Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: The test...

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company.

They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

[worldangel]

Joke: Gary and Martin were standing

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. 

"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before." 
"Like what?" Martin said. 
"All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said. 

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said. 
"Straight, like normal," Gary said. 

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said. 
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants. 
"What did you do that for?" Martin said. 

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal." 
"Shoot!" Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

[worldangel]

Joke: Looking for a Lumberjack...

A large, well established, lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Sure, that's what they call it NOW!"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Poker pro

A poker pro sees an old friend of his at the Rio during the World Series of Poker and pulls him aside.

"Look, man," he says, "I really hate to ask this but you've known me for years and you know I wouldn't ask unless I'm desperate. I've been running terrible, I can't feed my wife and kids right now, and we're about to get kicked out of our house. Can I borrow $1,000 just to keep our heads above water until I figure something out?"

"Of course," his friend says, "but with just one condition. You have to swear to me that you won't play poker with it, and that it'll go towards food for your family."

The poker pro breaks out into a huge grin. "I swear. I can even prove it to you, as here's my $10,000 entry to the Main Event that I just bought in for, so I'll definitely be too busy the next few days to even think about playing poker with the $1,000!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Upon hearing that her elderly ...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Show business

A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work.

"It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink."

His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."

He looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A man went to his doctor to have ...

A man went to his doctor to have his penis examined because it was hurting badly. 

 

After a thorough examination, the doctor told the patient: "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Tell me the good news first," replied the patient.

"The good news," said the doctor, "Is that penis, we won't have to cut it off."

"Thank Goodness," replied the patient. "Then, what's the bad news?"

"It'll fall off by itself in a few days" replied the doctor.

[worldangel]

Joke: The photographer for a national...

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. 

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. 

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" 

The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and soon they were in the air. 

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." 

"Why?" asked the pilot. 

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. 

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" 

[worldangel]

Joke: A dentist was getting ready to...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Red faced judge

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch.

 

The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true.

"I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.

The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."

[worldangel]

Joke: A farm boy accidentally overturned ...

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. 

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." 

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." 
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. 

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." 
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." 

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" 
"Under the wagon." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Once upon a time there was a ...

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south.

 

In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral of the Story:

Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy

Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.

And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.

[worldangel]

 Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his ...

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict.

 

The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Lumberyard

Have you heard about the guys who drove their pickup truck into a lumberyard? One of them walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

"You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" the clerk said.

"Let me go check," replied the man, and he went back to the truck.

"Yeah, I meant two-by-fours," he said, returning a few moments later.

"Allright. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute to think and then finally said, "I'd better go check."

After a while he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're building a house."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Pizza!

One night after prom a guy took a girl on a dead end road and she was like where are we at? The guy replied this is where guys and girls go to have sex after prom! She was like ol ok! The guy was then like do you wanna have sex and the girl replied no and the guy was like why not?!?! The girl was like because I’m on my period.

 

The guy said ok well then can i eat you out and the again replied no im on my period. So they sat there for a while and the guy was finally like well then can i finger you and she replied ok.

 

Then not to long after that a cop pulled up and came up and knocked on the window of the car. So the guy rolls down the window and says is there a problem officer? The officer was like no but what are you kids doing and the boy replied while licking his fingers eating pizza.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Physicist, chemist, and statistician

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?"

To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."

[worldangel]

Joke: A husband and wife were at a party

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.

 

"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

[worldangel]

Joke: A duck walked into a bakery on...

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop. 

The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here." 

So the duck left. 

The following day the duck went back and asked again. 

This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor." 

The following day the duck returned and asked, "Have you any nails?" 

The baker replied, "No." 

And the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then." 
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Birthday party

A lady is throwing a Birthday party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.

Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout.
Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back.

Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time.
But the clown hadn't shown up.

After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.
She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.

She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous.

I have never seen such a thing.
Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

[worldangel]

Joke: While Bill waited at the airport ..

While Bill waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune. 

He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: “You weigh 195 pounds, you are married, and you’re on your way to San Diego.” Bill stood there dumbfounded. 

Another man put in a quarter and the computer read: “You weigh 184 pounds, you’re divorced, and you’re on your way to Chicago.” 

Bill said to the man, “Are you divorced and on our way to Chicago?” 
“Yes," replied the man. 

Bill was amazed. Then he rushed to the men’s room, changed his clothes, and put on dark glasses. He went to the machine again. 

The computer read: “You still weigh 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Routine physical

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asks.

“Oh, about 165.” he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, “Your height?”

“Oh, about six feet,” he says.

The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.

“High!” The man explains, “Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I'm short and fat!”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A doctor is complaining to car mechanic...

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

[worldangel]

Joke: I Want All Female Bears

A rabbit and a bear were walking in the forest, when they come across a talking mushroom. The mushroom says, "Alright, you have found me! I will give you three wishes each." 

The bear said, "I wish all the bears in the forest were females," so it happened. 

The rabbit said, ”I want a really flashy motorbike," so he got it. 

"I wish all the bears in the country were females,” said the bear. 

"I want a flashy helmet to go with my bike,” said the rabbit. 

"I wish all the bears in the world were females,” said the bear. Then the bear ran off in a horny fit. 

The rabbit then said, "I wish the only remaining male bear was gay."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Made My Throat Fuzzy

While waiting in line to pay for my groceries, a young woman behind me loudly stated, "I only had it once and that was on our honeymoon! Never again, it made my throat fizzy and felt real funny in my belly." 

After a long pause she added, "No more sparkling wine for me, it's just whiskey from now on!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Over the Barbed Wire

World War 2 prison camp. A male prisoner talking to female prisoner. 

Male: "How long have you been here?" 

Female: "Four years, and I miss having a man." 

Male: "Wow I have been here 3 years without a woman. How about we somehow get together?" 

Female: "I'd love to, but how do you get over this wire fence?" 

Male: "I will trampoline over it!" 

He does as he says and lands on his feet the other side. She is all excited but he is not at all happy. 

Male: "I can’t do it." 

Female: "Why not?!?!" 

Male: "Well, lady, that ain't my wash hanging on that wire there!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Did You Hear Any Shots?

An hour after checking into the motel, the guest stormed up to the front desk. “What kind of chickenshit joint are you running?” he claimed. 

“What’s the problem, sir?" the confused desk clerk asked. 

“I went up to my room, unlocked the door, and there was a man holding a gun," shouted the irate guest. “He told me to get on my knees and give him oral sex or he’d blast my brains all over the room!” 

“Oh my,” gasped the clerk, shocked and embarrassed. “What did you do?” 

The guest screamed, “Well, you didn’t hear any shots, did you?”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That's Against the Law

A woman walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" 

The woman then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license and they'll throw you and I in jail. Just leave and forget you ever came in here before I call the police." 

The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription.” 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Did You Order Any Furniture? 

One ovary says to the other ovary, “Hey, did you order any furniture?” 

The other says, “No, why?” 

“There are a couple of nuts trying to shove an organ in.” 

[worldangel]

Joke: I Killed Your Rooster

A man was driving down a quiet country road when out onto the road strayed a rooster. 

Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at a nearby farmhouse and rang the doorbell. The farmer opens the door. The man, somewhat nervously, said, “I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him.” 

“Suit yourself,” the farmer replied, “the hens are round the back.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: This Is A Math Class

The math teacher in 3rd grade class asked Al, "If there are 4 birds in a tree and a hunter shoots down one of them, how many would there be left?" 

Al replied, “None, since all the other birds would fly away after the first shot." 

The teacher said, "Al, this is a math class. The answer should be four minus one. However I appreciate your imagination." 

The boy sought permission from the teacher to ask a question. Al asked," Three beautiful girls were eating an ice cream cone. One is lapping up the ice cream, another is nibbling the cone, and the third is sucking the ice cream from the bottom. Which one of them is married?" 

The teacher smiled and replied, " Probably the third one". 

Al said, "Miss, the one with the wedding ring is married, but I like your imagination!"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Through His Stomach 

“Mother,” the young woman asked, “remember when you told me the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach?” 

“Sure,” her mother replied. 

“Well,” the girl went on, “last night I think I may have found a new route.” 

[worldangel]

Joke: We Have Everything

A young teacher was giving her six-year-old class a lesson about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. 

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "Oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping. 

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. 

Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything." 

"Don’t be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything." 

"We do," he answered, "My Daddy said so the other day." 

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked. 

"Well, my sister came home with her boyfriend, and told Dad that she was pregnant. That’s when my Dad said, "Goodness, that’s all we needed!" 

 

 

[worldangel]

  Joke: Cut-Off Two

This drunk woman stands up on a bar stool and yells, “I don’t screw anybody unless he’s got a twelve-inch penis!" 

This guy in the corner yells out, “I don’t cut off two inches for anybody!” 

[worldangel]

 Joke: At the Nudist Camp

“How did you like your first stay at the nudist camp?” asked one bachelor to his friend. 

“Well,” replied his friend, “the first three days were the hardest.” 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Not On Three Drinks

Joe is getting drunk in his local bar when a gorgeous woman walks in. Joe buys her a drink, then another and another. 

After some small talk, he asks her back to his place for a good time. “Look,” says the woman, “What do you think I am? I don’t turn into a slut after three drinks, you know!” 

“Okay, so how many does it take?”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Get In Line  

A flight attendant was transferring flights of a queue of people whose plane had been cancelled. Suddenly a man pushed to the front of the line and angrily said, "I need to be on the next flight and it has to be 1st class!" 

"I'm sorry sir, but you will have to wait until I deal with these people," she replied. 

"Do you know who I am?" he snapped back. 

The flight attendant calmly picked up her microphone and spoke clearly, so that the whole terminal could hear. She said, "There is a man here at desk 14 who doesn't know who he is. Is there anyone who would be able to help him?" 

"Fxxk you!" he said angrily. 

"I'm sorry, sir, but you will have to wait in line for that too."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Lying Back to Back

The cynical husband called his voluptuous wife to tell her he’d discovered a new sexual position for them to try.

 

His wife was excited by the outlook of something fresh in their unimaginative intimacies and she pressed for more information. 

“In this new position, we’ll do it lying back to back,” he said. 

“Back to back?!” she said. “I don’t understand how that’s possible?” 

"It’s quite simple,” he replied. “I’m bringing home another couple.”

[worldangel]

Joke: What Are You Smiling At?

“I forgot my glasses last night,” he told his wife at the breakfast table. 

“Then what are you smiling at?" she inquires. 

“I remember where I left them,” he said.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A Girl Rode Up to Me

Two lonely guys are talking over lunch.

 

The first guy says, “You would not believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said, ‘Take whatever you want!’ So, I took the bike.” 

The second guy says, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two men were hunting deer when...

Two men were hunting deer when a large bear rears up and begins to charge them.

The one man puts his running shoes on and begins to run with the other man.

The second man asks why he put them on because it won’t help him out run the bear.

He said "I don't need to out run the bear I need to out run you."

[worldangel]

Joke: Old flame...

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame.

"Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A guest in a posh hotel comes  down  to ... 

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat.

 

I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” that’s a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter.

 

 “It might be quite difficult.”

 

The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”

[worldangel]

Joke: After she woke up, a woman told...

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

[worldangel]

Joke: Three friends - a surgeon, an engineer ...

Three friends - a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician - were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. 

The surgeon said, "Eve was created from Adam's rib - a surgical procedure." 

The engineer replied, "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." 

The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?" 

[worldangel]

Joke: Little Johnny's class were on ...

Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board.

 

On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."

[worldangel]

Joke: A drunk walks into a crowded bar...

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.

 

After a while, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk.

 

She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself."

 

The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."

[worldangel]

Joke: A young woman said to her doctor ...

A young woman said to her doctor, 'You have to help me, I hurt all over.' 'What do you mean?' said the doctor.

 

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, 'Ow, that hurts.'

 

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.'

 

Then she touched her right earlobe. 'Ow, even THAT hurts.'

 

The doctor asked the woman, 'Are you a natural blonde?'

 

'Why yes,' she said. 'I thought so,' said the doctor. 'You have a sprained finger.'

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man went out behind his barn...

A man went out behind his barn and caught his son playing with his manhood.

 

The father said, "Son, get a girl. She'd be twice as good as what you're doing there."

The son replied, "Dad, if she'd twice as good as this, I don't think I could stand it."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Lover's Lane

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"

"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.

"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?"

the lawyer continued.

"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Painting job

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.

 

On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.

 

When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."