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Joke: My Nookie Days Are Over


My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal, is now my waterspout. 

Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,
But now I’ve got a full-time job, to find the blasted thing. 

It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave.
For every single morning, it would stand and watch me shave. 

Now as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues,
to see it hang its little head, and watch me tie my shoes! 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Chest Pains


A woman goes to the doctor because she was complaining of chest pain. After the visit she goes home. 

Her husband asks, " So what did the doctor say was wrong?" 

The doctor told me, "I have acute angina." 

Her husband said, "Oh really, did he say you have nice tits too?" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: On Your Knees


It was his wedding night. The minister had just finished undressing in the bathroom and walked into the bedroom. He was surprised to see that his bride had already slipped between the bed sheets. 

“My dear,” he said, “I thought I would find you on your knees?” 

She said, “Well, honey, I can do it that way too, but it gives me the hiccups.”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Sitting On His Lap


To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap. 

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Lackluster Sex Life


Worried about their lackluster sex life, the young wife finally persuaded her husband to undergo hypnotic treatment. 

After a few sessions his sexual interest improved, but during their lovemaking, he would occasionally rush out of the bedroom. 

Overcome by curiosity, she followed him to the bathroom. Tiptoeing to the doorway, she saw him standing before the mirror, staring intently at himself and muttering, “She’s not my wife…. She’s not my wife….” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: You're 88 Years Old


86 year old Mabel sat down on the porch swing at the home and said to 88 year old Charlie, "I'll bet I can guess how old you are!" 

Being a skeptic, he said, "Ok, I'll take the bet". 

She immediately unzipped his pants, stuck her hand inside, fooled around a little, then pulled her hand out and said, "You're 88 yrs. old". 

"How did you know that?" 

"You told me yesterday." 

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Can I Get 3 Pills, Doc?


A man goes to see the doctor to ask for three Viagra pills. The doctor says, "These are very powerful pills so I need to know why you need three?" 

"Well, Doc, my girlfriend is coming over Friday. My ex-wife on Saturday, and my new-wife is coming home on Sunday. I need these pills so I can satisfy them all." 

"Well," the doctor said, "okay, but one on one condition. That you come in on Monday so I can check your vitals to make sure you are ok."

 

The man agrees. So Monday arrives and the man goes to see the doctor, with both arms are in a sling. 

"Oh my! What happened?" the doctor asks. 

The man replies, "Nobody showed up, I was alone all weekend." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Looks Like Poop!


There are these two idiots walking down the street. One says,"Hey, what is that brown gooey stuff on the ground?" 

The other idiot says, "It looks like poop!" 

The first idiot says, "Smells like poop, feels like poop, and it tastes like poop...oh wow, IT IS POOP!!!" 

Other idiot says, "Good thing we didn't step in it." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: The Boy Won't Come Down


One day, a boy climbed a very tall tree. His parents asked him to come down at supper time but he wouldn't come down. His parents called the police. The police asked him to come down but he wouldn't come down. 

His parents called the firefighters. The firefighters asked him to come down but he wouldn't. The only ladder they had was a step ladder that wasn't big enough. A while later a priest walked by. The boy’s parents said to themselves, "What the heck," and they ask him if he can help. 

The priest decides to help and walks over to the tree. He makes the sign of the cross with his hand and the boy scurries down. The boy’s parents thank him and say, "Thank you for blessing my child!" 

The priest then replies, "I wasn't blessing him, I told him to come down or I'll chop the tree down." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Do You Smell That?


Bill’s wife goes out to buy a car. The salesman says, I recommend this one. She asks why. The salesman says, “Because it has hydraulic backspin brakes. Get in and I’ll show you.” 

He drives the car 100 miles an hour toward a brick wall, and when he’s 100 feet away he jams on the brakes. They stop a foot from the wall. The salesman says, “Do you smell that?” 

She takes a sniff and says, “Uh-huh.” 

The salesman says proudly, “That’s hydraulic backspin brakes.” 

That night when Bill gets home, his wife says, “Dear, I bought a car.” 

Bill asks, “How did you decide which kind to buy?” 

She says, “I bought one with hydraulic backspin brakes. Get in and I’ll show you." 

They get in, and she drives 100 miles an hour toward the same brick wall. When they are 100 feet away from it she jams on the brakes, and they stop one foot from the wall. She looks over at her husband and says. “Do you smell that?” 

Bill says, “I ought to! I’m sitting in it.” 

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Did I Leave My Panties Here?


After returning home from an examination, the young woman phoned her gynecology’s and asked, “Doctor, would you see if by chance I left my panties in your office?” 

He looked in the examining room, returned to the phone, and told her, “I’m afraid they are not here.” 

“Sorry to trouble you, doctor,” she said. “I’ll try my dentist.” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: She Better Be!


Two dogs are chasing another dog in the rain. The lead dog is kicking mud in to the faces of its two pursuers. 

Dog #3, spitting mud out of its mouth, yells over to Dog #2, “It’s a bitch, ain’t it!" 

Dog #2 barks back, “It better be!”

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: It Goes More Times Into


The wife receives a fax from her husband one day stating the following:

"Dear wife. Since you are already 44 now, you cannot satisfy me completely anymore. So I am sending you this fax to tell you that I am at the Hotel Rivera with my 18 year old secretary, and now girlfriend. We will be back later on tonight, before 12 am." 

As the husband arrives back home, just before 12am, he finds a note from his wife. The note reads:

"Dear husband. I thank you for your letter and your consideration in letting me know. But I do have to remind you, that you yourself are also 44 years of age. Therefore you also cannot satisfy me completely anymore. I am at the Beachfront Hotel now, with MY new boyfriend and tennis instructor, who is also 18. But I won't be back before the morning, because - as I would like to remind you - 18 goes more times into 44 than 44 goes into 18!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Advantages of Breast Milk


A pre-med student takes an examination and the last question is: Give four advantages of breast milk. 

The student begins to answer the question...
1) No need to sterilize bottles
2) Healthier for the child
3) Available whenever necessary.

But the fourth point escapes him. With a minute left to finish the test, he gives a desperate answer: 

4) Available in attractive containers! 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Let's Talk Economics

 

A man boarding a plane sat right next to a small boy who looked very nervous. He asked, "Nervous? First time on a plane, son?" 

"Yes," the boy replied meekly. 

"Well, we can pass the time by talking and the flight will go by quick for you." 

"What do you want to talk about?" the boy asked. 

"Let's talk about Economics," the man responded. 

"Okay, but first answer this question," the boy replied. "If cows, goats and horses all eat the same food, why does the cow 'go' in big meadow muffins, the goat in tiny pellets, and the horse like grassy chunks?" 

The man thought for a moment. "Gee, son, I don't know." 

"Well, I guess I can't talk to you then. You don't know shit about shit." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Blue Whale Sperm


The average male blue whale produces about 425 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates. But only about 10% of this goes into his mate. 

So this means 385 gallons of sperm is dropped into the ocean every time a whale ejaculates. 

And you still wonder why the ocean is so salty???

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: More Of A Trick Dog


Two buddies are sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked one of the guys. 

“Not exactly,” his friend replies. “She’s more into being a trick dog.” 

“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” 

“Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she rolls over and plays dead.” 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Boobs On Your Back


An elephant asked a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" 

The camel was stunned for a second and then replied, “That’s a good question, especially coming from a freak who has his penis on his face!" 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: One Piece of Tail


Three members of a weekly bridge quartet were all impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. “That’s a lovely garment, Fran,” purred one woman. “It must have cost you a fortune!” 

“But it didn’t,” said Fran, “just a single piece of ass.” 

“You mean,” continued the admirer of the coat, “one that you gave your husband?” 

“No,” smiled the coat wearer, “one that he got from the maid.”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Once He Starts Kissing You


“The trouble with Bob,” mentioned Sue to her roommate, “is that once he starts kissing you, he never knows where to stop.” 

“That’s funny,” Deb said. “The last time I went out with him, he found a great place to stop!”

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Let's Get Wild Tonight


A married couple is discussing why their marriage is in rut. They decide that like many married people, it’s because they never go out and have fun anymore. “Let's get wild tonight! Let’s go out and have a good time tonight!” the wife says finally. 

“Okay,” the husband replies. “But if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Is the Frickin' Cat There?


A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving 20 blocks from the house and leaving the cat at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He let the beast out of the car and headed home. 

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further, but the feline would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, cross the bridge, then right again, and make another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. 

Hours later, the man calls home. "Jen, is the frickin' cat there?" 

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" 

Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that SOB on the phone. I'm lost and need directions!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Aren't You A Policeman?


A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, is relieved early and arrives home four hours ahead of schedule, at two in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undresses in the dark, creeps into the bedroom, and starts to climb into bed. 

Just then, his wife sits up and says, "Joe, dearest, would you go down to the all-night chemist on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a slitting headache." 

"Certainly, honey," he says, and feeling his way across the dark room, he gets dressed and walks over to the chemist. As he arrives, the pharmacist looks up in surprise, "Hey," he says, "I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Beeman, right?" 

"Yeah, so?" says the officer. 

"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Before He Gets Through the Door


A guy staggers to the bathroom, whipping out his penis even before he gets through the door. 

Inadvertently, he’s wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman primping in the mirror. “This is for ladies!” she screams. 

The drunk waves his dick at her and says, “So is this!”

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Okay To Marry Joe


A husband calls for his wife on his deathbed. He tells his wife that after the passes away he doesn’t want her to be alone. “Six months after I pass, I think it would be okay for you to marry Joe.” 

“Joe?” his wife asks. “But I thought you hated Joe?” 

“I do,” the man, answers.

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Your Turn for the Hole


A guy walks into a bar in a town with no women and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?" 

The bartender replies, "It's not that bad. When we get lonely, we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it." 

So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he's gonna go find the barrel. So he walks up to the barrel and sticks it in the knothole. After about 5 minutes he walks back to the bar and tells the bartender, "Man, that's the greatest stuff I've ever had! What do I owe ya?" 

The bartender replies, "Nothing, but it's your turn to get in the barrel." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Beak Full of Shit


A strange bird the coo-coo, it sits upon the grass.

It's wings neatly folded, its beak is up its ass. 

In this strange position, it murmurs twit twit.

Cuz it’s hard to sing coo-coo, with a beak full of shit!

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Isn't This Enough?


A woman is in a psychiatrist's office and says to her doctor, "Please, kiss me!" 

The doctor responds, "That's all I need. Isn't it enough that we're naked and I'm lying on top of you?" 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Bigger Than His


A man is walking and sees a sign that says: "MAKE MY DONKEY LAUGH AND WIN $200!" 

The man thought, what the hell. He goes up to the man at the booth and asks, "How much?" 

The man at the booth replies, "Fifty dollars, please." He gives the $50. The man went around the wall to the donkey, whispered something into it's ear. The donkey laughed hard and laughed loud. The man had got his $200 and was on his way. 

The next month he was walking the same rout again, and he sees a sign that says: "MAKE MY DONKEY CRY AND WIN $200." 

So he walks up to the booth and again, pays the $50. He goes around the wall to the donkey and whispers something in its ear. When he comes around the donkey is balling his eyes out crying. Then the man at the booth says, " How did you make him laugh and cry?" 

"Well, when I made him laugh I said my penis was bigger than his. Then to make him cry, I showed him." 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Paint Us Making Love


Joan says to her husband, “I’d like my cousin Joe to visit one weekend and paint a picture of us making love. He is an artist, you know." 

Her husband replies, “Oh, he paints still life does he?

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Your Pump Number


A man finishes pumping gas and goes into the store to pay. At the door the sign says, “Please tell the cashier the pump number to pay.” 

The man walks up to the counter and says to the clerk, "Number Two.” 

The clerk hands the man a set of keys, motion to a hallway next to the counter, and says, “The second door to the left.”

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: His Thingy Is Out


A farmer and his pet rooster went everywhere together. One day they went to a movie and as the farmer got close to the ticket window, the clerk said, "I'm sorry but you can't take animals into the theater." 

The man looked sad and said, "But this is my pet rooster, Clucky. He goes wherever I go." 

"Oh, I understand. But if that is the case, you should not come in either." 

The farmer sighed and said, "Well this time I will leave him in the truck!” So the farmer went around the corner and stuffed Clucky down his pants. He then went back, got his ticket, went into the theater, and sat down next to two old ladies. About halfway through the movie Clucky started struggling so the farmer unzipped his pants to let him stick his head out. 

The first old lady saw this and turned to her friend and whispered, "Patsy, you’re not going to believe this but the man next to me has just unzipped his pants and let his thing out!" 

Patsy turned to her friend and said, "Well just ignore him. Besides, at our age, we've seen plenty." 

"Well, normally I would agree with you, but this one is eating my popcorn!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: How To Spell Dictate


The teacher told her class the word of the day was "dictate" and asked who could spell it. George raised his hand and he spelled out, "d-i-k-t-a-t-e." 

The teacher said, "Sorry, that's wrong." Then she asked Stephen. 

Stephen slowly spelled out, "d-i-c-k-t-a-t-e." 

"Sorry," says the teacher, "that's not right either." Next, she asked Fiona. 

After a slight pause Fiona began spelling, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e." 

"Very good Fiona," applauded the teacher, "that's correct. Now, who can use this word in a sentence?" 

Stephen raised his hand quick as a flash shouting, "I know-I know... [pause]... How did my dictate last night, Fiona?" 

 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Where's the 'P'?


There was a kid in a class who wanted to go to the bathroom to go pee, and he couldn’t ask because his teacher was asking students 1 by 1 to recite the alphabet. 

Then it was his turn. He started, "A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n,o... q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." 

Then the teacher asked, "Where’s the 'p'?" 

The boy looked down and looked sad, "The pee is under my pants." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: A Good Girl and A Nice Girl


What's the difference between a good girl and a nice girl? 

A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed. 

A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home. 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: A 'B' On Each Cheek


Brian and Cindy Blossom were about to have their first wedding anniversary and Cindy wanted to do something special. She decided to get a tattoo because Brian thought they were very sexy. 

She goes to the tattoo parlor and can't decide on a design, so she decides to get Brian's initials BB tattooed on her ass. She gets a 'B' on each cheek. She goes home and waits for Brian to come home. When she hears his car pull into the driveway, she drops her pants bends over and grabs her ankles making her new tattoo the first thing he sees when he walks in. 

The door opens. Her husband walks in and with an angered look on his face, he yells, "WHO THE HELL IS BOB?" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Going Down In Flames


A pilot is having dinner with a brunette and when they finish, they head to a hotel. He calls room service and asks for a bottle of red wine. When it arrives, he opens the bottle and puts some of the wine on the brunette’s lips and then starts kissing her. She asks what he’s doing and he replies, “When I have read meat, I must have red wine.” 

“Ooohh,” she says. A little later he calls room service again and orders some white wine. It arrives in a few moments and he begins to splash it on the girl's breasts and then starts kissing them. She asks what the white wine is for and he replies, “When I have white meat, I must have white wine.” 

“Ooohh, she says. Eventually, he works his way down, pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match, sprinkles it on her muff, and lights it on fire. “Aahhh! Why the hell did you do that?" she yells. 

“When I go down, I want to go down in flames!” He replies. 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Time To Take Your Temperature


Old Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. 

Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." 

Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. 

"Oh, that old nurse is taking my temperature," he replies. 

To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: Put It Back There!


A robber walks into a store. He waits until he is alone in the store with the manager. Then pulls out a gun. “Okay,” he says, pointing the pistol at the trembling man, “go over to the cash register and give me all the money. 

“All right,” says the man, “All right. I’ll do anything you say. Just please don’t hurt me.” 

After the manager has emptied the cash register the crook says, “Okay, pull your pants down and bend over.” 

“Oh, no,” says the man, “not that!" 

"Just do it,” says the robber. The manager drops his pants, and the crook proceeds to have his way with him. When the robber is finished, he tells the man to turn around. The thief says, “Okay, just one more thing before I leave. Give me a blowjob.” 

“No! No! Please, not that! Oh please, no!” 

The crook puts the gun to the man’s temple and says, “Do it.” So the guy gets down on his knees and begins giving the robber a blowjob. After a few minutes the thief starts getting carried away and starts moaning and waving his hands around in the air above his head. 

The manager suddenly stops and says to the crook, “Say, could you please put than gun back up to my head in case one of my friends walks in?” 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Mommy, What Are You Doing?


A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says, "Mommy, what are you doing?" 

"Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out." 

The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!" 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Never Been Touched


In the week before his marriage, David sowed the last of his wild oats with all the girls he’d ever dated. At the end of that time his penis was literally twisted and broken. David begged his doctor to help him, but the best the physician could do was create a makeshift splint, taping the worn member between four thin slats. 

On his wedding night David crawled into bed with his new bride, wondering what he’d tell her about his ravaged organ. 

The woman spread her legs. “Look, honey,” she said. “Never been touched by a man.” 

David undid his pajama pants. “Look, honey,” he said, “still in its original crate!” 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Looking for Some Deodorant


A man walks into a drugstore where a clerk greets him, "Can I help you, sir?" 

The man replies, "I’m looking for some deodorant." 

"Oh," says the clerk. "Ball or aerosol?" 

"Neither," says the man. "I want it for my armpits."

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Don't Need Them For Sex Anymore


An elderly gentleman goes to the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist replies, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?" 

The gentleman answers, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces." 

"That won’t do you any good," the pharmacist says. 

"That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over ninety years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes." 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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 Joke: I Almost Did Something Awful


Bob and his wife take separate vacations for the first time. 

When they get back home, Bob confesses, “Dear, I almost did something awful. One night at the hotel I dance with a nice looking woman. Then we had some drinks, and I wound up in her room. She pulled down the covers, we took off our clothes, and I actually crawled on top of her. But before anything happened, I thought of you, hopped off her, and ran to my room. What do you have to say about that?" 

His wife says, “You are lucky. You were on top.” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: Is the Doctor Home?

 

Ray has laryngitis. He goes to the doctor’s house down the street and knocks on the door. 

The doctor’s wife answers and Ray whispers, “Is the doctor home?” 

The doctor’s wife whispers back, “No, Come on in.” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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Joke: I Can't, I Have No Clothes On


A guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friend’s house instead. Her friend lives out of the way, so in return for the favor, she offers to get naked. 

The guy agrees and the girl takes off all her clothes. The guy is so busy looking at her that he smashes the car into a tree and get stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. “You’ll have to go get help!” he tells her. 

“But I can’t. I have no clothes on, and I can’t reach them.” 

“Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!” 

She reluctantly agrees and runs off to the nearest gas station. She finds the attendant and says, “Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?” 

“I’m sorry, ma’am... but I think he’s too far in.” 

 

a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"

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