worldangel Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Joke: Company picnic... A wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you....!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 15, 2018 Report Share Posted August 15, 2018 Joke: Repair Estimate When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?” “Actually it's my boss's idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2018 Report Share Posted August 16, 2018 Joke: A cannibal entered the meat market ... A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain. Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats. The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2018 Report Share Posted August 16, 2018 Joke: A famous art collector is walking ... A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2018 Report Share Posted August 16, 2018 Joke: Dangerous food... A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2018 Report Share Posted August 16, 2018 Joke: I'm Going Overseas Joe is frustrated with his marriage, and one day he starts packing a suitcase. His wife says, “What are you doing?” He says, “I’m going to Australia. I hear the women there pay men $50 a pop just to bang them.” His wife starts packing a suitcase too. Joe says, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I’m coming with you. I want to see how you’re gonna live on hundred bucks a month.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 16, 2018 Report Share Posted August 16, 2018 Joke: Did You See Me? A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank. Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, " id you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "Yes!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head, and BANG! Shoots him dead. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man calmly responds, "No... but my wife did." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Joke: Whatcha Looking At? The beautiful woman had just stepped out of the bathtub in her hotel suite and was about to reach for a towel when she caught sight of a window washer taking in all of her charms. Too stunned to move, she stood staring at the man. “Whatcha lookin’ at, lady?” he finally asked. “Ain’tcha never seen a window washer before?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Joke: Incomplete Sentence It was Memorial Day celebration, and the senator used the occasion to announce, “I am going to go to the presidential convention and run as a favorite son!” Listening to the speech, one man said to another, “Did I miss something, or did that jerk forget to finish the sentence?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Joke: Several Times A Night A researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey to check on a discrepancy. He asked the man, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly.’ Your wife, on the other hand, answered ‘several times a night’.” “That’s right,” replies the man, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Joke: Looking for Some Deodorant A man walks into a drugstore where a clerk greets him, "Can I help you, sir?" The man replies, "I’m looking for some deodorant." "Oh," says the clerk. "Ball or aerosol?" "Neither," says the man. "I want it for my armpits." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 17, 2018 Report Share Posted August 17, 2018 Joke: The Good and the Bad Side A woman goes to her doctor for a physical. The doctor notices she seems a little down he asks her what’s going on. “Well, my husband has lost that loving feeling, it's been months." The doctor suggests she get him some Viagra. "Oh, he'd never agree to that." The Doctor says "Here take a sample and slip it in his morning coffee and see what happens." The wife agrees and makes an appointment for the following week. She returns the following week and the Doctor asked “How did it go?" The wife replied, "Both good and bad. I did what you said and while we were having breakfast I slipped it in his morning coffee. It wasn’t very long when he got that gleam in his eye and took me right there on the table. It was as wonderful as our honeymoon 30 years ago." The Doctor looked confused. "So what’s the bad part?" The wife looked at him sheepishly, "We're banned from McDonalds for life." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Joke: Just Making Money "I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money." "Why do you say that?" "Listen to this from his bill, 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Joke: It's the Dampness A couple in their eighties just got married and is on their honeymoon. In the hotel room she slips into something sexy and crawls into bed and waits for her new groom. He's in the bathroom sprucing himself up. She waits and waits until she can't wait any longer. She gets up and goes to the bathroom and opens the door. Peering in she sees him bent over on the toilet trying to put on a condom. She giggles, "Honey what are you doing? I'm 86 years old and can't get pregnant anymore." He looks up at her and says, "I know, but honey, you know how dampness affects my arthritis." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Joke: Miss Crunt The first day of Little Johnny's third grade class also has a new teacher. "Good morning class", she says, “I’m your new teacher. My name is Miss Prussy." The class snickers. The teacher carefully annunciates and writes her name on the chalkboard. "It's p-R-u-s-s-y. Now tomorrow morning I expect all of you to remember my name. And it won't be written on the chalkboard either." So the very next morning the teacher asks the class, "Alright, which of you remembers my name?" Not one hand rises. Finally Little Johnny slowly raises his hand. "Thank you, Johnny", says the teacher as she calls on him. "Will you please tell the rest of the class my name?" Johnny thinks intently and says, "Miss... Crunt?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Joke: I Almost Did Something Awful Bob and his wife take separate vacations for the first time. When they get back home, Bob confesses, “Dear, I almost did something awful. One night at the hotel I dance with a nice looking woman. Then we had some drinks, and I wound up in her room. She pulled down the covers, we took off our clothes, and I actually crawled on top of her. But before anything happened, I thought of you, hopped off her, and ran to my room. What do you have to say about that?" His wife says, “You are lucky. You were on top.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 18, 2018 Report Share Posted August 18, 2018 Joke: 18 More Erections A man goes to his doctor for his annual exam. After some tests, the doctor comes in and says, "I have some bad news, you'll only have 18 more erections in your life." The man, disheartened, rushes home. "Honey!" he yells. "I'm only going to have 18 more erections in my life!" His wife, horrified, says, " Well, that's okay, we'll just have to use them sparingly, that is all." The man says, "What in the hell are you talking about? You're not on the list." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 Joke: Public Service Announcement Diabetics need insulin so that they don't die. I need cigarettes and coffee so that others don't die. So my smoking is really a public service then, isn't it? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 Joke: The Meat Mincer An old woman walked into her local butchers. While she waits she asked the butcher, 'Where is Billy, your apprentice?" "I fired him," replied the butcher. "Why did you do that?" "I found him with his penis in the meat mincer." Shocked the old lady replied, "And what did you do with the meat mincer?" "I fired her too," said the butcher. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 Joke: What's That Lump In Your Shorts? A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going. A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says, "What's that lump in your shorts?” "That's a tennis ball," he replies. "Wow!" says his friend, "I've had tennis elbow, and I thought that was bad enough!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 Joke: Now That's A Vase Two girlfriends where walking down the street and one sees her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers. She says to her friend, "Shit, I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers, he always expects something from me”. Her friend says, "What’s wrong with that? I think its sweet." The girl replies, "I am tired of laying on my back with my legs spread open for three days.” "Why don't you just buy a vase?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 19, 2018 Report Share Posted August 19, 2018 Joke: Want Ketchup On That? An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2018 Report Share Posted August 20, 2018 Joke: Mutual Orgasm? A young married woman and an older married woman sitting together on a train from Boston to New York. As sometimes happens with strangers in such an environment, they began to discuss highly personal matters. As they were passing through Hartford, the younger woman spoke up thoughtfully, “Tell me, do you and your husband have mutual orgasms?” “No,” replied the older lady, “I think we have State Farm.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2018 Report Share Posted August 20, 2018 Joke: Gimme Your Money While strolling down Hollywood Boulevard at night, a guy felt a gun pressed to the base of his head. “Gimme your money or I blow your brains out,” a voice snarled from behind. Without missing beat the guy said, “Go ahead ad shoot. In Hollywood you can live without a brain, but not without money.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2018 Report Share Posted August 20, 2018 Joke: No Interest In Sex Joe, Larry and Paul are sitting at a bar taking turns talking about their wives and how they are never interested in sex. Joe says, "My wife comes to bed holding an ice cube in each hand and when morning comes, they haven’t even melted yet." Larry says, "My wife likes to have a glass of water on her nightstand, but by the time she walks in from the bathroom with it, the glass is frozen." Paul says, "When my wife gets undressed for bed, the furnace kicks on!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 20, 2018 Report Share Posted August 20, 2018 Joke: What's It Do? A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos. The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?" "Yeah! What is that?" "Why that's a thermos!" "What's it do?" "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!" "I'll take it." The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers asks him, "What's that?" "It's a thermos." "What's it do?" "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold." "So whatcha got in it?" "Two ice creams and a cup of coffee." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: Sticky Hair? Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump. Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?" So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: There was a blonde driving ... There was a blonde driving in her car on the highway. She crashed into the car in front of her and a cop came over to her and said mam what is wrong? She said officer no matter where I turn there is a tree if i turn left, right, there is a tree. The officer leaned over and said mam that is your air freshener. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: Cheap Mistress There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!” The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: The new lawyer... Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking... "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million..." "Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support..." "Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details..." This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied "I'm from the phone company...I came to hook up your phone." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: One day, a guy went into a store ... One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did. The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. He shrugged it off, and continued on his way. As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him. He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this. He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths. The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds". The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, , only, shaped like a lawyer." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Joke: Growing penis When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see an urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery. "How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the doctor asked. "Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Joke: Penguin in Bar A Galapagos penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the barkeep, "Have you seen my brother?" The barkeep asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Joke: This guy needs a job and decides... This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorilla’s skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Joke: Grounds for divorce... A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is 'yes'." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Joke: Money in a jar A guy walks up and sees a jar of money in a bar. The Barman says you need to do 3 things to get all the money. 1. He points over to a big guy, 6'9" 280 lbs. You have to walk up to him and knock him out in one punch. 2. Pull a tooth out of a Rottweiler’s mouth. 3. Screw a 70 year old lady. He walks over to the big guy and knocks him out in one punch. He takes the dog in the bathroom and all you hear is yelling and screaming. He comes out all bloody and says, "Now where is that 70 year old lady I have to pull the tooth out of?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 (edited) Joke: Cruise control My brother and I own a car dealership in the north end of town. It was a busy Tuesday morning, when a large motor coach was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle badly needed repair and the whole thing looked like it was caught up in a hurricane. My brother asked the driver what had happened. The driver replied that he had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a cup of coffee! We had to educate him about the difference between cruise control and auto-pilot! Edited August 23, 2018 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2018 Report Share Posted August 30, 2018 Joke: Hotdogs Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally move to New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long: the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says: "What part of the dog did you get?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2018 Report Share Posted August 30, 2018 Joke: The Lawyer at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had just seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter. Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2018 Report Share Posted August 30, 2018 Joke: Cruise control My brother and I own a car dealership in the north end of town. It was a busy Tuesday morning, when a large motor coach was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle badly needed repair and the whole thing looked like it was caught up in a hurricane. My brother asked the driver what had happened. The driver replied that he had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a cup of coffee! We had to educate him about the difference between cruise control and auto-pilot! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2018 Report Share Posted August 30, 2018 Joke: This guy needs a job and decides ... This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 30, 2018 Report Share Posted August 30, 2018 Joke: A guy was driving when a policeman... A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2018 Report Share Posted September 2, 2018 Joke: Smart Blonde A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and thought it would make the perfect opportunity to show off her brains. The now brunette blonde asked the farmer if she could have one of his sheep if she could correctly guess how many sheep there were. The farmer looked at his sheep that were jumping and running about and thought to himself "that would be impossible" so he allowed her to guess. After a few minutes, the woman correctly guessed the number at 129. The farmer was amazed so he let her pick one of the sheep. The woman walked into the middle of the heard, picked up a fuzzy little critter and walked back to the farmer. The farmer smiled at her and said "If I can correctly guess what color your hair is can I have my dog back?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2018 Report Share Posted September 2, 2018 Joke: Parachuting A blind man was describing his favorite sport: parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2018 Report Share Posted September 2, 2018 Joke: A young man wanted to get his ... A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2018 Report Share Posted September 2, 2018 Joke: A kindergarten teacher handed ... A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2018 Report Share Posted September 2, 2018 Joke: Strudel An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: “I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!” “No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now.” “I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?”, the old man begs with what is left of his final breath. One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. “Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?” the old man plaintively queries. “I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2018 Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 Joke: Grandpa, can you...? A little girl said, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? "Why sure you can," her grandfather replied. As she sat on her grandfather's lap she said, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?" "A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog." The girl said, "Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?" Perplexed, her grandfather said, "Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?" And the little girl said, "Because Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2018 Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 Joke: Debbie had a gun Debbie was cleaning her attic one day, when she discovered an old shotgun lying in a corner. Not sure what to do with it or how to get rid of it, she called her mother in Michigan to ask what to do. Her mother had a suggestion. "Take it to the police station," she said and put the phone down. Within seconds, her mother called back and said to Debbie, "Don't forget to call them first and inform them you're coming." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2018 Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 Joke: Nursery school teacher says to... Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!" "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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