worldangel Posted December 4, 2018 Report Share Posted December 4, 2018 Joke: Bad Driver I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent. On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver. "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called. "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot." "Please, don't worry," I said to her. "I'm sure our insurance companies will take care of everything." "Thank you for your understanding," she said. "You're so much nicer than the man I hit on the way out." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2018 Report Share Posted December 4, 2018 Joke: The Perfect Man The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named: MR. POTATO HEAD! - He’s tan. - He’s cute. - He knows the importance of accessorizing. - And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2018 Report Share Posted December 4, 2018 Joke: My Testicles A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught, so she marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!" At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back?!?!?!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2018 Report Share Posted December 5, 2018 Joke: Let's Go In After Him Two private detectives were doing some research on a scandalous divorce case in LA. At the husband’s request they staked out the wife’s bedroom, and sure enough, she had another man inside. The detectives remarked to one another that they were going at it as if sex was going out of style. After watching rather furtively for quite a few minutes, one detective finally said, “As long as we’re here on the case, may be we should go in after him?” To this the other replied, “Great idea! Who first?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2018 Report Share Posted December 5, 2018 Joke: Kicked In the Nuts The definitive answer to the age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and here is the reason for that conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2018 Report Share Posted December 5, 2018 Joke: Is It On the Menu? Marie got a job waitressing at the hotel dining room. She handed a doctor the menu and waited. In the meantime she reached behind and gave herself a good scratch. The man noticed this and asked her if she had hemorrhoids. She replied, "If they ain't on the menu, we ain't got them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2018 Report Share Posted December 5, 2018 Joke: What Your Mom Calls Your Dad Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job. Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2018 Report Share Posted December 5, 2018 Joke: Sex Every Night At a party, an older couple is talking to a young one. The young man says to the old man, “I’ve heard that when you get up in years, you can’t have sex anymore. Is that true?” “I don’t know where you heard that, young man, but we have sex almost every night!” the older gent replies. “Really?” “Sure. Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2018 Report Share Posted December 6, 2018 Joke: The Self-Made Man A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?" The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man." "I am." "Well, why did you make yourself like that?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2018 Report Share Posted December 6, 2018 Joke: Upside Down Birds Nest Two gophers are sitting on one side of the street, wondering what it is like across the way. So one gopher decides to dig a tunnel under the street to get to the other side. Once he gets there he decides to pop his head out of the tunnel. Just as he does this, a woman gets out of her car and starts to pee over the hole. The gopher goes back to the other side of the street and his friend asks him what he saw. He says, “All I know is, it rains so much over there that the birds build their nests upside down.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2018 Report Share Posted December 6, 2018 Joke: Windows Open at Night "My dad says that when we sleep at night, we should have all the windows open." "And what's your dad's job? Is he a doctor?" "No, he's a thief." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2018 Report Share Posted December 6, 2018 Joke: Grandpa, What Are You Doing? A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well... last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2018 Report Share Posted December 6, 2018 Joke: Sheerer Than That At a lingerie store, a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. "This is $200," says the saleswoman, showing him an item. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "Sheerer than that." "This is the sheerest we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take it back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. He looks at her a moment and says, "Well, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2018 Report Share Posted December 7, 2018 Joke: Where's My Watch? A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling' lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. "OH MY GOODNESS!" screamed the lawyer, "My Rolex!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2018 Report Share Posted December 7, 2018 Joke: Did You Say Warehouse? On the battlefield an Officer orders a Soldier to try and save a military warehouse that’s been set on fire by the enemy. To get to a hose the soldier dodges bullets, wipes out a machine gun nest and blows up an enemy tank. He then climbs all over the burning building and extinguish every flame he can find. On the way back he kills three men barehanded, shoots down an enemy helicopter and destroys and enemy base. The Officer salutes him. “That was the most heroic thing I ever saw,” he says. “You’ll get a medal for saving that warehouse” “Warehouse?” says the soldier, “I thought you said ‘whorehouse’!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2018 Report Share Posted December 7, 2018 Joke: Mr. Jack Daniels There are two women sitting around talking about their lovers. One woman says to the other, "I have three lovers and I have names them all after soda pop. The first one I named 7-up because he is seven inches long and always up. The second one I named Mountain Dew because when he mounts me he knows what to do. The third one I named Jack Daniels." The second woman is confused and she says to the first woman, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda, it's a hard liquor." The first woman says, “EXACTLY!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2018 Report Share Posted December 7, 2018 Joke: You Don't Need A Man Stacy is sitting at the bar, talking with her girlfriends about what makes the perfect mate. “The man I marry,” she says, “must be a shining light. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing, and stay home at night!” Lisa, the elderly barmaid, overhears this and says, “Honey, it sounds like you don’t need a man. You need a TV!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2018 Report Share Posted December 7, 2018 Joke: Can I Get 3 Pills, Doc? A man goes to see the doctor to ask for three Viagra pills. The doctor says, "These are very powerful pills so I need to know why you need three?" "Well, Doc, my girlfriend is coming over Friday. My ex-wife on Saturday, and my new-wife is coming home on Sunday. I need these pills so I can satisfy them all." "Well," the doctor said, "okay, but one on one condition. That you come in on Monday so I can check your vitals to make sure you are ok." The man agrees. So Monday arrives and the man goes to see the doctor, with both arms are in a sling. "Oh my! What happened?" the doctor asks. The man replies, "Nobody showed up, I was alone all weekend." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 8, 2018 Report Share Posted December 8, 2018 Joke: It's Your Organ While making love together for the first time Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly stopped and laid back. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Forgive me,” she said, “but it’s your organ. It just isn’t big enough." “Excuse me!” Joe replied, “But it wasn’t meant to be played in a Cathedral!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 8, 2018 Report Share Posted December 8, 2018 Joke: Drilling for Oil Storming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce proceeding begin at one against is young wife. “What’s the problem?” “I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the magnate. “I don’t know if that’ll fly,” replied the lawyer. “I mean, your wife isn’t a piece of property, you do not own her.” “Damn right,” the tycoon began, “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drilling rights!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 8, 2018 Report Share Posted December 8, 2018 Joke: You Want It Pasteurized? A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized?" The blonde replied, "No, just up to my nipples." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 8, 2018 Report Share Posted December 8, 2018 Joke: I Can Help You A psychiatrist ushered a new patient into his office and began their session. “Now tell me, what is it that you would like to discuss?” he asked. “I’ve become obsessed with hoarding money, replied the patient. “Ah… It may take many, many sessions, but I believe I can help you overcome this.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 8, 2018 Report Share Posted December 8, 2018 Joke: She Got the Last One A new mother took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put the purchases around her. In the checkout line, she noticed a small boy and his mother were ahead of her. The small boy was crying and begging for some special treat. "He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any," she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2018 Report Share Posted December 9, 2018 Joke: Crushed Nuts? A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2018 Report Share Posted December 9, 2018 Joke: My Dog Says A man is pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. The police officer goes over and says to the man, “My dog says you have weed in the car.” The man responds, “Well, I don’t know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2018 Report Share Posted December 9, 2018 Joke: Grudge Pregnancy A man told the doctor, "My wife’s pregnant, but we haven’t had sex in over a year. I don’t understand it." The doctor said, "It’s what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy." "What’s a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man. The doctor replied, "Well, somebody’s obviously had it in for you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2018 Report Share Posted December 9, 2018 Joke: Why You Lying A man is having an affair with his secretary. The passions overwhelm them one day shortly before he's due home to have dinner with his wife. He quickly starts getting dress and tells his lover the secretary to go out in the yard with his shoes and rub them all over the lawn. When gets home he finds an angry wife who says, "Why are you late for dinner?" He replies, "Well honey I am going to be perfectly honest with you, I’m having an affair with my secretary!" She replies, "Why you lying no good son of a buck, you've been out golfing again, look at your shoes!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2018 Report Share Posted December 9, 2018 Joke: Have A Problem A guy goes to this doctor and says, “Doc I have a problem.” “What kind of a problem?” the doctor asked. “Well, before I go to work my wife jumps me and we have sex three times. When I get to the office, my secretary and I have sex, and then at lunch we have sex and a ‘quickie’ at the end of work. Then when I get home, my wife jumps me again before dinner, after dinner, before we go to bed, and before we go to sleep. All this happens every day.” “So,” asks the doctor, “what’s the problem?" “When I jerk off, I get dizzy.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Joke: Picking Lemons The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Joke: Next Plane to Paris Irritated by a professor of history who liked to tell off-color stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all get up and leave the room in protest. The professor got wind of their plan just before class the following day, however, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.” They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France,” he said. The girls looked at one another, arose, and started for the door. “Ladies, please,” he said with a smile. “The next plane to Paris does not leave until tomorrow afternoon.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Joke: Your Face Might Stick That Way A Kindergarten student was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch. The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way." Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Joke: That's Strange A lawyer’s name was Strange. When he died his friend asked the tombstone maker to write, “Here lies Strange, an honest person, and a lawyer.” The tombstone maker warned that this statement can be very confusing, as anyone who passes by grave would think that three men were buried in a single grave. However, he suggested another statement, “Here lies a person who was not only honest but also a good lawyer." This way, whenever people walk by his grave and read it, they will say, “That’s strange!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Joke: The Latex Factory Tour A tour group is being guided through a factory that manufactures all types of rubber products, everything from tires to rubber bands. The highlight of the tour is watching the latex condoms being peeled off the penis-shape molds, rolled up, and slipped into foil packets. The guests are surprised, however, to notice that every so often, before the condoms are packaged, a man with a pin takes a random rubber off the assembly line and pokes a tiny hole in it. One of the visitors cries out in shock to the tour guide, “Hey, why is he doing that? Don’t they know that those pinholes will cause thousands of unwanted pregnancies?” “Yeah,” says the tour guide, “but just think of what it does for our ‘nipple’ division!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 Joke: Infrequently There was an elderly couple considering living together, rather than getting married. The woman was concerned about sharing the same bed. She asked her friend, "Well, what about sex?" The man replied, "Infrequently." The woman thought for a moment, then asked, "Is that one word or two?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 Joke: Worst Day of My Life Two bats are hanging upside down in a cave. The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?” “I sure do," began the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 Joke: Being A Grandfather A loving couple had their first grandchild and was visibly excited. So the wife asks her husband, "Honey, how does it feel being a grandfather?" "Oh, that part’s okay," he said, "but I'm not so sure about going to bed with a grandmother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 Joke: Free Meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 Joke: What's That Hanging on the Hook? The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises, coming from the shop. He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 21-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and was masturbating with a liverwurst. He sighed and tiptoed back to bed. The next morning, one of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he did not have any. The woman was annoyed. She pointed and said, “No liverwurst, eh? Well, what’s that hanging on the hook right over there?” The embarrassed butcher frowned at her and replied, “That, lady, is my new son-in-law.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2018 Report Share Posted December 12, 2018 Joke: Every Time I Breathe A Lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” “Really” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2018 Report Share Posted December 12, 2018 Joke: What Sort of Girl Old business man to a beautiful young model, "Would you consider sleeping with me for a million dollars?" “Hmmm. Yes, I think I would," she says. "Well," he says, "how about five dollars then?" “How dare you! What sort of girl do you think I am?” "Honey, we’ve already established that. Now we are just fixing on the price." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2018 Report Share Posted December 12, 2018 Joke: Vampires in a bar Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I would like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2018 Report Share Posted December 12, 2018 Joke: No Excuses Allowed A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 12, 2018 Report Share Posted December 12, 2018 Joke: I’m Going In After It A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide. "I think you mean spermicidal," says the cashier. "No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 Joke: A Wise Man Once Said A wise man once said that for a man to be happy, he must: 1) Find a woman who cooks well and knows how to keep the house neat and tidy. 2) Be able to exchange conversation with a woman that is at the same level as he is, intellectually speaking. 3) Be satisfied with his partner in bed. 4) Find someone who shares his dreams, visions triumphs and even failures in life. 5)Make sure that these four women don't know each other! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 Joke: Compliment Her There are these two highschool boys at the prom. The first one says to the other.. "My dates really hot and wants to go out to my car, but I'm afraid I'll screw it up" His friend tells him: "Don't worry! Just compliment her. Girls love compliments." He says ok and leaves. About 15 minutes later he returns rubbing a black eye. "What happened! Didn't you say nice things to her?" "Yea, I did, but it didn't work." "What did you say?" "When we first got in the car, we started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, they sure were sweet. She liked that. Then I started feeling her tits. I told her that for such large breasts, they sure were firm. She really liked that. Things were going really good then. I got her skirt up and panties off and told her, for such a large crack, it sure didn't stink much. Then she hit me!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 Joke: A woman goes into Wal-Mart... A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 Joke: Be My Valentine A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 Joke: A salesman telephone a household... A salesman telephone a household, and a four-year-old answered. Salesman: May I speak to your mother? Child: She is not here. Salesman: Well, is anyone else there? Child: My sister Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her? Child: I guess so. There was a long silence on the other phone. Then: Child: Hello? Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister. Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 Joke: A blonde was hard up for money... A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job. She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left. He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly. "It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 Joke: This duck walks into a convenience ... This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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