Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

March 12, 2011

too longwinded. unrealistics.

No offence :hat:

autowil · March 12, 2011

Then dun read it.. Larry has so much fans.. They will support him.. :thumb:

I feel that if your loved one loves you, you sure will enjoy the same love life like what Larry has.. :clap:

Edited March 12, 2011 by autowil

Larry · March 13, 2011

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 33: Sleepless in Highland

Hello, is it me you're looking for? 'Cause I wonder where you are, And I wonder what you do, Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart, For I haven't got a clue, But let me start by saying ... I love you

When the song ended, without a word he stood up. With his strong arm he carried me to the bedroom, I closed my eyes & my heart was beating hard, boy, boy it was now or never…

Standing at the bedside, we continued to kiss while my hands went under his shorts; he wore no underwear as I tickled his scrotum freely. Lifting the polo-T over his head freeing his top torso; I kneeled down, unzipped & pull down his khaki shorts.

His erected little brother was now pointing outwards before my face, "Let me take care of this," I looked up & whispered, "I'm going to taste you, okay!"

Slowly tracing a long-nailed finger along his swollen shaft & ended tickling his anal region, I leaned in, smelling it, fondled it against my face & giving it gentle kisses. Soon, I engulfed his little brother, sucking it deeply into my mouth.

He gave a little cry & his body bucked.

"Dear, strip me.” I stood & took his lips fully.

He slid the straps down, freeing my breasts & allowing the negligee to slip to the floor. I stepped out of the garment & pulled him to the bed, we managed to fall into the bed without breaking lip contact.

We hugged as our naked bodies pressing against each other; our hands were busy touching each others nakedness. He moved down & began sucking my erected nipples sending waves after waves of electrical impulse. I moan lowly, “Dear, so good... suck it, suck it, nice… nice…”

“Lubricate me… finger me…”

He reached further down to my little wewe, lifting it out of the butterfly, fondling & sucking, I could feel my loin area getting moist with my wewe leaking flows of pre-cum, "Hey," he said playfully, "you're getting wet. Come, get your panties off."

I hesitated, looking around the room & blushed.

"What's the matter, sweetie?"

"Umm… could I have the light off?"

"Sure darling…" he came down of the bed & walked to switch of the light.

Back to the bed, there were more kisses & he became more animated. I could tell from past encounters that he was ready, his body undulating but he made no move to penetrate me, despite the fact that he was rock-hard while my hot bottom sliding up & down against him.

“Naughty boy, lie down.”

Lying down with legs slightly spread, I propped up & straddled at the tip of his swollen tool, inch by inch, sliding myself onto his hot length. Playing one’s hunch, I reached down & squeezed his left nipple. This elicited pleasurable moaning from him, so I did it again. His movement became more urgent now; thrusting up & down & wriggly sensually beneath me.

He reached up & played lightly with my nipples… no hard squeezing… no twisting… just light sensual touch… brushing with his fingernails… and a playful pinch between his fingers.

I increased my pace, reciprocating up & down while his we-we sheathed tightly inside me. Closing his eyes, his body moved in rhythm with mine, his brow furrowed with building up of sensual excitement but he was trying to hold back…

"Dear, my legs are getting numb." I bent forward & whispered.

"Change position."

Assuming the submissive doggy position, I turned around with four limbs resting on the bed & my ass in the air, “Enter me.” I said softly.

“Aww…” I squealed as his little brother entered my glory hole.

“Pain?” he groaned.

“Shiok… carry on.” I tilted my hip guiding him to go deeper inside me. I looked into the mirror; it was erotic to see his little brother glory entrance.

I rested my head to the pillow, freeing my hands & moved to ply open my glory hole for his deeper penetration. He began thrusting sending me to next level of fulfillment, “Dear, so good, harder, harder.”

“Darling, you come already? I’m not going to last very long.”

“Dear, just shoot me flood me, make me pregnant. Do you hear me?”

I could hear his breath getting heavier, it was about time, I knew.

"Honey, come… come inside me." I screamed.

I could see he was losing the battle, he was close & I could sense it, just one last thing to bring him over the edge, I reached down & squeezed his scrotum.

"Oh, oh, oh…"

His manhood gave out the violent throbbing, he shuddered to climax & I felt the warm semen spraying into my body, sensational. Without warning, I shot my load on the bed sheet too & collapsed onto the bed. It was the most beautiful & wonderful orgasm of my life as tears welling up in my eyes.

He lied flat on top of me as his little brother continued to pulse in my throbbing glory hole, deep in my heart, he was my man, the one & only.

Hello, is it me you’re looking for, ‘Cause I wonder where you are, And I wonder what you do, Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you, Tell me how to win your heart, For I haven’t got a clue, But let me start by saying ……. I love you

Ouch, in no time the batteries would go flat as the disc kept repeating. Anyway, who care…?

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 14, 2019 by Larry

Larry · March 17, 2011

A few wrote to me privately, here is my reply:

If you asked me how I felt each time after sex, I can tell you this, exhausted & satisfied.

When I laid sprawl on the bed or in his car, I would utter those fateful words "I’m yours, do anything you want". From the moment he picked up a tube of KY jelly, I knew what was going to happen. I had no fear, but rather a deep sense of anticipation.

An early mind-block that it was a sin having sex with a guy, crossing back & forth between ecstasy of finding my love & agony of get spotted in female attire, however, as our relationship blossomed with my longings for sex with him, I soon disabused myself of this mind-block. Personally, I would say my sexual experiences with him actualized my desires which had long been repressed. Anal intercourse was a very effective way of stimulating our sexual relationship.

It did hurt, yeah, at the point of entry, no matter how gradual, how delicate the movement. And at the moment of penetration, an initiation I would assume, that one self Larry died & another Jennifer was reborn.

Two words describe best the feeling stirred within me when being de-flowered - abandonment & possession.

I abandoned my male ego, putting aside the social norm that guys must meet girls & submitted myself totally to my lover for his pleasure. Enduring the pain & discomfort down under, I found my pleasure eventually. After prolong hormone administration, my penile ejaculation was no longer important, compared to the sensations his orgasm within me, a feeling of deep satisfaction as his wife.

At the same moment abandoning my male self, I was also in a state of possession.

I felt a sense of power 'over' him when he entered me. His pleasure & ejaculation reaffirmed my thought that "when he enters me, it is because I am beautiful". Personally, I felt that being fxxked was a celebration of my femaleness, by assuming a feminine role - I acknowledged the femininity & gave my rosebud to him.

To conclude, I reaffirm that my sexual relationship with him was an intensely sacred experience; that spirituality lied in the celebration of pleasure rather than the denial of the body.

Next, hopefully when the society opens up with popular education, this situation of social conditioning & prejudice on the GLBT community by the straights will change.

And lastly, in these AIDS-conscious times, regrettably we cannot receive into our lover's semen.

Regards,

March 18, 2011

... I closed my eyes & my heart was beating hard, boy, boy it was now or never…
... It was the most beautiful & wonderful orgasm of my life as tears welling up in my eyes.
... deep in my heart, he was my man, the one & only.

fantastic writing, it describes precisely my feeling & emotion when I was bottomed.

thanks Larry.

Larry · March 19, 2011

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 33: Sleepless in Highland

I turned around & felt that he was not beside me, as I opened my eyes; I saw that he was standing at the window with a bath robe provided by the apartment. I climbed out from the warm & cozy bed walking towards him nakedly. Wow, it was chilling once out of the blanket.

“Hi, not sleeping?” I spoke as my hands went around his body.

“It’s cold outside, come inside me.” I moved obediently with my back against his broad shoulder whilst he opened up his bath robe.

“What are you looking at?” I asked as he wrapped us together under the bath robe, it was nice & warm under his arms. The bright casino neon light was within sight.

“Well, the rain has stopped & the cloud has gone. See, the KL city is clearly visible.” looking down from the 18th floor on top of the 2000 over meters above sea level, we had a good helicopter view on the sparkling lights coming from the city area.

“Hmm…, is about midnight 12 o’clock now. Dear, we had slept for about four hours.” I spoke as I glanced at the clock radio on the dressing table.

“You sleep well?”

“Yes.”

“How? Down there is it pain or not?”

“Shih ……., just hold me tight.” I brushed as I cuddled in closer to him, laid my head on his chest as I liked the heft of him. I breathed deep on his body odor, a mixture of the cologne & wine consumed this evening, dreamily, I slid my tongue slowly over his nipple.

“Hmm… very… very… nice… Lick the other one also, pleases …..”

“Dear, I love your hairy chest. What a man!” he laughed, hugged me close to him. I turned around & we kissed deep & long, tongue against tongue. My hands caressed his skin, up & down the length of his body, over his bum & his butt crack. His breathing changed as his little brother erected gradually pushing against my belly button.

“Dear you want to do it whilst standing?” he nodded as I whispered to his ear. “Okay, turn me around.”

With my back against his front, his hands went over my body. I retrieved my saliva & applied to my glory hole. I moved my hands backwards & gripped his little brother guiding towards my glory hole.

“Open your legs wider.” As he opened up his legs, with a slight push, his bull head slid & pocketed neatly into the entrance of my hole.

“Ouch…” I gave out a light moan.

“Are you OK?”

“Yes.” I spoke as I placed my hand below his testicles, lowering my ass; I felt the progressive advance of his manhood.

“Dear, play with my breast.” He dropped the bath robe & initiated the pumping. At this moment, the chilling temperature was no longer an issue; the heat of his skin was heating mine as he was on fire. As his full weight resting on me, I clung on the window grille with body tilting forwards & legs spread wide to allow his onslaught attack.

“Plays with my nipples, plays it, play …….” I rocked my ass back & forth corresponding his pumping.

Slow & rapid, slow & rapid, it was so nice & so soothing.

“Dear, take your time & enjoy yourself.” I cried out, in actual fact I just hope that he didn’t come too early. What a selfish slut, I thought.

He moved & placed his hands over my shoulders, taking his weight away from my back, he made deep penetrations. Pop, pop, pop, pop …… it was the one & only sound lingering in the air, rhythmic controlled, up in the 18th floor in the middle of the night, the sound of music, the sound of sexual gratification.

“Come, baby, come ……..” I cried out loudly, shortly he shivered as his little brother throbbing so as my hole opened & closed uncontrollably, I knew he had shot his load inside me so did I climaxed & sprayed my load onto the wall.

I turned around, leaned in & kissed him again. “This is mad.” he said as his nose touching mine, his hands wrapped around my body.

“I know. So long as you like it, I will do anything to satisfy you.” Hand holding hand, we went to take shower together. It was midnight 1 a.m., sort of crazy right, huh?

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 14, 2019 by Larry

March 20, 2011

wows, one night twice, serious.....

Larry · March 21, 2011

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 33: Sleepless in Highland

“Darling are you sleepy?”

“No. Why?”

“The weather is good, no rain & no cloud out there. Why don’t we get dress & go up to the casino?”

“Okay, I am game for it.”

He dressed fast with a sport jacket & a tie & waited for me outside the bedroom. I put on the only dress that I brought along; it was a dark blue mini tailored dress with paddled sleeves, looked conservative upfront but a V cut out at the back starting from shoulder & ended at about 2 inches below butt crack. Brassiere was not needed as the cups were sewed onto the dress & no panties due to the low V. To protect my modesty, a big piece of plaster was used over my wewe. With a costume white pearl necklace, the dress matched well with my fair skin, I put on the pearl ear studs & the bracelet as well, all from the set.

I sped up the making up in ten minutes. Combing the hairs, I felt satisfy & walked out of the bedroom on a pair of two inches shoes with a hand carry clutch bag.

“Dear, I need your help.”

“Yes. Darling, I am coming.” he spoke as walking out from the kitchen. Apparently he was doing the cleaning & washing on the utensils used in the dinner, what a man, making good use of time while I doing the make-over in the bedroom. This was the man, the right type of man I would want to marry.

“Dear, I can’t reach the back. Please help to hook up the transparent straps at the back.”

“Oh, my my, so sexy.” he whistled as he hooking up the straps (these were used to keep in place the V shape).

“How you find about the dress?”

“Good for my eyes only.”

“So?”

“Okay lah, okay lah, let others see but cannot touch.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Putting on jacket & scarf bought in KL, we took the lift down to ground floor. Clinching right hand over his left arm, we walked out of the main gate, not a single soul except a lone security guard, through the shadows & onto the empty, heavily lit street sloping up towards Genting Casino.

No rain, no cloud, the sky was clear, occasionally with mild chilling wind sweeping through my lower torso, where wild, unruly weeds shivered in the breeze.and harmonious silence reigned between us.

We stood waiting in the traffic island as a few downhill taxis zooming past us, its sharp orange light blinded my eyes & the screeching sound was threatening, I panicked worrying that the speeding vehicles would take him away from me, “Damn it, at this odd hours…”.

He said something, I couldn’t hear clearly, I looked up at him & the question was in my eyes. He made no comment, instead his arms slipped around my shoulders, pulling me closer & guided me to the other side of the road.

There were few couples going up & coming down along the way, we were not alone. “Dear, look at the moon; so bright & so near.”

At the stone parapet looking down the outdoor amusement park, the boating pool had become a mirror in the moonlight, we stopped & I turned to him, his scent & warmth filled up my senses, in my hair, under my skin & rooming the dream within me.

His arms tightened around me, pulling me closer, air tight with genuine tenderness. Liked the moonlight, he won my heart & he held it tightly.

Suddenly, a very familiar tune was playing in the background, a tune that jolted my heart, from a few youngsters having fun in a pavilion nearby.

"Dear, they're playing my favourite song." I whisper.

"Well, that's good for you."

The lyric of the song escaped my lips, and I sang softly in his arms. Why of all songs, and of all times, this one? What was the moon trying to tell me?

http://youtu.be/51xS4yXbryc

你问我爱你有多深

You ask how deeply I love you

我爱你有几分

and how much I love you

我的情也真

my affection is real

我的爱也真

and my love is true

月亮代表我的心

The moon symbolises my heart

你问我爱你有多深

You ask how deeply I love you

我爱你有几分

and just how great my love is

我的情不移

My affection does not waver

我的爱不变

and my love doesn’t change.

月亮代表我的心

The moon symbolises my heart

轻轻的一个吻

So light was the kiss

已经打动我的心

That has moved my heart

深深的一段情

Such a deep affection

教我思念到如今

Makes me long for you till this days

你问我爱你有多深

You ask how deeply I love you

我爱你有几分

How much I love you

你去想一想

You think about it

你去看一看

You look above

月亮代表我的心

The moon symbolises my heart

“Promise me, you will marry me!”

“Hmm… you propose to me?”

“Ah-ha...”

“Why’s no flower one?”

“Flower…”

“I'm just a girl. I'm not asking for a lot, right?”

Before I could make further comment, he leaned forward without warning & took full control of my lips, kissing mine lightly, slowly, again and again.

Hmm…, it was indeed sleepless in Highland.

------------------------- End of Chapter 33 ---------------------

How can I forget, all I can do is remember tonight over and over again.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Larry

Larry · March 27, 2011

A. My First Love - Kong

Post-Chapter 33

• We extended the stay in Rai Apartment & cancelled the room up at Casino Hotel.

• We did have a good time at the outdoor theme park on water boat paddling & antique motorcar ride.

• And yes, I did cook an American breakfast the next next day.

Despite limited culinary skill doing the scrambled egg, I wanted to make him breakfast, liked housewife would for her hubby. Thinking that he didn’t sleep well because of our love making, I wanted to give something back in return, a breakfast as tasteful as possible to reward him, something he’d appreciate, and something that would make this holiday a memorable one.

So this morning, I woke up early, 645 a.m. to be exact. It was sprinkling when I awoke; the patter of rain on the window was soothing & made it even harder to get out of the soft warm bed. Embracing the icy chill, I moved down the bed carefully not to awake him & stumbled through the darkness to the kitchen; there I filled up tap water to the kettle.

I had to rush a little before him stumbling out looking for me, anyway not extremely elaborative, just scrambled egg, golden brown toasted breads, coffee & tea.

Seeing him eating up the breakfast enthusiastically, let me just said this: Yes, given the chance, I’d gladly to be the one to prepare him breakfast everyday, for the rest of my life.

And I hope you BWers find someone who does to.

• Reporting here my first adventure to a casino.

It was 2 a.m. midnight & the casino was packed, with a cloud of cigarette smoke hanging over the hall, just about everybody in the casino seemed to be smoking, except we two & a few others, the rare species.

“Dear, wows… so crowded...” we wandered over to the slot machines - hundreds of them, and a sea of clanging, dinging & flashing.

“Nay… boring game… not exciting at all… Come, let’s walk to the tables.”

Anyway, upon my insistence, we hung around for a few minutes to watch people’s playing, truly as Kong’s say, it required no skill nor technique, just the monotonous pulling of lever & the endurance to repeat over & over. Every once in a while, one of the machines rang loudly with coins gushing out onto the receiver attracting attention & envious glances from onlookers & fellow players.

Walking away from the slot machines towards the table games, we saw photos of big winners & the respective prize money posted on the wall nearby, apparently this was an advertising tool enticing new prospective players.

After sometime walking around, standing aside watching the games, surveying the players as told by him, we ended up at the blackjack section, his favourite game that he claimed he made the pilgrimage to Genting annually.

Standing next to a blackjack table demanding a RM50 minimum bet after prolong observation, he gestured me to sit on the last stool, “Right, let’s play blackjack.”

“Dear, you want me to play? I don't think is a good idea, I am a bumpkin making my first trip to casino...” I replied as I was apprehensive about gambling in front of people.

The Philipino woman dealer smiled at me as she cocked her head gesturing toward the stool, “Take a seat, madam.” I climbed up the stool alongside six other gamblers.

“Not to worry, I will guide you.” standing next to me, he placed a one thousand ringgit note on the table, in return the dealer handed me a stack of gambling chip.

“Honey, put a $100 chip inside the circle.”

“What… $100… you bet so big?”

“Don’t worry… lady luck for first timer… ok…”

There was no talking, progressing with astonishing speed, two cards facing up were dealt to all seven players & one open card placed in front of the dealer.

I got real excited… not knowing why & what to do, but he told me what to do next, tapped table to hit for next card & waved my hand outwards to stand at 17, as casinos won’t allow players to use verbal but hand signals while playing blackjack.

One by one the players leaned forwards as the dealer dealt a 3 to the banker’s first card of K, pressing their hands to the table, “Picture… picture… picture…”

All players won the first hand as banker went bust, putting me up RM100, truly ‘lady luck’, while he instructed & explained softly what the "probability / chance" meant & when to double up the bet, I got that it involves cards adding up to 21 or less. After a while it really started to make sense & pretty soon I was really enjoying the game.

Then three wins, another draw, two surrender, two double up, then two Blackjack, all consistently with the betting of RM100 – another precious lesson learnt from him - and I was up by one thousand, all under the guidance of Kong. It took about half an hour.

"Here, keep these chips." I counted & handed him chips of RM1000.

My heart was pounding so hard the moment Kong left me to the washroom. I could barely add quickly enough to keep up & thought I'd faint but the dealer was nice, smiled & patiently waited.

Despite wading through cautiously, I lost the next few hands & my winning was down to six hundreds. My confidence retreated while desperately waiting for his return.

The next game I got two ‘King’, “Ma’am, King pair, split?” asked the dealer routinely.

“Sure.” I replied & placed another 100 next to original wager for a split. The desperado of loss ran dark & deep. I wanted to win back the 400, but was unable to think rationally that the banker was having a ‘10’.

“Miss, how can you split, banker is having a ‘10’?” said the moustache guy sitting next in line.

A crowd had gathered around the table to watch & score of bad comment came from the background, “Alamak… so stupid… know how to play or not…”, “Sure die one… kana sabo…”, “This kind of standard also dare to be the anchor player” …

Hearing these intimidating comments, I was nervous, tears welling in my eyes while my face went reddened, ‘Damn, dear, where are you…”. So uncaring… so un-gentleman… making me felt so agony, these people were interested on winning.

Kong returned to the table as the dealer dealt another picture to the first split, “Ma’am, split?”

“Dear, I am sorry… so stupid to split the cards…”

“How many chips you still have?”

“400.”

“Okay, bet all in, split & doubles up.”

“You’re sure?”

“Never mind, let’s have fun.”

Closing my eyes, my heart was pounding hard as I was not able to calm my nerves; yeah he might be right, why bothered? Just returned the remaining winnings & to “have fun”.

“Ace.”, “Ace.”, “Ace.”

It was so exciting! Three Blackjacks in a row, I couldn’t believe while the crowd gave out loud cheers. This was the craziest & luckiest game I had ever experience. Without him, I didn’t think I dared to make such gutsy double-up.

Not bordering how the rest of the players fared, happily I counted the chips I had now; it was 1500 in total, up from 600, just like that. I was just an easily contended woman, he-he…

Resisting the temptation, I played two more hands & lost RM100 before finally cashing out. The bills of RM2400 from the cashier were new & smelled good, I folded & handed them to Kong.

“Why don’t you keep it & spend on anything you like.”

At around 5 in the morning, we returned to our apartment. It was dreamy, a fantasy where impossible rose on blind lady luck.

We make money on the two nights playing his favorite blackjack game, but spent on drinks, disco, afternoon brunch & cabaret show by Francis Yip, diva from Hong Kong, importantly her signature song of Shanghai Bund上海灘.

• Lastly it was an incident in this evening telling me not to be over complacent on my venture out.

Over at the blackjack table, there were three players, a guy, a lady & Kong. I sat quietly beside him watching intensely on the mathematical cum luck game. During the card reshuffle, Kong went to the rest room & the lady started talking to me.

“Where are you from?”

“Singapore.” I replied.

“Me too.”

“That guy (Kong) is your boy friend?”

“Yes.”

“You are pretty. Any other istersay come with you?”

“What that? I don’t understand.”

“Oh, I meant sister.”

“Sister?”

“Hey, don’t pretend, are you pre or post-ops?” my face blushed when she threw me the question & I stared at her blankly.

“Don’t worry; I am also one of you.”

“You?” holy shit, I could not believe my eyes that were true.

“Yes, I am post-ops.”

“How are you able to size me up?”

“Well, your dress attracted my attention. Try to be low profile as much as possible, I know is difficult but ……..”

Our conversation stopped as Kong returned from the rest room & the game was about to start. Anyway, I contacted her after returning back to Singapore. Today, she is a close friends in my inner circle, through her & on the mahjong table, I get to know Chin Chin (Queen of Bugis in the seventieth & eightieth, another good friend nowadays), Maggie Lai, the first transsexual who appeared as main actress on the big screened show based on her life story & many other istersay.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Larry

March 27, 2011

i vote this as the best love story in the forum so far. :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

March 27, 2011

I agree totally. :clap: :clap: :clap:

Larry · March 28, 2011

Sharing with you the song I listened to when writing the next chapter: 'Hazard' by Richard Marx

My mother came to Hazard when I was just seven

Even then the folks in town said with prejudiced eyes

That boy's not right ...

Three years ago when I came to know Mary

First time that someone looked beyond the rumours and the lies

And saw the man inside ...

We used to walk down by the river

She loved to watch the sun go down

We used to walk along the river

And dream our way out of this town ...

No one understood what I felt for Mary

No one cared until the night she went out walking alone

And never came home ...

Man with a badge came knocking next morning

Here was I surrounded by a thousand fingers suddenly

Pointed right at me ...

I swear I left her by the river

I swear I left her safe and sound

I need to make it to the river

And leave this old Nebraska town

I think about my life gone by

And how it's done me wrong

There's no escape for me this time

All of my rescues are gone, long gone

I swear I left her by the river

I swear I left her safe and sound

I need to make it to the river

And leave this old Nebraska town ...

Edited March 29, 2011 by Larry

Larry · March 29, 2011

Just inserted another video for the song Hazard.

Sorry for the poor sound quality on the first video.

Larry · March 30, 2011

Rendering the same song repeatedly, as it best describes my feeling.

No one understood what I felt … There's no escape … All of my rescues are gone, long gone …

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 34: July 27 88

• Coinciding final year examination, Kong & his unit went for a 3 weeks exercise in Taiwan. We discussed & I would fly over to meet him on the third week during the R&R (rest & relax) before commencing my job hunting.

• While doing my resume at home, Ling called … Switch on TV in living room … waited intensely as it was still on evening news headlines … The news reporting was sketchy …

Latest news from Taiwan, a SAF military truck was overturned this morning in Taiwan’s Heng Chun … 3 SAF servicemen in critical condition … hospital … 2 lance corporal & 1 major …

• Mind went blank … 3 majors, 1/3 chance … No name was mentioned … anxiety, fear & thinking of the worst … Driving by Ling on his car, we rushed to Tuas Camp that evening …

• Worried families gathering outside camp … commotion at guard room as families desperate for information … Guard commander told us to return home pending MINDEF announcement …

• Why couldn’t MINDEF nail down the facts in a more expedient manner? … Next 2 days life was chaos, anxiety level escalated, worried & sleepless … Got 2 weeks supply of sleeping pill from doctor … Called to camp & left contact for CO … having to endure the undue anxiety without knowing if my dear was the hapless victim. How would you feel? …

• on 3rd day, CO returned call, “I am deeply sorry for not able to bring him back alive… It must be hard on you …” … my heart broke …

• July 27 wednesday, picked up by CO’s chauffeur … military ceremony at Mount Vernon Crematorium accompanied by Ling … a minute of silence … the "Last Post" … ‘He’ was marched out of the hall … sky was raining so were my tears.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited August 14, 2019 by Larry

April 2, 2011

What's an unexpected outcome.... take care & look forwards

April 2, 2011

though i already knew the outcome, somehow i still hope this would not happen. that life....

Larry · April 2, 2011

There were so much sorrow 几多愁, a song by Teresa Teng邓丽君

李煜《虞美人》词

The lyric of this song is from Li Yu's poem, yu mei ren

春花秋月何时了

When would the spring flowers & autumn moons end?

往事知多少

How much is known about the past?

小楼昨夜又东风

It was breezy again from the east over at the little house last night,

故国不堪回首月明中

I cannot bear to to turn my head and gaze at my homeland in the moonlight.

雕栏玉砌应犹在

The borders and buildings should still be there,

只是朱颜改

Just that the red paint has faded,

问君能有几多愁

Asking you how much sorrows can you have?

恰似一江春水向东流

They are like a river full of spring's water surging east.

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 34: July 27 87

“Sis, thanks for accompanying me for the day.” I spoke as coming out from CO’s car in front of my house.

“You sure you are okay?”

“Yes.”

“Go & have a good rest, I will call you this evening.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I took a can of beer from the kitchen & locked myself in my bedroom. Sitting in front of study desk, the only noise I was making was flicking the pages of the photo album, I never felt so lonely in my life.

After Ling & the three musketeers graduated two years ago, my campus life for the last two years were dry & dull, I had no one to talk to, the closest thing I had was Shawn who phoned me once in a blue moon. I never thought of myself couldn't make friends with my classmates, but these people, apparently didn't want anything to do with me.

Each time I make eye contact with any female classmate, I could see that they just loathe me giggling faintly behind me. I'm abnormal, but wasn't supposed to be treated this way. How did I become the biggest loner on campus?

I struggled my entire life, constantly questioned my love towards my parents & feeling no bond with them. He came to my life & became my hope; I loved him, crazily & deeply in love with him, and the time with him was the happiest time of my life. I simply didn't know how to live for myself, I am a simple woman & my happiness depended on him.

We had major fights before, we always managed to kiss and make up. But this time, no more fight to make up. How did I cope with the loss of him even though that was a very unhealthy relationship?

I pressed on the music player, listening to the lyrics, I started to cry, that I really started to cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7LrJwh0xy4

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone

Thinking of you till it hurts

I know you hurt too, but what else can we do?

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart

For times when my life seems so low

It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Just as I reached my peak of sobbing, I heard mom called out at the door, “Are you okay?”

“Yes… mom. I’m okay… I’m going to bed soon.” I replied & shut up immediately.

I took out the bottle of sleeping pill, pouring out two on the table & taking the bill one at a time.

It was lonely; I took the first sleeping pill… I was a widow now & I was struggling with it, I took the second pill… washing them down into my stomach with the beer, gosh, it was never taste good.

Tears flowed & dropped to the photo that I was holding, a photo taken in Genting in front of cable car station where I snuggled in his broad shoulder cheek to cheek. The song went on,

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you

I know you were right, believing for so long

I’m all out of love, what am I without you

I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home

Away from these long lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?

Does the feeling seem oh so right?

What would you say, if I called on you now

Saying that I can't hold on

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day

Please love me or I'll be gone... I'll be gone

‘Maybe another two pills...’ the thought got caught up in my mind, it was a panic, I didn't want to think, and I just didn't want to feel what I was feeling at that moment anymore…

Two more… two more… two more…

Another pill, another downing of bitter beer through the throat, I started writing a short note:

Dear Ling my beloved big sister,

When you read this note, I am probably on the way to heaven meeting my dearest Kong. My younger life was not all happy, if without you & mummy; I would probably not have survived over those bad times. You are always there for me ……, thanks for everything done for me.

Life is miserable without him; I love him more than anything in this world, it is so painful …… I can’t make the pain to go away, I’m going crazy without him, after this 3 ½ years, all I know is me & him, we talked about getting married ……

Please forgive me to choose this path, the path that would make me feel free.

If there is next life, please tell Auntie Lily who has made my life so wonderful that I want to be her daughter & you forever my dearest sister.

Bye & please don’t cry. Take good care & live happily of yourself & Auntie Lily.

Your little sister,

Jennifer

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right, believing for so long

I'm all out of love, what am I without you?

I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

What are you thinking of?

What are you thinking of .........................?

……….. What was I thinking of? The can was emptied, there were still tablets left on the table, what was I thinking? What? What? What …I saw a pen knife next to the calculator, I took it & slit my left wrist, I saw blood, no pain …… strange, yes, no pain ……………

He was waving at me as I chased from behind, dear, wait for me … Wait for me … Wait for … Wait … … …

----------------------------------------- END OF PART A --------------------------------------------------------

Edited April 3, 2011 by Larry

Larry · April 4, 2011

This song titled Now & Forever by Richard Marx signified my mood when I wrote this story. Please visit the relevant video shot to enjoy the song before reading on …

Whenever I’m weary from the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way but still you seem to understand

Now & forever I will be your man (woman)

Sometimes I just hold you

Too caught up in me to see

I’m holding a fortune that heaven has given to me

I’ll try to show you each & every way I can

Now & forever I will be your man (woman)

Now I can rest my worries & always be sure

That I won’t be alone anymore

If I’d only known you were there all the time

All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn’t touch the sand

Now & forever I will be your man (woman)

As I did, I know the following section will cause discomfort and / or even react adversely by some readers. My near-death experience may demolish the myths held by many religious people that suicide is not pardonable, is a crime that warrant a one-way ticket to hell, in any way, I felt compelled to write my near-death experience. So, here goes:

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 1: The Death's Door

I was floating, up & few feet above, bathed & flashed into a complete space of warmth, light & whiteness. Looking down on my naked body, it was covered only with a piece of white cloth; apparently they had removed all clothing. Its eyes were closed & body was connected to some machines. I could see the syringe with the dripping of drug flowed into the arm vein via the needle inserted & the capping of oxygen mask over the mouth & nose.

The doctor & nurses were working busily; I could see that they were trying to restart my heart beat with the presence of electrical pads next to my body. The white cloth was lowered covering only the lower torso, gosh, this people had no respect on my modesty as the two little breasts were visibly exposed.

I floated out of the curtain as I could not bear to see these idiots exposing / meddling with my beautiful body. I could see my mom, younger sister; Auntie Lily & Ling were there. Mom was sobbing with Auntie Lily sitting closely beside her. Ling was pacing the room up & down restlessly.

“Hey, why crying? Sis, why are all of you looking so sad?” It was obvious that Ling could not hear me, though I could hear his sighing clearly.

It felt peaceful, much better than where I had been before and the calm was almost tangible.

“Auntie Lily, I’m sorry. Please don’t feel sad, the peace is so overwhelming & this is what I asked for, so please accept the path that I had chosen.” I said, endlessly, over & over, to ears that could not hear.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

And then I was in the mortuary, floating between the aisles with refrigerated shelves. I found that the mortuary attendances busy inside the morgue receiving bodies, washing & embalming them before loading them into the freezers for preservation. At the front porch, I saw family members & relatives came to take the body of their love one, off loading into the coffin for burial. It was at this moment that grandma & Kong’s grandma appeared behind the crowd, in a glow of light with an incredible sense of love. They were smiling, enticing me to go to them. “I am coming, just wait for me.”

I felt a presence by my side, and looked to see Kong; glowing with a soft, beautiful white light. He looked handsome & I felt filled with love & happiness of his existence.

“You should not be here, darling.”

“Dear, I missed you. I am here to join you.”

“Your mom & your sister need you.”

"Please, let me stay."

And even louder he added, “Ling needs you. Auntie Lily needs you.”

“But I want to be with you, in paradise to be with you.”

“No, you can’t. Not now. Darling, they’re working on your body, you have to hurry. I want you to go back.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

“Set the current.”

“Stand clear.”

I saw my body jerked with the application of electrical current leaving behind two red marks on the chest. “Mind you, don’t ever scar my beautiful breasts, okay?” I screamed out loud but apparently these people were not listening.

“Can’t you people just leave me alone?” I felt it was up to me to decide where I wanted to be, up there or back into my body, but my dear Kong did not want me to stay.

“Set to next level.”

“Stand clear.”

“Go back.” Kong shouted as I felt a push from behind…………

------------------------- End of Chapter 1 ---------------------

Edited April 4, 2011 by Larry

April 7, 2011

1. another nice sweet song introduced, thanks Larry.

2. Sisterly Dearest – Ling: wows, love story in-between two sisters???? looking forwards.....

April 7, 2011

i vote this as the best love story in the forum so far. :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

Raise my hands & legs, agree totally.

Larry · April 7, 2011

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 2: The Dream

…, gaining my consciousness, I noticed the oxygen mask was pressing on my face causing some pain. The next thing I knew, I heard someone’s voice saying, “Doctor, he is gaining the heart beat.”

I looked up as the nurse asked me how I felt & I remember pointing to my face & saying weakly, “Pain …...”

“All right, wheel him back to the ICU. Inform his family members.”

I drifted off to sleep entering a very light state of unconsciousness.

………………… It was starting to get dark out; I had no idea where we were coming from. All I knew was that I was driving on a hilly road parallel to a train track at the ravine on my left hand side with Kong sleeping on the passenger seat.

It was dead dark; there was no car in sight coming neither towards nor from behind, no street light also except the luminous white lane markings & red boundary lights coming towards me. Suddenly a car came with high beam from the opposite direction; I got panic & swerved the steering to the left hand side. Down the ravine, cutting through the bushes & before I knew it, the car ended up on the train track.

“Dear, wake up. We are on the train track, I need help.” I called him, he did not move. I screamed & called twice, but he did not budge.

Drove & drove & drove, I was drifting, I was shivery drifting as I was not able to get the car out of the track way. Further down, the road parallel to the track was no longer in view as the track went onto a jungle, I was too scared to stop the car as it was very dark behind me, at the same time, and I was worried that there would be a huge speeding train coming from behind or in front.

Finally, we crossed the jungle & came to a big empty land. I saw a road intersect with the track, spinning the steering wheel to the left & stepping on the accelerator frantically, the car was not able to crawl out of the track as there was a lot of smoke coming out from the rear tires.

“Please… please… please… get out of the track please!” I was begging & crying.

“Tutu …..Tutu …….” I head loud hounding sound at the back from an incoming train.

I stopped the car on the track at the intersection. Running to the passenger side, “Dear, let get out of the car, quick.” There was no response from him, I opened the door & gave out my strength to pull him out but he was way too heavy.

“Please, don’t sleep. The train is coming from behind, please …. I beg, please ………….”

“Kong …… Kong ……..” I screamed as the flashing lights & blaring sound of honking train approaching us.

Everything faded to black.

------------------------- End of Chapter 2 ---------------------

Dream analysis by someone:

Your dream was simply about you wondering what you should be doing in life at that point of time. You felt lost in the dream because part of you might feel lost in terms of your personal direction.

Being too far down the track through the jungle & worried about the incoming train might indicate that you had pursued a long period of feminisation but was worried about its continuation.

The approaching train was some sense of impending danger. Overall, the dream was encouraging you to do something else with your life, forgot about Kong & looks forwards.

April 8, 2011

2. Sisterly Dearest – Ling: wows, love story in-between two sisters???? looking forwards.....

me too, looking forward.

Larry · April 10, 2011

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 3: The Hospitalisation

I was tired of my life, tired of being me. This was my first suicide attempt, involved sleeping pill overdose & wrist slicing with a pen knife. And dramatically, I wrote a suicide note to Ling… Till this day I can’t say for sure whether or not I truly wanted to die. I figured, what will be, will be. If I die, good for me, if don’t, so be it. I didn’t care; I just wanted to escape the overwhelming intensity of the emotions on losing my dearest, making my life meaningless.

On my big sister Ling, working as engineer in an offshore bank since his graduation two years ago, the estrogen was quickly changing his body & mind, to the point that his feminine changes happened faster than I had expected. He went through sex change eventually. I would address him as her with immediate effect.

DAY ONE

It was the evening of July 28th; I blinked into the ceiling lights, dazed & lethargic from the sleeping pills still running through my veins. I found myself on the hospital bed of a private room, not in hell & surely not heaven, hooking up to a dripping machine.

My arms & hands were still intact, so were my legs & feet. No bruises, no cuts & no train.

I looked up & saw Ling dozing off beside my bed. I was crushed, it was all a dream. I wanted to go back to sleep & continue my dream.

“Sis… sis… are we in heaven?” I shook her arm & spoke weakly.

“No, you are still alive.”

“Aww ……….” It hurt to move as I tried to sit up, “why… why save me, I don’t want to live...”

“But we want you stay,” Ling said, with tears rolling down her cheek, “silly you, Why did you overdose, trying to kill yourself?”

“I don’t know…” I shook my head & continue, “so hopeless & depressed… ending my life & not feeling anything anymore… How did you all manage to save me?” I asked & started to cry too.

“Well, I phoned & there hadn’t been a response from you, about five hours after our return from the funeral,” she paused, “your mom tried your room but found the door was locked.”

“I came over & called to you to open the door, but to no avail we broke open the door.”

“Yes ….” I answered weakly, “I sliced my wrist, I must had fell onto unconsciousness.”

“Hmm… you lied on the floor, mouth dribbling with white foam & body curling up in a fetal position.”

“Sis, just let me go…”

“Nonsense, you had not seen your mom crying so badly, shaking & calling your name but you remained limp. She yelled at you to wake up.”

“I am so sorry to mom. I have no mean to hurt her.”

“What about me, my mom Lily & your younger sister?”

“I ……………”

“You were rushed to General Hospital, you were lucky to have survived as your heart stopped four times along the way.”

“Look like the pills were insufficient to take my life…”

“Promise me you won’t do this silly thing again. Will you?”

I nodded & closed my eyes as I was too weak to continue the conversation, talking was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Rest well… sees you tomorrow morning.” Ling said with a peck on my forehead.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited May 7, 2011 by Larry

April 10, 2011

Are all these stories real or just something you made up to fulfill your fantasies? They don't sound realistic at all...

Larry · April 11, 2011

Are all these stories real or just something you made up to fulfill your fantasies? They don't sound realistic at all...

Seriously I am not too concerned about your inquisition, my suggestion to you is switch off & do something else. Now let’s me continue the story.

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 3: The Hospitalisation

DAY TWO

The nurse removed the dripping tube that morning & I was able to move my body, which was nice. I was able to visit the bathroom & took a short walk in the hallway.

Ling came together with mom & Auntie Lily while I was having my breakfast served to the room. Both Auntie Lily & Ling were seemed to be understanding, whereas my mom wasn’t so understanding & accepting of my being in the hospital.

Since young, I would never want to say that I like or hate her. Our relationship was nonchalant, as plain as a cup of pure water. Many times I wanted to tell her I needed her love, even though she failed to understand my sexual identity. Because I loved a man named Kong did not mean that I was not her fresh & blood. Regardless of what those hurting remarks from my dad, I wanted to tell her that I cried a lot when dad ousted me from the house because she did not even voice out a single disapproval.

Yes, she did help me financially aftermath without the knowledge of my dad. Anyway, during this worst time, she had stood by me, was here when I needed a voice to listen to even though she did not thoroughly understand my internal feeling. It also made our relationship much better.

Ling brought me some magazines & they left half an hour later.

My younger sister visited me in the afternoon. She was in Primary six preparing for the PSLE, so would not be able to visit so frequently. Our relationship was less warm as there is an age gap of eleven years between us. Unconsciously, I felt uncomfortable meeting her privately as there was this thing bothering me all this years.

I had occasions to baby sit her from time to time during my secondary school days in the afternoons. After my return home from school fetched by grandma, mom would go to the coffee powder shop helping up my dad leaving the house with grandma, myself & the little toddler sister.

Whenever I baby sat her, I would pretend to be her mommy. There were times when grandma having her nap in her room that I decided to try to breast feed my toddler sister, I would sit on the sofa with a bottle of milk & position her in my lap, near my nipple. I would unbutton my school shirt, put little drops of milk on my nipple & get her to suck it off. Feeling her little lips sucking on my nipple would make me red faced, faster heart beat & spasmodic sensation. Wow, how perfect it would be to be born as a female & give birth! To have babies & do the real breast feeding!

Such dark secret was kept within my heart for all these years, it was wrong, it was sinful & probably a sexual sodomy to this little innocent baby, anyway I managed to have the courage to reveal this to her during her university study, she simply laughed it off & forgave me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited May 7, 2011 by Larry

April 11, 2011

Are all these stories real or just something you made up to fulfill your fantasies? They don't sound realistic at all...

Whether the stories are real or not, this Larry obviously live in a very painful past which he cannot let go. To numb this pain and shock, what he simply did was to unconsciously create a fantasty out of it.

When they live in that fantasty for too long, they cant tell the difference between what is real, what is an illusion, what is a fantasty.

Thus when you question this part of them, they tend to get edgy and feisty because that is what they really got left to keep them alive.

Remove or take that away they will find life simply very meaningless.

So you might as well let him continue to fantatize

April 11, 2011

The way you wrote your life story reminds of those that i had read from some chinese websites.

Like inserting some love songs in between your narration and also very focused in describing emotions and interactions of the people in your story. Not trying to say that your english is bad （in fact i think its better than mine), but given that you are chinese educated, i feel that this story will be more touching if written in chinese.

April 11, 2011

Larry , you can sing this song for Kong who is in Heaven with Anita Mui.

Larry · April 13, 2011

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 3: The Hospitalisation

In the afternoon, I came across an old lady in the hallway, all by herself at the lounge.

“Hello, young lady.”

“Oh…” I was fascinated that despite not wearing any make-up, donning only the hospital apparel, my male sexual status was not spotted by her, “hi, aunty.”

She asked if I could help to write a letter to her daughter in Australia. I saw a pen & writing pad on the lounge table, and there were scattered papers which were all scribbled on & scratched out.

“Pardon me, miss. I do have Parkinson’s disease, will you please help me?” her tremor hand was on my lap as I sat beside her.

“Aunty, just briefly tell me what to write & I will get it done, don’t worry.” I read to her the whole content & help her to sign at the end, finally went into an envelope complete with the receiver address. Along the process, she revealed her background as a retired secondary teacher, her family of a married lawyer son & a daughter studying in Queensland University.

She told me that I made her day, in fact, her entire week while she was waiting for her schedule operation (I didn’t ask for what nature). She whispered, “…… anyway, you being here is far better than my son & his wife because you actually listen.” I could sense her disappointment with her family, but my apparent seemed to compensate, it would be more of an opportunity for her to voice her sadness & gain some kind of relief from that.

A sense of relief came over her as she thanked me profoundly. I was glad to be able to help, to bring her that happiness as I returned to my room.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

In the evening after dinner I walked down the hall with the intent to visit the old lady as my promise this afternoon. I gently knocked on the door & her face lit up.

“Come over here & give me some smooches.” she smiled & said.

I reached around her 85 years old body & hugged her. She talked a lot about her love life with her late husband & told me many interesting things going on in her teaching career. As I listened, I could not help but wonder why her daughter-in-law was not able to lend her a listening ear? She was after all not a pushy person.

After hour long of chatting, she asked to play a Chinese chess game but I was feeling a bit tired & didn’t really want to play that evening. So I told her that I would play her the game the next morning. She said that was fine but looked rather disappointed.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited May 7, 2011 by Larry

April 13, 2011

Larry,

Beautiful story! I read them all from last night until now. Do keep on writing other stories!

April 14, 2011

Whether the stories are real or not, this Larry obviously live in a very painful past which he cannot let go. To numb this pain and shock, what he simply did was to unconsciously create a fantasty out of it.
When they live in that fantasty for too long, they cant tell the difference between what is real, what is an illusion, what is a fantasty.
Thus when you question this part of them, they tend to get edgy and feisty because that is what they really got left to keep them alive.
Remove or take that away they will find life simply very meaningless.
So you might as well let him continue to fantatize

absolutely rubbish, what's about our MM Lee, he wrote a few books about his past = live in his painful or glory past??????

per your argument, no one can write a story relate to his / her past.

April 14, 2011

Whether the stories are real or not, this Larry obviously live in a very painful past which he cannot let go. To numb this pain and shock, what he simply did was to unconsciously create a fantasty out of it.
When they live in that fantasty for too long, they cant tell the difference between what is real, what is an illusion, what is a fantasty.
Thus when you question this part of them, they tend to get edgy and feisty because that is what they really got left to keep them alive.
Remove or take that away they will find life simply very meaningless.
So you might as well let him continue to fantatize

She who dare to talk about her past indicates she is brave to look forwards, unlike you hide in a cocoon or your past is just a piece of blank paper.

April 14, 2011

Whether the stories are real or not, this Larry obviously live in a very painful past which he cannot let go. To numb this pain and shock, what he simply did was to unconsciously create a fantasty out of it.
When they live in that fantasty for too long, they cant tell the difference between what is real, what is an illusion, what is a fantasty.
Thus when you question this part of them, they tend to get edgy and feisty because that is what they really got left to keep them alive.
Remove or take that away they will find life simply very meaningless.
So you might as well let him continue to fantatize

On the contrary, I think he might be making a valid point.

April 14, 2011

absolutely rubbish, what's about our MM Lee, he wrote a few books about his past = live in his painful or glory past??????
per your argument, no one can write a story relate to his / her past.

And rubbish you are comparing?

You are comparing MM Lee, who is famous politician/achiever writing his history and the history of our national VS the pathetic story of an old cross dresser who lives in her fantasty ?

If that story was true and if happened 28 years ago, let me discuss this abit ib detail.

For a person who still can pen down something with such immense amount of pain and emotion, even it happened 28 years ago, that means Larry has not let off that pain he habours for such a long time.

The human mind, in order to withstand this pain, simply has to numb it subconsciously into some form of fantasty. Simply because he cannot believe what had happened to him, in this case a great loss, which is his emptiness he had beared with for so long.

Logically speaking, our society cannot accept, or it is extremely rare for someone to accept a cross dresser as a lover or partner, because of the mockery or shame he will face.

Larry's pain is that since Kong's death, he will find it very very difficult to find someone to accept him as Kong did, and the road ahead of him has being unbearbly suffering, lonely and extremely painful.

Because for the last 28 years, there has being no replacement, only emptiness, loneliness and a hint of bitterness. otherwise that pain would had being let gone and forgotten a long time ago.

Therefore Larry is permitted to continue fantasizing, as the only means of venting his pain and frustrations, which you can say, him writing his stories , is his own means of salvaging his happiness and a form of theraphy for his pain.

No right or wrong so let him be.

April 14, 2011

She who dare to talk about her past indicates she is brave to look forwards, unlike you hide in a cocoon or your past is just a piece of blank paper.

Then you are very wrong.

You might as well wisen up alittle and say - she who keeps harping about her past, is the one who is very afraid to look forward to live.

Larry · April 16, 2011

You are comparing MM Lee, who is famous politician/achiever writing his history and the history of our national VS the pathetic story of an old cross dresser who lives in her fantasty ?
If that story was true and if happened 28 years ago, let me discuss this abit ib detail.
For a person who still can pen down something with such immense amount of pain and emotion, even it happened 28 years ago, that means Larry has not let off that pain he habours for such a long time.
The human mind, in order to withstand this pain, simply has to numb it subconsciously into some form of fantasty. Simply because he cannot believe what had happened to him, in this case a great loss, which is his emptiness he had beared with for so long.
Logically speaking, our society cannot accept, or it is extremely rare for someone to accept a cross dresser as a lover or partner, because of the mockery or shame he will face.
Larry's pain is that since Kong's death, he will find it very very difficult to find someone to accept him as Kong did, and the road ahead of him has being unbearbly suffering, lonely and extremely painful.

Before I continue the story, let me do a candid reply to the above:

Folks, leave me alone, do not compare me against anyone, silly & absurd, not interested at all. I do have my self esteem, he being himself & I being truthfully myself.

I don’t feel inferior about myself, just like all of you who are gay in discreet, don't you feel inferior?

When I don’t cross-dressed, I am just like anyone of you, live normal just like all of you, I got my education & my 5C (car – first hand, condo, credit card – platinum, cash & career), so why should I feel pathetic.

“Logically speaking, our society cannot accept, or it is extremely rare for someone to accept a cross dresser as a lover or partner, because of the mockery or shame he will face” Yes, you said it right, this applies across the whole GLBT community, “sa-ma sa-ma”, but you need not out to hurt people.

This is my story, and just as I had replied, if you don’t like it, switch off & do something else, buzz off will you.

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 3: The Hospitalisation

DAY THREE

As informed by the nurse after the medical check by the doctor, I would be discharge in the noon time, so I called Ling not to come in the morning but in the noon time instead. At around 845 am as I was walking towards the room of the old lady, I saw trolley moving out from the room.

“Nurse, what is happening?”

“That old lady had passed away this morning from a massive stroke.”

I was stunt.

I would never, ever, ever forgive myself for not playing that last game of chess with her. It was such a little thing, I was feeling selfish & didn’t want to spend the time with her.

What I wouldn’t give to take back that time, just to play the game?

And nothing …………….. Nothing ………………… filled that sorrow.

My mood under recuperation was taken a deep blow upon the passing away of the old lady; I went back to my room as a zombie. I climbed up to the bed & stared at the television screen blankly as I went into a light state of truant, along with some miscellaneous thoughts & feelings.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I had come so close in ending my life; the desire to join my Kong was being so strong in me but yet was denied entry by god. We all will die someday & my last thought would be …………. why weren’t things right? Why did I have to struggle with this? Why couldn’t I have been different? I would not die happy except for the relief that the struggle would be over with.

Though Ling & I knew each other since primary one, but we were only become very close until we found to have same kind of feminine inclination in the secondary. We would look at all the women’s clothes & underwear on the female magazines taken from his mother Auntie Lily’s salon, I always wished I was one of the models in those pages & I had always loved window shopping.

There was a dramatic change for the last three years, since getting steady with Kong, I wanted to be soft, feminine & pretty, and I wanted to be his one & only woman & treated like one.

I wanted to marry him in a church & say “I do” as walking down the aisle in a wedding gown looking like a princess on my wedding day to be his legitimize wife, to have him carry me over the threshold of our honeymoon suite, to have him gently set me on our bed, to kiss him passionately, to have him touch me & undress me, to make love with my hubby & please him, to feel him inside me & feel his orgasm, to take me & make me his woman ……………

So I did things that I would never dare to imagine for my whole life,

what was it like to unzip & reach into his pant & touch him?

What was it like to play with his little brother & get him hard?

What was it like to take my time & thoroughly inspect it, smell it?

What was it like to kiss the tip of his little brother?

What was it like to orally take his little brother down the throat & please him?

What was it like being under a muscular man & taken?

What was it like to be held down by his weight with no escape?

What was it like to have him inside, feeling his hardness & throbbing?

What was it like to feel my legs wrapping around his waist or up over his shoulders?

What was it like to feel his passion in sucking my nipples?

What was it like to feel his prowess as he pumped himself in & out?

What was it like to be taken from behind feeling my boobs swing violently as he slammed me hard?

What was it like to feel his balls slapping against my buttock creating the popping sound?

What was it like to have him deep inside & spraying his hot juice?

What would it be like to have his hard little brother deep inside me after his orgasm?

What was it like to be filled with his juice fighting not to let it flow out of the body?

What was it like letting his juice flowing slowly out of my glory hole down to the inner thigh?

What…….?

What …………..?

What was it like ………………..

“I would finally be happy knowing I was finally able to be, how wonderful it would feel to be free & feminine, to have sex with him as often & as much as possible ……………………!” I screamed.

……………………..

“Hey, little sister, get up, you are going home.” I was awake by Ling as he was standing next to the bed side drawer & reading on the cards.

"Hmm… only you…"

"No la, my mom & your mom are at the cashier."

“Larry, you have two bouquets of flowers.”

“Yes, they look nice. Who are the senders?” I said as I climbed out from the bed slowly.

“Well, one is from Dave, Desmond & Shawn & another is from this Fong x x.”, well, Dave, Desmond & Shawn were Ling’s classmates, graduated after four years engineering study, they were introduced to me by Ling & had been my regular lunch mates for the first two years.

“Who is this Fong x x?”

“I have no idea, really.”

------------------------- End of Chapter 3 ---------------------

Edited May 7, 2011 by Larry

April 16, 2011

I don’t feel inferior about myself, just like all of you who are gay in discreet, don't you?
When I don’t cross-dressed, I am just like anyone of you, live normal just like all of you, I got my education & my 5C (car – first hand, condo, credit card – platitmiun, cash & career), so why should I feel pathetic.
“Logically speaking, our society cannot accept, or it is extremely rare for someone to accept a cross dresser as a lover or partner, because of the mockery or shame he will face” Yes, you said it right, this applies across the whole GLBT community, “sa-ma sa-ma”, but you need not out to hurt people.

people are forgetful, they thought that as gay they are more high class than cross dressers, so sad & so childish....

April 16, 2011

people are forgetful, they thought that as gay they are more high class than cross dressers, so sad & so childish....

Having the 5cs is really no big deal, because in Singapore is easily attainable.

But you have forgotten, all your 5cs can never buy you someone to settle down with a crossdresser, unless it is strictly for material reasons.

Unless this person wants to be your kept giggolo

There is no big deal to boast about your career. Some of us already know why you started it. Because the trans/crossdressers are the minority, to access your information is rather easy.

And you also have forgotten... the lesbians goes for each other, the gays goes for their own gender, while the bisexuals chose either. So many real life stories of the three groups who have found each other, and have settled down as well.

Gays won't go for crossdressers, so do the bisexuals.

It is the crossdressers who likes to hunt for straight men to settle down .

Sorry Larry, thats not sa-ma-ma.

If you think gays are of a higher class than trans or crossdressers, thus look down on the latter, then, don't you think, the more you should not have written your stories in a gay forum, only to be frowned upon?

Now, think about that.

What makes you think all gays are discreet? Some of us are comfortable to open up ourselves to people.

So, speak for yourself.

April 16, 2011

I don't like the way you spitefully describe us gays who are discreet as FEELING INFERIOR all the time. Who are you to make such a comment on us and the above Guest is correct in pointing out to you that not all gays are discreet.

No one is discriminating you here because you are a cross dresser, but we are just asking to authenticate the truth of your stories , whether are they just fantasies or taken from your life? It's such a simple question and yet you keep swiping out these so-called "inquisitions" as if they are

attacks towards you. At least be honest with the readers who are reading them.

And so what you got 5Cs ? Dai sai ah?

April 17, 2011

I don't like the way you spitefully describe us gays who are discreet as FEELING INFERIOR all the time. Who are you to make such a comment on us and the above Guest is correct in pointing out to you that not all gays are discreet.
No one is discriminating you here because you are a cross dresser, but we are just asking to authenticate the truth of your stories , whether are they just fantasies or taken from your life? It's such a simple question and yet you keep swiping out these so-called "inquisitions" as if they are
attacks towards you. At least be honest with the readers who are reading them.
And so what you got 5Cs ? Dai sai ah?

This fulfills what I pointed out earlier.

When he rudely avoids answering your question and even tell you to buzz ouf, you have already know how authentic his stories are. Get it?

When he puts you down with all his 5-6 Cs, what he is trying to do is to puff himself looking big and important, while making you feel very small.

But in the reverse sense, he is actually denying to you how small he feels inside. He basically feels unwanted, unloved, untouched, unheared, with all the bitterness and misery he hoards for 28 years.

A person who is really happy and peacefull in side with act some class and grace, and will too, share and spread to others what he actually feels inside.

So if you like fantasty fiction, do continue to real all of Larry's wonder....stories.

April 18, 2011

Before this post escalate into a flaming war zone, i think there is some misunderstanding which could be just some misinterpretation of what was said.

"When I don’t cross-dressed, I am just like anyone of you, live normal just like all of you, I got my education & my 5C (car – first hand, condo, credit card – platitmiun, cash & career), so why should I feel pathetic."

I believe Larry saying this is not to put down anyone in particular but to make a point that besides cross-dressing, he is just as normal as all of us, be it education or financial achievements etc... maybe he should put it more generally and not in so much detail, people might get the wrong idea that he is showing off.

He probably felt offended when his life story with the person he love was described as pathetic and even discredited as being a fantasy. Fantasy is just fiction created by imagination. By a few words of others, a part of his life which he cherished and those in the story who means a lot to him was diminished to nothing more than just a delusion. Can't really blame him for reacting in agitation ya?

I don’t feel inferior about myself, just like all of you who are gay in discreet, don't you?

He is saying that he doesn't feel inferior about himself just like all gays in discreet NOT gays in discreet ARE feeling inferior all the time.

In regarding to his story, no matter how far-fetched it seems to you, we should give him the benefit of the doubt and not immediately labelled it as fantasies. Besides the writer himself, no one will know whether the story is true or not, so when he wrote the story stating that it is real, take it or leave it. Questioning about the authenticity of his story seems rather pointless because i don't think he will slap himself by giving a different answer.

April 19, 2011

Before this post escalate into a flaming war zone, i think there is some misunderstanding which could be just some misinterpretation of what was said.
I believe Larry saying this is not to put down anyone in particular but to make a point that besides cross-dressing, he is just as normal as all of us, be it education or financial achievements etc... maybe he should put it more generally and not in so much detail, people might get the wrong idea that he is showing off.
He probably felt offended when his life story with the person he love was described as pathetic and even discredited as being a fantasy. Fantasy is just fiction created by imagination. By a few words of others, a part of his life which he cherished and those in the story who means a lot to him was diminished to nothing more than just a delusion. Can't really blame him for reacting in agitation ya?
He is saying that he doesn't feel inferior about himself just like all gays in discreet NOT gays in discreet ARE feeling inferior all the time.
In regarding to his story, no matter how far-fetched it seems to you, we should give him the benefit of the doubt and not immediately labelled it as fantasies. Besides the writer himself, no one will know whether the story is true or not, so when he wrote the story stating that it is real, take it or leave it. Questioning about the authenticity of his story seems rather pointless because i don't think he will slap himself by giving a different answer.

There is no need for you to stand and answer for Larry. He is a grown up. He can fend and answer for himself.

If some people can emphasis they have all the 5cs, they should have the other C - Courage - to face and answer whatever people ask regarding his story.

If he has the courage to write, he too should have the courage to answer. Or else why even bother to write?

If his story was so true and his facts fits nicely, I dont see the need to give other variable answers that would slap his own face

April 19, 2011

people are forgetful, they thought that as gay they are more high class than cross dressers, so sad & so childish....

Couldn't Agee more!!!

April 20, 2011

Couldn't Agee more!!!

Yes if you keep insisting. Gays are indeed are of a higher class, higher calibre, higher breed and better in looks than trannies and crossdressers.

That is why we rather have sex and settle with people of our of kind or the bisexuals, rather than your breed of weirdos.

Just like to give you such answers because you insisted in that belief.

I given you what you want to hear, so don't come and complain

April 20, 2011

I don't understand why some of us here are so uptight about little things.

It's Larry's narrative. Whether or not it's real doesn't really matter to anyone of us right? It only matters to him.

It reminds me of the controversies surrounding "A million little pieces" by James Frey. Yes, the story might not be totally true, but which story is? Semi-fiction might just be the genre for most autobiography. Even MM Lee's autobiography is disputed for its hard truths.

And I really don't get people who try to psycho-analyze others. No one in psychology I know takes Freud to be the sole arbiter of truth these days. And in any case, psycho-analysis usually says more about the analyzer rather than the analyzed.

So really everyone, just chill. If you enjoy reading the thread, carry on. If you don't, you're free to read other threads.

Gay, straight, bi, tranny, drag, whatever. The society is already screwed up enough with crazy religious fundies trying to get rid of us. The last thing we need is people amongst us who think that being bi is superior over being gay, or being gay is superior over being a drag, etc. Again, it says more about you than about others. =)

April 20, 2011

I don't understand why some of us here are so uptight about little things.
It's Larry's narrative. Whether or not it's real doesn't really matter to anyone of us right? It only matters to him.
It reminds me of the controversies surrounding "A million little pieces" by James Frey. Yes, the story might not be totally true, but which story is? Semi-fiction might just be the genre for most autobiography. Even MM Lee's autobiography is disputed for its hard truths.
And I really don't get people who try to psycho-analyze others. No one in psychology I know takes Freud to be the sole arbiter of truth these days. And in any case, psycho-analysis usually says more about the analyzer rather than the analyzed.
So really everyone, just chill. If you enjoy reading the thread, carry on. If you don't, you're free to read other threads.
Gay, straight, bi, tranny, drag, whatever. The society is already screwed up enough with crazy religious fundies trying to get rid of us. The last thing we need is people amongst us who think that being bi is superior over being gay, or being gay is superior over being a drag, etc. Again, it says more about you than about others. =)

You don't really need a rocket size brain, nor do you need to go through some psychology course to see how Larry spells out his own sad emotional state and his own inner world.

Freud is a passe thing, so are all his past.

When someone asked you the authencity of some parts of the story, is there a need to brush someone off so rudely and abruptly?

No one is judging him. He acts this way because he thinks people are judging him. Because he chooses to behave and react such way, he is thus judged back.

His react was very unnecessary. The whole matter would have being avoided, if he was more diplomatic in handling it better.

So who should we analyze now?

I don't see anyone questioning or confronting Marky when he wrote his stories.

That is even better written ( command of English), more genuine and heartwarming.

Actually we gays and bisexuals have better things to do than to read some crossdresser's stories, nor do we need to associate with them.

Because we have so much in hand to handle, and we have better things to do. Neither do we have fetish for them nor want to be like them.

They are rarely in our conversational topics.

But they would like to think the whole world is out to attack or judge them. Thats how they feel, thus donning a defensive mode, they like to bitch in their reaction, and create so dramas like a whole batch of weeping willominas.

When you start a thread, it is normal that people will question your content. Through an open question-answer discussion, we learn about each other. You mean asking questions is something very wrong, that the questioner needs to be pyscho-analyze?

So how did you derive this warp sense of judgement here?

You should then ask our dear Larry not to be uptight about things.

Already so old and still behave like that.....Sign

Larry · April 21, 2011

After pausing for a week, by now all dusts should have settled with clear visibility.

Since the inception of this story, it had experienced quite a few turbulences, initiated by non members, but could also by a member but disguised as guest.

On the current turbulence, my contents on 5C & inferiority were distorted negatively, could this be due to individual linguistic deficiency or malicious intention?

From the statements: to access your information is rather easy & I don't see anyone questioning or confronting… (Dated April 17th & 21st respectively by Guest), I’m very much like to conclude that it is a malicious attempt by someone whom I knew & had falling out subsequently.

生命过客 April 19th posting explained clearly my position, please accept my sincere appreciation.

I would not respond to inquisition over the truth of my story, because if I did, it would amount to recognizing his right to question me further with mischievous intention, never ending…

I am not angry, do not care and do not plan to respond on the issue any further. I repeat here what I had said: switch off & do something else, as I am continuing the story.

Your statement dated 17th April: So if you like fantasty fiction, do continue to real all of Larry's wonder....stories clearly spell out your real motive, i.e. advocating people to boycott & stop reading my story. Well, I have this suggestion to you, please be a role model & do what you had preached, though I am skeptical about such possibility, as you may come under another new nick, we never know, just like 7 month’s ghost, never want to go away.

To those who still like to read my story, I am sorry for the delay. Regards

B. Sisterly Dearest – Ling

Chapter 4: Could I Feel Love Again

The next few days were hell, I was depressed & spoke very little, I thought about him all the time & sadness seemed to consume my day, feeling nothing but the pain of his absence & touch. Other than Ling, Aunty Lily, mom & young sister; I had no friends, no phone calls & still awaiting final year scores.

I didn't remember what I had taken for meals, locking myself in the room with no other human interaction; I tried to prepare my resume but instead sat staring at empty space & visited only the washroom outside occasionally.

We had 5 years together & I would have loved him for a million more. Losing him was devastating; it was a bad dream & my heart ached every minute, it pained worst when I realized that this was a reality, it just hurted, such torture I never thought could be endured. I was lonely & lost without a reason to live & I cried frequently. Yes, death would be better but my attempt was denied.

During the day when the house was empty, from time to time mom called from the shop checking up on me to ensure I was okay.

At night, I could sleep properly; it had been two weeks now relying on the sleeping pills prescribed by the doctor. Some nights I could sense my soul floating above me as I laid in bed, an invisible force I assumed to be somewhere between living and dying,.. I loved him so much & I found it hard to see a future without him by my side.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued......

Edited May 7, 2011 by Larry

April 22, 2011

clear visibility
quite a few turbulences, initiated by non members, but could also by a member but disguised as guest.
due to individual linguistic deficiency or malicious intention?
I’m very much like to conclude that it is a malicious attempt by someone whom I knew & had falling out subsequently.
I would not respond to inquisition over the truth of my story, because if I did, it would amount to recognizing his right to question me further with mischievous intention, never ending…
I am not angry, do not care and do not plan to respond on the issue any further. I repeat here what I had said: switch off & do something else, as I am continuing the story.
you may come under another new nick, we never know, just like 7 month’s ghost, never want to go away.
To those who still like to read my story, I am sorry for the delay. Regards

Good reply, straight to the core of all troubles.

Larry, you always have my support.

April 30, 2011

Good reply, straight to the core of all troubles.
Larry, you always have my support.

Yeah, I agreed, her rebuttal is excellence, sharp & precise, hitting the nail hard & looked like that dumbbell is shutting his mouth.

Also, she was patience waiting for the real picture to be teased out, bit by bit.

In life, you need to be offensive at time, when people step on your toes, don’t let this mad dog barked on you.

Well done.

Btw, when we can have the next posting from her?

Larry · May 1, 2011

Btw, when we can have the next posting from her?

Sorry, I am currently helping out in the election rally. Maybe sometime next week...

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