worldangel Posted October 7, 2019 Report Share Posted October 7, 2019 Joke: That's A Bit Much After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap and nasty." The clerk handed him a mirror. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 7, 2019 Report Share Posted October 7, 2019 Joke: New To The Business, doing Doggie-Style She was new to the porn business… When the director told her to do it doggie-style, she lifted her left leg and peed. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 8, 2019 Report Share Posted October 8, 2019 Joke: Picked Up by the Fuzz “Hey, lover,” said the hipster to the beautiful chick he’d just met. “Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” “No,” she answered, “but I bet it hurts like hell.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 8, 2019 Report Share Posted October 8, 2019 Joke: Crushed Nuts? A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 8, 2019 Report Share Posted October 8, 2019 Joke: She Got the Last One A new mother took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put the purchases around her. In the checkout line, she noticed a small boy and his mother were ahead of her. The small boy was crying and begging for some special treat. "He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any," she thought. Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 8, 2019 Report Share Posted October 8, 2019 Joke: Please Enter Password Bob was helping Jim get his computer set up. Jim had to enter a password. Jim put in “Penis”. The computer replied, "Password to small. Please try again." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 8, 2019 Report Share Posted October 8, 2019 Joke: Can I Get 3 Pills, Doc? A man goes to see the doctor to ask for three Viagra pills. The doctor says, "These are very powerful pills so I need to know why you need three?" "Well, Doc, my girlfriend is coming over Friday. My ex-wife on Saturday, and my new-wife is coming home on Sunday. I need these pills so I can satisfy them all." "Well," the doctor said, "okay, but one on one condition. That you come in on Monday so I can check your vitals to make sure you are ok." The man agrees. So, Monday arrives and the man goes to see the doctor, with both arms are in a sling. "Oh my! What happened?" the doctor asks. The man replies, "Nobody showed up, I was alone all weekend." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 9, 2019 Report Share Posted October 9, 2019 Joke: You Want It Pasteurized? A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized?" The blonde replied, "No, just up to my nipples." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 9, 2019 Report Share Posted October 9, 2019 Joke: You Hump One A guy takes a trip to Ireland, walks in a local pub and orders a beer. Strikes up a conversation with the man next to him. "I’ve had a hard life," he says with a deep Irish accent. The man asks, “What’s so hard about it?" "You see that wall over there? Two years of my life I spent on that wall. Do they ever call me Patrick the wall builder? No. You see that road over there? Five years of my life to build that road. Do they ever call me Patrick the road builder? No." "Bar keep, a shot for this man," says the man next to him. "You see that house over there? Ten years of my life to build that house, ever call me Patrick the house builder? No, no... BUT YOU HUMP ONE GOAT!!!! AND YOU ARE PATRICK THE GOAT HUMPER FOR LIFE!!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 9, 2019 Report Share Posted October 9, 2019 Joke: Largest Diamond A man was in a museum looking at a rare diamond. He quickly turned to the dumbed museum assistant who was guarding the Diamond and asked, "Where are the largest diamonds found?" "In baseball fields," she replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 9, 2019 Report Share Posted October 9, 2019 Joke: Automatic Water Mister The new neighbourhood supermarket has an automatic water mister to Keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 9, 2019 Report Share Posted October 9, 2019 Joke: Automatic Water Mister The new neighbourhood supermarket has an automatic water mister to Keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 10, 2019 Report Share Posted October 10, 2019 Joke: Nursing Home vs Cruising I recently compared the cost of living in nursing homes vs cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked cruise ship reservations and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. 1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day for 10 meals or room service (breakfast in bed every day of the week). 3. The cruise ship swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night. 4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo. 5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days. 7. T.V. broken, light bulb out? Everything plus clean sheets and towels every day. 8. If you fall and break you hip: nursing home/Medicare. Cruise ship/upgrade to a suite forever. Yep, Cruising is for me! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 10, 2019 Report Share Posted October 10, 2019 Joke: Reward Money A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 10, 2019 Report Share Posted October 10, 2019 Joke: The Perfect Soulmate A lonely kayaker wrote to a dating service explaining that he had specific criteria for a potential mate and would not accept anyone that doesn't meet his standard. He described what his future soulmate should be like: the young lady must be cute, short, enjoys cold water and paddling. A couple of weeks later he received the following in the mail: a picture of a penguin. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 10, 2019 Report Share Posted October 10, 2019 Joke: I've Lost My Wife The man approached the very beautiful woman in the supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asked. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 10, 2019 Report Share Posted October 10, 2019 Joke: Late For Work Again A man came in late for work one day for the second time that week. His boss called him into her office and said, “What’s your excuse this time?” He shrugged and said, “My clock didn’t go off and I overslept.” She replied, “You could at least tell me something I haven’t heard before.” He replied, “You are looking lovely today.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 11, 2019 Report Share Posted October 11, 2019 Joke: Whether You're Here or Not A typical macho man married a good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. He said, “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want. And I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?” His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night... whether you’re here or not.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 11, 2019 Report Share Posted October 11, 2019 Joke: How many Doctors? How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? That depends on whether it has health insurance. None. They just tell it to take two aspirin and come round to the surgery later. None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary. None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines. Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in. Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 11, 2019 Report Share Posted October 11, 2019 Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his... A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 11, 2019 Report Share Posted October 11, 2019 Joke: An explorer walked into a clearing ... An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?" "I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy. "That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?" The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 11, 2019 Report Share Posted October 11, 2019 Joke: One More Wish A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?” The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?” “You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.” “Okay,” said the man, “I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.” “Funny,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. “That was your first wish, too!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 12, 2019 Report Share Posted October 12, 2019 Joke: Canine Complex A man walked into the office of an eminent psychiatrist and sat down to explain his problem. “Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem,” the man said. “I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!” “A common canine complex,” said the doctor soothingly. “Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch.” “Oh no, Doctor,” the man said nervously, “I'm not allowed up on the furniture.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 12, 2019 Report Share Posted October 12, 2019 Joke: I think... There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear." So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out. Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out. Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 12, 2019 Report Share Posted October 12, 2019 Joke: The Christmas gift... A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those new sports cars." "She did," he replied, "but where the heck was I going to find a fake convertible?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 12, 2019 Report Share Posted October 12, 2019 Joke: A young man at this construction... A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workers. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 12, 2019 Report Share Posted October 12, 2019 Joke: Annual physical... One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 13, 2019 Report Share Posted October 13, 2019 Joke: New broom... A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, "Well, at this rate, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!" "Don't worry, Ma'am," replied the clerk. "With all that wind kicking up over there and that brand new broom you have in your basket, you'll be home in no time." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 13, 2019 Report Share Posted October 13, 2019 Joke: A wife woke in the middle of the ... A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 13, 2019 Report Share Posted October 13, 2019 Joke: So there's this man with ... So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 13, 2019 Report Share Posted October 13, 2019 Joke: Death Bed A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if-" The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank Goodness, he didn't ask about the other three." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 13, 2019 Report Share Posted October 13, 2019 Joke: If I Had Any Idea On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes, he explained that his company had gone through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bankbook, which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then, she showed him stock certificates issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million and informed him that they were the largest stockholders in the bank. She explained that for 30 years, she had charged him for sex and these holdings were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 14, 2019 Report Share Posted October 14, 2019 Joke: One day, shortly after the birth of ….. One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands. The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full. "Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!" The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 14, 2019 Report Share Posted October 14, 2019 Joke: Three men wanted to cross a river ... Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed, "Lord give me the power and strength to cross the river." Suddenly, the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought that if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed, "Lord give me the skills and the strength to cross the river." The man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought that if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed, "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 14, 2019 Report Share Posted October 14, 2019 Joke: Road Crew The road by my house was in bad condition. Every day I dodged potholes on the way to work, so I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed the men were gone and no improvement in the road. But where the crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words “Rough Road.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 14, 2019 Report Share Posted October 14, 2019 Joke: Immaculate Miracle? A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant--about four months would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?" Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother said, "Is there something wrong out there, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, not at it. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'm not going to miss it this time around!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 14, 2019 Report Share Posted October 14, 2019 Joke: Forgetful... The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2019 Report Share Posted October 21, 2019 Joke: Pig In A Bar A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?'' Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.'' And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.'' blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2019 Report Share Posted October 21, 2019 Joke: Feels great... A fellow wakes up one morning, singing and whistling to himself, "I feel great, just great". Goes down to greet his wife, and tells her, "I feel great, honey!" She replies,. "Well you look terrible"! He shakes his head and starts out to work thinking, "She's probably in a bad mood, can't appreciate my good feelings". Meets his best friend, Joe and says, "Joe, I feel great". Joe looks at him and says "Jeez, you really look terrible"! At this point the fellow is becoming worried and wonders, "Maybe I've got some unusual disease or something." He quickly calls his physician and heads on over for an emergency consult. He tells the physician, "Doc, I feel great, but everyone is telling me I look terrible." The physician replies, "Well, you do look terrible. Let me look this up." The physician consults his handbook (Merck, of course) and leafing through the pages mutters to himself: "Feels great, looks great, no that's not you". "Feels terrible, looks terrible, no that's not you". "Feels great, looks terrible...Yes that's you... "It says here you're a vagina!" blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2019 Report Share Posted October 21, 2019 Joke: Animal football One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown. Then came the second half... First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss. The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other. "Who made that tackle?" asked the ant. "I did," said the centipede. Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss. Back in the huddle the flea asked, "Who made that great stop?" "I did," said the centipede. Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss. Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, "Where were you in the first half?" The centipede replied, "Puttin' on my shoes!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2019 Report Share Posted October 21, 2019 Joke: Four corners There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner, you find Batman. In the third corner, you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first? A: None, because none of these characters exist. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2019 Report Share Posted October 21, 2019 Joke: One More Wish A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?” The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?” “You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.” “Okay,” said the man, “I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.” “Funny,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. “That was your first wish, too!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 Joke: A duck went into a bar and ask... A duck went into a bar and asked for some crackers. The waiter said no. The next day he came into the bar and asked for crackers again. The waiter said no, again. The next day he came in again and asked for crackers. The waiter said no. The next day the waiter said if you ask for crackers one more time, I will nail your beak to the counter. The next day the duck asked if the waiter had any nails. "No," said the waiter. The duck then asked "Do you have any crackers?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 Joke: A head-on collision occurred b... A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman said, "This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 Joke: Midgets get hookers Two midgets split a lottery ticket and end up winning the jackpot. To celebrate, they get two hookers and adjoining motel rooms. That night, the first midget sits on the bed, staring at the girl, but he has no idea of what to say or do. The situation gets worse by the sounds he hears coming from next door: "Unh! Oh! Unh! Oh! The next morning, the first midget walks dejectedly to breakfast. "Last night was terrible," he admits to his friend. "I didn't know what to say to the hooker." "You think that's bad." the second one says, "I couldn't even get up on the bed!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 Joke: Carrot, Tomato, and ... There's a carrot, a tomato, and a penis. The carrot said "I have the worst life of all. I get chopped up, put in a cake, and eaten." The tomato says "No, I have the worst life of all. I get chopped up, put in a salad, and eaten". Then the penis said, "I, my friends, have the worst life of all. I get a plastic bag shoved over my head, and then pushed back and forth into a warm tunnel until I choke!". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 Joke: It's late, the bartender and a... It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!" The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and proceeds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 23, 2019 Report Share Posted October 23, 2019 Joke: The Clueless Idiot A guy goes into a bar and tries to pick up on the barmaid. After many advances the barmaid gets fed up and tells him, “Look I'd really love to take you home but I'm on my menstrual cycle.” Not to be discouraged the fellow says, “That’s all right, I'll just follow you in my Hyundai." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 23, 2019 Report Share Posted October 23, 2019 Joke: Just Ignore Him "A guy and his girlfriend went to see an X-rated movie. About half way through the movie she nudged him and said the guy next to her was jerking off real fast and hard. Her boyfriend told her to just ignore him. She said, “I can’t, he is using my hand.”" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 23, 2019 Report Share Posted October 23, 2019 Joke: A Wise Man Once Said A wise man once said that for a man to be happy, he must: 1) Find a woman who cooks well and knows how to keep the house neat and tidy. 2) Be able to exchange conversation with a woman that is at the same level as he is, intellectually speaking. 3) Be satisfied with his partner in bed. 4) Find someone who shares his dreams, visions triumphs and even failures in life. 5)Make sure that these four women don't know each other! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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