worldangel Posted September 3, 2018 Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 Joke: Lecture Tour with A Difference On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer. ‘I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger. ‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically. ‘My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2018 Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 Joke: New Guy in Town The new guy in town decided to take a few minutes and head down to the local pub to try to meet some people. He stumbled in at about 7 PM and sat down at the bar to order his first drink. One of the regulars sitting at the pool table got up and came over to start up a conversation. He says, "hey, I bet you 5 dollars I can lick my eye". The new guy was a little put-off by this introduction, but it was early in the evening so he took the bet. Sure enough, the regular had a glass eye, popped it out, licked it, and put in place. A funny enough parlor joke, he handed the man 5 dollars and went back to drinking. A few minutes later he returned, this time saying "I bet you 5 dollars I can touch my elbow to the back of my head." Desparate for any attention, the new guy handed over another 5 dollars and watched as the regular popped his shoulder out of joint and touched the back of his head. Deciding he had already duped the new guy out of $10, the regular headed back over the pool table for the next few hours. As the bartender began to close up shop, he returned for one last wager. "hey, I bet you $100 I can piss on the ceiling". The new guy looked up at the vaulted ceiling which was early 30 feet above and was convince he would soon win his money back and a nights worth of drinking. The regular pulled it out but didn’t even come close, pissing on the bar and the local guy. "Ha! I won all my money back! That was a stupid bet!" The regular retorted, "yeah, but I bet the guys over there $500 I could piss on you and make you laugh!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 5, 2018 Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Joke: Follow in my footsteps... On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 5, 2018 Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Joke: Toughest Students in School A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 5, 2018 Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Joke: Three Vampires Go To A Bar Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 5, 2018 Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Joke: For 25 Cents One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. “Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 5, 2018 Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Joke: Burglary Witness An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes, says Sam. "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon. How far is that?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 6, 2018 Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Joke: BEFORE AND AFTER A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "Dad, what does a pussy look like?" The dad asked him, "Before or after sex?" "Ummm, before sex," the kid replied. The dad said, "Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?" "Yeah," said the son. "Well, what about after sex?" His dad replied, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 6, 2018 Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Joke: Lawyers Brains A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 6, 2018 Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Joke: Borrow the book Bennett asks his friend Ernest, "Hey, can you lend me your book titled 'How To Become A Billionaire'?" Ernest says, "Wait a minute, I'll get it for you". When Ernest gives him the book, Bennett comments, "Thank you, buddy, but half the pages are missing!!" Ernest replies, "So what? Isn't half a billion enough for you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 6, 2018 Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Joke: R.I.P. Seamus This joke is really just an excuse to use a ridiculous accent. Mary Mcready was at home boiling potatoes for dinner, and one of her neighbors came up to the window. "Mary," he said, "I've got horrible news about your husband Seamus. He's dead." "Oh lord, my Seamus, how did it happen?" said Mary. "Well," the neighbor said, "we went on a tour of the Guinness brewery, and Seamus fell into one of the vats and drowned". "Did he at least go quickly?" asked Mary, looking for some degree of solace. "I'm afraid not, Mary. He got out three times to pee" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 6, 2018 Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Joke: Too Much Time at the …. Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer. Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in." Wife : Have you brought the grocery? Husband : Bad command or filename. Wife : But I told you in the morning Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort? Wife : What about my new TV? Husband : Variable not found ... Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied... Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters ... Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband : Data type mismatch. Wife : You are useless. Husband : It's by Default. Wife : What about your Salary? Husband : File in use ... Try after some time. Wife : What is my value in the family. Husband : Unknown Virus Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 7, 2018 Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Joke: The maid’s revenge Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 7, 2018 Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Joke: Number Jokes A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing. The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke." So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number twenty-nine!" This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, "How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?" "Oh," says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, "we'd never heard that one before." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 7, 2018 Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Joke: Early one morning, a mother went ... Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 7, 2018 Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Joke: A prudish lady Josh goes to a drugstore owned by Mary, a prudish woman. He says to Mary, "Can I have two dozen condoms, miss?" May says arrogantly, "Don't miss me, mister." Josh replies sarcastically, "Well then, you better make it 25." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 7, 2018 Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Joke: A guy is sitting at a bar ... A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!!!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an jerk when you're drunk, Superman." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 8, 2018 Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Joke: The bells.... On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Jenny went straight round to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her granny explained, "He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning." Horrified, Jenny suggested that having sex at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble. "Oh no," her granny replied, "we had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells. She paused, and wiped away a tear. "If it wasn't for that dang ringy-ding-ding ice cream truck going past just as the church bells were ringing, he'd still be alive." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 8, 2018 Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Joke: Two blondes were in a parking ... Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 8, 2018 Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Joke: A blonde, worried about the HIV ... A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 8, 2018 Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Joke: A couple is sitting on the porch ... A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you." The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?" The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 8, 2018 Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Joke: First time A guy was walking down the street when a hooker approached him and said, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he answered her, and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you've seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 9, 2018 Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 Joke: Not Much of a Man A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 9, 2018 Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 Joke: On A Technicality A young major was apprehended, completely nude, while chasing a woman though the lobby of a large hotel. However, his lawyer soon had him freed on a technicality. The Army manual specifically states that an officer need not be in uniform, provided he is properly attired for the sport in which he is engaged. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 9, 2018 Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 Joke: If We Yell Together Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. So the both started yelling, "Together! Together!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 9, 2018 Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 Joke: How Much Do You Lose? Fearing that she might be a hemophiliac, the prostitute went to see her doctor. "It’s awful,” she says. “Every time I get even a small cut, it takes days for the bleeding to stop.” “I see,” said the doctor. “How much do you lose when you get your period?” She thought for a moment and then answered, “About a grand.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 9, 2018 Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 Joke: For A Few Minutes Work Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 10, 2018 Report Share Posted September 10, 2018 Joke: Didn't You Like It? - A foolish man is making love to his wife. Afterwards, he says to her, “What’s the matter? Didn’t you like it?” She replies, “Of course I liked it. What gave you the idea that I didn’t?” “Well, you moved.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 10, 2018 Report Share Posted September 10, 2018 Joke: I Have A Larger Chest A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ''I can count higher than all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?'' Her mother replied, ''Of course it is, dear.'' The next day, the blonde said, ''I can say the alphabet higher than anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?'' Her mother replied, ''Of course it is dear!'' The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ''I have a larger chest than all the kids in my class, do you think it's because I am a blonde?'' Her mother replied, ''No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 10, 2018 Report Share Posted September 10, 2018 Joke: Rest In Peace When her recently deceased husband’s will was read, a widow learned he had left the greater part of his fortune to another woman. Furious, she raised to change the inscription on her spouse’s tombstone. “Sorry, lady,” said the stonecutter. “I inscribed “Rest in peace” on your orders. I can’t change it now.” “Very well,” she said grimly. “Just add ‘Until We Meet Again.’” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 10, 2018 Report Share Posted September 10, 2018 Joke: Is It Better Now? In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?" She replies, "My head hurts." Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks, "Is it better now?" "Yes," she says. Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?" "Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses her lips. "Is it better now?" "Yes, much better,” and then she points to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her neck. Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the young man, "Excuse me pal, do you do hemorrhoids?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 10, 2018 Report Share Posted September 10, 2018 Joke: Today Is the Viewing An old man was walking around the nursing home hallway all gloomy. A nurse going by asks, “What is wrong?" “My penis died,” he replied. The following day the man was walking around with his penis hanging out of his pants. The nurse asked, "What is going on?" “Yesterday my penis died, so today's the viewing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 11, 2018 Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 Joke: She's Banging Her Boyfriend A 5-years-old was visiting his grandmother. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting. He looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me fell good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend." When grandma turned on the TV, the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah she’s in the bedroom banging her boyfriend" The minister fainted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 11, 2018 Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 Joke: What's Left To Live For? Little Johnny’s father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don’t want to know!" Johnny says, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asks what is wrong. "Oh daddy," Johnny sobs, "at age six I got the 'there is no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there is no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age eight you hit me with the 'there is no tooth fairy' speech. If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really have sex, then I’ve got nothing left to live for.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 11, 2018 Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 Joke: Before You Have Sex A rich slut and a poor slut were standing next to the road when the poor slut asked the rich slut, "Where do you get all the money from?" "That's easy," replied the rich slut. "Just before you have sex, stick an elastic band up your arse, with the movement the elastic band will ping and you shout 'OW, my back!' and you sue the guy." "Thanks!" says the poor slut and rushes home and starts looking around but she can't find an elastic band. All she can find is a catapult. So, with a major struggle she got it up and in her arse. She went down the spot where she had been standing and almost immediately a car pulled up. The two went back to the guy's home and they went down to business and suddenly, PING! The catapult had shot and the slut yelled, "OW, my back! I'll sue you for this!" The man replied, "Never mind your back, my balls just went out the window!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 11, 2018 Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 Joke: Want A Long Life Man: "Is there any way I can make sure I live a long life?" Doctor: "Get married." Man: "Will it help?" Dr: "No, but you'll stop wanting to live a long life." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 11, 2018 Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 Joke: I Have A Confession A newly married couple was in bed on their wedding night for the first time. Before they began, the wife said, a little nervously, "I'm afraid I have a confession to make. I've been with another man." "Well, said the husband, "I have a confession to tell also. I've also been with another man". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 12, 2018 Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Joke: What Are You Laughing About? Two guys were walking through the jungle and got captured by a group of cannibals. The cannibals put them in a huge pot and start to boil the water. All of a sudden one of the guys started laughing. "What are you laughing about?" the other guy says, "We are about to be eaten!" The other man replies, "I peed in their soup!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 12, 2018 Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Joke: How Did You Know? A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry?" She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know?" The mother replies, "I don't like her." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 12, 2018 Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Joke: Still Thinking of You A guy bumped into his ex-girlfriend, from whom he had parted on bad terms. He said, I need to tell you, I was with someone last night, but I was still thinking of you." "Why?" she asked, rather surprised. "Because you miss me?" "No, because it stops me from coming too soon." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 12, 2018 Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Joke: On Your Knees On their wedding night, the rather pious young man entered the bedroom and found his bride lying naked on top of the covers. “I expected to find you on your knees by the side of the bed,” he said with a frown. “Well, I will if you insist,” she answered, “but it gives me hiccups.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 12, 2018 Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Joke: I Like My Toast Like My Men A very nervous young interviewee was asked to meet her interviewer at a local restaurant for breakfast, while they discussed her abilities to perform a particular job. Upon ordering some eggs and toast, the anxious young woman requested that her toast be well done. The waitress asks, "You want it burnt?" The interviewee replies, "Well, I like my toast like I like my men." The waitress replies, "A little dark?" Embarrassed, the nervous applicant blurted out, "Well, I don't care about that. I just don't like it to go limp when I put it in my mouth." She was hired on the spot. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 13, 2018 Report Share Posted September 13, 2018 Joke: Illegal Use This guy was working on his car when he got gas on his hand and arm. As he was driving to the Auto Shop to get some more parts, he lit a match, his arm then caught on fire. In a panic he quickly rolled down the window and stuck his arm out to extinguish the flame. The police pulled him over for an illegal use of a firearm. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 13, 2018 Report Share Posted September 13, 2018 Joke: Why So Many Times? An elderly couple is in a dingy theater, watching a porn movie over and over. After the last showing of the day, the usher who is cleaning the theater can’t resist saying to them, “You folks must have really enjoyed the show.” “Not at all,” the elderly gent says. “It was disgusting.” “Revolting,” add his wife. “Then why did you sit through it so many times?” “We had to! We had to wait until the house lights came up,” the wife responds. “We couldn’t find my underpants, and my husband’s teeth were in them.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 13, 2018 Report Share Posted September 13, 2018 Joke: Ancient Fertility Symbol A young man who traveled a good deal liked to collect exotic pieces of art. He displayed one of his treasures, an ancient fertility symbol, on the fireplace mantel. One evening he brought an attractive lady back to his place. “Excuse me for just a moment,” he said. “Let me fix a couple of drinks.” While he was gone, the woman looked around the living room and suddenly stopped in front of the statuette. When the man came back, she asked him what it was. “Oh,” he said, a little embarrassed, “that’s called a phallus.” “Thanks,” she replied. “I’d hate to tell you what it looks like.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 13, 2018 Report Share Posted September 13, 2018 Joke: Let's Make A Deal The farmer goes to town one day, and runs across his old buddy who is a tractor sales man. "How is it going?" asks the farmer. "Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in two weeks" said the salesman. "How is it going with you?" "Not so good," replied the farmer. "The other night I went out to milk my cow. First she tried to kick me with her right leg so I tied her leg to the right side of the stall. Then she tried to kick me with her left leg, so I tied that to the left side of the stall. Then she swatted me with her tail so I tied that to the ceiling. Then my wife walked in. So if you can convince her I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 13, 2018 Report Share Posted September 13, 2018 Joke: Viagra for a Broken Toe A tourist was hiking through the backcountry when he stubbed his toe hard. It immediately started bleeding, swelling and aching terribly. He returned to the nearest small town and searched for a doctor. The doctor said, "Well, we're a very small town and my hospital isn't equipped to do the surgery that toe requires and the bus won't be through here until tomorrow to take you out." The tourist begged for some relief from the pain, so the understanding doctor offered him a pill. "What's this? My toe is broken and you offer me a Viagra? What good will that pill do?" Smiling, the doctor reassured him, “Take it before you go to bed and it will keep the blankets off your toe so you can sleep." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 14, 2018 Report Share Posted September 14, 2018 Joke: Pig A man was driving round a corner and was barely missed by a female driver coming the other way. She hung out of the window and shouted, "PIG!" In reply, the man shouted, "Bitch!" They continued their own separate journeys around the corner. As the man turned the corner, there was a pig in the middle of the road. He swerved over a hill and died a fiery death. Moral of the story: Listen to women, they are always right. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 14, 2018 Report Share Posted September 14, 2018 Joke: Let Me See Your Hands! A man told his wife he would be home before midnight. He stopped at a bar and had a couple of beers. He saw these hot looking women and spent a few hours together with them. When the man realized what time it was, he asked the woman for some baby powder. He rubbed some on his hands and left. When he got home, his wife asked where had been all night. The man said, "I had a couple of drinks, had sex with two beautiful women, and came home to go to bed." The wife asked to see his hands and said, "Damn it, you were out bowling again!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 14, 2018 Report Share Posted September 14, 2018 Joke: Win A Nobel Peace Prize - A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they give the Nobel Peace Prize to people who are outstanding in their field." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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