Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 23: I knew that's a secret, for it's whispered everywhere

 

Returned to my room, I closed the door & flipped outwards the “Do Not Disturb” sign board. The ceiling lights remained off & after switching on the CD player, I threw my body onto the settee.

 

I was extremely demoralized, ‘What the hell am I going to do now?’

 

‘I don’t know… shit…’ I sighed lowly.

 

Looking at my desk, I knew I had a whole day of work inclusive monthly operation report stretching ahead of me, but I didn’t have the mood to start.

 

I was angry. All my co-workers would tell everyone else, for my romance with the boss was too delicious, how could them not to share? This was typical scenario in any office rumour mill, there was no way to have any damage control. What Shawn had done was un-acceptable as far as I was concerned, without my consent nor asking my thoughts or desires, he went straight & put a clearly defined label on our relationship, letting everyone in earshot to know I was the woman he's dating. 

 

Just like many others, Shawn might think that relationship with me was in for long haul. But I thought otherwise, I wasn't sure our relationship would last.

 

He came from a rich family & had enjoyed many of the fruits of success. With no doubting he ought to be thrilled just as his co-workers when he told them about the relationship with me. Conversely, I’m not that fortunate, came from a problematic family, and planned to do sex-change in near future. And there would be problems waiting to be overcome after sex-change, such as recognition by the society, acceptance by his parents, plus change of personal identity, blah blah blah...

 

The sad part is that too often, we act without understanding the situation thoroughly, so as Shawn. He spilled the beans, probably spurred on by testosterone or any unknown source.

 

Honestly, I didn't know what would happen in the shop floor? Would their encouragement or criticism towards me behind my back? Everyone would judge me, good, bad or ugly, they might make assumptions that it was because of his wealth.

 

I disliked publicity, and with sensitive self-esteem, I simply didn't want to be the focus. I hated his big mouth that likely to affect my ability to manage the place, with no surprise to hear people gossiping our relationship that nothing to feel proud off.

 

As I was buried deep in  thoughts, but was jarred back to reality by the song coming from the CD player. Damn chess piece… did I his chess piece? Was it just as what the lyrics had suggested?

 

…我像是一顆棋子, 進退任由你決定 (I'm like a chess piece, it is up to you to decide whether to advance or retreat) … 我像是一顆棋子, 來去全不由自己, 舉手無悔你從不曾猶豫, 我卻受控在你手裡 (I'm like a chess piece, I come and go not by my own will, you make decisions with no regrets & hesitatation, and I am controlled within your hands …

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

 

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 23: I knew that's a secret, for it's whispered everywhere

 

Then I heard the desk phone ringing.

 

Shawn: Hi, is me.

 

Me: Yeah, I know, anything?

 

Shawn: I saw the Do Not Disturb signage, can I come over?

 

Me: Yes, you're boss.

 

I stood up from the settee, stopped the CD player & switched on the lights before taking my office chair.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

   

As usual, he came with two cups of drink & handed me a teh-o.

 

“Ahem… yes…?” suppressing the urge to question him, I gave him a mild cough, looking at him quietly & waited for him to open the box of Pandora. I believed by breakfast time news on our dating would spread 40 to 50% of company strength, and by lunch probably at 99.99%.

 

“Oh, I looked for you in the production floor but failed…” said Shawn.

 

With a tinge of unpleasant, I replied dryly, “Yes, I’m still listening, about the conversation with the workers…”

 

“Uhm… uhm…” unlike his usual carefree behavior, his hesitation had pissed me off, seemed to me he was un-decided to divulge the conversation with the workers.

 

“If you are not talking then let me say,” I was mad, hated to see him dilly-dallied not putting it out bluntly. With no hesitation I unboxed the Pandora, “When you were talking to the workers, I was outside the room & didn't walk away. I heard everything... and I…” I paused & added angrily, " don't feel good at all,"

 

He was silent for a short while, probably stunned by my eavesdropping on his conversation with the workers, “Oh… so sorry... yeah, I told them we are dating,”

 

“Huh, now you're really talking… Listen, I keep confidential on our relationship but you just outed with it so easily,” I replied & remained angry.

 

He glared at me & seemed to lose himself for a moment. Breaking his silence & sitting up straight, he re-used the same argument, “Who cares? Is it a crime if for people to know? You are single & I’m not married, so where is the problem?”

 

Damn... single & or not married... couldn’t he say something new? “But you did promise to keep secret our intimacy, right?” I asked & looked at him point-blankly.

 

“Dear, how to deny, they found us last Saturday?” hands spread with palms facing out, he shrugged his shoulders & asked, “You teach me la… and you were upset with the nickname 老板娘, right?”

 

I kept mum & watched him…

 

“So…?” he asked.

 

“What?”

 

“Do you still think I’m wrong?”

 

Tension & his staring had make me uncomfortable, folding my feet I cleared my throat & said, "I, um… yes, you’re right, I understand the only way was to admit & own it up. But…” I replied sheepishly.

 

“But what?”

 

“People may treat me differently, officially I’m their manager, but behind my back they will nicknamed me as the lady boss. Damn, I hate to see such thing happening in the shop floor,”

 

"Dear, lady boss, right? Then be lady boss la... so what? So long as I'm faithful to you, no one can fault you,” he replied & continued, “I talked to Fatimah earlier on, any teasing with malicious intention will face disciplinary action, not excluding job termination,”

 

'Wows, faithful to me, really?’ mesmerized by his speech, I glanced at him. And then I saw him stood up suddenly & closed shut the blinds behind us. He then came & embraced me from behind my chair.

 

"Oh, no, are you crazy? People can see us from the door," I yelped in shock & fixing my eyes at the door. God dammit...

 

"Oh, yes," he palms rested on top of my bra, there was no escape. I was in front of him & he's right behind me, "Is tonight dinner okay?"

 

"Okay, okay, okay, now let go & back to your seat,” with a slightly hysterical tone I answered hurriedly... breaking away from our established dating rules, this would be our first weekday outing. Damn, how to have enough sleep & energy to deal with tomorrow work?

 

"Right after work, okay?" he said & walked away. Gosh, that’s a relieve... I could hear the smile in his voice, and a tiny bit of excitement,

 

I gave him a little pout & wanting to pound him before he left my room.

 

Real opportunist & didn’t see thing from my perspective… I muttered.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

… 曾害怕了这一生 I was once sadden of this life 是你始终甘心靠近 it is you who I can finally lean on 我方知拥有着缘份 I then realize owning this luck by which we’re bought together 重建我信心 rebuild my confidence 曾被破碎过的心 my heart was once broken 让你今天轻轻贴近 and now you lightly leaning on … 情难自禁　我却其实属于极度容易受伤的女人 love is hard to resist, I'm in fact a woman easily get hurt 不要　不要　不要骤来骤去 please don't, please don't, please don't come then leave suddenly… 长夜有你醉也真 with you tonight, hard to believe but it's real 让我终于找到信任 that I find trust finally 不管一切是疑问　快乐是情人 despite all uncertainty, still happy as lovers… 

 

 

Lunch time was approaching, what should I do? A real testing moment, to go or to skip lunch?

 

‘I am not a real girl, and I can be hurt easily. I tried hard to hide this dark secret, painstakingly taking care of my manner, my voice, my walking, my make-up, so on & so forth... But how long this secret can last now I will under people intense spotlight?’

 

‘I wonder how much the frumpiness of mankind. I know taboos against LGBT have existed in nearly every culture on earth for all of recorded history, so I need to be careful, extra careful indeed. I cannot afford to screw Shawn up. He employed me, so even if I'm no longer working for the company, no company worker should know my real identity,’

 

‘Okay, I will not get nervous, just go for lunch with Fatimah as usual.’

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[doncoin]

7 minutes ago, Larry said:

“People may treat me differently, officially I’m their manager, but behind my back they will nicknamed me as the lady boss. Damn, I hate to see such thing happening in the shop floor,”

 

If that's what they're calling behind your back,  tell them that you're the BOSS first, lady second.  

[Larry]

18 hours ago, doncoin said:

 

If that's what they're calling behind your back,  tell them that you're the BOSS first, lady second.  

 

Mouth belongs to individuals, we can't control them what's to say & not.

 

In real life, you need to learn the art of 装聋作哑 (pretend to be deaf & dumb), whether at workplace, dealing with friends or family members & etc.

 

For me, I can’t afford to challenge anyone & everyone nicknamed me pondan, bapok, ah qua or any term deemed derogatory, particularly when I’m in girl mode.

 

Live and Let Live.

[doncoin]

6 hours ago, Larry said:

 

Mouth belongs to individuals, we can't control them what's to say & not.

 

In real life, you need to learn the art of 装聋作哑 (pretend to be deaf & dumb), whether at workplace, dealing with friends or family members & etc.

 

For me, I can’t afford to challenge anyone & everyone nicknamed me pondan, bapok, ah qua or any term deemed derogatory, particularly when I’m in girl mode.

 

Live and Let Live.

 

 

I am sorry that there are people who still feel the need to impose their personal views/values on others, in order to feel good about themselves. Think of it not so much as challenging anyone, but asserting your right to be, and there are times you have to, especially when you're the boss. 

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 23: I knew that's a secret, for it's whispered everywhere

 

“Wows, why so icy-cold... your hand?” out of the lift, Fatimah hold my left hand impromptu & asked.

 

“Oh…” I replied but stopped short. Her un-reserved holding of my hand caused me uneasiness, feeling guilty on committing a ‘khalwat’ (close proximity), as I couldn't tell her my status quo male identity.

 

I berated myself for my reaction despite having encounter similar situation twice before. Slipping out my hand from hers quietly, I managed to regain my composure quickly enough while continued walking towards the canteen.

 

At the canteen, staring at the cake had just bought, I wrapped my palms around the cup of tea.

 

“Eat so little…” she pinned me with a look while eating a bowl of mee rebus.

 

“Yeah, no appetite...”

 

“Hey, you know my job cover a lot of different assignments, with various degree of complexity..." she then paused for a short while, "Adik (younger sister) I don't intend to interfere into your private life, just that this morning boss had assigned me to help you in tiding over this difficult time,”

 

“What, boss told you everything also, dammit…” Though Shawn had told about his discussion with her early on, but I still pretended to be astonished & looked at her across the dining table.

 

"Cheer up, adik, this is not the end of world,”

 

“Alamak (oh no), so malu (shy)… now the whole world know, gosh… Kak (elder sister), how to respond when my workers ask me?”

 

”Hey, the moment the dating get spotted, many of us will instantly think ‘oh, not me, people have mistaken is me, let's stop this bullshit & end this,’. Honestly, I don’t recommend you to react similarly, is meaningless since boss had already admitted to the workers,”

 

“Yes, I get your point, but…” I agreed & replied sheepishly.

 

“Yeah, you feel cornered, but I don't want you to feel cornered. It's important to face the fact & move on,”

 

“Face the fact…?”

 

“Yes, just admit graciously & ask for people blessing, so long as no sour grape among them,”

 

“Sour grape…?”

 

“Yes, with both boss & your admission, this will snip the bud before it starts to grow,”

 

“Snip the bud…?” I asked inquisitively.

 

“Yes, you need to strike pre-emptively. That means to let known publicly your relationship with the boss, before someone starts fantasizes you or our boss,”

 

Yeah, she got a point, snip the bud before it starts glowing, I agreed wholeheartedly. But it was easy to say than done, anyway this lunch meet was productive with respect to the pointers she gave,

 

Point #1

As long-hours working becomes a culture, workplace may be best way of finding future life-partner. People nowaday can understand & are more acceptance for office romance.

 

Point #2

Since we were already found hanging out together, it's better to admit graciously & readily than to deny evasively. People typically react better from personal disclosure by person concerned, versus if they keep guessing.

 

Point #3

I know my rights that my entitlement to a private life, irrespective of creed, making friends, office romance & etc.

 

Point #4

And finally, be proud of my relationship with Shawn. And seriously she reminded me to keep our affair clean, take avoidance of Shawn, if he intends to kiss me or doing things hanky-panky in the office, after all men are men.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

… 爱那么重 love is so heavy爱那么痛 love is so painful给我再多勇气也没有用 it is pointless to give me more courage …

 

 

Late at night, lying on the upper bed with slight breathing sound of Ling coming from the lower bed, I was sleepless. Despite recommendation given by Fatimah, I couldn't make up my mind. It was tough to decide...

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 23: I knew that's a secret, for it's whispered everywhere

 

After lunch with Fatimah, we went back to the office. I stayed put in my room till day ended, pretending to be busy & didn't walk the production floor as my daily routine. And at 1730 hrs, I off the lights & closed my door before walking to neighbouring carpark to meet Shawn, for a dinner.

 

On the second day, donning a poker face I forced myself to chair the production meeting. Immediately after the meeting I went out for meetings with the vendors, one in the morning & the other one whole afternoon, such deliberate arrangement was an attempt to make myself absence in the company, away from all gossips & speculation.

 

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Back to home, the dark shadow on the day's shirking kept lingering on my mind, why was I so coward? I told myself that I couldn't be an evader, I needed to face the co-workers or else quit the job.

 

After dinner as we returned to our bedroom, I asked Ling for her opinion.

 

“Yeah, I suggest you to be frank, when people ask about the going in-between you & Shawn, no evasion, ok…” she said.

 

“Yes, I agree, but I am concerned that I may not have the chance to speak up,”

 

“Sorry, I don’t understand what are you trying to say?”

 

“Big sister, being their superior, they might not want to ask, in order not to displease me,” I paused before continued, "and I wouldn’t tell people voluntarily unless someone come out & ask. I have to be seemed as a restrained lady with modesty,"

 

“Then arrange someone that you can trust to ask, so simple… Small sister,”

 

“Arrange someone…?”

 

“Yeah, think about it, surely you can find one that’s trustworthy…”

 

“Oh yeah...”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Came the third day morning, as usual the ride to work was by Shawn's car. We tried to make small talk about the hectic traffic because somehow, we all felt awkward. And Shawn suddenly offered me a box of chocolate that he said he bought it yesterday for me but couldn’t find me in the office.

 

“How was the situation?” he asked.

 

“What situation?”

 

“Well... urn... about the nickname of lady boss?” he asked cautiously.

 

“So far is still okay, anyway I will get it fix today,”

 

“Need any help from me?”

 

“Nope, please stand one side, I will handle it by myself,”

 

“Hmm, so self-confident, great... dear, you're such a lovable babe,” back to his old self, he spoke glibly with a smile.

 

"Ha-ha-ha..." with a fake smile I replied, “no... not babe but cleaning lady instead. You created the mess & left for me to tidy up, you naughty boy,”

 

“Shh… listen, my favourite song,” he said & tuned up the volume of car radio.

 

It was a lyrical country song, the lyrics were touchy & the music was soothing, floating slowly… when a new section floating in the air, he cut in, and looked at me dearly.

 

 

I guess I'm crazy, crazy for you can't you see, And although you may think it's crazy, Here is where I want to be, I will always need your love, Now, I can see every dream, When I look in your eyes, And though things never are what they seem, There is one thing that I realize, That there's no doubt in my mind, We can make this love go on forever

 

I sighed lowly, was he genuinely enjoy the song or was he trying to tone down the tense atmosphere? Damn office romance… bringing trouble upon myself, we should have been more discreet on our dating, but we didn't....

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 23: I knew that's a secret, for it's whispered everywhere

 

Disclosure is a sticky issue, both awkward & discomfort. I was conscious of my position & people's reaction to my dating with Shawn. 

 

Some might make negative comment that our relationship wouldn’t last. And for others who chose to keep silent might treat me differently, they might not want to speak or just echo my talking in order not to offence me, as they would perceive that my closeness with the boss would give me preferential treatment.

 

But after much soul-searching, I decided to go ahead with the revelation. First, I felt that my relationship with Shawn had long-term potential, next was that I wanted to be treated with honour. There was no third party involved for our love affair, it wasn't a crime so why the need to covert? Telling the truth seemed to me the right thing to do, taking responsibility for what'd happened, and stopped speculation from festering.

 

Back to my room after production meeting, I sat restlessly mulling over how should I start the conversation with Swee Fong (please refer to Page 12 Chapter 13 dated Feb 16th 2014 about her background).

 

Yes, since that incident I deemed Swee Fong as friend & ally. So, before end of meeting, I asked Chong, her production supervisor to summon her to my room, I wanted to deploy her for the role of ice-breaker or initiator as suggested by Ling.

 

Without needing to say, the meeting with Swee Fong was not a fun conversation. From the start, I needed to put her at ease as she asked nervously, “许小姐, 找我有事吗?” (Miss Koh, are you looking for me?)

 

“没事, 只是有一件事想要证实,” (Nothing, there is only one thing I want to confirm,)

 

She tensed up when I asked her about were people talking about dating between me & Shawn. She gave a defensive answer, “Miss Koh, 我也是聽別人說的,” (Miss Koh, I’m also listen from others,)

 

“傻瓜, 我知道與你無關,” (Silly girl, I know it got nothing to do with you,) I responded quickly. And forcing a smile I continued, “我需要你的幫助,” (I need a favour from you,)

 

The meeting ended satisfactory & I felt relieve after having her commitment, she understood my request & agreed to ask me the follow question as per time & place determined:  你和老板在约会吗 (are you dating the boss).

 

And frankly, my current sense of urgency was nudging me to do this.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I phoned Fatimah & cancelled our usual lunch date. Cocooned in my room, I rehearsed my speech repeatably. About 15 minutes before end of lunch time, I came out of my room taking along a file & headed down to the rest room.

 

Yes, let's do it, is show time now... I couldn't hide in my room forever, good or bad, it was time to face the music.

 

Entered the production floor, I walked straight towards the rest room. And from outside the room, I saw via the half-glass wall with people chatting, napping or consuming their beverages. Being in a state of hyper tension, my heart was beating hard & I prayed earnestly that Swee Fong would be there waiting.

 

The room was quite noisy as I entered. But as I getting near to the people, they stopped their conversation. Their awkward silence had me puzzling, was it because of my first time appeared in the rest room during lunch hour, instead of going for my lunch.

 

Not too long before someone broke the silence, “经理好,” (Hello manager,)

 

“Auntie 大家好,” (Hi, auntie,) It was a perfunctory reply, beneath my apparent nonchalance, I was nervous, I needed urgently the presence of Swee Fong. Time was running short, lunch time would be over when the alarm coming on, dammit.... please, please, please don't screw me out.   

 

Then someone spoke up, “许小姐, 我可以问你一个问题吗?” (Miss Koh, can I ask you a question?)

Gosh... the voice was exactly what I had wanted to hear, coming from my dearest Swee Fong... music to my ears indeed. 

 

“好的，你想问什么？但是不要问我关于年终奖金的事情，我也想知道,” (Okay, what do you want to ask? But don't ask me thing about year end bonus, I'm also want to know,) I replied with a smile, behaving innocently. 

 

“听说你和老板在拍拖 吗?” (I heard that you & the boss are dating?) 

 

I appreciate her clever replacement of vocabulary from 约会 to 拍拖 , from lingustically appropriate to Cantonese version which sounded much more grass rooted. Anyhow my face went red despite the prior arrangement of her question, and for the next few seconds, the crowd went dead quiet & I felt the pressure that they were waiting for my response. 

 

"各位, 我老老实实的告诉你们…, 是的…, 我和老板… 约会, 我知道他是认真地, 我需要你们的祝福,” (Hello everybody, I am telling you all honestly…, yes, I am dating the... boss, I know he is sincere & I need your blessing,” despite my advance rehearses, I still answered awkwardly.

 

I didn't know how good, bad or ugly the people had felt as I heard a few comments. For me the worst-case scenario was embarrassed, and the best-case scenario was still not nice. Anyway, I gave an excuse to a few workers nearby & walked away hurriedly.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Back to my room, sitting on my chair & wondering how I managed to do this??? Oh my God, I couldn't believe it myself; it was so blurry, blurry & more blurry…

 

I closed the door and walked towards the CD player. Gosh, I needed songs to de-stress myself.

 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I saw it as a huge bonus that we got to drive to & from the office together from that day onward.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 23 ---------------------   

Edited September 12, 2019 by Larry

[Guest Curious]

Should be happy after the announcement, why choose a sad song for this chapter?

[Larry]

14 hours ago, Guest Curious said:

Should be happy after the announcement, why choose a sad song for this chapter?

 

It was with complex feeling (五味杂陈 ) at that juncture. Anyway, I thank you on the read up.

[Guest guest]

Dear Larry, are you guilty of fraternising, just checking, 

 

Fraternising is frowned upon.

[Larry]

5 hours ago, Guest guest said:

Dear Larry, are you guilty of fraternising, just checking, 

 

Fraternising is frowned upon.

 

Used rarely. 

 

Fraternizing is not a commonly used word. There are diverse meanings in the dictionaries. Please elaborate in order to answer you accurately. 

[Larry]

I did promise someone from this forum to write on the following subject but was delayed quite a while. So, without further ado here is the write-out relevant to my experience.

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

There are controversy whenever the topic of cross-dressing is brought up.

 

“Oh, that means you are a guy who like to dress as drag queen? Eww... so disgusting...”

 

“You have a abnormal fetish, are you mentally okay?”

 

“You must be gay…”

 

“Do you want to change your sex?”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Hi everyone. I had lived full-time as a MtF (male to female) cross-dresser for a decade, but presently returning back to man mode while cross-dressing is on an impromptu basic.

 

Sexually I am not attracted to any women nor ordinary looking guys. All along I have hormonal therapy which changes my appearance to look more feminine & also to have a nice pair of babylon, but I has opted to retain my male genitalia just for the sake of urination & don’t intend to have sex reassignment surgery (SRS).

 

There are two reasons for not doing the SRS. Lesser excuse is the cost on SRS, it is expensive, and I chickened out of the health risks involved. But more critically is the social injustice & discrimination against transvestites, I can't afford to take chance as it may affect my material needs.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

I was born and grew up in Singapore, we're all unanimously aware of how expensive Singapore is to live in.

 

Extending the argument, let’s delve into a topic that most people don’t even think about, i.e. how expensive being a cross-dressing MtF in Singapore is.

 

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Crossdresser in Singapore

 

My Hormone Therapy (HRT)

 

From self-deny to full acceptance, at one stage of my life, I realized I'm a transvestites as my behavior & sense of myself does not conform with the sex I was born. Similarly, all cross-dressers & transsexuals would have the same encounter just like me during their latency stages.

 

Once over this stage, the immediate need is not to look for dresses but to have hormonal therapy, to change our appearance, as to look more feminine & to fantasize having a nice pair of breast within shortest time.

 

During my earlier transitioning, to source for a cheap, nearby to Joo Chiat area where I resided, reliable & trans-friendly clinic was a tall calling. Singapore, despite being a modern City State, the conservative Asian value is still deeply rooted here, making it a taboo to ask around the where & methodology of getting HRT.

 

Not all general practitioners do HRT. As the authority disallows any advertising even on the clinic frontal, I had to rely on words of mouth from fellow sisters & people within the trans-community.

 

With trials & errors so as un-worthwhile medical expenses, I narrowed down to two doctors (male & female one each) near to my house, one is at Eunos & the other one at Boon Keng.

 

Listed below is the data for your consumption:

The medicine I used is DEPO-PROVERA , by injecting 150 mg each on both buttocks instead of on the arms, for rear of pain.

 

Depo-Provera® contains a synthetic (man-made) form of hormone named  progesterone, called depot medroxyprogesterone acetate (DMPA). The injection gives 3 months effectiveness.

 

The cost involved is in-between $100 to $150 for two jabs at one go.

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

HRT by Government & Private Hospitals

 

It is much more affordable both consultation & medication at the government hospitals, also there are regular checkups & blood tests to ensure everything is okay, whereas private doctors usually only do so upon request, and tend to charge higher.

 

But there is a condition, you need a referral letter, either from your private doctor who is doing your HRT or get from any polyclinic if you have not yet started on HRT.

 

At polyclinic, if you’re not comfortable with outing yourself to the doctor, you can ask for a referral to IMH for depression, though this may result in a longer waiting time before proceeding to its gender clinic.

 

Beside the advantages as mentioned above, it is a path for those serious-minded transvestites to take, following the road map as assigned by the hospital for the eventual SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery). But the hospitals require a longer process that may take months before your first HRT injection.

 

Of course, you can speed it up by visiting the costly private hospitals, if you have plenty of money.

 

The sequences for both private & government are about the same:

 

•  To undergo a psychiatric assessment by a hospital appointed psychiatrist.

 

•  Once approved by the psychiatrist, he / she will then hand you over to the endocrinologist.

 

•  The endocrinologist can then start you on HRT to you, both injection & oral medication.

 

Prices comparison (Government hospital versus Private hospital)

 

1. First psychiatric consultation: $78, 40-minute versus $100 and or above.

 

2. Subsequent psychiatric consultation (3 months interval): $36, 30-minute versus $60 and or above.

 

3. First consultation with endocrinologist: $76, 30-minute versus $85 to $150.

 

4. Subsequent consultation with endocrinologist (3 months interval): $35, 20 minutes versus $85 & above.

 

5. First blood test: $180 - $250 versus $300 & above.

 

6. Spironolactone, box of 20 (anti-androgen), 1 pill per day: $2 versus $20.

 

7. 2mg Progynova, box of 20 (estrogen), 3 pills per day: $10.40 versus $20.

 

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For me, I started with private doctor which allowed me to start HRT on the very first visit. Not too many questionings but just pay, of course is expensive as compare to public hospitals.

 

There are more online resources these days on HRT. Not limiting on my inputs, you are encouraged to do more research, the purpose is to conserve money & spend it wisely.

 

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Hair Removal

 

Having smooth, unblemished and hairless skin makes all transvestites feeling sexy & beautiful, on top of confidence & self-esteem. Many transvestites have bushy body hair on arms & legs & this can look less feminine. They resort to wearing pants & long sleeved to hide their excess body hair. And for the young transvestites, their next best thing is to shave all body hair off.

 

Very few fortunate ones including myself have sparse body hair (Hey, no jealous, okay… just lucky me…), but I did the shaving too in my early adulthood.

 

Using razor to do hair shaving in the bathroom is temporary way on removing excess hair. But the hateful dilemma is that you are able to feel the stubble even though they are not physically visible when running your palm across the area after a few days of shaving.

 

Unskilled & carelessness can result in skin hurting, felt by a burning sensation when running soap water to cleanse the area. But it is trickier on ingrown hairs, you may need to wait for weeks for them to out grown before plucking them away.

 

In short, shaving is the cheapest, quickest but lousiest method for hair removing. So concerning hair removal, people always ask the following questions:

·    Which hair removal method is best?

·    What hair removal method lasts the longest?

·    Can hair be removed permanently?

·    What is the best product for hair removal?

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

The result on shaving last for a day or two, but there are 7 other ways that able to last longer, namely Plucking, Depilatory, Waxing, Threading, Laser, Electrolysis & Medications. I will discuss these methods accordingly.

 

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Hair Removal by Plucking

 

Plucking, also known as ‘Tweezeling’, is inexpensive same as shaving. All you need is a tweezers, stretches the skin, one by one grips the hair close to the skin & pulls the entire hair follicle from the root.

 

Results can last from 3 to 8 weeks and in some cases, become permanent, as frequent tweezeling can damage the hair follicle & stop hair regrow, which is a blessing in disguise. Because the plucking is one single hair at a time, it can be time-consuming. Shaping of eyebrows & stray facial hairs may be a good option, but less suitable for the legs or large area. It can cause ingrown hairs if the hair break off below the skin.

 

Plucking can be painful too. After plucking, you may notice temporary red bumps because the hair follicle is swollen & irritated.

 

Make sure you sterilize your tweezers with alcohol before use to reduce the chance of infection.

 

Price of a tweezers:

From slant-tip, point-tip, pointed-slant, round-tip, flat-tip, arched-claw & wide-grip, price range from $0.80 to around $58.

 

Fee for professional eyebrow shaping at a salon:

$10 to $50.

 

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Hair Removal by Depilatory

 

It is another hair removal method by using chemical, in a form of cream to dissolve the hair shaft. The regrow of hair will be weaker, thinner & finer, and stop growing eventually with more applications.

 

Not all creams are universal, there are various types meant for difference areas of application, so be sure to read the label carefully. These products can be purchased at all pharmacies without needing a medical prescription.

 

For areas of application, for example, you shouldn't use a hair removal cream made for stubborn pubic hairs to remove hair on your delicate face. Also the label would specify the length of application, for its effectiveness & safety precaution.

 

Using a cream improperly, such as leaving it on too long, can lead to burning of skin. Also to check for allergic reactions by following the instructions given by the label.

 

Price of depilatory cream:

From $7 to $25.

 

Hair Removal by Waxing

 

Waxing is one of the most effective hair removal methods if you have large patches of skin, such as your legs or back.  It is less time consuming & lasts longer than other methods.

 

Almost any area of the body can be waxed, including eyebrows, face, pubic hair (called bikini waxing), legs, arms, back, abdomen, knuckles & feet.

 

Avoid direct sunlight, very hot showers & cosmetics with fragrances for 24 hours after waxing. This will help minimize irritation & redness.

 

Same as plucking, waxing removes hair from the root & can last anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. However, one drawback is you need to wait for the hair to regrow to at least 3/4 of an inch before the next waxing. Again, regularly waxing over a long period of time can damage the follicles & eventually attains to have permanent hair removal.

 

There are two types of waxing, hot waxing & cold waxing.

 

Hot Waxing, mostly done in salons, involves in heating up a wax pot, applies melted wax to the skin & waits for solidification. Against the direction of hair growth, separates edges of wax from the skin & pulls wax off briskly in one piece. The used wax can be recycled. People use this hot waxing in the bikini area & upper lip.

 

Cold waxing works in very much the same way & is suitable for home use. Applies wax from its container to the skin, presses & rubs a fabric strip against the wax, then quickly rips strip against the direction of hair growth, removes the wax along with the hair.

 

There are shortcomings on cold waxing. First is its ineffectiveness to pick up all wax & hair in one stroke, reason being the wax is thick in nature which makes it difficult to spread smoothly & evenly (not too thick nor too thin) over the skin. Strip needs to be applied repeatedly at the same area to remove remaining hair.

 

Next is the residue wax not able to be picked up completely by the fabric strip. You can feel stickiness on the skin & incomplete removal of wax can smear your clothing.

 

Personally, I prefer hot waxing over cold waxing, not only because of its effectiveness, I also enjoyed the warmth coming from the hot wax, it was mind blowing in particular when applied to my anus, I needed to contain my excitement while my birdie was oozing wet.

 

Note: I am lucky to acquaint the lady boss of a salon in Katong during my JC, the time exploring my cross-dressing – you can get this info from this story. From hands, legs, eyebrows, bikini area to eventual anus area, I gain her unreserved trust & confidence. As a student her fee was extremely reasonable, and when I started working in Changi Village, I paid extra each time on top of her fee. She is now in her late 60's & I wish her well.

 

 

Price of home-used cold wax:

From $6.90 & onwards.

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Hair Removal by Threading

 

Threading is an ancient method of hair removal by using a twisted thread to pluck out hairs from the follicle. Generally, not performed on the body, but a delicate skill to remove hair on upper lip, cheeks, chin & eyebrow shaping, we should leave the job in the hands of trained threading beautician.

 

It can be hard to find a skilled threading beautician in ordinary housing estates, you may try to look for one in Little India.  

 

Because it removes hair from the follicle, it can last up to six weeks. Similarly, frequent threading can cause   hair follicle to become damaged & stop growing hair.

 

As compare to plucking, the amount of pain is minimum as threading removes hair quickly, also it also has a lot to do with the skill of the beautician.

 

Pricing will depend on where the salon is located & surrounding price competition,

•  Eyebrow (both) $9 onward

•  Lip (skin right above upper lip) $6 onward

•  Full Face without eyebrows $24 onward

•  Chin $6 onward

 

Laser Hair Removal

 

This method has proven to be the best to permanently reduce the hair. The treatment can be expensive but can be used on many parts of the body.

 

It can only be effective on the following requirements,

1. Shave area before treatment such that easy to locate hair follicles without wasting energy to burn off excess hairs.

2. It works on people with dark hair & fair skin as laser works by targeting pigment (like that in dark hair). But with dark skin, it may have aimed for the skin itself, causing burns. But with new technologies, it now works on all skin tones, so long as right laser is used.

 

The hair removal works by sending a laser beam or light pulse through the pigment in the hair. This light converts to heat, which damages the hair follicle.

 

Virtually painless but generally requires 8 to 12 treatments with 2- or 3-weeks interval to arrive at less hairy on your skin forever. Avoid sun bathing / exposure, sauna visiting & face creams for 2 days at least.

 

As permanent hair removal treatments like IPLs & lasers getting more common in Singapore, we are seeing many aesthetic clinics & beauty salons offering such services. But what is the difference between laser done by a dermatologist & beautician? Who should we select & what are the factors to consider?

 

1. Safety

Lasers, if controlled improperly or wrong type of laser is used, could lead to skin burns. At clinics, individual medical assessment & type of lasers is suitable are to be done before treatment, and also the frequency of treatment would be determined.

 

2. Effectiveness

Clinics own wider range of lasers up to high intensity whereas salons own mainly low intensity lasers. With usage of appropriate intensity of laser at the clinics would reduce the number of sessions required at the salons.

 

3. Cost

Though it is cheaper per session at a salon with respect to clinic, but with more sessions needed than at the clinics, it would be more expensive in the long run.

 

My recommendations to you are:

1.   If your hairs are sparse, use the salon.

2.   Converse ly, if you are hairy, use the clinic.

 

Pricing:

1.   Book salon online

2,   More than 71 clinics online

 

1.   https://www.vaniday.com.sg/singapore/hair-removal/laser-hair-removal

2.    https://www.practo.com/singapore/doctors-for-laser-hair-removal-face

 

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To be continued......

 

 

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Steve5380]

On 11/8/2018 at 3:03 AM, Larry said:

 

Hair Removal by Waxing

 

Waxing is one of the most effective hair removal methods if you have large patches of skin, such as your legs or back.  It is less time consuming & lasts longer than other methods.

 

Almost any area of the body can be waxed, including eyebrows, face, pubic hair (called bikini waxing), legs, arms, back, abdomen, knuckles & feet.

 

Avoid direct sunlight, very hot showers & cosmetics with fragrances for 24 hours after waxing. This will help minimize irritation & redness.

 

Same as plucking, waxing removes hair from the root & can last anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. However, one drawback is you need to wait for the hair to regrow to at least 3/4 of an inch before the next waxing. Again, regularly waxing over a long period of time can damage the follicles & eventually attains to have permanent hair removal.

 

There are two types of waxing, hot waxing & cold waxing.

 

Hot Waxing, mostly done in salons, involves in heating up a wax pot, applies melted wax to the skin & waits for solidification. Against the direction of hair growth, separates edges of wax from the skin & pulls wax off briskly in one piece. The used wax can be recycled. People use this hot waxing in the bikini area & upper lip.

 

Cold waxing works in very much the same way & is suitable for home use. Applies wax from its container to the skin, presses & rubs a fabric strip against the wax, then quickly rips strip against the direction of hair growth, removes the wax along with the hair.

 

There are shortcomings on cold waxing. First is its ineffectiveness to pick up all wax & hair in one stroke, reason being the wax is thick in nature which makes it difficult to spread smoothly & evenly (not too thick nor too thin) over the skin. Strip needs to be applied repeatedly at the same area to remove remaining hair.

 

Next is the residue wax not able to be picked up completely by the fabric strip. You can feel stickiness on the skin & incomplete removal of wax can smear your clothing.

 

Personally, I prefer hot waxing over cold waxing, not only because of its effectiveness, I also enjoyed the warmth coming from the hot wax, it was mind blowing in particular when applied to my anus, I needed to contain my excitement while my birdie was oozing wet.

 

 

You are fortunate to have Asian skin, soft and hairless. We ang mohs are not so lucky, and I have some hair on chest and other places to take care of, but it's not too bad.

 

I have discovered a very practical way to wax hair at home, which I use before my vacation trips and other occasions of fun.  I use a good brazilian wax for hot waxing, which lasts me forever.  A little of this wax between thumb and index finger has amazing pulling capacity.   I don't need to see where I wax, but wherever I can feel hairs, these hairs I can pull out.  This works well for the ass and groin, back of shoulders.  So with my waxed fingers I pull out groups of hairs and transfer them to a cloth or paper.  Doing this fast the pain is tolerable.  And this has a unique advantage in that I don't need to pull out all the hairs, but selectively leave some there to avoid a gay baby look if removing all the pubic hairs.  Since one can make pressure between the two fingers the hairs don't need to be too long and if we can pull on them with bare fingers, then with the wax we can pull them out.  In conventional waxing the force on the hairs comes only from their stickiness to the paper and not from any pressure put on them.

[Larry]

18 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 I use a good brazilian wax for hot waxing, which lasts me forever. 

 

Thanking you for responding to this writing, which gave a little bit of zest here. I had been thinking the zero response so far had to do with the material discussed which deemed taboo by the macho peoples in this forum thus gave it a cold shoulder.

By the way, mind to share the brand of wax that you're using?

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Hair Removal by Electrolysis

 

Electrolysis is the one & only treatment approved by United States’ FDA (Food & Drug Administration) for permanent hair removal, & to be carried out by trained certified professional.

 

One hair follicle at a time, a tiny needle with an electric current is placed into the hair follicle to destroy the hair’s root.

 

Because electrolysis doesn’t target hair pigment like laser treatment but rather attacks the follicle directly, it is very much time consuming, in particular if there are bent or misshapen follicles caused by previous waxing or tweezing, which makes the needle entering the root more difficult.

 

Ouch, Ouch, or Ouch, yes, everyone has their own limit to pain. Electrolysis causes stinging, and each follicle has to go through it, it’s not always the most comfortable or speedy treatment. Treatments are not to be longer than an hour; and can be painful after this benchmark.

 

As for me, I did it once & my toleration was about 15 minutes.

 

You can get electrolysis on any part of the body, but multiple treatments are needed on large area.

 

Minor side effects are common, but tend to go away within a day. The most common symptom is slight redness from skin irritation. Pain & swelling are rare.

 

The treatment comes at high cost. 3 main factors are usually considered by clinic to estimate cost, i.e. thickness, quantity & location. Firstly, thicker hair would make it tougher to be removed, secondly amount of hair relates to time required; and lastly location is about flat or curvy area. Curvy area would need the needle to be held at an awkward angle.

 

And to finalize, there are a few different methods for the consumers to decide,

1.   Package price per body part,

2.   Time per session,

3.   Number of hairs per session.

 

Not everyone will opt to get full body hair removal but just on a small part. Getting full body electrolysis is rare & would be very expensive. Normally people get the treatment on real problem areas which are easy to see.

 

The sessions are usually charged per hour although some places may charge for every half an hour or less. Typically, you may find that a session can cost about $50-80 for an hour or for about 100 hair follicles.

 

Please refers to following website for price inquiry:

https://www.yelp.com.sg/search?find_desc=electrolysis+hair+removal&find_loc=Singapore

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Steve5380]

On 11/17/2018 at 10:27 AM, Larry said:

 

Thanking you for responding to this writing, which gave a little bit of zest here. I had been thinking the zero response so far had to do with the material discussed which deemed taboo by the macho peoples in this forum thus gave it a cold shoulder.

By the way, mind to share the brand of wax that you're using?

 

I am sure that any zero response comes from not wanting to interfere with the flow of your posts, that should be of interest to everyone.  The same happens with the threads of other posters who regularly feed them with specific topics.  BTW... who are the macho peoples in this forum?  I have difficulty identifying them  

 

The wax I am using is in a container where I read:  Brazilian formula, Extra Strength Wax, Hair Remover for Body,  made by Sally Hansen.  I bought this in a waxing kit over ten years ago in one of the drug stores here.  You can google "Sally Hansen wax"  and see the many stores that sell this, including Amazon. 

[Larry]

13 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

The wax I am using is in a container where I read:  Brazilian formula, Extra Strength Wax, Hair Remover for Body,  made by Sally Hansen.  I bought this in a waxing kit over ten years ago in one of the drug stores here.  You can google "Sally Hansen wax"  and see the many stores that sell this, including Amazon. 

 

Thanks, good information, will check on it.

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Hair Removal by Medications

 

If none of above-mentioned hair removal methods help, you may need to seek doctor advice on drugs that inhibit hair growth.

 

High male hormone level relates to excessive hair growth. So, the injection & tablets we had taken when doing our HRT not only help to reduce male hormones, making us feminine, it also help to reduce the hair growth, but the result is slow & takes much longer time to achieve hairless.

 

So, beyond the medicines mentioned previously relevance to HRT, I will try to explore other medications.

 

1.   Spironolactone / Aldactone / Proscar / Finasteride

is anti-androgen pill that blocks androgenic hormones on hair growth, but may take between 3 & 6 months to work. There is a side effect, i.e. to stimulate hair growth on your scalp.

 

2.   Birth Control Pills

is to reduce androgen production.

 

3.   Vaniqa / Eflornithine Creams

prescription creams approved by FDA for slowing facial & chin hair growth, but doesn't remove hair. You apply it to the area twice a day. Once you stop using the cream, hair will regrow.

 

4.   Vitamin B6 Pills

reduces production of prolactin, a hormone that causes male hormone testosterone to be taken up by tissues. It also dampens cells’ responsiveness to hormones. This vitamin can be found in avocados, fish, organ meats, soybeans, walnuts, peanuts & bananas.

 

5.   Vitamin E Pills

normalizes androgens & reduce effects of testosterone. Wheat germ oil, almonds, sunflower seeds, safflower oil, peanut butter, corn oil, spinach, broccoli, mangoes & spinach contain this vitamin.

 

6.   Magnesium Pills

Consuming up to 500 mg per day of magnesium is another way to reduce testosterone effects & bring androgens back into balance. Nuts, seeds, raw leafy greens, soybeans & whole grains contain magnesium.

 

7.   Zinc & Copper

Zinc & copper are minerals that can help prevent unwanted facial hair. Do not overdo with copper; the ideal balance of zinc to copper is eight to one in favor of zinc. Copper is abundant in the environment, in drinking water in some areas, and you can get it from copper plumbing & cooking equipment.

 

Which is best?

 

Okay, enough talking on all 8 hair removal methods, so which is best?

 

We all aim for “permanent hair removal” & not “temporary hair removal”. With this in mind, both laser & electrolysis produce longer-lasting effects. But electrolysis seems to work the best. Not only is permanent, it carries fewer risks & side effects, and no maintenance treatments as required by laser.

 

The downside is that electrolysis needs more sessions for large area whereas laser has no such constraint. Your choice depends on how quickly you want to achieve the hair removal.

 

You need to go to registered clinics as both laser & electrolysis require licensing in order to operate these equipment. Most salons don’t have the license.

 

But that doesn’t mean you avoid salons totally, you still can opt to have waxing there, for areas such as upper lip, sideburns, fingers & etc. And follow-up by doing self plucking at home if there is regrowth.

 

Go for clinic & salon concurrently, this is to speed up the hair removal. Also plans & uses your money wisely.

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Vocal Therapy

 

All male cross-dressers & transsexuals have two wants, i.e. to look convincing when dressing up & to feminize their voice, both are vital gender cue on readability as a female in the society.

 

While hormone replacement therapy leads to a more feminine outward appearance, but it cannot raise the pitch of the voice nor tune towards a feminine voice.

 

To achieve, the only non-invasive method is to go for vocal therapy, this was told by my bestie Wai Mun. I had never done the therapy but I believe her since she spoke with a flawless feminine voice.

 

It was selfless for her to share with me relevant information. To start with, she told she got her therapy at Singapore General Hospital attended by a speech-language pathologist (SLP).

 

The SLP jobs involve changing the sound, understanding your goals, and listening to how high & deep on vocal pitch.

 

“Each therapy session took one hour & costed $60. You are to recite from a prepared document. Rehearse & more rehearses, with the objective to raise my pitch. The therapeutic exercises were boring & tiring, under close supervision of SLP,” she lamented, "In fact many gave up the therapy after the first session,"

 

“Don't try to change your voice by yourself, you may hurt your vocal cords,” yes indeed she is correct, recalling on my early days when I  simulated the voice of a female actress & my voice went husky.

 

“You can end up sounding raspy or lose your voice. The SLP helps to stop behaviours that may hurt your voice & teach you safer ways to speak,” she added.

 

“Do you know... while focus on my vocal training, there were exceptional training on non-verbal communication too,” she talked proudly on this & went on to give me a detail explanation.

 

1. Non-verbal communication is about fluidity & continuity, includes more smiling, expressive & open facial expression, more side-to-side head movement, and more expressive finger movements than men.

2. None-verbal communication may have more effect on a transgender person's readability than verbal factors.

3. Regardless of what is most effective, congruence between a person's visual & auditory presentation contributes greatly to their perceived authenticity.

4. Her SLP encouraged her to have focused observation on behavior of authentic females, and offered information about differences between male & female non-verbal communication.

 

“狐狸精 (fox spirit)… no wonder… Nicky & I are all along amazed on your rapid transformation, we thought you were a genius,” I smiled & tapped her thigh intimately.

 

Lastly I will touch on a little on vocal surgery.

 

Opinion is mixed regarding vocal surgery. There were reported negative effects like compromised voice quality, decreased vocal loudness, problems on swallowing / breathing, sore throat, wound infection & scarring.

 

Because of this, it should be considered only as a "last resort" after the desired pitch change has not been seen in therapy.

 

Ultimately, the decision to undergo surgery is up to the patient, with input from a knowledgeable physician & SLP.

 

A speech therapy usually costs around $150 to $200 per session. It may seem expensive but this is pretty standard in Singapore.

 

Please refers to the following for pricing:

1.   Voice Therapy Clinic, Singapore General Hospital

2.   https://www.singaporespeechtherapy.com/speech-therapy-price-singapore/

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Tracheal Shave

 

Facial feminization surgery typically involves nose, chin, jaw, lip & cheek enhancement. Among all facial items, the most noticeable difference between men & women is the presence of a prominent Adam’s apple that sits midway on the throat in men, but barely noticeable in women. As a result of the difference, the tracheal shave, commonly known as an Adam’s apple reduction surgery, has become the most frequent surgery for facial feminization.

 

Typically, the procedure involves an incision in the throat just under the chin. The vertical muscles of the throat are then separated to expose the Adam’s apple & the tracheal cartilage is shaved to reduce its size, making the neck & throat appear more feminine & further the goals of facial gender confirmation.

 

It is important that Adam’s apple reduction should only be performed by  qualified cum experienced plastic & craniofacial surgeon. The throat is a delicate area & if too much cartilage is removed, it can affect the voice. By contrast, too little may produce an unsatisfactory result. As such fine balancing is required for the surgery.

 

Duration of surgery : Generally less than one hour in the operating room. 

Days admitted : outpatient procedure & don’t require an overnight stay. 

Anesthesia : carried out under general anesthesia. 

Recovery : Bruising, swelling, tightness, lumpiness around the neck, mild voice weakness as well as a sore throat are expected for a few days. Takes pain killers, no talking & applies ice packs to the treated area if necessary. 

Surgeon : Raffles Hospital 

Fee : $3500 or above

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To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 24: The Price of Being a Full-time Cross-dresser in Singapore

 

Stock up One’s Wardrobe & Shoe box from Male to Female

 

For me, in the late 70's when I had my first cross-dressing publicly during my Pre-U 1 year end holiday (please refer to my story titled Forbidden Attraction, Part A Chapter 1), I could remember spending around $180 in total, which included a dress, a handbag, pair of semi high heel shoe & a hair wig.

 

These items were not branded, but the amount spent was still deemed high as for me a high school student. As a matter of fact, part of the $180 was stolen from my father, a dark secret that had been kept all these years.

 

For newcomers who just join onto the cross-dressing community, I would suggest a bare minimum sum, probably around $300, which includes a fair dress, handbag, pair of shoes & a synthetic hair wig.

 

To completely furnish the wardrobe for a full-time cross-dresser, the maintenance cost varies depending on individual pocket, nevertheless bare minimum of clothes to get by shall cover casual clothes, home-worn, smart casual & formal dresses.

 

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Studies showed homosexuality associated with grown age, but not for transsexuality. Transsexuality had its onset in early childhood, and that cross-dressing was an early feature.

 

So, after doing the above-mentioned processes on hormone replacement therapy, hair removal, vocal therapy, tracheal shave & stocking up your wardrobe & shoe box, we need to accept ourselves for who we are. We may need to make a final decision, i.e. to become a transsexual or continue as transvestite.

 

90% or above of sisters whom I have acquainted continued their journey towards transformation & became full-fledged females ultimately. Only a few of us including me stopped for further transformation, which I deem I myself a failure or loser so-to-speak.

 

To be a transsexual the cost would be much higher than a cross-dresser. Besides the costly sex reassignment surgery (SRS), there are also other costly follow-up surgeries. All in all, an estimated cost of $50K at least.

 

Completing the SRS, when all dusts settled, there are outstanding work needed to be done, i.e. the updating on some documents, mainly your NRIC, passport & driving license (if any), to reflect your new name & new sex.

 

A deed poll from a lawyer is needed for legal name change. And to update your new sex, the medical practitioner needs to endorse on a Medical Examination Report form supplied by ICA.

 

Both deed poll & medical report must be submitted to ICA within 28 days. Replacing your IC will cost $60. Your passport can be updated at the same time. For more information, visit ICA website or contact@transgendersg.com.

 

You’ll have to update your driving license in person at the traffic police. Record revisions with some organisations are also necessary (banks, insurance, credit cards, phone & etc), to avoid potential conflict in future.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

So how it is like being a cross-dresser here in Singapore? Well, to sum it up, not only is costly, also tough to move around freely in real life. We run the risk of losing friends, family, employment, education, scholarships, grants & etc. The acceptance on us is rather low when we cross-dressing, whereas for gays they look as normal as straight guys, so long as they behave appropriately.

 

On my early days of cross-dressing, on every outing I had to empty my bladder as much & refrained from drinking water, giving little chance the need to use the female washroom, minimizing the chance to be seemed as intruder or Peeping Tom.

 

Many sisters did the same during their early stages of transformation. To sum it up, the general image of cross-dressers is no good at all in Singapore, to certain extent we believe that our cross-dressing is much harder to be understood than homosexuality. 

 

And for every Singaporean male, serving a two-years national service is compulsory & non-negotiable. However, for one with cross-dressing fetish, it is tricky to battle against his gender dysphoria as he had to resume male mentality when enlisted. However, taking showers publicly with fellow soldiers was somethings disturbing & embarrassing.

 

So why us stubbornly continue to have this anti-society behaviour? It would be the same question that why was Adam & Eve were told by God not to eat the forbidden fruit but failed to comply?

 

For me, it started from profound curious I had on females since young, it was inborn & couldn’t be explained.

 

As a young boy, I was soft-spoken, fair skin, not tall & smaller build with no muscular body. Coming from primary to secondary in a pure boy Catholic mission school, my classmates nicknamed me ‘阿妹’ (Ah Mei). Such was the push factor coupled with curiosity on females eventually evolved to become my desire to be a female, this is in particular true at times when I get disillusioned with life.

 

It’s not that I hate wearing male clothes. I use them faithfully in my daily life, despite the plain boring outlook & dull lifeless design.

 

However, I felt special, feminine, energize & excited when wearing a skirt & dressing up, far beyond the male clothes can provide. I was able to immerse myself by breathing in the feminine fragrance, sitting cross legged wearing a tight skirt, walking with click-clacking across a marble floor in a pair of heels, feeling the bra strap encasing my back, wearing a little gold bracelet around my wrist, feeling the breeze smoothing my bare waxed smooth legs & etc.

Last but not least, enjoying the stare &  being ogled at from those silly sex-hungry guys. I might extend to imagine how it would feel to kiss a man as woman, although I was very shy back then. Overall, I was happier with my inner & outer me. It was hell nice & I felt like my true self at the time.

Ha-ha… it is simply a walkover about taping my weakness to become a strength.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Well, too much side-track, I shall end this chapter without further delay.

 

My hope is that the information here will help other transgender people to have safer, smoother, and easier transitions, relieving some of the burden from what can often be a very tough journey.

 

Best Regards,

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 17 ---------------------   

Edited December 20, 2018 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

I felt weak & totally exhausted. There's no law against office romances in this company. As CEO of the company, Shawn revealed to the workers his close relationship with me despite my disagreement. This had created an odd awkward situation for the past three days because of my evasion. Now with my concurrence, hopefully this should not lead to something much worse.

 

Having intimacy with Shawn added a dash of romance to the daily grind, but keeping our relationship quiet was agonising. But the agony was now over upon my complete concurrence.

 

My believe was that with people spending more time at the office, work place might be best place of finding future life-partner. Why not? It was me & Shawn ran into each other outside of work, and that we’re mutually attracted to one another. I would answer in this manner for any querry by the workers, that’s simple to answer, wasn’t it? You might be a steely career person on the outside, but within the body, it was only flesh & blood.

 

My thought went off into wild flights of fancy & caused my mood subjected to sudden shift in between high & low spirits. Such that I almost got distraction, i.e. my staying put in my room was actually waiting for Shawn’s phone call.

 

As time flied, I was getting a little annoyed, "What the hell is going on, he should be keen to know the outcome, isn't it?"

 

In this morning ride to work, I had told him I would handle personally the news circulating in the production floor concerning our relationship. I skipped my lunch as a consequence of this, I was expecting him to bring me a piece of cake now as my tummy was rumbling badly.

 

Just 5 minutes before end of official working time, he called. His voice sounded tense, “Hi, just came back from outside meeting. How is it... has thing already been settled?”

 

“Yeah, settled,” I replied weakly.

 

Over the phone, he had managed to convince me to have a short meet-up in the evening. He was aware that the dinner cooking was underway by Aunty Lily, “Let’s go the nearest coffee shop to grab a drink before sending you home. I’m eager to find out the whole thing,” 

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

“Hi, ready to go?” It was Shawn standing at the door.

 

“Yes,” I stood up, retrieved my handbag & my management diary.

 

Off the light & closed the door, my heartbeat played to its highest. “Showing off huh, going home together with the boss,”, “Wows, so daring now, dare to go off together, bitch,” blah blah blah... my mind was flooded with all negative comments that might come from the people.

 

Slinging the handbag over my shoulder & subconsciously holding the diary close to my chest. With my two hands clasping the diary, I cautioned myself to disallow him chances to hold my hand & keep some gap between us.

 

I stared at Shawn walking close with his silly smiling. Gosh, how on earth my boyfriend was so lack of sensitivity, failed to notice my anxiety? “Dammit, 丑媳妇总得见公婆 (An ugly daughter-in-law is bound to meet her parents-in-law some day),” I cursed lowly & we started down the hallway towards the front entrance.

 

“No room to retreat & be proud on our relationship, I had already made known to the people our relationship,” And yes, “no snogging in the lift or fumbling in the stairwell, my staffs would throw up if they've just had their lunch, ha-ha..." I ought to maintain a measure of decency.

 

From my mind flooded with people negative perceptions on us as a pair, and to think wildly how to avoid ill remarks from any illicit behaviors, my mind was more like riding on a roller coaster, agitated & perturbed, couldn't be quieted & with no restraint.

 

The official working hour had just ended, there were still some people scattering around, to work on unfinished jobs, tidying up their desks or waiting for their chauffeurs (husbands). Though their number was small, but with Shawn walking by my side, I felt a little unease.

 

“Goodnight, boss. Goodbye, Miss Koh,” …

 

“You too,” I returned their greetings after Shawn's. Despite telling myself to think positive I tried hard to hide my anxiety, as this was my maiden attempt on going off together with Shawn, and I expected this action would spread first thing in the morning.

 

Dammit... I sighed lowly. Que Sera Sera, what will be will be…

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

So sorry for having such a long delay. I went for my annual pilgrimage during the Chinese New Year with my fellow sisters (rekindled our sisterhood & some wild wild sex, he-he,), and after that went to fix an overseas assignment. Regards,

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

We stepped into the empty lift which came down from the upper floors. As the doors closed & started to the ground floor, I asked, “Where you had parked your car?”

 

“Somewhere near to the shipping area,”

 

“Oh…” in silence, I stared at my feet, trying to figure out what I ought to do next. The shipping area should be quiet at this hour, how should I behave while walking past the area? What’s if Shawn hold my hand? 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Shawn looked at me & asked quietly, he might have just asked me a question.

 

“Huh?” I replied, awakened from my distraction, “Sorry, I didn’t hear you,“

 

“I said... You wait at the lift lobby & I go get the car,”

 

I declined his offer & insisted to retrieve his car together. “You sure?” he crinkled his brow at me.

 

“Yes, I’m very sure,” I replied vigorously, as I told myself to be brave & not to chicken out.

 

“Okay. If you’re ok, I’m ok too…” I watched as his neck turned red... and stopping his reply, probably not to agitate me.

 

“I had made the announcement that we’re dating, so there is no reason to hide,” I said. Shaking my head in disbelief that I spoke my mind without much restriction, wondering how I could become so gutsy? Could it because of the residue male hormone uncleared & remained within my body, that it was gathering my courage, preparing to launch full-tilt into the most...

 

Walking silently behind Shawn but at the moment of a 90 degrees left turn, I was startled to realize about 100 metres upfront the usually quiet shipping deck was busy & crowded at this hour. Apparently, I'd forgotten the mid-month Japan shipping date, dammit...

 

And I could see his car on the almost emptied car park, damn... so near but yet so far… surely there would be some facing off with the workers but stubbornly I didn't ask Shawn to make a detour.

 

Accompanying the clicking sound coming from my heels, I was nervous & behaved abstractedly... gosh, life was such a funny thing, the gutsiness shown just minutes ago had vanished to nowhere, so short & so shallow... 

“Miss Koh, 回家了, 晚安,” blah blah blah… 

“Goodnight,” & “晚安,” face blushing real red, I returned their compliments with a woody smile. 

 

“Miss Koh, so sweet, boss is sending you home,”

 

“Oh no, it’s just… I’ve got this toothache, it’s killing me, so boss is doing me a favour,” Oh yeah, a toothache? Where did that came out of? Why spoke of lies, just admit, dammit…

 

Taking the front seat of his car, I noticed a few of my workers were waving at us, giving us the thumb-up, was it a sign of goodwill or not?... damn, an office romance could impact some employees, by stoking their jealousy, disgust or amusement, in many ways, very reminiscent of junior college time; when your best friend got a boyfriend or girlfriend, suddenly they didn’t want to hang out as much, or if they did, they just wanted to talk about their crush, it could be tedious.

 

‘Okay, so be it, let them see a few more times, such that the dating between me & their boss can sink onto their minds,’ I told myself as Shawn started the engine.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

Seated into Shawn’s car, I felt exhausted, I believed this was a result from the past few minutes in passing through the shipping deck. The situation was tensile & energy draining. Though there was nothing deemed nasty, but the whole incident was similar to a war game I had participated, as a junior officer on working with senior military personnel, I worked quietly & carefully on tiptoe.

 

The car interior was fiercely hot & I thought it would be nice to soak onto an air-conditioned café as soon as possible, “Shawn, I’m a bit tired. Drive carefully while I sleep a little, okay…?”

 

I didn't know how long I passed into dozing but awoke eventually to Shawn staring in my face. “Hey, have we arrived?” I asked.

 

“Sleeping beauty, you’re now at East Coast Park,” He replied & gave me a sly smile.

 

I looked out & realized that his car was at a car park facing the sea. I could see the wind softly blowing the leaves & little birds flying from trunks to next trunks. From the car windows I could see the only adjacent car was situated on the left side, about 20 car lots away from us. The engine was still on, with cold air & songs from the radio station floating in the air. “Oh yeah... but why we’re here, I thought we were going for a drink?”

 

“Oh, you snored so soundly, so I didn’t want to disturb,”

 

“You meant I’d snored, really? I never know I will snore… oh my gosh, it is so embarrassing…” my face was apparently flushing red as I made the reply.

 

“Hey, your snore is music to my ears…”

 

“What, I have never heard such nonsense before. The stories of wife or husband complaining the snored spouse can be found on the TV screen,”

 

“No, when you love a person, you’ll like her everything,”

 

“Oh, my God,” I said, “you & your nonsense... 口花花 (spoke in Cantonese, meaning having a glib tongue or 油腔滑调)... you always use this on other girls, right?”

 

“Come on, dear, I swear, no other girls,”

 

I laughed & hit his arm softly, “Okay la… no swearing, I trust you,”

 

There was a short moment of silent, I looked out & enjoyed the refreshing sense of tranquillity along the beach. Breaking the silence, Shawn unbuckled his seat belt & turned to me asking me to release my seat belt & to bring down the car seat.

 

“Hey, still broad daylight, people can see us…” I called out & moved my body outward as he leaning toward me.

 

“You relax, okay…” he then licked his lips & looked into my eyes for a moment, “Jennifer, when I think about my future, I think about how much I want you in it. I want to… wake up next to you every morning with your hair looking all messy, and I want to hear your snoring,”

 

'Oh good Lord…' I was dumbfounded.

 

He let his face lapsed into seriousness, “I… what I’m trying to say is that I want to spend my life with you, and so I want to know… will you marry me?”

 

My mind went blank; I couldn’t make a reply, I was still on my transitioning…

 

“I don’t think I heard you,” he cocked his ear towards me, “can you give me an answer?”

 

I hesitated but he pressed on, “I need to hear the word,”

 

“Yes…” I replied lowly, my voice splintering with uncertainty, but before I could spell out the word ‘but’ audibly, he climbed over the gear shaft & anchored on top of me. He pressed his lips against mine, leaving me no chance to resist.

 

I shifted my lower torso backward to eliminate the discomfort coming from his belt buckle pressing against my right thigh. And with that, I closed my eyes, wincing upon the realization that he wanted only to get my consent but hadn’t bother to understand my current status fully.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

I was angry, lamenting Shawn his lack of respect, without mutual consent he unilaterally kissing my lips as assumed to be taken for granted.

 

Que Será, Será, it was a catch-22 as I couldn't push him away, I couldn't bear to ruin his mood. It was an unchangeable situation, the only way was to accept or embrace it… I sighed lowly…

 

Que será, será… Whatever will be, will be… The future's not ours to see… Que será, será…

 

“Dear, open your mouth,” his earnest whisper near to my ear brought me back to reality.

 

In the same moment, I heard Kenny G’s blowing his saxophone was aired from the radio. The tune was intoxicating, seducing my senses & I could no longer think straight… I parted my lips slowly.

 

And at my grant of access, his tongue delved inside my mouth, hot, fiery & passionate.

 

 

留住你一吻一唇 Keeping your kiss & lip 在我心中你是我的女人 Deep in my heart, you are my woman 留住你深情眼神 Keeping your loving watch 我情願換個方式 I would rather change the way請你做我的女人 Please be my woman

 

It was a long & passionate kiss.

 

‘At long last, I’m his woman…’ as would suggest by the lyrics, oh yeah?

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

Despite it was still broad daylight, I had set my limitation, i.e. allowing him to do the kissing only, yeah, just pure kissing, no more no less.

 

Inch by inch he moved his tongue, starting with just a teensy bit touching mine, till the two tongues engaging in a tango, of which he played the lead whereas I responded to his cues & to be in tune. And I realized that he was a good kisser, putting his emotion in it & he was up to mark on making this out. 

 

We kissed long as though the world fell away... slow & soft, in a way was ‘nice’ but might not be the correct word to use. My nails caressed his face as our breaths mingled. We’re so close to each other & I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.

 

 

"Beautiful girl," oh, really? Anyhow I liked his compliment... my heart fluttering upon his echoing on lyrics coming from the radio. Never before had I ever felt so thrill & I yearned for more repeats, beautiful girl, oh yes…

 

And when the song ‘Beautiful Girl’ had ended, I was brought back to reality. The smooching between us should be long enough so far, though there were no rules for how long a kiss should last but my jaw was getting a little tired. Also, I needed to be home on time for the dinner, it was an evening event mandatory (unless sounding up in advance) on weekdays with my big sister Ling & her mom auntie Lily.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

On this Holy day...
May His light guide your path...
May his love grace your heart...
And may 

His sacrifice
Strengthen your Soul!
Wishes for HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY....!

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

 

 It was indeed a beautiful love song; so romantic & so touching… I should wait for its end before reminding Shawn about my impending dinner time.

 

But his next move did surprise me. Apparently, this apparent womanizer did have more tricks up his sleeve.

 

“I want you so badly,” he'd moved his kiss to my neck & murmured near to my ear. Alternating in-between his mouth, nose & stubble chin, he caressed, nipped & breathed on my entire neck.

 

It was my first time my neck getting fondle. I felt tickling initially & it made me giggling a little, but as time passed by, his touching, his breathing & his caressing brought out exciting, amazing & intense feelings that no words could explain.

 

Except my nipples, I never knew my neck could be an erogenous zone, not until now. Apparently, he aimed to sexually arouse me thru' these lusty acts... he probably learnt it from someone & his fondle had turned me on.

 

…黄昏再美终要黑夜 No matter how beautiful dusk is, darkness will set…

 

 

It was simply seductive… 黄昏再美终要黑夜 (No matter how beautiful dusk is, darkness will set) ... oh was it? But who cared? Not me, I didn't care... Shutting my eyes & mind, I wanted to focus for this moment, to feel & to enjoy… and putting aside the urgency on the impending dinner.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

To be continued......

Edited September 12, 2019 by Larry

[Steve5380]

20 hours ago, Larry said:

On this Holy day...
May His light guide your path...
May his love grace your heart...
And may 

His sacrifice
Strengthen your Soul!
Wishes for HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY....!

 

 

Good Friday is a holy day, but not a happy one.  We crucify ourselves on so many "good Fridays"!

Wait two days until Eastern and celebrate.  We should always have personal Eastern-s and resurrect ourselves from the depths of negativity.

[Larry]

On 4/19/2019 at 5:40 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Good Friday is a holy day, but not a happy one.  We crucify ourselves on so many "good Fridays"!

Wait two days until Eastern and celebrate.  We should always have personal Eastern-s and resurrect ourselves from the depths of negativity.

 

Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, Preferable is to "Wishing you a blessed Good Friday" or "Blessings on Good Friday". I'm Sorry for the error.

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Larry said:

 

Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, Preferable is to "Wishing you a blessed Good Friday" or "Blessings on Good Friday". I'm Sorry for the error.

 

Hallelujah!  Happy Easter !! 

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 25: Our Ardent Love

 

And… and he sank his teeth into my neck… and bit lightly… his action hit my brain instantly… oh wow, he was doing the love bite… I couldn't believe, it’s happening now.

 

I laid motionless; one past incident had just popped into my mind, i.e. I never had a single love bite from Kong, my first lover. On one of our dating, he refused to reciprocate after my love biting on him. “You are precious as a jade, I can’t bear to do this on you,”

 

It was a lousy excuse he gave. Naturally I was unhappy & felt brooding on, but didn’t want to force him. My philosophy is willing buyer willing seller, and to do it with heart & soul. At that time, I was curious & only wanted to know how it would feel as he seemed to enjoy the love biting done by me.

 

Years later when one post-operative Changi sister complained to us about her boyfriend refusal to lick her labia, and after an explanation by an older sister, I then began to realise that some individual may have aversion to oral sex, such as licking a vagina, sucking a dick, love bite & etc.

 

His love bite had cleared the mystique I had all these years, this afternoon I had the answer & satisfaction. Anyway, the biting was not that fantastic as compared to his sexy touching, breathing & caressing done on my neck. There was no pain in contrast to the name suggested, his light nipping was more of an odd sensation I could feel. More importantly I felt stimulated that he was marking me as his woman. But I felt concern too that would there be deep & visible biting marks? I didn’t want my staffs to notice these hickeys, reflecting that I had wild sex the night before. Gosh, I just hoped that scarf would not be needed to conceal my neck when going back to work tomorrow.

 

If a guy is nuzzling your neck with delicate kissing, sniffing, caressing & the ultimate love biting like what Shawn had done, he is interested in you at least physically.

 

Have I say this correctly?

 

Well, for my case, I was correct.

 

His hot palm was on my right thigh, sneakingly urging a finger inside my panties. Obviously, this should be his last resort.

 

I was worried that he might pull down my panties. I struggled & managed to separate from our caressing, as my forbidden was pounding in my mind, “Shawn, please stop… is still daytime now,”

 

He backed off his finger from my panties, dumbfounded & seemed a little crestfallen, “Oh, I… I’m sorry,” he spoke lowly.

 

We laid next to each other for a while before I broke the silent, “Shawn, is going to be late for my dinner, can you send me home now?”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

“Hey,” I said weakly, “I never expected that you would try my private part,”

 

“I didn’t want this to happen, honestly… I must be in sane,”

 

“No, no, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed your kissing, caressing & even the love bite. You gave me a whole new outlook on what to do & how to do… only that the timing was not suitable,” I reached over & squeezed his arm, letting him to know how I felt.

 

He smiled & quietly he drove me home.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

That evening before bed, I told myself to stop comparing Shawn to my ex Kong, I should recognize that memories were memories & shouldn’t let it affect my current relationship that much. Shawn & Kong were two totally different people, I shouldn’t say Shawn was better because he gave me the love bite or Kong was better because of something that Shawn won’t do.

 

No amount of comparison would ever make them the same.

 

One day, you will die.
You will stop & the world will carry on.

Lovers will love. Others will shop, laugh & cry.

Sometimes alone. Sometimes together.

The radio will keep playing. But you will be gone.
Only the love you gave, the souls you touched & the people you changed, will remain.
They will carry on for you. They will pick up where you left off.
There is nothing to be sad about here.

 

---- Quote by echowillow ----

 

 

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 25 ---------------------   

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Ins & Out

 

Love knows no boundaries, indeed.

 

But having a love relationship with Shawn my boss was both exciting & tricky, in particular I'd revealed this relationship to my coworkers openly.

 

To know & to practice the ins & outs of managing this relationship was no simple task, this was to keep the romance alive without jeopardizing my work life.

 

1.   Know My Threats

 

As their operation manager, there would be some unhappy workers on jealousy & animosity toward me, which might cause a decrease in efficiency & production volume. The consequence would be failure to meet the delivery thus jeopardize company reputation.

 

An emergency meeting with both Shawn & Fatimah (HR Executive) would be necessary to identify such workers, to put them in non-crucial positions or with special supervision, this was to ensure their conduct act in the best interests of the company. Dismissal would be the last resort.

2.   Control Our Urge

 

We confirmed our relationship openly, and understood not a one-time fling but for long-term. As such I had a serious discussion with Shawn & made rules while we’re at work,

 

a.   we are employee & boss instead of boyfriend & girlfriend.

b.   touching each other is completely off-limits.

c.   avoid light touches, kissing, hand-holding, hugging & other physical contact, and especially if other coworkers are around.

d.   to keep a professional image, avoid sweet talking & flirtatious behavior.

 

To survive this office affair, I knew I would be under extra scrutiny from the people. I ought to be mindful to observe the rules & not playing fast & loose with Shawn in the office. It could damage my reputation & make my working life embarrassingly awkward.

 

3.  Maintain My Performance

 

Although company had no rules concerning relationships among employees & bosses, it was still utmost importance duties & responsibilities to be fulfilled, making sure the relationship with Shawn not detrimental to my work. The objective of continue to improve work performance & impress Shawn by getting things done would make him look better too, since it could help avoid criticism from employees when they saw that our relationship didn't interfere with my work performance.

 

4.   Stay Humble

 

Regardless of prestige I got from this relationship, and despite giggles from people saying that I caught the big fish, I should stay humble, just that I happened to fall in love with the person who also happened to be CEO. Pride would get me nowhere in my career, and that went the same with having my boss as a lover – Don’t let pride affect my attitude.

 

5.   Upgrading Myself

 

“Want more respect, trust & affection from your co-workers, plus you are now Shawn’s woman, and to fence off any potential competitors, you need to make yourself look literally good in all aspect,” It was in one occasion when we talked on tips & trends for hair, makeup, clothing & etc, Ling gave me her exceptional idea.

 

She also advised me to choose makeup strategically depending on the activity, “There are times use deeper lip colour of increased luminosity, to give people the idea that ‘I’m in charge here’,” said Ling, “other times opt for lip tones that are light to moderate, providing contrast to facial makeup,”

 

“And when out on dating with Shawn, market yourself, make yourself look literally good enough to eat,” said Ling, “use a fruity colour, with a healthy dose of gloss to make your smackers look like they are literally the ripest fruit he can taste. Don’t be afraid to hyper-gloss them, too. Men don’t see this as excessive in any way.

 

Men are men, and no exception for Shawn too, they really don’t like getting cold showers from their girlfriend, they can be completely hypnotized by their girls' classy makeup, that bit of visual marketing so to speak. On second thought, she could be right.

 

6.   Manage & Treasure The Relationship

 

a.   Keep romance alive outside of workplace & make time for each other.

b.   Make time either before or after work to discuss important issues.

c.   Never take arguments & personal issues to work.

 

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And finally, be proud of my relationship with him.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 26 ---------------------   

 

Edited May 22, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

Singapore’s birth was not easy, a small island of 580 squares kms., had no natural resources, no hinterland & no industry. It solely depended on the import of food & energy, and even water.

 

Survive as a nation & create jobs for its citizens were the over-riding priorities. Import-substitution began in the 1960s with factories producing imported items, such as matches, fish hooks, mosquito coils & etc., all for domestic consumption. In any case, these labour-intensive industries were with limited growth in view of our small limited domestic market, were unable to bring down the unemployment rate which remained high at around 9%.

 

To alleviate high unemployment, government made two strategic decisions, sharply at odds with conventional economic wisdom of the time. First was to move away from import--led industrialization, in favour of export-led industrialization. Next was to make a conscious effort to attract foreign direct investment, targeting MNC instead of domestic entrepreneurs.

 

These two decisions proved to be among the most important in our economic history, promoting exports & foreign direct investments at a time when very few other countries were doing the same giving Singapore a decisive advantage.

 

In view of this, JTC (Jurong Town Corporation) was formed by the government, with the objective of building multi-storey industrial buildings, putting in place infrastructure facilities available for all incoming MNC. Concurrently the government invested in basic education with emphasis on technical skills relevant to industrialisation.

 

The two strategies paid off handsomely.

 

By late 1970s & early 1980s, we saw the emergence of strong clusters in higher value-added electronics, petrochemicals, component & precision engineering. And also we became the world’s leading producer of hard disk drives.

 

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To be continued......

 

 

 

Edited September 12, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

In view of the industrialization by the government, engineering courses were the top choice for the junior college students in pursing their degree studies in the 80s, for the obvious reason, that these engineering graduates would be able to secure a job almost immediately after graduation.

 

The main language of instruction in Singapore is English, which was officially designated the first language in 1987. Prior to 1987, there were existence of Chinese, Malay, Tamil & English schools.

 

I was from the 1969 cohort & my school was a catholic mission mandarin Chinese school, a top & popular choice among the parents, as the subjects on mathematics & science were taught in English, satisfying the need of learning of mother tongue & English.

 

Despite this special arrangement for the maths & science subjects (a few other schools also followed this practice), our standard on English proficiency were not matching to pupils coming from the English stream, afterall they were with 100 % immersion in an English-speaking environment. 

Could this be an excuse? I don't know. Maybe our readers can judge better.

 

Beside easy on getting an employment as mentioned above, we believed that engineering had lesser demand on English literacy, the most suitable subject for us to pursue in the local university. Though English writing is required for all courses except Chinese study, I believed integrating my average literacy & above average in numeracy across the curriculum, I would be able to survive.

 

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To be continued......

 

Edited September 12, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

I can never like engineering, boring & un-interesting, this opinion comes honestly from the bottom of my heart. But succumbing to the societal norm, I took up engineering study in pursuing my career.

 

My interest since young & till this day is still Chinese Literature. And the person greatly influenced me is a Taiwan female writer named Qiong Yao (瓊瑤); an enormously popular romance novelist in the Chinese-speaking world in the 80s.

 

Her novels have been praised for its stylish prose & poetry coupled with literary allusions. But were described as "morbid" too by her critics, as many of her stories featured socially questionable romantic relationships, e.g. between teacher vs student, brother-in-law vs sister-in-law & etc etc.

 

Her romance novels had been adapted into more than 100 films & TV dramas, loved by female viewers for its melodramatic plot lines, but criticized by others for its long-winded dialogues too. Qiong Yao's readership & viewership are predominantly female, owing to her emphasis on feelings of young women.

 

Imitating her style of writing, a few of my prose got selected & published on the school literature notice board, using the pen name of 梦梅 (plum dreamer). Instead of appreciating my prose, my classmates poked fun on my pen name & nicknamed me 阿妹 (young sister). Damnit…

 

But thinking back, I blamed myself, caused I could change to Chinese Study after my national service...  blamed on my indolent & lack of motivation.

 

I had saved some money from my national service. Also I worked as a tutor in the evenings & would continue to do so, as such I didn’t need a single cent from my dad. And I didn't think he would give me a single cent, he did mention that his responsibility as dad ended after my JC, so he got no right to decide or influence my course of preference.

 

However, I went for a 4-years in Engineering, instead of the three years Chinese Study, financially struggling for one extra year. And who know I might have work as a diplomat in China, damnit…

 

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To be continued......

Edited September 12, 2019 by Larry

[Guest Her fan]

Honest & simple writing, just lovely. 

[Larry]

Sorry for the long delay, had a severe diarrhoea. Regards

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

In 1984/85, Singapore experienced its first post-independence recession.

 

Early warning signs of a slowing economy were evident in 1984, but cushioned by the construction industry. But It became prominent by end of 1984, with fewer on-going construction projects. By second quarter of 1985, past yearly growth rate of 8.5% dropped to -1.4% & dropped further to -3.5% in the third quarter.

 

Externally, the causes were mainly because of slowing down of economies for industrialized nations, in particular USA, decreased demand as regional countries were trading directly, bypassing Singapore as an entrepôt, and lastly poor performances in oil refining, shipbuilding & repair.

 

Internally, high operating costs attributed to high wages & rentals introduced in the late 70s, which with an overvalued currency, made Singapore less competitive in the global market. 

 

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The sharp & sudden downturn took many by surprise. Amid news of companies going bankrupt & the retrenchment of workers, Singapore’s unemployment figure rose to 4.1 percent in June 1985 from 2.9 percent in the previous four years.

 

To stave off recession, the government introduced a slew of painful cost-cutting measures to restore competitiveness, such as slashing employers' Central Provident Fund contribution rate from 25% to 10%, imposing a two-year wage restraint, reforming wage structures. rebates on personal, corporate & property taxes as well as government fees; and loans with lower interest rates.

 

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August 1985, commencement of new academic year, I was promoted from common engineering 1st year to 2nd year mechanical engineering, whereas Ling & her pals Shawn, Dave & Desmond (reference Page 4 Chapter 23 dated June 5, 2010) went onto their fourth year, the final year so-to-speak.

 

The atmosphere for the campus was glooming, in particular to undergraduates in the final year. Ling & her three musketeers were no exception, their moods were badly affected by the bad news, on news of companies going bankrupt & retrenchment of workers, unemployment figure rose to 4.1% in June 1985 from 2.9% in previous four years.

 

There were a few times on my lunch dates with them, they discussed about the option of going to graduate school the next year if they still haven't gotten anything three or four months before graduation. I participated un-enthusiastically, thinking back, I was such a cold-blooded idoit, just cared about my relationship with Kong ignoring their agony.

 

Somehow, the Singapore economy made a swift recovery in mid-1986. By the second quarter of that year, Singapore posted a growth of 1.2%, which increased to 3.8% in the third quarter. 

 

God blesses.

 

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To be continued......

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

August 1986, the first semester of my third year, Ling & the 3 musketeers (Dave, Desmond & Shawn) had graduated; I was left alone during lunch breaks. I missed their companion; friendship & humors that came from Shawn in particular. Frankly, my initial varsity life would have been different without their association, I got first-hand information on university life thus better prepare myself.

 

I called Shawn big brother, vice versa he called me younger sis. He was aware about my cross-dressing & noticed my dating with Kong. We maintained a strict platonic relationship, though he gave me rose on Valentine Days but he gave Ling too. He also came to comfort me when I had a quarrel with Kong & cheered me up when I had a terrible day with fellow trans-prejudice classmates.

 

Very soon after his graduation, Shawn was asked to return to Indonesia for his family business.

 

We lost touch for 3 over years since then. 

 

This 3 over years was rather turbulent as far as I was concerned, two years on completing my study, Kong's sudden passing away coupled with my failed suicide, 6 months but failed intimacy with Ling, and lastly 6 months street walking at Changi Village.

 

As for Shawn, his father sent him back to Singapore for two reasons. The first reason was critical, involving the harmony of the family, as there was rivalry with his elder paternal half-brother (same father but different mothers) in running the family business.

 

There is always discrimination against the Chinese in Indonesia, and that was the second reason. His father tasked him to relocate partly the family business to Singapore, to start a trading branch importing coffee beans from Indonesia. As a safe haven here, many Indonesia Chinese bought up properties, doing businesses here by setting up shops, or went into production, focusing mainly on low skill & labour intensive nature.

 

As industrialization promised rapid economic gain, Shawn successfully convinced his father to start a manufacturing facility here, the coffee trading was assigned to his younger brother.

 

Yeah, that were the briefs on our 3 missing years which unintentionally letting our friendship fading away till we met at Changi Village, and with a strange combination of circumstances 阴错阳差, I now worked in his electronic sub-contracting factory.

 

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To be continued......

Edited August 15, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

Came Monday morning, as I toured the production floor after chairing the daily production briefing, I heard loud voice coming from behind, “Jennifer...”

 

There won't be necessary to turn around, I knew the voice ought to come from Fatimah, the HR executive, as there were only two persons in this company i.e. Shawn & Fatimah, got to use my English name.

 

“Yes, anything urgent?” standing next to me, I asked & guess that there ought to be something urgent otherwise she wouldn't come down to the shop floor.

 

“Boss instruction to have a meeting at conference room,” she said.

 

“Sure, let’s go,”

 

“Wait, I need to inform the other supervisors to attend. You go up first,”

 

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For the first few seconds I paused; couldn’t bring myself to enter the conference room. The door was wide open, I could feel the tense & quietness coming out from the room. Shawn called this impromptu meeting & my instinct told me that something unfavorable was about to happen.

 

It would be my second time to have meeting with all key staff here, would this time similar to the first time? The first meeting was about staff's hostile attitude relating to the MBO project, which resulted dismissal of two supervisory staff, and one of them was Shawn's cousin. Since then, I disliked this conference room, it gave me an ill feeling, equivalent to an interrogation & judgement room, as far as I was concerned.

 

Knocking at the door, I took a peek & found Shawn standing next to the window gazing out, quite motionless.

 

"Good morning Miss Koh, take a seat & keep the door open... we need to wait for Fatimah & a few others," turning his face, said Shawn.

 

Damn… what’s a cold stony voice, calm before the storm… the negativity flooded my mind instantaneously.

 

“Hello, Miss Koh,” I heard greetings coming from the support staff. The greetings were simple minus the good morning since all of us had met each others this morning at the daily production briefing. My support staff number had been doubling up ever since I joined the company, from Susan (planner) & Thomas (buyer), one each for both functions to two each in both planner & buyer positions.

 

“Hey,” I replied their greetings before taking a seat, on the far side not facing Shawn directly.

 

Not to waste time while waiting for the rest of people, I took out the older spreadsheet & did the updating. I would amend to the soft copy accordingly after the meeting.

 

My attention was diverted and… "Oh..." I muttered & subconsciously broken the tip of the pencil, as someone whispered in my ear, “Miss Koh, your teh-o,”

 

Oh, that was Shawn. My face went blushing, yeah, it was no longer a secret that the whole company knew that we were dating, but he still shouldn’t do this in front of the people, I hated to see myself under the spotlight. Damn… how he had gone out to fetch our drinks?

 

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To be continued......

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

‘What…? What's going on?’ there was no word on poor discipline, production lapse or thing un-productive. I was taken aback as Shawn started the meeting by announcing the forthcoming customer visit.

 

This was different from what I’d anticipated. Damn… such an unwarranted anxiety (杞人忧天), silly me… unconsciously spinning the pencil around my thumb.

 

Shawn then revealed that it was a Japanese MNC, and further revealed that it was arranged by the Jakata head office.

 

I was thinking what’s the big deal, wasting everybody time to come to this impromptu meeting talking about the MNC visit? Ever since I got employment here, there were a few visits / audits from our customers, further there were also visits by the Government agencies, such as the Trade Promotion Board.

 

‘Aiya, we know what to do… just let know the date & time… I have things to do…’ I felt annoying & looked at him restlessly… and then, “Oops… sorry…” I screamed lowly & stared in embarrassment at the pencil which fell on the floor in front of the table. I was distracted & failed to catch it when spinning it around my thumb.

 

Shawn walked toward me, picking up the pencil & handed it to me, “Thanks…” my face was flushing red to the point of choking on air. Shawn glanced at me momentarily & then continued with his speech.

 

“The visit is important; the future of the company depends on whether we can get their order. The Japanese are thorough, detail & demanding, so all of us, go & tidy up your workplace, making sure all process sheets are in place, all workers are to wear their badges, buttoning up their uniform & etc. etc.,” looking around sternly he then continued, “the visit is tomorrow, Chong (the production supervisor), I’m counting on you. Miss Koh, I have an assignment for you,”

 

“Yes…” I responded & looked at him inquisitively.

 

“Miss Koh, come with me for a luncheon with the visitors this afternoon,” he then handed me a plastic folder, “please read immediately. Folks, meeting ends.”

 

“Boss, I…” but before I could say something, he ignored me & walked out the conference room.

 

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To be continued......

[Larry]

There were proud & sad moments each time I recalled & penned down the past, but more often bitterness overshadowed happiness, blaming myself why didn’t do this or that, that the current me could be very difference. Well, only sad or sentimental songs can soothe my lousy mood, here is one sharing with you.

 

 

 

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

All my good moods were out of the window the minute Shawn walked out of the conference room. I walked hurriedly towards my room, with an objection bothering me & I ought to let him know, i.e. I wish not to have lunch with the clients. In quick action, I dropped all stuff on my desk. Without changing to sandals, I spun my heels around & out of my room, walking straight to Shawn’s office.

 

Knocking on the door, I found him standing next to the window & looking at the outside. “Hi, hi, sweet-heart, come in… was I miss out your phone call, or the phone is placed incorrectly?” turning around he spoke loudly with a smile.

 

I was upset with the shouting of ‘sweet-heart’, an unacceptable behavior in the workplace in regardless he was the boss or not, dammed it... It had been quite sometimes he had managed to conceal his love & lust. But today... I sighed...

 

'Gosh, so dramatize,' I cursed lowly. looking around & found no one passed-by, I answered rapidly, “Shih... boss, lower your voice & no sweet-heart please… I didn't phone you, I come directly,” I responded quickly hoping to curb his dramatize act.

 

“Wows, just a ten days separation, it seems that you missed me a lot, 一日不见,如隔三秋 (one day apart seems like three years, a Chinese idiom), right?”

 

“Miss, miss, miss… miss your head,” and playfully sticking out my tongue.

 

“Really… top or bottom?”

 

“Boss…” raising my voice in response to his low-class sexual implication but stopped to continue.

 

“Oh, sorry, sorry, it must be something urgent… quick, tell me your problem, darling,”

 

His lusty response calmed me, crossing my arms in front of my breasts, I dug up the courage & said, “Boss, you know me, I’m blasé about parties with strangers, can I be exempted for the luncheon with the clients?”

 

“Relax, it’s just a lunch. Come, let’s sit down & talk,”

 

“Yes, you dislike unnecessary social gatherings, but I don’t have a choice,” he fired the first salvo after taking our seats.

 

“Why, are you in trouble?”

 

“Can you still remember my cousin?” 

 

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To be continued......

[Larry]

C. Me No Gay – Shawn
Chapter 26: The Japanese, Hate & Love

 

“Yes, why?” I nodded my head. Yeah, his cousin, that wildly arrogant, self-important idiot, in-charge of shipping & security; but was dismissed by Shawn for insubordination.

 

Shawn then talked on helping to get him a new job, “But that chap didn't treasure his new job, making troubles & was terminated by his friend eventually. I told I wouldn’t help him anymore & told him to fly home. It's very likely his home return with grudge against me.”

 

“Didn’t you inform your parents on the matter?” I asked.

 

“Yes, I informed dad subsequently & he agreed with what I’d done. However, because of the tribe relationship, my cousin is now working for my half-brother,”

 

“I met both half-brother & cousin last week whence visiting my parents. In one family’s dinner, half-brother told papa a lobang (opportunity) to bring in a Japan MNC to Singapore plant but hesitated to put forward. Upon dad further query, the cousin took the opportunity complained that I employed a lousy female operation manager & the factory might not capable to take up this new job. Echoing each other, they talked maliciously about we two,”

 

“How could they bad-mouth & slander us, didn't you put up a protest?” I spoke angrily.

 

“Of course, in front of everybody I told half-brother to hand-over the Japanese to me, and I cautioned not to sabotage me from behind. Me & my operation manager will try our best to secure the job. We’ll resign if we fail…” looking deep into my eyes, he continued, “can I have your commitment?”

 

“Sure, I’ll do my best,”

 

“So, go attend the luncheon & read the notes as thorough as possible. And one more thing, I told dad & mom to meet you soonest,”

 

I was astonished & face went flushing red, “Soonest... what do you mean? Please, don't make jokes about this type of stuff, I don’t want to listen,”

 

 

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‘Gosh, why men like to have meet parent session? Kong done it & Shawn is about to it, is this only happen in the East, when guys go steady with their girls, they want the relationship to be endorsed? What about the Americans & Europeans?’

 

Frankly speaking, it was sweet & memorable for the so-called meet-the-parent session with Kong’s grandma, the bracelet she put on my hand was a form of recognition, as a dowry for a Chinese, signifying I were her granddaughter-in-law (Please read Page 2 dated Dec. 1, 2009). But the most thrilling stuff was that she had no doubting on my sexual identity, there was no second look & hesitation.

 

But grandma was about 70 plus or might be 80 years old, she might be too old to detect my forgery, whereas Shawn’s parents were around 50 & might be able to spot my discrepancies against authentic females.

 

Seated in my room, I did nothing, my mind went into wild flights of fancy, till the cleaning lady knocking the door.

 

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There were 3 envelopes handed to me by Shawn:

 

First envelope contained reading material on Etiquette at a business lunch

·        How you conduct yourself during luncheon with a prospective client can determine future business success.

·        Knowing what's right & wrong at the dining table might mean a great deal to a potential client.

·        Etiquette is about making people feel comfortable, e.g.  don't blow your nose in front of a client; talking loud or on inappropriate topics & using pager.

·        You need to have 5 to 10 minutes of ice-breaking small talk, don't jump into business too soon & don't ask personal questions.

·        Don’t talk with your mouth full; taking too big of a bite of your food; eating too fast (pace yourself to your dining partner) & no elbow on the table.

·        It's very wrong for a woman to place her purse on the table, get it under the table or under the chair.

·        Know what fork to use & do not cutting up all your food at once.

·        It's a nice gesture for men to rise when women leave the table.

·        Give the restaurant your credit card information in advance & tell them to handle the bill.

 

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To be continued......

 

 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Larry

[Guest Fan]

You have been a member here for many years and contributed well with your story.  Do you feel that the forum is discriminating trans as some of them are complaining in another thread?