worldangel Posted August 4, 2019 Report Share Posted August 4, 2019 Joke: Great Sex Coupon A man was talking to his buddy. "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So, the first guy did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'" blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2019 Report Share Posted August 4, 2019 Joke: Desperately seeking Roses I wanted to buy some flowers for my wife, so I went to the florist shop. As the shopkeeper was preparing a bouquet of Red roses for me, a guy barged in and asked for a dozen red roses. The shopkeeper, pointing at me, replied to him that the last bunch of roses was already sold. Looking at me, this guy pleaded desperately, "Can you PLEASE give me those roses?" I asked the man, "What's wrong? Did you forget your Wedding Anniversary?" "Even worse", he admitted", "I crashed my wife's hard drive!" blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2019 Report Share Posted August 5, 2019 Joke: Not me! A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he?d also shit in your pants." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2019 Report Share Posted August 5, 2019 Joke: Donkey Raffle Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." "Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said. "Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it." "OK then, just unload the donkey," said Kenny. "Whatcha gonna do with him?" asked the farmer. "I'm going to raffle him off," Kenny replied. "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer exclaimed. "Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny. "Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer. "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back," Kenny proudly replied. blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2019 Report Share Posted August 5, 2019 Joke: A wife woke in the middle of the ... A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2019 Report Share Posted August 5, 2019 Joke: Cuckoo Clock At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself. The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied, "Midnight, just like I said." She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'Crap!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2019 Report Share Posted August 5, 2019 Joke: Medication A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Joke: Mommy, What Are You Doing? A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out." The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!" blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Joke: Your Future Lover A high School cheerleader attends a wedding with her family. “Put a piece of wedding cake under your pillow, and you will dream of your future lover,” says her mother. The next morning, the mother asks, “Who did you see in your dreams?” Her daughter replies with a big grin, “The football team.” blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Joke: Death Of His Father The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged. The salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Joke: Be Gentle this Time An elderly couple was sitting on the out porch when the husband turned to his wife and, "Muffin, I feel like making love tonight.” The wife replied, "Okay Ernest, I will let you, but be gentle this time." "But I am always gentle with you, dearest," "That’s not true," she replied, "but the last time you woke me up TWICE!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Joke: Give Up Sex Completely Sam was less than pleased with the doctor’s therapy for the constant fatigue that was plaguing him. “Give up sex completely, Doctor?” he screamed. “I’m a young guy. How can you expect me to just go cold turkey?” “So, get married and taper off gradually,” advised the physician. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 Joke: Flagpole A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs: "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 Joke: What's wrong with your ... Doctor: What's wrong with your bother? Boy: He thinks he is a chicken. Doctor: really? How long has this been going on? Boy: Five years. Doctor: Five years! Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 Joke: How long...? When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job...." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 Joke: Funny rash This fella goes to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?" The doctor said "Put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work." The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work. The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says "Drop your pants." The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on the man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?" The doctor replies "Lipstick remover." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 Joke: Occupational Hazard Three men are on a road trip when they pull over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go in and see the lady who apparently runs the joint and they ask her for a vacant room. She replied, "Sure, but only if you DON'T go into the basement!". The men agree and she gives them a room. That night, the men are so curious that they sneak into the basement... only to find that it's full of chopped off dicks!! The woman that runs the places sees them and says, "Okay, now I'm going to have to add you all to my collection." She asks the first man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?" and he says "Well, my dad is in the lawn-moving business." So the woman finds a lawn-mover and off goes his dick. The woman asks the second man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?" and he replies in tears "My dad is in the tool supply industry." So she finds a saw and off does his dick. The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that he is laughing hysterically! "Why the hell are you laughing?!? Don't you know what's going to happen to you!?!" He smiles and says, "Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business - you're gonna hafta suck mine off!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 Joke: A magician was working on a cruise ... A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades? The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another. After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 Joke: A brunette who really hated blondes ... A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. 'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.' The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 Joke: Gas Station Fill-up There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase it's sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time". Sometime thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time". As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 Joke: The brilliance of humanity... A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As they watched from the passenger's side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," the man announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2019 Report Share Posted August 9, 2019 Joke: Bad news or terrible news... This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2019 Report Share Posted August 10, 2019 Joke: The Stork Brings Them Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Who the hell is having sex with the stork?" His mother fainted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2019 Report Share Posted August 10, 2019 Joke: Did I Forget? Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!” Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.” “Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.” After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts. “Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2019 Report Share Posted August 10, 2019 Joke: Hard Night Air Force Approach: "Eagle 13, turn right to 330." Eagle 13: "Roger 330." App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, will you do me a favor?" Eagle 13: "Affirmative, go ahead." App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with a yellow roof near the lake. That is my house. I had a fight with my Wife. I think we made peace but I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?" Eagle 13: "Negative sir. Instead, I can see a Ryder truck." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2019 Report Share Posted August 10, 2019 Joke: Economy and Thrift My friend seemed really down as we were having an after work visit to the local bar. After a few beers he finally shared his story. "I finally snapped. Last night while I was going over the bills, I discovered how much money my wife squanders and I hit the roof. I stormed into the bedroom and gave her a lecture on economy and thrift.” “Did it help?” “I’ll say. Tomorrow we’re selling my boat and sailing equipment.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2019 Report Share Posted August 10, 2019 Joke: A Different Approach A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something, then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind and headed back to the door -- where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in. "You're a salesperson aren't you? What are you selling?" "Sir ... uh ... yes ... I'm a salesman. I'm sorry to bother you. I was selling insurance, but I'm sure you don't want any. Sorry to have wasted your time." Feeling sorry for the young bungler, the sales manager bought two policies to give the young salesman some confidence and then started teaching him about selling. He said: "You should have different pre-planned approaches for different kinds of—" "But I do, sir,” the young salesman interrupted, “the one I just used is my planned approach for sales managers. It always works. Thank you!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 Joke: Learning From Teachers Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 Joke: Nursery school teacher says to... Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!" "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 Joke: Nail biting habit One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. "Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 Joke: Deodorant Stick A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist: "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" the pharmacist asks. "Yes!" the blonde replies: "I'll go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says: "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2019 Report Share Posted August 11, 2019 Joke: Wrong spray A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing. When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The Following conversation ensued: Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, "Don't we look pretty today", while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate? Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something? Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think? Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed? Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your Feminine Deodorant Spray this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented! Daughter: I don't have any FDS. Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment... With that a little Granddaughter said, "That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray Gran!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 Joke: A young man wanted to get his ... A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So, he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 Joke: Learning From Teachers Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 Joke: Where Is My Goat? There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 Joke: A guy is sitting at a bar ... A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!!!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an jerk when you're drunk, Superman." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2019 Report Share Posted August 12, 2019 Joke: Having a Beer A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves. On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?" The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times." The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?" The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: Boy baby In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: To impress his date, the young... To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: A doctor at an insane asylum decided ... A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going well, he decides to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well, everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: Fart in the bath A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore. His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more. "Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling. "Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on. He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily. "If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom. When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath. A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer. "What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily. "Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: Wishful thinking... A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2019 Report Share Posted August 17, 2019 Joke: Making A Donation A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 Joke: A pilot landed a plane with a ... A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 Joke: A frog walks into a bank… A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. "Hey, listen" says the frog. "I really need a loan! I'm out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for them!" Now Paddy feels very sorry for the poor frog and asks him if he has any collateral. He holds up a small glass elephant. Paddy is a little surprised by this, and quite unsure, but she feels so sorry for the poor frog that she takes the elephant to her manager. "Mr. Manager, sir," Paddy begins "there is a frog out there who desperately needs a loan. He's out of work and he has a wife and tadpoles who are at home starving. He needs some money so he can provide for them! But all he has for collateral is this little glass elephant. What should I do?" Well, Mr. Manager takes a good hard look at that elephant, thinks about it a little, and then replies, "It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 Joke: A boy had reached four without... A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2019 Report Share Posted August 18, 2019 Joke: Making A Donation A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 Joke: Two guys are out hiking. All of ... Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?" He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 Joke: The secret to a long marriage... The secret to a long marriage is that we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2019 Report Share Posted August 20, 2019 Joke: Colonial Break A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, 'Just how long have you been waiting?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts