worldangel Posted November 29, 2019 Report Share Posted November 29, 2019 Joke: Do You Sell Vibrators A little old lady, shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy, asks the salesperson, "Do you sell vibrators?" Surprised by the request, the sales person says, "Yes, we do." The little old lady says, "Well, how do you turn the damn things off?!?!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 29, 2019 Report Share Posted November 29, 2019 Joke: I Feel Like A New Man Coming out from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said out loud in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!” “I do too,” a middle-age woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old one.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 29, 2019 Report Share Posted November 29, 2019 Joke: Ever Been Bedridden? The young journalist was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. “To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?” he asked. “Well,” she said, thoughtfully, I’ve always eaten moderately, worked hard, I don’t smoke or drink, and I keep good hours.” “Have you ever been bedridden?” the reporter asked. “Well, sure,” said the elderly lady, “but don’t put that in your paper.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 30, 2019 Report Share Posted November 30, 2019 Joke: "Viens A Moi" Two women at a department store stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. “That’s nice, isn’t it?” Kim said waving her arm under her friend’s nose. “Yeah, what’s it called?” “Viens a moi.” “Viens a moi? What’s that mean?” A clerk offered some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, is French for ‘come to me.’” Kim took another sniff. “That doesn’t smell like come to me,” she said, offering her arm to her friend again. “Does that smell like come to you?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 30, 2019 Report Share Posted November 30, 2019 Joke: Doctors In Training "What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another. "I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor. "To make your last will?" "No, to make a list of the people I want to bite." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 30, 2019 Report Share Posted November 30, 2019 Joke: The Metric System Man: ”They’ll be changing the metric system soon!” Boy: ”Uh, what’s that?” Man: ”They’ll be changing feet to meters! Boy: ”You mean, we'll be playing metreball?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 30, 2019 Report Share Posted November 30, 2019 Joke: One Age Fits All A woman was shopping for something to wear to her 50th high school reunion when a group of teenage girls came into the same shop to try on dresses for their school formal. “Gross,” complained one girl loudly to her friends, “this dress makes me look 40 years old!” “May I have it?” called out the lady. “That’s just what I’m looking for!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 30, 2019 Report Share Posted November 30, 2019 Joke: Late Again Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?" Student: "It’s my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!" Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?" Student: "There are eight of us in my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 2, 2019 Report Share Posted December 2, 2019 Joke: How Fresh Is It A careful shopper in the fish market asked as to the freshness of the fish she was considering. "Fresh? Why this fish took its last breath just as you entered the market," replied the manager. The shopper, who had done business here before indicated, "And what a breath it has." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 2, 2019 Report Share Posted December 2, 2019 Joke: Good News & Bad News Doctor: "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?" Patient: “Good new please!” Doctor: “Well, we’re naming a disease after you...” blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 2, 2019 Report Share Posted December 2, 2019 Joke: One Glove Johnny The teacher noticed that Little Johnny had arrived at school wearing only one glove. “Why have you only got one glove?” she asked. “Well, Miss,” explained Little Johnny, “I was watching the weather forecast on TV last night, and it said it was going to be quite sunny but on the other hand it could get quite cold.” blowmenow 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 2, 2019 Report Share Posted December 2, 2019 Joke: First Train Ride Little Johnny and his younger sister Everleigh were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Johnny asked excitedly. "No," replied Everleigh. "Well don't touch it then!" Johnny shouted. "I just took a bite and went blind!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 2, 2019 Report Share Posted December 2, 2019 Joke: Room for Rent The landlady of a rooming house that had seen better days was leading a prospective tenant to a third floor room with badly splattered wall paper. Landlady: “The last man who lived in this room was an inventor---he invented some type of explosive." Prospective tenant: “Then the spots on the wall was some type of explosive?” Landlady: “No, the inventor.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 3, 2019 Report Share Posted December 3, 2019 Joke: DNA Test Results I decided to do the DNA test to discover who I really am... They sent me the results and the conclusion reached... They sent me a package of seeds and suggested I start over again! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 3, 2019 Report Share Posted December 3, 2019 Joke: My Wife Kicked Me Out My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry... I’ll return! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 3, 2019 Report Share Posted December 3, 2019 Joke: Adoption Objections A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills." Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. "Our nanny is an expert in pediatrician welfare and diet." The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?" "It doesn't really matter, as long as he or she fits in the cannon." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 3, 2019 Report Share Posted December 3, 2019 Joke: Special Dog and Cat Books A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 3, 2019 Report Share Posted December 3, 2019 Joke: The Taxi Driver’s Riddle A man goes on a business trip to Liverpool during the course of which he has to make a long journey by taxi. During the journey, the driver decides to break the monotony and says to the man, “Do you like riddles?” “Oh yes,” says the man, “I think so.” “OK,” says the taxi driver. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?” The man tries to work out the puzzle, but in the end says, “No. It’s no good. I can’t do it. Who is it?” “It’s me!” says the taxi driver. “Think about it!” “Oh yes!” says the man. “Very good!” The rest of the journey passed in silence. A few days later the man is back home again where he decides to try the riddle out on a friend. “Do you like riddles?” he asks his friend. “Oh yes!” says the friend. “Right!” says the man. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?” The friend thinks and thinks, and in the end says: “No. it’s no good. I can’t get it.” “Ha! It’s easy!” says the man. “It’s a taxi driver from Liverpool!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 Joke: You'll Never Believe This Little Johnny went with his mother for the first time to deliver lunches to the elderly. Little Johnny kept starring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. He said, very softly, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 Joke: The Best Eating You know why the woman got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other? Because everyone knows the best eating is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 Joke: A guest in a posh hotel comes ... A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” that’s a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 Joke: The Kids Are Coming An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin you day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery are enough". "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand each other any longer," the old man said. "We are are sick and tired of each other, and I am sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her." He hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck, they're not going to divorce!" she shouts. "I'II take care of this". She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I am calling my brother and we'll both be there tomorrow morning. Until then don't do anything. DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up. The old man hangs up the phone and turn to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 4, 2019 Report Share Posted December 4, 2019 Joke: Hearing Aids A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman. “Anywhere from $2 to $2,000.” “Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man’s neck and said, “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.” “How does it work?” asked the customer. “For $2, it doesn’t work,” said the salesman. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 Joke: Seeing Eye dog A man named Mr. Smith was flying from SF to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 Joke: Things to do @ Wal-Mart while ... Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time: Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!" If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 Joke: One afternoon a man came home ... One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!! He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel. She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "you know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes", he replied reluctantly. She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 Joke: Recently a teacher, a garbage ... Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 5, 2019 Report Share Posted December 5, 2019 Joke: Thank You for This Food A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking Heaven for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked Heaven for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank Heaven for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank Heaven for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2019 Report Share Posted December 6, 2019 Joke: Windows Open at Night "My dad says that when we sleep at night, we should have all the windows open." "And what's your dad's job? Is he a doctor?" "No, he's a thief." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2019 Report Share Posted December 6, 2019 Joke: Give Your Best Friend A Call Two friends are having drinks and talking about their vivid dreams. “Last night,” says the first man, “I dreamt I was playing a round of golf at Augusta. It was a gorgeous day and I was shooting the round of my life.” “That’s amazing,” the second man says. “Last night I dreamt I was in bed with two women.” “What!” his friend cries, “You had two women and you didn’t even give your best friend a call?” “I did,” explains the second man, “but your wife told me you were out golfing.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2019 Report Share Posted December 6, 2019 Joke: The Hole of the World A suspicious acting man arrives at Kennedy airport and is going through customs. He becomes extremely irate when the customs inspector insists on searching his bags. He screams at the inspector, “New York is the asshole of the world!” “And I take it,” replies the inspector, “that you are just passing through?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2019 Report Share Posted December 6, 2019 Joke: These Pills Don't Work A young woman marches into her doctor’s office and slams her prescription of birth control pills on his desk. The doctor asks, "What's wrong?" "These things don't work!" replied the lady. "Why not?" asked the doctor. "They keep falling out!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 6, 2019 Report Share Posted December 6, 2019 Joke: My Testicles A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught, so she marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his payama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the payamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!" At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back?!?!?!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2019 Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 Joke: Like the Mona Lisa “My wife is like the Mona Lisa.” “You mean she’s beautiful and has an enigmatic smile?” “No. She is as flat as a canvas and ought to be in a museum." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2019 Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 Joke: I Think I Have A Concussion A blonde was in a car crash. She says to the paramedic, "I think I have concussion!” The paramedic says, "How many fingers do I have up?" The blonde replies, " OH SHIT! I'M PARALYZED TOO!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2019 Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 Joke: Inactive for Quite Some Time An honoured army general was at the doctor’s office for a check-up. At one point during the exam the doctor said, “If you don’t mind my asking, sir, when was the last time you had sex?” “Of course, I understand, medical reasons and all that,” the general answered. “I would say approximately 1975.” “So you’ve been inactive for quite some time?” “You think so?” the general said, checking his watch. “It’s only 2140 now.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2019 Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 Joke: Source of Intelligence Andy asked his father, “From who do I get my intelligence from?” His father replies, “It must be from your mother, because I still have mine...” Content with the answer, Andy turns and walks away. His father then completes his thought, "… and she's batshit crazy." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 7, 2019 Report Share Posted December 7, 2019 Joke: $10,000 for One Bite A little old man is taking his evening walk when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He gets closer and says to her, “Hey lady, would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” The woman turns back and says, “Listen you, I’m not that kind of a woman! Got it?” But the very determined old man kept walking a few feet behind. He then says, “Would you let me bite your breast just once for $10,000 dollars?” The woman stops, thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars... okay, just once! But lets go to that dark alley.” They go to the alley, where she takes off her top to reveal the most gorgeous breast he has ever seen. He grabs them and starts fondling them slowly, caressing them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you going to bite them or not?” “Nah,” says the old man, “costs too much…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2019 Report Share Posted December 9, 2019 Joke: Delivery Only At a party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a large oversexed woman, making advances to her husband. She tried to ignore it until they disappeared into a bedroom together. Immediately she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and yelled, “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t install them!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2019 Report Share Posted December 9, 2019 Joke: Survival techniques A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2019 Report Share Posted December 9, 2019 Joke: Dad's turn to feed the baby.... The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2019 Report Share Posted December 9, 2019 Joke: A rich millionaire throws a massive party... A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool." So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 9, 2019 Report Share Posted December 9, 2019 Joke: Hockey injury Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers noticed and asked what happened. Andy replied, “Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.” “I never knew you played hockey.” “I don't,” said Andy. “I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup playoffs and put my foot through the television.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2019 Report Share Posted December 10, 2019 Joke: Walking economy... A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2019 Report Share Posted December 10, 2019 Joke: New Home When Little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, “So, how do you like your new place?” “It's terrific,” Little Johnny answered. “I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2019 Report Share Posted December 10, 2019 Joke: Have you ever flown in ... Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before? Passenger: No, I have not. Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping. Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help? Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2019 Report Share Posted December 10, 2019 Joke: Send the Wine Back A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read: "Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 10, 2019 Report Share Posted December 10, 2019 Joke: A lady is walking down the street... A lady is walking down the street to work and see's a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "hey lady." She paused and said," yes?" The bird said, "you know." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 Joke: Taking a shower... Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning, he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh Goodness, I'm coming!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 Joke: Lethal Food A dietician was once addressing a large audience in the big city "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?" "You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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