Larry Posted May 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now ‘I’m way too tense, really? So, you wanna see the wild side of me… the bad girl… ok, we shall see, to make you see the real me, maybe after tonight you will change your mind of wooing me,’ the thought went through my mind quickly. I smiled at him & replied in a husky voice, “o-kay-y-y,” “Good, your turn…” he offered. But just before I could do anything, the music had ended. Standing at the edge of stage, the MC urged us to stay, “Sir, ma’am, please stay, your next song is coming,” My eyes brightened up & I almost jumped when the first strains of drum beat were floating in the air, oh, wow, my goodness, it was a popular cha-cha song by Grasshopper (草蜢). Note: The Hongkong version is no longer available due to a copyright. I was introduced to the song by my fellow Changi sisters on one of my off day clubbing at a canto pops discotheque. Well, off day life for us istersays was rather monotonous, usually on Thursday we would either playing mahjong maniacally 24 hours non-stop or clubbing animatedly at places with ladies night. And every time when we’re at that canto pops discotheque where we used to frequent, that piece of song would always be played. The resident DJ would cue us “ladies, 草蜢, 失恋阵线联盟,” & the whole group of us would rush down to the dance floor forming groups of two, three or four. All other patrons, the ‘beng’s, the ‘seng’s, business towkays & dirty old men would stand, clap & cheer on our eye-catching performance, their eyes got what they wanted to see & we got what we desired, dancing our hearts out & clinging to the joy we felt in the music, in this refuge of hard beats & colorful lights we shelved temporarily the social prejudice slapping on us… frankly, getting ogle at didn’t really bother us, who know some of us might get the hooking-up at the end of the clubbing as a fringe benefits. Alright, show time, no time to lose, let the seduction began… I ran my hand up my leg & bent over in front of him with my index finger reaching the right corner of my mouth, showing my tongue a little & licking my upper lip lightly, I looked at him seductively. He looked at me. He just looked at me… God blessed, the look on his face made me feel triumphal, ‘yes, now then you know,’ And then quickly followed the drum beats I clapped & walked to him, rested my right hand on his shoulder just in time before the singing commenced, “Here, I’ll lead this time, you follow. Also don’t count,” “Sure, no problem…” he nodded & quickly followed as I let go my hand & made a backward spinning. Though anticipating that people around us would raise their eyebrows, but I got no hesitation… cocooned in lights & music, it was fuzzy, dreamy… I wouldn’t say I danced provocatively, but worked to create energy & mood, mixing the modern cha-cha & rock n roll. Shawn got the cues from me & he carried himself perfectly through the song, our movements came perfectly timed with the music, he is a fast learner & I could see why he was the chairman of the Social Dance Club. The three minutes Chinese song connected to the Cantonese version, and we continued. Finally, the music stopped, struggling to catch my breath I was stunned to hear applause from the onlookers filling the hall. Shawn was all smiles; taking a bow he turned to applause me as well, “superb, thank you for the dance,” “Not at all, you danced very well too,” whispering, I blushed at the compliment as he guided me back to our desk. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited June 3, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted May 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now (Note: here is another song titled 分享愛 (sharing love) by Aaron Kwok 郭富城 that I like to sing & dance along) Note: No original Aaron Kwok video due to copyright claim by Hong Kong Recording Industry Alliance Ltd. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited June 3, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted June 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Happy Pinkdot Day. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now “Wow, 经理好厉害,” (Wow, so amazing our manager), “人不可貌像,” (shouldn’t judge by her outlook), “平时文文静静, 无法想象这样风骚,” (Usually demure, never imagine so hot stuff) etc. etc… Putting all the admiration & good or bad remarks aside, my heart pounding hard & face reddened, I tried to stay calm despite the circumstances, in particular the group of talkative aunties when we surpassed them. Wanting to break my uneasiness, he comforted me, “Hey, relax, you’re doing fine, this is how dancing supposed to be, ignore them” I did my best to give him an enthusiastic nod, “I had a good time,” “So did I,” he nodded, “thank you for being so sporting, I know this can’t be easy on you and…” Back at the table, Shawn excused himself & walked away to talk to people at other tables. Meantime, the disco music resumed & people started filling up the dance floor. Facing out toward the dance floor, I returned the high heel back to Fatimah. She gave me a squeeze, “wow, can’t imagine you’re that luscious on the dance floor,” & I replied playfully if she like to learn, such was the sincere & friendly relationship between us that we had great fun making small talk & laughing together. Moments later, the disco music ended & waltz music filled the room, people were start leaving the dance floor, a subtle way to end the dance session. We continued our small talk & suddenly Shawn came behind us, “Miss Koh, you want to dance?” he motioned to the wide open space on the dance floor. I turned to look at Fatimah, she removed her high heels automatically & whispered, “go on, quick,” “Please…” his pleading which utterly against my ear sent chills of pleasure through my already heightened nervous system. My simple nod was all the confirmation he needed. On the dance floor, he held my left hand & instructed me to put my right hand on his shoulder, claiming me with an authority. He then placed his other hand firmly under my arm before asking gently, “Shall we dance?” “Yes, you lead & I’ll follow,” I whispered. “1, 2, 3 & 3, 2, 1 & go,” upon his counting, I moved my right leg backward & his left closely followed. I could feel the sinewy strength of his arm against my hip as I followed his lead, rise & fall, rise & fall, his movements were graceful… We repeated the basic steps a couple of time before he brought up his left hand, I took the cue & spun myself around, 3, 2, 3 & 4, 2, 3, my nose gliding across his underarm & smelled the unpleasant fruity scent of his aftershave… “Ahem,” I couldn’t help & made a dry cough, gosh… overwhelming, and feminine & floral… anyway I managed to compose myself before settling my hip back in the welcoming cradle of his right arm. (Note: just a demonstration, they are professionals) Time lost all meaning as we continued to execute the dance steps & moving as one. He behaved himself despite our tantalizing closeness, but his stare shied me, his eyes dark with desire, and his fixedly gazing telling me that I was the centre of his universe. I turned my head & looked elsewhere; it was necessary as I was uncertain I could keep my focus on moving with him as one. And then he started playing piano on my breast… with his right thumb, slow & deliberate, apparently his another trick of seducing me. His seductive caresses sent small tendrils of pleasure deep within my abdomen, I endured & not able to stop his caresses as he didn’t raise his right arm to allow me to do the spinning. To say I was just merely excited at that precise moment would have been a severe understatement, under the spell of seduction he was weaving, my little we-we was oozing real wet, helpless to resist, the fluttering butterflies inside of me were preparing to take off… gosh… it had been a long long time since my intimacy with Kong, nervous might not be the precise word to describe how I felt… And in time to the music, he lifted his left hand letting me to do a spinning, after that he was back to his old trick, the sharp staccato spinnings alternating with slow, seductive caresses, this was pure madness, his seduction grew & I prayed that he could control himself by not going under my bra as his eyes were drawn to the gentle swell of my breasts. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted June 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now My little we-we was dripping wet, arching my lower body a little, it was a struggle & predicament, I fought to keep a clear mind as his soothing caresses threatened to overwhelm my intellectuality, about the ‘pucah lobang’ bulging under my dress. But I couldn’t walk away before the song ended, it could be obvious as the dance floor was empty except us, and people were watching us; I needed to maintain expedient cordiality upholding our elevated positions. God blessed, the song was about to end, but just as I mentally prepared to give him a curtsy when ending our dancing, I heard the MC announced sensually & lowly over the mike, asking us to stay on, “hey, don’t go away, I have the next song specially for you two,” “Quick, please tell the MC stops playing the next song; I don’t wish to dance anymore, I had enough seduction from you,” pretending to be angry, I laughed to myself; I couldn’t believe my duplicity either. Still holding my right hand & armpit, and afraid that this was going to be the end of our dance he whispered with a sense of urgency, “I know I should say I’m sorry…” at his admission on his lack of control, he looked at me, his eyes were dark with desire, “please stay,” Before I could utter a word, the syllables of new song came on air; damn… too late to stop… show must go on, I sighed… But my mood swung almost immediately, the favorite tune made me happy when the opening riff by the oriental instrument guzheng (古筝) was aired, what’s a woman was I… my eyes got brighten up, oh wow, it was the song titled Within You'll Remain, a signature song by Tokyo Square, one of the most famous local songs which burst onto the club scene & was well like by my group of Changi sisters. Just like the first song 失恋阵线联盟, I loved having this second chance to dance, a song that I’d tried many times when clubbing with my fellow Changi sisters, and I knew well when were the breaks, well-versed to add stylistic flourishes & footwork modifications to match the musical changes. Well, still keeping our ‘waltz’ ready position & changed the dance pattern, I asked him to face to his right instead of facing each other squarely. “Let’s do the cross-step waltz,” & “hey, moves forward with your left foot,” there was no time to ponder, I cued him just in time to the singing, ‘Facing the world with an empty heart’… As for me, I tried to dance with ease & grace, moving my hands & foots as much as possible to match the strains of music, the need for perfection spurred me on, I knew people were watching us, especially on me, but I ignored, any remnants of rational thought slowly drifted away as I immersed myself on the melody… And you were the one, who could make my dreams come true... x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 4, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 Must sleep can not continue! 2 more pages so near yet so far, being reading these since morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 28, 2015 Report Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Done, read each and every post. Love them all and evious of you for having such wonderfull men and friends in your life(but more towards jealous). I would like to believe that they were true life experience maybe with a little of fantasy and exaggeration added to it.Why, becoz those were the exact things I would fantasized about during my early teen.1. Having a muscular, handsome and macho man that would love and crazy about me.2. To be able to cook, love and take care of him. There were 2 posts that make me cry1. Was the dinner or banquet with Major Kong in your pink cheongsam.2. At Desaru with Shawn when he hold your hands and soothes you. Please continue writting. Edited June 28, 2015 by sam7566 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted June 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Additional bonus, 999 Roses of Love by Tokyo Square, specially for all readers, Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2015 Report Share Posted July 9, 2015 Finish reading the second time around. Pls tell me the update will be soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted July 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) sam7566 said, Finish reading the second time around. Pls tell me the update will be soon. Thank you, hope that this new instalment still meet your appetite. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Just like the title suggests, it relentlessly seduced my eardrums with vigorous guzhang riffs ... When you're not around my heart stood still, within you'll remain and always will… I love everything about Max Surin’s mixture of sounds as we danced for a good two minutes till the anticipated signatory chorus 我愛你, I love you. But when the first ‘我愛你, I love you’ came out, I moved my head away, I was uncomfortable with Shawn’s stare, there was a new language in his stare, inviting & questioning. At the second ’我愛你, I need you’, I heard people singing along from a few tables, well, I thought they’d had the drink one too many, but that’s alright, this outing was for them & it was time for people to be less uptight. But on second thought, when audience participation & catchy lyrics meet, this was the result. And came the third ‘我愛你, I want you’, the sing along was gaining strength, but something was unexpected, apparently one or two people threw in random shouting of "Miss Koh, 我愛你,” immediately after ‘I want you’… loud enough to be heard by the entire hall, I couldn’t do a damn thing except pasting a stoic face with teeth clenched, damn, I promised to fix the trouble makers… But came the forth & last one, the lyrics of 我愛你, I need you were overshadowed into 我愛你, Miss Koh; there was a mad uproar in the hall, where the crowd sang & shouted my surname at the top of their lungs… I froze not knowing what to do & was absolutely lost for words, it was the first time that I got to experience something like this, and it was so embarrassing. And it still is. My gaze drifted from Shawn to the people across the hall, the truth was to see people singing & cheering along, seemed to be a bit of chaotic. I had no idea how it could spread like this & turned to look at Shawn questionably. With a shrug of shoulders & accompanied with hands held to the side with palms upwards, he said something, but it was noisy, he then leaned forward & spoke near my ear, “Hey, are you okay?” “Lousy, so malu (embarrassed),” “I’m sorry about the peoples, they’re just playful… really, they like you, loving you, really…” he said smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back, yeah, that’s right; they loved me, not hating me. He then told me to continue dancing till the song ended. “Alright, let’s finish the next minute & then we can call it a day,” I replied. I didn’t want to go through it but I really didn’t have a choice. Hmm… he said it right, let’s carry through to the end. So we continued the dancing but I was a little un-enthusiastic. But when came to the second part of the chorus & I thought it would be mercifully over, the MC asked over the mike, “Let’s sing that again, shall we?” he then held the mike towards the audience, “all together now,", followed by "我愛你, Miss Koh," & "make some noise…"… the floor responded thunderously while the lyrics of 我愛你… blurred into 我愛你, Miss Koh. … We could be two lovers from the past, and the future is our chance… Finally, the music stopped, Shawn held me close, smiled & whispered closed to my ear, "Thank you, I enjoyed having dancing with you this evening, never know that you can dance so well," He then suddenly planted a kiss on my cheek which caught the crowd attention, shouting of 老板加油 (Boss, keep it up) were heard instantaneously. I was in shock… damned bloody frivolity, how could he do this in front of so many people. Huffy & pouting my lips, I walked with head down towards my seat but was halted by the MC half way, he was holding a bouquet of flowers running down from the stage, “Miss Koh, wait…” I froze not knowing what to do & looked at Shawn, “Well, just take the flowers & says thank you,” he said. I thanked the MC & asked him for the mike. Facing the crowd, I spoke, “Thank you for letting me know that so many of you love me,” then flexing a V-sign, I continued, “Peace, I love you all too,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited March 16, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 10, 2015 Report Share Posted July 10, 2015 done, love u too. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Finish reading for the 3rd round from starts to the last post. I dun know y i cried more this round than the other 2. I think i wait for the next post instead reread the whole thing again while i wait. I have a question, actually i have a few but i would like to this one first. It is about your parent marriage and age. it will be a bit long so I would like to take a few days to formulate it while waiting for your ok to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted July 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 (edited) sam7566 said, Finish reading for the 3rd round from starts to the last post. I dun know y i cried more this round than the other 2. I have a question, actually i have a few but i would like to this one first. It is about your parent marriage and age. it will be a bit long so I would like to take a few days to formulate it while waiting for your ok to ask. Gosh, I didn't know my story has that ability to make you cry twice & I don't have this intention too when I started writing on my life journey. Your reaction really scared me off & I beg you to stay cool, calm & rational. Sincerely yours, Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Thanks for caring, im okay. Im just a cry baby(more like crying old man now.lol). I welled up easily, during movie, tv drama, commercial, news, and etc (the list is long.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted August 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now The karaoke singing competition was next after the dance session, and I did my job as one of the judges. While waiting for the score tabulation, Thomas the flamboyant buyer & two other female staff came to my table, they were not to say hello but inviting me to sing a song. “The next time okay,” I politely refused, “I have sore throat,” They never seemed wanting to give up, “Miss Koh, sing la… give face leh…”, “Don’t bluff la… Miss Koh,”… and lastly “Come on, Miss Koh, don’t be so ‘atas’ leh…” said Thomas who looked a little tipsy. I wasn’t happy with the word ‘atas’, I wasn’t high class, neither snobbish nor arrogant. I loved listening to karaoke, enthralled by those singer wannabes clutching the mike & crooning evergreen pop songs, but I had a reason not to sing, sore throat was just an excuse. Hormone replacement therapy did give me a more feminine outward appearance, but voice was another crucial gender cue. To increase readability as female in society, I went for non-surgical vocal training at Singapore General Hospital. Once monthly, the speech pathologist would rehearse with me the same old boring & painful pitch practicing, the progress was slow, but somehow I managed to feminize orally by talking softly & lowly, but when came to singing, it would require a lot more training & I didn’t think I was ready. How to get through this entangling without ruffling their feathers? It would be silly to compromise & put my ‘pucha lobang’ voice up for scrutiny in front of everyone. Short of throwing a tantrum I wasn’t sure how to handle this diplomatically… Fortunately Shawn came back in time rescuing me from the entanglement; “What’s up?”… “She is having sore throat & she agreed to sing, really?”… “Then…?”… He ended almost every sentence with a verbal question mark & effectively sent them away. I thanked him but didn’t ask how he knew I was in trouble & I got sore throat, I guessed it must be Fatimah. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Cheering & clapping ensued as Shawn walked onstage. He sang the first song 妳知道我在等妳嗎 (Do you know that I have been waiting for you?). …莫名我就喜歡妳 深深地愛上妳 (Mysteriously I’m fond of you right away, deeply falling in love with you), 沒有理由 沒有原因 (Without reason, without cause)… 從見到妳的那一天起 (From that day I met you)… Note: Substitution due to copyright It is a tough song, incredibly difficult to sing in full voice, his vocal didn’t suit the song but managed to sail through, but the crowd responded enthusiastically, after all people loved to see & hear the boss singing, wasn’t? As for me, I listened quietly & started thinking deep, was there a hint of pleading in his voice? Was he telling the world that he likes me or could this be just his ritual in the company function? Being a sensitive girl, I felt rather embarrassed as I sat back with my head down. After the first song, he took the microphone & greeted the crowd, “You know, this party is supposed to be fun for everyone, it’s a celebration, right?” his speech was met with cheers & clamping. He then went on introducing his next song, “I’m gonna to sing this song 月亮代表我的心 (The Moon represents my heart), many of you know this song quite well, so feel free to sing along, okay,” The love song seemed targeting at me. …你問我愛你有多深 (You ask me how deep I love you) 我愛你有幾分 (How much I really love you) 我的情也真 (My affection is real) 我的愛也真 (My love is real) 月亮代表我的心 (The Moon represents my heart)… And before the chorus, Shawn looked at the audience & called out loudly, “Good, you all sound great, so don’t be shy, don’t be shy tonight,” His remark caused the entire hall erupted in applause. 轻轻的一个吻 (A Soft kiss from you) 已经打动我的心 (have indeed moved my heart) 深深的一段情 (This deep love) 教我思念到如今 (Keeps me longing until today) During interlude when clapping had simmered down, Shawn spoke again, “Thank you, and I need a few of you to come up & sing the next half with me together,” and Thomas & two other female staff who came pester me to sing earlier on were named eventually. The MC handed the trio a mike to share & reminded them to get ready, but the idiotic Thomas interrupted with a laugh, “hey, wait a minute, we need someone to sing with the boss,” Someone else from the audience shouted, “Miss Koh,” “Miss Koh, yeah?” asked Thomas. “Yes, Miss Koh…” the crowd replied enthusiastically. There was no way out as shouting from the crowd was heard, “Come-on, Miss Koh, don’t be shy.” Not wanting to be a wet blanket I stood up reluctantly & this elicited some cheering from the crowd. Walking up the stair, ...你问我爱你有多深 (You asked me how deep is my love for you) 我爱你有几分 (how much do I love you) 你去想一想 (go think about it) 你去看一看 (go take a close look) 月亮代表我的心 (the moon represents my heart) Standing beside Shawn & sharing one mike, liked the silent movie I moved my lips in sync with the melody. I didn’t dare to look up & didn’t know how I managed to survive till Shawn escorted me down the stage, everything was just a blur. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited March 3, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2015 Report Share Posted August 2, 2015 I think I need another reread to get into the mood..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted August 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now I was not in the organising committee but as main bulk of the participants was under my command, I stood beside Shawn initially but quickly moved next to Fatimah, I won’t want to be seemed as newlyweds standing at the door to say goodnight to the guests after the wedding banquet. He offered to walk me back to my chalet, "all right," I answered. There were white clouds against the enormous sky, and I felt good to have him walking along on the poorly lit footpath. We walked quietly for several minutes, and when I began feeling self-conscious, he asked suddenly, “You hungry…?” “I’m okay. Why, you hungry…?” I asked. “Yeah loh, no time to eat, busy talking to people…” he then declined my offer of heating up bacons & sausages left in the fridge. My watch showed ten plus & the one & only minimart should’ve been closed by now, where else to get things to eat? Seeing me looking around, Shawn claimed that he’d a box of biscuit & a bottle of mineral water in the car booth, bought from the minimart this afternoon. He was pleased when I agreed to keep him company for a short while, “let go to the jetty, no one will be there at this hour, we can eat in peace & listen to some nice songs,” he said looking at me & I nodded. It was dark, there were people along the beach, but so far so good, none were from my company. We walked in silence but not holding hand. It was calm, quiet & undisturbed excepted the songs came from his CD player, but my mind wouldn’t stay that way, something stayed in my mind, I kept thinking about should I do this or not… yes or no… muddled about what if someone knew about this… At the covered jetty, we sat side by side on a long wooden bench where an electric lamp casted a diffused light over us. The air was warm & pregnant with the smell of salt, "Do you like to have some?" Shawn asked while opening up the box of biscuit. "No, thanks, just go ahead," I replied. Munching his biscuit, he said, “You look beautiful," Facing him, I smiled but feeling uncomfortable. "Nah… 油腔滑调 (glibbed tongue)," there was long pause, I couldn’t think of anything to say. "No, no, no, no sweet talking, you’re pretty, really…" he said & patted my hand. I felt embarrassed & looked down at my red painted toes. “The view is lovely, isn’t it? Look at the lights reflected in the water. Would you like to come here again next year?” he asked. Looking at the open sea, I replied his first question but ignored his second one, “Yeah, this place is amazing,” We talked this way for the next few minutes, with me asking most of the questions & trying to discover what made me attractive to him. Although he answered my questions candidly, I could not ascertain his sexual orientation, was he straight, gay or bisexual? And out of the blue, I asked, “Why don’t you date?” “How do know that I didn’t date?” “Really, I don’t believe,” He looked at me. He just looked at me, and all at once with an immense sigh, “you don’t believe, you want to know?” "Yes, but you can choose not to tell,” I gained the courage to ask him & he paused for a minute. He looked down at his hands & then up into the distance before talking, I could’ve sworn I saw sadness in his eyes. “I had this girl, a Javanese Hindu during my upper secondary, same school but of different stream, I science & she’s art. We’re getting quite serious, met in the library almost t daily after school & even on Sunday, reading books, doing home works but more importantly to see each other. One day without her by my side was, somehow, unbearable. Stupid, right?” he paused for continuation & smiled weakly, “but happiness was short life, my parents got wind of this & were completely against the relationship, first the girl’s family practiced Hinduism, and secondly her dad was a supervisor in my dad factory, lower social status as far as my dad was concerned,” I was listening to him when he stopped. I looked at him inquisitively, encouraging him to continue. He tried to grin gamely memorizing the past, and I couldn’t believe that happened to the couple, was like a re-run of those Chiung Yao 琼瑶 romance novels & related films, so drama... his dad could be that high handed & scheming, so much so that the girl gave up on Shawn as not putting her dad job at stake. And when Shawn returned from here to Jakarta on his first year university vacation, he found that the girl was being forced by her parents to marry a man of their choice & settled in another province. The brevity of his love story made me angry, I was quiet for a moment & then said, "That’s very sad… this really, really sucks, and I'm sorry." "I hate my parents, they know nothing about love," he replied. I felt closer to him now that we had something in common, that my dad was equally screwed up, just money, money & more money. I was honoured that he trusted me enough to share that piece of him to me. We were quiet for a long while, listening to the waves gently meeting the shore & the sad song coming from the CD player. ... can't you give this fool a chance… Oh love , I've been searchin' so long, I've been searchin' high & low… only please don't let's pretend, a little love is all I ask, and that is all… I'm so lonely , lonely , lonely… “What do you think about the song?” he asked, piercing me with those earnest eyes. Our eyes met & I was lost for word. He watched me, at the illusion of my superficial calm & waiting for my answer. My heart was racing, a bout of nerves crept up my spine & I tilted my head away, in my reverie; he was going to kiss me. “Is late, let’s head back to the chalet,” I replied & stood up. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2015 Report Share Posted August 23, 2015 Very Romantic..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2015 Report Share Posted August 27, 2015 Well, I predict they would go back to her room & made love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted September 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) Need to send this out before the commencement of the election rallies. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now “Wait,” he stood up too & his left hand fiddling with my hair, “dead leaf on your hair…” I usually dislike people touching my hair, with the exception by the hair dressers of course, but his touch was gentle & his eyes smiled as much as his mouth did. He then slipped his hand inside his trouser & pressed a white envelop into my hand. "What?" "This is an amulet that a Japanese client gave me during this trip. I was waiting to give it to somebody special & well you're pretty special to me," he looked all embarrassed when he talked about my special to him. I was shocked at first but it really felt nice, in a way… “You could have given to me on Monday in the office, silly you…” I paused searching for some words hopefully sounded a little soothing, “not that I’m not happy to see you.” “Well I just can't wait, 48 hours is too long, so please accept it,” he said, “this amulet was blessed by Buddhist priest to expel spirits & bring you good fortune,” “Thanks,” I replied & put the amulet on my little purse before we walked back to the chalet. I was touched that he had gone through such trouble to surprise me on. But the thought was quickly replaced by something that had pre-occupying my mind throughout the evening, should I do this or not… yes or no… muddled about what if someone knew about this… the deep thought was so much so that I miss-judged the concrete pathway succeeding the sandy track, I lost my footing & knocked straight into Shawn. He grabbed my hip & breaking the fall, “be careful, my dear,” he whispered to me & I blushed. Walking on the linkway towards my chalet, there were night sounds as he switched off the CD player, chirping of unknown bird in the trees & humming of cicadas through the stand of bushes. I took a deep breath, savoring the night air, all the while tossing in my mind was to offer him a night stay in my room or not, I felt as if I was entering the minefield. Quickly, I reached a conclusion, yes, I can do this! “You don't have to. I can sleep in the car,” he answered. “No, is okay,” I reassured him, “you can sleep on the long sofa,” “What about our company workers? If they finds out about this…” “They will never know, so long we remain discreet. Trust me,” I gazed up at him, “now, listen to me. Go get your luggage, come to the back door & give a light knock on the door. Everything will work out,” “Can you do that?” he asked, brushing up his hair from his forehead, “Can you trust me?” I drew in a sharp breath & then gazed up at him, “Of course I trust you, Shawn, more than I've ever trusted anyone,” … Is this love that Im feeling? Is this the love that Ive been searching for? Is this love or am I dreaming? This must be love cause its really got a hold on me, a hold on me… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 1, 2015 Report Share Posted September 1, 2015 hmmmm!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest secret fan Posted September 16, 2015 Report Share Posted September 16, 2015 what next, my princess? kena makan already? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest secret admirer Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 what next, my princess? kena makan already? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted October 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Entered the room, I changed into shorts & t-shirt, and putting back the pink nighty to my luggage that I originally planned to wear for this evening. Hurriedly I then went into the bathroom to remove my makeup, washed my face & brushed my teeth. Sitting on a dinning chair near to the back door, I waited for Shawn arrival. I told myself to stay calm, angry & regretted on my impromptu gung-ho of offering him an overnight stay in my room, I sighed… just liked the lyrics of the song coming from the CD player suggested, 想逃离你布下的陷阱 (wanting to run away from your trap) 却陷入了另一个困境 (but falling into another predicament), I pushed him to accept my proposal & I said I trusted him, what was I doing? I asked for it, wasn’t it? Note: The official video is not available due to copyright. I felt so hesitating uneasy, where exactly would he be sleeping? Well, certainly the couch in the living area, but would it be a bit mean that I had the queen size bed all for myself? There were inconveniences too, hogging the bathroom & junking up the room wasn’t the only way he could get on my nerves, I couldn’t wear that sweet sweet nighty, damned it… In & trapped, there was no U-turn, he probably on his way to my room now, but was I supposed to stay with a man who happened to be my boss too? Having him for an overnight stay could put our relationship in a funky place. Very soon I heard knocking on the back door; I reached for the door handle, opened inward & found he was at the door with a traveller bag. I looked up at him, but before I could speak, he swiftly lowered his head & whispered, “Quick, let me in,” I smiled, what’re we doing, stealthy & sneaky, just liked carrying on a clandestine love affair, “Come on in,” I said lowly & stepped aside to let him in. "Jennifer, no one saw us right…?" stepping into the room & after I closed the door, he asked nervously. “I hope so… hey, why so late?” I asked & took a pillow from the bed as we walked past it heading towards the living area, “you okay with the couch…?” “Yeah, sure,” Though he seemed to accept the arrangement gratefully, but it made me squirm. Yeah, it’s seemed perfectly innocent as the idea of him using the couch was initiated by me, but somehow I kept thinking it might be okay to share the bed in a completely non-romantic & non-sexual manner. I felt inclined to allow it, however, I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want to do it. So to appease my discomfort, I told him to settle down himself & I would go get him some food. He claimed he wasn't hungry & I would have left him to it. ‘该死的,本小姐为了你准备吃的, 还推三推四, 真不识像,’ (Damn… prepare food for you still talk so much), muttering away to myself I walked towards the kitchen. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x In the kitchen, there was none at the usual keep cold compartment of the fridge, I searched & found the plate of bacons & sausages was lying in the freezer. I was speechless as they were found rocking hard, damn idiotic Shawn did this clearly demonstrate that he knew nut on house work. Covered it with a layer of clear polyethylene wrap, I adjusted the timer to 10 minutes & cooked at medium power in the microwave, giving extra 5 to 6 minutes to de-frost. Yawning a little, I stood beside the microwave waiting for the timer to ring, with the song playing in the background. The lyrics learly reflected my mood at that moment, 一刹那恍惚 (there a flashing trance), 若有所失的感觉 (the feeling of something missing)… 原谅我这一生不羁放纵 (forgive me for being uninhibited indulgence), 也会怕有一 天会跌倒 (that there is fear of falling down)… I was lost in thought… I didn’t owe him anything, and not once but twice, first offered my room to share, and now preparing food for him, I must be insane… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited May 23, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 19, 2015 Report Share Posted October 19, 2015 Will b waiting for the next installment!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted October 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2015 (edited) sam7566 wrote: Will b waiting for the next installment!!! Okay, while waiting, sharing herewith the japanese version of "Under the vast sky" 海阔天空 or Cantonese Hoi Fut Tin Hong, Called Far Away or in japanese 遥かなる夢に. Edited March 3, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted November 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now I thought to myself, would his presence resulting in having a wolf in the house as he might be mistaken this was a hook up? I couldn’t blame him for wanting to have sex with me, but I didn’t want this to happen, seriously, I didn’t want to be a slut or be called an easy lay. What should I do subtly for him to get the hint? How about pretending sick or tired? Or upfront & make clear to him, such as “I’m not having sex with you,”, “I’m not interested, so stop touching me,” or “Please stop trying,” etc. etc… I should have the courage to tell him, outwardly honest, but at the same time, how not to hurt him? Call me “weak” or tell me I have “low self-esteem,” why didn’t I have the balls (ha-ha???) to tell him. I felt shitty as I lapsed into deep thought… I wasn't sure when I had fallen asleep; all I knew was that Shawn had woke me up, nuzzling up from behind with his erection pressing against my butt crack over my shorts. His arms wrapped around my waist & whispered softly, "Thank you, sorry to trouble you," Froze & had no idea how to respond, I stood still in silence, closing my eyes & inhaled his scent. I opened my eyes slowly & with my mouth open slightly, all I could do was to ask, "What are you doing?" “Nothing, just hugging… I really like you,” he then paused for continuation, “hey, close your mouth, you'll catch mosquitoes," "Ha… there aren't any mosquitoes here, except you, big fat mosquito," “You’re a great girl & you’re insanely hot,” breathing hot, he spoke while his lips brushing the curve of my neck, and the tickle of his moustache on the nape of my neck sent delightfully dangerous shivers through my body. His hands now moved downwards, left hand wrapping around my waist, half touching the top of my shorts & half resting on the bare skin of my abdomen while the other slid up beneath my t-shirt, caressing me softly & slowly. It was a bold move. My left hand instinctively grabbed his left hand, “Stop, no bottom please,” It’s just weird of feeling uncomfortable to allow him access of my little willy, and would be an easy access as I wore nothing beneath my shorts, my habit not having panties & bra during bedtime. I lost my virginity long time ago to Kong, and he was the first guy had fondled my little birdy, next were Ling & many other guys during the Changi Village’s time. So to have Shawn name added to the list should be a non-issue, but I wondered was he mentally prepared to touch a girl with a dick though he knew I was still pre-ops, something my concern. Sighing lowly, I heard & sensed his frustration, letting go his left hand I relented & whispered lowly, “You can touch my body except my bottom, you hear me…” I thought I had said something wrong that he did not react right away, and after a long pause he asked, "Are you sure?" "Yes, but you promise to stop if I ask?" "Yes," he said while his hands went under my t-shirt started making small lazy circles on my navel, and each small circle ignited a whole new set of sensations. Snaking upwards a little towards my breasts, his fingers rested there as if waiting for permission to continue. His hands slid up while his head dipped to my neck & lips against my ears... when his fingers reached the bottom of my breasts he growled lowly, “wows”… he knew I was braless. “Mmm…” it was like a bolt of lightning hitting me, gripping his hands my body jolted with a feeling that I had long miss. “Argh…” my pointed nails must had deepened a little bit as he exclaimed lowly, "Please don't, I need to touch them," in a husky voice, he thought I wanted him to stop. "O…kay…," I whispered with apparent hesitation, and slowly I lowered my shaking hands. Both his hands were now inside my t-shirt cupping my breasts while still kissing my neck. My breath was coming in little gasps. Constrained by my t-shirt, he lifted my t-shirt up to the tops of my breasts, but I was feeling bold and pulled it over my head & dropped onto the top of kitchen cabinet. I stood top naked in front of him, for the very first time. Raising my hands to cover them, I was totally still, had I done something wrong? Maybe I should not have taken my shirt off; it was something totally out of character for me. He moaned his pleasure at my attempt, “I promise I will do my best to make you happy,” I said nothing as he lowered my shaking hands. I let him touched me again, his hands rose to my breasts & caressed them gently, “Nice…?” he asked & his palms rubbing the tips of my nipple gently sending me to the point of no return. “Hmm… softly, not so hard…” heaving up my breasts I moaned lowly, my nipples were as hard as raisin now & I wanted him to touch them so badly. My rosebud had a strange tingling sensation within, but I did not know what it was, only that it felt good. Just enjoy k… Nice, right…?… Shiok…?… intermittently he whispered next to my ear, carelessly but incredibly sexy, resonated with the hook-laden saxophone intro gently drifting out of the CD player. Oh yes, it did feel very nice, melting from the inside, his whispers & the lyrics sent every inch of my body into overdrive, closing my eyes I enjoyed the sensations flowing through me. I Feel So Unsure… Time can never mend, The careless whisper of a good friend, To the heart and mind… I wish that we could lose this crowd, Maybe it's better this way… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2015 Report Share Posted November 9, 2015 Done.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest her fan Posted November 13, 2015 Report Share Posted November 13, 2015 Done.... what is your meaning? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LookinAround Posted November 14, 2015 Report Share Posted November 14, 2015 Oh don't keep us waiting for too long Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted November 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now He placed his hands upon my hips & turned me to face him. I cupped my breasts & I was red faced as his eyes trailed over my naked top intensely, "Oh my God, you have a nice set of perky breasts,” I said nothing… perky my foot…? Full of rubbish I thought. I wasn’t satisfied with my breast size & yet he talked about perky, damned it… “This is amazing, you really have a pair of beautiful breast, please allow me to appreciate them," he said. Making the next move, he took away my hands & lowered his head to my breasts. I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to resist, I knew there was no way I could stop him now. Using his nose, he sniffed & rubbed my very sensitive nipples which became hard again. I had not experienced this before & it was exciting. Alternating between his lips & tongue, he started to lick, suck, suckle & nip over my breasts in slow gentle movements. I did not want him to stop, I gasped with surprise at this new sensation. I grabbed his head & pulled closer to my breast, and as a result he suckled me enthusiastically. "Nice? Does this feels nice?" he asked while his hot breath tickling me. Yes… yes, it did feel very nice. I bit my lips trying hard not to moan, he was so skillful, a lady killer indeed, just wondering how many ladies had fall prey under this sort of breast cum nipple manipulation. … It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too, Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong, This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I want to be sure… I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life… I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive, Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life… https://youtu.be/TMwl6pbCg38 The song continued to play… were I the girl he was waiting for? I was on fire as my horniness overrode all other concerns, what was he waiting? Quick, my hips moved & swayed with a mind of their own, it was just the right moment if he simply pulled down my shorts & I would be his… but he continued to explore me while our arms wrapped around each other… only moments had passed, but it seemed time had stopped… before I could stop his onslaught manoeuvre, my bottom melted & I had my orgasm as tears coming down freely… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited January 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted November 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Once I had the cleaning up & relieving myself, I walked out of the bathroom. Walking towards the bed, I saw Shawn was at the front hall, eating the plate of hot dogs & sausages & watching TV. “Hey still haven’t finish eating?” I called out from afar. “It smells so good,” he replied as he turned around & looked at me, “so must eat slowly,” “Is already midnight, I’m going to sleep now,” I paused for continuation, “and by the way, just leave the dining ware on the table, I’ll clean them in the morning,” Habitually I put the CD player next to the pillow with voice tuned to the lowest. Shawn responded similarly, he lowered down the TV volume & switched off the ceiling light. Curling up in bed, I tried to sleep, but the artificial lighting coming from the constantly changing images on TV screen was disturbing, rolling my back against the TV, I was still not able to sleep. The TV was off eventually, the room was dark without the interfering blinking light, the only light source was from the bathroom shield by the half closed door. I thought my ordeal was over… but not really, continuously I heard the creaking noise from the sofa, affecting me to have a good night’s sleep, it seemed that the sofa was not wide enough for him to move freely. I closed my eyes tightly, concentrating on the songs played by the CD, hopefully I would drift off shortly. 可以笑的话 不会哭 可找到知己 那会孤独 偏偏我永没有遇上 (If I could laugh, I wouldn't cry. If I could find an intimate friend, how will I be lonely? Contrary to expectations I would never meet)… 可以爱的话 不退缩 可相知的心 那怕追逐 可惜每次遇上热爱 没法使我感觉我终于遇上幸福 (If I could love, I wouldn’t retreat. If heart knows each other, how can I be scared not to pursue? It's a pity every time I come across passionate love, There's no way for it to make me feel at last I find happiness)… Note: Original Jave Wong is replaced due to copy right. The catch phrase ‘可惜每次遇上热爱没法使我感觉我终于遇上幸福’ (It's a pity every time I come across passionate love, There's no way for it to make me feel at last I find happiness) hit the nail… it spoke of a loafer his emptiness & sadness. The melancholic rendition by the singer Dave Wong (王傑) touched my heart & soul, I couldn’t help but thought of Shawn, I faintly related the song to Shawn, of how much I meant to him… of how much he loved me & ‘可以爱的话 不退缩’ (If I could love, I wouldn’t retreat) that he gave it all he had from the depths of his heart… and my hard-heartedness, I sighed lowly as it clearly reflected in the forthcoming lyrics… … 实在没法担起这一种爱… 妳的痴情 请勿继续 (I really can't accept this love… Please stop your infatuation)… 听说太理想的恋爱 总不可接触 (I hear that for love that is too ideal, You can never touch it)… 听说太理想的一切 都不可接触 (I hear that all things that are too ideal, don’t touch)… God damn it, I needed to sleep, right now… I climbed up & sat on the edge of the bed, turned to look at the front hall. I wasn’t sure why the rush of emotion as I stood up & walked towards him. Standing at the foot of the sofa, I called out, “Shawn…” my energy seemed to drain as I looked at him… He looked up in surprise to see me at the foot of the sofa, “What?” “Why don’t you come & share my bed?” my cheeks were glistening & voice unsteady as I told him. Personally, I probably wouldn't offer a male friend to sleep in my bed with me if I wasn't at least a little bit attracted to him. I didn’t know, I just wanted to sharing a bed in a completely non-romantic, non-sexual way. “Oh wow, you can’t sleep & need my cuddle,” he sat up & smiled broadly. “Cuddle me, you fat hope. You’re disturbing my sleep, rolling, stretching or whatever it was, the sofa was so noisy,” yawning loudly, it was already 1am & at this point I just wanted to go to bed, I didn’t wish to look like a panda the next morning, “Bring your pillow & blanket,” He was apologetic hearing my complaint, but managed to replied calmly, “All right,” “Ok, let’s go to bed then,” I said & turned away instantly, “by the way, here are the bed rules, no touching, no kissing & no cuddling, okay.” 没有人能够告诉我 (No one can tell me)… 那爱情到底是什么 (What on earth is love)…爱情这东西不会长久, 也许它确实很美丽, 也许过了今夜不再有(Love is not a thing that lasts, Maybe it is indeed very beautiful, Maybe it won't last beyond this evening)… 过了今夜我将不再有 哦 也许今生注定不能够有, 眼看那爱情如此飘过 只有含泪让它走 (After tonight I won't have it again, Maybe I'm destined not to have it in this life, I watch love float away, But I can only hold back the tears and let it go)… Listened to the Mandarin version of the previous song, I drifted off quickly… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited March 4, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted December 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now I woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar setting. Looking over Shawn, he was curling up into a fetal position covered with half of the blanket; I smiled for such sleeping posture. Rubbing the cramp in my right leg, silently, I crept out of the bed & went into the bathroom to start my morning. Though it was still early, just about 630, I needed to ready myself for the team building events; I didn’t know what the events would bring but was anxious to see what could happen, but more anxiously I needed to get him out of the room as early as possible. After freshened up & getting dressed in white shorts & a free issue white round neck company t-shirt, I planned to wake him up. I stepped out of the bathroom but went back almost immediately. “Ugh,” I mumbled as I looked around the bathroom but couldn’t find any new toothbrush. He could use my tooth paste, my liquid soap, my cleansing cream & etc., but definitely not my toothbrush as that was simply unsanitary. “What are you doing?” Shawn groggily asked me as he knocked at the bathroom door whilst wiping his face. “Sorry, did I wake you up?” My intention was good, just a little redundant as he waved to me his toiletries bag. Anyway he was appreciative as he grabbed a hold of my hand, planting a kiss on my forehead & spoke caringly, “thank you so much… slept well?” I blushed, it totally caught me off guard but I didn't protest, “Yeah, how about you?” “No…” he shook his head but I got angry & called him a sex maniac on the no cuddling bed rule I’d imposed, “Are you telling me I was wrong?” I furrowed my eyebrows at him. “Seriously, I just wanted to cuddle you, that all, you think I want to have sex with you?” “Honestly, yes… you had seemed & fondle my top & you want next my bottom, my six senses said so,” I spoke snidely. Our stares grew intense after that, I spent time playing with my fingers, unsure of what to say to him. Looking extremely defeated, Shawn sighed & laughed dryly, “I shouldn’t be going through this, I love you & respect you, I wouldn’t force you if you disagree to do anything,” “Are you angry?” I asked him in a soft tone that showed so much emotion, it was the most emotion I’d shown towards him so far. “Yes,” with sorrow written all over his face he answered emotionally, “your sudden hot & cold just driving me crazy. Listen, you won’t open your heart, you won’t accept me. You’d rather keep to yourself,” I sighed, not knowing how to answer, “I don’t know, Shawn. That’s for you to decide,” “What? Why would you say that?” he frowned, “There’s intimacies last night, lots of licking & caresses, your body & your breasts… You should never deny yourself what we’d done?” “Can we just drop it, Shawn? I really don’t feel like arguing with you… and I apologize to you for that,” I expressed, “I apologize to you for the way I acted towards you. I’m twenty eight now & I’ve been through so much turbulence on my love life, you know? Give me time please.” He looked at me for a moment & began smiling after my reiteration of ‘Please give me time’, ‘that’s good & that’s all I needed, thank you so much’ was his reply as he hugged me tightly. Without further ado, I asked him to do his freshen up & etc. before sending him out of the room via the back door. “I see you in the cafeteria for breakfast, sweet heart,” he spoke softly before sneaking out quickly. I closed the door. Leaning behind the door, I was in daze, in trying to pacify him I was now faced with a catch-22. Yeah, ‘please give me time’ but for how long, one month, one year or even longer? That dumb goose thought it was music to his ear, but whether I kept that promise or not, he seemed not really care. … Now I think it's time, that you let me know, so if you love me, say you love me, but if you don't, just let me go... I feel the heat, that look in your eyes… So you think that you love me, Know that you need me… I know it's wrong, Just let me go... oh the last one I had, made me cry, so I don't want to learn to hold you, touch you… Because it ain't no joy… So when you say that you need me, that you'll never leave me, I know you're wrong, you're not that strong, let me go… There are things that I still have to learn, but the one thing I have is my pride… I'm so cold inside, maybe just one more try The room was dead silent except this song coming from the vanity top. The song touched my heart as the lyrics resonated my reluctant of coming out from past tragedy (with Kong) & failure (with Ling), unwilling to open myself to him & hesitant to the idea of another relationship. Confused & lost, as I listened the song which ended with lyrics of one more try, the title for the only time, concluded with temptation overtaking hesitation, what should I do? Should I follow suit, just one more time? x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited December 31, 2015 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted January 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 (edited) Sorry, just a short one, too busy currently. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now The alarm on the radio clock went off & the shrill pulled me out of wild thought. Hmm… time to start the day. I grunted lowly, what a silly thing to have that suggestion? Argh, I shouldn’t give two hoots about it, 船到桥门自会直 (There is always a way, don't cross the bridge until you come to it; in the end things will mend), right now I should focus getting ready myself, pony-tailed my hairs, light lip sticking & etc. It was dawn; the sky was getting lighted as I walked on the link way towards the chalet café for breakfast. The sky didn’t look good as there were large patches of dark cloud here & there, I was getting a little concern as the bad weather might affect the team building events which was to be conducted at the beach area. My mood was not in sync with the bad weather; in fact the bad taste of entanglement with Shawn had dissipated to nowhere. I was feeling rather light-footed & humming a little for the way I dressed, white round neck, white shorts, white socks & white shoes, from top to bottom, except a pair of pink studs on my ear lobes, subconsciously I felt I were Mrs. Tan, my JC PE teacher, and her infamous all-white outfit, from the state of envying her years ago to now I was able to copycat her, I was satisfied. And the all-white underneath, simply the built-in bra & boy shorts, was indeed icing on the cake, not only giving support for my twin peaks & suppressing the bulging of my redundant appendage, both gave modesty under the white & formfitting clothing, with nil horizontal back strap & invisible panty lines. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued... Edited January 13, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted February 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now 爱美是女人的天性 (Pursue beauty is woman nature) & there was no exception for me. There were bad days where I felt complete shitty, couldn’t even get my eye makeup right, but this morning everything was perfect as I felt totally feminized with self-esteem, confidence & 100% comfortable with myself. Marching on with light-footed, I vigilantly reminded myself not to get carried away. The path towards womanhood wasn’t easy, to become the person I wanted to be, wearing what I wanted, I had to constantly police my gender presentation, exploited my strength & avoided my weakness, checked my mannerisms in trophy-case reflections leaving no room for suspicion. In order for this to work, I had to be courageous too, or at least appeared to be, and if I felt insecure, I couldn’t show it. Yes, the oral estradiol & spironolactone pills did wonder on my feminization. Frankly I didn’t have to be top notch beautiful; I believed a girl should be two things; classy & fabulous. Unlike the normal ‘crowd’ of girls pursing attention or going great lengths to gain attention, I didn’t need nor want attention, I believed I would end up getting more attention than these girls, caused I’m fabulous & classy. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x I sauntered into the café; the air was thick with the aromatic smell of the coffee as I trying to breathe it all in. My merriness was further enhanced by the soft & soothing piped-in music floating in the air. “Selamat pagi (good morning) madam,” were greetings from the café workers when walking past the food counters, “Thank you,” I replied sweetly, giving them a small wave & a smile. ‘Madam’, I just loved this acknowledgement… what’s a wonderful world. I had no difficulty to locate Fatimah, it was still early & the place was empty, save for one table of five production workers & hers of four, herself, two HR assistants, and the last person was least expected, Shawn, the boss. He did say to see me in the cafeteria for breakfast but I expected him to be late than me. “Ahem…” I coughed to announce my arrival, “good morning, everybody,” following quickly with “morning, boss,” The table responded & invited me to take a seat, pretending to be surprised he got up from his seat & pulled out a chair next to his, in a soft & deep voice he said, “Hi-i-i-I, good to see you, Miss Koh,” Ew… I was getting goosebumps, everyone was silent, exchanging startled glances & smiles, and I would have to be blind not to notice this. I was hesitated, wondering what his game was, he was off-limits as being our boss; I felt blood rush to my cheeks. And before anyone saw me blushing like crazy; I took the seat, “Thanks,” I said to him. The embarrassment didn’t stop here, immediately my all white attire became the center of focus, and unexpectedly the person who started this was that idiotic Shawn, pretending to be surprise he said, “Oh wows, pretty lady, all white, so sweet-t-t-t,” “Sorry?” I said, thinking I must have misheard. I looked at him, jolly well he saw my attire this morning, and so what the hell was this pretending? I sat dumb-found, couldn’t say a word nor protest, I wouldn’t want anyone including Fatimah to know that we’re together in my room the whole night, I had never been afraid to tout my fake sexual appearance but not this incident, it would be disastrous. "Boss is saying that you’re so white, and you blind the angels," said one of the assistants with Shawn smiling twinkly. "Casual chic," Shawn then joked, "just eternally sexy," and added by the other assistant, “The white outfit makes fabulous combo with her fair complexion,” Blah, blah, blah… echoing each other the trio seemed to be well rehearsed making clean fun of teasing with no ill feeling nor malicious. I blushed & couldn’t stop them. Smiling at my situation Fatimah came to my rescue, “Girl, we has already started, quick, go get your food,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x It was all delicious, the crispy bacons, grilled sausages & French toast breads, staying focus & munching, not looking sideway, I knew he was watching me. And truly he asked immediately when I made a last bite on the sausage, “Not going for second round?” “Nope,” but then I told him I would like to have a cup of tea. “Ok, let’s go,” he said. Standing up we walked to the drink counter. He accompanied me to get tea bag & packs of sugar, we queued in a comfortable silence while the only other noises being him clanging the mugs collected from the mug tray & various indistinct noises from the café. I was in the mood in indulging myself; I let him poured the water for my tea as I nodding in gratitude, before adding a cheeky spoonful of sugar. We went back to the table together, casually sipping at our drinks, smirking when we heard one of assistants grumbling about the place looked like a fish market as the company workers starting floating into the café."Tea okay?" he asked. "Yes, I've always like hot tea," sipping my tea in a way that I hoped was nonchalantly sensual, I smiled, "Ling always did say I was sweet enough," Small talk was all I could think of right now, but was unsure if I should continue this flirting when Fatimah & her assistants returned from their third round. "Yeah sweetie," he raised his eyebrows, smile broadening. I blushed, biting my lower lip, and before I could reply, he continued, “You’re so hot,” “Hot…?” “Yeah, this is universally sexy, when a woman bite her lower lip, especially doing it absentmindedly, that’s hot…” he laughed & winked. “Ok, enough, behave, they’re coming back,” I cautioned Shawn as I saw them walking back to the table with their new servings. I kept a respectable distance between us & remained awkwardly upright, turning my body to face Fatimah. "Nice coffee," he said, after a brief lapse of silence. Grabbing the mug, he took a sip, swirling the warm liquid before leaning back in his chair. I watched as he tried to hide a yawn but failed & it was infectious as I yawned as well. I wondered why we were both tired, we had slept on the same bed last night, wasn’t it? "What's wrong with you Jennifer, not enough sleep also?" asked Fatimah. "Well… I think… maybe… erm… not used to the bed," whiningly I gave a lame excuse. Giving me a secretive smile, with ease Shawn too explained that the car seat was uncomfortable to sleep as everyone thought he’d slept in his car over the night. ‘wa lau eh’, I small pretender, he big pretender, we’re all pretenders. I couldn’t help for felt connected while this song was played in the air. Oh oh, yes I'm the great pretender, Pretending that I'm doing well, My need is such I pretend too much, I'm lonely but no one can tell… Too real is this feeling of make believe, Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal. Yes I'm the great pretender, Just laughin' and gay like a clown, I seem to be what I'm not, you see, I'm wearing my heart like a crown, Pretending that you're still around… “Teehee…” mouth covered with hand, I giggled & was embarrassed as the group looked at me inquisitively. “What?” I pouted uncharacteristically, ‘I’m not insane ok…’ x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited February 8, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted February 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Clustered together at the beach front; Fatimah briefed us rules & details of the games and I was assigned as line judge at other end of the start line. Five games on the agenda were designed to build team strength, facilitate communication & develop problem-solving skills, and 5 teams would be formed by work sections, where teams would compete head-to-head in wacky, wild & non-athletic relay races. Dark clouds & gusty wind didn’t dampen the spirits as cheerful people flocking to the beach after their breakfasts. Accompanying Fatimah to help organising the teams, I felt a little bashful. Placing a hand over my crotch, I took deep breathes to calm my growing anxiety, I couldn’t explain these ogling, there were girls donning their own with revealing top, why not at them? Damn bloody shitty, I was their manager & not the type of women or object to be lewd at. Fatimah whispered in my ear as we completed the team forming, the glimmer in her eyes told me she appreciated my outfit, “Hey, be yourself, if you ask me, you look damn fine!” “Thanks. I’ll take it,” fiddled with the whistle, I put on a fake pout, “too bad your opinion isn’t the one that matters,” “Yeah, mine doesn’t matter, I know,” she leaned in close, “it matters if it is boss opinion,” We smiled & parted way; she walked to the start line while I headed towards the half way mark. The games would commence shortly. One game I had good memory was spoon-ball, a simple relay which required each team member to carry a spoon with a ping-pong ball to & fro before passing to the next member. If the ball dropped off, it must be picked up & put back before continuing. The catch of this game was that toddles were roped onto the game, where teams needed to have a toddle & were allowed to borrow theirs from other sections. No one complained on such impromptu arrangement as suggested by Shawn, that right, at least for once he was creative. Everyone was laughing & cheering, seeing the toddles walking with short unsteady steps while their parents holding the spoon & ball, gosh… this toddles were the best creation by God, how nice if I could be one of their mom… I was in daze & forgot my job as the line judge. Well, the 5 games were carried out within the total time stipulated, two hours to be precise. Everyone had a good time & tried at least a little bit, including the senior workers or the aunties so-to-speak. No one was good anyway, and everyone got a prize in the end. And just as we getting out the prizes which would be presented by Shawn before adjourning to the café for lunch & heading back to Singapore, Thomas the flamboyant buyer came forward & made a request. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 i simply love this story, true or not i don't really care. the writing is well & simple, breaking into small sections is something easy to read & stay focus. keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted March 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now “He-he boss…” Thomas smiled ingratiatingly (嬉皮笑脸) before asking loudly in a conspiratorial tone, “how come Miss Koh & Fatimah they all didn’t play? They are part of the team, isn’t it?” All of us, Fatimah, her two assistant, the accountant & I were completely dumbfounded by such amok question, halting our works we looked at Shawn inquisitively for his response. And I believed people around us would also be interested to see what Shawn the boss had to say. Well, experience did count (姜是老的辣), patting Thomas’s shoulder, Shawn said, “Yeah, he got the point,” he agreed that employee engagement was the direction of the company & urged to have our participation for the next team building outing, “you either form a management team or join your own section,” “Yes boss,” said Fatimah, she then joked about that I would be super busy taking charge of more than five sections. “Not bad la… kakak (sister), I can play all games,” I replied & pouted at her, “jealous not?” “Here you go, pouting again,” she then turned to Shawn, “boss, see, your manager always like to pout,” “I like her pouting; that's very cute,” the group laughed loudly upon Shawn’s dramatic reply. So easy so simple (轻而易举), just as I thought Shawn had put thing under control & to resume the prize presentation, that problematic Thomas pressed on, “Boss, why wait till the next time, let have the challenge now, against my team, the overall champion okay,” I was stunned when Thomas asked us to have a team game against his. And when Shawn making excuse that no extra prize for new game, the well prepared Thomas said his team would donate their champion prizes, but arrogantly claimed that his team would win back the prizes anyway. A rowdy crowd packed the beach front to see their champion team playing against the six member management team, two men four girls led by Shawn. Even before the game started, people whistled & cheered on the team members. ... Their supporters clapped & cheered for the players. First challenge was Tug-of-War with three rounds to decide winner, and both teams agreed to field six persons of two guys & four girls for the game, in other word, our whole team would be mobilized. But when the candidates were lined up, we girls protested strongly, “Boss, how to fight, this Susan (planner) is double our size,” and our objection was echoed by the crowd too. That’s right, not only Susan the shipping executive they deployed was also heavy weight. Both Shawn & Chong the production supervisor who was robed in as the impromptu judge saw the unfair advantage & asked team leader Thomas to make changes, that the size or weight of all individuals were to be comparable to us. Reasonably speaking it was supposedly a simple exercise, but was messed up by us the girls. Shawn & the accountant told their weights & found their equivalent opponents quickly, but Fatimah & her two assistants didn’t want to let out their weights, and of course I had to follow suit. It took a long while to find our opponents as people making various recommendations. … “Hello, how about Siew Hong, there, that purchasing assistant”… “Tak boleh lah, you siao boh?” (Can’t be, are you crazy?)… “Ya lo, Miss Koh 这么小隻, 风吹都会飞,” (that’s right, Miss Koh is so small build, wind will blow her away,”… people were making lots of suggestion & some remarks were found to be hilarious, I appreciated & enjoyed these interaction. Finally the shy & timid purchasing clerk was pushed to the forefront; without this exercise, she would never have a chance to play, I ought to suggest to Fatimah on fine-tuning the rules in a way that the participants would be widely spread, not just for the strong & fits, might be available for the handicaps & older workers too. “Miss Koh, so pai seh… playing against you,” stepping out & standing beside me she whispered lowly but somehow I could sense her feeling of inferiority. I hugged her & held her hand, “Hey, no pai seh, just relax & have fun,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x So the two teams hauled at the opposite ends of a rope with Chong refereeing the first game. First round Shawn was the front man & the accountant last, and four of us girl in-between. The round started out well for both teams as both teams got strong control at the team’s end. It wasn’t until with about five minutes had passed that we succumbed to the relentless raw muscle power from our opponents. Came second round despite the two men switching positions but result remained negative, worse still, as a spent team we were tugged over in less than ten seconds. The crowd let out a tremendous cheer as Thomas’s team was up 1-0. The second game was spoon-ball, I sat out as the players were trimed to two. Shawn, Thomas & Chong the judge agreed to reduce the number from four as the game was time consuming & the crowd might lost their interest. Again we failed, Fatimah was doing fine neck to neck to her opponent, but when came the accountant, he dropped the ball not once but twice & wasted time picking up the ball while his opponent overtook all the way till the end. Again the crowd clapped & cheered; and their players went into a huddle & cheered too. We were down 2 – 0, though we girls were so pumped to go out & get the win, but nothing seemed to go our way. Our opponents were fast & aggressive; an all rounded team with 15 persons to be deployed, coming from Purchasing, Planning, Shipping & Security. It was crucial to win the next game, and we still needed to win the fourth game to get a tie before allowing playing for the last game, otherwise it would be game over. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited March 15, 2016 by Larry Crumplerboi 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted March 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) I like to share with all of you this song 同一个星空之下 (under the same starry sky) which I frequently listened to when writing the following segment. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now The forthcoming third game was an all-girl relay; the first girl of the team would be given a skipping rope; they would run to the opposite end, do the rope jumping 10 times, run back & pass the rope to the next girl. The first team to have all six girls complete the run successfully wins. I was thinking, we had only 4 girls shorted of 2, but if I ran extra for the 2 slots, we might win. I ran a few cross country races during my JC (junior college) & OCS (officer cadet school) times, I knew my strength, the 200 meters distance to & fro was just a piece of cake. I spoke to Shawn but he was skeptical on my physical ability, anyhow he relented upon my insistence. And he told me to accompany him for the briefing, “You will do the talking, okay,” At the briefing, both Chong & Thomas surprised to see me but Shawn told that I was representing him. And as expected, Chong the judge proposed to reduce the players to 4. “No, keep the number as 6,” I replied steely, “some of my girls will run twice,” But that egocentric Thomas disagreed mentioning that people would say not a fair competition, “to win upon your handicap is to triumph without glory, that’s not what my team want,” “Why you worry, as long as my team doesn’t compliant,” “But people will still think is unfair… how about we adjust the game rule, 7 against 6, we 7 you 6,” “No, no, no… that’s too messy, people may not understand…” I then added on, “You want to be seemed as fair? Here, I give you this idea, your team starts 10 seconds late as an handicap,” looking around at Thomas, Chong & Shawn, I continued, “it is simple, not complicate & people can see & understand the handicap,” But the idiotic Thomas didn’t want to stop just that as he suggested, “May be we can have a 20 seconds handicap,” “That’s not necessary…” I replied, and then a thought just slipped through my mind, a thought which might help to salvage my team. But first of all I must deliberately provoked him before presenting my thought, “I want only 10 seconds, anyway my team can beat yours even without the handicap,” I capitalized on his conceit inflated with pride, & schemed him onto my game plan, “let make this a two-point game, you win you get the two points & game over. If my team win, we tie with your two points, we go straight to last game to decide the winner. So Mr. Thomas, on or not…” “You want to be seemed as magnanimous, accept this deal, far better than your 20 seconds offer,” I pounded on. And hoping Shawn would add weight on the idea, I winked at him & asked, “Boss, is my proposal workable?” “Thomas, I think Miss Koh’s proposal is good, you win the 2 points & then game over, nothing better than this, 又便宜,又鲜,又大粒乳 (pronoun in Hokkien, a vulgar dialect slang meaning cheap, fresh & big breast)” said Shawn. The slang was poor taste, I was displeased, no exception for Shawn, that these men had to resort to such tactic of poking fun on female sex organs in order to gain communication, didn’t they have better ways for communications? But at this juncture, I just had to ignore but to have an urgent briefing with my teammates. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x The atmosphere was gloomy during the discussion with the three ladies, Fatimah & her two assistants. I wasn’t surprised, we were down by 2 – 0, but after learning that someone would run extra for the last two laps, they’re getting more dejected. I told them I would volunteer for the two laps but they doubted my ability to complete. I told them I’d been a cross country runner, and got top 10 results in a few races. And I assured them that as long as we worked hard, we had some good chances of winning. I wasn't sure about the chance of winning, might be 60 / 40 but the competitive trait I am got me a bit fired up. I didn't think it took a lot of arm twisting to convince them to give it a shot. We went on to discuss the relay strategies, “We mustn’t waste the 10 seconds handicap,” so Fatimah first lap, me second, next the two assistants & I would run the last two laps. We’re going to get on the beach & run, arranged the battle order that Fatimah with longer legs was first to go & the best runner (me of course, ha-ha,) last. “Go out there & keep trying your best, girls, above all, try not to care what anyone else talks about you, just have fun & participate,” I earnestly begged them to give me the support, I needed to end the discussion quickly so that we could prepare ourselves for the relay. “Hey, we girls must work as a team, alright,” said Fatimah & responded positively by the rests, “That right, we girls…” My mouth twisted, like a key in a keyhole… my mind was preoccupied with the phrase ‘we girls’ which had landed on me like a thunderbolt & paid no attention to what they were talking. Specifically it was music to my ear with the phrase ‘we girls’ pronounced by Fatimah & resonated by the rests, it came so natural & so casual by these authentic ladies, oh wows… I was among the ‘we girls’, gosh… wasn’t this I longing for all the times? I reacted passively as Fatimah invited all of us to form a circle with arms extended around each other’s shoulder, bowing our heads, they gave out a war cry “Go, go, go…” while I said nothing since not knowing the slogan. It was fortunately with all heads bowing down. I walked away to prepare myself for the relay, but in my mind the phrase ‘we girls’ seemed never want to go away. Ever since working in the company, I forbade myself from using the phrase when talking to my female staffs & workers, subconsciously I told myself not to use the phrase, caused I’m fake, I’m not genuine, I’m not authentic. We girls, oh yeah, we girls, I was getting emotional as tears flowing down my cheeks. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited March 30, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted April 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2016 (edited) Pardon me if you deem the following segment went off track. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now We girls, oh yeah, we girls, I was getting emotional as tears flowing down my cheeks. Thinking back, 10 years life in a Catholic boy-mission school was hermitic, there was no female of the same age to role model. I knew my fetish but crossdressing was never in my portfolio. There was impromptu stealing of lingerie when the fetish went out of control which gave me the kick so desire, tempting & euphoric when touching the fabric. And I knew, once I “borrowed” my first bra, it was sick, it was forbidden but I might never be able to stop. Doing post-secondary at a junior college, both Ling my childhood buddy & I made infant step by nick named each other big sister & small sister privately. Still heterosexual, I went after a female student from the art stream but was rejected. Primarily straight but profoundly satisfied by imagining myself as a sweet slender girl, I suppressed my more femme impulses, but when the fetish was beyond my control, I went a step bolder, I wore a bra under thick clothing & went loitering at Parkway Parade. Going steady with Kong had opened up a new chapter of my life, I forced him to choose, and I wanted to be a girl & eventually to be one physically. I’m clearly not gay in the sense of wanting to be a man sexually with another man. I saw a psychiatrist & first question was why I’m a crossdresser? She told it is inborn during mom’s pregnancy that something caused my brain to develop along female lines & there is no cure. Could I achieve to look genuine was my next question, “Try not to think too much, take your pills promptly,” she answered. She understood that to me & to most transsexuals, being societal acceptable describes a specific meaning, it‘s like telling an authentic female, ‘Hey I’m no different from you’ It would be a long & costly journey & I tried not to think too much, afterall, there were enough pills to swallow daily. Meantime, I only went out as woman with Kong company. Though I passed well enough in public, I would remain discreet to look unisex for avoidance of danger & distanced myself from any other crossdressers met on the streets, an oppressive phenomenon observed by many other lone rangers too. Huh… no plan no milestone chart, just one step at a time. It was until I joined the big family at Changi Village, I observed a reversed phenomenon: self-affirmation as woman, by almost everyone including those who were barely 40% passable not-satisfactorily-effeminate-but-feel-truly-females. Phrases such as ‘girl’ & ‘sister’ were used readily within the community, unabashedly asserting their wants to be recognized as female in their self-proclaimed Utopia. Disparaging the inhospitable world, trying not to think too much on inequality & many different struggles, including different forms of discrimination, many shared the same goal of seeking greener pastures in Europe or United States by marrying a Caucasian man. There were hard work & careful maneuver to conceal my male identity since joining the company, I was fortunate not to arouse any suspicion so far, but to derive at this inclusiveness by the three ladies was something unthinkable, it was like passing an examination, test on driving & allow to drive, test on horse riding & allow to play polo… And at this juncture the passing was about my ability to be regarded as a member of theirs, signifying an increase in my social acceptance. “We girls must work as a team…” this was the second time I heard the similar phrase, the last time was at Changi Village when fellow sisters trying to fence off another group of competitors trying to encroach into our territory, “We girls must fight as a team…”. Praise the Lord, As-Salam-u-Alaikum, Namo Amitabha. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited April 15, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted May 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now No time to waste, with my team mates we did a bit warming up & fast running to stretch out our legs. Our opponents were doing the same, young, leggy & competitive; it wasn’t hard to tell my team competitiveness was not every bit as strong as them; hopefully the 10 seconds handicap I asked for would help my team in some way. After initial reservations & hesitations, I figured out in order to have the edge, I ought to remove my shoes & run bare footed, such that to fly on top of the sands rather than sinking my shoes & fight with the loose sands. Shawn & the accountant came & wishing us luck. I didn’t bother to entertain them, but walking away as to put my shoes together with our other stuff, subconsciously I was angry with that asshole accountant who played badly losing the first two games. “Hey, Miss Koh…” Shawn chased after me. I stopped & waited. And when he stood next to me, a bout of nerves crept up my spine & I tilted my head at him, “What are you staring at?” “Wows, sexy… redly painted,” piercing me with those lustful glances, he then whispered lowly, “don’t tell me you’re going to run with no shoes, are you kidding?” “Why, cannot meh…? So bossy,” I replied & gave him a little playful pout. "Hey,” he protested, “I’m just merely concerned for your safety, the stones & shells around may hurt your feet," “But…” I blurted out, hesitation, confusion & ignorance… wanting to win but now fearful about getting hurt, damn… feeling like an idiot. Heat spreading over my cheeks, he watched my mouth work to make some sort of unintelligible sound, “Um… uh… how?” “Don’t worry; go get yourself ready for the race,” he paused while I looked at him inquisitively, “then…” “I will go to the beach & search for those stones & shells,” he said quickly & smiling at me. His chivalry caught me completely off guard & I gaped in a stunned silence before composing myself, “Thanks, I appreciate, but may not be a good idea, people may… you know…” “You’re talking about badmouthing, ha-ha,” he said loudly, “I’m not worry about people badmouthing me behind my back. I’m the team leader & I will do what’s deemed fit for my team,” “Ok, I can’t stop you if you insist,” and I asked him not to solicit help from the workers. He laughed at me fondly & nodding his head, “Yes, I won’t, but I can’t stop if anyone wants to help,” “I better hurry up,” he said. I rolled my eyes & watched him walking towards the beach, but I was smiling anyway. And he’s kind of right, I saw a number of people on the beach helping him shortly. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x The race started. First to run was Fatimah, she ran aggressively with her long legs, but despite the 10 seconds handicap imposed on the opposing team, her opponent produced a solid run though her rope skipping was amateurish just liked Fatimah. Anyway it was still a great first leg for our quarto of girls as Fatimah returned first but the 10 seconds handicap which was supposed to translate into a 10 meters in distance (just my calculation, not entirely accurate) had reduced down to about 3 meters. She then handed me the skipping rope & I went out aggressively. The first 10 meters I felt my boobs jiggled & bounced ridiculously, oops… I realized wearing a built-in & not sport bra. Enduring the discomfort, I bit my lower lip & continued to run, shortly I picked up my speed as I’d gotten used to the new way my chest wiggled, probably my boobs weren’t that large yet… Sensing my opponent coming from behind, I ignored & charged forwards, I wasn't paying much attention to how fast or slow I was running but subconsciously pushing a little harder to allow my next two team mates some extra time. And at rope skipping, fluently jumping slightly higher to avoid hitting the sands & softly on the balls of my feet, I finished the ten skipping in a slow down pace of 30 seconds (my personal best was 70 whereas my seniors were 120 turns per minute). About my proficient on rope skipping, it was a long story. Rope skipping was a warming up exercise for Judo ECA (extra curriculum activity) in JC (junior college), a reluctant but mandatory choice as no any other suitable subject from uniform & sporting category. From lazing around at the beginning, I enjoyed after a few lessons, the body warm when my male opponent floored me & squeezing me bodily until I gave up was extra ordinary enticing. I finished my first leg in good time I presumed, despite the hiccup in my bouncing boobs & clumsy exchange with the next runner. Checking at my yet-to-complete-her-run opponent, there was a 30 over metres leading gap that would be a good cushion for the two HR assistants, a performance that I was pleased with. “Here, quench your thirst,” at the finishing line, Shawn handed me a cup of cold water. I was red faced, what a special treatment from the boss & I knew people were watching. I couldn’t refuse & took the cup quickly. Taking small sip of the water & ignoring the stares, I stood with all team mates at the finishing line focal at the race. For a while after the exchange, our leading gap steadily went downhill as our opponent who ran also bare footed drastically ramping up her speed. ‘Copycat,’ I was unhappy but instinctively bit off the curse before the word sprang to my tongue. The next day when I thought of this, I laughed at myself, “foolish,” since when I became so petty, running bare footed wasn’t a copyright; my eagerness to win caused me with such immature demeanour… Though our opponent rope skipping was also amateurish just as our runners, her running speed was good enough to inch down the gap. Our current leading might not last for long as the slow erosion was certain. And truly the lead had changed when the next HR assistant took off. At half way mark before rope skipping; she was about 10 metres behind her opponent. I sighed in exasperation, feeling my hope of winning eroded. The whole team was a little nervous, urging her to run on while Fatimah shouted loudly, "Wendy, I need you to run faster, can you do that for me?" her question was more like a demand. Oh my, I have two more legs immediately after this leg, reminding myself. Zero in at her, nervously I contorted my hands back & forth, interlaced my fingers & squeezed them together… just run, don’t stop & try not to have a gap of more than 30 metres & I will do the catch-up, please… “Hey, take it easy,” it was Shawn’s low voice standing behind me. I felt a wave of warmth rippling through me, gosh… his was massaging my back. Damned, he was getting bolder & bolder, as though the people around us were blind. I inched away & re-bundled my hairs, forcing him to back off. “Yes. I hear you," I responded flatly trying to hide my mix of unhappiness & embarrassment. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x “Run… run… run… Wendy, run…” I screamed loudly awaiting for Wendy at the finishing line. My anxiety kept creeping up & up & up. When I stepped foot on the starting line after the exchange, I was about 25 metres behind my opponent. I never had such a huge weight to carry on my shoulders, that the entire fate of our team winning this race was up to me, I asked myself, "Who are you really doing this for?" Well, for my team loh… But once I started running & continued to dwell on the question I realized that I was actually doing this for myself. I wanted the cheers & glory, and most of all I wanted Shawn to feel proud of me, and that meant something to me. I was nervous; there was 25 metres to catch up. People were cheering as I ran; rehearsing the boisterousness taken place on my first leg. I anticipated the cheers would go louder when they saw me continue for the last leg. It was a blessing with so many supporters, as their production boss I found strength & I couldn’t let them down. The sandy beach did not bother me, bothering me was few senseless persons infringing onto the path that needed to snake around them. It was after the rope skipping I managed to close the gap, running straight home side by side with my opponent, with no intention to overtake her but conserving my energy… yeah, the race was far from over, you never knew what might happen in the last leg. We reached the finishing line simultaneously & came time for the team final leg. Except my team, the crowd, Thomas & his team & Chong the judge were stunned to see me running the last leg too; they would think Fatimah who fared better should take over from me. But likewise everyone including myself was surprised that foxy Thomas sent the girl who ran the third leg for the last leg, the girl who managed to close the gap I’d created, a very good runner indeed & she would out run Fatimah for sure. I was lucky to make the arrangement; Thomas was clever but me not stupid too. This girl was a good runner & I wanted to avoid direct competing with her, so I started the race cat-and-mouse, using a strategy I'd learned from the army. I deliberately trailed her, making her to run faster which in turn using more of her energy. Every so often I too would speed up & overtook her, just to threaten her. We continued like this for the first half of the race. The crowd was boisterous, there was a tug of war watching two evenly matched competitors striving to stay ahead, clapping, cheering, rowdy & enthused, there was electricity… both teams played with the best runner they had. And when my rope skipping was done, I told myself that the moment to strike had arrived & ended the cat-and-mouse, I knew she would take another 10 seconds for her rope skipping, such that she would never had a chance of catching me from that point on. Picking up speed, I was digging deep for some strength that I didn’t have & sprinted towards the finishing line, letting the roar of my supporters “Go Miss Koh Go!” & teammates who were into a huddle at the finishing line, screaming & pulling off serious cheer stunts, carrying me through the remaining race. I'd done it. I won the race for my team. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x It was chaotic at the finishing line, people came & congratulated me & my team, there were hugging & hand shaking, and exceptionally I allowed kissing on my cheeks by a group of aunty from the assembly section. It took me some time to get over the post-race high & to take the smile off my face, and to get ready for the last event. The only disappointment was where Shawn was, suddenly I felt like letting him to kiss & hug, damn bloody desperado were I? Desperado why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now, Oh you're a hard one, I know that you got your reasons, These things that are pleasin' you, Can hurt you somehow… Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you, You better let somebody love you, before it's too late. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited May 18, 2016 by Larry Yas1950 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now While celebrating the winning with my team mates & supporters, Shawn was not around but having a discussion with Chong & Thomas for the last game ‘piggyback challenge’, no wonders he was not around to hug me, ha-ha… Same as the original game plan, the groups were to get into pairs of man & girl. The girls were to ride piggyback on their blindfolded partners. Racing to a set spot, the pairs were to maneuver around plastic cones placed in-between without bumping into them or otherwise be disqualified. The winner would be the pair who came back the fastest. Since our team consisted of two guys & three gals, we could only have two pairs to participate. Explained by Shawn, the accountant would partner his wife, and to partner him he needed one of us to volunteer. Laying down his requirement he then excused himself to the washroom & I assumed he was giving us space to discuss. Seeing Shawn walking away, the three gals looked at me inquisitively. “Hello… don't look at me like that,” protestingly I said. I was trying to act blur, but I knew better, that they wanted me to partner Shawn. “Not me, okay,” said Fatimah, “my religion disallows me,” Ok, fine, she was to be exempted, leaving three of us to debate. It was awful… “You la…”, “Why not you...” & similar remarks were floating around, no one seemed prepare to relent, me too my modesty was at stake, I didn’t want to be seemed as easily available, though I didn’t really mind… The situation remained stalemate till Shawn returned to the scene, “So what is the answer?” he asked in a pressing tone, “the game is going to start soon,” Here we were one man & four girls (me too), there reigned an awkward & heavy silence, damned it; someone had to do the job… "Ah, c'mon ladies, the game is great team building opportunity," he asked again, apparently quite unhappy. “Okay, I will do it,” pouting with both hands placed on my hips, I broke the silence & spoke lowly, “for the sake of…” Everyone was surprised. Instantaneously the three girls were clapping & exclamations of ‘yeah’ & ‘finally’ were heard from them. And as for Shawn, his reaction was a little not in sync, gazing at me with mouth hanging open in awe. I rolled my eyes & pretended to chide him, “hey boss… what’s happening, am I too heavy to play?” "No, you're not, really," smiling sweetly, his reply caused blushes on me & amused the rests, "you’re cute when you’re angry, and I’m blinded by your beauty," “That’s not true, I’m not angry,” I replied & walked away, “follow me, we have things to discuss,” leaving him no chance to talk more nonsense. Why do some guys think it’s sexy when women are angry? I asked myself. But then on second thought, you never know just how you look through other people’s eyes. Note: In the afternoon when I took his car for returning home, we chatted on the same subject. He spoke that his heart moved that I was so carefree (oh really? I didn’t realize that), so gung-ho & free of the frosty persona I wore most of the time, was so very young & beautiful. “I resisted the temptation of hugging you,” he said & smiled sweetly, which kind of unnerved me. The look of sincerity in Shawn's eyes seemed real, but I could tell I was being charmed by a lady killer. And yet, it didn't seem to matter. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Under a tree, we discussed the strategy. Relating the hand signals used in jungle warfare training during my national service stint, I felt that nonverbal body language could be more useful in communication with respect to the noisy & rowdy crowd. I went through with Shawn the improvised arrangement & did the revision. Tapping his left or right shoulder was to turn left or right, touching his ear meant to walk straight & lifting the fingers away from his ear meant to stop immediately, he answered all correctly. I was satisfied & reminded him not to forget before walking together towards the starting line. There was already big crowd at the starting point, the news of me partnering Shawn spread real fast & people were there to witness. And to add to the excitement, Chong the judge announced that we had 1 minute left to get ready. There were already cheers, applause & whistling, Shawn seemed to be loved by everyone as he waved to the crowd graciously, in sharp contrast to that egocentric Thomas went out of his way walking around with fists pounding into the air. "You see him, Kee Siao (crazy)" I laughed uncontrollably while Shawn ticking off Thomas. In an ecstasy of joy, I reached out to him & clutched his arm tightly, unknowingly pinching his skin. “Ouch, pain…” his low voice was a shocking awakening; I snatched my hand away & reddening, mumbled an apology. I must be insane; the fact that half or more of the people were present at the front line had barely registered on me early on. ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid… What will they think?’ I was panic-stricken & didn’t dare to look around, though it might be just a few seconds, it should never happened but for some reason it did just then. But turning from the crowd I gasped when I saw his grinning face in full, “Well, I have good reason for asking you to keep your nails short," “So sorry,” I was red faced & wanted to speak, but Chong the judge began asking for attention via the loudhailer, "Now, all players, please come to the starting line, the game is about to begin,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Together with all other participants, I stood beside Shawn at the front line waiting for the game to commence. Unlike my usual self of constantly battled to keep my self-esteem at a high level, and bossy at times, I was scared & nervous, even at a loss, caused I knew we all were under focused, my heart pounded & adrenaline pumped madly through my veins. The only saving grace in such otherwise bad situation was that Shawn was so cold, ignoring the starring as he glanced at me & smiled fondly. I couldn’t stop him, I knew some was watching us & I got goosebumps but anyhow was enjoying this. Kids surrounded us, laughing & trying to help when the male participants put on the blindfold, they were then to squat such that their lady partners could sit on their shoulders, Shawn too, he squatted on the floor & lifted me up slowly. There were already cheers, applause, whistles & remarks from the crowd, “wows, perfect match,”, “金童玉女,” (golden bachelor jaded lady) etc. etc. I got the feeling that they were talking about me & Shawn but pretended hearing nothing & allowed those gossiping to pass. I had volunteer myself as the game partner, no more, no less. Riding on top of Shawn, I shut tight my eyes initially but opened up eventually after getting accustomed to Shawn’s proximity & people starring. Shallowly breathing in his overwhelming floral scent, I realized there were tickling on my inner thighs. With his two hands on my lower legs, that lustful idiot cleverly used his thumbs hiding behind my inner thighs & did his flirting act, no one would know except me. I ignored initially, but from sparsely to intensive his action bringing on a stirring in my lower body, what the hell was going on? This hard-on had intruded into my life twice in the past 24 hours, twice too many… Shifting my hips closer to his neck, I suppressed my erection to hide the evidence. "Hey, person on top, stop fidgeting," he protested from below. “Hey, person below, stop tickling my legs,” I replied but thought bemusedly, how could I inflicting tickle be such a turn on? x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x On the command ‘Go’, all guys charged forwards so as Shawn, but stopped after a short distance, “hey, continue walking or stop, give me some indication. We’re here to win,” came his stern voice. I couldn’t see his face but I could sense he was a bit angry… angry & upset I supposed. “I’m sorry, please pardon me,” his unexpected outburst struck & awoke me; it seemed incredulity at the whole scene with a certain embarrassment, where had I remember those hand signals, dammit? Concentrate… hurriedly I touched his ear & he started walking forwards. Concentrate, concentrate & more concentrate as I constantly feeding him signals to move correctly, it was noisy & rowdy around us, but apparently our communicationmethod worked, not resorting to those ugly shouting used by the rests. The game continued with the front runner Thomas setting the pace, I had no intention to take the lead but just tagging behind, hoping that he made mistake & bumped into those plastic cones. I watched the race un-naturedly, couldn’t help but stealing glances at Shawn every now & then with a flash of guilty, was he still mad & angry? What should I do to subdue his anger, but anxious not to overdo it or to wait for the right moment & put a natural end to it? "Jennifer… can you hear me?" "Yes, I’m listening…“ I replied in a little girl voice. "Slow & steady win the race, remember…" “Yes, boss…” I smiled & said softly; apparently he was no longer angry on me. Gratified, I constantly shook his top outer ear to urge him to move forwards. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x It was really a great team building exercise, we fought hard & followed the game plan as crowd cheered us to victory. At the finishing line, still piggybacked by Shawn I removed his mask & asked him to put me down. But instead he wanted to do a victory parade, “now hold me tight,” he spoke with dominance before I could argue. Gosh, what a catch-22, a paradoxical situation from which I couldn’t escape, the only thing I could do was to wrap my legs & arm around his waist & damp neck respectively. Triumphantly moving around he raised his hand & waved to the crowd, in return they cheered loudly. Smiling fakely, I had no choice but to simulate his actions but made no eye contact with anyone. The way we swaggering around were not sitting well with me. I’m an intensely private person, there are certain things about me that I will never tell to anyone, and my life story isn’t for everybody, for they were the mortar cementing a protective wall that separated & bound me to the outside world. And jolly well this Shawn was familiar with my story & should understand my predicament, but he hadn’t got a spark of concern that his action might put me at risk to be exposed… dammit! Unwittingly my hand moved across his chest & when touching his nipple, he jerked momentarily & I was pretty sure. So I decided to do a few more, flicking his nipple tactically in a manner not to attain people attention. Maybe this was the way I could get even with him; I was such a confounded nuisance. Distance was a dangerous thing, distance changed people, and as was the case now, could such mischief cross an invisible line from coldness to passion? I breathed deeply. “Hey, stop…” pressing my hand against his chest preventing it from moving, I heard him called out from below. “Then let me down,” I replied. He let me down & stood me on my feet. The ocean breeze blowing on my face was a beautiful feeling as we walking to retrieve my shoes; people who had an awesome time early on were loitering around waiting for the prize presentation. Their excitement & laughter said it all; everyone would get a prize, both winners & losers. And as for the champion team, Thomas & his members would get one hamper instead of two, the second hamper would come to us the management team. Withholding our voices, we engaged in small talk as he fired the first salvo, “Hey, you naughty huh…” "Huh? Oh yeah, me naughty?" I laughed while kicking sand with my feet. “Yeah, your fondle… my... you know…” looking to his surrounding sneakily he said intermittently. “Oh, I see. I thought you guys always like this,” I replied sarcastically, with a half-smile creeping on my face, an ‘evil’ or ‘smug’ smile so to speak. "Of course I like, but not at the wrong place at the wrong time,” “Sorry, I do not understand, wrong place wrong time?” “Ok, you don’t understand… ok, fine…” he glanced at me after having talked with his eyes on the crowd, he hissed angrily, “you could get us caught,” We found a vacant bench & sat shoulder to shoulder. While to clean my bare feet & put on my socks, he said loudly, “Hey, there is a bug on your chin,” I suspected he was trying to fool me, but anyway I swept my face just to make sure. And shrugging my shoulder; I asked casually, “Gone…?” Why most girls are afraid of bugs, a little insect that never even bites, I thought. Maybe because I am still not 100% girl, not exactly a girl who would show fears or disgust easily. But he wasn't satisfied, he scanned over my face. I was stern; trying hard not to react to the close proximity… he was so much taller, bigger than my diminutive frame. And as I met his gaze, I saw a small smile that crept on his face, in close proximity he kissed my cheek… he then proceeded to tell me ‘don’t blush, baby… wrong place wrong time, now you understand’ My face was plain but mentally I was blushing like crazy, that was his way to get even with me, pouting at him, I replied, “Okay, you are bullying me, you win,” After putting on the last shoe, I stood up & walked away quickly. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited July 4, 2016 by Larry Yas1950 and LookinAround 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Your fan Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Why most girls are afraid of bugs, a little insect that never even bites, I thought. Maybe because I am still not 100% girl, not exactly a girl who would show fears or disgust easily. not to worry, my younger sister used her bare hands to catch cockroaches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted July 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now “Kakak (elder sister) can I not joining you for the afternoon shopping at Pelangi?” half way through our buffet lunch, I took Fatimah aside to speak privately. “Aha, let me guess, you are going off with boss?” “Mm-hmm,” I nodded & confided shyly. Just few minutes earlier during lunch, he spoke about the boring long return journey & begged me to keep him accompanied. I chided him for talking nonsense as he made no such complaint for the driving from Singapore. “There is a big difference, let me tell you, I come primarily to see you despite my laborious outstation, because you’re the motivation,” he said, before adding lowly, “don’t blush baby, going back has no such motivation,” his sweet talk was doing me in, it felt so good to be wanted by him. Insanely I accepted his request. “Yes,” excitingly she exclaimed lowly. She held her palm out & I obliged her a high five, “Hey, don’t have to be shy, just be yourself,” “Just be myself…” “Yeah, just be yourself, careless about what people think of you. Can I say our boss initiated this carpooling?” I smiled shyly, looked at my feet, and admitted. “Amazing, I’m happy you going out with him. Have fun & enjoy the moment with him, okay…” she then gave me an impish grin & took my hand with a tight squeeze, “he is a good boss & can be an excellent boyfriend, do you think so, uh-hu?” she looked at me inquisitively. “Aiya, don’t know lah…” I replied perfunctorily, I was more concern about how she going to handle when people asked for my whereabouts, “Just tell them that you’re taking boss’s car, let them speculate, so what?” she replied. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x I’m lucky to be able to say that Fatimah is my best friend, she reminded me to finish my lunch fast & have a quiet exit. Yeah, she was correct, it would be better to leave the chalet earlier than later, such that lesser people to notice my leaving with the boss. I turned to Shawn, who was seated next to me & I quietly said to him, "I’m going back to my room, get myself showered & pack,” and I told him to call my room 30 minutes later. I straightened up my mind during shower, there was no necessity to play hide & seek, pointless to evade, 丑媳妇早晚要见公婆 (ugly bride will meet her parents-in-law sooner or later), liked what the proverb said. If someone saw us then saw us, so what? We’re not doing anything immoral; we’re both unmarried. Shawn came on time. Carrying my sling bag while he hoisting my haversack, we walked side by side towards his Lamborghini which parked along the nearest slip road. I was mentally perturbed, whatever I’d told myself to take it easy had disappear to nowhere, damn, to ignore & just be myself, gosh I just could not make it. “Hey, relax. Look up & walk straight…” sensing my fidgety he asked jokingly to distract me, “what could you have packed for an overnight that could weigh this much?” “Oh yeah, it’s all my stuff, clothes lah, makeup lah & etc. Why… heavy… can’t manage?” “Uh-oh, no sweat at all, just curious…” he teased, “frankly my gear for the one over week business trip didn’t weigh this much,” “Yeah, great, clever loh…” I laughed. He never understood the sorts of things that girl tend to carry are more than guy, it’s not only things essentially needed but also things we girls might need. “May I kiss you?” puckering up his lips he asked unexpectedly. “Stay away from me,” I cut him off & walked towards the car quickly, “you could get us caught,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited July 25, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest your fan Posted September 29, 2016 Report Share Posted September 29, 2016 next please, too long waiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted October 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now The short conversation was effective, it diverted my attention & help eased my anxiety as we arrived at the stylish bright yellow Lamborghini. I got in the two seated car while Shawn walked to load my haversack onto the car boot. Waiting inside the car, the two car doors opened vertically upwards & I got no idea how to bring them down, I felt naked & exposed. The scissor doors & low structure would draw allure & gasps for people passed by, and might check for girl sitting inside, dammit… ain’t it ridiculous to link me to those material girls that more attracted to dandy dudes in expensive cars. I was not really in the mood to sit back & appreciate the sparkling interior, instead I took out a small mirror & eye makeup from my handbag, staring into the mirror, caking extra eye shadow on my tiny eyelids, hopefully my work would help shield part of my face simultaneously. But to keep holding up the mirror & staring into it was tiring, I gave up & put on my sunglasses, clasping my hands with interwoven fingers, spending the next seconds of passing time hoping & praying that no one would show up, I couldn’t stand the thought of being spotted. What the hell was he doing at the front lid, engine problem, coolant water or …? It lasted almost an eternity when he came & closed my car door, it was a relief. And when he came to his side, he placed a plastic bag on the floorboard of his side before sliding into the driver seat, “Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said, almost apologetically, “these lambo doors are tricky to handle,” It was difficult to close his door from a seated position, anyway he managed to snick close the door & the engine was activated with a smooth purring. “What’s that?” I asked while starring at the plastic bag. “Oh, my soiled clothing…” he then explained that the boot is under the front lid exceptionally for Lamborghini & has very small storage space, he got to free up some space to accommodate my haversack. What a bumpkin I was. I then asked him to put on my side instead, “What’s never mind, give me,” I said sternly & threatened to go back to the tour bus. “Wows… so fierce…” “The bag may roll & obstruct your leg control; I want to go home in good one piece,” “Okay la okay la, you win…” So off we went as the car zooming past the gate, it was a big relief. It was Sunday about noon, I looked out of the windows, reasonably clear sky & fairly sunny, though very windy. To drive from Desaru to Johor checkpoint is about 1 ½ to 2 hours, there was no necessity to speed as we’d 4 hours to reach Johor checkpoint before hitting the traffic jam supposing to form at around 430 pm. We chatted aimlessly, the weather, the road, the food & of course the team building events. He spoke about my gung-ho-ness when I played the last game, “hey, you know, you look so young & beautiful, I almost wanted to hug & kiss you,” I did nothing & said nothing, closing my eyes my mind seemed to have a mind of its own. “Tired…” he asked. “Hmm…” nodding, silently I replied, “just drive carefully, okay…” I clenched my eyes shut, trying to fall asleep, it had become my new favorite pass time. But I couldn’t, those intimate moments between me & Shawn for the past 24 hours kept appearing in my mind… hmm… at the beach front I allowed him to fondle my hand when I cried hysterically, our first physical contact… and cooking lunch for him, we teased each other at the minimart & at my chalet, blurring the line of romantic partners from platonic friends... and at the end of a waltz music, he suddenly planted a kiss on my cheek which caught the crowd attention… and he gave me an amulet at the jetty claiming I was special to him… and doing his supper, insanely went topless that his onslaught manoeuvre on my breasts caused me an orgasm… I smiled silently, reminiscence the scene repeatedly, his breast manipulation was so precise that hit me sharply, like a dagger right in the choked drain… it felt good & strangely I had a craving for sexual intimacy, despite months of hormone administration… how could it be, I just got my orgasm hours ago? ‘How can this Casanova behaving so cool & calm, not horny meh?’ straightening my back my eyes sleepily opened. I gazed at Shawn; his two hands were on the steering wheel. I wanted to ask him had he masturbate or not, how he could control himself when we slept on the same bed? Or maybe he did masturbate during the time when I was in the bathroom cleaning up the mess on my shorts, no wonder his food was not fully consumed when I came out from the bathroom. “Shawn…” I called out but held my tongue; I pushed my longings deep within me before meeting his gaze. “Ya…?” he asked & remained looking straight. “Oh nothing…” “Hey, why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” he gave me a quick glimpse & asked. I held out the amulet from my sling bag, “Thanks for the amulet, I will cherish it for as long as I can,” I stated, holding the amulet close to my breast. “I am glad,” keeping his face straight, he smiled & said. And un-expectantly he put his hand on my lap. …So daring, touching my lap now… I froze, heat instantly flowing through my body from where he was touching me. He was actually touching me, on purpose. My heart swelled when I saw the contentment that crossed his face. I looked down at his hand, his fingers brushing my skin as it rested on my lap. There’s an emotional element within my mind, a crazy one indeed, that if his touching could help offer him physical comfort, then why not? I forced my eyes back on the road & tapping the door arm with my fingers as I tried to get myself under control, “Hey, hands on wheel & concentrate, okay,” rationale overrode my emotion, I said finally. He chuckled, “Well, I guess I’ll have to behave myself,” “What are you chuckling about?” my hearts thundered in my chest from the way he was looking at me. He didn’t reply & continued his driving, and out of sudden he said loudly, "We need to talk," His words stunned & dumbfounded me, and as soon as the car pulled up to the curb he turned the CD player down to zero volume. A moment of silence passed between us, the only sound being of the hissing sound coming from the air-conditioning unit. Up at his face, he stared back, his eyes hot on mine, “Jennifer,” breathing heavily & groaning, he continued, “I’m tired of this hide & seek, I’ve been stuck in this agony for the past 24 hours, I have to let you know that I really want to kiss you,” “Right here?” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited October 8, 2016 by Larry LookinAround 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now Right here? I squeaked, nervously looking around & couldn’t concentrate on speaking. “Yes, right here…” he paused & continued, “but I don’t want to force you,”Taking a deep breath, I summoned all my courage & gave him a shy smile, "Um… okay, you can kiss me," Blushing, I unbuckled the seat belt, turned up the volume of CD player a little & brought down the seat to a 45 degrees inclination. I was not feeling in love with this man, I appreciated him, felt that we were good companions, that about all. I didn’t think I was ‘in love’ & didn’t have that heady ‘in love’ feeling, but here allowed him to kiss me. “Thanks,” his lips curved up, slowly turning into a smile. Released his safety belt, he brought down his seat too, and turned & moved closer to me. Just liked any women waiting for a kiss, I closed my eyes spontaneously… But my mind was in turmoil, I was braving myself at the same time, that we were technically in a public place & that anyone could pass by & spot us, would this intimacy be an offence in Malaysia, a Muslim country? Holding my shoulders so delicately like I was made of glass, he murmured against my cheek, “Your skin is so silky, Jennifer,” “Hmm…” I got no strength to reply, I felt myself drowning from the offensive smell of his fruity aftershave, and his body heat seemed to paralyse me as his chest was just above my breasts. He brought his lips to mine; I jerked & moaned immediately at the first touch of his lips, so soft & so thick. Here I was again… same pattern, new dynamic, new man. But beyond the initial move, he merely kissed my lips softly by tracing their outline & superficially, just as the Chinese idiom 蜻蜓点水suggested. He tilted his head & made his way to my neck. I wasn’t in the mood to prolong the game, in view of the un-conducive external environment, primarily the broad day light & lack of privacy, I wished to have a good kissing & end it quickly. “Shawn…” I felt his nose teasing my neck. I brought his mouth back to mine & initiated my move; I opened my mouth slightly, intertwining my lips with his. He kissed me hungrily & desperately… soon things starting heating up; he shifted his body to deepen the kiss. His tongue was teasing mine & I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttered we exchanging fluids. And the next thing I knew was that his right hand fingers slipped under my bra & piano-ing my left nipple, my soft spots he found out after the fling taken place last night. I knew my little birdy was oozed wet but couldn’t caress my rosebud down under, I was in my front seat & he was almost on top of me. I remember & remind myself to cease this kissing as soon as possible, it was getting a little too long & I timed for another 10 seconds to end, mentally counting ‘one thousand’ ‘two thousands’ till ten. At the end of ‘ten thousands’ I pulled my head away & shifted my body towards the door a little; I was getting a little discomfort too enduring part of his weight for quite a while & needed to gasp for air. “Are you okay?” he asked & his eyes searching my face, “Did I do something wrong?” “No, I just… I’m scared someone could see…” putting my seat upright, I looked around wildly for any sign of someone watching us. “I don’t think so,” he voice was soft as he nuzzled up against my shoulder, “I agree. We better go. Please pardon me for being so ignorance & to put you under such duress,” x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted December 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) Double posting. Content deleted. Edited January 1, 2017 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted December 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) It’s a tragedy that Michael was taken so soon, and my heart goes out to his family, as well as his lover. C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 17: Perhaps I’m Okay With Love, For Now It was one-thirty & we’re on the road again heading for Singapore. I remained silent while Shawn whistling as he drove. Obviously light-hearted, he smiled & un-usually ignored the honking & overtaking by four successive cars of Proton Saga made. He took no retaliation against these offending cars, “crazy, want to overtake then overtake la… honk for what?” As Shawn made his right onto a narrow kampong road, the word ‘love’ ran through over my mind. After Kong & Ling, I had several men who wanted very badly to make me their girlfriend, but I really didn’t have one, caused they were all from Changi Village. I got clear on what I have to offer as well as what kind of man I want. Then I met Shawn, kind, generous, adored me & would do anything for me. I began to ask myself, why not accept his love? His relentless pursuits & pampering is everything all girls’ dreams, it made me all but impossible to resist; there was a strange feeling of getting drunk, stoned or dizzy. Ling my best pal encouraged me, Fatimah told me not to miss him, and many factory workers encouraged their guy boss to work hard, so with so many encouragements & consensus, I should have no qualm But I wasn’t sure. This man is 2 years my senior with plenty of weakness on his personality, extravagant & showy, but that’s ok, that could be changed, what concerned me was his intimacy with James, his banker. I disliked his bisexuality, I tried my best to stay out, but despite my efforts to shut him down, his relentless pursuit put my heart, head & body at odds. Subconsciously I wanted him to be part of my life, but his relationship with James was a risk I couldn’t afford, I was going for a long haul but not a one night stand. just as the lyrics of the song floating in the air, as confused as any young girl first awakening of love confronting an ambiguous world without clear-cut answers. You ask me if I love you, and I choke on my reply. I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie. And who am I to judge you in what you say or do, I'm only just beginning to see the real you… At times I understand you, and I know how hard you try. I've watched while love commands you, and I've watched love pass you by. At times I think we're drifters, still searching for a friend, a brother or a sister, but then the passion flares again… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x As the minutes & miles passed, I remained silent. And I grew more & more angry, I felt being mistreated. Poor me, I said to myself. While some of you might be thinking that I was being dramatic, but who could handle such dilemma? Of course, you can see that my problem was him; it was all about him & me as the sufferer, the risk taker. Tossing my hair over my shoulders, I stared out the window watching the scenery speed by. ‘Come on, girl, shake it off,’ I talked to myself, I should ignore him totally. But then I asked myself, “What about beating James & win him over?” Damnit, 不求天长地久只求曾经拥有 (Tis better to have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all), ‘Maybe I should adopt that attitude, why worry about the future?’ I thought. Fingers interlaced, I lifted my arms overhead & inhaling through my nose… oops, so un-lady as I realized. Sighing with resignation, I was going crazy with these ideas going through my mind… I hated thoughts like that; I pressed my forehead with my right thumb & ran the other four fingers up into my hairline. I turned around & looked at him; it was quiet, only the songs coming from the CD player & his fingernails tapping out the rhythm on the steering wheel. The atmosphere was calm, peaceful & he seemed so serene. We had been on the road for quite some time & I said nothing. I didn’t know if I should say anything at all or if this was one of those times when silence said more than filling an uncomfortable space with nervous words. Turning down the volume of CD player, he smiled warmly, “Hi, babe, you okay? You look moody,” “Hmm… just a headache,” I answered languishly but still gave him a smile falsely. “So sorry, I should have driven a bit slower, the road condition is quite bad, lots of bumps, cracks & stones,” he spoke apologetically. “Oh, don’t worry, just a minor headache,” He had slowed, released his grip on the steering wheel & placed his left hand on my bare thigh, his thumb rubbing the space softly & gazed lovingly at me. It was relaxing but exhilarating at the same time, oddly calming but exciting. “Hey, let’s pause for a break, I need a coffee & you need a Panadol,” he spoke softly. “Sure, I need to visit the ladies too,” I replied lowly, my voice wavering & blushed at his intense gazing, “and buaya (Malay word = sex maniac) please, don’t look at me like that,” “Me buaya… small case, my dear sweetie, I’m more than that, I’m an alligator,” he laughed with his left hand moving down to my inner thigh, trying to slip his finger under my tight shorts but with no success. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Entered Johor Bahru the city vicinity, the traffic became heavy. Shawn took sometime & managed to find a parking lot right in front of a coffee shop, “The car must be parked within sight,” he said as we entered the coffee shop. I agreed with him as Johor Bahru is renowned for car theft, and our Lamborghini could be a prominent target. I excused myself to the washroom after telling Shawn to get me a tea without milk. When I came back he handed me two Panadol Extra & a glass of plain water to consume. I didn’t ask where the Panadols came from, from his belonging or from the shop but dutifully followed his instruction. I gazed at him & appreciated what he’d done; loving, devoted & fiercely protective of the people he cared for. Interlacing my fingers & pressing against my nose, butterflies somersaulted in my belly. Drinking his coffee, the cup covered his mouth & nose from view, which only accentuated the sharp perfection of the rest of his face. Cheeks reddening, my focus darted back to the red lip marks on the lid of my tea, I turned the cup to the other side & took a long drink, allowing the aroma of warm tea to surround me, to remind me that this was just another day & I was just any other girl in any other cafe. “Jennifer?” “Yes, Shawn…” “Do you know how I got this cut on my chin?” “Tell me,” I uncrossed my legs & pressed both feet into the ground to keep still. “Ha-ha,” feeling a little embarrass, he spoke about in primary how he & his cousin climbing up a tree to peek at a woman taking her bath in a roofless zinc hut, “well, I got excited, slipped & fell from the tree,” “Hospitalize…?” I leaned forwards & asked. “Yeah, bleeding badly & got few stitches on my chin,” “Your parent…?” “My father scolded me so severely liked no tomorrow,” he spoke as his embarrassment melted away. “See, I’m not wrong to call you buaya,” “No, is alligator…,” gazing lovingly he touched me playfully & we fell into laughter. I wasn’t sure how accurate his story, but I knew he was trying to cheer me up. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x It was worrisome to go through customs checks both at Johor & Singapore; the reason was simply clear cut that my physical feminine appearance didn’t correlate with the status of male printed on my restricted passport (used in-between Singapore & Malaysia, not international). My hands were cold & my mind went blank, subconsciously I searched to my handbag & got ready the medical paper issued by my psychiatrist, a letter he had reminded me to carry around at all times, that it would be useful to explain my crossdressing associating with my hormone replacement therapy. All along, I kept mum on my predicament; this was nothing proud to tell him. I was lucky, all were smooth at both checkpoints, just smiles, looked straight & no eye avoidance, the results were no question asked & no eyebrow raised, God blessed… Shawn was strangely quiet on the drive to Ling’s house after crossing the Singapore Customs. At first I felt nothing wrong with the silence, but after several minutes, I looked over at him. He seemed lost in thought & I wondered what he could be thinking that would make him so pensive. By the time he pulled up to Ling’s house, he ran to the front lid to retrieve my belongings while I waited at the metal gate. “Thank you so much,” I said as he handed me my stuff. “Jennifer…” he looked into my eyes & began. “Yes…” I said, “yes, what do you have in mind?” “I’d like to come to your house,” “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, this is not my house, I live with Ling & auntie Lily,” I continued, “moreover, I really do have a ferocious headache, I jusu want to go in, take a shower & go to bed,” I replied firmly, made it clear his idea wasn’t up for negotiation. “What if we make some time, just you & me, would you do that?” “That actually sounds really nice. Just not today, ok?” “Yeah, ok. We’ll make plans for that soon. I’ll see you tomorrow at work,” “Come & pick me up tomorrow morning 630 for breakfast, I don’t want to be late for work,” “It’s a date, right?” his eyes locked onto mine & he smiled, “It will be a wonderful breakfast,” ‘That’s the way, good girl, don't let depression get a grip on you and rule your life,’ entered the house, I reminisced what Ling had told me not long ago, ‘yeah, perhaps I’m okay with love, for now,’ ------------------------- End of Chapter 17 --------------------- Edited December 29, 2016 by Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest group of fan Posted January 1, 2017 Report Share Posted January 1, 2017 happy new year, we all love you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted January 27, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) C. Me No Gay – Shawn Chapter 18: Our First Breakfast The quiet house spoke that both Ling & her mom were out for the church Sunday evening mass. Entered the bedroom, I swung my belongings next to my wardrobe without turning on the light, and went straight to the bathroom with a bath towel “Maybe it’s time,” I said to the shower water as it rained over my shampooed head, “then again… maybe not...” “Never mind,” I waved off the uncertainty while walking out of the bathroom, “sleep first, let’s put it in the back room.” Tucking up on the inner portion of our king size bed, it felt great. Very quickly I fell into a deep sleep, and there was no dream. At the midst of my sleep, I felt something brushed against my nose; I twitched it & adjusted my body to face the wall & back to the cosiness of my sleep. “Hey, sleeping beauty,” the disturbance never went away; it was Ling whispered softly to my ear. As usual she hugged me as though I were his bolster. “Hmm… big sister,” turning around my body slowly & faced her, I murmured weakly, “what’s up?” “Hungry… let’s go for dinner,” “Okay, I agree. Let me get change first,” I spoke as we climbed down the bed. Putting my clothing on the bed at the far end, I didn’t start the change, instead I said, "Hey, you know I don't wear bra & panties during bedtime” “So… what’s the problem? We’re both still guys & we did explore each other body numerously,” seated at the dressing chair she replied but failed to notice the dirty look that I gave her. “But that was long-long time ago,” “Aiyo, so gu-niang (girlish)” she laughed & turned around facing the door, “alright, goes ahead, I’m not looking,” Slowly untying the gown straps, I allowed the garment to fall to my feet. I shivered a little as the cold air hit my body, ‘This feels weird... yeah, we know each other body inside out, so what is this… well, maybe I’m not an exhibitionist,” I thought. Pulling on the underwear & t-shirt, I kept my eyes on the back of her as I fumbled with my shorts. "Done yet?" "Hold on," I said, zipping up my shorts, "alright, you can turn around." Facing me again, she nodded in what seemed to be approval, "Your breasts are getting bigger," “Ya-lah… not as big as yours loh, big sister,” Holding hands & smiling sisterly, we walked out of the bedroom, proceeded to collect our bikes & cycled to East Coast Lagoon Hawker Centre.x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x At the hawker centre, as usual we looked for a desk with only two seats, such that to keep our outing exclusively private & no eavesdropping by any outsiders. Though it was Sunday night, the place was still packed with people walking up & down, we guarded our territory vigilantly disallowing any intrusion. We took turns to order our favourites, fried prawn noddle, oyster egg, rojak & two cans of beer. We were happy, smiling, talking & laughing freely, ignoring stares from the next desks, who’s cared, no law forbid us girls to have good time together, yeah? “Hey, you have nice manicure, how come I don’t know?”’ “Oh, I just did it two days ago,” “Show me,” I asked for her hands. I grinned & looked side-to-side of the graphics painted on her nails, “Wows, very nice, I want to do this also,” Such was our little girl talk & we enjoyed it, very soon we emptied our can of beer & we went for our second can. We became chatty, in particular for Ling; she talked more about her Henry, her plan for sex change & their plan of getting marriage. I became quiet; smilingly I sat back & listened, she was okay with my silence as she knew that I loved to listen. “Hey, I got enough talking, talk something about you?” “What, nothing la?” “What nothing, how about you & Shawn…” “Like that loh…” “Come on, talk a little, we sisters shall have no secret,” So I went on to talk things happened in the chalet between me & Shawn, and when I told her about the impending breakfast meetup with Shawn, she responded enthusiastically, “Wow, that is a quantum leap,” “But sis, I don’t know am I doing the right thing or not?” “What… I don’t understand?” “Sis, I am so afraid of what people… and my staffs would think of me, of going out with the big boss, and of stepping out of my comfort zone into the limelight, lots of scenarios that might seem scary,” “Why…?” she paused for a while before continuing, “I will tell you this, it boils down to inferiority complex & lacking of self-confident,” “Sorry, I don’t get your point,” “Yeah, you’re worried of going out with Shawn, that’s inferiority complex & lack of self-confident for stepping into the limelight,” She then dwelt on her arguments trying to convince me, “small sister, two over years of real life test enables us to live as woman, long enough to learn, to act & behave appropriately, probably 101% authentic than those Ah Hui & Ah Lian, so stop caring too much about being accepted as a female, understand…?” “We’re not authentic females so I think is better to tip toe ourselves,” I responded weakly, but agreed on my lack of self-confident & caring so much about other people’s perceptions of me. “And concerning the hanging out with Shawn, just let go the old ways of thinking, this is not India & no caste here, so follow your intuition & do what you love,” “But people may think that I’m materialistic, chasing after him who is in higher social status,” “Who care? So long you maintain the proper protocol to him during working hours, no one can say another things nasty if you two holding hand at off work hours,” She went on canvassing for Shawn one more time, and with a new input this time, “you know, Shawn fell in love with you at first sight on your very first day at the university, but I told him not to pursuit caused you were with Kong at that time,” “Come, bottom up,” gulping down the remaining beer, we ended our dinner with the following remark from her, “Being yourself, follow your intuition, it doesn’t mean you will never have bumps along the way, but you never try you never know,” Cycling back home, I reminisced what Ling had said & sort of agreed on my situation, yeah… I was a shy, reclusive, depressed & angry person; I had ignored my intuition for the longest time because I felt so obligated to Kong. Perhaps I should being myself, follow my intuition. Perhaps… x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x To be continued...... Edited June 3, 2017 by Larry LookinAround 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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