Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: A man walked into a bar, sat down, ...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bank robbery

 
There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.

When the Sargent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"

"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."

[worldangel]

Joke: Pulled Muscle

One day at the office, Michael ran into Dick by the water cooler. Normally Dick who is young, single is energetic all day, but that day he looked beat.

"Hey Dick! How's it going?" asked Michael.

"I'm not feeling too good today. In fact, I'm utterly exhausted," answered Dick.

"I pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."

"What's a pulled muscle got to do with you feel so tired?" Michael asked.

"A pulled muscle doesn't make you tired!"

Dick yawned and said, "It sure does if you pull it five hundred times in one night!"

 

Edited May 30, 2017 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A police officer pulls over a ...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"No, officer. Only when he's been drinking"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Green vegetables

Sandy said to his friend Ron, 'My wife sent me to the greengrocer's to buy some green vegetables."

'So were you able to find some?" asked Ron.

'Well, when I reached the shop, I asked the manager, 'My wife wants some green vegetables. Have they been sprayed with any harmful chemicals?'' 

Sandy continued, 'The shopkeeper told me, 'No, why don't you do it yourself.'
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A passenger in a taxi leaned over ...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. 

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." 

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. 

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fat free....

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Four high school boys afflicted ...

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. 

After lunch, they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. 

Much to their relief she smiled, and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." 

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. 

Then she said, "First Question: Which tire was flat?" 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Little Johnny learns to count ...

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he says, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

Little Johnny smiles and says, "Jack."

[worldangel]

Joke: Oh No!

The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how to say it, so he asks his father, "Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?"

"I only said 'OH NO!!!' and then we got married the next day."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Shoe Repair

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

“Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked.

“Not very likely,” his wife said.

“It's worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man said, “Just a minute. I'll have to look for these.”

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”

“No kidding?” Arnold called back. “That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time.”

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.

“They'll be ready Thursday,” he said calmly.
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Visiting Grandma...

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:

"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

"You're coming empty handed"?

[worldangel]

Joke: Four best friends met at the hospital .

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.

 

The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins."

 

After a while the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers."

 

Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2."

 

Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons."

 

All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing the Heaven and banging his head on the wall.

 

They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A traveler wandering on an island ...

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains sorted out according to source.

The sign in the shop read:
Artists' Brains $9/lb
Philosophers' Brains $12/lb
Scientists' Brains $15/lb
Blondes' Brains $100/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those beekeepers' brains are expensive - they must be very powerful!"

The butcher replied, "Not really. They're expensive because it takes so many Blondes to get one pound of brains!!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: There was a blonde driving ...

There was a blonde driving in her car on the highway. She crashed into the car in front of her and a cop came over to her and said mam what is wrong?

 

She said officer no matter where I turn there is a tree if I turn left, right, there is a tree. The officer leaned over and said mam that is your air freshener.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Olive oil....

Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap.

That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A new way to diet...

Tammy and Ann were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives,

 

Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then ?" said Ann.

"Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Subway Party

Two small-town merchants were visiting a very Big City for the first time to attend a conference.

There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.

When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where ya been?" he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: There was a blonde. She had never been ...

There was a blonde. She had never been horseback riding and decided to try, even though she had no prior experience. So the blonde gracefully mounted the horse.

 

The horse started off at an easy gallop, the blonde thought she was doing quite well.

 

When all of a sudden she began to slip! She tried to grasp the horse’s mane but it was too slick! So she decided to jump to safety....so she jumped, but her foot was caught in the sturrup!

 

She was at the mercy of the horse’s feet, and right before she was knocked unconcious.... the manager of Wal-mart walked out and turned the horse off.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A school teacher injured his back...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. 

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. 

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. 

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. 

He had no trouble with discipline that term. 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Three pregnant women chatting

Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting.
The first one said to the others, "I'm taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system."

The second said, "Oh, I'm taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall."
The third said, "I'm taking Thalidomide."

The others reacted, of course, with horror. "Thalidomide! Why would you take that?"
"Because I don't know how to knit sleeves."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was this guy who went to... 

There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled.

First off the dentist said, "I'll give you a shot to numb your jaw."

But the guy said, "No, please don't do that, I'm afraid of needles."

The dentist said, "OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep."

However the guy said, "Nope, I'm allergic to the gas."

So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I'll go look for something else."

After a while he came back with a couple of pills.

The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?"

The dentist said, "Viagra."

The guy said, "WHAT! Why these?"

The dentist said, "They won't help the pain, but they'll give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth."

[worldangel]

Joke: School Zone

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Three buddies die in a car crash...

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates. 

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? 

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man." 

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." 

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying ...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition." 

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." 

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Where babies from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Mother, where do babies come from?

Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?  

Jewelery, dear.

[worldangel]

Joke: Two blondes, Carol and Patty...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: What do you want for Christmas?

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"Something for my mother," said the young lady.

"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you,'' smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? "

Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Little Johnny had finished his...

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.

[worldangel]

Joke: How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...."

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home."


 

[worldangel]

Joke: "Do you believe in life after ...

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. 

"Yes, sir," the clerk replied. 

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." 
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Camping

Last summer, my husband, Bill, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Bill tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Bill pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp.

“That was terrific,” I said. “How did you do it?”

“Simple,” he replied. “In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Remote control... 

The clerk asked me, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my purchase.

As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote when you go shopping?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even with him!"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Dark

Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.

One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

[worldangel]

 Joke: Great fathers

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Borrowing A Mule

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down.

He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule.

The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say "Thank the Lord!" to make it go and "Amen!" to make it stop.

So the man said, "Thank the Lord, thank the Lord and thank the Lord!" and the mule took off! He was coming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop.

Finally, at the very edge he remembered, "Amen!" The guy was so relieved he shouted, "Thank the Lord!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: 12 shots....

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

 

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy answers, "75 cents."
 

Edited June 2, 2017 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 Joke: Facts of life...

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees.

 

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.

 

Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech.

 

At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.

 

Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Policeman joke

A man was recently flying to the Big City.

 

He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"

"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."

"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A young lady came home from a ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man is driving up a steep, narrow ...

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.

 

A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Complete coverage

Two men are in a doctor's office.

Each of them are to get a vasectomy...the nurse comes into the room and tells both men, "Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done."

A few minutes later she returns and reaches into one man's gown and proceeds to fondle and ultimately begins to masturbate him.

Shocked as he was, he asks "Why are you doing that?"

To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure."

The man not wanting to be a problem and enjoying it, allows her to complete her task.

After she is through, she proceeds to the next man.. She starts to fondle the man as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees and proceeds to give him oral sex.

The first man seeing this quickly responds, "Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated and he gets a blow job?"

The nurse simply replies, "Sir, there is a difference between HMO and Complete Coverage”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Menacing

Wayne was returning home from a business trip... bags in hand ... and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I'll take you to your car.”

Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah ... no thanks,” he answered.“ I can get there myself.”
“No,” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get In !”

Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.
Just then, the driver's face softened ..... “Please,” he said, “I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park and I want yours.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Recently a teacher, a garbage ...

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." 

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" 

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: New secretary...

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, it’s my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The boss was concerned that his...

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door.

 

After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “

 

Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A man was walking down the beach ...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " I want a million dollars." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, " I want a Ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finally he said," Well I've always wanted to give a kidney."

[worldangel]

 Joke: The penny....

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!!!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Who gets the present....

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Deep heat

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny....keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.

In a paired voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put deep heat on that."

The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."