Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

[Larry]

A.  My First Love – Kong

Chapter 1: If must be A Mistake by God

 

At end of my first year, I had an interview with the liberal varsity Christian Students Fellowships on the condition that my identity was to be kept anonymous. It was reported subsequently on its monthly publication of campus profile & personality column. Following are extracted from the publication.

 

Q: You are an interesting person, with your long hair, fair complexion & demure personality; will you tell me what your sexual identification is? Are you a gay?

A: No, a definite no, I am not gay.

 

Q: So, what are you?

A: I am a cross dresser, a behavior that deemed unacceptable in this conservative society. Except my childhood friend named Ling, for about 21 years of my life I keep this fetish a secret.

 

Q: Since when you found about this fetish?

A: Maybe around 15 in sec. 3. But I think the desire was there much earlier.

 

Q: Any related incident to tell?

A: Yes, I remember there was this day when 3 good looking young chaps walking passed when I water the plants at the front yard. My hands clung tightly on the fence while watching them intensely. I was mesmerized by their walks, talks & smiles, couple with the crystal clear ringing tones came from the anklets they worn, from that moment, I had dreamt that one day I would be as pretty, as elegant & as sweet as them.

 

Q: So instead of women, can I say you are craving for men?

A: No, not at all. Not even a single though throughout the young age.

 

Q: Why?

A: It is insane, it never occurs in my mind, as I like only the beautiful things. 

 

Q: But by chance I do notice that you were at Chatter Box with this guy behaving so intimately.

A: I am not trying to lie, yes, he is my boyfriend, but it started when I was doing my national service.

 

Q: A bold question here & you may choose not to answer, i.e. any sexual relationship in-between? 

A: Hmm… there is, but it is between a guy & a lady, not man to man. I played the female role all times. Small talks & patting are vital to get me mentally satisfied rather than the stuff, you know?

 

Q: Okay, beside the event of awakening by the 3 good looking chaps’ incident, I believe you just didn’t stop there, right?

A: Yes, I went into stealing.

 

Q: Stealing?

A: Yes, as student I did not have extra money, so I stole. Moreover, it was not convenience to buy even if I do have the money.

 

Q: Not convenience? 

A: Let me explain. My first stealing was being at a daily trip from school to home. On this humid sunny afternoon, I walked on this back lane hung with wet clothing on the bamboo poles. I glanced from far focusing on the usual location with rows of lady apparels. Walking sheepishly up, down & back, I grasped a pair of bra & panties & walked off quickly. I shielded the wet stuff in the school bag & walked home hurriedly, I were not sure my stealing was spotted by anyone but simply walked & walked with head down. Back to my room, I explored the wet stuff, I felt excited with heart pumping hard, feeling wonderful about it. Since then the stealing took place whenever opportunity occurred, but I make it a point never steal on the same location. All these were kept in a biscuit tin tightly closed & hide behind the bookshelf. This went on throughout my secondary & high school days.

 

Q: Gosh, it must be hard on you.

A: Yeah, I struggled with this all those early years, this life had been very tough, it was sinful, shameful & I had hated it. Imagine having to grow up under the fear of being caught by the public, the owners & or even found out by the family members for such sickening fetish. It had been at the very core of all my problems growing up right into adulthood.

 

Q: Didn’t you seek help from your parent? 

A: No never. I believe grandma & mom cannot understand.

 

Q: What about your dad? 

A: Well, we never in good talking term, as far as I am concerned, he is just a jerk.

 

Q: Thanks for telling me all these. Do you have anything to add before ending this discussion? 

A: Till my life end, it is a problem that can never go away. I will use a quote from Karl Augustus Menninger (an American psychiatrist) to describe the conflicting feeling.

 

“When a trout rising to a fly gets hooked on a line & find himself unable to swim freely, he begins with a fight which results in struggles & splashes & sometimes an escape. Often, Of course, the situation is too tough for him.

In the same way the human being struggles with his environment & with the hooks that catch him. Sometimes he masters his difficulties; sometimes they are too much for him. His struggles are all that the world sees & it naturally misunderstands them. It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued...

 

Edited May 11, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A.  My First Love – Kong

Chapter 1: If must be A Mistake by God

 

I kept stealing the lingerie from time to time, but somehow restricted not to steal from the neighbors' clothing-lines even there were opportunities. With the collection from this stolen stuff, the biscuit tin was purged due to limited space. Instead, I rented a locker meant for shoes & ball keeping in Jackie Bowls of East Coast Road; this went on for almost 2 years till moved to my army barracks.

 

I was lonely indeed, I didn’t feel I fit in my school days as I was small built, fair & soft spoken. Whenever I felt lonely & boring in the afternoon after school, I would cycle to Jackie, withdrew the stuff & tried them out in my room as my parent were still busy at the coffee powder shop. All those times I would stand in front of the mirror, prayed that God would give me two beautiful breasts, to fill up the cup of the bra. What a joy it would be to have two fleshy molds on my chest, pushing out against my shirt. All I ever wanted was to top them with pretty clothes as my clothes were boring & tasteless. I wanted to do my hair, perm it & color it. I wanted to wear makeup, put on perfume & get my eyebrows trimmed.

 

In pre-university first year, I accidentally found this bust developing cream displayed at a beauty product shop in People Park Complex. I revisited the shop in one early morning before opened for business, pressing closely against the display panel, I read & scrutinized intensely on its label claiming that it would add inches to the bust line. I saved my daily allowance, bought it, removed the label & used it. It was kind of clear jelly stuff & smelled good; I used it religiously twice daily & left it on my study desk. I would say it was glue for school artwork if asked by grandma or mom but it did not happen. I did not go back for the second bottle though the cream did result pinkish & little puffiness on the nipples.

 

In sec. 2 that year, it was the very first time that I wore a bra hid under a baggy thick t-shirt out in the Parkway Parade Shopping Centre, It was an incredible feeling & I loved the feeling. I loved the gentle hug the bra gave me, I felt so sexy feeling the straps under the t-shirt, what I would have born to be this way all the time, like all females did…

 

Suddenly someone patted me from behind & felt the bra clasp against my back, I jumped with shock.

 

“Hey…., Ling, you….” I looked back & found my childhood friend cum classmate Ling from behind.

 

“Holly-shit… are you wearing that?” he whispered beside me.

 

I was scared to death & was reddened from head to toe, but anyhow from that day onwards, we had no more secret between us as we found to have same kind of feminine inclination. There were more sisterly jokes & fantasies to share, we would admire at pictures from those female magazines taken from his mother Auntie Lily’s salon, and I always wished I were one of the models in those pages.

 

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To be continued...

 

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Larry

[oralb]

tks for writing... it is indeed an interesting read that gave a glimpse to a diferent world.

[Guest guest]

Larry,

You dutifully describe the tear, the pain & the sorrow of a cross dresser, I like, enjoy & I believe your story.

As a gay, my problem is peanut as compare to the discrimination, humilliation & the self-consciousness that you suffer all this while.

[Larry]

A.  My First Love – Kong

Chapter 1: If must be A Mistake by God

 

I was unable to get these weird feelings out of my head & had always been driven by it, so much so that I started to challenge myself coming out to the public. 

 

During pre-u 1 year-end holiday, I was so gung-ho & had my very first makeover at Katong Shopping Centre. I walked from home carrying bags of female clothing, accessories & hair wig to this little beauty shop fronting the main road in the morning. Donning a black mini skirt after the makeover, I was delighted but felt shy with heart pumping hard when stepping out of the shop.

 

Then this remark came from the assistance was encouraging too, “Wow, nice body shape! Look perfect as a lady.” 

 

“Yes. She does”, replied the owner. Anyhow, I was too shy to say thank you.

 

I walked along East Coast Road to a photo studio near to the Church of the Holy Family for a half body portrait shot. The photos were collected four days later & were looked sweet (I thought). 

 

It was amazed to see me walking on a pair of 3 inches high heel from the photo studio all the way & checked into the Lai Ming Hotel next to Lorong 24 along Geylang Road, a good half an hour walk.

 

Hiding inside the hotel room which had no attached bathroom, I would not dare to take a nap as not to mess up the makeup & hair styling. Standing next to the window, sitting on the bed & pacing up & down in that little room with no radio, TV nor any reading material, till the sky turned dark for approximate six hours, hungry & thirsty, I took a cab for a cinema show in Lido Theatre.

 

“Where do you want to go?” 

 

“Lido.” 

 

“What? I can’t hear. Louder.” 

 

“Lido.” 

 

“Lido. Aiyo, so soft, talk louder la.” 

 

You might ask me did I like the show? My answer is I didn't know, as matter of fact, I did not even know the show title, I just bought the ticket & walked right in. I walked with head up under the dimly environment & I appreciated the kick of having the cold air floating under my skirt.

 

Probably about two third of the show, my self-conscious overtook my self-confidence, I walked out of the show prematurely as I worried that the big crowd when the show end might take notice of me. 

 

When I returned to the hotel, it was almost midnight as the folding gate was about to be locked. I was stopped by the doorman till I showed him the room key. Not long, a light knock was on the door, as I opened the door slightly, the doorman (found to be owner son later on) forced his leg into the room preventing me from closing the door.

 

I was worried he might hurt me. We talked in the room & some-how he just wanted to confirm his suspicion on my sexual identification. Knowing that I was still a student, he told me to study hard & not to pursue the path on cross dressing.

 

I de-dragged over the night & checked out early in the morning. All in all, my first dragging was exciting, scary with no self-confidence & failed to look convincingly. 

 

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To be continued...

 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A.  My First Love – Kong

Chapter 1: If must be A Mistake by God

 

So, it went for me during those formative years. I had discovered other feelings too. Sincerely I felt like I was meant to be a cross dresser. I discovered masturbation somewhere along the line NEVER fantasized with a guy but rather with a girl. So for as long as I had ever taken a breath till meeting him (Kong), I had always wanted to go out with a lady, to make love with her, by having my orgasm in her body, to breast feed our children (as what I had done to my toddler sister), what a split personality. It just drove me nut & crazy.

 

I would love to have less muscular figure. I always dreamed to go to Isetan Katong for a professional bra fitting, to be properly measured, trying & to have the sales promoter adjust the bra straps for me. 

 

Things I tried to do to escape these weird feelings, but never had been able to…

 

Purged countless times on all female stuff only to reacquire everything again

Spent time in the army (national service), still wishing to be a girl at times & dressing up

Married, still wishing to be a girl at times & dressing up

Became a dad, wishing to be a girl at times & dressing up

 

 ------------------------- End of Chapter 1 ------------------------------------ 

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 2: Why me? Why…

 

Apart from my cross-dress fetish, academically I did fine from primary 1 up to secondary 4 in an all boy catholic mission school, Maris Stella High School & pre-university boy-girl Catholic Junior College. On Dec. 21st 1981 soon after the GCE A level examination, I was called up for national service together with many fellow classmates. 

 

Two camps Guillemard & SAFTI (S'pore Armed Forces Training Institute) were selected in the first intake of these high school graduates. We were nick named IHL group (Institute of Higher Learning) as majority would pursue further study eventually upon completion of service. 

 

I was posted to SAFTI "Kilo" company (the unfortunate group) as Guillemard was for all would-be scholars. My recruit days were hell as we were trained under a group of over enthusiastic NCOs (corporal) brought up by the Israeli army & were fighting / under observation for officer cadet admission. 

 

There were examples of these harsh treatments, such as marching in the vast parade square under the hot sun at noon time 12 pm, training till late night 1 am which left with 4 hours of sleep & platoon falling in from the barrack on 4th floor at the count of 10. 

 

As latecomers were usually be severely punish, 1 recruit was so desperate that he jumped from 2nd floor to beat the count & the jamb packed stair way, so he was injured & hospitalized, as a result, there was a MINDEF enquiry, 3 corporals were sent to jail, 1 sergeant was demoted & life was much better after that. 

 

After the 3 months recruit life, I went on for the 6 months School of Infantry Section Leader training & was luckily to go on for the last batch 9 months School of Officer Cadet training (service vocation) & was commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant (Quartermaster). 

 

With approximately 12 more months left to serve in the army, I was posted to a camp in the far western part of Singapore. Three of us, the MPO (classmate), MTO & QM myself reported at the CO’s office. The introduction was cordial & friendly, all senior officers & staff were around, the CO, 2IC, GSO, MO, OC for the 5 companies, Chief Clerk & RQ. However, I observed that the 2IC (He) behaved strangely, not only the way he looked at me, stared at me, also the way he shook my hand, his finger tickled my palm lightly, funny & weird, anyhow I was busy to keep memorize the introduction. 

 

As the camp was so far from home & was not directly accessible by buses, I chose to stay in & got a room in the HQ building by myself. After 1 week of observation, knowing that there would be no disturbance or visiting in the evening as the whole floor was occupied mainly by newly posted young NS officers just liked me, it was a good shelter as I was able to transfer from Jackie Bowl & store my female clothing & cosmetics. 

 

I had decided not to worry why did I cross dress for the time being, disregarding my psychological profile & got on with my life; cross dress when I felt like cross dressing. I felt a great weight being lifted off my shoulders; I began to keep my “female” clothes in my room & was able to cross dress in the evening with the door & window tightly shut. I felt I can relax & enjoy cross dressing more & not feel so terrified of being found out by my parent & grandma. I was still a bit nervous, but hopefully that will decrease over time. 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I was young & naïve; never realize the potential threat in carrying out cross dressing in my room.

 

There was this fateful evening when I were resting & reading book in my own room, as I did not intend to cross dress, the door & window were opened. The 2IC (He) dropped in un-expectantly.

 

“Good evening, Sir.” I climbed down from the bed, stood up & paid my compliment.

 

“Good evening. As the senior duty officer this evening, I randomly pick your room for the inspection as yours is opened, okay? No hard feeling, just routine & random.”

 

“I…. Sir, may I have 5 minutes to tidy up the room?”

 

“No, is not necessary, just routine for the daily report. Unless you are telling me you have drug in the room?” 

 

“No, definitely no such stuff.” “Then just stand one side & let me have a quick glance of the locker, okay?” 

 

Oh gosh, holy shit, I was so unprepared to conceal my stuff. As soon as he opened the locker, he found a pink night gown hanging there. My face was reddened & head bowed so deeply, looking for a hole to hide.

 

“Sir, I am sorry, I…. “He did not mince one’s word & walked out the room with a light tap on my buttock.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Immediately that evening, I packed the female clothing & cosmetic all into one traveling bag, it would be safer to move all stuff out of my locker or the camp rather as soon as possible. Till the coming Saturday 12 noon & before this was done, it was hell for the remaining week, I prayed hard similar incident would not happen again, I could not afford another exposure of my dark secret. 

 

In the evenings after dinner & shower, I stayed late at the lounge of officer mess reading up my own books, it was not comfortable as proper attire of PT kit & shoes were to be complied. Came bedtime I sneaked back to the room, shut close the door almost immediately with no light on. I was not too sure was I overreacting, but that was me, God damn bloody shit. 

 

As for him (2IC), I felt uneasy to meet; I was fearful, so lost in my self-esteem. I painstakingly took all necessary precautions to avoid him, making longer detour each time from HQ building to my office bypassing his office. I stood far away from him, looked away & avoided eye contact with him during the morning assembly. What would he think of me? A pervert, a joker or what?????? I was so proud of myself, a young second lieutenant, & there was a reserved placement in a local university upon completing my 2 & a half years national service. But now I might screw all up… what would happen if he tells others? For all people, why came to my room? Unreasonably, I cursed him, idiot, bastard, and son of the gun…. 

 

Came Saturday, avoiding the big crowd during noon time, I deliberately took my own time booking out at 2 pm. By doing so, I would miss the military transport & take a half hour walk to the nearest bus stop at Tuas end.

 

“What do you have in your bag?” asked the guard on duty. 

 

“There are used cloths & books.” 

 

“I need to check the bag.” Gosh, apparently the late book out was a bad move. 

 

“That won’t be necessary, just smelly clothing & books, okay?” I felt annoy & started raising my voice. 

 

“But…” 

 

“No but okay, I am Lt. Koh, QM. Do you still insist to check?” I started to pull rank. 

 

“Corporal, come.” the guard on duty called out. 

 

“Yes, soldier, I heard some commotion…,” came the duty NCO Corporal Tan, CQMS of Alpha Company (reporting to company commander but dotted to me on logistic support), he paused as he saw me, “Sorry sir, wows, checking out so late?”

 

“Yes, got things to do. Your guard insisted to check my bag.” 

 

“No, no, that won’t be necessary. Sorry to delay you.”

 

“Thanks, Corporal Tan.” On that note, I walked out of the guard post with the bag fully intact. Phew, that was a close shave!

 

That weekend, all stuff went back to a locker room at Katong Jackie Bowl. I could not keep things home as there was once found by my mum during her housekeeping & I had hard time to explain. I told her that those cosmetics were for the school drama society & I was the appointed make-up artist. I wasn’t sure she believed the explanation or not, but anyhow moved them out quickly by renting the locker at Katong Jackie Bowl, a monthly $20 rental rate at that time for a high school student was a big sum, that explained why I skipped some of the activities organized by fellow classmates.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

 

Things that I hoped not to happen came sooner than expected. It was on the notice board duty roster that one of the evenings I would be the duty officer where the 2nd in-command (He) as the senior officer on-duty. I tried so hard talking to my classmate who was the manpower officer to make amendment but could not furnish him a good excuse. Oh, god, please help me.

 

"Do you know that this roster was vetted & approved by the 2IC?" 

 

"What? By 2IC, really?" I asked. 

 

"Of course. You give me one good reason before I talk to him. Honestly, this time is special, usually this is my boss's (GSO) job, but 2IC requested to do it this time."

 

"No wonder," so the pairing of me & him was done deliberately, I thought. 

 

"What? What do you mean by no wonder?" 

 

"No, no, nothing." 

 

"Then?" 

 

N"ever mind, forget it then."

 

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It never happened before I was so lost in my confidence prayed that the day would never come. On that evening, I stuck my neck & carried out the guard parade / inspection & guard duty roster. After that I went back to my room to have a rest as the next change of guard was 2 hours later.

 

I tried to read the Reader Digest to calm my nerve but just could not concentrate. Then there was this light knock on my door. Oh shit! First thing came to my mind was there might be troubles at the guard room. He (the 2nd in-command & the senior duty officer for that night) was there in front of me; he ought to just come from the officer mess as I smelled beer through his breath.

 

"Yes Sir?" I said.

 

" Can I come in?" 

 

"Sir, I am resting." 

 

"Cut the bullshit, let me in now, it is an order." 

 

I was so fearful & opened the door wider. Once in, he closed shut the door, & gripped me with his broad shoulder.....

 

I put up all strength to resist his grapping but somehow just could not overcame his bull strength (at that time, I weighed only 97 lbs ~ 45 kg, even to date my weight is only 105 lbs as I am small built). I was angry & scared; my PT white vest was wetted due to heavy perspiration. 

 

"You better stop all this fighting & surely you do not want me to tell people about your pink dress. Isn't it?" 

 

"Sir, please, pleases… Please don't tell."

 

"OK, I will not tell." he paused. "I won't hurt you & I just want to hold you for a short while, is it understood?"

 

He let off his grip, walked towards the bed & sat down. "Come here & sit beside me, don't just stand there like a wood" 

 

I sat with head bowed so deeply. He held my hand & started to stroke my hairs. My face was totally reddened.

 

“Sir, what are you doing? This is wrong.”

 

“Wrong? Who’s care? I had been waiting for this a very long time…...” he spoke as he looked deep onto my eyes.

 

"Sir, I need to go. It is time for the next parade."

 

"Fine, so can you come to my room after the parade? Come with the pink dress okay.” 

 

“Sir, will you stop talking about the dress? Anyway I threw it away already.” I was getting emotional, why was he kept talking about the pink night gown? 

 

“Then just come yourself, don’t forget, it is an order.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

After the parade (should be midnight 0000 hrs if I remember correctly), I went back to my room. Changed into PT kit, I walked up & down restlessly in that little room. What should I do now? Go or not to go? The question pounded me relentlessly. Finally, I took up the courage & told myself: "die, die so what?"

 

I walked sheepishly towards his room. I raised my hand & pressed lightly on the door bell button.

 

"Come on in, the door is not locked."

 

"Son of the gun, so confident to know that I will definitely turn up" I cursed him in my mind.

 

I turned the knob & entered the room. Gosh, the cold air rushed towards me & heard the low humming noise from the air-conditioner. Bustard, I only had a ceiling fan, this was not fair.

 

”Close the door, will you?” I stood helplessly next to the door daring not to look at him. He walked towards me & held my hand.

 

"Well, well, well.., good that you come. Come, come to the bed & sit down."

 

We sat. I tried to pull back my hand but seemed that he did not want to let go.

 

"Sir, I am not used to this."

 

"Oh ya, you meant you have never hold hand with another guy before?"

 

"No. It never happens in my life."

 

"Don't worry. I won't hurt you; I just want to feel your little flawless hand."

 

My face was then completely reddened. This guy must be a homo-king. But separately I felt honour about his praising as my hand was indeed slender & fair, yes, with a fair bit of nail shaping & polishing, it would definitely passed off as a female one.

 

"I saw that you have the pink night gown in your locker the other day. Why?"

 

"I don't know, Sir."

 

"Oh come on, tell me honestly you like all those female stuff?"

 

"Hmm…. may be."

 

"So you like to make yourself look pretty with that stuff?"

 

This guy must be an idiot. He really read me like a book. What should I do now?

 

"Come, let have a drink. Can I pour you a beer?"

 

"Just little bit, Sir."

 

“Cheers.” He took in a big mouth full of beer. He started stroking my hair, my thigh & licking my ear. Gosh, what was he trying to do? With more beer went into his big belly, he became more & more restless, giving out strong beer breath at the same time (Now I know this is called horny, but at that time, I was blur like a sotong).

 

He started biting & licking my soft ear lobe lightly, I was shocked, frozen & closed my eyes tightly. I felt so erring, but at the same time a sensual sensation sent through my spine. Jesus, this guy ought to be a pervert, he liked to lick ear, I though. Suddenly I felt something wet on my lips, oh mine, now he started to kiss my lips.

 

“Sir, sir, please don’t do this, this is not correct.” I struggled & tried to push him away.

 

“Stop moving.” He forcefully gripped my upper arm.

 

“Arr… is painful.”

 

“Then you better be good & stop all this fighting.”

 

He went back to his kissing; sticking out his tongue but I closed tight my lips to refuse his entry. I could feel his perspiring, his deep howling & his hands went under my underwear caress my buttock. Slowly he pushed me down to the bed.

 

“Come; let me take out your shoes & socks.” I was so timid liked a lamb waiting to be slaughtered.

 

“My goodness, I see that you have nice pink polish.” Gosh, another dark secret was exposed.

 

He turned off the light with dim brightness which came from the corridor light filtered through the window curtain. He came back to the bed & removed all my clothes forcefully. He was liked an animal, tossed me to the inner side of the bed & came right on top of me.

 

Skin on Skin!!!!!!! Holy shit, this guy ought to be the champion in change parade as I was totally not aware that he was now naked completely.

 

He ought to be insane, licking my lips, my nipples, my body, every inched of it. I could smell the strong alcohol breathing from him, my tear rolled down from my cheek non-stop. Suddenly he flipped me around with stomach downward, he spread my butt crack & started thrusting my hole using his finger. This was wrong, this was crazy, and this was insane……..

 

“Arr…. very pain….. Stop, stop…. please don’t do this” I asked him to stop. He took my shoulders, slammed me down on the bed, “Quiet! You don’t want to be hurt right?” he said as he pushed my head against the pillow.

 

“Good, now I know you are virgin.” He licked my hole with load of saliva.

 

“Open up.” He hit my buttock, “I say open up, open up… are you listening, idiot?” like a howling animal, he screamed as he slammed my backside hard.

 

As his two hands were on my buttock, I could feel he was struggling, searching for ……

 

Suddenly with a forceful thrust, something huge was now entering into my hole. I cried out loud & screamed as the pain was horrible, liked tearing....

 

It probably lasted an eternity.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 2 --------------------------

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Larry

[Guest guest]

Very well written, more please.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 3: Hate him, curse him & hang him

 

He rolled over & fell asleep with loud snores, I stared quietly into the darkness, I couldn't stop sobbing; I didn't know what I had done to deserve this. It was abominable, somehow I managed to pick myself up, got dress, quietly opened the door & walked back to my room which was on the same floor but at opposite wing.

 

It was early morning 2 a.m., the past 1 over hours was a complete nightmare.

 

What should I do now? I was raped & I had his seed in my body, trying to fight the feeling of nausea caused by his saliva which smeared all over my body, I went & had a shower.

 

Tear rolled together with the water. I was no longer a virgin & worst I lost it to a man but not a girl. I could never cleanse myself no matter how long I stood under the shower.

 

Ending the shower & tried to get some sleep before the dismissal parade, I just couldn’t sleep. All the memories haunted me as the scene kept repeating itself; I felt degrading & left to cry.

 

I had no one to talk to & no one noticed that I wanted to die, “Ling, Ling, I need to talk to you.” I thought of my dearest pal, my big ‘sister’ Ling. Home was 6 hours away & it was so late at night, I didn't want to scare him.

 

I didn't realize that rape could happen between guys; I must lodge a complaint to the commanding officer & put this guy to court marshal.

 

But would that affect me? My reputation, my forthcoming university education, my family & all the other people that knew me... There would be no way to minimize the publicity as there were 2 classmates in the same camp; gosh so many questions were pondering me…….

 

Hazily I went into semi unconsciousness….....

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Awakened by the alarm, I changed into uniform & climbed down slowly for the dismissal parade. My ass was burning; I guessed it must be torn & possibly bleeding. After the parade, I went back to the guard room to complete the report. Apparently the bustard was there waiting to countersign the report.

 

“Morning, Larry. Last night I was sorry, I......”

 

“Sorry? You infringed & caused hurt on my body, and now you want to say sorry!”

 

“I did wrongly but I wish you can give me a chance to explain.”

 

“Ha-ha, you want to tell me your mind was not sound, you were influence by the alcohol, right?”

 

“No, no. Just give me 5 minutes okay.”

 

“I do not want to listen; you get ready your defence for the court marshal. Fat hope!”

 

“Larry, please…”

 

“Don’t you dare to touch me? I am going to the commander office now.” Without giving him a look, I signed on the report before storming out of the guard room.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 3: Hate him, curse him & hang him

 

It was about 7.00 in the morning & I stood right in front of CO’s office. Emotionally & mentally I wanted commander to be on my side, i.e. to take severe action & put him to jail.

 

“A, hi, handsome young man, you are early, waiting to see me.” Spoke CO as he walked towards me.

 

“Yes sir, I…" Hurriedly I stood attention & gave a salute.

 

“Come to my room & tell me your problem, okay.” He spoke as he key-opened the door.

 

“Sit down young man,” he paused as he put down the newspaper & suitcase on the desk, “Now, tells me your problem.”

 

“Sir, I…”

 

“Yes, I am waiting.”

 

“Sir, I…” I choked as tear started flowing down my chin; it was just beyond my control, “Sir, I am sorry.”

 

“Oh dear, calm down.” He spoke as he passed me a tissue, “Your skin is puffy around your eyes, you cried over the night?”

 

“Sir, there is this personal problem. It is not convenience to tell you now.” What wrong with me now, I somehow chickened out not telling him the ugly incident involving his number 2 man, this would be the best time.

 

“Oh, I see. I assume is boy-girl relationship issue. So what sort of help you want from me?”

 

“Sir, please can I have 2 days of leave.”

 

“Well, personal problem does not permit me to grant you leave on compassionate ground. Let see…” he paused, “Why don’t you walk over to the medical centre; I probably can arrange something for you, okay.”

 

“Thank you, sir. Appreciate.” I stood & gave him a salute.

 

“Don’t worry, young man, my door is always open, feel free to see me.”

 

Truly, I went to the medical centre & got a 2 days MC.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I returned home & coyly told mum that I was not well & had 2 days medical leave. She was busy preparing lunch for my school going younger sister & did not pay attention on my swelling eyes.

 

“Mom, I am not taking lunch. I had my breakfast in the camp.” I retreated back to my own room.

 

I locked the door & ripped off all clothing. Standing in front of the big mirror, I carefully checked & found that there were scratches (must be caused by his nails) & small patches of red marks here & there at the back of my body. I wiped a tissue on my hole & found blood stains. Never knew that this guy was so barbaric.

 

I called big sister Ling (he was exempted from national service for anemia blood deficiency & was in the university first year), a school mate cum close friend since primary till junior college. He is the only guy friend that having the same fetish on female stuff just liked me.

 

“Hi, Ling, are you in school? Can we meet?”

 

“OK, I am free now till 2pm.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Mum, I am going out to meet Ling.”

 

“Sick still want to go out, you took your medicine already?” Mom was still mom, so long winded.

 

I waited for Ling at the bowling alley of International Plaza oppositing Prince Edwards Campus. I sat at one extreme corner. The alley was pretty quite as it was just opened for business. Staring blankly on the maintenance guys cleaning up the lane, I was in trance.

 

“………”

 

“A, hey, my small sister (in mandarin), wake up." We always greet each other as sister when no one is around. As he is older than by 2 months, he is my big sister & I am the small sister.

 

“Ling, I ……”

 

“What wrong with you? Are you crying?”

 

I rested my head on his shoulder & sobbed softly. “Ling, I was raped.”

 

“What? Holly shit, are you kidding?”

 

I told him what had happened over the night. “Ling, I am confuse, what should I do now?”

 

“Tell you what, you have only 2 options, sue him until he drops his pant or totally forget it & move forward.”

 

“I cannot just simply let him get out of the hoop so easily.”

 

“So you want to sue him. Dear, think carefully, what about your parent? What will be their reaction? Think, don’t be so emotional.”

 

Finally I heeded his advice & decided to drop the case. To date, Ling is still my best friend, she (he went through sex change eventually) always around to give me constructive opinion, although sometimes I didn’t really agree why she always chose on the losing side.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 3 ---------------------

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Larry

[Guest secret admirer]

Very well written, more please.

Larry,

Your story is nice but feel too short. Also please reply to our mails, okay.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 4: A pain in the neck

 

2 days medical leave had passed & I reported back to work. For those 2 days, I hided in my room except meal times to get myself healed mentally & physically. In-between, Ling phoned a few times to chit chat; he (she) is indeed a good friend despite his busy school works.

 

Decisively, on the evening of the second day, I told myself to put this hateful & ugly event behind me, that’s an episode in my life I’d rather forget, endure thru’ the remaining months & get on with my university study.

 

So as I was on my way to my office, I met my RQ along the corridor. “Wows, Sir you look cool, man.” He exclaimed while saluting me. Actually I was wearing the sun glass to conceal my swollen eyes.

 

“Oh, ya, I am having red eye okay. So you better don’t stand too near to me.”

 

“Ok lah, Sir. Ya, by the way, someone sent you a box of chocolate with a ribbon on top.”

 

“What, a box of chocolate? Who is the sender?”

 

“I don’t know, mysteriously it was on your desk yesterday. Could it be from one of the ladies in GS office?” My staff sergeant was a busybody cum DOM, he was about the age of my father but yet still so chekopak. There were 3 young females newly posted to GS (General Staff) office & there were many secret admirers.

 

“Are you kidding, staff? I am not interested.”

 

Entered my office I saw a box of chocolate. There was a little card attached to it, type written: Hope that you will get well soon. Sincerely yours. No name & no signature.

 

Coming out from my office & walked to the next door, I brought along the box of chocolate & handed to RQ, “Staff, share with other soldiers, I never like chocolate.”

 

Gosh, one box of chocolate kept coming to my desk for the next couple of days & I was getting extremely annoyed. There was no name of sender, no message, no card & just came with a ribbon. All my store personnel were talking about it.

 

“Sir, so good, man. Every day got chocolate to eat.”

 

“Corporal Tan, if you like chocolate, say so. I will buy you 10 boxes. Don’t make me angry, OK? What the hell!” I normally was quite mild manner & not bossy but somehow today was difference.

 

“Sorry Sir.” He sheepishly walked away.

 

I was angry & charged into the RQMS office next door.

 

“Staff, who the hell is this joker, keeps on doing this kind of silly thing?” Yes, I wanted to think was that Susan but couldn’t confirm. I did remember that my classmate the MPO told me that she was always looking at me whenever I walked pass the HQ building.

 

“Sir, relax. You know, love is blind, love is never say die & love is the greatest.” This chekopak was smiling & started to talk rubbish again.

 

“Staff, stops, stops, stops, okay. Immediate today, I want you to lock my room every evening. Is it understood?” Without waiting for his reply, I went back to my room, changed into PT kit & went for my evening run.

 

The chocolate stopped to receive for rest of the week & life was back to normal. Anyway I told RQ continue to lock my office.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 4: A pain in the neck

 

“Sir, 2IC ask to see you as soon as possible.” Lance Corporal Tan, my office runner conveyed the message while I walked past RQ office. Oh no, a new week but this did not seem to be good at all.

 

“What is it about?”

 

“Not so clear Sir. But his runner spoke about the coming exercise preparation.”

 

For all this while after that shitty incident, I had tried to avoid the 2IC, somehow this time I just had to go & face him. I brought along the file containing the details of logistic requirement for the forthcoming exercise & went up to his office.

 

“Morning Sir, you want to see me?”

 

“Oh, hi, I am happy to see you. Come & have a seat.” He shifted his eye from his desk work & looked at me.

 

I sat down. This bastard sounded so unusual, so courteous & un-authoritative, unlike a senior officer talking to a junior.

 

“How are you this few days?”

 

“I am fine Sir. I was on MC last week.” I spoke coolly & looked side way avoiding eye contact.

 

“Yes, I know, Larry.”

 

“Sir, I prefer you address me as Second Lieutenant Koh.” He was taken aback from my reply struggling to continue the conversation as I drew a line strictly on official business between us.

 

“Oh… No.” He paused. “Huh… I am just concerned about you as I knew that I had hurt you badly.”

 

“Oh, ya, really? Don't be a hypocrite & don’t talk about it anymore.” My tear started welling on my ear. I hated myself as a wimpy shedding tear in front of my enemy.

 

“Don’t worry, Ok. I will not report you to the higher authority. Is this what you want to hear from the horse's mouth?” I screamed while keeping the volume low.

 

“Oh... No. No, no. That’s not my real intention. I had done wrong, deserve to be punished & I can’t stop you to report if you want to. Nevertheless I am seeking ways for your forgiveness.”

 

“Ha-ha, not even a million dollars is sufficient to recoup my loss of virginity.”

 

“You know I am so clumsy. Those chocolate were sent by me & I heard that you were upset & threw tantrum to your staff. I am sorry if that do annoy you.”

 

“You mean a few boxes of chocolate are able to append your crime? Fat hope! I will never forgive you for the rest of my life & stop doing all this meaningless things.” I raised my voice a few decibels & tear started dropping on the desk.

 

“Please stop crying. There might be people watching.” He pushed me a tissue & sheepishly looking at the corridor. I felt so triumph that I was able to thumb him down liked a Mickey Mouse.

 

“Sir, I leave the file here, every thing is there, okay. I will ask my runner to collect back this afternoon. If there is nothing else, please excuse me.” I walked out of his office without waiting for his approval.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 4: A pain in the neck

 

After the dinner, as usual I went back to my room, since that impromptu visit by that bloody 2IC resulting the exodus of female stuff, the cross dress fetish was shelved & I could only spend the evening reading.

 

Almost all junior & senior officers who stayed back in camp would loiter in the officer mess in the evening. It was not that I chose to be a lone ranger but I just did not agree with their behavior, the bold & unconstrained drinking. Wouldn’t it be less manly for non- or casual drinkers? I wondered.

 

They would consume pint after pint of duty free beer, although it was duty free but somehow still caused huge sum of hard earned money. They would push hard in the morning PT run not for the sole purpose of keeping fit but rather to get over the potential big belly as a result of overnight heavy drinking. What a pathetic contradiction!

 

I was lucky to have a slender body that was as light as feather, 97 lbs (44 kg) as matter of fact & I wanted to keep it that way. Because of my light weight, I represented my company for cross country run during the recruit days.

 

Associating with the heavy drinking, they would talk or boost about their most recent catches, their new found girl friends, blab… blab… blab… blab…. Such was a bunch of shallow guys. Men are men….

 

Besides drinking in the lounge area, there were billiard & dart games available. Most of the time, the game area would normally occupy by the seniors, leaving no room for the juniors.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I learned the billiard game as an extra curricular activity during my 1st year in junior college, a boy-girl catholic mission high school. There was this senior guy helping behind me, one hand on my hand in holding the cue & another hand on my 2nd hand to form a rest.

 

“Steady your hand.” He talked so softly & patiently on how to aim for the pot shot.

 

“Concentrate & aim.” There was sort of strange feeling coupled with his body warm & nice body odour.

 

“Thanks, Allen.” I replied as I turned my head, accidentally my lips touched his while my specs hit his, “Ouch, I’m sorry.”

 

“No, never mind.” As he replied my heart was popping hard & face was reddened, “Hey, by the way, you smell good, I really like it. Did you use any perfume?” He whispered the question in my ear.

 

“Why?” My face blushed further.

 

“Well, it smells like Chanel my elder sister frequently uses, right?”

 

“Don’t tell you, secret okay.”

 

“Don’t tell, don’t tell lo… so secretive, worse than girls.”

 

It was dreamy, it was unplanned & it flew naturally, as far as I was concern, there was some kind of flirting in-between & I did enjoy it. That unprecedented up close physical contact was my first with a guy, would that accidentally lips to lips dragonfly water touching signified my virgin kiss? I was confused……..

 

“Allen, what have you done to Larry? Look at him, his face was so red.” I cursed at this stupid Peter with his itchy mouth.

 

Later, while visiting the wash room I realized that there was big patch of wetness on my pant. Gosh, I could not believe I was sexually aroused by a guy of the same sex.

 

I forfeited the usual afternoon tea session with them & went home hurriedly, with files in front concealing the wet patch. Jesus, those were the happy days that I could never forget.

 

To avoid the recurrence of this embarrassing encounter, I switched to another activity.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 4: A pain in the neck

 

I sat on the bed & placed the pillow vertical up against the wall to support my back. I flipped to the end section of the “Female” (Chinese) magazine & started reading the love story. At that time, this “Female” magazine was popular for youngster liked me. Although titled “Female”, it was suitable for guys also as it contained subjects liked horoscopes, trendy accessories, male & female relationship & etc.

 

As I was so engrossed on the development of the love hate relationship in-between some of the characters, I heard a light knock on the door.

 

“Ya, who’s out there?”

 

“Is me, 2IC. I come to see you, can I come in?”

 

“Oh, no Sir, I……” I was shocked & frozen, pausing for good excuse. “I just took the medicine & is about to sleep now; I am having a fever now.”

“Oh, like that. Huh…. okay, you have a good rest.”

 

I walked sneakily toward the door & off the light. Slowly opened the door without creating any noise, I peeped through the small gap & saw that he slowly walked back to the other wing.

 

I went back to my bed. I was angry, confused & frightened, what the hell was this bustard intend to? My peaceful evening was ruined. All those things that he said during the day were all lies. I cried unstoppable. Since the night I lost my virginity, I realized that I was getting very emotional, I cried easily & I lost my temper easily. All this because of this bastard, what had I done wrong? Why should I face with this sort of agony? Why? Why? Why?

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 4: A pain in the neck

 

I regained my sense & returned to sitting position while holding the pillow, wows, it was soaked wet, never realized that I was such a crying pot.

 

His knocking at my door was totally unexpected. I had checked & knew clearly he was not on duty this evening, why was he still around as all senior officers ranked captain & above were staying out? Wasn’t he having ultimate motive? I was getting cold feet as I went into wild thinking.

 

Since that incident, I decided that I would check out for the night whenever he was scheduled on duty. I though I was smart, but somehow this seemed not to be foolproof. What should I do now?

 

I felt so insecure & needed to talk to someone. As I checked my watch & noted that it was about 930 pm, Ling could possibly have returned home from school by then. I decided to call him by using the public phone which located at the ground floor of HQ building.

 

With the light remained off, I searched & put on my slipper. Well, I was able to be seemed in public with the exposed toes as the nail polish was removed since that incident; again I cursed that bustard for causing me to forfeit such kinky fun.

 

I sneaked out of the room. I was taking a risk, if he looked out from his bunk, I would be spotted.

 

“Ling is me. Sorry to disturb, free to talk?”

 

“Yes, small sister, what can I do for you?” As usual, he was always very cheerful.

 

“Hey, don't be so veined can or not? I am in serious trouble.”

 

“Okay, ok. Let get serious, shot me your problem now.”

 

“Ling, tell you what, that bastard came & knocked at my room this evening.”

 

“Really, holy shit. So what had happened then?”

 

“I didn’t let him in & told him I was having fever. So how……?”

 

“Ai yoyo, this guy is crazy. I suggest you lock your room tight, he might sneak into your room, rape & kill.”

 

“Ling….” I shouted over the phone. “Don’t scare me can or not? I am so worry & yet you still make fun of this.” On second though, big sister might have a point, I better placed a chair behind the door later on.

 

“Okay, okay, sorry.” He paused. “Let me ask you, you can stay out right?”

 

“Ya, so what are you recommending?”

 

“Your camp is sort of ulu, but you did tell me that there is a pick-up point by the military truck near our houses, right?”

 

“Ya, it is within walking distance from our places & I use the transport on every Monday morning.”

 

”I know is troublesome but why not you check out every evening & come stay with me, just like those old days.”

 

“Huh…. But is then troublesome leh…… it will take almost one & a half hours to reach Joo Chiat.”

 

“Well, still not that bad, not latter than 7 o’clock right?”

 

“But I will miss the privilege of jogging in the evening…. And I enjoy the lustrous looks from the ladies along the way (note: there was a lady quarter in the camp).”

 

“Small sister, you can’t have everything you so desire. Tell you what, you go & think carefully tonight & call me tomorrow before 830 on your decision.”

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 4 ---------------------

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Wang]

“But I will miss the privilege of jogging in the evening…. And I enjoy the lustrous looks from the ladies along the way (note: there was a lady quarter in the camp).”

Look like Larry was still not sure about her sexual preference.

[Guest guest]

Look like Larry was still not sure about her sexual preference.

He is a cross dresser & not a gay. Go check his profile, he stated that.

[Guest guest as well]

He is a cross dresser & not a gay. Go check his profile, he stated that.

the english he used is horrible....vain = veined; bastard = bustard.

[oralb]

Larry had wrote 4 chapters with thousands of words, all you can do is to pick on his spelling mistakes?

Try writting one yourself, let us be the judge on how GREAT your English is.

You can give constructive feedback, but putting his language down as horrible is uncalled for.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

I woke up early & went to cook house for breakfast. After collected my breakfast, I turned around to look for an occupied table at the officer section.

 

“Hi. Larry. Over here.” I looked around & saw my classmate, the MPO waving at me from afar.

 

As I carried the meal tray & walked towards him, I saw that the shitty 2IC was also there seated opposing him. Holy shit, that bastard was early than me & he was waving at me. Damn, it was going to be a bad day.

It was a peculiar catch-22 situation, here my classmate was calling me but there was a person that I hated to face. I had no choice but to carry the tray & walked towards them.

 

Standing beside my classmate & faced him diagonally, I murmured: “Morning Sir.”

 

“Hi… Good morning, Lt. Koh. Please have a seat & join us.”

 

“Thanks.” I replied but looked sideway.

 

“How is your fever?”

 

“Um... is better now.” I replied reluctantly without making eye contact, concentrating on the food.

 

“Sir, I need to get change for the morning assembly. Larry, enjoy your breakfast.” Unlike me who was already properly dress for the assembly, bloodily he was still in PT attire.

 

“Yes, you better keep going.”

 

There was a momentarily period of silent & the air stayed still. I hated it but I just could not simply walk away before finished off the food. He moved & sat directly facing me.

 

“Look, don’t treat me like that. I am sorry & I really want to do whatever is necessary to atone for my sin.” He spoke lowly.

 

“Please stop talking all this. There is nothing that you can do to amend your crime. Can you give me back my virginity?” My tears were started dropping.

 

“Oh, no, no…. please don’t cry. I have no mean to agitate you. Look, there are soldiers around.” It seemed that tear was my best weapon.

 

“Sir, you better leave first. I need time to re-compose myself.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Guest guest]

Dear Guest As Well,

It is my duty to present my story with minimum typo errors & wrong application of vocabulary. There is no excuse on my part though I am Chinese educated.

Larry,

You are honest, sincere & down to earth, you have my respect.

[Guest secret admirer]

Larry,

You are honest, sincere & down to earth, you have my respect.

Me too as she bother to check, review & make amendment. Well done.

[Eragon]

more please.. i m following... :smokin:

secret admirer: Be nice.

[Guest larry supporter]

the english he used is horrible....vain = veined; bastard = bustard.

Of course you can feedback on errors, but be gracious & polite, don't get into personal attack. Not so sure about how good your English is? Queen English? King English or what?

Next be tactful in telling the errors. If I were you, I would say "There might be error...." instead of "There are errors....". This will give you escape route if the error proof to be false. Understand?

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

On the way towards the parade square, I make a call to Ling. “Ling, what time you will be home tonight?”

 

“Alright, I would assume that you have decided to come to my place. I will be home by around 8 pm. Anyway, I will tell my mom that you are coming. See you tonight.”

 

Before taking the story to the next level, let me talk a little bit about Ling as readers may wonder why I chose to stay at his (her) place instead of my home.

 

Our houses were near to each other, on the same street with 4 terrace houses separating us in Joo Chiat area a private housing estate, a not-so short walk to Geylang Serai market place.

 

Ling’s mom Auntie Lily is a widow & Ling is her only son. She ran a hair dressing & beauty saloon, mom frequently used her service & thus they become good friends. Ling & I went to the same school, Maris Stella High, a catholic mission school affiliated with primary & secondary sections, and again we went to Catholic Junior College together for our pre-university education.

 

Our relationship was normal & plain not until secondary 2 when he found out my cross dress fetish (see Chapter 1’ installment dated 22nd July), I become his small sister & he / she is my big sister.

 

Ling’s family is church going whereas mine is not; nevertheless, my mom did not stop me from going for Sunday mass together with his family. My parents ran for the family coffee powder business passed down from my grandpa near the Geylang Serai Market 7 days a week & I was the only son (mom gave birth of my younger sister when I was in primary 4). So I guessed it must be this reason that she allowed me from getting close with Ling.

 

During the year end long school holiday periods, I would stay overnight at his place frequently with mom’s consents. Auntie Lily, Ling’s mom would always like to hug me whenever I came with comment like “such an adorable kid, how nice if you are my daughter.”

 

“My goodness, I am a boy not a girl, auntie!” I would always look down & muttered.

 

I will stop here about the dark secret between us, how he (she) became my second lover & etc. I will write about this later on.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

At 515 pm. immediately after the staff parade, walking along with those staying out personnel, I headed pass the guard room to the vast cement compound located outside the camp. There parked with 10 over 3 toners & big number of civilian vehicles.

 

As I searched for the 3 toners ran on route #7, I saw RQ standing next to a 3 toners & walked towards him.

 

“Staff (my RQ was holding the rank of staff sergeant), which one is for route # 7?”

 

“Sir, this is the one. Sir, are you taking # 7?”

 

“Yes, MPO told me Geylang Serai is one of the drop-off points. Am I right, Staff?”

 

“That right, it travels pass Geylang Serai & ends at Chai Chee where I reside.” He paused, “Sir, staying out tonight?”

 

“Yes, most probably I will be staying out for these 2 weeks.”

 

“2 weeks.... Oh, Sir, in that case, you ought to be the vehicle commander.” I sensed his unpleasantness as he would have to sit on the hard benches at the back instead of the soft cushion in front he enjoyed all this while.

 

“Staff, is OK, I want to sit at the back with the rest of the soldiers. Please continue to be the vehicle commander as I drop-off earlier than you.”

 

“Sir, not so good leh….. I may get reprimand for insubordination.”

 

“Staff, I insist & I am telling you is Okay....., so don’t worry can or not.” I slanted my eye & gave him a stare. Oh shit, what a feminine behavior, this suddenly struck my mind & my face was reddened. I climbed up the 3 toners quickly.

 

It was a long & sleepy journey as many of them dozed off along the way. Not to show any sloppiness, I kept myself alert & dropped off at Geylang Seria eventually at around 630 pm. It took me another 15 minutes walk before reaching Ling’s place at Joo Chiat.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Guest wonderer]

more please.. i m following... :smokin:

Me too. Larry, try to post more please.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

Auntie Lily came & opened the gate.

 

“A….. Welcome, it has been a few months that you didn’t come to visit me. Come, come, come, let me has a good look.” As usual, she was so drama.

 

“Ai-yo-yo, what sort of army you are serving, see, so fair…. & your hands are so smooth.” She was holding my hands & closely examining my fingers. My face went redden, but I did enjoy that intimate touch. There were times I though that Auntie Lily was better than mom as mom would never talk to me like that, maybe she do not have that sort of lively peranakan culture just like auntie Lily.

 

My parents never showed their affection on me, my recruit’s passing out parade & officer commissioning were witnessed by Ling & Auntie Lily but not any one of my parents. There was once that the school bus failed to come, dad was told by grandma to send me to school with his bicycle.

 

As we cycled pass the neighborhood, I saw the envious looks coming from the entangle school mates, I felt so proud that I can never forget till this day. However dad’s relentless grumbles stopped me from telling him, “Dad, I love you. Thanks, I am so proud of you.”

 

“Auntie Lily, neighbor might be watching.”

 

“Okay, ok. Come in & have dinner first.” She let off my hands & led me into the house.

 

“Auntie Lily, did Ling tell you that I will be staying here for a period?”

 

“Oh yes. As long as you like, just take this place as your own house. By the way, you mom know about it?”

 

“I will inform her afterward.”

 

“That is my good girl.” Jesus, what wrong with Auntie Lily, the same old mix-up of sexual orientation, but I had no complaint.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

”Mom, is me.” I called mom after dinner together with Auntie Lily. We did not wait for Ling as he would usually have his in the university canteen.

 

“Yes, where are you now?”

 

“I am at Ling’s place.”

 

“Are Ling ok?”

 

“No, nothing happen. Just that I am staying out, so I come to stay here.”

 

“Why you are not coming home? Your dad will be furious if he found this out, you know?”

 

“Mom. That is why I phone & not walking over. Please don’t tell, okay?” Yes, I would be doomed to be seemed by dad as he would spend his evening in front of the television set.

 

“So when are you going to come home?”

 

“Just as usual every Saturday afternoon.”

 

“Son, I cannot understand why you are avoiding us? You had not talked to your dad for quite a long while.”

 

“I hate him. I don’t respect him as my dad.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Oh, yeah, you want to know why? I am just a national service man, why he expects me to bring home money with that miserable $90? Mom, you cannot deny not knowing about this.”

 

“Well, your dad expect you to start contribute for the family. I don’t think that is unreasonable.”

 

“So? So how much you all expect from that $90 allowance?”

 

“But you are now an officer.”

 

“Ya…, what’s a big deal. Mom, I am not regular. Moreover, I am saving the money for my university education.”

 

”University? Not to what we expect from you.”

 

“What?”

 

“We expect you to take over the coffee powder business.”

 

“No way, I want to go university & become an engineer. Don’t expect me to be the stallholder working in that dirty & filthy market place for the rest of my life.”

 

“But who is going to take over? You are our only son, you know.”

 

“I don’t really care. Mom, I do have my dream & vision.”

 

“But…”

 

“Mom, I am hanging up, okay. I don’t wish to talk anymore. Goodnight.” I hung up the phone without waiting for her reply, as I was getting very emotional.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Ling returned home at around 830 pm. I already took my shower & was reading book on the bed. We did not talk much as he was busily preparing his project report so I just went to bed alone.

 

Half awaken half asleep; the room went dark as Ling climbed up to the bed.

 

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” He whispered softly to my ear. As usual he hugged me as though I was his bolster.

 

“Hmn…” I murmured as I snuggled beneath his warm body, I just loved it, I felt safe & secure. There was a tingle of sisterhood floating in the air.

 

Very soon, I entered onto the dreamland.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

The life was more or less back to normal for the rest of the week except that I missed the leisure & luxury life style in the evening & morning. I also missed the starring from the woman quarter during my evening jogs. I was sort of lost & confuse generation, at one end I felt feminine inside, but at the other end, I enjoyed the ogle look from the female soldiers (yes, why not? I was young, just 20 years old & eligible). What a confuse personality.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Leaving Ling’s house at 515 a.m., as the pick-up time was at 545, I would take a 20 minutes stroll to reach the pick-up point.

 

With 5 minutes remained, I waited at the pick-up point, there were a few soldiers earlier than me. A brown Ford Cortina car came & stopped abruptly near to me. The hazard lights were blinking, the driver probably lost his navigation & looking for direction, I thought.

 

”Hi. Hello.” The window came down as the driver called out from inside.

 

“Yes, can I help you?” There were soldiers in close proximity, I got no choice but to conceal my apathy & came forwards.

 

“Lt. Koh, good morning.”

 

“What you want from me, Sir?” I spoke with anger. Holy shit, I looked inside the car & saw that bastard with his smiling face.

 

“Can I give you a lift?”

 

“Sir, I am taking the 3 toners.”

 

“Is OK, no special purpose. I am living nearby & I am on the way to camp too.” He leaned over & opened the door.

 

“Please do come in. There is a bus coming from behind.” As not to prolong the peculiar scene with the presence of other soldiers, I went into the front seat hesitantly, putting on the seat belt & moved my buttock as close to the door as possible.

 

“Taken your breakfast already?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“This hour the traffic is smooth & no congestion.” Boring, I thought.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you have a driving license?” Damn, he was getting personal now, I thought.

 

“No.”

 

A few more “Yes” & “No” replies from me, the atmosphere was tense & it was silent for the rest of the journey.

 

“Thanks you & Good bye Sir.”

 

“Lt. Koh, mind to join me for a cup of coffee at the officer mess.” It was still early at around 715 am, another 40 minutes before the morning roll-call & flag rising.

 

“Sorry Sir, I have thing to do. May be the next time?” I turned quickly facing toward the next building.

 

“Wait. How about this evening, can I give you a lift?” Ha-ha, this bastard was up to no good.

 

“Sir, I may stay back tonight.” I was trying to play hide & seek.

 

“Okay, never mind. If you change your mind, wait for me at around 510 here. Okay?” Fat hope, wait long-long.

 

“Thank you Sir.” I walked off without giving him a second look. I could sense that his stare behind me, & I felt like tripping. Damn, what wrong with me????????

 

I was restless for the whole day. Should I check out or stay back this evening? It seemed to me that this bastard was monitoring my movement; he was able to know where I stayed even. After much deliberation, I decided to check out, I believed that he would not dare to harm me outside as long as was not alone whereas he might abuse his authority inside the camp.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 5: The game of hide & seek

 

Immediately the next morning, I took a different path by walking on a back lane parallel to the main road. It was dingy & smelly, so much so that I had to cover my nose with a handkerchief. Taking precaution not to step on any dog dung under the dimly street lights, I manoeuvred slowly, while at the same time observing the unrestrained activities of cockroaches, lizards & rats.

 

What on earth I had to face such predicament, all were because of that idiot, perhaps I did harm him in our previous life, so he came to seek revenge this life, I thought.

 

Coming out at the end of the back lane, I walked backwards on the main road towards the pick-up point. Instead of walking on the pavement, I walked along the shop fronts which came with canopies providing good coverage.

 

I looked at the spot that he picked me up yesterday. Damn, the same brown Cortina was there. This bastard was a bloody leech, I thought. I better be careful & walked under the shadow came from the canopies.

 

Instead standing at the pavement, I waited under the canopy not too far away from the pick-up point, till the 3 toners arrived & ran towards it.

 

It was miserable……..

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I closed the gate & prepared to walk to the pick-up point. It seemed to me that the choice of using the back lane was able to avoid him; I whistled softly & enjoyed the morning breeze. Suddenly, a beam of light shone from behind, I looked back & saw the brown Cortina.

 

“Sir, I am telling you now stop tailing me. Don’t force me go to the police!” I screamed.

 

“No, I am not tailing you, I am staying nearby. True, I swear to God.” God would never pardon a rapist, I thought.

 

“So, what do you want from me?”

 

“Nothing, I just want to give you as lift.” He said as he came out of the car while the engine was still on.

 

“So what if I say no?”

 

“Oh, please, please don’t do this to me. For the past few weeks, I could not eat, could not sleep. My mind is full of you.”

 

“Sir, what are talking? We are all guys, are you crazy?”

 

“Yes, I am crazy & I just cannot control it.” I saw tear flowing down from his face, holy shit, this couldn’t be true.

 

“Okay. Okay, let get into the car now.” As there might be neighbors going to market, I conceded to his request.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 5 ---------------------

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry

[Guest Sunny]

Larry,

Just love your story. Is there anyway for us to meet up?

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 6: Live & let live

 

Parking near to a lamp post in East Coast Park with windows half wound down, the engine was off & it was in complete silence inside the car.

 

“I am giving you 5 minutes now to say what you want to say.” I broke the silent.

 

“I…..”

 

“Yes?” I raised my tone, “I am waiting.”

 

“Larry, can I call you Larry?” He was silent for a moment, but began to say with such irrelevancy.

 

“You only have 4 minutes left before I get out.”

 

“Larry, I am not a stranger to you, I took notice of you 6 years ago.”

 

“6 years ago? Come on, don’t talk nonsense. Okay.”

 

“No, is true, see this picture.” He pulled out a photo from his purse & passed to me. Holy shit, it showed me together with Ling in our secondary school uniform, it seemed that we were at a bus stop.

 

“When you took this picture?”

 

“It was taken in year 1977. See, there is a printed date at the bottom.” 25 06 77, I was stunned & my jaw was widely opened, what was this? What was going on?

 

“Where you took this picture?”

 

“You still remember the bus stop along Joo Chiat Place that you waited for bus every morning? No bluffing, my house is exactly next to the bus stop.” Hmn, seemed to be authentic, I thought.

 

“But you still got no right to take pictures without our permission, right?”

 

“I understand & I am sorry.”

 

“But why you did this? And why’s me?”

 

“I don’t know. There was this time that I was doing gardening at the front yard. I saw you & your classmate at the bus stop. I just could not help myself; you have the kind of attractiveness, demure & slender, sweet looking & refreshingly elegant. I could not stop looking at you till the bus gone.” Why Auntie Lily & now this guy had the same thought, I was confused & disturbed.

 

“And then?” I softened my tone.

 

“Every morning whenever I looked out & found you at the bus stop, I had a special feeling, I felt that I wanted to know you, to talk to you & to be with you.”

 

“How many times you did this photo taking?”

 

“Twice I did. The first time was not so good so I did it the second time.”

 

“So what happen to these pictures?”

 

“I kept all on my photo album, except this one I keep it on my wallet. Larry, for all these years, I would look at this picture whenever I felt lonely.”

 

“My. My, you are crazy, I am a guy. Don’t you have a girl friend?”

 

“She left me long time ago. Since then I decided not to get involve in boy-girl relationship.”

 

“Please carry on, I am listening.”

 

“Yes, since that day I longed for your appearance at that specific hour.”

 

“Don’t lie to me, how the army can allow you to start work late?”

 

“Oh, at that time I was on SAF regular scholarship doing mechanical engineering in Singapore U.” What a small world, I would be doing the same subject at the same university after my discharge, & this guy going to be my senior. This was not right, in the army, he was my superior, & in the study he would also be my senior. What a joke…

 

“Because of this longing to see you, I missed many important lectures in the morning.” I wondered what on earth this attraction I possessed that make him did this. I felt frozen & cool right through my spine, this guy got to be a psychic. He might do thing irrational (In 1987, I went with Ling & watched the show Fatal Attraction by Michael Douglas & Glenn Close, that was same kind of fear).

 

“Why you are doing this? Silly, I don’t deserve this.” I softened my tone.

 

“And yes, you were calling each other big sister & small sister right?” Oh, dear, I did not have to probe anymore, this was a secret solely shared between me & Ling & no any other third party but he knew. My face was reddened; I believed all those things he just said without reservation. I remained silent as I did not know what to answer.

 

“I am sorry. It was incorrect eavesdrop the conversation between you & your class mate.”

 

“No, we were just careless.”

 

The sun was started rising from the horizon & the lamp posts were off. I looked at my watch & found that it was already 615 am. Time flied & I was getting more & more interested to find out more from him.

 

“Sir, we better go back to camp now before is too late. I would like to find out more this evening.” Wow, I was commanding him.

 

“Sure. Sure. I will wait for you at the car park this evening.” He sound excited liked a small kid given a candy and I liked that.

 

“Here… clear your tear.” I passed him a tissue.

 

The journey back to camp was silent except light music from the radio. I was a bit more relax & not leaning closed to the car door as previously.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 6: Live & let live

 

It was the longest day. I lost my heart & soul by making tons of mistakes on those paper works I processed.

 

“Alamak, Sir, few more mistakes found.” Chief clerk came to my office second time for amendments, errors were signature on the wrong column, entries with wrong dates etc. etc.

 

“Sorry, Madam (she was holding the rank of WO2). Sorry”

 

“Fortunately CO was on external training; just be careful please, otherwise you will be lectured & probably with extra night duties.”

 

“Mme, I promise you no more mistakes. Any mistakes found just phone me up & I will walk over to your office.”

 

“Sir, remember what’s you had just said, okay! It is cumbersome to carry this bulky walkie-talkie around.” (Note: those days hand phone not exist in Singapore yet)

 

“Mme, I am just curious why you have to carry this bulky stuff?”

 

“Sir, I am not so lucky like you, every one will be looking for me any moment anytime, especially our CO.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

It was 515 pm. I walked to the car park next to HQ building. He was there waiting, much earlier then me. My heart was pumping hard & face was slightly flushed. He opened the passenger door.

 

“Sir, you don’t have to do this, people are watching.”

 

“Don’t worry, just once, Okay?”

 

“Do you like to have dinner with me?”

 

“Oh, no. My mom (in actual is Auntie Lily) will scold me for not taking the dinner. Just go to a quiet place with a cup of tea & talk, okay?”

 

“Yes, yes, sure. A quiet place for a cup of tea is fine with me.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

We ended up in a coffee house at Lion City Hotel along Tanjong Katong Road; I did not indicate but anyway was a good choice, quiet, cozy & most importantly it was before the prime dinner time.

 

Only one front table was occupied; we went right inside to a table that the chairs came with high back. I ordered tea & he had coffee.

 

“So any more things you would want to tell me?” There was a moment of silent & I kicked starting it.

 

“Oh, yes, there are many things I thought of during the day & I want to let you know. Wait, let me re-organize myself. Sorry, hmn… how’s to start?”

 

“Don’t worry; I will wait till you are ready.”

 

“Okay…... “This guy seemed not to be his normal self. “You know after my graduation & went back to my routine army life; I didn’t get to see you daily in the morning. When I had my long weekend, I waited but didn’t get to see you either.”

 

“Yap, I had no class on Saturday except ECA.” I said softly.

 

“I thought my fantasy with you would just die off naturally, only in my dream.” He paused & took a sip of the coffee. “Your tea is getting cool.”

 

“Don’t bother. I want to go home earlier for the dinner. So please carry on.”

 

“Right, remember the first day when you was posted to this camp, I was shocked & could not believe. How could that be happening? Larry, you that young sweet demure student was standing right in front of me. My mind went blank the moment I shook your hand, it was so smooth, so delicate & so fair. I want to hold it forever.”

 

My face was reddened all the way; I looked down & unintentionally kept my hands close to my body. Never in my life, had someone talked to me just that, not even with Ling or Auntie Lily. I felt shy & edgy.

 

“I was liked under hypnosis, I hold on your hand for too long till alerted by the Chief Clerk. Don’t you remember?”

 

“No, I was not aware about this; I was busy trying hard to capture the ranks, names & related positions…. Hmn yes, you behaved strangely, the way you looked at me; also the way you shook my hand. Do you know that your finger tickled my palm lightly, funny & weird?”

 

“Oh is it really that I did it? Gosh, I fell embarrass for such behavior.”

 

“Seriously I don’t expect to experience such weird or rather flirtatious behavior from a senior officer.”

 

“Please accept my sincere apology,” he paused for a moment & continued, “Since your arrival, my life starts to have zest, reborn, recharge & re-vitalize.”

 

“You are kidding, I don’t believe. Not forgetting about that evening, I hate you.”

 

“I am deeply remorseful about what I had done on you. I just could not control, I was drunk that evening. For this few weeks, I am not myself. Every day & every night I kept thinking of you.” Tear started rolling on his eyes. I was taken aback, e......, big man doesn’t cry.

 

“Every evening I kneeled in front of your picture asking for forgiveness.” Tears rolled down from his face. He stood up suddenly & went to my side.

 

With his 2 hands on my lap, Kneeled beside me & head on my lap he started weeping softly. I was traumatized, frozen; all these came so suddenly & just did not know what to react.

 

“Hey you, stands up, please don’t do this.” I re-composed myself & saw a waitress watching from afar.

 

“I don’t care, unless you accept my apology.”

 

“Ok, ok, ok. I accept. Now stand up.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Yes, yes, is a promise. So please stand up, please……”

 

He stood up & excused himself to the wash room, leaving me sitting alone. I saw 3 waitresses gossiping at far end looking to our direction. I felt like looking for a hole to hide, I asked for the check & walked to the hotel lobby quickly.

 

He rushed out from the coffee house, looking left & right & saw me at the lobby. “Thanks god, you are still around…. Sorry, sorry. I am supposed to foot the bill.”

 

“You never know it was embarrassing as the waitresses were gossiping inside.”

 

“Otherwise you will never forgive me.” He whispered softly, I saw light smile on his face. Holy shit, I should not have let him off so lightly, I should torture him a bit longer.

 

“You big bad boy, remember, don’t you ever bully me again.” I hit his arm lightly.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 6: Live and let live

 

“Can I pick you up tomorrow morning here?” He asked me this question as I was about to open the car door while reaching Ling’s house.

 

“Come & see la. I don’t know.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

 

Life is a moment in space, When the dream is gone, It’s a lonelier place, I kiss the morning good-bye, But down inside you know, We never know why. The road is narrow and long, When eyes meet eyes, And the feeling is strong, I turn away from the wall, I stumble and fall, But I give you it all. With you eternally mine, In love there is, No measure of time, They planned it all at the start, That you and I, Live in each other’s heart...

 

I was drifted by the lyrics, so nice, so touchy. It was by Barbra Streisand,

 

“………..” Someone was holding my shoulder. “Larry………”

 

“Oh, sorry, not noticing you are calling.”

 

“Hey, little sister, something is troubling you?”

 

“Ya, big sister, if I tell you this, please don’t laugh at me, okay?”

 

“Aiyo, we are sisters right? Come on, just tell me.”

 

I told Ling the incidents took place during the week, his tailing, his repent, his sleeplessness, his crying so on & so forth. Ling was stunned, & I could sense that he was listening intensely.

 

“How…? Sis….”

 

“What how?”

 

“Shall I allow him to pick me up tomorrow morning?”

 

“Sure la, free chauffeur, what is there to lose?”

 

“I don’t know. This is not correct, right? He is a guy so am I?”

 

“Listen, there is no pure black or pure white, there is grey in-between, so just do it if you are happy. After all life is short.”

 

“Ling, I don’t think you will be talking like this before.”

 

“Not anymore, since joining the university, I have a wider perspective. Tell you what, 2 of my lecturers are gays & they live together.” I was dumbfounded; I really had to give it a thought.

 

It was a long & sleepless night.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 6 ---------------------

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Guest sunny boy]

I love this story, slow, steamy & seductive.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 7: Woman (?) in love

 

It was 530 am. Damn, I overslept & would be late for the pick-up. I brushed, cleaned & changed into my uniform & left Ling’s house without taking breakfast. While locking the gate, a beam of light shinned from behind & the brown Cortina came beside me.

 

“Hi. Good morning. Larry”

 

“Sir, I am sorry, doesn’t know that you are waiting.”

 

“Well, I thought you did ask me to pick you. Come on in.”

 

“Oh, I forget about this, sorry, Sir.” I acted blur. No, never did I promise him anything, I just told him to come & see, this guy was then thick skinned, I thought.

 

“Taken your breakfast?"

 

“Not yet, Sir. I was sleepless & thus the overslept.”

 

“So am I, I did have a sleepless night. Good, then let go for a breakfast.”

 

“Okay, Sir.”

 

“You do have any preference?”

 

“You are the driver so you decide.”

 

“Larry, I have one request.” Apart the songs that came from the car radio, we kept mum as the car moved towards the city area, and out of sudden he came with this remark.

 

“What?” Damn, this guy was up to no good, probably an indecent one, I thought.

 

“Please stop calling me Sir when we are not in the camp?”

 

“But….”

 

“You have a big sister & I want to be your big brother, alright, small sister?”

 

“No….” I paused as to think for a valid reason, “We are just ordinary friend, okay.” I hinted to him that I wanted to draw a line between us.

 

“Oh… ordinary friend” he sound disappointed, “Okay, why don’t you address me using my last name, Kong?”

 

“Huh…”

 

“I take it that you have agreed to my proposal, okay. You are Larry & I am Kong, deal!” he said as he pointed towards me his last finger, “Come-on, Larry, I have only one hand to control the steering wheel.”

 

I lay my little finger with his quickly & reluctantly. Gosh, I never realize I gave in to him so easily, first by forgiving him the crime he committed, and now…, all were happened within 24 hours, I sighed as I stared blankly.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

He parked at the now defunct Capitol Theatre & went for the “Chwee Kway”.

 

“How about having chwee kway here?”

 

“Yes, is fine with me.”

 

“How many piece you want to have?”

 

“3 pieces for me, okay.”

 

“Eat so little, no wonder so small build. And what do you like to have for drink? Is teh tarik okay with you?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

The place was crowded with mainly office executives wearing long sleeve & tie probably working in Shenton Way area. We found & shared a table with another person which tucked in one corner.

 

“Wait; let me clean up the stool first.” This was my first breakfast with him. I could see his earnest to please me. Cleaning the stool, queuing for the “Chwee Kway” & the tarik…… Oh, please, don’t over pamper me.

 

“Just sit tight & don’t do anything, okay. I am going to get the food & drinks.”

 

He came back shortly with the food & drinks, “Let tuck in, I hope you do enjoy this breakfast.”

 

“I will. Thanks, Sir.”

 

“What?”

 

“Thank you, Sir.”

 

“I am not Sir, I am Kong.”

 

“Ar…. Thank you, Kong.”

 

“Okay, let’s tuck in.”

 

“How come there is only one packet? You are not eating?”

 

“Well, we shared. You take 3 & I take 5.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“Yes, any problem?”

 

“I am not used to share food with another person.”

 

“I see. I can wait & will let you start first.” He tried to show his gentlemanly behavior.

 

“Never mind, let’s start, so long as you keep it neat.” I reciprocated, so was I, I did have the same quality.

 

Using toothpicks, I saw him treading his pieces carefully as not to mess with the pieces I took, ha-ha, served him right, wanted to share food with me, fat hope, I felt happy furtively.

 

The “chwee Kway” breakfast was short but sweet. I felt blessed but at the same time felt awkward, somehow I got the feeling he was treating me not as a guy. I hoped I was wrong.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Guest dancer66]

hey larry, looking forward to your post!

[Larry]

On 7/22/2009 at 10:34 PM, oralb said:

tks for writing... it is indeed an interesting read that gave a glimpse to a diferent world.

 

You are welcome.

Dedicate herewith today instalment for your kind perusal. Regards,

 

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 7: Woman (?) in love

 

So the morning & evening car rides by this man continued for the next three weeks. We talked very little during the journey, somehow his over enthusiasm & pampering bothered me, I felt stifling, breathless & pressurize that there would be impeding obligation.

 

I asked Ling what I should do & he replied, “Just tell him your feeling & thinking.”

 

“You sure are okay?”

 

“Why’s not? Just be sincere, honest & diplomatic.”

 

“Sis, I am confused. What do you mean by sincere, honest & diplomatic, catch-no-ball leh.”

 

“Ai-yo, so simple, just tells him what you like & dislike, okay.”

 

So on this day, I walked to his car immediately after the evening staff parade.

 

“Hey, Larry, you are early.”

 

“Yes, I have thing to talk.”

 

“Okay, how about the café at Lion City Hotel?”

 

“No, no coffee & no tea. Just talk. Go to the seaside just outside the camp, will you?”

 

Very soon we reached the destination. As Kong off the car engine, I came out of the car & stood facing the sea front, the wind blew mildly as the sun was about going down to the horizon.

 

“Larry, I am waiting.” He stood beside me.

 

“I……” It was well over due that at last I was about to trash out. But what were to bring to him & where were to start, my goodness? Damn-it, it was so unlike me.

 

“Larry, you are now making me nervous.”

 

“Nervous… you are the one making me nervous all this while. I had told you I don’t need a big brother & I am not your little sister, but your action spoke otherwise….”

 

“Larry, I don’t get you, can you be more specific?”

 

“I mean… uh,” I hesitated for a while searching for the right words, “I am not comfortable with the way you treated me, you know, we are guys & I am not your princess. Do you understand?”

 

“Look at me, Larry. Will you.”

 

“Ah-ha.” I turned my head but avoided looking at him.

 

“I came from a broken family, my parents divorced when I was very young & they have their own family since then.”

 

“Arr… it is terrible.”

 

“Yes, I was brought up by my paternal grandma, a retired hospital nurse, my one & only family member.”

 

“Your parents did not visit you at all?”

 

“They, huh… no, not at all, not even the re-union dinner at the Chinese New Year.” He was getting emotional as the veins on his neck were visible, “I ate alone with grandma.”

 

“It was pitiful, honestly.” I said with tears bloating in my ears, sad stories & movies always make me cry.

 

“The only linkage is the miserable monthly allowance from dad, that all. Fortunately grandma continues to collect her monthly pension from the government.”

 

“Listen, don’t fret over the past, go get marriage & start a family. You will be a good husband & a good father.”

 

“Getting marriage? Not for me anymore.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The day when my girl friend left me for an air force pilot, my heart went death.”

 

“You are successful in your military career, how could this happen?”

 

“Not before this achievement, prior to that, I was just an NCO doing my national service. She gave me the reason that I was boring, I tell you what, is all bull shits, after 3 years of courtship since JC; she started to realize I was boring, ha-ha.” He laughed dryly.

 

“Then…”

 

“The next 10 years I lived & worked with overdrive, with only one objective, to be better than her new beau. I signed on regular, went for degree study under SAF scholarship, attended OCS & was the best cadet,” He paused for a deep thought, “I even went for the advance officer training & was the top trainee, all these for one objective, to prove her wrong.”

 

“She knew your achievement?”

 

“Yes, in one of the military ceremony. I got great satisfaction when his beau saluted to me. She was dumbstruck but I never looked back.”

 

“Forget about all past, you must learn to shed your resentment.”

 

“Yes, 10 years, it took this long to score a resounding triumph over that air force pilot. When this was over, I lost my steam & worked like a zombie as there was lack of motivation.”

 

“Go get a new girl.”

 

“No. Deep in my heart, I have you.”

 

“Why? Why’s me?”

 

“I don’t know, from the first time seeing you at the bus stop, your MIA (missing in action), till posting to this camp, this is god will. You bring back past memory & ignite sparks onto my life.”

 

“Kong, we are guys. There is no prospect between us in this conservative society. Moreover, I don’t know about you, I for sure do not fancy homosexuality. You get what I meant?”

 

“So am I, but you posses a special quality that I am not able to resist.”

 

It was a dead lock situation, as there was a moment of silence. A tough nut to crack, I thought as playing with my fingers.

 

“Larry, thing can actually be not this complicated, if not because of that ugly incident…. you know. I hate & blame myself for such poor self control, drunken caused by the alcohol just a despicable excuse, my integrity which I tried to establish all these years would be ruined if not because of your forgiveness, and I appreciate, honestly & sincerely.” He paused for continuation, “I could remain as a silent admirer, stay on the sideline & watch you quietly. Anyways, for what was done was done & much to my dismay I can’t turn back the clock. So at the end of the path hopefully I’ve come out learning from this whole experience.”

 

“I understand & accept your explanation.”

 

“Larry, I have a proposal.”

 

“What?”

 

“I beg you to let continue this morning & evening car rides, with you around, it is such a good time & a terrific escape from the realities of every day living, in particular the office politics, it is not easy being the youngest battalion second in command as there are unsatisfying people watching from the sideline. And yes, may I add that becoming close with you breath & share the same air is so liberating…., seeing your shyness just make me feel so sexy…, seeing your smile feel so passionate & alive, and yes, your no worries about anything is so fascinating and ….”

 

“Enough, enough, stop please. I got all these goose-pimples.” I smiled; he smiled & we all smiled, for the first time between us. Putting aside was he a love idiot or not, he would be a lyrics composer, a poet or may be a literature teacher.

 

“I promise there is no sexual abuse verbal & physical. You have my blessing if you do find your dream girl.”

 

“Then what’s about you?”

 

“Don’t bother.”

 

What a stubborn idiot, this went through my mind.

 

That night, I got sleepless as the whole conversation kept replayed in my mind…..

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

Gone

Edited May 9, 2020 by Larry

[Guest -guest-cw-]

dont rush to close the story, take your time

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 7: Woman (?) in love

 

Year in, year out, there were military exercises which came with respective operation code name. For the seaside meeting between him & me, the 2 military personnel, although it was no military in nature, I gave it a code name, “Operation Ice Breaking” or “IB” in short.

 

I personally felt that it achieved 2 purposes; first I got to understand him better, his family, his upbringing, his love life & his strong fighting spirit, which came with my highest regard. Secondly & most importantly, I got to understand his non invasive motive; my fear was dispelled which effectively brought down the mental barrier built against him. To put it in a nutshell, I thought IB was successful.

 

The morning & evening car rides with Kong continued, but the atmosphere changed gradually from reserved to at will, there were also occasional glancing to each other & smiling in return, I guessed sometime a smile was more effective than a thousand words. And subsequently the eye contacts, marking a quantum leaped forward on relationship between us.

 

“Can we go to Kim Keat for breakfast?”

 

“I thought we went there yesterday?”

 

“Yes, but I still want to go.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I didn’t get to order the laksa you took, it looked tasty.”

 

“Ya, that is my only favorite food there, but I don’t wish to have it 2 days in a row.”

 

“Go la, eat one more time okay.”

 

“Okay la, okay la, what choice do I have.”

 

He-he, see, I was the winner; I became chatty & dictated the choice, and he always gave in.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Larry, I notice that you smiled more nowadays.” He said this on one evening as we were heading home.

 

“Ah-ha, I would say is all because of IB.”

 

“Wait a minute, you mentioned about Ivy a couple of time. Who is this Ivy actually? Newly found lady friend?”

 

“May be, is secret okay.” Ha-ha, IB against Ivy, well, this was a good one, I acted blur as to fool him.

 

“If she does bring you happiness, you do have my blessing.” I could sense there was a tinge of bitterness in his voice.

 

IB vs. Ivy, the myth was explained to him about 2 months later in one steamy private moment. The clarification was actually redundant as we already went into serious relationship.

 

“Little rascal, you & your pretend,” he smiled as he squeezed my arm lightly, “don’t you dare to fool me again?”

 

"Who ask you to be so simple minded?"

 

"Promise me you will not do this again, as it will hurt & break my heart."

 

“What was your feeling at that moment?”

 

“I was happy for you, but at the same time felt so jealous against this fictitious Ivy with a bit of sadness.”

 

"He-he..."

 

"Still dare to laugh, see how I am going to deal with you?"

 

"Catch me if you can." I ran as to seek cover, I knew he would tickle me, as he had thoroughly understood all my sensitive parts.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

Gone

Edited May 9, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 7: Woman (?) in love

 

“Hey, Larry, I will not be around the next 2 weeks.”

 

“Ahem, going away for 2 weeks?”

 

“Yes, training in Taiwan.”

 

“Okay la, good lo… can visit the barber girls during the R&R (day off granted for rest & relax, usually at end of exercise / training), right?”

 

“No, I wouldn’t do that. I swear.”

 

“You don’t have to swear in front of me. I am not your’ anyone.” Realizing the harshness on my reply, I asked immediately, “So what you will be doing during those days?”

 

“Go shopping.”

 

“Shopping?”

 

“Yes, to look for souvenirs. Hey, by the way, what do you like to have?”

 

“No, I don’t want, don’t waste your time & money; you never know what I like.” Dumb goose! How could he ask this question? It was just too embarrass to answer. Too expensive might reflect my greediness, whereas too cheap might underestimate his buying power.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

So he was off for a 2 weeks training in Taiwan, I decided to stay in-camp for all week days as to avoid the hassle in traveling.

 

On first evening, following the past practice those days before staying out, I changed into PT kit after the staff parade planning to jog around the camp premises. As usual, there were foreseeable lustrous looks coming from the ladies along the way, somehow their stares failed to interest me; I just didn’t get the kicks that previously I used to have. It was strange, strange & strange.

 

Nearing the woman quarter, the stares became so unbearable that I blushed & looked down at the floor as I ran past.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

It was hot & humid in the room even with the running standing fan & opened door, I just could not concentrate on my reading, an awful thought had just struck me…… masturbation.

 

Masturbation, a taboo in the 70s’ & 80s’ which was not to be talked, mentioned or discussed. I knew nothing about this till one day in JC1 year end holiday. That day I responded to a classified advert & visited a health centre in Great Eastern Hotel.

 

I kept quiet throughout the whole massage process, in a complete daze & shy about my naked body being manipulated by a masseuse.

 

“You want special?”

 

“What? No, don’t want.” I said no as I did not understand what was special.

 

“Come la, young man, I guarantee you full satisfaction.”

 

“Is it costly?”

 

“Is ten dollars only, okay?”

 

“Hmn.” I agreed reluctantly.

 

After washing her hands, she came back to the massage bed. The towel which covered my lower part was lifted as her cold hands touched my little we-we.

 

The foreskin was pushed down exposing the head, almost immediately my we-we was raging hard & throbbing. I was not expecting my little we-we to "explode" so violently & it was quite a shock.

 

“Wows, you’re so fast. You’re virgin boy?” I did not answer, truly this would be my first time by a stranger, in particular by a female.

 

After that day, at wee hours in my own room, I had done a great deal of self-exploration, slowly I did figure out how to stroke myself & fondle my nipples at the same time into ejaculation. My orgasms were getting more intense when hot babes were added onto my visualization. I masturbated frequently since then. But it is the memory of that first orgasm that is the most vivid for me.

 

This would be my first doing inside the camp. Ensuring the door was closed tight, I off the lights & strip to the buff. I lied on the bed & prepared to start the ritual. Well, I had decided to use Susan, the clerk from the HQ in today game.

 

Very soon I got the erection; all things went fine as I worked towards the release. Strangely, the image changed from Susan to him & vice versa, just liked kid playing with the remote control switching in-between channel 5 & 8.

 

Susan…. Him…. Susan…. Him…. Susan…. Him…. Him…. Susan…. Him…. Him…. Him… I was fighting hard to eradicate his image….

 

I was curious…. My god! I thought. What was happening to me? I was sweating profusely…. but I didn't ejaculate.

 

Okay, concentrate…. Concentrate…. Stayed focus, I told myself but half an hour had passed….

 

Okay, okay, surrendered, I surrendered.... I let loose my mind control…. His images were roaming loose in my mind…. I shook relentlessly & was breathing hard, this was intense…. I took another deep breath & rubbed my nipples lightly which sent me over the edge…. I moaned softly.... shaking uncontrollably I stroke myself to orgasm.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 7: Woman (?) in love

 

Have you ever missed someone & felt terrible?

 

I awoke in the small hours; my mind was in trance as the question kept pounding me, what had gone wrong with me recently? Ever since he gone for training, I kept thinking of him. He was the intruder, he violated my virginity, my body & here I thought of him…. Yeah, I did forgive him, but not to the extent of missing him.... Damn….

 

Lying on my bed, I recalled that last evening we were out together before his flying off.

 

“I am flying off tomorrow morning & away for 2 weeks training; mind to spend sometime with me this evening?” He made the request along the way.

 

“What’s for?” Beneath my apparent nonchalance I was nervous & excited. Since he announced to me on his impending training, I longed for this request actually, which was strange & unusual, I could not explain.

 

“Just talk. Nothing special, please…” Pleadingly he was nervous too, ha-ha…..

 

“Okay, just a short one. I need to go back for dinner.” See, I was a good actor indeed, yeah?

 

Sitting at the breakwater of East Coast Park, with the sun setting below the horizon; he talked about everything, his dreams, plans & future. He talked & talked & I listened, intensely, quietly, from broad daylight, dusk till under the stars, in-between glaring & smiling was exchange.

 

“Kong, I appreciate the time spent with you this evening, but why are you telling me all these?”

 

“Because part of my life I have you.”

 

I was completely dumbfounded by his straightforwardness, I didn’t know what was to reply appropriately, but instead I said, “Let’s go back, I am hungry.” Truly, Auntie Lily grumbled at me on my late return.

 

Missing someone was terrible but at the same time feeling sweet. On the first Friday evening, I had my long week end. After dinner at home, I cycled & sat on the same spot at the breakwater wondering if he meant anything to me, thinking dearly about his caring & indulged in the feeling of loving & caring from him.

 

That very evening he sweet-talked me onto divulging the phone numbers for both mine & Ling home, he said he would call me in the evenings when time permitted. And because of this I rushed to the ringing phone hoping that it was him from Taiwan after coming back from the breakwater.

 

Looking out of the window - gosh, 9 more days to go –, impossibly hoping that he would surprise me by appearing at the front gate. Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him, not knowing the content of my favorite show.

 

I was getting so freaking frustrated as it exposed me to loneliness, I didn’t know what to do, and it was so unbelievable to me why did I want him for? Being lonely, I knew that there was actually a feeling known as emptiness.

 

Did I need to tell him I dreamt about him & let him knew? At the same time, ask if he miss me?

 

Was this falling in love or not? I was not sure, would someone tell me?

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 7 ---------------------

 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Larry

[Guest secret admirer]

Was this falling in love or not? I was not sure, would someone tell me?

Yes, you are indeed, the only problem here is your self denying. Why not open your heart & accept him?

Wishing you all the best.

[Guest another guy]

The story is extremly femimine, soft & subtle, but I like it as it is sentimental.

[Larry]

Gone

Edited May 9, 2020 by Larry

[Guest your fan]

Thanks. My laptop gone crazy & I need to send in to ACER at IBP Jurong for reformating on coming Tuesday. So till this is fixed, chapter 8 will be delayed. Please accept my apology.

Please try your best to keep the waiting time short, will you?

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong
Chapter 8: Jennifer met Kong, Kong met Jennifer

 

Monday morning, the day that Kong would be back from Taiwan.

 

It was a wakeful night spent in wild thinking…. What would be his actual timing of return, morning or afternoon? …. Would he take a day off today? ... Or would he report to work today? ..... Was he still on the air plane or already touch down? .... Etc, etc…. So many questions pondering me but one thing were for sure, i.e. I longed to see him. The feeling was just like a newlywed wife waiting for the return of her fisherman hubby from the rough ocean, damn……

 

Listlessly I had a wash & brush up, took my breakfast, got dressed & prepared to walk to the pick-up point. As I latch opened the metal gate next to the fencing, I saw someone seated on the concrete parapet just outside the gate. Oh no, could this be him? The listless mood was dissipated almost immediately.

 

“Good morning, Larry.”

 

“Wows, you are early. Came back last night?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Why not get a day off & sleep a bit longer?”

 

“I was sleepless.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I can’t wait to see you.”

 

“Here come again, you & your sweet-talking.”

 

“No, is real. How’s about you? Did you miss me?”

 

“No, never, not even a single bit.” I wanted to tell I did miss him too but I could not cross that hurdle.

 

“Cold blooded.”

…………

“Aren’t we going for breakfast?” feared that this prolonging conversation upon his stirring un-propriety language could be over heard by the neighbours when walking passed, I urged him to go into the car.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

We got into the car and I saw that he drove towards Katong; I had no clue where we were going, perhaps a new eatery not known to me. After a short drive, we ended up in a car park facing the sea.

 

“Aren’t we going for breakfast?”

 

“Shih…. we can have it in camp.”

 

“You have thing to talk?”

 

“Not that, but I have things for you. Remember I told you about the souvenir, I can’t wait to give to you now.” He said as he turned around & lifted up an ali-baba bag.

 

I asked if it was for me & if I could open it. He smiled & said “Yes, I have waited for the past 2 days to give it to you.”

 

“Wows, let me guess. Can it be a teddy bear?” Judging the size of the bag, I make the wild guess.

 

“No, there are about 10 over cute souvenirs inside there.”

 

“All’s for me? I can’t be so greedy to have all. What’s about your friends?”

 

“Oh, don’t worry. My friends got theirs from my previous trips. This time it is specially for you.”

 

“Thanks very much. May I open up one of them?”

 

“You can bring home & slowly unwrap them one by one. Here I have a special one for you. Excuse me,” he said as he bent towards the glove compartment, “Here, this one you may open now.”

 

He handed me a pink envelop. I opened it to find a card printed with a Chinese calligraphy quote inside. I read the quote silently, “Larry…., not caring about its eternity, as long as own it once (translated to its closest).”

 

I was thinking to myself how sad this Chinese quote was, I just wanted to cry. It was a sinful deed, why was he so idiotic, so stubborn, I froze & heaving a sigh of sadness.....

 

I dropped the card, looked at him as he smiled nervously. “You’re so silly.” I said.

 

He, stuttering nervously, “I found this card in a bookshop…. I am sorry how this was meant to be…. may I have it back?”

 

“No, I am keeping the card, okay?”

 

He placed his hands over mine & said, "Larry, you make me the happiest man in the world."

 

“Is going to be late, let’s go back to camp now.”

 

Along the way, the song “You were always on my mind” was played on the radio,

 

 

I listened intensely & went into deep thought.

 

Maybe I didn't treat you, Quite as good as I should have. Maybe I didn't love you, Quite as often as I could have. Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time... Maybe I didn't hold you, All those lonely, lonely times. And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine. If I make you feel second best, Girl, I'm so sorry I was blind... Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died, Give me, give me one more chance, To keep you satisfied, satisfied,,, You were always on my mind (You are always on my mind), You were always on my mind, You were always on my mind... 

 

I didn’t know how much he meant to me, but I was certain our relationship meant a great deal to him. This was a terrible fate, like taken off my sunglasses, the flash of the sunlight had blurred my vision. This was only the beginning, I was to figure this out at 21 years old, would there be future for us????

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued ……………

 

Edited June 16, 2020 by Larry