worldangel Posted August 3, 2018 Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 Joke: Artists' Canvas I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?” Me: “Certainly, what width?” Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) “Uh, Scissors?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 3, 2018 Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 Joke: First hand job A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way. "Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!" He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?" "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that." So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain. "What's wrong?!" she cries out. "Take your thumb off the end!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2018 Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 Joke: In the Act A Howard County Policeman broke up a young couple in the act of lovemaking on a pathway in Columbia. The girl berated the officer long and loud with a barrage of obscenities. The boy was silent throughout the confrontation. The officer arrested them both anyway. The girl was charged with disorderly conduct, the boy with having an offensive person on his weapon. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2018 Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 Joke: Mess Maker A woman said to her friend, “I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.” The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, ‘Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'” The first woman asked, “Did it help?” Her friend said, “I don't know. I haven't seen him since.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2018 Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 Joke: Lawyer Vacancy There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2018 Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 Joke: Do Your Boobs? One day this guy named Dan was sitting in class next to a really hot girl named Jen. He was a dork but had a huge crush on Jen. Dan wanted to tell her about his crush on her but didn't know how to. So he said "Are your boobs so hard that when you touch them your fingers start bleeding?" Jen was totally grossed out and said in reply "I guess you've never seen boobs before" **The End** Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 4, 2018 Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 Joke: A man was sent to prison for 2... A man was sent to prison for 20 years. He was so bored while in there he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks - like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc. He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a bar. He sat down, took out the matchbox and emptied out the ant. He then said to the guy beside him, "you are not gonna believe what this ant can do." He showed him all the tricks, and the guy was impressed. He told him that he could make a fortune with the ant. The guy with the ant was excited and called the bartender over and said "you see that ant?" The bartender put his finger on the ant, twisted it and said "sorry sir it won't happen again." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2018 Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 Joke: Normal sex life... When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty." "May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them. This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2018 Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 Joke: Slow People in the Subway The thing I hate the most about the subway is every time I get off the train and I’m trying to get out of the station and back up to the street, I end up getting stuck behind these really slow people on the stairs. It happens to me every time I take the subway. It’s been happening to me for years. And my question is this: how the hell do they keep beating me to the stairway? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2018 Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 Joke: Serious Sergeant An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. . "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." . The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." . The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. .Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me. . She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2018 Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 Joke: You're in good health.... Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 5, 2018 Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 Joke: Mom, when I was on the bus... Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom : Well, you have done the right thing. Son : But Mom, I was sitting on Daddy's lap! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2018 Report Share Posted August 8, 2018 Joke: It was the middle of the night... It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan. The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted. “No,” moaned the man. “Sick.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2018 Report Share Posted August 8, 2018 Joke: The good son Unable to attend his father's funeral, a son who lived far away called his brother who lived near his father and said: "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." The next month, he got a bill for $2000.00, which he paid. But the next month, he got another bill for $2000.00, which he also paid, assuming it was some incidental expense. But when the third month yet another bill for $2000.00 arrived, he finally called his brother to see what was going on. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2018 Report Share Posted August 8, 2018 Joke: Someone Really Stinks A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2018 Report Share Posted August 8, 2018 Joke: Happy Birthday A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 23!". The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie". The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 8, 2018 Report Share Posted August 8, 2018 Joke: Taking the Edge Off A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home- made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would only take a couple of minutes." He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2018 Report Share Posted August 9, 2018 Joke: Is you dad still in jail?... Guy: Is you dad still in jail? Girl: For what? Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2018 Report Share Posted August 9, 2018 Joke: A man was walking down the beach... A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollars." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million. Next he said, " i want a Ferrari." So, he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully. Finally he said," Well I've always wanted to give a kidney." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2018 Report Share Posted August 9, 2018 Joke: Hilarious exchange in court Lawyer: Tell us your brother-in-law's name? Witness: Walker Lawyer: What is his first name? Witness: I am sorry I can't remember. Lawyer: He's been your brother-in-law for so many years, how is it possible that you can't remember his first name? Witness: It's just that I am very nervous. (Getting up from the witness chair and pointing to Walker) Toby, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2018 Report Share Posted August 9, 2018 Joke: Great News The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said: "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said: "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her." "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said: "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 9, 2018 Report Share Posted August 9, 2018 Joke: Price Check on Tampax When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please." As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 Joke: A few years in the desert... A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty. Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door. The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 Joke: A rapist, a gangster and a murderer... A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police officer! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 Joke: A married couple went to the hospital ... A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 Joke: Weekend at Daves.. Starting the car for the long trip back into the city, Thorn and Bill said their final good-byes to their good friend, Curly David. "Thanks for puttin' us up for the weekend, pal," said Thorn. "The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife." Shortly after hitting the road, Bill turned to Thorn and said, "I hope you weren't serious about enjoying fucking his wife!" "No, I wasn't serious. She was lousy." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 10, 2018 Report Share Posted August 10, 2018 Joke: If Restaurants Functioned Like Tech Support Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now. [waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check] Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [waiter leaves.] Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! The check: Soup of the Day . . . . . . . $5.00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50 Access to support . . . . . . $1.00 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2018 Report Share Posted August 11, 2018 Joke: Magic Window Two guys are sitting at a bar. "You know why I love this bar?" asks the first one. "No," says the second guy. "Why do you love this bar?" The first guy points at the window, which is six stories above the ground. "It has a magic window," he says. "You jump out of that window, and you can fly." The second guy just shakes his head. "Shut up." "No," says the first guy. "It really is a magic window. I'll prove it to you." So the first guy gets down from his bar stool, runs at the window, jumps out of it, and flies. He flies around the building twice, up and down, and finally comes back in. He walks to his barstool, and takes a sip of his drink. "See?" he says. The first guy looks confused. He looks at his drink. "I must be drunk," he says. "Still don't believe me?" asks the second guy. "I'll show you again." He gets down from his stool, runs and jumps out of the window again. This time he performs some impressive aerial acrobatics, spins, flips, dives. When he finally comes back in, the second guy is staring at him, slack-jawed. "Wow," says the second guy. "A magic window." He gets off his barstool, takes a running jump out of the window, and promptly plummets to his death. The first guy starts laughing. The bartender comes over to the first guy with a stern look on his face. "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2018 Report Share Posted August 11, 2018 Joke: A schoolteacher asked her primary six... A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense. There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them... "The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2018 Report Share Posted August 11, 2018 Joke: Liver and cheese.... Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They're speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?" "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is the Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says: "Liver alone. Cheese mine." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2018 Report Share Posted August 11, 2018 Joke: A blonde male Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!" The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece." "I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 11, 2018 Report Share Posted August 11, 2018 Joke: No worry A wife is having sex with her husband's best friend one day. Soon the phone rings, so she answers it. "Yes... uh, huh... OK... yes... bye." Her husband's best friend says: "Who was it?" "That was my husband," she replied. The man jumped out of bed, and tried to put on his clothes in a hurry. "Relax," said the wife. "He just called to tell me he was out playing golf with you" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2018 Report Share Posted August 12, 2018 Joke: Two blondes, Carol and Patty... Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact. Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2018 Report Share Posted August 12, 2018 Joke: Some people get lucky and kill... Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2018 Report Share Posted August 12, 2018 Joke: A schoolteacher asked her primary ... A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense. There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them... "The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2018 Report Share Posted August 12, 2018 Joke: Two piggies walk into a bar, get ... Two piggies walk into a bar, get drunk and ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in. Two more piggies walk into a bar. They soon get drunk and they ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in. One piggy walks into a bar. He gets drunk out of his mind and then heads for the exit. "Hey, buddy! Do you want know where the bathroom is?" asks the bartender. "No thanks," the piggy slurs, "I always go WEEWEEWEE all the way home!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 12, 2018 Report Share Posted August 12, 2018 Joke: Why You So Fat? A family is at the dinner table. The father looks at his oldest son. "Tony! Why are you so fat?" "Pop, it's Mama's casseroles!" Tony says. "I can't stop eating them, it's so good." "Tony, you should take a smaller bites." Pop says. Then Pop looks at his middle son. "Fred! Why are you so fat?" "Pop, it's a Mama's roast beef," Vinny says. "I can't stop eating it, it's so good." "Fred, you should take a smaller bites." Then Pop looks at his youngest son, "John! How you stay so slim and trim?" "It's easy, Pop," John says. "I eat a lots and lots of pussy." "Pussy? Pussy?" Pop says. "That tastes like shit!" "Pop, you should a take smaller bites." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 Joke: Knocked Up From Behind A father and son are having their final man to man talk before the son's wedding. The son asks his father, "Just to be sure Dad, is there any way a woman can get pregnant from anal sex?" The father astutely replies, "I thought the answer would be self evident son, where do you think lawyers and IRS agents come from?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 Joke: Sex With A Genie A man six foot four with a head no larger than a grapefruit goes into this bar. He sits down and orders a drink. After serving him the bartender cannot take his eyes off this guy’s head. He finally goes over and asks him why his head is so small. The man explains, that one time while walking on the beach he found this bottle and rubbed it and a beautiful Genie popped out of the bottle and offered to grant him one wish. He said he wished to have intercourse with her. She replied that Genies were not allowed to do that. He then asked her if he could have a little head. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 Joke: My Hands Are Freezing Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" To that she replies, "Well, come here and I’ll warm them between my legs." He goes out a couple of more times and does the same thing. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 Joke: Hit Him Again An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 13, 2018 Report Share Posted August 13, 2018 Joke: Death Of His Father The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged. The salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 Joke: It's A History Book A curious kid comes running to an elderly man, who is reading a book. He asks him, "What are you reading?" The elderly man answers, “A history book." The kid looks at what the elderly man is reading and says, "But that’s a book about sex!" And the man said, "Yeah, but for me it's history!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 Joke: You Call This Progress? A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress. “You call this progress?” snapped the patient. “Six months ago, I was Napoleon. Now I’m nobody!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 Joke: What Does This Prove? A schoolteacher wanted to show her students how dangerous drinking alcohol could be. She brought a jar of alcohol and an earthworm to class one day to demonstrate its effects. She dropped the worm into the alcohol and it died instantly. She then asked her students what this proved. One student raised his hand and said, "If you drink a lot of alcohol, you won't get worms." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 Joke: My Daddy's Got Two Two little boys are talking in the backyard. “My daddy’s got a penis,” says the first. “My daddy’s got two penises,” says the second. “No way,” says the first. “Yeah,” says the second. “He’s got a small one to pee with and a great big one to clean the baby-sitter’s teeth!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 14, 2018 Report Share Posted August 14, 2018 Joke: I Purchased Twelve Dozen Storming into the drugstore first thing Monday morning, the young man slammed a carton and a receipt down on the counter. “I came in here on Friday and purchased twelve dozen condoms,” he yelled at the pharmacist. “Well, I counted them. There’s only eleven dozen here!” Looking at the man square in the eye, the pharmacist apologetically said, “So sorry, sir, to have ruined your weekend.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Joke: Military Cargo Plane A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control. He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!” They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!” They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, “Kid, what's so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Joke: Poor guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Joke: A cannibal entered the meat market ... A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain. Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats. The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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