snowball]

i don't think you need to ask your bf about this anymore, from the way you wrote, esp using " forgive ", you already pronounce sentence on him deep from your heart

[GachiMuchi]

When I found out that my ex bf had gone through my computer and made copies of my files and pics. I was furious. He has no right to do that. My trust for him was lost. He later use the data he had to question me on my chat with others and started a fight and gone on to more drama. He threaten to beat up the person who had a fling with me and even threaten to commit suicide, etc.

At that moment and time, I really want to end the relationship (we were only together for a few months). I later had to password protect my PC and lock my phone to prevent him from any further access to it and made a rule that my PC is off limits to him. I totally lost respect on him for his insecurities and immaturity.

Is this the result u want for your relationship? Then go ahead and confront him and start a fight, etc. I can tell you, no one will come out the winner.

If you are immature and insecure with this relationship then forget about getting attached.

Men (str8 & gay) will cheat when they have the opportunity, some more than others, me included, so get over it.

If you can't get over it, then sit down and talk to him, not fight and argue. Talk about what are the limits about chatting and flings, etc. Don't ignore things or issues which affects you and most importantly not sweep everything under the carpet and assume that everything will be ok and please don't snoop behind the back and create mistrust. Your relationship won't grow from such acts.

[Aspire]

Love is blind, everyone is forgiving their loved ones without even a doubt.

I am like you before, having someone i love so much that i can neglect almost everything. But turn out (hais...).

I have always doubt on him(I guess my instinct is correct )and turn out, yes he is bluffing me all along.

Dun be so headache about it, just let go if needed. I know its hard but try too, its for ur own good

Tell him this "Since I am not your everything.How about I will be nothing? Nothing at all to you"

quote from Irreplaceable by Beyonce(nice song :clap: )

Good luck!!!

[cw30]

it is only a 2 months relationship, either u completely erase off the issue from your mind, or reconsider ur status quo (just FB or potential dates) with him

[No Frills Factory Outlet]

so much drama...

think i better stay single until i am old enough to handle all this ....

[stylishvicky]

U r giving me goosebumps abt my 1 yr++ r/s already. Perhaps monogamously coupled is impossible in this case.

Edited December 1, 2010 by stylishvicky

[Guest Guest]

At least wait until he is better. you should find out but indirectly.. Not by telling him that you have gone through his phone. If you have the means, can engage a private detective just to confirm things. If he did not, then just forget it. If yes, post again and we discuss further.

[GachiMuchi]

Hire private detective to check on 2 months old "bf"? Got logic meh? Got money no place to spend?

If you can't stand ur bf having affair. Break it off already. Why waste time and money to check on him.

Use your logic and not the heart. Move on to the next one.

[thorzguy]

Sorry to hear about your cheating boyfriend. This is my 2cents input, if you do not find them meaningless:

First & foremost, 2months is really short to be called a relationship/boyfriend. I maybe wrong, but you guys may be still at a very dating/hot sex/honeymoon stage. How much and well did you guys know about each other?

Second, am not taking sides; but most men will have a fling, given the opportunity as stated by GachiMuchi. Are you prepared to live with it? If not, then you have the ans.

Third, one may choose to forgive, but one will never be able to forget. If you had chosen to forgive, then be sure never to bring this up when you both get into arguement.

Lastly, ask yourself what is the ultimate outcome you wish to attain. All of us can talk till the cows come home in this forum. The final decision, still lies very much in your hand.

Do take care and keep cool.

[davecub]

Respect is important in a relationship.

Once my bf looked into my hp and read my sms. When he questioned me who is this & that, I answered his questions and also told him nicely that he should not look into my hp without my permission. I didnt make a big fuss out of it. He later apologized about his behaviors.

He is always on his laptop, e.g. facebook or whatsoever but I never question him. Now he has a iphone4, I am sure he will be surfing grindr or other apps, but I am cool about it cos I respect and trust him.

[Guest Anonymous]

Most people can forgive, but not forget.

Some people no matter what you do to please them or change, will not be happy and are bound to bring up your past actions.

I am in such a relationship. ( 7th year together)

I was no saint and I did strayed in our relationship, which he found out 2 years ago, and since then my life has been hell and the heartache starts.

He demanded passwords to all my internet accounts which I have gladly gave to him because I have erred.

To prevent further problems I ceased all gay internet websites browsing including social networks websites.

He also becomes bossy and demanding.

Whenever I meet my friends for coffees or chat, I do not feel easy as I worry he might suspect I am having an affair.

Thus I have cut off most of my social contacts, even my close friends have stopped contacting me.

He makes demeaning & humiliating jokes about me, though in private.

When we have arguments he will SMS me, his SMS are full off vulgarity.

Any arguments - I am in the wrong.

When I question his actions he will put the blame on me, shifting the cause of his irrational behaviour to what I did two years ago.

I have decided to stay in this relationship because it was me who had err, perhaps it is the almighty punishments for my infidelity?

I have cried lying next to him when he is sleeping, I blame myself for turning him into a MONSTER.

[Seeker]

When I first read this post I thought you'd been together years but two months does not a relationship make, true it's a start but it's still only the beginning. You do not own your BF. As far as his personal space goes, phone, emails etc. You have absolutely no rights to look at them or discuss them with anyone else or to invade his personal space without his express permission. In my opinion your the one who has crossed the line. Take a step back and enjoy what you have. If it becomes more long term then gradually the need for personal space will become smaller as you open up to and trust each other more. But if your going to question the foundation that you are building that relationship on then it's not a good place to start.