Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

Backed to our seats, sipping quietly of my drink he asked me the first question, “Larry, I arrange you a job interview, is that ok with you?” His voice had lowered, sounding almost intimate in the dim apartment & his eyes watching me.

 

"No, it is not possible,” looking sceptical at him my face turned red, "no one will want to employ a cross dresser.”

 

"Would you change things if you could?"

 

“Sorry I don’t get you,” casting a nervous glance at him, I replied, but he had looked away, probably to give me space.

 

“Let's be blunt, how about… back to guy mode & cross-dress at your own leisure?”

 

"Things have changed…” I looked at him from under my lashes, “I have come this far, don’t you realize?" I replied, a little quicker than I would have normally. Months of hormone jab had turned me from a man to the woman I was now; he witnessed this since university days, gradually switching from a guy to a gal, but apparently failed to acknowledge my sexual identity, my sexual orientation & my aspirations.

 

“Change… really, you don’t even realize what you’re talking?” he mumbled & then he just kept on staring.

 

I glanced at him, "What?" I said, "Do I have something on my face?"

 

"Who are you actually, Larry?" he asked, cocking his head at me & enquiry in his eyes.

 

"I'm Jennifer now," I said finally.

 

"No offence… you still has your cock or already went for the sex change?"

 

"Not yet," I blushed & admitted quietly, my mood shifted to sombreness but couldn't figure out why.  

 

"So there is no change, so go get a full time job as a guy & wear lipstick & woman clothing after office hours,” he continued, “you got your degree, you can work as engineer… you have your right to live as a woman, but first of all, care about bread & butter.”

 

“I hear nothing more of this… nothing please," I replied, "I don't really care about this bread & butter thing."

 

Shawn nodded softly & backed away. I decided that I really, really needed to walk away, "Shawn," I croaked, "I'm going to turn in early."

 

He said nothing. I said nothing & we said nothing. Wasn't Changi life wonderful? I needed to go home. Tomorrow, I'd be a new girl.

 

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to be continued......

Edited August 6, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

 

Damn… that bloody hardware failure & I have to re-submit my last posting.

 

造化弄人, I guess it must be predestined, on the evening of 25th July that faithful day, I worked on this story for the next instalment, deleted more than half of the content but kept the last half for reference continuation.

I don’t intent to rewrite the last instalment but instead to give a brief summary, in view of my linguistic deficiency in English & concentrate on the new instalment.

 

My apology & Regards,

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

Shawn offered me a job in his office, but somehow I could sense his hesitation in making the offer.

 

He then sent me home.

 

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Not looking back, I headed up to the lift, whether he remained there watching me or zoomed away, I could not tell. Out of the lift & walked on the common corridor & hearing the clicking came from my high heels, it was dreamy. To say that I was not startled, to work as his office manageress & the cool two thousands salary would be untrue. But I put the key in the door lock, turned it softly, walked in Amy’s 4-room flat & switched on the hall light.

 

I went straight to bed after changing my clothing, I tried to say “sleep'' but stopped at the first few seconds, from his “But it pains me…”, or “… how hard not to watch you, you’re so pretty,", or "… you're the most interesting girl I've ever met." & last but not least, his indecisive job offer.

 

And being from the emotion I had undergone for the evening, but the lateness of the hour, much in need of repose, I got very frustrated.

 

Clutching a bolster, I started to recall Kong’s body odour, mixed with fragrance & light tinges of cigarette smell, Stroking my we-we furiously, I orgasm & floated out upon the bleak, dark night.

 

 

... 我以為傷心可以很少  I thought the sorrow could be very little  我以為我能　過得很好  I thought I could be well 誰知道一想你 but never know that whenever thinking of you 思念苦無藥 missing you is so bitter, no medicine can cure 無處可逃 nowhere to run 想念你的笑　想念你的外套 miss your smile, your jacket  想念你白色襪子　和你身上的味道  miss your white socks & your body odour  我想念你的吻  和手指淡淡煙草味道　miss your kiss & the tender smell of tobacco in the finger  記憶中曾被愛的味～道  the flavor of being loved in my memory...

 

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to be continued......

Edited August 6, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

Working in Changi for around six months & Shawn found me there. He objected what I did for money & wanted me to use the engineering degrees I had, apparently he didn’t understand the social prejudice against people like us, me a full-time cross dresser.

 

Social prejudice compels istersays to sell sex, a rational choice to make ends meet. I believe existence of such prejudice, so much so that made no attempt to apply for a job, my repeat reference of recession was just merely an excuse. Further I gave home tuitions & had little income here & there, so there was no urgency to look for a job. But decisively the absence of Kong’s cock, a noneconomic sluttish issue was the push factor, which moment of sexual desperation turned into a job as a transvestite at Changi Village.

Since then I realized the “get-rich-quick” feeling from trading sex for cash, just liked the excited feeling a gambler would get after a lucky day at the casino.

 

I didn’t expect Shawn made a job offer, all along me sort of neutral impression on this old school mate, a cautious, reserved person. And he called twice after that evening for my decision; I knew I couldn't put it off for too long.

 

I was half-hearted on the prospect to work with him. I was nervous about it. Sex work & “straight” life couldn’t mix; I needed to consult Ling & probably Amy also before I could make my decision.

 

Whether Amy, Ester & the rests loved, hated, or felt ambivalent towards their job, but most had expressed their desire to leave the trade one day, they didn’t intend to stay forever.

 

But talking of leaving is easy & actual may not be so simple, for example I knew Amy who left twice but returned. I didn’t ask her the reason; there’s a protocol of “don’t ask if she don’t tell” in which I was supposed not to talk about her problems.

 

Admittedly, there are two possibilities that tempt sex workers return to sex work. First is for whatever simple or complicated reasons that made people entered the trade, including but not limited to economic factors, may be the same reasons that make it difficult to leave.

 

Next is be subjected to indignity & humiliation, or shun hypocritically if the dark past is out. Despite decent job with reasonable income, they face a constellation of life long challenges that made transitioning out of the trade incredibly difficult; compel to hide relentlessly, so closed off to make sure no colleague is aware they’re once a sex worker.

 

I ask you to understand people who sell sex. When you meet us, I hope you realize we’re not that different than you, we need emotional & psychological support, non-judgmental environment & to be treated like ordinary people.

 

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to be continued......

Edited August 6, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

Amy & I had been house mate for 6 months, seeking refuge at her place, during one of the lowest period of my life. Becoming good friend rather than landlord, she helped my integration to ever so mysterious Changi Village, giving me advice, provided lobangs & contacts. Sounding out to her would be a matter of courtesy if I wanted to quit, and I believed she wouldn’t stop me.

 

I finally picked one evening to do it. That evening, I put on my new body hugging dress with the puffy sleeves & black high heels that made a crunching sound. Standing at our usual location in Changi Village while waiting to be picked up, I asked, trying to figure out how to start, "Amy, can we talk?"

 

"Sure, you sound serious,” she replied looking at me with her foxy eyes.

"Well…" I stammered, “I mean may be only, okay… erm… I may want to quit working here…”

 

"Really?" she replied & asked for more details. I spoke initially about the guy (Shawn) whom she & some of the girls had met here at Changi Village, then went on talking about his job offer. Not to be seemed as showing-off I gave an altered version, as a receptionist & of course with a much reduced salary, “but not too sure to accept or not?”

 

“Why’s not, unless that guy is bluffing?” she asked.

 

"I don’t doubt his sincerity but just worry about myself… I feel like I’m dirty, not clean… and… what if my colleagues find out my working here?”

 

"Have you discussed with some of your other friends?" she asked.

 

“Not yet, but I’m going to do this sometime next week,” yes, I would ask for Ling's advice.

 

"I could identify with your worry. It struck me each time when I went shopping, many men had seemed me here & some might even saw me with my panties off. It seemed inevitable, so I thought who care, just buzz off & leave me alone."

 

"Ah-ha…" I nodded soberly as she continued, “You are new here, you can go back home, recover & start a new life,” She urged me to "try it out", saying I was lucky to have friends liked Shawn as people are reluctant to help those caught up in the sex trade, "have confidence, all you need is a makeover, decent clothing & lighter make-up"

 

“Thank Amy, How about you yourself; surely you don’t want to work here forever?”

 

“Oh, I won’t be doing this forever; I probably will work for two more years. I had paid off debt to my brother for money used on sex change. My current aim is to pay for a new condo,” I listened quietly feeling the weight of her vision as she continued, "I can collect rent from the condo, for my old age. I don’t want to work at Desker when I’m over my prime,"

 

Her words burdened me, that in view of social prejudice, it is crucial to succeed in self-supporting for lady boys working here. Anyhow, in Singapore context, if you own a HDB 5 rooms, you are doing ok. Owning a condo, you are counted as successful. And if you own a landed property, you are everyone's envy.

 

In the end, she said she would keep the room vacant for 2 months just in case I wanted to come back. I smiled & hugged her before she boarded an awaiting car.

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to be continued......

Edited August 6, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Note: Just liked me, Ling cross dressed 7/24, but was still pre-ops at that time, anyway I conveniently address he as she in the following story.

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

A week or so after talking to Amy, I phoned & asked big sister Ling to meet at the café in Tay Buan Guan Supermarket, Katong. I was early & placed her favourite apple juice in advance.

 

After settled herself on the couch, she fired her first question, "So when are you going to come home? Three months is long enough…"

 

“I met Shawn,” ignoring her question, I went onto the subject proper.

 

“Oh that Shawn… yeah… I met him a few months back & gave him your pager.”

 

“He didn’t page but found me at Changi Village by chance.”

 

“Changi Village… ah-ha…”

 

"If I tell you, you can never repeat what I say, understand?"

 

"I promise," she replied solemnly.

 

"Well...." I replied, using the pause to think about my answer as the burden of honesty settled heavier onto my shoulders, "honestly he found me working there as a lady boy.”

 

"Holy shit.... you mean Shawn went there to look for a lady boy & found you there… damn, how did you start...." she paused for a while & then said slowly, "Tell me how it began & why."

"Well, I... I..." at a loss for words, I stammered & groaned inwardly as my frankness had begun to get to me.  

"Yes…" she said forcefully, apparently at the end of her patience.

I let out a long sign & said, "Yes, I’m very much the sexual libido, I missed Kong, I missed the hot sex with him day & night…” hesitated, and then spoke in a rush, "well, and now in Changi Village I can do even more sex with more people &… make more money.”

 

"Really?" said Ling, a tone of wonder in her voice, “But having sex with many different people & doing things you may not want to… how do you feel about that?”

 

"Yes," I replied simply, “sometimes there were men I didn't want to be with, but knew it would be over soon & collected their money… I hope you don't find me disgusting…"

 

We all sat silent for over a minute, then Ling said, "No matter where you've been, what you've done, how deep or how dirty you feel, just come home… I love you."

 

“Sis, I ask you something, okay… this concerns my coming home or not…” my voice was so soft but she listened earnestly, "Shawn asked me to work with him…"

 

“Shawn… really… do I hear wrongly?” asked Ling.

 

“No, is true.” I then told her the offer & went on elaborate the scope & responsibilities. I also talked about I would be allowed to cross dress at work, ‘so sweet’ as Ling murmured cheerfully. I ended my talking by asking, “Ling, my question is, what you would do, and what should I do?”

 

“Well, is not easy to work with close family or friends. I've worked for my mom at her salon before; frankly the work obligations put stress on our relationship. That being said, your situation is difference, you should seriously consider Shawn’s offer as an option, given how hard it is to find work right now.”

 

“Okay, I understand.”

 

“Some people can make it work; maybe you can too… make sure the boundaries & expectations are clearly defined.” 

 

I shook my head & prompted her, “But I’m not sure… that the position he actually need to fill or merely out of pity?”

 

“Accept the job, you got nothing to lose… use it as a way to jumpstart your ideal career if you find it doesn’t suit you, and not look unemployed for a future employer & make job application more attractive, understand,” she paused for continuation allowing me time to digest what she had said, “see, this is my third job & I’m able to cross dress right from my first job, how this is possible?” she looked at me & smiled proudly, “Well, I was lucky to have an open minded superior, my first boss allowed me to cross dress. I won't lie… Just like me, you’re lucky that Shawn allows you to cross dress at work, isn’t this fantastic?”

 

It was such a nice chat that Ling pointed out something that I’d never thought off, I nodded my head while playing with her fingers, “Thanks big sister, I heard what I needed to hear; I’ll keep all options open. During an economic down turn it may be more challenging to find a new job, I guess this is just life.”
 

Ling grinned at me, leaned over & kissed me on the cheek & said, “Good luck, I know you can do it. This is the way life is sometimes. You're intelligent & I wait for your positive response.”

 

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to be continued......

Edited August 6, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Damn, cannot assess to my Window file. As such not able to publish the new instalment.

 

I was asked to purchase the Window 2010, why??? Need to check with Ling (all computer related matters were handle by her) who is currently outstation.

 

Sorry.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Your thread is good. There is a soul behind your words unlike many others.

[Guest Ken]

I enjoy reading this thread. I am also curious how Kong looked like in real person. The time at Changi Village pained me and I am looking forward to a new chapter. I thank you for the time you put in writing this wonderful story of yours.

[Larry]

Your thread is good. There is a soul behind your words unlike many others.

 

I’m very much flattered.

Beauty is the eyes of the beholder, some may deemed mine being long winded, vocabulary deficient or the so-called ‘Chinese Helicopter’, bragging or show off etc. etc.

Anyway thank you & I appreciate.

[Larry]

Phew, as the Window glitch was dissolved, I just lost my writing inspiration. Anyway, this is last installment to close up the chapter.

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 10: Bye, Changi Village

 

"Thank you for accepting the job. I am very excited about you joining my team. So when are you going to start work?” asked Shawn as we talking on the phone.

 

“I wish to start working beginning of next month,” I replied.

 

“This is really hard for me, but why?” I asked as he asked me start working one week earlier.

 

He spoke about his impending out station, to be physically present in India for a business tender, “… I need to make sure you have proper orientation & also introduction to all staffs.”

 

“But I have many things to be tidy up; I really hope to keep to that date, would that be possible?"

 

My question was met with silence from him, I waited for a few more seconds & asked again, “Hello, Shawn; are you still there?”

 

“Yep, I’m still here,” he replied but followed by more silence.

 

"Shawn,” succumb to an ever increased inferiority complex, I choked out, eyes welling up with tears, “maybe I should not accept your offer,"

 

"No fucking way," he said, a bit more urgent this time, "Jennifer, what's happen to you, so impatience, I’m checking up my trip schedule…"

 

I sighed when I heard his voice & tears spilled over my eyes, “Sorry,”

 

“Okay, fine, how about this, I’ll be back by Thursday night, you come to work on Friday or the next Monday, alright?”

 

“Monday,” I thanked him for making such concession, if you don't ask, you'll never know, I thought.

 

"All right Princess, you won’t play me out, right?" Shawn asked.

 

"I promise… I’m man of his words…" I replied softly but stopped abruptly. I released the mistake, was I still entitled to use the term ‘man’ to describe myself. I blushed & fortunately he could not see.

 

“Ok, before you start work, there are a few things of which you should be aware, first you need a bank account to receive your pay, DBS Bank okay… next, go for a pre-employment medical check-up,”

 

“Medical check-up…?” I asked with hesitation.

 

“Yes, our company doctor… don’t worry, I will tell the doctor your situation.”

 

"Thank you for everything."

 

"Sure thing, goodnight & sleep well," said Shawn.

 

"Bye," I whispered. I closed my eyes & hung up the phone. Little did he know, I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight, I was too scared, too loss, too nervous, too confused… And thanked for being so accommodating, but why?

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 10 ---------------------

Edited October 1, 2013 by Larry

[Larry]

I enjoy reading this thread. I am also curious how Kong looked like in real person. The time at Changi Village pained me and I am looking forward to a new chapter. I thank you for the time you put in writing this wonderful story of yours.

 

Sorry to response your post this late, no prejudice.

 

天下没有不散的宴席 (No banquet in the world that never ends), what past is past… No curious please, because somewhere some time in one fine day, you will find your love’s one.

 

One more chapter is to end the time at Changi Village, just bear with it. I thank you for the time in reading up my story.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

... 我也曾陶醉在兩情相悅 像飛舞中的彩蝶  I did infatuate with affection between two lovers, liked a colourful flying butterfly  我也曾心碎於黯然離別 哭倒在露濕台階  I did heartbreak on sad farewell, weeping against the dewed wet stairs  紅燈將滅酒也醒 此刻該向它告別  Red light will be turned off soon, drunken men are awake, at this moment I shall say goodbye to it  曲終人散回頭一瞥  嗯......最後一夜  The song comes to an end & audiences disperse, turning around as I glance.  Hmm… hereby the final evening.

 

 

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to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

Returned from bathroom next to the kitchen, I went back to my room, got dressed & making-up, preparing myself for the final night in Changi Village. In panties & bra, I drew my eye-brows painstakingly; humming the lyrics 我也曾陶醉在兩情相悅 像飛舞中的彩蝶 along & swinging my upper torso liked an idiot while the song 最後一夜 was playing on the Walkman which placed on the bed.

 

 

“Jennifer, are you ready?” I heard Ester calling out from the room.

 

“Yes, coming…” I replied while stopping the song; put the Walkman onto my handbag before walking into the living room.

 

Out there, sitting on the sofa Amy & Ester were waiting. “Oh, wows…” exclaimed Ester dramatically & Amy was with a face like "really? Oh my God…"

 

“What?” putting up a stone face but my face was flushing red, and I knew their hoo-ha was about… over the dress I wore. It was a billowing floral dress found during an outing with Amy; as fitting rooms were used, I didn’t wait but judged simply from the display mannequin. Back home during the fitting I realized it was actually very short, with sheer side panels showing off my panties even taking small steps, leaving little to the imagination. Since then I shelved it deep under the wardrobe not until till this evening.

 

“Jenn, you’re dressed to kill, babe!” said Ester.

 

“Oh yeah, killing you, I am gonna straight-up murder your asshole,” I replied her jokingly.

“Bravo, seems that you’re going to give Mary (our Queen of Changi) a run of her money,” said Amy & paused for continuation, “anyway passes me the dress if you not going to keep it,”

 

“Sure, if you do not mind,” I replied while looking at Amy, who unveiled her svelte figure in a black dress, with a V-cut showing off her large bosom.

 

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We bitched through the entire journey, down from the lift, waited at the roadside, and boarded a taxi till arrived at Changi Village, laughing, joking & even… singing

“Wow, what’s that smell?” taking the lift that descending down to street level, asked Ester as sniffing at my cleavage.

“That's the smell of Passion by Elizabeth Taylor.”

“God no, it smells like…” she laughed playfully & pulled on my sleeve.

“What?”

“Well, like the aroma of a man’s dick, hmm… so seductive…” she spoke with a cheesy grin.

“Ha-ha-ha, very funny,” giving her a light punch, I replied & shifted to Amy’s side, “Xiao chabo (mad woman)”

“Amy, we need her. Hell, I need her, I’m going to miss her laugh, I’m going to miss her companion,” Ester’s speech was so hilarious & we laughed chanting, xiao chabo, she is really a xiao chabo…

Holding me tight & fondle my face, she started singing the lyrics, ‘Only you can make this world seem right, only you can make the darkness bright’
 

 

“Stop, stop, stop, you’re ruining my make-up.”

“Yeah, we’re going to miss her,” said Amy as she composed herself & became serious.

“Hey, take it easy, after settling down on my new job, I will come back & visit you all frequently, okay.” I said holding their hands.

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to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Just a short one
 
C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜
 
We didn’t wait at the main road fronting our block for taxi; instead at an adjacent road three blocks away from ours. Well, our revealing clothing & occasionally loud behaviors were main reasons in making such arrangement, also waiting at this less busy street reduced chance to meet our neighbours, in particular this stocky guy who lived on the same floor.
 
This guy was a confounded nuisance, his harassment was obvious, there a few times when he was home & we’re out (fully dolled-up of course) for Changi, and had to pass by his house to reach the lifts, he would throw paper which crumpled into a ball, slam door or engage in insulting or rude remarks. Other than that idiot, the rest were much more subtle, appeared acting normal & courteous on the surface, but sneered behind us, with vicious character assassination & petty humiliations.
 
Though the street was less busy, we could flag for a taxi rather quickly, thanked for a hawker centre nearby where scores of taxi driver took their dinners there. But this evening was different; it was crowded, apparently some stores of the pasar malam had spread from the main road to the adjacent street.
 
“Mommy, see, jié jié so pretty,”
 
“Boy, don’t see, walk faster,” said the middle age woman. Dragging her son away, we over headed her passing remark, a nasty one indeed, “Si tang jia cha mou.” (In Hokkien, meaning shitty whores)
 
We were furious on that remark but tried to act casual & walked towards to the road side. Meanwhile Ester was cursing uncontrollably, “Fxxk her, she better pray hard that her son will not be like us.”
 
“Ester, just relax, all right?” said Amy.
 
“What, why so tame? When people slap your left face, give them your right? Say something, you girls just stand silent? Come on.”
 
“Just ignore her; she’s got a dirty whorish mouth.”
 
“Wait. Wait, wait, I wanna say something,” I said while looking at Amy, “her husband would visit us at Changi, cause her pussy is just too loose.”
 
“That's a good one,” replied Amy as we broke out laughing.
 
People are free to choose their way of life, their way of dress & behavior… why victimized us?
 
Disheartening? Is this disheartening? Yes or No... 

 
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to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Just another short one

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

“Miss, Changi Village?” asked the taxi uncle as we climbed into the back seats. This was one of the cabbies we felt comfortable to interact, always smiling, concentrated on his driving & said nothing about our fresh trade in Changi Village, unlike some reckless drivers who blithely manoeuvred in traffic or those surly cabbie who gave us attitude or mocking right to our faces.

 

“Oh, yeah uncle, we're going there.” Amy replied.

 

As we make our way through the clear evening sky, Amy & Ester engaged in small talk, “Amy, I look like hell, I got bags under my eyes.”

 

“Mmm… no la, you look good, really…Hey, where'd you get your ear rings… you look classy,”

 

“Sale at Salvation Army…”

 

“I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale?”

 

I make no attempt to engage in their small talk, instead watching the taxi driver skillfully handled the steering & enjoying the view along the way.

 

With all small talk over, there was a momentarily silence & we heard the taxi uncle calling out; “You girls want to listen some songs?”

 

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Wows, as the songs started floating in the air, all Cantonese, with touchy meanings behind the song lyrics from various songs of the 70s Hong Kong TV dramas.

 

“Jenn, is your favourite…” said Ester.

 

It was indeed my favourite song, 不裝飾妳的夢 - 蔡國權 (Won’t decorate your dream by Terence Choi)

 

 

... 願意心痛苦 不裝飾你的夢 別再將我心 反覆的戲弄   Prefer paining my heart, I won’t decorate your dream, don’t fool my heart repeatedly  寧願我攜著憂鬱歸去 像剛消失那陣風   Prefer to walk away with my sadness, just like the passing wind  別再傷我心 它傷那麼重 像塊冰碎開 它顯得太空洞  Don’t hurt my heart, it hurts badly, just like the broken ice, it seems so hollow  狂熱與天真早消失了 在鬱鬱的歲月中   Long gone the passion & naivety, of those moody days  誰願意一顆心永落空 誰願意只裝飾你的夢  Who want one heart go empty? Who want only to decorate your dream?  寧任我的心在長期地痛 亦不想給你撫弄  Prefer letting my heart endure the everlasting pain, rather not letting you fooling around  讓每聲歎息 消失於你的夢 讓每點笑聲 響於你的夢  Let every sigh dissipate in your dream, let every laughing ringing in your dream  曾為你獻出的點點真愛 在空氣內流動  Every single true love I’d devoted to you, let’s floating in the air ...

 

I started humming softly, but pretty soon joined by Ester & Amy, “Hey Amy, don’t sing so loud, you’re creeping out uncle,” I spoke out & turned to the cabby, “Uncle sorry…”

 

“No problem, carry on singing,” he then looked at us via the back mirror, “wows, miss, why so happy?”

 

“Uncle, my friend’s birthday…” Ester replied while pointing her finger at Amy.

 

“Oh, birthday girl, congratulation…”

 

“Uncle, come & visit us later on, okay?”

 

“Expensive or not…?”

 

“Come la… I give you good price.”

 

End of the trip at Changi Village, the taxi driver got his fun & we got a rounded down discount on the taxi fare, what’s a wonderful evening…

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Dedicate the following segment to people who added me as friend recently, angle_dust, Bern, ahboi77 & Govin. Regards,

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

Tonight would be my last day of working in Changi Village, sad but felt super horny at the same time. I got dirty idea, I wanted to ‘eat’ this guy up, looking for him to quench my desire, not KC, not any Tom, Dick & Harry, but the one & only Raymond, yes, the ‘virgin’ Raymond so to speak.

 

Note: Raymond was my very “very’ first customer. He, a rich-man’s son, a BMW avid supporter & an interesting person, sophisticated & showed good experience of fashionable life. A smooth talking charmer, I could possibly end up as a rich tai-tai or his kept woman, if not because of my strong-willed.

 

We did the same thing every time when he came to me, i.e. prostate stimulation & masturbation to achieve orgasm. On one of the aftermaths, I asked him, “Didn’t you try to do penetration?”

 

“Never…”

 

“Why?”

 

“I can’t,” he elaborated further, “I tried many times but just went soft when at the very moment I tried to enter… it is very demolishing,”

“Go visit an urologist, you can’t shy away from your problem, understand, ‘virgin’ boy?”

 

From that evening onwards, I nicknamed him ‘virgin’ boy; purpose was not to tease him but rather to give him the ‘push’ factor. “So, found your urologist?” as I asked him each aftermath, but the answer was always the same ‘not yet’.

 

I didn’t stand there & waited solely for him, instead I went on my business, but each time I asked my fellow sisters to look out for a red BMW, tell the driver to go for a drink & I would be back soon.

 

“Jenn, your red BMW is here, he came once,” said Tracy.

 

“Thanks, by the way please tell the rests to meet at first coffee shop around one, if they can make it, drinking session on me ok,” getting my breath back after the third job I told Tracy & walked sassily towards the awaiting signatory red BMW Sport.

Note: I quitted Changi Village after an eight months stint. I asked Tracy, new girl joining the group (who got sex reassignment eventually) to take over Raymond & other regulars, and detailed their likes / dislikes. I met Raymond twice after a long break, an ardent follower he rushed to meet me when he got wind of my appearance at Changi Village, please refer to my story titled Larry’s Pilgrimage published under Travellers Hut for details (http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=11824entry102388 & http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=11824&st=100#entry275453).

“Hi, Raymond,” my eyes sparkled with excitement as I climbed into the front seat, yes, this was the guy I earnestly longing, for my最後一夜 in Changi Village.

“Hi, sweetheart,”

“Come hug me, I know you want to…”

He was taken aback on my outwardly flirting; anyway he hugged & pecked lightly on my cheek, “Where are we going?” he asked.

“Cameron Hotel…”

“Cameron Hotel…” he repeated my answer with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Yes, any problem?”

“I thought we did in the car all the times.”

“Today is special… don’t worry, just pay for two hours room rental, the rests are F.O.C….” I paused & gave him a seductive smile, “aren’t you want to have a good look of my body?”

“What’s F.O.C.? No, no… I can’t short change you…”

“Alright, let’s not dwell on this, let’s go… you know the way, right?”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Guest fan]

more please.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

“You smell good,” he said instead, leaning in & sniffed my neck. I was delighted, I really bought the right stuff, Passion by Elizabeth Taylor, Ester liked it, some sisters liked it, two customers liked it, and now he liked it… the money was well-spent.

 

“Hurry, let’s go to the hotel,” I whispered.

 

“Yes, sweetheart,” he conceded & manoeuvred the car out to the main road.

 

Hotels by-the-hour, budget or transit, and whether luxurious or sleazy one is, all ties into one same concept, i.e. allowing people places for quick rendezvous, do what they want, so long as no disturbance to their neighboring rooms.

 

In Changi, all purchased sex is done either inside client’s car or at nearby beach park which can be quite restrictive & risky at times, provision of budget hotel is non-exist. Ironically these budget hotels are everywhere in Geylang offering dirt cheap hourly fare of $10 to $15. Over jealous law enforcement at Changi & close one eye approach in Geylang, this situation remains unchanged, consistently in place for the past twenty over years.

 

Is Singapore really an open society? Not at all… Under Penal Code 377A male same-sex sexual activity is illegal; no matter how convincing we look despite various surgeries and / or living real life 7/24, it is status quo of not female so long that awful appendage remains intact.

 

The fact that Changi Village which dominated by lady boys & serving guys who want girls with a dick is the bone of contention. It is therefore commercially unviable to operate such hotel as it could become an easy target for police raiding.  

 

This is depressing, sex, regardless male to female, male to male or female to female, is a private matter, and is one basic human need, but why there’s such disparity? Sigh…

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Situated at Upper Changi Road facing ITE College East, Cameron Hotel, approximate fifteen minutes’ drive, is one & only nearest to Changi Village, offering transit room rental from the 80s until nowadays.

 

I put on the ear pieces & listened to the songs from my Sony Walkman, trying to calm me down. I was “sexcited”, heart beating, lungs breathing & breast heaving, figuring what to do next when we arrived there, how to deal with his red sausage… my little we-we was oozing real wet, gosh… this evening, my libido returned after six months of absence.

 

“Hey…” feeling the tingling sensation, I closed my legs instantaneously. I was brought to reality from his teasing, one hand on wheel, the other on me, my knee, my thigh… “Buaya,” I smiled & tapped his hand softly.

 

“男人不坏女人不爱” (nan ren bu huai nu ren bu ai, meaning women don't like guys that aren't playful)

 

“鬼才爱你” (gui cai ai ni, meaning only ghost likes you) I pouted provocatively & then turning my face away.

 

“Come on, why so shy?” his eyebrows ticked upwards while a smirk playing on his lips.

 

“Hmm…” I glanced up & sighed as I noticed the growing bulge in his pants, what a sex maniac, so impatient… anyhow, I obediently opened up my thighs for his easy assess; flustered but ‘sexcited’.

 

I closed my eyes, with a slight intake of air & soft rustling as I moved my butt closer to him, I ignored the song that still playing on my Walkman, but to feel his fingers, crawling slowly, running up, up, up & far; ghosting towards the edge of my panties. Just feel - it was about staying focus with the smell of his lust filling the space.

 

“Wows… so wet…” he exclaimed.

 

“You got me wet,” I looked up & handed him a dry tissue taken from the front deck, he was looking straight manning the car but his bright smile was practically visible, swallowing, I gave a vain excuse, “is your fault.”

 

“Oh wow, it smells like cinnamon,” said Raymond as he smelled his fingers.

 

“Ell… so disgusting,”

 

Our flirting stopped abruptly as we found a car tailing us aggressively using high beams, “Bustard,” he cursed while swerving the wheel to the inner lane.

 

“Hi, concentrate on your driving,” I suggested & handed him the CD taken out from the Walkman, “here, play this disc, will you?”

 

Putting his hand back on the wheel as the first song floated in the air. I revised what had happened early on, 男人不坏女人不爱 it was really well said, and to be exact, it should be越坏越好, ha-ha; I tried hard not to show…

 

 

The rest of the ride was quiet.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

This was one of the very rare occasions that I took a leading role in love making, so pardon for being elaborative, regards,

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

A twenty-minute drive to Cameron, thank god it wasn't any longer. After receiving a fifty-dollar bill from Raymond I walked to the reception. I was familiar here so I did the leg work while he waited at the sofa looking a little unsettle. Virgin boy, this ought to be his first time, I thought & smiled. I returned with a room key & passed him the change.

Entered the room & standing beside the bathroom, I handed him a bath towel taken from the bathroom & said, "Raymond, for a minute okay, I need to use the bathroom, this is yours,"

Inside the bathroom, not so much because I needed to, but somehow I emptied my bladder quickly. Meanwhile I saw a water jet hanging next to the toilet seat; I took it & had my second enema for the evening, and lubed my rosebud subsequently…My heart was pounding hard; to say I was nervous right now was a damn understatement, I was nervous, anxious, excited & scared, all in one. What the hell was I doing? This guy achieved his orgasm only by stimulating his prostate & masturbation, could he do a penetration? I knew him, a clean virgin man that I didn’t mind to have sex with.

 

I washed my hands. Looking into the mirror I enhanced my eye shadow & painted red my lips to look full & pouty, but I kept thinking… I couldn’t be the urologist, I scored A+ for all subjects but C for my Biology because I did badly on laboratory work, my hands would tremble whenever to dissect something bloody, which became a real laughing stock in my class, but… but… but perhaps I could be his sex therapist, I didn’t know but I would try, I yelled at the mirror & opened the door.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Out of the washroom, all alone, a world to us, and a tranquil haven inside the room, in the background, song from Class 95 FM was floating softly in the air… my heartbeat racing, I found him sitting on the bed against the headboard, heated stare at my direction… I whispered cautiously, “No chicken out, okay,”

 

Donning only bath towel, he climbed down from the bed & took a tentative step towards me, his eyebrows ticked upwards & a smirk playing on his lips, “Holy shit, you look absolutely amazing… So are you ready?” he asked but his hands were firmly by his sides, apparently adhered to a rule used by lady boys working in Changi Village, i.e. ‘Don’t touch my face & please don’t touch my hair’.

 

I anxiously watched him; my eyes diverted downwards & my mouth opened, “Oh wows…” The ‘tenting’ up of his dick under the thin bath towel gave clear signal… and the bashfulness on his face said it all; this virgin boy was on fire, he-he…

 

“Relax, the night is still young,” prolonging his horniness a little longer & aroused him to the maximum, I looked down & gave his hard-on a light tap, for a fraction of a second & said to his ear before nibbling his lobe, "your little brother is misbehaving," I next tiptoed up & placed a kiss on his cheek, “you can touch me anywhere you like except my hair,” then guiding both his hands to wrap around my waist.

 

“Kiss also can…” he inquired.

 

"Yeah, if that makes you more…" I paused for a moment & continued, "excited," I closed my eyes & raised my lips, he took that as a green light… his lips touched mine… pressed tightly, the kiss was deep & slow as our tongues fought against each other… grabbing my lower back & lifting up my dress, he moved his left leg between mine; grinding his throbbing cock against my groin to the rhythm of the song.

 

Breaking the kiss, he said punctually as his hands went under my panties smoothing my butt cheeks, “You got me so turned on,”

 

Surprised that I became aroused instead, with large amount of precum soaking up my panties, I said between gasps of breath, "You son of the gun, I am so turned on by you,”

 

 

A new song coming on in the background, it was 'You're So Vain' by Carly Simon, a lengthy four over minutes song. I listened to the song & continue enjoyed his caress.

 

You walked into the party, Like you were walking onto a yacht, Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, Your scarf it was apricot, You had one eye in the mirror, As you watched yourself gavotte, And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner, They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain, You probably think this song is about you, You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you, Don't you? Don't you?

You had me several years ago, When I was still quite naïve, Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair, And that you would never leave, But you gave away the things you loved, And one of them was me, I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee, Clouds in my coffee, and

... Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga, And your horse naturally won, Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia, To see the total eclipse of the sun, Well, you're where you should be all the time, And when you're not, you're with, Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend, Wife of a close friend, and...

And at one stage, sniffing my neck, he leaned in & sang over the song, "You’re so vain," while blowing hot breathe to my air.

 

"Yeah, me vain, you're vain pot," I rebutted & smile broadly.

 

"Ahem, you’re not going to undress?”

 

“Oh… loosen my shoulder straps, okay…” I smiled & whispered hot breath against his ear.

 

Letting out a shaky breath he clumsily brought the straps of my billowing floral dress down, “Good boy,” I leaned in close & blew softly on his face.

 

He looked at me, studying me; I stared back, didn't seem the least bit intimidated by his gaze, only bashful… I stripped slowly. “Aww…” off balanced I screamed squeamishly, bracing one hand on his shoulder as I lifted my leg letting the fabric slipped out of my torso.

 

As I placed the dress to the chair next to me, I saw his eyes flashed & he quaked slightly, just slightly. “Wanna take off my bra?” I asked lowly & turned around. He did, with one quick action unhooked my bra. I smiled; impressed that he did it with so much ease.

 

“Perfect… gosh… so perfect,” he murmured as I turned to face him. I retrieved the bra still holding on his hand, his eyes grew wide; his gaze swallowed me whole, hungrily searching my skin, every curve & every little bend of my body. Almost instantly I felt shy & vulnerable at being half naked in front of him, I covered my breasts with my arms. But he immediately brought them down, “Don’t… just beautiful…” & cupped them gently.

 

Gently massaged my breasts, his thumbs tenderly grazed over my nipples, caused the areolas to harden. Dripping real wet down under I moaned subtly… I locked eyes with him; he swallowed hard… as though he'd been thirsty for a very long time, and now he found a well. “What?” I looked at him & began laughing.

 

“God, you look so sexy,” his eyes fluttered & he commented softly, “so fucking hot.” 

 

Chill bumps ran down my spine & straight to my rosebud, causing it to twitch, I couldn’t take this anymore… with one swift I pulled out his bath towel & he was now completely naked in front of me. My eyes seductively zeroed at the image before me, that hard red rod… gosh, I knew I would have to lick it tonight, amongst other things.

 

“Bed…” I choked out as I caught his hand.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Guest guest]

“God, you look so sexy,” his eyes fluttered & he commented softly, “so fucking hot.” 

 

“Bed…” I choked out as I caught his hand.

 

Absolutely stimulating, just wonder if there is any chance making love with you.

 

Keep writing.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

My head hit the softness of the pillows first; then the feeling of his hand resting flat against my sternum. Slowly, he dragged his fingers down the length of my torso & I flew open my eyes.  

 

Onto upright position, mischief lit up my eyes, I pushed his legs apart & keeled in-between while he lay still watching. Starting from the bottom, I did it slow, trailing my pointed nails softly over his sole, lightly… as light as feather.

 

“Ouch… so itchy,” trying hard to keep still his legs, he whispered.

 

Ignoring his protest, I moved slowly up, nails brushing his skin, every inch, up to nipples, underarms, then down to hips & inner thighs, in-between cautiously skipping his groin. Barely containing the moans, his body jerked as the light touch getting more intense, hips lifted involuntarily while his throbbing cock leaked with want.

 

“How’re you doing?” I looked down at him with a smirk; it was overwhelming to have his skin sufficiently on fire while lust connected us through the eyes.

 

“Good, it was…” hand squeezing my arm he let out a shaky breath & struggled to find the right words to complete the sentence.

 

“Intense?” I offered.

 

“Yes, yes, you are right, is intense…” he replied.

 

“I ask you, why holding back? I wanna hear your moaning,” I asked, with a soft smile playing on my lips & a soft flick on his red hot cock.

 

“Nah… so girlish…”

 

“Male chauvinist,” two hands supporting my weight, I whispered to his ear, “okay, let see…” I leaned in, tongue trailed against his neck, collar bone, nipples & the back of his ear lobes. It was wet & dirty, I watched him, noting his head twitching back & forth, but he remained silent, not a single moaning, apparently he still hadn’t letting go himself & reacted without restriction, a stubborn nut hard to crack, I sighed but not wanting to give up..

 

Meanwhile he made his move; he reached around with his free hands & cupped my breasts. Squeezing my breasts, he pinched & rolled my nipples between his fingers. My nipples went hard, breathing got heavier & body got hotter. And just as I moaned lowly, he echoed correspondingly. Was this exactly what he wanted? What a foxy idiot, I thought.

 

“You’re so corny,” I pouted my lips soon after my breathing settled back down.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Not satisfied with just only his caressing on my breasts, I crawled off & kneeled beside him. Placing a kiss to his lips, I brought forwards my breasts to his lips. 

 

He knew what I wanted, alternating between the left & right, he licked one of my breasts while his hands attended to the other. He multitasked & knew very well what he was doing… not losing concentration on any of my breasts… as he nibbled on one, not too hard, but just right, collapsing his lips around the nipple & flicking his tongue over it until it was so rocking hard, he rubbed, twisted & pinched on the other.

 

From light to heavy, moans uncontrollably escaped my mouth… my sensitive breasts got it ultimate stimulation, the tingling sensations sprinted from there & spread throughout my body… coupled with severe dampness between my legs.

 

“How… nice?” he whispered, eyes darting at me with a victorious smile pulling at the edges of his mouth, he knew he had hit my most sensuous spots & apparently wanted his reward / commendation.

 

“Yes… damn shiok,” letting out a shaky breathe; I replied shyly & fell against his chest.

 

“We should do this more often,” nuzzled against my ear, he said, “that’s mind-blowing,”

 

“You want me to make you cum now, virgin boy?” I asked huskily as a new song coming on in the background.

 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Guest jace tan]

Just wondering which era this happened? 80s or 90s? Thanks

[Larry]

Ouch, so sorry to reply you this late. Am down with fever, cough & running nose. Anyway going to Raffles Clinic after 7 o'clock show in Channel U.

 

Just wondering which era this happened? 80s or 90s? Thanks

 

It happened in late 1989, and a total 9 months stint in Changi Village.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

“Yes, please,” he whispered lowly, “can we start now…” he was running out of patience, it was blatantly obvious, I could hear his racing heartbeat, his deep breathing, and the irregular flutters of his eyelashes.

 

“As usual…?” still kneeling beside him, I brushed his nose & asked.

 

“Yeah, the prostate job and… you know,” looking away he replied, his face just looked so vulnerable.

 

“Raymond, I wanna try something different tonight, okay?” I whispered softly, breath hot & wet against his ear.

 

“What something different?”

 

“Instead of masturbate; I want you to enter me,”

 

“You got to be kidding; you know I can’t do this.”

 

“Don't say anything, just let it happen… I’ll be patient until you’re ready, okay,”

 

“Hmm… okay, if you think you can make it happen…” my heart skipped a beat seeing him so lack of confident.

 

I ran my hands down & covered his crotch with my outstretched fingers. And as I stroked his cock with one hand I cupped & squeezed his balls with the other, "You like this?" I said as I ran my tongue around his sack & sucked one of his balls into my mouth. His cock quickly reached its full dimension & pulled the foreskin back to tightly cover the crown.

 

“Ah-ha…” he nodded & looked at me hesitantly, shyness seeping into his face as he twitched at the unexpected move.

 

“Raymond,” I crooned, “just let go, okay. Don’t hold back,”

 

"And this…" I asked as I ran my tongue around the head & under the foreskin. His cock was beautiful, not too big & not too small, was the object of my desire. Tasting the saltiness of his pre-cum, I asked, "Am I a bad girl?” that was all I needed to know.

 

His eyes went wide & replaced with excitement as his cock reached its full dimension & pulled the foreskin back to tightly cover the crown. His fingers kneaded into my thighs, "Oh yes, that's perfect," he moaned lowly.

 

Holding his shaft, I worked on this red hot man-ness in & out of my mouth, "How about this…" I asked. Crossing the threshold between us, I coiled my arm around his chest, feeling his erected nipple, trying to chase away any bit of hesitancy that lived within him.

 

"Baby, you are wild tonight," he exclaimed as my touch elicited a small moan from him, elated at the small taste of ecstasy, "hey, finger my ass… you know I love ass work."

 

I grabbed a tube of KY & a few condoms from my handbag. Just liked previous outings, I put on a condom together my right middle & index fingers & lubed up. Right hand separating his cheeks, I pressed my two fingers on the forbidden opening. He jerked & cried out through clenched teeth, but I held fast, “How about this, I do yours & you do mine?" I asked looking him right in the eyes.

 

He nodded feverishly, "Oh, yes, that fair," I guessed he could only compromise.

 

Off my panties, I twisted my body around with my buttock facing him, so that I still could suck his cock & brought my rosebud into better advantage. He grabbed a condom & wrapped up & shoved his finger right onto my rosebud & pushed till halfway in. I was drooling, saliva running down his shaft & dripping onto his balls from the good, hard sucking I was getting.

 

“You good?” groping, feeling & touching my wet we-we, taking the juices & rubbing over my tight little rosebud, he asked.

 

I shivered in anticipation.

 

“Pain…” whispering as I lubed up his middle & index fingers, hinting him that I needed two fingers. Swirling around, I got a feel at the puckered entrance. It didn't take long before I moaned loudly. It excited me though he did it clumsily; all I want was his fingers in my puckered entrance as I threw my head back in ecstasy.

 

I was a slut & in for a fun night!

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

Exposing my frontal nudity for him to feel, touch & fondle, was something impromptu. Before this evening, Kong was the only guy having this privilege, the other person was Ling, still pre-ops but I took her as confidant, as sister since we are feather of the same kind.

 

Men come to us, for one obvious reason… because of us girls with a dick. But contradictory to what we possessed, most of us hated to reveal that awful dick to these people, hoping that it wasn’t there & in its place a wonderful pussy. While anal sex face to face, I pretended not to notice on my nudity, yet fearfully aware of that forbidden appendage hanging down under, I would place my hand to shield it against those prying stares. Of course it would be less hassle to do with face down, simply lifting upwards & pressed my little we-we against the pillow.

 

He slid his fingers inside of me, in, out, and in, and out, lighting up every nerve in that tiny tunnel, just nothing but sensational. Totally wrecked, I murmured, my voice quaking, “Shawn, Shawn…" choking with desire.

 

Swiftly, I climbed on top of him… fall onto all fours with tummy against his chest, I lifted & grinded my full moon against his spiky chin.

 

“Ha… ha…” I gasped licentiously, knees trembling as he split & twirled his tongue over my imaginary clitoris. Wailing at the thrills, my hips rocked against his chest uncontrollably. I’m no virgin to anal play, but my we-we was not co-operative right now, oozing wet & semi-erected, just about growing hard by his fingering.

 

Tremors rippled through my body, the want of him inside me was intense, heart beating vastly & I was damn horny…

 

I swallowed nervously, surveying the object of my lust, hard, deep red, curving upward & bobbing in excitation. I wanted him to reach new heights, so with KY on my condom-fingers I reached over his opening. Just barely touching him, he forced my fingers deep into his ass, "Fuck me… fuck like you own it…"

 

As I worked his ass in & out while twisting on the out stroke, I leaned forward & ran my tongue over his cock. My face burned madly & I heaved wantonly with girlish excitement as I gazed upon the manhood I was holding, it might not be the biggest I had ever touched, but was hard & throbbing, I needed it now, I couldn't let that opportunity go by…

 

So I sat upright, squatted & moved forward with back facing him, till my rosebud fed directly to his hot manhood. Radiating with lust, I turned around & faced him, whispering, my voice was shaking, "Come… come inside me, Shawn,"

 

He murmured, a tremor in his tight voice, "Just can’t, I've never been able to do a penetration,” jaw clenching, he sighed & spoke openly, letting go & so thoroughly, never before had I gotten to understand how much humiliation he had received, his anger & frustration, “the girls poked fun on my useless cock,”  

 

"Shoo, just try okay," I readied myself at his entrance, already feeling some loss of rigidity from his tool.

 

He asked, "No condom, you don't mind?"

 

Did I mind?  Sure, but my priority now was to sustain his rigidity, playing it safe might be problematic, my exploding desire was beyond control, "I don’t mind & I thrust you, you virgin boy, right? And you must thrust me, I’m clean too,"

 

“Uh… mmm, okay, I thrust you… yes,” was all he’d managed as I cut him off with a soft smile, “Close your eyes & concentrate, okay,” I felt my heart skipped a beat when he nodded, eyes full of trust.

 

Turning back my head, my legs were getting tired after such a prolong squatting, so I sat on his tummy. Not wanting him to get distracted, I remained silent & resumed the stimulation on his ass. My rosebud was aching to be filled & I wanted this cock but was a little unsure he would make it but I wasn't about to give up, slow & steady, I was being careful, I worked & watched intensely as his tool was getting hard again.

 

It was natural; my rosebud would repel him initially, registering him as an invader, I ought to relax mine too, I trained my mind to stay cool & loosen up the muscle.

 

Desperate, I resumed squatting & arched forwards. Toes curled I brought my rosebud to his dick, it was now opened, eagerly Inviting the curving cock that was touching the lips of my imaginary vagina, "Shawn please, I want you," I pleaded.

 

And then, oh GOD, it happened. ‘Pop’ it went in; yes his tip just went in, I could feel it & I knew it. I lowered my body slowly, allowing this massive locomotive slowly puffing into my expanded tunnel till I sat on his groin.

 

Tears of joy streaked along my cheeks while the song floating in the air…

 

... Ooh I've been to Georgia and California, and, anywhere I could run, I took the hand of a preacher man, and we made love in the sun, but I ran out of places, and friendly faces, because I had to be free, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me...   

 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

Stretching my walls, his dick was fully inside me. Gripping the bed sheet & doing nothing, I waited. I breathed in deep, telling myself to stop tensing upon his invasion.

 

“Hey, is it in already?” he asked; what a dumb goose asking such a silly question when he was already rock hard inside of me.

 

“Yeah… c’mon, show time…” I smirked, my walls sucking onto him tightly. Tonight would push the limits of his confidence & my curiosity; surely his problem would be quelled. Rubbing against his groin, my little we-we leaking gobs of hot, sticky precum, "I love your cock inside of me,"

 

“Wows, is warm inside,” he hedged, another dumb answer…

 

“Quiet,” I giggled, pushing his legs further apart; I manoeuvred my legs from the sides of his hip to his inner thighs. Squatted, I began my unraveling, rocking my rosebud against his dick… ha-ha; there would be no turning back for him, I must ‘maken’ him tonight…

 

“Nice?” I asked as sucking & squeezing his dick.

 

“Yes,” he gasped & clenched.

 

“Nice?” chest heaving as I gave another squeezing, inched closer to him.

 

“Yes,” he squirmed & arched, his breathing ratcheted upwards.

 

I repeated the sucking & squeezing, stretching him, pushing him towards the edge bit by bit as he moaned loudly, “Oh… oh, oh, my goodness,” He seemed loving this as I did earnestly. I got no clue that I could have done it, but here I was… he was melting, crumbling, dissipating under my manipulation.

 

“Now your turn, fuck me,” digging my pointed nails into his inner thigh, I said while remained squatting.

 

Still lying he lifted his buttock & thrusting upwards into my excitedly-lubricated rosebud, started off slow & picking up pace gradually.

 

Reciprocating, I resumed rocking down coinciding with his pumping up. The onrushing gathered momentum, the bed squeaked soundly, Eee-err, Eee-err… my breasts bounced & my moaning, erm… erm… erm… the sounds seemingly melting into the atmosphere, liked a symphony; it was sensual, sexual & erotic.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

And then I collapsed, I lurched forwards as fatigue invaded me, my legs numbed after prolonged squatting. Sweating profusely, I stuck up my butt exposing my tingling rosebud, a by-product from our foreplay, “Fuck me, hurry… quick…” swaying my buttock I yelled out while pulling a pillow & placed it underneath my tummy. There was urgency, I urged him on, simply didn’t want him to go soft; this was crazy that I bore the bulk of worrisome.

 

Wasting no time, he sat up, kneeled behind me & downed his muscular build against my petite frame. Hurridly he pushed his dick up against my opening, ramming right into my prostate, hard but was a bit too slow. His hands cupped my breasts, fingers trailing over my nipples while thrusting his hips down sending bolts of pleasure through my body.

 

I screamed loudly, “Yeah, good boy, keep going…” my body convulsed against his onslaught & my legs trembled. Not too long, not too short & not too fatty, he was perfectly moulded to me, birds of a feather flock together & puzzle pieces finally united…

 

His pace increased, each thrust punched furiously up to the hilt as my rosebud rose to meet. I whimpered, "Nice… nice… damn nice…”   

 

Into a blazing inferno, his hips against mine while his thrusting shallow but rapid, he was breathing hard, there would be no turning back for sure, I could tell he was close but I wasn’t prepared to wait much longer, "Fuck me Shawn, fuck me hard," I screeched over my shoulder.

 

"Shoot… shoots inside me…" pulsated with an all-encompassing lust; my instinct told me to apply pressure until he lost his virginity.

 

"Uh huh… trying…” he murmured, his breathing was uneven & his cry was one of desperation, an undeniable hunger for release.

“Yeah… fuck me…” I yelled loudly. Writhing beneath, I arched my back off the pillow slightly in an attempt to get more of him, as much as I possibly could. I squeezed shut my eyes as my walls clenched around him… it would only be a short while longer, I reminded myself, his boiling would come to the surface.

 

"Oh, oh, oh, come… come… I'm cumming…" falling on top of me he yelled out, apparently reaching his peak riding out his orgasm. His body shook violently, bed squeaked loudly, and with a few last thrusts, his crying with wild abandon rang onto my ears.  

 

This ought to be his first sexual intercourse, first inter-body release; more so, inside of me was his throbbing manhood. I went wild with joy, at the stunning sensations & my achievement.

 

His warm fluids burst within me, through my channel, splattered my inner walls, what a mind shattering finale.

 

It was yesterday once more, on those times when I make love with Kong…

 

... Those were such happy times, And not so long ago, How I wondered where they'd gone... Lookin' back on, How it was in years gone by, And the good times that I had, Makes today seem rather sad, So much has changed...

 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

I'm sorry for the very much delay, just came back from my annual pilgrimage on 23rd & was supposed to post the new instalment on 24th evening. Unfortunately this is not done as I couldn't copy & paste from the Window document to this web page per all previous practices. This is driving me mad, something is very wrong on my document.

 

So meanwhile, please pardon me & I will get it fix ASAP.

 

Regards,

[Larry]

Whoa, the repair was done finally. Anyway, I wish all readers a happy & prosperous New Year.

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 11: 最後一夜

 

He laid on top of me breathing heavily, his throbbing dick continued to twitch deep inside me.

 

“Don’t pull out, keep still…” moaning lowly I arched my back making sure his little brother didn’t slip out of his home. Ha… there’s no place like home, I didn’t know what he thought about this, but for me at least, taking delight & satisfaction in nestle his little brother by my little sister was something special… 

 

And then in a blinding flash, my we-we twitched uncontrollably as it got the extra pressure it needed against the pillow. Begging silently for relief, I could feel it approaching, that moment of actuality…

 

And before I knew it, my rosebud jerked involuntarily as cum seeping out of me… hmm, I climaxed, overrode the low libido since I started my route on ‘MtF’ transitioning, yeah, a five months break from the last masturbation… keeping mum not wanting him to know, I bit my lower lip till the orgasm subsided.

 

Frustrating on the absence of avalanche bursting, it was short-lived & feeling of incomplete discharge, something to endure from prolong in taking of female hormone, I sighed… similar to women who were left high & dry with no orgasm while their selfish pigs snoring loudly after satisfying ejaculation.

 

Fortunately this was compensated by the supernova kind of pleasure from the jerking of my presumed vagina. The jerking phenomenon surprised me actually; it was during the time when I trained my rosebud (way before my transitioning) by inserting a butt plug 7/24 to adapt huge cock of Kong & thing happened on one of the evening when I got a wet dream. Since then the phenomenon stays & is getting more prominent.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

There was no regret, no shame as we were swept into a world of pure erotic pleasure. Hands resting along the side of his thigh, our breathing fell into rhythm with one another while the song coming from the radio.

 

And that was it.

 

 

I Never Thought That I Could Love - Dan Hill

 

Can I touch you?
I can't believe that you are real
How did I ever find you?
You are the dream that saved my life, you are the reason I survived
Baby...

 

I never thought that I could love
someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need, someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

 

Can I hold you?
Girl your smile lights up the sky
You are too beautiful for the human eye
You are the dream that never dies, you are the fire that burns inside
Baby...

 

I never thought that I could love
someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need, someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

 

You are the sunshine in the sky
You are the sparkle in my eyes

I never thought that I could love, someone as much as I need you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I know it's true
I never thought that I could need, someone as much as I need you
I LOVE YOU.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

After several minutes, sliding his dick out of me he came down from my back. Head rested beside mine & hand crossed over my buttock, he said, “Wows, so sweaty…” lifting a hand he tucked a few loose hairs behind my ear & attempted to wipe my moist forehead with a tissue taken from the side table.

 

I caught his hand, “Ah, don’t,” I huffed out & settling it back on his own hip.

 

“Thanks for what you did…” moving closer literally nose to nose, he said kissing the side of my mouth.

 

“Is that enough?” I asked cheekily.

 

“Definitely not enough, can’t wait to have another round…” licking a stripe behind my ear, causing me to shiver, he added, “but Jenn, really, without you I don’t think I can do this again,” 

 

“Of course you can do this again, really…” in all he'd done, he still embodied a genuine lack of self-confidence. I struggled to find the right words to disperse his doubtfulness, “err… well… find a reliable partner with patience, tell your likes & dislikes, that's what you need to do,”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Sure, is true,” I smiled at him with my eyes, a genuine sort of assurance I could give shining through in them. I then asked, “You not worry?”

 

“Worry, worry what?” he asked as I met his eyes, a mixture of affection & adoration coming across in his expression.

 

“Well… what happen if I got pregnant?”

 

“Pregnant… oh, yeah… sure,” he laughed broadly. Pulling me into his lap, his body heat radiating to my torso, he continued, “you keep the baby & we get marry.”

 

I blushed & leaned up to kiss him when suddenly the room phone rang.

 

“Hey, time up, I go gets some cleaning,” I said as climbing down the bed, grabbed my dress & walked towards the bathroom.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Jennifer, earlier you talked about getting a reliable partner…” he asked as we heading back to Changi Village.

 

“Ah-ha…”

 

“You wanna be that person?” his eyes glinted with excitement as he gazed at me, and as an afterthought, he added, “I really mean it,"

 

“Raymond, let be honest, tonight my last day in Changi Village. I want to recommend my good friend to you, she is Tracy.”

 

“Last day working… gosh…” he was astonished, pulling the car off the road & looked at me; I felt a mix of need & doubt filling him.

 

“Yeah, I found a job okay. You think I’m destined to work here?” I replied & pretended to be angry.

 

“Sorry, I’m glad that you getting yourself out of the flesh trade, but we can continue our friendship outside, right?”

 

“Raymond, I’m sorry,” I replied, in a glass case of emotion stumped by his undeniable sincerity, “I don’t think is a good idea.”

 

“Why not, I really like you; you'd taken my heart, my soul & held it captive, from the very first day we’d met,” he pressed on, upfront about wanting a serious relationship, “I want you to be my steady girl friend,” 

 

This was supposed to be his wishful opinion, but I disagreed & couldn't look at him, “Don’t be silly, you’re a rich man’s son & I’m a lady boy, your parent will go mad if they know, this doesn’t make sense, okay.”

 

“I don’t care, I care more on our wonderful love making,” bitting his bottom lip, he said wistfully, "I was thrilled and... well, excited from the passion you’d rendered, and… and, the way you squeezed & sucked me was magical, don’t tell me this is not true?”

 

Jesus, what magical squeezing & sucking… I’d gotten a lot of cock here & his just another one… although he came every Saturday but meant nothing, he remained a buyer & I the seller, "You know what; all kinds of men had fucked me as long as they paid & you too with no exception…” I paused, scratching to continue as not to hurt him, after all he is a nice guy, “Yeah we’d hot sex, but just for the joy of it with no obligation expected. I love sex, period, just sex, okay.”

 

The conversation ended with him telling me to give him a call when I could find the time. I did agree that I was pretty inconsiderate of his feelings, but never said anything about calling him again or anything. I remained silent; he remained silent except the song 一场游戏一场梦coming from the CD player as he resumed our ride towards Changi Village.

 

 

不要谈什么分离　我不会因为这样而哭泣　那只是昨夜的一场梦而已
Don’t talk about separation; I won’t cry because of this, it was just a dream last night
不要说愿不愿意　我不会因为这样而在意　那只是昨夜的一场游戏
Don’t talk about willing or not, I don’t really care, it was just a game last night

 

＊那只是一场游戏一场梦　虽然你影子还出现我眼里
    It was just a game just a dream, though your image still appears in my eyes
　在我的歌声中　早已没有你
    In my song, there is no more you
　那只是一场游戏一场梦　不要把残缺的爱留在这里
    It’s just a game just a dream, don’t leave behind any love residue
　在两个人的世界里　不该有你
    In my world, you shouldn’t be around

 

＃喔－为什么道别离　又说什么在一起
     Oh, why talk about goodbye, and then talk about togetherness
　如今虽然没有你　我还是我自己
     Right now without you, I remain myself
　说什么此情永不渝　说什么我爱你
     Talk about enernity of love, talk about I love you
　如今依然没有你　我还是　我自己
    Right now though without you, I remain, myself…

 

Repeat ＊,＃

 

为什么道别离　又说什么在一起
如今虽然没有你　我还是我自己
说什么此情永不渝　说什么我爱你
如今依然没有你　我还是　我自己

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Hey, your CD…”

 

“Just keep it; I got the original… my farewell gift, okay…” I averted his gaze as stepping out of his car. A few tears escaping my eyes, feeling conflict, torn between my relentless and his pain. But one thing was for sure, not a trace of regret within me, only a lingering sense of fulfilment as his seeds flourishing within me.

 

As I walked towards the coffee shop, for my farewell party, I gnawed on my bottom lip; I wanted to persevere, to see this discomfort through until it was replaced by whatever was supposed to follow, the laughing, the bottom ups & the harmless bitching, that someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 11 ---------------------

Edited December 31, 2013 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 12: Getting Ready

 

Dear readers, this is just purely my opinion, i.e. if it's possible, take some time off between jobs, maybe a week or two. It is the wisdom I had acquired during my long working life.

 

Bidding farewell to Changi Village & my fellow sisters, I returned to Aunty Lily’s house & took a two weeks break before reporting work at Shawn place. The short break gave me time to dilute my attachment from my previous workplace. Leaving Amy, Nancy, Tracy, Lulu & many others behind was difficult; in regardless the relationship is good, bad, sweet or sour, sometimes cosy & other times super turbulence. I might not always like those I associated with; sometimes I could barely tolerate them, but I did get used to being around the same gal week after week.

After this break, it would be my first "first," or at least my first significant one in entering the corporate life. I was a little nervous, although there would be a formal orientation by Shawn, but there’s no guarantee it was going to be smooth sail. Overwhelmingly, there would be lots of thing to learn on top of duties & responsibilities, things liked to memorise the names of staff being introduced, to learn the product lines, the working philosophies, the company culture & etc.

 

Also there might be uncertainties ahead of me… as a new girl coming into an establishment where relationships had already been formed, could I blend in? Would there be problems on using the ladies though I was pretty confidence on my look? But the most fearful one was will there be anyone spot me out on working in Changi when I walk through the door on my first day, that’s something even Shawn might fail to foresee?

 

Ling took a two week off; the first week was to help me on stocking up my wardrobe. Cross dressed 7/24 & with solid two over years of corporate working, I trusted her experience & judgement wholeheartedly; letting her to plan what I was going to wear during the first week of work.

 

Well, most of clothing needed to be shelved, or perhaps only for Halloween as she examined through my collection, “Remember, wear conservative outfits to start off, until you figure out what's appropriate & what isn't.”

 

That first week of shop & shop & shop were physical & exhausting… white blouses of long / short sleeves, tight A skirts, skin tone stockings, court shoes conceal my painted toes & etc., wows, it wasn’t easy to be a corporate woman indeed.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

On Monday of the second week, a first time Ling had surgery of any kind; she was actually going ahead with double eyelid surgery. She asked me to come along, for moral support.

 

On a scale of zero to 10, how nervous was she? I asked her the question while seated at the consultation room.

 

"Ten," she said, with no hesitation.

 

Why was she doing it then? She explained that it was more of her colleagues’ influences, "Most of them had the procedure & they keep suggesting, so I thought I might try," 

 

Our conversation was interrupted shortly. "First time here ladies," asked a guy who entered the consultation room, “I’m Dr Tan. Who is going to have the surgery?”

 

Ling responded. He then handed Ling a mirror & used a metal wand on her eyelid, "Okay, let me show you the most suitable location,” he then ran the wand along Ling's eyelid, “for you, the most natural double fold will be ... this."

 

Ling looked in the mirror, stared at her new eyelids & blinked. She looked stunned, "What do you think?" after a long pause, she turned to me & asked.

 

"I don't know," I whispered, “is your decision.”

 

The surgeon did it a few more times. Soon, Ling was admiring her future eyelids from different angles, "Not bad," she murmured & smiled.

 

Not forgetting me, he turned around & asked, “Young girl, your friend is doing, how about you?”

 

Doubled as a sales person, what’s a plastic surgeon as I looked at him blankly & didn’t want to commit, “my assistance will come to you.”

 

"Okay, ready to start, Ling?" asked the surgeon.

 

"Yeah," she says, barely audible, "okay."

 

And with that, Ling was taken to the adjoining treatment room.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

"Does everyone come out from here have the same eyes?" I asked casually as the assistant came to the room.

 

The assistant looked un-disturbed by my question & showed me two photos, one of an Asian woman & the other of a Caucasian woman, "This two came here & got some facial surgeries, they look not the same isn’t?" he asked.

 

“Yeah, they look extremely different.”

 

“Many of us were way too quick to jump to conclusions on plastic surgery; there is no standard of beauty, why would plastic surgeon want to make everyone looking the same?”

 

His subtext was clear, individual facial characteristic is to determine the degree of remodeling. Still, part of me wasn't convinced. Anyhow, I let him examined my face reluctantly. After examining me for less than 10 seconds, he said, "Eyes, nose & cheeks."

 

“Ah-ha…” I'd been expecting this sort of sales talk but was prepared to listen on.

 

"First of all, the eyes," he got straight to the point, "you will look pretty with double eyelid done,"

 

Putting a hand mirror in my palm, he placed a long needle-thin metal wand on my right eyelid, "Close your eyes," he said.

 

"Open your eyes," he said. When I opened my eyes, he dragged the wand across my eyelid. Magically, my right eyelid now had a double fold, "Have you seen yourself like that before?" he asked.

 

I blinked & the new eyelid disappeared.

 

"Second thing," he said, "your nose looks flat & short."

 

Brutal but true, me too typically flat Chinese noses… Touching the space between my eyes, he continued, "Raising the bridge here; your nose will look sharper,"

 

"Uh-huh," rubbing my nose self-consciously, I asked, "and the third thing?"

 

"The cheeks," he said, "plumping it up will make your face more dimensional."

 

He showed me how my face would be altered by altering my profile on the computer screen. I was presented with a subtly improved elegant version of myself with a higher, straighter nose. This guy made a convincing case.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Ling’s operation took about 15 minutes; her eyelids were swollen & angry-looking as she came out from the treatment room.

 

After three days, she would be able to wear make-up & in the next fortnight, all swelling should have gone down, such were the assurance given by the surgeon. Laughing with relief, Ling told me that the entire thing was easier than going to the dentist.

 

As for me, Dr Tan offered several quotes, eyelids $2500, nose augmentation $4000 & face lifting another $1500, total bill $8000.
Days later, I was still examining my face closely in the mirror, feeling vaguely depressed.

 

Would I look prettier with these procedures? Absolutely as I looked into the mock-up photo of myself given by the clinics… Did I need to have them done? Yes I liked to, but there was no urgency, caused I was still able to attract a few suitors… And would they make me look a little Eurasian? I guessed not or maybe… And honest to myself, I probably wouldn't complain if I did look a little Eurasian, what’s wrong?

 

Alarmed by what's going through my head, I put away the mirror. Reality struck me; $8000 was a real big sum.

 

The cosmetic market is very lucrative so there are lots of doctors who do cosmetic surgery, maybe I can get a cheaper offer, I told myself as I shelved the quotes & mock-up photo in the bottom of a drawer.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 12 ---------------------

Edited January 8, 2014 by Larry

[Guest fan]

Can't wait for you to report about starting the new job. :clap:  :clap:  :clap:

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 13: Getting Ready

 

Today was my first day at work, I was nervous. It could be intimidating, even though the firm belongs to Shawn but I had no idea what to expect – new environment, unknown job scope & potentially office politics.

 

I told myself to be brave; it was Shawn who wanted me, I didn’t volunteer myself for the job. I thought never going to find my niche & letting my knowledge on engineering study slipping away, fortunately Shawn came to the rescue, to turn my study into a career.

 

The night before, I asked Ling about appropriate dress code & picked out what I was going to wear. So this morning I put on a long-sleeved white blouse, beneath it a brassiere of skin tone cupping my fine pair of boobies & black tight skirt which neatly blanketed my curvy butt. Completed with a pair of small gold ear-ring, I looked into the mirror, gone the bewitching flamboyant street hooker & came a lightly make-up office lady. After breakfast with Ling, we walked to the bus stop but took different buses as we worked in different industrial estates. I took the SBS to Bukit Merah Central whereas Ling took the TIBS to Ayer Rajah Crescent.

 

Located on third floor of a JTC factory, I didn’t know the time I had to be in, but somehow arrived at around 830 am, not too far off from 815, the official working time. The receptionist was actually waiting for my arrival & the HR executive came shortly bringing me to the conference room. The first thing she told me was nothing but paperwork, the usual paperwork of filling out job application form when starting a new job, “Sorry, Miss Koh, boss is not in yet. Can I get you a coffee?”

 

Flicking through the four pages of application form, I was a little miffed on filling up the lengthy form. Since I was already promised a job by Shawn, why bothered to go through such formality, but on second thought, it was a necessary evil, maybe I could help to bring down the number of pages in the future.

 

After I was done with the paperwork, I found a few company brochures & magazines around the room, reading through to find out key information on types of business & looking forward to meet Shawn as soon as possible. I was starving, as the first day at work, I was too nervous & ate very little, moreover, I felt a pressing need to pee - oh well, probably caused by the coffee served to me.

 

Bang on at 10 (I found out later on that 10 is the official morning break time), Fatimah the HR executive came to the room, “Miss Koh, sorry to keep you waiting, boss is on the way from airport,” she then asked if I wanted to go to the canteen with her. I agreed, of course; grabbing my bag I followed, and the top priority was to the ladies.

 

When we arrived, the canteen was packed & different stalls all around. She went straight for Indian Prata whereas I hesitated for a few seconds before opting for soup noddle. I finished my bowl fast; sipping my tea I sat watching her enjoying hers. She smiled readily & chatted a little, but I noticed, she didn't seem to talk a single bit about the company, but on weather, fashion & transportation. I enjoyed her company & she didn’t make a second guess on my real sex.

 

And all off a sudden, Shawn with a food tray stood beside our table, “Sorry, sorry, flight delay…”

 

“Morning boss,” said Fatimah while clearing the empty plate to the next table.

 

“Hi, Jennifer, welcome. I’m happy to have you joining my company today,” said Shawn as he sat facing me diagonally.

 

I looked up shyly but somehow took his hand that stretching across the table. Meantime, Fatimah became very quiet, not the same smiling girl I'd been chatting 20 seconds earlier, her change was apparent from the moment Shawn sat down.

 

“Boss, I go back first,” said Fatimah as she stood up excusing herself.

 

“Miss Fatimah, thanks, I take over from here,” said Shawn, “And by the way, please put Miss Koh’s application on my desk,”

 

Note: Fatimah, one of the key persons during my tenure here, she is young, pretty, cheerful but more importantly tight mouth, no gossiping & trust-worthy. Though she didn’t report to me, we worked closely on human resource matters within the Operations Department.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I waited till Fatimah was some distance away from us & spoke softly, “Wows, so bossy,”

 

“Hey, you look absolutely stunning & classy,”

 

“Rubbish, anyway I can’t stop you; after all you’re the boss, right?”

 

“Yeah, you just said I’m bossy, so this is my privilege,”

 

It was so nice to get in a little relaxation time with Shawn before my chaos began. Shawn offered to have another cup of coffee but I declined, hmm… otherwise too much liquid in my bladder & needed another toilet visit. Anyway I sipped my own tea & he got another coffee, we talked freely treating him just as an old varsity friend & not the boss of the company that I would be working.

 

Back to his room, he went the extra mile on my duties & how my performance would be evaluated, no nonsense, no hanky-panky & strictly business. First he reiterated my appointment, the Operation Manageress & reporting to him the Managing Director of the company. And when he talked about span of control, I was taken aback, what… span of control? Oh my god, I wasn’t prepare to have people working under me.

 

“Shawn, I’m thinking maybe I’m not suitable…”

 

“Problem…”

 

“Yeah, the span of control you just mentioned,” I replied sheepishly.

 

“Hello, you did your national service & you’re an army officer, so basically this is people management. No big deal, isn’t?” 

 

“But…” I was dumbfounded… yeah, no doubt I was trained in people control but that time I was still in guy mode, but now… gosh, I hated to be in the limelight, in particular in gal mode.

 

“No but okay, I’d already made known your appointment to all department heads, you think this is child play,” this was one of the times that he spoke sternly.

 

“Don’t worry I’ll help you,” not waiting for my response, he went ahead with the details, i.e. except Accounts & HR, the rest would report to me, from purchasing, planning, QC, warehouse, shipping & security.

 

It was unnerving as he touched on scope & responsibility,

1. Job scope: Ensure on time deliveries, liaison with certification agencies, prepare & review technical specifications, correction actions to customer complaints & prepare monthly sales report.
2. Responsibility: Delegate work to staff, manage their workload / performance / discipline & appraisal, recruitment / training & induction

“Don’t be afraid to ask questions, okay,” he kept reminding me.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 13: Getting Ready

 

He then talked about the need to project the right image, as people may watch me closely, to watch & stay out of office politics, and strength & weakness of HR Executive Fatimah, the Accountant & a few of my key subordinates. After just one hour over, my head was spinning with information overload.

 

“Hey, don’t expect to absorb all what I’d said;” said Shawn, “I’m here anytime for you,”

 

“Shawn, can tell me something about my staff, are they okay?” I asked my first question.

 

“Well, they are good, bad & ugly, but is better for you to fish them out,” said Shawn, "keep your mind open & listen," he continued, "facts finding, analyse & judge impartially because some of them may try to fool you, and then messing the whole thing into office politicking,"

 

I looked at him & listened quietly to the so-called ‘lecture’, no interruption except the um, okay, yes, yeah, ah-ha & nodding my head. That was his first guidance, that that bit of advice a valuable one. My perception against him changed slightly, from a flamboyant rich man son to a business minded entrepreneur.

 

Little did neither he nor I realise that that wisdom of his became the foundation of my career, what Shawn taught me about people management in the one year I toiled at his company was the most invaluable guidance I got in the first 10 years of my career, guiding me through my climb as an operations director at a multi-national disc drive manufacturer. Whether to my superiors or to the people I would interview, I had learned it was far more important to listen in what people were trying to say than to get distracted by the visuals of the situation. I realised also that many the times I were able to avoid the embarrassment of bringing up something that may already had been assessed & dropped. To this day, I credit that one lesson I learned, i.e. just listen, and then learn.

 

The orientation was lengthy, surpassed the stipulated lunch hour; throughout I could see his enthusiasm trying to build up my confidence.

 

Finally emerged from his room we make a tour around the general office, I was shown the pantry which equipped with microwave & coffee machine, next a cubicle with photocopiers, fax machines & paper shredder, and a place with table & chairs if to lunch in (Shawn disallowed people eating in conference room).

 

I was taken for a quick hi-bye as we first entered the rooms for HR & followed by Accounts consecutively, “Hi, meet Miss Koh, our new Operations Manager,” said Shawn as he made the introduction. And outside the two rooms was the general office which housed the operations staff, again Shawn make the introduction, “Hello, meet Miss Koh, your new boss,”

 

And he gave me a big surprise, he showed me my room, wows an 8 by 10 room, small but enough for an office desk, a wooden cabinet & two chairs for visitors, with front wall half-glassed tucking in one corner overlooking the general office. I felt pamper, except Shawn the MD, I was the only one with a room all by myself, yeah, the HR Executive Fatimah & the Accountant did have their rooms, but they were sharing with their own staff.

 

After touring the General Office, we took a lift down to ground floor which housed the warehouse, production, shipping, QC & security. We stopped at a door where I noticed at once through the glass panel that there’re people eating inside the room, Shawn looked at his watch & me, "This is ridiculous," he said.

 

“Shawn…” I looked at him inquisitively.

 

“Don't look so frightened, see how I handle it, okay,” he said, then turning from me he shouted over a guy just walking past us, "Ah Guan, please tell Chong to gather everybody at the meeting room."

 

"Chong is the production supervisor,” he spoke sternly as we walked towards the room, “here is the real battle ground. Remember, be firm & take disciplinary action if necessary, I hate to see people not observing the stipulated lunch hour, unless there are good reasons,”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Hey, remember to make eye contact when introduce yourself,” he whispered near to my ear.

 

The noisy room went dead silent as we stood at the room entrance. Glancing at us over their shoulders, it was packed with a crowd of twenty over people, seated, stood, leaning against the wall & a few sat on the top of cabinets lining along the window, spreading their legs widely. Gosh… here came the三教九流, what’s a bunch of people from all trades, just liked the Hokkien platoon I commanded during my full-time national service, except this time there’re uncles, aunties & young ladies, this was going to be tricky.

 

“Chong, everybody in?” asked Shawn as we stepped into the room.

 

“Yes, boss, except the delivery men,” answered the production supervisor.

 

“Chong, I need one more chair,” asked Shawn as there was only one chair available.

 

Very quickly a chair was left vacant & Shawn asked me to sit beside him. I stumbled into the bit of space made for me & sat down drawing my knees closed together. Looking around, the people were so close to me at each side, I felt the heat & sweaty odour of their bodies & shrank myself backwards.

 

Shawn then made the announcement, “Hi everybody, I’m travelling quite a lot these days & Miss Koh is here to assist me, so please meet the new operations manager,”

 

There’re less than enthusiastic clappings upon Shawn’s announcement. Putting up a smile, I paid my compliment, “Hello, everybody….” My face felt so burning hot that I could scarcely see as they looked at me from head to foot. Shawn then invited all supervisors to introduce themselves in the circle with the direction, “Tell Miss Koh your name, job title & your scope of work,”

 

The first two guys did their introduction bashfully, but came the third person, the tenseness loosen a little as someone made joke of his nickname, “Fatty Wong…” The group jeered loudly, but I could see it was a harmless one; this was great fun resulting in relaxed shoulders all around.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 13: Getting Ready

 

Soon after the five supervisors from QC, Production, Store, Shipping cum Security & lastly Maintenance did their introductions, Shawn took over the centre stage. He commended them for the able manner in handling the departments but he stated he wanted more, “And Miss Koh is here to help bring the more, alright?” asked Shawn as he looked around.

 

The response was lukewarm, apparently did not agree with Shawn totally. Nevertheless Shawn pounding on, besides revealing my academic credentials, he added on, “leading a squad of 30 over personnel, she had three years as a brigade logistic officer in the army after graduation,”

 

I was taken aback but kept mum on the distorted facts, first was his shuffling on the sequence of events, study then army instead of army then study, which skilfully camouflaged my NS stint as a guy, next was his overstatement & exaggeration on my role & responsibility in the army, I was the quartermaster not logistic officer as he mentioned, but I fully understood why he did this.

 

In summary, he reminded them that he would not tolerate any form of insubordination, stressing that they should take my instructions consciously, extend basic courtesies & support wholeheartedly, and ended with the following statement, “Give her your love & I’m sure she will give you hers,”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Whilst the staff streaming out of the meeting room, Chong & two other female workers were asked to stay back. Shawn went over on that incident & asked the production supervisor in the most stern but polite fashion, “Chong, I saw two of your workers eating in the rest room outside the official lunch hour, are you aware about this?”

 

“Yes, they went out for personal errands & got no time to eat…”

 

“So you allow them to eat during working hours, ah-ha…” said Shawn as he threw his pen upon the table, raising the corner of his mouth he continued, “others needed to work extra to cover their absent, do you think this is fair?”

 

“Sorry boss, I’ll make sure this’ll not happen again…” answered Chong with a red face.

 

“Don’t say sorry to me…” said Shawn as he turned to look at the two female workers who bent their heads real low, "now you two, you know I always talk about teamwork, if you feel that this is not important then I ask that you leave this company."

 

Looking at their supervisor desperately, the girls said nothing. And courageously Chong spoke up, “Sorry boss, this is the first time this has happened, is my mistake in allowing this. They’re good workers & have clean records…”

 

"Okay, let’s see what Miss Koh going to say," said Shawn as he turned to look at me.

 

All at once the thought came, ‘It would be a bonus if I give this a happy ending, and maybe Shawn is giving me this opportunity.’

 

I cleared my throat & began hastily, “I can see… well, you girls had shown remorse for your actions, and Mr. Chong… your righteousness in defending your workers impressed me, I respect & applause that…” I paused for continuation, “but the basis for teamwork should also take into account,”

 

I then suggested to Shawn to let it go this time, just a verbal warning, and Shawn agreed readily.

 

My hands trembled, at last it was done, a happy ending, I felt very happy. Chong & the two girls became my good helpers from that day onwards, a real bonus indeed.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

We didn’t go for lunch.

 

“Jennifer, I’m taking an early off, pretty sleepy now,” said Shawn as we took the lift up to the third floor main office, “Fatimah will take over from me for this afternoon, on administration issues like email login, issuance of access card & etc., okay,”

 

When asked for his advice for my first day, Shawn replied seriously, “At the end of the day, review & list the people you’d met & their titles as much as you can recall, this will help you remember who’s who in the organisation. Beside skills, experience & training to do the work, your staff’ nod of approval & leaving a good impression is just as important & should never be overlooked.”

 

When asked for his advice on my dressing, Shawn said with a laugh, “perfect, and don’t forget to include a petticoat on top of your colour panties, ha-ha,”

 

And last instruction from him for the day as he led me to my room was, "I need to see you first thing in the morning, eight o’clock sharp here, okay" and the last word whilst stepping out of the room was “Now that you’ve breezed through the first half, all the best for the rest,”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

After sometime of reading up on company products, Fatimah called me into my room, "Welcome, Miss Koh. You know, 'Miss Koh' seems so... formal. Do you have a Christian name?"

 

“Christian name…?”

 

She explained that 'Miss Koh' gave the perception of a formal, almost cold persona. She felt that a Christian name could help the staff to relate to me in a more folksy way.

 

"Jennifer," I said hesitantly.

 

"Jennifer," she mused, "wows, fair lady… yeah, you got fair skin, and it suits you neatly."

 

I was briefed by her on policies, procedures & company culture. During the briefing, I received mixed messages, completely different from Shawn. And lastly I was taken around to meet the rest of the employees one more time, and this time the name Jennifer was formally introduced.

 

Okay, that’s about all for my first day first job, goodnight.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 13 ---------------------

Edited February 17, 2014 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

So in the evening after dinner, I spoke about the day events while Ling listened intensely. And when I talked about his advice on my dressing that to have a petticoat on top of the colour panties, she laughed & nodded her head knowingly, “Small sister, I can tell that this Shawn really dote you a lot,”

 

“No way, he likes guy, he is a gay, okay.”

 

“I know nothing on his gayness, but I’m pretty sure he likes you, he kept asking things about you, ever since your first time to our luncheon… and remained unchanged despite I told everyone about your romance with Kong,”

 

I doubted her accuracy but she blamed me for being self centre & took no notice of others except Kong. “Sis, you can’t blame me, Kong was genuinely my first love, whom I shall never forget,” I retorted.

 

“Yeah you failed to realize that he never absent himself for all lunch dates that involved you, just to see your face, stared at you, smiled & laughed no matter how crappy your joke was. And do you know he was heartbroken when he knew you liked someone else, but learned to conceal it?”

 

“Wows, why didn’t you tell me this things… I shouldn’t accept the job offer,”

 

That evening I was sleepless, my mind was preoccupied with this thing infatuation… maybe his was just a passing one, not to be taken seriously. It could sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between infatuation & being enthusiastic, for all he did helping to get me back to the right track.

 

I forced myself to sleep, really, just liked what’s Ling had said, look forwards & move one step at a time, he was definitely not my cup of tea, hopefully his infatuation and or enthusiasm would ebb as soon as possible.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Hand holding hand, we walked towards the bus stop. Feeling so comfortable, Ling, my totes besty was right; to look sweet & pretty was great, a convincing female profile was definitely better than looking a feminine man with trouser.

 

Here we were… my polka-dot blouse & white skirt versus her white blouse & polka-dot skirt. What would people think of us? What would they say? Would they be pleasantly surprised & think we make a pair of attractive young siblings? Such was the romantic friendship between us, growing up together, we were just about as close as from two brothers to two sisters can get; she was my perfect big sister.

 

As I told her I didn’t sleep well for the previous evening, bothered by Shawn’s infatuation, she comforted me, "Don't think too much, and go show your capability not a bimbo," 

 

I took a taxi instead the bus soon after Ling boarded her bus; I got to be early by eight as requested by Shawn. Inside the taxi, many thoughts were passing through my mind, there was no turning back now, and Ling was right, I ought to show everyone that every penny Shawn vested on me were well spent.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I arrived 10 minutes before eight, the main door was unlocked but the reception was empty.

 

"Good" I thought, and moved across the partitioned general office towards my room, making past several early birds who had their backs turned & facing their tables.

 

Sitting on my chair, I laid out the newspaper that brought from home & started reading the headlines. And at one moment when I took out the face powder & touching up my face, I was taken aback & almost mess-up my make-up when the office cleaning lady slipping in unnoticed.

 

Other than that incident, everything was calm superfically; deep in my heart there were intense range of feelings, coupled with sweaty palms, rapidly beating heart & butterflies in the stomach while waiting for Shawn for my first ordinary day at work.

   
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

“Morning,” I took my eyes off the newspaper & found Shawn standing at the door. Holding two paper cups of drink, he handed me one, huh, a cup of teh-O, my preferred drink… he could still remember despite a four years break, obviously he ought to have a crush on me?

 

I was pretty sure now since I got wind of his infatuation; that he paid attention on my hobby during those lunch meets - my first two year in the university, together with Ling & two other musketeers, Dave & Desmond (I like coffee for its aroma when it was fresh & hot, but dislike the belching & the left behind stale came from people mouth, as such TEA is always my first choice & coffee last if get no other options).

 

Before I could return his compliment, he continued, “Come, bring your drink & follow me to the ground floor.”

 

“Wait, do I need to bring anything?” I asked.

 

“A notebook if you want,” he replied.

 

Inside & down the lift, he talked about to attend the daily production briefing, to bring key staff from all sections together & gave a voice to the ones that had been ignored or overlooked, material which might cause line-down, follow-up on production status & etc. The meeting would be held at 825 a.m., a ten minutes grace after 815 allowing time for all heads to settle down their departments before attending.

 

We sipped our drinks & walked slowly towards the loading bay, the meeting place, “Well, you don’t have to be technically competent, but manage & control are top priority,” Shawn is a big believer in getting involved & he wanted me to get involved too. I figured it’s helpful for my job as department head not to miss anything & to function efficiently.

 

As far as sequence of meeting, it basically went around first by Planning, next Production & followed by the rest of the people. 

  
“Thomas, you heard that,” Shawn fired the first salvo, he asked sternly towards the buyer upon hearing the about to fail coming Saturday delivery brought up by Susan the planner, “how is the part status now?”

 

Thomas replied sheepishly, “Herman (the vendor) said he can make partial delivery this afternoon,”

 

“Can you people wait? I can’t…” looking around he asked loudly.

 

He then turned towards Thomas, “You go there immediately after meeting, wait & hand carries back whatever is available before lunch, understand? We have to show there is urgency. And, arrange a meeting with Herman Susanto, Miss Koh & myself we will attend,”

 

Listening quietly & taking down notes, I witnessed the very first problem, a tough one actually. I was a little worry, how could I fill the role of their manager, and with a bunch of people I was still very much unacquainted? Anyway, good that Shawn was here, seeing how he handled the case. Frankly I was impressed but feeling his bossiness at the same time.

 

My silence led to an interesting situation towards the end of the meeting when Shawn asked, “Miss Koh, do you have any questions?”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

Idiot Shawn, what question could I have? But how could I complain, after all he was the boss & he had this privilege.

 

I cursed but composed quickly before replying, that candidly I was blurred liked sotong, which got a good chuckle from the rest, “But… yes, I promise you people I would do catching-up, so before I’m ready, I hope our big boss can accompany me a few more times.”

 

I looked at Shawn & found him smiling & nodding his head readily.

 

With the twenty minutes-long meeting completed, we took the lift heading back to third floor, and meanwhile my mind was pre-occupied with lots of new things to do till Shawn asked probably twice about how I felt about the meeting.

 

I told it was quite turbulence & would be a challenge to put the house in order. Shawn agreed there was politicking among the staff but I told him I wanted to deal with it myself. Most definitely, I did not want to mention that doing this was to prove I was worth the money, so, I told him this would be a good opportunity to practice & learn more about people management.

 

Out of the lift & standing on the gangway, he said while looking deep onto my eyes, “listen, my door is always open for you, you can come to me anytime you want,”

 

Moving my head away from his staring, I looked down at my painted toes, I was red-faced, I felt so uneasy, wasn’t this some kind of sexual harassment?

 

“Do what you need to do, I will not interfere but watch you dearly from the side,” watch me dearly… gosh, another loathsome remark.

 

“Oh,” I answered vaguely & walked away quickly towards my room. I was a quiet & reserved person and I didn’t want to protest.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

CALENDAR: The first thing I did was putting the information gathered from the meeting on the table calendar with respect to the deadlines. I always like this part of the process, when I first receive a delivery schedule. It makes me feel much more organized & in-control.

 

CONTACTS: After dealing with the calendar, I asked for a telephone directory from Fatimah listing names of staff, job titles & their extension numbers. I highlighted people who attended the meeting this morning to make it easier when I needed to call anyone of them. Two days later, I got a new directory from her, this time mine was added.

 

DELIVERY SCHEDULE: Ah, one thing was clear at this meeting, that there was lots of firefighting, - hallelujah – no one was really on top of the bolla, in particular Chong, the production supervisor. Was there a spreadsheet for all deliveries? I needed to interview the two planners to have a complete overview.

 

LIST OF VENDORS: last of my list for the time being would be to have a list of vendors & their delivery performance. For this I needed to have a meeting with the buyer & discussed with Shawn what actions to be taken for those unreliable suppliers.

 

With my approach being mapping out, I steadily became more excited, yet nervous & anxious about taking these steps all in my own stride. What was going to happen? Whom would I meet first? Would they reveal all hiccups? Would they share their experiences? Would this be the best way without Shawn participation? Would I chicken out?

 

I didn’t really know any of these answers until end of the week when I told Shawn not to come to the meeting starting from the new week. He was pretty surprised that I had enough guts to conduct the meeting by myself.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Guest guest]

as a new manager, i enjoyed reading this part of your story as it gives me lot of how to on people management. thanks,

[Larry]

On 3/22/2014 at 2:54 PM, guest said:

as a new manager, i enjoyed reading this part of your story as it gives me lot of how to on people management. thanks,

 

Thanks. We learn from each other, okay. So do come in to this forum & share with us your experience.

 

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

So for the remaining first week, I was stuck with all my staff on one-on-one discussions / interviews. Being an introvert, I still consider myself a pretty easy person to get along with, but during these sessions, I realized it was not an easy one.

 

There were few oddballs amongst them, first was the ‘I already know sure failed one’ aftermath heroes, good in criticizing all failures, and then this annoying shipping supervisor who boasted pompously about his link with Shawn’s family. I was putted off by his attitude of Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am, hinting that he wanted certain level of privilege; I strongly believed he had used this Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am frequently in the workplace as a weapon.

 

And last but not least was the assistant buyer who deemed super negative in anything & everything, I just wondered after she left my room, "Why are you here? And if the company is that screw-up, why force yourself to stay?"

 

Friday afternoon I walked to Shawn’s room, main purpose was to inform him I was ready to attend the daily meeting alone. He smiled & repeated the same crap that his door was always open.

 

After that he started asking about the meetings with my staff & I told about those strange characters & situations experienced. During the course of conversation, I made a couple negative comments about the company; indirectly, I started complaining about his management style.

 

Looking at me angrily in the eye like I just opened a can of worm, he said, point blank, “Yes, I agree that many bad things they had done,” he then leaned in & continued, “but you may not know some of them had went through thick & thin with me during the early days of the company & remain loyal to me,”

 

It caught me off guard hearing such reply; blood rushing to my cheeks, whoa… unlike many business people who did the hire & fire where performance was the objective of staff-boss relationship, right in front of me was a company CEO who did the reverse, stayed grateful to staff whose performances were below par but sticking around through thick & thin. It was indeed one of the most honorable character traits; I started to look at this man differently.

 

I started feeling foolish & in an attempt to backpedal I replied, “Sorry, I guess I am too judgmental…”

 

He smiled & said, “No, is not your fault, we always look at failure but forget about good things people had done, it’s a psychological default for most people.” he paused to make eye contact, “but Jennifer, you’re now running the operation so you call the shot. Don’t live with problems.” 

 

I looked at him puzzlingly while he continued, “Give them time to change. And fire anyone who still doesn’t fit the bill, not excluding my long distance cousin,” 

 

“You sure… your long distance cousin,” I asked.

 

“Yes, if you still find him abuse his background,” he replied assertively.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

So today I had my first production meeting, and I conducted it without the presence of Shawn.

 

Making reference to a spreadsheet I’d prepared for all deliveries, I tracked the status on production, monitored receiving of raw materials & shipping of final goods. As the operation manager, I knew very well I was to double as the ‘traffic controller’, making sure that production ran smoothly.

 

I took very few notes about what were said from all people, apparently the process of meeting with all staff individually paid off. Despite being with these people who surely worked more than a week than I had, I never felt like I didn’t know what everybody was talking about.

 

Immediately after the meeting, I updated & printed a revised copy on smaller bits of information trickled in.

 

My next instinct was to let Shawn know about the spreadsheet I did & update me if there was anything missed out, so I sent also another copy to Shawn’s pigeon slot. (Note: with no email, clerk nor secretary for Shawn during those days, hard copies were to be sent personally to targeted pigeon slots located centrally next to photocopier, individual needed to make frequent checks for new copies. Hand carried directly for attention only on confidential or urgent stuff)

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

After sending out the spreadsheet, I decided to spend the remaining morning in the production, go for lunch & then back to production for the afternoon.

 

But before taking the lift down to production, I went to the ladies. Standing in front of the mirror, I checked my make-up making sure it was not heavy & lip not too reddish. What’s in my mind was that my making-up was not to impress the factory workers, and what I preferred was they focused on my ability that I was up to the job.

 

I stared at my arch shaped eyebrows; they’re trimmed too thinly that projected the image of seductress. I penciled them to look thicker but the result was far from desirable, just didn’t look natural… I got to thinking of dabbing some brandy on them to speed up the growing & wondered just how they had affected my desire to be perceived as a girl-next-door for the time being.

 

My thought around this girl-next-door went deeper… hmm, gone was the dolling up dangerously sexy like those Changi Village days, but going to work with bare face & simple clothes was equally unprofessional. Looking straight onto the mirror there’s a replica of my JC math’s teacher, I was wearing short sleeve white blouse with two front pockets & a tight knee length blue skirt rounding my buttocks, I was in daze… I was no better than those corporate women we found as briefed by Fatimah during our lunch outings, what they wore were just plain, monotonous white top & black bottom in various forms of dress.

 

The factory was not a convent, I was young & not too ugly okay, I agreed to have the make-up understated, but I wouldn’t want to be conditioned by my job status & behaved to such conservative look.

 
From time to time I liked to experiment different looks, my idea was to look fashionable, professional & yet maintain individuality. Well, this could only happen at a later stage not now, when all staff familiarized with me… The multicoloured silk dress, butterfly hairpin & crystal ear studs from Isetan, completed with a little strategic makeup & well-styled hair, yes, the style with the right level of palatably feminine.

 

Of course it would be nice if my workers compliment me, but to feel good about myself was primarily, nothing to do with what men thought about my body. To look pretty was meant to address my femininity, my beliefs on my selected gender & my privilege as a female.

 

I wasn’t sure how long I stood in front of the mirror before someone entered the room, my wild thinking dissipated quickly as I walking out of the ladies.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Gemba (現場) means actual place, in Manufacturing, it is the production shop floor. And as the operation manager, I told myself I must walk the floor routinely, know all peoples & understand all processes. Being my maiden walk today, I cleared my mind; I wanted my presence; body language & attire were by themselves a message to the work force, that my walk was not a leisure walk. Taking myself to the front lines, it was an opportunity to get my feet wet. The objective of the Gemba Walk was to understand the process & identify problems rather than do a meet & greet.

 

Less than two minutes from the moment I stepped into the production floor, Chong the production supervisor walked to me hurriedly, apparently someone saw me & ran to inform him. I told him my purpose was to walk through the shop floor & learn about its current state, understand existing production system & allocation of labor resources.

 

He walked along with me & did the orientation. We first visited the metal stamping area. There’re five, all manual operated & I could identify them almost immediately. They were indeed antiques as its picture could be found from my text book (machines that printed on text book are at least 10 years behind time, this was told by a lecturer when doing workshop technology in the university).

 

I moved forward to get a better look & saw that operator’s hands were strapped to safety chains while loading metal part to the stamping die. From the text book, I knew that the chains would jerk the hands out of the stamping bed before activating the punch of coming down.

 

Up close, the sound of the stamping cannoned in my ears; I couldn’t help but used my fingers to press down the tragus blocking the ear canal (note: my pointed nails unsuited to stuff my ears). I could see Chong smiling at the corner of his mouth for such girlish behavior.

 

Looking at the all-male working environment, I asked Chong whether women sign up for this work. “We had one previously,” he says, “but resigned. This job is oily, noisy & sometime dangerous when the safety device fails to work,” 

 

Ouch, I’d found a problem that I might be able to contribute.

 

Our next stop was the component assembly area. Chong tried to explain the various assemblies but the big number of pneumatic screwdriver made so much din that I couldn’t hear clearly.

 

As we passed a section that doing rubber assembly, contact adhesive was applied to large pieces of rubber laying on the work bench allowing both surfaces some time to dry before pushing together. The air was thick with fumes came from the adhesive used & my sense of smell was greatly offended. I didn’t dare linger for too long & pitied people working on & around the area.

 

Ouch, here came the second problem.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Came lunch time, I invited him to join me in the canteen next to our building. A more lively conversation came up during the meal when Chong told me about his family, his home staying wife & two school going kids. Boasting that his elder son was currently in Raffles Institution studying science, he then talked about raising kids & the educational fee. 

 

He started asking me some questions about my experience with NUS, and what I thought about the tuition fee. I didn’t mind too much as long as he didn’t touch on my personal life.

 

“Maybe you can let your son to give tuitions during his free time, but of course not affecting his school work,” I said.

 

“Give tuitions…” he replied while looking at me puzzlingly.

 

“Yes, I did that since JC all the way to university. So I could do so can your son, alright,”

 

Overall the conversation was fruitful, it gave me opportunity to understand him better, a genuine family man, and I was impressed. Also his good manner earned my respect.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 14: 8 To 5

 

After lunch, we parted way but I told Chong I would be back to production later on, and this time I preferred to be left alone, also I asked him to inform the cleanroom’s section leader as I’d like to check out the place which was skipped in the morning (because of my high heels). 

 

Back to my room, I attended to new incoming memos. After that I replaced my high heels with a pair of sandal & bundling up my long hairs before going down to production.

 

Holding a piece of paper which carried names of section leader & sections attached to given by Chong, my purpose this time was to meet them individually. I needed to know them, gain their trust, support & create two-way communication, so that I could deal with them directly not solely relied on Chong of any emergencies.  

 

My first stop was the cleanroom. Contacted via the intercom, the section leader came out of the cleanroom & greeted me at the gowning area. With her assistance, I tucked my hairs all under the hair cover making sure no exposing of loose hairs & wore shoe covers over my sandals. Entered the Class 10,000 cleanroom, I sucked in the clean cold air, enjoying the quiet environment bounded by the double-layer glass wall which effectively cut off the noises of movement, people & machine outside.

 

This was my first exposure to cleanroom, I saw first-hand running of the area & listened attentively as she briefed on all work processes, cleanroom discipline & vitally housekeeping maintenance, “No sweeping, dusting but mopping only, use the special cleaning & disinfecting solutions, with dedicated mops, wipers, water bucket & wringer,” she told that the cleaning should be done daily, on work benches, glass frames, floors in cleanroom & gowning area, door & etc., “improper cleaning can lead to contamination & eventually end product failure.” 

 

Handing backed the protective gears & thanking the lady section leader for the colourful orientation, I walked out of the gowning area with lots of question, yeah, lots of question relevance to the technology which was not learnt previously, I probably needed to visit the campus library & seek out relevant information…. yeah, years later, I really never imagined the effort I put in had help me of landing a job in a world famous disc drive company.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I walked the rest of production floor. Unlike the flow-layout cleanroom, it operated as a job-shop with no collection of flow lines, of which similar equipment (stamping press, electric screwdriver) & processes (gluing, manual assembly) were grouped accordingly.

 

When an order arrived, it travelled in a jumbled routing & might return to the same machine again according to the defined sequences. This had resulted in massive material handling & high work-in-progress (WIP) inventories in which small batches of a variety of custom products were made.

 

I observed quietly, the production floor was just liked a fish market, there were lots of shouting & directing. Chong & his section leaders were running here & there to make things moved. The chaotic situation was further aggravated when Susan the planner came down to the shop floor, I asked her for details & she told that to expedite a job that was not done in the desired pace.

 

I knew I was watched by everybody, in particular when I asked questions & listened to replies. Overall I refrained from giving instructions, my approach was much similar to the famous phrase used by Fujio Cho, Toyota Chairman, “Go see, ask why, show respect.” where I read from a productivity journal years later.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

‘Nothing one says at work is really private’ yes, it is a true statement for us to take heed.

 

Accompanied by section leader for manual soldering, I stood beside & observed how the operator carried out the touching-up on defective joints. Suddenly I heard someone talking at other side of the work benches which were blocked by the half height bench dividers, obviously didn't know I was nearby. 

 

“喂, 新來的经理很美呵?” said a guy. “美你的死人头, 做工啦, 手脚这么慢,” replied by a female. “你们男人都是一样, 癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉,” chipped in by another lady.

 

I was certain that I was the target of the comments. Looking at the section leader sulkily I suppressed the urge to snap back.

 

“做工做工, 不要讲话, keep quiet,” the section leader shouted out.

 

“Never mind…” I spoke softly to the section leader as I intended to ignore these un-disparaging comments, as there was no legitimate concern with my performance or leadership, but just some snarky comments.

 

There was a momentarily silence from the other side, and I believed they would find out from others or the section leader would tell them off eventually. And when I walked to the other side & standing behind them, I remained calm & measured.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I sat in my room, plainly disturbed in my mind.

 

On personal wise, I was ok that so far none had doubt on my real sex, and the ‘swan’ remark really make my day. Perhaps because of the general perception that I was Shawn’s school mate & it was beyond their imagination that the big boss dared to employ a full time cross dresser, or I just born lucky, somehow that self-consciousness about my appearance was still bothering me.

 

Work wise, my mind had lost its poise. My mental repose which arises from the creation of spread sheet was diminished. 

 

My observation indicated brooding trouble. Production was noticeably relying on a few persons, in particular Chong, the production supervisor. The attitude of the workers suggested lackadaisical, also known as ‘tidak apa’ in layman term, making no personal effort to do something that would obviously benefit the company or their pay master so-to-speak.

 

Does this mean that Chong is indispensable? What happen if he fall sick or go on leave, can I manage? And… so on & so forth, that the sullen aloofness demonstrated by the workers suggesting that I was sitting on a time bomb…

 

“Busy, Miss Koh…” I looked up & found Shawn knocking on the door.

 

I stood up & replied, “Yeah, just returned from production,”

 

“You mean you spent the whole afternoon in the shop floor?”

 

“Yeah, legs feel so tired even not on high heels,”

 

“What’s up, boss?” I asked.

 

“Oh, I’m impressed with your spreadsheet, well done, looked like you has a good grip of the situation,” he then paused for continuation, “I’m thinking of buying you a dinner this evening,”

 

Oh no, here came his scheming, what so bloody well-done of this spreadsheet, just a lousy pretext, there were larger problems looming large in the shop floor.

 

I rejected his invitation by telling him that Aunty Lily (Ling’s mom) had already cooked the dinner by now. But I was stunned when hearing his reply, “Oh, don’t worry, I already spoke to Aunty Lily this morning about the dinner,” he then kind of gave me this half-guilty, half-amused smile, and looked off into the side wall.

 

“What… you…” trying to stay cool & keeping my temper in check, I was lost for words, I mean, how could he do this, practically invading my live, strike while the iron’s hot?

 

“Sorry, I talked to Ling this morning & she suggested I talk to her mom, your Aunty Lily first,” he then asked, “so how?”

 

Honestly, I knew that would probably be face losing if I rejected his invitation, in the capacity as my superior. And part of me recognized also that to go for the dinner would be better than to have cup noddle at the 7-11, so I replied, “What can I say, you’re the general & I’m just your chessman…” then I nodded & looked off into the ceiling.

 

He beamed & told me the restaurant he had picked. I wasn’t sure he took notice on my little protest. Chessman, yeah, just liked the lyrics of the song (棋子 by Faye Wong) suggested, 想走出你控制的領域卻走進你安排的戰局, 我沒有堅強的防備也沒有後路可以退, I was just one of his chessmen, he would decide the next move.

 

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 14 ---------------------

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A few of you asked me this question, “Are you happy?” Here is my answer but you have to view the following video clip to get it.

 

 

Okay, without further ado, presenting herewith Chapter 15.

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 15: Our First Dinner

 

Led by a waiter, I entered the restaurant. It would be a late dinner caused I returned home to freshen up & a change of clothing.

 

It was a French bistro, looking around; I liked its ambience, informal & casual. I waved a ‘hi’ to him in a girlish way, I could see him standing at the end of the corridor, although his face was partially obscured in shadow.

 

At the table he came out to me, looking me in the eye & smiled, he gave me a light hug where he putted his arm around my back. Meanwhile, the waiter was standing behind us, with my chair pulling out.

 

I was astonished, he accorded me the etiquette applicable only to ladies, no hands shaking but hugging… wows, I was pampered, and that was nice…

 

Flashing his teeth, the tall, lanky him pulled me to his chest, hugging me closer, harder, he kissed my forehead lightly. Nose next to his chin, I was enveloped in his warmth & the smell of his aftershave.

 

“Ahem,” I couldn’t help but made a dry cough when he loosened his hugging; the scent was just too overwhelming & fruity, the kind of scent I always complained about when serving guys with that fruity smell at Changi Village, so feminine & so floral.

 

I mean it is girls & girls-like-me prerogative to own these scents, and it might be kind of odd when guys use them, this is my personal opinion. Anyway, people can disagree, to each their own, ha-ha.

 

Although I dislike guys wearing perfume / cologne, I couldn't take offense to his action, what he did was to add dimension in presenting himself, wasn’t it?

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

As we got seated, the waiter handed us two menus & told us to flag for him when we’re ready to order. Sitting with his back next to the wall, his hair was ruffled to make it look bigger & he was wearing a white polo-T with the collar popping up.

 

There were already two thick files on the table. I looked at him puzzlingly. He told that the files were on management by objectives, MBO in short. “I wanted to have this MBO long ago but no time to implement,” he explained.

 

Ah-ha, there's no such thing as a free lunch, that was my first impression. But the ill feeling diminished quickly as he explained it was a good tool to better manage the operation. Looking down at the files & flipping one to a random page I asked, “Is there anything I should know about how you want me to work?”

 

“Hey, don’t read now, the files will be on your desk tomorrow,” Upon this he flagged for the waiter & placed our order.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“There you are, your drink,” he handed me a glass, “Tomich Hill Riesling,”

 

“Thanks,” I smiled as I sipped the white liquid. The bistro was everything I thought it might be, wine drinking; my fish & chips & his pork ribs.

 

Over dinner conversation was moving along nicely, mostly work related, and there’re this looks of passion from him, soft & beautiful. And then… I felt his leg brushing up against mine; I thought just accidental & moved my leg away.

 

I didn’t think I noticed this consciously for a while, as it happened again. It took me longer than I care to admit that it was deliberate, it just kept happening.

 

It seemed that the harder I tried to be nonchalant, the less it was reciprocated… And after each time, I looked in his eyes I saw mischief. 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Just after the waiter came & cleared away my plate, I finally spoke up. Side-stepped my legs against his advance, I whispered subtely as not to create a scene for his play of footsies under the table, "What are you doing? People maybe watching us,"

 

“Nay… where got people?” chewing & swallowed his last mouthful of food, he smiled broadly. Truly there were no customer nearby & the staffs were at the far end by the door. Taking a sip of his wine, he leaned forwards & said, “You’re unbelievably hot,”

Hot my foot… ha-ha, he got to be kidding. I looked down at my top, “Hey, don’t talk rubbish,” I protested, “what unbelievably hot?”

 

Truly, my chest did start to swell about two years ago, but its current size was not at an agreeable 34C cup I desired (a secret I want to share, okay). As an indispensable companion to women’s chests, cleavage comes with power, and I didn’t think mine warranted a gawk from people yet.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Soon after his empty plate was cleared & the dessert was served, our conversation resumed.

 

Raising his eyebrows at me, he giggled & said, "Babe you've been making me so horny this evening,"

 

“Shawn, this is not funny,” I briefly raised my head & gave it a tiny shake before looking down again.

 

“I didn’t say it was funny,” resting his elbows on the table with his hands clasping in front of him, he leaned forward & looked into my eyes, “I’ve been thinking about you,”

 

“Really…” I winced, damn, this guy just never wanted to give up, “Shawn, you should have got married,”

 

“Oh yeah…” blinking his eyes a couple of time & pausing for a moment he continued, “and I want you to marry me,”

 

“Are you crazy?” I shook my head.

 

“Why not…” shifting uncomfortably on his chair, he continued, “I mean it, seriously,”

 

“What have I ever done… to deserve you?” I paused for a convenient excuse, “I’m a cross dresser & worked in Changi previously,”

 

Fixing his eyes on me he breathed rapidly & deeply. Clearing his throat, he started talking, “I’ve thought long & hard what to say about your past in Changi… listen, the problems of your past are your business, but the problems of your future… are my privilege, okay…” looking at me earnestly, he continued, “It’s all I have to say & all you need to know,”

 

Through his heartfelt talk, he was desperately seeking my love, clearly. I was touched by his infatuation, I glanced up at him, my face started to crumple a little & tears began to form in my eyes.

 

I wasn’t choosy, just that he wasn’t my cup of tea, so sorry, I needed somebody not anybody & definitely not him. I didn’t wish to dwell on the same subject again & again, I needed to give this a clean break.

 

I lowered my head, grimacing slightly & in a shaky voice I asked, “Shawn… you have a problem, first this guy James & you said you’re not gay, now you want me, but I’m still male, what is your sexual orientation?”

 

“What?” he paused & seemed to rein in his temper, “Why is everything…always… my fault?”

 

“Sorry. I - I just, err ...?” I remained keeping my head down, flicking through the menu’s pages.

 

“So - sorry, what?” bracing his hands on the arms of his chair, he snorted loudly. And after a moment laughing bitterly, he said, “I think I am just being naive,”

 

“You’re not, just that I’ve no intention to start a new relationship,” I looked at him unblinking.

 

“Yeah, it’s just my fat hope…” smiling bitterly, he looked down at his glass.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“I want to know how my luck fair, should I give you up or not,” he said as he reached into his pants & took out a fifty cents coin. Balancing it on the table, he rotated the coin & covered it with his palm.

 

I was annoyed by his childish act, typically rich man’s son mentality, “Then…” I challenged him.

 

He was cornered; he got into a huff & announced loudly, “Head is to give out…”

 

He thought that I would relent, ha-ha, no way, he underestimating me, “Okay, may I see?” I peered towards his hand & turned to him, laughing quietly, “Go on, show me,”

 

“Sure…” he breathed heavily & his arm was shaking.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I could feel his voice was tight with pain. I was such an emotional, over-sentimental sap, at first, he drove me nuts with that childish act, but now I feared the outcome might break his heart.

 

And for fear of losing a friend, suddenly, putting my hand on top of his, I said, “Wait, don’t open…” 

 

Life was this drama…

 

I met his gaze for a moment & then lowered my eyes as he asked, “Why?”

 

“I suppose it is a senseless trick,” looking at him again I continued, “I ordered you to keep the coin now, please...”

 

I sank back in my seat, still looking at the glasses as if in disbelief on what I did… he was something a moron of himself…

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I told him to keep the coin; would this give him false hope? I wasn’t sure I did the right thing that evening.

 

Years later I realized I’d committed a much bigger mistake than this. It happened when I chanced upon a song titled 不值得 by a local group梦飞船. At first I was touched by its melody & started to search for the lyrics. When I got hold of the lyrics & read thoroughly, I was deeply astonished, I comprehended that the words clearly reflect his agony, his pain & his sadness at that moment.

 

Sorry, I had treated him harshly; I could’ve been more tactful… But I couldn’t have the time once more, sigh…

 

 

 

除了想你除了爱你   hu ~我什么什么都愿意                    Besides thinking you loving you, I will do anything
翻开日记整理心情   hu ~我真的真的想放弃                    Reading the dairy tidy up my mood, I really want to give up
你始终没有爱过    你在敷衍我                                         You have never love me, you’re just perfunctory
一次一次忽略我的感受   我真的感到力不从心                Times again neglecting my feeling, I feel helpless
无力继续     这感情不值得我犹豫                                     No strength to continue, this love no worth my hesitation         
不值得我考虑   不值得我爱过你                                       Worthless to consider, worthless that I did love you
这种回忆不值得我提起   不值得想起   不值得哭泣          Such memory worthless to mention, worthless to recall & worthless to cry for
这段感情早就应该放弃   早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹  This love should’ve been let loose, should’ve not wasting my time searching for miracle
这样的你不值得我恨你    不值得我为你而坏了心情        This kind of you is worthless to be hated, worthless to spoil my mood
我决定不为你而毁了心   放弃爱你                                    I decide not to hurt my heart because of you, I let loose you

 

And now, as I’m getting older & more experienced with relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something. Something I had neglected for a long time, that is to serve is to love. Despite years of going to church, I just failed to acknowledge, what’s an arrogant idiot I was.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 14 --------------------- 
 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, just reload the video clip.

[Guest another cross dresser]

from the video clip on GEM, i fully understand that you are not happy. well, i can say this situation is common among cross dressers & transsexuals, that's life.

 

this is the kind of live we choose or couldn't resist, but i hope you stay strong & positive. It is people loss failing to understand or appreciate us.

 

regards,

[Larry]

from the video clip on GEM, i fully understand that you are not happy. well, i can say this situation is common among cross dressers & transsexuals, that's life.

 

this is the kind of live we choose or couldn't resist, but i hope you stay strong & positive. It is people loss failing to understand or appreciate us.

 

regards,

 

It appears to be a universally accepted truth that in the quest for "off the main stream" lifestyle, one must submit oneself to a certain degree of pain. This is more apt for us cross dressers to live constantly in the shadow when coming out of the closet.

 

Coming out of the closet & walking on the street dressed in a skirt is a process, not a moment in time. And yet, these moments were mixed with ecstasy & agony.

 

The initial moments were rejoicing, liked a person just released from the prison, joyously & exultantly. Everything just looked so interesting, sashaying under the hot sun with an umbrella, watching the steam escaping from the boiler of the wanton noodle stall while waiting to be served, and even walking past a maid seeing her picking up faeces left behind by her poodle with no ill feeling.

 

But there was no room for complacency, I kept tip-toeing & constantly alert on my behaviour & manner.

 

But when going out in a group which I couldn’t refuse, it was impossible not to notice on those who are less convincing. Some of the moments still make my heart pound with fear & shame, like the time the kopitian workers shouting loudly of insulting ‘ah gua’ & the laughing of its patrons at us. The street scene along East Coast Road looked glorious but I looked down, unable to take my eyes off the floor. My heart pounded, it was not that we were cowarded, but simply we didn’t want trouble.

 

And when the man in Zuok who fondled my panties in the dance floor suddenly stiffened & got a look of horror on his face. 

 

I see so many of my transgender friends can find no work relevant to their studies, except working as beauticians or spa workers, at less than one quarter of an engineer salary. But still it was exhausting & exhilarating for them to keep in low profile, as they constantly are the subject of many whispered conversations over & over again.

 

They cried, I cried as we hugged each other while we talked for hours. I look at myself sadly, succumbing to work corporately for bread & butter, but continue to live as a freak.

Edited May 22, 2014 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 15: Zero-Sum Game: He Used His Love to Teach Me, Guide Me

 

That evening during bedtime, I told Ling about the dinner with Shawn. She felt sorry for what’d happened, “Shawn is good guy but you can’t force yourself,”

 

"Sis, how… I really don’t know how to face him when back to the office?” that was my first question to her.

 

Ling’s advice was to separate work & relationship, in particular if it was a sour one. She said, "It can be challenging… you can't stew about that lousy incident with him, you must leave it in the back of your mind & face him,"

 

Kicking off the start of a new day, I reminded myself to embark professionalism at work, respect his instructions & zealously guard my personal time.

 

But realities always jar with idealism… returning from lunch with Fatimah, and as I met him at the office passageway, I lost control & behaved sheepishly despite telling myself to keep my composure.

 

“Ah-ha, Miss Koh, I just back from shop floor,” instead he was cool & professional, no sign of awkwardness as he asked to get something done, purely work related problems, showing no trace of that hurtful side of our relationship which made me feel good.

 

We still ate lunch together, but each time I made sure Fatimah was around. I would check his travel schedule, and on the days when he was not out stationed, I would make an earlier lunch date with Fatimah so that there was no chance to have lunch with him alone. And he remained addressing me as Miss Koh at work instead of Jennifer that Fatimah & some other staff used to call me.

 

Basically I avoided seeing him as much as possible, instead communicating to him through dropping notes & reports on his pigeon slot. 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Two week later, my name cards arrived & it read in print as, "Jennifer Koh, Senior Operation Manager"

 

I was in total disbelief, senior… what? It got to be an error. With the box of cards I walked into HR & talked to Fatimah. She answered that this was Shawn decision & she just carried out his instruction. Not satisfied, I then marched to Shawn’s room, I told him it was not my job title & never would be my title & I wanted to hear what he wanted to say.

 

"My over sighted…” he said earnestly, "your predecessor was senior & you need to have equal ranking as him when meeting clients & business associates.”

 

“Sorry, I really don’t understand your logic,” I asked.

 

“Silly girl,” he spoke & laughed loudly, “You don’t understand the important of job titles, people first look at the title of a name card & makes judgment,”

 

“Judgment… what’s judgment?” I asked.

 

“I ask you a question, when people hands you a name card that read vice president, what is your immediate reaction?”

 

“Hmm… impressive, I guess…” I replied & looked at him inquisitively.

 

“Precisely, people will think this guy is a VP, he must be important. This is how the world works, understand,” he then paused for continuation, “senior or not, whatever you call it, the answer is the same, that’s you’re the person in charge of the whole operation, okay?”

 

“But I am not there yet. What if people ask me questions that I suppose to know, how can I pretend?” I replied honestly, people would look at me expectantly that this woman really good in her stuff when I handed them card with that fancy title.

 

“Then double up your learning, don’t use this as an excuse. The decision to create the senior title happened long before you join us,” he replied authoritatively before sending me out of his room.

 

Damn, what’s a boss…?

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Just days after returning from a MBO seminar funded by the company, Shawn called for a meeting with me & Fatimah. He began by expressing his desire of implementing the technique. I was taken aback when he asked for my opinion, ai-yoyo, and here he started again, looking at me affectionately.

 

Please, please, don’t look at me like that, Fatimah is around, I cursed mutely. Anyway, avoiding his staring I agreed readily as I believed it would help to do my job better.

 

Sitting on the edge of his desk, a peculiar bad habit of his, he gave the reason of inviting Fatimah, that he wanted her working with me to come out a format on incentivizing the MBO, tying it to annual salary review. Fatimah took down his requirements on her dairy quietly while rolling her eyes against mine.

 

The situation was uncomfortable throughout the meeting… The way Shawn catered to us was biased, I consultative but authoritative towards Fatimah, unfair to her & made me feel guilty. And when came to shortlisting candidates for the exercise, again he showed favouritism by allowing me to delete certain names, and a total of ten names was finalised, basically heads from Production, QC, Warehouse, Shipping cum Security plus all buyers & planners.

 

As the meeting ended & walking out of Shawn’s room, I was more concerned about me instead of the new assignment. I knew there was stupid rumour going around about ambiguous relationship between me & Shawn, tying of the fact that both of us were single, and I hoped Fatimah didn’t get this wrong idea too.

 

It hurt to think that the staff & workers might believe & spreading it, I felt cheap & stupid, that I got this job because of some personal relationship. I couldn't tell you how upset it had made me feel, it had made me angry with Shawn for being so insensitive, closed & cared about me only, and laid both of us opened to rumours.

 

Unfortunately, we live in a society where gossip & rumour-mongering is prevalent. Nobody enjoys being gossiped about, but wherever possible, you should try to keep a cool head & let it rise above you. Often, people who spread rumours are insecure, jealous or envious of you for whatever reason. 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 15: Zero-Sum Game: He Used His Love to Teach Me, Guide Me

 

It took me days of tweaking to derive a MBO form which was then attached with Shawn’s personal note before sending out to all selected staff by HR. The note stated clearly that filling up the form was mandatory, and they were given two weeks to submit, about what they would like to accomplish relevant to the job, with measureable goals & breaking down into steps & timeline.

 

During the two weeks interval, a couple of time when walking past the cubicles, I overheard snide / negative comments such as ‘the new manager got nothing better to do’, ‘already so busy still bother us with this nonsense’ & etc. Subconsciously I felt that it was an un-pleasant unfavorable exercise, but I refused to think negatively, kept telling myself ‘don’t worry, and be happy’…

 

With deadline being extended, Fatimah came to my room & handed me all ten forms.

 

I was excited & read the first one which happened to be Shawn’s cousin who was in charge of Shipping & Security. My enthusiasm took a deep slide after reading, the report was disastrous, on his one & only objective, he stated to go home on time & his goal was to reach home by 630 pm., oh gosh, he was deliberately screwing up to make the exercise looked bad.

 

I was eager to find out what the others fared. Well, except for Chong & Susan, the rest did badly, either too generic or too simplified. Keeping my eyes shut, I could only sink deep in my chair; I was filled with rage at the way they did the assignment. The result was disastrous, what has happened? I thought. It was a nightmare.

 

That evening I was hardly sleep, spending the time partly in light slumber, ‘sleep, sleep & forget this nonsense’, but it could not be done, from which my anger kept waking me up. Damn, day in day out got to deal with all kinds of problem, machine failures, failed deliveries, customer complaints, unreliable part supplies bla bla bla bla… and now there was this new problem on sub-standard MBO exercise, caused by staff that were always trouble makers & never became supportive, what an exhausting job….

 

"Six-thirty already," the alarm clock chimed & Ling climbing down from her bed on the upper deck. I lay quiet, feeling weak & un-energetic, thinking of getting an MC for the day. But then I told myself why flee from the problem & that the most sensible course was to face them, who were nothing but a bunch of scoundrels. Sighing & struggling, I swung myself out of bed with all my strength.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Seeing black clouds & feeling tardiness, I took a taxi immediately after Ling boarded her bus & arrived a little earlier than usual. Very early in the morning, it was still almost dark in the general office; I opened the door & took my seat. For a moment everything stayed quiet while I stared hatefully at the stack of MBO on my table, my heart went heavy… damn, pieces of shit & completely futile, such was my thought.

 

"What a rain," I muttered to myself as I stood up & stayed motionless in front of the window, staring into the darkness outside. The rain was falling in large, singly discernible drops, lashing at the windowpanes.

 

… "Miss Koh, can I come in?" breaking the silence & my engrossment, the office cleaning lady called amiably at the door, to my embarrassment her voice behind me startled me so much that in panic I almost screamed vulgarly, “what the …”

 

“Sorry, aunty…” I waited outside the room while the cleaning lady tidied my room, and as soon as she came out she spoke to me softly in Mandarin, “不要怪aunty多嘴, 看你臉青青, 要照顾身体,” (translation: sorry for being busy body, take good care of your body as you look pale)

 

“Thanks, aunty,” answering warmly to the cleaning lady, I started wondering the make-up I did this morning was a bad one.

 

Back to my room, I glanced into the mirror & noticed my pale complexion. Damn sleepless night, I whispered while touching up my face.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Time was up for the morning production meeting, what was I going to do now? Fuming with rage, I saw no way of bringing any calm to the meeting. And just about leaving the room, Fatimah came & asked about the MBO.

 

"Well, what shall we take now?" I asked while my eyes met Fatimah's.

 

She kept her composure, presumably because of her years of experience. Looking up she said, "Go for your meeting. Let me take this up to the boss,” And together with all forms, she walked out.

 

Chairing the morning production meeting with a stone face, my eyes turned next to the shipping bay & the overcast sky, hearing raindrops beating on the zinc roof, made me quite melancholy.

 

Everything went on as per normal & I didn’t mention a single word on MBO, in worrying of stirring up any argument that I was not ready to confront them now, which led to the idea that I must lie low for the present.

 

But then the least expected thing happened, as Chong asked about his MBO. I was taken aback, however, I reminded myself that cool reflection, the coolest possible, was much better than desperate resolves.

 

“Oh, I actually intent of telling you your result in private, but since you asked, I can say that you & Susan had done well. For now your work has been most satisfactory; for the rest I’m still reviewing," I spoke while looking around & noted the contemptuous attitude some of them had demonstrated, they were making it more than obvious by smiling sneeringly or looking high in the air.

 

Shit, you can wipe that sneer off your face; I cursed & ended the meeting, putting up with this only out of courtesy (?).

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Zackling]

shldn't you be telling "shawn" abt the actual root of the problem that is under his oversight..?

 

In the f&b arena.. lots of problems are out there & no one.. no one wants to go after it as it's a thorny issue. When i last told my bosses abt the way they managed the company, the hr, the payroll & the problem in the kitchen.. I was given the sack.. so selective hearing.. all bosses wants to hear only the good things & not the bad things.

 

your silent ardent fan

zack

[Larry]

On 6/2/2014 at 2:16 PM, Zackling said:

shldn't you be telling "shawn" abt the actual root of the problem that is under his oversight..?

 

In the f&b arena.. lots of problems are out there & no one.. no one wants to go after it as it's a thorny issue. When i last told my bosses abt the way they managed the company, the hr, the payroll & the problem in the kitchen.. I was given the sack.. so selective hearing.. all bosses wants to hear only the good things & not the bad things.

 

 

It is regrettable on your misfortune.

 

Just like you, the perspective for a new guy would likely be to show results & improvements by eradicating all inefficiencies as quickly as possible. But many of us failed to see the boss’s perspective; surely they like to see things getting better, but at a gradual pace, by not rocking the boat, by not affecting the staff morale or even worst mass exodus of existing staff.

 

小弟, that’s is 姐姐 two cents of thought, i hope do not mind.

 

I usually take at least one week to ready the next installment, however to respond part of your queries, I published a short one here for your perusal.

 

Regards,

 

 

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn

Chapter 15: Zero-Sum Game: He Used His Love to Teach Me, Guide Me

 

Clasping my hands, I sat quietly on my chair after returning from the production meeting. "If they could understand us," I sighed, shutting my eyes to consider my regular lunch mate Fatimah's conviction that understanding was impossible amongst these scoundrels. A little while elapsed; I was still sitting feebly… I could not endure fooling around work, let alone perfunctory work without interest, perhaps I needed to go see Shawn now. 

 

Just when the decision was made, Fatimah came to my room & told that Shawn wanted to talk to we two in persons, “I don't know what to say to boss. He seemed disappointed at the failure of his plan, perhaps also the weakness arising from this exercise,”

 

We walked towards Shawn’s room. For the first few seconds I could not bring myself to enter his room. And before knocking the door, I took a peek & found him standing next to the window gazing out, quite motionless.

 

"What are you two waiting? Take your seat & close the door please," turning his face, Shawn said in a tremulous voice.

 

"I had read all their works, terrible isn’t it?" were his first words, in a tone that sounded angry, and under his bushy eyebrows his eyes darted with penetrating glances. 

"We must ask them to redo," Fatimah replied explicitly, "we should stand firm on our position,"

 

“Miss Koh, anything to say?” Shawn asked.

 

“I don’t know… What should we do?" I answered in a muffled voice; the feeling of helplessness had overtaken my usual confidence.

 

“Miss Koh," Shawn called out now in a louder voice, "what's the matter with you? First you barricaded yourself in your room, forgetting that my door is always open, and now you tell us you don’t know, hey I don’t take don’t know for an answer,”

 

“Okay, then I goes straight to the point,” I talked about what’s going on, that many of them were not serious about this exercise, about their resentment against the company & me by spreading negative remarks.

 

"Miss Koh," said Shawn, slapping his hand on the table by way of venting his anger, "Things can't go on like this. I've tried to accommodate as far as is humanly possible, and I don't think anyone could reproach me in the slightest."

 

"If only they could understand us," I said, half questioningly.

 

"Then perhaps we must do something more drastic… this joker must go," said Shawn as he held up a form & waving angrily, "that's the only solution, I believe he is the root of all problems,"

 

We raised our heads & zeroed on the form he was holding, “Yes, him, my cousin…” he paused & looked around before continued, “He must go.”  

 

Fatimah, who, taken by surprise, merely sat there with her arms folded. For me, I was in a state of shock on his decision to fire his cousin; as there had been a time when he prided himself on being considerate. In melancholy silence we watched him.  

 

"I mean just what I said," said Shawn, he then advanced his directive, “Miss Fatimah, prepare his termination letter & bring to me ASAP, I will serve him the letter during lunch time. By the way, keep this confidential just ask him come & see me during lunch time,”

 

Fatimah merely nodded at him continuously with wide-open eyes. 

 

“And as for you Miss Koh, call a meeting with them in the afternoon,” he then asked me to tackle the problem head on, direct & assertive, “Tell them don’t undermine me, this is my program, they can’t run away & no negotiation. Try your best to soothe, persuade & motivate, win them over, understand… but if you end up needing to replace some of these people, just do it,” 

 

I listened without looking up, but as I kept wondering how to start he eyed me irritably. "Well, Miss Koh?" 

 

“Yes, Shawn, I’ll do as what you said.” I replied in complete agreement.

 

Together with Fatimah, we left his room quietly. We wished each other good luck before parting way, and both came to the conclusion that he meant business this time.

 

山雨欲来风满楼 gosh, it was calm before the storm.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 7, 2019 by Larry

[Guest her fan too]

shldn't you be telling "shawn" abt the actual root of the problem that is under his oversight..?

 

In the f&b arena.. lots of problems are out there & no one.. no one wants to go after it as it's a thorny issue. When i last told my bosses abt the way they managed the company, the hr, the payroll & the problem in the kitchen.. I was given the sack.. so selective hearing.. all bosses wants to hear only the good things & not the bad things.

 

Just like you, the perspective for a new guy would likely be to show results & improvements by eradicating all inefficiencies as quickly as possible. But many of us failed to see the boss’s perspective; surely they like to see things getting better, but at a gradual pace, by not rocking the boat, by not affecting the staff morale or even worst mass exodus of existing staff.

 

小弟, that’s is 姐姐 two cents of thought, i hope do not mind.

 

Zack bro, so jealous, how nice to have big sister giving good advice.

[Guest guest]

this is a damn interesting story, thank larry for sharing with us your live story, it did take lot of effort to write. appreciate.