Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 1: A Brand New World of Sisterhood

The walk to her block was not far from the coffee shop. Taking the lift up to 8th floor, Amy opened the door & we stepped into a three room flat, "Is it okay with you taking the front room?"

I paused in doubt about the room fronting the common corridor which allowed people to peek over the curtain. But on second thought, I only wanted it for a short period, probably not more than 2 months, and with rental of thirty bucks, I nodded in agreement, “Thanks, as long as there is a place to stay.”

Amy read my concern. She told me to have small gap & place a stopper behind the sliding window. Well, she lent me a table fan from her room for better air circulation. Other than this shortcoming, everything seemed ok with wardrobe & bed provided.

Handing me a set of keys for duplication, Amy yawned & went to her room. As I going around unpacking my haversack, I kept thinking the kindness she had rendered, sacrificing her sleeping time & attended to my problem. Put simply she is a wonderful & caring person.

I was introduced to Amy’s housemate in the evening when I came back from tuition. “Come, Ester meets Jennifer, Jennifer meets Ester.” Amy made the introduction as I stepped into the kitchen, apparently they were there preparing the dinner.

Standing up, tall & leggy donning a cut off jean shorts, the new girl outstretched her hand, "Hi, I am Ester."

Lightly reaching for her hand, I replied, "Nice to meet you."

"Yep, my name is Ester, what's yours again?"

“Jennifer.”

Touching her chin in thought, she replied, "How about I call you Lín Qīngxiá (林青霞)?"

"Oh no, did you just call me Lín Qīngxiá?"

"Ha-ha, that’s her way of welcoming you to the family of sisterhood." Hiding her amusement, added Amy.

"Never call me that again... please… I don’t get offended & I don’t deserve it..."

"Sure, Jennifer," putting her arm over my shoulder, Ester quickly amended, "come & joins us for dinner."

So that is Ester, pre-op, same age but fairly outspoken, she wore shorts & vest at home every day.

After all these years, she is a great friend, she taught me the flesh trade (to be elaborated at latter stage), and beside we played chess, watched movies & shopping.

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After dinner, they backed to their room & got dress change. Bidding them goodbye & shutting the door as they headed towards Changi Village, I was astonished on their appearance. They looked so difference now, tell you what, womanly wiles and girly coquettish, the beautiful creatures of the night & stood out with their slim figures, revealing dresses & porcelain complexions. Their almost perfect package was both a source of fascination & awkwardness for those ogling men.

So they went about working at night, returned in the morning & sleeping in the day whereas I slept at night & went to give tuitions if any, I anticipated a trouble free stay with them.

Just like working people, they have their day off & do not work on Monday. On off day, there was mahjong game with other fellow sisters; otherwise three of us would go shopping.

Amy was a gracious host. I enjoyed her generosity but she was always the dominant one. Because of her older age, both me & Ester let her decide what we were doing & when. This was actually a pattern for me; I have always been rather submissive to my friends.

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to be continued......

Edited February 5, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 1: A Brand New World of Sisterhood

Two mahjong tables or the dining table for card, I didn’t play but helped up instead in serving drinks & food while watching silently on the side. Food was provided as $4 & 50 cents so-called ‘water money’ were levied for every game on mahjong & card respectively.

The amount collected from this water money was really something, as Amy would treat me & Ester for a sumptuous dinner the following evening before resuming her work.

Both Amy & Ester are good players, for mahjong they played on difference table avoiding each other. In particular for Amy, she played smartly & a fabulous risk taker, statistically she won big & lost little, that’s to my best knowledge.

The more I interacted, the more members of the community I met… Lulu, Nancy, Shirley Kwan (关淑怡), Teresa Deng (邓丽君), Sally Yeh (叶蒨文) & many others… it was really a brand new world of sisterhood.

Small, perfect or oversize bosoms, they eased into womanhood easily, thanked to easy access of hormone pills bought without doctor's prescription for each others when one of them travelled to Johor Bahru or Thailand.

No heavy makeup & casual clothing for most of them when they came for the game. Under normal room brightness, some are absolutely passable as female. However, if you’re observant enough, you might spot discern masculine traits such as coarse hands, not so feminine features & Adam apples. The only way to improve is to have more cosmetic surgeries. I knew one of my good friends Paradise had spent closed to 30 K Sing dollars just on her face, jaw, chin, double eyelids, Adam apple & 3 times on nose job.

During the game, some behaved pleasantly, cool & calm, but some were quite irritating, yelling & screaming, cocky when winning, insensitive & crude with low intellectual class.

Among them, many are compulsive gamblers & chain smokers, and gambling away their money like crazy. Both Amy & Ester are heavy smokers too.

Amy asked me once if I wanted to try it, and I said “Sure, why not?”

So I took my first puff, I never thought they tasted nasty though, it was kind of a bitter type of taste. Till this day I have not pick up smoking.

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to be continued......

Edited February 9, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 1: A Brand New World of Sisterhood

In concluding this topic, I briefly cover some overview I collected from them through some casual conversation.

In late 80s, sisters who in the flesh trade tended to congregate themselves where the business was, Changi Village for the local & Orchard Tower for the tourists. In Changi Village, standing out trying to get the attention of guys, they held court in car park next to the bus terminal or car park oppositing the airline academy.

Stiletto heels, most wore tight jeans / mini-skirts & low cut tops to flaunt their valleys. They studied their hair & heavy make-up in their reflections in pocket mirrors. To grab your attention, they squeezed their ample assets provocatively, smiled at you or use pick-up lines like “Want to have sex?”

For services rendered, $20 was for hand job, $30 sex in the car & $80 ~ 100 in hotels where room borne by the sister, it was pretty cheap when compared to those brothels in Geylang.

Envy, jealousy & compete for the sex dollar, which resulted in fighting at the car park, hair pulling, yelling & screaming for a few minutes nevertheless. It might be traumatic to new comers.

Realistically keeping condoms handy against any sexually transmitted diseases, most got jobs done in client’s car. At dark & secluded place nearby, money changed hand first before commencing work. The sexual release was done quickly, no time wasting, without any emotional drama (except happiness to get money) & returned to the village ASAP. So it stayed simple & clean.

Cost about S$5,000 to S$7,000 in Singapore, having SRS to become a member of the opposite sex was primarily the dream for almost everyone. They worked hard & came to the point where they had saved enough for the operation, and were ready to settle down into a more normal & stable lifestyle.

Unfortunately, they were a minority as many chickened out & chose to remain status quo by keeping their dicks, as the surgery would edge them out in the sex trade. Guys came here to look for girls with a dick, not without a dick.

Amy was a rare example that after SRS & continued to work in Changi Village, for the rest who stayed on the flesh trade, they moved to Geylang just liked ordinary female prostitutes.

But discrimination was a fact of life. Most employers were reluctant to hire them although the gender in passport & identification card had been change after sex-change surgery.

A few had found job but irrelevant to their studies, mostly as make-up artists or hairdressers. Such prejudice is a pity, that sisters are ordinary people who might have grown up differently from the majority, but still harbour the same aspirations as anyone else.

Many guys were squeamish about falling for these post-ops. Of course, there were exceptions to everything; in fact good marriages, albeit a small percentage. Of one sister Cheng who married local guy, she adopted a boy for the love of having a complete family.

Some married & stayed overseas. Joy in Germany & May in Hong Kong would fly back each year for sisters Chinese New Year reunion.

------------------------- End of Chapter 1 ---------------------

Edited February 9, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

Dear readers, I do apologize, for the unpleasant detail some of you might deem so in this chapter. This chapter is about Amy, on her transformation which was pertinent to how I interacted with others and how that affected my later path.

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So the three of us, one transsexual & two transvestites who now lived under the same roof, we gelled really well & did lots of things together. Ignoring the transgender labeled on us, we went shopping & watched cinema shows. Back at home, we did cooking together & had splendid times drinking. The bond was just amazing from day one.

Like everyone else, we wanted to have a laugh and have fun.

Though we had different background, diverse love life past or present, but we had one thing in common, that was the want to become a member of the opposite sex. One of us Amy had already made it, she is now a butterfly & we were still caterpillars. How long did a caterpillar have to stay in a chrysalis cocoon?

One evening on their off day, Ester went out for her hair shampooing leaving me & Amy at home. After several Brandy-7, I was rather tipsy as the acid started to kick in. Everything was quite funny & we got the giggles, the movie on TV began to get less attention while Amy began her seduction in earnest.

"Your legs are tense; let me give you a massage." Amy said.

Her hands moved upwards to the boundary of my groin while her fingers tickled my we-we through the panties. Playfully I swatted her ass & pushed her hands away, “Hey, very itchy…"

Amy asked what was wrong, and I told her that her touch would make me horny but I couldn't have sex with a woman, I just couldn't, just that I am a bottom.

Then as I drunk more, I found my confidence growing. Feeling extremely relaxed & carefree, I ended up saying things I normally wouldn't, “Hey, your customers normally asked for your front or back?”

“Ha-ha… no fix choice… silly question…”

“I thought people go for girl with a dick...”

“Yeah right; some previous regular came to me only once after my SRS… satisfying their curiosity & never come back… damn… but then there are exceptions.”

“Really…”

“Some continue to have interest in me, bisexual I believed… after all, they can ‘go both ways’, ha-ha... that’s why I never stop douching.”

Out of curiosity, I asked, “But what is your preference?”

"Of course my pussy… just like any woman.... after spending so much money… believes me, when a taut penis stretched & throbbed with an orgasm in me just makes me feels so shiok."

“You must be very content with what you have now… so jealous…”

“It took time, patience & determination to get this,” she went on & talked about her experience, “after surgery I was provided with stents which resemble dildo, to use them daily for about four months, starting with the small one & gradually moving up to the largest one, to maintain the depth & prevent the wall from closing.”

She continued but her voice took a sudden dive, “It was painful & bloody… pain & bloody… when the stent pushed through the...”

“Wows…” I was dumbfounded; her reply was frank & fascinating.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Oh, I’m okay."

“Well, the doctor had done a good job, sufficient depth & size to accommodate most men, and vitally the clitoris; fashioned out of the penis sensitive enough to achieve orgasm. I will give you the doctor’s name when you’re ready, okay.”

“Thanks, when I’m ready…”

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to be continued......

Edited February 17, 2012 by Larry

[Guest guest]

yeah, you described accurately the pains & suffers they went thru'. Good job.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

“Hey, you wanna me to show you my pussy?” She laughed & asked me.

“What? You… you crazy…” I croaked out something, but wasn’t sure it was intelligible.

“My pussy… don’t feel shy, Ester had seemed mine before.”

Shifting her butt to the sofa edge, taking off her panties & shorts, she opened her legs widely, “Here, see this…”

Looking at the feminine flesh on display, gosh… it was first live pussy I had ever seen, hell the only naked pussy I had ever seen, and a well shaven one… was it the best? I didn’t know… but for sure it looked awesome…

Trying to control my raging hormones, I tried to block it out my mind but I couldn't believe I said this to her, “Pretty… wows… really pretty… how wonderful if I can have one like yours…”

“Here is where a cock goes.” She then spread her outer & inner lips to show me the opening.

"Ever touched one?"

“Huh?” Not sure I could do that, all I could do was shake my head.

She reached for my hands and gave me a feel of her beautiful pussy. I was embarrassed, speechless & mesmerized, certainly yet to recover from the mental shock. I wasn’t drooling… yeah, but rather doubting whether potentially mine would be as beautiful as hers.

“Give me a second.” She then ran to her room & came back quickly holding a tube of KY, “I need this, my vagina won't release lubricating fluids as with a genetic female.”

"Here, apply some KY on your middle finger…" she said.

I complied.

"Now run your finger into my pussy.”

“My nail is sharp; you really want me to do this?”

“Please…”

Too numb to reply, I did & was overcome by a feeling that I had never experienced before. I moved my finger in. Exploring & stopped at the outer lips, I was worried my nail would hurt that fragile pussy.

She gave out a light moan, "Go in some more, you are just making me horny."

“Hmm… yes… yes…”

“Again… go to the bottom…”

“Move your finger in a bit more... Yes… that's right… just move in and out…"

Not knowing what was best for her, I plunged my finger in and out of her, drilling as far into that tunnel as my finger could & probing in circles. I was eager to comply, not much finesse but lot of enthusiasm. Then my finger was rubbing against something firm & sticking out.

“Oh… oh… oh… my… my clitoris…” she gasped. That right, I had hit her clitoris, a part of her penis that had converted into a clitoris during SRS. And as with genetic females, it's an extremely sensitive spot.

It did not last long, she reacted to my manipulation by going into convulsion, grabbing my arms she urged, “Don’t stop… rub my clitoris…”

“More… more… more…” I watched in amazement as she squirmed all around and a low moan came from her.

Was this the way a pussy reacted during climax? I sure hoped it was while her hole flushing out some fluid. Then she went limp as she came.

"Oh my… That was marvelous! Thanks..." I looked up as she breathed heavily with a satisfying smile on her face.

Afterwards she played with my tits for a while, it felt good & my panties was oozing wet, other than that nothing happened on me.

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to be continued......

Edited February 19, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

So this is Amy, first transsexual I met, gutsy, controversial & unconventional. She gave me first anatomical lesson on her pussy, letting my finger into her welcoming pussy, revealing also an even more surprising side of her self – her surgery, completely & not exaggerating, as though we were old acquaintances.

I was impressed by her openness when talking about her private life, pretty soon she became my boudoir confidant.

For the remaining chapter, I shall chronicle mainly on her surgery & recuperation, omitting her larva phase, merely hinted at or sketched-in at times. The metamorphosis of a larva into a butterfly, her story is clear. Daring to dream she took action & worked towards that dream, into her fully-realized self with every cent hardly earned. We live in a cynical society prejudice against us. My hat's off to her daring to take on the odds, truly she is the architect of her own future.

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I (Amy) was excited & nervous as the plane touched down at Bangkok International Airport, dreamlike almost, excited as my rebirth was now only hours away, 'I had waited my whole life for this & didn't want to wait any more'... and I was nervous too, about going through Immigration, with that ‘male gender but female photo’ passport, it really did worry me.

Presenting my arrival card, I greeted the female immigration officer. She went through the card but suddenly stopped, and asked loudly, "Male or Female?"

Heads were turning. Whispering I replied..."Male but…"

“Yes?”

"I'm here for sex change… Dr. Preecha Tiewtranon…" I gave out the doctor’s name hoping it would help.

She looked at me, looked at the passport & with a serious disposition. I felt scared & was worried about what could happen next, body search, intimidation, lock-up or denying entry…

Thailand is land for transsexuals, a very open society, but still here in Bangkok, I really was worried.

But as it transpired, she began stamping my passport & with a light grin, asked if I had a boyfriend?

"No, I try to look for one in Thailand." I replied.

She let out a smile & wished me good luck. Thankfully, in the end, it was all good natured.

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Just last evening organized by Natalya, as a sending-off for me, all wonderful sisters invited came & had pot luck at my place. I didn’t cook for them my expert dish – grilled pork rib, but to provide drink as detailed.

To eat only liquid foods for two days prior to the SRS, I was satisfied to have the chendol & small portion of mee siam. It was a great night & I had an awesome time, all my friends came but not my family.

I did speak to mom over the phone on my surgery, she shut me down immediately by saying she would not give me any money. From the very day dad booted me out, she used this relentlessly to manipulate the situation, thinking that she could stifle my transition.

“Mom, I call not for money, but to inform you my decision… not to get your permission.”

“You’re selfish, putting your own interests ahead of my comfort…” she screamed over the phone with the same remark she’d used repeatedly.

I was hurt as she refused to acknowledge the SRS was an important part of my life, I told her I needed to do this, to lift the weight off my shoulders… to liberate my soul…

I love mom & tried to understand from her perspective, but this had put enormous stress on me. I was sad, just liked families of fellow sisters; I couldn’t rely on her for support. Here her child, she shouldn't stop loving me, she should just accept her ‘new daughter’. She failed to understand that hormones & surgery was just a small percentage of my lives, my transition is on going, and it’s a lifelong journey.

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to be continued......

Edited March 4, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

I headed directly to the hospital without taking lunch. I was hungry since skipping breakfast during the flight as to comply with the no food instruction prior to tomorrow surgery. Recommended by Wai Leng, I had chosen Dr. Preecha Tiewtranon who had hers with the same doctor last year. I prayed that he would work the same magic on me too.

As beautician, Wai Leng had her vacation & offered to come down one day later to keep an eye on me for a week or two. It would be nice having her around, making sure I didn't bleed to death, ha-ha…

I got X-rayed & asked to drink up a cup of laxative to induce bowel movements & loosen the stool, it tasted real badly. Next I had my initial consultation with Dr. Preecha.

I was led to my room, a big one with a balcony facing the swimming pool. I got a queen size bed to accommodate Wai Leng when she would arrive the next day. Shortly a nurse came in with the enema kit. I told her I preferred to do it by myself & took over the kit. It was just a routine self-administering the enema as I had done the douching before leaving home to reduce any complication during the surgery.

I spent part of the evening sitting on the balcony in a beautiful mood, visualizing that me lazing by the pool in my new bikini, sipping on cocktails, whilst checking out a handsome man's tanned & toned muscles..... I took one last look at the problem between my legs, gloating over its imminent demise & did my last masturbation as suggested by the nurse.

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I was woken up early. After changing into a hospital gown that I was taken to be prepped. As the nurses prepped me, I felt excited, nervous & bashful. This consisted shaving, antiseptic & rinsing. I was given a Valium pill worked by slowing down the nerves in the brain.

At about 8, they began wheeling me up the operating theatre. This was it, lying down on the operating table & looking up at those glaring lights, it was really going to happen… my rebirth… after today, the butterfly was free to fly…

Inside the operating theatre, things started happening. They turned on the Machine, and then came Dr. Preecha.

“Let me ask you one more time, you sure want to do this?”

“Yes… surely.” I replied quickly.

The Gas mask was then put on & I quickly fell asleep.

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Back to my room, I awoke briefly, groggy & in pain; I felt a horrific pain in my groin, as if thousand of needle pricking the flesh on the way down. I opened my eyes; the first thing I saw was a nurse nearby, “Pain… pain…” and then the blackness rose up & engulfed me.

My unconsciousness continued till a nurses came in the next morning to clean my face. Again I felt extremely painful & told the nurse. I received my first painkiller injection of Demerol, this continued for two days on three-hour interval before switching to oral pills.

The Doctor came in & working between my legs; I felt the tape pulling from my crotch, followed by pushing and prodding.

"How is it, doctor?" I asked weakly.

"No complications & no infections… it looks okay." He replied & then ordered me to have 3 days complete bed rest, in order for the graft lining my vagina to stabilize.

In the afternoon, the nurse came to my room & woke me, “Hey, you got visitor.”

It was Wai Leng, finally. She walked in with her luggage, all smiles. I literally couldn’t move but to say Hi. She asked me some questions like How Are You Doing, Is It Very Painful & etc. I mumbled some answers like Okay, Yeah Is Painful & etc.

I got tired fast & my eyelids were snapping shut on their own accord, I told her I was going to sleep & to unpack her stuff. I then slept like a baby.

She stayed with me throughout this period till our return to Singapore, accompanied me during the days & went out at nights for her adventures & funs. When I was awake, we watched TV together, chatted or talked about her interesting outing previous evening. Yes, she was here to help, but I wanted her to have her funs too.

Like sisters really, Wai Leng is such a wonderful friend; she was here for me when I really needed a friend, helping me on my dilating, getting me a drink, etc etc etc.

She took notice of my constipation & with all her heart; she bought me prune juice during her night out. It was a wonderful relief after drinking the juice, with her past experience; she knew just the right stuff to fix me up.

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to be continued......

Edited March 4, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

The three days total bed rest was a torment; it was extremely uncomfortable lying on my back for long. Not wanting to be locked into that position, I bore the pain down under & found a way to turn side to side.

As days progressed, I gained my strength gradually. I managed to pull my upper body up to lean against the headboard so that I could read. But I couldn't bend my body far enough to survey my surgery, hiking up my gown, from afar I could see the bandages & tubes sticking through down under.

On the forth day, Dr. Preecha came in the morning & Wai Leng was asked to leave the room. As the nurse hiked up my hospital gown around my waist & my legs spread wide apart resting on the pillows, he started to remove the catheters & things unknown to me. Aww… I felt pain as he peeled & removed the tapes around the bandages, it was far worse than a hot wax.

“I’m going to remove the bandages; there may be some amount of pain, okay.”

“Yes, I understand, doctor.”

With scissor & forceps passed over by the nurse, he removed the bandages real slow, probably not to disturb the incision. Biting my lip & holding my breath, the few minutes taken was real agonizing.

“How did it go, Doctor?” I asked nervously.

I felt relieved when Dr. Preecha told me the good news, the Operation was a success. He said that my new vagina looked fine with five inches in depth, “You want to see your pussy now?”

I was dazed by his sudden offer… “I said are you ready to see your new pussy?” asked the doctor.

I apologized for the lack of attention but he replied that it was a normal reaction from most of his ex-patients.

I sat up with some assistance from the nurse & took my first look onto the big mirror held by the doctor, watching in awe… I gasped in disbelieve that this had happened… I couldn’t keep my feeling under control, I was emotional, gosh… after all these years, finally… I didn’t understand on my behavior, I was supposed to be mentally prepared as Dr. Preecha did show photos of others after the surgeries during the initial consultation.

My brain went into overrun, no joy, just strange feelings… Who am I, a woman now? Oh god… the entire shaved groin was reflected on the mirror, the labia were very swollen & there was extensive bruising of the entire area, it was an unpleasant revelation.

Leaving the room, Dr. Preecha gave his instruction: start dilation & continue for eight months at least. With proper & rigorous dilating, the depth could even extend to 5.5 inches. “I don’t you to come back for corrective surgery, okay.” He said.

Wai Leng returned to the room, she sat on the bed & gave me a big long hug. Tears welling up on my eyes, I just laid there… for hours…

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to be continued......

Edited March 4, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

In that same afternoon, with assistance from Wai Leng & the nurse, I got out of bed. Using a walker, I tried to take my first step. When I tried to shift my left leg forwards, the pain hit my new genitalia, It was painful… excruciatingly painful & tears came to my eyes. I couldn't even take a step because the pain was so bad. I felt nauseous, dizzy & my legs were shaking…

The nurse gave me a jab to relieve the pain. I was asked to try again an hour later & managed to walk a few steps this time. It was tough, just like a toddler making the first step, but at least I crossed a psychological hurdle.

I was told to move around as best as I could, that would heal faster. I tried & managed to walk on the common corridor a couple of laps three times for the next two days, with help from the nurse and / or Wai Leng. Though with the pain killer pill, it was still pretty painful, I tried not to show & be as brave as I could.

It was on the seventh day afternoon, I managed to walk alone without assistance from the nurse & Wai Leng. Finally, yeah, finally, I had gotten past the pain threshold, clutching the walker as I shuffled forward slowly, and it was significant.

I increased the practice to six times the next day, about two laps & the shuffle had given way to unsteady gait, a quantum leap indeed. And there were others just liked me, we smiled & nodded to each other as we passed, encouraging each other silently.

My strength was finally showing signs of coming back; I was restless, I felt I was slacking about doing my exercises, so I prolonged my walking around, hoping to speed up my physical readiness & fly home early. Wai Leng noticed & stopped me, “Sister, take it easy, don’t over do, okay. You may crush your new labia.”

Anyway by day ten, I no longer used a walker, toddling around; I still didn’t have the stamina, doing only two laps before returning to my bed.

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So in the evening, with the help of the nurse, I had my first dilation, not done by myself but executed by the nurse to be exact. But prior to doing that, I was led to the bathroom & told to soak my lower torso on a big pill of warm water mixed with Betadine solution.

Back to the room & lying flat on the bed, “It can be painful…” the nurse forewarned me before she inserted dilator #1 onto my new genitalia. As the dilator found its way into the tunnel, I gasped & screamed weakly, “Nurse, slowly please…”

I watched with my eyes half-closed, as the numbers on the dilator disappeared, 1 inch, 2, 3, 4, it was so much unbearable that I felt the end of the dilator was digging into me, “Miss, stop... stops, please.”

“No, doctor said try to get to 5 inches at least & target for 5.5, okay.”

Feeling utterly painful & exhausted, I lied on the bed for two hours as required with the dilator inside me. I cried with Wai Leng holding my hand, why I had to go thru’ such agony, would all this suffer bore fruit… this perhaps was the lowest point I’d reached so far for this transition.

And when the nurse pulled out the dilator, it was awful… nothing but just pain… pain & more pains… there were blood stains on the stem. She spent sometime cleaning up, followed by some antiseptic cream.

I began the dilating process by myself the next morning after the walk practice, painstakingly pushing the dilator micrometer by micrometer, biting my lips & working tentatively to reach the last inch, the magical number of 5.5, it took almost 45 minutes & my gown damped with cool sweat.

It was such a chore, painful for initial several weeks but this dilation would continue for the next 8 months, 2 hours twice daily with a dilator inside me, start from size #1 & end at size #6. It was time consuming & exhausting but extremely important, otherwise my pussy would close up with depth loss which can only be regained surgically. My goal was to have 5.5 inches in depth with reasonable width, able to accept most men & able to achieve orgasm.

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to be continued......

Edited March 9, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings & Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly

Dilation hurt, moving around hurt, it was a gynecological nightmare with pain & discomfort. My days seemed to consist of disinfecting, dilations, shuffling & sleeping, it was all so time consuming & exhaustive. And to rub salt into the wound, I was having constipation & unable to pee properly.

About one hour after the catheter was removed; I felt an increasing urge to pee. But as the nurse escorted me to the loo, I only managed to pee very little, a trickle in fact. Ten minutes later I tried again but remained status quo. I was unable to pee all afternoon after two more attempts, my bladder was full & felt exploding.

In the evening after dinner, the nurse phoned the doctor. The catheter was re-inserted & my bladder was emptied immediately. It was painful when the dilator was inserted to my new pussy... I felt the pain, it really hurt, but it was then, such a relief.

Upon one over days of dilation, the uncertainty to pee with catheter was finally overcome. After lunch, the nurse told me try to pee without the catheter, and reminded me to relax & avoid straining during defecation & urination. Spurred onto new efforts, I struggled after ten over minutes of trying, and finally it happened… it was messy as it wetted my front leg… unable to aim liked guy, just free flowing, damn… I realized why the ladies need to carry tissue papers.

It felt nice & splendid to pee naturally. Though remained painful, but a blessed relief. The nurse said many patients had this happen, because the pussy was still swollen, but with dilation & soaking in a warm bath, it provided symptomatic relief & opened up the urinary.

My constipation finally came to an end that evening too after taking the prune juice bought back by Wai Leng last evening.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

On day ten, I was discharged. Dr. Preecha removed some stitches & was pleased with the healing; he expected 90% of the swelling to go down by next week. I complained about the soreness on my pussy after the dilation.

I'd been dilating 3 times a day & was on larger size of #4, the dilations were painful & I had developed an almost morbid fear of them. Dr. Preecha reminded me to be disciplined in keeping up the regime for the next eight months. And on top of the pain-killer, he prescribed some pills to relieve my constipation & issued a certificate on SRS to show the authorities back home.

Donning belted maxi-pads & walking on normal pace as we en route to the airport, Wai Leng & I stopped half way to buy some Premarin pills of 0.625 MG, three quarter lower dose with respect to the 2.5 MG I consumed.

There was no trouble at immigration this time & there was no place like home…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

And that, dear readers, is how briefly Amy went thru’ the surgery. It was brave that she went through the pain; she had my utmost respect & admiration, the strength to re-invent.

I was in better shape than I had been, noticeably more feminized & pretty-looking, visible breasts & passed easily while my last vestige of masculinity were diminishing away. I wanted people to value me as a lady; but I wondered the strength & courage I had to go through this journey, in order to live an authentic life?

------------------------- End of Chapter 2 ---------------------

Edited March 27, 2012 by Larry

[Guest guest]

so educational, tks

[Guest alamak]

alamak, go to internal & search, plenty of this.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 3: Metamorphosis

Dear readers, so you think dilution is an obstacle, then you’re wrong. Though the eight months dilution is mandatory, but beyond that & if you start to have active sex life, dilution is no longer required, otherwise you probably need to dilute once awhile, similar to ear piercing, you use the tooth picks when not putting on the ear rings for long, to ensure the holes doesn’t close up.

The one & only life long commitment after SRS is hormone replacement. Bilateral orchiectomy or removal of both testes takes away the ability to produce the male hormone. There are numerous side effects related to the loss of testosterone, but crucially are hot flashes & osteoporosis. Hot flashes, is about intense heat with sweating & rapid heartbeat, make it difficult to get a full sleep, thus affect mood & impair concentration. And for osteoporosis, it is about the reduction of bone density that leads to bone fracture.

So did Amy, post-ops & Ester, pre-ops, as routine both went together for their monthly hormone injection. In one of their outing, Amy asked me a question, “Hey, which clinic you went for your injection?”

“Tan-Teoh Clinic at Towner Road, but…”

“But… what…?”

“I’d stopped the jab for about six months.”

“Why?”

My heart leapt up for a second before I replied, “My Kong was no longer around… I’d lost my motivation…”

"So what are you attempting to accomplish? I remember you told me you want a sex change." Amy asked.

“Yeah, I am confused, really…”

“Listen, your grown breasts will stay, but the rest may go back to your old self. All past effort will go to waste.”

“I understand… I’m worried, seriously… I checked for signs of deterioration on my feminine appearance, I hate to see the wispy mustache coming in & my buttock is less rounded.”

“Why don’t you follow us to the clinic & check with the doctor, okay?”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Three of us Amy, Ester & I shared a cab to their clinic in Eunos Crescent. We remained silent except occasional remarks from Amy about the hot weather & we’re “almost there.” I didn’t feel like talking, about my flicker-mindedness, I just watched the street scene passed-by.

Reminisced the past & mulling over the triple aces, Accept, Adapt & Achieve leading to the route of success, to be a woman, what was wrong with me?

I went through the first stage of acceptance, from a closet cross-dresser to coming out to my math teacher, from self denial to acceptance … riding a rollercoaster of compulsion & shame, my young adulthood was lonely with no one to talk to. Urge to cross-dress would build & build while I denied & denied, then I went insane & stole women's clothing from neighborhood, threw them away after use, vowing never indulge in the practice. But then the compulsion would rise & getting stronger till I started it all over again.

I sought psychiatric treatment (please refer to Part A, Chapter 9 dated 27th Oct ’09 for details), I expected miracles, thinking the psychiatrist would wave a magic wand & cure my fetish… over the next two years with the same psychiatrist, I didn’t get the cure I much needed, instead she made me realize that cross dressing is not a sin, something inborn & will not go away easily. She told me to understand the margins of society as not to make my life difficult.

I opened myself to accept cross dressing is my fate, I’m not gay, I don’t ogled at guys but plainly wish to blend well with the surroundings when I cross-dressed. This sent me back to the rollercoaster till meeting Kong, till loosing my virginity, till we went steady.

I was hopelessly in love; Kong brushed aside my fears & self-doubts. With him, I got a miracle; I came to the conclusion that I was a transsexual. From cross-dresser to transsexual, I worked towards my transition & went for my hormone jabs, to be his legitimate wife (please refer to Part A, Chapter 26 dated 4th July 2010 for details), I was prepared to go through this for the sake of the future togetherness with Kong. I did the catch up, to adapt to the environment & gain full acceptance from the general public.

The third stage of achievement indicates that there is no empty talk, but to carry out SRS & live as a woman till the end of my live. I’d promised to marry Kong the only man I'd ever loved, thinking we could start a family. But my dream of a normal life was in smoking ruins when he got involve in a fatal accident.

I was conscious of Ling as a lover, and played an essential role. But with our lesbian relationship, did I want to remain on this journey of transition? Seriously I didn’t know? Probably I was just a situational transsexual, not a compulsive one, huh...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited March 25, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 3: Metamorphosis

A typical waiting room at the clinic, beside year old magazines on small book shelf, a few potted plants scattered around with long sofa lining the walls, there were posters advertising various hormone pills on displays. I hesitated as Amy urged me to do the registration, “Hey, there is nothing to worry; the nurses here are immune to people like us.”

“Please have a seat”, said the receptionist as I handed her my identity card to file the paper work.

Sitting beside Amy & Ester, I looked around, first person caught my attention was a person who talked in a growly voice; un-convincible male-look from neck up but 100% female from neck down. She was surrounded by several others; I wasn't sure on their real identities, transvestite or transsexual, all about same age, with same manly voices & frilly out-of-fashion female clothing.

I could see that we Amy, Ester & I were not much like them at all, we were a lot more, shall we said, delicate & cultured. Seeing them in a venue like this in drove, I was embarrassed on their unconvincing looks, but more worst was their boisterous & loud behaviors, I hoped other patients there would not despise us of the same kind.

I managed to distract myself by reading a magazine from the shelf. But the distraction was short-life when I noticed one of them in sun-glasses using her hands to describe something with great animation. As I was looking at her to my great amusement, she stopped in the middle of her conversation, turned & stared at me in that unwanted intimidating way, "Hey, what’s the fxxk you’re looking at me."

Ouch, no, no... Not this now… the relaxing mood had turned hostile. Since the last incident with Ling at Desker Road, this was the second time I got such intimidation as female. I looked over at Amy & Ester, but before I could decide how best to act, Amy stood up & replied aggressively, "What is your problem? Why are you shouting?"

"Tell this bitch stop staring at me," she yelled while pointing her finger at me, while her pals started yelling from behind, giving her hi-fives & glaring at us. It felt like they wanted her to act out her rage, not doing it themselves, but kind of wanted her to hurt someone, to hurt me, maybe…

Pointing her middle finger in the air, Ester chipped in with a confrontation remark, "Fxxk you, you bitch… we'll look at what we want."

Coming out from her group & walked aggressively down to us but stopped about five feet away, she shouted & looked directly at us, “You f***king idiots, you want to fight.” Scrawny, yellowed teeth & thick make-up, I could smell the stale cigarette smoke & cheap perfume emanating from her. I approximated her at least five inches shorter than me.

I got no clue what would happened but in some naive moment trying to lower the amount of adrenaline running through her body, to de-escalate the hostility, I said nervously, “Sorry, I can't help not watching you, you’re just too drama… okay."

It seemed that my reply had make it worse, gesticulating wildly at me & face contorted, she responded with a roar, “Drama… fxxk you think I’m a clown, isn’t it?”

I felt heaviness in the air around me, I was shaken & a little afraid, she seemed so volatile, and it made me really nervous as I clung on Ester arm tightly. Ester took over the reply, "Clown… ha-ha-ha, that's your problem… you seem really angry right… why… you got menopause or you miss your period, Aunty?"

“Fxxk you… fxxk…” there were resounding responses from the group. The atmosphere was sheer dynamite; I didn’t want to be like that, there a trouble making crowd, waiting for someone to throw the first punch.

Amy shook her head & said loudly, “I think we should call the police. They seemed awfullly angry & a little out of control. Ester, give Michael’s phone number to the nurse.”

“Sure,” replied Ester as she walked towards the receptionist, “Miss, please can you call this number, Inspector Michael Tan of Tanglin Police Station.”

So ~ long story short ~ upon hearing that we’re calling the police, their demeanour changed & they walked away, I could see them glancing back, cursing & swearing, “Don’t ever let us to see you bitches else where.”….

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Seeing they walked out the clinic & crossed the street, we spent some time to de-stress. As Ester exclaimed, “Oh my god, it works.”, they then told me that this Michael Tan was actually a taxi driver, one of Amy’s regulars who always sent them home in the morning from Changi Village. I froze hearing this hollowing tactic before regaining breathes, two lovely nuts & real risk takers.

“You know,” Amy said, “this kind of thing goes on all the time, harassment & aggression. As sisters, we help each other when violence threatens.” I felt safe the camaraderie support landed to me, liked what Ester did say, “If all else fails & need to fight, the nose is a good place to hit first which can temporarily blind them with tears.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Fast forward to present time, the ugly fact of GLBT despise by straight men while gays prejudice against transgender remain status quo, one that can't be undone, ever… but that’s ok, I have no qualm about it, because we are the weakest in GLBT.

But as cross-dresser, I care more about the PLUs in the trans-community, suppose to stay united acting against the straights & gays. Unfortunately quibbling, bickering & finding faults were commonly, in order to feel better about own self, they find consolation by attacking & putting others down when opportunity arise, when someone 'screw up', or deliberately misread an innocuous remark, like what had happened on me in that clinic… Weren't we supposed to give each other the benefit of doubt & not to jump on any perceived miscue?

Society negative view of effeminate males causes low self-esteem & inferiority complex, this translate into anxiety. Some who are in-transitioning need assurance that they are doing the right thing, and for some transsexuals who seemed certain about their chosen gender find problem about fitting in, all because of failing to get external validation of their sexual identity. You will note this if you spend much time in 'trans-world’.

With a sense of hopelessness, some transsexuals stay put locally abandon the trans-community totally because they can't stand the bickering & bitching anymore. For me I no longer care about getting external validation when I cross dressed, though it's nice to have, I just want to enjoy the process, no longer neurotic, be myself & not bother about people reading that I'm a real girl or not.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited April 13, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 3: Metamorphosis

“Jennifer,” the nurse called out, “the doctor will see you now.”

I set the magazine down, got up, swallowed firmly & walked into the consultation room. The doctor was a guy, with quite striking good- looking. He did those 10 seconds of silence thing, so I just smiled & waited, “How can I help you Jennifer?” asked the doctor.

“Well,” I hesitated, but looking at this guy who must have known PLU too well, I continued, “I mean, I've always feel like I am a female inside.”

"Yeah, that’s why you are here," he replied, fixing me with a penetrating stare.

“Doc, I am not here for hormone jab but rather on another problem… I feel depress, lethargic & irritable lately… since stopping the hormone jab...”

He leaned forward & gave me the once-over, “How long you’d stopped & why?”

“6 months… my boyfriend died & I’d lost the motivation… I just feel like I’m an idiot…” unable to raise my eyes above his necktie, I replied.

He let out this exasperated expression acrossed his face; then asked if I'd been for psychological evaluation. He wrote down the name of the psychiatric & physician I engaged, “I can recommend a psychiatrist to give you appropriate counseling in this field, what do you think?”

I declined his offer citing the reason of my tight budget, anyhow I requested him to prescribe medicines for my unwell. It was nerve racking & embarassing as he did the examination, in particular the rather longer time taken on my breasts while I replied the length of fifteen months on hormone jab prior to its suspension.

With a half smile he commented that my breasts were showing signs of complete development, further enlargement could only be achieved by implant surgery. He then asked if I was aware of the side-effects in suspending the hormone therapy.

"I thought I can stop taking hormones anytime I wish."

“This is incorrect, listen; 15 months therapy is long enough to condition your body not to produce but to receive instead. Stopping the therapy would result hormone void until your body resume producing hormones again, that’s why you are having depression, lethargy & irritability, same effects seen in women undergoing menopause. Hormones are as addictive as drug; didn’t your doctor warn you about this? You can’t stop taking hormones as easily as starting on them.”

"Well then, what can I do?"

He got that annoying sneering look, then flatly he told me that he could give me testosterone, male hormone jab, “In five or six months you will be acting like a man again."

“But… I don’t want this to sound vain, but I like to keep my feminine outlook… can I go back to female hormone?”

“Alright,” taking on the role of a psychiatrist he asks, “this is your decision, you have to be honest with yourself. Are you sure you want to go through with it?”

“Sure,” I say, a little relieved that I could get through this part with as little embarrassment as possible.

“Good… any other questions?” he asked while began creating the serum.

“No, I’m ready.” I said nervously as the doctor injects the mixture into my buttock, consigning myself to this, determined to better understand women.

“All’s done. If you need to make an appointment, please call the office number.”

“Ok, thank you Doc.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I set up a regular monthly appointment after collecting the hormone pills from the receptionist, she gave me the next appointment date without batting an eyelid, the environment was ultra conducive. As we took a taxi home, I noticed a relaxing feeling; an inner euphoric calm indicating that the hormones were making its effect, the placebo effects of female hormones was tremendous. Life as Jennifer was fairly sweet, my breasts were nicely nested, my skin was still soft & my irritability was over. Estrogen has profound effects both psychologically & physically.

Dear readers, so now you know the feeble-minded I have pertaining to my metamophosis.

From age 25 to these days, I live in a state of limbo, my mind would change dramatically. Telling me not to take hormones, wondering who this woman was looking back at me in the mirror, but as hormones wore off while the sensations in my breasts faded; I was crashed & wanted that feeling again! I went to my dresser drawer, took out the bottle & swallowed some pills, there came that feeling again, sigh… This hormone off & on were something I wrestled with for years, living as a woman, getting right to the edge & stop, counseling by psychiatric on gender dyspepsia couldn’t give me the stability & peace of mind. I am a cross dresser who like taking female hormones & went in & out of transition, struggling with my two selves… afraid to accept the journey.

------------------------- End of Chapter 3 ---------------------

Edited April 22, 2012 by Larry

[Guest guest]

YEAH, THE LONG WAIT IS WELL WORTH, INTERESTING STORY INDEED.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 4: Remain Keeping in The Sweet Memory

 

"Can you meet me at the coffee house in Tay Buan Guan Supermarket?" I made an impromptu call to Ling, I was surprised on my initiative… could this be the effect came from the hormone? I wondered. Somehow I picked up the courage to face her finally.

As we met, un-expectantly she started off by dwelling on my lodging; she then moved on to talk about living expenses & one of her questions was, "When are you going to get a real job?"

"What?"

"You need a real job."

"Sis, we had this conversation before… it is recession now & also my physical appearance, right?"

"Don’t tell me you spend your life by giving tuitions, how about go do your master till the recession is over, I finance you, huh?"

I held up a hand to silence her protest, "Sis, I will think about it… but not now.”

Obviously upset, she asked, "Good heavens, what's wrong?"

Blinking my eyes & laughed bitterly, I replied, "To tell you the truth, I’m at a crossroads, not too sure what direction to take… I feel pointless to continue my transition as Kong is no longer around… but I like my current shape & hate to go back to guy mode… a situation worse than nightmare, if you ask me."

The glare in her eyes faded, she held my hands & expressed her wish that I should come home. "I don't want you to navigate this agony without help." She said.

“Sis, don't ask me to come back or anything…” I was not a good communicator but I appreciated her efforts looking after me when Kong passed away, showing her affection & lots of romance, to the point that I felt guilty that I could not repay with the same level.

Hearing my refusal, she tried letting me to know that she recognized her mistakes & apologized to me, “Jenn, there is nothing between me & Henry,” She told that it was Henry having feelings for her & she would avold him totally.

“Ling, Henry or anyone else is no issue between us, honestly…” head down & biting my lips I continued, “Call me a slut, k… I did some soul searching for the past few weeks, I realize that something was missing in our relationship… for me at least, I needed a… hot dick not a cold dildo… to fill me with passion… we’re better off as sisters, as confidants… than in relationship.”

Needless to say, she was lost & frantic, failing to foresee such situation she exclaimed, “What?”

“I’m sorry, please forgive me...” shunning her stare I felt guilty; I could not lie to her… we dated for 6 months & had dildo sex... I did love her, she has every quality but unfortunately we’re both bottom...

Sad, fragile & despicable me, we ended our conversation. She was hurt & it was going to take some time to heal. I hoped she came to her senses & accept it; not to approve but understand that I needed this, and I was holding onto hope that she could find some guy soon. I would be there for her, whenever she needed me for morale support... but, it would never be the way it was before.

而那些作過的夢唱過的歌愛過的人
And to those dreams make, those songs sung & those people had loved
那些我們天真的以為永遠不會結束的事
Naively we thought these things would never end
而作過的夢唱過的歌愛過的人
And these dreams make, songs sung & people had loved
留在浪漫歲月不能再續
Remain keeping in the sweet memory

http://youtu.be/2yaDYBo9lUU

 

http://youtu.be/2yaDYBo9lUU

 

 

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 4 ---------------------

Edited March 25, 2013 by Larry

[Guest confused]

Hi Larry, am reading halfway through your lifestory, i'm a 20+ yrs old petite guy who frequently get comments from my aunties and even my girlfriend that I look pretty as a girl, and I feel like I share the same feelings and thoughts as you have experienced 2 decades ago, even though nobody knows about my crossdressing and I only do it privately at home. Thanks for sharing, I feel much less lonely now!

[Larry]

Hi Larry, am reading halfway through your lifestory, i'm a 20+ yrs old petite guy who frequently get comments from my aunties and even my girlfriend that I look pretty as a girl, and I feel like I share the same feelings and thoughts as you have experienced 2 decades ago, even though nobody knows about my crossdressing and I only do it privately at home. Thanks for sharing, I feel much less lonely now!

Thank you for reading up my story. As your senior, let’s me give you some insight to a cross dresser, for you who may be new to GLBT, and cross dresser in particular, hopefully this info is useful.

How often I cross dressed?

As I am getting older & hormone is less raging, the frequency is getting lesser; to relief that fetish, I went for my annual pilgrimage to quench the restless & irritability (please refer to same topic published under Travelers Hut).

Why do I cross-dress?

Just like drug addicts, I found joy in expressing myself as women & urge to cross dress is unstoppable. Simply mind-blowing, I would wet my panties when hearing the clicking sounds from my high heels... when examining & primping the painted face, thinner eyebrows & red protruded lips in the mirror... when moving in subtle but coquettish mannerism... when breeze flicking my inner thighs... when grabbing attentions on my two push-up buns, etc & etc… the kick was simply awesome.

Sometimes added bonuses came from occasional flirting, compliments & harmless attention, which would make me smile middle in my sleep, fully justified the time, money & risk taken.

Can I just stop cross dressing?

No, I can't, I tried but gave up.

As for you with girlfriend around, you have to put the thought of cross dressing out of your head. Are you able to ignore or suppress the compulsion?

Am I gay?

The answer is no. When presenting myself as a woman, I want my suitor accept me as a female, attractive & desirable. When not cross dressing, I am not attracted to men, although I had this fantasy about being a woman having sex with a man.

Does being a cross dresser mean that I have some sort of mental illness?

Some would say this is gender dysphasia. Personally, I don’t really care, as long as I don't do anything unlawful, why should I feel guilty about cross dressing?

Is there an erotic component to your cross dressing?

With some people, cross dressing is erotic, a mean for masturbation. These fetishistic people are unlikely cross dressed in public. For me, I masturbated too, but I had it imagining I was being penetrated.

What will your girlfriend think?

No girl will want to marry a cross dresser if she know during courting. There are realities you need to face, your girlfriend (or wife eventually) will object & you need to tiptoe your dark secret as it can be source of quarrelling. And the tiptoeing gets more demanding when your kids start growing up.

You have to think about the impact on your kids, job, friends & family… very likely cross dressing can become just a wonderful fantasy.

Do I ever fear for my safety when cross dressing?

Yes, I felt fearful all time, same as what women might fear in certain circumstances, but the degree of fear varies.

During the adventure, the horniness & thrill would overtake my fear. So much so that I became less alert, and there was once I was tailed & robbed.

Survey the surrounding before hand to ensure safe to visit, place to park my car, route to take, brightness & etc are primarily importance. For overseas annual pilgrimage, my partner & I relied very much on relevant travelling magazines, news reporting & internet searches to ensure sites were sisterly friendly.

Closing my adventure upon satisfying my fetish which might involve off-loading my 'juice', my gutsiness would go down to zero. For example, late night & came out from a disco alone, when I saw a group of guys walking towards me, I would cross to the other side of the road to avoid them…

Had I ever suffered from any prejudice?

I concealed myself effectively as none of my colleagues, bosses, clients & subordinates get wind of my dark secret. When cross dressing, I had been fortunate to have not suffered overtly except a few rude or insensitive catcalls likely came from people with sharp eyes. Anyhow it is challenging each time that I must look convincing & don’t get fished out.

What does the future hold for me?

1. Destine to be single, work hard & save as much money as possible.

2. At this point in my life, I don't envision myself having sex reassignment or living fulltime as a woman… but life is never for sure, I may find my prince charming & go for it, ha-ha…

3. Play more mahjong to kill time.

Living a satisfying life is everybody can hope for, but sometime we need to forgo & face reality.

Edited May 8, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 5: First Night, Hmm… What a Night…

你是我最苦澀的等待　讓我歡喜又害怕未來
Waiting for you is most bitterly; it gives me joy but fear to anticipate the future
你最愛說你是一顆塵埃　偶而會惡作劇的飄進我眼裡
You liked to say you were a dust, occasionally would float to my eye naughtily
寧願我哭泣　不讓我愛你　你就真的像塵埃消失在風裡
Rather let me cried, not letting me to love you, you were just like the dust disappeared in the wind
難得來看我　卻又離開我　讓那手中瀉落的沙像淚水流
Hardly came to see me, but then left me, tear flew just liked sands dripping off the hand
你是我最痛苦的抉擇　為何你從不放棄漂泊
You are my most painful choice, why won’t you stop wandering
海對你是那麼難分難捨　你總是帶回滿口袋的沙給我
You just can’t leave the sea, you always brought back bag full of sand to me
難得來看我　卻又離開我　讓那手中瀉落的沙像淚水流
Hardly came to see me, but then left me, tear flew just liked sands dripping off the hand
風吹來的沙落在悲傷的眼裡　誰都看出我在等你
The sands brought by the wind landed on my sorrow eyes; all could tell that I was waiting for you
風吹來的沙堆積在心裡　是誰也擦不去的痕跡
The sands brought by the wind piled in my heart; no one could erase the marks
風吹來的沙　穿過所有的記憶　誰都知道我在想你
The sands brought by the wind passed through all memories, all knew that I was thinking of you
風吹來的沙　冥冥在哭泣　難道早就預言了分離
It was the weeping sands brought by the wind, didn’t it destine our separation

 

http://youtu.be/BXM_kttfIvE

 

http://youtu.be/-KzTvS43Mds

There the sober melody (哭砂 Weeping Sand by Tracy Huang) was aired from the radio. Skipping lunch, I lay in bed, the table fan was on full blast & it just felt so darned sluggish. The afternoon slanting sun’s rays fiercely shone through the gap in-between the curtains, damn bloody weather… I hated wasting the day sleeping in, but with probable 30 over degrees of temperature, it would be hot & humid outside.

It was end of October, all tuition classes ended & would restart in January next year; I was bored & had nothing to do. Then there was a knock on the door, it was Amy, “Hey, lazy bum, no class?”

“Yeah, all ended”

“So are you ready?”

“What’s ready?”

“Go to Changi Village… forgotten?”

“Changi Village… Uh…”

“The other day you said you would like to see life in Changi Village when your classes ended, right?”

“But… mentally I’m not ready,” cross dressed 7/24 & with make-up I could make a very convincing girl. Often, I wanted people to notice me & found out their reaction. So far they would glance at me, hmm… just another girl they might thought & then looked away. But venture out to Changi Village was another ball game, a place that strictly for lady boys, men there would look at me differently, I would feel self-conscious, it didn’t really matter my voice feminine or not. What did I expect? They would look at me, staring at me & trying to pick me up; I wasn't prepared for these, I found it threatening, but also exciting.

“Never mind if you’re not ready.”

“Wait… I can go with you but I’m not doing that stuff, you know…”

“No one can force you if you don’t want to.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Having finally agreeing to go with them, I got up & just in time too, I joined them for dinner before went for my shower; my stomach growled reminding me that I had missed lunch.

"Hi girls, is it ok to wear this?" I said, holding up a yet-to-be-worn blue dress from This Fashion.

"Oh no…" Ester said with a laugh while Amy nodded her head in unison, "if you're going to a house party, that’s ok, but you’re going to Changi… so out of place."

I protested claiming that going there just to look-see & not soliciting. To no avail, in Ester's closet, she handed me a short tight black dress. Back to my room I put the dress on & it showed my legs barely covered my panties, enough to still look decent provided I stood straight & no hunchback. I looked down at my chest & wondered the appearance it would be if they grew to size 36C.

Next up was to have heavier make-up as told, completed with big shinning ear rings & high heels… gosh, I felt like a whore…

Grabbing my purse, taking a big breath trying to calm myself down, I walked side by side with Amy & Ester as we headed out for a taxi. It was busy & crowded here at Bedok Central, unlike the tranquil Joo Chiat, I felt these lewd glances on my legs, I felt uneasiness all over & I was red faced.

Show time…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited March 26, 2013 by Larry

[Guest curious]

show time, wows, please don't take too long to wait

[Larry]

Just a short update tonight, work was murderous these days.

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 5: First Night, Hmm… What a Night…

“Uncle… Changi Village…”

“Aiyo, sisters, go there so early… wows, earns big money huh…” conversed in Hokkien Dialect, said the cheeky middle aged driver.

We’re annoyed by his insensitive remarks as Amy retorted, “Uncle, earn big money ha… free taxi ride ok?”

“How can…”

“Then send us to Changi Village & chui-ta-lan (stuck your mouth with a cock)”

Getting the snub from us, the driver drove quietly for the next half an hour. Asshole… I grumbled but kept my comment to myself. At around 930pm, we arrived & stepped out of the taxi. Tagging behind them, I walked sheepishly.

“Relax… don’t look so nervous, girl…” said Amy as we walked along the row of shops, “come, let find a seat over at the bus stop.”

"I came here seven years ago, time flew… honestly I dislike this place but it is here I make money to survive," taking a seat at the bus stop, Amy didn’t mind sharing with me about her past.

Ester smiled bitterly & nodded, "We’re here to fish, big fishes & small fishes, so long as they pay."

"It gives everyone here a nice breather. They pay us moneys & we take good care of their dicks," said Amy as she puffed away at a cigarette, "it really works for everyone, it just works."

I listened thoughtfully as Amy talked about the do & don’t here, "Right, here she comes." Ester chimed in as one lady boy walked towards us.

“Hi, Nancy, Lulu not coming… how is she?” asked Amy.

“Resting at home; you know 12 hours detention at Anti-vice can be damn tiring,” replied the young girl, stunning, about my height with pony-tail.

My eyes shot wide open, ‘What Anti-vice?’ I looked to Ester for confirmation of this awful hearing. Noticing my entwined fingers, Ester squeezed my shoulder for reassurance, "Don’t worry, if I'm not scared, so do you, right?" Not waiting for my reply, she then turned to the new girl & asked, “Why so careless?”

“Well, I told her that this guy looked fishy, might be plain-clothes, but she went ahead soliciting,” yelled the new girl; narrowed her eyes at us, she continued, “what can I do? Lucky my friend in CID was able to help drop charge against her.”

“Hmm, can’t blame her, she got bill to pay, her mom is in hospital… let’s visit her tomorrow morning, ok?” replied Ester.

“Sure,” Amy words finally snapped the talking on Lulu, “Jenn, I would like you to meet Nancy, our regular kaki here.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Jennifer.”

Shaking my hand, her smile was deadly; welcoming and kind with just a hint of mischief, "Wows, new member, this is just great, Jennifer, welcome to join our small family."

“Oh, I just come here to look-see.” I replied.

"Don’t worry about the anti-vice," she glanced & held my hands, "we’re here to help. You okay?"

Looking at her briefly & puffing out my chest, I plastered on a smile & replied, "No, I’m not scared."

Amy chuckled & clapped me on the shoulder, glancing at her watch she pronounced, "Well, let's go!"

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to be continued......

Edited May 30, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 5: First Night, Hmm… What a Night…

Believe me dear readers; you need balls of steel to try this, i.e. to dress & make-up as a sluttish street whore & get whistling & being ogled at. So here I was, indulging my fantasy into reality this evening, my heart filled with excitement & trepidation… about what going to happen in this completely new territory ahead of me.

It was now or never, I needed & I wanted to… follow through on this fantasy adventure… ready to go, I followed the group & crossed the busy street… I kept telling myself I’m different, I was not here to pick up some total strangers, getting paid the going street rates for shaking off their cocks or having a few cocks in my rosebud.

My host Amy pointed to me the bus terminal, hawker centre & infamous road surrounding the big car park, where bulk of lady boys clustered around the zebra crossing, on about a Kilometer length of the one-way traffic allowing cars to circle round.

Walking along the pavement I saw two familiar faces, it took awhile to recognize them, yeah… Shirley Kwan (关淑怡) & Sally Yeh (叶蒨文), they looked completely different, instead of jeans & t-shirts when they came for the mahjong game at Amy’s place, they wore tight fitting dresses, my gaze drew down towards their slim sexy legs covered in fishnet stockings & 5 inch high heels.

Their eyes widened as they saw me. All of a sudden & targeting at me, one of the girl Shirley yelled, “Ah-ha, I know you… you live at Amy’s place,” loud enough for everyone to hear, she looked hostile, with that same attitude when she lost her money on the mahjong table, “why… come here & compete for business, huh…”

“Hello, you’re on drug, huh… what wrong have she done you anyway?” asked Amy.

“Amy, bring this ah kua to Orchard… don’t come here & kacau kacau (disturb) ok,” added the other girl Sally.

I was scared by Shirley hysterical behavior, but was agitated on the insulting ‘ah gua’. Dammit, got some self respect, why co-opted the odious label from our oppressors? Before I could react, Nancy folded her arms & stood in front of Sally, "Hey you… fxxk you okay… shut your cheeby mouth…” blowing out a stream of smoke she continued, “I haven’t settled this with you, you potong jalan my client, huh…”

“When, when I potong jalan?”

“Yesterday, don’t pretend okay… you knew I went to the washroom but you told my regular I was sick at home, right… he called this morning & I knew everything,” grinding her teeth, Nancy answered sharply.

Sally face scrunched up while her screaming continued to annoy us, “So what… what do want now?”

“Don’t challenge us, you want a fight?” Ester chimed who’d kept silent all this while.

"Sally, be wise, watch your words… just stop it.” Amy burst out, “four here against you two… just settle, dammit. We’re all here to make money, understand."

After a short moment, Sally spoke cowardly, "You don’t try to scare us… anyway I am sorry, okay…" The duo then turned around & walked away quickly.

“Who the hell do they think they are?" watching the escapees asked Ester with a glint in her eye.

The group laughed & I felt relief, I just wanted to say that I thought you girls were amazing, from my bottom of my heart.

“In all seriousness, unity is strength, no one can mess around if we stay united,” said Amy.

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The walking stopped finally, “This is our usual location,” said Amy as the group claimed the place somewhere nearby Civil Service Club.

There were big numbers of lady boy in the surrounding, donning explicitly short skirts or scanty dresses to expose lot of thighs, exhibiting provocative looks & high-heels, all with one common objective, to entice anyone sexually hungry to stop & strike a deal fast.

Amy was hurried off almost immediately by an awaiting car nearby leaving behind the three of us. Hearing the crunch of car tires on the asphalt road & those lustful eyes appeared in the car window, I looked on nervously. Resting my hands on the purse, as various makes of car, cheap or expensive & some pick-ups pulled into the vast car park.

Men stepped out of their vehicles, closed the doors & literally parachuted to the pavement. I stood seeing those walking toward fellow sisters hanging around the road circled the car park. I wondered how long Ester & Lulu would have to wait for a baited fish, despite the humid weather & the accompanying discomfort I was feeling, they would remain on the spot as long as was necessary.

As I was about to look away, patting my shoulder Ester whispered to me, "Jennifer, they're coming."

Approaching, these men smiled up at us & looked around. Smiling & chuckling at her excitement, Ester said enthusiastically, "Hey, looks like someone is interested in you, Jenn."

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to be continued...........

Edited May 30, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 5: First Night, Hmm… What a Night…

“Not interested,” I replied & moved slowly towards the tree. Standing under the tree I tilted my head & looked away.

A skinny man, one from the trio scooted over & stood next to me, "Hi, I… I've never seen you here before, are you new?"

I turned to face the man & replied quietly, "Ya, I’m new here."

The guy spoke again, obviously a little shy, "So what… what's your name?"

"Jennifer. What’s yours?"

"John… Johnny actually," he stuttered.

Then there was a momentarily silence, with an awkward smile he continued, "You're very pretty…”

“Thank you.” I replied icily, silently wished that he would move on to Ester or Nancy if not; I looked to Ester for assistance. I did, however, saw that the other guy (let’s named him the second guy) of the group was talking to Ester. Apparently there was a bargaining going on; daringly she kept her voice feminine with her fingers rubbing his thigh & the guy reciprocated by placing his hand on her waist.

“Hmm… erm… do you want to…” Johnny stammered, I could tell that this guy was going to make the first move. Men here all had a legacy of desperation, I figured.

“Johnny, don’t waste time, just go straight to the point,” his third friend who’d keeping mum all this while suddenly chimed in, turning to face me, he asked, "Hey, babe, my friend is very horny now, how much for a blowjob?"

“What, I beg your pardon?” the street light was dimmed & the techno music from a passing car was blaring loud but that didn’t keep me from hearing the insulting words of the idiot. I looked at him, typically Ah Beng mentality & found him extremely arrogant.

Just at this juncture, the second guy called out, “Johnny, give me your car key, I go first.” Taking the key from Johnny, it seemed they had struck a bargain, as Ester & the second guy walked out together.

"Ah, c’mon, babe, don’t pretend okay, just name a price," placing his hand on my shoulder said the idiot.

Shrugging off his arm, I responded coolly, "Sorry, I am not working here. And please don’t touch me."

"Hey you, we got the money, what you charging'?"

“You want to know the price… okay, three hundred bucks, okay?” I hissed, “Excuse me.” Neither waiting for their reply nor wanting to mess thing up, I turned on my heels & walked towards Nancy.

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“Hi, Nancy, how’s thing going on?”

“Yeah, Wednesday night is normally not crowded but tonight is terribly deserted. How’s about you, I saw two guys talking to you.”

I told her what had happened, I was mortified & worried about any bad consequences, as I reminisced about the ‘do’s & ‘don’ts told by Amy. Nancy is the first sister I met in Changi Village & was the only person other than Amy & Ester I talked to that night. She figured I was a fresher, chatted & comforted me.

From that day onward, we sort of became quite close. I respect her but the same time, I sort of pitied her, as she spoke her story… coming from a poor family, could not find a decent job because of her primary 6 education, her parents objection & her siblings disliked her, she always got herself drunk.

After all these years, the last time I heard that she has gone over to Desker. At Changi, once you are over 35, you really have no more market value.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited June 4, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 5: First Night, Hmm… What a Night…

We’re so engrossed in our chatting, so much so that Nancy didn’t solicit earnestly when some guy pulled over to the side of the street & rolled down his window. She was a simple woman who gave most of her money earned here to her family, just to have a little love from them, she said solemnly. Just like many of us, she wished to settle down by having sex change & marry a nice man eventually. She had a boyfriend, but was such a heart breaker, men are all jerks, as she mentioned.

We stood chatting, not until I felt a pressure… “Oh shit...” I thought to myself.

“Sorry, Nancy,” I asked embarrassingly, “I got high tide, where can I go?”

“Here, take this plastic bag.”

“What?”

“You still got your dick right?”

“Yeah…”

“Just walk to a dark corner & pee onto the plastic bag, then find a rubbish bin & throw into it, okay.”

I took the bag from her & thought about it for a second but realized I just couldn’t do this, “Could you accompany me to the ladies, please?”

“Sure, no problem,” she replied pointing, “ok, let’s walk to the coffee shop.”

It was crowded, mostly men, even near to 11 pm, and they were definitely watching us as we stood in front of the coffee shop. It didn’t feel good to me, I never cared much for my cross dress in elsewhere, but not here, outside my comfort zone as this place is for lady boys.

Holding Nancy’s hand tightly, I was red-faced; I felt self-conscious, got my breath, maneuvering into the crowd & make our way towards the ladies. Sister… honey… sexy… they went on the catcalling, and I felt like an idiot.

I found an empty stall, but the seat was real dirty, how could this be in the ladies? Pulling up my skirt & down my panties, I stood for the very first time since 7/24 & peed like I had never peed before, till the pressure went away.

I doubted I would go to that coffee shop again; it seemed that the patrons there enjoyed taking lady boys for granted, scorning & ridicule, without thinking about why those in Changi Village went into that line of work, no sympathy to these disenfranchised people but intriguing utter mockery instead. Well, if I ever visited this place, I ought to make sure carrying some plastic bags in my purse, I thought.

And I realized… at a later stage that there is another application for these little plastic bags.

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Soon Amy returned from her first job & Nancy got her first assignment. I was tired after long hour standing & Amy told me to have a rest at the bus stop. She would pick me up there later on.

It was about two in the morning; I sat at the bench & watched the world went by. The bus stop was quite deserted except one homeless man sleeping on one of the bench in complete silence. There I saw a couple walking their doggie down the street, across the street few workers at a bus stop barring their tops working on the newspapers just arrived from a van… And I was approached by one shady looking Indian asking if I wanted to buy some drugs. I shook my head without saying anything, and then he left.

As I watched the world went by, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around & was greeted with a spectacled man. With a raspy cracked voice, he looked me dead in the eye & said, “Hi, how are you doing, do you speak English?”

I sat motionless, feeling a shiver through my body. Not waiting for my reply, he sat down & introduced himself, "Hey, my name is ---, what's yours?"

"Sorry, I'm not telling."

“Never mind, is okay,” he then began telling his story. He said he came from Africa & started talking about to open a disco back home. He asked if I would like to work there, with good pay & excellent benefits. All the while he was pretty much staring at me.

What this scam was about, Africa? Good pay & excellent benefits? Feeling on how silly he was targeting on a wrong me, I hmm & err a bit & said I wasn't interested. He looked disappointed & bored by my answer.

All of the sudden, he asked & started moving closer to me, "Can I touch your leg?"

"Get lost," shifting away from him down the bench; I replied & kept my best to sound calm.

"You girls always hang around here?" he shrugged & asked inquisitively, "Who are you here with?"

"Hello, you're actually bothering me…” I stammered, “can you leave me alone?"

"What's wrong?" he said with a creepy face, "Hey, come to my hotel room; are you interested in making some extra money?"

"Not interested, okay." I was angry; I stood up & jaywalked across the street quickly towards the opposing bus stop. I looked over my shoulder & saw him following me behind, "Stop following me." I turned around & shouted, I was scared as hell, I was breathing hard & my adrenaline was pumping.

He didn’t stop his tailing, instead he cursed loudly, obviously pissed off, "C'mon, you bitch! Why so proud?"

I froze in bewilderment, stunned by the atrociousness of his cursing. Making a U-turn, I started running back & retreated into a 7-11 convenience store located behind the bus stop. Walking to the refrigerator I pulled out a can of coke. As I closed the fridge, I saw his reflection standing outside the shop staring at me.

Figuring the guy's might harm me, when paying for my stuff I asked the cashier to allow me to stay in the shop till Amy the group picked me up, "The guy outside threatened me."

I am just wimpy.

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Came 4 am in the morning, the group came to pick me up by a taxi driven by Michael, Amy’s regular. We went for porridge meal in Geylang.

"I love having so many people together," said Nancy.

"Yeah, we’re family," Ester chimed in.

Perhaps, being part of this little clan, there was always a shoulder to lean on… It was a great night to be here.

------------------------- End of Chapter 5 ---------------------

Edited June 12, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

… I didn’t care; I took off all my clothes at the nude beach & felt the warmth of sunlight & breezes tickling my buttocks… I gasped as he entered slowly, teasing me, calculated & deliberated… my legs wrapped around his waist, pulled him deeper inside me, molding my body into his, to melt into him as he slid in & out, in & out, in & out…

The dream came to me, again & again, ever since returning from Changi Village week ago, it had increased in frequency. The resumption of hormone jab should lower my libido with few orgasms, the estrogens was to suppress the desire blocking any resurgent of eccentric sex drives, how could this be happening? The recurrent wet dream was driving me insane with more desire, more lust…

After much more deliberation, I decided to work in Changi Village, to air out the real me, to enjoy life sexually… I could not imagine in making that decision, to go into trading sex by allowing guys to fondle my body, what would happen if someone knew me there? Degrading, shameful & hurtful, but I didn’t want to bother, as long as I could be seen & treated as a lady in return…

And to collect that Vitamin M (S$) after the job… who was I, a casual cross dresser or money making lady boy? It was this entangling of morality against my biological need that worried me the most. Anyway as I grew older & became more confident in myself, I placed less emphasis on the morality & more on the journey. This approach applies to my transvestism as well.

I told Amy about my decision & she agreed to help. First she brought me to a lady tailor located at the junction of Frankle Avenue & Changi Road. Only two dresses were made, as I would only go there on Friday & Saturday, the two golden evenings for the week. The dresses were to be short, sexy & tight fitting, but more importantly non-crumple fabrics were used.

Next we shopped at Mustafa of Serangoon Plaza, a popular place for lady boys to bulk purchase condoms & KY here with huge discount, for own protection & spread of HIV / AIDS. I bought also a pack of plastic bag for the purpose as mentioned in previous chapter.

Amy told that though prostitution is illegal in Singapore, but the police have largely left the lady boys doing sex trade in Changi Village alone, just as it tacitly acknowledges Geylang as the female prostitution belt, but once in a while there will be recce by anti-vices who are in plain clothes. So while soliciting on the sidewalk, don’t approach strange faces as it’s not easy to spot them. The evening Chinese tabloids will not relent but sensationalise the arrest.

The countdown continued, the weekends when the dresses were ready for collections. I was counting the days, scared, curious but determined, all at once. I couldn’t imagine what would be the outcome, really, I couldn’t… and would I regret for doing this?

http://youtu.be/ucrU6XOQhLI

(Regret: Piano by Malice Mizer & drumset by Sperion, composed by Gackt)

Here are some milestone events which had happened during my short period in Changi Village…

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to be continued......

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

Dear readers, what have been the most important event(s) or date(s) in your life? Why are they important to you?

Well, for me 1^st December is one of the important dates in my life, the day that I went to Changi Village, not as an observer but as a participant…

“Hey, you’d chose an auspicious day, first Friday for the month also payday for these big & small fishes, good for you, good for me, good for everyone, okay...” said Amy.

Really, ‘onn’ day for all of us…? I would’ve to wait till the next morning to confirm, but I knew for sure it was the day that my life really changed, for better or worse? You judge…

Donning new tailored tight fitting dress that exposed a lot of thigh, anklet with bells which would draw attention & black high-heel shoes, both Amy & Ester were pleased with my presentation, “Yeah, that’s the way, it help to attract the bees fast,” said Ester.

“Alright, now let’s go,” said Amy.

In Changi Village, again at the bus stop we met up with Nancy & Lulu whom I failed to meet the previous time. Seeing me, Lulu walked up to me & held my hands, “Hi, Jennifer, I am happy to hear of your desire to join us,” she began, slight lisping, which was something new. Her dressing that evening was the most explicit amongst the group & it would entice any guy to stop right away.

Leaving the bus stop, the group walked to claim its usual position, the so-called territory, at the end of the semi-cicular road flanking the open air car park. In an unspoken code of ethics, most other lady boys stayed clear of our terriyory, in return, the group respected the other girls’ territory.

Streetwise & most senior amongst the group, Amy knew the place well. She wasn’t too concerned about the unfavourable tail end location as compared to the more crowded strip upfront, “Don’t worry, all these cars will circle around the car park at least twice…” there were equal chance in soliciting as she pointed out to me her observation, “but one thing for sure, we can cross the street quickly & duck inside the coffee shop directly opposite when spotting police car coming down the road.”

Lulu walked in a lively way, her slim & petite build making her a hot stuff, waving & smiling at the passing motorists, each her potential. She made no pretense of her motive which she told me on a separate occasion that was to earn enough money for her ailing mom who was hospitalised.

There were so many lady boys in sight that evening, in small groups just liked us or alone in the dark. In here a haven for lady boys, it holds greater potential for scoring a number of cruisers, particularly on weekends. Traffic volume was fantastic that evening, there were late commuters who hurriedly parachuted off the buses, for a quick $20 hand or blow job in bushes or dark corners nearby before the last bus… the rich cruisers came by Mercedes & BMWs who had money to blow, having fun at their mansions in Katong area or Cameron Hotel in Upper Changi Road ($80 for 2 hrs room paid by the girl)… and last but not least, the bargaining middle / lower class who came by Japanese cars, pick-ups, vans & even lorries, doing the job in their cabin ($50)… all knew to come here to find & acquire what they wanted, here on Changi Village, though it was illegal.

Watching these cruisers passed by, I wondered how long I would have to wait for my first customer, despite the accompanying discomfort, uneasiness & nervousness I was feeling, I would remain on the spot as long as was necessary...

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to be continued......

Edited June 24, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

Just a short one for this evening, regards.

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

KC is one of my first ten paying customers, very interesting person, here is the story about him...

A dark-colored Toyota passed slowly, the driver turned his head studying us as he drove by & I detected a smile through the darkness. As my gaze followed the Toyota’ taillights exiting towards the thoroughfare, I overheard the conversation in between Amy & Ester.

“This guy is then funny, he likes women's feet,” said Ester.

“Who care… so long as he pays & don’t create trouble.” Amy replied.

Minutes later, the Toyota reappeared & stopped in front of us. Unwinding the window, he asked Amy while gawking at me up & down, “Hi, Amy, new girl here…”

Amy replied while I stood beside & found his behavior annoying, though all guys here did the same thing all the time, “Yeah, interested?”

“Of course...” he replied earnestly, flashing me a wide smile with his eyes that seemed drooling over my lower legs.

“How much you’re prepared to pay?”

“As usual la… fifty bucks,” leaning over he opened the door & beckoning me to come over to his car.

“Higher… her first day...”

“Really… I must be the luckiest man… okay, how about eighty bucks?” soft-spoken, he looked innocuous enough.

Turning her head, Amy whispered to me, “Hey, good money… how, okay with you?” fighting to conceal her excitement in striking the deal, she motioned me to get inside.

Eager to earn whatever money I could, especially the tempting eighty bucks offer, I walked forwards & settled quickly into the passenger seat with no hesitation.

Remained silent, he steered right the car onto the main street, sensing my apparent unease, he popped a compact disc into the player. While waiting at the red stop sign facing the Indian temple, he broke the silent, “My name’s KC,”

Ha… CK, KC or whatsoever, did it really matter? I’d no interest & not bother to know, I would forget his name almost immediately once the job was done. Anyway omitted to introduce myself, I asked spuriously, “Where’re we going?”

Waiting for him to say something, but instead he continued his driving & never uttered a sound. A few minutes later he pulled up at the end of a road adjoining Changi Beach Club.

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to be continued......

Edited June 25, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

“Here we’re,” he said.

I looked through the car window anxiously; quiet & deserted, here dead end of the narrow road with heavy forest lining on both sides; pitch-black except a lone street light nearby. I was lost, wondering where I was. The only clue I’d was the last road sign I saw which read Changi Beach Club.

I was disoriented after passing Sree Ramar Temple, I read a few road signs as they passed, but meant nothing to me. I was new to Changi Village & its immediate vicinity, but I shouldn’t feel worry, after all, Amy & the group knew who I went out with, but the eerie silence & unfamiliar territory kept creeping back in.

“Let have this first,” he said, his voice was empty & seemingly directed at himself. Switching on the cabin light & reached forward to my side, he brought out a small package & a bottle from the glove compartment. Placing them on the dash board, he shook the bottle vigorously & took a long deep inhale.

He started to get this silly grin on his face as he pushed the bottle towards me, “Here, have a puff."

“What’s that?”

“Poppy.”

Damn… poppy… a chill of fear went through my body, unsure what would happen next, I firmly refused with a faked smile, “Sorry, I don’t take this.”

Bringing my seat flat & down, he looked down at me, grinning broadly as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Hi baby,” he whispered affectionately.

“Take off your shoes. I want to see your feet,” he said softly.

“What?” His demand struck me as strange.

“I want to see your feet, put on my lap, okay.”

Nervously I deposited my feet at the edge of his seat, he smiled, “Don’t worry… come, put on my lap.”

I kept still as I watched him pull off a wet tissue from the small package, it seemed that he came prepared, the poppy & wet tissue, what else? Slowly & painstakingly, he wiped my feet, one tissue, second tissue & third one… from left to right foot, from instep to the heel & from big toe to small toe… I was dumbfounded by his action, ‘ok… I guess I can handle this’, though bizarre, but seemed harmless so far… but what’s the hack he was doing this, I started to get the idea that this guy might not have the money as committed…

The thought was interrupted as I giggled & struggling slightly when the tissue moved to the arch rubbing tickling circles across, "Hey, what's wrong?" he whispered.

“Itchy…”

“Hmm… sorry,” his breathing increased considerably & felt the stiffening inside his pants, “Hey, what’s the color you used on your toes?”

His feather light touches & the care at which he took to caress my feet sending jolts throughout my body, my mind raced, this guy ought to be a lunatic… I looked at him & replied, “Hmm… burgundy light.”

“You must stick to this color, it really suits you,” he whispered as he moved to scatter numerous kisses along my foot.

“Sure,” I answered smugly, but on second thought, who the hell was he to dictate, it was my privilege, a lady’s privilege indeed, to apply whatever color I wished.

He took his leisurely time, cleansing & fondling, breathing heavier as I wondered what he’d in mind. I was unhappy how long this nonsense would last but trying hard not to show it, as it would leave me with little time to get some more jobs before calling it a night.

He suddenly stopped & said, “Okay, let’s us get undressed now,” he said with a grin, and I could hear his suggestive tone without having to see the smirk on his face.

“Do you mind to pay me first?” I whispered softly, just enough for him to hear.

Collected the eighty bucks from him & in a hurry to get it over, I wriggled out of my dress & panties quickly without removing my bra. With a condom on my hand, I turned to face him, “What do you want… anal, blow or both?” The money was quite a big sum, more than the standard fee in Changi Village for various form of sex in the vehicle.

“No, no, no… just play with your feet & jack off, that’s all,” his voice was light & trailed off into silence.

Confident in myself & having sex on many occasions with Kong’s cock in my rosebud, I wasn’t shy by all means, nothing could faze me, but I was thrown by what I’d heard, something I’d never thought about that this guy a serious foot fetishist.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 1, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

My face blushed, he gazed predatorily at my hair-free crotch & gently stroking it back & forth with his fingertips. Licking his lips, his hands went to my back & unbuckled the bra clasp expertly, “Hey, take off your bra,” he ordered.

Obeying, I removed the bra. Coiling up & away from him, I folded my arms to hide my young breasts. “Wows… sexy,” he grinned at me while I closed my eyes in response. Running his index finger along the bare skin of my buttocks, he leaned forwards & moved my arm aside, shimmering beneath the dim cabin light, he stared at my twin peaks with wide open eyes. He then massaged my breast with one hand & took hold of my nipple in-between his lips, licking & nipping lightly, such an expert at it, he seemed to be in a playful mood.

Damn, this was no bloody good & must be stopped, I ought to stay nonchalant as his act would work me up… wakened from the state of euphoria, I pulled myself up against the car door, “Hey wait,” I gasped out, “I thought you just want to play with my feet & jack off?” my tone laden with irritation.

“What’s the hurry?” he asked teasingly as he pulled up himself.

“This place kind of eerie, you can feel it right?” keeping my frustration in check, I gave my lame excuse.

“Patience, baby,” he whispered, but anyway he proceeded to remove all his clothing & threw them to the back seats. Bringing down his seat back, he climbed up to his seat, moved sideways towards me & with both knees kneeling down on his seat, all this while I kept watching him silently as he performed his peculiar doggy posture.

I licked my lips as I saw his obvious arousal, his tool was well endowed, larger than Kong’s, “Ok, let’s continue,” I stretched my hand out.

“No, no, no, don’t touch…” I looked at him in doubt as he blocked & pushed my hand away, “Please bring up your feet.”

I complied with my toes pointing upwards. Brought forth with a prompt erection, he began nibbling at my toes, “Your toes look amazing…” Sniffing & licking, his nose, lips & tongue ran across my foot, he was clearly fascinated with my feet & showed no interest in anal sex. “… your toes are so pretty… so sexy… so sweet…” muttering the phrase repeatedly, he seemed slipping into a state of fantasy.

This went on for some time until he released my foot. Lying flat on his seat & closing his eyes, he shook his tool rhythmically, "Touch my nipples, please," he begged ardently.

“Hey, condom here… you want to mess up your car?”

“Okay, give it to me.”

Pushing up myself against my seat as much as I could, I moved his head to rest against my armpit. My hands were on either side of his arms, such arrangement allowed me to fondle both his nipples easily, to his advantage actually.

He moved his hand slowly up & down his length, released low moaning while enjoying my little touches on his nipples. But as time flew, I became impatient, I leaned forwards & gave him a nasty nip on one of his nipples, "Come for me baby," I whispered against his ear, wanting him not to delay.

“Yeah… yeah… I’m trying…” he gasped as I squeezed his nipples briefly.

And his breathing became faster & heavier as he shook his tool frenziedly, it became clear that there was no stopping until he offloaded himself. Finally, his body shuddered involuntarily as he released a loud moan. He released my foot & collapsed. For a while, he said nothing as he lying flat on his seat, eyes closed, he was spent, and the only sound in the cabin was his heavy breathing. Removed his filled condom & placed on a plastic bag, I sighed & just glad that he was finally home.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

He drove quietly back to Changi Village & dropped me off at the location where he had picked me up hours earlier. “How was it?” asked Nancy as I rejoined the group.

“Hmm, a weirdo…” I replied.

“Yeah, this place attracts a greater cross-section of psycho people, but they are our rice bowls, ha-ha…”

Well, KC had become one of my regulars, my group members would tease me each time he came from afar, “Hey, here come your foot worshiper.” And he didn’t raise any objection on the new colors I used for my toes, I was rebellious but I guessed he loved my feet more than the colors.

In one of the aftermath, I inquired him, “Hey, why always come to me?”

“Well, nothing special…”

“Hmm…. I want you to tell me…”

“May be because you didn’t rush me to finish the job,”

Ha… really, could it be the dim cabin light that he failed to notice my irritation, anyway… Last & not least, he paid well above the market rate here as he reminded me each time, “Keep it to yourself, and don’t tell the rest, okay.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 7, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

Raymond was my very “very’ first customer, in the order in which they occurred, I should write about him first & not KC. But it was easy to write on KC, such that you people don’t have to wait for too long.

A rich-man’s son, a BMW loyal supporter & an interesting person, he is sophisticated & showed good experience of fashionable life. A smooth talking charmer, I could possibly end up as a rich tai-tai or his kept woman, if not because of my strong-willed. Okay hereby is the story on him.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Horn tooting & beam flashing, all aimed to draw their targeted attention by these passing drivers. The night was dark & the traffic was busy, standing beside Amy, I could see cruisers on foot looking at me & talking to each other, most unsettling was the way people kept leering at me. Despite all that, I stood firm & started my countdown, I told myself not to chicken-out, and don’t be the laughing-stock of the group.

Counting the cars passed by, I was eager, scared, determined & curious, all at once. I couldn’t imagine the outcome. I mean, really, I couldn’t… And a BMW stopped. Down with the car window, the driver, a Chinese, probably around twenty, turned towards me & smile, “Hey, how much?”

Lost for speech & in total awe, I whispered to Amy, “How, what am I supposed to do now?”

“Just walk to him confidently & tell him fifty bucks for anal sex, okay… go…”

The full make-up & alluring perfume used didn’t help me much, click… click… click… click… as each step of heels made contact with the pavement, I squirmed forwards & murmured to him the price as briefed by Amy.

He agreed spontaneously on the price & waited for me to get in.

This was looking better than I had expected, it had taken less than ten minutes for me to get picked up. I turned & looked at Amy inquisitively, “How?”

“Good luck, don’t forget the rubber.” It was her last statement before I got in the car. I had been coached by Amy to treat the sale of my body as a business, crucially no fluid contact.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I asked, “Where are we going?”

His one word answer was, “Airport.”

I was curious but extremely wary about the answer. It wasn’t long before my curiosity got the better of me. Passed the junction & went straight with the Indian temple on the right, he drove onto a road that I’d never seen on before. And shortly, I saw brightly lit runway on my left.

Putting his car on low beams, he turned off the leveled road onto the sandy & slightly bumpy land. There were a few cars scattered here & there along the fence, he slowed when it passed the parked cars, a few people inside their cars stared at us as we drove by. It was never a destination, a mud land bordering the airport, a strange kind of leisure neutral zone where families with kids would come to view plane landing & taking off during the day.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 15, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

He pulled into a space further down & facing outwards along the fence where we could see if people coming from a great distance. Looking at the runway through the fence, there was quite a scene of littering, used condoms… old ones? New ones… or perhaps fresh ones… were hanging here & there on the fence. Gosh… what a freaky display.

Recovering from my surprise I asked, “Is it safe here?”

“No worry… see… so many cars around…” turning off the radio, he continued, “Hi there, my name is Raymond, what’s yours?”

“Jennifer.”

Then there was momentarily silence between us. This was my first outing & I didn’t know way to handle; whereas this young Raymond was visibly shy & quiet, not a good initiator too. Before I could think further on how to break the silence, he nudged me & pointed his finger, “Hey, watch there…”

Not far from us, I saw a naked woman stood peeing beside a car. I was transfixed with embarrassment, looking away I said, “Damn.”

Raymond laughed & clapped his hands, “Ha-ha, so funny.”

“Really, then…?”

“Then, then nothing la…” he replied defensively.

“Mister, we’re not here to watch people doing the urinating…”

He adjusted himself on his seat, scooted closer & looked me in the eyes. I backed away & said, “You… you make me shy.”

“I make you shy? Sor…ry…” His hand reached out towards me & rubbed my crotch under the skirt, “you’re different… unlike others… you look green & cute.”

I shook my head & said, “This is my first night working as a lady boy & you’re my first client.”

“First time… oh wows… how did you end up doing this? I mean, what do you do when you’re not…doing this?”

“I’m not answering; you’re asking too much on my personal life,” bashfully I asked, “what about you, what do you do?”

I saw his hesitation but I pressed on, “I like to know, tell me.”

“I’m an undergrad… yeah, truly…”

“Undergrad… huh, why waste your time & money here?”

He said, “How can I don’t come here, here is the place I could get my reprieve… you know, I have no real friend, people in school treated me like shit, they avoided me thinking I’m a gay… and my parent travels frequently leaving a big empty bungalow with a maid, they thought that giving me huge pocket money is all what I need, huh…”

“I’m sorry to hear this, I…” I was astonished, hearing his pent-up anger & frustration.

He interrupted & said, “I haven’t had anyone to talk, thanks for listening to all these craps.”

“No, is okay, in a way I’m just as lonely as you are…” I said, “So… do you still want to do… it?”

“Of course, what’s about you? I thought this would be your first time.”

“Yeah, I… I guess I’m ready…” I said, “For now it’s a necessity, here I can make easy money. I’ve done it with a guy (Kong) before, but not for money…”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 22, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

I asked for the cash upfront & he obliged by placing it atop my dress nonchalantly. I counted the notes & kept it in my purse, next I took out a condom. “Hey, remove your clothes & have fun”, I asked as my hands reach down towards the zipper of his trouser.

And there he lay entirely naked in front of me; his body was flawless, lean, well tan & six-packed. I blushed when I looked down at his lower torso, oh gosh… into full view was his throbbing tool, he was obviously excited. For a while I just sat there & smoothing his crotch, finding little console that I wasn’t the only one who was hairless, “Wows, this is so sexy, no hair… so smooth…”

“Yes it is… I wax it regularly.” exclaimed Raymond & blushing furiously.

Thinking of the money to be earned, sordidly my hand encircled that big hard rod in between his legs & gave it a vigorous work-out, liked a pro, after years of doing with Kong.

Opened the wrapper, I took the condom out & rolled it over his tool. Assured the condoms applied fully, I removed my panties & switched to doggie style, in a position that he might not see my little we-we directly. Hitching up my dress, I pull my cheeks apart to reveal my awaiting rosebud, “come baby… enter me now.”

“No, I don’t go for that.”

I asked, “You don’t do this… then what you want actually, you asked for anal sex, right?”

Avoiding eyes contact, he said, “Yes… anal… not on yours but on mine…”

There was a mild shock; I managed to exclaim only a "What?" & paused for short moment before continuation, “I don’t understand… how?”

He looked sideways & replied, “Hmm… well… err…”

“You just asked me to watch people urination, and yet you are shy about this?!”

“What an ass who would be shy!” blushing furiously he exclaimed, “wear a condom on your middle finger, put some KY then… finger my anal.”

“Ok, I understand.”

Ferreted out another condom & tube of KY from my handbag, I flicked open & slipped on the condom to my left middle finger, followed by dispensing few drops of lubricant on the tip of the rubber, all in accordance to his instruction.

I kneeled on the seat in front of him, while his legs were rested on the dashboard, I asked, “Are you ready?”

"Ahem… yes… ahem…" trying to clear his throat, his voice had cracked a bit.

Ignoring his hoarseness wanting to finish the job quickly, I reached down & placed my left middle finger on his anal, “Here?” I asked awaiting his response.

He winced as I touched his anal, “Yes… correct… dispense more lube & go in…”

Right hand on his tool, I inserted my left middle finger onto his awaiting anus. He was really enjoying as he began to cry out, "Yes… yes… go in… more… more…"

I complied, next I urged him repeatedly, with growing urgency, “Come baby… come… come…”

He was breathing heavily & squinting under the dimmed cabin light, I could tell that he was getting closer to release. Crying out in a desperate & cracked voice, "Oh my god…" he pushed away my right hand & took over the jerking. His highly excited tool trembled & spurted for what seemed like minutes before finally going to rest.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

As I cleaning him out, he put his arm around me & gave me a little squeeze, “I love the way you doing that, thanks.” Then he took out two ten dollar notes from his wallet & handed to me, “When can I see you again?”

“Every Friday & Saturday… Thanks for the extra.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 26, 2012 by Larry

[Guest Guest]

Interesting .. thanks for sharing. Is Raymond still a client today?

[Larry]

Interesting .. thanks for sharing. Is Raymond still a client today?

Thanks for reading, you will find the answer in next instalment.

Regards,

[Cs81]

I really enjoy your story. Thank you for sharing

[Larry]

Thanks for reading, you will find the answer in next instalment. Regards,

Sorry, one more instalment to get the answer. Okay....

I really enjoy your story. Thank you for sharing

My pleasure, thanks.

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

Changi Village, a place caters to men’s fetishism, examples Raymond who loves anal play & KC a foot fetishist, there are many others who seemed normal externally, but once down with their pants, their behaviors will shock you… some asked me to strap on a dildo & spoke about how tight they were, and another one that made me real sick was a bank manager, instead of getting thing done inside the car, he would lay on the bonnet morosely with pant lowered to his knee, screaming loudly while I was blowing him, an exhibitionist that I tried to avoid on evenings that were busy.

Some works just made no sense to me, which they paid for things their girlfriends would do. There was this guy all he wanted was to make me to wear a negligee he bought for his wife whom refused to wear. Then another guy I thought was a nut, whose fantasy was to suck my breast, cuddled up to my chest while self-jerking off. Sucking on my nipple, there was an erotic urge with his repeated murmurs, “mummy… milk… milk…” which fulfilled my childhood fantasy, a bonus indeed.

Why did they pay for this? Where were the tricks? Very likely they paid so they didn't have to feel guilty for these works rejected by their spouses / partners. I was amazed by such perverted behaviours & at times I just couldn’t stand the sight of them once things were done… beside money to be made, I ought to be careful about extreme bizarre requests for erotic participation, I was lucky so far.

So this place congregated with men of all kinds, army boys, undergrads & decent people with proper jobs, drug addicts, loan sharks & tattoo gangsters, the dregs of society and last but not least, the discarded anti-society remnants with hopes that gone astray. The good, the bad & the ugly, they did have one thing in common; they came to look for girls with a dick.

There were many lady boys get transported by someone regularly, we too were fetched home in the morning by Amy’s regular, Michael Tan, a taxi driver. Ester told me there was a mutual agreement between Amy & Michael, free ride versus frees sex that was it, no emotional attachment.

But things looked different for some, from cheek to cheek & cheek by jowl publicly displayed before coming out of the vehicle, the intimacy indicated there were emotional associations. How strong were these associations? One sided, mutually committed or with any other motives, who could tell? Wishing them well & nothing fatal…

“Remember; don’t get your heartstrings involved, once they get better acquainted with us, they will think they are an exception,” Amy once reminded me, “because in the world of lady boys, love with cruisers is often just an illusion,”

I encountered such wishful thinking from some regulars, which includes Raymond (I will talk about it later). There was this regular who worked in SIA, young & single who bought me a Christmas present. A Christmas present, mind you, a pair of diamond ear studs & I was lost for words… firmly & politely I refused to accept, I had had to be strict about freebies or dating. In the end of the day, they satisfied their desires in touching my body; likewise I got to collect the money. That’s all, no string attached. Getting into relationship would bring pain to either party at a later stage.

But the embargo on going out with client was broken by me once. At the end of a session with Raymond as we en route to Changi Village, “Why… why look so moody, my service no good… isn’t it?” I asked.

He then told that having problem for his convocation party, “I just don’t know where to get a social escort for the evening. You know, people already suspect I’m gay, I can’t go there without partner.”

“Oh, I see…” with no real intention to help, I asked casually, “what day is it?”

“This coming Thursday…”

Thursday… okay, was a weekday, nothing much, should be fine, right? My mind wasn’t thinking properly as I replied hurriedly, “I can keep you accompany, if you want.”

“Really, oh… thanks… sure, I want you to go with me,” gripping the opportunity he responded quickly leaving me no chance to change course. I tried reminding him on my fresh trade status but he seemed so decided in his decision, “Don’t worry, they never come here before.”

“One thing you must promise me before I tell you the place to pick me up,” I said as he looked on earnestly, “never, never & never, never let any of my group knows about this.”

He gave his promise but then asked sheepishly about the fee to pay me. I replied that I wanted nothing except to pay for my hair setting & professional makeup. But he still insisted to buy me something, “okay, if you insist, buy me a costume necklace then.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited July 31, 2012 by Larry

[koolkai]

Dear Larry,

Reading your story, I really empathize with you and feel for you. When I read about you crying everyday after your bf passed away, I was so emotionally affected that tears welled my eyes. It is really very tough to live on the crossword and do not know where to head to. But I am glad that at least you have a friend who is like a real sister to you! God bless you!

[Larry]

Dear Larry,

Reading your story, I really empathize with you and feel for you. When I read about you crying everyday after your bf passed away, I was so emotionally affected that tears welled my eyes. It is really very tough to live on the crossword and do not know where to head to. But I am glad that at least you have a friend who is like a real sister to you! God bless you!

Hi, it’d been a long while not hearing from you. It felt wonderful to learn that you’re still reading up the old parts of my story, what’s an inspiration. Regards,

Edited August 3, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

Tried to rush this out before tomorrow, I will be off for my annual pilgrimage.

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

For obvious reason, I couldn't wear any of the two dresses that used for Changi Village, but rather a ‘one-time’ old dress. One day before, I took it out from the bottom of my wardrobe – that pink Chinese Cheongsam; hmm… that pinky dress I wore as Kong accompanied me for the brigade formation day, modest with hem four inches above the knee showing the legs but not too fleshy & tear drop neck line displaying a little cleavage.

So came Thursday, as usual I got things done by Nancy at Katong Shopping Centre, which was also the place for Raymond to pick me up. He was happy when I got into the car, “wows, you look beautiful, so different…”

“So different…”

“Yeah… you’re the girl-next-door, perfect…”

“Girl-next-door… what’s that, a compliment?” I replied softly, “Ha… coat & tie… you look different too.”

“Nay… so restrictive… yours is a Cheongsam, isn’t it? So sweet & so elegant… how much you’d spent on it?”

“Just drive on, will you? I need a rest.” There a twinge of unpleasant as I replied, not wanting to dwell on the subject, the story behind the dress. Things changed & people fading away, like the smoke & clouds passing before one’s eyes, I felt a deep longing for my love that was lost… far… far… & far away… God, if… if there were mercy by you, why letting me wan & sallow…

“Excuse me…” shattered the silence while the car waited at a red light, his hand reached to my side, lift opened the goggle box & handed me a small package decorated with ribbon, “Hi, here the costume jewelry I promised to buy you.”

Unfazed by what’d presented to me, I scanned the package & spoke nonchalantly, “Serious you… it’s just a casual remark.”

“You’re not going to open it?” he asked earnestly.

I opened the package & took out the necklace, “Oh gosh, you sure this bought from a costume jewelry shop? I can’t accept… is not cheap.”

“Jennifer, not expensive, really… you come to my rescue & this gift in return just a token of my appreciation, so accept it pleases…”

I felt ten times morose, I wasn’t expecting such an expensive stuff, but an artificial one would be sufficient… how could I? This isn’t me, not my style; I’m not a material girl, “No, no, no, you give to some other girl, okay.”

But he insisted, “You know me, I’ve no girl.”…

How could I refuse? I accepted, reluctantly, “Don’t splurge on these in the future; otherwise I will not do you when you come to Changi Village… I love the necklace, anyway, thanks a lot.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

It was a glittering occasion, attended by this year’s crop of students & professors of the faculty, but who would expect here a young man had a cross dresser clinging on his arm. I was nervous but he seemed confidence, looking forward, so optimistic that nothing could go wrong.

It turned out very well, trouble free, good foods, nice music & a few rather feeble gags by the DJ… we smiled & chatted all night… forging intimacy wholeheartedly, just with one purpose, i.e. to help eradicate the gayness casted on him.

When a slow song finally came on, we went down, stayed close & swayed gently to the music, and out of a sudden, he spoke as his lips close to my ear, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

A wave passed over me, a strange moment indeed, we continued to dance till the song ended, but I didn’t say a word.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 8, 2012 by Larry

[Yas1950]

Somehow I only recently chanced upon Larry's thread. I am still only on page 2 because I am slowly absorbing and enjoying all the details of Larry's realtionship. so far its been a very good read.

To those who criticize his grammar and typos, especially if they are just lurking guests I tell them to shut up.

Those who speak out in support and defence of Larry I applaud you.

Larry I commend you for your honest writing and the effort you have made in writing your life story. I fully understand the life you've been thru. The trials and tribulations; the difficulties in juggling family life and your own sexuality.

I have to continue reading to see where our individual lives coincide because I went thru an almost similar kind of life.

I had started writing encouraged by several members of this forum, esp Marky, but recently thru lack of free time have stopped temporarily.

I will be continuing reading your thread till the end. That's a promise.

[Larry]

I will be continuing reading your thread till the end. That's a promise.

Please don't promise me anything, you need to judge by yourself to decide.

When I started writing my life story in this gay forum, I thought about what I wanted to put emphasis on, to avoid the dislikes (broadly all things girlish) or not? To cover solely on gay related acts, censor all cross dressing related events or otherwise? Honestly, it will not be easy; a detailed reader can sense the compromise & patchiness, but more vitally is I will not enjoy myself when writing it.

Remain true to my desires, my beliefs & my past, I’d decided to write for those empathy my sexual preference, hopefully not too few of you here. So if you okay with the said preference, please read on. People not comfortable with this preference, when all the time get confronted with stuff they're not into, may have hard time to read on, for that I’m sorry.

Regards,

Edited August 14, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 6: Roller-coaster at Changi Village

The dinner ended, still holding hands at the packed hotel lobby, there were many others just liked us waiting for their cars to be brought in by the car jockeys. “Jennifer, please consider my request seriously, I mean it,” staring at his shoes, nervous perhaps, he said the same thing again.

Startled, oh, no, here it came, but I was ready this time… I was caught off guard during the slow dancing, heart pounding & thinking hard how to reject if he brought it out again. It was beyond imagination how workable it would be that a lady boy who trade sex could fall in love with her client, it was very different than the idealized Hollywood movie ‘Pretty Woman’ where a street hooker (played by Julia Roberts) fell in love with her client, a rich businessman (played by Richard Gere). Our love lives are less Pretty Woman than Julia Roberts; a movie is a movie, just something fictional… I wanted to be honest but didn’t want to hurt his self-esteem, but would he be OK with a white lie / polite excuse?

Taking a squint at him, I asked, “How old are you?”

“I’m 24. Why…?”

I plunked myself down by the parapet next to me, “I’m 26.”

“So what…?” joining me at the parapet, he stared defiantly.

“I’m 26, two years older than you.”

With a shrug of the shoulders, he asked, “Does 2 years make that much difference to you?”

Surely he could have a bit of my time, just like this evening the dinner, but that’s all he’s getting.

“Yes, to be my man, he must be older than me. I’m sorry if it was a wasted effort for you.”

“But… that’s old fashion thinking…”

“Shi…” placing my index finger next to my lips, I gave a light smile while shaking my head. Coming to a naught, I sensed his disappointment, wishing he wasn’t hurt too badly. I had to concede that age gap didn’t really matter, just a mere excuse, I swore not to fall in love with my client, that’s the fact. And anyway, I was stone-hearted & not prepare to argue with him.

He drove me back nevertheless to Katong Shopping Centre & I would take a cab from there to Bedok Central (I told him I stayed at Amber Garden & wouldn’t want him to know the exact place I resided). Along the way, keeping mum about my unsettling feeling as thoughts running through my mind, ‘do you want to be my girlfriend?’ what could this mean? An action on impulse…? A rashly & reckless action…? Or his real Casanova remark…?

Finally, as his car stopped at Katong Shopping Centre, he turned to me & said, “Hey, really, please give me a chance to be your boyfriend.”

I sighed… gosh, he was doing it again, I didn’t reply, just smile.

“Jennifer, can you please talk to me?”

“Raymond I already stated my position”

“You’re very stubborn,” snapping his fingers he said, looking frustrated & angry, “I know that we are right for each other, I am not giving up.”

I felt like I owed him something, I spoke at last. “Please ignore me; you’re a good man, really… you’ll find someone better,” I gave a light cough & continued, “well, is already midnight, I’d better be off now, goodnight.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I got my face cleansed up & went to bed; lying on bed, the house was stunned silence as Amy & Ester were at Changi Village. Irritably, there were broken scenes drifting in & out, floating through a state of semi-consciousness, starting from this evening with Raymond & gradually went to that evening on battalion convention, a sleepless night I couldn’t explain.

I climbed out of bed & put on my favourite CD, tried to pacify me to sleep. But as the song ‘Yesterday Once More’ played, it made its imprint in the air, feeling it right in my heart. Gosh… same kind of dinner but with different male companion… Kong, I miss you dearly…

Those were such happy times

And not so long ago

How I wondered where they'd gone

But they're back again

Just like a long lost friend

I realized that I was reminiscence of Kong again, never want to go away, I knew it’s over but I didn’t know why. It’d been a long while since he touched me, I gave him all my body & soul, never believed that loving him was just a faded memory, prisoner to this pain, I thought time might help, but being away from him was driving me sleepless, my heart still ached for him.

When they get to the part

Where he's breakin' her heart

It can really make me cry

Just like before

It's yesterday once more.

Lookin' back on how it was

In years gone by

And the good times that I had

Makes today seem rather sad

So much has changed.

All my best memories

Come back clearly to me

Some can even make me cry.

Just like before

It's yesterday once more.

http://youtu.be/Lz266s634N8 (Highly recommended sweet sounding) or original version by Carpenters

http://youtu.be/G5NZI8NmBLA

Futures would never happen, fluidity couldn’t achieve, except as a wild dream, creating possibility.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Eight months later I quitted working in Changi Village, I asked Tracy, a new girl who had her sex reassignment years later from our group to take over Raymond & some other regulars, briefing her about their likes & dislikes.

I met Raymond twice after a long break, an ardent follower he rushed to meet me when he got wind of my apparence at Changi Village, please refer to my story titled Larry’s Pilgrimage published under Travellers Hut for details (http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=11824entry102388 & http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=11824&st=100#entry275453).

Till this day, I believe I’m right for not going into relationship with him, this is ascertained by one of our conversation, "Jennifer, you are the best. Do we have chance to meet again.", "Oh, don't say that. You still can go to Tracy." & "Well, she is okay, but she got no dick."

He wants a girl with a dick but I want to be a girl with no dick, that’s the disparity.

------------------------- End of Chapter 6 ---------------------

Edited August 19, 2012 by Larry

[Guest secret admirer]

Futures would never happen, fluidity couldn’t achieve, except as a wild dream, creating possibility.

larry / jennifer, i love your story very much. for the last one, i read it more than 3 times. each time i teared a bit.

i'm your biggest admirer, and i really want to be your soulmate if given a chance.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 7: Run-in With Anti-Vice

The group member expanded from five to nine, joining us was Tracy, Anita Mui (梅豔芳), Maggie Cheung & Sally Yeh (葉蒨文). The last three ladies didn’t object as we nicknamed them after movie celebrities, so habitual that their own names were totally forgotten.

Sally was a beautiful lady who could keep up with me verbally; I was much admired for her wit which was ready, sharp & precise. But she told me that she was having a tough time, liked a small number of lady boy, she too was a victim on her drug addict with a $50-a-day habit. Desperate to trade sex with anyone for her heroin expenses, I told Amy about her desperado & worried that if she mistakenly solicited from some plain clothes; it would get her or even the group into trouble. Meanwhile sympathetic to her needs, the only thing I could do was to help her with little money when she asked.

In my opinion, no lady boy can operate more than a year in Changi Village without being harassed by anti-vice, whether you traded sex for survival or not, you ought to tiptoe with the plain clothes. Following is just a classic example,

“Hi, how much you charge?” asked a strange face, a face unfamiliar to me, with both his hands in trouser pockets.

Looking at the guy up & down, I found him lacking in both lecherous looks & philandering deportment, I replied in a bored tone, "Sorry, I don’t understand.”

"C’mon, babe, don’t pretend okay, just name your price," he slurred, but his hands remained in the pockets.

"Get lost. You continue playing your pocket billiards." I said icily & walked away.

Pocket billiards… you bet… voice recorder more likely, anyhow we tried protecting ourselves by carefully screening new faces, by so-called sixth sense or years of experience, crucially no discussion on money till feeling good about their genuineness. Our lives were very different than the idealized Hollywood movie ‘Pretty Woman’, glamorously dressed but risk being abandoned by our families & people on the street, why these anti-vice law enforcement not giving us a break?

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 30, 2012 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 7: Run-in With Anti-Vice

But no matter how careful you were or how many precautions you took, if they wanted to arrest you, they would, with no arrest warrant. I had my own run-in with the police once, for the first time busted at Changi Village & I still remember it as a very ugly & degrading experience.

--- Late last evening, nearly twenty plain clothes were mobilized to crack down the sex trade in Changi Village; police subdued twenty five lady boys & sent them to the police station --- this was the headline from an evening Chinese tabloid, unfortunately I was one of the twenty five arrested, so please read on…

Dropping off by the cruiser, with no trace of other group members, I stood relaxing waiting for the next prey. Then everything happened at once, two big guys walked towards me, one was bald & looked viciously. One flashed his badge & said, “Anti-vice, you’re under arrest.”

The first thing I instinctively did was to run across the street towards the coffee shop. At some point, they started to chase after me. My legs felt numb, I tripped & fell on the ground. One grabbed my hand & pulled me up. It was painful as I pled, “Let me go.”

But the man said, “Come with me, willingly or handcuffed.”

I screamed & struggled as he dragged me to the police van parked along the main road. Shoving me to the back seats, he yelled, “Sit down you stinking agua,” & “Don’t you move, bitch.”

There was already another girl sitting on the bench next to me. Guarding the van was a female, prohibiting us from talking to one another, she pointing her finger at us, she said, “Keep quiet & no talking, okay…” She then shut closed the door & we were held confined inside the grill guarded van, no way to escape.

Seeing the lady chatting with the male driver, she whispered close to my ear, “Don’t panic, keep cool & denial soliciting when questioning.”

More arrests & more girls were filling up the empty seat. A camera guy appeared snapping photos of us & I noticed there were crowd gathered nearby trying to get a glimpse inside the van. A few girls screamed & yelled stupid threats at the onlookers, “See, see, see… see what lunchau…” (Please pronounce in Hokkien). For me it was a very scary moment, still in shock I didn’t know what was going to happen next.

I was made to sit in the van for around 20 minutes before we were told that we were to be brought to Cantonment Police Station (now defunct next to People Park Complex), seven of us squeezed together at the back in a seat made for six, with a plain clothes on the extreme left next to the sliding door, squeezing us further.

At long last we arrived at the police station, there’re about half a dozen of cops, males & females, standing & waiting. As we exited the vans, the cops held on to our arms, as though we wanted to escape. I looked back worriedly towards the first girl I met who was just behind me. A police sergeant gave his command, “Line up, line up, one by one, understand.”

The tranquil hall buzzed as we’re led in, I could hear the murmurs such as “So stupid, don’t be men but wants to be girls, ha-ha…” the un-restraint name callings of ar-gua / chick & felt the evil stares while we queued quietly, it was worse than the physical violence to witness the humiliations & ridicule.

I looked in between the people around me; they’re obviously happy & were expressing it in a low class manner appropriate to them. I felt sick, these people… superior to me? No way… I saw drunkards & that ‘ah beng’ with tattooed arms & legs, a hoodlum probably, the rest might be drug addicts, guys in fights or streetwalkers, they’d no right to criticize & the cops here should not tolerate this.

It was hell on earth & simply embarrassing while we stood in a queue, where the slutty dresses we wore, killer heels we donned & heavy make-up we’d put on were prominently on display. With nothing to cover my face, I looked down in shame as we went through a series of routine, handing in identity card for a cop to fill in a form, next the humiliating body search with hand went under the bra smoothing my breasts, spreading my legs allowing stroking on my buttocks & groin, and lastly interview but not examination for body injury.

The male cop asked me “Are you feeling alright?”

“I have bruises on my knees.”

“Of course, no one asked you to run, right?” he replied followed by issuing me plasters without even looking into my bruises.

Handing in all personal stuff, handbags, watches, pagers & etc. onto individual plastic bag, they marched us to the Gents whether we wanted to go or not. It was embarrassing to stand in front of the urinal, gosh… it’d been a long while I’d never done this in the public stand lifting my little we-we. But in the entire disturbance by other onlookers I wetted my panties as I finished my peeing, so I removed & discarded my panties with nothing under my skirt.

I was eventually shoved into a cell with five other girls.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited September 13, 2012 by Larry

[Yas1950]

Wow...... At long last I have read the whole story. Now for the other pilgrimage story.

Good job. Well done. I don't envy your life; but you made it so far and that in itself is

an achievement.

[Guest guest]

Dear Larry,

I enjoy reading your story, in particular on Chapter 6 on your close encounter with Raymond.

I did my NS in Pulau Tekong & in one occasion I visited Changi Village with my platoon mates. I was astonished to see these lady boys there, the most beautiful creature not by god but by themselves. Since that evening onwards, I

found & realized my sexual orientation, which is I like girls with dick. I would go to Changi Village as & when opportunities were available, watched & ogled them from afar.

After my ORD, my trip to Changi Village reduced drastically due to work & long journey of going there. I came across a few of them, I tried but failed.

So to this day to have a lady boy as girlfriend remains a fantasy.

The last chapter interested me a lot, I assumed I were Raymond & did the role play to satisfy my desire, holding your small & dances intimately.

Thanks Larry, once again thank you for your interesting story.

[Larry]

Wow...... At long last I have read the whole story. Now for the other pilgrimage story. Good job. Well done. I don't envy your life; but you made it so far and that in itself is

an achievement.

I was keen for your reply to see how much our life stories coincide in some ways & somehow you didn’t elaborate, but that’s fine.

Anyway thanks for reading & I hope that by sharing my story & experience with you, it envisages my belief, i.e. to love yourself, accept yourself & be good to yourself.

Cheers,

Edited September 21, 2012 by Larry